/r/RBNLegalAdvice

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For ACoNs looking for Legal Advice

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A place to ask simple legal questions.

Advice here is for informational purposes only and should not be considered final or official advice. See a local attorney for the best answer to your questions


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Sample Acronyms

ACoN = Adult Child of Narcissist(s)

DAE = Does/Did Anyone Else

DoNF = Daughter of Narcissistic Father

Edad/Emom = enabler dad/enabler mom

FLEAS (not an actual acronym) - what are FLEAS?

FOC = Family of Choice

FOO = Family of Origin

GC = Golden Child

LC = Low Contact

FM = Flying Monkey

JADE = Justify, Argue, Defend and/or Explain

N or Narc= Narcissist/Narcissistic

NC = No Contact

NMiL = Narcissistic Mother-In-Law

SC = Structured Contact

SG = Scapegoat

SoNM = Son of Narcissistic Mother

All permutations of relationships exist


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/r/RBNLegalAdvice

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7

Can I take the family dog if they say no?

Originally posted in RBN here

To summarize my original post, my mentally disabled sister still lives at home. They have two cats and a dog. They used to have two dogs, but one was hit by a car due to their negligence a few months ago and died. The dog they still have is running across the street still (they don't have a fence nor do they utilize an e-collar, leash, etc to control her) putting her at risk to also be injured or killed.

This is stressing my sister out because both parents work and she is alone with the pets most days. She blames herself for the first dog being hit because she let them out that morning as she does every morning (obviously this is not her fault and it's really hard to convince her that it's not). She calls me crying at least once a week about the dog running across the street.

This week I told her if she felt like this dog was too much that I would always be willing to take her. I have a dog of my own that loves her and I love her as well - I actually trained her. I've always been her favorite person. I have my own house with a fenced yard and I know she would be happy here because she comes when my sister stays with me to visit and she loves it here.

My question is if my sister wanted me to take the dog and the parents said no, can I do anything legally? I do not want to do anything without my sister's blessing. She is already incredibly lonely in that house and I will not take her friend. But if she said she wanted me to take the dog and would talk to the parents, I have no idea if they will say yes or no. In the instance they say no, I would like to force them to give her up if at all possible.

I know they don't even care about having the dog. Before the other dog was killed, they used to "joke" by asking me if I wanted this dog because "they have the dog they want now." But seeing as I am NC, I could see them using this dog as leverage or a pawn and I'm not playing their games. NFather used to do that with the other dog before he was killed. Also, not sure if it helps, but I have witnessed plenty of animal abuse from this man for EVERY animal we've ever had, but also including this dog.

I am in Georgia. Unfortunately I have not paid any vet bills. She is not microchipped (my dog is, ain't no one taking my baby, and I would immediately get her chipped if she came home to me). She doesn't even wear a collar. Although I don't have proof, I actually paid for her as a puppy but it was cash and they paid me back. This was 6 years ago. I do have tonsssss of puppy pics with me because, like I said, I trained her. I also slept on the couch next to her crate for the first two weeks she was home.

I also live almost 3 hours away so it's not like I can keep an eye out and call animal control every time she runs off. That would be the easiest thing bc they likely wouldn't want to pay the fee to get her back so I could go adopt her myself. They don't really have any money which is why my mom has a job now, and he emptied his 401k to avoid prison after his felony assault charge last year (he violently assaulted my mom, she went back again).

I think that's all the relevant information

14 Comments
2024/10/23
23:05 UTC

14

Getting out in just a few days, I really want to keep my cat. What are my options?

(Originally asked this in the regular RBN sub and was directed here)

So TLDR I'm escaping my parents and really don't wanna lose my cat.

I really don't want to straight up commit a crime, especially one that I couldn't get away with without jeopardizing her (I wouldn't be able to take her to a vet as I'm pretty confident she's microchipped)

However, I'm considering my options to dispute ownership.

At one point a few years ago she was registered as my ESA for the sake of flying internationally with her in the cabin. Unfortunately, I don't have that documentation anymore. Is there any option there? I already checked the NSARGO database.

Is the fact that my parents have abused me (I actually have documented proof including recordings) at all helpful in case of a legal dispute?

Also, although for the most part my cat's been treated well, looking through chat records includes a conversation that I'd forgotten about where my mom was essentially poisoning my cat by feeding her stuff she was allergic to, I refer to the cat as being like my kid and defend her accordingly- my dad even says "I know" in regards to her being mine. Might this be useful in court?

If I DID just take her (seeing as I do genuinely consider her mine, not unlike taking my computer that I didn't buy for myself but I clearly own) would there be a way to not let the vet scan/report the microchip, or a way to change or disable it without my parents knowing? Alternatively if I did take her and it went to court, would taking care of her for an amount of time before then give me some leverage?

A little more info if it helps is that I'm moving across US state lines to live with a friend who will be financially supporting me (and supports me bringing my cat if I can) until I can get a job there

Edit: I've realized my options are that I don't really have any (other than just hope I don't get caught). I'm not gonna take her, unfortunately- and subsequently, probably not going no contact until she's passed (she's getting older, which means that might only be a few years- and her age is also why it's ultimately a selfish decision to take her anyway). I don't want to commit any crimes, and it's not what's best for my baby either. Unlike my own parents, I have to put the living thing I see like a child before my own wants.

