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Hey there - sorry for the rant in advance, but I felt this fit here in this thread.

I (32F) have come to the realization that my (50M) brother is possibly NPD, narcissist to say the least and has gross views on women (who he insists on calling females, despite having 3 sisters and one trans sibling). I’ve decided to cut contact with him entirely, for my own self respect.

For context, he has few close friends, lives alone, has no children, has been married and divorced 2 times and a broken off engagement. He had a history of using anabolic steroids, and had to stop because his heart gave out - but now just goes to the gym for vanity reasons, not for health and wellness.

When he visits the family, he comes to be doted on. He doesn’t ask if our elderly parents need help with anything, he has the expectation of our mother waiting on him hand and foot. Doesn’t get her anything for Mother’s Day, her birthday, or anyone anything for Christmas.

He recently went to the Dominican Republic (where our family is from) and went on about how the women were so grateful and happy to just be there. “They weren’t loud and opinionated.” Mind you, he went on about the domestic value they brought, not who they were as people, considering they only make $4 per day tops. I felt icky after that and couldn’t shake the feeling.

In the midst of all of the domestic warfare we are experiencing in this country, I find that it is also resulting in fracturing families because of differing belief systems. My brother voted for Trump because the costs of everything is too high, including running his business.

My mother (65F) grew up during segregation in the south and remembers the hatred that existed then. Sunset towns, all of it. Albeit, my parents are a bit old school, I can see the attempt to adapt to the times because of their life experiences.

I came over to my parents’ home for dinner and immediately noticed she was in a heated discussion with my brother in which she called him “selfish and self absorbed.”

As I’m eating dinner, the conversation continues in which he doesn’t care about what happens to minorities and other marginalized communities because as long as he “insulates” himself, it doesn’t matter. What has the community done for him; from his standpoint, they’re all crabs in a barrel. He begged the question “when have black people ever banded together for anything.” As I’m listing examples, he is laughing and patronizing me, interrupting me, yelling over me. He called me “just another stupid female that needs to know her place,” to which I called him a “punkass.”

This of course, did not go over well with my mother and she yelled stop. When I stopped, he kept going. He said “you think you’re the smartest one in the room just because you have a little piece of paper (degree) and think you know everything. You could never do what I do or be in the same league as me. I’m a black entrepreneur. You need to learn when to stfu when a man is talking. I’ve told mom how disrespectful I think you are and you continue to disrespect me. Your existence wouldn’t matter to me and if you disappeared, I wouldn’t care. You can kick rocks.” (a few weeks ago, he mentioned in casual conversation he was angry my mother became pregnant with me after a miscarriage and I thought that was strange.)

I could tell my mom was mortified and said “you won’t speak to her like that.” To which he replied “you know how I am, and when I’m pushed to the edge. I’ve never disrespected anyone!” I told him “so what else you got?” And he said “nothing. Lose my number.” (And I did.)

I apologized to my mom after he hung up on her for trying to be a voice of reason. I didn’t mean to disrespect HER home like this, but I wasn’t going to allow him to demean her either.

She was mortified, being a parent to him at 15, only for him to become this unrecognizable person.

I strangely didn’t cry, but feel shocked yet firm. I never thought my older brother would ever speak to me or think of me this way. I’m done though.

They spent a few months during the summer of 2007 going on about having a ‘woman in’ to build a landscaped indoor planting area in the corner of the lounge.

He didn’t live in a mansion. He lived in a badly nicotine yellowed 3 bed on a 70’s housing estate. Somehow even the garden resembled a soulless waiting room. He would have wallpapered the fence with woodchip left to his own devices.

He was a man at war with life. Every plant got pruned back to a stump in October, and again in March. Everything.

I spend a lot of time time ruminating in fear about my Ndad's reactions to things. My entire life, everything was centered around keeping him happy and not letting him feel rejected or criticized. He no longer provides anything for me financially, so he can't use that to control me, but no doubt will bring it up to guilt me if we ever do fight. I've had to come to terms with that fact that I do not like or respect him at all, and his political values/choices could directly lead to me being in danger.

At this point, I grey rock and am pretty distant with him. He's actually quite insecure and wants a relationship with me, so I can see he holds back from throwing tantrums. He currently texts me twice a week to check in and ask how I am doing, which is way too much for me. I don't want contact that often with him, and my nervous system tenses every time I get a text from him. I'd like to check in with him a few times a year. But, because of my fear of his reaction to feeling rejected, I find myself ruminating about this.

Is there a way to maintain low contact without the hypervigilance about their moods and reactions? How can I really stop feeling this responsibility for his emotions when its been so engrained in me?

No one will ever support me for whatever shit show I'm going through because I'm a failure. My emotions are drama and attention seeking attempts. My problems, struggles, mental health issues, my own share of failures and successes are nothing compared to theirs. I feel like I'm a burden to my family because of my procrastination and recently developed OCD of rabies (that's a long story). I don't know what am I supposed to do! I don't know how to tell them that my problems are my problems, not theirs. Their destructive criticism and constant pressuring has caused me moments of stress and fear. I have this urge to earn my financial independence so that I can be at better place. But no! That has to be derailed by me.

