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I should start this off by saying that I do not have BPD, but my now ex does.

I had been dating this guy for almost three months, and exactly 6 days ago, I found out he had a long-term girlfriend the entire time.

When we initially met, he opened up to me about the different aspects of his diagnoses, the history behind it, and gave me the opportunity multiple times to leave in fear of being abandoned. As someone who may not have BPD but isn't unfamilar with many of its aspects, I went into dating from a place of being willing to learn how to help manage from my position as best as possible because I truly loved him.

During the last two months, there were no issues in the relationship itself until a falling out happened because I found out he'd been hiding his breakdowns from me. As young adults, we lived separately, and I had classes while he was on work. We had agreed early on that communication was the only way I would be able to be there for him the way that he needed me to, and I always made sure to tell him exactly what I was doing at all times and reassure him that he would never be a burden for reaching out to me. We agreed to have a serious conversation about what was necessary for our relationship going forward after I completed this semester, but that was before I found out he had been lying to me this entire time.

I discovered that he had a girlfriend he'd been hiding from me who he has been with for at LEAST 6 months; That means I was the other woman in this situation. I immediately confronted him about it and ended our relationship because I do not tolerate infidelity, regardless of which position I find myself in.

Even in the breakup, I tried to remain mindful of how this might affect him, and told him that despite doing a horrible thing, he is still capable of being a good person. His ability to be loved as someone with BPD was something that had always come up from time to time, and I am not lying when I said I deeply loved this man.

He claimed that he had only done what he did because he suspected that she had been unfaithful, but that still doesn't make it right that he led me along to get revenge on her. I have gone back and forth for days between telling her or trusting him to come clean himself. That was until I found out that she got his name tattooed on her earlier today.

I'm trying to consider every aspect of this, including her well-being and his (having BPD and MDD), and I simply do not know what to do. Do I tell her and risk potentially hurting both of them in the process? Please offer any advice.

(*This was posted to other BPD-related forums because I really need to know how to go about this.)

Can anyone recommend any books they’ve read that has helped them recover/better understand ppl with bpd/npd?

Trigger warning. One of my abuse encounters.

I'm having a rough day today. Maybe what's bothering me can help others that want to go back come to their senses. If this is happening to you, don't be like me and try to protect her. Call the police. That will be the only way they have any consequences for their actions. They already get away with so much. It didn't really physically hurt but it broke my heart and my mind.

Married over 20 years. She was mostly quiet but had a big split for almost a year straight. I'm over my wife. However, I'm not over the things she did to me and the things she continues to do with divorce, smearing, and behavior. I woke up already thinking about the second time she hit me. She started an argument that probably could have gone all night if she didn't have to go back to the store. This was the time she threw her shoe at me and peeled the skin off my elbow and the laces left welts on my back. Our oldest was one room over with his door open and a direct view. My reaction was in a defeated tone.

Me: "I was just asking where did that money go. Just don't hit me again."

pwBPD: "You don't trust me"

Me: "I just asked a question because it didn't make sense. We can stop talking about it now. Just don't hit me again."

pwBPD: "I see you have scratches on your back. You were supposed to be out exercising. Did your girlfriend give you those?"

Me: "It's there because of your shoe laces and I'm sweaty from running. It's right by the missing skin on my elbow. I was just running. Just don't hit me again."

pwBPD: "Why do you try to make me upset? You do it on purpose."

Me: "I wasn't trying to make you angry. I just wanted to know how you burned through that much money. Please don't hit me again."

The only thing I asked was how did she go through the amount of money, not even a suggestion of what it could have been spent on. I was about 130lbs heavier than her at the time and she was still so aggressive. I loved her so much and was desperate to help her. My children are now brainwashed and my oldest doesn't seem to remember. They are now being coached for the upcoming divorce.

This is just some of the betrayal I'm still figuring out how to overcome. Divorce laws are going to reward this monster for doing this and so much more. She destroyed our marriage and family. There are techniques to stop ruminating, but some days, it seems to start before I wake up and I can't stop it.

I have been writing a lot to people on the threads of this group who are struggling after having left a borderline partner. They feel horribly empty inside, lonely, and life seems to bring no joy.

