He tells me I'm the narcissist and I'm the abuser and I'm the problem and I need mental help and medication...and he's the victim....how to respond to this???

Can narcissists ever use their own life event to show their true colors? Also does this sound like narcissism? In a whirlwind over the quick demise of my 12 month relationship which seemed to be going in the right direction overall for 12 months followed by 3 months of chaos before I left. I dated someone for over a year who started off as the most charming, funny, caring and thoughtful partner and we had the best chemistry. Should also mention he has adhd. About 10 months in during our first big trip we started having little fights about his high and constant need for attention which I wasn’t always the best at providing but we resolved and got by. Right around our year mark he underwent a loss of a family friend who was like a parent figure he was close with and some past childhood traumas / abandonment issues were brought up via contact with an estranged parent. During this time he began to get triggered and lashed out leading to a few really big fights over nothing where mean things were said. I’m not a fighter or a yeller so I started pulling away and distancing myself when he raised his voice (as he told me). I tried so hard to be supportive and give him the benefit of the doubt with two big life events occurring simultaneously. He began to tell me I wasn’t meeting his needs emotionally with the need for attention and coping and during these fights a few times made it clear the apartment we were living in was his and asked me to leave. I told him my basic need for security in my relationship wasn’t being met and he said he wouldn’t do it again yet after the third big fight and when he was away one weekend he told me to start looking for airbnbs in a moment of frustration and I did and got up and left. He came home and was shocked I’d actually left and gotten an Airbnb. His ability to say mean things scares me (just a few comments but they were harsh such as how would our marriage work if we have kids and how would you give me as much attention and how did anyone put up with your BS in reference to my ex). Now that he’s acknowledging this (but also saying it takes two to have relationship issues). He continuously blames the demise on us both and my reactions/behaviors, saying he was also in the wrong but should have leeway because of the emotionally tough time he was undergoing. Anyways just wondering if this seems like narcissist behavior? So overwhelmed and learning so much about NPD in this journey / only wanna know for sake of knowing it’s not changeable.

Everyone keeps telling me to fall in love with myself. They keep saying practice self love do the things that make you happy. I’m really don’t understand what this means. Please someone give me practical advice or tell me the steps to doing this because I’m completely in the dark 😔.

I'm a 28f. My ex is a 40m. He was the first person I dated, he was a coworker, and he became a friend when I was having a hard time after a family member got hurt and was hospitalized. He was my shoulder to cry on and it seemed everything I liked, he liked. I came to the dating game late, I had family stuff going on throughout my teenage years and couldn't deal with the stress of dating on top of it. He lied to me a lot. And manipulated me. I didn't understand that wasn't how it was supposed to be, he was the first guy I'd dated. We were together 1 and a half years. I broke up with him in February of 2022. I had loaned him a large amount if money and had to keep in contact to get repaid. In that time, he came up with stories that his dog was heartbroken that I wasn't around anymore. He tried telling me he was sick with liver failure. He wanted me to come to his house one night to get his dog so he could go on a "trip." He'd been drinking and when I wouldnt come, he went into talking about having the key to his gun safe. I called the police to do a wellness check on him because he was talking about suicide. When I finally got paid back, I broke off contact. But he still left flowers on my car at work (at this point he had left to work a different job). I told him not to leave anything else on my car. He sent flowers to my house and asked me not to throw them away because they were expensive. It felt like a manipulation tactic and I told him to stop sending me stuff. I blocked him off Facebook so he sent my brother a friend request and liked some of my sister's post. I told him to stop. He sent me text and emails pretending to be friends of his, telling me we should get back together. I've had friend request on Facebook from fake profiles who claimed we went to school together and when I asked him about them, he said one was his coworker. Apparently he got into a new relationship and stopped contact with me, it was great. Then they broke up and he tried starting again, I told him to stop. Then his new ex tried friending me on Facebook, wanting to get together in person to swap funny stories about him. I told her no. I contacted him and asked him to have his ex leave me alone. That was the last message we'd exchanged months ago. He sent my mom flowers for mother's day. He'd only met my mom maybe 3 or 4 times. I didn't have him around my family much. I shoulda picked up on how uncomfortable it made me for him to be near them but I didn't. I felt stuck with him. And I dealt with the manipulation and verbal abuse on my own. When I saw the flowers today, I felt physically sick. And I remembered this random time he shoved me in the floor. He only got physical like that a couple times, not hitting though. Idk why I flash backed to that time after seeing his flowers. I just feel like crying now and idk why. I thought I was over everything that happened.

Why would he send them to my mom when they weren't close? Is this normal of narcissists? How do I make him stop with all this? I'm worried that he'll send flowers again on other special occasions.

