Im high and I cant stop thinking about how they got away with it. Everyone tells me that I look so beautiful but i feel like they are all lying. I feel happier but I still miss them. Its been a year and a half aince the discard. It just still hurts so bad.

Sometimes, I am not thinking about my ex at all and it's like my confidence is really good. I start to do things that I know will fulfill me.

Then, I am reminded how she treated me and how she put me down and I get this fear that cripples me to do really positive things that I know would make me happy. It's like I am paralyzed or something. And I know it's stupid to do this myself, to shut myself off from new things.

It can even be something as little as someone inviting me to something and I will find some dumb excuse to get out of it, because I don't feel like dealing with people. Or I want to dress up to go somewhere nice and at the last minute I go for the safer choice, instead of following a look that would be more sexy. My clothes will still have pizzazz, as I like to express myself through them, but I will not wear that open dress or that expensive jewellery I treated myself to.

I seriously think this might be PTSD. I remember as a kid I was so bold and fearless. I had big dreams too. Now I just feel stifled. It's a really frustrating, stuck feeling. My ex damaged my confidence so badly. How come she gets to be this out there person and I don't? Why did she always have to make me feel like I was a loser? I'm fucking not.

When it comes to covert narcissism, it can present in so many ways and have so much happening behind the scenes.

I feel like there is more information about covert narcissism now, but it still doesn’t capture the variety of its facets.

For example, the covert narcissist I was with worked to intertwine our lives right from the beginning. He got me to meet all his friends, his mother, and even arranged a birthday party inviting my closest friend from school. Repeated breakups/discards followed by hoovering are a characteristic feature of narcissistic relationships, but in my case, it was me who was pushed to my limit with the abuse and broke up. It’s as if he did not want to do it and had to orchestrate it anyway for the cycle to complete. It left me feeling guilty, ragged, and further entrenched in the trauma bond when he faked promises and sadness to draw me back in.

It was in the third year of the relationship, when the abuse was at its worst, that reality truly warped for me. That’s when he started getting more blatant with the manipulative things he said. I think he knew how dissociated and lost I was, and that was the best time to implant things in my head. Around this time he told me, “I know people who were in a relationship in college. They broke up after, dated around, and realized they were still in love and got back together.” I didn’t say it, but I thought of how unrealistic and fairytale-like this line of thinking was. It meshed well with his hopeless romantic false self.

Then there was this thing he did—not sure whether it was because of the enmeshment, extreme gaslighting, or a literal toddler one-up—but, say, one summer I read about 30 books and told him about it. Some days later, out of nowhere and for no reason, he told me, “My English is good,” and I was like, “Um, okay” indifference. Then there was another instance where I told him I had taken an English exam because I was applying for a master’s abroad, and he told me an entire story about how he had taken the exam and performed better than me. When this happened, I was pissed off but couldn’t understand why. I was confused about when and why he’d taken the exam when he had no future plans like I did. This conversation happened after the breakup, part of the reason being I was getting away from him. I was getting away from him even before I knew the truth of the situation.

The last time I talked to him before leaving the country was three days prior, which, when I told him on the phone, was met with a moment of silence. He seemed to want to meet me before I left and backtracked on hearing the number of days. Meeting him was nowhere on my list of priorities. Once I left the country, the attempts at getting back together stopped.

Another peculiar instance was the post-relationship hoovering. By the time I ended the relationship, the gaslighting had made its way into my head, and I couldn’t make sense of reality. This was also the time when he amped up playing the victim, accusing me of having wronged him gravely with very vague accusations. I think he threw all he had when I ended the relationship, with creating confusion and avoiding closure. He knew that I was trauma bonded, had a strong sense of doing the right thing, and was gaslit to seek his validation. This led to me feeling bad and reaching out to him about once a year, thinking that with enough time to process things he wouldn’t be hurting so much. Then we could have an amicable closure and maybe even remain friends. Each attempt was met with him putting on his false self, pretending everything was okay, asking to get back together—which I clearly said no to (I knew in my bones that I’d never get back with him. Yes, the cognitive dissonance was there, but I remembered enough of his gossiping/triangulating, playing the victim, and complaining true self to conclude that he wasn’t my type at all. I made a decisive decision. I thought he kept having problems with me, but was too insecure and wanted to get back together despite it). The manipulation, hopeless romantic false self, and confusing tantrums made me think he was fixated on me, and I wanted to help him move on. I was also too traumatized to take even a second more of that draining relationship), even saying things like how he was over what happened and it didn’t bother him anymore, only to hit me with a confusing mix by starting the same accusations again. I only became aware of what he is at the beginning of this year, when he accused me of the things he did and mentioned the word “narcissist,” six years out of that relationship.

This might sound a bit paranoid, but I happened to read an article he shared on one of his socials (He didn’t write it and the English in it was terrible), which talked about being a mastermind in business by planning for the long term, and I couldn’t help but correlate it with his “long-term planning” with trauma-bonded victims coming back to him.

After I ended the relationship, the effects of the trauma took hold by erasing my worldview, erasing my sense of self, suppressing all the memories of the relationship, and making me forget the relationships I had with friends and family members. I removed myself physically from my surroundings, got into intensive long-term psychodynamic therapy (working only on things about my dBPD-narcissistic mother). I had been healing, building self-trust, and learning about personality disorders to figure out my mother, and then slowly memories and insights about this abusive relationship started coming in.

I was in a blind rage and somewhat in a trance when I started writing to him, denigrating him and telling him the things I had figured out. I challenged him to write a nuanced narrative of his perspective and how I wronged him if he even had one and email it to me. I received a nonsensical word salad a few months later, with random real and made-up things put in there. Things like how I wronged him by getting late to a movie he was excited for and how he decided never to watch a movie with me again. It was basically a DARVO with childish complaints, irrelevant things, and saying how ‘he wasn’t perfect but he didn’t do anything grave.’ In the email, he described himself with some of my qualities, like attempting to communicate and resolve things rationally. My only response was to reject the nonsense, and tell him how pathetic, emotionally abusive, nuance-lacking, and demented the narrative was. That the narrative did not include the things that he and I both know he did. That it was the thinking of a toddler in an adult body, throwing a fit, and I was not going to engage with a toddler. I told him how I have been getting away from him, how my intuition knew even when my mind did not. I told him I have come a long way in my healing and he will be forgotten just like the unmemorable, insignificant, non-existent asshole he is. I told him there was never a relationship—only a predator preying on prey, that I never fell in love with him (because I fell in love with myself). I asserted my reality and blocked his emails after that.

