At the end of my relationship, the narcissist said things like “I used you to get over my X” and “I’m sorry I needed you to heal, it’s wrong but that’s how I heal.”

And then she puffed her chest out like she “won!”

At the time when she said it, I could see the nonsense in it.

Now, 11 months later I laugh at it.

Imagine being so delusional and so childish that you think you can heal from one person by being with another.

Imagine seeing someone losing weight, getting sick, moving out into the snow, knowing they dropped everything in their life to be with you,

And then blaming your lying and cheating on that person.

It’s easy to get caught up in the “why.”

It’s easy to get stuck right there in the pain, stuck in the rage, or stuck in vengeance.

After you go no contact and reach a state where you’re no longer in agony,

You’ve got a choice to make.

Am I going to remain susceptible to a hoover because I want to relive the high of lovebombing that I know was fake?

Am I going to combat my addiction to the character the narcissist created during lovebombing or am I going to become the next version of myself?

It was very pivotal to me to find out about the mask the narcissist wears. When I understood mirroring and why they become obsessed with their victims,

It made so much sense.

I still have a number of emails and texts from the narcissist where she used the word “obsession,” and she gushed about how “beautiful and talented I am.”

She could never say it in person though, only in texts.

Typical covert cowardice.

One thing that may not be as readily apparent is that the intensity of the tumult in your relationship with the narcissist is a reflection of your own inner strength.

Riddle me this.

Have you ever seen a healed, happy person with inner peace vibrating at the super high vibration of love run around picking fights and asking for an open relationship?

The stronger you are,

The more talented you are,

The more you call the narcissist out,

The smarter you are,

The harder the narcissist has to work to keep you under control.

The nature of a trauma bond is to be in deference to the abuser.

It is a role of subservience, quite like the help.

That’s why the narcissist not only asks you to but gets offended if you are not willing to serve them.

Serve them in what sense?: your time, your wallet, your energy, menial tasks, important tasks, taking care of any children/elderly,

And any other resource or benefit you have.

The narcissist legitimately believes their presence is the gift.

They have shown up.

THEY HAVE ARRIVED.

Maybe even with a material transaction like a present. 🎁

THATS ENOUGH!

When you ask for more, like: empathy, deep emotional connection, intimacy, vulnerability, passion, intensity, acceptance, sustained support, integrity:

You will be met with the tool kit of abuse, not what you deserve.

What’s in the tool kit?

The silent treatment, triangulation, gaslighting, right fighting, blame shifting, nit picking, anger fits, rage, lying, cheating, secrecy, just to name a few.

When the narcissist was first drawn to you, it was because they figured out you’re an awesome person with qualities they’d like to have

But do not.

When you injured the narcissist by being your own person, the “love” they claim they had so much of and are so capable of for everyone else but you,

That dissipated into the atmosphere.

After that,

Anytime the narcissist was reminded of how unique and powerful you are,

The narcissist could not bring themselves to yield, to recognize it, or admit it.

The disorder compels them to try to crush it.

That’s one reason the narcissist downgraded after you. The narcissist is lazy and needs someone easier to control than you.

The disorder causes them to squirm at your accomplishments and be annoyed with your greatness they cannot attain.

Their desire to control others that is the very fiber of their existence will push them into becoming MORE toxic.

The narcissist is aware of their efforts but their distorted reality causes them to see you as an adversary they have no choice but to fight against.

When you are kind and happy toward the narcissist, they want to pop your bubble.

The black eyes. The “narcissist smirk.”

That’s what happens when the narcissist can see that they’ve worn you down and hurt you.

You’re hurt = narcissist is in control.

The narcissist is happy when you’re sad, calm in your chaos, and deeply depressed when you give no reaction.

So now that you’ve been through all this, what’s next?

The very best revenge you can have on a narcissist is not no contact. That’s just the beginning.

The best revenge you can have on the narcissist is to do what they can never do.

Go on a real healing journey.

It’s easier said than done and everyone’s path is different.

But it doesn’t start until you stop looking at their social media, stop wondering about the new supply,

And focus on yourself.

Take your desire to do things for them,

Take your tenacious “don’t quit” attitude,

And redirect it towards genuine healing.

Seeing a trauma counselor is an investment in your health and well being. If you need help breaking rumination or intrusive thoughts,

Don’t allow yourself to stagnate here.

