Hi! ENFJ/INFJ female here, dating an INTP male. I’m curious about your relationship dynamic with your INTP. After the initial stages of dating, I noticed he’s much more reserved and passive than I expected, and less expressive of his feelings as well. Are you usually the one taking more initiative, being more curious about them (maybe even a bit nosy, haha), or just the more bubbly one in the relationship? Do they like it when we take more control and plan things for them? I don’t want to come across as too nosy or controlling, even though that’s my natural tendency, but I’d love to know what your dynamic is like with your INTP. What are some things you’ve noticed that your partner appreciates in your behavior or in the things you do for them?

It might be hard to think that you have time to do things for you, or maybe you have obligations to others that might keep you from thinking you can do what you want, but please, please, please make time for yourself.

Set up a day where you do what you want, how you want it, and so on. If you need to get away from your house, apartment, abode, what have you, then do that. A little sun and fresh air never hurts anyone. If you need to get away from the world and all its problems, then make time to do that. You don't deserve to burden yourself with that (that's my job). Even if you think you don't need a break, take one. The more you say you don't need it, the more you do.

Thank you for listening to this, and I hope you love yourself just a little more, and have a wonderful day.

Areas include depression, trans people, anxiety and other. Anyone interested in this?

He and I are in the same grad school cohort. This cohort is very small, so we’ve spoken to each other before. But we don’t talk very much. He has other friends within the cohort. This isn’t helped by the fact that I have severe social anxiety, so I’m the quiet kid in class. Whenever we speak, I’m usually the one initiating.

He’s also a Scorpio. His birthday was a few days ago, and some of our classmates bought him gifts. I didn’t, and I didn’t even wish him a happy birthday (not to be rude, but I just didn’t). You see, he’s never made me feel unwelcome or anything, but I’m always the one initiating whenever we have conversations, so I just got the vibe he felt whatever about me.

When I invited my entire class to my party, I wasn’t expecting him to come. Because again, we don’t talk very much. But to my surprise, he hearted my message in the group chat and texted that he would be there. Keep in mind, he lives 30 minutes away from me, and while all out classmates live far, the fact that he’s willing to take the time to come means a lot.

I need someone I can be accountable to. I know it's too much to ask...but all I can do is try. Before I get to therapy, I thought I could just get some help from anyone of you here who has been able to move past depression.. Someone who is action oriented.

As I've been working on boundaries these last few years, it's been difficult to accept how much I've given and have not received in relationships.

I've settled for less in every relationship I've ever been in. Now I've been single for a couple of years and I wonder if I was the only one loving.

Can you be in love if you weren't really loved back? If the attention you received was conditional on what you gave?

I'm an INFP but I really enjoy reconnecting with my childlike self, so I'll occasionally watch shows or movies I grew up on!☺️ So I started watching the episode where the show introduces Ash and he is a total ENFJ. 😁

We're not in the same city. How can I support her? 💚INFJ

I recently discovered a rather unhealthy trait of mine. Whilst I’m happy to support and help others, I often go above and beyond for people whom I need acceptance/emotional validation from as I often struggle with it. Of course this can backfire because not everyone is capable of doing that and it’s your responsibility to validate your own emotions.

Is this a common ENFJ trait? And how would you validate your own emotions without relying on others?

I started a new job this year and am having a hard time with one specific colleague. I’ve interacted with people similar to her and always seem to struggle. I’ve never had issues with getting along or building relationships with people, aside from this type and I want to improve how I feel leaving interactions with them.

So this individual comes off as intense or aggressive or judgmental. Like is trying so hard to be the bossy head bitch that it’s painful. Always trying to make you feel inferior, even though you both know you have more experience in the field. Judgmental and forward but then laughs, of course behind whoever’s back they are talking about.

I know she has a kind soul and has a beautiful family. She cares about her work and the people around her. But I cannot stand that type that carries a chip on their shoulder but only seems to feel fulfilled if they are making someone feel inferior and thrives on clique culture.

I’m a people pleaser. I want people to enjoy working with me. I want to find a way to not feel terrible about not being able to “break through” and build a relationship. Or wondering if she is talking shit about me? Because I’m finding myself speaking with coworkers about how aggressive and how she is trying to make me feel inferior. And I HATE THAT I’m resorting to this. I am most definitely coming across as talking shit, and I am. However I’m also looking for validation that it’s not just me. Or assistance with understanding her. I also preach, talk to someone first about a problem with them, before talking to others about it.

