/r/extroverts
We're on the internet, too.
This is a place for "extroverts" (in context of the MBTI) to gather online.
Remember that not all extroverts are stereotypical extroverts, especially those who lead with Ne (ENXPs). Plenty of us enjoy being alone and spending a lot of time in our heads.
Those who are extroverts lead with one of these four functions (some are more and less stereotypically extroverted):
/r/extroverts
Hi everyone! I’m working on an app that makes it easier for people to build lasting friendships. I'd really appreciate your input to make sure it meets your needs as extroverts.
The survey is anonymous and takes just 5 minutes (or less) to complete. If you're interested in making meaningful connections, your feedback is super important! Here's the survey
Thanks so much!
I’m 21F, i’m in college and my extroversion often feels like it’s done more to harm me than to help me. I grew up in an extremely secluded family. I went to school during Covid and I had extremely strict parents that never let me leave the house or get involved in anything at school without feeling guilty about it. Because of this I spent most of my teenage years on discord calls in art classes to keep myself from bed rotting in my cold house. I wasn’t comfortable being alone, I never was. It made these years of my life way harder than it otherwise could have been.
Now in University is when I really began to discover how social I can be. My freshman year, years of being locked in my room made it hard to connect with people in my dorm. I was quickly labeled the weird kid when I tried to interact with them. And this pattern didn’t stop, even in my classes and college people kept me at a distance or subtly excluded me. I did everything I could to try and adapt, be more like like them, more likable and work on myself so that I won’t keep being treated this way but nothing has helped. Throughout all of this I still made excuses and tried to change because I craved friends so bad. I just can’t help but think this whole thing would be easier if I didn’t like people.
Now I did make some “friends” but they were introverts. Anything that happened was cause of me, any contact was cause of me, I was the sole reason I had friends and while these people claimed to care about me, I never got a text first. Finally in my third year i mustered the courage to let them go. Ive stopped texting and no one has texted me. Through all of this I came to one realization, I have only ever had myself. That even though I’m the envy of the world, bubbly, kind and social, its gotten me absolutely nowhere. In fact, it’s made my life infinitely harder. While introverts, who are immensely more comfortable in their own company, can focus on school and studies. I have to suffer alone, being alone drains me and makes school infinitely harder.
When I started working, I was forced into a social setting to learn where people had to accept me. Immediately I excelled, now being the most successful intern at my company in the last 14 years. I clung tightly to my career because it’s the only space I felt accepted and useful. Yet still my personal life continues to be so painful because everyone tells me i’ll be fine cause i’m extroverted when in fact nothing has ever been fine for me. Needing and craving social connection has only made my life more difficult to get through. People tell me to learn to be alone, and I can, that doesn’t mean my needs are suddenly met with myself. I still fantasize of what it means to have friends and have people not subtly exclude me everywhere I go. And I think all of it would be so much easier if I wasn’t so damn extroverted.
Hi i'm(18M, extrovert) who's been friends with two introverts (the two are friends beforehand, live only 2-3 blocks apart, while i live way further from both) We've become close friends for a while but these days I feel like I'm very distant to them as I don't get to spend time as much as they do each other. I want to know how proximity work between close friends.
i just want to fit in :( im very nice but i am very chatty and tend to be super excitable to step into things. im (self diagnosed) most likely autistic and have adhd, so im bad with reading body language. all the body language i read is negative anyways so it doesn't help me. does anyone else relate? i'm not introverted and i'm generally good at making friends and conversations outside of work.
Is it just me or everyone or most of you extroverts have adhd? I love talking to people a lot and I also love to do other things and lose focus on convo some other times to get distracted etc. I also like to keep myself extremely busy whether washing the dishes, cleaning the house, cooking, and fixing my cars or anyone’s.
i guess i'll take this as a compliment?
I love when they just call me up randomly throughout the day and ask if I’m busy or not, and then ask if I wanna go out to get food with them, like yes of course I will.
I’ve been going out everyday for the past five days just getting food but then we stay out until its night time. It usually just starts with us two and then we end up inviting more friends to fill up the car. The more the merrier right?
