Anybody else's NParents used this line? It usually means a family member spills the beans about you to the NParent.

This trusted family member turns out to be an enabler or a flying monkey who was never on your side.

Narcissist logic 101: If he thinks the foods I regularly eat are disgusting, then so does everyone else - even me.

What I felt like replying was to ask whether I was going to be able to find it in the fridge or if it'd just get buried until it had to be disposed of.

I don't have a great diet but the fact that I don't eat stuff like this isn't a refusal... it's "out of sight out of mind" as I eventually forget I even bought the stuff. (Speaking of, the homemade vinaigrette's going to have to wait until I've used up the store-bought one that should still be in the fridge somewhere.)

I am financially dependent on my ns for a place to live but also:

I'm an adult.

I have my own car (in my name, that I make payments on).

And, I cannot stress this enough, I have a full time job. (Housing prices are just ridiculous, though I'm hoping I can seriously consider moving out once I've finished paying off the car and therefore have one less thing cutting into my paycheck.)

In fact for that last one, I work late at night. I do most of my shopping on my days off but occasionally need to stop next door to pick up something to pack in my lunches because A) where I work doesn't carry it, or B) it's on a sale that makes it a better deal than buying from work, and usually C) it was out of stock when I was trying to get it at a more convenient time and I don't have enough to last until my next grocery run. Oh and they're open an hour later than where I work... I end up doing this when my place is closed.

I also don't make these trips next door earlier in the day because I don't like factoring them into how much time I have before I have to get to work (especially when the store is busy and buying even a single thing would therefore take longer).

Like I said, the place is right next door to where I work, in fact I pass it on the highway when going home, it's brightly lit, and I'm only grabbing one or two things that adds maybe fifteen minutes to actually getting home. To hear nmom complain you'd think I was leaving the house in the middle of the night to slum it for a few hours or something.

And why this comes to mind now? We're out of milk. As the person who drinks most of it I usually buy enough to fill this one specific gap in the fridge twice a week--ie buying a gallon or two on each day off--but I've had the unusual situation of working six days in a row this week. And nobody will drink the brands that my store sells (not unless it's the expensive stuff, which I'll buy for an occasional splurge but nobody else will pay for)... but nobody else has bought any milk at all the whole time I've been at work....

The kick in the butt: coming up on 2 months of practically daily stalking (less intense stalking before) with up to 4 visits per day, including turning off power to my room at the fuzebox every time, threats to increase visits to hourly or staying overnight, disconnecting my router (swapped it for a cellular internet one so its in my room), 2 break-in attempts, one successful break-in where he took my door and hid it in the basement (got it back, was only successful because I forgot my key in the lock), disconnecting my fridge from power several times (its in a shared kitchen), a few times leaving it open, locking up the shared bathroom and denying me a key (I purchased a replacement key on my own), then locking up the bathroom lock with another lock (I took a drill to it, legally), vandalizing my door with writing or stuffing silicone or putty into the keyhole (luckily no permanent damage there, yet), permanently turning off the heating for the whole house, temporarily sabotaging warm water in the shared bathroom, stealing my mail, insults (including middle fingers), general threats, like clearing out my room if Im ever absent, and most recently disconnecting my power permanently.

The thing I allegedly need a kick in the butt for: He wants to illegally throw me out because his ego cant handle the N-word (not that one, the one with two letters) and doesnt seem to understand that his threats are kind of in the way of looking for a place as that requires leaving the house.

PS: Yes, police is involved, charges have been pressed, but given that half of this is civil law and the other half is is smalltime crap they cant exactly arrest him, but court hearing should be coming up sooner rather than later I guess. Ill find out when police pick me up because I never got anything in the mail.

Not because he thinks it isn't sweet enough but because he meant fruit and expected me to know that when he chose not to use the word "fruit" in the first place.

Context is I got a Cirkul bottle on clearance--not to "drink more water" (I'm not a fan of flavored water and would rather just drink it plain) but to try their caffeinated options as I contine to experiment with hopefully-healthier migraine treatments than sipping at a coke all day. This includes the sweet tea cartridge I had just inserted this morning to use the bottle for the first time, as ndad asked me if I was trying any of the "sweet stuff."

Also, not being a tea drinker myself (for the same reason, I imagine, that I really don't do flavored water), I prefer mine sweetened while mr drink-it-diluted-to-nothing thinks it's disgusting with sugar. Just gotta watch the sugar content for the purpose of drinking something healthier than a coke... though given the lack of acid and carbonation I imagine it still helps.

Refers, almost inevitably, to one of two things:

Something I was never using in the first place (such as a light they turned on when I hadn't even made it home yet) and thus should never have been "responsible" for remembering to turn off

Or something I was using and expected to continue using after they'd left (such as the electric fireplace built into our entertainment center, or even the TV itself, after it's already been established that I plan to stay up and watch TV for longer), making it necessary for me to turn it back on and rendering their reason for turning it off moot.

mentioning in passing to narc parent that its fucking hot where i live, as if i'm going to lie about the damn weather which is available 24/7. days later this witch on a broom comments back- OH YOU WERE RIGHT, i see in the NEWSPAPER you are having record temps. Come on now... what grown ass adult is going to lie about the fucking weather

reason 25482145623684 I'm NC

Is it always gaslighting to be told "it's all in your head" ?