When I was a child, I slowly realized that the only time my mum seemed in a good mood was after she had sex with my dad. She was usually cold or distant, but on those mornings, she would actually treat me kindly. I remember going to bed praying they would have sex just so she’d be in a good mood the next day.She would also strangely do it really loudly.. like she didn't care if we heard ( I hated it)

Looking back, I see how unhealthy that was, but as a child, it felt normal.I became hypervigilant on her facial expressions and now as an adult I still am with others. It shaped the way I viewed love, relationships, and even my own sense of safety. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

My Aunt informed me last night that my Nmom is still waiting for an apology after three years of NC. But she's losing patience, so I'd better act fast!!

It seems that if I apologize and turn back into a mindless drone, all is forgiven! I get my precious mommy back, I give up every right I've fought so hard to achieve, I get to once again become that drab, faceless entity who lives to serve.

So very fucking tempting!! How could I possibly turn all of that down?!?!?

Ok ma, here's my apology...

I'm sorry I wasted so many adult years on a human being completely incapable of empathy, sympathy, or compassion.

I'm sorry I had to grow up with someone so very selfish they can't even fake happiness for others.

I'm sorry your such a chronic liar that I would ask for a second opinion if you told me the sky was blue.

I'm sorry I had to stop counting the men you fucked when it went beyond 30 because I became too exhausted, and ashamed, to keep counting.

I'm sorry I wasn't more enthusiastic over every new husband we didn't even know existed till you literally moved them in.

I'm sorry you consistently picked men who hated children so you could always come first.

I'm sorry I was your alibi when you cheated on various husbands. I should have told them we weren't shopping, that the reality is that I was sitting in a freezing car while your inside some random apartment getting your rocks off.

I'm sorry I had to consistently dumb myself down to your level in order to get the simplist of points across.

I'm sorry I had to endure your presence for 50+ years by trying to be a good daughter and getting nothing but misery in return.

I'm sorry you exist because the world would benefit from your absence. You've damaged everything and everyone you have ever encountered and when you are on your deathbed, I will rejoice in the knowledge that once your gone, you won't be able to ever hurt again.

Pfffft... expects an apology... such a typical narcissistic expectation...

I’m 32M, half Asian, white father, mother from SEA. Every time when I visit my mother (60F) (once in a month) she always makes me leaving the house extremely frustrated and angry.

First thing when I visit her is:

1. She told me that she prepared food for me. I didn’t asked for it and when I said ‘no’ she still brings it to me. Gets angry when it throw everything in the trash because I’m not hungry.
2. Worries about my travels since she follows me on Facebook and IG.
3. Keep telling me to be careful and that she is worried.
4. Keep asking to sleep over and over even when I said “no”.
5. Keep telling me I should not shower or cut nails on certain days.
6. Believes in ghosts and telling me I should pray for good luck. When I went to visit my grandma and other family she always took me to go to the temple to pray for hours. Even at home she prays compulsively for 2 hours!
7. When I eat: Keep telling me to eat slower because the heard some story on social media that someone died.
8. Wants me to become a monk, prays for me even I told her I don’t believe in Buddhist bs.
9. Carrying my suitcases of 20 kg and bags while I can carry this my myself. I feel ashamed when people look at me at the airport seeing me that my mother carries all my stuff. When I tell this to her she said that “carry heavy stuff if not good for your back.” So it’s a bit weird to see a small old woman carrying all the heavy luggage while her adult son is walking behind her.
10. Buying expensive vitamins and presents I don’t need. (afterwards i always throw it away even it’s worth more than 200 euro.)

I told this her many many times that I don’t need this shit and stop doing suggestions or telling me what to do. She reacts emotionally and apologetically but still does the same shit when I visit her again. And I feel frustrated because I keep throwing away valuable things because I don’t need it. She is not rich, works as a cleaner and sends money to her family abroad so it makes me feel frustrated that I throw it away while she makes only 10 euro per hour.

She starts crying when I told her I throw everything away.

It is a way how I deal with those frustrations. She doesn’t listen so I throw everything she gives me in the bin.

How do I tell her to stop doing things for me without asking? How to I tell her to listen and stop asking the same question or doing suggestions, giving lectures over and over?

Family and half sister is upset at me, telling me I’m selfish for getting angry and that my mother has only good intentions and wants to care and nurture. On the other hand many family members told her that she is treating me like a baby but refuses to change her behavior. Family didn’t want to argue in order to keep harmony.

(My half sister who grew up with my grand mother got neglected, however she got way more freedom. As a result she became super masculine in her behavior.)

For me as adult man it’s humiliating, makes me feel an unconfident insecure boy again when i see my mother again .

Background: Since I was child she was always very nurturing and overprotective because she is a neurotic and anxious person. Father was a wealthy PPB but wasn’t involved in family life , was always as work. He passed away 5 years ago.

Till I was 13 in slept with my mother in 1 bed because I was anxious of the dark. I learned eating with knife, fork and spoon when I was 12. I didn’t learned this at home but from my teacher. Later they putted me in a foster care family for a year because father was alcoholic and was abusing us. Teachers and psychologists wrote what there was an unhealthy symbiotic bond. Before this my mother did everything for me and never teaches me the basic things.

After 1 year, I was 14 I came back and she didn’t changed and repeated her same toxic behavior. The only improvement now is that I slept in my own room and wasn’t anxious of dark anymore.

