Just got off the phone with my mom, and feeling frustrated. It's becoming increasingly awkward reaching out to her. Firstly, she hardly ever reaches out first, with an excuse that "she doesn't know if I'm busy." I told her if I'm busy I won't pick up (was that mean? I meant is as - I don't mind if you call and I'm busy, you will not inconvenience me, or impose. I'd just call you back at a later time.) Then she tries to keep the conversation smiley, light and plain, going through the list of things she needs to do in the week. She might eventually ask me some questions but as I start replying she loses interest quickly. Today literally left the phone on the table and went away as I was talking (we talk via FaceTime.) She even has this weird habit of saying "So are you guys all healthy then? That's great" literally before I have a chance to reply. It reads like she doesn't like talking with me and just does it to "tick a box", and I honestly don't know why. I'm the "good" daughter, holding a good job, giving her grandchildren, in a stable marriage, never asking her for money or much of anything really. I did complain to her about how I felt unsupported by her a few times - but these sort of discussions are very normal in my family. We are very open, and ai have been criticised by my mother multiple times for different things.

The other issue is she never helps out with her grandkids, at all. Complete zero. She'd see me struggling and just let me, with a smile on her face saying "you always cope so well!". Even other family members pulled her up on it and said she should perhaps step in more.

Nevertheless, she is still very loved by the family (her family of origin), has always been very enmeshed with them and if I'm honest - it starts to annoy me. My father used to argue with her about this when they were married and I didnt understand then but get it now. Growing up she didn't pick up on my being bullied or having mental health problems at all as all her life was just about work and relationships with ther family of origin. They meet constantly (think multiple times a week) and talk on the phone daily.

However I'm wondering whether I'm entitled. With the current mindset of people not owing anyone anything etc, do I require too much? She seems to have no need or desire to step into the grandmother or even fully into her mother role and give of herself for our benefit. I know it sounds really bad if you pit it like that, but I see other mothers do it all the time for their adult children and I'd absolutely do it for my two boys when they grow up.

She's totally the main character of her own life, always really into whatever mundane activity or event pops up within it and just doesn't seem to have any desire to be really close to her children or have them rely on her in any way.

Hello I (29)f moved an hour and a half away from the city where most of my family resides. Ever since I’ve moved away I’ve noticed very low contact from family unless I initiate contact first. It saddens me because even though I am understanding life happens and some family have their own families, I just feel maybe a text or a call wouldn’t hurt? But I get nothing. I am part of the family group chat and see events they attend together, occasionally I get invited to them as well. But lately I’ve been feeling it’s more convenient if I go and visit them. If I miss them I’ll text them and we’ll chit chat for a while and then eventually just stop texting. My kids also miss them and are disappointed when we don’t go and see them, or my family don’t come see us. Sometimes I cry because I feel forgotten or not important, I miss them and love them and wished they felt the same way. I’m coming to accept this and focus on my own family ,my husband and kids, and love on them. I am happy we have each other to lean on. How do I let go and move on from my sadness? Any advice or tips on not letting this no effort from my family get to me anymore? And also how do I go about my family now? Should I consider LC? Thanks

There should be written SHOES. autocorrect;)

When i wanted to choose i internally heard voices of my recent ex boyfriend (he was not physically with me). He is not controlling but normally i just enmesh with other peoples taste and opinion without even knowing it.. I really internally tried to filter out which voice was mine. I finally chose MY TASTE! And i am very happy :) it feels really strong to stick with your own taste :)

I guess i was never aloud to choose when i was young.. i dont actually know.. there was never money and with 2 narc parents probably i wasnt aloud to develop my own taste

https://youtube.com/shorts/Pv8VGp-B9U0?si=r6Fn_YCtvVZX4rNd

My mom hates me and tells my father that I hurt her yesterday which is a lie I didn't do anything to her my mom told me that I should go to tuition as I was doing bad, I thought I could tell her tomorrow that I do not want to go tuition and wanted to study hard at home. In the morning I told her that I didn't want to go but suddenly she got all mad and started to scream abusive words at me a lot. She then called my father and told her that I had hurt her yesterday night or maybe midnight I was watching some YouTube at 12:00 ya ik its too late I saw my mom come to my room and angrily tell me to keep the laptop away i kept it away and slept I never hurt her I listened to her. But she told my father that I hurt her while she was turning off the wifi. And last she loves my big and small brothers more than me.

