If you think you may hurt yourself or others, please call your local emergency services: 911, 999, etc.

I am 46 years old and have 50 year old sister. We've always been incredibly different despite being close in age and both girls. I am very type A, driven, successful, and organized. I am like my mom in many ways. I have been married for 3 years to a successful and responsible guy, own a nice house and car, am in a good financial situation, have a good job, a great group of friends, and plenty of hobbies. I live overseas though visit more than I should.

My sister is and has always been low performing. Both my parents were active in their community and constantly had parties and gatherings and she hated it. We agreed she was an introvert and they left her with my aunty who enabled her selfishness. She got married early and immediately had a child who had special needs.

Since I was overseas I never really had a full role in raising my nephew though we share an incredibly close bond as I cared for him for his first two years. I tried in vain to connect her to schools and teachers who would help but she refused and homeschooled him. Which basically meant leaving him with my parents. They taught him a lot but he doesn't really have any degrees or a job because she doesn't want people making fun of him.

I have been away for over 20 years and each time I came back to visit, we had arguments that were really bad. I kept coming back for my parents and the kids (she had another kid). I usually came home for the holidays and she never gave me a single gift. And every time she picked a fight with me. Looking back, I realized I left because of her and not wanting to get caught up in her bs.

On the outside she's calm and sweet to everyone and had this reputation but with me she is mean and toxic. Always wanting me to serve her or be someone I am not. When I visit and go see friends, she gets mad because she tells me that's not family time.

As an adult, I can appreciate differences in personalities and admit that some of the things I lack she has and vice versa. But as we get older, some things are coming to light, and I am not really sure how to deal with her and question if it's time to cut her out of my life.

It all came to a head when I got married. I saw how she treated my husband - she was nice to his face but made comments about him. She bragged to everyone about paying for our party while she already had money that was left over for some huge medical bills that I covered for her family (about $20k) that she never returned.

She is too selfish to realize all of the things my parents have done for her throughout the years and refuses to be kind to my mom (dad passed). She lives really close but never even came to help my mom when she was sick recent. Now she (my sister) has been diagnosed with uterine cancer - it has spread because despite people begging her to go to the doctor for months, she just didn't.

Now my mom is caring for her in her 70s. Her symptoms aren't bad and she can function. But she insists on every meal being brought to her. I rushed over from overseas only to have her tell me that I haven't ever done enough and that I am selfish and unavailable. Her son now is following in her footsteps and refused an internship from one of my friends because my sister felt my friends were judging her.

There are many other things I could talk about, but I wanted to focus on the issues that have taken a psychological toll on my family and me.

So, is my sister a classic narcissist, or am I being too hard on her? Should I just accept this personality, or should I come to terms with the fact that my sister really is selfish, ungrateful, and will never be the person I wish she could be? Do I stop visiting and helpig and just get over the fact I will never have the sister I really want/need?

Thanks for listening.

He blocked me after discarding me over text and already is with someone else ( he had been cheating on me for months and I had no idea) I only found out because I was worried about him ( he had mentioned feeling depressed because of his knee injury and weight gain) and I flew to see him face to face the day after the break up just to make sure he was okay and say goodbye properly .

He refused to even come out to see me and actually called the police on me and I didn’t find out until later that it was him that had called. I know now that it was a mistake to go but I was in so much shock after being discarded that I couldn’t think straight.

I’ve realised a lot since and can see that he just wanted to blame us breaking up all on me so he could move on to this new person without having to feel bad

If in a few years you see your narc after they’ve discarded you can they feel bad? If you’ve become very successful in all ways and have become prettier and are thriving? I don’t want him back but I do want to make him feel something for the way he treated me. He’s a covert narcissist which makes him harder for me to read

I put everything I had into her, literally every second of thought, every bit of timee and energy. EVERYTHING. She wouk go between devalue and lovebombing so often that it's confusing. There had been maybe 4 times she tried to kick me out I'd beg she'd apologize for messing up. Then recently we did argue quite a bit, she bit me I pushed her off me when that happened. The night before discarding ne we made love, prayed together, she looked into my eyes for hours taking over and over about our life, future how her daughter is so lucky to have me as a stepdad iw therapy is going to help us with our small fights basically filling my soul up to the top with the best of every feeling ever.

