I am an ISFJ. I feel that I am getting better at being direct and assertive, but it seems like whenever I am, people are offended. I was actually very straightforward as a child, but my mom in particular would get offended by everything I said, and basically scarred me from being direct anymore.

So I'm a middle school English teacher, and my best friend at work is visually impaired. She used to be an English teacher, but due to her disability she mainly assists in other classes. She typically takes a group of my students out of the room to do independent work in her room, and it has worked fine. However, we are just starting to write an essay, which is one of the more important assignments in my class, and it is very scaffolded (there is an outline before they type up their rough draft, then they peer edit, I edit, and then they edit their work to create the final draft.) The only expectation today was to write the 3 sentences that would make up their introduction paragraph, in the graphic organizer. After the entire class, the kids that had gone to my friends' room only got 2 of the 3 sentences done. I told her that she did great work with them, but they should've been able to get the 3 sentences done today. I told her that I want everyone to work on the outline in my room, and then once we move onto typing up the rough drafts, they can use her room again. My friend was visibly upset and said that she felt like I was "punishing" her. She also said that I'm moving at too fast of a pace, but how is writing 3 sentences in one day too fast? I genuinely don't understand how any of this came across as offensive.

By that I don't mean a perfect relationship, one where there are never disagreements and where both parts are perfect. I mean as more of a long term relationship where both parts aren't actively trying to break each others trust.

I haven't been to any romantic relationship due to a mixture of inability and fear, I'm not closely to somenone pretty or even healthy, it's understandable that others haven't been interested in me, but the part that probably hurts the most is that since I grew in a family where I haven't seen a single healthy relationship, I have trouble trusting others, making it that even if I come to find someone I don't know if I will be able to start a relationship due to this fear.

Hey, INTP here. Recently figured out that one of the most interesting people I've ever met is an isfj (I kid you not, with all of the people calling Si boring, I've slowly grown to love the comfort you make). And I have just too many questions, many of which I can't ask them directly because we're not that close, but I'm still dying to know, so I'm counting on you guys, haha

1. I've heard people say that ISFJs often see the world in black and white. Is that true? How do you know what is what, how can you know that you can trust a person? How optimistic are you in that matter?
2. I've noticed that it's pretty common for ISFJs to be really cold, strict, and even demanding when it involves their career. Do those traits come naturally for you? Are they like a mask or vice versa something you don't usually show? Should they be taken as a part of your character as a whole, or just something situational?
3. Are there any positive traits that you don't understand in other people?
4. What's the best way to know that you're close to or trust someone? If you work in spheres that involve other people or even kids, do you tend to have favourites? If yes, whats your opinion on it?
5. What's your love language? What's the best gift for you? What's more appealing to you, secret santa or someone gifting you something in person?
6. What kind of people do you prefer as your colleagues or students? What do you treasure in other people that one way or another work with you?
7. Is that true that you tend to be easy to befriend, but hard to become close with? I've heard people saying that you guys usually have pretty huge walls in that matter or that you have some kinds of masks

Huuu-u-ge thanks in advance!! You guys are awesome!

(no need to just praise, although you fellas got funny flairs 🤠💫)

As an INTP, i have met at least one of every personality, after seeing a post from this sub in the recommendations, i realized that I have never met an ISFJ irl, and it’s kinda irritating, i am so curious about how your behaviors in social life would be like. Why it’s hard to find you guys (you are kinda the most common type)? Am i mistyping when meeting an ISFJ?

I just stole this from r/infj but I am interested. I am 25!

Met ISFJ through college and seem to get mixed signals both mid to late 20s I’m an INTP-A. We’ve shared classes for about a year and just recently started talking this last semester. From I conversations it’s obvious that we’ve both quietly observed each other the past year or so. I’m pretty good with reading people because I’ve developed my SiFe a ton. Her body language, facial expressions, tone, and being very vulnerable with me point towards her having mutual feelings. I asked her to meet outside class and she agreed, but when we met she put up a wall by not letting me pay and some other bad signs. I’m confused why when the signs were good? Do ISFJs prefer to be friends first or go really slow? All the signs of an ISF liking you are there imo

Hi, ISFJs.

I'm 26M Norwegian INTP, and wondering what matters most to you. What does your ideal life look like? What people would you choose (if you could) to have in your life, as partners, friends?

I'm hoping to start conversations, and what role we can, hypothetically, play in one another's lives.

I'm interested in community, connection, reconciliation, conflict resolution and such, and figured this could be an interesting way of having fun, fruitful conversations!

For example, I don’t get along with my EXFJ coworker she always says things with multiple meanings. In the same conversation, she’ll criticize me, praise me, and implicitly threaten me. I honestly don’t know if I should fight her or thank her.

Then there’s my EXFJ supervisor, who doesn’t seem to like me because I’m not very talkative. He clearly prefers my EXFJ colleague, always recommending her for opportunities but never me. This same colleague only contacts me when she wants information. Even then, she won’t ask directly it’s always this push-and-pull dynamic until she gives up and finally asks outright. It’s honestly exhausting.

Hello, I'm asking this here mostly because I have recently typed myself and got typed as isfj. One of the main reasons I am often not sure I am xxfj is due to my Fe being weird, I'm not the best socializing and the one way I ever feel comfortable doing so is by being useful making or giving something, while most people I know appear to socialize by merely talking.

TLDR: I don't feel like I'm a pleasant person to talk to, is it lack of Fe? Anyone know any way to get better on it?

Hi ISFJs, I hope you are well, I would like to know what the difference is between an ISFJ with bad mental health and one who has good mental health. I have social and generalized anxiety and I feel like I can't be an ISFJ, I seem to be much more shy, insecure and think a lot.

