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Like CONSTANTLY constantly. My future ex wife would ask me questions or accuse me of/about something she perceived me to have done so she could interrupt my answers. Then when I’d lose track of the conversation, she’d say something like “see, you can’t explain why “____” so you must have (done it/been lying)”. Or interrupt repeatedly until I yell and give her some reaction. It’s my least favorite.

i did my research about BPD but i still wasn’t prepared for the different ways i was manipulated for a reaction. i didn’t know i would be abused to the point where they could split on me to make it seem justified. i didn’t know i would be reduced down to nothing so they could split on me and treat me like i’m nothing.

What do you guys do when your ex whose on no contact reaches out to your friend/house mates on social media asking how I am doing and how I haven't responded to any calls/texts. Any advice please ? It's really sad and embarrassing but this is what we have to go through sadly. Thanks.

We were in a relationship for a year, going through multiple breakups and reconciliations. She even went to a new guy twice. But whenever she was alone, she'd come back to me, knowing that I truly care about her. Despite the fact that I always gave her my best, she treated me poorly, often ignoring my feelings and leaving me easily. I always told her that even if she was alone, I still loved her and that she could message me whenever she needed.

But this time, I've really grown to hate her because of her need for variety and the insults she directed at me, making me feel like the worst person in the world and humiliating me. Even though she broke up with me I messaged her, telling her that I hate her and that I never want to see her again. I asked her not to contact me anymore, and this time I'm determined. I've deleted everything related to her, and I'm sure she won't come back after this message.

For the first time in this year, I rejected her, and I hope this feeling of rejection won't make her come back to me. Do you think it's possible she might try to reach out again? If she does, should I block her?

She once told me she doesn’t want to settle down because of her loving the chase. One thing they’re very honest in some moments.

I’m not sure why I’m posting here cause this person is not a ‘loved one’ but not sure where else to post this. And I just needed to get this off my chest.

So I started talking to this guy with BPD, we met through a chat app thing and started talking more often. After a while he lets it slip that he has BPD and he is furious at himself about it.

I was alarmed when he initally mentioned it but I really liked him, we had a great vibe so I tried to put him at his ease and I tried to reassure him that I still want to know him. After this I’ve read up a bit about BPD, this has been a great resource and has given me a decent amount of knowledge (thank you). So whilst I’m talking to him I’m being a bit more wary about him and our interactions. But as our convos develop I’m liking him a lot more.

He did a little lovebombing, not excessively but he would say how beautiful I am regularly, and that he’s never spoken to anyone like me. I believe he’s someone with quiet BPD he really has to work on managing his emotions. During the time we were talking he had an episode, and we didn’t speak for a week. I gave him the space and just told him we can catch up when he’s feeling better.

During this time we were due to meet up for a date but as he was in such a bad way I just suggested that we meet another time. So when he’s finally in better spirits, we talk a lot via text and calls. We set another date for this coming Monday. We were due to talk this evening but he casually dropped in that has a toothache.

I asked him when it started and he said said yesterday. Now, he's never mentioned this at all btw. Okay not everyone is going to talk about how they feel physically but he’s not typically shy about talking about his ailments. I of course respond with “oh no, I’m so sorry to hear, of course we don’t need to speak” and then it occurs to me that we were due to meet on Monday so how can I meet with this guy if he’s in pain. So I suggest again that we cancel it if he’s still feeling unwell.

But I already know how this is going to go. When he gets through his dental pain he will have another 'episode' which will mean another week’s silence.

Following the exchange he texts me to say, “I feel so bad.” When he said this the penny dropped as to what he was doing.

I didn’t even bother to respond, I already said I hope he gets better beforehand, so I wasn’t being petty about it.

The crazy thing is how he manipulated me to ensure that I was the one to cancel both dates so that HE didn’t have to do it.

I liked him, I’m not sure why I was trying to ignore the flags, but I can see why the BPD pull is so strong, it really is. He killed me with his charm.

Am I being unreasonable to question and doubt that he’s in pain, maybe he is? It just seems too convenient to me. He’s insecure, he thinks I’m too good for him, well so he says. I don’t know lol, it's probably all BS.

Just wanted some support and clarity from this forum. It’s been 5 days no contact and it’s been really hard even when knowing how toxic the relationship was.

She broke up with me accusing me of cheating online. She asked if I wanted to talk about what was on my phone to which I had no idea what she was talking about. In the end I asked if she meant reddit (there is material on here lol) and she said yes and went into how I’ve been looking at livestreams and messaging girls. I was so confused because I mainly use this for gaming communities.