I come back from work the next day and she's gone, police come kick me out for a lie said I was abusing her, and she refused to talk or answer any calls saying I an not safe with you. She stole 60k dollars I became homeless overnight and she then becomes an abuse survivor coach like WTF?! I send flowers to apologize for whatever she thought i did or was using to justify herself. I get arrested for sending them and she continues to try to gey me locked up. Even after all of this I don't understand it, hard to believe she was and is this capable of evil. Yet a month later and I still miss her, still miss my step daughter and can't even be bothered to be angry.

I am a male, 31, about to be 32, and was on and off for over a decads with someone, also male, and 28. I have autism and ocd, and it has colored my ability to understand people for a long time.

I care about him deeply, and really want things to work out between us. But I always end up not being there enough, and whenever we talk, I always feel like I am paranoid or like he or others are manipulating me.

During the times in the past when he would leave me suddenly, and I would start feeling better, I would start feeling worse again when he returned. And recently, at the end of 2023, I had left him out of being upset and encouragement from friends, and felt happy for so long after spending enough time away from him.

But I still felt guilty about leaving him, as I keep feeling like I am the one overreacting and making things worse, when I cannot just trust that everything is fine and that I have not put in enough effort. And when I unblocked him and we talked again, I started feeling horrible again, my heart feels heavy and my stomach clenches, as I feel like I messed up.

I can try to go into more detail about this, but I am having trouble putting it into words, and just want this to end one way or another, whether we are back together or split up for good finally. I don't want it to turn out that I am the one being a narcissist on my end.

Edit: taking the time to think, there are some very personal things I realized I am not ready to share online yet. basically, I can mark this as solved for now, as I don't think I want to go into detail at the moment. thank you, everyone. I am sorry if I was a little vague, but I had planned to try and elaborate as the comments came since I am horrible at getting everything out at once.

"She wants that male validation badly!"--- followed by a smug look

"She SO desperate for male attention"--- followed by an eye roll

"She just wants to be in relationship so badly, she is so desperate" --- followed by smug laugh.

Those stung more than "slut", "whore", "shank".

Does anybody's mom always accused them of wanting male attention in everything single thing, in a negative way?
I was put in a all girls school, hated every min of it. I have never been in a lot of situation where I met a lot boys my age when I was much young. A healthy supportive environment to develop romantic relationships.
If I ever wanted to hangout in a place where boys your age will be? Cue in -- "oh you are looking for male attention don't you.?"--- face scrawl, dirty look.
Then I went to do my bachelors where it was 95% women. I was encouraged that major by my mom to avoid male influence in my life.
I always had female friends ( school and uni) that talked badly about girls who want male attention and how awful they are. the accused women's crimes were: wearing low cut top, makeup or doing on dates or wanting to be in relationship. They always made fun of women when the relationship didn't work out, they were dumped or cheated on.--- "what did she expect, that's what craving male attention so badly will get you." I tried to avoid guys to earn their respect, my mothers respect.
Not a single women in my life encouraged me date. Only mocked and laughed at. Not one woman to talk to about my dating life, not in my teenage years, not in 20s.
I tried to avoid the sordid "oh she just wants male attention, she has no respect. she is desperate, she will ruin herself" accusation by not having any guy friends, not trying serious dating. Now I'm 30 years old women who never been in a real mature long term relationship even though I've always want to. I've wasted my youth trying to please narcissistic prudes like mother

The end of this year will mark 20 years with my husband. I discovered him cheating a few days ago, and after a big fight and people asking me if he is a narcissist, I now truly believe that he is. He would for years gaslight me and make me feel like I'm a piece of shit. The more successful I became, the more he hated me (I own 3 businesses). He actually has been sitting down and has agreed that he is one and is willing to go see a therapist about why he is the way that he is. He has been telling me his thought processes and has admitted that he is envious of me and doesn't understand why he can't be the way that I am. I want to believe that there is some hope for the future because I love him so much, but is there any hope? I don't understand how I could be blind for so many years and not see this. I feel like the stupidest person in the world. I am questioning the past 20 years and just trying to make sense of something. TIA for reading.

Just as much as we have to start with turning our unhealthy reactions to the abuse into healthy reactions... we need to deprogram ourselves like we escaped a cult... at some point once we understand the pattern, and understand that what they told us was a lie, and that we came to internalize their abusive mindset as if it was our own.

Yes, we must start by turning our negative reactions into positive ones. This is healthy. We also must not get stuck at that stage of healing. We must strive to progress to the next step. In time. When you are ready. There is no set timetable; no rush. But this is the direction of travel that leads to the destination.

