If you think you may hurt yourself or others, please call your local emergency services: 911, 999, 112, etc.

The day after you told your NMom, "Even though I've moved out, it's nice to have my childhood knickknacks kept at my childhood home. It makes me feel like a piece of me belongs there," she drove to your new place to drop those things off in a box.
She’s awful and you didn’t deserve to suffer under her upbringing. You are better to me than she was to you, but not by as much as you tell yourself. I’m posting here because it finally clicked – the friction between us that has existed since my earliest childhood comes down to the fact that, just like her, you’re a narcissist. And if I post here, maybe the the same information I've been trying to communicate for years will get accepted if I'm not the one directly saying it. Maybe this can bypass your kneejerk "Because I suffered so much, I have never repeated any of my mother's mistakes'" defenses and, finally, as I have wanted since I was 9 years old and locked myself in a bathroom rather than let you physically drag me on a walk "for my own good" - be seen and heard.
It’s all you want from your NMom. It’s all I want from you.
On a surface level you pay lip service to the idea that, ‘you may have some elements of traits which could be considered, in rare circumstances, as narcissist-like’ – but whenever I try to discuss the deeply painful ways you’ve hurt and continue to hurt me, all your defenses to avoid narcissistic injury spring into action. The idea of ‘YOU” hurting “ME” like you were hurt is so distasteful, you'd rather encourage me to be more stoic than self-reflect.

Please, for the love of god, listen. It doesn't count if you take in half of what I say, and explain for 20 minutes on how, actually, nothing you did or said wasn't 'technically' offensive.

She deserved everything in this world, but first - at least one person who will save and protect her from the horrors of this world. Who knows that adult life is always hard and full of difficulties and often - suffering, and this person would have tried to make her childhood as carefree as possible.

But i had absolutely no one.

My parents were the people from whom i should have been protected.

I still don't understand why because of the social pressure they got married, had me when they were absolutely not ready for this.

I don't understand why life is so unfair that i was never lucky in this life.

All the good things i had, i earned with sweat and blood.

Now i have an incurable and progressive syndrome associated with chronic pain, and it is even hard for me to work at my 9-5 job, which i love very much, and which gives me a feeling of joy, because for the first time in my life i don’t feel beggar and can buy myself chicken or juice or a toy that i want.

But after only 1.5 years since i started working i can lose it.

I am unhappy, i have no friends, no boyfriend, no significant person in my life who i could talk to and who would at least temporarily pull me out of this shit.

When i mean i have no friends, i am not exaggerating. I have counterdependency, thanks to my parents. The only person i can talk to about what i want is my therapist. But 1-2 hours a week is not enough for me. I am not from USA or Europe and we do not have telephone/online psychological support, especially free.

I feel like i am drowning in shit. I am not separated from my parents and i am forced to see their faces every day.

I hate them and the hatred eats me up from the inside.

I cannot separate because they will not let me. In the culture of my ethnic group a young girl cannot live separately from her parents, otherwise she is a vicious whore.

I've had enough accusations of adultery my whole life, when I haven't even kissed once in 22 years, so apparently I'll only live separately after marriage. I'm not going to get married, I'm afraid that my husband will be a bad person and I will get more trauma.

In general, I just wanted to vent, thanks that I can do it here. I would like to go back in time and correct some mistakes, and also talk to myself as a child.

Support this poor little girl who was never happy, and just hug her, say that everything will be fine, even if I already know that it will not.

Nparents love to turn off the heating, not let me use my portable heater and also watch the telly at max volume. So my days have been spent using my computer as a heater while wearing noisecancelling headphones till my ears hurt. Extremely stressing.

My ndad has also been aggrressive because of the news, and when he's aggressive I go into a scared freeze mode and get too scared to look at people. I just go into a tortoise mode where I make myself smaller and stare at the floor. Because I fear if I lift my face and look them in the eyes I'll get punched. I know other people wont do it, but my instincts and fear response dont.

Today, I was on a walk and saw the woman who walks the cute friendly dog. I have stopped to talk to her and her family members a few times in the past since they are nice and I love dogs.

I have wanted to see them again for months. But now that we met on the same road, I was physically too tired to even say hi and I was still in the fear mode so I couldn't even look at her. So I just walked right past them. And because a lot of people in this area are extremely shy and don't talk to me unless I talk to them first, she didnt say anything either.

