I'm 19yo, an INTJ, not very assertive, and I recently add to my plans at long terms inaugurating in Romance. So here I present my case.

^((I'm not the best at English, if there's any typo or grammar error, inform).)

Probably, I approach a girl I didn't know a number close to zero times. My close friends tell me that I have an intimidating look. I usually in a meeting with people (my friend introduce to me in a good environment), wait till a theme that I really know or wait till someone make a direct question to me, to open my month. So, practically close to never I started a conversation with a girl I don't previous know.

The degree I'm doing doesn't have a lot of female population (close to 5-10%). And obviously unless I see a really visible signal, I won't take a step forward. I don't have problems talking about a good theme, but I hate small talks. By the way, people typically tell me that I don't have a bad looking aspect.
I sometimes get good some smiles and all I do is smile back. This procedure will be the same to look's.

Is there any advice that Redditors can give me?

Hello, I'm an INTJ (M), I typically do a routine check every so often for MBTI funnies, and came across several INTJxENFP memes. I was curious where this dynamic originated from and/or why it seems to be relatively popular. Found this subreddit whilst looking for an answer and decided it was worth a try to ask about. Now, I'm not opposed to the thought of being in a relationship with an ENFP to be clear, it is merely seeing these which puzzles me a sliver. Thank you for your time.

Are there any books you would recommend to help me understand my INTJ boyfriend on an even deeper level? I’m looking for books specifically on INTJs. I’m deeply in love with him and want to do my part in learning more about him so that I can be the best partner for him and support him in the way he needs

My ex INTJ and I broke up 2 months ago. He said he still wanted to be friends and will reach out to me from time to time. He told me if the time is right one day we could possibly be together again. He’s in a competitive career field and wants to focus on that. I’m sort of over him but I find him messaging me more recently. Is he holding onto the idea of potentially getting back together?

Edit: have received feedbacks on just start working on social skills. And not showing desperation.

Hi, I am an INTJ guy who is looking for a relationship in the future(currently I have no time nor money）. It would be part of my 5 year plan.

Like typical INTJ I had to plan things out way ahead, and I checked what personality I would like, and I really like ENFP girls personality(only according to my theoretical research of course, I have 0 ENFP friends). My concern is where to find them, and how to start a conversation naturally. I have 0 social skill.

I am OK being straight away and approach girls starting my intention. But because I am always goal oriented, I worry it might scare them away. And it would be awkward to state my intention to someone who is not looking for relationship, or already have one.

I also am not sure if there is any red flags for ENFP girls, especially to typical INTJ guy.

What are your suggestions on my concerns? My plan b is local MBTI meetup events. I would have plenty time to change my mindset/behavior for social situations. Many thanks!

Hi!!!! I’m an enfp(m), and I like this intj girl. She’s seriously giving me mixed signals, I even created this reddit acc just so I can get your opinions on this.

I’ve liked her for three years now. The first year, we didn’t really talk. The second year we occasionally talked about school work and stuff, but she didn’t seem interested in the conversations at all. And this year, we became good friends because we happened to be partnered up for an assignment. She always listens to whatever weird crap I have to say and responds with serious thought out answers. I flirt with her a lot, which is something I usually do with a lot of people so she might take it as a joke. She never really responds to any of it.

Recently, she’s been messaging me first and opening up about what’s happening in her life. I’m happy about this because I’m pretty sure it means she’s comfortable enough around me to tell me this stuff. She’s also been allowing me to be physically closer with her. She doesn’t mind if I lean on her or anything. She’s also an artist (mostly painting with watercolour and acrylics and stuff I think), she sent me a sketch that she drew of me. Also to the intj I’m talking about who might possibly be reading this, please don’t get mad when I say that I found your poetry account online. I also know that one of them is written about me, I’m not sure exactly what it’s about but it mentions some type of confusion.

