I have given up on telling my parents when my sister is mean to me because they pretty much have done nothing about it throughout my life.

I forget for exactly how long my younger sister (18f) has been acting this way to me, but she is pretty much a bully. When I see her, at first she is nice to me, which makes it hard to tell her to leave me alone, but then she starts being rude to me again. She calls me an idiot when I ask her questions sometimes, she makes fun of lots of things I do, including my laugh and how I say things, she eats bites of my food and sips my drinks even after I tell her not to, she tells me to get her snacks because 'she cleans the house and I don't do anything so I need to be useful', she touches me in ways I don't like her to, even after I have told her to stop (poking, tickling, putting her hands in my face when I ignore her, touching my cheeks and chin, slapping my ass sometimes, etc.), and loads of other crazy shit like one time getting up behind me and grabbing me by the neck for no apparent reason in the middle of hanging out happily at the dinner table.

Anyway, I told my mom recently that I don't like how my sister acts towards me, and all she said was that her sister was mean to her as a kid but she grew out of eventually. Idk how that helps me lmao???

She is even aware I don't like to be around her, telling me once when we were fighting that after that school break I wouldn't see her again for a while to make me feel better.

Its kinda scary how they can say they love me and watch movies with me and pay for my college tuition and make meals for me, but won't tell my sister to quit messing with me. It makes me wonder how real they are being when they say they like having me around.

I've never really had warm and fuzzy feelings for them, for a while I thought there was something wrong with me because of that. Idk

As a kid it made me think it was normal to get treated that way and since they never did anything about it what she said must have been true.

Why would parents be afraid to confront one of their own children about their behavior? Is that an emotionally neglectful action?

You always say some people should be ashamed to say certain things out loud, but has it ever crossed your mind that reminding me once a month that you wanted to get an abortion with me is something you should be ashamed of saying out loud AND to my face? And that the only reason why you did keep/have me was because Dia and Laura told you when you got pregnant that you shouldn't keep me because YOU KNEW that it wasn't a good idea and that you didn't want me. But for some ignorant reason you decided to take that as a challenge and keep me as a fuck you to them. Without EVER having the intention of loving/caring/protecting me truly. And because you still hold a grudge against Dia and Laura, you always put me in a competing ring/match with Lynn (Dia's daughter). Everything I do, there's always a comparison with Lynn. And the only reason you're still friends with Laura is because her life is a mess and you find joy in her misery. You're sick. All I am to you is a trophy that you encourage to do great things so you have something to rub in everybody's face and brag about. That's all I am to you, that's all I've ever been to you. You could care less if I never speak to you again, but you'd have to much shame when anyone asks why we don't speak so you keep up this fake "healthy" relationship between us. You never had the intention of being a mother to me. Everything you do is a front to LOOK like you care in front of grandpa/nana/great grandma/your friends/family. I felt for you when you told me the way your mother and sister would gang up on you and treat you like shit when you were younger. That hurt my heart and I was willing to hate them for you. BUT, looking back at the way they treated you- that's how you treated me growing up. And Ive come to learn that you enjoy being treated like this because that's the only yeah you feel cared for AND get attention. From a young age, I always felt it in the pit of my stomach that you didn't care for me. I can remember walking in the house and you wouldn't even acknowledge my existence and when I talked to you, you just looked so bothered. A few weeks ago, I knew you were a selfish money hungry pos when I admitted to you how my incarcerated Uncle made me feel used by him and I even broke it down to you one by one of all the ways that made me feel and you deadass looked at me and said "well he was/is incarcerated, that's what men like that do. It's all he knows".. Not a care in the world for my feelings and basically "okay'ing" his actions. Im sorry I stole your spotlight as a child when you got pregnant with me. Im sorry all eyes were off you and on me. You've carried nothing but envy, jealousy, hatred, bitterness and competitiveness towards me. Towards your own daughter all because you no longer can be the center of attention. You low-key love to see me fail, that's the only time you feel above me and/or better than me. When I fail or something goes wrong, you and your boyfriend thrive in it. You enjoy seeing me weak, that's when you feel above me. Everything with you is you being above me. As long as I don't do better than you, you can be nice and tolerate me. You come into my life and aim to steal, kill and destroy me because you need me to feel as insignificant as you. As long as I continue to make/have great things for myself that I WORKED HARD TO GET, I will always "owe" you too. What I have, you should have too. Once again, I don't deserve anything for myself. I don't mean to sound selfish or bratty but shouldn't I want to do/give you great things on my own? From the kindness of my heart and not out of guilt. As I've gotten older, Ive realized that you are nothing but a narcissist and someone who just constantly wants control. I remind you of your failed relationship with my father and that's why you tarnish your own relationship with me and my "perfect" image. Ive been nothing but mentally and emotionally scarred from dealing with you and trying to figure out how to make you love me. Just because I'm your daughter, you feel like you own me. Im 27. Every time I joyfully would share my dreams of moving away and wanting to experience life else where, you always get emotional and do everything in your power to sabotage my dreams. You even say you'll follow me KNOWING im getting away from you, its like I CANNOT survive you. I also find it so funny that every time I make close relation with someone, you spew a bunch of hate and try to sabotage my relationship with them. You speak so nasty on them just to make me hate them. Ive even witnessed multiple times you going out of your way to befriend these certain individuals JUST TO be a monitoring spirit and keep eyes on me. You've done nothing but gaslight me my entire life when I tried to talk to you about how you made me feel growing up and Ive always been met with denial. Then once I started my healing journey, your denials became excuses and somehow you would leave crying and hurt. Never once acknowledged the way you made me feel. You say you've changed, but I don't buy it or your tears. I can feel it in my bones that my life will prosper without you. So with love, let me go! Please carry on being the truthful monster you are with your family behind closed doors. Thank you for everything you've done, now it's my turn to further heal and find/make/live (in) love for myself. XOXO Your "daughter"!

