This is so stupid. Been NC for almost 4 weeks now. I’m too depressed to go grocery shopping and don’t even want to eat. But I need to force myself, so I made oatmeal with a scoop of protein powder. It’s a go-to meal for me when I’m depressed because it’s low effort and somewhat nutritious.

My nex frequently criticized this meal choice when I was anxious/depressed throughout the relationship.

I feel fucking crazy because I’m ashamed to even eat it now. All I can hear is his judgement in my head.

I know I have no idea what’s happening between them, but it seriously is the part that destroys me the most.

He was incredibly controlling and emotionally abusive when it came to my social media, to the point where the only option was for me to not use it. He made me out to be a whore and like all I wanted was to get attention of men (I was monogamous, he wasn’t).

When I look at her (new supply) social media, I just can’t believe it. She acts the way he would have criticised me on for fucking hours.

I literally don’t understand. Am I just that pathetic? I think I was so easy to manipulate, and I felt bad for him way too much (he would guilt trip me because is going through a lot). And it’s crazy, because seeing her socials (which he probably doesn’t know about since it’s a kink account) for some reason I feel bad FOR HIM. Like I know he’d have a meltdown if he found out. And that’s so insane. Why do I even care? I should stop looking.

There’s also other things, like dates, anniversary’s, going out together in public he never did with me but is doing with her.

It almost feels like he took everything I told him to do, and is doing it for her. And the worst part, for 8/11 months of their relationship, he was with and abusing me still.

I don’t understand why he was so mean to me, and isn’t with her.

She got so angry with me when I didn’t go with her to the atm at the dispensary and I kept talking to the girl at the register. She wouldn’t talk to me and kept telling me to go back to the girl at the register. No amount of logic could stop it. Anyways I’m free now and I’m so confused because the good times were the best they’ve ever been for me.

So, I'm set to graduate nursing school in a few months and without my knowledge my mom invited my abusive older brother and his enabling wife on our trip to the British Isles and Ireland. (Somewhere I have always dreamed of going and have finally saved up enough money for.)

I wanted it to be a mother-daughter type trip because every "vacation" he has been a part of has been rotted by his verbally abusive, alcoholic and narcissistic ways. I've severely limited my contact with him over the years, due to all the psychological damage he caused me, and she does this. Not to mention, he's wealthier than me and goes on international vacations pretty much yearly.

Now my mom is acting like she doesn't want to go anymore if he can't come, but I've been wanting to go since I was a little girl. I'm 32 and single and am moving to a new area soon so I'm "in-between friends". What do I do? I'm just so hurt.

Hello everyone, Sadly I can't post this in the subreddit for my ex's country since he's active there so it will make things even more worse, but I really need help. I'm in serious trouble. He has been spamming me with messages from different social media apps and mostly through email because I've blocked him everywhere else. He's been pressuring me to have a "call" to get back together despite having done things the evil himself wouldn't do to someone they love. I refused to have the call, so he's harassing me to expose my pictures, after we both agreed to delete each other intimate pictures!!!! Yesterday he sent one of them to my parents, knowing they are very orthodox.... sadly we live in different countries now, me in Qatar and he's in the Czech Republic. I've deleted all the previous emails he has sent, which make it complicated now as he was in junk and im not able to retrieve them.... I don't know what to do in this situation. Please, I really need an advice.

I cannot thank this group enough for helping me work through the immensely painful experience of being with and leaving a narcissist.

Last night, I played with my cat and dog and genuinely laughed and felt joy for the first time in 3 years. I'm done letting that guy - that guy who nearly cost me my job and apartment, that guy who manipulated me, used me for money, cheated on me, and nearly destroyed me emotionally, that guy who brought chaos and instability into my life - I'm done letting him have anymore of my emotional and mental life.

I'm done being angry and I'm done thinking about him.

I wouldn't have thought this 6 months ago, but letting go does happen with time and having some sort of support system.

For me, a person who already struggled with depression and anxiety, this group was my support system. To fully let go, I have to leave the group. But, I wish you all the best in your healing process. I wish you all peace, comfort, and joy once again.

I feel like I am losing my goddamn mind.

My bf has cheated. He’s called me names. Hes kicked me out of the place he asked me to move into. He’s grabbed me. He’s sexually coerced me. He’s had sex with me when I said no. When I was sobbing. When I was pushing him away.

He’s kicked doors open when all I wanted was to feel safe in the bathroom, away from him. He’s pulled a machete on me. He’s mentally abused the fuck out of me.