Conclusion : My mom tells lie about everyday.

Important : at a point my mom forced me so much that i was one step behind suicide.

I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this. My family has a very much sweep-it-under-the-rug dynamic. We don't address anything and never have. Not as kids or adults. Our parents were always passive aggressive about everything. So on the surface everything appears "fine" especially now that myself and my siblings are grown and out of the house. We all get along and there's no drama but there's always a secret sense, at least to myself, that we don't have a real, deep connection and could never confront our parents about anything "real". Everything is very shallow about our relationships. But if you were an outsider spending time with us you'd see a family that jokes a lot (can't talk about anything serious), seems to like each other, and seems to be having a good time.

Anyway, we don't spend a lot of time together to begin with. But whenever we do, once I'm back home alone I always always have a sense of embarrassment. And not toward anything specific that I can put a finger on. I just feel generally embarrassed. Does anyone else experience this or have any idea why this could be?

I'm a young adult, but have to live with my parents due to a physical disability preventing me from getting full time work. I'm saving up but it's impossible to save money with the bills I help with in relation to my check. Whatever, it's their house, that's not my problem. Anywho, for about 18 years of my life, I was abused by them for the notion that I didn't respect them. I grew up with horrific, untreated OCD and other various stuff I don't wanna talk about, which was never addressed save for when my parents could use it against other family members in an argument ("Yeah, well, OP deals with xyz, and [she]'s fine"). But in my adult life, they've never respected me. I came out to them first when I was very young, around 13, and it wasn't respected. I was sent to a Bible camp that they proclaimed cured me, whatever. Eventually I tried to come out again, no dice, they hate LGBT people even more now, they just ignore I ever came out. Set me up on dates with men, etc. I'm further in the closet than ever. They fed me a diet growing up that led to me being a fattie, but they haven't respected my body since I finally broke free from depression and started exercising. Spent a long time being recommended weight loss drugs, fad diets, etc. Most recently, they've grown awful as the election grows near. They don't respect me at all. Everything I say is deranged and brainwashed, everything I do is evil, people like me deserve to be treated horribly. I hate it. It's gotten to the point where I feel actually hopeless, I have to live when them until my body gets to the point it can work, but I'm terrified my insurance will be pulled away from me before that day. There's nowhere I can go, I'm treated like shit everywhere and I'm in a community surrounded by people with their beliefs, I can never be myself. But I wish I could be myself to my parents. I feel so alone and trapped.

I suspect that maybe I was but not sure.

I’m the youngest of seven kids and I thought I had a near perfect childhood.

Stomps loudly

Speaks loudly

Yells at any minor inconvenience

Cusses at any minor inconvenience

Blames these things on me(she's always been like that)

Have schizophrenia/psychosis but she huffs and puffs like she's the one suffering and I should be catering to her

Says she's "doing her best" but her best is trash. Doesn't bother trying to do better despite that being her response whenever I say "I'm trying"

Literally only has to quiet the fuck down and stop yelling to help me out, not asking her to stay by my side and help me with my mind 24/7, doesn't do that

Complains about being controlled or micro-managed, ironically does that to me. Things have to be the way she thinks is correct or the way she wants it, always has to put in some input about what she feels/thinks

The reason why I easily get mad at people when they do something wrong or order them around to do things is because of the previous stuff, and yet she blames me as just a "bad person". Trying to avoid ordering people/managing them because it actually stresses me the fuck out and isn't really how I wanna act, but her doing it to me makes it harder

When told about schizophrenia her reaction was "Why now? What about school?"

