Context is a desk I'm getting rid of and calling the local Rescue Mission to arrange for pick-up.

A) I work full time while my ns (whom I live with) are retired. They have a far better chance of being home when someone's available to pick it up. I mean, there's obviously a reason they didn't want to arrange a pickup for when they're on vacation....

B) If we're going to nitpick ownership, it was also my dad's desk for the ten minutes it took to decide he didn't like how the monitor would fit on it, so he made the final decision to donate it instead of taking it off my hands to replace his older desk.

C) This is the same argument they used for why I had to be the one to make arrangements to donate the full size brass bed in my room... that I had to wait two years to replace with a twin because I didn't have their permission to donate it as it was my dad's childhood bed and they wanted to keep it in the family.

erm.............I don't think it's that simple.

If it was that simple, there would be no war in the Middle East.

For people who do not realise, these are called thought terminating cliches and are said to dismiss and simplify things. It is actually a form of ignoring the debate and often called emotional invalidation. These statements are the equivalent to ignoring the entire situation.

These type of statements solve nothing and cause more problems and are a form of ignorance that Narcs use for all situations.

The narc does not see the detail and nuance and generalises everything into a simple cliche.

Someone actually said this

I've been basically binge listening to audiobooks for the past year, including various childhood trauma oriented self help books, and have been working things out in my head regarding both mine and my parents likely childhood experiences. In a conversation with her the other day, I managed to steer the conversation to be about her own childhood trauma, which resulted in the above exchange.

I can't say I'm that surprised, just disappointed that even when presented with it in a way that allowed her to redirect any blame for her behaviors onto events outside of her control, her response was still so... gross.

As if that idea hadn't already occurred to me.

Title's referring to my desire to get a spare set of snack dishes so I have extras to take to work when the used ones are in the dishwasher.

Because how dare I want extras as a precaution. I should totally be willing to wash them every day and never put them in the dishwasher, because obviously that's only for stubborn things like pans as our household of four only keeps enough dishes to hand-wash them as soon as they're used and never waits until the sink's full and the drawers are empty to complain we've run out of forks....

Oh, wait, nobody in my household does dishes that way. We have enough spares for several loads through the dishwasher (and still run out of things because people wait until we're out of that one item before starting a load). It's just illogical to have those extras when it's for my benefit.

Also “we don’t trust your therapist or psychiatrist”

After a shared a pregnancy scare. Big mistake but she made sure to say what a big support SHE would be

After “you wouldn’t treat (brothers name) like this”

Anytime MY feelings are brought up

Anyone who has an N in their life delivered this time to them?

He's characterizing "I like being able to eat" as "I like shopping" to justify expecting me to spend my fifteen minute breaks at work shopping for him instead of taking a break.

I do not, in fact, like shopping, but am simply not ready to take the leap to relying on personal shoppers for my groceries. I read on my breaks because it's one of the few times I'm left alone to do so.

Also I like being out of the house more now that both ns are retired and constantly home....

there is a legal court order for NO CONTACT, even if my kids wanted to call/zoom with my parents they cant. my parents are not allowed to contact me, my kids, anyone in this family and yet they continue to do so, racking up insane legal fees.

So instead of sending a $50 check directly to the kids for easter they sent the check to me. 'cutting off the kids' Thats $50 total not per kid and yes thats an old time hand written check.

we dont even celebrate 'easter'

While wailing and pounding her fists into her bed like a toddler
Immediately after I told her I was suicidal

​

My (M17) Nmom (F45) doesn't even know what she's talking about.

Translation from another language.

​

https://preview.redd.it/7unoentzp1pc1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=89f394873bc0a5b6f796cd84f3f703221311db1b

Aka "What do I do next?" when the app is simply asking her what she wants to do and not quizzing her on how to use it properly.

​

Also nmom: "Why is this app on my smart device not giving me more chances to get free money for offering my personal opinion?"

​

For the record I don't actually consider "get paid for doing surveys" to be "free money"--you're paid to provide information because that information has value to the recipient.

The issue that makes it "free money" in this context is nmom's contradictory stance of constantly asking questions like "what do I do now" when an app is literally asking her a question that depends on her personal preferences (or when the only option is to read the TOS and then hit "next"), only to turn around and complain that she isn't getting enough randomly-generated offers to get paid for answering questions when nobody's obligated to give her any surveys at all....

​

My pet theory is that somewhere along the lines she started lying on the surveys and giving contradictory answers--not "I don't remember" type contradictions or things that can reasonably change from day to day but things that the app can easily detect as lies--in the hopes of gaming the system to get more surveys... and the app caught her in a lie somewhere and is giving her less on the grounds that her information is less valuable to whoever's paying to have these surveys done.

Edit to add additional details that I’m just remembering while I am working on a list of things my narc bf (who I’m currently in the process of leaving) would say to me regarding this topic.

In response to me being upset that he’s talking to and spending time with other women, while I’m barely able to have a relationship with family members that are men, let alone a male friend, etc.

In regard to my title - He would actually say ‘If there’s something you have a question about you ask me. If f%ck other women, I have good reason for it’ - he never said “spent time with another woman” he flat out admitted that he was sleeping with other woman, as if he was doing me a favor he by telling me.

he said if he was doing it because he had some ulterior motive and plans to get something out them and that he wouldn’t just f%ck someone else out of lust or infatuation (he loves that infatuation word). That he wouldn’t just sleep with someone to sleep with them (like that makes it ok) but quickly follows that sentence with, and if I DID sleep with someone to sleep with them that I shouldn’t worry about it because it’s just a body, and he doesn’t have any feelings for that women and it’s never serious or personal. Then closes the conversation with his reassurance that he doesn’t care for anybody else the way he cares for me. He’s not spending time and giving attention to anybody else the way he spends time and gives attention to me. That I’m different and I don’t have anything to worry about.

The worst part is I’ve let him get away with it time and time again. Praying that I stay away from him for good this time.

Sure I can, Dad. Especially given y'all's proven track record of making stressful situations even worse

As he continues to yell actual lies about me in my face.

As he continues to yell in my face about how I’m such a failure 😞

Very next sentence proceeds to question another thing I do that annoys them

It is utterly boggling to me how shortsighted these people are