I love all personality types BUT istps and intps just totally kill my vibe and I can't stand it, and I've actually never met a nice or non abusive one

As the title say! I'm a bit torn between the two types, I know one leads with Se while the other with Ne, Inf Si and inf Ni, on the surface, I can relate to different parts of the 2 dom functions, but I would like to understand a bit more about it, if you have time!

Some handy info about me:

• I have lots of ideas, but more on the practical side, IE "I would like to study graphic design, but also massage therapist could be a swift change of career, I don't know what will work out better in the short term and would be a good fit for me in the long term "

• I'm a very creative person, and with good writing skills. I love fantasy settings and play TTRPGs (Avatar legends/D&D at the moment) And RPG videogames (Dragon's Dogma, Final Fantasy 14), but I definitely get a kick out of more realistic settings like the Yakuza series with strong emphasis on dynamic interactions/gameplay for VG

• I'm mostly on the homebody side, I need lots of time at home to recharge my batteries (I work as a Receptionist, quite good on the social side of the work, worse on the monotonous procedures and logistics that comes with it xD) with just my family or my GF, and pass most of the time playing games or playing my bass guitar, but I have several outdoors activities I enjoy a lot (Fishing, Trekking, Going to the Seaside and Countryside, Riding a motorcycle when I would have the economic availability) and hate parties or discos

• When I was younger, I changed lots of sports and musical instruments, I used to be a Skater too (without the acrobatic part because no one actually ever teached that to me xD) just to understand in which field I would get the most energy and what was a good fit for me

• I have big issues with imagining how the future will look, I can easily imagine different possibilities or choices I can make, but I can't really figure out how they will play out (Worst question I can get is "how do you see yourself in five years" or "what would you like to do as a job/role?"), got some issues in introspection even, If I feel, and feel DEEPLY , but generally as a reaction to something, even if I know very well which values I have!

• I learn a lot by trying things directly and with trial & error, most things I learned, I learned by "getting my hands dirty" rather than simple study, that's why I always had serious issues with the more theorical approach of Italian university!

Hope I gave you some interesting information, if you have questions, please ask!

Long story short intp sent me to istj, istj didnt like my math skills, enfps think i stink, entp wanted me to either eat catfood for a week while wearing a tutu or go to entjs, entjs didn't like my magic trick, went back to intp again (someone was doing witchcraft), finally went to intj and got told to introduce myself or go to esfp and now i'm here.

Hi i'm esfp and i'm here to DANCE

Hello interesting people, I'm sharing the ESFP description that I consider to be the most accurate, with the hope you can find it helpful and insightful.

It's an extract from this post divided into six parts, that I recommend everyone to read in full.

"Predominance of Se in a wholly contextual temperament, built to be psychologically efficient. They see (Se), then they do (Te), something happens and they respond accordingly. Everything must be supercharged with passion (Fi), everything in their life must be significant to them personally (Ni).

Starting with the "seen and done" Si, they move into "here and now" Se that takes place outside of them. Their judgement is Fe->Fi, away from the general crowds into their own cavern of self-hood. Introspection depletes their energy and is only meant to serve their principle interest: experiencing the present moment, thus they are liable to forget what they want in place of what they currently see, the result being irresponsibility, but their sincerity in repentance is matched by the carelessness of their transgression.

Regarding their inferior, their focus on the here and now is tied to a worship of there hereafter and soon-to-come Ni. Many of the things ESFPs do are explicable as spontaneous, possibly reckless but sincere actualizations of Ni; they can sense there's something important beyond the surface, but they aren't sure of it, so they best way to access it is to concretize it by living it out. Much of what they do today can be traced to their good hopes for tomorrow, and their excitement for the future prevents them from getting too comfortable into a routine, traditions or personal hang-ups. They need to be ready for when tomorrow comes. Readiness for exciting future also curses them with increased naivety.

