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I (24M) live at home with my N's. My adoptive cousin is getting married in a little under a month and my mother is pressuring me to take 4 days off of work for this wedding.

Now a little bit about my adoptive cousins. I have 2 adoptive cousins. Who I'll call "Sam" and "Joseph" Sam is 28-29ish and has had mental health and I think drug problems for almost his entire life. Joseph is my age and is the one getting married. Anyway, their grandmother is my great grandmother (grandma from now on). My grandfathers, stepdad died back in like early 08 or 09, and great grandma moved into a senior home nearby to their house about 6ish hours away from where we live. We’d go to her house maybe 2-3 days in the summer and for a week around Christmas time because grandmas bday was Christmas.

Then grandma died in 2012 and there was a funeral and I saw none of those people again.

So it’s weird hearing my mother tell me that if I don’t get off work for 4 days in the middle of next month she’d “be incredibly upset at you” for not going to the wedding of a guy I have not seen since I was 12 years old. Anyway I’ve had this gut feeling since we got the invite that if I get in the car on the day that we leave for that wedding I will vanish without a trace. Especially since my parents are telling me to check out and sign up for the health benefits from my work. And usually by early October they’d ask me what I’d like to do on and for my bday. And they haven’t asked about that. Every day that goes by I feel more and more suspicious that they’re planning to disappear me then frame it like he must have run away. Because if he didn’t “why would he ask about all these benefits at work if he’s on our insurance or why did he decide to move money from one account into another?”.

I (24M) currently work at a grocery store part time. I really want to begin working another job just to be away from my fucking parents at the moment and to start my capital-C-Career so I'll be looking to go as close to full time as my part time position can get before, I begin looking at a job in the industry.

I'd be fine working 6:00-2:00 then leaving that job and going to my other job from 4:30-1:00. Mainly because it will get me out of the fucking house.

I get a new job after moving and they go on and on about how "that's FINE for now but don't settle! You should be ready to find something better after 3 months!" (I'm making it sound way more wholesome and supportive than it was actually said) Now, 3 months in, and I injured my back while at work trying to get home at a reasonable time since we have fewer staff than we should AND we're training a new guy. There were a lot of shifts where it was basically the manager and I that transitioned to basically just being me... Now, when I have to take the time off to let my back heal, I'm hearing NOTHING except how I'm 'throwing away the best job I ever had and will probably ever get.' I seriously wanna yell "Fuck off, it's the same exact job I've had for years, this branch location was just desperate enough for night crew employees, that knew what they were doing, that they hired me in 2 dollars above the minimum pay for that position." It's by no means my peak and they (the restaurant) know now they're lucky as hell to have me, if they didn't already, because everything's going to shit in my absence. If they fire me for taking time off to recover, they're just stabbing themselves in the foot unnecessarily. Never mind logic though, we gotta meet those gaslight quotas! 'Everyone at work's just looking for an excuse to drop you!' they'll swear and when they get called out on it they go 'oh well I'm just trying to help.' I couldn't roll my eyes harder if I tried...

I'm having a hard time with agoraphobia. I haven't been outside in two weeks. Went outside twice this week. A guy screamed hateful stuff at me as I crossed the road yesterday, then today some people were honking like crazy in their cars rapidly in a mostly empty parking lot as I walked by. In December some guys ran past me yelling "punch her". In the same week someone walking by me in a store called me hideous and said I'd never get laid. Another incident only a few weeks before some guys walked alongside staring at me and made violent gestures. I feel targeted all the time Tried talking about this before in another support group but was attacked by a far-right troll so I left. It's been bad. I don't want to be conscious right now. And on top of that there's a lot of crazy Q anon protesting happening near where I live, that's like a crap topping to the stress. I also tried talking about it on a crisis line but they were mostly non-responsive and I feel like their approach can work in some cases but in this moment I just needed a shoulder to cry on and I felt worse and uncared for. I'm hurting right now. If anyone could just. Respond that would be awesome. I have no support system, I only have a blanket.

I've been sick since I was 14 years old. We didn't have insurance and my father never told the hospital, I was there for 8 days vomiting nonstop. No cause was ever found. After that my parents blamed me for their financial hardship. I gave them something like $65k from my inheritance/savings account my grandmother started for me. I never got better, I stopped being able to eat much, I got sick again at 16, while the school was accusing me of being out on the streets whoring and doing drugs because the doctors couldn't find a reason why I was sick. (It was a classy segregated school.) I got a job and started working and going to college, giving them all my money to stay afloat and not become homeless. I was in and out of the hospital, going to doctors for tests and diagnostics. I paid for college myself and graduated cumma sum laude despite everything going on in my life. Including being hospitalized for a week a second time for the same issue.

The 2008 housing crisis happened while I was in college and my father got scammed on the mortgage. I learned that they filed for bankruptcy and refinanced the mortgage several times already before I was even born. They spent all their money on lavish trips to Disney World until I was seven years old. Turns out my father had an affair that resulted in a child and was paying child support, without me knowing. Better yet he started having a second affair 5 years later with my childhood best friend's mother and was paying for her lifestyle which became full time support when her husband died in 2010. He had been giving them our car to use while my mother walked my sister in a stroller to the mall to buy food. Yet in 2010 he buys a corvette and maintains it.

