About narcissism, misogyny, pretentiousness, etc...

Here is a place to discuss this show. I'll announce it in the RaisedByNarcissists subreddit and link here in case discussing media/movies/series' there is not OK.

The discussion about the show need not be marked as "not safe for work," so I censored the title, but here's the uncensored title just to make sure this post can be found if someone searches for it: "||Kevin Can Fuck Himself||"

An AMA by the creator of the show can also be found if you search Reddit for the title of the show. It's called, "I am Valerie Armstrong, creator of AMC’s Kevin Can F**K Himself - AMA" and was posted 3 years ago.

I don't know how active this sub is these days, but I've been re-watching this movie cathartically for years as an adult child of an NMom, and I haven't seen anyone else talking about this movie in this context, so I'm wondering if anyone here feels similarly about it. Movie spoilers below, and trigger warning for N behavior.

Most readers of the Neil Gaiman book and watchers of the movie adaptation, of all ages, tend to agree that the story is creepy, scary, disturbing, etc. Adults even often seem to find it scarier than kids do. However, for those of us RBN, I feel it reaches a whole different level.

Of course, the idea of a child getting trapped in an alternate reality with a creature with button eyes who says she's her "Other Mother" and otherwise looks and sounds just like her real mother (at least at first) is terrifying. The Other Mother lures her away from home with delicious food, gifts, attention, exciting activites, and seems like a dream come true. But then the Other Mother tells her that if she wants to stay, Coraline needs to sew buttons into her eyes. When Coraline refuses, the Other Mother becomes enraged and grotesque, and locks Coraline in a closet.

"You may come out when you have learned to be a loving daughter."

shudder

While she's in the Other world, Coraline gets help and advice from a stray talking cat. When Coraline asks him why the Other Mother wants her, the cat says, "she just wants something to love, I think. Something that isn't her. Or maybe, she'd just like something to eat."

Later, before the final confrontation, the Other Mother, looking completely monstrous now, approaches Coraline to caress her face.

"You know I love you."

"You have a very funny way of showing it," Coraline manages to say back.

Once Coraline manages to get the upper hand in the final battle and is about to escape, the Other Mother screams, "YOU DARE DISOBEY YOUR MOTHER?!"

Coraline frantically makes her way back down the magic corridor to her own world. The Other Mother screams from behind her.

"NOOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME! DON'T LEAVE ME! I'LL DIE WITHOUT YOU!"

Coraline slams and locks the magic door behind her.

For most people, this is a scary story. For those of us raised by a narcissist, at least for me, this is my history. I didn't have an Other Mother. She WAS my mother.

Or is it too soon?

Argh! what a nasty bully sadist narc brother!

'spooky' Pam the mortician works with her brother who has inherited his father's business after his death. she's an example of how families can trap someone early in adulthood through employment and how the death of a parent eaves new opportunities to be scapegoated by malignant narcissist family members.

the writers show Pam's brother using coercive control of his sister: isolating her, disrespecting her work, feelings and time, attacking her sense of self and her memories of her dad by telling her that her dad hated her. when confronted by his weaknesses, he feels entitled enough to physically trap her and be physically abusive.

They've captured well the lurking dread in a place where family secretly scapegoat someone while trying to charm the world

just watching episode 4 of Sharp Objects

its pretty dark anyway as its yet ANOTHER crime series about children getting murdered (dont't get me started) .. but it has a number of triggering themes including self harm and a very convincing abusive narc mother - she's just awful and she fills me with dread and nausea

They've tried to show how traumatic memory works too.. which is pretty familiar.

Also quite a fair representation of what living in a community of assholes does to you - they're not dressing up coming home after low contact as a big empowering fun time. Amy adams is scapegoated and lied about by her nmom all the time even when there isnt a problem. its her mothers hobby . you can see how uncomfortable she feels and how it's entirely her smug evil mothers fault .. everyone treats the mother like a normal person and treats the daughter like a freak.. a town gaslighting . its a lesson in how so many kids are left to suffer and never get justice.

you really hate the place for her. and its a slog to watch because it is familiar and i'm just annoyed now

A rich ndad pays a less fortunate and aspirational compulsive liar to go to italy to persuade his wayward narc son to come home.

All sorts of narcissism, entitlement, mirroring, boundary crossing, character assassinations and panicky tantrums.

Stone cold classic but I don't recognise the calm, somewhat likeable and uncartoony younger narcissists . Phillip Seymour Hoffman however is spot on

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7660850/

rich people can have horrible nparents too - except their horrible parents have more power than most nparents can have

i thought the characters are really well observed and well written

Watched this series called Physical this week

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11828492/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

it's from the point of view of a middle class housewife in 80s California. we find she has an eating disorder and ultimately that she has been no contact with her parents for at least 4 years and they haven't met her child yet.

i thought they handled it well as you could see how much harder soulless parents are to tolerate than just about anyone else!