The next day she tells me she never went on my phone but I had told her everything I needed to know. She then said whether you did something or not, I don’t trust you and then broke up with me

That night she calls me yelling at me asking why tf am I not fighting for this. I told her I had to respect the decision as hard as it was.

After constant back and forth I ask for a week apart so we could emotionally reset. To which, the response was “I don’t think we should have a timeline, if we get back together we get back together as I want to work on myself and am excited to”. Again I respected that. Eventually it got to a point where I tried to rekindle the love by playing the guitar for her and taking her out. Unfortunately she confesses that she got with someone not long after our argument. I lose my sh!t and say we are done.

After blocking her on my phone, she contacts my mum, cousin, got a different SIM card and drove to different phone booths all while under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Eventually she sends me a photo of her self harming.

I speak to her the next day as I could see that she was not doing well. She says she wants to try and fight for us. At this point I put up my walls but because I never saw this fight in the relationship I thought “do your worst”. And she did and I ended up bringing down my walls again…only for her to break it off again due to seeing the pain in my eyes…

So I decided to go on a trip and meet new people. I admit I slept with someone as revenge, didn’t feel good after. Nevertheless about a week later I get a message saying “no I know what I want, I know with you I have a future and a child”. As I have recently graduated an honours degree and have been very supportive of my partner through her BPD and past trauma. Even helping her move out of home, getting her licence and equipment to help (new phone, laptop, tv etc).

I come back home and my cousin tattoos the both of us (this had been planned months ago and my cousin needed clients). Prior to that she went out a night and got “spiked” doing coke, which freaked me out because I didn’t hear from her and was concerned.

When we got our tattoos done she acts very loving to me and is touching me. Due to last minute decisions, I ask if she could take me to the airport and stay over. Immediately when I arrive we sleep together and then the questions start coming out. Asking if I had slept with anyone, to avoid argument I lied and said no but I said I met this person. She then shows me who she slept with that night, saying she has options and that so many people messaged her when we broke up. She also confesses that she had been taking drugs a “handful of times” during our relationship even tho she knew I didn’t like that stuff. To which she says “I don’t need a grilling right now” even though I tell her you told me you were never gonna take it due to how it broke your family apart.

The next day she takes me to the airport. That night she asks if she should be worried about me bringing girls back to the hotel, and that I was lucky to have her as a partner and that she doesn’t want to waste time, which confused me because I said you’re the one that broke up with me. But also noting that the people she had seen were not good for her (guys with wives, guys in trouble with the law) etc. to which I said that makes me feel like a second option.

The night before I arrive home she messages the girl to see if I slept with her. At that point I confess to her I did and she loses it at me.

The next day she calls me to apologise for what she said, seeing the double standard. But acknowledging that we cannot work together and wants to put this in the past. Noting that if we do meet down the track, we might be in a better position to work things out.

It’s been 5 days since our last contact and even though initially when she did break up with me first I felt relief, I honestly feel incredible sadness now. Even knowing the constant disrespect I faced during the relationship, being told why can I be more like this person, getting told to fck off and complaining that we weren’t focusing on the relationship, but rather the problems she faced (work, financial stress etc)

Why do I feel this way. Why do I want this back….why does it hurt so much.

Just couple of days ago, I was reading a post in neurodiversity subreddit of someone who shared experience about BPD abuse, and that neurodivergent people participate in abuse dynamics in relationships with BPD. There were a lot of comments that BPD are neurodivergent too because of the disorder their brains works different too. Fine, I understand that neurodiversity was meant about them and after hot discussion, there was a thread about cruelty regarding BPD people. they are people too, the OP was writing. Oh really? I was so mad and confused at the same time that they are victims here! like I said that they do not deserve life, or deserve to die alone. just was saying that it neurodiverse and neurodivergent are not the same things, and discussed traits how they behave, and was blamed for harassment and ableism. how hypocrite… I wish those people would never experience the BPD abuse, and how it can destroy your life.. sometimes I don’t believe that I’ll get better with my severe PTSD after such experience

Hi. I'd like to hear women's stories about leaving an abuse BPD man. Did he start stalking you? Did he get angry the more you ignored him? Did you notice him monitoring you?

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I'm wondering if it's intuition or delusion.

Did he end up forcing himself back into your life, even months later? Did he attempt to break in or threaten you or love bombing?