There’s a lot more but I feel like those ones are the most obvious signs of her maybe possible liking me. But like I said she’s giving me mixed signals. Sometimes when I try to cling onto her she pushes me away, or she ignores me when I message her a lot about something that doesn’t require having a conversation over (which is understandable).

What do you think!!!!

Edit: I’m pretty sure she has avoidant attachment (I can make this work I swear)

I'm really bad at setting my limits with people and it happens my ex (INTJ) which is a dear friend of mine it's a person who I can say no at. I don't want for him to take it as a personal attack. Right now he's mad at me because of a misunderstanding and it's not talking to me. We saw each other today by accident and didn't say a word to each other bc he was walking with a girl who had problems with me. The thing is that I always ask him to set boundaries (and I respect them) to me but I never do it back bc I don't want for him to get mad at me... And there's something about this whole situation (him being mad at me) that I really don't like but I don't know how to express it... He keeps treating me like a child who can't understand deep emotions and that really bothers me because it's not the case... How can I start this conversation?

Like the question is pretty self explanatory. I've always wanted to have a date where I build a Lego set with someone and I found out that it's a real thing people do.if you are an ENFP do you like lego and would you build a Lego ATAT with an INTJ(I would 100% get in an argument with an ENTP if I did it with them)

We’re both in our early 30’s

I need help… I met with the man online and we instantly hit it off, conversation was so easy and fun. We have similar interests and could talk about the complexities of life and the mundane and both asked amazing questions that made us reflect and ponder. My brain hadn’t been stimulated like that or felt like someone could keep up with me in an intellectual level besides my best friends who are an INTJ and ENFJ. Needless to say I was captivated by this individual. To prefrance I have an obsession with understanding human behavior and why they do what they do, and yes it’s exhausting, hence why I’m here now. After 3 weeks of constant, steady, communication he invited me to meet in person. I understand that individualism and space is important to an INTJ therefore I didn’t push for it, how ever a day before we were meant to meet he did not text and I opted to just allow him to have space however then he deleted me and vanished. It was sudden and uprupt given the constant communication before he vanished. He was recently out of a relationship that he concidered meaningful and perhaps wasn’t in the best mental state? I’ve meditated on wether or not he was not being genuine but I don’t believe he was acting or dishonest during our conversation. It’s been a week since we last spoke and I want to respect his choice, however I’ve been considering reaching out after sometime passes to clarify like a month or so. I know the correct thing to do is to move on, but unfortunately that’s like an impossible task for my brain. I really like him too and my optimistic side believes I can genuinely offer the understanding and space he needs when his needs to regulate his emotions and give him the affirmation of my affections when he questions the reality of my intentions, as INTJ tend to ocationally do.

I would love some feedback as towards what I’m planing is a good idea or not and perhaps some further insight towards why he might have opted for that route.

