Okay so this is a bit of a rant but I’m genuinely curious if I’m the only one who experiences this or not. I’m an extrovert which is why I’m here but I feel like introverts hear someone is extroverted and immediately assumes that I must be super charismatic, likable, constantly going to parties, and getting lots of promotions. I’m sure there are people out that but I grew up homeschooled so I have zero social skills! On the other hand, my husband is an introvert and he always gets promoted, gets invited to everything, is super likable, and has the charisma of a god. People always thinks he’s the extrovert and I’m the introvert but my husband gets his energy from being alone whereas I get my energy from lots of people. Sometimes it’s torture seeing him turn down invites to go home and chill when I deep down wish I could be the one invited. People don’t seem to understand that it’s a lot easier to cancel plans then to make plans when you have the social skills of a potato.

Secondly, every conversation at work with introverts in the break room always goes similar to this.

Me: hey how are you guys? Them: tired! Can’t wait to go home and relax Me: ugh yeah I know what you mean. After this I’m going to the mall with some of my friends so I’m really looking forward to that! Them: really?? I literally could not do that you I would be so drained! You really want to see people after working all day??

And then they just talk along themselves about how my plans would be personal hell whereas even though their plans would be my hell but I respect them cause if it helps them relax it is what it is. What’s so bad about needing connection to feel energized and happy? Luckily my husband is very good about knowing how lonely I get so when his friends invite him he will take me too so I get some social interaction but it’s not easy being a socially awkward extrovert.

I feel like people will notice details, I'm not sure how to express this feeling. During me teen age I never cared about what I post on social media, but now I'm 21, I feel like people around me are getting matured and I think I'm not up to their standards. I haven't posted anything on social media for years. Is there anyone who can relate to me?

I'm an extrovert and I often called by many people as childish, I wonder why?

WELCOME ALL!

To mitigate the influx of users seeking social advice, a Mega-Thread of innumerable users with unimaginable social acuity have been shepherded to this very space, all for you to access!

Ask away, and after some time, may all your questions be answered.

#FOR ANYONE INTERESTED IN ANSWERING QUESTIONS HERE OFTEN - SUBSCRIBE TO THE POST! YOU’LL GET NOTIFICATIONS WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS ADVICE

I’m so lonely. I sort of have one friend, but we honestly have very little in common and we don’t have anything to talk about. Too much silence. I think we’re just still sitting together at lunch because it’s not like either of us have anyone else. A former coworker says we’re friends, but she’s too tired to ever hang out. I HAD a very close internet friend… But I’m honestly not sure she’s ever gonna talk to me again. Most people don’t want to make friends at work, and I didn’t fit in when I tried going to meetups, and my religion is too obscure for there to really be a community for it. I guess maybe it’s just time for me to accept that 27 is too old to make new friends in the modern world. But how can I be happy? How can my life be worth living without friends when I’m an extrovert?

hi fellow Extroverts,

I'm naturally an extrovert. but for some reason starting off this year was unexpectedly quiet. I had personal issues that make me withdraw a bit from social life. I found out during that time, Nobody actually look for me or ask about me in any sense. A lot of my friends move on to the next stage of their life, and some started to hangout without me.

due to this, my self confidence detoriated, and now I can't even tell myself to be able to talk to new people, because of this insecurity and anxiety of being left alone and excluded. it somewhat impacted every aspect of my life since the exclusion now happen in every layer, my workplace, friends circle, family, etc. I have never felt lonelier than now.

I crave people interaction as my natural upbringing, but somehow I have turned into introverts and people don't want to genuinely interact with me. anybody feel or experience the same?

how do I cope with this overwhelming feeling?

Something I've noticed with this and the introvert chats are how everyone is having similar problems online but irl none of us are getting what we want lol. Like I have a lot of low maintenance friendships bc I find it difficult to make new friends, so many of my friends are ones whose lives have grown apart. We still talk n keep in contact but an everyday / weekly or even monthly friend to meet up with has been dead in the water. I've tried reaching out to people on my campus discord but to no luck, and since I'm a commuter I don't have many chances to meet other students. I see so many other people have problems w having active friendships and I wish we all lived closer so that we could just meet each other instead lol. And don't get me wrong, I love a good passive friendship; I'm an ambivert so while in person I'm more extroverted, online I'm really bad at texting n calling to keep up regular chats (so I love my low maintenance friends where I don't have to talk too much this way). But I definitely wish I could find some in person friends that want to meet up regularly in person. I also think what makes it difficult is that overall trust/safety with forming online friendships is so sketchy that meeting up makes me feel scared 😅