Reasons:

1. after I broke up with him over text (following a late-night shouting match) I started feeling jumpy. Like I was being watched. Found him under my window 3 weeks after my restraining order lapsed. I'm now too afraid to even check my windows because I'm too scared of the answer
2. I once joked (when we were good) that I felt like I was bumping into him too much so would be changing my schedule
3. we live in the same neighbourhood. So when I've been bumping into him lately (trying to go back to normal) I see this familiar look in his eyes - very focused on me, a teary-eyed rage. He often lingers nearby when I'm with my dog. For some reason I'm worried about what will happen if I move too close to him. I don't know why. It ended months ago. I've been avoiding eye contact and pretending he doesn't exist (side note: Im actually worried walking past him could be putting me in more danger... thoughts?)

The police were involved the last time he hurt me. The DA dismissed the charges. So I'm convinced he's invested in leaving me alone... but I still have this nagging feeling that I'm in danger.

Random thought: even dating lately, I've been keeping men away from my apartment because my first thought instantly is "he'll k*** anyone who comes near me."

I'd really appreciate reading your personal experiences with trying to separate from a BPD man who lives 5min away from you?

There's literally nothing worse than a man who wants you back in his bed. Wow

It would feel terrible to buy food at a place for you and your partner and first thing you hear when you sit down is some childish mumbling about them not having anyone to beat up, right?

Yeah that's the degree of how much I made my partner with BPD believe it's inconsequential regarding my feelings to say that. Always focusing on themselves, severely manipulative and unrespectful. But also is the most loving person in the world, or at least is trying to be, and wants to go to therapy.

But things like this keep me awake at night, all the times I was merciful, all the times I should've broken up. All the times I was the toxic one, and he let it all slide too.. I'm not obligated to carry his cross, not when he doesn't even please me emotionally and sexually. What a parasite, and what a fool I am. I keep lying to myself and catch every promise that has no effect on the reality.

The guilt and hope makes me unable to break up, it's terrible.

I recently broke up with my pwBPD. even after looking through old texts, seeing how she treated me, and the horrible things she would say. remembering the panic attacks and the fear of would she could do. I still find myself missing her, and fearing her moving on quickly. I know at the end of the day, she'll never be happy, but there's always that fear she'll find someone and treat them the way I always wanted her to treat me. how do I find peace knowing that eventually she'll move on?

Thanks to all of you courageous folks who are willing to share your journeys, struggles, and pain in this arena - I have been able to glean a tremendous amount of comforting knowledge, and practical steps to move forward with the rest of my life.

I really fell into it with marrying a pwBPD, but I know for a fact I will come out of it stronger, and with the ability to be genuinely compassionate towards my ex. It has been a HARD journey. Bone-crushing, soul-searching hard. Hands down the most difficult experience of my life.

Finally, at long last, there's been a subtle but certain uptick in my trajectory as I move onward and upward while she repeats her cycles with different faces.

I can now, for the first time since the first of many horrible discards, say that I have nothing but compassion for her in my heart, and genuinely pray for her and those around her with love in my heart. That is an about-face from my absolutely trainwreck codependency that caused me to cling on for so long I thought I was going to physically expire from the ongoing emotional tumult.

After this, I'm starting to think the proper first date involves formally taking the MMPI together 😂

Happy 2025 everyone and thank you all so much for your candor, welcoming, and mutual understanding.

Sending 💖 to you, wherever you are.

Technically, it's been a month and a half since we broke up. Leading up to the break up and afterwards, she said some nasty shit to me that led to me to just...reexamine the entire relationship. I talked to friends, family, and my therapist. And...honestly, I learned that I was abused again. She finally sent an email "apologizing" and I excepted it and said we would have a boundary that we would JUST be friends.

Well, about two days in, she admits she still has feelings for me, and we decide to cut contact. (She was checking my reddit comments and she was getting upset about any comments that had to do with the person I'm with now.) She admitted to the lovebombing (it wasn't done on purpose, but it happened,) and the lying...and the shit she said afterwards crossing lines she shouldn't have. She said she acted out of hurt and thought she was "being logical" but she realized she was all emotions then.

