I have a lot of anger, ready to explode at the slightest pressure, it makes me avoid dealing with others, so I overreact in simple situations, and it will affect me in the long run, what do you think can cause all this anger Honestly, I don't know how to figure out its roots

Have you guys ever experienced handing someone something, they touch your hand as they take it, and you sort of zone out/freeze during the touch itself but you're hyper aware of the touch? Like during and after the interaction I can't remember them actually taking the item or anything else that went on during that time, just the touch itself. Is this underdeveloped sensing? How do I stay tuned in better?

I know not all of you are the same person, but same mbti - same cognitive functions. "Function" -> to function -> yall function in the same way, the differences consist in personality, experiences, blah blah, but getting insights from any of you can still be helpful

Now that we're done with that... My crush has been giving EXTREME MIXED SIGNALS for a long time. Also he calls me "charming" a lot and told me before that I could have a harem. Weird, but like... good if he thinks I'm all that 💀 but why the hell the mixed signals??

Does he think I'm somehow attractive, but not enough? Or what...? I would assume he wouldn't be into me physically so that could be an explanation, but is that aspect so relevant? Or like... could he be waiting to see what I'm doing with my future? He jokingly said I won't be charming anymore if I don't do well in my exams

(Also we are both men and bi, saying this just for the sake of not correcting everyone for pronouns in the comments)

I’m actually sure that I’m on the Ni/Se axis but still don’t know what type I am. Maybe you guys can help me

Hi all,

I am always trying to be polite and respectful to others.

However, I find it difficult to react when others are rude or disrespectful to me. I don’t know how to respond.

On the one hand I feel like i should remain polite and avoid confrontation. On the other hand I want to put them in their place and respond in the way they talked to me. This happens in several aspects of my life, such as work, grocery stores, the gym etc.

Usually I will not respond at first and when the situation is over I feel bad for not reacting.

When I decide to respond I know that it is over with me and them. That I am not going to have a good relationship again with that person. Like it is over for me. Maybe that is the reason that I usually don’t respond.

So my question is how other INTJs respond to similar situations? Am I the only one that can’t handle difficult situations and rude people?

Thanks in advance for your comments:)

I (31M, Bi) feel like I have to take this off my chest. I hope you guys could help. Not really good at narrating, so please bear with me.

Today, Sunday was swim training day in a gym I've been enrolled to with a 25m pool of 3 lanes. It's not that big and I can't really force myself to not hear people talking in between 60 laps and 5 water breaks I did tonight.

Two girls were there beside the pool trying to take photos, and just chatting. Once I'm done with my first set, there was this guy who arrived and seeing his goggles beside the pool, I knew he was there to swim as well. This guy and one of the girls started to converse. Apparently, they just met at that point, with all the courtesy of shaking hands and greetings. So I hear them start talking about their lives, their families, etc. It all started with small talk, but I feel like the girl was the one initiating the topics. A couple of laps and water breaks later, they're talking about relationships, their exes. Also heard about a topic of where they live, if they have anyone else in their room/house. And yeah, the girl confirmed that she has a room all for herself and emphasized it's just nearby. They're talking about stuff that's not too indecent, but at that point, I'm already engaged and somehow aroused. The other girl left, and they continued chatting, the guy was honest as he was not into relationships at that point. He seems unamazed, and even questioned if the girl is at a good position to have another relationship. And he was talking about himself wanting a girl with principles while excusing himself to not offend the girl. Something put off the girl after I hear a change in her tone, but she was persistent, and the chatting went on. I didn't really want to hear anything more of what they're talking about, so I finished my laps, took my shower, and both of them were done at the same time as I was. I went inside the gym, exchanged a brief stare with that guy and saw him went back to the girl to leave together. It appeared to me they agreed to go to the girl's place.

I am convinced that it isn't really something that I want for myself, coz I feel like it's not really gonna be a deep connection but they just agreed to get laid that night with the girl carrying what happened. I'm just baffled how people make it seem so easy to engage with each other like that.