Post Narcissist blues

It’s been a long day Of rumination and fear Wondering who else My ex is near I’ve shed more Than a million tears

I’ve got the post narcissist blues

I still feel crazy From the gaslighting and lies Everything’s my fault As the tears flood my eyes And I truly miss someone Who I should really despise

I’ve got the post narcissist blues

They tell me self care Is the best way to heal But it’s so hard to do Because I don’t want to feel I wish this was a dream And that nothing was real

I’ve got the post narcissist blues

Now, things are getting better My best friend’s a dog I hang out on Reddit, Watch YouTube, write songs While the narcissist Suffers and longs Because they can’t get right And can only do wrong But I’ve got nothing to do But to keep getting strong I’ve got the post narcissist blues That’s right I’ve got the post narcissist blues

Almost 10 months ago I left my ex after having a 1 year long relationship… it was hell. They would smoke all the time, and no matter what i did for them it never seemed to please them enough to pick me over weed. Constant crossing of my boundaries, having them withhold affection, and degrading me enough to stay put. I had tried to leave once, but with enough begging from them I gave in and went back. Towards the end of our relationship, they pointed a gun at me, waving it around my face. (They would do this with knives as well, laughing when I showed fear) This was last year in the fall, but I feel as if my closure never came. I thought I had closure, but I found out another woman was in a situation with them… I felt the courage to open up to her and tell her that they were awful, abusive, and a complete narcissist…. she listened… only to see her with them a week later. I know I can’t be a white knight and try to save everybody, but it really hurt to see her ignore what I had told her. It felt like what I had gone through wasn’t “bad enough” to make someone stray away. I feel now as if the trauma is all back up, and has given me severe night terrors almost every night. I got diagnosed with PTSD a few weeks ago, and although I’m getting help for it, I feel as if I won’t recover. I know it’s unhealthy… but I still look at their posts from time to time and they always seem to be doing good… I feel as if I will never get my karma for what they did to me…. my now partner has helped me through it and is very patient when I feel most triggered, but I want to rid of this terrible time in my life so I can truly move forward and live at peace, I just don’t know how to feel better about it. Many people have stuck by my side after I opened up about it to others, but I still feel this pain no matter how many people stick by me. I feel stuck with no matter what I try to do.

I just came across this on YouTube and really felt the need to share. It' was comforting to listen to since I've been struggling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. I hope this helps you too

https://youtu.be/8w_w1PhvXOE?si=ccSelewCl8atGhEj

It’s been 5 months since I last talked to him. While I don’t have any desire to communicate, I do often keep feeling the sadness of losing the friendship/made up fantasy I had in my head. It’s really hard to let go of what I thought was my best friend in the whole world. I’ve blocked him, I watch our videos, listen to voice memos and still look at photos when I miss him. I’ve found that even though I don’t really feel anything for him anymore I’m still grieving the good.

It’s hard making a similar connection with new people and while I know that this reality is normal, it’s hard to let go of the hope that someone will ever make me as happy as they did. Does anyone else feel this?

The highs and lows of everything were so hard, but I have never felt a high like when he put me on a pedestal and I know I should heal from this, but wow… it is really hard. The fact that it was all fake is still a hard pill to swallow.

So, this is all pretty new to me, and I’m still navigating my way through the aftermath of a recent interaction with someone I suspect is a narcissist, and at the very least has severe narcissistic traits. My ex and I broke up around a month and a half ago due to him lying and cheating on me. The relationship was quite literally otherwise perfect. I say it was divine intervention, because I wasn’t even snooping or suspecting ANYTHING. It really just fell into my lap, and piecing together the ways that he hid so much and made himself out to be this perfect man is terrifying. The aftermath was more lies, him shifting blame, not feeling any true remorse because he felt that he’d not cheated on me.

I broke up with him after all of this came to light. And we stayed in communication for about 2 weeks here and there, because I was still on the fence about things with him, thinking, “maybe we could work it out.” Well…at first, the aftermath of these talks/convos post-breakup seemed to really give me some closure and hope that maybe he would one day change and grow into a better man, a “what’s meant to be will be” sort of acceptance, even though my decision to end it now was not going to change atp. He was (in hindsight) selling the dream that he’s still this great guy who wants to do the work, go to therapy, be better for our future together, etc.

I set the boundary to be NC for my own peace of mind. He lasted all of 6 days. I didn’t respond, and he continued the outreach. I blocked him temporarily after the 3rd attempt. His response was to stop sharing his location (despite saying he shared it with me FOR me, so I wouldn’t have to run into him at all) and he signed me out of shared streaming platforms lol. A week goes by, I’m thinking he wouldn’t keep reaching out (silly me) so I unblocked him. He reaches out again, calls me, texts me saying he can’t do NC anymore and needs to talk to figure out where we stand (we are clearly broken up and NC with no promise to get back together, in fact I actually encouraged him to move on with his life and said that the last hangout would be the last hangout). He said if I care about him at all to please call him back (incredibly manipulative).