7 Comments
2024/10/19
09:03 UTC

26

My nmom stole college aid money (update 2)

The first 2 posts are on my profile.

The financial aid emailed/called me and they essentially told me that I'm going to have to submit a police report and give it to them to get my money back.

I've been told this plenty of times by some people here and I understand why. But if I'm being honest, I'm fucking scared. I thought that she'd just get caught and I'd just get my money back? Yeah, probably a stupid thought but fuck.

I'm not scared about my nmom going to jail or getting in trouble, I couldn't care less. I'm scared for myself and my dogs. I'm broke, I cannot drive, I'm a full time student, and I live in Georgia which is damn near unwalkable. If I submit a police report, what's going to happen? Can I submit is anonymously??? And if she gets arrested, where am I going to live? What's going to happen to my dogs? To school? To me??? It's so easy to say to get the police into it, but I don't want to go homeless. I feel like my family is going to be upset and not help me if I get my nmom arrested or in trouble, so I'd have no one to fall back on. And I feel like if I wait until I finish school, it'll be too late to report this again. I just need advice, I'm stressing in class.

5 Comments
2024/10/16
20:45 UTC

16

Siblings will be renting from Nmom, what can they do to protect themselves.

Long story short, our nmom is buying a second house for my younger adult siblings to live in. They would be making payments to her and (allegedly) would inherit the deed when she dies. They have both been low contact since our dad died and this is obviously her way keeping herself in their lives. She also has a long history of financial manipulation, abuse, and mismanagement.

What ways can they legally protect themselves from her inevitable fuckery?

8 Comments
2024/10/13
22:04 UTC

22

VPO against in-laws Oklahoma

Basically my in-laws are threatening my husband with legal action if he doesn't love them and because he asked them to treat me with respect. Yes, it's absurd as it sounds. We both have had enough and want nothing to do with them, but they won't take the hint. We're up to our eyeballs and don't know what to do.

9 Comments
2024/10/09
17:31 UTC

10

CPS

I had an altercation with my dad (M/45) and he got physical with me and then lied and called CPS after I told him my kids can no longer come over due to the toxic environment. He told CPS I hit my daughter (F/14) which CPS already spoke with me and my little girl she confirmed I don’t hit them which I do not. I’m a great mother I take care of my children now. I just recently moved so my younger boys share an air mattress and my daughter has her own. They have their rooms and everything, we always have healthy food and I cook daily. My boyfriend (M/30) helps me very much with everything in my home, but he does enjoy a beer here and there and he does smoke cannabis. When CPS showed up unannounced there was an end of what he smoked (nothing there already gone just the bud) and he had a beer in fridge. Could this affect me at all? No i don’t smoke I haven’t for months and I was completely honest with them but my anxiety is getting to me. I do have 2 people who they called and shared I’m great with kids but they haven’t been around my boyfriend and kids much. Someone help me stop worrying. I’m so heartbroken my own family did this to me I’m just trying to get past this.

9 Comments
2024/09/25
22:38 UTC

20

No contact vs. restraining order against my mother- Florida

I’d really appreciate any insights into what my options could be here. I received a letter in the mail today from my mother, it’s been over 3 years since I estranged myself and it has been made clear I do not want contact of any kind. Her number’s been blocked the whole time, but she’s had family members attempt to reach out for her and show up at my house to have me talk to her. She has also called the police to report me missing and had them conduct wellness checks under false pretenses (I never followed up with my local PD about this being so overwhelmed but I told the 2 officers that last came to check on me over a year ago that my mother has this habit of misusing them). The police and my niece have told her on separate occasions that I’m safe/‘okay’ and she claims this is all she wants, but these attempts at contact still pick up seemingly at random. She lives in another city within Florida and I need all of this to stop. I have therapy records to demonstrate the negative impacts she and this harassment have had on my wellbeing, along with text messages between a couple of friends, but that’s in in terms of records for what’s happened.

1 Comment
2024/09/20
21:31 UTC

7

need banking advance please and thank you

I am a 22F who has had a joint account with my mother since I was 15. I have two jobs and am in college full time. I am literally the biggest penny pincher ever, yet I have never been able to access this joint account as my mother has controlling tendencies.

My mother has given me credit cards to use to buy things that I need/want and uses the money from my portion of the joint account to pay off the credit card bills. I had a conversation with her about opening my own bank account.

She completely lashed out at me over this and said that I will not be her daughter if I open my own account. Is her withholding this money for me acceptable. How should I go about this? Can I remove just my money from the joint account and take the name off without having any specific info about the account? Im so upset because it feels like withholding money from your overage child is financial abuse...

7 Comments
2024/09/13
04:01 UTC

8

R/RBNLEGALADVISE my mother scammed me

When my father’s health declined , my parents decided to give some of their assets as early inheritance to their 4 children. We were told we were all given approximately the same amount of equity in properties, cash etc. I was given a property, block of 7 units, that still had a mortgage. I was told I had to continue with bank repayments, maintain & repair the property, but that I could collect and keep rents but be liable for tax on those income. The difference between my inheritance and my siblings’ was that the property I was given listed my mother as the legal owner, then she had persuaded me not to bother transfering the property over to my name as stamp duty was an unnecessary expense and that I will be covered for in her will. I trusted her and this arrangement continued for 14 years. My mother even moved into one of the units for 12years after my father died. She did not pay rent, nor did I expect her to, after what I considered as a generous early inheritance that was given to me. After 9 years, my mother had also started asking for money of $2000/ mth which I was also happy to obliged. Please note my mother is not without her own money, she has a $2 million superfund, has used some of her money on many luxury cruises and first class air travel. She has no expenses except for her food and personal expenses, she has no dependents. ..as stated, I take care of her boarding and water, one sister pays her electricity and Netflix, another sister pays her telephone bills. 