Once we're out of that... we have to disentangle our psychology from theirs, entirely. That requires more than just avoiding them. We have to truly strive to turn them into strangers, in the way we see them in our mind. To not do things because we now have the freedom to do it... but to choose to act in a way that we believe reflects our true character.

Maybe he's healed and his new relationships are- I don't care. Maybe he was just immature and has grown- I don't care.

If there was a magic button, that if I pressed would magically erase my abuser's narcissism... healing them, making them treat others well, causing them to have empathy and see me for who I truly am, finally. I WOULD NOT PRESS THE BUTTON, with them not even entering our decision making process.

I've been no contact for over two years now.

If I could, consequence free, have a healed version of my ex who will now treat me well and value me and have empathy and be free from the hangups of his ego.

I would say "no".

The new gf/supply

Me and my ex narcissist (also diagnosed as a sociopath tendencies) broke up about a year and a half ago and reconnected back in May 2023 and then broke up again in August of that same year broke up about a year and a half ago and reconnected back in May 2023 and then broke up again in August of that same year. Since then, there has been a little too no contact just sporadic message here and there about something that he wanted or needed. I recently found out that he has a new girlfriend and she’s much older and his type (red hair and older). I have further found out that he has since revealed his dark past, which includes him going to military prison for 13 months for assault on his wife and he was dishonorably discharged as well. He has supposedly told her all this however she is still a ride or die for him. I’ve also found out that he has neglected to tell me who he has spent the last 2 1/2 years with and bought a house with and planned a future with. I’ve also been told that he’s extremely happy with this new woman they spend all their time together and he’s just basically infatuated with her. I guess my question that I’m asking is is he happier and is he better with her and he was just awful with me? I’m kind of spiraling right now just because of the fact that I feel a lot of resentment that I wasn’t even a footnote worth mentioning in his life and he’s moved on and just so happy with this new girlfriend she’s even buying a house to her as well. I know I’m better off without him and there’s really no reality that exists where I’d ever get back together with him, but I just need a little perspective and just some advice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKvH6nvRqWE

I found the video of this guy on YouTube by chance, and I wanted to share it with everyone here. This is what it's like to be the victim of a narcissist, especially after escaping and having emotional flashbacks, when the pain is so intense. Even though your personality type might be different, a victim of Narcissistic Abuse will relate to some parts of the story. So, this task is meant for self-reflection.

Based on the description of their behaviors, it looks like both his parents (mother and stepfather) were narcissists. And yet, he was born with empathy. This challenges the information I've learned about narcissism, as there's:

• A genetic predisposition + lack of control environment in childhood (abuse) = a narcissist is created.

Somehow he didn't develop narcissism ... we didn't ... somewhere in the making we developed empathy, and that was a defense against walking the path of the Dark Triad.

Analyze how this victim learned to behave and act as expected in order to avoid further abuse .... but he didn't lose his True Self/Identity in the process? (As it happens with the narcissist).See if you can identify the "abuse cycle"... the narcissistic techniques of gaslighting, blame-shifting, deflecting, lack of empathy, lack of accountability, social facade, the mental destruction, identity erosion, the social implications of the abuse for the victim, the trauma bond, the victim confusion, the emotional thinking, the lasting effects and predisposition to seek similar dynamics, the Cognitive Dissonance, the role of the scapegoat, the objectification, trying to explain others what it is the relationship with a narcissist, Betrayal Bond, No Contact, Hoover (by proxy), the Emotional Flashbacks, PTSD symptoms, intrusive thoughts/images, etc.

Have you watched the movie "Tangled"? The psychological presentation looks so similar to when Rapunzel escapes from her "mother".

I don't know if he's aware of this narcissistic dynamic, but he's 10 times more likely to find a narcissistic partner, and even marry a narcissist down the road as a subconscious attempt to resolve his childhood trauma.