Another remarkable event was when I was on a school trip to an amusement park. I was 17. We came back couple hours later than planned and since I didn’t told her before I went on this day trip my mother got in panic and went to the school waiting for me. I fell asleep in the bus and when I woke up I saw that my mother tried to call me over 20 times.

Arrived at school I saw my mother emotional with my stepfather being angry and why I didn’t communicate that I went on a day trip with school. I apologized but the reason why I never tell things to her because she is always worried and anxious and try to discourage me for the exploring the world.

Years after that I became a NEET and spend years at home in my room. She brings food and cleans. I played computer games all day.

7 years later I left the house with assistance of social services. I moved to a different country and found a job there. Since then I made huge steps to develop me as a male man, however every time when I visit my mother I feel kind of a helpless toddler. It reminds me of the dark days when I was a NEET, and feel depressed when I fly back home.

I would like to ask if you can relate to this and what you would do in my situation?

Sorry in advance for the lenght, I am very much venting, maybe even rambling... For decades I've (F36) ended up in narcisistic relationships, with flatmates, friends, employers, the works. It seems that if there's a narcisist (specially a woman) within a 5 miles radius I'll end up in their paws somehow. When I learnt about narcisists and how childhood experiences with them might make a pattern that you keep repeating I thought it might've been my cousin (who has many narcissistic tendencies), but it didn't totally check out cos I pretty much tried avoiding her as kids as much as I could, and I'm not sure her as a kid (although apparently insane enough to try to kill her baby sister at 6) would have had that kind of inpact on me, plus we only were 2 years apart. After reading books about narcissism I always had a bad feeling about my parents, specially my mom, but I kept dismissing it, and forgetting about it, I really didn't want to go into it, I was scared and not ready. Fast foward to 2024 I started reading with my mother (for moral support, the irony) The Body Keeps the Score. When I was reading about attachment theory some memories came to the surface, and then more and more until a whole avalanche threatened to take my whole sanity away. So the veil gone, I can see my mother for the selfish, manipulative penson that she is. I've been avoiding her calls and texts, greystoning her (is that the correct term?) since then, only responding when she started threatening with getting my friends involved (as in the emergency contact that I have that speaks her language in my current country). Well, yesterday she texted me asking where abouts in the book am I, which made me laugh, cos she's reading it but clearly not understanding it. Today, I remembered some more stuff that she did and made me so angry I finally sent her a message about it. She made excuses, twisted it, the usual. When I asked how would she have felt if I had done that to her she sent me the 🤷‍♀️, and dissmissed my feelings. So I told her that it's very funny how my feelings never matter, and how I see no apology from her, only excuses, always excuses, and that I didn't understand why was she reading the book if clearly she wasn't understanding any of it. Eventually I told her to reread the chapters that made me realise what she is, and to think hard about what she did to me as a kid. I told her that if she wanted to talk to me she better apologise, else I don't want to know anything. She just tried calling me, and I declined, so she messaged "i don't remember doing anytging bad to you, so tell me..." I can't see the rest from my notification, and I don't want to open it. I'll be strong, I might speak with my father later(he's a whole different story, terrible temper, but I'm not sure whether he's a narcissist, just sucks, or his flaws in personality can be blamed on spending nearly 4 decades with a narcisistic woman), and if I can, I might block her. The funny thing is that I know that she knows exactly what she did, at least some of it, because she and the rest of her side of the family made fun of me for it for decades. Anyways, if you read this, thank you for read me venting. Wish me strenght

(i dont really know where to post this , so im doing it hear) i am 13 (m) going on 14, and my mom used to hit me alot (up untill me being 12, then it calmed down a bit) she has mentel illness, wich means if i tick her off to much, she goes ballistic, she always apoligizes after, and most of the time when i piss her off, its because i a, lied,(like taking a drink or getting a bad grade and lying about it) or b, was lazy (not taking dogs out and stuff) and i think ive gotten better over time, but now my mom grounds me all the time for not folding a blanket right, im currently grounded for god knows how long, and i cant do shit (im not even supposed to be on reddit but i cant really talk to a alot of people about it ) and then there is the issue of things she has done, she has threatand to stab me twice, hit me upside the head with a broom handle, hit me upside the head with an icepack, choked me, pulled my hair, calle dme useless, said she should have aborted me, etc, and we dont tell my step dad because i dont want him to leave my mom and us, and ive been a bit of a brat to, (not taking dogs out or not watching them (wich i deeply regret and ive gotten alot better) and stolen drinks and snacks, not becasue they dont feed me but because i dotn think thaid say yes if i aksed or that they wont touch it) am i the bad guy, is mom the bad guy, are we both the bad guy

(i dont really know where to post this , so im doing it hear) i am 13 (m) going on 14, and my mom used to hit me alot (up untill me being 12, then it calmed down a bit) she has mentel illness, wich means if i tick her off to much, she goes ballistic, she always apoligizes after, and most of the time when i piss her off, its because i a, lied,(like taking a drink or getting a bad grade and lying about it) or b, was lazy (not taking dogs out and stuff) and i think ive gotten better over time, but now my mom grounds me all the time for not folding a blanket right, im currently grounded for god knows how long, and i cant do shit (im not even supposed to be on reddit but i cant really talk to a alot of people about it ) and then there is the issue of things she has done, she has threatand to stab me twice, hit me upside the head with a broom handle, hit me upside the head with an icepack, choked me, pulled my hair, calle dme useless, said she should have aborted me, etc, and we dont tell my step dad because i dont want him to leave my mom and us, and ive been a bit of a brat to, (not taking dogs out or not watching them (wich i deeply regret and ive gotten alot better) and stolen drinks and snacks, not becasue they dont feed me but because i dotn think thaid say yes if i aksed or that they wont touch it) am i the bad guy, is mom the bad guy, are we both the bad guy