You’ve been through one of the most emotionally exhausting and stressful types of trauma there is. Find a way to help yourself through whether that’s through books, videos, or a counselor.

Climb out of that valley you went to with them and climb up to the pinnacle of indifference alone.

Once you are atop the mountain breathing that precious rarefied air,

Take all the baggage from the narcissist and roll it back down to the valley where they still reside.

The hurt, the pain, the vengeance,

The reluctance to love again,

The suspicion and paranoia of cPTSD,

The nightmares, the urge to unblock them, the desire to ever hear from them again,

Roll all that poison up in a ball and let it ski down the hill toward the narcissist.

Then you walk down the other side of the mountain back to your healthier and wealthier life,

And live it.

Look back at the mountain scape.

Snap a selfie 🤳

Because you have wisdom and a superpower of discernment.

Truly focus on your health, your peace, and your narcissist free future,

And you live happily ever after.

This does deeply disturb the narcissist because they can’t stand to be irrelevant,

But now you know they were irrelevant this entire time.

The goofy, weird, insecure narcissist only has the relevance YOU give to them.

So take you away with you. ❤️

I don’t think people would know because at work I hide it.

But on my own I’m miserable. And I cannot express in words the depth of my misery.

She must be a narcissist. My dad died and she cheats and flies across country, posts terrible things with the guy about me online and then comes back and gets pregnant by another guy.

I had no idea about anything because she just ghosted me after 7 years of marriage once my new job started. Even got the new guy to threaten me.

We had a child from before so I got custody but I cannot be a good parent when all I feel like doing is hanging myself.

The betrayal she did on me was horrific. I have never been so traumatized in my life even though three years has gone by. And I don’t tell anyone cause they would just say to get over it.

I thought she loved me. She literally ghosted me and had these pieces of shit write horrible things online about going with a married woman and threatening me (the husband).

She didn’t even call our child for Thanksgiving. Just pops up on visitation for a bit and disappears again. Doesn’t utilize her calls.

Can’t believe I was so meaningless to her. Even the dog outside my yard would miss me more if I didn’t walk outside for a day or two.

I wish sometimes I didn’t have responsibilities so I would hang myself and get this over with. I’m severely depressed and miserable and have to pretend I’m happy. She ruined so many things about my life.

Not that he would care. I wish I could feel good enough to move my body

So I’m going to start by saying I’m a lot of things. I may even have my own narcissistic tendencies. But I’m aware of them and don’t deny I’m equally at fault. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve read and read, but can’t find a good course of action. I’m in a position where I can’t turn to my friends and family for support. So I’m exposing myself in hopes that someone here provide any help.

About 6 months ago, this very beautiful, young (21) and charming girl began conversing with me (34) during smoke breaks at work. After a few days she asked about my home life and I honestly replied that I had a long time fiancé with a young son together. I thought that this would surely deter her if she had any intimate interest in me and that would be that. But it didn’t. In fact we exchanged numbers a short time later.

Before too long, we made plans to go out. We spent the day together on my boat on the water. Sharing deep conversations, kissing etc. And in so many words we had asked each other what we were expecting from the other. I admitted I was selfish. That I was in a long time relationship that has gone stale but couldn’t come to terms with destroying it or a life without my son. She admitted she had been “the other girl” to married man previously. And that she was comfortable there. Ignoring red flags I knew she just likes having something that isn’t hers. And I’m a sucker for a pretty face. Afterwards I had a remission of guilt for my family, and let her know that we should keep things professional and why. She sucked me back in before too long.

Over the next couple of weeks/ months many unfortunate events seemed to be happening to her. She was arrested for public intoxication amongst other things one night. Car troubles. Trouble with family at home. A very “dear” relative becoming terminally ill. She confided in me all of this and I became very sympathetic. Almost sick with worry. This created the bond to her supply. I of course knew some of her problems were self inflicted but I chalked it up to being young and inexperienced. This girl had never had a good example set for her as her parents were both narcissistic drug users. I thought “I can help, I can turn things around, I can be the knight in shining armor”