I (27F) moved states a few years back and, needing new friends, I joined Bumble BFF (therapist recommended it). I’m socially awkward but not so shy once I get comfortable; I’m the type to go from reserved to full-on goof once I know someone. So, when I got labeled “the shy girl” in a new friend group, it threw me off. Here’s the story: (all names are fake)

Meeting the Group-I met this group through my Bumble BFF friend, Lauren (30F). The group included two sisters (27 F and 35 F) and their childhood friend, Alexia (35 F). At our first meet-up, I was definitely shy, just finding my footing while they discussed things I didn’t know about. Alexia was especially talkative, almost talking at me rather than with me, which was a bit overwhelming. But I eventually got into some light convo, and it wasn’t an awful experience.

Getting Comfortable-Over the next few meet-ups, I started to relax. Alexia’s friendliness helped me open up more, and I was making jokes, laughing—being myself. And hey, I’m not the loudest and brightest person in the room, but once I’m comfortable, I’m fully engaged.

The “Shy Girl” Label-Lauren and her husband were about to move away. When Lauren’s going-away party happened, I was having fun, talking, and enjoying myself. Yet, one of the sisters (35F) made a comment about me being “the shy one,” which confused me since I was way more talkative than she was at that party. She was acting kind of off and barely said much. I brushed it off but started noticing this “shy girl” label sticking.

After Lauren Moved-After Lauren left, I only hung out with Alexia 1-on-1, but even she started labeling me as shy. She’d say things like, “I need an extroverted friend” when talking about going back on bumble bffs or saying “she’s really shy, so she might not message you” when talking about introducing me to others. This felt off—I mean, I used to be a live streamer and even invited Alexia to a networking event recently, which she never followed up with me on.

So, am I just giving off “shy” vibes because of first impressions? Is it the social anxiety? I feel like I’ve worked hard to be more open, but this label feels like it’s holding me back. Someone, please make it make sense!🙏🏼

State of the Sub - UPDATES

Hello, r/extroverts browsers!

Considering the results of the latest poll, it would be important to go over some changes regarding the content of our sub. 

1. Poll Results regarding introverts seeking General Advice

This space has a diverse user base. Some users seek advice for their life questions, and that’s what the internet is for. This has led to a deluge of introvert-centered content in an extrovert-centered subreddit - we often see the same questions week after week. The user base was asked to give their opinion on how to handle these posts - see the image included with the post.

https://preview.redd.it/cadqhvl8dlxd1.jpg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ad73ec4070672adc98d520e2fbfaf426530f653

To mitigate repetitive questions, we will have a permanent stickied post for advice where people can ask for general social advice. This will be called the Social Advice Mega-Thread. I will post it on Nov 1st, after this post has had a few days to marinate.

-- SOCIAL ADVICE MEGA-THREAD ARRIVING NOV. 1ST --

If you’d like to answer those questions, there should be no shortage of comments in that thread. If you’d like to ask those questions, this space should be a designated safe corner of r/extroverts for you to get what you need without being flagellated by me after I’ve amped myself up on Dr. Pepper (It’s a potent blend of spices that lowers even the most stalwart person's inhibitions)

If a question that qualifies as “general advice” is posted outside of that thread, it will be deleted and the OP will be directed to post the same question in that thread. Repeat offenders (three strikes) will be temporarily banned from the community for not following the rules.

2. What constitutes as  “General Advice”

A General Advice Post that would be deleted and redirected to the Advice Mega-Thread is asking unspecific, catch-all advice questions that don’t provide context. A good catch all for this rule is the “I” statement. It doesn’t create a space for enriching discussion as much as the example after this one does, speaking with a “you”. (This is not a science and I’m making it up. Trust me if you dare)

Ex.: “I need help socializing.”

Specific advice will be much more acceptable in individual posts. Asking questions with a “you” is more inclusive of peoples’ life experiences and perspectives. See below:

Ex.: “How do you, in a meaningful way, maintain friendships with people you don’t see often?”

There’s a lot to work with here and it may be a long time before someone asks the same question again. Eureka!

3. r/Extroverts Tool-Kit

Sometimes our vision for the sub might not be realized the way we want it to be. Some of us might feel like we compromise too much, and some might be very satisfied with things. Both of these people are sharing the same space here.