I truly hope he can recover. I truly hope every victim can break free and recover

I married year ago to someone I planned spending my life with after hell of of a lot of shit from young age and and tbh probably in bad place myself I met someone who was addict which to be fair though was only problem and as been through lot myself under stood and tried to help , not saying I’m angel as definitely not but did give my all for first time in my life , after 2 months of marriage after helping him get work build bridges and stay out of prison for longest time he ever had , started being so nasty verbally towards me I was in complete shock and hid as was embarrassed anyway it ended in him losing it one night and went back to prison for few months and stupidity after a lot of him apologising and saying was drunk was in medication felt bad even though I class myself as a strong woman , he was out for 2 months and the lies drug taking started again and this time I found out he was in not one but so many hook up sites dating apps and was aging telling me how ugly fat horrible I was , he hardly ever shown me much sexual attention and to be fair he didn’t have much experience, I’ve never been needy and didn’t question him but I’m broken he is now back in prison as result of his abuse and I know this sounds pathetic but it’s knocked me for 6 as someone with loads of confidence I now haven’t and looking at ways to get past this and genuinely can not get how anyone can treat anyone like that .. and while I was hiding it from everyone turns out he was telling world it’s me I know should just move on but am truly broken

​

https://pobrelo.com/12-signs-someone-is-a-narcissist/

Today, we will learn about twelve signs someone is a narcissist. Now, let’s begin.We can all be narcissistic every once in a while. Sometimes, we talk more than we listen. Other times, we enjoy being the center of attention. These are normal and natural tendencies. Even the most modest people are prone to a little bit of narcissism. But what does it mean when someone is boastful and self-obsessed all the time? A narcissist is someone who is excessively interested in themselves. They’re often obsessed with their many talents and strengths.

12 Signs Someone is a Narcissist

Hello,
I am curious about self-care practices that help heal from narcissistic abuse.
I have tried a lot of different things but I feel a little stuck at the moment
Will you take a minute to fill out a survey on self-care? Thank you
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/57ZDWVL

I healed and moved on after the narcissist almost incinerated my worldview. After many years of an on-again, off-again relationshit, I finally walked away for good in 2022. I focused on studies and other interests that kept me very busy. Though I noticed a few attempts on his side for my attention, which I ignored. Life was good and colorful and peaceful...

Then one morning in early December last year something happened - it felt as if my mind switched instantly. Suddenly he was in the foreground of my thoughts again without provocation. I reached out to him a few days later when I couldn't resist the urge anymore...! And I regretted it immediately! It felt as if a ton of bricks came down on my soul with one loud thought screaming through my brain: "Why did I do it?!"

Now I am stuck again, we picked up right where we left off... all the crap in tow!

But I (think) I found a way to exit the relationshit without fuss when I asked him last week to initiate communication because of our diverse schedules. He surprisingly agreed (something he never did in the past 7 years!). I hoped he wouldn't get in touch with me since he lacks the emotional capacity to act in a way that could be seen as caring.

Now a part of me fears he WILL send that text, and another part of me fears he never will! What the hell? Why can't I just move on?!

Wow. ANOTHER subreddit is now making mods approve content as of yesterday, when they have never done that for YEARS. And the last one tried to "sneak ban" me; banning without reason. This is BEYOND disturbing.

"The possibility of collusional erotosexual pathology in parents who collude in child abusewas first brought to our attention in a case of extremely prolonged abuse of a child."

"In fact, a paraphilia of masochism by proxy. Two boys were beaten by their father as masochistic surrogates for their mother who instigated their beatings. Sexual intercourse between the parents was contingent on the beatings."

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00926238208405812

https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3525&context=utk_graddiss

Recently, I was beyond disturbed to see a moderator from another narcissistic abuse sub silencing content on filicide. She then banned me and tried to do it so it didn't send me a notification, which is even creepier. After seeing that and asking around online, especially given that really reminded me of things my mother would do when I came forward, I was told that this wasn't just normal narcissism. This was sadism.

I've been pretty sure that's been true of my parent recently considering I have explicitly asked her not to do things and she's taken the opportunity to not only do it, but do it in a really disgusting extra "stick it to you" way. I can tell she's getting off on it at this point. Apparently, this can be an arm of sexual abuse especially if the parent is stressed because for the sadist, coming up with an extra nasty way to hurt the victim is an expression of masturbation. They get real pleasure from it that relieves their built up stress. When I read that, it made so many things click. The twistedness and sickness of the way she was trying to stick it to me. I couldn't believe she would really just sit there doing that, unless there was some deeper mechanism behind it. That made it all make sense, and explained the extremely creeper raised hairs I would get when I could see her sitting there laughing and snorting, thinking up the next nasty thing she would say. She would literally sit there in her chair, staring off into space laughing and scoffing to herself Then a few minutes later she would hit me with some of the nastiest low class sh*t I had ever heard. I realized she had been sitting there thinking it up. Self-pleasuring as a sadist made it all make sense. She enjoyed watching me get triggered and have to re-regulate. She would then ignore me and have this huge smug grin on her face. Yep, it was tied to her sexuality. It was sexual abuse by the mother as well. Just because it was based in stress doesn't mean it wasn't sadistic masturbation using her child and doesn't make it okay at all.