Also don't believe that I'm ugly as my friends have told me I'm attractive. I've been hit on since I was a teen throughout the years for several times that I'm outside, but never really ended up in the same way or a worthwhile connection. I've ruined those times by either keeping a straight/confused face and not knowing how to react, what to say, or not really being aware at all of how to read these cues given off by people. I've caught that same girl above checking me out in the gym, and also see a few gay men staring at me but no one dares to approach me as I've almost always kept a serious face and not talking to anyone.

All my past relationships (6 exes) started from online dating apps, but have been single for 3 years now, and abstinent for almost the same time. Living by myself, and have been totally comfortable with solitude, but at times it feels really alone.

After what happened tonight, I can't help but feel self-pity and envious of others. Fellow, INTJs, please enlighten me how I should approach this mentally. I'd be open to listen to your two cents. Thanks a lot

My theory about life is that we always do things for our own sake

Men try to assert dominance and fight each other for mates (women) for example!

So, my experience with men or what I call non-mates is that they only put me down, or I put them down

and my experience with mates is that they try to find if I am their best option and I am also trying to find if they are the best option!

Social interactions are horrible in every sense, and I am just looking for a logical explanation of how should I interact with other people

that is why I am asking people who relate to the INTJ stereotype, because I am looking for a logical answer that is convincing for me.

I am not denying that we do good for other people, but we only do it to feel good, so it can also be considered self-serving and when I think about life like this it is like a jungle and we are like animals fighting each other for survival!

I am looking for a better philosophy to look at life

Hello! I’m a 20-year-old male who just got an associate in business (accounting) and I hate it. I want continue school in something different but I’m scared I’ll waste more time not doing something I want. I’ve looked into what people with our personality like as a career and based it on what I liked. I’ve concluded that I would like Meteorology, architecture, psychology, marketing or finance. Do any of you have these careers and what’s your thoughts on it?

Hello all, I came here today to ask for some advice from the INTJs. Here's the case:

I recently started dating a guy who identifies himself as INTJ. This is his first relationship, and we both are 28. Before, we were in a "situationship" for about 2 months.

During that time, we used to spend all the weekends together. When we are together, our chemistry is awesome, he is lovely, supportive, takes care of me, and makes me laugh... But from monday to thursday we don't see each other and he never calls me or messenges me first to start any topic when we are away.

Even though I like him a lot, his lack of virtual interest on me made me believe it would be just a temporary romance, a physical thing, and it would be okay for me, I was enjoying our time together without expections.

Then last week he surprised me, asking me to become his girlfriend. I confess I got so happy and accepted him. I explained that if we are going to be in a committed relationship, I would expect more from him, I told him how communication is important to me and how his lack of interaction make me feel.

He told me he would try his best but in the end, nothing changed. And this weekend, for the first time, he said he couldn't come to see me because he had to deal with "somethings". He didn't tell me what, and I refused to ask. Since then, he didn't text me even once.

We are "officially dating" for 8 days right now. 6 days without seeing each other. 2 days and no message, no call, no nothing (since he said he wouldn't come). I want to break up already. If it is this way in the first week, what to expect for the future?

I know he doesn't have experience with dating. He said he "isn't good texting", but he isn't even trying. I clearly communicated to him how communication is important to me. Why would him ask me to date if he's going to treat me like nothing? Now I'm feeling awful, unwanted, an attention beggar, and the only thing in my mind is to break up before I get even more hurt.

Any of you could me give any tips about how to deal with this situation? Or should I just accept that this is a failed relationship and end up the things before it's too late?

PS.: If it helps, I'm totally an INFP.

I have no friends. I just realised I’m actually spiraling into mania. I obsess over data. I binge my comfort foods. I just walked +4000 steps because I realised I haven’t properly walked for almost two hours. I keep wanting to just walk around forever every single day. Whenever there’s a physical scent that smells fresh or new, I can’t get enough of it and it’s frustrating me.