I am inclined to believe that taking on my qualities and assigning his to me was a deliberate attempt at gaslighting. There’s another document that adds to my suspicion. I believe he was attempting to enmesh intentionally and had the intention of using my fragile condition to reverse the roles of victim and abuser. Only that he overestimated the control he had and how hard I was working to heal. This is another document that adds to my suspicion (blocking him and finding weird sadistic username/fake accounts). I escaped someone extremely dangerous, unpredictable, and who I don’t know at all. I can’t tell if it’s the suppression of memories, but now I see all the mirroring, fake professions of love to feign intimacy, and creating constant chaos. I never knew him at all, and there was nothing to know other than the vile abomination that he is.

I keep journalling as more memories and insights come up, but it all still feels quite fuzzy and unsure.

At the beginning of this year, we started casually dating. She was upfront about wanting a casual arrangement, how she wasn't looking for a relationship. I was fine with that as well. But as the weeks turned into months, we both started catching feelings. Her love-bombing made me dizzy with love, to the point where the thought of her seeing other men became very painful.

She admitted she didn’t like the idea of me dating others either, but she held onto her need to explore, saying she had got it very wrong in past relationships and now wanted more experiences to better understand what was and wasn’t right for her.

I kind of accepted the situation, but I was struggling to tow the line between falling for her ravenous affection and keeping my own emotional detachment.

After a couple more months she asked me to move in with her, and I told her I would but only if we were monogamous. She cried, saying she couldn't commit to that yet, and that she wished I'd been the last person she’d met on this journey, and not the first.

I expressed my concerns to her, saying that our relationship felt cloaked by this idea she was looking to replace me with someone better.

She corrected me, saying it wasn’t about finding “better or worse,” but about having different relationships with different people for different purposes, like friendships. She explained that, to her, this was the essence of a polyamorous relationship. This mindset made me very uncomfortable; it felt transactional, as though she wanted to use different men like objects to suit different needs.

But she still hadn't even met anyone else, so I kind of just figured I'd wait until it happened and then weigh up whether I wanted to continue with her.

Months later, the love-bombing stopped, and the relationship shifted. I felt miserable most of the time, though there were occasional moments when I experienced the same euphoria as at the start. During one of those moments, she told me I was everything she could ever want and regretted not giving us a real chance. But then she added that the only way our relationship could end was if we both found someone "better" - something we both deserved. That statement really hurt me - it confirmed my original fears.

Three weeks later, I assume that’s exactly what happened. She went cold for a week, and then eventually sent me a voice note informing me that she "hasn’t felt like speaking to me lately", in an extremely neutral and unfeeling tone. When I asked why, she sent me another voice note. Like a robotic answer machine, she explained that she "might or might not reach out to me again in the future".

I told her I'd like a closing conversation and I got no reply. And that was the end of a nine month relationship.

I remember a conversation we were having about our previous relationships, where I told her about the lack of closure from my ex and how that affected me. She found it odd that my ex didn't want a "parting conversation" - she claimed she's never broken up with someone without clearance...

In the end it felt like she made mental notes of my fears and vulnerabilities, and then acted on them. Why? I'll never know.

Growing up in a narcissistic family....it was really hard to run from the "guilty conscience complex" I had formed over the years of living with my parents. It was hard to focus on healing myself, let alone trying to keep myself from harm when all my mother did was use the victim card on everyone. I turned a new leaf years ago and dedicated my life to helping others through similar situations. I'm currently a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist and am starting my journey back into Life Coaching. I offer many opportunities..career coaching, spiritual coaching, daily life coaching, and emotional regulation coaching. I tell you what...the amount of people who I come in contact with that struggle with controlling and narcissistic families...it's OUTRAGEOUS. I truly thought it was an isolated thing but to know that so many people deal with this type of abuse is sad. 😭 I hope we are all able to fully heal and find brighter days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnluflVfYBA

An eye opener for sure and may bring you clarity if the signs speak to you.

✨🌈☮️

I’ve been getting stalked & harassed by a vulnerable type narcissist since 2019.

He identifies as a “forever alone” if people catch my drift.

He treats people like garbage, NStalker. He thinks all men are stupid out of control animals who can’t manage to behave. He thinks women are sexual objects. He’s insecure, emotionally weak (won’t do anything but complain) constantly feeling competitive with women & has a competitive resentful attitude. He regularly threatens women with violence to try to feel better about himself. It’s clear he’s just an easily slighted, uneducated, unintelligent child in an adult’s body. I mean it, it’s like NStalker never left the terrible twos. Everything is a tantrum, everything is this explosive fit of emotion. All the time. NStalker doesn’t thin, he just has these big feelings & understands little to nothing of social interaction.

He thinks he has it THE ABSOLUTE WORST OF ANYBODY EVER, he thinks he is literally a Semitic person in a genocide because he is mean & dramatic as hell to women & then he gets OUTRAGED when they don’t appreciate it & say they don’t want to hear from him.

I have pointed out plenty it’s not a contest & NStalker is not welcome to try to invalidate everybody else’s struggles & treat them like trash. I have pointed out in his own messed up Olympics in his head he still wouldn’t win this twisted contest he is trying to have with people. There are kids in war zones & he needs to stop being so over the top because he thinks that of every evil that has ever been in the world the worst thing to happen is that people think NStalker is mean when NStalker is, you know, MEAN.

He is now being reminded he is not permitted to follow me around & demand I break up with my husband (who has crafted some of the better instances of this evil narcissist getting his butt kicked for how badly NStalker treats people, thus the narcissist feels threatened by my husband’s intelligence & ability to understand people, as well as my love & trust in my husband).

NO.

It is not everybody else’s fault NStalker is intolerably mean. Not just mean, he’s so mentally ill he’s incredibly dull conversation. Like mind numbingly boring. All NStalker ever does is complain, it’s just the most boring thing I’ve ever seen in my life. This person is so negative & whiny they’d ruin the life of any woman they attempt to date. No I’m not indulging this hate worthy dipshit’s fantasy of me leaving my husband because he wants to convince me I’m this world of hardships not only is it some waste of time imaginary contest but that NStalker doing everything in his power to make himself the most unlikable, intolerable, miserable son of a bitch alive is somehow the same thing as the HORROR of trying to rip a wife away from the person I love most ( NO)-My husband.