They seek to mobilize resources in a rational way, to have a measurable impact on the world (Te). In their perspective, the world is stultified with outdated laws and doctrines out of touch with present needs. Their sub-inspiring Ti is what they hate: they want results (Te), not rules. They seem resistant to critical thinking, because this type's energy requires ambition that doesn't do well with the slow pace of a scholar. For them, freedom is not the capacity to direct their will, but the absence of all hindering and restraining, since they take the direction of their will for granted. One’s desires are not chosen, in some abstract, purely rational space; rather, they are a preexisting force that can be channeled rationally. They hunger (tertiary), in other words, to be more rational in their exploitation of opportunity. They want to optimize life, not just intuitively, but according to principles adapted to their situation. This is what they hunger for, not what they necessarily get.

Their enemy is Ne: multiple perspectives, facets, approaches, interpretations - a multiplicity made possible by ignoring the subject's agenda. Given how their 7th and 8th functions are Ti and Ne, they struggle to draw objective inferences and enter a state where the needs of their ego do not eliminate possibilities outright. Their great challenge is to divest themselves of the personal and just gaze at the world without a goal or question on their mind."

trying to determine by myself if friend is isfp or esfp. they love using their senses but are content with where they live and never straying far from home. they love doing nature stuff together but they’re ready to go back and be totally present idk how else to say it.

My brother is an ESFP. Im an INFJ and most of our other family members are mostly INTJ. Its hard to connect to my brother and I know he also feels out of place within the family. Im asking for advice because I really care about him and want to help him.

For background: He is now 26, in prison. He got a 10 year sentence, hes done about half but he may get out early. He doesnt have many options when he does get out. Our mother died when we were younger. His father rejected him. My family was split apart. He became addicted to drugs in highschool and started living a life of crime soon after. I believe if he hadnt gone to prison he wouldve o.d. the night they picked him up. Im sure there are many other traumas related to the lifestyle. He seems to make choices that blatantly undermine him. He owes a lot of money to the government, banks, etc. Im not sure if he is borderline due to his hyperfixation on love interests and intense moods or just his mbti.

I just wish i knew what to say or do. Anybody here have a similar experience and advice on how you made it through? Any suggestings for resources for ESFP personality (like a book I could send him in prison) or something else that has helped you a lot? Any advice at all or things you would like to share would be appreciated. Thanks.

...and what made you realise you were indeed Se in the end?

Bonus question: what is Se to you? How do you experience it? Which Se definitions do you find best?

Usually I read that Se is experiencing intensely here and now without judgment. Smell, taste, sight and so on. Being very adaptable and action oriented like being a paramedic or a fire fighter for example. Being sensitive and attuned to esthetics and beauty so like for example fashion designer, photographer, painter. How does it look for you?

Bonus bonus question: I usually read about Ne that this function makes person consider using object as something else but wouldn't it be as well Se? Simplest explanation: for example using everyday objects as weapons, but of course you can extend it to any other area in life so I general it's about using something that was not designed for the job to do the job.

I asked the same question in ESTP sub because I'm trying to figure out if I'm using Se or Ne.

hi guys!!!!! my exams are ending soon and i'm gonna be thinking of what i should do during my holidays. (im so happy just thinking about this) just wanted to ask as esfps, do you guys have a favorite hobby? i plan to get into dressmaking and have found out i really like to make and diy stuff lol. any hobby recs would be much appreciated as long as materials are cheap (im broke). time isn't really a constraint for me since i have like a 6-7 month break. (i am planning to get a job, though)

thanks for reading!!

As far as I know, ESFPs stereotypically aren't the target audiance for this question, but I'm making a poll like this for every type's sub (or a question where polls aren't allowed) :)

I know I sound like a teenager. You see, he and I are in grad school, and I always thought he was cute, but I never thought he was into me like that. I just always have to initiate conversation with him, and there are people he almost prefers talking to. He’s introverted, but I’m even more so.

If it weren’t for his rare moments of kindness, I think he’d hate me. But one time I spilled my coffee all over my desk, and he went to the men’s restroom to get paper towels to clean my desk. Another time, some classmates wanted to go to the farmers market after class. I didn’t want to go because I was really tired. Everybody else was already walking, but he was the only one that waited for me to make a decision.

I invited the whole class to my birthday party. he was the second person to confirm that he was coming to my party. Keep in mind he lives 30 minutes away from me.