I wish I could somehow signal "I want to talk, but I'm temporarily physically too tired and scared by narcissistic abuse to even look at you".

I want this to pass soon. I miss being social and looking at people.

What do you think about a narcissistic mom linking a DA son? It seems dismissive avoidant man has usually an unhealed wound about it and looking for it in their future romantic relationship.

I don't know whether my mother is a true narcissist or not, but she's at least very hard to deal with. My mother likes to cook and is good at it, but she does not know what healthy food looks like. Her food is full of unnecessary calories. Meals with her are always hard, because she cooks way too much and many different dishes at the same time. She wants you to try everything and accepts "No, I'm full" only after insisting multiple times.

I have struggled with weight since adulthood and I reached my heaviest weight during Covid. I have successfully lost a lot of weight in the last two years. I'm not living at home anymore, but visits there are full of struggle regarding food. I told her multiple times before and I message her each time before I come: "Please don't cook extra food. I won't be eating more than one plate per meal. I won't be taking any food with me." She knows, I follow a diet. Each time, she ignores me and cooks too much food and expects me to eat a lot and take something with me.

I'm still enraged about last time. I texted her beforehand: "I will be staying from sunday evening until monday evening. Please don't cook extra food. I won't be taking any food with me." She texted "ok". I arrived sunday evening and ate a plate of food, I ate 1 1/2 plates for breakfast and then we went for a day trip. I ate some snacks during the trip and we arrived back very late. I asked to be driven directly to the train station, because I did want to get back to my home. She tries to make me come to dinner and stay the night (and leave next morning). I insist that I don't want to, but she only stops when my sister intervenes. Then she tells my sister: "He ate none of *ethnic dish* and I cooked it specifically for him.", which is not true as I ate half a plate the evening before. I said so and then I had to go to catch my train. Thinking about it, I'm still enraged.

I can't deal with this anymore. Each visit ends up derailing my diet for days, either because I'm emotionally disregulated or because I give in and take some food I don't really want. I don't want to deal with this anymore and my mother acts as if I don't appreciate her (for things I don't even need or want). She tells people untrue statements such as "He doesn't really eat at his home. He only eats meat, when I cook it for him." She frequently asks to "help me" by bringing me food. I hate it. I'm a grown adult man and I can very well feed myself (including with meat). My friends are no help and do not understand, they say "You're lucky, my mother never cooks for me."

Thanks for reading my rant.

Hi guys, I'm a 21 year old guy and I'm looking for a job, specially a remote job due to health issues, do you have any tips and tricks to get one?.

I'm getting certifications to land a job in data entry, I also have skills in video editing, do you recommend some kind of remote job in order to save enough to move out?

Money is not everything, BUT it’s important. Money buys food, pays the bills, buys a house, a car, pays the hospital and doctors, I mean, it gives you a comfortable life.

My brother new tactic is to gaslight me to believe I have to be extremely poor because when I die, I’ll bring anything with me. So it’s better to have no ambition in life. Why work so much and spend so much energy in something I’ll lose in the end? I told him “oh! Good luck! Stay poor then!”. Suddenly he got soooo angry at me & a lot of word salad in the end.

Brother is scared of me having a successful life 😊 I bet yours have the same fear.

This is my first time posting on reddit but I had a fight with my dad last night and I’ve kind of reached my breaking point. I’m really starting to question my sanity, if I’m just overreacting to everything and I’m being too emotional or if he’s actually mistreating me. For some context, I’ve never had a good relationship with my dad, he was never really present in my childhood, didn’t show up to birthdays, ignored me when my siblings and I are around and has always chosen alcohol over us. For example, if he had to look after us as children, he simply wouldn’t he’d either go to the pub or get really angry about something, shout in our faces then go and sulk at my grandmothers house. I’ve never really felt valued by him as a person, but it’s been getting worse recently.