No, I’m not doing that & it is not harder to be a disgusting abusive narcissistic stalker like NStalker than it is to be a person with ACTUAL love & have some pathetic self loathing blubbering mess try to inflict the grief & terror or hurting that &/or taking that away. It’s not comparable. Being an evil dick holster like NStalker is the easy way out, loss & trauma is one of the hardest things many people ever experience. NO, I refuse. NStalker, you couldn’t experience comparable suffering & even if you could my answer is no. Stay away from my perfect husband & our family NStalker. You have no idea what love even is, don’t talk to me about hurt, I’ve been protecting these people I love from you NStalker. No you are not allowed to hurt them.

My ex friend texted me initially asking for space because of not only an event that happened more than a month prior, but also accused me of other ongoing behaviours that according to them had gone on for months.

Up until this message, we had been messaging like normal, and even hung out once in between. She had sent me a birthday party invite the week prior. I was completely blindsided.

The event itself wasn’t even something I would have had a second thought over, and not because I’m in denial, but because it wasn’t even something that would have been a small conflict to anyone else, it was just a normal exchange. But either way, it upset her, and that coupled with her narrative she said has been ongoing, she asked for space.

I’ve never been more confused in my life. I’m very self aware, but started thinking maybe I was doing something subconsciously. Internally I was going insane, questioning and reliving every past interaction. But every time we were together things were great. I apologized and tried to find a way to move forward. They said I didn’t need to apologize, that they weren’t mad, and it didn’t mean the friendship was over. I assumed they were just overreacting for some other reason, and stepped back.

However it was never discussed what space meant, and when her son’s birthday came up, I sent a quick message. She thanked me, and then essentially told me to eff off, but in a nice way? (She said have a good summer - meaning that we won’t be reconciling any time soon, as a month had already passed, and summer was another 2 months).

Stupidly in hindsight , my husband dropped off their son’s gift a couple days later to their doorstop but randomly ran into her husband and son. I got a message the next day saying it made them uncomfortable and that I disrespected boundaries. That “if” she wanted to reach out she would.

I didn’t think dropping a gift to her son, my daughter’s best friend, was an unreasonable thing considering I thought we were still friends. The present was bought months prior, and we didn’t expect to run into them. But apparently it was enough to piss her off enough

Afterwards , she slowly deleted me and my child from social media. (Deleted videos from a year ago, restricted then unfollowed me. When I unfollowed back, I was I friended off Facebook). Then I find out she switched school classes of our kids (or toddlers were supposed to be in the same class).

I now see her every week where she pretends I don’t exist. We haven’t talked since, and of course I will not reach out again.

Something that could have been solved in one ten minute conversation ended up blowing up our friendship. I’ve never been treated like this, I’ve never been so confused. I’m scared of what she’s telling others and our mutual friends.

Before the initial text, she had been hanging out with a new friend, and I think once I upset her, she discarded me without a second thought. She had an extreme outburst during the “event” that really made my husband uncomfortable where he feels a mask “slipped” and he saw a part of her we never knew.

I have some great days where I’m content and confident and have moved on, knowing it’s her problem not mine, but other days I am filled with shame and guilt and reliving things again thinking maybe I did do something , and maybe she felt really disrespected by bringing a gift. (Even though I know it sounds ridiculous )

I’m not sure if I’m venting or just need clarity that I’m not crazy by hearing other people’s experiences. She was such a great friend, kind empathetic , caring - until she wasn’t

I'm about 2 years out, in a new healthy relationship with someone I trust but the amount of fallout I've still been dealing with feels embarrassing. My ex was an insane narcissist who used my passions, dreams, hobbies as well as my traumas and fears to manipulate me. While I thought he was supporting me in everything during our time together, really he was taking notes. He used every trick in the playbook. Everything I used to love became a trigger, and impossible for me to enjoy for a very long time. He even cheated/triangulated with women who were similar to me - so I couldn't even stand to look in a mirror for months, and I still struggle to feel like I am special and unique like I used to. (Not that I think there's anything wrong with having a "type," he just weaponized it). I wish more people realized how narcissists/cluster B types really make you into a shell of a person. I really miss who I was before.

Does anyone have advice on healing from this and enjoying the things you used to love again as well as rebuilding self-esteem? I know time will help. I have been physically, financially and sexually abused, I would choose any of those a thousand times over rather than go through this again, it sucks.

I know it's not good to desire revenge but sometimes it feels that we are targeted as the bad one while they were the culprit.

They are so excellent manipulators and people think that it's us. They got away and moved on after we are still healing and they don't give a damn shit. This is really unfair and makes me really angry. I thought of many things to do so that I can take revenge but sometimes my conscience came back in others times I thought that let thier karma get to them after all God gives the best punishment.

This thoughts come and go randomly time to time. After all we do have healed but there's a part of us that does want them to feel the same pain we did. Can anyone help me how to overcome this.

This year has truly been one for the books. 2023 I was discarded and felt the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life because I couldn’t believe someone could tell me they love me and turn around and treat me how they did. Fast forward to now I am doing great, saving money, I have a new job, new friends, & trying to build new healthy habits.

With all this positivity in my life, 3 weeks ago I saw my narc the other day while with my boyfriend when I was driving (twice). We live in the same neighborhood. 1 week after seeing me and my boyfriend together, I got atleast 6 phone calls in 2 mins while I was at work. I answer because it’s 10 pm, & worried someone I love is hurt. It’s him. I immediately hung up the phone.

He then shoots me a lousy 2 sentence text attempting to apologize. I don’t even open the message. I just block and delete right away.

Just recently (2 days ago) he and a mutual friend friend we have went to dinner. The friend doesn’t 100% know what happened between us but she has a good idea he mistreated me. She called me to let me know that she doesn’t want me to feel a type of way that she went out with him bc they have a great friendship yadda yadda (I genuinely don’t care).

She then goes on to say they spent a lot of time talking about me & that in his eyes I am the “girl that got away”. And that his new supply did nothing but bring negativity into his life.