I have mild depression/anxiety so sometimes I worry part of it is "just in my head"...

How to know when it crosses over into gaslighting

"Can't you take a joke?"

"I think it's all in your head"

"Don't forget, you owe me"

Asking me questions/making comments to me indirectly through a proxy friend despite me being present

Asking for information that was already shared in a group message

... I'm 42

... I have a teenager

... I have a degree and career

... I pay property taxes

... I've been working since I was 14

We were taking about work and the fact that she hates that office workers who don't have client facing roles don't have to wear full suits anymore. I'm not sure how much older I need to be to understand, or even what it is that I'm supposed to understand. I also don't know why she cares, she has been retired for 10 years. It's just one of those hills she's decided to die on and to her this mean that no one does their job as well or works as hard as she does - again she's been retired for 10 years.

I was married to a communal narcissist and now 6 years divorced, 7 no contact living my best life without him.

He was not good about taking "no" for an answer, the concept of consent was way over his know-it-all head. One Saturday morning, we were lying in bed and he kept begging for me to get busy with him. After lawd knows how many times I said no, I was not in the mood, he went "here's a great big weewee" in this sing-song voice, to which I replied "and it's peeing on the floor."

I got good at cock-blocks while married to him.

He called his ding-dong a "wee-wee" and one time he sang the Trojan Condoms song while we were shagging. Real romantic, dude. Bleh

for people who don't realise, this is called a thought terminating cliche.

they dismiss entire situations and problems into a single cliche.

it's a type of unproductive sentence that serves no purpose except to ignore the entire situation.

it's the ultimate form of ignorance, and you will notice narcs do this for everything - dismiss things with a cliche or a sentence and never go into detail of situations. "get over it" is another narc classic.

Things aren't that simple. Especially a war.

Said to someone who makes 25k a year and has a negative net worth. This person's lowest salary was 60k a year.

I'd asked her not to do things "for me" and she turned into a turn-of-the-century martyr about how she's such a horrible person for taking the initiative to "do nice things" for me.

For context, I'm a grown-ass adult, it was a load of laundry, I'm not disabled, it didn't affect her, I never asked for help, I certainly didn't need it, she ruined my favorite shirt in the process, and she regularly uses this kind of "help" against me the next time she's mad.

sometimes crying and laughing is a very thin line 🤣

random question from my mother, the woman who never had a job, never held a schedule, never was required to do a damn thing.

im not even going to justify 'hectic' with an answer.

Cruising for a boundary to cross. I often replied, " But you have far too many things to say to me." She was shopping for a chance to list the many things she did "for " me to farm for later obligations.

Every day for four months. At 8am. I'd been working the same 7am to 11am shift the same three days a week for seven years and mentioned it every other month. She was calling to ask "if I had plans" and pounced with "you can't do that!" and rather fluffy reasons followed by an update on the meals she cooked or bought along with a completely unnecessary recap of my father's approaching doctor's appointments and bowel movements. I pointed out that creditors aren't legally permitted to contact me that much. Who did I have to kill to unsubscribe? 😠

I’ll start

When I was very young, my mom used to get really upset if she walked into a room and say that she’d lost something, and I didn’t immediately get up and start looking for it. She never said “can you please help me look for this thing?” It was always “I can’t find my thing…” and that was supposed to be the cue. And at that point, she’d angrily compare me to my older brother and sister and say that when they were young, whenever she said she’d lost something, they immediately get up and start looking for it.

That is so baffling to me. How on earth was I supposed to read your mind that you actually need help finding something that I probably have no shot at finding? I can’t imagine what all went into my brother and sister somehow picking up on this and then activating like a pair of trained dogs to do something that they were not asked directly to do. Fricken weirdo. Every time I think of codependent enmeshment, I think of this.

Apparently there's something really surprising or weird about me not immediately recognizing the name of an author of books I've never read. (It was Jonathan Rand of the American Chillers etc fame, for the record.)

And by "not immediately recognizing" I mean the name sounded familiar but I couldn't place it on the spot. Never mind that the very question of "do you know who X is" assumes a significant possibility that the answer will be "no" (at least in a non-toxic relationship it does) and no reason was given for even asking me that....

The things they do to feel superior.

My nmom, the former nursing student, disbelieving the existence of Hypochlorhydria (low stomach acid rather than the expected high) as a source of acid reflux.

When I've not only been awake for the last half an hour (my alarm goes off at the same time every day), I've spent an uncomfortable too much of it in the bathroom this time around.

As per that "alarm" parenthetical note, my work schedule dictates my sleep schedule. I get up at the same time every day. I may sit in bed reading for a while but I'm not going to go back to sleep after my alarm goes off, especially not on a day I work unless I'm feeling so bad I need to call in sick.

But even knowing I do my own thing in the morning, ns decide that if I'm not out serving them it's because I'm asleep.

Was thinking about my relationship with my ex and remembered this moment. It was late in our relationship and I was having a bad time, to say the least. I decided to confront her about her abuse and (far too) politely asked her to stop. She said she wouldn't do it so much if I stood up for myself more. Oh my god, it's so simple, why didn't I think of that?

The worst part is I was so deep into her wackadoo logic and manipulation at the time that I agreed with her that it was my fault, ugh. Anyway, just wanted to share that with people that might understand, you know?