/r/enfj

Photograph via //r/enfj

A friendly forum for those of the ENFJ personality type.

Quote of the Week/Month (Whenever mod remembers to update it):

"The only person that ever stumbles is a guy moving forward. You don't stumble backwards; you stumble forward, and you never stumble when you're stationary. So don't worry about stumbling. Keep pushing it forward"

~James Carville


MBTI is a personality type assessment that measures how people perceive the world and make decisions. Take the short quiz here to find out your type.

Your type will be broken down into 4 scales of preferences:

Introversion (I) / Extroversion (E)

Intuition (N) / Sensing (S)

Thinking (T) / Feeling (F)

Judging (J) / Perceiving (P)

We are Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judgers.

Diving beyond letter typing, functionally ENFJs will use Fe-Ni-Se-Ti.

MBTI and Related Subreddits

/r/MBTI

/r/MBTIDating

/r/Enneagram

ESTJ ESFJ ISTJ ISFJ
ESTP ESFP ISTP ISFP
ENFP ENFJ INFP INFJ
ENTP ENTJ INTP INTJ

RULES:

  1. Please keep all posts on-topic. All things MBTI are accepted.

  2. Please be civil in comments and posts.

  3. Please flair your posts!

  4. No pornographic material or gore.

  5. Moderators reserve the right to remove "low effort" posts, as described here:
    https://redd.it/6y67ws

/r/enfj

42,283 Subscribers

0

How do you feel about isfj being your supervisor?

Tbh I love supervising enfj.

17 Comments
2025/02/03
00:58 UTC

3

As an ENJF Whats my purpose?

What have you found yourself called to/ drawn to as an ENFJ?

4 Comments
2025/02/03
00:19 UTC

2

What would an ENFJ fantasy culture look like?

I’m working on a personal project. Trying to create fantasy cultures based off of each of the 16 personalities.

For ENFJ, your power is healing and regeneration and your animal counterparts are all cetaceans (whales, dolphins, etc).

This is not a modern society. What would you guys like a fantasy culture based on ENFJ to look like?

9 Comments
2025/02/02
22:35 UTC

11

75+ Famous ENFJs

Source: https://vultology.com/database/?type=FeNi&development=

The Fe function seeks to understand the organizational principles of collectives, percieving relationships as a network of transactions and implicit social contracts, constantly being negotiated. It sees humans has having a malleable character, shaped by these interactions for better or worse, and aims to move itself and the collective towards ideal mind-heart states by optimizing interactions. Fe advocates for having strong willpower, believing in the power of the mind over physical limitations, using discipline and resilience to overcome obstacles that restrict people from doing what they were meant to do in life and reaching the destiny and higher purpose they are called to fulfill.

ENFJs (Standard)

  • Aaron Abke(American spiritual teacher)
  • Abby Martin*(American journalist and presenter)
  • Ana Kasparian(American commentator)
  • Andrew Huberman(American neuroscientist)
  • Bryan Cranston*(American actor)
  • David Bayer(YouTuber: human evolution and business strategy)
  • David Goggins(American motivational speaker)
  • Derek Muller*(Australian science communicator)
  • Drew Canole*(Life coach)
  • Dr. Gabrielle Lyon(Physician)
  • Ian McKellen*(English actor)
  • James H. Fallon*(American neuroscientist)
  • Jay L. Garfield(American philosopher)
  • Jennifer Bagnaschi(Christian YouTuber)
  • Jillian Michaels(American personal trainer and businesswoman)
  • Kazimierz Dąbrowski*(Polish psychologist)
  • Mandisa(American musician)
  • Mandy Patinkin*(American actor and singer)
  • Megyn Kelly(American commentator)
  • Patrick Stewart*(English actor)
  • Ralph Smart*(YouTuber:Infinite Waters)
  • Richard D. Wolff*(American economist)
  • Sandra Bullock*(American actress and film producer)
  • Shohreh Aghdashloo(Iranian-American actress)
  • Stephen Lang(American actor)
  • Steve Jobs*(Former CEO of Apple)
  • Tim Ferriss*(American entrepreneur and lifestyle guru)
  • Viktor Frankl*(Austrian neurologist and psychologist)
  • Wladimir Klitschko(Ukrainian former professional boxer)