I accepted the apology at the time, but...I realized, afterwards, that her apologies and us talking through it never actually addressed everything. Here's the list of things that were never quite addressed it:

• She barely touched on the probable emotional infidelity. She never showed she understood why I was so hurt by her hiding her facebook relationship status and not changing it to separated from "married." Why it looked weird that she didn't change her contact name for her stbx husband until four months into our relationship. Why even saying "I love you" to him (during our first month of dating) on said facebook so he would give child care is incredibly fucked up thing to do...to him and I.
• She never addressed the fact she was incredibly hypocritical in her standards of me. She constantly lied, but honesty was important to her. She greatly "valued" that I proved I would fight for a relationship, but then she gave up the first big hurdle.
• She never addressed that she gaslit me in regards to things like intimacy, telling me I was too intense, or calling me manipulative. She kind of...just skipped that entire section and only addressed the last half of that entire email.
• She never really acknowledged that she was incredibly manipulative the last time we were to potentially have any intimacy over the phone (the "I really miss you that way," then flirting the whole morning...then suddenly left me on read for several hours and comes back saying she was "too drowsy." Or the fact she had to lie or just ignore when I'd ask if she'd use a toy and she would tell me the battery died...despite her only using it once in front of me (which normally wouldn't be a problem in a relationship...but she was only intimate with me every other week at that point.)
• She never admitted or really addressed that she was incredibly inconsistent with boundaries and tried to maintain control in regards to them. She would say she felt incredibly safe with me, only to go the opposite way and say that I was pressuring her (in regards to long-distance intimacy.)
• She never admitted to or addressed the fact that she betrayed me several times and completely dismissed concerns I had over her STBX husband. Hell, I even asked her directly when the separation actually began, and she never gave me an answer.
• She never addressed that she blame me when she stopped doing something. Like sexting. She stopped sexting out of the blue, and said it was my fault because I told her that led me on - but I never told her that. Ever.
• She never addressed that she had our kink dynamic was...well, she took and never gave. She never did any of the tasks she wanted to be given and said she would do...and just said "well, it overwhelmed me." But, if I needed to do something for her in regards to it, then it was suddenly okay for her to participate in.
• She never addressed or acknowledged that the shit she did to me over the entire course of the relationship was emotionally abusive.
• She never recognized that, even now, she wasn't being honest with herself or me completely. She's getting help and going to therapy, but...she's never completely acknowledged the actual problems.
• She never recognized or acknowledged that I put in a lot for the relationship and she just...stopped giving anything back.

When it came down to it - she let her thoughts and fears of abandonment win. She chose the easy way out of the relationship because it was starting to inconvenience her, and she may never actually acknowledge or realize that. Something I would have never done to her.

She even told me that my need for reassurance (because I had discovered a facebook she hid for five months AND found my late wife's suicide note) was stressing her out several weeks before the break up.

She swore that we would be together forever. She knew I would have not left it unless there was something monumentally fucked up. She said I was her person, her soulmate. And, in the end, she abandoned me, my kids and our future. I tried keeping it amicable and say "hey, I'll stay single if you will," and she shot down all the offers. And got incredibly lasty for several weeks until she apologized for her behavior.

My daughter even said several times she missed her and would tell me every time (during the first couple of weeks) that my ex would be online on her switch. She said that several times leading up to the break up because...well, my ex wouldn't ever hang out with me much that entire last month. I eventually told my daughter, after I got a very angry and explosive reddit chat message from my ex, that my ex and I wouldn't be getting back together...my daughter looked at me, and said "Okay, I'll remove her from my switch's best friend list" without much fuss. But, then, later that night, she looked at me and said "don't you wish sometimes that people could get a second chance at life?" (referring to her late mom.) My teenage son had even warmed up to her at that point.

I guess the worst part about all this is that after I said bye to her and the night stretched on...I kind of feel used and like she never really considered my feelings on things. She acted like she did, but, strangely, most things would only really happen on her time. If it was just one of those things (like, she revealed two months in that she was still married and in separation...and opened up everything else,) it could have been overlooked. But...getting out of the fog and anxiety she left me in made me realize that the totality of the relationship was incredibly toxic towards me. She helped me a lot realize how abusive my late wife was and how fucked up the shit my wife did was (including the neglect of my kids, the hoarding, the verbal abuse, the domestic abuse, the financial abuse, the manipulation, and the emotional infidelity because she was talking to random dudes on kik.)

But...in the end, she was a different, more subtle flavor of abusive, and she needs to recognize that. Hopefully DBT helps her to learn how to cope better and start making her love herself so she doesn't sabotage or try to control her relationships with the people around her.