He’s acknowledged that he’s done these things.

Yet I’m the dumb, trauma bonded bitch who stayed despite the abuse.

And anytime I expect something in return…anytime I try to stand up for myself…anytime I call him out for being manipulative and abusive….anytime I express that I’m upset with how he’s treating me. Anytime I give clear, concise examples…

My feels are not facts. I’m wrong. I’m manipulative. I’M the gaslighter. I’M the abuser. I’M immature. I’M the fool.

So now I think I’m finally accepting fully and wholly that I am the victim of a narcissist. I’m not wrong. I’m not fucking crazy.

I’m so fucking sick of this shit. He trapped me by convincing me to move in with him. The verbal, sexual, and physical abuse has escalated since I decided to give up my place and move in.

I’m literally in the bathroom sobbing. The bathroom which has the door he kicked in so hard, there’s no lock. So even when I go as far as I can away from him, he barges in and accuses me of cheating?????

I now understand why people have a hard time leaving and why the end up hurt or dead.

I have nowhere else to go right now except the fucking street. I feel like I’m done for. I don’t know what to do at this point other than sleep in my car, which is full of my belongings that I was supposed to move in.

So that’s what I’ll do. But why did I have to be reduced to this. Why the fuck do I deserve this.

For context, he started to treat me horribly and broke up with me, then 6 months down the road called me and I told him to never do that again.

He - I blocked him everywhere - went to our, well MY favorite place with a friend and jokingly said in a video “just making sure no one is there to stab me” AKA ME.

I know this is what I get for lurking places that I shouldn’t be lurking BUT… now I want to stab the guy.

What does that even mean?

I don’t think he knows I stalk the friend, and actually, I did it just ONCE and found that video….

And yes, I know. I won’t ever stalk again and it’s pointless, but my brain needs to know and become cognitively aware of WHY is he doing that?

Two years ago today i broke no contact with him (we dated briefly but intensely then NC for 7 months). After this we became friends, bf/gf, moved in together which essentially led to a year of abuse. I wish i could rewrite history I wish i could have ended it earlier or invested less or set firmer boundaries I went insane with him And yet i find myself still yearning for his validation. I still find myself hoping he’d break NC out of desperation and try to hoover. Not bcus i want to be hoovered, but for the sake of the good times i wanna know he misses me sometimes too It was a pathological relationship but it had its moments and i wish i knew they mattered to him to whatever extent they can to him

has anyone done this and feels safe about sharing the experience?

unfortunately/fortunately my nex didn't do anything illegal to me, but i have been watching him escalate from the side lines. i want to try to get it on his file that he has a history of intimate partner violence so that if someone wants to report him in the future there will be something backing them up. i will not rest until people receive consequences for abusing others. i will not tolerate it.

Well I’ve maintained no contact for two weeks now and I’ve been in therapy twice a week so I’ve made so much progress. Since I left the house and moved to a hotel and maintained no contact to all her texts and emails and followed my therapist’s advice, I can see it clearly for the first time what has happened to me over the last one year. I feel bad for her. I want to ask her if she will agree to go to personal therapy and work on herself. I don’t want to abandon this person as the love I’ve received and emotional depth I’ve experienced with her, I don’t think some of us ever get to experience. However, my therapist reminded me that I have to remember all the constant criticism and the disrespect and abandonment and verbal abuse and minimizing me together with all the goodness. I do. Despite all that, part of me feels I should fix her else I will never find this depth and intensity ever again. You see how I’m trying to be selfish. I want to do it for me. Can someone please explain what is happening to me? Is this just low self esteem that she drilled in my head that I think I don’t deserve anything or am I overstating the goodness in my head due to the pain and fear of losing her permanently? I know the rational thing is to maintain no contact and refuse to respond to her emails that try to seek attention, create guilt and drama but I swear to god I miss her. She lit up my life. Nobody will ever come close and what do I have to look forward to even if I eventually met someone amazing, the Bar is set too high for anybody to meet. Ofcourse I will escape the daily abuse and abandonment and drama and to be made to feel like absolute garbage; but who has everything?

I have a partner (ex? /confusing situation) who is awful at texting. I don’t get this with anyone else but texting him gives me major anxiety. I’ve asked him to work on that and while it has gotten better, I can’t help but to feel disrespected.