If you are also somebody who uses weed to cope with a lot of the symptoms of cen and abuse, i’d love to here your experiences and perspective on it and how it helps you. Is it an addiction for you, or just dependency/coping mechanisms? Do you view it as a healthy or unhealthy coping strategy?

For me, I’ve been smoking pretty much nonstop the last few years. I’m 22, and I find there’s a lot of pros and cons with it so far. It does make me quite drowsy sometimes and dissociate a lot. But other times I feel great, and it quiets my brain down so I can just focus on the moment and live me life/do whatever I gotta do that day. I think it depends on the strain and method, as well as how i’m feeling beforehand in general.

I don’t have a real reason for making this post other then just curiosity. Also wondering if it’s worth it to continue, because my tolerance is so high now and it’s expensive.

I’m 24f and have a younger brother 19m who hates me. We do not have a relationship, and he complete ignores me except for when he get in a fit of anger towards me over nothing and starts shouting at me and threatening to hit me. My parents have seen him do this multiple times but don’t really do anything and most of the time blame me for providing him or tell me not speak to him. I never approach him he always starts the confrontation, for example we went karting as family today and he was angry that I did not let him pass me. He started swearing at me, threatening to punch me. This happened in public with my extended family watching.

I don’t understand why he hates me so much I don’t talk to him or ever interact with him. Everyone in my family favors him and I don’t understand what is wrong with me as my parents don’t take what he does seriously.

It really hurts my feeling to see no one be on my side to be embarrassed in front everyone. My dad such hold him back form hitting me but that was it he told me to move to other side and started consoling him, no one checked up on me.

I really struggle to to control not to burst into tears as the stuff he throws bad things that have happed to or have struggled with in my face. Also with my parents not actually being able to make him stop or has been affecting my relationship with them as I feel a lot of resentment towards them is them towards lack of support. I know both of my parents prefer him to me and I’m fine with that if he would leave me alone, but if he’s not trying to fight with me, he’s making fun of me and my weight information of everyone and always making rude comments about anything I do.

I don’t how to cope with this it has been years, we’re on family holiday now so I can’t go anywhere. I also live at home while attending university, I feel like in trapped and I have no support as no one understands the impacts this has on me.

I don’t what to I feel like locking myself in my room all day until we go home but my parents won’t let me. Can anyone relate or is there something wrong with me.

(extremely long story/rant warning) I (m27) am currently giving my friend group the sideeye but idk if I'm justified in doing so. I don't really know where to post this so I'm posting this into the mental health subs I lurk.

Ive been attending college in a new city for the past two years and I've been in this friend group for the most of it. I introduced one of my friends from outside school (Ethan - fake names obviously) to the group and he's essentially a part of it as well. One of the girls in the group (Lana) had a friend that I thought was cute (Bella) so I asked her out a couple months ago. She rejected me which c'est la vie.

So I found out incidentally that Ethan and Bella have been fucking, which made me a little miffed at Ethan, even though in this scenario I don't think either of them really did anything wrong, I just feel like he's not been a good friend so this feels like the straw that breaks the camels back or the icing on a shit cake or some other metaphor.