Hello! Soooo my bf (INTJ) broke up with me (ENFP) over a year ago and I’m still hopelessly in love with him. I’ve had a very difficult time moving on and it hurts seeing him completely fine. For some context, we are both in a very rigorous program that only accepts less than 200 people. This means we are a really tight knit class and we share every single class together. I was captivated the moment I first talked to him. It was so easy to talk to him. We skipped the small talk and immediately started diving deep. We had sooo much in common, I had never had such an amazing connection with someone in my life. He was the first INTJ that I had met and I just fell in love so fast… which has never happened before. We eventually confessed to each other and he said he also was interested from the moment he met me. It was a dream come true. We started dating and it was just amazing. We would talk about kids, religion, politics, and our morals. Everything aligned perfectly and I could see a future with them. He accidentally made a comment once about wanting to marry me and I was overjoyed with knowing that he wanted the same thing. So, one really important thing about this is we both have pretty severe mental health problems. I am diagnosed with BPD and it makes relationships a lot harder to navigate. If he did something that triggered my fear of abandonment I would cry, yell and freak out. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was just me reading too much into things and overthinking. But we just continued to work through it. He was super supportive and I just loved him more every day. I never said I loved him because I’m so afraid of getting rejected so I never expressed that while in the relationship. So one night I got some pretty bad news and I broke down and locked myself in a room. He was desperately trying to convince me to come out but I just continued to cry and self harm. It was difficult and we eventually talked about it and felt better. I then did something incredibly stupid. I told him that if I’m too much that he should leave before the relationship gets more serious. He just nodded and we continued. We had a great week after that. He helped me sign up for therapy and was just amazing. We watched movies and hung out often and there were no problems at all. Until one day we come back to my place after shopping and he tells me he wants to end it and would rather be friends. He said the reasons why is because he didn’t want me to find him dead and that he wasn’t good enough. I tried to reassure him that he is enough and that I’m there for him no matter what. I was practically begging on the floor. He then said that I had a “really good chance” but he just needed some space. After more begging he shut down the conversation by saying “I need to choose myself” and walked away. I immediately fell into a severe depressive episode that’s still active today. It also activated my eating disorder and I lost 30 lbs within 2 months. Seeing him in class every day definitely didn’t help anything. But I kept telling myself that he said that I have a good chance. So I eventually started sucking it up and checking up on him, bringing him gifts, sending him letters, and telling him I’m here for him. After all he told me it was because of his mental health. We started becoming friends again but I still wanted him back. Three months after the breakup I ask to talk to him and he agrees. I wrote him another love letter and told him I’ve been working on myself and that I can be better for him. He then reveals that the reason he left was because I dragged him down. He told me that he had a talk with his parents beforehand and realized that he couldn’t be in a relationship. I was devastated because I didn’t know he was feeling that way and he never talked to me about his concerns at all. I begged and asked if I had a chance and he told me that he doesn’t know what to future looks like. It killed me and he left me in the room crying. The problem was that at this point we were done with our first year of the program and it was summer… BUT we were in the same summer program so I saw him often. So it was a reset for us, we were awkward again and I was incredibly hurt. We eventually rekindled our friendship by the end of the summer. At this point I had been in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for months. I was seeing myself getting better by finding hobbies like going to the gym, I was eating more consistently, I started taking meds, and I went to therapy twice a week. I had been getting mixed signals that whole summer so I wanted to approach him and talk to him. When I reached out through text and expressed my desire to talk he was incredibly cold to me. Saying that he has no time for it and that we already had another conversation he’s done talking to me about this. I accepted that and just sent him a text of what I wanted to say. I pretty much told him I was getting better and I’ve been working on myself and that I still love him. He responded to me saying that I need to move on. That ended to triggering my BPD and I said things I shouldn’t have. I was incredibly rude and said some hurtful things. I eventually broke down crying a day later and went to his house to apologize. He didn’t say much but he was crying during the apology. I felt terrible and I told him I would never bring up my relationship with him. I later returned all the stuff he gave me cuz it hurt so much. After that he completely stopped talking to me and avoided me. I crossed a boundary and I accept that it was my fault. It still hurt a lot and I would cry constantly every day and I was failing so many exams. I’ve been trying to move on since then. I haven’t talked to him at all but we catch each other staring quite often. And when we are around each other we just stand around awkwardly. I don’t say anything because I’m still so hurt and he might say a word or two. He’s not mean or anything, it’s just hard to be around each other. I’ve been focusing on myself and telling myself if it’s meant to be it will happen. But I can’t get those words out of my head “you have a really good chance”. I feel like I was led on and now I can’t stop dreaming about him coming back. Everyday I hope that he reaches out and wants to try again. But I’ve lost a lot of my hope by now. He moved on so easily while I’m still picking up the pieces and trying to get my life together. I lost a lot of my hair and muscle mass due to my disorder and have done quite a bit of research on my method of suicide. I have a plan in place but I keep thinking about how much I would hurt my family if I did it so I keep holding back and just opting for self harm. I love him so much but I hurt him and dragged him down. I’m trying to forgive myself but know that I lost my person because I screwed up. I still have 2 years left in the program and after that I’m planning to move far away and hopefully never see him again. I love him so much but he doesn’t feel the same way so I can’t be around him. How do I move on and stop holding out for hope? I also wanted to ask INTJs what they think about him telling me that I had a chance but never coming back even when I showed him how much better I was. He’s just so confusing to me and I know he has a hard time expressing how he feels. Instead of talking to me and expressing his concerns he just left me. I don’t think I’ll ever understand him but I thought I should ask. Thank you for reading 🤍