Personally, I don’t believe him. I think this a manipulation tactic to get me to reach out to him because he knew my friend would come back and tell me that they met for dinner. Unfortunately my friend isn’t aware of the sick nasty person he actually is. How ironic is it that you have dinner with a mutual friend of ours that you stopped talking to for over a year after you’re unable to wrap me back into your web.

Is this normal for narcissists? Should I still continue to trust my friend? Or should I see her as a flying monkey now?

P.s: It feels so good to be strong enough to decline and ignore him.

So I (28F) stopped talking to my (27F) narc best friend a little less than a year ago after years of mistreatment. I have just stopped taking all phone calls or responding to messages, I even deleted social media accounts so I can have some peace. She's the type to stalk your social media and if you even engage with anything online and not have responded to her she would blow it up. I'm just really tired, I've had to stop contact with several people who I had considered friends but because they all speak to her I don't want there to be a way for her to swoop in.

I have left the situation alone and only confided in very few people. Like she already has everyone, why does she still want me? I didn't flip out or call her out of her name even though it's well deserved, I have not tried to ruin her reputation like she's done with others, it's like just leave me alone.

I even spoke to a therapist friend about the things she's done and they said to me that the behavior I described is so bad that they don't even want to believe me but they know I'm telling the truth because of evidence I've shown.

My issue though is that she's fairly well liked in general and seeing people still be cool with her is starting to make me feel like i'm overreacting or that I'm crazy. She recently visited my aunt who I used to live with so she knows her well. I tried explaining to my aunt that she's really malicious and my aunt agreed she wouldn't share anything about me to her. But it's making me feel guilty putting my aunt in that situation. It's awkward because my aunt is close with her family and wouldn't feel comfortable just kicking her out. It bothers me because they had a nice little coffee hangout and my aunt was like almost making excuses for her, like she's been through a lot etc.. which I completely understand but all I've done is make excuses for her in the past so WHY do I have to keep doing it? I ALSO have been through a lot.

It's just so hard to explain to people who haven't experienced the little insidious things that build up over time because on their own they don't seem like much but alongside the years of manipulation, isolation, gaslighting etc it's really mentally debilitating.

She texted me again a week ago and she was begging for me to take our friendship back and it was filled with I'm sorry if I hurt you and for whatever you're going through and I want you to know that I really love you and I want everything to be okay again with us and I want to know how things can be good again etc... and it's making me feel so horribly guilty like maybe I'm being evil by not accepting an apology.

Like maybe this time she'll get it and things can be okay and not tense anymore for me etc... but realistically I KNOW it's not a good idea because she's genuinely terrible. but I was primed as a child to put my needs aside and to basically accept toxic and abusive behavior. Part of the reason I am so tired is that I am already juggling relationships with family members who were abusive in the past who I have forgiven and I feel like it's unfair for me to have to do that all over again for yet another person. but the guilt is still there and I don't know how to deal with it.

Hello people, I was with a narcissist for a year on and off. I realised 4 months in that something wasn't right. Unfortunately the situation brought out the worse in me. It was toxic and exhausting. I ended it so many times but would always go back. I would block, unblock, delete. It was crazy. I own up to my mistakes but this dude was cruel and eventhough I take responsibility for my mistakes, I have never ever been that person. So out of the blue he blocked me. Yesterday. I've wanted to move on so bad, I wanted to be the person I was before I met him, but I actually feel devastated that he's blocked me. I feel shame for reacting this way. What's wrong with me! He's never blocked me before. I sent him a text yesterday telling him that if he's blocked me, to never come back. I did block him and I've already unblocked him. All he gave me was stress, anxiety, accused me of cheating constantly and even threatend me if he ever found out I was with someone else. Never apologised, called me sick in the brain etc. Like wtf? Why am I here hurting over him blocking me. He's never done it before. I just need to block and delete him and stick to it. But I don't know how. Please any advice would be helpful. Strength to you all!

If I talk about things I like about my husband NStalker tries to convince me that NStalker thinks it was actually NStalker. NO. That is absolutely batshit & I don’t appreciate NStalker acting like he thinks it’s cute to be deranged & inappropriate.

Not acceptable & NStalker has to stop trying to make some pathetic point about gaslighting. No NStalker, you aren’t my husband & your ideas are stupid. This is the weirdest thing you’ve said yet NStalker. No.

At one point because I declined to talk to NStalker about NStalker’s crush on me he started sending he dumb crap about saying if I didn’t like his crush on me he wanted me to think that would affect me in other fields. NStalker is absolutely nothing to me & that makes no sense. NO.

When I pointed out that’s gaslighting & also fucking stupid NStalker through a tantrum. His argument, because he’s is clinically challenged, is he thinks if it were actually gaslighting it “would have worked” & I wouldn’t have told him he’s a dumb ass & blocked NStalker AGAIN. NStalker NO. You’re stupid.

Now NStalker is trying to gaslight me into thinking he’s my husband-NO. That’s not true NStalker. Both things you’re claiming are fucking dumb NStalker. Both things cam & did fail, the point of the gaslighting is just that NStalker tried to use emotions to persuade me of things that aren’t true.

I don’t need to put up with NStalker’s stupid waste of time feelings about me to be happy & do well at things. Professionally if a crazy guy keeps bugging me I can just call the cops, what’s really going on is NStalker thinks I’m obsessed with projecting strength but in reality I’m just a hard ass. So he’s trying to convince me by saying “No” to NStalkers crappy little feelings it will be perceived as weak.

NO. Saying no to dumb crazy dick twiddlers like NStalker is not weak-It is a source of ultimate joy in life & I relish the opportunity to tell the mentally feeble what I think of them. Do your fucking homework so I’m not stuck at this desk little Suzy.

Anyway, as I have told NStalker, NStalker has no significance to me emotionally so the emotional manipulation does nothing to me.

Both things are dumb attempts to use feelings to try to convince me of stupid crap. NO. I don’t think that, I’m not going to think that. NStalker you sound like a fucking moron. No. You’re not my husband NStalker, stop trying to appeal to my emotions NStalker-that’s a waste of time.

EDIT: NStalker tried to pretend to be nice boi & went “I guess I misunderstood you the 800 times you told me you hate [NStalker] & have absolutely zero interest of any kind in [NStalker]”.