My parents marriage has all but ended, they are only staying together because my mother can’t financially support us where we live and we are all currently starting or going to university living at home, so she doesn’t want to risk uprooting us and ruining that. The way he treats us has been getting worse since. He’s been getting really aggressive out of nowhere and treating my siblings and I like we are burdens. He’s shouted in my sisters face that if my mother divorced him he would take everything from us and leave us on the streets and said to our faces that he doesn’t want to spend the money to feed us but does it because he has to. He’s also been leaving for about 1-2 weeks at a time on holiday not telling us when he’s going, where he is or when he’ll be home, lying to us about money and hiding alcohol around the house. But the main thing that’s been a problem is sitting at dinner. I mostly avoid him as much as possible but I can’t at these points. He always starts to rant about politics at this point getting really aggressive and condescending and ends up insulting people at the table. Particularly my sister and I.

Yesterday, he started ranting about people complaining about student debt and that they should be grateful that they have an education. He started going on about how education as the most important thing and kept emphasising the point that this meant if you had a degree you were certain to get a good job. This really hit home for me as a student who is concerned about my future with the job market and the economy. I pointed out that it wasn’t that black and white, having a degree didn’t mean you were certain to get a job and things were a bit more complicated than that. I tried to explain that I felt that and I agree an education is important and people who are able to get a degree are luckier than some others but I felt it was a disservice to people with degrees who were struggling to just dismiss them because of this. That it’s still a broken system that leaves people with too much debt.

He proceeded to do this thing that he does in pretty much every argument where he gets close to you and puts his face inches from yours, his eyes go really wide and he speaks to you like you are a toddler with this really condescending tone. He told me that by saying this I didn’t care about people in poverty because people from poorer backgrounds would kill for a degree. He then proceeded to tell me that I was too clueless to understand what I was talking about because I was so privileged. This was the part that really hurt. I’ve always felt like he treats my siblings and I like we are spoilt brats. I’m aware that I am lucky to be in a home where we can afford food and heating but he’s always held money over our heads. He treats us like we are ungrateful because if he pays the electric bill then we should agree with everything he says and be quiet.

I just felt so belittled and patronised. It was like he was calling me some ignorant idiot. I told him that what he said was rude and I didn’t think he had the right to dismiss my opinion as lesser than because he felt I was too privileged. I told him that what he said upset me. He told me I was overreacting and being too emotional. That what he said was valid and to calm down. I told him he couldn’t tell me how to feel about what he said and that I wanted him to just accept that what he said was hurtful. He denied it and I went upstairs and cried.

Now I’m questioning whether or not what I said was an overreaction and if I should apologies. Usually my mother sticks up for me in some way but this time she didn’t. Any advice or opinions would be welcome. I just feel so embarrassed now and like I’m going insane. I’m tired of feeling like an ungrateful, spoilt burden.

My mother was so evil and nasty to me my whole life. From I was an infant, to when I was 17 and she kicked me out and told me for years that she can't wait until I was 18 so she wasn't responsible for me anymore. Literally made me feel like a burden and inconvenience.

Now I'm 22 and I've stepped away since I was 18 and she sends me Amazon E gift cards. She sends me Halloween cards. Tells me how beautiful I am. How much she loves me. It's like I'm a completely different person to her. And she's a completely different person to me.

Why was it so hard for her to act like that when I was a child? Yet now it seems to come effortlessly.

My grandmother told me she stays up at night and regrets the things she did to me. Why now.

Why do they do this?

It hurts so much more than just admitting they never loved or cared about me.

I recently moved out and it’s been great. But what disturbs me is the contact between me and my family. My mom and I talk about normal stuff and it’s fine but I don’t want to talk to her every damn day. It triggers and irritates me bc I’m currently trying to heal my inner child and today I had to call my aunt who is creepy and weird. Idk how to do it without making everything dramatic

I keep asking myself for proof that I am a healthy person and my mother is a narcissist and that she is the one who is bad and I am not. It's become too draining now and her voice in my head hurts. Why is this happening?

My dad (55M) has been sick for a very long time. He's never been a parent to me, he was absent in my childhood but blames my mother. He was a heroin addict, contracted Hep-C which went untreated for years, developed a heart condition and now cancer. I'm his oldest (33F) and since I was 16yo, he's been telling me he could die within a year. He lives with my 75yo grandmother and he hasn't worked since I can remember.

