Intp-A man compatible with intj woman

I was once in a relationship with a guy who is either an ISFP or ISTP. We dated when I was in eleventh grade, from December 2021-March 2022 (it was a long time ago, and it feels like it now.) I will be honest here and admit that when I learned he had dated a girl who I knew was not conventionally attractive (I am not conventionally attractive, and dealt with body dysmorphia in tenth grade due to some peers of mine, including a former crush, emphasizing this) I started talking to him after he mentioned he was feeling suicidal on his stories in part because coming back from quarantine having dealt with such bad body dysmorphia, boyfriend and suspected that he might be more open to taking me out since he’d had strong feelings for a girl who most wouldn’t think of as conventionally attractive. I was right. We dated, and I regret the relationship now. Here were a few problems: 1) He disrespected my sexual boundaries multiple times. I didn’t leave because of it, but I should have. 2) His mental health was honestly so bad that I think it negatively impacted mine. He also didn’t want to see a therapist. 3) I wanted him to text me more often (my former therapist suggested I may benefit from dating an extrovert. I would want to really feel like my partner was interested - not to an obsessive extent, but idk, knowing - knowing - they like how I look, that we really do have a future together, feeling like they prioritize me.) 4) Communication styles and needs differed. He once described me as sometimes seeming “cold,” maybe he would have benefitted from a partner who had a different love language, or perhaps my resentment toward him was building up and this is what was making it seem that way. But we also just had a different communication style. I created a document around communication and always wanted to create documents of agreements when we were dating if an issue arose. I don’t know, to be honest, how different I’d be now. I like to think that I’d put up with less.

I’m an ISFJ. I recall and admit that, although I shouldn’t have said this so directly, I once advised my ex to walk with his head high so that people would respect him more. I was also once upset/disappointed when he didn’t try to go back and get his money back after he ordered food for us and the cashier gave him the wrong thing. I don’t know whether or not I’ve changed by now

I have recently started wanting to get rid of old things (decided I wanted to make a profit of some sort by selling my old books. I posted to Facebook and Instagram about it, I knew I could donate them but honestly really wanted to see if I could make some sort of money first, and it turns out I can.) I did not read a fair number of them, they are from a book club I was apart of in high school (but I actually do read sometimes, I like Stephen King and my favorite novel is “Lolita.” I’ve always thought many misunderstood the novel and thought that the author intended to romanticize ephephobilia, yet I think he wanted to create an antagonistic character like Humbert who is attempting to manipulate his audience into believing that his actions are okay. It was a fascinating read. I want to read more of his works but can’t find a PDF online

I actually do a lot of reflecting in private. For example, I was just thinking about how I feel as though I’ve been trying to figure out “who I am” (my identity) since I was in middle school. I feel like as I’ve grown into an adult and now have a job (I work as an assistant teacher) I have found myself feeling when I reflect on who I am as though I have a better/stronger sense of identity than I once did (I also take community college courses, and have had A’s in them with the exception of Statistics which I had a B- in.) I’m almost nineteen. I was thinking when reflecting tonight about how I no longer feel as strange about it when someone refers to me by my name (and yes, I know it’s odd that I used to feel strange hearing people call me by my name aloud. I’m used to the kids I work with and my coworkers calling me by my name, but I also feel like my identity is slowly but surely becoming just a bit less tied to what others think of me/how others perceive me if that makes sense, and moreso to how I perceive myself (it’s a combination of both, I suppose.) I got the kids some books from my employer’s place today, some new books since I think it’s important for children to be read to/introduced to books at an early age (I actually read sometimes myself, although from middle school-11th grade I didn’t really like to read even though I’d been told I was well spoken/a good writer. It wasn’t until senior year that I got back into reading. I used to spend a lot of time on the Internet, and I think that this is what led to me “picking up” words.)

As a young black woman who has grown up in an environment that has a low black population, I have had some traumatic experiences and believe that this is a factor in me having more trouble opening up to people sometimes. I have acknowledged that I may want to have a boyfriend again in the future, and have technically been approached by men a few times, yet I don’t really know how I’d meet someone since I, as I said, don’t always feel like opening up to most people.