How do I get out of grip? Honestly, I don’t want to get out, but I have to and it’s probably for the best. I cannot make friends because people near me barely fit my criteria at all. I’m not planning on changing it whatsoever.

Every weekend I dread school. I feel like I could do nothing and everything right now. Sometimes I wonder how I’ll survive being a scientist when I can’t even tolerate the idea of school after Sunday. I’m bored there. The only fun thing about it is literally it’s purpose, to learn. I’m still very, very excited about education.

With exams coming up, I definitely want to study more. I unironically love school but I feel drained having to wake up and follow my daily schedule. Only problem is, my grip is getting in the way. Or, actually I’M getting in the way of myself. I constantly feel tired and like the world is out to get me when it’s probably just orbiting the Sun.

I want to make the most of every day. Please give advice + get into specifics. Appreciate all help.

For other INTJ’s- is this common? Is this mostly due to age (I’m 32F)? Or due to another demographic? Or is it a nasty environmental factor (terrible geopolitical, economic, etc. climate)?

I don’t enjoy imagining really much of anything anymore. I can see ways of improving daily life which is sometimes helpful and sometimes I have no efficacy in making changes. That I think is pretty normal.

Anyway. I don’t feel jaded per se just more like a light that I had went out and I’m not sure if that’s something to be fixed or something to let go of.

I can be specific if it helps but feel free to share your thoughts and experiences. Where are you at on the future, imagination, creative ideas/solutions, etc.?

So, I, INTJ woman, have been dating this ENTP guy for the last few months and I am somewhat concerned.

As I get to know him I feel like the differences between us just seem to pile up? And while differences is not a bad thing, I don’t know if it will work out in the future?

He prefers to wear flashier clothes and draw attention. I do not and I hate the attention.

He likes to go out and meet new people. I prefer to stay home and people does not interest me that much unless I can see an use for them like learning something or they can give me insight to what I’m interested in.

He always seems to like to talk about big complex subjects like religion, free will etc. And I don’t really have a standpoint in these matters, I only want to know about these subjects for the sake of knowledge.

He wants people to be impressed by him and notice the hard work he does while I prefers to so my work in peace and silence.

Also he seems very “weak”, having back and joint problems and while he does have the intention of getting better I’m not sure if he is all talk and no action. And I don’t like people who are all talk with no intention of doing what they voice out.

So in some senses I feel like he tries too hard to impress me. Saying things like he enjoys analysing everything, non-fiction books and looking for the deeper meaning in things. Also never fails to tell me I am curious or like a mystery to solve.

But with that said. He is very kind to me, always paying attention to small details about me. Writes me notes and is always rooting for me even though I hate he is loud and is gaining attention for it. He takes care of me very well; making me food or takes me out for dinner and even paid the dates the first many times. He draws me out of my comfort zone and he does challenge me, which is something I appreciate along with the ability to communicate if any issues.

Do you think I should be concerned with these differences or concerns? My past relationships have not worked out due to the lack of commitment from their side or me being bored of the everyday routine with my partner.

I don’t think INTJ’s fall in love like everyone else. We’d ruin that for ourselves by analysing, lol.

TL;DR: INTJ woman dates an ENTP guy for the last past months. Worried about being too different which may cause problems in the future.

Is it possible to have too much, because I think that's what intj just are.

Because they perceive the world as it is, without intent and agenda.

That and to be honest, I'm starting to envy the simpicity of others. Which is an emotion I haven't felt before. Coupled with standards and boundaries, that are seemingly subconsciously stacking by the day.

It makes me wonder how other people just exist or be as they are. Lying against themselves, fighting and rambling, demanding to have the smallest things their way.

It's a very odd feeling rn.

Bald mf out

I see the same post appear several times a day: 'I want to date an INTJ. How do I catch one?'