I began focusing my attention on her problems as if they were my own. Neglecting time with my own family, and loosing sight of many important things. “You’re a really good guy to care so much without even having had sex with me yet” is what I was told. I was convinced I was, and that I was going to be something good to this girl. Someone she never had. Always having the opportunity of potentially hanging out but always falling thru. There was always an excuse at the last minute. Only to find out she did something else the next day. One day, after a weekend where she had blown me off, she approached me sobbing. Sat down, thought, and began to tell me a line of stories about what happened including being “assaulted” by her ex. All the while I knew she could see my calm demeanor and stone face wasn’t buying her crap anymore. When she was done talking I offered to help with one last thing but told her I’m cutting ties afterwards. She dramatically stormed off crying. Again a few days later I was sucked back in. I felt terrible of the timing and that I had betrayed her trust when she needed me. Yeah, she hung out with her ex over me and I’m apologizing.

Around this time I realized what I had been ignoring. But only after i began looking into what a narcissist actually is and all the tall tell signs. Baiting me after my attempts to cease contact. Love bombing when I’ve been short or cold. Overbearing during conversations that would keep me from voicing my opinion. Negative reactions to the slightest forms of constructive criticism. Going silent during texts, just as I would start to play into what she was saying. Down playing me when I wished to speak of my own concerns. Downplaying my attempts to focus on my self. The gas lighting. Everything you’ve ever read about a narcissist had been happening to me, and I have never been so awoke to a situation or stressed.

Now I’m a fool. A cheater. A bad father. And a selfish man. But I know this. And I wasn’t looking for it when it happened. I just want it to go away quietly. My concern is retaliation for going into no contact. Primarily my reputation and or employment status at work. Without my job I can’t provide for a family that hates me even. This girl had made a claim to HR with the intention of slandering a former colleague of hers that had been promoted. The claim was that he said something mildly inappropriate if that. When asked why bother now? he’s not a problem anymore, her response was that she didn’t care. She just wanted him to suffer/ fail.

This person has more on me than that. While her and I both know everything between us was consensual, ( I have some screenshots of texts to prove it) I’m worried she would make it seem otherwise. And regardless of how work would perceive it, the damage would be done once it was out. I find this girl to be dangerous and have been catering to her toying with me just to save face. But I want so badly to call her out for what she is and write her off once and for all.

It’s obviously she doesn’t want me, and hasn’t for a little while now. It’s clear she only wants my attention and validation. I’m worried that if I stop given it to her things will get ugly. She thinks she’s stringing along. if I let on that I know nothings going to happen between us, she’ll have no use for me and destroy my reputation.

Hello sorry if my English isn’t perfect. I (26f) got discarded 9 months ago from my (24M) diagnosed NPD ex. He checked every point a basic NOD can do : was perfect at the beginning, promised me to marry me at some point, took me travelling and it went slightly bad and then awful (he cheated, he hit me once when I had a breakdown..) He lost a lot of friends during and slightly after our relationship because he borrowed money he didn’t give back, he lied to his friends (he used to lie to me on EVERYTHING it was insane) etc.. but I recently saw that he got involved in a project for filming for someone who makes documentaries about weed and drugs in many countries. He gets a lot of women around him, he travels, he says everything is going perfectly and he plans to be a great influenceur (I know I shouldn’t have stalked and I’m trying not to because I end up comparing myself). And I am still here recovering from the lies and the abuse.

Will he succeed in life ?

I feel disgusted with myself. I don't know if I did the right thing still.

A while back my nex was doing a smear campaign on me mostly behind my back, some when I was present. At first I defended myself, but now I just let it go and let my friends show if they are willing to believe I have a side to the story too or only take his.

But he started threatening to take half my inheritance through the divorce. I was not having it. He would not listen and I knew I had low chances legally of getting all my inheritance. So I did a mini smear of my own. I feel sickened. But it worked. I publicly told those important to both of us that he was trying to take all I had left of my relative. To shame him into giving up on it.

So happy it worked as it tainted his image. But still feel horrible for fighting fire with fire in away. Gross having to stoop to that level. But felt like to only way through to him was to threaten his social image.

Ever since I did that tho. It made me question even more how it is so easy for him to do it to me. To make up lies and stretch the truth to paint me as the abuser with such ease and without hesitation. Horrifying to thing what was so difficult and fulled me with lasting guilt. He can do frequently and without any struggle.

