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Is that a common thing for INFJ(29F)? We’ve been together for over 7 yrs. And just recently, I’m in a big crisis in my career after moving abroad and things just didn’t go as planned. I just realized she would always say to just figure it out on my own and often say “you do you”.

HIYAAA INFJ’S 💕💕💕 This is my first ever comment on reddit holy hell this is scary😅. Welp, i came here to firstly thank you all for being such awesomesauce people, but also i need some words of wisdom from that cranium of yours hehehehhehhehehe. I’m a young enfp (as you can already tell) and i was extremely good friends with an infj who seemed to be a little immature, assuming she’s more turbulent than assertive. this infj and i were good friends till a third party came and ruined the friendship due to lies being spread. ultimately i realized i was dealing with a narcissist and immediately stopped being friends with the third party! my infj good frienddd had felt pity for this third party (even after i had explained my side of the story) and comforted them and chose to believe and “pick” the narcissist over me. mind you this was all during the days leading up to my birthday and it was a very stressful and emotional time for me considering my really good friend apparently isn’t as loyal as i thought her out to be💔. i decided to stop being friends with my infj friend because of this situation causing me stress and her not being there to support me but instead deciding to be there for somebody that had given me lots of emotional and verbal abuse. i had gone through tremendous bullying and lies on my name by this third party and my infj friend was there witnessing everything, from me walking in the halls hearing snarky remarks to texts from unknown numbers insulting me even to threats and insults face to face by this third party! i was completely shattered at the fact that my infj friend hadn’t stood up and been brave enough to tell this person to stop or to atleast try and reconcile things!

fast forward months later, lo and behold this third party had made my infj friend cry! and by cry i mean sob, i was walking and came across her in extreme emotional distress only to see this third party not do anything but stare whilst my ex-friend was clearly distraught!! i felt extremely bad..of course..and had decided to buy her favorite drink and give it to her later in class (she loves raspberry flavored drinks :) ) we hadn’t spoken for a while so it was very out of the blue, upon receiving the drink she immediately gave it to the classmate next to her and pretended like nothing happened. this small act broke me and made me want to cry next😅. i assumed she was either A mad at me, because after i stopped being friends with her she tried striking up conversations and butting into my conversations, but i ignored her attempts (once in a while id respond, and see the corner of her mouth curve up) or B extremely flustered due to the fact that we haven’t spoken in so long!

fast forward A YEARRR later, my ex-friend finally seemed to strike up the courage to leave this narcissistic third party behind :))!! she had told a mutual friend of ours that she missed me and wants to sit with me during lunch, i am totally okay with this idea….butttttt….she never initiated a conversation with me in the halls, nor added me on socials, nor has texted me, or made any literal effort to talk to me and reconcile things! we have no classes together this year so we can only talk during lunch or afterschool or online. i feel very left in the dark and lost as to where our friendship resides anymore! i miss her more than ever and feel hurt that she would treat me like that during the period we hadn’t been speaking but am willing to forgive her and let bygones be bygones!

recently, we ironically go to the same after-school club! whenever i am there i see her in the corner of my eye staring me down, ive never felt such an intense stare in my dog-gone life😭😭. it’s really as if she’s looking through my soul, and i don’t know how to really deal with that lol.

this friendship with my infj was one of the most fulfilling and hilarious relationships I’ve ever been in, from completing each other’s sentences to making eye contact at the same time to even finishing tests and homework at the same exact time and getting the same scores!! i felt very intuitively connected and can’t help but to want to start again! alrighty to wrap up this enfp yap session 🥺, do any of you infj’s have advice for me or know why infjs attract so many narcissist and it takes AGES for them to remove themselves from the narcissist or know what went wrong and why things are the way things are (you guys seem to have a knack for these kinds of things) please hellppppp i am going bonkers‼️ -xoxo, a fellow enfp