Every conversation with both of them, for almost 20 fucking years, has been a guilt-trip. I don't understand what he's been through, I don't help enough, my poor grandmother is aging, every holiday could be the last for both of them. My father has never shown interest in my life, he just talks about himself. Every time I've voiced any judgement towards him, he insists I'm being brainwashed by my mother or current partner. (Once when I was 13 and visiting him for the summer, I said "I don't think you're a good role model, but I think you're the best dad." He screamed in my face that my mother was poisoning me against him and stormed off, leaving me and my younger brother to walk home alone crying. My brother just kept saying "why would you say that??" When I told my grandmother about the incident and begged to be sent home to Mom early, she lectured me about how much harder my dad's childhood was.)

I ghosted them this April. I haven't contacted either of them since. My dad's tried to call a few times. His lung collapsed in September and my grandmother sent me an angry text: "I don't know why you aren't responding to me, but your father is in the ICU." I didn't respond. He's better now, he's sent me a few links to sad "I miss my child" posts. I don't responded.

Maybe I'm a coward, but I have no energy for them anymore. The longer I go without talking to them, the better I feel. I think I should at least send a generic explanation to not expect me for the holidays so they aren't blowing up my phone the rest of the year, but I can't try to explain anymore. They know already, or they never will.

For context I'm 43. My birthday is next week. I hate this time of year, fall always always sucks. I live with my family including the old nmom. Work has been rough so I decided to take a mini vacation. It's 40 minutes from here. Literally the next town over to the beach. I come home and tell my family, hey I'm going on vacation to the beach, I'll be back Monday.

Her first words "why the hell you want to do something stupid like that? Who you staying with? You always do some stupid shit. Such a fucking idiot" incredibly angry. I tell her to leave me alone. She proceeds to continue grumbling telling me she wants me to give her my hotel location and the room and all this shit.

It sounds like I'm a 16 year old, not an about to be 44 probably going through early menopause woman. Her desperate need to belittle and control every single thing I do for years has me considering leaving here and going no contact. I simply can't take it anymore. Yesterday she gave me flack and called me stupid for calling 911 to report a fire. A literal fire in the woods I'm fucking done. I tried. My attempts at meditation, calming, peace, understanding, medication, none of it helps. I'm just done.

I was hosting the family dinner party.

I wash my hands before I touch anything food related because that's what clean people do.

I really don't think I picked my teeth - I mean it grosses me out to exchange germs with the outside world and my mouth. But even if it happened unconsciously I wash my hands before touching anything good related.

Nmom just couldn't stand that I didn't want my 26yo GC sisters snot on the food I spent all day preparing.

Some examples: In elementary school a teacher asked me if my classmates had been picking on me. I lied to her that no, they had not. She looked confused by my insistence on things being fine. She must have known. Thinking about it now, my tone of reply was convincing and eerily similar to how my mother lies to people.

Fast forward to high school. I used to wear unwashed clothes. People noticed. Of course there were classmates who had nothing better to do than bully, but one of them asked me about it and offered to lend me a clean t-shirt, claiming that they would not laugh at me. I angrily refused because I did not believe him, but in retrospect, he was sincere in the moment.

Near the end of high school, I did not go to a school trip and a farewell party because of bullies. Two teachers asked me why, but I answered very vaguely, that I "just did not want to go". They knew I was reclusive. They knew as well that I regularly wore clothes past what was tolerable, but not why.

I guess I did not want my household situation to become public. That five people used one washing machine just once a week. Did not want to "seek attention" and definitely did not want to "make things worse".

/rant

The power dynamic between a therapist and a patient is one-sided where they control the narrative, having control over vulnerable individuals is what narcissists thrive on. Probably the most famous self admitted narcissists Sam Vaknin is a professor of psychology. It’s also a perfect field for them to learn more about control.

Has anyone else read the (triggering) article in The Guardian today? I found it very biased and distressing.