This sent me into a whirlwind of emotion, but I didn’t respond. So about 7 hours go by, he calls again and it goes straight to voicemail because of DND. Then all of a sudden I realize I am unfollowed on several things, he forwards me a bill transfer request for my wifi service, and says he wants his things back (mind you, no mention of said things/clothes for 6 weeks after the breakup), and says if I don’t take ownership of the bill, he’ll cancel the service (my wifi is linked to his phone account but I pay for it monthly).

Even though I already broke up with him, it feels like he’s trying to do things to 1) get my attention 2) feel in control and 3) have his own version of breaking up with me.

NC has been dreadfully painful. And to see him go from this person who allegedly understands their wrong and wants to make it right and give me space to grieve and heal—now all of a sudden it feels like he’s trying to punish me because he isn’t getting his way. Playing the victim when he’s the cheater is baffling. I refuse to break NC but I am really just seeking support. I’ve never experienced this in a relationship, and the emotional reactivity is disorienting for me and making me question a lot.

TLDR; broke up with my nex who violates my NC boundaries. When I don’t respond, he tries any little and obscure way to get my attention and “punish me” to solicit a response. Seeking support.

So me and my next broke up about 2 months ago. We go to a certain same place quite often. I haven’t bumped into him since we first broke up. I have honestly been avoiding going to my favorite place cause of him. Like the fear of bumping into him sends chills down my spine. I feel like I can’t even go to the gas station without looking over my shoulder. I drive and every car that looks like his gets my eye till I can read the plate and confirm it’s not him. It’s driving me INSANE. so idk I was thinking instead of avoiding I try to run into him on purpose I do feel I have a lot of unsaid anger towards him. And yeah I know that’s not good but maybe I need more closure? Like I went to my spot today at a time I KNOW he goes in hopes of seeing him.(I did not) And it was oddly more comforting hoping to see him then being scared. Like I have a list of things I want to say to him so atp I want to see him. Idk if it’s closure or if I want him back. I mean I do but I don’t idk. What do you all think? It feels better it feels better mentally wanting to see him like “if I bump into him good I have things to say” rather then “oh god what if I bump into him im so scared im gonna cry what if he tries to talk to me” ya know?

I was tangled in a brain fog and thinking I was overreacting to the environment of covert narcissistic abuse I was in last year, and then before I went entirely no contact with my ex, I was watching Big Bang Theory, the sitcom. I realised suddenly while watching the notoriously difficult character Sheldon Cooper, that I was nodding along to his rationale and thinking about how reasonable his requests and perspectives are; that’s when it hit me that if Sheldon was reasonable compared to where my current state of mind was (dealing with a narcissist), then I actually wasn’t overreacting and was in fact way over my head in bullshit my ex was trying to feed me and call sanity. I realised that I used to watch his character and tell my family that if I ever found myself in Amy’s shoes, I would run far away and fast, I used to yell at the screen for her to leave him, he’s not a good boyfriend or husband; so, yeah, reality check when a year into being with a suspected narcissist, I caught myself thinking she was so lucky to have someone as rational and open to compromise and accountability for harm done to her and people generally as Sheldon. If anyone else has ever found themselves in a similar position, that’s a good litmus test. Watch The Big Bang Theory, and if Sheldon Cooper seems generous, reasonable and like he bends over backwards to accommodate people compared to what you are used to… run away, I’ll be yelling at the screen to you to get away from him/her (narcissist in your life) as I did to Amy when she was falling over herself to accommodate Sheldon Cooper.

I am struggling with obsessive compulsive like thoughts about whether or not I’m a horrible person, or an unaware covert narcissist/emotional abuser. I recently cut off a narcissist (this is probably like the fifth one I’ve had to cut off in my life) and most recently, my best friend of 6 years who ended up becoming a FM for the narcisist and painting me as unstable and unwell to others.

The magnitude of betrayal is huge but I cant just help feel like I’m a bad person. I keep thinking about my previous relationship with my ex (she wasn’t a narcissist at all, we just both were enmeshed and codependent) and I keep ruminating about how unstable I was and that the things being said about me in the smear campaign are true. That I’m a messed up person with mental issues and I keep punishing myself for how I hurt my ex (I had a lot of issues with emotional regulation) and feeling like maybe I dont deserve good things.

It’s so hard. I feel broken and unloveable. And I can’t seem to stop self-flagellating. And thinking I’m a monster.

It has been almost 2 years since I left my toxic relationship with a narcissist and I am starting to think I’ll never move on, I’ll never love again. I have dated, a lot, but nothing ever compares and I still think about him every day. My brain is starting to trick me it wasn’t that bad. For context, there was gaslighting, verbal abuse and he isolated me from everyone. Has anyone got any advice on how to move on for good?

Due to certain legal proceedings, I have to be very vague about what I say here, but this is a burner account anyway and I won't provide any identifying info.