I don’t get how introvert friend groups work cuz I assume none of them are reaching out to one another to hang out
Hi everyone,
I’ve been curious about how personality traits, particularly extroversion and introversion, might influence sexual behavior. In your experience or personal observations, do extroverts tend to be more sexually promiscuous than introverts?
This isn’t meant to be a judgmental or negative question—just an honest curiosity about whether being outgoing and socially inclined might correlate with having more sexual partners or being more open to casual encounters.
If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear your thoughts, stories, or insights on the topic!
Thank you in advance for your perspectives!
NEED YOUR THOUGHTS.
This is long, and if you dont wanna read just scroll. Thankyou.
I’ve been in sales and promoted a lot of popular brands, and I can confidently say I excel in it. I can sell anything and connect with customers effortlessly, which is why they often rate me highly. I’ve also done pageants and modeling, small business owner and worked in a call center where I interacted with different types of people and race and i love all of it..
On top of that, I’ve joined Toastmasters and enjoy debating because I love expressing myself and sharing my ideas. I like being the center of attention—that’s why I pursue opportunities that allow me to shine—but I always know my limits and make sure I don’t overstep or make others uncomfortable.
Wherever I go, people describe me as jolly, talkative, and outgoing. In senior high and college, I was well-known and popular. I also take pride in taking care of my body, health, and appearance, making sure I look presentable every day and i love doing it.
So, it’s confusing and even frustrating when some people say I’m shy. What’s more baffling is that these comments often come from people who seem shy themselves.
When people label me as shy, it sometimes makes me quiet, as if I’m unintentionally proving them right—and I hate it.
How can I move past this? And why do some people think I’m quiet?
I’ve observed that the ones who call me shy are usually the quiet or awkward ones. It hurts, especially since they’re the only ones who say this about me.
You might argue that maybe I am shy and just don’t realize it. But how can that be true when I thrive in social and professional settings?
The problem seems to arise when I don’t talk to someone while I’m busy. For example, there was a girl who told me I’m an introvert, but most people in that room knows me as outgoing and invite me and her she always leave early cus no one talks to her, cus they know her as shy.
Another time, a coworker from another department assumed I was shy because I didn’t talk much to her. But I was focused on my own team, i talked to al my team but not to them cus they are far from me, I was assigned to be a host for an event, and she said it was “good for me because I’m shy.” That made no sense to me bc i always see her alone. And me im always with other people, even the guards bc i like talking to every people near me.
I’ve proven time and again that I can adapt and connect with anyone. I can go anywhere without money in my pocket and not worry because I know I can rely on my communication skills, confidence, and my looks to navigate any situation.
It’s hurtful when some people assume I’m shy, especially when I know I’m not. Most people see me as extroverted, friendly, and approachable.
I used to be a people-pleaser when I was younger, but I changed when I realized that what others think doesn’t define me. And i put to myself that i would never be shy and afraid to anyone cus they're not God, and being shy and scared means i see them equal as Him, and that mindset made me really confident. I learned to focus on what I want and stopped caring about unnecessary opinions. That’s why I’m now confident in speaking with anyone and putting myself out there.
That's why, I don’t understand why some people label me as shy or introverted. It’s frustrating,
I’ve asked several people who know me, including those who i just met if I seem shy. Every time, they just laugh and say there’s no way. Some even raise their eyebrows, finding my question hard to believe
In fact, I’ve had many old classmates and friends tell me that I inspired them to become more confident because of how I carry myself.
Sorry if this is long, but it really bothers me. I keep thinking that maybe some people assume I’m shy or scared of them, and I don’t like that. I know I’m capable of confronting them and letting them know I don’t care about their opinions if ever. What i just hate is maybe theyre thinking Im shy and afraid of them. But never😭
Sometimes I’m quiet when I’m at my desk because I’m new at my job and handling taxes, which requires a lot of focus. But it’s frustrating when some people mistake my dedication to work for being shy. But there's still a lot of people in that office who can testify I'm friendly and confident.