Hiiii Entertainers!
I am visiting all the different MBTI types reddits trying to collect some data concerning the 5 Love Languages concept.
Which one(s) do you find to be most prominent, which one(s) not and why?

Thank you =)

I have a friend whom I have been trying to know which type she is ,me and my sister are into it and we analyzed she is an E and landed on four options but i was very confused on which one ,she is very close to me ,so i told her about mbti and asked her yo read them and tell me which one she felt was her the most ( ps.she took the exam and turned enfj but after reading it she said it wasn't her and i personally don't think so ) however she said no on every possible type and was very resistant in a weird way to read the forth one although i told her i swear this the last time just do it for me and i kind of begged her for a long time before she finally accepted and was very upset about she didn't want to cause she said she doesn't believe in mbti and that she doesn't have to be any one of the 16 types and that it was a weird obsession, however after a lot of thinking and analyzing i realized she was an esfp !! All this time and it just connected with everything she is ...so my question is , are esfp more prone to not believe or care about such a thing as mbti ?

A while back, I was playing volleyball on a school trip in Costa Rica. Most people in this game were either white Americans or locals. I’m from the US, but my parents are Hispanic. There was one boy playing on my team who kept badmouthing me to his best friend. He was speaking loudly in English that I wasn’t playing well. I wasn’t sure if he was speaking about me specifically, but I got it after the third comment he made. I said to him eventually “wait, what did you say?” Afterwards, he tried teaching me how to through the ball and was super nice even though I still wasn’t playing well.

Later on in the trip, I was forced to be around him. I tried talking to him to be civil, and he reciprocated. He even tried politely flirting with me (but we were both drunk). He laughed at all my painfully awkward jokes. I was being quiet one time at dinner (I got rejected by another guy), and he asked me things about myself. Another time, I was coming to lunch a bit late, and he was drying his towel on an empty chair next to him. He took the towel off the chair and put it on his lap so I could sit.

Me when I can’t edit the title. DO ESFPS STRUGGLE WITH LOVE OR RELATIONSHIPS. This is just a random morning thought I had but I want to know if other esfps feel the same way. I feel like dating is super hard for us?

I’m not the most attractive girl, but despite my bubbly and kind persona, i’ve always been rejected after the first or second date with a guy. I notice my introverted friends tend to attract men easier than I do and while I usually would blame my looks, im curious if its my personality.

I also saw another post about how ESFPs struggle to fit in with girl friend groups and often form tighter bonds with their male friends. Does this play a factor into why I am considered unattractive?

Just looking for experience and thoughts from ESFPs about dating, love and relationships. Please share your 2 cents!

Okay so, I can't believe I'm resorting to this, but let's go, I'm having an issue with an INTJ man, quick background, we used to joke around and have fun, and had brief deep conversations, I use to tease him quite a lot..he does it back. however it all started with me asking for his honest opinion on a matter that was private (personal matter) to me, I did agree with his perspective although I had a different sentiment due to my upbringing made it very clear to him, also he did describe how he processes emotions to me, almost he feels like its alien concept. long story short I completely forgotten about that discussion, and I expressed my opinion about another one we that wasnt related to the personal matter of mine,..we also seemed to agree on, the next day oddly, I woke up to a message from him stating that he is very off put by my sentiment by the personal subject ive discussed with him, and tried to bait me into arguing with him on a different matter that I viewed as irrelevant and I just blew him off. After I cleared myself up politely to him and apologized, remained positive. He ended up making a very mean comment and blocked me, i did not engage him afterwards or tried to make amends, mind you instead of communicating he just decided to..use the personal information I've shared and insult me with it, I didn't take it personally but knew to keep a distance. I was hurt by his actions,, until yesterday I was joking with one of my friends..and he..inserted himself by making a comment to be part of our 1 on 1 conversation..? Didn't think much of it..but that was just so strange and unblocked me all together. Point is..im not very comfortable around this person anymore, especially after what he did, I use to like him, a lot. Now I'm just disappointed in him and afraid that he attacks me with the information I've shared to others.

hi people! i come from the esfp community. i apologise for the poor formatting, as i am on mobile. as the title said, i am wondering if i have been mistyped.