I’ve mentioned this is something that triggers me (there’s good reasons for this) and that while I understand that he works, it’s constant despite him not being at work. I’ve had countless of conversations, I’ve also mentioned that maybe we aren’t compatible and I’m asking him something he just can’t give me, but he refuses that too.

So anyways, how (if possible) can I get him to stop doing this? Part of me feels like he does to establish dominance and he is very aware of my anxiety. Talking about this will not change anything, he knows. So if he is a covert narc (with a drinking problem), how can i get this behavior to either stop bothering me, or stop it all together.

And no, I’m not asking for too much. I’m talking 5hrs at a time.

Last night we were texting. He asks for a pic of me, so I send a cute selfie. He sends it back, this time highlighting a part of my necklace showing out of my sweater. It's one I've always worn, even before we met. He's seen it numerous times. I explain this, but he denies knowledge. He then asks for another photo, this time of the whole necklace.

At this point, I am feeling pissed off. I feel his distrusting pattern from the past creeping back, where he would demand I send photos or video to prove my location/what I'm doing.

This time, I tell him to stop distrusting me and that he does not control me. He keeps demanding a photo, then asks me if I'm alone, do I have a friend with benefits. I tell him there's no point continuing the conversation (because we've already been there before, him saying he'd trust me, he'd stop demanding pics, etc, so we would be going in circles). I did say again that I don't have someone else, which i regret saying. I shouldn't have to repeatedly defend my innocence. Anyway, I told him I'm going to sleep. It's now the next day and I'm suppose to meet him this afternoon. I'm still feeling pissed off but also a bit confused, like why is he like this?

Would you have just shown him the whole necklace? Was i too stubborn? What would you have done?

I'm worried about what's going on. I've gotten involved with someone new but they are very people pleasing. It annoys me. Whenever he's doing what he does, which is asking questions continuously so others talk, I get kinda triggered. They should speak up. That's how conversations go, you can't always pass the ball. My god. I know that I get triggered bc I see myself there. But I don't know if I can have a healthy relationship like that. I think I can't. Fuck. I think maybe I oscillate between abused and abuser? I mean I'm not an abuser as of now but I cannot deal with this. I think maybe I just have to be alone. I get angry at seing him be so nice to me. I hate it. I for sure intend to remain alone for longer. But it's just a mess.

He does not even look for me because he has someone new to be his supply. Left me absolutely broken to be discarded like trash, like I’m nothing. There is nothing he wants from me now.

Im beginning to remember details and fights that I had forgotten about. I almost can’t get out of bed. The cruelness he inflicted on me is so hard to remember sometimes. Everything that was done too me in the past is killing me now.

“I saw such potential in you”

Possibly the most narcissistic sentence to fall from my Nex wife’s foul mouth.

Thoughts, can you top that?

Good riddance, I say.

✌🏼

I had been no contact for like the 10th time for 4 days. I broke it. We talked normal on the phone and over text. She had been up since 2:30am for work so she said she was going to bed. It was 8pm. I said ok but figured something was off. I thought her new man was there but it turns out he was coming over, I found that out today. I called her in a panic last night and she said she’d call me as soon as she woke up today and we could discuss it. I thought she was going to bed since that’s what she said she was doing. It was 8:40pm. I waited and hadn’t heard from her by 9:30 so I called her. She was fast asleep. She then admitted to me the new guy had come over and stayed until 2:30am. After she had told me via text last night that she thought she had a mistake telling me goodbye and might regret not having an us. She then said once she gets her head on straight she’d like to see about an us if I’ll have her. We had a situationship for 11 months, anyone would have considered us dating/a couple though. We just didn’t label it for a few reasons. So anyway I asked her if those messages were a lie and she said no but she’s confused. I asked where her heart lies and she said “with him” without hesitation. I was crying. She never even had a crack in her voice. I told her this was it, I’d never see her or talk to her again (she’s heard that before) and I was moving and would never move back for her. She didn’t care at all. So as I’m sitting here trying to pack I’m balling and breaking down every 10 minutes. I told my landlord I was leaving so I have until 1/31/25 to go. No idea where I’m going or how but I have to go. There are two narcissistic exes of mine in this town of 20,000 and it’s killing me. The other almost destroyed me and this one really is. Sorry for the long read. Needed to vent bc I’m in a bad spot.