Something that I think I desire deep down inside, even as an adult, is a “romance.” I haven’t had a proper crush in three years, but the happiest memory that immediately comes to mind with my ex is us rolling around in the grass on a date, kissing and just enjoying each other’s company. It may sound typical, but as much as I… well, don’t like him, I feel like that’s the kind of thing I’d want to do again with a future boyfriend. I think I may be more of a romantic than I’m willing to admit. Here are two fanfics I wrote when younger: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32335774 and https://archiveofourown.org/works/38427709 (I actually started out writing Rugrats fanfiction when I was in elementary school, if you can believe it!) I’d want for a relationship of mine to have substance, not just to feel like I was being used to appease a man’s sexual desires.

I would actually ideally want to be very available for a romantic partner, and ensure that I was helping them out.

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So basically, I've been good friends with this guy for 3 years. The first year we we're really cross, doing activities together, going to parties but then we kind of drifted apart with us taking different classes at college. Before that, I felt that there was definitely chemistry between us, but neither of us had the courage to try taking it to the next level.

But with us having different classes and different schedules at school, we kind of drifted apart. We texted each other only a few times but just small talk, and we saw each other less.
So few weeks ago, I decided for the last time, to text him again, take news and see how he was doing and eventually see if there is still something there that I saw in the beginning. I felt that he had an interest in me, but it was just a mixed signal, and it was in a period where he had a big exam coming up.

So for my own good and to not keeping living on false hope and try to move on, I decided to that I wouldn't write to him anymore, unless he was the one making the first step.
But yesterday, out of the blue, he texted me for no reel reason and asked me how I'm doing. Which brought up again all this feelings, and now I am asking myself if is just checking on a friend or he is maybe trying to see if there is something here and maybe he is to shy to be direct with me.
And me I really want to try something with him but I don't know how to make him understand that I want more than friendship.

He is shy, I'm shy but I think we both like each other or at least want to see what could happen, but I really don't know how to make the first step and maybe even ask him on a date, because it seems that he is never going to make it.
But also, on one hand, I'm scared to be rejected, on another hand, I don't want to regret later that I didn't try because he seems like the perfect guy for me.
What should I do ? How should I bring up the conversation ?

Update: So few weeks ago, we had lunch together, and we catched up but didn't get the chance to have the big conversation. We continue to talk sometime, and I may see him next weekend, and I would like to bring up the conversation. I don't want to be direct cause knowing him. He may keep his guard up even more. I want to bring the conversation softly cause we are both shy, and I want us to feel secure and bring our guards down slowly, and have a deep conversation. But how to bring it up ?

As an INTJ female, I know how incredibly hard it is to meet others we're compatible with and to meet other INTJs as well. I feel we are our own best match. You don't have to agree. I started r/DatingForINTJs for INTJs who want to date and meet other INTJs. There has been a lot of interest, and the community is off to a great start!

It is a private community. To request to be added, head over to r/DatingForINTJs. Just click the "Request To Join" button on the lower left (see image below).

If you're not an INTJ, this is not the place to try to find an INTJ or ask for advice on dating an INTJ. We are currently exclusively INTJ but are considering opening up the group to select other MBTIs in the future.

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Hi, guys! I created a subreddit. If anyone would be interested in joining, feel free, it would be a pleasure to have you there! 😄 r/MBTILab

https://discord.gg/QvqadG4Nb8

Created to be a server for my INTP friends to chill, we welcome all types here! (18+ SFW)

This is a place where you can share your thoughts on various topics and express yourself.

A friendly discord server for fellow INTJs to interact and chat.

Okay, first of all am knew here and this is a long stoy. Second and most important, I need your advice.

So basically, I've known this guy for a year now, and he is a fellow introvert. I met him cause we are following the same class in college, we are in the same association and we have some freinds in common. We often hang out together, either be parties or even some chill activities. But never the two of us alone. Most of the time we hang out in a group of three (me+him+another freind who's an extrovert😜). So the third person is the one who's always pushing us. But many times when we are hanging out in a group of freind, we tend to like go into our own "vibe" just the two of us.

