I am aware of how this sounds but I am in recovery for my codepdency and it’s all about practicing truth telling and feeling the feelings and having the thoughts so that’s what I’m trying to do. I was with my ex for practically a year. He did what people with narcissistic traits do. Love bomb, then… toxic. I lost a lot with this relationship. I finally have broken free but I cannot seem to face that I meant nothing to him. When we broke up, we both cried our eyes out. He seemed to have moved on quite quickly, and I finally went on one date 7 months post break up. And I ended up not wanting to go on another one. This man made me believe that I was the world. This angel. He had me spray my perfume on his jacket the last day we saw each other. He said he would be back. Etc.

I genuinely believe I did nothing wrong in this relationship. Even though I may have been overbearing at times or been insecure, it was for right reasons like I would be catching him, looking at other girls or like not shutting down people who would disrespect me or being too friendly with other people… You know like things that would make kind of a lot of girls feel away and outside of that everything seemed good and perfect for my end. I was cheery. I was happy I was joking around a lot. I brought in the young livelihood in the relationship, and I was attractive as well like I feel like I was pretty good looking as well and none of that seem to be enough for him.

And it makes me sad I guess that he didn’t see my value or worth. It’s like him coming back would justify I did mean something. This sounds so pathetic.

So, my ex broke up with me a week before I was suppose to come home from rehab (I was gone for a year and told him if he can’t wait to end things. He said he’d wait.) for another girl. He swore up and down he didn’t cheat until a week before I was suppose to come home. Found out later he cheated with multiple women months before I came home. I tried to make things work with him and the girl ghosted him after 3 months. I was there for him while he cried over this girl for months.

Fast forward, he started having feelings for yet another girl. I tried to cut him off just for him to threaten to tell everyone all these awful things about me that weren’t true. But he didn’t care, and eventually the girl saw who he really was and moved cities.

Then a few months later he found another girl. I guess she saw his toxic personality sooner. She moved cities as well.

Now he’s moved on to yet another girl. In another city. But I’m the bad guy because I refuse to keep watching while he treats other women better than he’s ever treated me. I’ve given my whole paycheck to pay his debts. I always tried to support decisions he made, and told him when he was making a bad one but he didn’t listen. Just for it to end badly and he blame me anyways.

I can never do anything right. I haven’t heard a compliment from him in 3 years (3 years is when he ended things). He hasn’t done a single nice thing for me.

I don’t think I treated him right when we were together. Especially after I had our baby. Postpartum was so real and I didn’t really think much of it. I was angry and took it out on him. But when I realized how wrong I was, I tried everything I could to make up for it. I think maybe I’m still trying to make up for it. When he hurts, I hurt. When he’s sad, I cry with him. When he’s happy, I’m excited. I feel like I’m his cheerleader sometimes. I’ll chant his name when he skateboards, I’ll video it so he can watch it later and improve.

But he still thinks I never loved him. He thinks I don’t care about him. I wasn’t perfect. I made mistakes. Not sleeping with anyone else. I tried moving on after he dumped me, but I wasn’t successful. I even wanted to sleep with someone else just to say I finally slept with someone else. I’ve been with the same guy for 7 years. But I realized after being alone with two different guys (not at the same time) that I couldn’t do it. The first one I was too embarrassed and he left. The second guy was my first boyfriend and we kissed and I just felt like I was cheating so I stopped and asked him to leave.

I realize now I used to seek validation in other men. If they complimented me or flirted with me, I felt so good. I flirted back a little so they wouldn’t stop. And that was wrong. I was not a good partner at first. I think I realized too late all the mistakes I made. How unappreciative I was. And even though I know what not to do now, I want so badly to show him he’s the reason I want to change. He’s the reason I want to be a better person. Why I am such a good mom to our son now. How badly I want to work as a team and be a family.

I guess that’s what kills me the most. I’m too late, and I can’t show him any of the changes I’ve made within myself. I still care for him, and I still want us to coparent. I do everything I can to be respectful, kind, caring. But he hates me. He regrets ever being nice to me. He regrets ever loving me. He calls me names, accuses me of doing everything under the sun. When we were together and now, he thinks I just sleep around. He’s insulted my looks, my personal areas, he’s bragged about the women he sleeps with, how they are so much better than me….

