How would you identify an intj is in love or has a crush on someone?

Looking at INTJs who have fewer interpersonal problems, I think they are usually: laying low (people are more critical towards those high in hierarchy/high performers), not reactive (being reactive really exposes the Fe blind spot), cordial (nice, helpful, harmless).

This is something that bothers me about how others try to talk to me sometimes. While you can absolutely decide to expose yourself to factors that will sway your decision on something, at your core, you either feel or believe or you do not.

I am far more complex than others would know. That isn't an "i am better" statement, it is a "you have no idea what many, many facets of this opinion exist beneath my outward stance". Now, I will admit, I simplify my appearance and often stand by that simplification because it can be beneficial, especially because most people will not understand how layered and interconnected all of my thoughts are. (again, complex =/= better, it's just how i think). I tend to pinpoint every individual part of a "stance" and agree and disagree with parts and pieces, then assess the entire thing overall in its practical application separately. I can agree with the theory behind every part, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

It just makes me annoyed on the inside when people (especially unhealthy feelers) tell me I am morally wrong for having an objective lens at the forefront of a lot (not all) of my decision making. I completely accept that I do make some mean decisions sometimes and that I should not be doing that. All I ask is that when I am doing something """mean""" for a beneficial purpose that I do not be judged for it. Then they try to change your mind as if it is not far deeper than their "ur wrong" will ever reach to.

That's another thing that's hard to shake. Just because I know it is logical to dismiss pointless, unproductive opposition does not mean it does not bother me on the inside.

Title

Hey, I’m 19F INFP and I absolutely love INTJs and their way of thinking. I realized the INTJ friends I have are guys and never girls. So, I thought it’d be fun to get to know a female INTJ!!

Hi Architects!

Let me first introduce myself. I'm a 18 year old INFJ male living in the Netherlands. I met this beautiful girl who always reads and loves to chat with me during breaks. We even went on our first date together. But I don't know how to confess to her, I really really like her and it's been keeping me awake for the past few nights. I don't think I had any huge chance like this. Our first date went really great, we went to a restaurant and we chatted, laughed etc. She was way more talkative. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I don't know if I have a chance with her. I adore her a lot.

However she doesn't sit on the phone a lot, but if she does, she will respond with a text message to my latest message. She is a total bookworm, so that why. How should I ask her on a second date, preferably around Valentine's but I'll take anything at this point. My body will most likely be shaking. I don't want to mess up with her.

PLEASE HELP ME!!

meowr

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I feel like I have no personality whatsoever. I feel like I copy other peoples traits and acts to find a place in the society. I can't really have an idea of myself. When I think about myself, I feel like I'm an observer to my life and that me is a complete stranger. How can I cope with it? Thanks.

Aloof. Easily irritated. Hate it when others get into your physical space, but you sometimes like invading those of others (i.e. showing affecting on your own terms, rather than those of others). Curious to a fault. Etc.

So Ive always struggled finding a purpose and now I'm going towards deciding what to study. I've always wanted to study but lately I've also thought about going into entertainment business for example being a dancer and I even went as far as thinking of becoming a geisha. I think I put myself under too much pressure but as soon as I find one career path that fits for the moment, I always feel so happy. Several days later and I'm struggling again. How did you find your purpose in life, or at least your job T-T?

Enough. When an omega human comes for your food you need to be prepared the two main things are food and territory. Conserve your energy. Piss on your food. Do not let any little ones escape especially, they will scury and regroup in packs. If you have progeny and no food that is essential nutrients you could be getting that you need to birth more kids. Wake up at times. Never touch the floor. Screaming means the female human is in an aroused state. Do burpies, I do not give you permission to stop pissing. I don't know who told you about water but, I do not want to see you doing anymore of that "water" crap. It will get hard. Get harder. Why I oughta.

||This is an experiment in seeing what makes intjs laugh, did any of those get you.||

People say that INTJs are very honest people but I lie quite often. I don't lie out of malice or to harm someone, but I do lie out of convenience. I get out of plans by lying about being busy or lie to avoid awkward situations. I often lie about my emotions too. Do you guys do this as well?

