Deep within me there is an ESFJ who just wants to organize cool events and make all of my friends get along and have fun, but my social anxiety and inability to express emotions makes it difficult. That has got me wondering, do ESFJs have an inner INTP trapped within them? What does that look like for you guys? I.e., how do you behave / feel when Ti and Ne take over?

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I took the cognitive functions test on two different websites and I would sometimes get ESFJ while other times I’d get ISTJ.

I guess I tend to oscillate between the two? How do I know which one I really am?

What’s up everyone! I’ve been tryin to type myself for years atp, and I think I’ve finally narrowed it down to 2. I noticed that I use both Ne and Fe a lot, but it’s hard to tell if Im better at Si or Ti. In other words, I’m stuck between ENTP and ESFJ lol

Im gonna give some reasons I may be an ENTP and others why I may be an ESFJ and see what yall think!

ENTP

• Most of my interests don't revolve around physical activity or tradition. My main hobbies are writing, video games, music, etc. I’ve never been into things like sports unless I was watching them with friends. There are a few traditionally Se things I'm into tho, like the occasional clubbing and painting
• I get ideas constantly, usually about different stories I could write or video games I could make. Because of this, I can sometimes get easily sidetracked and distracted. 
• I really enjoy fuckin w ppl sometimes, esp if they are doing something that I think warrants them deserving it “i.e being a bigot, being an asshole for no good reason, etc”
• A lot of the decisions I make are based more on logic than personal connection or fitting in. For example, a lot of my friends are into vinyls, but I don't get them bc I don't see the point in buying them if I only listen to music on my phone.
• My sense of humor is a lot more in line with what ENTPs are usually into than ESFJs. I love absurd humor like Smiling Friends, as well as wordplay and even the occasional and admittedly sometimes problematic cartoons like South Park.
• I’m not always aware of how other ppl feel when I talk to em, there are times when a girl flirts w me and I dont even realize until hours after. This has been getting better tho
• I am into learning about political, social, and societal issues. My thoughts about them revolve around making the world better for ppl in practical ways. I don't hold onto ideology or dogma really as I think that is unhelpful at best. 
• If I’m in a good mood then I will frequently make jokes, and I’ve been told that I’m entertaining to listen to. 

ESFJ

• I love ppl and talking to them, especially in terms of dating. Even Im just ppl watching I still enjoy it. I frequently go out to a nearby city just to see ppl doing their thing or talk to someone I may run into.
• I can be very people-pleasy sometimes, particularly when I was younger. 
• When I was in elementary school especially I was often one of the favorite kids of the teachers because of how nice and good of a student I was. A “goody-goody” if you will. I did get less stiff as I got older tho 
• I can have a pretty good memory for people’s names, birthdays, and types of things they like, especially if it’s someone I'm close with or want to be close with. 
• I do have moments where I do public speaking and ppl usually react good to em. I think Im good at assessing the vibe of both individual ppl and groups. 
• I also said this in the ENTP part but my politics revolve around society doing what it can to help other ppl. 
• I will often not be open about my real beliefs if I know they will disrupt social harmony (particularly when it comes to family stuff)

So yea! The way things look to me I’m either an ENTP who developed his Fe or an ESFJ who developed his Ne. 

I’ve also considered ENFP, ENFJ, and even INFJ. I stopped thinking I was an ENFP bc the more I analyzed my own behavior the more I realized I used Fe more than Fi, and I also dont think I use Te often enough to be even tert. I also stopped w INFJ and ENFJ cause I use Ne more than Ni. Looking forward to hearing what yall think!

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I'm penetrating this sub just to study. I would like to know how the cognitive functions FE, SI, NE, TI appear in you, how do you use them?

i think its te demon but my esfj mom will never care about others thinking,or my opinions

I'm an isfj, and I'm friends with an esfj. At first he even protected me from certain things, but nowadays he plays bad jokes with me, not only me but with everyone in the group, but I'm the most affected. I don't know why he does this, I play with him too but they are light, it doesn't come close to the ones he does with me, it reaches a point that I get very uncomfortable, I said that to a friend of mine who is also from the group, and she agrees with me.

Despite everything, I love him.