Hey everyone,

I'm an ENFP, and I recently went through a breakup with my INTJ partner. We're both 19 years old, and it's been about two months(dated for 2 years) since we split. The situation is pretty complicated, and I could really use some outside perspectives.

During our relationship, my INTJ partner was caught in a dilemma. He wanted to prioritize our happiness and keep our relationship going, but at the same time, he felt a strong sense of responsibility towards his parents, as is often the case in Indian culture. His parents have specific expectations about his future, especially regarding marriage and the kind of partner they want for him. They also want a good relationship with their future in-laws, which is where things get tricky because I plan to cut off ties with my parents due to toxicity.

On top of all this, my partner's family isn't wealthy, and his dad took out loans for him to study in Australia, where he's facing financial and academic challenges. This has made him feel guilty and inadequate, like he's not meeting his parents' expectations despite their sacrifices. He's also worried about his career, residency, and academic success down the line.

Even though we broke up, we've been talking on and off. I've suggested no contact a few times, but he keeps reaching out, expressing love and a desire to be together. However, he's torn between his happiness with me and fulfilling his duties towards his family.

I'm stuck between wanting to support him and taking care of my own emotions. Being friends isn't easy for me due to how attached I am. I've also had my own struggles convincing my parents about studying in Australia, as they were opposed to this idea and wanted me to move to canada, but i wanted to go there for him and to be together.

I'm wondering if there's a chance we might reconcile in the future or if I should focus on moving forward. Has anyone been through something similar or have any advice to share? I'd really appreciate any insights or perspectives. Thanks a lot.

Hey everyone, I apologize in advance for the length. I’m a 19-year-old female(enfp), and my boyfriend(intj) , also 19, and I broke up three weeks ago. We were in contact 2 days ago, firstly he can’t bring himself to block me because he lacks the strength and then he started being paranoid and saying that he can’t block me because i’m gonna kill myself ( i have a history of self harm) and my father is a lawyer in india and he thinks if i die then my father is going to send him in jail so after all this i blocked him. The reason for our breakup is his mental incapacity to sustain a relationship while he’s abroad and facing intense financial crisis. He’s uncertain if his parents will approve of our marriage because I plan to cut ties with my parents, and they desire a relationship with their future in-laws. Additionally, my father is a lawyer in India with strong connections, leading my boyfriend to worry about potential legal actions like he’s gonna a file against him or do something to his family if he marries me, it’s pretty common in india, if you have money, you can do anything. A bit about our relationship: we’ve been together since August 2022. In August 2023, he moved to Australia for further studies. Coming from a not so strong financial background, he had to work a lot, especially during holidays, sometimes up to 9 hours a day while studying. There were times he couldn’t afford food and had to walk long distances about 10-12 km a day after standing for 9 hours. Now, as his university reopened, he has to travel for 6 hours to get there and then another 6 hours back home. After reaching home, he has to do his assignments, and he's struggling a lot. Despite the challenges, our long-distance relationship was beautiful. We video called everyday, spending 2-3 hours together, and everything was going well until the breakup. We never really had fights and had really good communication. I had a really messed up past; my dad cheated and hit my mother, so I'm emotionally messed up. However, it didn't affect our relationship. It's been 1 year and 7 months, and I was never really a problem. He took care of me, cared for me, and protected me, and even during this difficult time, i was with him, i was there for him, he cried in front of me, i comforted him, i was so connected that when he cried i started to cry because i can’t see him suffer. I love him with my whole heart.