I just want to let go and be ok with how things ended, but I can’t help but keep missing him. I have no friends anymore. I have my family, but I live and work with my family. Sometimes I just want to get out. And I have no one and no where to go. But he makes me laugh. He shows me new music. He opens my eyes to different things. Teaches me stuff all the time. But then the conversation takes a turn when I show any feelings. He says I can’t feel. He thinks I’m a narcissist. And then from there we go back to talking about the past….

I guess I’m just ranting. If anyone actually read this then thank you. I know I’m stupid for still holding on so tightly to him. Idk if I’ll ever move on. If he called right now just to give me another chance….idk if I’d even say no….I’m not talking to anyone. Not trying to. I try to work on myself, but it’s like I fall further and further into hating who I am.

I just realized I'm focusing so much on the past pain trying to understand his behavior that I'm not holding out hope that a healthy relationship is possible for me on the horizon. I see the ex moved on, even the ex I had time to see he discarded after me. Maybe I need to shift my focus.

Just venting this here because it’s something I always wanted to bring up to him but knew it was pointless. He would make a huge deal about his sleep. If I woke him up from a nap because I wanted him to spend time with me or if we were arguing and it was going late into the night he would get so upset that I was disrupting his sleep. It made me feel like the abuser because sleep deprivation is a real tactic but I just didn’t want to go to bed upset and he would refuse to apologize.

But I just remember when I got a full time job working til midnight, the amount of times he would pressure me to stay up and watch shows with him or he’d ask me for sex knowing I had worked late and had to be up early. There were also so many mornings where I went to bed late and he was up wanting to talk at 6am. Sitting and debating me about things for literally hours. And I’d just be thinking “if I did this to you, you would have snapped at me an hour ago”.

His sleep was so important. But I literally had anxiety about sleeping in too late or taking a nap.

They are still a walking contradiction to me. So first the honeymoon phase, they are clingy and needy and you are never needy enough for them. They are scared you don't like them enough.

Then after that phase ends maybe you have a phase where it's more or less okay. Then it starts. Either brutal discard because you were very needy (LOL! what they wanted!) or little by little.

They start to complain that you contact them all the time, that you blow up their phone with texts and calls to reach them at all. At the same time you can tell they wait for that. They play games so you become like this. They never make it obvious that they don't want you, they just withdraw.

They still want and need you needy for them and they still work hard for it! That's the damn irony. They work hard to get you needy only then to complain about it, if they reach out at all. They do not want you to leave them alone, they want that ego push. "Oh she/he can't get enough of me, just won't leave me alone". What a messed up kind of love they must have experienced in their early childhood years to be stuck in this. To not be able to admit that they want you needy, that they love that they can be there for you like a naturally healthy person would be. And this world does its best to continue these patterns in so many people nowadays with narcissistic traits (not saying everyone is a narcissist, just more and more people have these traits as they seem to become so "normal").

Lately, I have not been sharing everything with him, or what I’m doing, or where I’m going because honestly, it is none of his business. He already broke up with me, but still acts like he owns me and wants me to be at his beck and call. I had promised him a long time ago that no matter what that I would always be here for him. He is making me eat my own words. I am trying like hell to keep that promise.

I have to send pictures of where I’m at because he doesn’t believe I am where I say I am. I haven’t lied about that once. I believe he is starting to work on a smear campaign as he continues to call me a lair and a cheat, which I have done neither.

My nex would and still does call and demand me to be at his house in this many minutes. Then when I say I can’t be there because I’m in the middle of this that or the other. The nex starts to scream, call me unimaginable names, hangs up, calls back, threatens that if I do show up now he will call the police, hangs up, calls back, more screaming about how I don’t really care, etc, breaks up, hangs up, blocks me, calls back, more screaming. This will continue for hours until he calms down or I do what I am told to do.

I have been conditioned to answer the phone every time he calls, and I do. The verbal and emotional abuse that I endure that I let myself be put through is hard to swallow. It has gotten so bad that I shake and my heart races with fear and anxiety.