I've been there, so I thought I'd share how my journey of escaping played out, for anyone struggling.

First of all, the cliche: it gets better.

One lesser told aspect: it gets much, much better, better than before your ill-fated relationship life was.

During your relationship, the borderline, of course, manipulated you thoroughly through the entire time. Let's forget the blame game. It's nobodies fault. They are very unwell and incurable. This is, of course, very sad for everyone, but we are not responsible for this state of affairs.

So, here you are. You summoned the strength to send that last email or text.

Now you are feeling empty. You feel maybe you made a mistake. The weeks go by with the roller coaster of emotions still undulating up and down, side to side. Life seems barren of joy, desolate, and lonely.

Right now, you are at the first step. This step is in the basement of the borderline world. You are leaving the basement, but you are worried about where these steps lead. Is it to a better place than the basement? Is it to a better place than where you were at before you met the borderline?

It's a conundrum. You feel way out of your depth.

During your relationship, the borderline honed in on your insecurities, and they exploited those insecurities. Including your default ability to care, to step in, and save someone. They pressed every button they could see. You may feel they were correct in the evaluation.

They are, after all, children in need of saving, from themselves. You were not telling the whole truth about how far you would go to save them. You weren't really going to die down in the basement with them. You were lying to yourself. They were right about that also. But you were hoping to pull them out of the basement to a wonderful place of happiness. It seemed like this was a possibility. They knew you wouldn't stick around, thats why they were yelling at you the whole time.

But you were never really there, where they planned to stay. It was a relationship of one, the borderline. You were simply an identity for them to cling to.

Theu drained you of your energy down there, so why would you whole again when you've only taken the first step that leads out of the basement? The borderlines stare at you from behind, saying, " You can't do this, I know you back to front, I know what you are and are not capable of. You have no choice but to stay here."

These seeds were planted early on. They yelled at you about your insecurities, in many, many ways. You belong in the basement. They pushed the button in you and further sowed seeds of doubt in yourself. But, they can't see you THAT well. What would they know? They are incapable of escaping past the emotional age of a small child.

As the weeks pass, you take a few steps up this staircase. Still, the borderline is taunting you.

So, where is the staircase going?

It doesn't matter.

One day, you will have climbed enough steps that you will realise that you see the first light outside that basement.

You will look back down at that little child in the basement by herself / himself. They could seek help, they've been told. They prefer this game. The world outside is terrifying. They hide their true selves from the world.

You made it.

You made it

You took it one step at a time, and you persisted.

On this day, and you will feel it when it comes, the massive burden of caretaking for a severely mentally ill person who can't and won't leave that basement is not of your concern. You fought every instinct you have been taught, that had been emotionally hijacked by the borderline.

Emotional blackmail.

You dropped a learned behaviour of being a hero to an individual who never was able to allow you to grow if they wont.

These buttons they pushed, they were not an accurate read of who you are but who you thought you were.

This is the gift of the borderline. As much as you feel they meant harm, their truth, their limits is well known to them.

They gave you the strength to rise above what you thought you were capable of.

Where does the door lead?

To you. A stronger you.

You now have learnt to find happiness in yourself by yourself. Autonomy over your own emotions and doubts.

Discarded 5 weeks ago, abruptly and brutally. Been dealing with aftermath of emotional trauma and mess, with expwBPD still trying to have control over me and inflicting hurt in me by blocking me everywhere and withholding my belongings.

In 3 weeks after the discard, a dear friend of mine of 5 years, who I have considered as a close friend, who I told everything, and trusted a lot, cut me off and ghosted me without explanation.

She was one who was helping me through this disaster with ex and she was even at going to pick up my belongings from my ex.

One night I reached my point where I was in contact with police trying to sort this. Panicked and called my friend and I annoyed her as she was in middle of something. I apologised, sent her two more messages apologising, and I found that she had cut me off from her social media.

I look back and do reflect on myself I may have crossed her boundaries by talking to her and asking for her help with my situation. But I would have never imagined she would just cut me off this way.

This is not entirely about BPD, but it’s about struggle while dealing with BPD aftermath. I am so hurt and feel abandoned, completely broken.