I was with my Nex for close to a decade. I'll skip the details, but I very quickly realized how abused I was once I was finally out of the relationship. It was very bad. They dropped me and moved onto a new target. Went no contact for two years despite them constantly harassing me via various forms of communication until they finally gave up.

Now they came back, doxxed me and have aired out a ton of dirty laundry about me, some of which is true, but the overwhelming majority is either exaggerations at best, lies at worse, and at the absolute worst included very public, very damaging accusations of extremely illegal things I never did.

This resulted in me being ostracized online from a lot of people I was friends with, and even people I had a crucial working relationship with for various side-hustles, as well as months of harassing emails, posts, comments, and so on, all telling me some variation of "you are worthless and should kys for what you did to [Nex]." They even managed to report me to the various websites I operate on to have my accounts deleted due to their false accusations. They've even tried to get me banned from various live events I go to every year. The venue hasn't replied to my emails so I'm assuming the worst.

It reached the point I took legal action and I have an overwhelmingly strong case to win a PRO. Their lawyer suggested we instead do a civil no-contact agreement, which basically says that everything that was on the PRO gets applied to BOTH of us, meaning neither one can talk about the other, and we must delete everything about the other, past, present, and future, good, neutral, or bad. If they breach the agreement, I basically automatically win a PRO against them. In addition, I get a public apology and a few other concessions, but this still leaves me feeling hollow.

If I have the PRO, they get put on a domestic violence registry, a fine, and their next screw up results in jail time. A strong deterrent, but this no-contact agreement allows them to harass me and get the PRO put in place with no additional punishment, and then they have to harass me AGAIN to get jail time. That to me just feels like they get two additional chances to ruin my life after I've already given them years to forget about me.

But even worse than this, I don't think it even matters what happens to them. Whether I get the PRO or the gag-order, my brand, work relations, and friendships have been destroyed. My reputation is already gone. Even if they issue an apology and a retraction, all the damage is already done. You can't un-ring a bell. They committed arson, got caught, and are only going to be punished if they do it again. But the deed is already done. They can't RE-burn down my house. They have already done as much damage to me as they possibly can. So what is even the point anymore?

How do I recover? How do I get made whole? What remedy do I get for all the damage done? I can't even ask for money because apparently they are dirt broke. They have nothing to lose so they kamikaze'd me. They have nothing they can compensate me with, they won't be punished for what they already did, and to top it all off, I can't even publicly talk about them specifically to rebuild my reputation and show everyone this person is a psychopathic liar who made it all up.

I keep getting told my options are to rebuild and try again, or to give up and move on. I can't really rebuild because I can't really go back to doing what I was doing. My whole BRAND was destroyed and no one will want to work with me because my full name is out there now. I'd have to remain totally anonymous. I would be starting from scratch, and because of this gag-order I can't even publicly show that they were responsible for it and lied about it to damage me. Which means all I can do is give up?

I feel violated. I'm told "focus on the more important things in life" but why should I have to give up what was making me happy? The choice to stop or continue my online dealings was ripped from me. This EVIL person has completely destroyed me, and only NOW do they get to say "Okay, I learned my lesson and it wont happen again" after they ALREADY got everything they wanted. Of COURSE they would agree to leave me alone because they have nothing more they can do to me besides scream into the custom Outlook filter I made for them. And on top of this, they have a gang of like 10 other people who are ALSO Narcissists who jumped on the bandwagon to hate me, so even if this gag-order goes through, nothing is stopping them from continuing my abuse since it only applies to my Nex.

What do I even do? I feel like there is no justice in the world. I keep seeing posts like "oh the narc lives in a hell of their own making every day" but honestly, I don't care. How do *I* start to feel better? Whether my Nex gets punished or not, I don't care. I just want them out of my life and to rebuild what was destroyed. But they have scorched and salted the entire Earth to damage me as much as they possibly can with no chance of recovery except to give up, move on, and forget everything I've built up in the last 10 years. But why do I need to accept this loss? Why do they get to erase part of my life and face no consequences?

How do I even begin to process this? How can I believe in anything after this? All this experience has told me is that if you're vicious and evil enough, you always get your way. I feel like I exist just to submit and surrender to people who are unhinged and crazy enough to enforce their will on you. I'm just being bullied all over again like I'm 10 years old. I'd tell the teachers I was being bullied and nothing useful got done. I tell the law I'm being abused, and nothing useful gets done. Evil wins again. The personal suffering of someone I hate doesn't do much for me when my primary concern is how my *own* life has been irreparably damaged.

Just what do I even do? How do I begin to feel whole again when evil keeps winning?

My narc of 5 years has been doing this " im breaking up with you test " and so I straight up told her " I'm tired of you always doing this"

She's trying to take my vehicle ( which she suggested 2 years ago she could cosign ) She's trying to manipulate me into leaving my apartment. ( She originally was going back to her parents house, but switched up and now is saying this, which would make me homeless) She's actively going on dates with other men.