I was in third grade when the school told my mother I needed glasses. She yelled at me the entire 30 minutes to the eye doctor that I better not be faking it. I looked at the sun, hoping it would damage my eyes enough to be sure I needed glasses. I got bifocals. My eyes only deteriorated over the years. She punched me when I was 16 and detached my retina. Another screaming trip to the eye doctor. As an older adult, my eyes had gotten so bad my eye doctor recommended surgery. I had a trifocal lens replacement put in each eye. My mother told all my sibling I didn't really need that surgery and it was all a waste of money. She also ignored it when the school told her I had scoliosis and needed to see a doctor about it. She just laughed and said they didn't know what they were talking about. I could give so many examples. Anyone else?

One of the ways my narc parents would make life harder for themselves (and others in their own home) was to take a normal thing to do and restrict it for fear of imaginary intruders and thieves that may come one day.

In our own home we could not:

1. leaving shoes in a shoe cabinet on an enclosed lockable porch
2. having a deep freezer in an enclosed lockable porch
3. leaving your purse on a hook in the living room
4. leaving your wallet on the kitchen table in your own home
5. Opening a window in your living room that has a TV
6. Leaving money in a drawer in your own room
7. And finally covering up items in a car when you have to stop before your destination

My narc parents worried about

1. Someone stealing our shoes
2. Someone poisoning the deep freezer
3. Someone seeing my purse on the hook in the living room and breaking in to steal it
4. Someone breaking in and stealing my wallet off the kitchen table
5. Someone peering through the window and seeing that we have a TV so we should NEVER open windows
6. What if someone broke into the house and saw that I had money in a drawer in my room and stole it
7. Put a jacket over any object (no matter how delicate it is) so that no one steals it.

Do they forget that they can lock doors? Like they themselves can prevent theft my locking doors and maybe getting a ring doorbell camera? We don’t live in a bad neighborhood either, it was safe to jog and walk in, kids would ride their bikes down the street. Their solutions to these problems were having two fridges in a small kitchen, and keeping our shoes inside in the middle of the living room.

So number 6 was a freshly made flower crown I made for my best friend at the time’s baptism. I spent hours on it and wanted to give it to her. Dad wanted to eat before the service and told me to leave the flower crown in the car because he didn’t want anything to happen to it. When I was not looking he covered it with a black leather jacket, we spent an hour and a half in the restaurant and when we came back to the car I was horrified to see that the flowers had suffocated and wilted under the jacket. I asked wondered why did we even have to stop for food before such an important event, why did my parents take soooo long eating, and who in the hell would steal a flower crown?

It was insane, did anyone else deal with something similar?

I dreamt that I was sitting in the living room, with my mother and my aunt talking about something. Suddenly, I started fighting with my mother. I do not remember what was that about, but I remember that I was trying to ask my aunt to defend me and she left the room.

After that, my mother tried to play the victim and forced herself onto me so I would hug her and I ran out of the room.

By the time I got to the door, she morphed into me and was suffocating me, trying to tell my aunt that everything is fine and I am sorry for what happened.

I woke up while I was trying to scream and try to tell my aunt I needed her help.

It was truly scary, but the scariest part was that I realised this is how my mind perceives my mother and our interactions.

I do not know though why the figure of authority was my aunt, we are not that close, but I guess she was one of the few people calling on my mother’s bullshit sometimes.

I genuinely do not know how to navigate this after waking up

I’m posting because I really don’t have much of an outlet beyond my sister and my ex-husband. I’m having a hard time processing a lot of the things going on in my life and despite this having been my norm for almost 40 years, somehow I still get shaken by her behavior.

I’ve never had a great relationship with my mom. She has always been extremely difficult as an undiagnosed narcissist, but as an adult, it seems she has decided to take the brunt of her unprocessed anger and emotions out on me when she doesn’t get her way. It usually goes back-and-forth between me and my sister as who is the GC and who is the SG, but for some reason, as the eldest, I seem to always get the brunt of her irrational anger.

About five years ago, she found out she was in kidney failure. She went and did all the testing and everything and found out she was in stage three. The doctors told her she could potentially do well with a transplant if she found a donor. She and I have the same blood type so she convinced herself that my kidney would be a match. And she asked me point-blank if I would give her a kidney. We have been to countless hospitals, some of which, were out of state and hours away that I’ve taken her to and each hospital has told her that she would not survive a kidney transplant because of the poor quality of her health, let alone the fact that my kidney may not even be a match.

If we had had a better relationship, I would have given it to her. I’d have given it to my dad in a heartbeat. But I also have a child and I worry that if kidney issues run in the family, he may need a kidney someday. Regardless of my reasoning, I really think asking somebody for their kidney is pretty horrible. Because now I get to live with the guilt of knowing my mother thinks I’m killing her.