Here's a manual in the hope it will cut down on the number of posts:

a. you walk up to them.

b. you say 'Hi, I like you. Would you consider going out with me?'

c. you will be rejected because INTJs always say no as a default answer.

d. eventually you will notice that they don't run out of the room the second you enter. That's a signal they are interested in you.

e. use the next 6 months saying hi to them every day, without insisting on eye-contact. Let your body-language signal 'you can escape me the second you get claustrophobic, and I'll respect that. I'll also promise not to bring up feelings.'

f. After 6 months you will notice that they occasionally answer you with a hi back and even smile once in a blue moon.

This means that you are officially dating.

Hello, I’m coming here because I really don’t understand a situation.

I’m an INFJ girl who talks to an INTJ guy. We met because we have the same high school friends so we talked on new year’s eve two years ago but we were too shy to talk on social media after. But at the last new year, everything changed. With some alcohol, I finally had the courage to come talk to him again. It was really cool because we don’t like party so we escaped in his car to talk alone and we fell asleep. We discovered that we had a lot in common : the same birthday, same job (teacher), a lot of personality traits in common (Ni, Se). We had so much in common that he asked me if I was real because he had never met anyone who understood him. During this night, he opened up to me a lot and told me about his whole life, he even admitted that he liked me two years ago but was too afraid to add me on social media and he promised that he would do it now and that’s what he did. So we talk on social media since new year, we talk everyday and it doesn’t seem forced because he often starts the conversation first.

But the problem is I really don’t know where the situation is going because there are some signs that he likes me because he tells me that he rarely texts people and even less everyday BUT he never asked me to meet for a date. I know that he is shy and I think that he never add a girlfriend yet (we are 24 years old) but I’m shy too and I really don’t want to rush him.

For information, we live quite far away during the year but our families live close and this is the first week of the year where we have a joint vacation (4 days in common) but he didn’t ask me to meet so I feel a little confused. I don’t know if he likes me as a friend or more.

PS : we learned a few months ago that next year, he would have his transfer and that we would finally live in the same region next to our parents.

What is the golden age to meet your partner and how to work towards it? How should you approach them?

• I love doing deep research on topics I’m interested In and sometimes I know more than what I need to know

• I do the same thing everyday and it seems like I have a “routine”

• A car accident happened the other day and my mom said that it turned upside down, my first thoughts were “did anyone die?” My ISTJ sister was “how did the car turn upside down?”

• My little sister asked me “what do you think of robots taking over jobs?” I was about to answer but then paused and asked “what do you mean by jobs? As work? Or chores?” — I wanted to make sure what her question was exactly about

• I am not interested I stuff like celebrations, birthdays, gifts etc. while I might be glad that you wished me a happy birthday and got me a gift, it doesn’t really matter if you forgot or didn’t do anything. It’s no big of a deal

• When gaming I like to approach things slower rather than gaming right away I like to know everything within the game to get myself ready example Minecraft I won’t play right away I will explore the settings, the skins the marketplace in different world. I will test, creative, survival and other world and when I feel I know enough, I will start playing.

Roblox when I’m about to play a game I will first explore every single game on the Discover page before I pick a game. Sometimes I don’t even end up playing because I just spent the whole hour exploring games rather than actually playing.

• I find myself that it’s hard for me to say “thank you” in a way I really mean it. — the other day my mom got me a gift and I was like “oh yeah, that’s very nice, wow it also seems like it’s made from a good quality fabric, I also really like the packaging” but I didn’t even say thank you

• I say “I don’t know” or “do whatever you want” and make awkward laughs a lot when I don’t know what to do or say

• Sometimes I’m watching a video, but I’m barely focusing because my mind has so much to think of

• I always have a list of things I want to do but end up doing not even half of what was on the list, so I just keep putting it on my to do on repeat until I realize I’ll probably never do it, so I just ignore it, however, I do the ones considered habits such as taking my vitamins since I’m already used to doing that

• I’m a hard person to convince, gaslight, manipulate and I seem disinterested in most stuff most of the time and seem like idgaf abt anything