We were unable to pay the mortgage, while I was trying to find a good job after college. I was promoted to assistant manager at the movie theater I was working for, but was unable to get further work. The company was changing hands, the environment was chaotic and hostile, I was working all kinds of locations up to an hour and a half away from home. I was still not well and hospitalized a third time. I managed to get my company to move me to the closest theater, I couldn't travel any longer. That theater closed in 2016. I left the company citing medical reasons and spent the past 5 years trying to get help for god knows what underlying condition I have. I am now hoping to go on disability. My hearing is December 6th 2021.

Thing is, we are about to lose the house. They foreclosed and we are going to be on the streets in a month. January 20th. My father lost his job ages ago during the 2008-2010 recession. He hasn't been working full time since. He was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder recently. It really paints a clear picture looking back. I don't know if I will be able to get disability, but I'm working with a lawyer. If I can't get any income then I'll just be homeless. We have three cats and they will all have to put to shelters. We have to pay the lawyer $5000 by the end of this month. I started vomiting again, there never was a clear diagnosis despite all the things I was diagnosed with. I had surgery for Endometriosis and that seems to be the only suspect, but I've been on menopause inducing pills and I'm still having this issue. I see a GI in a few months, assuming I'm able to make it. I don't know what to do, my father really just took and took and took from my mother and I, my sister being the golden child wasn't subjected to this treatment. Now I guess he's just leaving us with nothing and running off with his other woman.

I have a gofundme page if anyone is interested in donating, but that's not why I'm writing this. Comment if you want the link I guess? I don't know how it works with linking here.

Edit: I forgot to put that they actually found that my stomach was twisted and tied together by muscle strings left behind by inflammation. My stomach basically tried to hang itself. The surgeon untwisted it but I just talked to my primary care doctor who told me that when that happens it will likely twist again, so the current relapse is most likely due to that, so I am on my way to see a gastroenterologist again with this new information, a different one now because the last one told me it was just IBS and to take anti-acids and I had to fight for tests, did celiac, gallbladder, endoscopy, etc, but never a colonoscopy because he said I was too young. Anyway with the holidays and the one he recommended not accepting insurance it will probably be months until I can see one. Thanks for your comment!

Long term endometriosis is also definitely a factor to my unwellness, it basically creates pockets of skin (Mostly around the stomach area but it can get anywhere) and peels it off like an old sticker on a car, so it causes scar tissue, inflammation and damage to organs in my case.

Other than that I have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety, you know the usual rounds when they have no idea what's going on. Migraines are a huge issue for me too.

My cousin wants me to spend time with her daughters on Christmas Eve but I'm not really down with this plan because I am really sensitive from autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety, depression, and from recent development of chronic illness. I don't like going to family gatherings, I get overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I can only stand being there if my older sister is there but she can't be this year because she is going to be with her fiancé's family that day. I don't have energy to socialize and am afraid I will either break down and cry or be a lifeless lump even if I did make an effort. I know I will burn out quickly. I can't help having negative thoughts like that my cousin doesn't like me (As I thought she had made awful comments on my outfit at my grandma's funeral) and is trying to get someone to babysit her daughters for free. But I want to believe that she doesn't have malicious intent and that she is just trying to make sure her daughters have some semblance of a healthy relationship with their family through bonding and stuff. I love my second cousins but I just am not good at talking to anyone, socializing is hard and things don't come naturally for me. I am afraid I will die psychologically from socializing with my family.

I'm overall not looking forward to Christmas Eve because there's a possibility if my parents aren't there - and if I don't go to see my cousins - then I will have to go to my parents house that no one else visits on Christmas Eve because my parents are toxic and very offensive (something they refuse to fix). They have a lot of toxic beliefs I can't shake them from and it's awful being around them for long because they subject people to these butt hurt right-leaning political rants. I feel like I have no choice but to be with them because of what they've done for me. I'm disabled and they drive me places, help me financially, and with medical stuff. I'm feeling completely powerless and trapped at this time due to my disability. If I could work and drive without having any meltdowns, I would in a heartbeat.

My Nmother has moved in with me. She's a hoarder and the mouse problem got so bad that they chewed the electrical wiring in her house for the tiny section that she lives in. Technically, the situation is 'temporary' but she's not taking any steps to fix the situation at her house and spends hours coloring and watching TV. I gray rock her like crazy but there's history that I'm having a very difficult time overcoming.

Ever since I was a toddler, it's been programmed into me to take care of her and my siblings. It started with emotional care (being her sounding board for her sex life with my abusive father, helping with phone calls, etc.), but moved into physical care when I was old enough to start doing the diaper changing and cooking and cleaning. Because of this I am HYPER-aware of her every move and every emotion and every feeling.

I've had enough therapy that I don't immediately jump-to and I judge whether or not to get involved since getting involved really means doing it for her. However, I can't kick the hyper-awareness to her every move. I immediately focus on her the second she shifts or moves something, speaks, etc.

It's been 9 weeks and I am screwed.

I have a lot of memories from childhood that I locked away. I felt a lot of shame for who I was at just 5 year old. But even with my limited vocabulary at that age, I would tell my abusers that they were being mean to me. It was a word I learned in school about bullies (the irony).

I would openly confront their behavior as mean. Because I was taught in school that you stand up to bullies and tell them what they’re doing is mean and hurtful. That it’s supposed to take their power away if you bravely confront them with the truth.