My partner and I have been dating for exactly a year Sunday and I have had some of the best times of my life with her. When it’s good, it’s amazing and I believe I love her. I think this because I have put so much into the relationship, so much that I have lost myself and now see how one sided the relationship is. Even small things like asking how each others days is, she will never ask.

This week I suggested something that might help with her seizures that might help, and this triggered her. I explained im just trying to support / care but there is no empathy there. This is followed by silent treatment, guilt tripping, turning her family members on me and won’t end until I apologise. But why should I have to tread on egg shells from now on and change myself cause she triggers from quite literally anything. I asked her to give me earlier notice for cancelling something and that triggered her and said she could have just not called.

She has quiet BPD and has no treatment. Am going over tomorrow to talk, I don’t see her wanting to get help or get better so if I stay I put up with the emotional abuse, the other side of me feels for her though and wants to find a way as 90% of the time things are good. I would like understanding for my feelings on my part and for the relationship to be more 50/50 but is that possible.

So my (M42) partner (F32) of 2 years is some kind of neuro-divergent, but i cant figure out what. She refuses to see anyone about it. She will never admit she is wrong. Never apologise Lies Will fight to the death before admitting even the slightest bit of fault Constantly pointing out all the stuff i do wrong. Has a kind of god complex. Thinks she is always right and im always wrong, regardless of the truth. Has a very low sex drive, I dont know if thats part of it Threatened suicide when we broke and other times, hasnt been spoken of since Will get annoyed at things and it sticks with her for hours at least, mostly like 6 to 12 hour chunks

I just want to understand her better to help her. Any pointers ?

Please read my post history for the full story if you're interested.

So my exwBPD essentially admitted that shes going to continue to "use men until she dies early anyways" and although she didn't say it, she is clearly not over me, despite leaving me and replacing me. I wasn't ever aggressive with her, but I wasn't begging either. after telling her about a future overseas trip I'm going to do with my friends she lost it and claimed that I "always put money over her" which just isn't true lol. She also kept making a point that I will "never forget her" and that "men never forget their first love". It seems that it matters a lot to her that I never get over her, and she still clearly values my perspective on her, and she also is clearly uninterested in her new fling.

So I guess my question is, why the fuck is she doing any of this in the first place? Does she just enjoy being miserable? Does she enjoy pushing me away and making stupid, self-destructive decisions? If she was looking at things from a purely logical, pragmatic standpoint she would have kept me around for decades, draining me of all I'm worth because she knows id do it. But she doesn't view me as pathetic either because she clearly isn't disgusted with me or over me at all. So what the Hell lmfao. If she wanted to be evil and just keep me around so I could give her her supply, then why didn't she just do that?

Yesterday night she broke NC by calling me on no caller ID. I’ve been posting here quite regularly over the last month with the whole situation.

But TLDR ended super bad, she already had monkey branched onto new supply, was NC 28 days until a call last night. Over the last 5 or so days these two significant events happened.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/JXVPkN3MlN

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/ffi9g1eL3v

With that context in mind, I’m away from my city this weekend for my best-friends bday, we’ve been looking forward to it for a month now and especially me since i’ve had a horrid holiday/new year period. I’m getting ready, substances have been taken, no caller id call comes up so naturally in that state I pick up the phone all chirpy and not thinking too much of it. Silence. I say hello a couple more times and I hear her voice back then silence again. I think i’m tripping out and the substances flip me into paranoia.

I step outside where it’s quieter away from the party, and i just say her name. She replies yes. The call is quick, 3 mins. She tells me she had seen an apology i sent her a month ago in her message requests and she said she wanted to let me know she received it, acknowledged it, she understands my explanations (in the apology) and she’s sorry too. I knew better to believe her, because believing her in the past only got my heart broken. And the way she was delivering this was extremely stale. In the back of my mind I know I dont want to say sorry (again) or thankyou, i dont want to give her that satisfaction. So instead i say okay.

I tell her i’m confused and she asks why and i tell her “well you told me you want nothing to do with me so i’ve left you alone, then your best friend views my story, and in a matter of hours you’ve blocked me everywhere, and now you’re calling me?” she starts to ramble, not answering anything i mentioned. I ask again so why’d you block me. Just like i suspected, (and you can refer to my prev posts here) she was mad because we both now have the same dyed her. “You literally dyed your hair red the same day i did !?” I roll my eyes and tell her we both had spoken about this NUMEROUS times in the past, she actually wanted hers ANOTHER colour and i just dyed mine the colour i had been set on (which i’ve done in the past as well), i tell her “also how the f am i supposed to know what colour your hair is?” I could tell she didnt like me calling her out because she just cuts me off, starts repeating herself from the start of the call and that the purpose of the call was to acknowledge my apology.