Esfj and intp

DISCOVERY: ESFJs and INTPs are seeking exploration, novelty, and to both experience and re-experience being on the edge of something new. 

focus(destination)

• GENERATIVITY: Subconscious Focused (SF) ESFJs and INTPs find Discovery through producing the resources, technologies, motivations, and insights that allow them to find and integrate their personal cutting edge. SF ESFJs and INTPs often find that creating new things leads to even more inspiration. 
• GLUTTONY: Unconscious Focused (UF) ESFJs and INTPs lead with consumption. Often bored, uninspired, and unmotivated by production, they consume what is most engaging in front of them. Gluttony can also act as a “refueling” period so that further production is possible. Gluttonous ESFJs and INTPs are more likely to believe their productivity is a scarce resource.

origin(development)

• SERVILITY: Subconscious Developed (SD) ESFJs and INTPs give themselves away to serve other people and explore the things other people value. By being the most helpful, they hope to experience deep gratitude and reciprocation for the effort they put forth. 
• HEDONISM: Unconscious Developed (UD) ESFJs and INTPs lead with their curiosity. Hedonism has a mark of independence, where this Dyad gives themselves complete permission to follow whatever trail they wish. Few pathways are off-limits.  

let me know which 2 you relate to,pick one origin,one focus

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I (ESFJ) get taken from granted in relationships (family and friends) and at work. I expend a lot of energy taking care of people, thinking about their needs, including them on decision making, etc, but no one seems to notice. It’s like I didn’t do anything. Do you guys experience this and what do you do about it?

I just don’t know what to do. I can’t make friends. I have no opportunities to do so. I had a close internet friend but everything I do has been offending her lately. So I guess she’s not my friend anymore. (Update: We’re still friends.) I don’t think I’m ever gonna have friends again and I’m so lonely and miserable and I just don’t know what to do! So please… Is there ANY way to actually be happy despite having no friends? Because I give up. I just give up. I will NEVER have friends and I just need to accept it and figure out how to cope with this horrible reality because it’ll never change.

ESFJ's blessing and curse is that we think about helping people, and if we are well rounded, we are able to make plans for a person's self improvement, health, income or anything in that sphere.

One problem with this could be when an individual is somewhat beyond help. For example, an individual who got a whopping amount of help, suggestion, example and financial help in their youth, and ruthlessly shat on it. Then, during young adulthood did the same, and now that even some health issues are starting to show, apparently she feels comfortable going around town saying only the "there's no cure" part. Never the 'a healthy life and the cure being researched on" part.

How to unfocus?

does dom Fe always make it natural for ESFJs to blend in with everyone, regardless of whether theyre children in school or adults in their job?

Auxiliary (parent function) 

The second function assists your dominant function, thick of it as the sidekick of your dominant superhero.  As you exit childhood, life gets more complicated and you are saddled with more responsibility. By itself, the dominant function is quite limited in scope. Pushing the dominant to extremes and applying it inappropriately starts to reveal its limitations, flaws, and weaknesses and becomes involved when the dominant function cant fully solve a situation on its own. When the dominant and auxiliary functions work well together, they make decisions as a great team because of having one perceiving function to gather data and one judging function to organize data for decision making, as well as one introverted function for reflection and one extraverted function for taking action. 

When the dominant function functions at extremes, it increases susceptibility to inferior grip. The best way to address this problem is to develop the auxiliary function. Since the auxiliary and inferior functions have the same introversion/extroversion orientation, learning how to use the auxiliary well takes pressure off the dominant-inferior conflict. The auxiliary function is less threatening than the inferior function, so it plays an important role in bridging the dominant and inferior function gap. Hence why when a person is in a loop or grip, you always hear people say to strengthen your auxiliary function. 

The auxiliary function is a “helper” that assists the dominant function to achieve its needs and goals. It allows you to make decisions based on what the dominant function has taken in, it guides you towards decision making when taking in new information, this is especially for Sensing and intuitive functions because they are constantly drawn to new perceptions making them indecisive. On the flipside, thinking and feeling functions tend to be more decisive of their decisions but are not efficient at taking in new information to modify their decisions and behaviors as conditions change, hence their auxiliary functions guide them in taking in new information around them. For example an ENFJ has their dominant function as extraverted feeling Fe so their auxiliary introverted intuition Ni will help them in taking in new information for decision making during any change of conditions and make them consider other aspects alongside. For balance, this type would use Introverted Intuition (Ni) in their inner world. Extraverted Feeling (dominant), used in the outside world, is the core of the personality and is supported by Introverted Intuition (auxiliary). Without using the auxiliary process, individuals who prefer Extraversion might never stop to reflect. 