Imagine a 5 year old me, fearlessly calling out her abusers with all that conviction, bravery and anger! I wish I had that courage now lol. Sometimes I imagine the girl I would’ve been if they didn’t take the time to break my spirit. Once upon a time, I was brave. And I learned how to be brave.

As usual, they turned it against me. Anytime I confronted them, they would mock or punish me for it. “Always the same word- mean! Maybe you’re the mean one for saying it. Why do you say it like that? If you say mean one more time! Here we go again, calling us mean. That’s the only word she knows.” (Even as a write this I feel that old guilt for likening my parents with school bullies. How dare I? So ungrateful. But they were much worse than any bully) It was easier to believe because all three of them would laugh and gang up on me. Gone was the brave little 5 year old.

But I like to think of her fondly. She knew she was outnumbered and it didn’t scare her to try anyways.

I can still remember her anger and the way she prepared to confront them. Big scowl on her face, hands on her hip, chest puffed out for good measure, standing in the middle of the kitchen, all of some 3 and 1/2 feet tall, choosing to forget the fear she felt, and loudly saying, “Hey! You’re being mean.” She knew how to set boundaries and she knew the standard of treatment she deserved.

She’s my hero.

And I would’ve forgotten about her if that memory didn’t unlock this morning. The look on their face was priceless before they attacked her.

Yea, she’s my hero.

She enjoys interrupting your sleep? Meh psycho bitch

She gossips to relatives? Eh ok she has no life

The relatives judge and trash you? Meh they're a bunch of losers anyways!

My nMom is giving me one upstairs room while she takes a room with my GC sister. We still have that other room downstairs available but she just wants to turn it into a living room for my grandparents instead of letting me have it as a bedroom.

nMom went nuts when I suggested me and my GC sister split the upstairs bedroom in half with a curtain so I have my own spot. She was screaming about how my sister wont have enough light, and meanwhile I was calmly just saying I wanted a safe space to go to in quiet cuz Im an HSP/ Empath and need that. I wasnt even demanding, and was open to suggestions about ways to split the room. She got into a huge argument saying that I was being entitled for wanting a room of my own.

In the beginning she was saying she would be up for sharing a room with one of us before. Then she said she wanted her own room. Now after my suggestion of having a curtain to divide the space between me and my GC sister, she’s deciding to room with my sister instead, and let me have the small second upstairs room.

This morning when I was excited thinking about room decor, she got angry, snarky, and bitter, blaming me, saying that I was essentially taking the room away from her and that she didn’t have a bedroom of her own. She went on and on, guilt tripping me about how she didn’t have one as a kid and that her family used a shared pullout bed. Then she said that I should consider myself lucky and that my sister and I get everything we want whenever we want. She thinks we’re spoiled.

Past me could’ve been upset over this, but now that I know she’s a narc and that this is a narc tactic, my logic brain is working better. Logic brain is telling me that she’s twisting her own arm by refusing to let me have that downstairs room for no reason. If she had let me take that room instead, we would all 3 have our own bedrooms. In essence, there is no reason for her to call me selfish for wanting my own room, plus Im 23 and need to have privacy and my own space.

Her circumstances as a child isn’t mine and because of that, she cannot compare the two. She is doing it to manipulate me and make me feel bad for having wants and needs and joy over a new room. She’s pulling the woe-is-me card for something she could change but refuses to, even though she has the power over it. She wont let me have our old downstairs bedroom when the opportunity has presented itself and Im sure its because she doesn’t want to lose control over me, or give me that happy pleasure of having it.

Its sad really.

I'm on antidepressants and I'm quite irritable and angry. I'm trying not to get angry over small things and I've been helping around the house so NMother or NFather won't add insult to injury by getting in my face.

I feel like garbage. NMother thinks that muttering angrily to myself is a sign of some mental illness and now she's calling me the name of a mentally ill cousin.

She's done it before because if I do something, like be upset at her for calling me names. She'll call me "Sharon" which is my cousin's name.

It reminds me of the time my cousin tried to force herself sexually onto me. It makes me so unhappy and uncomfortable because NMother just doesn't understand the gravity of how violated I felt.

My cousin isn't well and she abuses her mother. For context I'm from an Asian culture where mental illness has a stigma surrounding it. Its taboo or shameful to see a psychologist and get treatment.

My mother's side of the family are so prideful they'll refuse to admit their child has a mental health issue.

My mother calls me Sharon because I disagree with her abusive actions and she just so childishly calls me Sharon because I won't mindlessly obey her.

She thinks that admitting that you're not okay and being mentally ill is an insult in and of itself.

She thinks that having thoughts separate from her is mental illness and she'll call me "Sharon".

She thinks that muttering angrily under my breath is mental illness because I'm upset.

In fact, being by her is mental illness. Everything I do thats not approved by NMother is a sign of mental illness and she'll call me the name of my cousin who tried to force herself onto me!

I'm so tired of her trying to needle me for a reaction and trying what hurts my feelings and what doesn't.

I'm absolutely tired of hearing them say that I "won't last" in a property I'm sharing with people because they all think people don't respect boundaries.

As I write this, I'm hearing my NFather complain about wanting him to respect my boundaries. Calling them "little rules" because he doesn't give a shit about trying not to minimise things that annoy me.