ENFJs with developed Ni (Sectarians)

  • Al Gore*(45th Vice President of the United States)
  • Bruce Lee*(Hong Kong-American martial artist and actor)
  • Cesar Millan*(Mexican-American canine professional)
  • Christopher Langan(American rancher)
  • Colin Powell*(Former United States Secretary of State)
  • Eddie Hall(British strongman)
  • Golda Meir(4th Prime Minister of Israel)
  • Jeff Weiner(American businessman)
  • Joseph Campbell(American writer)
  • Julian Assange*(Founder of WikiLeaks)
  • Martin Luther King Jr.*(American minister and activist)
  • Oprah Winfrey*(American host and television producer)
  • Shonda Rhimes*(American television producer and screenwriter)
  • Vitali Klitschko(Mayor of Kyiv)

ENFJs with developed Se (Persuaders)

  • Alex Hormozi(American entrepreneur)
  • Andrew W.K.*(American singer-songwriter)
  • Ashley Graham(American model)
  • Aubrey Marcus(Founder of Onnit)
  • Dakotah Tyler(Astrophysicist)
  • Denzel Washington*(American actor and film producer)
  • DJ Khaled*(American DJ and record producer)
  • Eisel Mazard(YouTuber: vlogger)
  • Elliott Hulse(YouTuber: health and lifestyle)
  • Eva Longoria(American actress and film producer)
  • Evangeline Lilly(Canadian retired actress)
  • Gisele Bündchen*(Brazilian fashion model)
  • Judge Greg Mathis(American judge)
  • Jocko Willink*(American podcaster)
  • Joe Dispenza(Doctor)
  • Josh Pray(YouTuber: comedian)
  • Melissa Dougherty(Christian YouTuber)
  • Michael McCrudden*(Canadian actor and television host)
  • Neil deGrasse Tyson*(American astrophysicist)
  • Randall Carlson*(YouTuber: science communicator)
  • Randy Orton(American professional wrestler)
  • Russell Brand(English comedian and actor)
  • Ryan Seacrest(American television presenter and film producer)
  • Shemar Moore*(American actor)
  • Will Smith*(American actor and rapper)

ENFJs with developed Ti (J Polarized)

  • Cate Blanchett*(Australian actor and film producer)
  • Durek Verrett(Shaman)
  • Francisco Varela*(Chilean biologist and philosopher)
  • Kate Beckinsale*(English actress)
  • Katherine Chernick Fauvre(Creator of Tritype)
  • Malcolm X*(American minister and activist)

ENFJs with developed Ni and Se (P Heavy)

  • Alex Garland(English filmmaker)
  • Javier Bardem(Spanish actor)
  • Leonard Susskind*(American physicist)
  • Richard Doyle(Professor of English and Liberal Arts)
  • Sigmund Freud(Austrian neurologist)
  • Zbigniew Preisner*(Polish film score composer)

ENFJs with developed Ni and Ti (Cabbalists)

  • Carl Sagan*(American astronomer)

ENFJs with developed Se and Ti (Sensationalists)

  • Klee Irwin(Physicist and businessman)
  • Sadia Khan(Pakistani relationship coach)
  • Tessa Thompson(American actress)
  • Zoe Saldana(American actress)

ENFJs with developed Ni, Se, and Ti (Fully Conscious)

  • Jordan Peele(American filmmaker and comedian)
  • Jordan Peterson(Canadian psychologist)
  • Renaud Contini(Writer)
9 Comments
2025/02/02
10:56 UTC

13

Have INTP romantic relations worked for you?

I have had a lot of ENFJ in my life but just as friends but they always would ask my opinion or notice things about me. I also found some attractive because they were straight shooters and really good at rich conversations. I’m not sure I want to change those friendships but it has led me to be curious if it could work if I gave it a chance with others. Had relationships with INTP been fulfilling for any of you?

11 Comments
2025/02/02
08:14 UTC

6

What actions can I take that would show love and kindness towards myself?

I’m really good at showing love to others and can express all five love languages. However, I recently realized that I'm not a emotionally loving toward myself. I often seek love and validation from others to boost my self-esteem and feel connected. I want to break this pattern and start giving that love directly to myself.