So when we first started hagig out, I was always shy around him. But with time, am more comfortable around him but I still have a glintch of shy. And whenever we are alone, we found ourselves in this flirty game. And even our friends are always asking if we are dating. But of course we are not.

And this guy that I like, got a way of attracting all the girls around him. 6 months ago there was some rumours that he was dating or "pre-dating" this girl that he knew for a long time. But it turned out that he girl was into him but the giy wasn't. So they end up by staying just freind. But am not sure that the has moved on. Then few days ago, I learned also that an other freind made a move on him. She's a common freind, and I did have my suspicions that she had a crush on him. And again, the guy said no, he just want to be freind with her.

So yeah, this a guy attracts to many girls. But honestly, he's the perfect man, physically and mentally. And the fact that he's introverted, add some thing that I can't resist. So yeah, I have a big crush on him. But when together, I still stay the "cold" person that I am. And sometimes I do think he maybe see me the same way. Why do I think that ? It is the way he acts around me. You know when you're an introvert or a reserved person, sometimes around that person you really like, you tend to make an "effort" to be more outgoing and talk to them and try to know them better. And I've realized that that's how he act around me. And even sometimes his kinda of flirty with me. Plus also the way his friends act around me, like he's been talking about me with them. And even sometime he do act like jealous when he seems talking to anothe guy. But I did tell him that am single. And the few times we do found ourselves alone, we start smiling to each other without any reason. So yeah, I think maybe he's not "in love" with me, but if I tried something, he wouldn't be indifferent.

But on the other hand, I also wonder if am ready to date. Am 20 years old and honestly life hasn't been a fairy tale for me. So I have a big emotional baggage with me, and I don't think his ready to handle it. And also, we are good freinds and if it turns out that he doesn't feel the same way or that if we start dating and it doesn't work out; am not sure we're gonna regain the freindship. Plus I don't handle well heartbreak so if it didn't work out, I would also be losing a good freind.

So honestly, I don't know what to do. Like it's been year that's we've been in this flirty game. We are in this ambiguous phase that I don't really like. I've tried many times to confront him about it, but am always a coward. And know am going in vacation for summer so I wont see him for a while, but this discussion I need to have it face to face. I have the impression that if I wait for him to make, I'll be waiting forever😭 But also I hate making the first step cause am scared of rejection. Like imagine if I end up in the freind zone like all the girls before me😭😭

So if you've read this far, what do you think I should do ???

Dear fellow INTJS, Can someone be kind enough and help me out

Long story short: I want someone to take a picture of a famous building in thier city with sticky note /paper in their hand

Im looking to surprise my long distance friend. Who happens to be a surgeon /front line worker at a crowded hospital, and last year was tough and hectic for her because of covid, often working for 36 hours without breaks or days off, She often complains that she's lonely and has no social life

I wanted to surprise with a custom picture, a sticky note with a small message. And any famous building in your city in the background

Comment your city and I'll guide you

How do y'all feel when someone thinks you're being too serious (in any context but mainly talking about attitude towards life)? What's your reaction when someone says life shouldn't be taken too seriously or life is too short so laugh and don't take things personally? Or that you can't take a joke and shouldn't be so serious?

Personally, I have a problem hearing these things. Mainly because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that I shouldn't be myself because others don't like who I am/don't want to be around sometime like me.

I ask this cause I am curious about the responses. But also because I keep going back and forth in my head whether or not to just be myself/not change anything about me or change myself because society says I have to work on my flaws (mostly characteristics that other people don't like and want me to fix). I feel like people would actually like me and I would have friends if I wasn't me. Should I strive to change myself and not take things so serious/personal because apparently it annoys other people or should I just express myself naturally without giving a fuck about people's opinions?

I'm a mid-30s female INTJ who's always struggled to build and maintain long-term friendships (versus long-term casual acquaintances which I have a lot more of). I presume I'm not alone here? Any advice from those who've done well in this area?