I’m (23f) relocating soon (I live with my mother) and both my sisters are covert narcissists so is my mother who clearly lacks empathy. My niece (5 yo) and nephew (3 yo) coming to sleep over almost every 2-3 weeks. Every time they come and behave like literally little kids , do want to do something or tell her no I do want to etc, my mom raises their voice at them. She screams at them to be quiet in such an evil voice tone I can’t believe someone can speak like this to children. Today during breakfast she brushed my nieces hair aggressively and she said it hurts because she didn’t want to braid her hair last night and because she didn’t want to drink water before breakfast, she didn’t let her eat and dragged her by the hand to the room and closed the door. I said what are you doing to her?? You’re scaring her!! Of course all this time this poor girl was crying hysterically, gasping for air. My mom told me as an answer to her abusive behavior that she can’t do whatever she wants.. yeah sure. My sister looks at her behavior as a discipline act and thinks it’s good. She thinks that as long she doesn’t hit them they’re ok. They feel safe with me and we have great time when they hang with me . I’m relocating soon and I feel guilty for leaving them with my mother even though they don’t come every week. Im scared she will hit them one day like she did to me when I was a child. I’m following my dreams and moving abroad soon but feel guilty for leaving my nephew and niece….cause I will go no/ low contact with my mother and sisters (I’m no contact with my abusive father for years now) when I’m moving Anybody has been in a similar situation? How do you overcome the guilt?

Odd thought but as I was getting wrapping paper for Christmas I realised I never really got wrapped presents (even as a child). It was always in carrier bags or if it was in front of someone else an old gift bag/box.

It’s a small thing but is a visual representation of me being an ‘afterthought’.

Even now any gifts for my son/siblings from nparents I always sort out wrapping it up.

I’m an F27, let me give some context.

From 13-17 my mom was constantly threatening to kick me out. Going as far as putting all my stuff outside, driving me halfway to my dads who lived states away (also barely knew him), blowing up my phone while I was at work telling me if I don’t answer Im getting kicked out (and yes, I was in trouble at work constantly because of that shit). She’d come in my room to scream at me several times a week about how much of a monster I was and how miserable I made everyone feel; generally seconds after walking in the door after being gone all day. Like 7.5 hours of school and 6-8 hours of work. It’s like she waited up on me just to scream at me.

Well she did end up kicking me out finally right after I graduated and I just left. I didn’t fight it. It was hard and I had almost no money or any clue on how to take care of myself, but I could not live with her another moment.

I’m 27 now and it’s pretty much every night I’m having a nightmare about losing my home. I live with my partner so usually the dreams involve us fighting about something and then him telling me to leave or in someway making the environment so hostile that I have to leave. And I’m sure it’s obvious; but I have nowhere to go. If it were to happen in real life I’d be completely screwed. Like homeless. No, I don’t even have friends.

I just wonder when I’ll get peace. I’ve done the therapy thing and it doesn’t help. It’s worse when I take sleeping medication, so that doesn’t help. I’m tired of not getting a full nights sleep ever and I’m tired of waking up feeling traumatized and empty. Sometimes it’s so bad I wake up with tears streaming down my face. I never realized how bad my moms behavior affected me until this started happening, which was right when my bf and I moved in together THREE YEARS AGO.

I grew up with abusive parents and have since passed on that idea to God.

I have been praying and receiving answers to prayers little by little to uncover God's mercy. I just had a big answer to prayer because of finances that honestly should not have happened. I was approved for something personal in an industry highly regulated by the government.

But I have discovered that when I ask God for anything I expect Him to half listen or not show any empathy or provide any resources. Well... I'm getting passed that especially as I have given my parents over to the Lord and let them do there own thing and not trigger myself anymore by being around them.

But even though I have received many answers to prayer like the above I still have this fear and doubt that God will not listen.