2 yrs ago, my mother phoned up to tell me she is living below the poverty line and the $2000/ mth I give is insufficient for her to live on. I told her I was not aware that money was her survival money and had thought it was only my gift to her as extra spending money, and I asked what became of her $2 million superfund. She gave vague answers and implied that she lost a big chunk of it through day share trading. She also demanded that I now give her $2500/mth to be increased to $3000/mth 6 months later, and $5000 every Xmas so that she can give $1000 to each of her 5 grandkids, 2 of which are my own kids! This is also a new tradition as she does not always do gifts o Xmas or birthdays.

my mother than proceed to tell me that she wanted to sell of 2 of the 7 units given to me so that she could give to my youngest sister whom she now realised , 14 years later, were given a much smaller share of her inheritance and proceed to tell me that I had unfairly been given a much bigger share, a doubled amount given to my siblings, and they are quietly resentful of me. This was all news to me and was contrary to what my mother and sisters told me 14 years ago, I even pulled out the bank’s valuation & mortgage doc on the property I was given to show them that the equity of the given 14 years ago was half of what my mother now claims. My mother tells me the bank’s valuation was wrong. My sister who is a property valuer refused to look into the matter to help resolve the issue. 

My mother and the rest of my family made my husband and I feel so bad, painted a picture that we were greedy for more than the share we’re entitled to, and profiting from an “old woman”. Under emotional stress, over the next 2 days we agreed to hand back the entire 7 units to my mother, with the stipulation that we maintain control and the status quo until she sold the first property, then all would go to her. 

A year later, no property were yet sold, but my mother wanted financial control of the properties straight away. I told my mother this contradicted what we had agreed to, and this breach means all previous agreements are off the table. My mother disagreed and said the deed is in her name, so she can do as she pleases and threatens to take legal action against me. 

Working out adjustment calculations for the changeover of the beneficial owners, my mother refused to reimburse me for portions of landlax and some other rates we had paid, as well as the amount of interest saved  when we made extra repayments into the mortgage or put our savings into the loan’s offset account,(to save on bank interest vs investing the money elsewhere). This amount of interest saved was $39,000, which my mother initially agreed to pay us, then later refused, saying we ”parked” our savings there cos we had no where else to put our savings! 

All this occurred after we agreed to hand back a property that we thought was truly ours, that we had evicted bad tenants that damaged the property, renovated all 7 units, maintain repairs, paid the mortgage, rates and taxes for the past 14 years, now the property had tripled in value to be worth millions!… and she could not even bring herself to pay me back around $40,000 of my own money.

My mother now claimed that she never gave me the property, and that I was only looking after it on her behalf. But she could not explain why I had been collecting rent and paying taxes in it as my personal income, why she had not contributed any money, work or decisions into the property the past 14 years, or why she sent me an email last year after she demanded control of the property, offering me a job as property manager.

i never thought my own mother would scam me, her trait has always been there but i had refused to believe that of my own mother and only see her through fogged lens. My mother comes from a big family, her siblings are not close to her, she charges them commissions for any assistance she gives…every act has a monetary value. She has no long term friend, people do not stay around her long. She is easily bored by people unless there is something they can do for her, ie no point knowing people who are useless to you.

in my case and as per my cultural background, I am viewed as being disrespectful to my mother if I do not agree or question her, no matter my age, i am not seen as an equal adult with rights of my own. As far as my mother is concern, she can do whatever she wants and how she treats me, and I can do nothing as the property is in her name.

Can I please get some advise? I live in Australia, do I have a legal stand against my mother? What strategies can I take?

1 Comment
2024/09/13
02:26 UTC

6

My girlfriend's abusive mom assaulted her recently, got in trouble for it, and now she is suing my girlfriend as revenge.

Please read my previous post first to have context as to what's going on, it's important: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1f5id61/my_girlfriends_abusive_mom_assaulted_her_then/

My girlfriend so far has not been evicted, however now she got a mail that her mom is suing her. It was filed the day after the incident happened, and she got the mail yesterday that she is being sued.

She is being accused of physically abusing her mom and verbally, and for destroying property. The physical abuse is completely false, or at least not completely truthful. Her mom has always been the one to physically assault her, and my girlfriend would just take it or try to get away. She slapped her mom once because she was yelling at her and hitting her.

She is also being accused of using her credit card without permission, however that is completely false, her mom gave her permission. She has told her to even use the card a few times. My girlfriend has used the card before without her mom knowing she is using it, to buy food and such, but she has been given permission to do that, and her mom had no problems with it, and my girlfriend would pay her back later.