Example: He STARTS conversations about things that are not important. He just wants my attention because I am listening to my music on my headphones. He'll stand in front of me or wave his arms to get my attention only to say... "That cheese is nice!"

Its usually a few words that aren't important, he just wants to make a power play.

He's so entitled to doing what he wants he doesn't even know what boundaries are!

My situation is so helpless because when he starts shit. He lies about what he did to me because he'll start shit and NMother will ask him, A LIAR, for the truth and she'll believe him!

Then she'll turn around and scream at me because I'm always the problem.

This will fall on deaf ears but I had to get this off my chest because they are driving me insane.

Im still not getting my own room. Ill be forced to move upstairs with nMom and sister. She said me and lil sister would probably be sharing a room. She said she’s going to be giving my grandparents our old bedroom as a “living room” because it originally was one before they added a wall. She said they’re old and deserve it, even though they have 3 rooms (one in the basement), 2 bathrooms (one in the basement) , and a basement as their own space. She said “I didn’t have a room of my own until now so why should you? “ As if it was our fucking fault she decided to birth us instead of either A) having safe sex and preventing this incident happening 3 times, or B) putting us up for adoption. She says we’re burdens, THEN WHY THE FUCK BIRTH US???

She also kept basically letting me know (through her tone and expressions and raising her voice/ guilt-tripping) how much of an inconsiderate asshole she thought I was when I mentioned dividing the room space so I could have my own space. She said I have to deal with having to talk to people when I said I needed my own quiet place. Im an HSP and Empath and NEED that safe quiet space to function, its not even me being picky. I feel like screaming. IM 23 I NEED MY OWN ROOM.

Im so tired of her and I cant escape and I feel like Im dying everyday by living with her. I feel like my life force is being drained away. Actually, Im pretty sure my lifeforce is being drained away.

She was saying how the “residual energy over the years of this first floor is why we argue so much” yet she still cant get it through her head that 99% of all our arguments is because of her. I cannot handle being with her anymore. She’ll be the death of me. I want to move out and I cant and it hurts so bad.

nMom wont let me have my own room and I feel like Im on the edge of a mental break

Im crying so hard right now and Im at a loss. My house is a 3 story building with tenants on the top floor, my GC Uncle, aunt, and cousins on the second, and my nGrandparents, sister, and nMom on the first. My GC Uncle, aunt, and cousins are going to move out. for my whole 23 years of life I lived in the same room with my nMom and sister.

Now that my GC Uncle is moving out with his family, that would mean 2 rooms open upstairs and my room would be our original room. One for the each of us. Suddenly my nMom decided (and Im sure its influenced by the cult leader she follows) that the family shouldn’t be split up and she wants us to be together upstairs sharing the same rooms.

I burst out into angry tears because I had been praying for a room for so long and Im at the end of my sanity. Ive been contemplating suicide for so long and Ive been wanting to get into therapy but she stands in my way of me feeling safe. I finally had the opportunity for a room and now she’s saying that she wants us to be with her upstairs.

Her argument is that it would be the same thing as us all 3 moving out and she called me entitled and selfish for wanting to keep that small bedroom for myself. She then said it was gonna be a living room for my grandparents and that she wont let me have it. I told her it was codependency and how she isn’t letting me and my sister be independent. When I started crying she decided to cut off the conversation saying she cant have it with me when Im like this. She then proceeded to yell at me multiple times while insulting me and now shes saying that if I want to become independent so bad to get a job or she’ll kick me out of the house.

Im so upset and I cant stop crying, I hate her so much. She doesn’t care for my mental health and wellbeing at all whatsoever. And she knows that my mental, emotional health isn’t good and that my physical health is so bad that it doesn’t allow me to get a job. My schoolwork is also taking over which means I don’t even have time for a job. I don’t understand why shes so fucking vindictive.

I'm 17 and a younger sister. None of us had it particularly easy but I think it was worse for me because she seems to have a positive image of both our parents when I can just avoid and shiver whenever my father is mentioned. As much as the golden children mechanic applies she would be the golden one.

My father has no clinical diagnosis as expected. I first strumbled over Susan's Toxic Parents (don't remember the exact name of the book) when I was like 12 because I liked reading about psychology at the time. I remember feeling scared on how much I identified and tried to justify my father as being great and we just had a bad relationship.

I can barely bear it anymore, specially since COVID I'm stuck six months now with them on a house. Covid-19 was very cruel to me as before the pandemic I had just entered uni, made friends there and my life was going great.

Luckily for me, my sister is a great person and human being. She is kind as I dream to be one day, and supportive as I know I'll never compare to. It has been increased since she started taking that Deep Chopra courses or something like that.

I know those are more bullshity than snake oil but don't have the courage to say it to her — specially since she determined for herself that she should be a paragon of love (maybe she thinks herself as ill because of ndad and is trying to overcompensate).

She has bought a lot into those coachy stuff and some of it has really turned her into a much more transparent and understanding person, and she also afaik knows it does not substitute medical treatment (she congratulated me on my self-insight when I told her that I needed a psychologist, my mother who is in the same shit by comparison tried to make me go to that pseudoscience bs claiming it healed problems faster and cheaper and only actually paid for the psychologist when she knew a woman from her coaching course was a psychologist).