First of all I stated back in like April while hanging with Ethan (and my friend Matt who I'm pissed at for the same reasons as Ethan) that I don't enjoy partying in the city we're in, that I prefer my hometown etc. After that they not only stopped asking me to come out, they stopped communicating with me in general. I was initiating every talk, but this was fine to me since I hate texting and they know that, it never became a problem until Ethan and Matt forgot my fucking birthday. I wasn't doing anything special, they just never bothered to say shit even though I mentioned it multiple times to them leading up to it. I set up a thing where we hung out the day after and they literally could not give a fuck, didn't even ask me how old I was turning. I month later it was Ethans birthday and I tried hard to be involved since it was his 30th and he didn't give me the time of day. After that I haven't really been fucking with him, finding out he's banging Bella kind of feels like the nail in the coffin, which is weird to me idk why I feel that way. Tbh if he remembered my birthday then started fucking her I wouldn't have a problem with it, it just feels like a culmination of all the feelings I had before.

It feels like a struggle because I've been debating opening up about my mental struggles and past abuse (namely csa) with my friend group and gauging whether they would respond well, because I've opened up to people before to very negative results.

It doesn't help that Lana was trying to keep their whole hookup thing hidden from me specifically for some reason and the way she was whispering about something relatively minor makes me feel like if I opened up then my business would be whispered in someone's ear the next day. Our whole relationship is essentially built on shit talk and gossip but I'm tired of that shit and am trying not to do that but being around her more often makes me think she cares more about gossip than people.

But idk I don't know if my feelings are valid or justified because of how many friends that have backstabbed me in the past I feel like I'm on a hair trigger to look for asshole tendencies. My sister (who I'm closest with) said that what I'm feeling is fine considering the circumstances and my past, but the whole situation is fucking with my head since I have to go to class with some of these people. Also the fact that once I cut them off I don't really know anyone else in the city. I feel like I moved here for nothing, the degree I'm aiming for is interesting me less and less, I can't properly harness any of my creative energies cause I feel like a mess and I'm dissociating nearly 24/7.

But yeah I don't expect anyone to read this whole thing but if you do then two thumbs up

My depression is... fucked up. It manifests itself as a nagging thought that echoes in my mind, “You're useless, the world would be better off without you.”

When I'm depressed, I feel like I'm falling into deep water. I try to swim to the surface (i.e., I try to calm down and stop crying). However, there are times when I just want to keep going down, to let myself be carried away by that painful thought, even to the point of wishing to disappear.

If that were to happen someday, maybe I wouldn't be here anymore, but right now, I'm still struggling.

It’s going to sound really cringe and out of the ordinary but I’ve resorted to posting on Reddit on the basis that it’ll hopefully make my final day ( or 2) better to accept.

I’ve had a great life , done everything I’ve wanted, I’m a 22 yr old male from England, and over the last 4 years I’ve gone on a destructive streak, I’ve had a really good job as a businessman , even at a young age. I’ve had a really good looking partner and loads of friends. However over the past year I’ve become destructive , I quit my job , got rid of my apartment and moved back in with my old roommates , lied to my family about all of this when they’ve given me money for things like “ holidays” I’ve not been on, I’ve been going out every week with my friends, doing drugs , drinking , sleeping or eating too little or too much , spent all my money on clothes and partying and takeaways , I’ve also pushed all my real family and friends away as the days have been going so quick, I’ve also put myself into 4k credit card debt and another 10k in loans , I currently have £0 and also I’ve not paid my rent this month , I’ve done all my suicide notes , I’ve got everything ready , I’ve not showed any signs to my close ones but I really don’t want to end my own life but have no choice , I’m too embarrassed of losing my pride of how much I’ve gone behind from a year ago, I really don’t know what to do but I don’t have long left, I really want to tell my family but I’m embarrass by my lies , and I’ll have to start my life all over again, I’m a strong person but I feel like I could actually go through with taking my own life , I guess this is a cry for help

hello guys. i’m going to share a bit of a backstory before my main question so it all makes sense (sorry for any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language).

last year i (19F) got really sick. as effect of multiple episodes of anorexia nervosa, i was diagnosed with gastroparesis. i’m still really struggling with this, because even in weight gain, i still have a lot of symptoms. i was supposed to start college last year but couldn’t because of this health issue.

i don’t live in the US. i live in a rural area that’s a 20 min car ride away from the city. so i’m stuck in this house for more than a year, going out to the city only for lunch and coming back. i desperately need to get out of this environment. i was emotionally neglected as a kid. i’m diagnosed with BPD and i’m sure my dad has it too, but he refuses to go to therapy. i can’t stand living with my parents anymore. i feel like i’m going crazy. i can’t stand one more fit of anger.

but college doesn’t start until end of february. and i would have to move to another city. i don’t know if i can manage college because of the symptoms of gastroparesis, mainly nausea. i still have a little bit of weight to gain and see if that’ll help, but the improvement until now has been small. if that doesn’t work, i may have to get surgery on my stomach, and even that has the chance to not improve the symptoms.

so my problem is: i can’t stand one more day in this house but i can’t even go out on my own because the city is a 20 min car ride away and i don’t drive. and even when college starts, i don’t know if i can manage it. i’m scared of what my life will be. i just can’t take it anymore. any advice would be very welcome.