It's so crazy to see someone you love so much do this to you.

Im losing my mind guys, and I just want to hold her, touch her and that's probably withdrawing from being loved bombed.

Can you ever lose attachment i.e the trauma bond when it’s a family member and/or it’s been your whole life or most of it? Or do you just have to accept that you will feel some kind of attachment still there forever despite what was done to you? For example, if it was a parent or a sibling or something along those lines. I feel like that complicates the picture quite a bit and I don’t know if I should fight against feeling that way anymore and just rather accept maybe I will always feel some kind of attachment and limited contact may happen at times. In some ways it’s freeing to accept that but also very frustrating as if the attachment is always there to some extent even if it’s less so, then will I always be vulnerable to being affected by them?

Hello

Me and my ex stopped speaking at the start of March. I went to rehab and he wasn’t supportive. We ended on a good note and then I blocked him. We weren’t really together in February and I just knew it was the end.

We were in an extreme toxic cycle. It went back and forth constantly. The things he did are unforgivable.

I’ve blocked and changed my number. I also blocked and removed all associations. I did this about a month ago 30 days into NC.

He has now sent flowers to my family home and he left a note saying he is “proud of me” he also wrote “I’m glad I got to spend the best part of two years with you”.

We are done, I never got anything on any special occasion ever. He never seemed interested in me at all. His life is still a mess so I’ve heard and I just feel so hurt. I know he’s only crawling back because the going has gotten tough. He’s also homeless, no one falls in love faster than someone who needs a new home.

I’m struggling rn I don’t have a support network and I just feel lonely. I know he won’t make me better but I just feel so frustrated.

I need to stay strong and not break NC but it’s hard but I’m worth more than some flowers. I gave him my all and just felt used.

Please help

Hi 👋 it's been 2 ish almost 3 years since I broke it off with my abisive ex. I'm OK now learning how to recover but I'm not alone my current bf is extremely supportive and lovely I'm safe and happy. But sometimes because of how crazy my ex made me feel I tear myself apart wondering if I was a bad person if I was the not good one. ( I'm sorry if this is improper wording I sorta struggle with finding the right words to express myself) I think it's because they were really good at hiding how they treated me. They put me in a position where they were my only support system, and the only people I could talk to about them were close friends or family of thiers. I know deep down that they were abusive, they were the one that hurt me , and they did it because they wanted to cause me harm. It's just sometimes I guess when I'm really down in the dumps I Over analyze all that stuff. I think what I'm trying to say is the after efect of dealing with 8 whole years of narcissistic traits really takes its tole yah know?

( I hope posting this is oki I'm very new to this sub and thought " why not?" Maybe reaching out to others who experienced similar things might help.)

Im emotional tonight, just hearing new things that happened behind my back, keeping face to a community who knows him and admires him and only knows me as his partner (those that it looked good to) When does it stop, when do people see through it? When does it stop hurting hearing new things that he did and that people knew about these things and just stood by like it was fine.. and still do. One day I think I’m fine and the next I’m down again. Is it best to just start again in a new city? I’m struggling.

I have a young daughter I’m mid 20’s he has a small amount of fame in the uk and I really just have to smile and nod my head on a daily basis to numerous people that know and love him who ask me about him and not myself… I’d just look crazy if I didn’t go with the narrative. He can twist anything and everything and everyone believes it.

I think I just need to start over, I have no real attachments in this city. I’m in therapy, I socialise regularly, it’s only a struggle with people that mutually know him because I just can’t understand how they accept things he does as normal.

Like they fuck up and then act like the victim and as if they didn't know any better. They fuck up your entire world and then pretend to be surprised when you dump them. Mine still deludes herself into thinking she has a shot with me. Narcs are so annoying.

Maybe don't be a complete piece of shit to people, that might help. But no: crying and boo-hooing because they "need" you. That's the entire problem. Never any love, just need in a codependent parent-child dynamic instead of a mature relationship. Babysit me please, so I can use your money and affection while I go fuck other people. Fuck what you have to offer and what you do for me.

Let it be my win that I escaped, that I don't forgive and never forget what they put me through, that I will never let them back into my life again. That I will enjoy my passions and have love and passion with someone far better than them. That I won't function as a parent, but a human being with wants and needs of my own. They always talked down about what I wanted, cause they wanted to feel oh so superior. Now that I'm free I can focus fully on myself and what I want instead of giving 80% of my time to a complete baby who acts tough but isn't shit. How come nearly all of the people I meet can be decent to me, yet you somehow can't, asshole? Maybe because it's not that hard to be a nice person. Anyway, stay bitter and fake and push everyone who tried to give a shit away.