Also you are unlikely to use it as well as someone for whom the function is dominant, though you can learn to use it maturely with enough attention to self-development. The auxiliary function can be conceptualized as a loud voice that gives you advice about how to better yourself. Failing to develop your auxiliary function leads  to the indovisual becoming one sided or imbalanced orientation or unstable/unresolved functional conflict. If individuals used their dominant process all the time, they would have a one-sided personality, always taking in information (and never making decisions) or always rushing to decisions (and not stopping to take in information). 

Development of the auxiliary function:

It is challenging to develop the auxiliary function as it has a different i/e orientation from your dominant, this is why you see a lot of people skip using the auxiliary and jump straight to their tertiary because it is the same i/e orientation as their dominant. For example an ESTP may mostly use Se-Fe rather than Se-Ti, at extremes this can be called a loop. You tend to notice that some people resist using their auxiliary and whenever conflict arises you will protect and team up with your dominant function rather than working it out with your auxiliary and treat the auxiliary as a threat to you. 

Our environment plays a huge role in the development of the auxiliary function! A supportive environment allows it to be easier to express the dominant function which is ideal for growth, unlike an unsupportive environment which slows the development of this function. This makes it hard to type people sometimes because most tend to have it undeveloped or unhealthy which might cause confusion since auxiliary is supposedly one of strongest and most used functions, which is also another reason why several people are mistyped, sometimes trying to type yourself by looking at tertiary and dominant may be more useful as in some people it overpowers their auxiliary. Also limitations and flaws of the dominant function begin to show up in a young age which brings the development of the auxiliary to help out, therefore if by adulthood a function is not well developed the individual will experience dominant extremes and weak aux.  In order to achieve growth we need a supportive environment as well as getting out of our comfort zone to develop our auxiliary.

Hey everyone!! Young INFP here (f17) and i’m in a bit of a predicament.. theres this guy at my college who i suspect to be an ESFJ (seems very social, outgoing, kind, friends with a lot of people, thoughtful) and i am madly in love with him. So the problem is that i just don’t talk to him- he’s in the year above me so i’m not in any of his classes (we don’t take any of the same classes other than french) and the year 12s and year 13s have to sit at different places at break and lunch so i can’t really approach him if he chooses to sit in the sixth form block. We spoke ONCE (he asked me if i had seen the teacher he was looking for) and he was really nice and from then on i instantly fell for him. i know i sound really dramatic but i’m an emotional person, a bit dramatic in general and a big romantic. I see him in the corridors quite a lot and my heart skips a beat every time. All i really want is just for him to notice me again- he just never looks at me! I don’t know wether he’s doing it on purpose or not but i try not to stalk him or stare at him creepily so i hope he doesn’t think i’m weird. My cousin is in the same class as him so that could be an in. But he’s often around friends and i just don’t have the guts right now to go up to him around others. i just want to talk to him and get to know him so bad!!! but i have no idea where to start!!!!

my question to you guys is; what will make you notice a person? i don’t want to change myself completely of course but i just wish i could do something that would make him attracted to me/notice me! i’m quite an artsy person but i’m also quite shy, when he spoke to me i was pretty confident but that was before i got a proper crush on him. Is there a way you guys prefer to be approached? How would you like someone to go about this?? Please reply, i lowkey need all the help i can get😅 Also- sorry if this post sounds like i’m creepily obsessed or something, i’m not some kind of creeper! Just a severely awkward and flustered INFP hahahaha

TLDR; how do i approach my ESFJ crush (who i’ve never properly spoken to) in the best way??

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Hello interesting people, I'm sharing the ESFJ description that I consider to be the most accurate, with the hope you can find it helpful and insightful.

It's an extract from this post divided into six parts, that I recommend everyone to read in full.