I’ve seen some comments lamenting the moderator’s role (or lack thereof) in keeping a space on-topic, civil, and representative of the whole. Reddit provides a litany of tools to help each user communicate those needs. Remember the rules spelled out on the side-bar (which most people SHOULD read before posting in any subreddit). Flair is a big one. Flair filters out topics you don’t want to see, and guides the conversation within a post depending on what the flair is. An “Extroverts Only” flair has been provided to ensure all walks of extroverts here can opt in or out of exclusive, catered content! With that said, consider these ideas as part of the tools to help forge your vision for the sub:

1. Downvote things you don’t like to see. Reddit is a democracy with downvotes. This will effectively steer content in a direction one enjoys seeing. And like wolves returning to Yellowstone, the rivers of content might start to take a shape we all enjoy.
2. Before a comment is reported, has the offending user actually broken a rule? Or are they just saying things that don’t align with the norms? Is the user harassing, witch-hunting, or being otherwise disruptive to general discourse? Is their tone punitive instead of engaging? Consider the report feature in these situations as an effective tool to flag inappropriate discourse in this subreddit. Help the mods find questionable content instead of being harassed alone! We all should have each others’ backs!
3. Post Flair - flair your posts! Don’t want any introvert interaction? Flair your post as “Extroverts Only”. This is like caution tape at a crime scene - it is to protect the user-base here who firmly believes in a space for extroverts, by extroverts. This is an experimental approach to ensuring these safe spaces are recognized by all visitors to the sub.
4. Unsub from that other sub. I guarantee you’ll be happier.

This sub will be a constant work in progress, but an active community armed with shared expectations can effectively keep the content around here feeling fresh ‘n’ dandy. If your expectations aren’t being met, consider the r/Extrovert Tool-Kit above. If these steps don’t seem to cover your concerns, make a post about it or message the mods. 

We're extroverts, after all - talking about things is in our nature. 

#Stay beautiful, and Happy Halloween to those who celebrate!

Well as far as I know myself I'm a socially awkward person. I normally forget what I was saying when I'm in public, have so much in mind but can't express it by words. I do regret not expressing my emotions and thoughts on time. I know I can give such better advices to others yet I can't express them. Don't know how to overcome this problem😭

It just seems like my natural temperament suddenly goes into focus, less energy to tone things down maybe?

Don’t get me wrong, there are absolutely people who bully quiet people. I don’t think introverts (or extroverts mistaking themselves for introverts) who talk about this are always lying or lack perspective. My general rule of thumb is to make an effort to get to know my coworkers, but respect their decision to not engage further if they give me that vibe. Here’s what I’m noticing though.

Introvert: Insert perpetual monotone expression I don’t go to work to make friends. Don’t talk to me. I don’t like people. I’m going to make zero effort to engage with the people around me and sometimes ignore them.

Also Introvert: Insert confused Pikachu face Why do people think I’m rude? Why do people think I’m unfriendly? Why don’t people like me?

… what’s not clicking. It’s like they want the benefits of worker solidarity without putting in the effort. I think these people would be better suited for warehouse or lab jobs but couldn’t get hired (or don’t know they exist) and find themselves in work environments where you have to talk to people to some extent. That and other reasons.

24f and a new graduate.

I have individual friends but no set group of friends anymore. All I do nowadays is work to save money for an apartment, hang with my boyfriend, and text my old college buddies. At work I generally get along with others but I’m not included in any of their cliques.

I’m very outgoing - I can start a conversation with anybody at anytime. My job is being a nurse so I’m used to talking to tons of new people a day. But at the same time I just can’t form deeper friendships. People overlook me when making plans. They will bond with others but not with me. It’s been a persistent insecurity for years that I wish I could find a way to fix.

I don’t have any intense political opinions, I’ve been tested for autism professionally and don’t have it, I don’t have abnormal quirks or controversial habits, and I have no persistent mental health problems. I enjoy cooking, drawing, video games, and doing outdoor activities. Whenever I do make a friend I’m very loyal to them - I don’t have a history of fucking people over or abandoning them suddenly.

How do I fix this issue?

My whole life I thought I was an introvert. I thought that because I was a longer, no one got me, I was an emo introvert and I preferred to just be alone because people who were loud and ridiculous were just annoying to me, I thought for SURE I am an introvert.