Everyday since no contact, since she kicked me out of my own home, since I moved into a small, cozy apartment with my chunky chihuahua, every day I have grown and gotten stronger. Even if it’s just a tiny bit. A tiny crumb of strength. Like the crumbs of attention she used to “give me” . I get stronger.

Every day I learn how to love myself a little bit more , to realize I don’t need validation from another to justify my self worth. Every day I get a little further from my old self, and closer to my authentic self, Even if it’s .0024871%

Two days ago, I had the strongest desire to fire up all my social media again (I currently am off everything). To go to her profiles. To see what she’s been up too. Too see if she misses me or is happy with someone else. To HURT MYSELF. The feeling was so strong, my hands were shaking. I kept telling my self to just push through till tomorrow. Even if I had to sleep off the rest of the day, just push through till tomorrow. I tell myself that every day that goes by that I don’t seek her, that I’m getting the so called vengeance that I want for her. And that’s a fact. So I don’t listen to my impulses. Though it doesn’t feel like self care, it’s self care magnified. A little bit of self care everyday.

Loving my self is a win/win and it takes SO much effort. But I’m worth it. And so are you.

My point is, is that every little bit we do, even the teensiest, tiniest bits of things we do to show ourselves love, add up. And they keep adding and adding up. And every thing we do to love ourselves hurts the narcissist by keeping them at bay, away.

Keep the faith. Keep adding up. I believe in you.

...by checking my email to see if she reached out. I know it will hurt, i know there won't be anything, and i start my day feeling like shit, sad, quivering bottom lip trying to keep myself together. Smiling as best I can to those i meet, sometimes needing to head to the bathroom just so have a cry, and try to get some emotional relief. I've been dumped before, most of us have. But this. There truly are no words for the amount of devastation these people cause in the lives of others.

All that self-loathe, and self-hate, and self-disgust that they are apparently dying inside from. GOOD.

My x/gf is going to do MDMA therapy in two weekends. I feel bad, but I just want it to be the most excruciating, agonizing confrontation of herself with her suppressed empathy for all the pain she has caused others, me especially. I dream her empathy system gets booted up, and she has to face all the pain that she was meant to feel, that pain that we feel when we cause others harm, and which keeps us in check - aka our humanity. I want to hear she went through hell, that she suffered, is broken, maybe even that she's entered into one of these narcissistic collapses as a result of it all. GOOD. Collapse, go all the way down, and discover who you truly are, and deal with that emergent self-awareness that you are a disgusting, worthless, pathetic diabolical monster masquerading as a human being. And then get off your knees, stand-up, wipe those tears away, and commit to turning your life around, grow the fuck up and take responsibility for your life, the toxic sludge that comes out of your mouth, the emotional and psychological damage you have caused. Start making amends, hold yourself accountable for all the abuse and pain you have caused others, get into therapy because you want to get better, and commit to that, as long as it takes, forever if necessary, just do anything and everything if it has any possibility of helping you deal with your self-hate & shame issues, whilst learning how to not act out and hurt those closest to you.

Sadly, never going to happen.

Abandon hope.

I feel like finding a new relationship or even friendship is dangerous because my narc is that powerful that he will win over just about anyone and take them away as he has in the past.

It’s no exaggeration when I say he has slept with everyone one of my friends and developed close relationships with each of them. My exbf was like his student of narcissism. He did everything the master narcissist told him to.

My main narc abuser (abuser never bf or anything) set up my future bf with some of my best friends before, during and after my 4 year relationship with him.

I’m angry at all of them for lying to me, keeping their relationships from me, the cheating obviously but with my friends, that they kept their relationship with him secret and watched me “fall in love” with him.

It’s been almost 6 years since the breakup but I’ve only found out these things recently. I stopped speaking to the women involved in the last 1-3 years so they are more fresh wounds. I could be seriously rocking the boat by contacting any of them again. My main fear is that they contact the master abuser who set them up to begin with.

The reason I want to say something is that I am constantly walking around and talking to them in my head. I am filled with anger and hurt. I hate the idea that they pulled one over on me and have faced zero consequences. I want to challenge their idea of themselves as good people. I want them to know that I know WHAT they are.

I wish I could but idk.

On this day a year ago I was leaving my nex’s home for what would be the last time and travelling back to my own country. The time spent there was so turbulent and I had no idea what was happening. This unfortunately continued until December… But the difference between where I am now and a year ago is… I don’t know, it’s just a different world.

Back then I was so full of self-doubt and in some sort of state of mental paralysis after the experience. I gaslit myself telling myself I was the problem for why things were going wrong. I felt worried that looking for jobs and friends would either enrage her or cause her to get extremely sad. I was at war in my own mind, with one side saying “Get the fuck out, why are you still in this?”, and the other side saying, “No, what if you leave just as things get good? It can be how it was again!”

I look back and I can’t believe I put up with all of that; I can’t believe I put up with that person.