Here we are five years later, and she still needs a kidney, but she’s now in stage five and in and out of rehab facilities/hospitals because she has never really taken care of her body or her health in and it’s catching up with her at 75. I moved in with her about three years ago after my divorce because she was unable to live on her own at that point. I’m well aware that my actions are residual guilt because I chose not to give her a kidney but I’m working on teaching myself not to think that’s my fault. At least that’s what I assume - I’m no therapist. No matter how much I do to try and make her life better, how much of myself I sacrifice for her, Im trying to understand that it will never be enough for her.

My father passed away a year ago and before he died, he expressly forbade her from asking me about my kidney. He was absolutely appalled that she even asked, and, for my mild mannered, non-confrontational father to say something like that to her, was a good sign that it was really bad. Now that he’s gone, it seems she’s right back to talking about it, though the conversation posted is between her and my sister.

I guess I’m not sure why I’m posting this, but maybe for reassurance that I’m not completely crazy and this is not normal behavior? Maybe that I’m not a horrible person for giving up a body part for her? I don’t know.

At the moment she is in the hospital, I have no desire to see her or talk to her and I hate feeling that way because she is my mother. If we had had the relationship, I always wished for this whole situation will be devastating but at this point, I’m just tired. I’m so tired of the emotional rollercoaster and extreme shifts in mood, that I just want it to be done. And I feel so guilty saying that.

My mom is not speaking to me currently because I couldn’t leave my sick child at 9pm last night to come sit by her at the hospital where she’s at currently. This conversation is from around midnight last night when she was texting my sister. I swear if it wasn’t for my sister pushing back, I would think I am completely losing my mind with the way she thinks I treat her.

https://imgur.com/a/xxsIV6l

TW // emotional abuse, animal abuse, suicide/SH

I had a major fight with my ndad and enabler/nmum last night, my dad kept making snide comments about me and a switch just flipped - I was tired of hearing them tear me apart, constantly bring up anything they perceive as a fault, bring up my boyfriend and treating him the same way they've treated me. I screamed, I begged him to just please leave me alone, that I haven't spoken to him (NC) in over 2 years and I don't understand why he's still trying to find ways to hurt me I haven't done anything. In those 2 years he hasn't even tried to apologise or improve himself, it's like he hasn't even noticed that I'm not there. He looked at me, screaming and sobbing and practically on my knees just begging for him to have some human decency - he just laughed, told me "it's my fucking house I'll do & say what I like", called me ungrateful, called me degrading names, said if I was a dog I'd be put down.

My mum has always gaslit me, telling me that she loves me and would do anything for me and that he doesn't abuse me because he doesn't hit me every night the way her dad did. Last night she came storming into the room, screaming at me and telling me she's sick of me, that she's fed up of hearing me cry, that she wished my suicide attempt last year was successful, that "if you hate it here so much why don't you just leave" - I'm disabled and have been out of work for a while as I try to get myself back on my feet. She told me that my boyfriend doesn't love me, that he's got "commitment issues" because we haven't moved out yet after 3 years together (again, I'm disabled, out of work and waiting to get my drivers licence. He's on an apprenticeship wage, we simply aren't in a place to get our own place yet). Meanwhile every time I cried or screamed or my voice cracked all I could hear was my dad mocking me & laughing from the other room.

I cursed at her for the first time in my life, I called her a bitch. I didn't mean to I was just so angry that she was choosing to defend a monster who has hurt us both continously for at least 15 years, after all the time and energy I've spent defending her, having her back, letting her cry on my shoulder when he's been horrible to her, the whole time I thought she was just as much of a victim as I am but she's just as bad as he is if not worse - she pretends to care. He's ruined my life and she knows this and yet she still chose to be aggressive towards me simply for having a reaction to the years of torture I've been through. I had a panic attack and self harmed after being clean for close to a year.

I'm with my boyfriend at his mums house for the weekend, the idea of going back to that place on Tuesday makes my skin crawl. I'm tired.

I'm angry and I want to cry. Almost every morning I wake up with the pain of what they did to me or with memories that bubbled up.. I just. I'm so angry. My Nmom was a bully. Always Hypercritical, judgemental, and Hateful. Spiteful. It gave her ego what it needed to THRIVE especially socially or in any Social Scene.. She's like whatever animal eats it's own young.

And I remember EVERYTHING. I remember Every moment that she chose to be my abuser, over just being a loving mom. It's freaking made me WHO I AM.. It's like the MORE ANXIOUS she felt the more CAGED in she made me. Try being totally normal or even just social after your mom fuckin beats the living crap out of you, just not physically. Now that my focus is more on myself than it's ever been before, I see the extent of the damage and the price of her actions. And it INFURIATES ME. I pay for it. I pay for what she did every single day. Healing for me has primarily been like just trying to bust out of that brick wall she fucking built around me. The wall that keeps me away from others and unable to really connect with anyone..

My narc mother always jokes about wanting to punch me, knock me out, strangle me… it’s so weird. She makes these “jokes” so casually all of the time over the most trivial things ever. Let’s say I don’t answer her calls if I’m sleeping, or I’m wearing an outfit she dislikes, she’ll say “that annoyed me so much, you don’t understand, I felt like kicking you over and punching you”.