2 days ago, i took the micheal carloz mbti test (link down below) and got entj.

now, i've been in mbti for a grand total of 2 years, and was originally thought to be an esfp. i took the results, laughed it off, and didn't give it a second thought. that is, until today. i took the test 2 more times, and refreshed my memory on all the functions and letters by reading up on websites. needless to say, i got entj again for both results.

i know that mbti can be an inaccurate tool, and that it is impossible to type all 8 billion people on earth into 16 types. but i must fit into some catagory, right? all that's confirmed for me is that i am an extrovert.

reasons why i think i'm an entj: (please keep in mind i am still a student with no work experience. therefore, i will be using examples that have stood out to me)

1. i will usually take initiative and plan outings for my friend group. i don't get all nitty gritty into the details, but do plan out an overall step by step, place by place format, complete with date, time, who, etc. i know my friend group is made of assertive people, so i have no clue why they always let me take the reins.

2. i do have a future career that i want to do, and am working to it. (though its hard to work towards it when all i can do at the moment is study hard and go for exams). i don't know how much i can elaborate on this point.

3. i know i can make logical desicions, and have done so in the past. and i know i will make many more in the future. however, even though i make logical emotions, i will always be aware of the feelings and emotions of everyone involved.

4. i don't know if this is an entj trait, but i always feel a sense of irritation to people who don't focus on group projects in school, and don't move as fast as me. i am aware this is a toxic trait of mine, and am working on it.

reasons why i think i'm an esfp:

1. even though i have a tendency to make logical desicions, there have been (many) times where i just take a backseat during desicion makings and just. chill. i'll observe everyone and wait until it's quiet to jump out with my opinion and desicion. i can also just chill with my friends entirely, and let the people bicker.

2. i absolutely abhore philosophical and abstract topics. talk to me about stars? bah, i'll label you an air headed idiot (no offense to anyone) in my head. (again, i am aware this is a toxic trait i have and am working on it.)

3. i'm very spontaneous, and live in the present. i act like the average, stereotypical esfp with some Te for desicion making. happy go lucky, friend-loving person.

4. i am very understanding and well-attuned to the emotions of people. (i have no idea how to explain this.) i am also aware that i am an observant person, and will notice things others usually don't.

some traits of mine i don't quite know where to put:

1. i love doing sports. whether it be basketball, netball, or volleyball, i'll always feel that rush of adrenaline when i play.

2. i am emotionally manipulative, and am not above using emotions to get what i want. (again, a toxic trait of mine i'm working on.)

3. does being good at math say something about my mbti or is it totally unrelated? (i am good at math)

4. i become bored extremely easily.

with that, i'll be wrapping up. thank you for reading. looking back on this post, it really seems like i'm an esfp? or estp? i don't know, and would love a third opinon/perspective on this.

lmk what you think i am. yes, feel free to call me a toxic person if you think i am. i'd appreciate the feedback. (not really)

links: https://www.verywellmind.com/the-myers-briggs-type-indicator-2795583

https://www.michaelcaloz.com/personality

I’m a freshman in college and I’ve been hopping around many ppl and friend groups because I just really love meeting new ppl yk. I originally had a friend group but they were all introverted and I got a little bored of them so I’d always be out meeting and socializing with new ppl. However, now I realize I don’t really have a friend group I can turn to. I have maybe two good friends but they don’t even know each other that well and they’ve each got their own friend group. Thus, I’ve been feeling really lonely lately. Any advice?

He and I are in the same grad school cohort. This cohort is very small, so we’ve spoken to each other before. But we don’t talk very much. He has other friends within the cohort. This isn’t helped by the fact that I have severe social anxiety, so I’m the quiet kid in class. Whenever we speak, I’m usually the one initiating.

His birthday was a few days ago, and some of our classmates bought him gifts. I didn’t, and I didn’t even wish him a happy birthday (not to be rude, but I just didn’t). You see, he’s never made me feel unwelcome or anything, but I’m always the one initiating whenever we have conversations, so I just got the vibe he felt whatever about me.

When I invited my entire class to my party, I wasn’t expecting him to come. Because again, we don’t talk very much. But to my surprise, he hearted my message in the group chat and texted that he would be there. Keep in mind, he lives 30 minutes away from me, and while all out classmates live far, the fact that he’s willing to take the time to come means a lot.