She is being accused of wanting to control her finances and personal life. The only things she has done regarding that has been her calling her out for cheating with a married man who has kids, constantly going back into a toxic relationship, and when her mom complains about her debt (and blaming my girlfriend for them because she bought too much food) she ends up buying more things that end up putting her in more debt, which are not necessary to have.

She is being accused of embarrassing her in front of other people. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean, my girlfriend is quiet and I assume this applies to the renters when they hear them argue.

She is being accused of not wanting her to have friends. This is false, she only points out that her friends are toxic. And for example she has been supportive of her current relationship and wanted to make sure it works out by sending the guy gifts, before she realized he is toxic too.

She is being accused of instigating fights. Like I said here, and in my previous post, this is completely false.

My girlfriend has insulted her mom, but it was always after her mom has started something first. The only way she damaged property was by kicking the wall in her room and accidentally creating a few holes, I don't know personally why she does that, she just used to lie in bed and tap her feet against the wall, and accidentally created a few holes. Later those holes were fixed by her stepdad. She has spilled water a few times on accident which damaged the floor. However I assume her mom is planning to lie about her door, which has a hole in it, however that hole was created by her mom after she wanted to attack my girlfriend. She has said she is going to sue her for it and lie that it was my girlfriend, and now it seems like she is. We have video and voice recording proof, many of them, of her mom being physically and verbally abusive. If you need context look at my previous post.

Her mom also wrote that they agreed that she can stay as long as she works and goes to college. This is true, and my girlfriend did neglect those things a little bit, but recently she has been trying to make up for it, she is going to college now, and she is trying to find a job, but hasn't been able to yet due to lack of responses. She said it's also due to being mentally ill, having OCD, anxiety, and depression which get neglected by her mom, these are things she is diagnosed with and make her life a lot harder. I don't know how much her starting with college recently matters for example.

Her mom has a bunch of people on her side, people who will simply believe whatever she says and side with her, they will lie if they are told to. She is illegally renting the house to several people, and they are all going to side with her. They are scared of her and worried about themselves, and also dislike my girlfriend since she didn't want them there. She also has her family members, her current boyfriend, who will side with her no matter what.

What I want to know:

  1. Can we use the recordings to disprove her mom, or prove that my girlfriend is saying the truth? Could it cause issues that on a lot of them she argued back to her mom and insulted her?
  2. Will there be eye witnesses? Can eye witnesses affect the outcome? My girlfriend is alone, while her mom has a dozen people.
  3. Her mom got a lawyer, I think for roughly 3000 dollars, and my girlfriend cannot afford one, at least for not that price. Before court happens I can afford to send her roughly 2000-2500 dollars. What can we do regarding this? What is the best option with that money, and how soon should she try to get a lawyer or anything else? What help can she get?
  4. What else should we be doing? What can we do to make sure my girlfriend wins? How can we expose her mom's lies?
  5. How do we prove the credit card was used with permission?
  6. How do we prove she isn't actually controlling her life?
  7. How do we prove she is not the one to start fights?
  8. If my girlfriend tried to get her mom to drop the case, would that incriminate my girlfriend in any way?

Esentially, what is the best course of action we can take, before and during court?

The penalty for my girfriend losing is that she gets kicked out of the house, has to pay for damages, and anything else the court decides.

My girlfriend said she could end up in prison for 2 years just for the card stuff alone.

We have accepted that she has to move out, we just don't want her to go to prison, especially for things that are not true. At the very least we want to make the sentence as minimal as possible.

Court date is October 23rd. It’s a special civil court case.

Any advice is very appreciated, thank you.

TLDR; My girlfriend's mom attacked her, got charged with simple assault, now she is suing my girlfriend as revenge for using her credit card without permission, physically and verbally abusing her, property damage, trying to have control over her life, but most of these things are either completely false, or there's only a very slight bit of truth to them. My girlfriend could serve 2 years in prison, what can we do?

5 Comments
2024/09/08
02:40 UTC

9

Could I legally evict a parent who goes back on their word in a contract?

Is it legal if a parent signs a contract to move into a house you bought them and to give over ownership / rights to childhood home, to then go back on their signature in the contract and refuse to move? If the parent does not have to move even when the parent had signed the contract, could one then receive financial compensation / sue the parent for being the sole reason one bought the other house for their parent, and be held to that? I tagged this as NSFW, because any non-RBN could definitely not understand this post and think it is unkind, when I'm just looking for justice.

2 Comments
2024/09/05
01:27 UTC

3

Buyout in divorce

I'm married to my wife for 5 years and no children in marriage currently were going through divorce.we own a house in the village that we built with my personal loan and last year she bought a car with her personal loan .now she says that I should value out the house n give her 50 percent and we combine our loan debts and share equally.my question is what about valuing the car she bought and she give me 50 percent since we share equally the properties that we acquired through loans.

1 Comment
2024/09/03
07:55 UTC

3

Student Loan Advice

I paid off my student loans in 2021. When President Biden issued the plan for student loan forgiveness I filled out the application to request some of those loans back. I received a check in the mail. The Supreme Court blocked the plan. Now I am requested to pay the money back and there is interest. If the original loan was paid and closed how can I have interest on the payback when no terms were ever agreed on. Am I viewing this wrong or missing something?

1 Comment
2024/08/29
22:07 UTC

4

Social worker help?

How do I find a social worker to find resources to get out or improving quality of life? I have Autism and other disablities.