11 Comments
2025/02/02
05:34 UTC

18

How do you act when you get mad?

I know that making us angry is an hard task but for example if someone misunderstands your intentions or if you see someone facing an injustice or if someone keep taking advantage of you because you are always kind an caring…how would you react?

Personally I can become passive aggressive or I bottle up to the point I can’t hold it anymore and burst out my rage verbally only for regretting later, but usually I call a friend or my mom to vent.

I bet you got mad at least once in your life, what was the reason? How you reacted?

28 Comments
2025/02/01
17:01 UTC

5

Can ENFJ and high Ti Users (ENTP, ESTP, ISTP, INTP) get along?

I have probably had 3 ENTP's in my life. One was a work aquaintance, one is my best friend, and one is my father. I have never dated an ENTP, I don't think

The work aquaintence: we worked very well together. We liked talking about various ideas, we knew how to communicate properly, we had some hard conversations but we also got along very well. Not super fleshed out friendship, or anything, but we worked well together

My best friend: Really unsure. He and I bond over a lot of core issues, and attitudes, and beliefs. There is an underlying fear that I have that he's unreliable, though. That, he's not always going to be there if I need him to be. That, fundamentally, we only get along because I've put in the effort to be the person in his life who will let him explore his way out of a very intensely religious family. And, in our relationship, the times that I've been hurt by him the most was when he was using Ti. There have been a few times where I wanted his support, his presence, his soothingness, where I needed his help, where I was in a really stressful situation, where he decided not to help me because he decided that "it didn't make sense why I needed it." He left me hanging because of his Ti

So, deep relationship, and lots of interest points, and we've built a strong connection, but distrust because I don't trust that he won't leave me hanging because he decides it doesn't make sense to be there. So, fear of his Ti taking an ax to my Fe.

My father: Man. Complicated. I love him dearly. I have so many great memories of him. And he's a very impressive man. And he and I have a very deep bond. But, almost the same as my best friend, his Ti keeps eating away at my Fe feelings. I don't think he's reliable. And I don't trust that he won't hurt me. I can't argue my points, I can't argue why my feelings are the way they are, and his gut instinct is to poke holes in ideas that aren't fleshed out. Which means, it feels like there's a flesh eating disease eating into my ideas and my beliefs and my feelings, decaying it, because I can't articulate them well enough, and because of that everything I believe is destroyed by his Ti. This is because Ti is my weakness, it's really bad in me. So, I feel like nothing I believe is good enough, nothing I see or value is worthwhile, because... well, because I can't explain it well enough.

Now, this is a me problem. If I was better at articulating my feelings in a way that made sense, I wouldn't have this problem. It wouldn't be such an issue, except my best friend is an ENTP, and my father is an ENTP, my younger sister is an ISTP, and my younger brother is an ESTP, which means that I'm surrounded by people who thrive off of the clarifying of ideas. And it's hard. Because, as an ENFJ, I'm not good at explaining my ideas, and I am surrounded by people who believe "If I can't explain it, and I can poke holes in it, it's not true."

This isn't saying that all my ideas or impressions are right. They're not. Sometimes, my Ni is wrong. Sometimes it's off. And they call me out on that. There are just... it's hard to separate "They're correctly telling me that one of my ideas is off," when almost all of my worst memories in my life came from someone using Ti against me.

So, can ENFJ's and ENTP's, (or let's say, high Ti users) get along? Man... maybe. Maybe this is just because I'm absolutely surrounded by Ti users, which is my weakest function, that I'm feeling this problem. The ENFJ has to be very careful about sharing their thoughts and ideas, and they need to be made of very strong stuff. Understanding that their Ti user person/friend is going to be naturally inclined to see where your idea is weakest, and point it out. Accept it, and then act accordingly. And you know what, sometimes they're right

What do you guys think?

5 Comments
2025/02/01
15:53 UTC

52

😊

1 Comment
2025/02/01
14:36 UTC

14

Acts of Service

Full disclosure, (rips off mask that looks identical to the face underneath it) I'm an ISTP wanting to understand my favorite type. Thanks for you're consideration.