As ESFP, I am one of the most extraverted types existing. In my case, it is that bad, that I instantly start suffering from chronical frustration (impossible to escape), if I am alone for more than a minute. And I am always alone. I cannot summon any will to move out of bed, if not getting constant recognition by others. I have zero influence on my mood, energy-level and self worth myself. I need others to feel joy and will to live. Any ESFP feeling similarly? Is it more common for ESFP to be stuck in situations alike?

I remember, many people suggesting me, to find some sort of a club, to be able socializing. Sadly, I live in Germany, where most people value emotional distance. And, I quickly become unpatient, if people don't overshare their entire lifestory, including all the intimate details within the first few days of knowing each other. I would do it exactly like that (and scare many people away with that), so I cannot empathize, why others wouldn't do the same. Smalltalk relationships make loneliness feel worse, than no relationships at all. Same question: can anyone relate?

I need someone I can be accountable to. I know it's too much to ask...but all I can do is try. Before I get to therapy, I thought I could just get some help from anyone of you here who has been able to move past depression.. Someone who is action oriented.

After ten years of being confused by the mystery of myself as a person and as a schizophrenia victim, and seven years of acknowledging MBTI to guide me, I have officially concluded by self reflection, from years of resolving internal debates and debacles, that I am guaranteed is and always has been an ESFP. I am only 19 years old by the time this is posted. I do not have a complicated background nor are my parents involved in deteriorating my mind but I overcame the struggles of the mind and I regressed from the peak of my highest intellectual form to a stupid selfish simpleton that I am now… and I am okay with it. I feel like I am normal now and I don't need to care about being lonely forever or following extreme standards. All of my relationships never became deep and they always expired within a day or two. Within a casual setting, I could not show a single most interesting thing about me and even if I mention to people about my past, what will be the difference? 

Throughout my journey, I realized how different I am from everyone and that I will continue to be alone maybe forever. So I always try to be the one to make the most interesting things by the actions that I can do and pull people towards me because of the results I can produce. I also realized that the amount of effort that I have to put in order to reach my highest point was not only due to the flaws of being a human but as an ESFP too.

It doesn't make sense to me to put so much effort into just incorporating a simple logic and overthinking it overnight to get a result which can be simply attained by a thinking process. I realized that I am internally stupid trying my hardest to be smart through willpower and even then I have to submit to copy pasting other people's thought process into equalizing myself as a ‘genius’. I went through many methods and I thought of everything a person could think of and so far as even subjugating myself in serious mind breaking experiments to test how I could turn a situation of impossibility to a feasible one in order to find how I could change what I think and to socialize to people better and to only receive no answer.

That was in my schizo days but after those six months the effects took a toll on me and I had a depression regressing to an emo boy who longed for the time he had a wrath to sustain his growth. First year in highschool I discovered MBTI and I was so glad I found it that I wish that I could go back in time to tell this past self about this. I tested myself as an INTP from a lot of personality tests but I didn't believe it so I researched ISTP which I eventually believed. I was glad that I found people there that resonate with my loneliness so I became active there for six years. But from those years, I was developing questions about myself so I figured that the solution could be answered by making a discord community in the subreddit. All of the people there are chill and very nice but I thought that there are a lot of inconsistencies that I should reconsider what I thought about my personality.

These past few months I researched ISFP then I finally found that this personality answers all my doubts and I can finally be at ease to figure out my status in this society and where I should belong. I took mechanical engineering because of my logical side but the course is fun so I definitely see my future in it.

Side note: There are a lot of factors that I thought why I didnt consider myself as esfp and one of them is because I am very introverted and I did not have friends until I was 17 years old.

I am an ISTP. I originally thought my former friend was ENFJ (she said she was) but after some consideration I think she is ESFP.

We grew up together and did a lot of things together. I liked her because she was unassuming, approachable, and fun. She made friends easily.

I felt hurt sometimes because I thought her attention was too divided. Instead of deepening relationships she always went out and made more friends. I took that negatively because I’m like am I not good enough you have to go out and find more?