Although it was a huge red flag I went to that psychologist anyway and she proved to be actually a good one! I think she read that on my face that I was scared of admitting because by the law of our country she would need to inform it to my parents that I had suicidal thoughts because she asked about it nearly every session and I always gave a not-no evasivey answer that was technically true (like "I never seriously considered it but a lot of times I see me killling myself).

My psychologist first tried to get me tell my dad/mom how I felt and etc and although with my codependent!mom things went more smooth than I thought they were HELL with ndad.

I answered her that when I told my father that "I know you help me greatly financially and I am grateful by that but you hurt me emotionally a lot" he answered it by making a big speech on how bad I was for half a hour to a hour (I don't remember exactly what he said because my brain did actually a good job of forgetting hurt-y details).

My psychologist replied then that for my health I should be able to ignore my father and that's when the check dropped for me — a health professional was telling me that my father was really a jerk and I should ignore him. This was the first adult on my life that told me that what I felt was valid.

I'm without a psychologist for ten months now since I don't trust my parents enough even to contract a virtual service due to fearing them peeping over our voicecalls. I really miss my psychologist. We only had like 5 sessions but she was great.

Because my sister has this positive image of my parents (my father is just "brash", my mother is just subservient) I fear that she would never be able to understand how they were to me.

She is very very supportive and I'm truly blessed to have her on my life but I don't have the courage to tell this to her. When she tries to get me vent a little (I'm a very closed person emotionally to my family and I trust her) I almost always stay very at shore. I think the maximum I told her was how I disliked being called a computer addict.

I personally get pretty mad on being denied anti-carpal tunnel/scoliosis things even if I'm going to work in front of a computer in the future and I'm already started to feel it. My back feels hell because the chair is so dogshit uncomfortable I need to use it with a pillow and my wrist hurts. I'm 17.

I can't even buy things for my computer with my own money. My grandmother gave me $500 and my father stole half of that. I used the other half to buy my computer, and since the stolen half were parts that would need to be ordered they never got ordered at all.

Something my psychologist pointed out that I never noticed myself is how my father didn't specially belittle me, but also my mother and my sister, and this was all because he belittled women in general.

I have this friend with a VERY hotheaded father and once I had to do a two-day trip with his family. When he got mad at transit he didn't call the driver a woman or even double-checked and said in a satisfied tone she was a woman like my father always did. He just complained. It felt so refreshing. Like it was a stressful thing and all of a situation for everyone else, it would normally be, but I was such at peace at this moment because so this was how normal hotheaded people were at transit. Even if they were a traditional family (japanese customs and all I guess) he never snapped at her for something that was his fault once and when I asked my friend personally about it he said that the two were pretty healthy parents. It was such a delightful trip to me because I could see so close how a normal parental relationship worked.

I don't know if my father takes it easier on me when my sister is here or if she helps mitigate the situation. My mother is very "I agree with my husband" type, so it's very good to have my sister around as she has opinions on her own and although they don't exactly match mines we agree on the basic points (like feminism is good and homophobia is wrong) and it's so satisfying to see her calling him out on his bs even so slightly because he does not explodes at her in a fury of passive aversiveness (sometimes not that passive) or make fun of my father on his back for his biggotry.

Sorry I'm going so off-topic so often, this is really also a lot of a 4-5AM vent.

I really want at some point to tell how I feel about them to my sister but don't have the courage right now to. How could I start?

I'm 31/M. I'm stuck at home with my mom and 3 siblings because after I graduated college she asked me to move back in because she was having health problems and needed help. That turned into health problems of my own, followed by the resulting financial problems. Now I'm a graduate student, and unless I miraculously stumble into a pile of money, I think the soonest I can get out is after graduation and a year+ in my big boy job (2024).

My family is the type that just shouldn't exist. There's no love, no respect, and no support. I actually relate very strongly on an emotional level to stories of people who grew up in the foster system or were otherwise abandoned by their families. How messed up is that? I have a family, but relate to those who grew up without.

Despite the fact that I'm the kid that does everything for my family, despite the fact that I will bend over backwards to help other people (something I'm trying to learn to stop doing), I'm the most hated kid/sibling.

I'm often told that I'm a loser, a coward, afraid to be an adult, lazy, stupid, etc. but the one that is used as the primary insult is, "You're just like HIM!"

You see, "HIM" refers to my father. They were both abusive, but my mom put a nice little spin on the situation for my siblings to make her seem like the victim. I'm the only one old enough to remember and understand what was happening.

My dad was physically abusive. There's no excuse for his behavior, but at worst he was a bit too rough with us when we were kids. His abuse was primarily directed at her, and always in a quick burst of rage when she had pushed his buttons for weeks. It was never that stereotypical story of the alcoholic coming home from work and beating on his wife and kids. No, it was the story of a man being belittled and harassed for weeks and weeks until he finally exploded.

Her abuse, on the other hand, was directed towards everyone (and still is today). She has always been manipulative, condescending, impossible to please. She picked favorites and let the rest of us know how much we disappointed her, and those "favorites" could change within a matter of hours. She yelled, she screamed, she had zero patience for even the most minor of mistakes. If you weren't immediately an expert at something, you were a failure.

I'm the only kid who looks like a carbon copy of my dad. I have his body shape, his hair, and his eyes. However, it's like you planted my mom's face on his body. My siblings are all the opposite. My mom's build, her hair color, though not quite her eye color, but they all look exactly like my dad's face was transplanted onto my mom's body.