As she does this i remember exactly why it didn’t work out because she never listened and talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. I’m defeated once again so i just tell her “okay, anything else?” “No thats all”

“Okay.” “Okay” “cool” “cool”. This is something we’d always do when we wanted to keep talking longer but didnt know what to talk about. But last night was different. I tell her i gotta go and hang up. If i didn’t i knew she’d continue talking and i would cave. Im so glad i did because even though i went and mini crashed out to my friends at the party it was over in 10 mins. I moved on , had a good night and like my friend told me “it sounds like SHE’S the one who’s crashing out now”

Figured I’d share my story if it might help to give one of y’all clarity. Grant it some of these other stories are much more extreme but nonetheless all are heartbreaking

Met this woman through a mutual friend (25f) I’m (26m). As you all know it was all “perfect” in the beginning. Inflation, “you’re so much better than my ex, he was a narcissist, (they love that term) I love your arms, your hobbies, the same shows” “I want to get married, have kids with you, build a life with you” all that stuff. She even said she loved my pheromones when we got intimate. My dog, my beat to shit truck (50 years old needs some work lol) my trailer. She “LOVED” it. Loved my hair, my breath, smile, everything. Little did I know how fake it all was and would find out later. This was all after our third date as well. Told me before we got intimate that she usually doesn’t do this (intimacy) unless she “truly” felt a connection (lies). Decided we had the same values and goals in life (they were my goals not hers). She just assimilated to them. So we got together officially. LDR, but would see each other on the weekends.

Few months in things in my opinion were going good, although there was so many red flags I would ignore because I was convinced she was “the one. The infatuation, 3 hours or more phone calls nearly everyday. Sometimes how mad she would get (not at me but at other people and situations) FaceTiming all the time, to the point my sleep schedule was getting messed up. Sometimes she’d call me at work having a fit about something and I couldn’t stay on the phone for too long cause ding ding I’m working. My job gets fast paced sometimes and I can’t drop everything in the heat of the moment. Always would call her back when things slowed down and she would instantly be depressed. Would never tell me why, but it was probably because I couldn’t talk to her in the moment of her ranting. I think this was the begging of the end for her. However she was a quiet type, never brought up things that I might have done that bothered her. Just internalized everything and came to her own conclusions. Time went on with me still thinking things were good and her acting like it too, something she did do that was strange was send me a video of her cleaning her “friends” bathroom and trying to fix one of his tools. I didn’t think anything of it at the time and since I’m not controlling I also didn’t mind if she had “friends” of the opposite sex. Would later find out she was fucking this guy behind my back. Even went to an event with her AND him, a party later that night at his place. Night of the party I was driving us back to her place and she had a melt down claiming “I don’t know why I can’t have any girl friends” in the moment I didn’t think much of it but she was probably projecting her guilt on me because she went to homies house and fucked him because she made herself vulnerable and didn’t uphold the morals she never had in the first place.

Little bit more time went by and I was starting to get serious about finding a job where she lived, getting ready to you know do the things we talked about. Moving in, was planning a proposal a bit afterwards and kids the whole nine down the line. She started to get standoffish about me finding a job and moving in. Complete opposite of how she was 6 months before. Once again I didn’t think about it and thought she was having a bad day. She was getting more and more depressed as the last couple months of the relationship went on. Because of her guilt. Last day I saw her she was completely disassociated. Tried to talk to her to no avail. Tried to get her out of the house but she would rather watch trauma core music videos and sit there with the most soulless look I’ve seen anyone have. She was preparing for the discard.

I went back to my place after the weekend. She stopped calling me and snapping me on Wednesday, was completely ignoring me. At first I was worried if she was even alive because of how she looked when I left. We had each others tracking info so I seen she was at work and went home that night. No answer. Thursday, she went to work but she did not go home after, nah she went to homies place. The guy I previously mentioned, stayed the night there for 2 nights. At this point I had a pretty good idea of what was going on. Finally called me back on Wednesday crying (also fake) saying “I have so much going on right now, I’m unsure about things, I need my space”. I asked if she wanted to sleep on it and call me tomorrow when she was cooled down but she said that would make it worse. She also said she didn’t cheat, I had every reason to not believe her but I trusted for some reason.