I haven't been in touch with my former covert/communal narcissist best friend in around 2 years, nor have I seen or spoken to any of her enablers/flying monkeys in nearly a year. The discard was brutal, the realization of who my friends were was slow and devastating. And it led to a huge season of disillusionment, realizing my own mom is a lot like my former best friend and I was raised by narcissists. It rocked my entire world. I also up and moved my family to a different state, partially due to my husbands career but mainly because we all needed a new start.

I have a great therapist and I think I'm finally out of survival mode now that we moved and I started emdr. I also have a new psychiatrist, who seems pretty cool and we're on the right track getting my meds sorted out.

But I noticed a few months ago that my hair felt so thin and brittle. I cut off a ton of it to start fresh, but it's so thin now.

The amount of stress these people put in the body is incredible.

I want my hair back and I don't even know when or if it will come back.

I'm working out and dieting and doing everything I can to get my life back on track. I just can't believe how much this altered my life, down to my physical health.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching.

I realize that before I met my STBXhusband, I had many "Successful" and kind men who were interested in me. Lawyers, work for Fortune 500 companies, good families, solid friend group...and whenever they were into me, I always felt a disconnect. I felt like, because of my own tumultuous upbringing, that I was "damaged" and I surely could not connect or relate to them. So, I would get with the "damaged" guys, the misunderstood ones, the ones who needed help, the ones from rough families. I thought we could connect and be unstoppable together, overcome things, understand each other...but, what happened was me being treated poorly.

I realize now that I stayed with my husband even after so many things that people thought I was crazy. My cousin told me (she meant this in a loving and helpful way to try to get me to understand my self worth problems) that a woman with self esteem would have kicked him out when she realized he had been going to strip clubs for month behind her back. But me? I broke down, spiraled downhill emotionally, got HIM his own therapist, looked what WHAT I DID to contribute to it....and then, months later he told me that he didn't love me. He still loved his ex and I STILL STAYED and BEGGED! He put his hand on my throat years ago and claimed he was tired and didn't know what he was doing. I FORGAVE HIM! I BELIEVED him!The guy literally told me that he thought about letting a bee sting me while I was pregnant (he knew I was allergic to bees) and I rationalized it to try to comfort HIM.

I realize that SO MUCH of my abuse happened because I never felt worthy enough to LEAVE! Honestly, I still question if it was "that bad". I still say "Well, he wasn't beating me". I still have so much cognitive dissonance.

I think for a lot of narc abuse survivors, the problem lies in our DEEP ROOTED beliefs that we aren't worthy of proper respect and love. What do you think?

My ex-narc and her narc mother both had a habit of saying that they did everything and no one else does anything. Example, I would get up in the morning, get the kids ready for school, feed them breakfast, go to work, come home from work and help with dinner, then do the dishes afterwards, get the kids showers and help with homework and put the kids to bed. Only to be told afterwards by my SAHM wife about how she did so much today and I didn't do anything and things are going to change around here, she's sick of me not helping enough.

When she was working, she would also do the same thing. She'd come home from work complaining about how her coworkers don't do anything and she's the only one getting work done. Her mom said the same thing when she was working. They've both been fired from every job they've ever had for getting into altercations with their coworkers.

He finally agreed signing the papers, leaving the full custody to me, and paying child support. This was what I had been dreaming and praying for during the ast six months, I still feel sad for the family we built and the dreams I had for our future. It is over. I am happy that me and my babies out of this abuse early and they will not grow up with this sadistic monster, on the other hand I feel sad when I see them say dada and smile and wave to him. No matter what, divorce is like death and you mourn for a while. I am trying to focus on building the new future for my family. Hope everyone who goes through the same path will find an exit soon ❤‍🩹

So my bf and me broke up recently over completely unrelated things from narcissism. He just needs help mentally that I simply couldn’t accommodate. Like actual psychiatric help. We are friends and made that decision together.

However. The narcissist sniffed this out and he’s slowly trying to get me back. Told me he’s in therapy, he’s medicated, he had a mental breakdown at the end of us a year ago. Calls me all the pet names. He’s really trying to reel me back in.

Can someone just tell me off. Like be brutal. I need to hear it. This man put me through hell while I just met someone that actually treats me like a queen.

I don’t want to be with anyone but they are both trying to suck me in so bad. I’m being pulled from each side. I need to be told no.

A little realization that I wanted to share:

Even if it'll seem obvious, if your narc is constantly accuse you of things, it's because they're actually showing a glaring insecurity. Whether they try to hide something, and whether they're afraid you're better than them in any way, they do that to attack and put you down so they'll feel good about themselves.

