Context:she changed so much after meeting her fiancé I honestly do not know what happend there. But now she’s so weird to talk to and I’ll be honest it feels like I don’t know her and she’s just a casual friend. It’s really sad Becuse every time I try to bring something up like this she gets really pissed off. Please tell me someone else going through this or knows someone that has.

My mother thinks I need to drop everything and just focus on her . I have my own family and if I don’t call her 1 time out of 7 days she says I’m a horrible person and don’t care about her . That I don’t care if she eats or how she survives . She makes every about her self . And threats me all time about how I’ll pay with my kids or that she will end up k..ling her self . I can’t go to work because I don’t have a car but I will soon and we agreed I’ll help her with some money once I get a job. But she makes it very clear that I need to get a job now and is very mean . Not understanding the situation my family is in . I don’t understand her I think I she’s mental not okay ever since I was a child . I’m trying to understand what mental issues she has . 😭😭 to try to understand how to deal with her .

I’ve recently began to analyze how I deal with negative emotions, and how I learned them from my parents. The problem is that I just…. don’t? Like I don’t think I’ve ever seen how my parents deal with negative emotions, they just never talk about it.

Negative feelings are hard for me to navigate and I feel like it’s starting to frustrate me. Whenever I start to feel them I try to isolate myself because I never really learned to process them with someone else, but that just leaves me feeling incredibly alone. I can’t just have a sit down with my parents either because they wouldn’t understand the conversation to begin with.

I just feel like my parents always emphasized how “good” I was as a kid, and that just led me to believe that anytime I’m upset I’m “bad”. I want to work on changing this mindset, but I’m not really sure how. Any suggestions??

Just a vent

I've learned from a young age that mankind is just shit. That humanbeings are simply not good and that love isnt what we are told about. I dont feel love very much, and almost never any romantical love. I want it, but I cant feel, express, or accept it.

I really hate myself, since I fail all my standards I have for myself. I used to blame myself for not being good enough to get love or help. I wasnt allowed to have emotions and now I cant deal with what I got. I haven't earned anything to feel good about.

Idk, I just want to feel like I'm supposed to be here rather than just taking up a space. I want to laugh with people, to play around, to experience. But I cant trust people. They are like me as much as I'm like you, and I hate me so why would I like you, in a sense.

So trust issues and an avoidant attachment style plus all other things wrong with me just makes me unlovable.

I paraphrased the poem No Longer by Idea Vilariño into this version thinking about my dad

It will no longer be

No longer, not anymore

we will not live together

you won't comfort me at night

when I'm afraid of monsters

you won't feed me bread

you will never know what I wanted to be

when I was big

nor what have I become

you won't see me grow

I won't know

what did I do

why my childish fingers

they didn't move you

nor how it would have been

to have your hand

holding me

I won't know

what is the hug like

Soon always in the tender years

waking up from a nightmare

My nightmares started when I woke up

You will never hug me.

Never.

I won't take care of you when you're old.

I won't hold your hand.

I won't see you die.

There are times where I feel like I am a piece of sh*t, due to my lack of empathy and sympathy towards the adults in my life.

I don't know if growing up in an unstable household has done this, but sometimes I wish I had kind, caring, well-off parents who were stable.

Whenever an obstacle hits me, I just want to disappear and not deal with it. I didn't realise taking a break and coming back home would be so hard because I am now suffering from C-PTSD and always feel guilty over something.

Around mid-July 2023, my family friend who lives with us injured his back. He managed to get seen by his company's insurance but was unfortunately made redundant. He was doing well until today his back pain came back. He was asking for tea and hot compressants for his pain. I gave him a hot water bottle and before going for a shower, he wanted hot water. I told him I would give him the hot water later as I am going for a shower and then went to get him hot water because I felt bad.

I noticed that I get mad and irritated when he askes me to do things for him even when he is in pain because I hate having to feel like I am responsible or a caretaker to him. Even when I complain to my mum prior to his back pain reaction, she finds it funny and just enables him to be a man child who is spoon fed or something.

Before his back pain flare up in the morning, he asked 'what are you cooking today?" I said, "nothing, I am not cooking today.' So he replied back saying, 'so what will I eat then?" He is in his mid-40s and I am nearing my mid-20s. Many times he says rude and disrespectful things like, 'you are a cat caretaker', where I feel like I am nothing but someone they have around to look after the cats. It is almost like I am not allowed my own freedom or identity.

I am applying for jobs and I am hoping i can bag one just so I don't have to be at home and listen to all their crap where they cry to me and use me as a therapist or punching bag when nothing goes right. I even feel guilty for wanting to work because they will probably get mad when I save up and use my money to move out. Nevertheless, them most likely wanting to make me skip work so I can cat sit the cats.