As soon as I confirmed “you misunderstood NStalker” he goes “Oh so I guess I misunderstood my misunderstanding your interest in me then!”. NO.

I have no interest in NStalker.

So NStalker realizes I’m disgusted by NStalker & anybody who isn’t my husband. The way lesbians feel about their girlfriend is basically how much I love my husband. NStalker realizes that & wants to actively cause unhappiness to me with weaponized incompetence & stupidity. NO.

NStalker thinking I’d ever even forgive somebody acting dumb is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. NO. That proves NStalker doesn’t know me/understand me AT ALL. That’s another of NStalker’s narcissistic delusions thinking NStalker has any/could EVER have any rapport with me.

NStalker NO, stop crying I’m being mean you’re not invited to do so. That’s literally my personality you complaining about it all the time just proves why I don’t like you NStalker. You’re a whiny Narcissist NStalker, stop complaining about who I am & how I act, that’s so fucking dumb & annoying. NO.

Update: NStalker went through my socials, broke into some of my online accounts & tried to copy my husband & is now screeching that NStalker thinks “ I only like my husband who NStalker thinks is like NStalker-Narccist whack job specifically copied the man because he’s dating:married me. NStslker no.

She was charming and cute, but was very naive. I stepped into her life to help her see what she could be up for, we got into a situation ship because of it but with the foundation that we'd be there for each other, to create long lasting friends even after all this was over.

We travelled together, celebrated every occasion together, went to each others places all in the name of fun. I told her as long as you tell me who you're interested in, I'll give you your space. She agreed.

My "shortcomings" triggered her, started showing her Narcissistic tenancies, lashed out at me, called me names, told me I was worse than her ex and gave her icks, i tolerated it because i fell in love with her.

Alot of things happened in between but the last straw was when she met this new "nice guy" she was evidently flirting, I went through her DM's and found what I was looking for, confronted her with it, she called me out for invading her privacy and asked for a break. 2 weeks became indefinite.

Been a month now and I'm just slowly realizing she's been narcissistic all the while. I'm torn because everything and everyone is telling me to block her and move on with my life, she was supposed to be my best friend, we were supposed to be the best of friends, three years of going through life together.

We're still on a 'break', while she's duking it with the nice guy she met every weekend. I'm oaky with it, we we're never together in the first place.. but why couldn't she just tell me.

I fell in love, i gave her my everything. Nothing was enough, everything i bought, everything i did, absolutely nothing, All i got in the end was, You we're never nice, just an illusion to save face, He's got a better relationship with his parents, you're broke, go fix yourself.

I don't know how i'll ever recover from this.

Also have a grudge on the current supply who is an old supply that helped him cheat. He used me to get back at her. Probably think I'm jealous. I'm just still pissed at 2 messed up people.

Knew him 2 months, wish ill will on both about 8 months later.

I feel like the Nex or the supply found this account too, so here's your power trip, I guess.

Dated only 11 months to the day but it was insidious and very covert. To the point where I still question if he was one. Then I read my list of everything he’s done and it’s a very clear pattern of behavior. Has most of the symptoms and the adverse childhood.

It’s been 5 or 6 weeks since the breakup and I’m really struggling to feel like myself. I have zero confidence and feel really bad about myself. Before him, I trusted my intuition and I was confident and sure of myself. I had a ton of problems but I was doing really good with working through them.

Now, I just feel lost. I used to walk 5 miles a day and now I don’t even want to walk. I need to exercise and dress myself up for only myself and wear cool outfits but I don’t even know how. When I go out dressed nice, I’m hoping that a guy will hit on me. There’s a cute guy working at my favorite bookstore, so I have to look cute every time I go there. He made me hate myself and feel selfish and vain for anything else, and now I don’t know how to do things for myself anymore.

How do I regain my self confidence and get back to myself after narcissistic abuse? I grew up with an incredibly abusive, evil, narcissist father, so it’s deeply engrained, but I was getting so much better.

I’ve been no contact. But not because I want to. Because I literally have nothing to say that they won’t yell at.

I could say anything and somehow I get yelled at, and called “a baby”, a “princess, and accused of “not caring”. Yelled at. Like, screaming.

The last thing they said was “I’m going to stop calling you, but you can call me.”

I can’t bring myself to call.

When everything I say is wrong. I cannot dial that number. And I want to. But I can’t.

Day 8 no contact

Like, sometimes I will get triggered by remembering something about them and I will just worry the entire day. My nervous system goes in overload and these feelings of anger and sadness rush back to me. I will be very distracted and not have the nice day I wanted to have. I just feel the depression, even if the narc left my life, it still has an impact on my mood. I'm just wondering how I can cope with this better and effectively not let the rest of my day be affected by this.

Nex and I broke up in August. I was at family’s and she was at the apartment. The whole time I was panicking about how I was going to get her out of my house. The conversation, her reaction, everything, I was trying to prepare for. Then I came across a Reddit post where I found out that she packed all her stuff and left 3 days prior. As soon as I saw that something in me cracked and I started laughing and then had a massive panic attack. My limbs were numb and my hands curled in and I couldn’t move them.

I’ve had panic attacks before but nothing like this. It was scary and I thought I was having a stroke. I’m trying to understand why this happened as I should have been happy that she made it easy for me. I was relieved but also incredibly angry that I had wasted my time worrying for days about how I was going to get her out when she was already gone.

My first 2 narcissists (yeah, I don't have a great track record) discarded me for/went back to women who didn't care about cheating or being the side chick, because it was validation. I knew exactly when each was dropped. Moved on, didn't really care to revisit the past. Eventually I found out each Nex suffered in his own way in time.

But I checked up on their old supplies recently, years after my involvement. (Is that healthy? Prob not) Turns out that they were mimicking pictures that I posted on social media, posting shortly after I did, throughout all this time. And I know that during this time period, they weren't on speaking terms with the Nex. OK? I'm just a person though.

So I know this isn't a post about the Nex themselves but I'm wondering if anyone went through this phenomenon as well? Also I'm female if that helps. I know women can be catty. Why do they do this?

I’ve had a covert narcissistic stalker since 2019.

He saw on my socials I’d posted about surviving being r*ped by an ex when I was underaged.