I’ve had a rough last couple of weeks and let me tell you I was scraping around in a dark place today. I got that angry yet enticing urge like I needed to “blow off some steam”

Instead of driving too fast or doing something harmful I got my favorite type of soup from a Chinese restaurant and ate in the bath. I’m now chill. I laughed, because it was ridiculous. I ate soup in the bath. I was warm inside and out. I challenged my desire for sensory sensations. And now I am happy.

i did a quiz and it said in a bit of both… i’m tryna see which one i am so that i can retake the MBTI test// because lots of people have been telling me that im an INFJ and others tell me im an INTJ…

Just feeling motivated to share. I am a much older INFJ. I have a severe case of RBF and trouble recognizing faces. So I often don't recognize people in the store that I perhaps had a full conversation with the night before.

I can't begin to explain how this trifecta made my younger years miserable. But I have worked through my issues. And for the first time ever I am just content with myself.

I am happy I made it through all that to emerge on the other side. For the first time ever I am actually interested in living to see how this life plays out. :)

Am I alone in drawing similarities between INFJs ability to sense others emotion and overall observation and the Bene Gesserit’s fictitious abilities in the world of Dune?

I’m just a nerd for Dune and I think about this every time I watch the movies or read the books. (I also just want affirmation that I am a Bene Gesserit 😂). What mbti do you think has skills most like the Bene Gesserit?

Like maybe they think you're out of their league?

when i was much younger i always tested as infj but i then switched to typing to intp and i thought it really resonated with me so i didnt question it much, but now that ive looked in to other types i feel as though im quite similar to an infj as well and just did a test and scored infj. idk what to do and i feel like ive spent so long thinking im someone im not

the other thing is my cognitive functions do not add up at all and dont really make sense for either of these types but idk maybe i did the test wrong

ive always scored somewhat of the border of t/f and p/j but maybe im looking at it the wrong way and reading the results wrong? please help !!

I noticed that I’m particularly good at getting information out of people just by pretending to be ignorant or pretending like I’m on their side. I can play a pretty good poker face and stuff. One example is when there was a cult pretending to be a Christian organization around my school. So I did research on them, purposefully made one of their guys approach me for “Bible studies” repeated their doctrine and pretended like I was already part of their church. And it worked haha the guy ratted himself out to me. So stuff like that. Can anyone else related to being able to do stuff like this?

If you had to pick one career that fits everything an INFJ looks for in their job (flexibility, opportunity to work independently, meaningful/impactful work), what would that career be?

I often find myself lost in deep thoughts about life, especially since my teenage years. Sitting in classrooms, I'd daydream and wonder, "What’s the point of all this?" Sure, things matter, but in the grand scheme of things, they don’t seem to matter that much. It’s hard to ignore how people tear each other down just to make themselves feel better. We act kind, but often out of pity, and sometimes, it feels like people are just waiting for others to fail so they can laugh or feel superior. How can anyone feel truly happy or fulfilled in a world like that?

As an adult now, I still struggle with these questions. The world doesn’t seem to change, and neither do people. I can see through them—understand what they say and what they really mean. It’s like the noise never stops. I used to think if I could just understand people better, I could help heal their pain. But now, I just feel burdened by it. I carry these feelings around, and I don’t know where to put them.

Then there’s the daily grind—work, school, relationships, responsibilities. It all feels like too much, and I’ve never really been able to juggle it all, even since I was a kid. I lose sleep over moments like the time I couldn’t save a puppy that got hit by a car because I was running late for a job interview. How do you decide what’s truly important in a moment like that, without sacrificing something else that matters just as much?

The world is quiet, yet so loud. I’m still trying to figure out what it all means, or if it even means anything at all.