She is partially the reason for my mental illness but her reactions are all "Whose fault was it?!" and "It's your fault, and you should've told me about it earlier(I fucking did, I tried to tell her about my psychosis when it was starting 6 years ago and she brushed it off as an edgy, everybody else teen middle school syndrome type of thing)

Since I was a child she would threaten me with no food or kicking me out or "you're not my son anymore/I'm not your mom anymore". She did this primarily with school or relationship stuff, which is why I have schizophrenia partially(had to do with threatening me to get into a high school back when I was 6 years old or else, and then acted like I was the one who wanted to go there so badly later on, when I got in)

When told in more detail about schizophrenia, and I was starting to get angsty/fidgety, she went "Your problems aren't the most important, you know. I and other people have problems too".

In response to schizophrenia symptoms: "Just try harder. You need to try and get better" Fucking bitch, I AM trying, I've been trying for 6 GODDAMN YEARS

Couldn't get help due to her thinking I was being lazy and edgy and not listening when I said I'm struggling, which worsened my mental health during psychosis as well

There are some other things but I can't really deal with/recall them properly right now(schizophrenia, yknow)

I am indeed not the best son, but I feel that most of these problems are due to her insulting and belittling me all the fucking time, so like. yeah. lol.

My dad died earlier this year, and I don't know why it's affecting me so deeply.

The guy was awful. He tried to kill me when I was about 10 by crushing up the pits of stone fruits (full of cyanide) and making me eat them + bitter almonds. He'd pull out his gun (though I didn't realize it didn't work) any time I pissed him off, basically. He'd threaten suicide if I didn't do what he wanted. He'd beat the hell out of me. He once came at my mom and me as a baby with a knife, which is why she divorced him and got a restraining order against him. He beat the hell out of her and every other wife (he had four) he ever had. The guy genuinely did not like women.

He was also possibly a Klan member, a neo-nazi for sure, suuuuuuuper hardcore right-wing, like the most fucked up skinhead dude it is possible to be without actually having any of those emblems tattooed on his body (because he was a "good christian" and tattoos were incompatible with that).

So, dad was horrific, but mom was so traumatized that she spent my entire childhood checked out. I'd go through awful things, like my dad's abuse, or sexual assault when I was a kid, to getting beat to shit by kids in the neighborhood, to getting groomed as a teen, etc. and just did not seem to care. I was effectively left to fend for myself. I had to teach myself to cook, to do laundry, to keep myself clean and clothed and taken care of because nobody gave a shit. Nobody advocated for me. They say it takes a village, but I feel like I was my village. All of my nurturing, all of my social skills, all of my regular skills, all of my love and support and everything came from me. Neither of my parents can truly claim credit for raising me when I did so much of that labor myself.

And basically... I'm tired. I am beyond tired. Every bone in me is exhausted. I have not unclenched in about 26 years (I'm 29). I have been in fight-or-flight mode to some extent all this time. I first contemplated suicide at five years old because I felt so unloved and unappreciated by every human in my life. I have been waiting for years to find someone I can rely on so I can make myself vulnerable, unclench, and rest. But I've never found that. I am terrible at socializing because I was basically feral and nobody helped me learn how, so people don't exactly like me. I might be autistic, or maybe it's really just the lack of any solid examples of healthy socialization. Idk. So, people don't generally gravitate towards me and my weirdness tends to be off-putting.

I'm just so tired, though. I cannot be my only support network until I die.

I'm in my 30s (M) and I just had my first child so I've definitely been working through life and working on therapy on my own emotions & anxiety. I'm also the youngest sibling.

Long story short, I was sent away at a really young age (13) to school. As did my older siblings. It was for a "better education" but it wasn't the norm thing to do our my hometown. I didn't really grow up with them and I also was taken away from my friends that I grew up with. I was happy where I was. I also wanted to be with my parents but it at such a young age I didn't know how to process this remember crying myself asleep at night at school. I was so young and why did they want me to go away?