Does anyone feel that after being the victim of severe betrayal trauma and narcissistic abuse, and discarded by the person you loved and trusted (only to find out nothing was real for 7+ years, and he was living a secret life the whole time).... that absolutely nothing else touches you?

I don't care about the election results. I can have a shit show of a day at work doing damage control of other people's messes and literally nothing bothers me. Angry clients or customers I can listen, diffuse, let them vent. It doesn't hurt my feelings. It doesn't make me feel bad. My boss texted me one day after knowing I was getting the brunt of it it (through no fault of my own) if I was okay and that she was so sorry that I had to deal with that. And I was just like, "huh? yes I'm fine." And I was. It's like he hurt my soul so bad that nothing else phases me. I don't care what strangers do or say. I can solve their issues. But seeing a baby stroller after he had a secret child with someone else - and I sag inside.

I did cold plunges for a while at a nice spa place. Sitting in literal freezing cold water for 12-13 minutes didn't hurt me. It's like my heart is so wounded and reeling, that any mental bs from strangers doesn't touch me. Physical discomfort doesn't touch me. It's like my emotional pain is so raw, even now, that the rest is almost welcome. Everyone at work thinks I'm so calm and poised in crazy situations or dealing with all kinds of people, like it's such a skill or gift, and inside I'm thinking, no this is actually a trauma response that he hurt me so deeply that nothing else even touches that level of distress. I can literally deal with anything and everything else. And I don't think that's such a good thing. (And yes, I have a therapist.)

The constant up and down, back and forth, abusive then lovebombing, abusive, then lovebombing.

The things he calls me to rip me to shreds, the kicking me out constantly then "I love you" a few days later. How much control he has over me where I'm unable to show up as an adult in this and find a real relationship.

I'm not in love with him, I don't have a trauma bond. I just have nowhere to go and he knows that which is why he treats me this way. He CRAVES my begging and pleading for him to stop. He literally smiles when I'm in tears because of the things he calls me.

I'm not asking for solutions, just needed to talk about this. He briefly had mood disorder pills during chemo and he was such a great person during that time, but because I've told him he's better on those and that obviously something else is wrong aside from cancer - he won't take them. He absolutely refuses. There are no consequences for him.

I don't think he's just narcissistic, I think he's actually absolutely a sociopath. I'm not in a relationship, I'm under an entire dictator.

Hi ! Did your Nex also told everyone else who uncomplicated they are ? Praising themselves to others ?

My narcissistic mother has put me out once again, expect this time I have no support system to fall on. This starts because of the unfair treatment between me and my younger sister which she compares to “jealousy “. I got terribly upset that my sister has been using the bathroom on herself in school without coming home to tell anyone.. my mother only knows because of the school contacting her long story short my mom did nothing to correct this behavior causing me to blow up on her about lack of attention towards my sisters behavior which results in her blowing up on me becoming physical . I think I would just like to know my rights if my name is on the lease if I call the police.

Mention: she’s demanded that I pay bills (WiFi and phone) which I do with no problem, but she’s disconnected my line.

I've been in a psychologically/emotionally abusive relationship for about a year now. We met online and bonded over shared kinks for power dynamics. He has money and flew me out to New York many times(I was a 21-year-old college student, and he was a 32y/o travel nurse). Every time, it was disorienting, he was cold and punishing with me. He had told me he loved and wanted to marry me but would sit on the opposite side of the couch and laugh when I attempted to make contact. He would have sex with me in a very objectifying and self-serving way and sex would end the moment he finished. I found out he was cheating on me the entire relationship, and had been hooking up with women consistently.

I'm back here again. I drove 11hrs to Washington to visit him. He said he was taking us seriously this time around and that there would be no lies and would take us seriously. It's just the same thing. Yesterday started with him mocking my clothes and saying I wore grandma's jeans. I had specifically brought that pair because he had made fun of my only other pair of jeans when he visited me three weeks prior by saying they "made me look like a lesbian". He later said it would be nice if I got waxed, despite me shaving the day before I drove up to see him. He said he wanted to control every part of my appearance, and I used to always think it was purely kink-related, but more and more I realize it's a subtle negging tactic. I started crying after he made another comment, saying I speak like "a bro", he scoffed at my tears and sadness got angry and walked away. He then refused to touch me for the rest of the night. He falls asleep throughout the day, is constantly either smoking weed or nicotine or drinking and never says a kind thing to me. My first night here, he pulled out, started jerking off over my body, had his eyes squeezed tight as he was choking me, and then just came all over me and passed out. Just left me like that, completely unsatisfied and I felt so used and frustrated. The number of values I've compromised to be in this relationship is innumerable.