I binged this show last week, and yes some episodes are annoying with forced dialogue, but I sloughed through because I like Anna Paquin. Anyways, Season 2, Episode 3... must watch for ACON's! It turns out both main characters, Robyn (Paquin) and her coworker Eve are both ACON's! This episode alone felt worthwhile for sitting through some of the more dull episodes.

A quick synopsis- Robyn's alcoholic mom committed suicide, and S2E3 shows a flashback of when Robyn picked her mom up from rehab. Her nmom is a real piece of work and verbally and emotionally abuses, baits, gaslights, blames Robyn within this episode numerous times. Robyn has her own substance and mental health issues from having this messed up mom. There's this one scene that really got me where Robyn kind of pleads to her mom why were you never there for me, then her nmom gaslights and yells at her, then they both start crying- then go on an elaborate shopping spree. Right out of a narc handbook.

In the very same episode, Eve is at her SIL's bachelorette party ("hen party" in UK) and this horrible horrible woman starts verbally abusing her- turns out that's her mom. It is heartbreaking watching Eve both loathe and long for her mother's approval and their bachelorette party, and there is a moment where the mom (high on ecstasy, LOL!) comes over to Eve and appears to be genuinely loving and says "You are so beautiful, I love you." and they embrace and Eve starts crying. Then a stripper walks by (LOL I know this episode is extra..) and the nmom is distracted by her and starts doting on her even more than on Eve, and you can see Eve is so hurt because she probably thought, oh hey my mom is inebriated maybe now she can finally express that she loves me... NOPE!

Anyways, you really need to watch that episode because it's hard to explain it all. Overall, that episode really really got me in my feelings. Must watch for ACON's.

This movie made me feel cold at the foundations of my soul... it resonated the memories, the feelings, the absurdity and confusion...

I've been saying that I was loved... I'm not sure that my mother is capable of it. It is no love I want.

I'm not in the mood to type a lot... but for guys raised by a single NMum... this may resonate with you...

Just realised why i loved this film so much as a teen - i had never consciously thought it was like my family. i just remembered it because i just remembered that when i was a teen my idiotic nsister and nmom JOINED A PYRAMID SCHEME! lol - I'm enjoying being able see how ridicukous they were now i'm older.

this film is so sweet - it's one of the few films that doesn't feel it has to resolve everything .. but i'm dealing with my kind dad's death now and i feel even more like Muriel now.

that is all.. hope someone else enjoys it and passes it on x

Susan Sarandon mothers Natalie Portman in this coming-of-age film where the nMom is constantly uprooting her daughter, pushing her into situations she doesn't want to be in, and relying on her for the validation nMom doesn't get from the love she finds in the wrong places.

The one perk about this one is that it comes from the daughter's perspective. She narrates throughout the film, holding some sort of pity for her mom's foolish ways, but she does have some vindicating moments where she puts Susan's character into place.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMlQsrHyF3s

Found this episode all kinds of triggering. Has anybody else seen it? Spoiler alert!

Villanelle’s mother is loved by the entire community, yet is emotionally abusive behind the scenes to her little son, calling him stupid and embarrassing. It turns out she gave up V to an orphanage because she was “dark” and blamed her marital problems on V as a child, seemingly jealous of the close relationship between V and her dad. V also tells her brother that the mom is controlling him and he should leave their small town. She intervenes when V tries talking to her current husband about how mean she was growing up. Then she tells V to leave for no apparent reason. V verbalizes that she just wants to feel what it’s like to be a child, and feel love. Damn, that got me in my feelings big time and I got super nmom vibes from her! Anyone else?

To piggyback on my last post - I feel like there aren't many movies that are sympathetic to abuse survivors. I had an idea that maybe we could start a list for the sidebar of unapproved/triggering movies? Basically anything that doesn't have the RBN "seal of approval" to start I will list Prozac Nation and A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood. If me and other users who discover/screen these films could save some other people from being upset it would be awesome!

Not sure how accurate it is but this could be a start.

Edit: another resource.

I didn't finish. Are we supposed to sympathize with the mom and the boyfriend? Neither seem great and the mom is a total narc/martyr and I feel like the film does a good amount of demonizing the dad whilst ignoring the mothers extremely toxic behavior?