Hello everyone! Just some info about me and my family first: I am 21 years old, studying abroad right now, and my family up until recently (when my grandpa passed away) consisted of three parental figures, since my dad had left the family quite early on (I was a surprise pregnancy as well) — my mom, my grandma (her mother) and my grandpa, who became this fatherly figure I couldn’t have otherwise. We’ve had conflicts and arguments with my mom for as long as I can remember, at some point I even attributed this to me psychologically positioning her more as my older sister than a parent (because she was working a lot and my grandparents have been raising me most of the time) which made her feel like she doesn’t have enough authority in the family as a mother. She’s always had a bad temper, would burst easily, and my grandparents, especially grandma, have been mediating our conflicts. I was also raised a “gifted child” — should have perfect grades, otherwise I’m a failure, be a good daughter and granddaughter, etc. The whole family participated in this kind of upbringing, later justifying it by the fact that they wanted me to be responsible from the beginning and that rude comments would motivate me more. What I could never complain about was their financial support, even though when I would desire something they deemed “too fancy” I would always be told to stop being spoiled and be more humble and grateful for what I have. My mom’s temper also played a role in her never being able to find a new husband and father for the family — her relationships weren’t long-lasting, and she would always try to integrate our new boyfriend into the family as much as she could, but to no avail. I genuinely think her temper and her belief that her opinion is the only right one stem from lack of self-esteem, which is why I don’t think she could be a narcissist, but anyway. Right now I study abroad and really depend on her financial support, even though I work as well, it’s just a quite expensive country for us and rent prices here are insane. Recently I have been struggling with my relationship (you can read more about it in my other post), and my family is not being on my side, my mom specifically — my boyfriend is basically skipping school, not trying to pursue anything in life and doesn’t want to communicate with me, which has been hurting me for years already and which is something my mother is aware of, yet the financial struggle is too big for me to move out, even though I have started to save up money right now. Basically my mom always finds a reason to how I am to blame for the failing relationship, or anything in general — I remember school years when I just wouldn’t tell my parents I was bullied and overworked by my teachers because my family would never take my side, they would assume I should have done something differently and be more compromising and tolerating towards others, be the “good, kind, always helping” one. My mom is also quick to shift her opinions which made me go paranoid at some point, thinking that she would have any opinion just for it to be different from mine, even though I had just expressed the same idea before. She’s unsupportive of my ambition to make a good career in the future, saying that I think too big and should just stick to “normal” mediocrity. To sum up, she’s only approving of me when I do things the way SHE wants, and even after that she would occasionally find things to nag me about. I’m a responsible student, I just got a good part-time job, I’m working towards my goals but it’s just NEVER ENOUGH. When I wasn’t working, she would say “you can do what you want once you earn a coin”, when I started working as a waitress, this motto shifted into “once you’re working in your field of studies, and not as a waitress, you can decide for yourself”. Now I’m working in my field but as part-time, so today we have “once you have a grown-up, serious job, you can do as you please”. I’m completely miserable, in a shitty situation right now, and I have no emotional support from the people I consider family. How can I understand her better and establish boundaries (except for slowly becoming more financially independent of course)?

My aunt kicked me out over a cat

Today my aunt kicked me out because I started talking to my dad again and got a new cat so my current one wouldn't be alone while I was at work trying to support both me and my cat I pay for myself and everything the only thing I don't do is pay rent I've been living with her the past 2 years and not once has she done anything for me I've been living off of $400 a month trying to support myself and now I have to move across country to live with my possibly still abusive dad all because I got a cat and was talking to my dad what do I do I'm so scared I'm currently with my best friend but I leave Friday she also gets 900 a month for me because I lived with her when I aged out of foster care and idk how to stop the money from going to her since she made me sign a form for the money to go to her instead of me I'm 18 with less than $100 to my name and before anyone says anything about her not makeing me pay rent it's because she gets $900 a month to take care of me which she only uses to gamble more she never buys groceries or anything every thing I own or eat I pay for and don't say I'm a bad cat parent every thing I get goes to my cats I think about them before I even think about myself they have a cat wall and everything they could need I play with them every chance I get I've only had my new one for about 2 days but my current cat is happier than I could ever be

All the constant negativity, the constant arguments. That’s all I know and all I have ever known. That fills my head. I don’t even know if something better exists besides isolation. I’ve had like two friends my whole life and that’s it. Besides that it was just my family. How am I supposed to ever be normal? To make friends? I’m so fucking lonely but I’m so fucked up. Even if I can fake it, inside I’ll always be that fucked up person who is filled with darkness.

The best I ever feel is when I’m reading, imagining someone else’s life. Is that how life is supposed to be?

Can I ever heal from this? Where am I supposed to start? I genuinely have no idea. I’m in therapy but my therapist isn’t super helpful about this, specifically, unfortunately.

I'm transfem and I use they/her, but my parents always treat me and call me a boy and it's so uncomfortable... My mom is a alcoholic and drugaddict (and she's not even my mom she's my stepmom) and when I came out to her she started crying probably out of disappointment ? and started hitting me as to "get that out of my head" and my dad keeps telling me I'm not a girl I'm not a girl to the point I am even questioning if I truly feel like a woman? I like skirts and all that but I'm not sure anymore and they just keep hitting me and it makes me doubt sm about myself. And my dad also calls me things (insults, sweet nicknames that are more bittersweet than sweet) and he treats my body as a object and is always making jokes about me and saying sexual things, bro, am I some joke to you??? I'M YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!

