Attention: We will no longer be upkeeping the old version of the sub. Head on over to the redesign version for new features and updates!

I recently turned 19, during the last few years I tried to define an MBTI for myself and everything else, but I ended up giving up, I decided to wait a few good years, maybe my 30s.

I've been coming to the community for a long time, I would like to ask you for advice. It doesn't have to be in a specific area, I just want to know, and I think it would be valuable for me, some advice that you want to give me, whether about studies, about work, or about interpersonal relationships.
I always thought that there are a lot of people here who would have something to say, feel free to write if you want!

My parents are INFJ and ESFJ. They compliment each other well and have never had problems or arguments, so I think INFJs and ESFJs make a good pair.

I'm curious about what most INFJs think about ESFJs

I’m an INFJ male. I am a high ranking, respected leader within my organization. Additionally, a few years back, on a whim, I started a lucrative side business based on a creative expression of mine.

I’m not going to say that life has come easy for me… I’m very intense and think deeply about everything. I exhaust my wife with my intensity and careful calculation. I often feel so fucking unattractive because of this. I’m not fun most of the time - I’m very literal… but she is attracted to my intellect.

My family (as well as my wife’s) is waiting for me to fall. I’m trying to build an empire to leave behind for my kids and my inlaws assume they’re entitled to dabble in the cookie jar, as well.

Her mother told me I wouldn’t do what I’ve done with my life when we were kids - “yeah life won’t play out like that… you don’t get to just save thousands in this world” … in that moment, when I was 17 and dating her daughter, I told her that “I don’t appreciate people telling me what I can and cannot do” …

I’ve always been a bit of a visionary - I see what I want for my wife and I and I achieve it if it is within reach.

However, as stated above, I feel so fucking unattractive. To expand, no one seems to take me as serious as I feel that they should. I’ve spiraled down to a state of dismay because I’ve been betrayed too many times. I’ve watched family members suffer divorce and foreclosures when I had advised them on how to avoid these things. Yet, they struggle and fucking can’t wait for my downfall to happen (I could elaborate but it’s just typical familial envy).

If I could change it, I wouldn’t be a male INFJ. I wish I had more charisma. Ignorance, truly, is bliss.

You all probably think I’m full of shit… but that’s fine. Join the crowd and wait for my demise like the others.

—long sigh— Ok I feel better now.

I'm guessing this is an infj thing, I put soooo much pressure on myself and overthink things so much. I just made a mistake at work, and then my manager picked up on it, which is completely reasonable, and I know that, and yet I'm over here beating myself up over it thinking 'did I actually do that though, I feel like I didn't, but I don't want to say that because I'm not 100% sure and I can't prove it, and I can't believe I made such a stupid mistake! Now my managers probably mad at me, and I hate it when I make mistakes!!!!' .... Thats what's happening in my head right now 🙃 I hate my brain sometimes!

I was just pondering and realized that I am spiritually and sexually attracted to different people. Like I find it hard to form meaningful connection with the women I find sexually attractive, but with those who I feel very comfortable and can talk about anything with, I find it hard to see them in a non-platonic way. Anyone know what this might mean?

I’m a 25 infj male. I currently work for my Dad in a family real estate business. I’m constantly felt like I’m not good enough. My Dad will use me and my siblings to brag but never emotionally show support. Him being my boss I am constantly fighting for approval and validation but will never be recognised. Real estate isn’t my passion i’m gullibly working here because family. I know my potential, I know where could succeed. Has anyone else been in a situation where they had to cut ties with family?? And how did it turn out??

I'll censor mine not to influence anyone's answers and if you can do that in the comment section too, I think it'd be great!

I'm curious what words people will choose. I wouldn't mind if you attached your age or at least decade, too - I think the pace of growth is very different for INFJs, it's excruciatingly slow but steady, and hence the level of maturity we are at often reflects how we think and see ourselves at that given time.

!Paradox (30s)!<

Curious to see how you setup your homescreens ranging from wallpapers to overall organization! Some might be calmer than others and some might be chatoic but hopefully all of us have some underlying similarites and themes we can spot!

I feel like what the hell's wrong with me, I always end up attracting damaged people, more specifically romantic interests. Another thing Is I accept them and they fuck me up and over. It's frustrating why the fucking trash ends up with me. I feel like a fucking mechanic and when job's done they fuck off with someone else.