Trigger warning: mentions suicidal thoughts, eating disorder, depression, childhood physical abuse

I (33F) just really need some insight as to whether I’m just fabricating all of this or if I’m justified in my feelings.

Parents divorced many, many years ago.

Dad (in his 60s) was and still is massively emotionally neglectful, generally an emotionless guy, always reacts chronically underwhelmed at any achievement in my life, doesn’t really make any significant effort to involve me in his new family. He re-married when I was late teens, and has lived with his new wife and stepkids since. Dad has always implied that he had to me too young and “not to have kids too young” - he has made it VERY clear that he probably regrets having me at that age. Dad treats stepkids better than me, and that’s saying a lot considering he puts little effort into my life anyway. Don’t really feel part of that family now, and he feels more of a stranger these days.

Mum re-married, always been closer to her and we had an amazing bond growing up I’d say but that changed when she remarried. My step dad has a big heart and is very caring, a great Dad to his new kids with my Mum (my half sisters). He is good with me now. However, there was an incident when I was 13/14 where I became very depressed and felt suicidal while my Mum was pregnant, and was developing an eating disorder due to bullying at school. I approached my Mum for help and she told my stepdad who came home from the pub, had a go at me and slapped me. Then shipped me off to my Dads the next day. Step dad has apologised since and we get on well now.

However, now I’m in my 30s, I am beginning to feel like my parents treat their new kids/my younger siblings way better than they ever did to me. My Dad hit me as a kid, once that hard I urinated myself (he had pulled down my pants and smacked my bum extremely hard and I was that terrified I think both feeling scared and hit hard just made the flood gates open honestly!). He would never do that to his step kids, he takes his step kids on holidays, lots of little ways and things that he never does for me now. My Mum has supported my middle sister especially very well as she (my sister) has significant mental health issues and has needed a lot of support since a young age. Yesterday I saw in my sisters instagram story that my Mum had made my sisters an advent calendar hamper with presents to open for the next 25 days. Now I don’t care about the material things, that’s not what I want… it’s more the effort and thought that I just don’t get now…? I message my Mum and she sometimes takes up to a week to reply, maybe more. I rarely see her and she isn’t the type to come see me, or organise consistent social times with me. It would be who would have to constantly keep suggesting it, but I’ve just given up.

I often feel very excluded from both sides of my parents new families. I feel like the baggage child where they made all their mistakes and moved on. Which is fine, nobody is perfect. But it’s the fact that there is still a lot of emotional neglect going on, it’s probably not intentional but neither of them are that involved in my life… not hands on like I see other parents being present in their children’s adult lives more. I know my Mum loves me and thinks the world of me, but her actions speak louder than her words…. I don’t really know who she is these days and I often feel she doesn’t know who I am either. When she sees me she says the same thing “I wish I could see you more” etc etc and I get she is busy with her new family, but both of my parents are and something has to give? I can’t tell if I feel unreasonable to feel this way or not? I genuinely feel just emotionally neglected and starved of attention from both of them.. so I started looking for replacement parental figures in the work place for example - and I have done that since I left home. I just really need a third party perspective because I currently feel shit. I hope I’ve articulated this well enough, it’s hard to explain how it feels.

Edit: just need to add that speaking to my Mum about it would be an idea but my stepdad is extremely over-protective to the point that in the past when me and my Mum have argued, he will step in and then completely take over (in the past he actually said to me once “you don’t exist” - this was over a dispute over a work situation). He will say awful shit and I’m generally scared of how much he has the power to cut her off from me. I understand there are two sides to a story but I’ve never been a massive asshole to them. I try not to cross my stepdad because he can get very angry so dunno if talking to my Mum would be the best option.. I’m not sure

I learnt that I had aphantasia (when you can't visually imagine) and wondered if this was common in others who have experienced emotional neglect. I've wondered about it being a response to suppressed imagination, or a protective mechanism.

I also struggle with anhedonia and alexithymia, both of which have been getting much worse in recent years. It all makes me feel like an empty shell of a person.