How do I stop fawning, I knw people say u hv to self aware, grounding etc but I don't hv a ground to be grounded and also, coming in close proximity to a narc I immediately start to fawn

I have somewhat come to terms with the reality that my father was (and still is) an objectively awful parent who is never going to stop trying to brainwash me into thinking otherwise. I was a gullible child who adored him, even though he never supported my mom in raising me. I did a lot to earn his approval and was praised as the golden child at one point, but it all changed once I hit my teen years. Though I've never rebelled or remotely disrespected him, that doesn't stop my father from spinning this narrative that I have always been the root of all the problems in our relationship and that I am "difficult," "spoiled," "ungrateful," "rude," "inconsiderate," "entitled," etc. I am excluding all the curse words and slurs he has thrown around. I've even caught him trying to deliberately plant false memories in my head.

I moved far away and am surrounded by tons of loving friends and an awesome partner. I went low-contact but it seems he's resorted to a much more sinister form of what I think might be emotional abuse. He calls fairly often and monopolizes the convo with humble brags about how he showers other people with money and gifts (I don't even get a phone call on my birthday), he asks me about myself and immediately gets noticeably distracted or interrupts me when I respond, he subtly insults me and compares me to my half sister (he just reconnected with her a couple years ago), he complains to me about his problems like it's gossip. What I find most disturbing is that he sends me pictures of people who have hurt me saying "look who I'm with!" He downplays ALL of my struggles and compares it all to his own. If I mention how much it hurts to stub my toe on a table, he'll follow up with "well at least you've never been shot like me. So you have it easy!" On top of it all, he complains that I don't do enough for our relationship (he expects me to call him more often, to buy him more gifts, to take him out to eat etc.). My birthday is only 6 days apart from my partner's. The mind games are so blatant that he completely ignored me on my birthday while buying my bf an expensive chain on his. He barely knows my bf at all... I know it won't help, but I want to ask why he is doing this to me. I just want to know why he tries to hurt me so much. Why is he always trying to gaslight me? What is his goal? What does a person get out of hurting their own child? I know there isn't an answer that will bring me any peace or change the reality of the situation. I just never really get to talk about this stuff and needed somewhere to get this off my chest.

Understanding Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD)

HPD is a type of personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking behavior. People with HPD often feel uncomfortable when they are not the center of attention and may exhibit dramatic, seductive, or exaggerated behaviors to gain approval or validation.

Key Traits of HPD

1.	Excessive Attention-Seeking:
•	Constantly seeks to be the center of attention.
•	Feels unappreciated or uncomfortable when not in the spotlight.
2.	Dramatic and Over-the-Top Behavior:
•	Expresses emotions in an exaggerated way, often out of proportion to the situation.
•	May appear theatrical or overly charming to gain attention.
3.	Superficial Emotional Expression:
•	Emotions can shift rapidly and may seem shallow or insincere.
•	Relationships may feel intense but are often perceived as superficial by others.
4.	Inappropriate Sexual or Seductive Behavior:
•	Often uses flirtation, seduction, or provocative behavior to gain approval or attention.
•	Can be seen as manipulative or boundary-pushing.
5.	Easily Influenced:
•	Opinions and behaviors may change frequently based on the situation or the people around them.
•	Craves external validation and is highly suggestible.
6.	Preoccupation with Appearance:
•	May spend significant time on their looks or use their physical appearance to attract attention.
•	Can come across as overly vain or superficial.
7.	Overestimation of Relationships:
•	Views relationships as closer or more significant than they actually are.
•	May describe acquaintances as “best friends” or romanticize connections unrealistically.

HPD and Narcissism: Where They Overlap

While HPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are distinct, they can share some overlapping traits. This makes it challenging to differentiate someone with HPD from someone with narcissistic tendencies. Here are the similarities and differences:

Similarities Between HPD and NPD:

•	Attention-Seeking: Both crave attention and validation, but for different reasons.
•	HPD craves emotional attention and will act out dramatically to receive it.
•	NPD seeks admiration and validation for superiority and achievements.
•	Manipulative Behaviors: Both may manipulate others to meet their needs.
•	HPD often uses charm, seduction, or theatrics.
•	NPD may manipulate through intimidation or a sense of entitlement.
•	Shallow Relationships: Relationships often lack depth in both disorders, as they are primarily driven by the person’s need for validation or admiration.