Now that I'm a little older and married, I thought I would be even more introvert but it looks like I'm everything BUT introvert. I feel like a crazy golden retriever. I'm always wanting to make friends, talk, I'm always the one to pick up books on how to build friendships and maintain them, I'm always the one making plans and being down super fast, I'm always the one begging people to hang out, begging my friends to put in a little effort and literally dragging them and their husbands out of their damn bed. My husband is great at small talk and he talks to every single person in his way. We feel like desperated goldies waiting for the next person to pass by so we can attack them with our love. My friends also make me feel like I'm a clingly friend and that I have too much energy and I have high expectations for them in our friendship which isn't ture I would just like to be shown a little interest. I guess this is what it feels like being an extrovert. I love the attention but I also love sharing the spotlight with others becuase I love making people feel good and confident about themselves. I'm not always crazy or jumpy. There are sometimes that I like to sit in a quiet place and have one on ones with people (still love that!)

I don't have social anxiety anymore. who is she? I don't care about looking crazy and people talking bad about me, im flattered. Who am i?

I'm an extrovert. I work with people - I am a secretary- and as I'm costantly e talking with people when working, I try to make the interactions as nice and kind as possible. When someone approaches me and they seem sad or nervous I istantly try to be cheerful and helpful as possible. Sometimes I have the impression that when they see me smile, they genuinely smile back too and after the interactions most of the time they say to me that I've been very nice to them and they look more relaxed. 99% of the times goes well, then there's that 1% where my cheerfulness is not appreciated or it's mistaken for intrusiviness or rudeness and they answer snarky at me on the phone...sometimes they are right - It happened to me that I said the wrong thing. It happened like 2 or 3 times in 8 years of working there, but when it happens I feel so HORRIBLE and bummed out for the rest of the day. It takes a number of good interactions to feel well and then just ONE bad interaction to completely shatter my mood. I feel bad for days. Is this part of being an extrovert too? Why cant I just do my work without caring about the people?

Edit : Im ENTPT

As an entj, i feel like I am able to keep the word on the table exceptionally, and am good at networking, but still i feel so much better recharging by my own (it feels SO good), and when I am deep in work, I isolate myself for my inner development for the time being. Though cannot deny throwing a party once in a while, LOVE spending my time with my friends and loved ones (I am surprisingly into deep feelings and connections opposite of what entj are thought to be (ruthless, emotionless?), though obv tend to lean towards factual thinking. I guess this is due to my developed F, but I don't usually take projections personally, I like to form deeper connections, it enhances every emotion.) I feel like deep on the inside, I resonate with both subreddits, just depends on the mood ig lmao.

I've observed that extroverts are often portrayed negatively. Is it only due to people trying to feel better or due to resentment, or are there other reasons as well?

Anyone else quiet at first when meeting new people or in a new setting. But then when you get comfortable (usually like a few minutes for me ongg) then I'm the loudest, most talkative, extroverted person.

Some of my friends were saying how its funny how im so quiet at first with new people and I didn't realize that until now.

Anyone else like this?

For example, clothes, a phone for social media, etc.

I've been working on autopilot since a few weeks now, as everything I do feels empty and only done to pass the time with something. I think it's staring to catch up with me, everyday feels more draining than the day before now.

I've been putting off talking with people. My lack of motivation throughout the day makes me ignore all my school work, and I try to finish them at school during the break times. Which, unsurprisingly, completely ended what little social interaction I had at school. Sometimes I just take a moment to sit beside another friend and say a few words, or just help a friend solve a question they couldn't, and I'm alone for the rest of the day. That small talk is what keeps me sane then, basically my bare minimum.

Usually, social media helps me too. I used to be in a writing server on discord, with so many other people. There was always a talk going on there, and I was welcomed to join anytime. That would help me get through the day back then. But now, since Discord's been banned in my county, I've had little to no contact on social media either. Any other media where I'm just a watcher and not interacting in the content material does me more harm than good. I started catching myself just sitting and thinking of reasons to post on Reddit because I'm gonna go crazy if I don't talk with anyone for much longer.

My days consist of aimless scrolling on my phone or just laying down, and I can't seem to do something else. I used to read stories online, interacting with the author all the way (which made me a regular for most small writers I supported). Yet these days, my lack of enthusiasm and motivation from the lack of doing something in a day is keeping me from doing anything.

I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to get out of this state other than to just force myself to stop and work on projects. I just had to put this out somewhere. I'd still be grateful for any suggestions you might have, though.

Thank you if you've made it this far into my little rant, I wish you a great day or a peaceful night. :)