Regardless, I can't control the features I was born with. I can't control the fact that I'm short and stocky. I can't control my damn eye color. I'm not going to dye my hair to avoid my natural hair color.

And, yet, I'm told my mom lost her love for me once I matured and looked like him. And, yet, I'm the only one who does anything for her. My siblings won't even wash a single dish if she asks.

I'm walked all over, stepped on, dragged through the mud...all because of genetics.

It's not my fault she slept with him.

It's also not my fault she manipulated the story to make her look good.

But here I am.

I know my NMother, she always takes shots at me. When she lost her temper and decided to make a comment about me criticizing someone who used to be my friend but isn't anymore because he was an unpleasant, selfish person. That I wasn't allowed to criticize because he had a job and I don't.

She's been doing this a lot lately. Because I am autistic and don't make friends easily, NMom picked up a copy of "How to win friends and influence people" and with a shit eating grin, she asks me if I want it.

I asked her about it and she said "You're an influential kid, maybe you can use it to be friends with your sister" NO. I'm DONE with my abusive sister and my mother just loves bringing up my abusive sister to upset me.

Bad example?

My mother decides to bring up my abusive sister for no reason while I'm just enjoying my time watching Rick and Morty. I hate my sister and she knows it. So all of a sudden she lies about my sister coming to visit us (I live at home).

"Your sister is coming over a visit"

"What?"

"Maybe not because of the Corona Virus."

and then she just walks off. She just decided to lie just to hurt my feelings to assert her fragile superiority. She's even admitted that she enjoys deliberately trying to upset me.

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I don't even know where to start with this one. I'm 20, struggling with life, living with my decently well off parents, I have savings, and my sister is living with her boyfriend like 2 hours away. I've always had issues with how my parents raised us, but never knew how to put it into words.

I never felt like I had any freedom and what little I had was always under jeopardy of being taken from me for losing control of my emotions or making one false step. Punishments were always doled under the guise of "this is a privilege, not a right" because "this is our house, and you live here". Phrases like "to teach you the value of money" and "to show you how the real world works" are always used in the context of them refusing a request for help. They call me spoiled and get offended when I act dissatisfied with something that they could easily help with. My mom views my 21yo boy appetite as a problem instead of a need. They used to charge me for specific food items that I ate more of than them. When I talk about going hungry because they don't ever have decent food in the fridge he says "you have money, buy your own, you spoiled, broke, ungrateful, unemployed pig". The only word in there he didn't actually use was "pig".

My dad acts encouraging when I talk about a career and my plans for the future, but loses interest when I talk about my hobbies and interests. When I was young and in high my dad would threaten to kick me out for not fulfilling expectations. People from my church have ended up knowing things about my life that I never told them, and my dad justified talking about my life by saying, "they're our problems too, we should be able to talk about them", which feels invalidating and invasive which made me hate telling them anything. When I refused to tell him which friend I was going to hang out with he refused to let me borrow a car, which seems fine until he started trying to use the car to leverage the information out of me.

They never funded trips to visit my cousins, and my dad always told me I could have built better relationships with them. When I act detached from my family and talk about how they don't seem like family, he tells me it's my fault for not trying to be closer to them.

He's thrown my wet laundry in the lawn for getting furious at him, and it was covered in newly mowed grass. My mom moves my things out of her way and never tells me where she put them. They "treat me like an adult" which means offering no meaningful help whatsoever and just watching my life fall apart and acting caring when I'm at rock bottom and don't have anyone else.

They've raised me to be an emotionless computer and I hate them for it.

They peeled back the layers of reality and didn't give me sunglasses to view it with.

To them, everything comes down to "harsh reality", when actually, the world sucks, but they're supposed to help me through it.

I hate them. I love them. I want to leave them behind and never see them again.

So, I previously came to this subreddit as ThrowawayCreations, but because I forgot my password and email I used for that account, I came back using this account....

As of Recently, my parents have kept going through my phone without my permission, forcefully saying that I NEED to be transparent if I want to gain their trust again, even though I know they won't ever trust me- knowing that they've been absolutely belligerent when I've exposed the fact that they've been verbally abusive.

They found out about about my alternate Facebook account that I used to keep my dysphoria at bay ((I'm a masculine leaning Nonbinary person)), my mom also went through my other social media accounts and found out about my multiple accounts, trying to delete one of my accounts used for one of my mental illnesses, and in general just deleted multiple apps I used to contact the outside world.

They have been verbally abusive to the point where they've threatened to kick me out of the house, send me to a psych ward permanently, send me to a homeless shelter, put me out in the middle of nowhere without anything important, and generally say that they'll show me what real fear and pain is by hurting me and sending me to the hospital.

They've said and done some other things I'd rather not say, but it has gotten to the point where they threaten those things. They said that they'll be on their last string if I don't find a job soon, knowing that it's hard to find a job in this epidemic.

I've tried the grey rock thingy, but they continuously go ballistic if I become bored and all boring to them, which leaves me little to nothing to do about it.... Which leaves me to ask for what to do again... I need help about it....

I spent the last year trying to get a Gaming PC using Linux working for my brother on War Thunder, only to have Easy Anti Cheat ruin everything with Wine, which was the proper way to play the game.