{Trigger warning}

I am not on disablity for fear of my parents getting power of attorney over me. I dont want under any circumstances them to have that power over me ever again.

Ive had a recent surgery and an upcoming surgery. Ive been getting sicker and sicker. I think I'm to the point of needing a caregiver but have no idea what resources I qualify for. I am unable to read the paperwork due to my disablities. I need help with transporting as well since I can't drive anymore. I need more support than what I'm getting but afraid of it being used against me.

I tried contacting my general doctor for help and I've been ghosted. I keep emailing social workers because I am unable to call them but no one is responding. I am asking my therapist but Im trying to be super vague with what's going on also desperately wanting help. I cant hold a normal job and have been doing freelancing but its about $200 a month to pay for medical bills.

I live in a state that in order to get insurance I need to be on disability but I'm scared that my parents will use that to control me.

CPS/Police/Shelters can't help me, I've tried. I am over the age of 18 as well.

Any tips or advice is helpful.

1 Comment
2024/08/22
11:51 UTC

24

Would I have a case to sue my male narcissist for using MY personal experiences to pad HIS “life story”?

It’s been years but I’m still LIVID so I’m just gonna ask.

My male N self published a pile of 💩 “life story”, which started out as about mostly him.

Then once it went into his adult life, naturally it switched to his biological family…and also me, the only “legally acquired” victim.

What infuriates me, among other things, is that he included REAL names, including mine, AND personal experiences, that were NOT HIS to SHARE.

He did this with NOBODY’S PERMISSION…and 100% GOT AWAY with it!

I was the only one who called him on this fact and wanted any mention of myself to be REMOVED from his “life story”.

Meaning NO mention of my name, NO meant mention of my legal acquirement and NO mention of MY cancer fight among other things.

The most he did was take a marker and blot out things about me - in a FEW of the books he had.

The rest he had already handed out like candy - and he DID NOT ask for them back long enough to edit them or anything else to correct his very big legal mistake.

How do I handle this? Would I have a case to sue if I could ever get the money for a decent lawyer?

12 Comments
2024/08/09
23:14 UTC

14

my parents and I are going to a financial assistant person today.

Backstory- 20 something years ago my grandmother (Dad's mom) wrote him off her will because he went on vacation with me and my mom (who she apparently hated with a passion) because it was too soon after dad's sister died. She died the year prior. Grandmother gave the trust to one of dad's old girlfriends from high school whose mental health practically went into the toilet the second she left him or school or something. she had a clause about when "OP reaches 25 years old he takes 10%" and the rest goes to charity. She apparently told my dad about this "I've made a gargantuan mistake you need to go see the lawyer" and she immediately went into a coma and died later that week.

This lady did math like 1+2=$35,688,534,787 they were going to fight it in court for a while, but they decided not to because my dad was crying by it just being brought up (which understandable),

"I'm" about to get 7 figures into my bank account. With "I'm" in quotes the size of the Eiffel Tower with the Lady Liberty on top with the distance in between the monuments on top of that because 2 years ago, my mother told me that "I own nothing" I'm terrified that when I get that money into my account, I worry that within minutes my parents (who have control of the account) will transfer all that money into their own accounts. The entire time they've told me about it (early November), they've been talking about it as "your dad's money" or "the money that is rightfully your dads". They say I'll "get a new car out of the deal" but then it's going into an account to just "sit there and watch it grow"" but I truly don't believe that.

in the month of May, I had a bachelor weekend and a wedding I was in and when the end of the month numbers on my account came in, I had spent more than I made, and mom was pissed off because I got a Venmo account and because "you cannot live outside your means" "you cannot live outside your means" "you cannot live outside your means" "I worry that once you get the money that is rightfully your fathers, you'll just blow it all on dumb crap that will not benefit you. But whatever it'll be your money I guess." as she rolls her eyes. and guess what I was over a little over $400, with a wedding suit and bachelor weekend.

How do I protect the money coming to me without having them go nuclear on me?

4 Comments
2024/06/13
21:26 UTC

15

My Ndad is stopping my Mum seeing my disabled brother - she needs to make an appointment!

Hi everyone, first time posting on here I think.

So need some advice. My Ndad is the legal guardian of my younger brother (M28). My brother lives in supported accomodation as he has a rare disease and needs help with personal care and is wheelchair bound now. My brother lives in a different city from our Mum so it takes her about an hour to get there. She had been going on Saturdays to see him. My Ndad hardly goes to his home to spend time with him - usually takes him out. This had been fine up until a few weeks ago.

For some context, my mum escaped my nDad before my brother's symtoms for his disease started, so he was able to get guardianship. I was under his manipulation and wasn't speaking to Mum much at that time (I was about 18 when she left and I'm in my early 30s now) so was able to say that ndad would be a good fit for it etc. NDad actually prepped me in what to say!

Anyway, in the last few weeks he's decided to try and take back control over Mum by using my brother. The staff at my brother's home told mum that she now has to give a week's notice about seeing my brother and same with wanting to see him at his place of work too. I think its partly because he can't stand the fact I've distanced myself from him and I'm now really close to Mum.

I feel like even though ndad has guardianship over my brother, he can't stop our Mum from seeing my brother? My mum is biologically related so surely she should be allowed to see my brother whenever as long as it doesn't clash with his other plans (like seeing his gf or ndad taking him out etc).