When I was home for breaks, I barely wanted to leave the house because I just wanted to be home. At the time I didn't know how to explain to my parents who always seemed to want me to go out with friends. And when I was home they were always busy socializing with friends or making us do things I never wanted to do. The cycle continued and feel like I've come to the realization that I was experiencing emotional neglect?

I longed for home, safety, comfort in so many times in my life and just unconditional love. This has come up in my relationships as well that longing to just be loved for me. I'm trying to work through my own anxiety and trauma so please any help or similarities would be appreciated.

I just feel like my parents became worse parents to my sister.

I have all of these memories of playing with them, talking, just being together as a family. We were very poor.

My sister is 5 years younger than me. My dad has a small business now, doing so much better. But...

She didn't have the same things as I did. I don't remember anybody taking her to the park, playing with her.

When I took my country SATs, my dad HAD to drive me there and take pictures at the school, but my sister is taking her exams in 2 days and you know what he is doing? Taking a trip with his buddies (and my mom of course). He told her that she could Uber to the place. It was just so hurtful to me, but she told me she didn't mind that she is used to it. She said that fighting wouldn't change anything. It just broke my heart.

Of course he didn't even knew the SATs were in this date when he booked the trip, but he should have, right?

I just feel so guilty for having things that she didn't.

She has no fond family memories. When she needs emotional support, I'm the one who parents her.

I am very well aware that my parents did not have their parents confort them, or even give them resources to fulfill their basic needs.

But they did all of these things with me. Why couldn't they be this for her too?

I just don't want to be around them anymore. I think it is too late to repair my relationship with them.

Mind you, I also did not receive any emotional support. I had to parent my sister starting when I was 12. It is just so heavy.

I just exploded on my mother, but I know she does her best. She truly does. Even with the trip, she was trying to make sure that my sister had lunch and dinners prepared, and that she had snacks for the exams. Not to mention that for years, she has done all of the housework by herself. When we grew up, we started to do things, but my mother still wants to be the only one hand-washing clothes and washing the bathroom every day. It is just so much work for her.

My dad, on the other hand, is a selfish prick. I think I could never explode with him because he just ignores everything I say. He only interacts with me when he wants to ask me for something, for example, downloading an app on his phone or something like that. He is so distant. And I feel like all the hardships in my family were caused by his addiction and his inability to control his emotion/think critically. I know he was denied love and education, but still... shouldn't a 50 year old know better?

It all just makes me so fucking angry.

I wish my sister didn't feel as alone as I did growing up. She had me, but I had no one.

My parents would prefer not to see nor speak to me. They would try to come home as late as possible so they don't have to see me for too long then it's bedtime. Even then, they'd spend most of their time occupied, no one really sit down to talk/listen to me. I eat my dinner alone at home.

I'm suffering from depression yet whenever I try to tell them, hoping they would spend more time with me/help me, it's falling on deaf ears. They would respond fakely like "yes, I understand" but then not do anything. Like yesterday I tell them about how incredibly lonely I am and today, when I was looking out the window, I saw my dad car leaving. He's supposed to be working today, I guess he got a day off, not unusual, he normally would lie and spend his time outside or coming home but stay in his car. The parking space is at the very back so if no one sees him comes home, no one would know he's home. It's especially hurt when I saw him going out, spends time outside, and pretends that he's worked today when I told him how lonely and depressed I am yesterday.

The thing is, they're super controlling of me, like I'm not allowed to do anything that would cause stressed to them. They like me to be at home, and that's all my life, school and home, so that nothing can happen to me so they don't have to spend time and money dealing with any consequences.

They do not deserved to be parents, to me at least, their golden child is like a king to them. But what can I say, they told me that I was an accident and they regret having me.