It just bothers me why the people who are actually shy and look visibly awkward are the ones who tell me that I’m shy.
Yeah, you might think they’re projecting, but I don’t believe that’s the case. Even in other places, the ones who say I’m shy are always the awkward ones.
Sometimes, I just think to myself, How can they assume that? I’m confident, pretty, and fit—why would I have any reason to be shy? Especially around people who don’t even matter to me
And yes i dont think it's about body language? Wherever i go people say I'm modelling and i'd always get compliments everywhere and place means i look approachable
I just dont want people to assume im scared of them when i dont talk
I was talking to my mother about one of my friends who told me that it's okay if I "don't talk to her for 2 months." I, couldn't do that as I'd regard myself as a bad friend and I can't think of a valid reason for me not to converse with her for 8 weeks. (Unless something extreme happened.)
She told me that a reason might be that you "can't be bothered to". I don't understand that.
She told me that my friends might think that I am needy. I do not understand how it's needy for me to want to chat with my friends often.
I've been told I am needy on a Discord server because I want my friends to put in a similar amount of effort as I do.
I don't understand why people like us are being called needy/clingy for wanting to socialise with their friends.
Yes, people have lives but it doesn't take much to message your friend.
Also, if you can make time and make an effort for your romantic partner you can do the same for your friends, that's a hill I am willing to die on!
I value receptivity and playing an active role in each other's lives!
So hi everyone. I hope this reads respectful and not accussitory because that is my intention. To be respectful.
I am an extroverted introvert. I think the amount of extroversion vs introversion I expirience can depend on the people I'm around, my mental wellness, level of comfort etc. I have been described as both "loud and funny" as well as "quiet and reserved".
The thing is, around people I'm comfortable with I'm very outgoing but when my social battery is low or I'm around too many people, don't trust the people I'm around or am distracted I can be very quiet.
Now that I've given context, I always here the phrase "keep your head down" from both extroverts and introverts when your in an environment you are not comfortable especially at work "keep your head down, do your job and be yourself on your own time" all I can say from personal expiriences that this hardly ever works. I have noticed as a child, minding my own buissness seems to anger people so bad.
It has resulted in workplace abuse/bullying and unwanted contact in public. Just the other day I was at a coffee shop waiting in line and a woman and her partner were being very obnoxiously loud. I kept to myself and didin't really mind it as they are allowed to do whatever they want. The problems never started until they tried to make conversation with me. I half smiled at them but didin't really say anything as I wanted to be left alone. They ended up passive agressivly lashing out at me. I could tell they were seething at me. They felt the need to publically humiliate me because I didin't feel like talking.
I don't cry much anymore but once I got homw I started sobbing. I seem to attract these sorts so much in public and the more I ignore them the harder they fight to be noticed. Even have had men hit me with their coats, bump into me and throw things at me to try and get my attention. I try to ignore them even harder because I refuse to give into bad behaviour, none of us asked to be on this planet and it's not my responsibility to put up with childish behaviour. Some times I lash out but somtimes I ignore. Both seem to go over poorly.
I know not all extroverts lack understanding of personal space and boundries, and in the most gentle way possible: do extroverts get their feelings hurt when they feel ignored ? It seems like explanations of why I need time to myself are not quite enough for everyone (some people yes but others no). Do some people think it's rude? I used to work with a really shy woman who I knew before. One of my coworkers was going off on her behind her back for "being rude" but I knew this woman since I was 13 and she is just very shy. Is it a need for external validation thing?
BTW I am comfortable with you answering even if this is not you. I think extroverts may be able to better understand the thought process even if they don't act like this. I know from my perspective it's purely guessing. One of my closest friends is an extrovert and she is so in tune with my body language and knows exactly when I start to get uncomfertable or drained. Is it maybe from a lack of introverts in their lives? Maybe they don't understand?
Thanks for the advice beautiful people :)
TLDR: can coming across introverted, shy, reserved or distant hurt extroverts feelings?