But I find myself unable to stop. Because it is extremely frustrating and all coated with being a female only office that has less than 10 people in the same room.

Help. I know I can’t change her, but I want to know how I can improve on myself and my ability to effectively communicate. I want to enjoy working with this person, but that culture is deep. Verrrry much cliquey. But I don’t want that. I like them all.

Hello all! 👋 Haven't encountered many ENFJ's in my life, so I'm looking to indulge a mild curiosity that I've had to chat with more. I do very limited PC gaming (limited scope but lots of time) if people would like to connect that way! I'm a 26M ENFJ from Canada 🇨🇦, looking to chat with people 20+ in age. If things online go well, I'd be open to hang out IRL. Hit me up!

I (INFP female) have been dating an ENFJ male for 8 weeks. We can only see each other every second week because I have my children the other week. We had really nice dates and I had the feeling that we are very close. (No sex yet.) Our last date was on Friday and he didn't want to let me go at all, was super cuddly. The following Saturday and Sunday we had a lot of contact via text message (as usual) and everything was fine. Then on Monday his messages became shorter, on Tuesday he didn't text me in the morning for the first time, so I got in touch with him. Overall, however, his replies were quite short and I haven't heard from him since Wednesday lunchtime. (The last message from him was very short, though. There was no real opportunity to continue the conversation). I thought he was kind of involved emotionally (I am for sure) but now I am afraid that he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him and I don't know what to do. Should I write to him and ask what's going on or better let him and wait until he is contacting me again? (He told me that he has a lot to do this week, but didn't say what exactly). I definitely don't want to bother or annoy him, but I'm really struggling at the moment since I am afraid I'm losing him.

And why?

Okay so me (ENTP Male) and this girl (ENFJ Female) have been talking for a while and its been good.We have had our ups and downs we talk often and i would say we communicate well.The thing is she is normally such a charismatic individual but when we are alone she turns completely silent….like nothing….and as much as she has said that she wants to talk but she is gonna leave things out so she prefers to rather not talk at all i do wanna pose this to you guys

As an ENFJ (F), my first situationship was with an INTP who was a childhood friend. We’d known each other since I was three years old, shared the same class every year, and grew close over time. As we reached our teenage years, I started to develop romantic feelings for him but kept them to myself until I finally confessed at fifteen.

But around that time, he began to change. He became distant and toxic in ways that were hard to understand, especially after learning about my feelings. He’d swing between being the kindest and most supportive friend to being cold and unpredictable. Despite this, we became even closer at sixteen, he was somehow the nicest guy to me, helping each other stay at the top of our class and motivating one another. Those moments together felt perfect. However, everything shattered when he transferred schools and, without warning, ghosted me. After years of nearly daily conversations, he simply disappeared from my life.

Losing him was deeply painful. He had been a constant presence in my life, and his abrupt departure left me heartbroken, resentful, and struggling with depression after I joined an engineering school, and I started struggling for the first time in my life with studies. I started to resent males in general. But then, I met an INFP who changed everything. Over the past year, we've spoken nearly every day, often for hours at a time. His kindness, understanding, and steady presence helped me slowly heal. He felt like a peaceful green forest, and his friendship allowed me to rebuild my view of myself and my view of men.

Unexpectedly, we both developed feelings for each other, which he openly admitted. Yet there’s a catch: we have different beliefs and religions, so a relationship would be challenging, if not impossible. Just to make things more complicated, his best friend, an INTJ, seems to have developed feelings for me as well. Although he hasn’t expressed it in words, his actions make it obvious.

So here I am, in a tangled web of emotions. I’m still drawn to the INFP, yet I can’t ignore the INTJ’s attention. And, perhaps most frustrating of all, I realize I’m still carrying the wounds left by the INTP from my past. Even if there were no obstacles between me and the INFP, I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. The idea of being vulnerable and opening myself up again is terrifying. On top of that, I don’t want to risk causing tension between the INFP and INTJ, whose friendship is something I deeply respect and value. GUYS I really need your help!!

Just looking to give ENFJ's a little more credit for our intelligence and stamina. Fe users are often stereotyped as the soft emotional type who can only validate others emotions. That's a great skill too but, I know that we can all do much more than that.

I don’t understand what Te genuinely encompasses. Could it be about the way people understand how others think? That could just be a skill that people earn regardless of Te.

Could Te connect to how some people focus on their own concrete observations while others focus on their own thought processes? Or does that connect closer to sensing and intuition?

Assuming my intentions and curiosity is clear, I’d be interested to know your perspective on Te.