The ENFJ's in my life have always been caught of guard by my doing things for them. This comes at little cost to me but they are really moved by these small things and appreciate them 10 times over. I know every type is not the same but:

1- Are acts of service a common love language for you/y'all?

2- If so, why are small gestures appreciated so much?

3- How does that motivate you to give back?

Thank's ENFJ"S!

23 Comments
2025/02/01
14:08 UTC

14

What do people mean when they say they need space?

I understand that want you to leave them alone but for how long? Like I get it depends person to person but I don't understand how long is normal and how long is them basically saying they want nothing to do with me. I'm not used to taking space the most I ever asked someone for time was 9 days then. Is 4 months too long? Do you guys also have a problem with understanding this? Cuz I hate conflict so I like to deal with it asap

28 Comments
2025/02/01
13:48 UTC

2

Enfj 9 more laid-back?

I'm definitely a 9w8 in enneagram and I also relate to enfj's empathy, willingnes to project a certain image and planning far in the future(Ni seems to always be working for me). What I don't relate to is being overbearing. While dominant(hate to be talked down to) and willing to be respected and liked, I refrain from giving advice for fear of conflict and to be honest I usually don't think like I know what's best for someone unless I know them well. It's only when people piss me off that I try to change them and hate to bring up psychological talk unless they do it first or really bother me with a repeating behaviour. The latter making me sound much more passive-agressive or even agressive. Can any enfj type 9 relate or maybe suggest other type? I have a very hard time cutting people out, I'm more likely to give miltiple ultimatums and I don't have infj's insights so that might be ruled out.

0 Comments
2025/02/01
12:58 UTC

8

I really need your insights

I've always been super sensitive to people's feelings. Even if they've hurt me, when I hear they've cried, I feel their emotions and end up feeling guilty, even though they did me wrong. One of my best friends recently kept something important from me, something I really had the right to know. She's been keeping it for almost 4 months, and today I found out on my own. I feel so empty because she often lets me down. Usually, I'd be super emotional, cry a lot, and isolate myself when she hurts me, but then I'd put myself in her shoes, gather my feelings, and eventually forgive her. It’s been this cycle of hurt and forgiveness. But this time, instead of reacting like before, I just feel empty inside. Am I losing myself? Cause this is not me. It’s not my nature.

6 Comments
2025/02/01
11:30 UTC

6

Yelling and anger.

I am an ENFJ. I am level 2 autistic. I was at school and getting the shit bullied out of me verbally. Even my friend was being mean or atleast how I processed it. I'm curious, how do you guys get angry? I love people but I'm too the point i started snapping, yelling, and here's what always happens sobbing I sob when angry, upset, over stimulated. Anything. I get a dog, i sob. I lose a fry, I sob. My dog begs for my food and I don't give him some and then finish my food while he looks at me all sad, I sob.

5 Comments
2025/02/01
01:48 UTC

11

Hope yall are having an amazing day!

And if it’s not I hope you find the means to overcome your issues 🫡

7 Comments
2025/01/31
20:09 UTC

6

ENFJs In shadow

How ENFJs behave when they are in shadow function?

22 Comments
2025/01/31
15:21 UTC

7

You wanted to see me, you wanted to find me, but you never could.

You want to see that one guy. He sure has a story to tell right? He surely will be a good friend to chat right? He surely has so many qualities average people dont and you want to uncover who this man really is... yet theres nothing you dreamed of, nothing you wished for, and you suddenly find yourself in such a strange spot. This isnt the man I wanted to meet. This isnt a friend. This is just nobody. Probably. This is someone who missed the chance, someone who exists only in your head. The only way to see something positive on him is to dream. But who would want to dream about such a thing when you see the truth? You cant apologise for being a certain way, yet you can be judged. You can die a thousdand deaths in peoples heads yet never live the one true life. You cant. You wont. You seemed like youre the one. You cant keep the illusion forever. My future was decied before I said a thing. I want to learn from my mistakes but every passing day, every time I see myself in the mirror I find it more and more meaningless. What for? Who knows me? Really? Normally I dont really care. Today was a bit different