Life isn’t amazing now, as we know there’s the whole post-breakup thing we go through… I’m also not in a great position in general either… But I can do what I want again. There’s no worry about how someone will react if I want to do something that interests me. I’ve made new friends and reconnected with old friends, I have plans to pursue the things I’m interested in without feeling like someone is going to try to manipulate my emotions and make me struggle. I have problems still but it’s a relief knowing they’re my problems, not someone else’s problems that I’m having keep stable too. I’m actively pushing myself to do things to increase my confidence so I can get out into the world and live how I want to live.

A year before that relationship started I would never have imagined what was about to happen, and year before today I had no idea where I would be on this day in May 2024. I really wouldn’t change it for a thing, not because things are great, things aren’t great, but at least they aren’t great as well as worse 😅

I hope this can help anyone reading it know that things will change. Where you are isn’t permanent, maybe it’ll take a bit longer depending on your situation, but if you do the things you need to do to move forward then you will see change when you look back. If you do what you need to do to push yourself outside your comfort zone, you’ll see even more change too.

Keep going! Feel free to share your progress too 🙏✨☮️

I've been hesitant to share my story but I need to vent and could use some support. The last few years have been really rough for me. After learning I was raised in a narcissistic family, one by one I realized all my 'friends' and people I regularly interact with were narcissistic as well. It sounds insane but it's literally everyone in my life I have been, or rather tried to get, close with. Although not officially diagnosed, I probably have autism as well but with the added CPTSD of lifelong trauma on top.

I have lived inside a narcissistic bubble and now it literally feels like coming out of a cult. With my frame of reference being only narcissists, how can I even start to build actual meaningful relationships with people? Being constantly invalidated, gaslighted and manipulated has shattered any confidence I had. All the friendships I've had weren't even healthy and reciprocal to begin with. Although I have autism, I thought I could manage myself in certain social situations. I probably fare better socializing with other neurodivergent people and some of my former friends are ND as well, but with the added bonus of narcissism. Now it feels like I don't even know how to talk to people. Or do I have some social skills, but have I used them with the wrong people?

Besides, I feel like a real narcissist magnet nowadays and it goes both ways. I'm attracted to them and they are attracted to me. I seek them out because it's what I have been used to all my life. Now I know how to recognize them this problem gets more manageable. But stopping to attract their attention feels like an insurmountable task. It seems that you're very prone to further abuse by being abused before. Be it giving off a 'traumatized vibe', a lack of boundaries or people-pleasing behavior. Autism makes it hard sometimes to see red flags and judge people's direct intentions. Being your authentic self and not playing into social hierarchies also seems to piss off narcisstic people.

Although this feels narcissistic to say, I'm also fairly intelligent and am able to do well in school. Unintentionally people notice this by interacting with me and by me just doing my thing, asking and answering questions in lectures and getting good grades. And here come the narcissists! People who want to 'befriend' me and proceed to ask for help without thanking me or giving anything in return. Not explicitly saying it, but being competitive and wanting to do better than me. And of course not showing any interest in building an actual connection. There are also people, even teachers, who seem to get insecure and then start acting passive-agressively towards me. I've been bullied all my life for standing out as an autistic and intelligent person. Not all bullies are narcissists of course, but I think a lot of bullying comes from a place of insecurity. This can go hand in hand with narcissism. Narcissists love to bully as a means to belittle other people.

The last few years I've learnt a lot about narcissism. I know it's advised to not diagnose people or overuse the narcissist label but I can confidently say I observe people well and I am very good at recognizing patterns. Although a trauma response, hyper-vigilance also helps. And it is literally EVERYWHERE. I'm studying psychology and I estimate that at least 15% of the psychology students in my year are narcissists. Psychology students might not be representative for the whole population but it is still a lot. Furthermore I've already encountered a few narcissistic teachers, there are narcissists in my current workplace and even my first therapy experience recently was with a narcissistic therapist. Even though I've cut most narcissists out of my personal life, I'm going to keep encountering them everywhere I go.

But first and foremost, I am now almost alone with no family and social support. It is questionable at all if I ever had a true friend or someone who genuinely cared about me. I also don't have a romantic partner and I've never been on a date or anything. Where do I go from here? I'd like to know how I can regain my confidence, make meaningful connections and start actually living my life. Until now I have just been surviving while dissociating a lot. My view of the world and the people in it has drastically changed in the last few years. Although I'm biased, abusive people are everywhere and the world does not feel like a safe place anymore. I'll always have to be on my guard. So if anyone can offer me some advice on how to get back on track in life or any words of kindness I'll greatly appreciate it. And to anyone who took the time to read of all this, thanks a lot!

Hi lovely people,

After being a victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my years on this earth and after just coming out of it, I would like to spend my time helping others.

I just don't know how to make this interest into a profession. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Thank you so much!