My parents always loved me (and each other--very stable household growing up) and were really good parents on paper, but they were just really bad with people and emotions. Like, I don't think they ever really understood emotions and were definitely uncomfortable with them...we just never really talked about feelings in our household, and I just kinda knew that from a very young age.

Toward the middle of 2024 my dad passed away. They didn't have a funeral, and I wasn't able to visit my mom for a couple of months afterwards...I was in the middle of an intensive treatment for my depression, and my family had told me not to come down (turns out my mom was still having a hard time from me coming out as trans and they were worried my presence would make Mom's grief over Dad worse).

When I finally did come down, I was naturally pretty emotional from being home but Dad not being there anymore. Normally I make very sure not to express emotions around Mom (even more than I do around most people I'm not close with), but this time I got so overwhelmed I started crying right in front of her, and all I could say was "I miss Dad". She put her hand on my shoulder, nodded a bit sadly, and said, "I miss him too, Babes."

It just struck me tonight thinking back on it that that was as emotionally close as I've ever felt to Mom. Also, it was only the second time I could ever remember crying in front of her. The other time (also as an adult), both my parents laughed at me.

I don't think I'm ever going to ever really have a connection with her -- her dementia is starting to get worse -- but it was nice to have my emotions mirrored and hear her being empathetic for once.

As the titles says I'm 18 and rn in a bad situation I don't got a job don't do nothing have no social life or nothing basically no more friends either. A little background is I did have a job and was at a trade school and had no issues of what I'm dealing with rn, was doing good and lived there Monday through Friday and getting certified in construction, and after maybe like 4 more months of being there I was gonna get certified and get a job in construction but it all went downhill maybe a month and a half ago.

It's a long story but ever since my grandparents came from Mexico my mental health got to shit since my relationship with them is really bad and it worsened my mental health until I got kicked out my trade school and quit my job and lost my friends until I went completely isolated. Couple weeks later I'm still here luckily we moved out and got our own apartment but I'm just realizing right here I can't keep doing this, I feel like straight shit just lying done on my couch not doing shit, got no friends nothing no social no more and don't know what to do.

I got friends but just cut them off along with my trade school and quit my job, and theirs no way im gonna text them or go out with them at this mental state. So idk where to even start luckily I'm not solitary confined 24/7 in my room all day everyday but now I'm not really doing shit here at my apartment. It's way better than the house I was in it just feels horrible not doing shit and have nothing going for me, I wanna go out again I wanna get a job i wanna work I wanna have friends it's just bullshit what I had to go through.

I can't even get out of the house of how fucked up I am rn, was doing good until my fucken grandparents came back, it's like my life had stopped since they came, I was talking to this one girl too and cut her off. Literally cut everyone off, quit my job, quit my trade school, and wasted all my 7k on food when I was about to get a car and just stuck depressed not doing shit all day. And pls anything helps I got nothing and no one esle

So I'm a man, and throughout my (quite negative) childhood I always assumed the role of being "tough", i.e not letting any negative things get to me. Simultaneously, this also caused me to shield myself from allowing myself to enjoy any sort of pleasure or joy. Today, I notice that I have a very hard time allowing myself to feel pleasure, particularly when masturbating. Don't get me wrong, it is very pleasurable, but during the activity I always feel like there is an inner conflict in myself, which in the end prevents me from fully letting go and enjoying it to the fullest. In a sense, I feel like I don't deserve the pleasure somehow. Same thing when booking a massage. I recently started booking one every once in a while, but I always wait and wait and wait months in between each session, as to not feel like I'm indulging too much in it or pampering myself too much (even though I don't at all obviously)

How do you guys and gals deal with this sort of thing? I feel like it contributes to my negative and depressed mindset a lot.

Idk if this has to do with emotional neglect or not but I talked about it in therapy recently.

Basically, both of my parents just kind of had life handed to them. They never took risks or tried to adcsnce in their careers. My mom was a SAHM and spent all her time cooking and cleaning. She has/had no hobbies. My dad has a good job but never went to college and never changed careers. My older sister also just sort of fell in to her career, same with my brother. No one in my family went to college. My siblings have certifications relevant to their careers.

I went to college because I was supposed to, and for the last decade I've just kind of been like...now what? I've been in the same career but not advancing at all. I don't make enough money. I stayed at my old job way longer than I should have. Now I'm in my early 30s still in an entry level position. I want to get out but I feel stuck.