I'll give a few examples of friendships I've had over the years that haven't worked out:

- I had an online male friend I'll call Mark who was a good friend of mine for several years. (Strictly platonic, Mark is gay and I'm straight.) We bonded on a social media site over a niche interest we shared and ended up doing some really fun, creative projects together, with me being the big idea person and him being the detail-oriented executor. Over time, I slowly started sharing more details about myself with Mark (I'm very private, especially online), and he did the same. I thought we were really understanding each other. About a year and a half in, Mark developed clinical depression and began therapy and medication (I was one of the people in his life who had been urging him to seek medical care and begin treatment). Around this time our friendship became very one-sided. I spent hours and hours patiently listening to him and trying my best to help in anyway I could, but anytime I'd bring up new ideas for our creative projects or some challenging scenario I was dealing with in my personal life that we'd previously have talked through together, Mark would ignore or dismiss me. I was as patient as I could be, but after months and months with improvement in Mark's depression but no improvement in our friendship, I explicitly told Mark that I cared for him a lot but was feeling our friendship and working arrangement had become very one-sided and I couldn't continue it in its current state, so please could he try to improve X, Y, and Z. Mark responded by getting angry, lashing out at me, somehow painting himself as the victim in this scenario, and making passive-aggressive comments about me on the social media site for others to read (when I had never, ever bad-mouthed him publicly), which was the final nail in the coffin for me. I ended up leaving our joint creative project entirely in Mark's control and leaving the social media platform entirely, and letting him know I was doing that. Mark had other ways of contacting me outside that platform but he never did.

- I had a female coworker I'll call Amy who I clicked with right away. We were both the same age, had joined our organization at the same time, and had moved cross-country to a place we'd never been before to take our new positions. For our first few months in our new roles, Amy and I hung out outside of work fairly often, checking out interesting restaurants in our new area and doing other fun stuff. We had some really great conversations too imo. After that initial period I noticed Amy became a lot less responsive, and I found out through our larger social circle that Amy, a bunch of other work colleagues who I also got along with, and their significant others had started hanging out with each other most weekends (I was the only one in the group who was single -- the rest were coupled up). I wasn't jealous or anything -- I just felt left out and a little hurt that no one had ever even invited me to hang out in the larger group. I even told Amy that I'd love to hang out with the larger group the next time they do X, Y, or Z, but no invites ever came. My friendship with Amy degenerated into basically listening to her complain about work at work from time to time (I didn't reciprocate in this) and an occasional text when she needed something. A few years later she texted me out of the blue to say her cat had died suddenly (I guess because one of things we had bonded over initially was that we both had and loved cats), and so I did my best to comfort her and even sent her flowers (it turns out her cat died of the same thing one of my cats had died of, a saddle thrombus). After that it was back to pretty much no contact. There was a time later on when I was struggling with some relationships at work and we went out to dinner together -- I was hoping to chat with her and get her objective take, but she kept deflecting and changing the subject every time I tried to broach it. I've since left that role and still get occasional texts from her but essentially we're just very casual acquaintances now.

- This is more of a case of an aborted early stage friendship attempt than anything else, and I guess also the motivation for me making this post -- over the past few months I found myself in a discord server with around ten others based off of a mutual interest (an online multiplayer game we all enjoyed playing). The server was meant to help us organize games but evolved into a lot of social chatter too as we were all similar-ish in age. As I mentioned I'm pretty private online and don't share details like my current city, my job, my full name, etc., but others had gotten pretty comfortable sharing personal details, daily life struggles, photos of their kids, etc. I was doing my best to be empathetic, put appropriate reaction emojis on others' posts, etc., but then I noticed most every time I would share something (benign, not overshare-y) about me related to what we were discussing, it would get ignored and someone would change the topic. The first few times I brushed it off, but when it became a pattern I became increasingly annoyed. Similary in-game I got the sense that there was an in-group and in-jokes and I was always on the outside no matter how often I joked or tried to interact with others in those ways. The final straw was when a new-ish member of the group was being a complete dick to me on multiple occassions in-game and wouldn't acknolwedge it or apologize to me when I called him out on it. I brought it up to other members of the group privately (since previous members who had behaved this way toward others in our group had been pretty promptly kicked), and basically they tried to gaslight me that nothing was wrong and that the dick is a great guy. I recognized this as a no-win scenario and left the group entirely.