I guess my lack of empathy comes from the fact that when he is in pain, it's me who has to do things around the house like an adult as my mum is at work. They already drained me and my mum is quite abusive towards me by yelling, insulting and giving me the silent treatment.

I also suffer from multiple chronic issues and pain and they never acknowledge this despite me telling them several times that I can't fly abroad because I get pain my ears or etc. It gets tiring having to advocate for myself to be ignored and then I have to show up for them. Even when I was younger, my mum used to take care of me. But ever since I came back from uni apart from cooking and doing the laundry she doesn't bat an eye. She doesn't see why she has to care because when she is sick no-one cares for her. But if I do help out around the house, she never appreciates it.

I have had such a hectic month where all I want to do is sleep in peace. I am tired of having to deal with my family friend complaining, my mum yelling at me, them messing things up for me. I can't wake up to good things.

Where do you guys go to make friends? Where do you find support? How do you approach looking for a spouse with being a survivor of CEN, neglect/invalidation, etc.? It’s not exactly an attractive tagline on Bumble.

My impression from both YouTube, social media, and real life is that many women (36m here) don’t really want anything to do with men who have “mommy issues“ or other such emotional neglect baggage. I don’t think that it’s right or realistic for men or women to hold each other to this sort of a standard, but all the same, I see people saying they would rather find someone who doesn’t have this stuff than accept someone who has survived it and is dealing with it.

Advice is welcome.

My mum is emotionally immature. She constantly gaslights me. For example I had severe morning sickness that lasted all day. I asked to take sometime off from her job to help me care for my 2 year old as my partner was away. Her response was "I have a very important job so no" she also didn't come over after work despite living 10 mins away. I'm left feeling like I don't matter enough to take time off for. I brought that up to her and she said I was lying and never asked her to take anytime off. Literally said that convo never happened. I asked her 4 times to take a week off. I was literally passing out over the toilet vomiting 24/7. I was really struggling I ended up with hospital in the home coming out for fluids. My poor 2 year old was on tech for most of the days. Hospital in the home kept asking me if someone could help and as she has never been to daycare I was embarrassed to admit I had no one that could help. I also didn't want to ask friends and put others out. She would also do this as kids and would make my eldest brother stay home from school to look after me (he would have been 11 or 12) whenever I was unwell as a child. She literally has years and years of sick leave she could have used. She's a teacher and says she really regrets doing this to us in childhood. She tells me (I'm a nurse) to take time off whenever my kids need me and "use all your sick leave because you're just a number so never feel guilty calling in sick" at the time I was too sick to deal with the issue. I kept being polite enough. She would also call me during this time and tell me "you never see me I'm all alone and I could die and no one would notice" I would literally finish vomiting and answer the phone to her saying this stuff. Now I'm better I told her not to bother having my kids and I will find alternative care (she has offered to have them when it suits her now it's school holidays). I told her somethings are unforgivable and I wouldn't be relying on her any further. I haven't spoken to her since. My dad has said "she does a lot for you and you should appreciate what she does do" and he has stopped messaging me now also as I'm "ungrateful" I'm left feeling so hurt and angry. I feel like I'm going crazy. I said I would only continue the relationship with my mum if she addresses her issues in therapy and takes some responsibility and apologies for treating me like that. She responded with "sorry you feel that way"

I have recently read children of emotionally immature parents. I relate to soooo much of what was said in the book. I realise my mum especially was both verbally and physically violent especially with me growing up. I now don't really know where to go from here. I want to demonstrate a healthy relationship for my children. I want to hold boundaries with her. I also feel guilty for not letting her see my kids during the holidays. I also have massive amounts of resentment and anger towards her. For situations like the one above. Do I cut her out completely? I find it hard to see her without pointing out all the hurt and anger I have towards her.

This has been an issue since I was little; my mother always tries to have the last word, and it has been 1000 times worse since the invention of texting. The other thing is my mother always feels the need to tell me what to say or do as if I'm a freaking immature kid.

Before texting, if we got into an argument, I would ask her to stop or shut up because I knew I was reaching my breaking point. I would say, "Okay, just stop." Or "Leave it alone." And just like a little brat, my mother would say, "No." She had the tone of an immature child, too. Then when texting came along, her way of getting the last word was a stupid emoji or .GIF. You can't argue with either one of those and that's when I put the phone in the other room and leave.