I am an infj, j 35 years old and I am working in an office enviroment about 10 years. I have change 3 companies in this period and when I was younger I worked as a secretary to a small educational center for kids with educational difficulties, as a waitress here and there while I was styding and for a year I worked as a air hostess.

I say all these to mention that I have worked on different set ups with different kind of people and I realise that in every single one of them I never really clicked with my colleagues and the working enviroment.

I either felt total outsider, or unable to perform simple tasks as a secretary because the owner was looking every movement, or felt superior than my colleagues cause this job for me was just a phase, or totally inferior compared to other colleagues when I entered my first office job as a data analyst or the late years completely disgussed with people behaviour, showing off or office politcs.

I am thinking that other people on my position would have a totally different attitude but me I insist to see all the irritating things and probably enlarge them in my head to the point I become so irritated I cant perform when I have these thoughts.

As I grew up I learnt how to look the other way from these emotions but they still exist and they arise unexpectedly from time to time.

Is that an infj thing? Is this something I can change?

I would love to pay no attention to these matters and stay in the big picture, that I love my job, that I work I safe place where people are polite in general (but still people) and that I have a decent salary. But no even for the salary I believe I deserve more, alot more...

I feel like for me time moves very slowly, I don’t pass through it at the rate that everyone around me seems to. An hour feels like a day, a day feels like a week, a week feels like a month, a month feels like a year, a year feels like a decade, a decade feels like a lifetime, you get the idea. I was talking about this to my boyfriend to explain why I like so much when he sends me a goodmorning text and why if he didn’t I would miss him and it would be hard to only text him at the halfway point or evening point in the day. (He does give me goodmorning texts, I just wanted to explain to him why it’s important to me, he likes to know the reason for the things I ask for) If I don’t hear from him often I miss him terribly and it feels like I’ve been without his contact for days, when it’s only been a few hours. And it’s not just because I’m newly in love. I feel this slow passage of time with every aspect of my life and I always have. Being at work at a boring job was a special kind of hell, 8 hours felt like 8 days and I was on the verge of losing my mind with impatience and boredom, even when I can run all my imaginary simulations and stories. I really struggle with patience and it’s not something that comes naturally to me, although I’ve become better at Being patient with things that take time, I still don’t Feel patient, it’s not easy. I wish I could have everything at once and spend an unlimited amount of time with the people I love. I also don’t like sleeping because it’s boring and feels like “waiting” and doing nothing, why sleep when I could be thinking and acting on my thoughts? Is this true for any other INFJ’s? He said he wondered if it might be a trait among my MBTI type to experience time at a slow rate, and I started to wonder as well. I always assumed it was just me, and that nobody else moves through time so slowly, so now I’m here to find out the answer.

how do you define entitlement personally? and where do you think entitlement comes from? looking forward to reading your thoughts.

Hi, fellow infj here.My qualifications: Computer Science grad with one year of experience as data analyst currently willingly unemployed.

I am planning to do MBA as I don't like coding much but confused if MBA is for me and will I enjoy (or atleast not hate) an MBA job? And if I decide to do MBA then which specialisation should I go for like Product management, consulting, sales, marketing, HR, operations and supply chain management?

If you have any other career advice then that is also welcomed.

I have so many intellectual pursuits that I find it hard to focus on exercising my body. I would much rather read, write, research, etc. Does anyone else feel this way? If so, do you feel it has to do with being an INFJ?

When I do tests, I go very slow and I'm usually one of the last ones to finish.

I recently took a Chemistry test and got a 50% on it when everyone else did perfectly fine on it, which makes me feel incredibly stupid. (Which I'm not I have a pretty great GPA)

Do you guys ever have situations like this happen to you? Why does it seem like I learn things at a different pace than everyone else?