A month before, we were happy, but this recent month has been tough. He shared his problems, and I, foolishly, suggested breaking up as the only option. He was initially reluctant due to my history of self-harm and fears of me harming myself. However, he eventually agreed. For me, he was the one, and we had discussed our future together, including marriage. I’ve been actively working on moving to Australia, seeking counseling, and preparing for our life together. After the breakup, I pleaded with him to reconsider, but he initially blocked me, then unblocked me the next day. He told me he took $2000 loan at a 10% interest rate without informing his parents, this situation that left him in tears, which is rare for him as he never really cried in front of me like he never cried on video call but ya he did cried on the phone call with me. He feels lost, regretful of his choices, and he’s stuck in Australia but can’t return to India. We’ve agreed to stay friends until he’s better. He’s concerned about my well-being, urging me to eat and sleep, but he doesn’t understand how special our relationship was to me. I’ve never had stability in my life. But when he came into my life, I was happy, there was stability, there was peace. I was happy with him. He sent me his pictures and asked me how he was looking even after the breakup, which gave me hope, he’s gonna come back.

After 6-7 months in our relationship, I thought he was the one, so l lost my virginity to him. It’s a big thing for me, I never touched a guy in my entire life because i wanted to do it once, i have told him all this before. I did it because deep down, I knew he was the one. We were happy, but after the breakup, everything went downhill. Things at my place are the worst right now, and this breakup is unbearable.

A few days ago, I sent a voice note saying that if he doesn’t have the capacity to be in a relationship, it’s okay, I’m willing to wait. If he thinks his parents won’t agree, I’m going to do everything to convince them, even if it takes years. My parents expect me to marry me so i’ll cut ties with them after 25 because they’ll force me to marry, but I won’t do it. It’s going to be a huge fight, and then I’ll have to cut off with them. I’m ready to do anything to make this work, anything. I’m willing to wait, I can’t give up on this. I’m not ready to move on, I can’t even think of being with anyone else. As far as he fear goes, i’m cutting off my parents at 25 so eventually, they won’t know about us, or us getting married plus we will live in australia so he can’t anything there but he scared his parents live in india so he might do something to him, but i have assured him that he wont know about us. How am I going to find someone like him? We were perfect for each other, even though we had different personalities,we balanced each other out. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first kiss, everything. I always thought of him as being the last, I can’t move on.

After listening to the voice note, he replied ‘no.’ I was heartbroken, but I’m still not willing to give up because he’s going through a lot, and he’s being unreasonable. I was the one who always used to mess up, and he was there for me. Even though he’s hurting, I’m willing to be there for him through thick and thin because I still love him with my whole heart. He is my soulmate, my person. Imagining him with someone else, having sex, or kissing makes me want to die. I don’t want to give up, i just can’t.

I called him a few days back, he said he was stressed and all. He wants to come back to India, apologizes, and feels guilty for breaking my heart and said “Im so sorry for putting you through all this, all you did is you loved me, Even sorry is of no use, Im sorry to put you through this you're the one ready to do whatever it takes, You were the most important person in my life and you were the with whom i shared everything” He got a haircut and told me about it. I asked for pictures, but he said he didn’t want to give me hope. If I ask if he’s okay, he gets pissed and threatens to block me. I told him that if he wanted to, he can, but he still doesnt do it. he’s complicating everything.

After that, i stopped texting him much so he called on his own, asked if i was okay, why wasn’t i going to my college and why was not eating, then he started talking about how his work life is pressuring him and distracting him from his main motive that is his studies and he’s scared that if he doesn’t get enough the university is going to cancel his scholarship and also he’s tensed about getting pr. His parents took up loan to send him out.