"They try to find the most common denominator among people, having a great struggle with monarchic types who will hold their point against the group for their own sake. ESFJ's natural mode is value judgement based on objective criteria drawn from the environment, thus they are highly sensitive to their society and responsive to the pain of its members. They are drawn, like a mother, by the instinct to soothe and smooth over the discomfort of others, maintaining and enriching the harmony of their feeling environment. When they are in this mode, they are in tune with others and reflect their feelings in a way that makes everyone comfortable, unlike the ESFP who is more likely to grow more into their individualism the more they get into their element. Fe represents the "dance of feeling" as opposed to Fi "the dream of feeling", and ESFJ feels most comfortable when everyone joins in the dance. They need other people to open up to them, to express themselves in socially normal, exoteric ways. ESFJs are perfectly capable of treating people specially and separately too, as long as the exception to their rule has a justification.

The Fi->Fe motions means, to have a "feeling dream" is not a problem, but universalizing their feelings is better, in order to share the warmth. The quality of the feeling is taken for granted in order to emphasize the quantity. The process of universalization actually purifies or perfects one's feelings and values. This type's ideal is at the bottom: egalitarian. All accommodations must be justified to place people on the same playing field. They remain sensitive to off-key actions, thus their greatest struggle is to upkeep standards (Si) vs include everyone equally (Fe).

To make a category more inclusive, one needs to change the category itself: thus when someone wanders of, they either need to take them back into the group, or enlarge the field. Because of this tendency, they can also shepherd in unwilling wolves, types that crave freedom and independence, thus the ESFJ can be both the good and the terrible mother: the self-sacrificial one and the one that destroys uniqueness.

Unlike the ENFJ who have a more self-contained idea of self because of Se/Ni, and fit better in the role of the leading type, the ESFJ has a kind of modesty because of their Ne/Si, peculiar to their temperament. They regard everyone equally important in contributing to creating a universal understanding that transcends them all (Ne+Ti). They disregard all subjective rank in favor of underlying humanity, having the potential to be charismatic not because of their force (like an ENFJ might) but because they identify themselves with each and every person involved.

They do not trust what Ni comes up with because it is not "natural" since it didn't originate in the community, but in the individual. Their openness is as broad as the whole earth (Ne) but it rarely penetrates downwards. Their discourage individual visions (Ni) for the sake of harmony (Fe).

There is a certain coldness in their love, since their love is based on duty, obligation, or even ethical calculation (Ti). Unlike the ENTP who might never place foot on the ground in their exploring, the ESFJ might never hold on to principles because they are more concerned with going with the Fe flow of their experiences; they might start to feel hollow because their lives are so controlled by everyone else. Ti thus can manifest as a seemingly arbitrary stubbornness, even if the ESFJ isn't able to argue for it - all for the sake of keeping some semblance of individuality.

Te types work with externally validated rules, but ESFJ struggles to integrate contextual efficiency into their program because it requires them to look out on the world as a subject within it and not as a legislator above it. To apply Te, they need to be willing to loosen their sacred rules, and the ability to narrow their view. Efficiency requires selfishness and ego-centrism. It also requires forgetting (selection) in favor of a goal - intentional partiality."

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Hello Consuls!
I have been making my way to the different MBTI types reddits with the desire to collect some data.
I am curious, concerning the 5 love languages concept, which one(s) do you feel most prominent, which one(s) do you not and why?
Thank you =)

Any suggestions for a start up small business that involves talking to lots of clients or anything facing them? It motivates me to especially meet new people. Basically i'm within the Tech industry as a manager but i'm looking for something outside my field of work.

Would love to know your journey on how you started it and how it went too.

I was just wondering how into music you guys are. And also what genre would be your favorite along with a couple artists that you enjoy listening to. I'd just like to see how my music taste compares to yours and each other in general.

So I noticed whenever I try talking and making new friends. They tend to distance themselves from me eventually in my perspective. It makes me wonder if I just yap too much or bore them or if I did something wrong.

Hi. I've been working on a personality quiz, and I'm looking for ESFJs to help test it. Someone who is reasonably certain of their type, and willing to provide feedback. I'd appreciate it greatly.

Edit: Feel free to reach well after I've posted this. I imagine I'll be looking around for at least a few weeks

i need advice from someone who had an intj husband

how to fill the gap in the differences between them?

how to bring out the love of him to the family? what shall i really do

Apparently I worry too much, according to my ISTP partner. He's not the only one who says this, so I can see where he is coming from.