Okay this is about to get really negative so I’m sorry in advance but I’m just kinda letting my feelings and thoughts out. I’m 20 m with no experience whatsoever. I see posts of dudes who are like 50 who haven’t had a gf and it makes me worry that I’ll be the same. I’m working myself and my personality so I can improve in other areas of my life like getting a gf. I’m a little chubby at 180lbs but I’m working on getting down to 145lbs. I’m really quiet when I hang out with my friends and family, but sometimes I can be myself. I’d say I’m pretty shy and awkward, I’ve been told that I’m very observant and pay attention to things around me which I think is kinda true. I also feel invisible a lot so sometimes I forget I’m not actually invisible and kinda stare but I’m working on that. I recently quit my job in retail cause it was stressful but I’m gonna be getting into a career that I think I’ll enjoy a lot more. I live with my parents still and I can’t imagine having a partner over cause our house is so small and I feel like they wouldn’t feel any privacy. Idk sorry for the negative vent. I’m not feeling super down or anything I just needed to get those thoughts off my chest. If you’re reading this have a nice day

So I think I’ve been hypersensitive my whole life and didn’t have the greatest childhood as I kind of figured out later on in life. I had a tough time in high school and just to fit in I smoked weed all the time. One time was too much and I think the anxiety, the weed and everything just hit me and I freaked out and honestly I haven’t been the same since. I’m semi permanently trapped in my head I think. I don’t realize I’m out of touch, I can function normally work-wise, I can function as an adult pretty well but my social skills have really suffered when I know I’m actually pretty good at talking to people. I get these moments of clarity where I’m like holy shit I’m super out of it, to the point where I’ve really questioned if I’m schizophrenic. I was just wondering if you guys have gone through this and if there’s anything I can do to help myself? Thank you

Usually this backfires onto me when I "pretend" to care about certain things because I feel as though it's an opportunity to get closer to the people i'm interested in or that they feel cared for. I know how it feels to be interested in something and have no one else to talk to about it. For some reason, I think I do this for the wrong things at the wrong times and people end up turning it around on me.

I (INTP, F) currently date with INFJ,M for around 8 months and we got the intention to build our future together as we feel that we are quite spiritually- connected and also got similar preferences and values about our future.

However, yesterday he told me that he wants to take a break (break here means that we don’t meet up anymore but still continue to stay in contact) in this relationship for 1-2 months because recently he feels he is not himself anymore and abit disconnected. He feels like there is no “spark” between us anymore. When we talked about this , we were quite suffered and cried together.

To be honest , i personally don’t know how to continue with it because it’s way too devastating to handle. Can someone provide some advices /ideas to me how to continue this relationship or whether take a break will be good choice or not ?

Thank you

I'm an infj and recently my husband and I had 2 others move in with us temporarily. One is more mentally damaged than the other. One of them is always around us and suffers from ptsd. They find it hard to be alone. While they are sweet and quiet for the most part, I feel this energy from them that is draining me emotionally and physically causing me stress.either they are in distress, on the verg of it, and are very needy. Honestly, i can't even be there for myself.Can anyone else relate to how a person's energy can be so draining on them mentally and physically?

How did you react to their disappearance?

And how did you react to their reappearance?

This has happened to me recently and I'm left with conflicted feelings so I wonder how others reacted in a similar situation.

Some INFJs prefer more outgoing and spontaneous partners for relationships while others seem to enjoy the company of a similar type of person. Which category do you identify more with?

Personally I love types that are similar. I seem to always gravitate towards introverts and intuitives. INFJ girls are the besttt.

I recently read somewhere...

" I realize people who show the most love never felt loved themselves. So they end up caring for others more than themselves. Hoping they would receive it back. But they never do. They always hide their pain. Telling everyone only half the story. And hiding it all from their parents. Because they don't want to be a burden. I wish someone had told me earlier that I wasn't kind. I was overly empathetic. And that was a form of unkindness to myself. "

...and it made me think. All this time, was I really living, or was I just adapting to my circumstances! And if so then this flips my entire approach to interpersonal relationships on its head. And I don't know where to start. Or even how to.

Hello!

So a lot of my friends came out of a previous job. Coworkers turned now friends. There is one coworker from another team who I got along with, but never really considered a friend. They've been included in most of our plans as of late, because this person likes to go out a lot in general and pushes everyone to do things together.

Lately, everytime we hang out with that person included though, I feel drained. This person tends to dominate the conversation even if the topic isn't on themself. I usually don't mind but its also intense points of views that take away the light heartedness of our time together.

In general, I'm pretty picky about where I like to spend my time and with who. Would it be rude to mention my dislike to my friends? There has been comments in the past about how they also don't really like some of their behaviors.