Anyone else have a narc with fingernails that are mutilated by biting/chewing them constantly? My cnex would never stop.

Now it makes sense since I understand how many lies and the deceit they are dealing with.

That he wished my sister a happy thanksgiving but not me. That he didn't even check on me the first thanksgiving my moms been gone? I waited all day. At the end of my shift I wished him happy thanksgiving and he didn't respond. 😢 he hates me, why do I care so much because I love him and want him to reminisce about our prior holidays together. And I'm an empath. I hate living I want to die.

That’s it. That’s the entire post. I fell asleep with an electric blanket to fight the cold and literally woke up feeling happy that I didn’t have to walk on eggshells around a covert narcissist.

I don’t know if I’ll ever date again, a year later and I still feel like a man coming towards me with commitment may as well approach me holding a hot branding iron. Like… I’m not even mad about it, because single life is so peaceful. Idk if I’ll regret it as I get older.

But for now, you couldn’t pay me enough to commit to a relationship. Weird, as I spent most of my life pining for a partner.

Ah well, that’s all. Have a great week, all! 😌

Is it, like, just when a narc has a bad day, or is it when everything comes crashing down?

If the latter, how is it triggered?

I am thankful that I have the emotional bandwidth to recognize what’s important in my life and what I miss and what I need. I am thankful that it hurts so deeply that I can’t operate sometimes. I am thankful that the first chord of a familiar song will send me into a spiral. I am thankful that I can see the beauty in something so simple and immediately become enthralled and fascinated.

I am thankful that I fell for the illusion of true love. I am thankful for my optimism and desire. I am thankful for the pain I face while I learn what love and companionship can truly mean.

I am thankful I am who I am. Flawed, caring, scared, scarred, and proud.

I am thankful I hurt.

I am thankful I am here.

I am thankful I am me.

To not be any of the things would be a terrible waste of the beautiful gift these minds and souls of ours let us be.

Hope you’re all doing well! I’m not sure if you remember me, but a while ago, I reached out asking for your support with my master’s project. I just wanted to take a moment to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed to the survey. Your responses made a huge difference, and without your help, I wouldn’t have been able to complete the project on time.Thank you once again for your generosity and support.

Hope you’re all doing well! I’m not sure if you remember me, but a while ago, I reached out asking for your support with my master’s project. I just wanted to take a moment to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed to the survey. Your responses made a huge difference, and without your help, I wouldn’t have been able to complete the project on time.Thank you once again for your generosity and support.

And how's your life and theirs now?

Interesting, I saw this image and I thought: "The false Self doesn't know it's dead... and once it collapses, that's why the narcissist undergoes narcissistic mortification, as he/she doesn't have any backup (as the true Self died in childhood)".

See image: https://imgur.com/a/aUN1G4n

I was hospitalized for a very long time this year and ended up moving in with my aunt. While I was in hospital, my aunt arranged for my Nsister and godfather to retrieve my belongings from my apartment since my lease had ended and I was facing eviction. I ended up having to pay $3500 because they came too late to get my stuff, but according to them they got most of my stuff and put it in storage. It's in the same state as Nsister so I haven't seen it.

For about 6 months, my things have been in storage with Nsister paying for it. She sent me some papers and a few things that she had grabbed while ago but took our deceased dad's expensive guitar and wanted to keep it. I couldn't take it at the time so I told her to hold onto it.

Recently, I asked my godfather for the contact information of the storage unit since I'm making plans to move out on my own. He asked Nsister for the information. A day later Nsister says she wants to talk to me about the unit later in the week, but instead calls me several times immediately and makes a big show about how she doesn't want to pay for the storage anymore and that I needed to start paying at the beginning of the year. Knowing her, I think she took offense that I asked my godfather about the storage so she wanted to gain control of the situation. When I agreed to start paying and thanked her, she was shocked and seemed to be upset that I wasn't mad? I said thanks for letting me know, and that I'd also like the rest of my things since she had grabbed and kept some of my stuff at her apartment. She went quiet for a while but said sure.