He claims he wants this power dynamic, and yet I always end up being the one to take care of things. He dangles being a "good girl" over my head, to evade the responsibility of him truly being the in-charge person. He also claims that he values telling the truth and being honest and that because of my reactions to his bluntness, he feels he can't tell me anything. He also tried to spin a narrative yesterday saying I've misremembered all the people he's cheated on, and that I've been unfairly pushing that onto him. The truth is, he's told me who he cheated on, his answer just always changed and I finally pieced together the truth from all those moments. He tells the truth in factions, and always in very subtly inconsistent ways. Last night, I told him I felt like I was living with a roommate and felt deeply unsatisfied, and he passed out moments later.

It's so odd, the way he speaks to me over text and the phone, and then when I'm here in the flesh, he just discards me. He acts like I'm not good enough, and refuses to compliment me. He doesn't acknowledge all the sacrifices I made to get here so last minute. He would say we should just get married and I should not do my Honours because I need to graduate and start a life with him... but then he acts like I'm a fucking roommate. It's so disorienting, he doesn't care when I tell him I'm hurt and doesn't seem to want to make amends. I'm always the one trying to reconcile, even after he's hurt me.

I don't know where the lies end and the truth starts. I've compromised myself so many times I feel like I've lost so much self-respect and the fact I'm still here, and drove all this way after all the awful things he's done to me, is a testament to him, that he can treat me however and I'll never leave.

The second time I was in New York, I saw texts on his phone, he responded to a woman sending him nudes from six months prior. Right after we had sex, he messaged her saying she was attractive and he wanted to try again. She commented that he treated her with disinterest when they met. I eventually found the 'Are We Dating the Same Guy' Facebook, and he was posted a ton, with every woman detailing a similar experience. I left in the middle of the night and spent a day in the airport, and he didn't reach out once. He admitted he'd have never texted me again if I didn't reach out.

I feel so stuck because there are these glimpses of a genuine person, but it's so muddled by cheating, lying, and substance use that I can't find him anymore. This relationship has caused me to push friends away and I didn't tell anyone in my life I was coming here because I'm so ashamed and I can't make sense of it myself. He also passed up on contracts in Seattle to move to Spokane so he'd be closer to me. When we were fighting about his mean comments yesterday, he threw that in my face, "Why did I even accept that contract." And said that it would be nice if we could go one day without fighting. I never want to fight, but he just expects me to never take offence or have feelings in the face of mean and offensive comments. I'm supposed to stay here for a few more days, but I feel so isolated here. I'm so scared that I leave, and he won't reach out, I just can't accept that he doesn't care and hasn't this whole time. I feel so exploited and mistreated.

Im so frustrated and also a bit scared that this might be the best I can be

After years of therapy I am still nowhere near the person I was before. I was excited about new adventures and meeting new people. Going to work and just loving people for who they are. But after a 5 year relationship with a narc person I changed so much. Sometimes I wonder if Im ever going to be able to truly love myself again, because at this moment I just dont want to be this "new me"

I’ll admit it hasn’t been long since we broke up. But she is constantly in my head. TBF- she was before the breakup - most good thoughts and plans and love. But now it’s over and over why. Even though I know why. And even though my rational mind knows, and I even know it’s an addiction, my emotional side keeps going there.

I’m doing all the things… but they seem less effective as time goes on.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just to vent.

Why my ex narcissist used to get kinda of amused when i suspect and accuse him of cheating. He gets some sort of satisfaction from me expressing insecurity. He would pretend to be mad but then i realize he really likes it when i get jealous or suspect infidelity. Then i would feel really guilty and apologise and he would happily take me back and fogive me. Why is that ?

Mine are too long to post.

I was always 50/50 on whether my husband was aware of his manipulation but I realize now he is fully aware.