So, yesternight, a few minutes prior to 12 am, I was in a frenzy, oh, it's just my everyday bipolar maniac acting up, but, at that time it was a bit different, my maniac was amplified by my PTSD flashbacks, and I was literally listening to DPR IAN's songs at the same time☠️. So, it was really intense than usual, then, a character idea popped up at that moment in my mind, inspired by my own bipolar maniac, and very much amplified at that. I woke up in the morning, and wrote it into words, a scenery I made up in my mind of that character-

From the first heartbeat to his last, he was a zealot of his own twisted creed, a prophet of chaos draped in the vestments of duty. His mind—an asylum of fractured brilliance—burned with a fever-dream of absolutes, driving him beyond mastery, beyond reason, into the howling void where genius and madness waltz as one. Belief was his altar, and he sacrificed everything upon it: sanity, morality, the very fabric of his soul. *Duty until death* became not a vow but a scream, echoing through the labyrinth of his unraveling psyche. He painted the world in gray, smearing lines between right and wrong until they bled into a kaleidoscope of delusion—a canvas only he could comprehend.

Insanity wasn’t his affliction; it was his weapon. He saw patterns in the static, heard whispers in the silence, and turned existence into a deranged opera where he was both composer and conductor. The world? A chessboard drenched in shadow, pieces carved from flesh and bone. He moved kings and pawns with a lunatic’s grin, snapping strings and bending wills, laughing as his enemies crowned themselves victors. But their triumphs were his hymns—each defeat a stanza in his requiem. *You think you’ve won?* his eyes seemed to glint, wild and unblinking. *You’re still dancing in my delirium.*

**When the hour came, it was a crescendo of his own design. The skyscraper—a needle of glass and steel piercing the heavens—stood as his chosen altar. Midnight winds clawed at his coat as he stepped onto the ledge, 300 stories above the city’s throbbing veins of light. Below, the world shrank to a mosaic of insignificance. Clutching the rosary, beads biting into his palm like sacred thorns, he spread his arms wide—not in surrender, but in ecstatic defiance. For a suspended moment, he lingered, eyes blazing with the reflection of a thousand stars, as if daring gravity to defy him. Then he fell. Not a stumble, not a leap, but a deliberate arc, a comet streaking downward. The cityscape blurred into streaks of gold and shadow, wind roaring in his ears like a choir of demons and angels. Yet his face… his face was calm. Serene. A lunatic’s epiphany. As glass windows exploded around him in his descent, he laughed—a sound shredded by velocity, yet piercing, triumphant.**

**Time bent. The ground surged upward, but in his mind, he was soaring. The rosary slipped from his fingers, its cross glinting once before vanishing into the abyss. *“Finally,”* he hissed, teeth bared in a rictus of triumph, *“death is my only salvation. Only in death… will I claim my ultimate victory.”***

**Impact came—not with a crash, but a detonation of light. Or perhaps that was the last fireworks of his unraveling mind. The world went silent. Blood pooled around him, a crimson halo, but his eyes stayed open, fixed on the distant sky. A martyr’s smile curled his lips. And with his last breath, a whisper that shook the heavens: ***“Victory.”***

The world would never know if it was the word of a madman… or a god.

Which fictional character closely resembles your personality the best?

Or it could just be a quote they said that you feel resonated with. Anything.

I'm sorry for the extremely long rant, but I feel like I really need to explain my situation in detail, as I am getting desperate, and I will also understand it more by writing it all down and getting it out of my system. I will put a TLDR summary at the bottom.