The other thing that she does, she'll tell me what to do when I wasn't even asking for advice. If I'm having issues with someone at work or a neighbor who is letting their dog crap on my lawn, I'll say what I'm going to do. Then she'll end it by telling me, "Don't yell at them, just talk."That was the most recent example. It annoys me and I don't know how to tell her to knock it off.

This nutcase picks the wrong time to try to be the mother figure.

I (32m) cannot stand being around my parents (52f, 55m). Throughout my childhood, they were always more like roommates than parents (I’m also an only child). I was also privy to all their gripes with each other, basically a therapist/sounding board for my mom. They would pit me against each other and I know so many things I wish I could erase from my head.

They are both very insular, unsocial people. Other than work acquaintances, neither of them have had a single friend my entire life. Nobody ever visited our home, they never went out to hang, etc. which as an adult now, is completely baffling to me.

I had a friend pass away in elementary school and became so depressed by the time I entered high school that I found it difficult to function on a day-to-day basis. I didn’t know what was wrong with me though and I suffered silently for 3 years until I had a nervous breakdown and begged my mom to send me to therapy.

Both of my parents are extremely void of understanding for emotions other than their own, I feel more care from random baristas and people I meet through work lol. Now in my adulthood, the mundane small talk and surface level relationship irks me to no end.

I was in a long term relationship with someone who was very emotionally intelligent and receptive, we had a great bond and were always supportive / loving towards each other. That relationship ended a little over a year ago, and I am really feeling this lack of connection with my parents all over again. It infuriates me to be around someone and talk about nothing real or honest, and I hate them after 2/3 hours together. It brings up all this anger and frustration I had as a child as well.

Am I a bad person for feeling this way towards them? Should I limit my interactions or try to push through for the sake of maintaining contact? I truly don’t know what to do. I feel guilty because I have never been hungry, they have provided for me and I am luckier than many people in that sense. But when I am around them, I feel more alone than when I’m by myself.

Now I’ve recently realised how much emotional neglect and severe childhood trauma I’ve experienced, now I’m British Indian with old School parents it’s so bad and I realise how shit they ruined my life and I hate them and my whole Family pretty much and I got no one , I don’t even know where start either with man child Older brother who is a scumbag, and parents just let him do whatever he wants, my parents lack Braincells, and stupid and did not look After there health, or mental health they did not teach us lifeskills , literally gave me a house and that’s all , alll they ever do is guilt Trip And manipulate and honestly Ive been dealing wing addictions , literally just a wreck cause now I’m In the real World trying to figure it out I’m so lost And honestly struggling cause I’m Playing catch up and healing from Everything I only work part time, so I’m not moving out anytime Soon but i stay busy with doing hobbies and stuff cause I literally did nothing as a kid, I was literally watching porn and eat junk, I can’t even remember my childhood like I was out and stuff and did kid things it’s like I can’t actually remember any quality family time , honestly it’s feels so good to say all Of this being on here makes Me feel Safe cause I so many people Who are in my situation, I know I’m on the right path , I’m trying to find my purpose and trying stuff , and seeking therapy and stuff but it’s does get difficult being so alone and constantly being on the go , cause I feel I’ve always wasted so much time From childhood trauma and life Does not stop.

My mom barely talks to me unless if it’s about giving me a few chores, my study status, or my younger brother. I try to talk to her about my day after coming back from school, but she’s always uninterested in what I have to say. Sometimes it feels like she only cares about ur my younger brother. For context, when I was his age I used to get up for school by myself, make my own breakfast and lunch, and study for school by myself (and get good marks. He doesn’t do any of the above. He also gets in trouble in school a lot, she gets a lot of calls regarding him, so she’s always busy with him. She also teaches him at home, but he isn’t obedient. He usually only wants to play, so once he starts playing it’s hard to get him to study. I know that she struggles with him, but just because she is busy with him doesn’t mean that I can do everything by myself, it doesn’t mean that I don’t wanna talk to you.

Like 2 days ago, I was so busy studying thru forgot to eat, before she used to ask me “did u eat dinner yet” (we don’t eat together as a family), but that time she just put the food away. Usually I wouldn’t care that much, but today aswell we were in a family outing with a few family friends. The wives were talking about school and I mentioned that once after exam my friend showed me that her classes dustbin was filled with chits. She showed a reaction that time, but when I told her the same story before she didn’t even care.

When these things are paired, it feels so bad. I’ve been crying for 2 nights. I know that she’s struggling but why don’t you care about me?

My mom is kinda weird about her opinion on me.

She is supportive of me in most aspects. She cares about me, I'm sure, but I find that nowadays, it feels conditional to me.