2 Comments
2025/01/31
15:02 UTC

1

Crush

Let’s say you have a crush on someone. They have been flirting with you for a little over a month. You express to them that you are into them but they say they’re working on themselves right now. Do your feelings for them finally go away? Do you stay love struck forever? I’ve known this person for about a year. I didn’t expect to start crushing after finally exchanging numbers instead of messenger on fb. I went over to his house and the second time we ended up laying on the couch together and we cuddled. I told him we can’t cuddle anymore because he’s not into me through text. His response was “I really have to work on myself mentally, I don’t think I am into anybody like that and it sucks.. You’re looking good though, keep up the work..” needing advice on what to do, how can I put him in my mind as we are just friends and that is all we will ever be? Should I just stop talking to him? He’s 12 years older than me 😫

12 Comments
2025/01/31
12:30 UTC

8

My Journey of Self-Discovery (M22) — Spirituality, Growth, and Heartbreak

Hey everyone, I recently discovered my personality type, and it's been a surprisingly validating experience. It feels good to know there are others out there who think and process the world like I do. That said, life’s been rough lately. My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me, and it’s been crushing. I've spent a lot of time reading old journal entries and reflecting — more than I have in a long while. I wanted to share how my relationship with spirituality and personal growth has evolved from age 17 to now. Maybe this will resonate with someone; if not, thanks for reading anyway.

Early Years

I remember having abstract thoughts as a kid. I don’t recall my exact age, but I’d lie awake at night wondering where I was before life started. It’s a strange, vivid memory that’s always stuck with me.

Age 17: The Beginning

My spiritual journey kicked off in high school, largely influenced by experimenting with weed and psychedelics (cheah!). Around this time, I was listening to Flatbush Zombies and The Underachievers — rap groups with psychedelic and spiritual themes. Their music inspired me to take my first acid trip (one tab, probably around 100 micrograms) with friends.

The trip itself is a bit of a blur, but I vividly remember the next morning. My best friend and I went for a drive, appreciating families outside together and feeling connected to the world in a new way. We also hiked that day, and everything felt different — more alive somehow.

Age 18: Exploration

Throughout my junior and senior years of high school, I occasionally tripped on acid or shrooms (maybe 5-6 trips total). Each experience left a positive, lasting impact. I was journaling, meditating, hitting the gym regularly, and getting into philosophy podcasts and new-age books.

Age 19: College Beginnings

When I went off to college I went in for excercise science and I was full of vigor and excited to learn. I remember always feeling so dialed in class and seeming like one of the only ones that wanted to be in the lecture. I ended up switching majors to environmental biology because I met a very charismatic Spanish Herpetologists(Legend!) that showed me how fucking sick biology can be. I also minored in philosophy.

Age 20: Connection and Conflict

I felt like my freshman and sophomore years were really solid and filled with some of my favorite memories from college. Both semesters of my sophomore year, I made friends with two groups of foreign exchange students (one group per semester). The bonds I formed with them felt so sincere, and I connected with them more deeply than with anyone else at my school. My girlfriend at the time was also spiritual to some degree and really into self-improvement. During this period, I felt more spiritually involved and as though I was moving toward a higher purpose—or something like that.

Junior year, I moved into an apartment with a guy I honestly didn’t know very well, but he seemed cool from our limited interactions. We became friends, but I couldn’t help judging him for what I perceived as a lack of purpose in life. He was a business major who was barely getting by, often sleeping past noon and having poor eating habits. I constantly fought with myself to avoid looking down on him because he did have other traits I genuinely appreciated, and I knew it wasn’t fair to judge people just because they weren’t like me.

It turned out to be a huge learning experience to live with someone who didn’t take life so seriously all the time. Still, something about our friendship never felt quite right. We had fun times together, no doubt, but I never felt like we fully connected. I’ve learned that I really need deeper conversations to feel truly connected to people. Our relationship—and my relationships with his friends—felt mostly surface-level.

Generally speaking, I noticed that many of my relationships started becoming more surface-level during this time. I thought it might be a skill I needed to develop since most people aren’t wired with the "growth" mindset I can’t seem to turn off. But eventually, even that mindset faded. Things weren't working with my girlfriend, so I broke up with her.