Are we supposed to gather that anti depressants are bad and that we should just suck it up and rely only on therapy? I have found meds to be extremely helpful and basically give me my life back. I have had a nasty withdrawal from Effexor for two weeks and literally feel suicidal and like trash. I am a cinephile and have to finish movies but I turned this one off more than halfway in.

I could be misunderstanding but that is my take on it. It's kind of triggering for me. Anyone else see it?

Well this movie is going to either be immensely triggering for people, or weirdly cathartic.

I think there is some deep meaning in the ending that only abuse survivors (and even then, not all of us) will understand.

At the same time I kinda feel like that was an unabused person’s idea of what narcissistic abuse is like.

Anyone up for a spoiler-full discussion about it?

First movie to ever showcase a black female pedophilic narcissist.

Interwoven stories of multifaceted human connects and disconnects.

Explores the effects of careerism, detatchment, abandonment and vicarious parenting on children, and the adults they become.

Generally uplifting outcomes.

Triggers: Various types and levels of past abuse/neglect referenced. Tom Cruise's character is a 'pick-up artist motivational speaker'.

SPOILERS in the plot section here: [Magnolia at Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnolia_(film\))

Watching them all because why not? So far I have seen pieces of April, the lifeguard, Washington Square, the wife, bad mums 2, crazy rich Asians, the dressmaker, Brad's status mummy dearest, Drop Dead Fred, Sybil, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, frozen, Amadeus, Nightcrawler, young adult, Kill Bill 1 and 2, girl Interrupted, Mean Girls and Good Will Hunting. All very good movies.

Muriel wedding is my favourite movie of all time.

I've also seen a couple of turkies recommended by the sub, Sense and Sensibility and Step Brothers.

He loses it as soon as he knows Mavis is pregnant: he has to have an opinion on everything, tries to sneak into the labor room, he is even the first one holding the baby (not even mom).
Then he stomps on boundaries non-stop because he’s obsessed with little Dennis being a vampire. He can’t stop messing with every routine that mom and dad try to do with their kid. Geez he even gets away without mom’s authorization -dad is deep into the fog and agrees with everything- and even more he puts the kid’s life in danger. Also ib the spanish translation the kid calls him “papa Drac” i dont know if it’s the same in english.
And apparently great-grampa is just as N as dracula. And Johnny’s parents are no saints either...

In conclusion that movie gets on my nerves every time lol.

Party started

Party will start in 4 minutes

here is the link as promised, follow the link then click the red button.

dadd0c329eb06f&npServerld=s146

movie will start in 15 minutes.

Sorry for flaking the last time if you have Netflix party I will be watching Sense and Sensibility again at 7:15 p.m. Greenwich Mean Time. I will send you all the link 15 minutes before I start movie and remind everyone 5 minutes beforehand. If you don't have Netflix party but have a Netflix account Netflix party is easy to add just Google the instructions. See you all then.

I watched it and nobody joined, I guess that's what I get for flaking the first time around lol

Tomorrow I have decided that I'm going to watch Sense and Sensibility using Netflixparty. You can join me watching and chill with me in the chatroom as long as you: ● have a Netflix account ● have a laptop or PC because unfortunately you cannot use Netflix party on a cell phone tablet or TV ● have Google Chrome

It is easy just go to netflixparty.com and add it to chrome then the next time you fire up Netflix you should see see the Netflix party icon on in the top right corner right next to the current user icon.

I have chosen Sense and Sensibility because it was mentioned in RBN movie night and this is on Netflix so why not. I will be watching at 7:15 p.m. GMT about 4-6 hours ahead of you guys in the US depending on which state you live in. Once I set up the party I will poster link 15 minutes before hand and and then send him a reminder 5- minutes before I begin the movie.

Everyone is welcome xx

Has anybody seen Unbelievable on Netflix? It documents the true story of a girl named Marie who was raped, then recanted her experience due to pressure from the local police department. The police basically stopped believing her because her foster mom planted the seed of doubt, saying Marie had had a rough life and likely made it up. She also brought up how hard the whole incident was on her. This gave me super big narc vibes! Then later on in the show, the foster mom repeatedly never gives Marie the benefit of the doubt, is extremely hard on her, and when Marie asks her for some money to pay for the lawyer she needed to her to pay for the police charging her for false reporting (!!!), the foster mom says something like “I deserve to know what the money is for that’s the only way I’ll support you.” She never comes from a place of love and understanding for Marie, and she basically got her into this huge mess by throwing off the detectives! Oh, and there’s also a scene where Marie is dancing suggestively and just having fun at a picnic and the foster mom comes up and shames her, embarrassing her. I can’t say if that woman is a narc, but she reminded me of my own nmom big time. My heart goes out to that girl who never had a mom who loved her and was raped, and nobody believed her.