I realized since starting college that I absolutely despise it with a passion. I´m studying a career where a lot of people tend to be ESTJs and group projects for me are a nightmare to deal with. One reason for that is that a lot of these types seem to be very VERY obsessed with structure and I have actually witnessed group members have a complete meltdown when something took 1 day longer then it was intended (mind you deadline was in 3 weeks). Majority of my classmates also seem to be obsessed with booking meetings at 8 AM in the morning (on free days with no classes) and wanting to do literally everything in school. I always feel like I can understand a lot of people and their perspective but behaving this way just feels completly foreign to me. I cannot relate at all.

I don´t know if it´s me being lazy but I genuinely can´t deal with these structures. I am more flexible and I usually always trust that my group members will do their part. I always prioritize harmony and that group work is a pleasant experience for anybody involved which means always listening and taking consideration how others work or feel about certain things. If someone is behind on schedule or have not finished their part for a meeting I just don´t make a big deal out of it and just tell them to make sure they finish it later for the deadline.I also dislike heavy planing and I would rather just let people do things their own way and let them be creative as long as it works. I also have a bad habit of being able to work more efficiently close to deadline compared to getting over with it as quickly as possible.

I´m also a night owl and if there is something that I hate more than anything then it is waking up early. Bright lights, overcrowded buses, people everywhere, stress in the air and loud noises everywhere. I prefer nights or evenings when it is more calm and less people are in my face. I always listen to music and drink energy drinks in those mornings to handle it but if I go 1 morning without these things I am the most irritable and angry person people have ever came across. Like nothing pisses me off so much than waking up early (could be that I´m obsessed with my small routines as well). Therefore those morning meetings are horrendous for me to sit through. I was never a morning person and I have no desire to change that. It is simply torture for me to be one.

Edit: I get the feeling that someone is gonna tell me that I should check myself for autism but I have done it with a psychologist. Turns out I didn´t have it and only some of the symptoms applied to me. I have small routines I´m very obsessed with and I´m sensitive to stimuli. However mainting eye contact, hyperfixations, self awareness, reading social cues and body languages didn´t apply to me.

The fires going out

The silence

Fills the void

In the darkness

The world revolves

And I don't feel it

The people communicate

And I can't grip it

The sea of nothing

My link to that part

The part I want to express

The fire is almost embers

It's Ash and red

Smoke and dying flame

I take a deep breath, regardless

Glad I am what I am.

Today, I don't really know what is going on with me. I crave connection, a deeper commitment to someone. Yet, every time I've gotten closer to someone. They've only used me for their advantage. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I tried making a new friend, and ended up getting used for my kindness anyway. It really hurts, and I don't know what to do. I can't even seem to understand myself. My mind races with thoughts all the time. Am I really an INFJ? Or am I just pretending to be one? I cry to the smallest things. I still have a connection with my ex, because honestly I'm afraid to lose the one person that hasn't judged me for who I am. Even though he betrayed me, I'm still holding onto him somehow. I feel like someone in a group but the one who has never belonged. It as if I've always observed the world at a distance and yet, wanted to be part of it. It's so beautiful, yet so lonely at the same time. My life has always seemed confusing. I can't even fit into my own family. I'm like the ugly goose in a family of ducks. Who would ever truly love the goose? My sister always has called me too sensitive. I feel things too deeply that sometimes I wish I didn't feel anymore. Do you ever get that way? Is it just me? I just want to be seen for once. I want to connect with someone who may finally understand me. I just wish I would receive the love that I keep trying to give other people. Some days, it feels hopeless. I can tell when my family isn't truly genuine on caring about me. When they hug me while I'm crying and yet. Somehow, it feels as though they are faking their empathy to make me feel better. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't want to feel this way any longer. I just want to feel like I belong.

Does anyone else have sudden shifts in perspective that completely change your understanding of things or life in general?

For example, I was overthinking and mentally suffering- then I suddenly realised a pattern- that I was the common denominator in all these situations, I was the one mentally suffering, being all depressed and anxious, which led me down a different path to try and get better.