I asked her if she was upset that I'd asked our godfather about the storage contact information and she told me "No not at all. It is your belongings and you have a right to ask" so I agreed with her. She said she would send her last payment this week for the unit and she said she'd send me more information. I say OK and asked if she could let me know when she sends the rest of the items that she grabbed including my dad's heirloom. She told me that I told her she could keep the heirloom and that if I wanted it back I needed to make arrangements with her, but for the other things she took she'll give back to me. I told her that I couldn't keep the heirloom at the time, and as she mentioned those things do belong to me so they needed to be returned since we're doing an exchange together and to let me know when she can send that out.

She didn't respond to that and instead said that she needs to speak to me via phone this weekend about an arrangement for the heirloom. I have prior commitments since I'm studying for an exam, so I texted her to let her know and that she can just send everything, including the heirloom to me and storage keys and I'd take care of the shipping. I also asked for the login so I can set up my account information to make payments since I got a notification from the storage that my contact information was added. I again thanked her for taking care of the unit all this time. She now won't answer my texts or calls.

How can I make sure I get my things back?

How many names does a narcissist have?

Vampires, Peter Pan, Zombies, Demons, Soul Suckers,

And my personal favorite,

Dusty Weirdo.

After all the emotions you feel after dealing with one of them: happiness, sadness, pain, and grief,

Once you understand how their minds work,

You’ll be sad for them.

I would dare say that the self aware narcissist is sad for themselves,

Because the self aware narcissist knows they suffer from a shame based disorder full of deficits. It’s an incurable mental illness that causes them to miss out, to lack, to not feel, and to be perpetually underwhelmed.

Most narcissists will never reach self awareness. Even if a narcissist becomes self aware, the nature of their disorder makes them naturally resistant to the very therapy they need to manage the disorder.

That’s sad enough.

Why? Why can’t the narcissist change its ways? Why doesn’t MY big fat juicy love make the narcissist so full they want to stop narcing, and settle down?

It comes down to brain chemistry and brain morphology.

The narcissist and antisocials have deficits in their prefrontal cortex that alter their decision making.

The narcissist has reduced grey matter in the areas in their brain related to empathy.

The narcissist’s unique relationship with fear, hatred, rage, and shame can be linked to physiological and morphological variations.

In 2014, a study done by researchers at Georgetown University found that people who are organ donors have bigger amygdalas than the other cohorts they’ve studied.

The more we learn about where empathy and compassion live in your brain,

The more aware we are as a community that narcissists don’t have the morphological or chemical qualities that people with normal levels of empathy do.

Empathy is required for compassion.

Sympathy is recognizing the plight of others. Empathy is feeling and understanding the plight of others. Compassion is acting on the information you’ve gathered with your empathy.

Most narcissists don’t have zero empathy. In fact, many narcissists have very high levels of cognitive empathy which is a measure of their intellect.

Gifts are given to narcissists without repentance. There are some extremely smart and talented narcissists who can compensate for their lack of emotional empathy with cognitive empathy.

Most of them will not. Most narcissists are average or below average, and so too are all of their empathy levels.

So you look at the narcissist and their new supply.

You think “why me, God? Why is this happening to me?”

Did you know about the previous supply when you got with the narcissist, or were you duped?

I personally was not duped. I did know about the previous supply and I was so pleased the narcissist chose me.

That action has a consequence that I paid for dearly. In some ways I’m still paying for it one year later.

So don’t worry, because the narcissist’s actions have consequences, too.

Due to the narcissist’s poor decision making skills that they are hard wired to execute,

They will suffer the repercussions of bad decision making in perpetuity.

The difference between us and them is we do not have a personality disorder blocking us from looking at ourselves.

Even when the narcissist wants to introspect, their disorder tethers them to chaos like a dog to a chain.

The narcissist could have the genuine desire to go the distance but the disorder will trap them into their fantasy world where someone else has to get the blame for what they did wrong.

The narcissist confabluates as a natural defense mechanism against facts or the truth that harm their self image.

For what it cannot confabulate, the narcissist has Olympic Gold medal level mental gymnastics to reassign blame and choice scapegoats they can shift the onus onto.

You think you want to be with a narcissist. But if you knew everything I’m telling you now, would you sign up for that?

If you knew that the narcissists low to non existent empathy prevented them from ever truly being able to love you, would you have said “I love you, too” when the narcissist told you “I love you” after three weeks of knowing you?

The disorder compels every narcissist to move quickly. A relationship with a narcissist is based on speed, and that speed is attached to hope.