• When someone is sad, or is crying most of the time, I just don’t know what to say or do I’ll stay silent, I might say stuff like “oh it’s OK don’t worry about it” or “just ignore it pretend it’s not there” or make myself an idiot and ask questions about the situation that the person has already mentioned I might give advice to make them feel better like “life is too short to worry about those kind of things” or it can be brutal and just be like “quit your job” but saying it in the nicest way lol. Or ask questions like “ what did she do to you?” “It’s okay you can buy another one, I can buy it for you if you want”

• I sometimes don’t let out my opinion to people or say I disagree because I don’t want them to get mad or begin a conflict and sometimes I don’t want to get into stupid arguments

• I’m very organized in categorizing stuff such as back when I was in school, I would have a folder for every subject and i would split up the folders into different chapters. example: folder for biology, then folder for chapter 1 of biology, chapter 2 of biology, chapter 3 of biology. Another example is my Instagram saved post. they are organized in different sections such as Minecraft builds, Minecraft memes Minecraft houses, hairstyles, funny videos, funny memes, oatmeal recipes - like very specific categories

• my mind is always filled with ideas. Example ideas for Roblox avatars I always have new ideas and switch up my Roblox avatar outfits. Every time I open the app, and I seem to switch up very often rather than some of my friends who stay the same avatar for months straight.

• I have load tons of email accounts and each email is made for something specific example I have an email that I only use for gaming stuff such as Minecraft, Roblox and other gaming platforms, I have an email which I use for my main account on my most used social medias such as Instagram and TikTok, I have an email which I made only to make a Pinterest account of, I have email for shopping apps and food apps such as restaurants and clothing stores, and so on

• I have hobbies and like to try out new stuff within it for example cooking I always think of new recipes I used to take recipes from social media but now I create my own I’m open to trying new recipes and I am that type person who can make whatever recipe from whatever food is available available at home other than my sister who needs to find an exact recipe within the exact ingredients, if she don’t have sour cream She would panic and I would be like just use yogurt they’re similar and it’s a great substitute or even art I’m open to trying new art styles, new art equipment another example is sports I always switch up my exercise from yoga to walking to Pilates to jump rope. I get bored, doing the same thing

I usually get INTJ when I take tests and I am 100% on board for I, T and J but I am really having difficulty seeing the difference between the intuitive type and the sensing type.

I would say I innovate when needed and I rely on predetermined methods and steps when needed. I do whatever suits me best depending on the scenario.

If people have some good questions to help me decide which of the two I most resonate with that would be amazing, thanks in advance!

28yo M here, recently diagnosed with AuDHD, also I’m an INTJ.

I’ve read some of the stuff here and in the AuDHD subreddits and I guess we all kinda have a pretty shitty experience with people, the world and basically just existing… even tho we have full intentions of it not being that way.

I kinda live in a small town and don’t really connect with anyone.

So fuck it… any random stranger wanna chat a lil? It’ll be nice to talk to someone that at least sees the world somewhat like me.

Also… how do y’all make friends?

Gunjin Shōgi (otherwise known as Japanese Military Chess) is the earliest wargame in history to be played as a boardgame, dating way back to the 19th century.

It would go on to be emulated in the acclaimed French boardgame "L'Attaque", which soon was further emulated by the popularly known game "Stratego".

In this very old Japanese military strategy game, there exists 2 opposing armies on a battlefield. The most powerful piece on the board is the General, who is capable of wiping out virtually any other piece on the board, from grunts to colonels.

You'd think the General is an unstoppable force.

But the General has one fatal weakness; one that is extremely hard to notice: the Spy.

The Spy is the most vulnerable piece on the entire board, capable of being wiped out by virtually any other piece. But the Spy is the one and only piece capable of destroying the General.

Whilst the General focuses on the offensive, commandeering legions - the Spy blends into the background, appearing to be completely helpless and harmless. But the Spy is sneaky - stealthily working its way through the shadows, dodging the other pieces on the board, until finally it crouches right up behind the General and takes it out silently and with absolute precision.

You see, INTJs are the Spies. They do not draw attention to themselves, so nobody has a hope of spotting their inner schemes and plans until it has already been hatched.