I’m 26F. My mother has always been a workaholic even before she met my father in the 90’s. She always seemed to work at least 2 jobs. Im sure people who come from this life understand when I say I don’t have any emotional attachment to my mother, she is still a stranger to me at 26 years old. I talk to her on the phone yes but I don’t know anything about who she is. She currently is in her 60s and works 3 jobs. My step dad has complained to her how he hates being alone all the time and she still works 24/7. She works her main job from 6am-2:30pm then drives to either one of her part time jobs that start at 3pm and one ends at 9pm and the other at 11pm. So half the week she works 6am-11pm and the other days she works 6am-9pm. She has 4 dogs that have a bunch of medical issues and aren’t trained at all. My step dad cares for them in the evenings. She is void of personality, she has no interests or hobbies. Today she told me that my step dad accused her of cheating because he can’t fathom why she is gone so much. She chuckled and brushed it off. I never ever see her, I only see her a few times a year.

I have had infertility for 4 years and finally have come out on the other side and will be starting my family in 2025 YAY. But from the neglect of my mother growing up, being a latch key kid, I have decided I’m going to be a SAHM for the first few years and make sure I’m there for my kids, I’ll never center my life around work. Who can relate to this!?!

I was told that this post might be relevant here after I posted about it in r/dysthymia , even though my parents are not something I've been having troubles with, so if it's not relevant I wont mind if you remove it. But as they said, different causes but same outcome so you might have something to say.

Why did it have to end up like this. Things on the surface are going so well for me. I'm a healthy, ablebodied man with a stable and supportive family. About to graduate university with a degree that in theory could probably land me a good job. I have friends, and in many ways I'm competent. Yet here I am, a Friday night, just alone. Feeling no drive or motivation for anything. On a good day feeling positive about the future, but not so today. Today I'm just feeling dread. My brain just won't allow me to simply be happy. I have just enough motivation and energy to do the bare minimum, this disease just takes it all away. I don't want much in life, i just want to be happy. But no, can't have that, the one brain I have in life is just broken I guess.

And I'm just so alone. Constantly struggle with feelings of inadequacy from how despite trying, I've never experienced any form of intimacy. Nothing, and I don't care about the physical stuff. I just want to experience love, knowing that someone likes me the way I like. That they like me enough to just want to spend time with me. I wish I could just be fine on my own, I wish I could just be pleased with knowing that I am really trying to do better for myself. Working on my anxiety, working on my confidence, working on my future. I keep hearing people describe how a relationship wont solve it, and I understand it. But everything just feels so hollow and pointless when it's just me doing it for myself. What does it matter that I finish some long personal project, when all that will happen is that I'll show it off online and then that's it. What does it matter that I get a well paying job if all it does is finance me to have an apartment to walk home to alone. What does it matter that I'm getting fit if the only person to see it is myself. What will any of what I do in life matter if there's no one to share it with.

Screaming into the void, with honesty and some perhaps misplaced shame in saying that with every thing I post online, I always hope that someone just reaches out to talk to me.

Edit: I'm sorry I spread so much negativity. I was really sad and tired yesterday and wasn't able to cope any better.

I was always a bit feisty when I was younger. I had no problem standing up for myself but mom told me I shouldn’t do that because that’s not what modest girls do.

I’ve grown out of that mentality and started standing up for myself against everyone and anyone, no matter how close we are. I’m not afraid of clarifying the passive comments. And I can’t tell you how addicting it is. It’s daunting initially but it really is a simple matter of retracting your energy or a single sentence to make the person aware that you won’t tolerate it.

I’m defending the little girl who had no one to protect her but also offering her the space to dream big without limitations. I’m really proud of myself.