So, I am currently 16M, living in the Sunshine Coast, Australia. I am originally from Hungary, but had to leave with my family at the age of 12, almost 5 years ago, against my wishes. I used to have 2 amazing best friends in Hungary and a few acquaintances, and I was perfectly happy with that. However, over time, due to the distance, timezones and growing up, we eventually drifted apart. I still have their social media, but we haven't spoken in a while. My first year in Australia was easily the worst year in my life. I entered Year 6, which is the last year of primary school in Australia, a quarter into the school year. I barely spoke any English so I had absolutely 0 friends, and I was extremely insecure, lonely and depressed. However, I got most of the basics covered by the end of the year, and some guys invited me to play with them during break. Next year, we all went to the same high school, however 2 of my best friends in the group left early in the year. This meant that I had only one good friend left in the group. For the rest of the year, we would always just sit around and talk, sometimes play some games during break, however we never did anything outside of school and none of my friends were in any of my classes. I would always have this sort of heavy, suppressive feeling in my chest and what are basically symptoms of depression, which would sometimes go away when I didn't have school. I started going to talk with the school's guidance councilor, although I don't know if they really had any impact. In year 8, I decided that I had enough, and that I will take the initiative. At the start of the year, I observed all my classmates, and found a guy who was new to the school and didn't have any friends. Then, I did a move which was incredibly hard for me at the time, as I was very socially anxious. I went and sat down next to one of them, and introduced myself. While there were some hurdles initially, we eventually found a common interest in nerdy stuff like MTG and science, and picked up a third guy into the group. This year was the most amazing year I had in Australia so far. I had 2 amazing best friends again, we would always play MTG during breaks in school and every Friday at the local game store, play video games together, go gel blasting, and just generally hang out, you get the gist. That horrible oppressive feeling was gone, and I finally felt... content. I wouldn't say I was happy, as I still had a difficult time adjusting to Australia, has some unrelated problems, and my parents were separating, but I wasn't unhappy either. This went on for a year. I should now say that my first friend was called Oscar, and my second friend was called Eli. At the start of year 9, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. While Oscar was in none of my classes, Eli was in a couple of them, and I eventually found "mates" in all of them. Now, I have a strict definition for a "friend" and a "mate," which Australians seem to think is the same thing. A "mate" is someone you talk to when you see each other, sit together in classes, work together on projects, and maybe occasionally hang out with outside of school, but only when there are other people around. A "friend" is someone who you talk to on almost a daily basis, frequently hang out outside of school, have similar interests, have complete trust in each other, and connect to on a deeper level than just proximity and relative affinity. In the first few weeks, things went on as normal, but then I wasn't there on a Friday, and they said that they met a cool group of people. Initially, I didn't think much of it. However, Oscar started behaving a bit strangely. We slowly stopped playing Magic and just talking with this group. At this point, there were about 10 boys and 5 girls in this big group. Then the unbelievable happened. Oscar got a new best friend who was in most of his classes, and a girlfriend from the group. Then he just went and stopped hanging out with us, slowly turning from a nerd into an eshay. It was like he was a different person, and he dumped the girl a couple months later. I will never forgive how bluntly he betrayed my trust. Me and Eli were left stranded hanging out with the group, as playing Magic 1v1 doesn't work that well. And then it got even worse. Due to his mum getting a better job in Brisbane, they moved there. He also broke his phone and didn't get it fixed for a while so I had no way to contact him. Those couple of weeks that were left in the term were truly awful. I was stuck there with a group where I didn't particularly like anyone, and just sat there mostly in silence. In the last couple of days of the term, most of the group didn't bother showing up to school, but this random kid, Blair, started hanging out with me there, which I later learned was due to getting kicked out of his group due to some drama. Eventually, I figured out that he plays HoI4, which is my favorite game of all time, and is also interested in politics and history, so he became my new best friend. Over the rest of the year, the gazebo where we hung out eventually turned into a dual group system: there was the original group, and my small group of a couple new people and some from the big group. We would mostly have discussion between ourselves, and frequently interact between the groups, but only hung out outside the school with the small group. Things were looking up again, and I finally had someone to play HoI4 with, which wasn't the case before, as I tried to get Eli and Oscar to play, but they never really picked it up. But then, due to some internal drama in the big group, some of which I still don't understand to this day, it disintegrated into multiple smaller ones, all of which chose to hang out