At that point, I didn’t have anyone I truly connected with deeply, either at school or at home. I started partying more, but those parties never left me feeling fulfilled. When I partied with the foreign exchange students during sophomore year, I remember waking up with no shame and feeling great. But by junior year, the parties just felt different—hollow somehow.

Age 21: Summer Transformation

Junior year summer, I had an internship across the country that was super cool! I lived at a field station and did research. The people I met there were incredible—everyone seemed to have serious drive and a clear vision for themselves. That summer, I also met the girl who recently broke my heart. Even though we met across the country, she happened to live close to me back home, so we continued dating after the summer. The odds of that happening were insane, and I always loved telling people about it when I got back from the internship.

One of the things I loved most about her was her desire to make the world a better place. She was so much smarter than me in many ways, particularly in her knowledge of politics and the state of the world. Up until that point, I had rarely paid attention to politics because I didn’t think I needed to. It hadn’t really affected me personally, and I never realized the privilege behind that until I met her. She wasn’t the type to throw it in my face or lecture me, though—she gently encouraged me to care more about the world at large because she loved who I was but wanted me to grow in that area.

It took time, but I was receptive and ultimately grateful because it made me feel like I leveled up in becoming my best self. At the same time, I can’t help but acknowledge that I lost a part of myself along the way. Paying attention to the world’s heartaches gradually turned me more cynical.

My senior year of college was good, but mainly because of her. I disconnected from many of my friendships and focused much more on our relationship, but I was happy to do so. I don’t even regret it—I loved the time we spent together, and I learned so much from her.

Age 22: Heartbreak and Reflection

I graduated college and started working a job in my field! My coworkers were all so inspiring—it was refreshing to be surrounded by environmentally minded people. I loved how passionate they were about every aspect of their lives. Most of them were older than me, which sometimes made me feel a little dumb since they seemed to know so much more than I did. But they were always kind and never made me feel that way intentionally. My girlfriend and I were still dating at the time, and I felt more comfortable with her than ever.

The job eventually ended because it was seasonal, leaving me unemployed until I found a new position. I lived with my parents, so I took my time looking for a job and spent time hanging out with friends and my girlfriend. That was until she blindsided me by admitting that she had lost feelings for me a few months ago and had been trying to get them back on her own. She only revealed this because she did something that hurt me (a form of emotional cheating), and when I told her how much it hurt me she finally opened up.

We took a week apart (the longest week ever), and by the end of it, I realized I still wanted to make things work if she did too. I hated what she had done to me and hated that she had never communicated her feelings earlier. One red flag I had always ignored was her emotional vulnerability—or lack thereof. She was terrible at expressing her emotions but excellent at hiding them. I’m usually good at reading people, but she disguised her emotions so well that I started doubting myself, thinking I was the insecure one. I hate that she made me feel that way.

Now here I am, feeling increasingly cynical about the world. Oh, did I mention my best friend from high school is now a MAGA guy? I can’t really relate to him anymore. I have another friend I feel spiritually close to whenever we talk, but he’s been struggling with depression, and it’s hard for us to align our schedules.

I just feel like I haven’t had the emotional connections I deserve, and I’ve been struggling to project that openness to others as well. Sometimes I don’t even know if I miss her or if I just miss feeling emotionally accepted by a brilliant, beautiful woman.

One thing I think about a lot is when she told me during the breakup that she hadn't opened up to anyone as much as she did with me. I could tell how serious she was and how much she understood that it still wasn't enough for my needs. I felt bad for her. I know she struggles with being emotionally open because of past trauma that she hasn’t dealt with yet.

I could’ve been there for her, though! I was always hesitant to bring it up because I felt like it wasn’t really my business. But there were days when everything between us was so good, and yet I knew there was family stuff weighing on her that she wasn't sharing. I craved that emotional vulnerability from her!

At the same time, I understand why she held back. I wouldn’t have been able to fully relate anyway since I don’t have family trauma, so I don't blame her for not opening up. I still care about her so much and, in some ways, it feels like she was the one. It’s not even about wanting to "fix her"—I just wanted to be there for her.

But she pushed me away, even though I know we both still love each other. I should mention that I’m moving across the country soon for another job, and that definitely factored into her decision not to try again with me.