Then you’re confronted with sudden insights into your relationships, and you realise that people aren’t who they say they are- and you think to yourself, are they really my friends? And you question motives and intentions, of both other people yourself. Sometimes I wonder, what’s even real? There’s nothing that anchors me to who I am, because things just feel like an illusion, and I feel like I’m just going with the motions.

I’m looking at photos and screenshots of myself from only a couple months ago, and I can’t even recognise myself- do other INFJ’s seem to have many shifts in understanding every few months, that can suddenly change you, for better or for worse?

It feels as though my life is characterised by highs, and when I’m finally feeling good, it all crashes…

Of course, this might not even be an INFJ thing, and might just me… but thought I’d put this here because of how much pain I’ve subjected myself to, and idk I probably need help or something, even if it’s just Reddit.

I have a whole lifetime of feeling misunderstood. I'm sure most of you can relate. But one thing I've noticed is that no matter how I feel about myself - love myself, hate myself, feel ok, etc - I cannot escape how other people feel about me when I'm in their presence.

For example, my inlaws really didn't like me when they first met me. It's been a few years and I continue to show up to family events and be myself and now they are coming around to really like me (the ones who didn't initially). But I'm still always guarded because I respect their initial perspectives that I'm not a likeable person, or just not compatible with them. I don't try at all to really connect with them other than be a polite version of me, even though I sense that they want to connect. Their initial perspective holds too much weight. Doesn't make it true, but it was true for them at one time and my brain just cannot override that.

I'm curious if anyone else feels this way, too.

I am really interested in how other infjs are doing :). i am literally addicted to music :) my favorite genre is pop rock, indie rock and pop. i love deep lyrics and melancholic melodies. i love when i find myself in the lyrics, i feel the same way as the singer, music Is only thing that understands me:D. almost every time i get goosebumps, how much it touches me. do you also experience such feelings, or am i crazy? i often cry during music, it is how i express my feelings when i am overwhelmed by interactions with people And whole world. i have headphones in my ears 24/7, do you too?

my favorite bands are imagine dragons, ajr and twenty one pilots. does anyone else have this kind of relationship with music? or am i alone? i am interested in the attitude towards music of other infjs and what they listen to :).

Excuse the mistakes, english is my second language.

im asking because of how much color the world has lost. i want to know if it gets better. i used to love nature, anything emo, and literally anything that got me feeling weird/happy. liminal spaces were a big interest, general vibe nature spots too.

they just scare me now. i cant see them without reimagining the incident. i don’t know why they’re connected. i cant think of anything about the past without getting extremely upset. he took away something that meant so much to me. i feel like i can’t be human anymore.

has anyone else had this. does it ever really get better? this is so unimaginably hard for me to lose. a love for a quiet, private existence is the one thing i’d rather die than lose. im not me without it. i know most of y’all will relate to this interest and that’s why i’m asking here. if i’m not making sense then i’m sorry. im so far gone from my own head

A little bit of social inconvenience and it makes me feel that everyone secretly hates me, idk why haha

Addition: Thank y'all for kind comments. Cannot reply them all.

These days, I feel everything is rejecting me. Unemployment, unstable family, rejection from the girl that I asked out... Everything looks so meaningless to me.

If anyone used to experience this feeling, how did you get over it?

I have possibly overshared twice yesterday and I can't get over the guilt. I may have bothered them.

So, yesterday one of my teachers put a story sharing her experience with bodyshaming and said that she feels like many of her students are going through the same and her heart goes for all of us. Note that she's not my teacher from any institution, we are taking classes from her for a specific thing and she's not much older than me. Also, we had had conversations earlier about something. I thus replied her story, thanked her and shared with her probably the worst experience I've ever had with bodyshaming. That was a long text and she replied with an one-liner: "yes it's bad." I tried to deal with my shame by making a generic comment on human nature to provide people with unsolicited advices and she kept that on seen. Now I feel sooo terrible, I don't have the courage to attend her classes anymore. I know I shouldn't have shared by personal experience. It's bothering me way too much.