I have no one in my life I can talk to about it besides my therapist. Don't most people go to their parents for career advice? Don't most people's parents have ambitions besides paying their bills?

ever since i've been conscious i had all of my feelings pent up whether good or bad and everytime i talk about my feelings even with myself i feel like i'm "too needy" or "overexaggerating" to some extent.for the last two years i actually don't know what i really feel about certain situations or about myself,genuinely i do not feel like i exist sometimes,the feeling of what is going on, i am present physically but not mentally and emotionally. i really cannot remember anything from my childhood up until maybe 14 , everything is so blurry. in addition to all of this emotional absence i suffer from a severe addiction to pornography,it started from a young age often i forget when was i exposed to this addiction.i feel lost,absent and unwanted. another major problem is that my parents are kind people but i must have slipped out of their hands when i was growing,so i blame myself for everything that goes wrong in their life and i feel guilty whenever i ask for my basic needs,and even at the expense of myself. im lost and sometimes i lose hope for my problems and i have commitment problems.i seek guidance.

About 5 months ago I was experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil and I didnt want to deal with it. Somehow I blocked my ability to feel any emotions at all and now I might as well be a brick wall. How can I change this?

Hello,

My (26F) parents in law are emotionally repressed and unavailable.

Everything they do seems to be out of necessity, not out of emotions/feelings. It is not - "I would like to talk to you/see you" but I should see you, (because I saw your brother last week). They came with a visit recently that just felt so lacklustre, they clearly didn't want to be here, they had nothing to say and I had to come up with tons of small talks, which they honestly didn't really carry on.

My partner agrees with this but we don't know what to do about this. They seem to be favourising the older brother, who they see constantly. However the way they spend time with him doesn't involve talking or interacting really - it's either going to a theatre or playing board games (both of which you don't talk much). We don't hang out with them as often as he does, as we don't like playing board games as much (honestly as obsessively) and don't have enough money to go to a theatre every week (sic!).

On top of that, despite being with this family for 7 years, I have never seen any of them hug each other, even touch each other (on the shoulder etc) or say any words of affection. I have never seen them (parents) consol anyone or offer emotional advice. I still remember how when last year, when my grandma died, my mother in law called my partner but as soon as she realised that I was crying in the background, she quickly hang up awkwardly without saying anything. It was so weird, lol.

======================================

Social interaction with them meet all of these 8 signs:

Your family conversations tend to be on surface topics, meaning they are seldom about emotional, meaningful, painful, or negative things. This may even make it boring.

You sometimes feel an unexplained resentment or anger toward your parents (which you may feel guilty about).

You go to family events with hopes of enjoying yourself, but you often come away feeling empty or disappointed.

Difficult or interpersonal problems in the family are generally ignored instead of addressed directly.

It feels like your siblings are competing with each other, but you’re not sure for what.

Affection in your family is expressed via action (doing things for people) and not so much by words or emotional expression.

Emotion–perhaps only negative emotions, but maybe all–seems taboo in your family.

You feel surprisingly lonely or left out when you’re with your family.

Full Story

How to cope with this? Should we confront this? Discuss this with the parents in law before the resentment becomes too much?

I'm in my late 20s no motivation, no happiness im still stuck at 2019 neither I have motivation to work nor study. I feel sorry for myself and my lost childhood their is this suffocation feeling that never goes. I want to have a good life stable and independent but I'm too stuck on past and certain things happen that I don't know what to do. I just need help

Hi everyone. Basically I am asking can you look over your life of having been emotionally neglected and say, 'yeah, that was rough, but I did what I needed to do to change it and now I have what I wished/hoped/prayed/worked hard for!'

Or, can you say that despite you being emotionally neglected as a child, life 'made it up to you' as an adult and now you have friends you consider family, romantic love, etc?

Mine are:

• Nobody hates/resents me as much as I think they do.
• Most people are chiller than I thought they were.
• Most people actually forget past conflicts/misunderstandings faster than I thought.
• Everything is not black or white. There are grey areas in more instances than I thought they were.

Currently im on venlafaxine but i still struggling, any of you have suggestions?

• My blocks are lifting from my cptsd freeze.

Within that i am getting bits of thoughts of - "it wasnt so bad"....etc etc

But on the flip side, i am finally seeing some things as very harmful that are not trauma but my environmental factors....that tell me a bit of a bigger story i dont yet feel as its too much.

TRIGGER WARNINGS

• my dad used to distribute porn (pre online). He got me to help him from age 12. He knew i started to watch. It was in our home. It included quite extreme and illegal sex (not children). He didnt care. He ended up keeping the porn in my room when i was 15/16.

• my brother tried to kill himself, my dad did nothing to help but i helped my brother (which near broke me). Years later my dad denies it happened then he blames me for it.