She knew exactly what I was going through, what my ex did to me 3 weeks earlier, and I have deep fear of abandonment.

I am not coping. I don’t know how to feel ok anymore with two who I believedthe closest to me discarded me in one month.

How do I cope?

It’s been a month now since I last spoke to her and while some days are easier than others , overall it’s still a struggle. I know I made the right decision, I know it a millions times over but my brain also is still struggling to fully come to terms that part of my life will never be again. She is my first thought when I wake up in the morning before I realize no , that’s no more. When I go to sleep at night I’m thinking about her … going to places that make me think of her , it’s really hard , harder than I feel it should be to move on. I’m a very nostalgic person so I have lots of triggers from shows we watched , to the foods we loved, to the music we listened to and shared. Unfortunately everything is reminding me of the time we spent together. I know this feeling will fade because it usually does but I also know it keeps coming back and it fucking hurts. To be in love with someone and have so many plans and then it’s just gone so suddenly and abruptly. Idk maybe the love isn’t fully gone which is why it’s that much more difficult to let go

She left me 12 days ago. Today I looked at her social media, I know I shouldn’t and I paid for it. I found her secret Instagram account, she’s been posting on it for months while we still together. The posts are mostly paragraphs written about missing her exes. And there’s one from three days ago where she says she finally feels ‘safe and free.’ It’s not fair, I can barely get out of bed everyday, I can’t stop thinking about her, I have to fight the urge to break nc all hours of the day and she’s just fine? She’s happier without me??

I ruined my life for her. All of my friends cut me off because she wouldn’t stop accusing me of cheating with them and I constantly prioritized her feelings over their discomfort. I have no money because I paid for everything because she would throw a fit if I didn’t. We live in a small city and she has dozens of friends who will most likely forever think of me as someone who abused her because she’s definitely saying that I did.

I gave up so much for her and I never meant anything to her. I was just a toy and a placeholder to keep her busy until she found someone she wanted more. I actually fucking loved her even when she was constantly cheating on me and hitting me. I can’t get over how unfair it is, it’s not even been two weeks and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I hate feeling like this so much

The most isolating thing about this is discussing with friends and family they don’t understand why I can’t move on from an 8 month old relationship easily, they don’t understand what discard feels like. One friend asked why I can’t I just accept he was never that interested and move on.

So, I blocked her everywhere online. I’m on a week of NC, going strong without any urge to break my progress. My ex pwbpd and I share some mutual friends.

Last night, I stumbled upon an instagram story on our mutual friend, they were hanging out together. She seemed really happy, and seeing her like that made me start ruminating, is she truly happy? Is she affected by what happened between us? And then, out of nowhere, I felt a wave of sadness because I miss her. It's such a weird mix of emotions.

I don't want to deactivate my Instagram just because of her, so I've been trying to mute our friends' posts. But I'm worried I'll end up obsessing over checking their updates just to see if there's anything about her. I don't know. All I really want is to move on and forget about her. Whenever I see her face, I realize I don't actually want her back. I'm just feeling down.

At the same time, I don't feel the need to cut ties with my friends over this, but it's tough navigating these emotions while trying to maintain those connections.

Ok so here’s the deal. I haven’t talked to this woman in 15 months. I’ve healed. I’m me. I’m content in life. I still miss them but I’ve moved on. Well today I get a notification in my emails that I’ve received a $5 dollar gift on Robin Hood for stocks. I haven’t done anything. I haven’t sent any emails. Idk why I’m getting it. I click the gift and I choose a stock. After I receive the stock I get a message saying. Thank you for inviting EXWBPD and I’m like wtf? There’s no way that I’m barely receiving this stock. I sent her the referral code 15-20 months ago. It’s all stupid. I haven’t talked to her in 15 months. I hit up robinhood customer service to see if it’s some sort of mix up. They told me how the referral program works and they probably signed up today. I asked a buddy to go see Whatsup on their profile cause I’m blocked on everything and my exwbpd just announced her engagement last night 😂 I guess the point of the $5 was to get me to go look. Good job and congrats I guess. I’m annoyed but at least I made $5.