Is there any way my mum and I could fight this? My mum is thinking of going for guardianship of my brother and I'm going to support her whatever way I can.

I'm really sick of my ndad getting away with hurting my mum. He's manipulated my younger sister into thinking my mum is the devil and won't talk to her and hasn't done for a few years now. Until my sister (F22) is no longer living with him, im only VLC with him.

Sorry for long post!

Thanks so much in advance for any advice on what to do if anything can be done <3

9 Comments
2024/06/11
12:36 UTC

36

Need help deciding how to protect myself / my business from my mother’s harassment

Hi everyone, I have CPTSD from child abuse and neglect. I'm almost 38 and own my home.

Last year I was in treatment for CPTSD for 4 months. In that time, I decided to cut out my "family" (mother, father, 2 siblings). I haven't spoken to them since May 1, 2023 and don't have plans to reestablish contact.

Friday was my undiagnosed NPD mother's birthday and I completely forgot... I had an EMDR session in the afternoon and was doing okay (not disregulated) yesterday morning. I got home from taking one of my dogs to the vet and I was about to take my other dog to the park, when I noticed a grey Mercedes outside my house. As I was going to leave with my dog, I saw my mother walking up my driveway.

I'm so tired of her doing this. She sends me mail, she sends me "gifts" (sh*t I don't want) in the mail, she has random friends text/email me, and this is the 3rd time she's showed up at my house without warning. She also harassed one of my exes over the holidays by calling him repeatedly. It’s likely she’s called or harassed other friends and exes of mine, but only 1 ex told me about it.

I don't answer the door when she shows up at my house. I just sit in my room until she leaves. My "family" lives 4 hours away.

I'm starting a small business and will be running it out of my home. As part of my business, I want to put up a yard sign as advertisement and I want to wrap my truck with a decal, and tag the business on Google Maps, etc. I'm VERY concerned that my "family" will find out about my business and try to harass me. I don't trust any of them. I don’t want a relationship with them! They do weird stuff like looking up property tax records of family friends and spread rumors about them. (I don’t get why they spend their time obsessing over other people’s lives, but my mother and my older sister are both severely mentally ill and untreated.)

Any advice for putting an end to the harassment? I'm considering sending them a letter that explicitly states I don't want contact, but that's very scary. These are my abusers and they've been litigious with other people in the past. During my middle school years they sued their HOA and were in a lawsuit for years. They ultimately won, but because being “right” is so important to them, everyone in our neighborhood hated us and we eventually moved when I was in high school. My father worked for law firms before he retired, but he isn’t an attorney. They have a lot more money than me.

If a send a letter to my mother, should I also send one to older sister? My mother triangulates us and over Xmas my older sister started harassing me via email. She claims me cutting contact is hurting my mother’s mental health. Also, my mother and my other sibling harrased my neighbor last year in an effort to get info about me (they went to her house and demanded she give them her number and text them updates on me).

My therapist is trauma-informed and says all of this activity is harassment... and I'm starting to agree.

I’m in Texas and a protective order in my state only lasts for 1 year, so it doesn’t seem worth it to me.

Thank you!

8 Comments
2024/06/09
14:54 UTC

2

Direct deposit

0 Comments
2024/04/15
16:49 UTC

3

How do get my money out of navy federal

Navy Federal credit unions is holding my money I was just wondering

0 Comments
2024/04/04
11:52 UTC

34

Pressured into signing document

About a year ago or so when I was 17, I was pressured into signing some sort of document by my mother, brother, and father. They said it was my brothers will, and I needed to be a witness of it. I skimmed the first page but I couldn’t understand anything. They wouldn’t let me see the rest of the pages.

I am concerned about the contents of this contract. I worry that they may have been malicious. I was not allowed to read it at all, and was even pressured into signing it. I want to void it, but I’m not even sure if it’s a contract.

Current things im considering doing

  • Getting on paper the acknowledgement that I was pressured
  • Getting on paper the acknowledgement I was not allowed to read the document, nor did I understand the contents.
  • Asking my brother to clarify if I was just a witness, and that this is not a contract with me

-Voiding the document through text(if it is a contract, but I’m not sure)

Would these actions help my situation? What else could I do? I’m like 1 month away from turning 18, and live in Indiana.

6 Comments
2024/04/01
22:44 UTC

20

Unexpected Credit Score, Debt, and Student Loans - Need Advice!

Hi all! I’m fairly new to Reddit so please ignore my lack of tech savviness but I am looking for some help. As of recently, I’ve slowly began to realize that I’ve lived with a narcissistic parent and a narcissistic enabler my entire life. I’m not going to go into too much detail, but I will go over a situation that I have found myself in as I need help.

I recently graduated from college and over the past year, I've found myself both moving back into my parents' house (NP's) and struggling to move out. Despite being 23 now, I lack significant financial literacy and basic life skills due to my parents' restrictions throughout much of my life. I can't drive—not by choice, but because I was told that attempting to get my license while living under their roof would result in being kicked out. I've also been strongly discouraged from getting a credit card and have struggled to find jobs in my rural area with a degree that isn't very practical here. Additionally, not having a driver's license has made it difficult to maintain employment.