My Ndad made a comment tonight that his computer was slowing down and not up to the speed of the faster internet we got. He said that I wasted money on the Gaming PC for my brother because he hated it and thinks it's wasteful. He now wants to have a hostile takeover of that PC for his own personal use, even though it was for my brother.

My mom, who funded the PC for my brother, even said "Respect your elder. Your brother thought it was useless anyways. Honor your family and give the PC up to him."

All that effort went to waste.

If my Dad does a hostile takeover of the PC, I will both destroy the PC by chucking it out our apartment window, and I will jump from the window and kill myself. My Dad is actively doing the Sesame Credit score system, so in my household lack of freedom, being dictated by the Chinese Communist Party, death is a better option to achieve peace.

How do you survive when you can't get away from narcissists in your living environment? Everyday I am white-knuckling it, barely getting by, having suicidal thoughts, severely depressed, anxious. I have absolutely non-existent self esteem, feel more like an abused animal and not like an actual human being anymore. I have a very poor sense of identity, and body dysmorphia and disordered eating. I feel like i'm dying a slow agonizing death. My disability makes it hard to escape this current situation.

Hello there fellow redditors, from what you can tell by username- I'd rather not have my parents go through my phone and through my main account, which led to me making this account so that I don't have them going batshit crazy.

I've been meaning to come and get advice from this subreddit for a long while now, but because my parents keep going through my phone from them "not trusting [me] enough with a bunch of morons online," I couldn't up until now.

For some background- I'm a 19 year old, and I've been stuck with my parents verbally berating me ever since I had a mental breakdown last year ((rather not talk about it)), which is 10x worse than what they've been saying to me for the last decade. I'm unable to move out of my house to to financial issues I'm having, due to me not having a proper job or good financial situation for some time in general, and being unable to find anything that'll get me to a stable financial state with a good money flow.

I've had crippling depression and anxiety for the last decade, both of which have been professionally diagnosed, but have only been getting worse over time. Both have pretty much pushed me into a huge pit of darkness, led me to lose the love I've had for my hobbies many times in the last couple years, stopped me from pursuing a career in art or writing ((or professional photography)) after giving up on college, and in general made me a hollow husk of what I used to be.

The thing is, my parents never once believed that my depression was a real thing in the first place, and never once wanted to believe that my mental health led me go down a spiral of insanity. They think that I personally act like I don't want to get a life, that I don't give a shit about myself or anyone else in my life, and that I don't actually care to take care of myself.

They purposefully tell me that now that I "purposefully fucked up everything" and have become "the only burden in the family," they'll tell me to become as fat as I'd like and to not worry about exercising anymore, that they'll purposefully kick me out and let me die out in the streets without caring or wanting to know what happened, that they'd drop me of in the middle of the city ((I live in a suburban town)) and let me roam the streets with the possibility of being graped or worse, and a bunch of other shit that I'd rather not list due to the severity of how fucked up they are ((and how mentally/emotionally damaging they are)).

They think that my therapy and medication is only fucking me over even more, and making me "slower than a mentally ill 5 year old child," leading to my dad saying that he'd practically shoot my therapist in the head if he says that it's not right for him to say "cold hard facts and reality" ((dad's words, not mine)). He also said a bunch of other threatening things that again, are really fucked up and mentally draining from how bad they get, and would rather not have anyone get overly defensive if I said anymore.

After the whole spiel after something I've done that they think is the worst thing ever, and them saying that they know I'll suddenly forget what they've been yelling at me about, the next day it'll suddenly be a 180 and they'll be absolutely giddy. It'll be as if they were the ones forgetting, leading to me being lovebombed and having them say that they're only hard on me because they love me way too much to see me crash and burn, which Yes- they have been hard on me at times and I understand why they're hard on me during those times where I act like a dumbass -but they nitpick what I do wrong to absolutely go apeshit and when to just be the "stereotypical" parents that want their child to succeed.

How do I properly handle this? And how to I feel more independent without feeling like I have my parents constantly peering over my shoulder? I feel like I can't speak up for myself, because they always become even more angered when I stand up for myself ((they think that I'm "talking back")), and I don't want them to purposefully kick me out or send me to a mental ward just because they think I'm too "retarded/childish" ((yes, they've threatened that)). I also feel like I can't think about anything properly, especially with the repeated yelling sessions that my nextdoor neighbors are extremely concerned about, because my mind feels clouded with constant terrible thoughts about my crippling self esteem...

I really do need help, sorry if I sound desperate and all....

I'm dead.

Because our government doesn't allow isolation via lodgings for permanent residents, and my Ndad is allowed to take transport like Taxis home, and with a legal requirement to self isolate for 14 days... He will increase abuse to exponential levels.

He's already had cabin fever caring for my Grandma so will need an outlet for all the stress, and that's me, because I'm the lightning rod in my abusive dysfunctional family.

I'm currently planning out suicide plans because there is no help out there while stay at home orders are in place. I'm male, so going to a women's shelter is not an option. My social workers can't help neither and because I'm on the ASD spectrum, my Ndad uses that as a crutch to say I'm "fucking retarded."

Even if most of the world isn't allowed to work, he will still find a way to say "You lazy pathetic piece of shit, you shame all of us."

I'm currently actively thinking about suicide in self isolation once he returns.

I was always raised to believe you could never leave family. No matter what they do to you or how they treat you, you must always maintain a relationship and never walk away. Should they need you, you drop everything and anything you're doing because it would always be more important. My dad was also the high school bully type straight into his adulthood and fatherhood. Sometimes I think it made him feel powerful to make me feel powerless.