Anyone else get a wonky test result? I mainly see intjs with enneagram 4-8, and somehow im a 2.

Granted, im not entirely sure im not a socially anxious ENTP.

Curious as to other peoples results & thoughts. Cheers!

have you guys noticed that when someone looks at you, it's likely a really intense stare like " what's up with that guy ?. " kind of look

https://youtu.be/BItbCLTcMY8?si=hEHU7y_4u3wholKh

I'm genuinely very confident I'm Ni dominant + Se inferior based on my understanding of these function but I'm unsure about which INXJ fits better.

The reason I doubt being a INTJ is I value social harmony and relate to the charlemelon Fe thing albeit sometimes they way I adjust myself to other people is creating a very cold persona depending on the situation. I'm friendly with strangers as I generally believe it's improves others moods that little bit so why not do it and am willing to help others out of needed even if it goes against my own desires. I also tend to care more about something making sense to me than hard statistics. Collective Feelings is something I view as essential for a healthy Society and I will participate in social niecities when needed. I also believe individualism is unhealthy for society. Id say collective feelings/unity are more important than logic/truth for a functioning society.

I doubt being INFJ because I'm not emotional like the stereotype and I am not a person who stands out for being empathetic. I am also stoic, decisive, analytical and logical. I'm quite a serious person and not goffy in the slightest. I have a calm demoneror though I do care about hierarchy (Don't always respect it) more than the typical INFJ would though I do dislike authority (though everybody does despite thinking that makes them special). I'm quite assertive in my opinions though will keep them quiet and be agreeable in certain situations. My political opinions lean more towards the typical INTJ. I generally like things I study to be useful to me irl in some sort of way. I don't like theorising for the sake of it if it has 0 practicality though I'm generally for idealistic than practical and terrible at even thinking about small details though that could just be Inf Se. I'm also a loner and a lot more asocial than the typical INFJ despite appearing small gathering and social norms. I'm not sure I relate to Tertiary Fi either.

Stereotypically I think I behave more like a INTJ I seem to relate to the FeTi axis more I realise as I'm writing this

Thanks for taking your time to read this :)

We're known for being architects. I want to see if you feel that is true of your physical or mental wellness.

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Hi! A bit of an odd post here, are there any biochem/med people here in this sub? I'm curious about the methods you use to memorise lectures and content that works best for you.

Alternatively, for other memorisation-heavy subjects like history and languages, what methods do you find helpful? Thanks! :D

I have my life set up in specific way. I eat a clean diet, exercise, and spend a lot of my time focusing on learning or improving various parts of my life.

Hanging out with other people almost always involves eating unhealthy food, wasting time, etc. This isn't to say that I don't enjoy a casual conversation out watching a TV show here and there. I just want far less of it than most people do.

Whenever I go out with other people for an extended period of time (be it a vacation or a night out), it inevitably becomes a game of herding cats, making compromises, and ultimately just having a worse time than if I went by myself. When I do things myself, I get to do exactly what I want, when I want.

What benefit do other people bring? It seems like practically none to with multiple negatives. Sure, conversation is nice. But I'm satisfied with that in an hour or so, and then I'm happy with podcasts, youtube, or being free with my mind, alone.

I’m an INFP girl dating an INTJ man who said he’s never had a relationship before. He recently dated a girl long distance for 4 months but they decided to break things off and stay friends instead because “their feelings weren’t strong enough to handle LDR”. I asked him why he’s been single all his life and he said “because I’ve dealt a lot with depression in periods but also because I’m picky”

His parents are still happily married and so is his sibling and he is a very good looking guy.

(I have a post about our first date you can read to get more info.)

How do I know if he really is Romantically interested in me or just looking to have sex and use me? How do I know if he is capable of being in a relationship, can he open his heart, be vulnerable, can he love me? Is he a Avoidant Attachment Style? Is he toxic?

Yes or No and please give me a reason of why do you think he is or is not.

About to be in one for a few months, it’s a little scary to go into.

Edit: it’s only going to be for a few months