Despite these challenges, I've been working hard to become independent, which includes learning more about financial literacy and credit. One night, while researching credit, I decided to check my credit score on a whim, assuming it would be low since I have no credit cards or debt under my name. To my surprise, my credit score came back as 679. Not horrible, but not at all what I was expecting.

Feeling confused, I delved deeper and discovered several student loans taken out under my name without my knowledge. This revelation explained why I've had to take on my student debt, despite my parents telling me they would handle all financial aid and loans when I went to college. I was explicitly told that they would take out the loans under their name so that I wouldn't be in debt. I've never signed off on, agreed to, or been shown any of these loans.

I'm at a loss for what to do. I still know very little about credit or how debt works, and I'm worried that this credit score I never agreed to will further hinder my financial and personal freedom when I'm finally able to move out.

I’m completely lost on how I should proceed. Should I go the legal route- do I have legal options??? Is this considered financial abuse?? Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Any help is much appreciated.

6 Comments
2024/03/14
07:26 UTC

14

How are DUI tests done to determine if a driver is intoxicated on marijuana?

Long story short, my father is pretty abusive; he's tried to frame me numerous times for doing things that I don't do, he projects his insecurities about his own mental health and childhood trauma onto me. He's lied to law enforcement previously leading to years of trauma, and taken me to sleazy and abusive psychiatrists; which has lead to me kicking him off my HIPPA forms after turning 18.

I've heard that marijuana has serious benefits to deal with PTSD and it's worked for many people I know. I'm considering it, and if a doctor deems it appropriate and grants me a card; but my biggest concern is that my father will use that as leverage to attempt to get me arrested or hospitalized by framing me for driving while high; which I would not do under any circumstances. I heard that marijuana stays in your system for a day to a month (don't know if that's true.)

He views marijuana, even medical marijuana issued by a doctor on the same level as crack or heroin. At times when I have not been high, he's gone into psychotic outbursts accusing me of being on marijuana; threatening to bring police dogs to raid my room and arrest and then hospitalize me for smoking marijuana. I try to explain to him that's not how it works, and that we live in Connecticut and the police are not his personal death squad when he doesn't like his son; but it goes in one ear and out the other. The police have previously told me to not take his threats seriously at all, but I'd like to know more information on this just in case.

4 Comments
2024/03/11
23:45 UTC

79

I was denied freedom my entire life and now my mom wants to put me under a conservatorship for “not having my life together.”

I’m 21 going on 22 with failure to launch syndrome. Every time my parents chalk up my failures to“laziness.” I recently landed a seasonal retail job but quit because it was too physically demanding. I spiraled went off my meds for a month but ever since then I’ve gotten clean and sober because I want to get my life together again. Unfortunately my mom found out about my college debt and she’s threatened me with conservatorship. Every little slip up turns into something big like this. What can I do?

9 Comments
2024/03/10
16:48 UTC

15

Father said he's going to buy a car for me to "move out." I would like advice on car ownership.

He says it has to 1000% be in his name or he isn't paying for it. He had this sort of weird smile expression on his face as he said that, as he also talked about how he was not nice. I am a legal adult. For context, my father is usually on uber levels of insanity; has attempted to murder me in the past and routinely used frivolous government / medical / legal means to abuse and control me. Previously, at 9:50 PM at the night; he chased me down the hall to my room and stood outside my room for a good 40 minutes; screaming while threatening to put me in jail or a "mental hospital" for life for "defamation" because he likely found that my sister's friends had talked to me on social media about her sexual abuse. He started screaming about how the police were going to come and torture me, luckily I recorded the whole thing; and actually gave it to the police. They dismissed everything he had to say and told me not to take his threats seriously, recommending I even call human services in my town as he may have a mental disability (such as dementia.) I find it incredibly suspicious that he's so insistent with the car being in his name with him being such a neglectful excuse of a father.

I'm wondering what I should know about car ownership in the context of a dad and mom such as my own. My mother also is on similar levels of insanity to my father and is not a positive role model. I live in Connecticut for context. I recently took my permit test and passed on the 23rd (my father successfully sabotaged the previous permit test attempt by purposely attempting to stress me out, accusing me of trying to bring "illegal drugs" like marijuana to my driving school and refusing to drive me to take my test as a result wtf?) He has zero concept of humanity and at this point is a hollow shell of a human being. This family has zero humanity, there are no good uncles or other family members who can help me out. Atleast thankfully now the police are on my side. A free car is a good deal but I'd like to have some advice from you guys. My plan is to make as much money as possible, move states; then change my name and never again associate with a single member of my family.

8 Comments
2024/03/06
02:11 UTC

27

Is it illegal for others to withhold my essential tax document?

13 years ago, my nDad coerced me into co-owning the property of two buildings that he owns. He never showed me in advance the documents that I signed nor did I receive a copy of them. For about 10 years after that, the CPA for my nDad’s company that he owns was the one who did my taxes (without me paying him) and he claimed that already had the tax documents that he needed (except for my W2s and miscellaneous that I provided him which he didn’t return to me). Not once did I receive any of the K1 tax documents that I should’ve received after co-owning the properties.