A week ago, i called him, we talked and all, i asked him to send me his hair cut pictures and he did, and asked me how he was looking, i told he looks amazing in everything, then he told me "I'm receiving more compliments for my new hairstyle. Now, I will get it done every month. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈" i got bit sad and pissed and then called me asked me how was it? Girls were complimenting his new look, i got pissed and said i don’t wanna talk to him and bye, i realise i got angry, so i apologised. After that he stopped seeing my texts.

Two days ago, I left him a message that he's not alone, he has someone who is waiting for him, always there to support him, and texting him. He called me and said, 'Sorry, you have to leave now. You have to move on. Don't have faith because I don't have any. We're done now. I have thought a lot, and we are done now.' I cried, I begged him, I asked him why he’s doing this. He said it’s his fault, his parents won’t allow us to get married, and he’s not willing to make the effort. It’s better to get hurt now rather than after 10 years. He won’t come back and all that. I told him that I’m always going to wait for him. He said, 'What if I find someone else, someone more compatible, someone more special?' I said I can’t do anything and I’ll just have faith. He said, 'Stop loving me.' It shattered my heart. He wants to let go, and i did. I asked him to block me, he said the consequences of blocking aren’t good, and staying with me also isn’t good. He can’t block me because he’s scared I’m going to kill myself, and it’s true. I have a severe history of self-harm, and I can’t go to therapy because my parents won’t allow it. I haven’t done it in the last 6-7 months, but I started doing it again after the breakup (he doesn’t know about it). So he said if I died, my father is going to put him in jail and his family. So after all the fight, I sent him a voice note, telling him I’m going to block him and I’m always going to love him. If we are meant to be, we will be together again, we will find our ways back to each other, and I love him. If he ever wants to contact me again, he has my Discord, my Instagram, he can text me anytime. I hope all his problems go away. If my absence is going to give him peace, so be it. I love him too much to see him suffer, so I would rather break my heart into pieces than his. After that he hasn’t tried contacting me, He left the Instagram account we used to chat on and created a new one, using my favorite picture of his as the profile picture. I think he's trying to erase me from his life. He's my person, my peace, the love of my life. I don't understand why he's doing all this. All I did was love him. Why would he do this? I hope he regains his sanity and comes back. I'll try to go to therapy and work on myself, but I still want to wait for him. I don't want to give up hope just yet. Our relationship was amazing just a month ago. He used to send me messages like "Forget Valentine's Day, I'll love you every day, I'll be with you forever." I don't know what changed. Maybe he's overwhelmed, stressed, or thinks I'm a burden. He asked me to stop loving him, but how can I do that? Is it easy to switch off feelings? He asked me to move on because he doesn't have faith in us. I feel helpless now, all I can do is wait for him to come back. I don't want to move on, it's either him or nobody else. I could never love anyone else like I loved him. The thought of him with someone else hurts me deeply. I'm so angry right now, but I can't hate him because I know he's suffering too. I just want him back. We didn't have major problems, we always worked things out. I don't know how to stop hoping. I've accepted that if we're meant to be, we'll be together. If not, I'll find someone better, but deep down, I want him to be the one. I might sound crazy and cheesy, but that's how I feel. I don't want anyone else, he's the one I want. He's the one I lost my virginity to. I never got close to anyone else because I wanted everything to be right with him. My virginity was precious to me, and I gave it to him because I knew he was the one I loved. I'm only 19, but I wanted to spend my life with him. I convinced my parents for Australia, did everything to be with him because I love him wholeheartedly. It feels unfair, what did I do to deserve this? I'm just 19, but being with him felt right. People say this is not the end of the world, it happens to everyone, it's part of life. But it felt so right with him. I'm tired, I just want him back.