Like, one minute she'll call me mature, smartest, understanding, etc, but then she turns around and calls me an immature, stupid brat or something like that.

Just to clarify my mom isn't the most stable individual. She is traumatized. And a lot of the time she uses "PMSing" or "being tired" as an excuse, which I understand, but I feel like I can't be myself around her, even when she's nice, I tell myself it won't last long, and I'm always right.

And, ever since I was younger, like fifth or sixth grade, I felt like I shouldn't ask her for advice or tell her about my problems because she gets annoyed and says she doesn't want to deal with it right now.

She freaks out easily, she loses her temper eaisly, she goes back and forth with her opinion on me to the point I can't take any compliment from her, it just feels empty. For a while I thought I was a narcissistic (not derogatory to narcissistic people) because I just didn't feel good at all when I was complimented, but I realized that this is explained by the aforementioned behavior.

Idk, it just happened again today she had an outburst towards me because I am trying to learn how to drive (I am 16) and I didn't understand this one part and she got mad immediately so I decided to quit to let her cool off because it scares me when she gets angry. I flinch a lot because she used to hit/spank me (she doesn't anymore, for the most part) and she mocks the way I flinch.

IDK if this makes sense, but I still see her as a mom because she gave birth to me. But I don't see her as a parental figure. Someone who teaches you and supports you through everything. Don't know how to word it.

Sorry the post is kinda messy but you get what I'm saying right...? BTW my mom raised me single my dad was mostly absent. If that means anything.

I’m 23F. My mom is a social worker. She’s very warm and kind as I’ve heard her talk to patients over the phone. My dad is in AA and I’ve heard him be very very warm and comforting when talking to people in his group. However, all my attempts at doing things are shut down. I invited my mom to come take a yoga class at the gym I work at and she shut that down by saying she is too tired after work, but somehow has energy for her own gym. She literally physically distances herself from me. My parents go on little outings every weekend without me. It perplexes me how other people actually.. do things with their parents?? Like go on walks, go get lunch, etc. the last time I’ve done something 1 on 1 with my mom or dad had to have been years and years ago, when I was a kid. I almost feel like if I had a mean mom this would be easier to deal with, but having such a kind mom who wants nothing to do with me makes it harder. I feel like I was just raised on a computer. I envy those who can have casual conversations with their parents, or ask them for advice, or go out to lunch and do stuff with them.

I've noticed an interesting problematic pattern with my mother. Sometimes she doesn't ignore what I say, but responds to it with emotions that seem stronger than mine. One pattern is me encountering a problem and she seeming more upset about it than I am.

A recent trivial example was me eating a radish and finding a flavour that shouldn't be there and that indicates it's not fresh. When I talked about it, her emotional response seemed much more intense than mine. This makes the experience more emotionally painful, like I'm encountering a problem that is worse than it really is.

When I encounter a more significant problem, this is weirdly invalidating. Sure, she recognizes the problem, but the focus ends up being her own feelings about it, with my feelings drowned out by her more intense reaction. Later this can also result in her putting more pressure on me regarding the problem, like I need to fix it to make her feel better.

When something she is doing is causing a problem for me, the conversation can become about her getting upset by me talking about it, making addressing of the initial problem practically impossible.

There are also situations where something that is a problem for me doesn't matter for her, and I feel ignored. I guess the more general problem here is focus shifting from my emotions to her emotions, or her lack of emotions about the same subject.

I guess this is related to neglect, though I wouldn't call it neglect, but something more active, seeking to override my emotions with her emotions.

I wished you were there at my lowest, catching me when I fall. I wish you were amazed by all the things I learned from recovering from all of my most harrowing experiences. However, that wasn't the case. You never asked why I'm struggling, how I'm feeling, what I'm going through. I wished you comforted me when I needed you the most... well instead of calling me a failure or it's no use to cry about it.

Yes, you were proud of me when I had good grades, did chores, received accolades, and other tangible things... but I don't think you can see anything outside of your expectations. I wished you would see me as I am, not who you wanted me to be and be proud of that. That would be unrealistic of me to expect though.

I wished you could witness the person I'm becoming and tell me I'm proud I raised that child I brought into the world.

I cried alone, I fought alone, I went through difficulties very much alone, I took the burden of healing my traumas alone without your support... I found others along the way to support me, but they can't replace you, the parental figures. But still, better than nothing. I'm grateful for those who supported me along the way, even if they weren't my parents.

I understand my parents have their marital problems, constantly overworked and bickering about their unhappy marriage and other problems. They didn't know they were neglecting their children. I wished they'd understand that to ensure their child's happiness it has to be more than buying things and taking them on vacation.