They employ that as an attack tactic, but they're actually trying to protect their tyrant of an ego from seeing that they're not the center of the galaxy.

I hope it helped someone, especially if it helped break free from a trauma bond. Even if just a little 🙏🏻🎉

My partner has recently acknowledged that his anger/rage outbursts, caused by a variety of mental health conditions (impulse control issues/ADHD, anger problems, and PTSD) are considered "emotional abuse" (sometimes he agrees with this and sometimes he doesn't), and he wants to get professional help to reduce the severity of these episodes. He says he wants to change, but has a very hard time controlling his outbursts (he also behaves inappropriately with other people in his life, not just me). After each "episode" where he yells/screams/throws things/calls me names/etc, I am left feeling completely anxious, exhausted, drained, and with worse pain (I have a chronic health condition) for several days. I've told him how badly it affects me, and how I can barely function for 3-4 days after it happens.

He is also telling me that I am allowing this to impact me too much, and I need to work on not being so badly affected by it for such a long time, just like he needs to work on not having the outbursts. I've told him that I can't really help it, and it's hard for these episodes to not totally make me feel mentally incapable of doing anything for approximately half a week. I am a very sensitive person and am trying to work on my mental resiliency and recovery after these episodes, but I just feel on edge. Even when he's calm and nice to me afterward, I'll be sitting there eating dinner or trying to study and have this overwhelming sense of panic come over me for no reason. It has been affecting my ability to concentrate, get work done, and sleep. He typically has outbursts about once every few weeks or months, and each time it's at least a week until I've mentally recovered from the incident and am back to my "baseline" level of functioning. How long it takes you to recover from these episodes after they happen?

Is anyone else struggling with this after going no contact/ ending things with narcissistic partner? It’s been 2 months and I feel like something is broken in me, my libido or sense of attraction is basically gone and anytime I try to masturbate to relieve stress I just burst into tears and feel awful. I feel immense pain and shame that someone I loved so much made me feel like I was the worst person in the world.

Also he sometimes seemed turned on when I cried or after hours of arguing he would suddenly start flirting with me whilst I was distraught- it created such emotional whiplash and confusion, it often felt like sex signalled the end of an argument. Now I feel that if I ever do get into a relationship with someone or want to sleep with someone (though I can’t imagine that happening for a long time) I feel like I will likely burst into tears while having sex. Does anyone else feel like this or have advice?

Nobody talks about how hard it is to walk away from somebody you love. I could no longer take the selfishness, gaslighting and emotional manipulation. However, somewhere deep in there is the person he was meant to be. The person he was when we first started dating. The good father, the supportive listener, the great lover, the one who invited me to family holidays and made me feel so welcome. The one I would laugh with and discuss the future together. The one I had so much in common with. It's hard to reconcile if that was even real. He would always take me back in a heartbeat. He would always win me back over and over. Although, change and following through would only be temporary. I'm finally not going back this time. I think once you see the cycle clearly it's hard not to see.

Are they trying to make you prove it? It’s always after some horrible bs they’ve done. Mine posted misogynistic garbage all over his sm and I called him on it. I just haven’t even bothered to respond.

I’m struggling with a dynamic in my relationship and could really use some perspective. My partner often makes requests or schedules things for us, and when I don’t go along, she expresses a lot of frustration. A recent example: I wasn’t feeling well and decided not to help put up the Christmas tree. Instead of understanding, she made comments like “You’re not that sick,” or suggested I should just take medication and push through.

This kind of thing happens a lot. She’ll also vent about third parties—like the school, for example—and how they’re treating her unfairly. It feels like I’m always expected to be on board, no matter how I feel.

I care about her and want to support her, but it’s starting to feel draining. Has anyone dealt with something similar? Can it change or should I just leave I’m open to any advice.

Tl;dr - gf uses shame, guilt or rebukes me when I don't do what she wants when she wants.

I blocked him and his fake numbers. He keeps making new fake numbers. This is his message:

“I only want to be friends. It's not cool how you are disregarding my feelings. When I care bout yours enough to jump whenever you call and be there when you need me. I know we can't be together but friends for now would help me. And I know you don't care about helping me because of what I caused. It's only hatred you have for me n it's crazy.

Listen I don't want to get you mad or annoyed and that's all I can possible do.. I honestly wish you would listen to how I feel”

I don’t know what to do. He’s done this over the years and I ended up taking him back. He’s even gone to my house and my family’s house. What do I do? I thought I was firm on leaving me alone.