I'm seriously ashamed to even ask this I'm just in my early 20s and have the worst memory due to emotional neglect working short term and long term too like discussing or remembering a memory trauma kind of has been a defence mechanism for me for so many years and whenever I have good memories I tend to forget them really easily or working memory too this really affected me at work/career people just see once and they know already wheras for me I need a few times before knowing the job scope I just hope some day my memory will be better.Does anyone also have emotional neglect affected/worsened their memory? Both working short term and long term too

I've started therapy a year ago, improved quite fast at first, then got a set back, got better again and now I'm doing bad again, only this time it doesn't feel like it's going to get better. My therapist warned me that healing is not a linear process and there are highs and lows, but I really feel like I can't do it anymore. All the things that I started doing to improve my quality of life (going out with co-workers, swimming, trekking, traveling) and that used to bring me happiness now feel like duties that I have to perform, if I take a break to rest I fear I will not be able to start again and people will leave me behind. I can't confidently say that any of the people I hang out with are really my friends and I'm scared to ask for help because I feel like a burder. At work I feel judged and useless, at home my parents make me feel guilty because I don't enjoy spending time with them and I can't keep up the happy facade anymore. I feel like therapy just opened up a huge can of worms inside of me that I can't clean up nor close again and pretend everything is ok like I used to do. The only option I see is asking my therapist to recommend me a good psychiatrist that can prescribe me some meds to help alongside therapy. Until now I just took xanax occasionally mostly to help me sleep and calm down after panic attacks.

I only have elementary school. Went to HS but had to repeat a year twice and didn't finish because of my poor mental health. I was 18 when I've decided to quit. I didn't care about education, I was doing really bad mentally. I thought, in a few years, I am gonna be well enough to finish it. Hasn't happened yet.

The thing is, my parents didn't care about my education. We've never talked about future and what I want to do. There was absolutely no pressure from them to try harder at school. I remember getting good school report at the end of elementary school. My father was said indifferently that I was just lucky. They didn't care when I had good grades. When my grades dropped because of my bullying, my parents didn't seem to notice. Nor care.

They acted like I was useless, couldn't do anything at home, not even boiling a tea water or using washing machine. I assumed I was going to live in my parents' house forever because I was so incapable. That's what they made me believe. No matter how many people outside my parents told me I was smart.

My brother's finished HS, or my father thinks so. He isn't sure, though. He's never seen his HS diploma or anything. Our family is very secretive, so while it is weird, sadly it's not uncommon. Since he's ?graduated?, he's never done any job. Even before that. He doesn't have any income and lives with our father who's completely helpless.

He is, just like me, plagued by belief he isn't capable of working, that he's unworthy human being.

I am working now for minimum wage and at toxic workplace, but sadly it's still more than I've ever expected.

What's your experience?

(Sorry I'm all over the place)

TL,DR: Parents didn't care about mine and my brother's future and treated us like we were absolutely incapable of independent functioning. My brother has never worked, has no income and lives with father. I am working at shitty, minimum wage job (I don't live with my parents, luckily) and even that is a miracle to me.

Hi all , this could be a case of "you get what you ask for", but I need to air it out.

I spent more than 3 decades of my life pretending that I have a relationship with my father, due to his narcissistic tendencies in my youth it was a self-preservation tactic that turned into a compulsive behavior. As an adult, I would have anxiety attacks if I were to be scolded for not doing "enough" to spend time with him or see him. This is despite the fact that when I was a child he only had custody of me twice per month and found excuses to be out of the house doing errands and leave me alone with my stepmom 80% of the time. My stepmom did a lot of the work pushing me to spend time with him and bond with him despite him never being around and having a substance use disorder. I wasn't allowed to show negative emotions around them or my father would take it as a personal attack against his performance as a father. I could go on with more backstory but the whole thing boils down to me not wanted to be anxious and worried as an ADULT that I am not giving him enough "face time", and feeling incredible pressure to be part of a family I never felt like I truly belonged to.