I recently came out as transgender FTM to my family. It was back in November. I still live with my parents when I'm not dorming at college. I've told my family how I expect to be treated and I wasn't unreasonable. The rest of the family followed suit and even became more educated on the subject of trans people independently of me.

My dad resists more and more. When I tried to educate him on the science behind it (I'm a 3rd year biology student), he insists that I don't know what I'm talking about and I've been brainwashed by the left. He's told me I'm mutilating myself and I'll never be a man no matter how many drugs I take.

Honestly, I don't believe his words have anything to do with him being transphobic. I told him that if he continued to speak to me the way he does, I'd be forced to stop coming home for breaks and find somewhere else to live, on campus, with a friend, at a shelter, literally anywhere else. I said I'd stop talking to him if he refused to stop. He blew up. He said it's his responsibility to make sure I don't fuck up my life. How dare I even think about leaving him. He's the only one brave enough to say anything, that everyone else thinks transitioning is a bad idea.

The rift between us has less to do with his transphobia and more with his need to verbally abuse me and his belief that he's the only one that knows best in this situation. I could never hope for an apology for his actions. My dad doesn't ever apologize. But tomorrow, after 2 months of silence, I'll be facetiming with him to talk to him about it. What should I do to stay grounded and not fall into the role of 'abused' to his 'abuser'?

I’m sleeping in the guest room of their house and have been here for 4 months after graduating from college. 4 long fucking months that will hopefully not turn into 5. Nsister is visiting from college and does not want to sleep downstairs. So nmom, always siding with her, tries to get my little sister to share her room with nsister. Little sister said no of course so now nmom is trying to make me give up MY room to her.

Fuck her. She can sleep downstairs.

Theres truly no light at the end of this tunnel, it's just one case of abuse after another. Near the top of my field but cant afford stable housing in the city I'm tethered to. No friends, real ones anyways and no one under the sun gives me the time of day. At work and school where im finishing a degree so I can potentially change fields or countries it's very clear people think highly of me as an artist but dont talk to me, dont want me sitting with them at lunch, go out and do stuff without me. Its hell. It's truly living hell. Did I die in 2012 and this is my personalized hell, because it's got all the boxes checked.

People always say just get out (abusive psychopathic roommate) but dont realize i have truly nothing and no one. I'm well aware of how many people wouldnt blink if i died. None of these people saying to "just leave" have any capacity for empathy when it comes to imagining life with zero support, or what it's like to fully support yourself without ANY parental help, or how you cant just leave leases with no repercussions. None of them offer to help or be a friend.

10 years ago i was 16 and finished up hs fast, graduated second in my class at a tough school, and hoped life would be better away from my parents. It's been a neverending sharp dive off a cliff.

Moving out still isn't an option...

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My Nmom has been trying to love bomb me since around Christmas. I don't know how to respond to it so I have just been ignoring it. She left two things in the bathroom for me with a note that it's intended for me...I've just left them there. I don't want to accept them... I don't want her to try to talk to me.

Light night as I was getting ready for bed, she left a handful of licorice on my desk. Tonight when I was walking to my room she yelled something about dinner at me, and I just went into my room and closed and locked the door. She keeps 'apologizing' to me but really she's basically begging for attention.

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I really don't know how to respond to this. Are there any phrases I can use to shut manipulation down? Sometimes she wedges her body in the doorway so I can't just close it. She doesn't listen when I tell her to stop and give me space so I'm not sure how to respond to it.

It’s a long story but the basics is that the father is keeping a death-bed promise to his wife to continue to take care of the narc brother whom is a habitual petty criminal and drug addict.

My SO lives here in order to assist with some of the stresses of the house but after 5 years now, it’s just getting to be too much.

I just heard him attempting to reason with him and the stuff that his father was coming back with was so nonsensical, manipulative and emotionally abusive just broke my heart. He just doesn’t have as much of a wall against it yet :(

Really angry and upset right now about how my mom is completely forgetting my feeling and how my mind works. I’ve been really sick and it’s like the second I’m not puking up my guts she throwing chores my ways and is completely forgetting my feelings about changing up the house without any notice like when she moved the couch and put the tv on the wall but put high so I have to crane my neck to look at it.

She hasn’t even Knowledged my feeling even when I’m in tears while folding a blanket, can’t even look at food and haven’t showered in a week and it only gonna get worse as Christmas get closer ugh 😑.

I still depend on my parents for a lot of stuff at 28 as a result of my mental illnesses that prevent me from driving and taking public transport. The best I can do job wise are small cleaning jobs in isolated places due to trauma, agoraphobia and social anxiety. My dad can be extremely patronizing and sometimes on bad days when I say I can't go somewhere or do something because of theses problems, he completely fails to understand and asks why, or Why can't I just get over it. But my favourite is when he says how he has anxiety too but has learned to do the breathing exercises. People don't all experience mental illness the same way.

I've heard from people that to continue living and associating with toxic people is crazy making, but I depend heavily on my family. They are my caretakers. They literally are the reason I am not in a community home for the disabled, or homeless. They'd done great things for me but there are still some things that I am deprived of, such as at times just dignity and respect. Just needed to vent about that.

Are there any other disabled people here experiencing similar problems?