somewhere else, so it was just our smaller group left. It was considerably quieter, but I didn't mind that much. However, it started getting a bit stale, especially after one guy left, but it was still good enough. Things pretty much stayed the same until Year 10 Semester 2, when I met Maxwell. He is the single person that I had the most intellectually stimulating conversations with by far, which makes sense, as he was moved up a grade due to being too smart. We could talk about science, politics, geography, ideology, and so much else in a serious and informed way, none of which I could do with anyone my age before, and he is probably the only person I know that might be more intelligent than me. Another friendless acquaintance of mine also joined us. The next couple of weeks were amazing, but of course, it was all too good to be true. Maxwell would end up moving down to Sydney at the end of the year, and the guy who initially moved to our group from the big one and has been with us for more than a year completely cut off communication and disappeared. During the final weeks of year 10, and sometimes during the holidays, I started feeling a much milder version of loneliness again, and started dreaming about having a girlfriend, not just any one, but the perfect one, one who I can always trust, have fun with, and eventually marry. I won't go into detail about that, as this post is first and foremost about friends. Over the holidays, I started focusing on work, learning to drive, saving up for a car, upgrading my PC, setting up a media server, and just general self improvement. I was expecting that in Year 11, due to finally doing elective senior subjects, I would finally meet some cool new people again, and I had to be the best version of myself for that. However, I was gravely wrong. Not a single new person in any of my classes. Not a single one. Everyone I either already was acquaintances with, or I knew from just seeing them around. I actually did some research, and the number of students in my school, and especially my year level, have been decreasing over the last 2-3 years. This would also match with my personal experience of having so many friends leave, and I definitely think that due to the insanely expensive and rapidly increasing cost of living here, young families are getting pushed out and replaced by pensioners and tourists. One thing I am certain of, is that my parents made a grave mistake by moving here. So now, we reached today. We only have me, Blair and 2 other "mates" left at the gazebo. We only have one 30 minute break per day now, while previously we had an extra 40 minute one, so we hang out even less. Everyone also has jobs now, so it is hard to hang out after school, and we are in none of each other's classes. In my classes, in 4 I have "mates", but in 3, I am completely alone. I still frequently message with Maxwell on Discord, which is a testament to how compatible we were, but it's not the same. All the people in those classes already have their established friend groups and sit together in class, so I can't exactly just plop down next to them and expect them to interact with me. This means, that socialization with people I actually want to be with has decreased to around 20 minutes per day, most of which is taken up by eating, and 1-2-3 hours with "mates". This is simply not enough for me. I never wanted a lot of fake friends, only a few real ones, but I need those real ones to engage with me at least as much as my Hungarian friends, Oscar, Eli and Maxwell did. So now, those horrible feelings are back. I feel the heavy, suppressive feeling against my chest, I am unhappy, I think that the future holds nothing meaningful and there is nothing to look forward to, I have lost motivation and some enjoyment of activities I previously liked doing. The exact feelings I had when we initially moved to Australia. But the issue is, that more meaningless, forced, superficial social interaction with people I have no real thing in common with will not fix how I feel, only make me feel exhausted and reject interaction I would enjoy. So now, I am stuck. I don't know what to do, and the horrible feeling is weighing down on me, just as badly as 3-4 years ago. All the people I actually liked in the school, other than Blair, who has been very distant lately, have left, and the trends show that no new ones will join my year level. Everyone in my classes already has their group of friends, and if we did have something in common, we probably would have become friends by now. I can't make friends outside of my classes because we only get one 30 (20, they are lying) minute break, where I only have time to eat. Waiting until the end of high school, and making friends at university is not an option, as that is still 2 whole years away, and I could never forgive myself if I wasted my youth like that, not to mention I probably can't survive this loneliness that long, especially with the added craving for a partner, not just close friends. There is this program at the closest university, where you drop one of your subjects, (I have one I really don't need or like), and do a course at the university once a week. I was hoping that I could meet some really cool and smart people my age there. However, the university is 2 hours away by bus, and I can't get my P plate until either Semester 2, or maybe even the end of the year, so that has to be postponed. So should I try making friends outside of school? But how? Where? When? I can't move around much until I get a car, another reason regional Australia sucks. So, I feel stuck in a very deep hole, with no way out for a long time, and this is why I am making this post: I am lost, depressed, lonely and confused, what should I do?