At the beginning of this year I completely ceased all effort on my side to show up on a regular basis like I was doing previously, playing up the charade of the adult kid who just "stops by" to hang out rather than doing it because of how much pressure I felt internally. For the most part there were few consequences, I did get some phone calls where they tried to get me to play their game and say what they wanted to hear, but I did my best to grey rock my way through it. They made a big deal about me showing up to fathers day and sitting next to him at the table and spend quality time with him, and I basically just tolerated it through the day so I could leave in peace. I am in EMDR therapy which has been a huge help.

My sister was always the one to keep me in the loop with family news and events, but she moved away earlier this year. Since then, as I no longer proactively make house calls, I have been 'forgotten" when events were planned.

I missed my grandmothers birthday party because they "forgot" to invite me (they threw the party the week before her actual birthday and I found out when I called her). I missed a funeral because they "forgot" to tell me when or where it was (I asked them to give me the info and I didnt hear back). They "forgot" to invite me to a family event with cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

If my sister moves back she would keep me in the loop on these things again but I am feeling so resentful now.

On one hand, I could give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not doing it on purpose, but given how much energy they put into making me do things to make them feel better that feels like that makes it worse.

I have a lot of ugly , petty, resentful feelings inside of me. It feels like wanting to take space from someone with whom I had a totally one sided relationship means I am cut off from the rest of the family. I told my aunt about the situation so she tries to keep me in the loop where she can, but she's not present at all of these functions.

Getting forgotten from these things is triggering some intense abandonment feelings inside of me, but I am not willing to bend over backwards to please them just to feel better. I am trying to get other family members to back me up but my siblings outside of my sister don't seem to care at all.

Thanks for listening

Hello, 31F here.

I've been trying to sit down with myself for the past couple of years and try to figure out where my emotions sit in my body and when they arise. I've experienced a feeling that Ive been labeling as embarrassment for almost my whole life, and it shows up at times that still don't make sense to me. After more research I found this subreddit, but I'm not sure if this is where it all stems from. I'm an only child with parents that I have a good relationship with now. My dad and I didn't always get along when I was younger, but my mom and I have always been close.

I get this deep gut feeling of embarrassment sometimes when I think about the fact that I'm married, or that I have sex, or that I have a whole life separate from my parents. I feel it sometimes when I need to ask off from work, which is also weird to me.

The sexual shame feeling is newer, but it's similar to this anxious embarrassment I've experienced before and now it seems to have settled into my soul.

I have a therapist and am working through it, but it's hard to talk through something I don't really have a definition for. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and if they have any advice.

Thanks.

While I’m saving up for a car, I have been depending on ubers, lyfts, and my mom for reliable transportation. I understand at the age of 23 I should have a car by now. It just took me much longer since I received little help learning to drive and finally got my license this year.

This morning before getting ready for work, my mom was trying to be nice by saying I should take this medication for allergies. But she kept hounding me with all of this unsolicited advice and I snapped at her. This started an argument where she called me ungrateful and she mentioned how much she helps me.

I gave my mom $40 in gas money for this week for driving me to work. So I argued back that I pay her for what she does so she doesn’t get to weaponize it against me.

What’s exhausting is she makes everything transactional, and then gets mad at me when I’m not receptive to her wanting to be a parent figure. I spent most of my income on ubers and lyfts and I’m frustrated on her weaponizing the help she gives me when ive always been thankful.

I feel like my entire life, narcissists have been able to spot me and manipulate me. I think they've been able to pick up on the lack of self esteem and boundaries. I've gotten a lot better at spotting them through life experience, but unfortunately I got into a mess with another one at the ripe age of 30.

He was my therapist for about a year. He started saying he loved me around spring of this year and invited me to a health spa one on one and offered to pay. I declined but I think he was testing the waters of how far he could go. After I left his treatment, it became pretty apparent to me that he was using me to satisfy his own need to be a hero to his clients. To be their one and only.

I feel like someone without emotional neglect would have been able to see this from a mile away. It's just a frustrating trap I've fallen into repeatedly where people display clearly narcissistic behavior but I can't recognize it. Where I trust their narrative over my own instincts.