I guess I'm just at a loss. Empathy, being giving and patient in relationships, and understanding how others are feeling are all skills that I've consciously been practicing and developing as I've gotten older (as an INTJ, they certainly didn't come naturally!), though I know I'm not perfect. I am also not afraid to have direct, sometimes uncomfortable conversations with others about things that are bothering me or negatively impacting the relationship. I still struggle at opening up unless I know someone really well, and I think that's always going to be hard for me. But I'm having a hard time of putting together the puzzle of why friendships still remain so hard for me.

Anyone else here with PCOS? It's something that I have as well and am still learning more about it.

I was just curious if there was any correlation between INTJ women and PCOS?

The reason that I ask is that a lot of INTJ traits tend to be considered more masculine and PCOS, among many other things, is characterized by a higher degree of androgens, including testosterone.

Edit: just trying to add any clarification if needed.

Why the downvotes?

I’m having one of those weeks where it’s been 3-4 people in a row letting me down.

I know I can’t control people. I understand it’s my job to spell out my expectations and needs.

But in almost all of these cases, I did spell out “x needs to happen because of y” and people in my work life are shirking commitments left and right.

A new client (I’m self employed) went from super hot to pulling the rug out from under me overnight without explanation. I’ve analyzed my actions left and right and can’t find just cause for their behavior.

2 other people made commitments to something I’ve organized, and we’ve had to ask them upteenth times to hold up what they’ve agreed to.

I’m struggling to shake this off. I’m not a person who holds grudges long term, but short term this has me wanting to just go be a freaking hermit in a hole somewhere.

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to either uphold simple (we are not talking rocket science level stuff here) commitments or, in other cases, like my client situation, give someone the dignity of a rationale for why they’re ending an engagement.

Humans are human. I know. But this week I wanted to post somewhere where maybe other people can relate to how frustrated I feel. I’ve worked hard over the years to downgrade my expectations for others but this is not a situation where my needs were unarticulated nor did I expect others to read my mind.

They simply behaved like shitty ass people and it makes me so reluctant to try and grow my business if this is what I should expect half the time.

Do you find yourself let down, too?

Thank you for reading.

Dear INTJs,

I met an really nice INTJ online, we have been chatting for two month now but never talked on the phone or video called each other.

I really like his intelligence and his ability to describe his thoughts in a way, that is really easy for me to understand, besides we both like the same music and enjoy playing volleyball.

Our discussions are always really deep and stimulating to me, but I recognize that it is mostly him educating me on topics he knows a lot about while I talk more about the thoughts and feelings I have about the facts he brings up. I really enjoy this because it always is really interesting and I am really impressed by his knowledge and ability to find the perfect words to describe something and I love brainstorming with him. His thinking challenges mine in a way that feels really nice. And he always responds to me in a really kind way and whenever I did not get anything quite right he explains himself very kindly with other words. I think that his Fi is already a bit developed because of his INFP father.

The thing is that we will meet in person by the end of next week and even though I am really looking forward to it I must admit that I am quite nervous. I think he might be more intelligent than I am and am afraid to bore him because I haven't educated myself nearly as much as he did. I am an ENFP by the way.

Do you INTJs mind it, if a person knows less than you do and does it bother you to explain your thoughts to this person?

INTJ Ladies, *please help*

I am a crypto-law professional and econo/philosophy-geek, but hopeless ESFP.

I'm desperately in love with my brilliant INTJ wife of 15 years ... who because of money and kids and time and my goofiness ... seems to be growing tired of me. My God, she's heartbreakingly pretty, so her tired looks kill me. Oh I know she loves me very much--she's incredible-- but I really want to win her heart. NOT get into some emotional downward spiral again.

Issue: my gifts are horrible. I'm so gawdawful at planning and proportionately awful at thinking coolly about highly emotional things. This makes gift-giving--highly emotional--terribly difficult. I just want it to be perfect. PARALYSIS. I'm a badass in so many ways--but I'm frozen here--the stakes are just so high.