He was watching videos on YouTube this morning talking about how it should be "happy king, happy kingdom" and how women should love the man more in their relationship then the man love the woman. I absolutely cannot deal with this level of toxicity and the sadistic mind games they play.

We’ve been together for almost 3 years. I’m pretty sure she is a narc even though she doesn’t tick up all the boxes, she definitely does a lot of them and she’s ruining my life honestly. I’ve tried breaking up many times and each time she emotionally manipulates me to stay, and then it backfires on me that I’m a terrible man for wanting to leave her. I know this relationship is not good for me and I’m very cautious around her, I know a simple word can cause a huge mess and I can’t deal with it. I think she also doesn’t want to be with me but she is, just because it is comfortable and she’s already 27 and doesn’t want to look for a partner all over again.

2 days ago we drank some alcohol as we sometimes do at weekends when we don’t have work, and in the end we went to bed and started having sex. A few minutes in I see that she’s not enjoying at all and seems just bored and out of it so I asked her if she’s good, she said yes even though I know she wasn’t, so a minute or two later I asked her if she wants to change a position and that was it. She moved from me, yelling at me that she is who she is and if it’s not good enough for me that’s my own problem, me being confused saying that I never said anything like this and I have no problem at all, she kept yelling that if I want something else it’s my problem and stuff like this, saying that I’m running her life, that because of me her life is stuck in its place, saying I’m a nobody, that she can find a 1000 men better than me, she wishes that I’d be gone from her life and that she’s not attracted to me because it’s impossible to be attracted to me. All that while I’m laying in bed confused not understanding what the hell is happening. Then she burst out crying and yelled at me ‘don’t you dare coming after me’ and went to smoke.

Later she came to bed and I obviously didn’t want to get close to her at all. During the night she says that I’m being childish and that I should move further away (in sarcasm). A few hours later she tries talking to me and I said that she was very rude and it hurt me, she says ‘you know I was just drunk why are you so sensitive’ and stuff like that and that she exaggerated some of the stuff like the attraction thing. It didn’t satisfy me, later she talked to me again acting like she cared and asked is she hurt me and I forgave her. That at least what I showed her.

I knew if I don’t move on it will be a mess, she won’t initiate a break up and will just feel like shit and eventually will have to move on just for the sake of peace, but I’m crushed inside. I’m hurt. I’m mad at myself for staying with a woman who talks to me like that and I don’t care that she comes to comfort me or explain herself(didn’t even apologise, just gave some shitty explanations on why she said stuff) We had sex and are together and everything is good but nothing is good. I simply can’t break up I’m not able to. She’s just too good at emotional manipulation towards me.

Just venting guys…

I was with my narcissist ex for 11 years. Since we were 16 years old. Moved in together at 16 as well. Very chaotic relationship from the jump. My mom is a narcissist as well. So probably why it felt so safe and familiar. I watched my parents go thru an awful divorce which led to some chaos in my family home. With my ex he felt like my comfort I really clung on to him. Within a 1 year bad shit was happening. Anything you can think of he put me through. I was always so confused why he could do anything to me and I would stay. I truly never felt loved by him. But I loved him more than life, anyone and ofcourse myself. He would be so awful to me and I would want to give him a hug afterwards. He could do me wrong in the worst way I would be upset and scold him then cry and feel like I was too harsh. He never validated my feelings, never said sorry. And never fought for me like I would fight for him when every issue he caused. I finally left 3 months ago and it’s been actual hell for me. It’s like I’m still fighting for him? Still begging for him to be better. When he can care less I even left. Anything I call him out on he just gaslights. Why am I chasing someone who shows no interest even after this long together. Makes me feel like the crazy one. He uses the ignore tactic on me which makes me loose my mind.

Big blowout yesterday where I called my Nex out on her behavior. She discarded me and I am going to try my best to use this opportunity to stay away for good this time. I still feel awful for being a jerky person which is funny because they pick at us 24/7 and that’s fine… we say one thing and we are racked with guilt. Crazy!!

I have learned so much here and from other sources about narcissism that I unloaded terminology (darvo, blame shifting, projection etc.) as it happened in a text exchange with my Nex. She usually refused to defend, twisted, changed focus, or moved the goal posts etc. Arguing is no fun but I did get satisfaction calling the plays for what they were as they happened.