It’s hard to discuss this story with any friends cause they aren’t gonna get it.

If you fulfilled all their requests—whether it was money, vacations, gifts, or refrained from pushing back or holding them accountable—what did you give them and what was the ultimate reason for their discard?

My ex has bpd and we have been broken up since January. He said horrible things to me during the breakup and was emotionally abusive, threatening suicide whenever I tried to leave and also consistently lied about his substance abuse. I feel so stupid, a month ago he reached out to me and apologized for his behaviour and I thought maybe we could still be in each others lives as friends at least. He blocked me twice this week and yesterday he blocked me after I asked him about a shisha lounge since he told me before he tried shisha and I haven’t tried it. He told me it was bad and I asked why it was bad and told him that my friend invited me to go with her and her bf but I wasn’t sure if I should try it. Then after a few hours, my ex messaged me on another platform informing me that he blocked me “I blocked you btw”. Later that night, he made a new Instagram account to message me that he blocked me because “Arab guys will stare at you” and said he missed me and sent me walls and walls of texts. When I didn’t reply he said “I see you want nothing to do with me”. I finally replied and said I unfriended him and removed his number from my phone to respect his wishes since he blocked me twice this week and I don’t want to unintentionally trigger him, so I removed him so that I don’t reach out and respect his choice to block me. He then proceeded to victimize himself making me feel like I did something wrong saying he is deleting all of his apps and that he’s not “dead”. Then he blocked me there too. Why do I always feel like I did something wrong when I just asked a normal question about a shisha lounge? Why do I always blame myself even when I logically know I didn’t do anything wrong and was trying to respect his choices? It’s like no matter what I do I’m wrong somehow. He blocks me and when I respect his choice he’s mad and makes it out like I’m leaving him all over again ??? I don’t get it.

It’s been a couple weeks of having my recent ex blocked. She was so hateful. I had to. She was blowing up my phone with messages saying so much about me that wasn’t true. She said she’d never speak to me again. But of course I’m in withdrawal. I’m in sadness and rumination and grief.

I want to unblock her so the channels of communication can be open for the future. I wish I’d just gone away quietly and not protested and thrown a fit when she split but I was just in confusion and pain and chaos. But anyways she split my totally black. Said she never wanted to talk to me again. I have her blocked everywhere because she kept telling me I was a narcisstic abusive selfish drug addict. None of that is true even a little.

Is there possibly a period of time that this lasts that she might swing back around and want to be on speaking terms with me after she’s cooled down???

I found this nice passage that resonated with me so I thought I’d share.

“Many of us struggle with closure because we lose sight of what it truly is and who’s responsible for it.

We prolong our suffering, hold onto screenshots, and replay scenarios in our head, simply waiting for the day to discuss them. We put our healing on hold or begin hating people because we are waiting on them to say two seemingly simple words … I’m sorry.

Here’s the thing — That apology may never come. Their remorse may never come. That opportunity to sort things out may never come. At that point, you have to accept the fact that your happiness, health, and how you view your experience from here on out is in your hands.

The moral of the story is that people may hurt you, but it’s your responsibility to heal yourself.

Let it go: the pain, the bitterness, and the desire to hurt them back. Stop waiting for them to open their eyes to the error of their ways. They may never see the need to be sorry or the reason to apologise to you. Forgive them anyway. Move forward anyway. Be free anyway.

Close the door to that pain, so you can walk through the doors that are intended, assigned, and aligned for you.”