I don't want word to get along and turn into something bigger, because in general I'm polite, am the one intently listening to her and giving advice while the rest of the group is laughing about whatever fun they're having :,). It might feel like its coming out of nowhere for her and even though I don't want to maintain a friendship, don't want to hurt her feelings either.

Any advice is appreciated <3

Exhausted ENFJ here who had to gently force my INFJ into therapy.

Basically, my husband is not only an INFJ but an INFJ 1w2, meaning his morals and ideals for other people's well-being is SKY HIGH.

Unfortunately, he's also really smart with a background in climate science, so he says that he "knows from the inside that humanity is doomed, all the green technologies like carbon capture, electric cars, etc are all scams, and the only solution will be a world war that will decimate humanity".

We will be fine, but that's not enough for him. He cries nonstop that humanity will suffer, and that people having kids are bringing them into future misery, that they'll all be fated to die in the trenches, etc.

It's constant ranting about that, and all my pushing to focus on himself falls on deaf ears, or finding meaning in life via volunteering, etc. It's not the "perfect" solution to the world's ills, so he's not interested in that.

I finally convinced him to attend one therapy session, but I can tell he's only doing it to gain fodder for his "the world is doomed, I'm right and there is no solution" mindset.

He cries to me and rants almost 24/7 and ya girl is EXHAUSTED. All of his friends and family think he's too negative, but he resists that idea.

How do I help him dial down his excessive empathy? His constant negativity is really wearing me down to the extent that I'm physically sick now. I tell him to stop whining at me unless he's interested in solutions (for how he copes with reality), but he just cries even more and guilt trips me if I do.

Even as an Fe-dom, I don't have anywhere near the amount of Fe needed to handle his endless emotional needs.

I hate to sound callous, but I do want him to feel better and cope with reality more happily. How do I help an INFJ do this?

Hello fellow INFJs, I've been doing something for a while. It's ok, but I'd love a career change. What Jobs do you actually love, and actually pay your bills? I only seem to find one or the other. I'm interested to hear what might be out there that satisfies and provides security.

Infj here, I was just trying to reach out to an anyone knowledgeable about empaths. I realize our type probably has a high chance to be empaths, I, however am not.

I seem to befriend them though. One was an enfj who passed and now I have a new one who is an esfj.

So what can you say about empaths? Are you one? Whats that like? Do you know any, have any weird events? I believe empaths are outside mbti but its related.

Are HSP and empaths related?

Just looking for any stories from fellow infj travelers. Anyone have any good sources on empaths? Thanks for your time.

Today I threw a question to a presenter online during a seminar. Obviously, I am not a public speaker type of person so I typed the question on the chat. The presenter appeared to be impressed by my thought-provoking and nuanced question and asked me to read it out but I was so embarrassed and it was a bit loaded question, too. In the end, I did not do the basic job. lol, I don’t know why he wanted me to read it out. augh- Anyway, I feel so stupid and I am not a 20 or something but I don’t think I still have the confidence. how do work on this?? 😭

I (f) have a crush on an INFJ (M) . He seems to be interested in me too . We've been friends for two years now and I've become closer with him these past few months. I've recently tried to express my interest through mild physical touch but he seems to be a little stiff sometimes while recieving it . P.S he used to express physical intimacy prior to me by touching my hand while passing something , standing extremely close to me , brushing hands. Why does he seem stiff and unreceptive when I initiate physical touch in subtle ways ?

just wanting to rant.. 34yo male infj, been working in physically demanding, stressful labour intensive jobs since 19. I just dont know how much longer I can do it, working in this environment where im expected to have a tough skin, im a man so i should just suck it up but everyone are selfish assholes obsessed with drama and wanting the worst for others, im the grunt worker and have to take on all the extra physical tasks because im a man, aint nobody give a shit about how i feel, ever. to think i still have another 30+ years of this.. its really no wonder why so many males are offing themselves early. can barely make enough to provide, wtf is the point to being alive if its just working to survive. wtf.

edit:

i appreciate all the caring replies, sorry i cant respond to all of you, but i am definitely reading everything. its enlightening knowing that people with similar personalities can relate and understand me in a world where nobody seems to ever understand us..