I worry a lot about the European version of "jay walking" ( = ignoring the presence or absence of zebra crossing). Yeah, I live in a country where it's already hard to get respect as a pedestrian, so I worry about respecting the National Street Code (a real law).

I worry about buying train tickets in sketchy suburbs. Train tickets are train tickets, but who guarantees me that nobody's gonna rob me, scare me or touch me while I'm standing still in front of the cashier and paying a bill?

I worry about my partner's comfort and wellbeing. I worry about paying things in time, not being in the wrong place at the wrong time, keeping my parents at peace.

I worry "too much". And I still think these things are barely for survival.

Could this be something ESFJ? And how can I do something? He's not from my country, we communicate in English cuz native languages are different. Should I try to give him some of the responsibilities anyway?

The golden couple of incompatibility.. I'm intj. My partner is esfj.. this is what I've learned ..

I can see years in advance & plan more for it. He often doesn't believe my plans, because they're too far & ‘so much could happen’ , which often led to many of my plans not happening because doesn't follow through with the steps, think. It couldn't be that easy for something so big / far away.

With our daughter. I know how what. when she needs, but his execution is often better. not always. He often gets frustrated if he doesn't understand what she needs, & doesn't always believe me when I say ‘ it's this’. unless I show him she calms down when you do. If he's in this state he often resorts to comfort. But can get frustrated if that's not what she needs. Ex, she's tired.. so he tries holding /making silly faces. But really she needs rocking for 5-10minutes & quiet,

pattern recognition is a large thing. I can see something is going to happen. Either a situation or a person. & he dismisses it. Then it happens, & he often feels stupid in these situations, & I think embarrassed, so he can either (his way of) shut down, or be moody for a while. or try to rationalize as coincidence. It's taken repeated similar situations of me saying ( x ) was going to happen for him to believe me ..now he's starting to get it, but not entirely. Often gets overwhelmed on where to start on a big projects, so showing him repeatedly where to start has helped him not get exasperated. Because he's seen seen that doing (a) always leads to ( c ) so he knows where to start now. When he Does start something, he can go overboard & exhaust himself. Leading him to not do anything for larger periods of time if it's tasks. Ex. Cleaning. He starts cleaning, then moves to another room. Then takes Everything out of that room to scrub. Then realizes there's gunk behind the mirror, so he takes the mirror down. Then noticed the paint is chipping off in there so he starts painting.. he overdoes it. Exhausts himself & won't do anything for a couple of days ..

Onto people.. he changes according to who he's around. If he ‘ feels’ the group is going this way, then he modifies his behavior to fit. While still sometimes adding a loud silliness to conversation.

If he's in a negative mood he can often go overboard talking about ‘ this ‘ person, because that's what he feels in the moment. But with some time /calming down, he often realizes that it was just what he was feeling, either cornered, judged or felt stupid. But it's usually a misunderstand on his part. & He reacted emotionally to something he thought, but wasn't happening. & Then afterwards. Isn't sure how to go about correcting the moment.. so he can feel embarrassed being around thosw he ranted to, /the person.because he doesn't know how to go about an apology, without being outright ‘ wrong’

His way of dealing with it was going on as if nothing happened, as an attempt to normalize & kind of, brush off what he said. & Try to talk them up again, ‘ oh yeah they did This. But also This ( positive ) ‘

we're still working on it .. & saying ‘ I’m sorry. I was wrong ‘ without it being a long winding thing where you're not sure if he actually apologized.. is a thing..

If he's upset about anything, he needs people /opinions around him. He has trouble figuring things out /what he's feeling sometimes. So he often jumps into seeing people at the slightest thing to get their opinion. Instead of self reflecting & coming up an idea for himself. Other people were his brain, & he had trouble acting unless he saw severaldifferent people to get their views.

Learning to take time for yourself, not jumping to conclusions. & Listening to (specifically me ) when I notice something is going to happen. & to trust the steps I lay out, even if he doesn't see it right away. & Not letting his emotions / feelings rule him when he should think objectively about a situation. Is all things were working on.

he's very influenced by what other people are feeling in the moment. So done of this can be difficult

Now onto me..