In 2019, I decided to either do my taxes on my own or to find my own CPA, so I told the CPA of my nDad’s company that and to send me all of the tax documents of mine that he has. However, he insisted on continuing to do my taxes and claimed that I won’t be able to do them on my own because it’s too complicated and if I make a mistake, I’ll be audited. I let him do my taxes for 1 more year until I stood my ground and found a new CPA in 2020. The CPA for my nDad’s company didn’t return any of my tax documents despite my requests.

I now receive W2s and all of my necessary tax documents except for the K1s which are also essential.

My nDad died in 2017 and the company’s manager became the new owner. He claims that he doesn’t have the K1s when I asked him for them. Instead, in the past few years, my uncle who’s a lawyer thousands of miles overseas sent me NJ-K1s (my state K1s) which is still not the main K1s, but my new CPA saw nothing wrong with that because the info he needs is on there. It was like pulling teeth to even get the NJ-K1s though.

K1s happens to be tax documents that I cannot request a copy from the IRS.

Last year, my uncle didn’t even send me the K1s.

It wouldn’t be beneath the new owner of my nDad’s company to lie to me or to cross boundaries or to meddle in the estrangement between me and my nMom who’s still alive. She moved thousands of miles overseas in 2019 without saying a word.

Also, the new owner of my nDad’s company TWICE called my apartment super’s emergency phone number last year to coerce me into calling my nMom because she’s getting old. I refuse to call her. Any communication with her and everyone she’s associated with will remain in writing. That’s a boundary that I’ve reminded her of in writing at least 3 times. The new owner of my nDad’s company claimed to my super that he’s her friend. More like her flying monkey/enabler!

What’s going on here? Who receives my essential K1s? Why would they withhold it from me? I have a very toxic family who’ve been financially abusive, but isn’t it illegal for them or others to keep tax documents that isn’t theirs?

Do I need a lawyer? And perhaps also a new CPA who can figure out why I’m not receiving the K1s?

34 Comments
2024/01/29
18:18 UTC

11

Abusive Mother

Hi everyone,

I am looking for some legal advice for an horrible tricky situation involving mistreatment and Psychological violence on an older sick person.

My Mother recently changed her personnality completely and became a monster. She is living with her parents (my grand-parents) to « take care of them » but what’s happening in reality is that she is constantly persecuting my grandma. Every day she screams and says horrible things at her, once she even spitted on her face. She also makes my grandma lives by her rules only as if the house was my Mother’s only ! My grandma is trapped because my Mother follows her outside and forbid her to go outside if it’s useless in my mother’s opinion.

She is constantly watching and spying on her like big brother and is psychologicaly extremely violent with her and me as well. She controls absolutely everything of my grandma ´ s Life from money accounts to people she sees and what she can do daily.

My grandma is suffering too much in this situation and she does not even eat anymore. I am myself becoming sick mentally and physically because of that.

My Mother hates us. She Said to me that she let my abusive father being violent with me since childhood for years without saying nothing and not defend me because she said I deserved this treatment… she also said I am the one who ruined her Life and that I should stay away from the family because I bring bad luck… she became a kind of very extremist catholic and think I am possessed by demonic entities while she is doing evil on my grandma by treating her like this.

I love my grandma so much and more than anything !

I need to take radical actions here because this is intolerable !

I am located in France near Paris and already called the number to report an old person in danger but they don’t do anything about it, I am waiting since more than a month now and nothing as been done and this is urgent so what’s the best I could do to save grandma ? She has no money to move out at the moment but I am planning to find her a house with me as soon as possible, we Just need to protect her until then.

Because I think my Mother is very mentally unstable (she attempted multiple suicides and have been hospitalised often and took medication with a strong addiction to temesta her whole life) I though I could put her in hospital without consent or report her to the police but the tricky thing is that she is a very talented manipulative person and she is absolutely adorable in public and she turned the social helpers, nurses, doctors and everyone one against us so no one not even justice are going to believe me… I am sick and scared of all of this crap,

Thank your for reading this, please if someone could help us 😞

Thank you very much 💫

4 Comments
2024/01/22
21:05 UTC

9

Issues with ownership of a boat

Starting with a privilege check: Talking about a boat is very first world problems. I really need help though.

I need help determining my options as it relates to a boat that was purchased in my name without my knowing or consent. There was definite fraud involved in one way or another and coercion to sign for insurance on the boat.

The boat serves me in no way whatsoever (I live a 12 hr drive away) and simply acts as a liability/unnecessary tie to my nparents when I am attempting to actively move towards VLC and eventually NC. An example of the liability, there was a tax bill sent to my old address and thankfully my old neighbors sent me a pic so I can ensure the bill is paid. If they had thrown this away as junk mail, I'd have a missed payment on my credit record. Additionally, if the boat goes in the water and ever causes damage to another boat, I am liable as the owner, without ever touching the thing.

My plan is to demand the boat be transferred to my ndad's name with his business's website as my collateral (feels like shitty blackmail, but I don't have much choice).

Question here though is, if he refuses to transfer the boat out of my name, are my only options to report theft and/or fraud of the boat? I'd prefer to minimize the drama as much as possible. I just want to remove this tie and liability.

6 Comments
2024/01/16
03:26 UTC

4

Can I move without filing a USPS change of Address?

I want my new address to be unknown & have nfamily members that work for the post office.

Any & all tips and tricks are appreciated.

7 Comments
2024/01/16
03:18 UTC

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