I ask because the prevailing advice today is "be flirty from the moment you meet someone you like, or else they'll never be able to become attracted to you". I'm wondering if ISFJs also want someone who flirts immediately?

I do agree with the general sentiment that becoming someone's FRIEND under false pretenses (you wanted to date them from the beginning) is ill-advised.

But my natural approach to dating isn't "see cute girl, flirt with her". I've always taken things slower than that. I'm just wondering if the slower approach is OK with ISFJs, or I should watch more flirting advice videos.

Seems like most MBTIs have established "douchebag" archetypes/traits associated with each (ESTPs being your classic macho dudebros/wannabe gangsters/alpha player bullies, ESXJs being karens & their respective male equivalents, INTXs being neckbeards/pseudo intellectuals/4chan incel types, INFPs as over-the-top SJWs/tumblrinas/BPDs, etc.) - but how would a hypothetical ISFJ douchebag/ISFJ toxicity manifest in particular?

The closest example that I can think of is an -extreme- case (to paraphrase, as my memory isn't all that clear on her - the "angel of death" serial killer - that ran foster care services for the elderly in in the 20th century; under the superficial guise of a charitible sweet old lady; while she was poisoning & using up her clients assets upon discard. I forgot her name? She was supposedly frequently typed as an ISFJ.) - but I'm particularly trying to think of a more realistic and smaller scale example of a toxic/douchey/dramatic/vile ISFJ archetype that you would encounter in every day life; and their entailing characteristics/behaviors.

Society's standards for success are always focused on the idea of tryharding, no pain no gain, discipline, etc. A lot of us got that ingrained in our brains to the point we keep making all in our life about results, goals and objectives.

The problem is that our nature as ISFJ just doesn't work that way. A mindset like that will get you to become bitter, obsessive, perfectionistic, overly critical, unhealthy and just unhappy in general. Not only that, but it will render your efforts kinda pointless because you will lose all your productivity and efficiency; which in turn will affect your selfworth and selfesteem, while making you feel that something is wrong with you.

Then, even if you do achieve your goal, it will likely feel so shallow or withered that you won't get any satisfaction out of it. At most a short burst of satisfaction that lasts for half an hour or a self esteem boost that is only really repairing a part of the damage that this same mindset did in the first place.

There's nothing wrong with you, you are not inferior because of this. It's not your fault that you realize there's more to life than that, nor is it your fault that you notice how badly the stress is straining your body or that you would much rather do things at your own pace and in your own way. Deep down you probably have this conviction that it would work better that way, if only they would just let you do it and supported you.

Here is the main takeaway: Reorganize your life AROUND your own comfort. Your quality of life will increase, your nervousness and neuroticism will decrease and you will probably also perform much better that way. I know, it's scary, just trust me that it's worth it even if it's just for the happiness alone. That is the true and only success that exists in this world. Don't let anybody rob it from you or distort your view with prefabricated ideas.

Comfort should become your main goal and objective. You are probably repressing it, neglecting it, holding it off. It's wrong and it's bad for you, remember that our dominant cognitive function, Si, looks for it and that's because it STRIVES on it. Your bitter and tryhard competition will have a run for their money against you for sure. Even them have a lot of problems with that shallow mindset that makes goals and effort a means by itself and not a means towards an end.

Chances are, a lot of your problems in life have to do with this. With not giving enough priority to comfort (which almost feels like a sin to say). About what your approaches should be regarding the actual work, it should be only in between the limits of your comfort whenever that's possible and if not, just as a second hand priority that you should sacrifice comfort for only for a short term goal.

I realized all of this with the problems I had with long term goals. Suddenly, the mindset just stopped working. Efficiency and motivation dropped down dramatically. Comfort was way too important to be able to put it off for so long. It only kinda worked short term (a sacrifice) and mid term (not worth it anymore, but still sustainable).

I didn’t become a romantic, oddly enough, until I was in high school. As a young adult, I try my best to not think about it, but must admit that I wish I had a true love. Not just a boyfriend, but my soulmate. Some part of me hates that I don’t have that.

If you know your enneagram, tell us that too!

I dated an ISFP (in high school, to be fair) - he may have been an ISTP (it’s possible) but lord, was that relationship bad. I think he was just not an ideal romantic partner in general (his prior relationship had failed/also been toxic) but just good god, it’s like we couldn’t agree on anything. Communication between us was atrocious. We couldn’t even agree on what communication style would be best. we were both honestly unhealthy when we dated, though.

I suspect I’d also have a hard time with an ENTJ (no shared functions, I always feel intimidated by ENTJ’s I meet) or an ENTP (different ways of doing things even though our cognitive functions are just in a different order.)

I’m a type 6.

Hello, I wonder if I'm INFJ or ISFJ. At first, it was pretty clear that I was ISFJ but I don't find myself being practical. I don't have a good memory, I'm not really good at remembering details, nor having a schedule or a calendar. The only thing that I'm really sure about Si-dom is my ability to look back to the past and my need to get some calm after being out of my comfort zone.

On the other hand, I like abstract subjects and discussing ideas.

Se-inf would be relevant because I'm very clumsy and when I'm stressed, I don't pay attention to my external world because my inner world becomes a complete mess.

The only thing refraining me from being INFJ is that I don't relate to the "intuition" of the INFJ. I often tend to wonder what the future will be, but usually, it's more fantasies than real projections or predictions. Long-term future scares me.

What do you guys think ? Thanks

I'm penetrating this sub just to study. I would like to know how the SI, FE, TI, NE cognitive functions appear in you, how do you use them?