• i was always shunned to silence or the corner.

• i was mugged at 14 but i didnt tell anyone as i knew i would be blamed

• i started drinking and clubbing at 15/16

• wasnt given any money, was told i had to get a job from age 13

• i was only gifted anything if my gambling addict dad won something which was rare

Anyway, i have lost my intention and gotten rambling

Sharing for feedback as i cant see the harm

When I was a small child through teenager I remember them being more angry and resentful towards me, but now i’m in my early 20’s and they are completely indifferent to what i’m doing. I’m away at college and they never call me. The only time my mom called me in the last year was because there was an earthquake where I live. They never really talk to me, especially my dad. And when I was home for thanksgiving break this past week, I started getting a vibe that they didn’t like being parents. At least not when I was young/they’re happy i’m older now.

I’ve also never seen them interact lovingly towards each other. No conversation, gestures, etc there was absolutely nothing. Not even the occasional romantic story from when they were younger before me, aside from their wedding. And for context they decided to get married after only a few weeks of meeting each other, and that’s their definition of a “cute love story”. Also the only one they really have as far as I know.

Like I said in the title now they just seem completely care free and detached from reality and also the hurt they caused me when Ixwas younger. They never apologized for anything ever. They just have their own separate hobbies that they get fully engrossed in every single day, letting the rest of the world pass them by. They don’t have any friends, my dad has a disdain for people in general and is a total recluse from society. So it’s like yes they’re happy I guess? but i’m their child and im not happy as a result of that. Like i’m happy they can do whatever they want now but it’s like I feel emotionally abandoned on a whole new level compared to when I was a kid.

honestly I still have trouble emotionally detaching from them in general

That is one of the reasons I can see why my parents had kids: me being their only son, fulfilling their emotional needs, but I don't spend any time with them unless I have to. They are all lonely and boring as hell. Father spends most of his days watching TV, no friends outside of work; Mom scrolls TikTok every day, no friends, and just bitches about how lonely she is. Just someone I wouldn't spend my time around because they are immature as hell, playing videos in public with no headphones, shouting and screaming when talking. Anythinganything i have no choice but to spend time with them, I couldn't wait to leave immediately. Are anyone's parents also like that? No life, and that's why they choose to have children?

For some context, I was lucky enough to grow up financially privileged in the sense that my mom was able to become a stay at home mom and raise my brother and I. The problem is that it feels like her being a stay at home mom was just a catalyst for her depression. Throughout my childhood my mom was constantly having episodes where she wouldn’t get out of bed and would tell me and my brother that we needed to take her to the mental hospital. she would also tell 10 year old me that she wanted to kill herself and I had no idea what to do aside from moving things she could kill herself with. She became extremely passive in my life in the sense that she wouldn’t go to things with me and naturally my dad would. This has caused her to constantly throw the “you love your dad more than me” line at me when the issue is just her lack of participation. Now that I’m in college and not living at home she puts me and my brother in a group chat and texts us about how much of a burden she is and how she’s just ready to die and how we love our dad so much more because he’s the one with the money. She’s saying she’s gonna kill herself in 2 years and see her dead relatives. I’m home for winter break right now and it’s become increasingly obvious how depressed she is. She won’t get out of bed and stares at her phone all day. She also won’t really talk to me and is really attached to the dying cat. She has not worked in 25 years and it’s sad for me to see because she always talks about her career before having my brother and I and it feels like I confined her to a lifetime of sadness. She definitely wants to divorce my father but is financially dependent on him. I’ve been having a lot of feelings as I grown into adulthood that I feel like are stemming from her. It’s hard for me to validate them because she did have good moments during my childhood but unfortunately the bad ones seem to really stick out. It feels like acknowledging that she is this way would be the most hurtful thing I could do to her. I also grew up with financial privilege so it just feels like she had that to fall back on and she didn’t have reason to leave the house. I love her and I am grateful for everything both of my parents have done for me but I’m worried about her and i’m honestly emotionally exhausted because her feelings have been my job since I was a small child.