There is a big miscommunication most of the time between us. I am a stone faced person. I came from a stone faced family. & As a result of that, he says ‘ hurt, sad, mad or in pain. It's all the same face’ so it's lead to issues, especially at the beginning. Where he thinks I'm ‘ mad’ but really ..I just need a Tylenol.. this had led him to be passively upset in situations where he shouldn't. Or giving me space, because he can't figure out what I want. or am feeling

I've learned to Tell him what I need/ feeling. But sometimes he didn't believe me because my face / body language said ‘ this’ while I was telling him something else.. he's learned to take my word now as what I mean ..even if something face etc, seems contradictory. but not all the time ..

I've learned to emote abit more. Try to watch my body language, but often it makes me feel awkward

Because I grew up in a stone faced family. I learned to read even the slightest change in body language.. so I can often tell what he's feeling. What caused it.. but if he feels he's going to be judged /something negative with expressing that . He'd vehemently say it's the opposite..or he's not feeling that /fine.

A big thing we differ on is. I'm very open once I know someone. I have a fear of balloons, I know it's irrational. & I don't care who knows. & I know Why I have it. But if he thinks something will make others judge him/ feel silly, he'd try to avoid or hide it instead of expressing it to people..

which Absolutely frustrates me.. if you're around people you care about. Why would you care if they know x, & if they Do care about you then they won't judge you for it.. it's also a good way to tell if they actually care about you or not.. Whether you would be around them.. but he he'd rather forego some personal things in order to keep having friendships .. I've also learned to point things out about people to let him know they care. /Open up discussion about ‘this’ topic around people so he sees that Everyone is okay /willing to talk about that subject.. or everyone has /feels the same thing in that area & it's ridiculous to think you need to hide it around people who care about you..it's helped

I've learned to give him a space where he can feel non judged /comfortable & give him rational solutions with simple steps with things. & Not piling the totality of a big plan on him. Only giving him one picture at a time. what it means rather than ( then we're going to do this, this, this, this even months /years in advance. so he doesn't get overwhelmed. When he thinks this is a task, this is going to make it better directly. Yes it would, but there are other things that I'll say later that will make the problem/thing even better. Learning to have him think X is the plan /solution. When x is step one of 5.. or 20 .. rather than overwhelm him. or talking about step 1-3 first. Then others later )

I have No idea how to act in social situations.. which lead to people he knew to not trust me when we first met. I tend to freeze /not say anything. Coupled with rbf. or stone faced, lead to alot of issues.. & him feeling out of place.. because of the discomfort in the group..

Once I got comfortable /social I got to know them more ..

Not jumping at everything he did ‘wrong’ was another thing.. if he say, got me a glass of chocolate milk while I was sick.. I don't get into how the sugar would effect my immune system & milk increases mucus production.because he's doing something nice. because I'm sick..& knows I like chocolate milk.. it's better to accept something small.. even if it would hinder me abit in the short run because he was trying to be nice /thoughtful. Rather than rejecting the ‘nice’ thing ..

Before the ‘nevermind I'll do it myself’ would often come up.. because he would either take forever to do something. (I realize because he didn't know where to start, or didn't believe ) Which led me to be exhausted. because I couldn't do everything myself.. the reasons above, showing over time. Steps Do go somewhere, & tackling a big issue in smaller parts/ showing where to start was a help

We also have his dad (isfp) living with us. Which has put a damper on our relationship.. he's constantly worried about .. everything ? & nothing. & he's very effected by his mood /catching.. so that has been an issue ..

main take away points. realizing when I say something, I mean it.. regardless of other physical factors.. not getting Overly into ‘venting’ to people without a grain of salt. Listening to me when I say. this is going to happen if we do this.. getting to a point where he feels expressing himself in ways he normally wouldn't .. recognizing, and showing him steps can lead to bigger things. Are all things that have helped improve things..

& We still got a long way to go.

Is it easy no? No, do I still think he makes no sense & X is easy? Yes. Does he still think I'm an alien ? Yes. Do I have an appreciation for him being emotional sometimes now. Yes. Does he feel he can fall on me if there's any hard issues he can't solve ? Yes. & There's still fights. & It can be cat /dog sometimes..But at least we have some understand. & know how the other works.

If you're in the same relationship. Intj esfj. This is what I’ve learned from being with one.. it's Absolutely not easy ..& we are so different. But we try to make it work..