My ex who did that to me was a foot taller than me & anywhere from 50-100lbs heavier than me depending when in our relationship it was. HOW my ex went about r*ping me should be pretty straightforward & self explanatory. It was harder for me to fight the ex because he was bigger than I am & taller than me, by a fair bit. So I tried to fight my ex off but I was at a disadvantage. No, NStalker, you are not welcome to make excuses for my rapist or that “he seemed like a nice guy”.

For funsies, I actually don’t feel to blame & never did, I just was mad I didn’t know how to beat the rpists ass enough he stopped & that’s where the frustration came I’m. It would be nice if NStalker could deduce when I’m making fun of NStalker because he tried to approach me with this fake self-loathing routine because one time a girl looked annoyed with him in school. Oops, I thought it was pretend to act pathetic time. That’s awkward. Im not saying victims who have guilt are in any way pathetic, ACTUAL rpe victims not vulnerable narcissists like NStalker.

Maybe NStalker shouldn’t have tried to go to the woman who he just messaged to say he thought it was funny she got raped for sympathy. I doubt he ever noticed I was mocking NStslker until like now, if NStalker should read this. I hope NStalker doesn’t read it & just leaves us (me, husband, HUSBAND’S family with me be).

I a sheltered middle school student who has only ever heard about rpe in movies & thought it involved the use of either tying/chaining the victim & a gun/knife, I didn’t understand it could happen outside of a threat against someone’s life. I was a pre teen, a very naive preteen & I literally didn’t realize it was still rpe if the victim’s life were not in danger.

My NStalker keeps bothering me & trying to gaslight me about this, NO. I am saying/have said stop over & over because it’s such a stupid line of thought for anyone to say they don’t understand how a large male would manage to rpe a girl or woman as little as about half their size (like I was half my rpost’s weight when it started happening, he was 230 lbs I was 120 lbs). It’s like saying you don’t understand the mechanics of how a car picks up a person, car bigger, passenger smaller.

When I try to explain this angry Chihuahua of an individual just starts raging about how he’s jealous of larger men & having this emotional reaction instead of just logically processing the mechanics of the situation like a person that doesn’t deserve to be shot behind a shed. This is how I KNOW Stalker is a NARCISSIST. Instead of paying attention to what I’m explaining with his brain or having empathy for what I went through he just tries to co-op the conversation so he can PMS at me about how he’s jealous of large men. He’s so obsessed with them, honestly, if NStalker hadn’t sexually harassed me I’d think NStalker were in the closet.

I have explained before my dad is also a large man. My husband, who ended up bashing the rpist’s head through a wall & making him leave by the time I was college she is also a relatively large man. It is a composition fallacy to try to argue ALL larger men are automatically dangerous because one large man pretended to be nice & turned out not to be. It shouldn’t be confusing to grasp that the small percentage of bigger dudes who mean harm try to act like nice dudes who mean harm until they have a chance to do harm. I am sympathetic to being confused because I didn’t really understand rpe when I was a child which is how my r*pist got away with it until I told some friends & they explained to me how it actually works.

I resent that because NStalker is a narcissist he’s not having the “aha now I understand this thing” moment when I explain that.

Not to mention how dumb it is to act like it’s incomprehensible a child would be not knowledgeable about sex, that is one of the things that really defines childhood. Not knowing stuff yet.

I hate NStalker stupid guts for trying to act like I’m somehow in the wrong or/& malicious because he’s too stupid to understand smaller versus bigger & also what a child is. I am not responsible for NStalker’s stupidity. I was smaller so it was harder to fight back, I was also a child when most of the r*pe happened so I didn’t understand very well. I was from a religious, stay home & study household. We were talking about getting into good schools when I was a preteen, not socializing. I didn’t know enough to know what I didn’t know, there was no way for me to guess without prompting that rape could still happen without threat to life/physically being tied up.

I knew molestation existed but it was always explained as adults touching kids sexually ONLY. So I assumed the problem was the adult-child element (which it is a problem) but I didn’t realize it could also be CHILD-CHILD of the same age.

I don’t want to sit here & keep talking about my stupid r*pist.

Summarily, I was both at a physical disadvantage compared to my ex & I didn’t understand I could report the rpe until much later. I didn’t realize the rpe was happening. I knew something was happening to me I really didn’t/don’t like but I didn’t realize it was rape until after my husband beat my ex up & made my ex leave.

So I didn’t know the abuse was rpr, I wasn’t sure if it was abuse or how to explain. I didn’t know rape happened IN relationships too. Secondly, I wasn’t big enough to kick my ex’s gonads in hard enough to make him stop by myself. I needed the man who is now my husband to do that that is why that’s what put a stop to it. My husband wasn’t at the same disadvantage as I was against my rpist due to my being smaller than my rapist, physically. I was also hesitant to inflict more serious injury on my rpist because I wasn’t clear on how to describe what the self defense was against. What was I supposed to say if I don’t know it was rpe? “Your honor my boyfriend touched my ass? I had to break his nose your honor, my boyfriend touched my boob?”. I was hesitant to use more physical force because I wasn’t clear on how to articulate why & had no interest in going to jail myself because some stupid troll looking guy was hurting me-that wouldn’t solve/help anything. And NO NStakker you are not invited to get upset i call my rapist ugly, he’s a rapist. He could be Chris Hemsworth & raping me would still make my ex ugly to me.

Update: NO NStalker is not invited to demand I have other reasons when I articulate my actual reasons for things happening. I am not willing to accommodate NStalker’s stupid narcissist emotions, the truth is the truth, things work how they work & NStalker is a dumb ass for thinking due to his narcissism facts that contradict his beliefs seem wrong-NO NStalker, they are right. YOU are wrong, if you hate being called a narcissist so much start saying so when you’re not correct.