I’ve never been a vindictive person. I’ve never wanted ”revenge” or anything after being wronged. All I ever want after a conflict is to move on with my life. I’ve gone my whole life trying to show everyone at least a baseline level of kindness and respect and it’s mostly worked out for me, so now I have no idea how to deal with the enormous amount of (justified) anger I have towards my sister. I’ve watched her verbally and physically assault me, my brother, and our parents with no remorse. She’s said horrific things to my dad (while he was grieving the loss of a family member!) because he wouldn’t give her internet privileges back. She threatens suicide whenever she’s even slightly held accountable. There are moments I seriously doubt whether she even has empathy, it genuinely scares me. Just recently she made fun of me for dropping out of college and living at home again- I dropped out after a long period of worsening anxiety and an intense depressive episode following a sexual assault, I have bipolar, was off my meds, and was probably days away from killing myself if my mom hadn’t noticed. It’s a decision I have a lot of shame around and she noticed that and used it to make me feel like more of a failure. Right now she’s downstairs blasting her shitty music and screaming along and it made me realize how angry it makes me when she’s happy. Like she can just flip a switch and act fine but it takes me weeks to stop having panic attacks and nightmares about her stabbing me or our siblings. And then she uses the fact that she can pull herself together so much quicker to paint me as a crazy person, when I’ve never once been violent or cruel as a result of my mental illness. Sorry about the long bummer post, just having a rough day and needed to vent :/

All they do is run. From themselves, us, and most of the time healing. As the title says, timing is everything.

I haven’t seen her in over a month. We live in a town of 100k and have run into each other often. She split hard on me last time even though we haven been together since the beginning of January. I’ve been blocked but apparently she can still message through the block. She said the most fucked up shit to date.

Anyhow, I just saw her as I walked into a bar to meet a buddy for one beer. I only planned to be there the one beer and leave. She walked in at the same time through another entrance with her new supply. A gay man she befriended during one of our discards. They are connected at the hip now on her days off without her kids.

What did she do? She saw me and ran like always. Took off out the patio. I saw her do a double take as she walked away.

I hope I ruined her fucking day as it’s the first nice weekend up here in the pnw. I hope I triggered her because her seeing me always does. She looked discombobulated, and I hope her new best friend sees her in a state that only her partners have. Split. I hope her seeing me to continue living my life ruins just one day for her as she has ruined months of my life over and over again.

I don’t hate her but damn that felt good. Thanks for the vent.

I’ve known about eight borderlines in my life and all of them turned out to be snitches or abusers. Two of them leaked my private group chat to make themselves look like these heroes even though they said vile things themselves. Most of them are so soft and sensitive and you have to walk on eggshells when speaking. The moment you insult someone or act “selfish” they turn. I posted about how I’ll have Starbucks no matter what and they all came for me on TikTok. One borderline who I dated mirrored me a great deal to the point where I felt like I was talking to myself. Then she used DARVO tactics to flip the script and project. Majority of them are so dramatic and make it all aboit themselves. They’re also hypocrites because it’s okay for them to not text you for a week but the moment you go a day without texting them you don’t care about them. This one girl I had a gc with kept saying no one gave a shit about her when they didn’t reply to every comment she wrote. In reality we listened to her every problem. Oh and let’s not mention my ex friend who had some crazy issue happen to her every week. It was so far fetched I cut her off and had enough with the bs stories.

There are plenty of discussions here about whether or not pwBPD truly have empathy, generally followed by discussions of cognitive vs. emotional vs. compassionate empathy and the like. I see it differently based on my experiences and wonder if anyone else does, too.

BPD is programmed to create immediate and intense connections with other people (particularly FPs, but in my experience these are consistent traits). My pwBPD self-described as an empath, to the point where they were convinced they could read other people's minds (with a related expectation that others were supposed to read theirs, but that is a subject for a different post). In the beginning of the relationship this was validated even for me as they could enter any situation, from a concert to a corporate dinner, and emerge with a new "besty" or two or three. People who did not feel like they were meeting my pwBPD for the first time so much as reuniting with a lifelong best friend.

I considered this a superpower for the longest time. It was so opposite of my experiences and so antithetical to my ability to meet people and make friends. It only added to the allure for me in terms of being with someone who was seemingly so approachable and empathetic.

As the relationship progressed into the devaluation/discard stages, and moreso in hindsight after the final discard, I now see their "empathy" as something entirely different: Reciprocated trust.

BPD forces relationships to begin with 100% trust from the very beginning, the opposite of normal relationships where that must build over time and is exceedingly fragile and precious. My pwBPD went into every encounter with a stranger with exuberance, zeal, and what I can only describe as passionate sincerity. Their shields were down, their armor stripped bare as they trauma-dumped to anyone who would listen. This effectively stripped other people of their shields and armor. They would trauma-dump back. My pwBPD would come back with their new "besty's" entire life history. Things that person had never shared with anyone else. The complete trust my pwBPD entered with became a potent truth serum, forging an instant and powerful bond that was tempered in the flames of shared trauma. Like a variant of Stockholm Syndrome.