This is getting so sad, but at the end of the day, I still feel this palpable desire to do good in the world and be my best self. But I feel fundamentally different than I used to. I’m not as disciplined or as caring toward those around me anymore. I'm skeptical of new age stuff now and suck ass at meditating... I'm still feeling like a protagonist, but maybe this is my sad boi arc?

Lol if you cared to read this whole thing I appreciate your time.

7 Comments
2025/01/31
06:03 UTC

62

You don't get the thanks you deserve, thanks ENFJ.

4 Comments
2025/01/31
05:41 UTC

13

ENTP here, try to explain being an ENFJ to me in terms I can understand. I’m curious

I’ll also try to explain ENTPs in a language you can best explain

22 Comments
2025/01/31
00:50 UTC

19

What do you guys do when you go through the biggest work betrayal.

Hello fellow enfj’s. I wanted to ask what you do when work betrays you. As a fellow enfj I have the worst time NOT giving it my all. It’s just a natural thing for me/us. The energy we give to the world, people naturally react to. I work in an office setting. Always 100% there for members and teammates. My work life did a complete 180 recently. Work betrayal, work friends giving cold shoulders, promotion opportunity gone. Write ups and rumors spreading … I’m just having a real hard time getting through the week. I know it’s just a job but god damnit I’m there 9 hours a day.

I know some of you have had a bad day at work. How do you cope?

11 Comments
2025/01/31
00:48 UTC

88

Hydration never hurt anyone :)

9 Comments
2025/01/30
21:59 UTC

2

Relationship Advice Please

I wrote a super long post to get my thoughts out, then deleted it. Does anyone else do that?

Here's the short version. I was SA'd before the age of 5 and again around age 10. Dad died when i was 9. I met my husband when I was 16. He's 10 years older. Both of us were virgins at our wedding. I was a vulnerable teenage girl desperate for love. He was a lonely 26 year old looking for anyone so that he wouldn't be alone. We married one month after my 18th birthday more than two decades ago.

I asked him recently how he thinks I want to be loved. He relayed to me decades of the ways I have asked him to love me. What I realized is that he was never meeting my needs, so I lowered the bar repeatedly until we now have a purely physical relationship with no emotional connection.

In the past year, even the physical side of our relationship is suffering, and I have been incredibly tempted by an INFP who works in my industry. My values are important to me. I have tried so hard to not love that man, but I love him. I have never met a person who complements me so perfectly. (Grammar police: the "e" is intentional.) He fills my gaps so perfectly and it seems like I fill his really well, too. I see his flaws, and love them. This guy has very strong integrity, too. Neither of us will even have a conversation. I don't have a clue what he really thinks of me.

The question is... Where do I go from here? My husband needs me more than I need him, and it's really not my desire to hurt him even though our marriage is lacking in life and love and intimacy. He is a great guy. People love him, and he genuinely seems to care about other people. He isn't cheating and he isn't abusive. Honestly, he may be trying his best. If he were my employee and I managed him, I would be looking for where he could best be utilized within our organization. If there isn't a good place then we would coach him out. How does that even apply in marriage? I've edited so many details out to not make this too long. If anyone wants more details, I may be willing to chat through it privately.

Thank you for your help, ENFJs! We try to believe the best in people and give chance after chance. I'm just tired of hurting all the time and feeling like I'm the problem. My eyes are finally open and I realize it isn't me.

Here's an example that keeps coming to memory with Valentine's Day coming so soon. A few years ago, I had this idea to hide Post-It notes all over the house with reasons why I love him. There were at least 50 Post-It notes with genuine reasons why I loved him. At first, he liked it. Then, as he found more, he got angry. He said I was trying to manipulate him. Wth? How is telling you the ways I love you manipulation?! Last year, I wrote a poem to my younger self, but it talked about how he gave me space to heal from the SA and other stuff. Our physical relationship wasn't great before that, but it tanked after that. I can't make any sense of either situation. It just makes me feel like he doesn't accept love from me or he believes horrible things about me. I convinced myself that he was cheating and that's why he reacted so poorly. One line was talking about how he knows me in ways known only to the two of us. It was an ode to our virginity and him treating me as a pure, spotless bride. He has to be guilty of something to have such strong negative reactions to these things. Am I wrong?