Fast forward to now, I’ve been doing extensive research on this diagnosis and realized she did fuck him. Ain’t no way she didn’t. Anyways a little before she said she wanted to work things out but wouldn’t let me come over to see her and she wouldn’t come over to me. Would ignore for days on end sometimes “claiming the need for space”. Guess she didn’t need space from other men though. Kept on letting her dragging me through the mud with more fake promises of a future and all that. But then she started posting conflicting things on Facebook as they do, indirectly calling me a narcissist. She would also make sad posts and I’d comment letting her know she’s not alone and I’m here for her. Instantly deleted said posts to maintain the image of a victim. It’s all sick now that I think about it. Worst part is part of me loves her still, the person she portrayed to be anyway. She refuses therapy and help from qualified people so I doubt it will get better for her but I hope so, for anyone else that falls into the trap. Finally called her out on her shit and all she had to say was “I’m sorry really am” “I self sabotage everything because it’s all I know” she would say shit like that in the beginning too but I had no idea how bad she was talking about. I thought she meant she does stupid shit sometimes which we all do. But no, she was talking about any and every relationship she’s ever had, intimate or not.

Sorry for the long post but I figured if I can help someone relate or spot these things before it’s too late, it’s worth it. YOU CANT SAVE THESE PEOPLE, especially the ones who don’t want to get better. Leave now, save yourself the heartbreak.

First time poster, alone and anxious and having no one to talk to. My husband is a disabled Vet who suffers CPTSD and BPD. Long story short, he had to be taken via EMS after altercation with cops. After some time I was able to talk to him and he gave me the ultimatum to never "put him in a box" again and it was my fault the police showed, (neighbors called) because they wouldnt have heard if our windows are open. Im just learning about FOG and BPD but why do I feel like it IS my fault, like i wasnt caring for him enough. I just need direction and understanding whats going on in my life.

Things have been going well but are about to change and I'm just trying to get ready for the battles to come, unfortunately.

Best case is I'm way over worried and things continue on just fine. They should, They'd be in her best interest... but we all know how that works.

It shouldn't feel like you're dragging someone behind you, anytime you want to do something fun. You shouldn't have to constantly battle their moodswings and silent treatments just to spend time together. Things shouldn't be that difficult in a healthy relationship. That's why this is almost always doomed.

Hello there. This is kind of a specific situation but I'd love to know whether someone else beside me experienced their ex BPD potentially projecting their ilness onto their ex or another person. I suspect mine unknowingly shared something about herself while blaming her ex girlfriend (she was bisexual) for having this disorder and acting toxic after the breakup. Could've been they were both BPD although my ex has no idea about her diagnosis but it's clear she does have it after I attended multiple counseling sessions to stand on my feet and many of the professionals seemed to agree on that. Let me know what u think if it's possible or if u had this kind of situation before.

Hi all, I apologize if this question has arisen prior but I am looking for support and guidance in tense situation. Please be kind! I am navigating a difficult point in my relationship and I struggle with reading red flags and intent as a result of being an autistic person.

I am beginning to suspect that my partner may have undiagnosed BPD. I want to respect her privacy so I don’t want to go into great detail, but I can say that she essentially exhibits all of the characteristic symptoms and traits of a person with BPD.

I am in a position where I care for her very much, and I need help in understanding how to breach this topic with her. I am struggling in finding my own boundaries and knowing when it may be time to walk away or how to plan for a future with someone with BPD (if that is possible). I want to see her as someone who suffers from this condition, as opposed to label her as “bad”. I have empathy for this state as an autistic, and I think that also affects the way I feel, think, create boundaries and communicate. As I imagine you can relate, my partner is an amazing and loving person when she is at her best, and this is the side that I love very much. When she is at her worst, we both suffer.

Any resources would be greatly appreciated to support the navigation of this situation. Thank you all in advance ✌🏻

My expwBPD was a quiet bpd. She very casually mentioned, almost jokingly that she "can't have sharp objects around her". Would make jokes like that out of nowhere. But she always had a box cutter for other purposes and obviously she has access to knives and such. One morning, I woke up to a message, paraphrasing "I don't need you to freak out or worry but with wanting to take a break from school and the new job and all of the stress that comes from that, I wanna cut myself to be in control of something. I'd rather not, im just telling you so I won't be alone in this and I know you won't freak out or give me a lecture". I responded calmly, assuring her that it's okay to take a break and focus on work, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed, but please don't hurt yourself, all that stuff. But I ended up spending the day panicking and pacing around my apartment because I failed to be there for her when she needed me. Later on she mentioned buying a knife for protection because of the area where she worked being a bit dangerous. I felt like I should say something but I didn't want to insult her, and I feel like I should have, but also that shouldn't be my responsibility? This whole thing was a mind fuck and I feel like I was put in a very unfair position. Any thoughts would be helpful.