*Apologies for my bad english

At the beginning I really don’t know anything about narcissism. I don’t know that there’s a person with this attitude. So here’s my story

I am M20+ yrs old, I have a happy life in my home country. I have my own house, own car, own small business and was given a chance to work here in USA with working visa so I took the opportunity. A person somehow family related is my boss right now. She did sponsored my visa to work for her company. I am really grateful. I was excited and so positive about it. But to cut the story shorter I ended up with a narcissist boss.

She let me stay in her house so i dont have to pay rent. But then I realize that the reason behind it was for me to be working for her like 24/7. Every time she needs something I can do it for her. I was like on call. That I cant say no to her because Im living at her house. I know you will suggest that I need to move out and rent, but I cant because Im only earning minimum for 8hrs even though I am really working for like day to night. I dont have a credit score or anything to rent a house.

At work in her company I work as an all around doing my all my job description in my contract then she wants me to clean the office, clean the bathrooms even though it is already out of my job description and when I tried to say no she will get mad and upset. Also in the weekend that suppose to be my rest days she wants me to clean the whole house, do grocery, cook food. I dont get to have my own personal thing. I felt like im a prisoner or slave because im not also allowed to get out of the house on weekend to explore and have my me time.

The thing is I cant leave yet because I borrowed money to pay all the processes and fees to have my visa. Now I need to save up money to pay my debts and save money to build up my business again in my home country before I leave.

The things I observed are that my boss would not accept no for an answer, everything that I would do should benefit her, she is always right even though its not.

I also observed that she ask personal questions to have informations to use against me thats why whenever there something she wants to know i always play dumb and answered I dont know about it. I made my heart like a stone with no feelings just deal with her.

I am sad that Im in this situation right now but I know God has a plan. There are life lessons that I would learn here that I can use in the future. Soon I can escape from a narc boss and will never comeback.

*additional infos, its not every weekend I doing that and not everyday I clean the house. There are times that my weekend I sleep all day. I just felt like a slave because I dont have full freedom like I use to have back when I was in my home country. I know its still sounds like slavery.

I've been seeing a therapist after my ex broke up with me, and though talking with a therapist, I learned that I went through narcisstic abuse, and have complex PTSD. I didn't think it was that bad. I didn't think the relationship was unhealthy.

There was never any hitting or name-calling. But looking back, I don't know how I didn't see anything. I was manipulated, gaslighted, and future-faked. The look of horror on my therapists face as I talked about things my ex has said to me or situations I was put through lives in my head rent-free because to me, those things were just normal. During my last session, he handed me a pamphlet and suggested support groups for domestic abuse. I never thought it was that bad.

I struggle with seeing my ex as unhealthy. In my head, I still want to believe he was a good person. I rationalize the things he told me about my character, and sort of believe it. It's been really difficult to heal and challenge the ideas about me that he put into my head. I don't know how someone could intentionally do bad things to someone who loves them. It's confusing because I still miss him, but know deep down it could never work and that I deserve healthy, empathetic love. I just want to get over this, it's so exhausting and so lonely.

I was involved with a covert narcissist for literally one month that I met through my ex best friend. The whole time they were triangulating me with her, (telling me “so and so says that she hates that we’re together etc etc) and my best friend would start telling me “can you guys break it off” and there was just strange competitive energy that made no sense. My friend started being weird and possessive and I was confused cause she literally introduced us and encouraged us to hook up - but I figured hey jealousy is normal and gave the ex best friend grace

The craziest thing the narc did:

I told her a story about how an ex roommate (also a narc) wanted to sabotage one of my dates (a mutual friend of ours) so she invited that date over for a ‘friend hangout’ the day I had a mental breakdown so that they’d essentially be weirded out by me lmao, she lied and made it seem like the date came over on their own accord. The covert N was amused by the story was like “That’s actually really smart” and i was like “?????”

The next day were hooking up at the hotel I was staying at and someone knocks on the door, I was like who is that? It was a mutual friend of ours, who I did not invite. She gaslit me and convinced me that I invited her over and was misremembering. I was undressed, frazzled, and confused - and the girl was clearly uncomfortable and weirded out. I found out later that that the N literally told her she could come over - so she took out of my ex narc roommate’s playbook and tried to recreate it 🤣

Anyways, I told my ex best friend and she was sympathetic but said she had ‘ethical concerns’ about making definitive character statements about the narc, that she needed to be fair to the narc and ‘be there for both of us’ and that it would make things weird in her friend group if she did anything. I was understanding at first and just avoided the subject, Three months passed and I realized she had no interest in holding the narc accountable, and was hoping I’d just forget - so I cut her off but it hurts way more than cutting off the narc. The narc is sick in the head, but my friend was highly intelligent and conscientious (maybe I just projected these qualities) so it hurts so badly and makes me think I just made shit up and am being a whiny baby by wanting someone to fight my relationship battles…idk!!!! Having to fight to maintain a grip on your reality is so exhausting