The 18th is our 15th, and I want to blow her mind, let her fall in love with life again, or at least give her a really special time.

I'm terrified I'm just gonna eff it up again! Just typing this is heartwrenching. Here's hoping you're out there!

Ideas? Thoughts?

I wanted to vent, maybe someone has already had a bad time like me and can give support. Today I lock my college after 6 semester, maybe I am very bad for the fact that I gained zero support from my family, mainly my father who abandoned me, who took advantage of the situation to humiliate me in different ways verbally. I intend to turn it around, but I want to know if you've been through this situation and how you dealt with it

I don't know how much of this is attributable to the pandemic and lockdown, but in the past months I've really been struggling with feeling myself and expressing it.

I work from home online and even though I like my job and colleagues I can't help but put on display a heavily edited version of myself (more polite, more positive and so on); I do not presently have any close friends I can talk to freely about myself or my inner world; I used to be interested in many hobbies such as photography, sewing and drawing but I barely have the energies to do anything creative and I can't find the motivation to get started.

At this moment I spend most of my evenings being tired and numb. I struggle in differentiating between who I am and who I present to the world and I do not know how to find a creative outlet or a way to genuinely express myself. I've tried journaling but I really can't get much out of it.

I was wondering whether I should try something new and thought of asking here for inspiration. What do you do that makes you feel like you're expressing your full self?

We were on the topic of aging and how it influences people’s style and what is considered appropriate. Then out of nowhere does this statement come out “when men age, it can be worked with but when women age it’s an overall negative”. He supports this statement by the evolutionary development that occurs subconsciously in our brains, but I’m have an overall completely dumbfounded reaction towards this statement. How do I respond to this? Because my intuition is screaming bullshit alert but I’m just so shocked that something like that would come out of someone who I would consider a very self aware and an intelligent individual.

(Sorry for the length) Edit: My immediate response was speechlessness and then emotional which isn’t something that normally happens, but because I’m aware of the pressures and societal expectations of beauty in women and having witness and experience the effects had me very worked up, but I composed myself and started with noting how disappointed and turned off I was by that statement. By “evolutionary development” he meant how men subconsciously evaluate the youthfulness and therefore potential for child bearing a woman has. Which of course in a biological sense it is a fact, but to then follow up the statement that had me worked up with “it’s not right and it’s unfair but that’s just how it is”. I asked him if that was something that he believed and said yes but then “clarified” that this is what most men believe and do. He shared the source where he got this statement from here . The “worked with” part of the statement is in reference to the leniency of age that men can be accepted as a partner due to their financial stability and “breadwinner” role belief of the male and female companionship dynamic. He has since then apologized for his statement after I refuting it, I pointed out that this dynamic may have started as an evolutionary survival tactic but then enforced further by society after the need for this dynamic already expired. Society is outgrowing these outdated expectations and we must recognize that women are becoming independent in all aspects including financially and therefore outgrowing the role of simply being a “baby buster”. Men are and have been excused from beauty expectations due to their financial benefactors. which that in itself is not only dehumanizing of men but also encourages this toxic masculinity that discourages self-care and sometimes even basic hygiene. I then argued that if this is a natural way of thinking for men then why are men that find girls at the ages of 9 to 16 attractive considered disgusting? It is becoming very normal for girls to get their mental cycles at these ages and therefore have the ability get pregnant? Because it is disgusting and socially unacceptable but had once been considered normal in many cultures of the past.

He's so wonderful, and seems to appreciate everything about me that others have hated. He likes how driven, and focused I can be, he listens to all my gripes and opinions and he thinks my social anxiety is cute. Have any of you ever met an ENFP? If not, I highly suggest it.

On my wedding day, she told my husband and I that she thought he would dump me before he’d ever marry me. That’s just one of the many examples I could give. She tried to gaslight me on the way out in classic fashion, her and my sister love to do that.

I’ve just recently learned why I am the way I am, and I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences here. It’s been very comforting to see that I’m not “normal” for a reason, to see that my brain works just as it should, and to see that I’m not alone in the world. Y’all are the best.