That hope you bought is called “the shared fantasy.”

There is no narcissistic abuse without a shared fantasy that is created by the narcissist and then shattered by that same narcissist.

Why do they do this? Why do they have to break down their victims?

The narcissist doesn’t know the impact of the pain they cause and the disorder shields them from ever feeling it.

In the event the narcissist’s disorder malfunctions and they are forced to encounter the pain they inflict on others.

Collapsed.

Insane amounts of rage.

Rage even the narcissist doesn’t know is within.

Why?

A narcissist can never truly know themselves.

Introspection is too painful and contrary to the nature of the disorder.

The narcissist has all of these spiritual hallways they close, lock, and deadbolt.

It’s with good reason, too.

The darkness that is within a narcissist is far beyond the comprehension of any regular person.

We will never be able to understand how they can hurt other people so bad, and then walk away and forget about them with ease.

Hopefully it’s enough to know that we won’t understand it because we aren’t designed to.

We are designed to give and receive the love that makes life worth living.

Since a narcissist can’t ever have that,

They’ll spend their whole lives trying to destroy the love they can never have

Wreaking havoc on the people who can do what they never can.

Married 25 years to a narc. Divorce is second week of December 2024. Three adult kids with him. I'm as no contact as I can be with the situation till the judge orders him out of the basement in our jointly owned home.

the way he baits our daughter is unbelievable....and it's all because we have a good relationship.

our disabled and youngest son...he has nothing to do with.

my eldest son works with him and is chummy with him to a certain point.

i didn't realize that I lived in survival mode for 25 years... so much so I can't remember a lot of the past.

I also didn't realize how my BODY reacted to dealing with him. With him gone and no contact... I had to interact with him for court purposes only...and the shear terror and anxiety that coursed thru me was unmeasurable.

he wasn't physically abusive. he was emotionally abusive really really really bad.

and I didn't realize how much of a physical impact seeing him much less dealing w him had on me?

decades of i didn't mean that, that wasn't my intentions, I didn't say that, it didn't happen like that. every single conversation... not exaggerating.

promising to do things then he wouldn't and id finally get up and do them and it was well I was gonna do it but you got up and did it (I'm controlling).

then affection promises but THEN he would do a chore I asked him to do weeks ago and start it at three in the afternoon (weaponizing it) or find some other excuse allll the time.

his final hooraa to me was that he could never think of me as his wife (physically sexually) and could never force himself to or pull that out of himself. (because I'm overweight)

i deal with a lot of random memories popping up that lead to these intense emotional spirals and total body panic attacks (never had this issue till he was gone) I don't know how to stop the random memory/spiral thing. I can't identify the trigger. (it's not communicating or seeing him)

i will raw dog panic and spiral and heart will race my mind loops and loops and loops...and races and goes all over the place and I need to bawl and sort out the truth. I struggle to regulate myself and come back to ground zero

I'm better-ish now. it would take days to do it in the past. I'm down to a few hours now. I just want to cut that trigger out completely.

how do you do that? block the memories or put a lead lined lid on them so they don't boil over?

I'm trying to be stable stable stable. my 18 year old daughter lives w me and special needs adult son. they are super sensitive to me not feeling on point. and there are days I am...beyond struggling w a memory or a consequence of having stayed w him so long.

how do I stop the random spirals. how do I go thru this with my kids and put on a everything is okay vibe.

no support system can't afford therapy don't qualify for sliding scale fees

It’s so complicated when there’s a child involved. When did you know it was time to run? Mine isn’t physically abusive (yet), mostly verbal and punching walls/breaking things but not too often maybe once a year. I’m not happy on a day to day but also don’t fear for my life. When is it time to break up my baby’s family and risk a custody battle?

Please share your experiences 🙏

Like, how does it feel like in your body? Cause I just experienced it and wow!

I was in a relationship, and unfortunately business too, with a narcissist for almost two years.

I like to think I’m back to my old self, and mostly healed, though of course sometimes it’s hard to think about everything that happened. The gaslighting, the cheating, the lying, the lack of emotions, the threats and physical abuse, non stop jealousy etc. It all got too messy and I had to leave.