Hey everybody, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 hours ago, and I'm still in denial that he will come back. I wish, I hope, I pray that he comes back. He was the one for me, he was my INTJ to my ENFP, he was Aditya to my Geet (Jab We Met reference), he was my everything. We broke up because he's in Australia and l'm here in India. Well, some background: we have dated for 2 years and 6 months long distance. It was a week ago when things went downhill. He was from a middle-class family and he prioritizes his family, so he studies at an expensive university and doesn't have much money. He has to work, he has to save a lot that he doesn't have money to have food, and has to walk 10-15 kms per day, and I'm free. I'm from a rich background and my relationship with my parents is poor, like I hate my dad because he cheated, so I was pretty damaged before we met. He was my peace, and he was my sanity. We had an amazing relationship, even long distance was pretty good yet hard. Overall it was an amazing relationship. Last week he proposed that we should break up because he was uncertain that his parents won't agree to our marriage. I tried to make him understand that it's okay; we don't know what is going to happen (we're just 20). So I even assured him that I'll cry or do anything to make this work. So next few days he was very rude, very mean to me and today I called him up because I can't deal with the rudeness, and he said that I don't think my parents are going to agree, so it's better to hurt now rather than be hurt after 5-6 years, so he proposed we break up and as I certainly can't spend a day without him, so I proposed that we should stay friends and he agreed. The pain is so bad I can't deal with it. I had one thing that made me happy and it was him, but now I don't have anything else left except my career. My parents are the worst. This breakup is going to be some hard for me to recover from because things at my place are the worst right now, and I can't afford a breakup; it's gonna break me. Now, he’s pretending like he doesn’t care.

Hello I am a male intj and I am looking for a friend (enfp) because I heard enfp people is only one who has compatibility to get close to an intj. I am very lonely i have nobody who can understand me in my entire life i never have someone who has great connection with me it's never get happened with me then i check my personality and it's INTJ i saw ENFP has best compatibility with an intj so I hope now i can find someone(friends) who understand me.

I'm an ENFP, we've been dating for around 7 months and I think he has open up to me really fast (considering that he doesn't talk to anyone about this problems) but even with this, he still feels guilty for talking to me about his problems etc. I've recently discovered that the best way of aproaching his issues it's to talk them out and try to get to the root of the problem but I'd like to know if there's any advice you can give me for making him feel more comfortable talking about his stuff with me and if there's any way to make him feel better since I can't usually offer practical solutions given our situation.

EDIT: We broke up, still, thank you for the advice :) The context is in the comments if you want to know ig

Asking for ENFPs personal opinion, and for INTJs, a movie that you think as being perfect for an ENFP to watch high. I will be tied to a bed for 1-2 weeks. I will take a course, so I'm looking for good distraction ideas. I don't like cartoons; I'm in my 40s; investigator as a career; very outdoorsy; multicultured. TIA for suggestions. 😘

Hey, I'm 31 M Intj living in London. Shoutout to intjs and enfps living in London. If you wanna hangout let me know.

Cheers!

P.S. Small talk not allowed 😅

Do intjs really like enfps or any type for that matter?

I had a thing with an intj girl and she thought i was the funniest person she had ever met. She liked that i was smart too although i still always felt kept at a good distance with her… is that just an enfp thing idk?? But sometimes intjs seem so cold it’s insane… why are they like this… i understand they show there love practically but like gawd damn intjs 😭

So my ex, INTJ (female), wanted to end things because she told me she’s gonna be really busy this college semester and doesn’t have the desire to prioritize the relationship. That at 8 months couples should have a desire to make time for each other and she doesn’t know why she doesn’t want to make time for me. She thinks I deserve someone better and that she’s not ready for a relationship.

For context the relationship has been pretty one sided. We currently both go to the same college. I’ve always tried to adapt to her busy schedule because I respect and support her goals in school. I’m a busy man too but always made sure to make time for her. And I know how tired she can get from school. So I’ve always approached the relationship with gentleness and grace. There is also the age difference where I am a senior in college and she is a sophomore. Also for context we are both Christian who have the same values especially when it comes to waiting. So we never got attached sexually which in our beliefs is something that creates such a huge emotional bond and is reserved for marriage.