Anyway I moved away across the country so our friendship became long distance. I always followed up when I went home to visit. I was heart broken when I found out years later she didn’t even ask me to be one of her bridesmaids at her wedding. Before I moved away we were very close and lived together too as roommates. She found out I was upset and said I meant a lot to her and apologized but didn’t do much to follow up after that.

I stopped following up too because I realized the relationship was one sided and haven’t heard from her for 2 years. Our mutual ESFJ friend still follows up and tells me about her but I’m like I don’t want to care.

Is this typical of ESFP behavior?

I think about her a lot but I wonder if she ever even thinks about me or even mourns the loss of the relationship. I spent a long time thinking if I did something to offend her but I don’t think so.

What is going on in her head? Our 20 year friendship just died and it’s like I never existed.

Edit: sorry I think I put the wrong flair. I have no idea what y’all flares mean. Makes no sense to me. =/

You guys...I normally looked down on posts like this when someone would come to the respective subreddit of a specific MBTI type and ask for help to type them because I thought the MBTI subreddits were created just for the people of that type to talk amongst themselves and that someone using the subreddit to type them was taking an advantage of them, in a way--now here I am pathetically typing this with shame as I ask for help. I don't expect a response. r/MbtiTypeMe is mean and full of selfies and the main subreddit is against "Type Me" posts (understandable) so I see why people go to the individual type subreddits now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is the post I copied and pasted (I also made this same post in r/ESFJ, lmao):

ESFP:

♥ I thought I was an ESFP because I like to live in the moment and I prefer sensory information over abstract. I relate to the description of tertiary Te and inferior Ni. I think that living in the moment should be an enjoyable experience so therefore, stressing out over future stuff is pointless and unnecessary unless you actually do something about it (which is what I perceived as "Te"). 

♥ However, I'm not all about fun and new experiences. I think work can be an enjoyable thing but I don't like anything trying to place limits on my experiences. I don't like having restrictive schedules placed on me ( I always find myself able to have fun inside of these schedules but it doesn't make me hate them any less). 

♥ I don't get bored quickly and I would hate to be called creative (some people call me that) because I don't think I can come up with a bunch of ideas. I'm slow and stagnant when it comes to ideas. I'm picky with aesthetics and I'm not obsessed with creating beauty. I'm more obsessed with people's opinions of me and creating an "image" that I stick to consistently that becomes my identity. I HATE, HATE, ABSOLUTELY HATE being told to plan ahead and focus on the future so I thought this was inferior Ni. 

ESFJ:

♥ I'm starting to think I'm an ESFJ because I get this "gut instincts" about a person or situation and apparently that's a Fe thing. I tend to judge things as "wrong" and "right" according to how other people feel about them and I wanted so desperately to be able to judge things according to how **I** feel about them but it seems like I can't do that. Apparently I constantly use Ti to see if my ideas and opinions stand up to scrutiny (I am recognizing this as I sometimes go back and delete stuff with downvotes or lesser support than someone else and I'm starting to drop out of arguments rather than fight back as I used to). Analyzing stuff related to my own personality sounds dreadful yet for some reason, I'm willing to do this for other people and not dread it?! 

♥ I relate to the description of extroverted feeling being used for quick in-the-moment decision making. I relate to the vibe-reading and constantly keeping tabs on what everyone's thinking and thinking "what can I do that will benefit the most people?" And I feel embarrassed to relate to trying to use my own "mannerisms, expressions, emotions, and capabilities to influence and help others" around me. 

♥ I AM ABSOLUTELY FLOORED TO RELATE TO THE "When the FeSi gets good vibes, feelings, or a sense of something that sparks their interest from another person or group of people, they build on that expression and mirror it back to the person or group." I could just cry when I read a description about FeSi tuning in with others and being easily distracted. I related to a description of FeSi wanting meaningful connections, feeling like a relationship could give you enough power to conquer the world, feeling bleak without a meaningful relationship, and FEELING for others. Also doing things for other people and wondering how the "group feels." 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why I think/don't think I'm ESFP/ESFJ:

ESFJ:

♥♥ I don’t think I’m ESFJ because I don’t consider myself a helpful people-person. I don’t think I’m the type of person that everyone likes despite me wanting to be. I can be rude, cold, distanced, and I can hurt other people’s feelings (ugh, look at me conforming to the stereotypes I try to sway others away from). Most importantly, I really wanted to believe that my sense of self is stable and not depending on others yet I can see how many times my opinions constantly shift and change when I see disagreements and how I keep using all of these different labels in an attempt to get a sense of myself and join all these different subreddits. ♥♥

ESFP:

♥♥ I wanted to think that I was an ESFP because of the stable sense of self. I thought I would be able to judge situations based on how I feel and I don’t think I related to auxiliary Si. I thought I was more tertiary Te and inferior Ni because I absolutely hate  planning ahead yet relying on the logic of others seems like something I would do (and have done multiple times before). I don’t want to have Ne because I don’t want to be seen as a creative person. ♥♥

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I’m going in loops. I REALLY need someone outside to look in on all of this and give me some objective logic. Thank you <333 

What do ESFPs think (lmao I'm kicking myself out of the group 😭)? Am I one of you guys?

First time posting here because it just dawned upon me that I have pure feelings for my esfp friend who happens to also be my boss. Nothing of the romantic or sexual kind so I am not sure how to explain but I just care too much for him.

A situation happened a year ago where I got betrayed by him and it involved another person (girl) and he tried to make up for it and got really close to me. We worked things out except I have realized that whenever he is around other people, especially girls, anything that remotely takes me back to that situation where my trust got broken and I ended up in therapy for a few months, I just start feeling super insecure.

And I can now see this causing problems. He is flirtatious and I tried to accept that. But I get so blank and upset and overwhelmed with emotions that I am unable to see through reason. I think I am becoming a cause of pain for him and that drives me even crazier because that's the last thing I'd want for someone whom I care so much for. What to do? Esfps, please help.

I, ENFJ 27M, was in relationship with this girl, ESFP 25F for about 2 years, who I genuinely, deeply loved and cared about. She made me the happiest like no one else, she has a heart of a child and finds fun in everything. However, she also brought me intense pain, by seeking out flings outside the relationship, and just generally being compulsive and dishonest. In short, I broke up with her when I found out she was smearing my name and was emotionally cheating. I was furious and did not handle it maturely, I threatened to expose her behaviors (which I didn't in the end) and forced her to leave the apartment we rented together, against her will. She said she hated me and we never interacted since.

It has been a year since, I worked a lot on myself and I am no longer holding any anger towards her. In fact I still really care about her. Sometimes when I see that she's facing difficulties in life (she vents on social media, and yes I stalked), I still feel bad for her and hope I could be there for her. After the break up, I learned a lot about ESFPs, I realized that we were both immature, I wasn't giving her enough space (which I learned that ESFPs need a lot) and she wasn't really good at expressing her true feelings, which resulted in her seeking it out elsewhere.

To this day, I am still longing for the day she comes back with an apology, it's wishful thinking, I know. For the 2 years we've been together I know her as a person who doesn't look back with remorse. I respected her and never bothered her, and she appears to have moved on quite quickly. She also broke it off with the other guy. It bothers me to know that we ended badly a relationship that otherwise could've been beautiful.

Anyway, I am recently thinking about reaching out to her and just talk without any baggage from the past. I believe we don't have to be like this, we could still be friends that care for each other, or maybe, something more? Is that likely, given that enough time has passed and we both have learned from our mistakes? As an ESFP, who lives in the moment, do you ever think about reconnecting with past lovers? Let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it, thank you.

UPDATE: So I texted her today, after getting a bit tipsy. We have been literally in no-contact for over a year. She was surprisingly receptive. We were able to talk about our past peacefully, both of us acknowledged our mistakes. We updated each other on how our lives have been going, had a few jokes for old times sake, and wished each other well. I am very surprised and grateful, because I know how unlikely it is to get a closure like this, I thought I'd never get it. Thank you again for your support and encouragement.

I took the new Cs Joseph test (the new long version) and got isfp twice. Also SDUF in the octagram test. idk what you'd like to know to help me figure it out, so plz feel free to ask me any questions to help figure out my type. Thanks alot!!!