The more I read too, the more I see the sweeping things under the rug thing isn't just about vanity about not wanting to feel like they did nothing wrong. It is an actual expression of not having remorse, and when pressed, they will literally state they don't think anything wrong happened or they're not remorseful. This will usually follow an extremely disturbing delusion they had, that was clearly a product of envy; namely, the narcissistic delusion. For instance, a jealous coworker may be more than happy to watch a female coworker be basically tortured. When asked why she did nothing, she says, "With credentials like that, I'm sure she slept around for all her accreditations." But then when you click on the victim's profile, they're all online certificates where you can view the grades yourself. This blows the narcissist's mind and then they try to silence and block the victim since this forces them to see they that they have something wrong with them.

Here is the checklist that made me realize my mother wasn't just a narcissist, and that the softness of r /raisedbynarcissists didn't really cover it for me. She was a sadistic narcissist, which is a whole other beast entirely. It's the same thing that the mother of the child called It had. That makes it make sense why my PTSD is so bad, my dysmorphia is so bad that taking off my makeup before I got help was painful; it was protecting me from a seriously dangerous person. Deep down I knew this person was seriously dangerous and there was no way to hide when you can't put it into words, when they're still massively predating you every day of your life.

1. I enjoy seeing people hurt.
   1. She clearly smirks and scoffs when I started crying or self-regulating. She would just sit in the couch in the other room smirking and scoffing after hitting me with some of the nastiest sh*t you could possibly hear from a mother.
2. I would enjoy hurting someone physically, sexually, or emotionally.
   1. She definitely enjoyed hurting me emotionally. Even as young as four, she would enjoy making me cry and she would watch me cry. When I couldn't cry anymore she then went and got me a glass of water. She would wait. Sometimes she wasn't done and when little four year old me would apologize to her (for what? I was four?) she would say "I don't forgive you." And I would start crying so violently again. And then when I couldn't cry anymore she would give me another glass. She continued this over and over throughout my childhood. She was clearly enjoying it, just sitting there watching me cry and saying I don't forgive you to make me cry again. The way she was watching now that I think back on it was voyeuristic. Like staring, fixated.
3. Hurting people would be exciting.
   1. I don't think she was excited but maybe she was and kept it quiet. But she certainly found pleasure in it.
4. I have hurt people for my own enjoyment.
   1. Yes, she definitely did. See (2). If too many men were interested in me, she'd call me ugly. If I had too many friends, she'd call me a social butterfly. If I stood up for myself, she'd call me a bitch. If I told her about multiple rapes, she'd call me a slut. She enjoyed watching me ask for things and then give them to my sister instead. She enjoyed hearing me crying upstairs when she would do this. I remember sometimes I would be crying really hard and I would hear her approach me door really quietly. She was listening. She wouldn't knock. Once I was done crying I heard her slowly leave.
   2. Other times therapists would ask her why the f*ck she would do this, understandably. One of them very specifically said that when I was in inpatient due to a suicide attempt many, many years ago and it was clearly related to her negligence in terms of predators that were basically eating me alive back then. She said, "Who cares!" or "Why is it about me!" or call them fat or frumpy to their face. They were always blown away with the nasty crap she said, so we could never get anywhere in family therapy.
5. People would enjoy hurting others if they gave it a go.
   1. She never tried to groom me to do this. She seemed to try to preserve at all costs that I would just take it from her and be the empathetic one of the family that would always cry for her. This makes it make sense when they tied it to being sexual in nature. This is exactly how sexual abusers treat their victims; they want to hide their source of pleasure, their dirty little secret, at all costs. They don't want it to change, especially if I cry a lot when she says these things and ask her to stop and say I love you mom and say can you help me mom. And always take her side when she accuses people of things, only to find out that she's now saying I made it up or that she regrets saying that.
   2. She even once tried to act like she was coming out of the closet to me, and when I said "I support you mom" she said "hahaha I'm not gay, I just want to see if someone is supportive of gays." And then proceeded to say some homophobic stuff about people who enable gay people.
6. I have fantasies which involve hurting people.
   1. As I said, she just sits there thinking up the nastiest thing she can say to someone.
7. I have hurt people because I could.
   1. Yes, she definitely called me ugly precisely because I was getting a lot of male attention, especially males I was pretty sure she was attracted to herself. She was really, really jealous. My sister is the same way when it comes to looks. She once straight out asked my grandfather who he thought was prettier between me and her very inappropriately. I have never seen anyone just casually do that in my life. He said me. She clearly never forgave him for that. I'm pretty sure she was hell bent on him dying after that day. She seems obsessed and fixated with that day in fact. But she's the one who put herself through it. So now she tries to make me feel like shit about her look at any time. She'll say things like, "What do you think you look like?" when I just put on makeup. She's really sick.
8. I wouldnt intentionally hurt anyone.
   1. She very clearly is intentionally hurting me, even to this day. I told her I didn't want to talk to my father anymore. To play some sick game, clearly of sadistic-sexual nature to her in terms of her getting off on it, she had him write her name in his handwriting from a position of plausible deniability. She is that sick.
9. I have humiliated others to keep them in line.
   1. Yep, she does that all the time. When my ex-husband wanted to meet her when she was in the area visiting, she kept saying, "I don't want to meet this gay guy. Tell this gay guy I have no interest in meeting him!" and when my old best friend who I was dating at the time was going to meet her, she said, "Who is this damn narcissist?" she clearly is sexually territorial looking back at it. She gets real pleasure doing this sh*t to me and doesn't want to even risk losing her little cruelty masturbatory toy.
10. Sometimes I get so angry I want to hurt people.
11. Yes, she has literally expressed homicidal statements to my father. I remember growing up they were having a fight and she straight up said something homicidal. My dad completely shut up and had this look on his face like, "Ohp, well, there's that." My dad has a more abolitionist bent, probably where I get it from, and knew how to deal with it, but I am absolutely certain he didn't sleep well that night. Not that my dad is any better than her. He's not.