But I haven’t been no contact. The guy owes me £7000 which he manipulated me into giving to start the business. Which he promised me was “ours” and that I would have 50% shares (which I never got, as he never intended to pay or make me legally involved in the business). Well, after he got that money he became 100x more insufferable and the mask totally slipped. So of course I had to leave, and leave the business too. And now his previous boss is running the pub that my money started with him.. while I sit here waiting for my money so I can simply be back at £0. This money is on a credit card so it’s not even something I can wait on.

Every Monday he is supposed to pay me a fixed amount towards it, which is £350. But every Monday at midnight the money is never there, so I have to message him. And I HATE IT. I hate the fact that it seems like he’s dragging out paying me back because he’s almost getting some sick pleasure out of having me beg him each week for this money. I’m sure it strokes his ego just right. It infuriates me and every Monday it ruins my evening to think about evil this man is, and how horrible that every week I have to be reminded of that, let alone the shit that goes on in my head without contacting him while I’m in recovery from the abuse that happened.

I just need advice on how to deal with the situation. Do I just have to grit my teeth and wait out the over 4 months left of having to message and constantly be reminded of this evil person who caused so much hurt and damage in my life? It reminds me so much of the horrible phases in the relationship where I would have to totally emotionally detach from everything that was happening, and then the horrible emptiness just eats you up inside. It’s what I have to do every week when I’m shaking at the idea of having to message this man. Any advice much appreciated :)

is this narcissistic ?

these are some hurtful things he told me that I'll never forget. "I don't want to know you and never intended to"."Be happy it was just twi years waisted, it could've been more". "Just move on already, it's not like we had some unforgettable things". "Do u want me back to dump be and take revenge". "I don't have feelings for you, but this also adds to the way you dress that's why I'm dumping you".

TLDR: want to improve my life, but feeling stuck in rumination cycle... sorry, this wasn't supposed to be so long.

Married for 14 years to an undiagnosed covert narcissist, just finalized a lengthy and unamicable divorce a few months ago. 2 wonderful kids who are with her for Thanksgiving, so that's probably related to how I'm feeling. Also getting over a cold so I'm extra pathetic.

Backstory: tried everything to make the marriage work, eventually fell into reactive abuse I'm not proud of. Several rounds through the years with LMFTs until she decided not to continue after they shifted the focus from my reactions to her patterns. My parents supported us and our children emotionally and financially when we needed assistance throughout our relationship, while her parents were borderline estranged despite living nearby. When we first became friends, I offered her a place to stay because she alleged that her parents were emotionally abusive and controlling. My parents helped us buy a house, which I got to keep because they are on the title.

Present: I feel fortunate to have the house, but she left much of the stuff we accumulated over the years (don't worry: she took a lot of the furniture and items with real and personal value, she just left the clutter). Her smear campaign left me with very few friends and I ended up losing my job (hopefully unrelated). She has the kids with her parents for thanksgiving week. I very much want to get the house in better shape for when I have the kids next week and for Christmas. But I feel like I'm stuck ruminating and feeling hurt and hateful over where my life has ended up. I'm happy to be out of the relationship and now am good at limiting contact to just the essentials for the kids, but it hasn't really helped my personal wellbeing.

I know I got myself into this. I'm not trying to blame anyone. But after spending most of my adult life completely dedicated to someone else, I'm struggling to find the motivation to do anything to make my own life better. I know all the things I'd say to someone else: don't be too hard on yourself, start with something small to get started, spend time with friends, exercise or go for a walk... and I'm trying. I'm just hoping someone out there might have some insight to help me get out of my hole. Thanks in advance.

So for context, me and my narc ex were together for 2 years and lived together.. I called the police on him this past summer (he was abusive too) and I got a 5 year protective order on him. I tried to distract myself and not think about him much, I blocked him on everything I knew he had.

The other day one of his TikToks popped up on my acc and sent me into a spiral. I was so confused because he made fun of me for using TikTok the entire time we were dating so I didn't know he had one. In his bio I saw a go fund me for HIMSELF , with some church tags? It also confused me because he advidly made fun of his Church going parents while we were together, and was never the type to ask for handouts.

He also "LOVED" his long hair and would never cut it when i knew him. Now it's short. Even down to the people he hangs out with now, the clothes he wears now, it's all things & people he told me he hated just barely 4 months ago.