NStalker is mortifingly stupid. Whenever he gets proven wrong he tries to decide the evidence & facts demonstrating NStalker to be mistaken & an effing dumb ass shouldn’t be allowed. NO NStalker, & if physical size isn’t a valid reason someone could physically hurt another person then that means NStalker you & other r/nice guys were never bullied you’re just beta males who can’t fight since you want size to be irrelevant. Additionally you should stop whining online that bigger women, like huge women, like 600 lb women can get boyfriends & girlfriends but you can’t since size doesn’t matter to you. Oh & you also can’t complain about women dating/marring/hooking up with men who are larger than you NStalker because apparently you don’t think size is a valid & relevant factor. Since you kept claiming that you somehow think you have integrity I know you’ll adhere to my stipulations as anybody with integrity wouldn’t try to bully & stalk & threaten a woman to try to intimidate her into lying about enjoying a fetish she hates (rpe as kink to you NStalker in this instance) because you’re angry that woman rejected you. As no individual who had integrity would go out of their way to mistreat a rape victim out of their own petty frustration that the rpe victim in question is married & doesn’t return their feelings. Since you keep trying to convince me you’re somehow not a narcissist NStalker I know you will admit you’re wrong & stop saying that you think I enjoy being rped now as only a narcissist would try to allege some poor rpe victim has a kink for being rped to try to circumvent that rpe victim CLEARLY rejecting you NStalker. Non narcissist do not have narcissistic delusions about women enjoying violence because their falsely inflated ego can’t handle REALLY being rejected brutally & publicly as I so OBVIOUSLY rejected you NStalker.

So I’m afraid unless you come on & publically apologize to me for LYING about falsely accusing me of having a rape fetish because you were embarrassed I said your VERY UNWANTED sexual attention toward me NStalker wasn’t & isn’t anything I enjoy. I’m sure you didn’t mean to LIE INCESSANTLY & falsely accuse someone of something to try to find a way to feel wanted NStalker. That’s sexual harassment to allege FALSELY that unwanted sexual attention (yours NStalker) is wanted so you can avoid feeling UNWANTED by someone (in this case me NStalker. I’m sure you couldn’t really believe that at this point NStalker as some sort of ego driven break with reality.

And NO NStalker, you aren’t invited to get mad at me for bringing up that I rejected you NStalker. It’s how I feel & only a narcissist would be so incredibly FURIOUS at a woman (me) just not liking the narcissist (you NStalker) in any kind of romantic, social, personal & even impersonal way. Only a narcissist would want somebody to not be honest about rejecting them the way I politely but CLEARLY rejected you NStalker. So if you don’t want to be a narcissist then NO NStalker you can’t threaten me/harm me/silence me just because I don’t like you back NStalker. That’s just part of life that some women like me are married to a man (my husband) & love the husband (my husband) & not you NStalker. There’s no reason to be angry at me for that. In fact I’m being honest & you claimed NStalker to value honesty. This is me being honest NStalker, I love my husband 100% , not you NStalker, I don’t love or like you NStalker. I’m not saying I DEFINITELY don’t love &/or like you as part of a fetish NStalker (No, you are not entitled to say that to/about me NStalker, that’s a lie). Im saying it because I don’t love&/or like you NStalker. I love & like my husband NStalker & a man of integrity as you said you thought you were/are NStalker wouldn’t be angry at me for being both honest & faithful to my husband who I love, NStalker.

So to not be a LIAR NStalker you’re going to have to stop lying about your belief i anything AT ALL beyond HATE sexual attention from anybody but my husband is WRONG. 100% WRONG. You’ll have to ADMIT that you said something that was WRONG in that regard by saying you think I like sexual harassment &/or r*pe. Otherwise you are a LIAR NSTALKER, WHICH YOU SAID YOU DEFINTELY ARE NOT IN YOUR opinion. You called my husband a liar, but claimed NStalker that you think you are CERTAINLY NOT a liar, you said that to try to justify your continued sexual attention toward me NStalker after I’d already said NO to your sexual attention NStalker, as I don’t love/like you NStalker. I love & like my husband & that is DEFINITELY Not you NStslker let your words. You’d be a narcissist NStalker is you went on a DECEITFUL smear campaign because you were upset I rejected your romantic attention NStalker.

Now stay out of my accounts NStalker. You are not entitled to delete evidence because you’re upset you’re in trouble. I’d HAVE preferred to avoid dealing with you in person that doesn’t mean the husband & I don’t want a court case to watch you finally have some consequences for what you have put people through.

I really wasn’t sure how I was supposed to prove you broke into my computer when you started harassing me about crap like who does my hair, NStalker. Glad you’re such a narcissist all I had to do was imply you aren’t smart enough to pull off hacking a device & you made it nice & obvious you were doing that. Much clever, very logic.

And NStalker NO, you don’t have to stop talking about a case every time lest there be a mistrial. Law enforcement has NEVER told me I can’t say whatever I damn well please & I assure you NStalker, they took your threats & you showing up at my former residence seriously. You’re just making crap up to feel smarter than you actually are NStalker, nobody but a pathetically insecure person would pretend to know everybody else’s particulars.

I moved out two weeks ago, and we broke up. We met a few times after, with the final break-up three days ago. Since then, we’ve only messaged twice to organize house details, without any personal talk.

Friends who know him say he won’t just let me go, but I feel safe and think he might be too proud to reach out. He may also be the type to move on quickly.

How long did it take for your narcissistic partner to reach out to you, and how did they do it?

I have an aunt who’s Nmom’s sister. She has told Nmom about what I’m up to, constantly belittling everything I said when I used to talk to her.

I go grey rock and VLC, saying nothing I do. I block her and all flying monkeys on social media so they can’t know what I’m really doing (which is being normal, happy and safe, which they’ll try to destroy).

Today she’s reached out and suggested to call, how to say no without the drama? My life is good now and no way I’m letting her back in it. She usually throws a fit of abandonment wounds at me when I decline.

My thoughts are just to say something like:“maybe someday, I want alone time this weekend.”

What do you think?

God my nervous system is so shot.

My roommates computer restarted and they lost 2 days worth of work and understandably they are frustrated. They would never ever take it out on me and yet I’m sat here shaking and my nervous system is in overdrive just being in the same room as them.

I’m in trauma therapy but does anyone have any other tips for what helped them manage this?

During grad school for psychotherapy, I met someone who I became close friends with. The program we were in emphasizes an experiential component and deep self-reflection, as they believe that you can go as deep with a client as you've gone with yourself. My friend is an admitted narcissist in recovery, which helped at times with providing compassion from my side of things, but he would also be aware of when this side of him would flare up and act out.