TLDR: Parents made me move from Hungary to Australia. Initially I struggled to make friends. After a year or so, I made some friends, but they all eventually left. This has happened about 3-4 times now, and I have now simply run out of compatible people at my school, in regional Queensland. I still have 2 years left of high school, and this horrible loneliness, which has caused symptoms of depression, has been gnawing away at me, so I can't wait until university. I still have one good friend and a couple mates, but with everyone being so busy and having limited free time both at school and in the afternoon, it is just not enough for me. I need friends who I can have deep, meaningful conversations with, will urge me to hang out with them after school, and I know will always have my back. I feel stuck and the clock is ticking, so what should I do?

I sincerely hope that this post can help other people in similar situations know that they are not alone, and maybe find some answers. I will await your comments with hope, and thank you for any advice.

** My first post here, so sorry if I missed a certain etiquette **

Alright, so it happened. I was trying to be informative, someone took it personally and got triggered. This was in an online group setting, so I shouldn't be surprised, but we'd been talking for months and I considered us friends.

They brought up their trauma and explained that even if I didn't intend it to be personal, it was for them. I guess I understand where they are coming from, but I truly have so much trouble when people emotionally respond to things that just simply don't need to be in my eyes. Maybe I am short sighted or narrow minded, but if there's one thing I despise, it's tip-toeing around people because I might hit someone's "soft spot" accidentally. I even apologized civilly and expressed my regret. Still, they said I was being insensitive.

F*** sensitivity. (sorry, h/j)

I know I can be insensitive, 99% of the time if I am, it's non intentional. But I simply didn't mean for what I said to have any emotional weight at all. How was I to know they would be triggered by it? We have differing beliefs, yes-- All I wanted was an open discussion and they gave me the floor. Apparently I wasn't creating a place that's "safe for everyone". And before you ask, no, I wasn't being "racist" or "homophobic" or any of the other "isms" out there.

Sigh. Good luck creating a space thats "safe for everyone" without censoring the living shit out of it. Why can't we just be mature adults and hold our own responsibility for our triggers? sigh.

Anyways. Does anyone else struggle with this? What do you do when you're in this situation? I'll be honest, I gave my last response and then left. I don't have time for this drama personally. But be honest with me, because I am open to critique and seeing my flaws-- Am I being the asshole???

Not sure if it helps but I am INTJ and this person is confirmed INFP.

Edit: When I say I am insensitive, I am referring to my takes on certain subjects, being less commonly liked. Not being outright mean or judgmental. In person I present myself as sweet and genuine and have lots of IRL friends. Am female too with high EQ, & not mistyped.

i feel like it's very natural for INTJs to seem stoic and have like a resting btch face. i hate how i usually have like a dry tone during casual conversations too. however, when i do perform stuff my tone of voice changes depending on the vibe that is needed, but my facial expressions don't cooperate. like, i sound happy but my face says angry.

i just feel like a fake person sometimes even though i am being very authentic most of the time. when i smile, people tend to point it out. when i make "too much" or "very loud" expressions they point it out. i am just tired.

i would appreciate tips on how to cope or improve this concern. thanks!❤️

Like I did two tests three weeks apart and they gave me different results so I was wondering why

So I'm an INTJ, I'm fairily sure it's the correct type.

The problem is that my Ni trait is waaaay downthere, this according to the test I took.