It’s just so bizarre to me that she sits and thinking about wanting to physically harm me and it disturbs my spirit even more knowing she’s actually been physically violent towards me in the past, and actually has punched me repeatedly in the face and has strangled me, and kicked me over. So, she’s aware of her violence and she enjoys it so much she fantasises about inflicting even more violence and harm onto me.

This is why I want to get as far away as possible from her. If she can fantasise about punching and strangling me, what else is she fantasising about?

And no one would ever believe me. She puts on such a great act to the outside world. Everyone believe she’s this sweet social worker, who struggled and raised 4 kids by herself as a single mother, and now she walks around in a crutch because she’s in “so much pain”. She plays on the victim role so well!

A family friend even cut me off and blocked me over a year ago because I spoke out online about her true character. She refused to believe me, made her into be a victim and said poor her and “imagine if she saw what you said🥺”, then when I said I’d rather move out then deal with her bullying me, she said I’m running away from the problem before blocking me and hasn’t spoken to me since. That is how much she believed her victim act! She painted me as the villain when I’ve been abused my entire life by this woman.

Growing up with a narcissistic parent feels like being the protagonist of a movie you didn’t audition for, except the plot is just “Everything Is Your Fault.” They’re in a bad mood? Must’ve been the way you breathed this morning.

You didn’t answer their question fast enough? Clearly, you're plotting their downfall.

You did answer their question? Why are you being so defensive?!

Something breaks? Obviously, you looked at it wrong.

World hunger? Somehow, still your fault.

I swear, I could cure cancer and my nmom would still be like, “Wow, but what about that time you spilled juice when you were six?”

Tell me I’m not the only one whose childhood felt like an endless blame game. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever been blamed for? Let’s share and laugh (so we don’t cry). 😂

TW: verbal abuse, violent threats, threats of suicide

So my sister just threw a tantrum this morning. My Nfather reacts with raising her voice at her, calling her “a stupid idiot”, “crybaby” and “brat”. He threatened to shave all her hair off and even said he was gonna “shoot himself in the head” because of her.

No matter how bad a child’s fit throwing is, you should NEVER respond with abusive language or name calling, let alone with threats to unalive yourself.

I’m tired of people justifying this BS with “she was misbehaving” and believing that abuse is only physical.

Is that a narcissists favorite thing to shove in your face whenever they want to make a point.

" There's no way I'm abusive." " There's no way you have depression." " There's no way you didn't do that."

It just goes on and on. It's either "there's no way" or "you don't."

Like the other day we were at the store and we were getting a two litter. There wasn't many options so I decided to settle for cream soda, because I had it before and knew I didn't hate it.

This bitch literally exploded. "YOU DON'T LIKE CREAM SODA." In the middle of the store. Weird example to use, but she does this all the time. She likes to make it seem like I'm an impossible force who's not willing to settle with something less than what I would want because she enjoys acting like I'm the abusive one in this relationship. I've said several times that if she needs to buy diabetic friendly meals, I wouldn't care.. "psht, right."

??? This is why I'm not empathetic towards her problems. Because even if I was, she would act like I was holding a gun to her head and forcing her to eat fucking potatoes or some other shit she isn't supposed to.

I've becoming an adult this year, yet she acts like I'm a whiny and picky toddler. While acting like a whiny and picky toddler. Almost 70 year old woman stomping her foot at a 17 year old because she isn't getting her way is hilarious.

I have a lot to vent about everyday, I wake up to a woman screaming at me. It's really tiring and I need to get it off my chest so I can actually do something productive other than cry.

Today it was mostly about how she thinks I try to paint a false picture of sadness for everybody. Not like I'm actually fucking sad or anything. She's upset because my doctor called and told her I said something that made her believe I was depressed, which I did, although she didn't explain what.

My mom wasn't supposed to tell me this but of course right after the phone call she exploded and went on a rent. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I'm not miserable. I can't possibly be any of those things.

She thinks I'm implying I'm abused to my doctor. Number one. I'm not just depressed because of the abuse.. like I don't know, maybe watching my bio parents get hauled off and arrested for child abuse before being shipped to a shitty foster care situation had some kind of effect on me.

This one is for the people who keep telling me to tell an adult.. I did yo, ain't do shit.

My doctor after TELLING MY MOM ANYWAY even after I explained she would be MAD and absolutely tear into me.

"She's just stressed...😔"

I was so done. My doctor looked at what was under my sleeves and really thought I did that just because my Nmom is just stressed.

This post went downhill fast sorry. ☹️

I realized as long as my parents will be around, I will never feel comfortable being at home. It doesn't matter if I am still living at my parents home or whether I live by myself at a different place. A home is a gigantic target for narcissistic parents because it's like a localizer of where you will be, or might be. And no matter where I live, this localizer will always be with me.

Since there is no arguing possible with my parents, and since they bother me every single weekend no matter where I live when I am at home, the only solution, for me, is to not be at home during the day. This solution is quite sad, as for most people their home is a place of comfort, but for me, it has been the complete opposite. The longer I am not at home, the happier I feel, the more free, less constrained I am of this localizer my home is for my parents.

I don't necessarily think this will ever change, this notion of home being a place of fear, but I have to do what my brain thinks makes me feel safer. And being outside is rarely bad, being around other people makes me feel save in a way being at home, by myself, never makes me.

I’ve been reflecting on my childhood lately and realized just how much I adapted to keep the peace. I’d carefully word everything, avoid certain topics, and anticipate their mood swings like my life depended on it.