She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend and has done nothing wrong. That I set the bar really high and she has nothing but the upmost respect for me. Keep in mind I’m and ENFP Latino from a loud family and she’s white from a quiet family. So it was the first time she experienced such intensity and passion compared to her last relationship. Her family loved me, her best friends loved me. She loved my family.

Last semester, she took way too many credits (18 credits) for her to handle. She became too stressed and got sick a lot. I was able to help her with some of her studying and comforted her and also got her food whenever she was stressed with school. Her roommate convinced her to take less this upcoming fall. That way she could have time for her hobbies, her friends and me. Our friend called her out like twice when it came to the time she was not giving me. Never asked them to do this. And if I had any problems with her I would be direct and honest with her. And we’ve had conversations before about what we both need and we tried working past it.

Me being the ENFP optimist and dreamer really was expecting for things to be better this semester. She also told me during the break up that this semester will be busy and the next semester she’s going on a Mission trip to Africa. Which I just found out about it during this call. Making that decision to go to Africa takes a while and I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me she’s was thinking about it. I would totally support her if that was something she wanted to do. Post break up I come to find out that she’s now signed up for 17 credits. Which I think she is going to stress herself out again. Again I love her and care for her and so I’m worried that she’s gonna get too stressed again. For clarity, we are open to being friends again but obviously taking the necessary space to heal.

I guess some questions I have that maybe some female INTJ’s can help me understand how your brain works are:

1. Why does she self-sabotage with mounting school work? If she was struggling and stressed and having panic attacks why not stick to less credits? She could make time for her hobbies, friends and me so much more with less credits.

2. Why did she not tell me about Africa when she first got excited about the idea months ago? I would be excited for her and praying that she would be able to do it. I find out after that fact that she’s confirmed to go. Like she could have been “Hey I’m thinking about taking a semester off going to a mission trip to Africa”. I would be “awesome, I hope you do go and we can make it work”.

3. We both said that in the future we are both open to date again. But she also said that I shouldn’t be closed off to other options. I agree with that. So I guess my question is, do you guys think it’s possible for it to maybe work in the future? I’m not going to cling on to that of course but also I would be down only if she really did pursue me. I know that’s a stretch but again it’s a possible scenario. And I know that I will not close off other opportunities that are better for me. But as an INTJ would you date someone again that you may have failed or let go and they were such a great significant other.

4. We are living in the same residence hall and share a lot of the same friends. Me and her roommate are good friends too. I’m anxious how things will work out. Because she says she’s happy we can stay friends after the healing period.

To be clear:

• I understand that INTJ’s love there independence and I never expected for me to make decisions for her. I wouldn’t want her to do the same for me. But the difference is, I make decisions thinking how it could affect those I care for.
• I know that INTJ’s are honest. And I respect her for being honest with me about her not wanting to make time for me. She could have lied. Some people in a on-sided relationship are not honest like that.
• I understand that she was honest because she knew that she would be overworking her self and she wouldn’t be able to be available emotionally to give in the relationship. Being in a relationship while trying to get into nursing school is added stress. I get it. She respects me to tell me this.
• I know that I had deeper feelings than her because I fell in love. She did tell me that she had feelings, for me and found me attractive but she never said the three words back. Which is fine because I know things like that take time especially for an INTJ. But that never changed my commitment or choice to love her.
• I know from some our friends and her best friend that she did cry and she was heartbroken too after the break up. I obviously cried and am grieving the end of the relationship too.

QUICK UPDATE: I’m dating an ENFJ who also shares the same ethnic culture as me and it’s 1000x better than my last relationship. She came out of no where when I wasn’t looking and pursued me first. It’s been two months but it feels like we’ve been together for two years. We both put our all into the relationship and share the same Christian values and go to church together. We both daydream all the time, communicate well, and compliment each other. I’ve had no relationship anxiety or over thinking because I feel secure and she feels secure. I’ve been so happy and blessed to have her. This definitely is end game 😊