Hey /r/extroverts!
How was everyone’s weekend?
I traveled to Texas for a wedding and immediately got one of my iconic sinus infections… which has spurred much discussion about future surgeries and treatments.
I missed out on some intimate gatherings, but I know I’ll see these people again soon. I’m feeling disheartened by my lack of together time with these people near and dear to me… so close yet so far.
How have your weekends shaken out? Any new games? Parties? Music? Books? New friends?
I started thinking about the second option to fix my loneliness which is making more friends like a month ago I used to think about this option a lot more when I was younger, I don't know what changed that But yeah I been thinking about the idea of finding a lover for years I expected for it to be like ''wake up, never have to be alone, sleep and everyday being awesome even if we have a fight sometimes'' But would that really even fix any of that? Like does it even matter? Now love is just something that I would be so glad to have but it isn't like necessary anymore I actually trully hate being alone
Does anyone have a favorite show they binge watch in periods when you aren't able to socialize as much?
Just really curious about this one 'cause I spend weeks or even a month alone because usually my friends don't feel like hanging out.
Im asking about how you guys spend your free time
Someone who likes talking to people one on one, who is expressive, may even be called “good with words” etc. but around a group they completely implode?
If you haven’t guessed, this person is me. I’ve wondered for years why I act this way, I think there’s several factors involved.
The reason I don’t like talking in a group of people is there’s no conversational focus, just random talking where you’ll have some (presumably) extrovert blurt out some comment, either completely bland/boring or interesting (doesn’t matter) and then the whole experience will be just nonsensical babble, where one extrovert will care more about getting his comment out at any cost instead of thinking of whether or not it flows with the subject of discussion. It all becomes noise to me after a while, and I start counting down the minutes before it’s acceptable to excuse myself.
This happens 98% of the time I’m in a group, and I’ll always walk away feeling extremely turned off and frustrated at how I never got to express my views and overall conversational style (I’m typically a pretty funny guy) and not make one connection as a result. My extroverted friends do not even think about any of this, they make friends in groups and you could pay me a million dollar research grant to figure it out and I never will.
I find one on one conversation to be way more enjoyable. If you talk to me 1:1 you’ll probably find me to be an extrovert, if I’m in a group with you chances are you’ll find me to be an introvert.
Sorry if this is rambling but I’m not all too familiar with personality types and this is something that I’ve mauled over now for years (I’m kind of old at this point 😬)
Thanks!
EDIT - I wasn’t trying to insult the individuals I was referring to who conveyed extraversion, I am their friend and on the contrary - I wish I was more like them more of the time. I was just using them as an example to illustrate my point
Im kinda angry about the fact that i have to spend hours days and even fucking weeks alone I want someone or anyone here I feel sad when I have to go home but I do not wanna tell my friends about this When im actually home I feel really lonely I also don't wanna force anyone to hang out with me I don't want them to feel forced to hang out with me either I don't want to hang out with someone that doesn't actually want to spend time with me I just wish my friends would like to spend more time with me I get really angry when my friends says at first ''yes I will go outside'' and then they just say ''I don't feel like it'' IM LITERALLY RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just wondering what it's like having extroverted friends as my friends are way more introverted than me.
Are extroverted friends more social?
Do they check up on you and ask you out?
I often hear about people making great friendships and connnections by having niche interests in common, and often this is a go-to advice often communicated in how to forge new friends. Anyone else who doesn't relate to this fully? I mean, yes, it's nice to have some people to share interests with, but I've noticed in my case, I tend to prefer meeting people who has something different from me, since I want to learn and see new perspectives. I'd be bored if I was in a echo chamber with people parroting the same values and sentiments. It also plays into this since I'm a generalist in interests touching many aspects. I tend to search for people who stimulate me and who can contribute to creating great memories. In general, my ideal palce would be to be somewhere where people naturally cross paths. Is this uncommon? I can also add, that often, some kind of basic value in common tend to be necessary to forge a genuine connection, but often there are other intangible aspects which make the chemistry work fine. It's the same for romantic partners in my case, all of them I've met when I least expect it and never by activiely engaging in the pursuit of romance.