I've blown up his phone and texted him from fake numbers and I know he's painting me out as crazy and I honestly am being crazy . I left him but I tried to talk to him and he's just completely ghosting me and being silent but I feel like he enjoys that I'm making myself look so fucking bad....

I feel like I can't even take myself seriously because I'm being so fucking insane . Idk what to do . I was doing well for a while but it's like the fact that he's just ghosting me and ignoring me is making me somehow want to try more and more... please help .

My narcs would usually punish me with leaving our bed and sleep in another room for days. Even if they feel themselves totally uncomfortable on the couch, they continued doing it without trying to talk with me. I never did this to them and never slept on the couch, esp to punish them. What about you?

I filed an order of protection back in August . It got served about a week ago . And the nex completely switched . I was with him for two years and he cheated on me and gaslit me and many things. When I left last year for two months, he would call me and spam me or off the blue whenever he feeler like it, while with his old supply... there's much more, but you get the picture..

However, he always told me how much he loves me. He's the type of narcissist who does all the classic things but will appears reassure me how much he loves me, how much he will change, how different things will be... but it never was. He'd always go back to old supplies, start lying again, dismissing my feelings... you name it.

So after the order of protection, he told me, he never wants to see me again and his whole demeanor, everything was completely different. It's now the same way I would see him speak to his exes, actually... it's so wild . So now, I really am just like them to him . No more of the "I love you no matter what, I wish we could be together, I love you to the end of time".... the second he got a narc injury (the protection order), the final mask is off .

I actually feel so hurt but also so free . The "I love you" stuff was keeping me somewhat tethered. Hearing him say he never wants to see me again and genuinely hating me actually helps me let go and move on. Seeing the complete emptiness in his eyes and how he was looking at me sealed it for me... he really is the narcissist. And he keeps portraying me as the narcissist and honestly, at this point I feel like one. I feel hurt because it hurts to see how he really felt all along: nothing. When I genuinely tried and felt so much love and loyalty to him... he felt nothing. He lied to me like it was nothing, for two years, he toyed with me and feels no guilt or shame or even remorse. He genuinely thinks he's the fucking victim.

I've never acted crazy before him. It's like he made me fucking crazy over time.

I can't identity this feeling. Thoughts?

Hello. A while ago, I began separating myself from a narcissistic friend of 17 years. She became toxic (or I finally realized she was always a narcissist) so I started to accept fewer invites to do things with our kids (born a month apart). When she realized she was losing control over me she spiralled by getting a friend of hers to message me, telling me how terrible I am and then blocked me. Meanwhile the friend in question herself unfriended me on FB and then proceeded to leave every group chat we were both apart of, including those that has been inactive for over 2 years. I know it was a power move but I didn't bite. I let her believe she was the one to end the friendship because I had nothing to prove.

Anyway, since then I've had to see her once a week for 2 hours as both our kids attend a playgroup at their big school next year (Yes, both our kids are going to the same school 🙄). We avoid each other like the plague. Being around her makes me feel physical ill but more than that, something as simple as seeing her name pop up in a fb group made for parents of kids starting next year at the school just makes my head spin.

Whenever I see her name on FB or know that I'm going to have to be around her in any capacity, it just makes me want to cry and throw up. Yet she's out there living her life without a care in the world, like she's the best person to have ever existed and not one of the most judgemental human beings with the ugliest hearts I've ever met. She's so unfazed by how our friendship ended that I feel almost jealous of that fact. I want to be unfazed too but I struggle.

I know she isn't worth a moment of my time and I should just go through each day being my authentic self, but whenever I see her name on FB or physically see her each week for those couple of hours, I feel like my heart just drops and it takes me a good couple of days to recover.

What is this I'm feeling?? I have no idea and I'm so angry at myself for allowing this girl to affect me as much as she has when she's not worth the energy. Is it a control issue perhaps? I'm so confused and just want to understand this sick emotion I can't shake.

TIA x

The guy I was talking to, asked me for some space after I hung out with some male friends. Probably to punish me but it was unclear at the time.