Any elucidation would be greatly appreciated.

I was curious if any other enfjs, particularly men, felt that you were very well liked by other people, but few people respected you.

I'm respected at work, but in my personal life, because I tend to be so agreeable, even my close friends just I guess take me for granted.

For me to speak up, I have to be pretty pissed off. As a result, by the time I do that, I am extremely blunt. I'm much prefer to be diplomatic, but when I am diplomatic, I'm not respected.

This could also be because I am autistic so I may come across very differently than the rest of you. What are your experiences?

I’ve been struggling with some relational insecurities and I’m not too sure if I’m getting better at handling them. I haven’t been cheated on but I have this fear my partner is going to cheat on me. I also fear he is going to leave me despite what he says. I had a relationship of seven years where we broke up three times before it was done.

I feel like I still struggle with these big emotions and I wonder, am I missing something that can make this process easier? As an ENFJ, what did / do you do? Will our big feelings ever go away? How did you face your triggers?

Hey! For a while now I’ve been trying to figure out my type and am stuck between 2 supposedly VERY different options, entp and (you guessed it!) enfj. I obsess over people liking me. I do kind things and try my best to make sure those around me feel included, I worry about external judgment, and am always microanlyzing peoples every actions and how they’re feeling but, difference is, it’s not because I’m just a good person, but because I desperately want to be a great one. I want to be someone to be admired and loved, not because I necessarily just want to help people. I try to make people feel happy around me because I’m selfish, and influencing people positively is by far most convenient to me.

I really like checking out the various subreddits to see how different types interact and what I’ve noticed here is that the unhealthy enfjs traits listed are almost always just “I care too much about others and forget about myself” or something else that while yes, can definitely be described as unhealthy, is still altruistic in nature. I don’t feel that way, and wanted to know if any of you guys have ever felt the same way or if you think this is just a prolonged Ne-Fe loop. Either way, if you made it this far I’m sorry for making you read all that but thanks anyways haha!

Hey guys, if you’re ENFJ and know any INFJ’s, do you have any specific feelings regarding them in a positive/negative way?

I’m INFJ female and have some ENFJ male friends. We get along well and seem to have a lot in common in some areas, such as reading people, but differ in other ways. I’m more introverted, obviously, meanwhile they’re into leadership positions and being active in clubs and such.

I’m mostly wondering if you are annoyed by introverted behavior in others or if you like it? I’m curious how I may be seen through an ENFJ perspective.

Hope that makes sense!

I've thought about this topic a lot. I've never really been that lonely myself, I've got great parents and a really nice family but sometimes I feel just "lonely", whether that's because I just feel like I can't speak to anyone or I'm out doing stuff alone. I don't think being "lonely" is always a bad thing but being constantly alone is.

I am curious about how other ENFJs are when it comes to the new loneliness epidemic that we face today. Have you ever experienced long periods of loneliness and if so what got you out of it?

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I really appreciated the encouragement from everyone on my previous post! As I mentioned before, I (INFP F) thought I was aromantic my whole life, and navigating a crush is very new and nerve-wracking for me haha.

As you all suggested, I've gotten more involved in his city council campaign. Nothing crazy, as I have a day job, but I couldn't help but notice the overwhelming sense of familiarity and like I belonged when I was talking to him, his campaign volunteers, and family!

I was never a political person, but stepping out of my comfort zone and really getting to know new people has changed my outlook on the world for the better. I have so much admiration and gratitude for the people that work tirelessly to make our community a better place.

I'm still getting to know him (ENFJ M), but find his presence very down to earth and he's so easy to talk to. The only dramatic thing that happened was he's been facing some pushback from the opposition and one day I got up early in the morning as if I was possessed and gave him my good luck charm. Surprisingly, he took it, and my friends told me this was reckless of me to do and such a dead giveaway...

And I thought I made things weird, but have since realized he's kinda awkward/nerdy loll and the only thing that's changed is a slight shift in energy ig? He does talk to me a little bit more, but idk, he's very focused on his mission right now (as he should be).

I could be over interpreting things, but his campaign is winding down as results are coming out next week and I don't know when I'll see him next. It's making me anxious, but I also don't wanna push it and make things weirder by doing something else crazy.

Sometimes our dominant function is so natural to us that we don't even think about it, and so when we see others not using that function at all we can find it bewildering.

Is there value in teaching others how to read how people feel? Could that be a recipe for better communication and closer relationships? Or is a person's individuality and lack of concern over how they might be perceived something to be celebrated and preserved?