9 Comments
2025/01/30
21:38 UTC

7

Hi!

We have an official sub for the diplomats, check it out! r/XNFX

0 Comments
2025/01/30
21:28 UTC

32

Impossible to help people. How to live knowing this truth

After trying for many years i have came to conclusion that i cant help anyone. people are not interested in listening, or their ego is very big, they even attack you that what you have achieved.

Its just not worth trying , but my whole persona ethics viewpoint depend on helping people now i am giving up trying helping,

its liking killing your own soul but thats the harsh reality. does anyone else have felt that or did this

29 Comments
2025/01/30
16:27 UTC

2

ENFJ’s are there any popular typings you think people are wrong about?

My opinion:

-Mike from Stranger Things is an ENFP 6w7, not an ENFJ 2. And I can explain why I think this if asked.

-Steve from stranger things may very well be an ESTP as opposed to ESFP. I was starting to lean towards that after s4, after s5 I’ll definitively decide on whether or not this is the case.

-Nancy from stranger things is an esfj not ESTJ.

-Bianca from 10 things I hate about you was a 2w3, not 3w2

-Jackie from that 70s show was an ESFJ 2w3. She wasn’t an EStj or ESFP.

-I think Trudy from mad men was an ENFJ over ESFJ.

-Don from mad men wasn’t an ENTJ. I see INTJ or even ISTP. Agree on 3w4 typing.

-Suzie from stranger things (Dustin’s girlfriend) was on Ne/Si axis, likely an INTP or ISFJ.

-Ted from stranger things is a 1w9, not a 9.

-Alicia Silverstone is a 6w7, not a 6w5.

-Claire from the breakfast club is an ESFJ 1w2

-Tony soprano was an ESTJ not ENTJ

-Carmela soprano was a 6w7, not a 2w1

-will from stranger things is an infj 9w1 not an INFP

-Max from Stranger Things is an ISTP 5w6, not an ESTP.

-Chrissy from Stranger Things is a 6w7, not a 3w2.

5 Comments
2025/01/30
05:20 UTC

44

How do we manage the apathy in the U.S.

This may not be a coherent rant so I apologize. I’m just tired of fighting my parents at every corner that they should care about other people, that immigrants aren’t responsible for the systemic evil in our country, etc., etc., etc., Hell, even so much as trying to save a stray cat or dog gets me barraged with their criticism (telling me to stop feeding a stray cat, leave a dog I found in a parking lot, etc.). For the record, I’ve moved out of their place and pay all my own bills but I try to tell them about my work in the nonprofit world or an animal I’m helping and all they tell me is to stop. I know in my case I can just not talk to them anymore but why the hell can’t I talk to my own parents about GOOD things I’m doing? How is this my reality?

It’s not just my parents—widely, people in this country are ignorant by choice and don’t want to see the reality of what is happening right now. I feel like I can scream until my lungs are blue and drop a dissertation complete with 100 footnotes factually proving everything I’m saying and still nobody will listen.

I feel like I’m being made fun of for caring a normal human amount, that I’m “too woke,” or told that I should just give up altogether. I’m definitely giving up on ever getting my parents to see things the way I do but I won’t back down from my nonprofit work until I’m literally forced to. Why is the logic in this country right now to bow down and comply instead of fight? Why are we just letting this happen?

I know things are more complex than just taking a stand and that many good people are out there fighting I just mean in the U.S. culturally there’s an apathetic standard being upheld.

Like am I crazy or is this not normal—this lack of community and hyper-individualism and hate for people who are different from us is destroying our souls. It’s impossible for me to be nonchalant the way others are, but I’m also aware it isn’t healthy to burn myself out.

I just mourn what’s become so commonplace here, and I hate that I’m the odd one out.

16 Comments
2025/01/30
04:53 UTC

2

Tell me where to move

A little escapist fantasy I have. Idk I want to think about living somewhere far away.

10 Comments
2025/01/30
04:33 UTC

2

Are there many ENFJ here with ADHD?

I’m curious for if there are many, and if any have advice or things they’ve picked up over the years of existing!

View Poll

2 Comments
2025/01/30
01:30 UTC

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