My parents are normal Indian lower middle class parents, and I grew up in a joint family which was always very chaotic ,toxic and full with family politics. Although I am an only child,I was never the center of attention unless I am sick because my mother was a home maker and she is always busy with house chores and taking care of her in-laws.My father was the breadwinner and either he is in office or doing something outside. I was never comfortable showing off my emotions and vulnerability infront of my parents and I thought it was normal because showing emotional vulnerability was discouraged, so, I kind of became emotionally independent not sharing pain or fear to anyone, trusted wrong people outside and got taken advantage of more than once and again protected myself by becoming more aloof. This goes on until I met my husband ,we met when I was 18 and we dated for 9 years before getting married. With time he became my best friend and my soul mate,after marriage i get to know MIL and SIL and we became really close. I can talk to my MIL & SIL for hours which I can't do with my own parents. 2 years after our marriage, we shifted to different city because of jobs and started a new chapter,I never missed staying away from my parents rather I was happy, I worked on myself, I became more confident and developed my personality. I feel bad for the fact that I don't miss them, I care for them, I worry about their health , I try my best to support them financially and in any other way possible but I never missed them. I am currently pregnant with our first child,and almost end of the journey, my parents wanted to come and stay with me for a while and they are here for 10 days and I am not enjoying their presence.

My father is someone who struggles to adapt and avoids doing anything for himself. He won’t even serve his own food, leaving my mother constantly occupied with taking care of his daily needs. Meanwhile, she seems more concerned about the fact that my husband is handling most of the house chores (a responsibility we always share) during this last month of my pregnancy. Since I’ve been dealing with health issues, he has taken on more tasks, but to her, the idea of a man doing household work is a bigger deal than my well-being. She believes the pain and discomfort is normal at this stage of pregnancy, and sees no reason for concern.

There’s also this one dish I dislike but my husband enjoys, and she is eager to prepare it without once considering what I would eat. In contrast, my husband always prioritizes my preferences and ensures there’s an alternative for me if he’s having something I don’t like. The care and support he has shown me, especially during my pregnancy, is something I’ll cherish for a lifetime.

I am very much irritated with their presence just waiting for them to leave. I feel bad but I can't control or feel otherwise. On the top of that I just can't or don't want to have any discussion with them because it never helped and I am just not in right condition to do it.

I was probably 10 or so when I made this. It reads: You and only you are the apple of my life. You make me happy when I'm sad. I know I make you angry but I only try to help. You are the center ofy life. That's why I love you. You are the only mother I need. You'll always have my heart.

So the abuse had started getting worse. Moving past mental and emotional. My heart breaks for this little girl. All she wanted was to feel safe and loved. And to make her mother feel the same.

Calling her the center of my life was eye opening. Throughout my life we were always moving. Keeping away from friends and family. She was the only constant relationship I had. It was never stable, until I was almost an adult. She really wanted me codependent and fragile. She almost broke me.

In our last conversation she admitted she'd competed with me since I was child. Especially if I got too much attention. And that she doesn't like me very much.

That's fine, I honestly don't like her either.

I'm a 37M, married with 4 kids ages 6-14. I've been seeing a therapist for a little over a year now, and my brother recently recommended the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". It has been the single most important thing I've read since starting my journey towards healing. It is SO uncomfortable, insightful, painful, and yet liberating. I have to digest it in 20-30 minute chunks, it wrecks me every time I pick it up. For me, though, it's not just because of how accurately and painfully it describes my childhood; it's because it describes what my children are going through with me as their parent. I see some of the harmful behaviors my parents demonstrated coming through to my parenting, and it hurts. So bad.

I have felt like such a big failure as a father for many years, and it really sucks (and is a relief?) to finally understand why I am the way I am, and to understand how it affects my children. For years I've told myself that I'm a decent parent - I give my kids experiences (camping, activities, traditions, vacations, etc.), share hobbies/interests with them (legos, Pokémon, piano, etc.), build things for them, provide life's necessities by holding a stable job, etc.. Then I get this huge punch in the gut to come to the realization that I've rarely been emotionally intimate with them; I'm very self-preoccupied; I'm inconsistent, emotionally up and down; amongst other things.

I guess my question is, how do I cope with both the realization of who my parents were/are as emotionally immature parents (EIP), and the realization that I am an EIP myself? And what are the steps I can take to become more emotionally responsive to my children, and emotionally mature in general? The book talks a lot about how to recognize those things, and how to cope with your own EIP, but not to do if you are one yourself. Where do I go next?

Terrible parent = terrible grandparents

Same habits and characteristics apply to every other aspects of life.

As my kids hit 5-9-10 where you can really see & feel & sense what and what my kids will remember; the good, the bad, the pains, the joys…

It makes me sick to my stomach how my parents raised me; I was an only child + had live in grandma and still terribly neglected, what the fuck is wrong with them.

I'm tired of driving 5 hours just to see parents and brothers and sisters that I don't miss. Being transparent anyway, giving and opening gifts that nobody needs. Having to find the gifts in the first place too. I don't want to justify myself if I don't go. It's too much effort and I don't enjoy any part of it.