After 2 weeks I sent a message asking if he needed more time and if I didn't hear from him, I would move on after a day. We had an amazing conversation where he brought up my birthday (10 days away at the time). I was surprised he remembered and he said of course he would remember and asked me what I wanted.

6 days before my birthday, we had a conversation that was going well. But then I asked him about his motorcycle test, which it turned out he had failed again. And shortly he went from lively to 2-5 word replies and ended the conversation abruptly without explanation.

I decided to leave him be. On my birthday, he wishes me happy birthday but he is more reserved. Against my perhaps better judgement, I asked him whether i should still expect a gift and he said no sorry. I asked him if anything was on his mind and he told me I wouldn't care or be interested and it wouldn't help him to talk. I asked to talk later since it was my birthday. And later I sent him a message basically along the lines of saying i wanted to clear things up because I felt disrespected and that my time wasn't being respected.

I think he has an angry streak within him. And I'm guessing he saw that message and said "bet" because he left me on seen. And although he never posts on his story, he posted on his story the next day. Probably to show that he's ignoring me on purpose.

I'm pretty sure this is the silent treatment although it almost looks like ghosting. But knowing him, I think its more of a passive aggressive response than not caring.

My question is: what was the point of lying about getting me a gift 😭

I don't think he has full blown NPD but I'm definitely starting to sense narcissistic tendencies. The previous silences were ambiguous but this is pretty clearly malicious.

She’s not diagnosed but I’m pretty sure my wife is a Narcissist. You know how they say an accusation is a narcissist’s confession? Well, she’s accusing me of being a narcissist. I’m not perfect- I think I have a low EQ- for example, but I don’t think I’m a narcissist. Is this common for a narcissist to accuse you of being a narcissist?

Tonight he came home from work, and I was sleeping so deeply that I didn’t even notice that he came home.

Suddenly I woke up, being yelled at. He yelled something like, ‘he can’t even sleep in his own bed’ and ‘he’s going to sleep on the couch’ and ‘if the kids wake him up tomorrow morning he’ll freak out on them and me’ and ‘that I need to see a doctor cause I’m snoring so loudly’

I mean what the hell? Of course i started crying and had that awful pain in my chest… but i was so exhausted i fell asleep pretty soon after. Still am processing this. That was the most awful thing he did in a while…

Hello Reddit,

I’ve become aware of my partner’s behaviours and had everything (the abuse, discarding via cheating, devaluation, and trauma bonding that’d occurred) made clear to me that they were a covert narcissist with a severe lack of empathy, intense self hatred and an extremely bad desire for control. I’ve left them, and they have been messaging a little more on my DM’s with some classic hoovering “I don’t want to be someone you used to know”, “I’m so sorry, I’m an idiot” etc.

I haven’t told them I intend to completely go no contact, rather leaving for my own safety. Nor do I believe anyone’s actually told them that this is a fallout from their NPD. They’d never listen anyway.

Is this an okay message to send them before blocking them on everything, or should I just block them immediately? I just want to make my intentions clear because I am fully capable of closing everything and leaning on my support network. There’s just a bit of satisfaction in laying my final intentions on the table and kind of letting them know “I see you. And I’m gone.”

Here’s what I am intending to send:

“

[ex],

I can’t believe these words come from a genuine place of loss of love; I’m simply a supply you no longer have access to, and that’s what’s hurting. You’re many things, but an idiot isn’t one of them.

I wish we could be more than “someone we used to know,” but I’ve decided to move forward and cut all ties for my own mental safety. I understand that you may reframe our memories to protect yourself, and while it hurts, I know that’s beyond my control. I’m choosing to carry the moments of genuine love and happiness you showed and shared with me, and I hope you can do the same.

In going no contact, I’m honoring my sense of self, which was impacted by the manipulation, devaluing, trauma-bonding, and projections I experienced. I’d appreciate your understanding, or at least respect, for my need to move on.

I wish you success and happiness, and I hope you’ll work with a therapist to make peace with and address the things that have affected your approach to love and life. That realization has to come from within, and that’s why I have to completely step away.

I’ll be washing your clothes and dropping them off at [ex’s apartment] in the next few days. Any further interaction will only open me up to more manipulation or hurt, so this will be my last message.

Take care, ______”