How do you feel after this past week? Did you encounter some difficult or enjoyable feelings? Did you connect some dots between your past and your current life? If there's anything on your mind and you prefer not to create an individual post, this is a place to share your thoughts and feelings.

Was born to two emotionally unavailable parents, that when they were present it was only harmful. Both probably narc, one for sure is, the other might be covert.

Me and my sister know the family dynamics well and talked about this a lot. I’m the black sheep in the family. I supported my sister through thick and thin, but I didn’t share with her much because she basically isn’t a good listener. When things are overbearing for me, when nobody is seeing anything inside the family, it gets ugly. It makes me hate this family but not like a destructive hate, I just feel really turned off and want to fuck off and leave. So I shared this with her, briefly. She said that I was “bashing them” - (before, I also told her about how sometimes we talk to mom and she doesnt interact at all like we’re walls, and she said those are serious “accusations”) - and she didn’t want to hear this anymore because it affects her relationship with them (she knows them very well). But this is something that happens almost daily and takes a chunk of my being. I do understand that even if I’m not talking much about it, if she feels like it’s too much for her, it’s her right to ask for such thing. but I don’t have to tolerate it. I told her that okay, I respect her want, but then I’m not interested in hearing about anything else she has to say and go back to being her therapist. It’s not like I’m a person who keeps blabbing and I’m pretty sure my feelings in that moment aren’t heavily fueled with negativity or that I keep dwelling on negativity. I’m not going to shut up just for her to keep the rosy glasses that she wants to see reality through; like she chose I should shut up for her to see my narc parents beautifully. I’m not a victim in this, I just find it sad.

Does anyone else's dad say they miss you and wish you called more, but when you do call, he is super uninterested in what you have to say? My dad will sometimes even want me to make plans to see him, and when I do, we sit in silence the majority of our time together. I'm genuinely curious: why tell me that you miss me and have no interest in me? 🤔

I befrended someone for almost 4 years and im always anxious around her she seems like she doesn't care about me never texts me first or gets into contact with me unless i do. It feels like losing her is the end of the world to me but im a person that likes to keep distance from close friendships and i usually don't care that much about friends like these but its different with this friend i just can't keep her out of my mind i got mad recently and send her a small text message, she didn't reply and it's eating me up. I shouldn't care honestly i know but i can't help it i sometimes think im obsessed or something how am i supposed to not care anymore since ive been trying for 3 years already i really hate myself for prioritizing someone like her who doesn't deserve it

So yes, I know I should talk to a therapist about this - and I will once I have enough slack in my extremely stressful life to research for and find one.

I just wanted to check if this is a common behavior when you have been emotionally neglected as a child. And any stories would be appreciated.

I don’t really mean actual physical harm here, but more like - punishing myself of my failures. For example, yesterday I had some free time after work to do whatever and my hubby was to take care of the kids. But I was just so exhausted after a long workday and there are some layoffs coming and I stress about them. So I was just too tired to go for a run, which I wanted to do. So my natural instinct was to punish me of being too tired by not doing nice relaxing things that I also could have done with the time. And then I had this half-written Linkedin post draft from earlier that day that I thought I would also delete as a punishment for me not having enough energy to finish it after the jog that I also didn’t have energy to do. Like - makes no sense. Why would I purposefully do that? Luckily I caught it, calmed down, did not delete any drafts and did something nice eventually.

When I was younger I used to do these kind of mini punishments for myself, not do something I wanted to do or not eat healthy if I felt like I failed myself somehow. Or I would delete my efforts related to something I had worked on. If I was tired or hungry or somehow not succeeding to my standards. Of course it’s not going to motivate me to not be tired if I am actually physically exhausted. How could it work. But I have had to actually catch that kind of thinking to not sabotage my own efforts.

So, does anyone else do this? Immediately punish oneself a little after you ”fail”. And any ideas where it comes from in relation to childhood emotional neglect.