There is another throughline I've noticed in hindsight with all of this: All of these new "besties" were broken in some way. Childhood trauma, rocky marriages or divorces, grief, abuse, addiction or recovering from addiction, you name it. None of them were ever people who had boundaries or were "normal" in any appreciable way. All of them were people who wanted to be seen and heard and found someone they felt did both.

I don't believe my pwBPD has anything that would pass for actual empathy. I don't know how that would be possible now that I understand they are incapable of seeing people as whole people and have no integrated core identity of their own that they could use as a sounding board for true empathetic reflection. Nor do I see how it would be possible for anyone to have empathy and split the way they do. Empathy and black-and-white thinking are incompatible as far as I'm concerned. Mirroring can absolutely be mistaken for empathy (I know that for a fact, because I mistook it that way).

Did anyone else see this? Is it another pattern and red flag to look for going forward, or just something I experienced?

Welp, fell for the illusion of a once stable relationship. All my ex needed was just a random guy to throw away hundreds of dollars in gifts exchanged, a year, and my sanity. I was unaware of this kind of evil lurking in this world, watching my ex move from us celebrating our anniversary of the most loving, most passionate relationship to being cold and starting the inevidable process of: "he's just a friend" then guy after guy. She wanted a "break." After learning what BPD is... I know damn well this isn't a "break." I'm just a backup, the bad guy, zero accountability on her end too. how the hell do I take this serrated blade out of my heart?

I’m married to a man with BPD. Been married 4 years it’s been rough…my question is about therapists that deal with people that have BPD specifically….he has been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now, I was so excited and relieved he took the step…but it’s like, instead of this woman helping him with his splitting, his perceptions and his reactions….she is validating everything! She even told him that something I was doing was unacceptable and he deserves to be happy!!!

It’s insane because we have been through so much and I have been devastated over and over and now….everything is my fault and his therapist isn’t realizing when he speaks about me or a situation he is in full switch mode and it’s all BS?! I don’t know what to do anymore…this was our last ditch effort at repairing our marriage and he is giving me ultimatums now… It’s like I’m in the twilight zone!

Do these BPD therapists normally do this??

So why are there at absolutely bare minimum three people who deliberately chose to violate rule 1?

I am over the relationship and know I can never go back as I honestly consider it dangerous for my own mental health and that of my young kids but what I struggle with is if it was real.

Does everything that happens in the idealizing phase real, do they mean the things they say profess when they say them and those things are just not able to sustain themselves because of the fear of abandonment or scenarios created in their heads? She was so convincing when she said “my person” and doing life forever, etc., etc..

I never made sex a priority while I know she is a sexual being, I mean we had it regularly but given her past sexual traumas I never wanted her to feel like that was why I was with her. She cried during sex when we got back together because of the emotion that came with doing it with “her person.” From then on I was love bombed to death, it feels so good and was something I never had.

Do you think they mean the things when they say them? I only wrestle with how someone is able to say such things and hold you so high but discard so easily. My mind just does not compute this, I struggle understanding how anyone can just “turn it off.” I know it is a mental disorder and and broad spectrum but wanted to ask.

Anyone have good memes or humor about people yelling that they aren't yelling, or being really angry and saying they aren't being shitty when treating someone terribly?

It's been happening a lot lately and I enjoy trying to find humor in things. My pwBPD wife's definition of yelling is somehow so different from my own that she has never once yelled at me no matter how many times she has screamed at the top of her lungs in anger.

The question explains it all.

My ex’s criminal trial is getting adjourned for the second time because the defence suddenly has “new” evidence they want to submit. They’ve already had 18 months to submit their evidence, so now I’m wondering if my ex is bold and/or stupid enough to give his lawyer something fake. He has a history of photoshopping FB messages to discredit others. Time will tell, I guess.

I know pwBPD are notorious for lying in court, but I’m curious if anyone’s ever dealt with one brazen enough to submit fake/falsified evidence too.