I've felt like a parent for a while, and things escalated again, back to threats of suicide if I leave. I'll be staying with a friend and finding a homeless shelter to have some stability. It's weird to consider a shelter as more stable, yet that's the long and short of it. I'm gonna struggle with no contact, a lot. I see the ways the past threats have me severely traumabonded and addicted. I don't know where to find support during the periods where I feel guilt or afraid of what she will do. Yet plan to be far away so she can't find or locate me. This sucks completely, and I'm scared for myself and my safety yet aware that it is only going to escalate again and again. I feel sad for her situation yet I can't live in fear in my own home again.

Looking back and realizing I enabled alot of bad behavior in pwbpd. Taking it as a learning experience but suddenly ashamed of myself for enabling mistreatment because I was convinced I deserved it. I'm in disbelief now on how bad it was because of the attachment I had. I still have all this anger I haven't been able to expel. But I feel like I'm turning it inward on myself now. It could be my bodys way of being triggered that I let everything get out of hand. Simultaneously I'm still happy that I broke out of the attachment and going forward have been setting boundaries more recently and doing things without guilt.

I am so tired of having the same discussion that ends up in the same place. I’ll have a talk about the lies or the selfishness and they’ll say all these things about change at first but the conversation will then turn into this self deprecating thing where I know the point of the conversation and the changes that need to happen and any resolution is gone. I feel like there can be no progress or resolution in a relationship if this is how a my pwBPD operates.

I feel like everything my pwBPD does is just a reaction to him not getting “abandoned” because once he says he’s sorry or he’s going to change then one day later I can tell by his demeanor that since he doesn’t feel like he’s going to be left then he acts like nothing ever happened (they act like this especially after they go to therapy which is bizarre) it’s so completely maddening. Has anyone ever had their pwBPD ever acknowledge your feelings and make changes or do you get stuck in a cycle?

We were only together for three months, it's been a month out since the breakup, I'm not sure why her words are still getting to me.

Perhaps there's a kernel of truth to what she said. Our communication styles were never a match to each other, and I can accept that. It's harder when I think about how she calmly manipulated me into thinking I'm a narcissist, showing me the Wikipedia page for narcissistic personality disorder; me combing through it, and bursting into tears became some of the symptoms loosely fit me. Rationally I know she felt the end of our relationship was near, just as much as I did, and she was trying to make me feel as awful as she felt, but part of me doesn't believe that. She didn't show any guilt over making me cry; she kept a really good poker face if she did feel guilty.

And then there was her worries that I was using her for sex, and I never reassured her enough that this wasn't the case. I wish I could've handled this better, and it's hard because it's so obviously embedded with her childhood trauma, and I feel so terribly for her.

She also could be very condescending, like I'm a child who needs to be taught basic life lessons. During one of her hours-long beratement sessions over video chat, she asked me if I knew what the word "manipulative" meant (obviously implying that I've been manipulating her to get the reaction I wanted), but with the emotional overwhelm that I was feeling after arguing for hours on end, I couldn't answer her question. Of course this made me feel absolutely pathetic. She's weaponized psychology concepts to tear down her partners whenever she's feeling bad, knows she fucked up, and is the narcissist herself. I'm not sure whether she's got a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. I'm sure with her hours of googling she's come across it, yet never mentioned anything about it to me.

Despite all of this, she's had many moments where she's been supportive and shown empathy for me. I know she was in love with me and she showed me her heart. She had a lot on her plate, as well. I can't get over the dichotomy: someone with such a pure heart, who's also able to spew such venom whenever she's angry.

The sad part is that she has worked on herself, and our relationship was great until the very end. So I don't know what to think: this condition is so insidious yet destabilizing.

Do they all have this weird projection onto themselves? Women with BPD? Like, they’re the pinnacle of maturity, and compared to men, they’re just naturally more intelligent and emotionally enlightened, and that we'll never be able to understand them. Because, obviously, that’s just how the universe works. No further questions. It’s science.