Next, I am receiving treatment under a doctor for my endometriosis. I was having some trouble with the medicines she has prescribed me and I texted her to ask if they're regular complications or there's something wrong with my body. She won't be available before December 8th otherwise I'd have physically visited her. She kept me on seen as well. Later I called the health chamber to ask them if I can get an appointment soon and said that I've asked her about my issues and she hasn't responded, so I'm worried. They told me that the policy is that every time you ask a doubt, you've to go to her and pay. Any other forms of communication aren't allowed. Since I've texted and not paid, she is supposed to ignore me. I didn't know this, I feel mortified. Also although everyone keeps on telling me that's normal, this situation kind of feels weird to me. What if I have an emergency before 8th and because of her I keep on ignoring my problems? Other doctors won't see me since she is treating me.

Thank you for reading.

I used to put myself out there more a bit before, reply to people more quickly, and more available to people. But recently I wanted to spend time with myself more. Then I feel like some of my friends feel upset about it, and start to think I was being fake. Of course I am not happy to feel that, but I am not sure either and also aware it could be frustrated for people to deal with inconsistency. I am also confused if it is a normal or fake of me to get socialized more before, because I actually tried to get out more than my normal nature. I just want to ask for your opinion if you have similar feeling. Or what should I learn to do in similar situations later in case my inconsistency persists.

This has happened from time to time which is why I usually try and keep my opinions to myself on well, just about anything.

You'll state your thoughts but it doesn't align with the standard perspective that the rest of the world abides by. It's just... out there? If there's a place beyond no mans land, that's where it is. These opinions tend to leave the person you're conversing with baffled because they are mystified as to how you even arrived at such a conclusion to begin with. Sometimes stating your thought process helps clear it up, but it can only do so much in terms of minimizing the confusion....

Normally I could write this off as simply being uneducated. Stating the wrong facts about a historical event, or getting something objectively wrong. This even extends to subjects or things like music taste, films, whatever. It is as though I am seeing the world through such a radically differently lens. Despite sharing the same title, it's as though we listened to a totally different song or film.

Someone I know can get quite frustrated when discussing world events because my views are really warped. Not in some exotic, self centered way of wanting to feel special. "I don't go by the mainstream narratives, I AM ABOVE IT ALL!". Just weird, man... The subtext of the story or event. A point that no one is focusing on and maybe it isn't WORTH focusing on to begin with... Who knows?

In Tar, Cate Blanchett is an INFJ, playing what seems to me the story of an INFJ, who is unable to cope with the circumstances of modern demands.

She play a prodigy conductor. Were she living a few centuries ago, she could just write and conduct her music. And be remembered simply as this. But in 2024 she is required to be constantly scrutinized, and answer to this unfair scrutiny to everyone. And becomes canceled.

She gives her time generously to college students who misunderstand her. She has fans who would stalk her given the chance. She has a family and has a hard time balancing it. She has coworkers who weigh her down and they turn to personal attacks when she does what needs doing. She has other unstable coworkers impossible to manage. AND as a noise sensitive person, she simply can’t catch a break.

Nobody is there to help (aside from one peer who wouldn’t understand all this) and everybody expects more from her than they expect from others, especially themselves. No good deed goes unpunished for the INFJ.

She does make a few mistakes. But hardly justifies her downfall IMO. Seems most people misread this movie as someone deserving what’s coming to her.

Any other INFJs totally relate to this character? Granted I’m not a genius composer. But if I was, I could see things playing out more or less like this.

I am very bad at forming superficial friendship and I rather not talk to the person if my intention is to use them for my benefit. However, I find most of my classmates to be very good at this. I would type most of them as ISXX or ESXX. I find that their superficial friendship is super mutually beneficial as they will share resources and rare cases with each other. I find that I am struggling to find my own resources and cases. Is there any way for me to work on this? And how can I work on this?