Hi fellow extroverts, well I had considered myself as an introvert because I like to spend time in my house doing my things and despite I can engage in conversations, I usually ended them up. But when I went to my graduation party, I can't believe the fun I had. I thought that since I consider myself introvert I would've ran out of social battery quickly. But no, I talked to my classmates, I danced with who knows how many couples, played truth or dare, I did a bit the silly of myself, like I spent all the evening dancing and talking without getting drained, and I just stopped sometimes for physical exhausting rather than social battery.
Now I'm questioning if I'm ambivert haha, because I did very well in a social context, but i still love my time in house.
I'm very happy after that party.
I constantly hear "You're social, you'll be fine," “You’re extroverted so making friends is easier for you” and it just pisses me off because it feels like no one truly understands what it's like to be an extrovert who’s slightly weird or uncool in the eyes of most people. I watch my introverted friends complain about getting invited to hang out, while i’d kill for just one invite. Yet, somehow, they still get the attention and social interaction they don’t even want, while I get ignored.
I do my absolute best to be nice, funny, and easy to talk to, but somehow people talk over me or just ignore me altogether. This happens in classes, clubs, or any social setting I’m in. It's like if I try to participate, they weirdly look at me and ignore me. I always feel like the odd one out, and when I do try to create my own opportunities for social interaction, it usually backfires. I once planned a party, hoping to have a real hangout with people, but the same thing happened—no one showed up, and the people who did were just weird acquaintances. I ended up feeling worse about myself even in my own space.
This coupled with a history of one sided friendships I strongly conclude no one craves my presence or my company, whether in groups or alone. It’s exhausting fighting to not be ignored everywhere I go, especially when I’m trying to be friendly and kind. Do I want to be up in their face? no. But if I don’t say something or slightly intimidate them into talking to me they will just continue to act as if I’m not there. It’s not that there aren't extroverts who get a ton of invites and attention—it's just that I’m not one of them, no matter how hard I try to be. People just find me weird, and I don’t fit the idea of an extrovert most people have in their minds. I’m constantly jealous of people who have that natural charm or aura that makes them fun to be around. Why couldn’t I be that extrovert? And I AM expected to have that aura naturally cause of this gosh darn stereotype that extroverted = bajillion friends automatically. Ugh.
This is muddy I might reword later.
Am I the only one who loves to read and is extrovert I love reading books no specific genre but I love communicating with others I want to connect with people but I'm really bad with social media
I've heard a lot of introverts say that living in a world "set up for extroverts" is exhausting, but I've never understood in what way the world is set up for us- possibly workspaces? Have any of you experienced having an upper hand in life due to your extroversion? If anything I'd say where I live has a focus on introversion since there's a big emphasis on being 'self sufficient' and not 'relying on other people' for help.
If there are any introverts here, I'd be curious to see your opinion on the topic too- have you felt disadvantaged in life because of your introversion?
There have been a couple of people who have made me feel sort of defective for having a social brain. I despise the word clingy. I despise the word needy. I am not calling people three times a day,text bombing them or love bombing or anything crazy. Do I like to socialize and have conversations? Yeah and I could probably talk about almost anything.
In a way, I wish I could rip the desire to be so social out of my brain because everyone I meet is introverted and I end up unintentionally and overwhelming and exhausting them. We're not defective. We exist differently. We are social. That doesn't make us clingy or needy, necessarily. Dear some introverts, please stop talking about us like we are defective. We are not.
*Note: This is not an attack on all introverts. Note the word some.
I went out for dessert and to play pool with friends. We get there and they go on their phones but then get off when they start talking about their guy problems.
Then at pool whenever it wasn’t their turn they’d go on their phones whilst they waited for their turn to come back around. I went on my phone to queue up music and I felt like guilty for being on it whilst they played.
Idk maybe I’m boring or something and they felt the need to go on their phones but I looked at my screen a total of like ten minutes that whole night