In the beginning I was very understanding. Had patience. My sanity. Even helpful and supportive. But once I tried giving functional direction and action. It seems she doesn’t “know” how to act. She’s exhausted the amount of excuses. The amount of forgiving I have given. She brings up many reasons why she can’t “respect” me. At this rate things feel like a joke . I give her a lot chances and opportunity. Shit just went down the drain and I’m getting more a reality of what I got myself into. Patience and understanding is beyond exhausted. I have gone beyond for her. I just don’t feel the reciprocation.

It’s a jeckel and Hyde game. It’s games. Bunch of promises. Offered chances and a place to grow. I just took responsibility and gave my best on not abandoning and being there for them. But there isn’t respect. She blows up in my face. She breaks up with each fight now. Blames me for her cutting. Blames me for her current state of being etc etc. plays victim. Plays the suicidal card. I’m fucken done yet i hang on. Trauma bonded much?. It’s a continuously cycle that’s so easy to read now. Yet the keep making promises they going to do. And I’m giving chances and opportunity. I’ve been my best. In her past she has had abusers. I have no intention of that. Yet seems she easily does that to me.

I guess I have to down the hard road of choosing what I’ll do. If I break up she willl prob go suicidal. I love her but it’s been so taxing on me. And I don’t see a light….

I’m curious if they feel empathy for people. I know whenever we’d fight she could turn it off like a switch. I’d cry in front of her and she wouldn’t give a single shit. Was this because she was mad at me and splitting or do they just not have empathy to begin with? I feel like maybe she never did and whenever she was mad her true self would just show. And all the times she acted like she cared was just a persona

In the wake of my discard I am trying to process still. It’s so brutal. One thing I’ll forever be confused on is how she was constantly telling me that I didn’t listen to her, silenced her, blame shifted, gaslighted and manipulated. That I was the most selfish person she ever met, And most of all that I was always so disrespectful….Now…she did those things to me for sure. And I wasn’t always a good listener. I cut her off..I got frustrated. But I felt that I (very slowly) worked on those communication skills. Then it just ended up being mostly her talking down to me aggressively while I sat there and took it and became a quiet robot.

I’ll never understand why she said. I was constantly doing all those things. Such confusion. I don’t get it.

TL;DR typical BPD relationship, typical explosive breakup. I've been no contact with her for 2 weeks.

We never moved in together but she left so much shit at my place more and more keeps turning up. Some of it is some jewelry and I have no idea how much its worth. I plan to donate clothes etc but im not sure what to do with jewelry.

After we broke up I made a great effort to get all her stuff back together but she made it as difficult as possible and dragged it out for weeks. I tried my best to get everything together but I missed a few things.

I really do not want to contact her but it is jewelry and im not sure what the ethical thing is here.

Any advice is appreciated.

Hello everyone,

I've been posting about my story here for a while. My wife pwbpd broke up with me a month ago after 8 years together. Since the big argument where I yelled at her (which I still feel bad about), I've felt like everything is painted black, and I've taken all the responsibility for any bad things that happened in our relationship.

I sent a bunch of messages apologizing and explaining how much I love her and how special she is to me, but I think I made the wrong choice by continuing to talk to my wife after the breakup. Sometimes she says there's a 1% chance of getting back together, and other days she says it's over and we can't be together anymore. We agreed to open the marriage, but I don’t think I can handle an open marriage, and I'm thinking about filing for divorce to end this once and for all.

She has blocked me everywhere on social media and refuses to have any adult conversation. Yesterday, I discovered that her best friend had blocked me out of nowhere, even though I hadn't contacted her in the last month. It really hurt me because I have good memories with her best friends and always respect her. I feel miserable that everyone from her side is blocking me and seeing me as the bad guy. I'm trying to move on, but I still love my wife and struggle to cope with all these emotions and being painted as the monster while no one try to hear my side of story.

I don't understand why things keep escalating, and why her friends are blocking me too when I haven't even reached out to them. How does someone with BPD manage all of this ? Why she only see me black ? why she can’t remember sacrifices I did for this relationship and good memories.

Please help my self esteem become so low.