How to Identify HPD with Narcissistic Traits:

1.	Grandiosity in Emotional Displays:
•	Someone with HPD and narcissistic traits may blend dramatic, overly emotional outbursts with self-centered or grandiose beliefs about their importance.
2.	Self-Focused in Relationships:
•	They might seem intensely invested in relationships but are ultimately focused on what they get out of them, often disregarding others’ needs.
3.	Using Charm or Seduction for Power:
•	Their seductive behavior may not just aim to gain attention but also to assert dominance or control over others.
4.	Quick to Anger if Ignored or Criticized:
•	Like someone with NPD, they may react with disproportionate anger or defensiveness if they feel slighted.
5.	Intense Need for Validation:
•	The person may constantly fish for compliments, reassurance, or sympathy, often exaggerating hardships or achievements to get it.

Red Flags in Behavior:

If you’re trying to figure out if someone you know has HPD (especially with narcissistic tendencies), watch for: • Emotional Outbursts: Overly dramatic reactions to minor situations. • Flattery or Compliments That Seem Overdone: Constantly showering others with insincere praise to be liked or admired. • Jealousy When Not the Center of Attention: Acting out, interrupting, or changing the subject to refocus attention on themselves. • Boundary Issues: Engaging in overly familiar or inappropriate behavior to maintain control in relationships. • Projection: Blaming others for issues they create or accusing others of behaviors they themselves exhibit.

What to Keep in Mind

•	Diagnosis: Only a licensed mental health professional can officially diagnose HPD. Many traits overlap with other disorders, including Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), NPD, and even traits of normal personality variation.
•	Empathy: While it’s tempting to label these traits as “toxic,” remember that HPD is a mental health condition often rooted in unmet emotional needs or past trauma.
•	Protect Your Boundaries: If someone’s behavior negatively affects you, it’s okay to set limits while encouraging them to seek professional help.

personally my parent is like this to a T and now knowing more information about it has really helped me and make me react better and understand. I feel like many parents that are seen as narcissistic are actually HPD

My narc's always saying if I dont want to do in their liking, I am allergic to love. Have your narc said you are allergic to love too?

Delete if not allowed....it's not exactly parent related (or maybe it is, I'm not sure, I just have these feelings and I don't know where or how to process them)

I just know my husband and I just completed our dream trip. It was everything we wanted it to be, it met and exceeded our expectations. It was absolutely amazing. While there i felt so fulfilled.

And now....we are home. And I just feel....so sad.

We went to Japan and while there, the last couple days we were watching the election in the US. I am so...depressed to be home. I am devastated by our political climate as I work a job that will be directly impacted by policies discussed being put in place.

And paired with this dream being over...I feel so lost and unsure. Usually we accomplish something, sit and enjoy those feelings of success and joy, but both my husband and I are not exactly thrilled to be home and going back to the normalcy that is life.

His job is so stressful...my job is stressful and physically demanding. And I'm just left with this feeling of "what else is there?" Like...we did it. Our big dream that we have dreamed of for our entire married life is done. And if we wanted to do it again we'd need another couple years of saving to do it. So...it's not like we could just turn around and plan another dream trip.

I just feel....very lost and empty. I am stressed and unsure about my profession....I am scared. And the thing I looked forward to is done. Crossed off. Completed. I don't really know what to do next.

At the end here, at least a small update from my last post. My mom took a middle finger trip to Japan, where we have dreamed of going. And her trip was horrible in every way. And leading up to ours she would tell us how horrible it was going to be. And it wasn't. We did everything we wanted to do and some of the things she didn't get to because she couldn't find them. 😂 It was truly a fulfilling trip in all aspects. From having the best time with my best friend, to exploring a new culture and fully immersing ourselves, so getting to have my own petty moments, doing things I KNOW would irk my mom because she couldn't do them 😂 it was just.... probably some of the happiest I have been in my life. A reward for what life has given us and some petty revenge on the side.

And...like I said. Now I'm just left with this feeling of what else is there.