Now as an adult, I’m noticing how it still affects me—I second-guess myself constantly and feel responsible for other people’s emotions. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do you break out of that mindset and learn to just… breathe?

I’ve been reflecting on my childhood lately and realized just how much I adapted to keep the peace. I’d carefully word everything, avoid certain topics, and anticipate their mood swings like my life depended on it.

Now as an adult, I’m noticing how it still affects me—I second-guess myself constantly and feel responsible for other people’s emotions. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do you break out of that mindset and learn to just… breathe?

Vent vent vent!

So fucking sick of just being badgered constantly by my abusive narcissistic dad.

I’ve told my dad countless times when I’m wfh, I’m not just available for demands as soon as I leave my room. He creates this “crises” over nothing – the cat’s flea and worm medication, miniscule bits of sellotape in the washing machine, crumbs in the car seat. I’ve come to the conclusion he also has OCPD as well as NPD.

My job is emotionally tough. I’m working with autistic kids in crisis trying to get all these heaving public systems to give them the services they need. And I have ADHD. When I take a break, my brain needs to go offline. Not be micromanaged over having washed a saucepan incorrectly again.

When I’ve tried to implement boundaries. I’ve asked him to write things down or wait until after work. But he refuses to do that and if I do anything other than play along, he just goes on a mental narcissistic attack.

I’ve got round 4 of mouth ulcers in the last 2.5 months. I’ve put on loads of weight. My migraines are really hard to manage at the moment. I’m just so angry all the time.

I’m so sick of trying to manage my ADHD and difficult job when I’ve got this bullshit going on. And what I’ve realised is CTPSD is being constantly triggered now too.

It’s just so fucked. 6 months to go… I can’t wait to move out and cut off contact.

I'm in a really bad place now. Last year was supposed to be my last year in college. I had six months left + a 6 month internship. My studies were sponsored by a private company from 2022 - 2023. Unfortunately my funding was cut without being notified in advance, this lead to me completing my first quarter coursework and only finding out a few weeks before the exam I was cutoff. The worst part is that 2024 was the year I finally decided to escape my abusive father, since I could not tolerate his behaviour anymore (rudely asking for/demanding I give him money from my stipend to help him pay rent/ run his business, constantly yelling, passive aggression, belittling, bullying, threats - you name it - as well as being strangled twice and being wished dead at one point. I decided to use my inheritance to pay for a place to stay while I complete my studies and I figured I'd have my stipend to help me out as well.

My circumstances resulted in an extreme worsening of my anxiety and depression. My executive functioning was fucked beyond belief. I would spend 24+ hours in bed at a time, my paranoia around money was soooooooo intense that I would get really anxious and burnt out after buying anything, It was very hard for me to find the motivation to focus on anything... it took a mountain of affect to start a project in the field I was studying, My stuttering worsened as my social anxiety worsened and I was depressed and anxious to the point where I was in constant despair, sadness and fear - I almost felt like I was not real, my reflection would even freak me out.

This caused me to have a psychotic break, unfortunately (and possibly other health issue due to me starving as a teenager and me starving myself and then eating just enough throughout the year). My school was actually worried me due to me disappearing and my father going to the school and acting hysterical over me leaving without a trace. I had a session with the counselors, discussing my future mainly about possible sponsorship. Unfortunately for me I was clearly in psychosis, but even though I felt having someone to really talk and process my trauma would help me more than anything, they threatened to restrain me if I don't give them a number of a trusted adult (I don't trust any of them). That whole experience was so stressful, how dare you treat someone who is clearly traumatised like that? I requested to dropout after that.

Thankfully, I managed to get over the psychosis on my own - (it lasted 3 months, and I unfortunately lost friends over it, but in the process gained new ones). Unfortunately, it caused me to be very reckless with m money and I blew it. My outstanding (most of it) debt to the school was paid to school by a sponsor that I got after the ordeal. The contract I signed said the sponsor will pay for my tuition for the study period, but the school used it to pay outstanding debt... which is a relief I guess.

Right now,... I am one month behind my rent, almost two months and I still have outstanding amount from December from not paying full rent. I am struggling so much that I literally would go DAYS (like 7) on <100 calories. If it wasn't from a small loan from a friend who doesn't talk to me anymore and I friend who is supporting me where he can... I might be either dead or really ill right now. I have looking for a job, I have been asking for a job personally at restaurants every day and handing in my CV. I don't know how long it will take for me to get a job, and thankfully my stuttering and social anxiety calmed down during and after the psychotic break (though they are starting to creep back in because of the recent stress I have been experiencing). I just really wish I could somehow get $377.77 to cover my outstanding costs from December and the rent from Jan and Feb (I live in South Africa, that's more money than it sounds). I really hope I can make it through this year, I just want to have money to be self-sufficient and complete my studies next year. I do IT/software engineering and I am a capable person, I have the skills of a graduate, I just hope I can get the paper to prove it, because the only jobs are available for someone like me are graduate positions. Maybe I can try contacting companies directly if that will work, coding is a hobby of mine and I got pretty great grades throughout my school career,