I am here to vent. I have been having trouble dating as an INFJ. I know I can't associate everything with the personality type because dating in this modern world is hard regardless. I am a straight female INFJ and I've always envisioned long term relationships. But either I've had a hard time connecting with people, or people just want different things. There have been very few times I've actually connected with people and it hasn't ended well. One guy (lovely ENFP) said I was a great girl but he didn't feel a connection although I felt connected to him. One guy (INTJ) who I went out with told me that he was going to dump me after a year because he just wanted a one year casual relationship before he moved for residency. Another guy kept flirting with me and when I confronted him he said that he's gay (INTJ). Another guy who I met recently (INFJ) also flirted with me (and I know people will say that I read the signs wrong but I'm good at reading people and I wasn't reading the signs wrong- also confirmed by my friends) and then when I asked him out (because I thought he was shy and not asking me out), he said that he's been in a relationship with someone else for years and he's not willing to change that. I am just disappointed. Anyone else want to vent?

As an INFJ, after a lifetime of getting used, abused, discarded, ripped off, and ending up with PTSD from just trying to help people around me (from friends to family to employees to associates to partners & platonic to romantic), I mostly have stopped helping / teaching anyone one-on-one, and my answer is:

• I cannot help you, if you do not help yourself...
• I cannot teach you, if you are not already teaching yourself...
• I cannot teach you, if you refuse to be a student...
• (If you already "know it all", then you don't need me.)
• (If you refuse to listen to me, then you do not need me.)
• I cannot teach you, if you abuse and disrespect me as your teacher (or disrespect any teacher)...
• If you need help, forget me and go help yourself...
• You mostly put yourself in your situation, so if you give resistance or abuse to a helping hand, then find your own way out.
• I will be a teacher and a helper -- but not a punching bag, not a stepping stone, not a door mat, and not an enabler to bad people, bad habits, nor bad choices --
• ... and I will not engage in your broken and repetitive cycle of poor mental health.

Recently happened to me and I'm unsure if this person is serious about it or not.

I'm not sure where to start here, but I'm feeling a little crazy. A few weeks ago my husband and I put in an offer on a house. Unfortunately, it was already under contract and we were accepted as a backup offer. Since then, the original buyers have passed their inspection period, are out of due diligence, and now waiting for closing. Essentially, the house is theirs. But a few weeks ago, I was walking through my house and had a vision - clear as day - that my real estate agent got an email out of the blue that said we were under contract. I have visions of myself living in this house as though I've been there already. I have seen myself cooking in the kitchen, my kids watching tv, the dogs running through the backyard, etc... I see this as though they are memories from the past. It's like I imprinted with this house. It's the most bizarre thing. And I keep having that same original vision pop into my head at the most random moments - and telling my brain to stop because it's not the reality of what's happening right now. Am I losing it? Is it stress that's affecting me? Could it be some kind of clairvoyance (is that even real)? As a side note, I have no history of mental illness, but I just can't stop these visions and this feeling that that house is mine, though it very clearly is not. Thoughts and advice...

20M INFJ here, as I'm getting older I'm noticing people tend to avoid eye contact with me and generally tend to avoid talking/interacting with me in general. I see them interacting with each other and having fun experiences, but not me. I am a good listener, I am responsive and reactive, I am kind and gentle but somehow people do not like me. I am also ignored in group interactions and people tend to dismiss me. This happens almost everywhere, with friends and family. When I notice this happening, I tend to withdraw because I don't deserve such treatment. BUT, that leaves me lonely. It makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel so sad. I am so tried of having to experience this everywhere. I want to be able to connect with people and just have fun. Before I go everywhere, I KNOW such things are gonna happen, and they do, and it's just too much.

Also, it's harder for me to deal with guys. They are always in a heirarchy, they tend to ignore me a lot and make jokes that don't sit right with me.

If anyone has ANYTHING to help, please let me know, because this is getting too unbearable and I am trying my best, but nothing keeps getting better.