His narcissism over the years would be frustrating at times, specifically when there would be that all too familiar pendulation from him viewing me as the most amazing person ever to having done something wrong that he didn't like. Now since he is a therapist, he wouldn't outright say this, but would package it in this rather toxic "feedback" where my resistance to it would be explained as me being resistant to "strong male figures" or more broadly as just "defensiveness to his insight". Some important context here is that I had a physically abusive, narcissistic father which has created a skepticism around men in positions of authority. My friend is aware of this and I feel used this information against me. To boot, my friend is about 10 years older than me and is a rather classic heteronormative male. He views himself as this alpha-type and oftentimes gets in very competitive dynamics with other men. So for him, he attributes a lot of my discomfort with him as just being misdirected anger from my father or my own discomfort with his power.

We've processed this a lot over the years. He views conflict as a vehicle for "deepening" with others - which I agree with to an extent. I will give him some credit that he's taken a lot of accountability in this and he has tried, but this way of being has just really persisted. At this point in the relationship, feels like I am just trying to get him to change something that seems who he is. Over the past few months I've pulled away from him because the erraticism of the relationship has just been leaving me feeling on edge when I'm around him.

In regards to work, he has become hyper-competitive. He found a new therapist. Not just any therapist but the best, most brilliant therapist he's ever worked with. Of course, a few months later, she's failed him and they were on the verge of not working together but now they are great. Now he's making the most money he's ever made - a fact which comes up frequently when we talk. But it doesn't end there, now he's working with prestigious, senior-level analysts and having the biggest breakthroughs like once a month. The grandiosity has just simply been nauseating at this point. When he starts going off on these rants, I start to drift away. I notice when I talk to him, I notice these feelings that I am not doing enough, and he is figuring it out, and wow he must be this brilliant clinician, etc.

There is a part of me that admires his ambition and drive for success, but on an existential level, it seems antithetical to what it is that I am trying to cultivate in my life. Admittedly, there is some level of jealousy on my part but at the same time I don't even feel like I am actually jealous of him but rather jealous of this facade of success he is desperately projecting.

I'm not sure whether I want to talk to him about this. It seems like it's just not going to go anywhere but it seems difficult to not talk about it as we share a very close group of friends.

I guess I am looking for advice? I feel guilty in pulling away from him and to be honest it has been occupying quite a bit of psychic space for me (I mean look at this long post!).

Anyways...help me?

I went no contact with a narcissist ex best friend I've known for well over 20 years once I saw his true colors.

-------

Things I remembered after I put all the pieces together:

• Triangulation between me and others. In hindsight, I always saw new friends I made start acting differently towards me after I brought him into the circle. No doubt was lying and making up stories about me to make me look bad.

• Hardcore projection, which were major tells at the time but I didn't know what narcissism was.

• Didn't actually care about me, but pretended to. Carried me around like a trophy to others to get social credit. (A bit complicated, but it was an association type of thing since I was more talented than him in certain things with a proven track record.)

• Undermining, jealousy, envy, all the typical narc stuff.

-------

Been about a year, but I still harbor intense feelings of anger towards him. I'll catch myself just daydreaming about beating the shit out of him from time to time, and when I catch myself I'll snap out of it and stop because I can literally feel my blood pressure rising.

We never had a final argument or confrontation. I just ended up ghosting him and removing him off all my socials.

I think what my body wants is a final confrontation where we have a man to man talk, but I don't think it would do any good since from everything I've read and heard from narcissist experts, it seems like that wouldn't do anything and he would just try and gaslight me / shift the blame and wouldn't learn anything anyway. But I really want to stick it to him and give him a good verbal thrashing.

Any thoughts / advice about how to just completely detach? I just want to erase his entire memory from my brain somehow.

Good evening everyone.

I've had a 30 minute phone consultation and given the therapist a brief overview of recent happenings.

She said she obviously can't formally diagnose because she hasn't met him but that he sounds like a covert narcissist.

This was indeed validating but I found myself questioning if I'd made leading statements about what happened. I told her the truth, but I am still wondering if I've got it wrong... ain't gas lighting grand hey?

It's been 2.5 months since I know he's with someone else, I actually know this week they are on vacation with their respective children, which is killing me because to me it means it's been going on far longer than I suspected.

We were together for eight years 😔

I am pinning all my hopes on therapy because I really am not okay. Some days I am better than others and rationally I know he's a creep, a cruel liar and all the rest of it.

I just need to talk about it constantly and those around me are being lovely but they are getting bored, that's why I am paying for therapy...

...will it work, what can I expect?

...It's my last hope.

Thanks for listening.

I grew up in a very narcissistically abusive household with abusive mother, father and brother. My father also sexually abused me as a baby almost.

Anyways yesterday I took some time off because work was getting to me and I had to take off because of the extra levels of stress I was dealing with. So I went to the nearest vacation spot, which is about 2 hours from where I live and spend some time there hanging out with the locals and what not. But one thing I noticed was that I am truly alone in all these spaces. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a wife. No kids and even though I am in my early 40s, I still feel like that's not where I want to be with my life.

The reason I am saying all this is because it's on my way back home "from the vacation" that I usually have huge urges to either to go a massage parlor or get home and watch porn or do something sexual on the computer. It's disgusting and I hate it because on one side, I feel like I am not completely healed, so I can't even think of getting a girlfriend, but on the other side, I am yearning for one so I don't feel so stupidly lonely anymore.

Few years ago, I wouldn't have even used the word "lonely" but now I am starting to see that most guys in their 40s already have a wife and kids in their teens or 20s and it's kind of sad that I don't..

But long story short, does anyone know why I get this strong urge to either visit a parlor for that body to body contact just to feel something or starts dissociating on my way back thinking about how lonely I am and things like that even though I manage well at home and don't have problems with any of this generally speaking. It's just that journey back.

As a kid I remember, coming back home to my parents home was anything but normal. I never knew what would happen at home. Sometimes it's just an explosion towards me for no reason or sometimes when I get there, I will be in the middle of an explosion. There was never a place called "home" in all it's sense. My father was a narcissistic alcoholic and rageholic and so was my mother minus the alcohol part and my brother would always find any reason to put the blame on me and was never supportive either. I mean he was just like my father. Glad I cut off these demons.

But do you think this has anything to do with the trip back home to my current day present apartment? Do you think I am having flashbacks and automatically getting into that dissociative state?