And it checks out, I do tend to worry a whole lot about the future and plan, but I also have big perseverance problems, I start out big projects and just get bored of them, maybe pick them up a year later

What should be my dominant trait is a big downfall of mine

What do you guys make of that? any reccoemndations?

I don’t understand why every INTJ especially on this subreddit is so obsessed with pushing this narrative that we are these emotionally stunted incapable of empathy psychopaths. It’s true some of us may struggle with understanding an over emotional point of view but I don’t think it’s as dramatic as people on this sub make it out to be. It’s important to acknowledge that mbti is really just a hobby and if you do believe yourself to be “sociopathic” ect that’s something you should work on and not put down to your personality type lol

I’ve been back to work for a month now after the holidays and I already feel myself burning out. I would like to know of your experiences and how you cope with it and how do you find a reason to keep going.

Me and my partner (ISFP F) were having a conversation on emotions and feelings and she asks me "When did you last cry?". I told her it was Sept of 2020 I think, during the time of covid19. She was visibly shocked and went on to call me an Alien. She asks me "are you okay or if something is a bit off with you". It's just that I don't cry, but it doesn't mean I don't get hurt, I cry on the inside.

Important realisation: I've heard people who often cry are more stronger emotionally. My GF being the classic feeler type dislikes it that I don't show emotions, she thinks Im being weak. Do you guys cry often. How do you deal with hurt?

I’m an INTJ female. Not sure what the boyfriend is… he refuses to take a test and honestly I don’t understand him well enough to try to type him, other than he’s definitely extroverted.

Anyways, he wanted to open a restaurant so I (we) made it happen. I thought I would be in the background and start my own company. I am not in the background and somehow ended up having to basically bar tend. Which I hate. People think I will be their friend for their $3 tip and I’m just like… can you buy your beer and leave me out of it?

I’m back to starting my own (online!) business. In trying to understand each other better, today I tried explaining to him that I genuinely do not care to interact with any of these people and I certainly do not want to feign interest or friendship with them, but not in a mean way. I simply just don’t care and do not wish to spend time or emotional resources on random people. He thinks I’m just inherently wrong. All of his examples of how I’m wrong include that I will need to talk to people for my business. Obviously that’s true, but those are people I want to talk to. People in business who are relevant to what I am doing and have something they themselves are doing. Not randos with nothing to say who want a hot chick to be their therapist/fake friend for 1/12th the cost.

Idk. I’m venting. I’m also wondering if I’m wrong? But I don’t care? And I see no benefit in being extroverted in this context? Is there something wrong with us or is BF just projecting and being an asshole? I think he should hire a bartender who likes talking to people and set me free.

body text…

.—.

Examples: Chair settings change, new desk, changed room layout

Is it really happening or am I delusional as hell.

I‘ve just met a guy ENFJ and he seems to want to take the things further, but idk if I can trust him for a relationship, taking in mind I‘ve never had one. It could be my anxiety but I cannot stop thinking that he just wants something casual.

With the recent report about alcohol consumption that the WHO reported, and alcohol being on the decline for younger generations, I was wondering what relationship INTJs have with drinking and consumption of drugs.

For me i never really liked the taste of alcohol. I was more of a social drinker so drinking was minimal for. I also have never done drugs (seen so many stories on how people ruin their lives, health, etc). My only addiction would be coffee at best (still considered a drug) but i dont really have a strong addiction.

Guys, anybody here who had some success in bringing out our ever-elusive extroverted sensing? I need some advice.

You see intuition comes to me as easy as breathing. Writing, outlining and checklists helps me organize my thoughts for convenient extroverted thinking. Appreciation and contempt sort of helped me hone my Introverted feeling. I have my value system. SE is elusive though.

I went to the gym, touched some grass, talked to people, cooked food. But it's just that I'm not comfortable leaning towards it. My brain just automatically goes to wonderland and my connection to reality goes on auto pilot. I'm not comfortable talking to new people. I hate new experiences.

Guys, how do you human?