I’m not sure what to do here because i’m experiencing pericoronitis which is when the flap of gum tissue gets inflamed around a partially erupted tooth (usually a wisdom tooth). I don't have mt wisdom tooth out and i’m 20. I was meant to get it taken out last year, they took X-rays, told me to schedule an appointment to get them removed but I never did because I knew I wouldn't be able to afford it. I couosve told my Nmom but I knew how it would all play out. I live in America too lol and to make it worse I don't receive any financial support from my narcissistic mother. She does the bare min but when it comes to hospital trips, dental checkups or cleaning, surgery, bloodwork appointments, or just a simple check up appointments she won't help out. Im on my own. There was a point when I was about 17-18 my doctor told my nmom to pick up these life saving meds in case of a emergency due to a condition and she never picked them up. Thankfully I haven't had a moment where I needed it but if I did, I'd probably be dead. My doctor put it on my Nmom because I was too young to understand at the time, they explained as much as they could to me where my nmom could care less about educating me on my conditions.

Ive worked some pretty shitty jobs which had absolutely no benefits like dental or health insurance. Like can I get a break?? The pay I received was far too low as well. Anywho, I had to get my own ride to said appointments and pay for it when I barely had enough to cover the cost of my teeth cleaning appointment all the while she's out with her boyfriend. All the money I had to afford the appointment was saved up over time. I even told my Nmom I had to use my damn savings on that appointment when she could've helped me out. I was told that my wisdom tooth can be taken out, it wasn't a urgent issue because I wasn't feeling pain but eventually it could cause issues if I wait which now I am feeling. I can feel my tooth erupting a bit, I have a painful flappy flap of gum wiggling around and my fear is that food will get in it. I've had pain in my mouth before and when my nmom saw me in pain, crying, she was completely emotionless. Didn't care whatsoever, my dad cared more than her. She didn't give me a ride to the appointment and she actually stopped paying the insurance so I had to pay out of pocket on the spot. Fuck this annoying bitch man I hate her. What do I do? I spoke to a dentist on my school campus and they told me the same thing my main dentist said. Get my wisdom tooth removed by a orthodontist. But can't they remove it? I don't want to be in pain to the point i’m crying like last time. What do I do?

Warning for brief SA mention. Hey, long time lurker, first time poster here. I think I just need to vent to people who understand. I went no contact with my entire family in 2021. It's been really hard lately and I don't know why. Christmas and some birthdays were last month, but there aren't any significant dates right now that should be triggering. I miss the idea of them, all the time. I dream about them then wake up and feel so drained.

You know when you were a kid getting the silent treatment from an NParent and you feel like you need to "make up" for everything? I feel haunted by that urge, even though I initiated the silent treatment this time. And I truly don't want them in my life. Everything has been so much easier without the stress and needing to always balance my nmom's emotions.

I know that they will never change, never apologize. But after years, I feel like I'm starting to doubt myself. Then I remind myself of the abuse. The manipulation, the blame shifting, never having a voice in anything. I remember all the nights my mom would drink and scream until she passed out and I had to take care of her. I remember how my parents happily forced teenage me share my bed with the man who would assault me in my own home. And then I feel extra like crap because now all those memories are weighing on me along with the guilt and disgust from missing them.

I guess I was just looking for a place to shout this into the void. I know that I don't want them in my life and I am so much happier. Yet they're always on my mind and I thought it would get easier with time, not harder. I'm okay, just tired of feeling tired.

I’m currently out of state because my dad is getting surgery. When my Nmom left the hospital room, my dad thanked me for coming out to make sure she wasn’t mean to him. It was really really heartbreaking.

I suspect she is bipolar or similar, her mood is unpredictable. She’s been very manic the last few days and I’m about at my wit’s end. Every 15 minutes or so, reminding me she exists and what nice thing she did or got at the store (yogurt, coffee). My dad was in clear agony in the hospital room and she decided to use that time to read the entire 6 page info sheet about after care for his surgery to him. Like, she can’t read the room or have empathy.

I used to avoid my family entirely because anytime I give my nmom or nsister an inch they take a mile. Despite being here now, allowing her to visit in April AND agreeing to Thanksgiving together, it isn’t enough, and while she had me 1;1 in the hospital cafeteria she told me I am coming home for Christmas and all of these other travel ideas she had that I wouldn’t feign excitement for and it upset her. Like, her and my sister decided these things on the phone without asking me. Never mind that I’ve made plans with my sister for things and she 💯 ghosts me on them. And I am here. Now. Just spend time with me instead of planning for the next one?

Like…. I am 35 years old, LOL. I am so homesick and feel like a child. 4 more days and then I am safely back, across the country.

I was not allowed to listen to music and anything pop culture related was considered "trash". Video games were banned, dressing in age appropriate "fashionable" were forbidden. I had to wear a belt and tucked in shirt to school every day.

As a result I was never really able to relate to anyone my age, which was very isolating and embarrassing. As an adult I've tried to pick up stuff about pop culture, listen to music, dress better, but it all feels like a chore now.

Has anyone dealt with this before?

I was not allowed to listen to music and anything pop culture related was considered "trash". Video games were banned, dressing in age appropriate "fashionable" were forbidden. I had to wear a belt and tucked in shirt to school every day.

As a result I was never really able to relate to anyone my age, which was very isolating and embarrassing. As an adult I've tried to pick up stuff about pop culture, listen to music, dress better, but it all feels like a chore now.

Has anyone dealt with this before?