My heads just been spinning the past couple days from confusion. I'm starting to feel like the person I shared my life with for two years wasn't even a real person. Yes ppl change, but this drastically in just a few months? Does anyone have similar experiences with a narc ex? I feel like the person I once "knew so well" never existed and it's making me feel crazy.

Any advice or shared stories would be much appreciated .. I'm just trying to process this.

I got out of my abusive relationship a year and a half ago now. I had a hoe phase for a while once I healed more, but no actual relationships or real emotional connection or intimacy. Then this weekend happened.

He is so unbelievably kind and I can tell he really cares about me in a deep way. We can talk for hours about all the deepest subjects and he genuinely seems to care about how he makes me feel. Frankly it is a level of care I haven’t experienced in my life, let alone a relationship.

He is everything I could have hoped for, kind and attentive, and things are going really really well.

Why do I still want to cry?

Why am I still terrified it will all just go away?

I am so happy but so scared.

I talked to him a bit about my past and how it’s kinda been awhile since I’ve been in a relationship and I told him my ex was abusive and he was so kind and so loving. Truly he is an answered prayer to the tee.

I am trying really hard to not let my shit ruin this but I’m so scared I’m gonna do something or say something and he is just gonna leave and decide it’s not worth it.

After being cared for in a way that I’ve dreamed of for so long, that I have put myself through hell to get even a glimpse of, I don’t know what to do with myself.

I’m happy, I want to be around him all the time. But I don’t wanna be too much and scare him away. It’s so new but it feels like I’ve known him forever.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has advice for keeping the anxious thoughts at bay so I can be happy in peace?

I absolutely refuse to ruin this for myself.

We are beautiful, brilliant, shiny objects that they play around with their dirty, soiled paws and dull over time. The luster wears away until another shiny new object catches their attention.

Remember, they didn’t change. They don’t ‘stop’ liking us. They didn’t like us in the first place. They liked using us. They liked having us to mirror. To see their reflection in. They love looking at themselves. They LIKED THE ATTENTION. They are Narcissus. The reflection they can manipulate. The devotion and care we express makes them feel successful.

There was never something they ever actually gave us. It was something they extracted from us and stopped wanting to use. We were convinced we saw something that simply wasn’t there. Because they could find something else. Because they found something else or are confident they can do even better and get that better high.

❤️

I just got a message from another family member. My Ndad is flying 3000 miles to stay near me for a day so he can see me. I haven't seen him in 10 years and I don't miss him at all. My life's been going alright, but I still have vivid nightmares about him almost every night.

Anyway, after my family member told me I checked my email, and sure enough I'd filtered out a message from him about how he was flying out here for a single day, presumably to do what he's always done - hope I give him an inch out of guilt or obligation, so that he can take a mile. I read one of his letters a year ago (he sends a bunch every year that I throw out), and...well, suffice to say he's still an Nidiot who thinks he did nothing wrong and that I took 20 years of "advice" the wrong way.

I am completely done with him and want nothing to do with him. I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips for this situation. He could very well come to my door while I'm home. That's really the one scary possibility for me. Living far away from my parents has given me such a sense of safety, and hearing him bang on my front door could massively send me into fight-or-flight. Unfortunately, I don't have many places to go during the holidays and I also want to be with my cat since she's a source of comfort. I'm just not sure what to do or how persistent he'll be.

I had a long-distance affair of 1.5 years with a narcissist married man. I know, I'm not a great human here either, but I did suffer through plentiful emotional abuse and was woefully trauma bonded until I abruptly went no contact a few months ago.

After I cut him off, he continued to pursue me for a month, making up new email addresses, texting me from other numbers, buying me gift cards, messaging my friends, etc. Then he stopped contacting me, changed his profile to public and started posting photos with his wife for the first time in 1.5 years. I've responded to absolutely nothing.

So, I gather he is now back with his wife after largely discarding her throughout the course of our affair. I don't want him back, I don't even want to invite his energy back into my life - but I can't help but feel TERRIBLE for his wife. She's endured 10+ years of his abuse and likely has no idea about the affair or why her husband is suddenly interested in a relationship again. I'm sure he will deny everything, but do I owe it to her to at least tell her (I have plenty of receipts)? Or do I let her figure it out on her own the next time he cheats on her / discards her? Like I can't stop wanting to help her start healing like I did. She deserves better.