After this last act, it's pretty clear. My mother is a sadistic type narcissist of the unprincipled criminal type.

This makes it makes sense why just typical r/ raisedbynarcissists content falls flat.

She shows no remorse, flouts conventions, engages in actions that raise questions of personal integrity, and disregards the rights of others. She does this by every time we have a family therapy intervention with her does exactly what she knows the therapist DOES NOT EXPECT A MOTHER to do so they are just blown away.

We've had had two interventions now where the therapist was just in stunned silence. They could not believe what she just said. Strong proof about purposefully flouting conventions and engaging in actions that raise questions about her personal integrity are way too present in her.

This was actual torture.

I always remember reading the Child Called It and feeling like something really resonated. I didn't feel like I had a right to feel that way because nobody locked me in a room with noxious chemicals, though they did starve me to the point I would wake up 3 am and black out on the stairs because I was trying to sneak cheerios before school the next morning without being attacked by them. I remember going early to school to get breakfast and eating enough burritos, running to the back stairs so nobody could see me stuff my face for 3 days because I hadn't eaten at all over the weekend.

My ex-boyfriend would put his thumb and index finger around my arm and say, "How can I do this?" and then my friend at the time put her hands on hips randomly one day and patted and say, "How are you not wearing a corset? You're really that thin?" I was starving starving. I missed a ton of periods back then.

This made so much make sense. It was worse than just narcissism. This isn't something many people can relate to, and that also makes a lot of things make sense.

From a Child Called It:

1. Dave's mother is a sadist, or someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others, and this is exemplified by the fact that she never shows remorse for anything she does to him.

" These individuals use gratuitous violence in excess of that needed to control a victim, manifest behaviors that reflect some intention to inflict fear or pain on a victim, and there is some indication that the excessive violence either contributes to or does not inhibit their sexual arousal. The overall reliability for the sadism classifications, κ = .69, was good (Cicchetti & Sparrow, 1981). "

https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2019/02/what-is-sadistic-parenting#2

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4284943/

Greyrocking the haunted house theme park attraction isn't reacting to the actors dressed as vampires and zombies with a sarcastic, "Oh yeah. Scary. I'm so scared."... it's really selling it that you're scared. If you act genuinely scared, the actors will think their performance was convincing. (metaphoric of when the N is gaslighting you, of course)

I'm not an expert. I might be wrong. Am I wrong?

Has anyone else had this used as a ploy

Dyhi