There are times where I am torn between seeing your way of expressing love to me and all the times you hurt me when I needed you the most. Therefore I have no choice but to grieve what my family and childhood could have been.

I’ve had many people tell me they’re proud of me but never you. But deep down inside I wished you were proud of the things that mattered to me.

I'm mainly using this as a space to vent. Growing up, I was heavily parentified by my mother. Mostly emotionally, but instrumentally in some ways as well. My mom took a "fun mom" approach, especially in the early days. She wanted to be more of a friend than a parent. As an adult now, I look back and can't believe some of the stuff she thought it was ok to expose a 6/7/8 year old to. I knew way too much about her life and had to keep all her secrets. There were several things that were morally questionable.

Before I was a teenager, things seemed more fun. From my memory, there was an equal blend of kid and parent activities. For example, maybe we'd see a kid's movie one time, but the next we'd see a PG-13 romcom that she wanted to see. As I got older, that became more and more skewed until eventually, we only did what she wanted to do or was comfortable with. From probably age 14-24, every night we'd watch what she wanted to watch. There were some periods where I'd become more reclusive in an effort to explore my own interests, on my own time. But I felt I had to do this in addition to keeping the peace with her. There often wasn't enough time for both.

I had virtually no social life, not because I didn't want one but because any time I went out or did something outside of the normal routine, it was met with such disapproval on her end. Nothing was ever outright forbidden, but the disapproval was conveyed through loud sighs and mood swings. Just once, how nice it would have been to hear "You're going out with friends tonight? You deserve to have some fun, have an amazing time!" Instead, she'd become despondent or use the opportunity to tell me how much she didn't like one of my friends. The "fun mom" thing went out the window anytime I wanted to do an activity without her. Drinking was disapproved of because it reminded her too much of my dad. (I always thought he was an alcoholic. Now I wonder if he was a normal drinker and she just painted him in a different light.) Getting home late was disapproved of because she didn't sleep well unless I was tucked in safely in the next room, and the poor sleep affected her the next day. Even me not being home at 6pm when she got off work was disapproved of because it meant she was on her own to eat dinner and not have anyone to complain to about her day. For the most part, I just gave up having a social life because it was easier to keep the peace at home than go out for a drink or two with a friend and live in discomfort at home for the better part of a day.

I moved out in my mid 20s, but what's funny is up until I'd been out for a year or two, I'd never considered that she was part of my problem. I thought I had your typical "daddy issues", but believed I was so blessed to have a mom who didn't have super strict rules.

It's been 10 years since and I've made a ton of great strides in my healing process, but I still feel so completely lost. I can recognize I've made improvements in many areas, but feel so very behind in others. I've spent so long just discovering myself and who I really am, and the thing is? I still don't think I know. It took like 2 years in therapy just to scratch the surface, to begin to feel comfortable exploring myself. Some days all I feel confident in is that my favorite color is pink and I like yellow flowers best. I can't make decisions about what I want to do in life because I'm so afraid of making a mistake or missing out. I'm even questioning some things I thought were part of my core personality, like being an introvert. Now I think maybe I was forced into introversion as more of a coping mechanism than anything.

What's worse is I'm so deeply codependent, I feel like my bare minimum is needing another person in my life just to be content. Not even happy. Just content. Can someone like me ever expect to have anything more?

I've had what I thought was real happiness when I've been with certain people. But they always leave. Looking for a savior isn't the right approach, but it's what's gotten me closest to the feeling that I want so that's the approach I tend to take.

Deep down, I know that real happiness comes from within. I've had moments of it, but it's been fleeting. I'm talking maybe a few minutes of warmth and love a couple times a year. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars paying out of pocket for therapy, and that's what it's gotten me. I could have used that money for a downpayment on a house and actually had something to show for it. Instead, I'm in my mid 30s and feel like I have nothing, and little hope for anything more.

My therapist says it's possible to feel that happiness all the time, but I just don't see how it's possible.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm in the feels today.

I have so much of it! How does one get rid of it? I feel like I can scream into a black hole for infinity to release all my anger.

He's been neglectful in the sense that he's very busy, constantly defending my mother's behavior and not understanding my feelings. Far from the worst.

But hearing that he's aware he's barely spending time at home opened a whole can of worms in my feelings. Maybe having a father barely there contributed to me seeing older men as potential father figures. [they're not and it makes me sad everytime]

Anyway this hurts. Even if he spends more time home from now on, which he probably won't do, it won't feel normal for me. I feel like I've missed my chance with him. :/

as far back as i can remember i remember tensing up every time my dad would get angry- knowing that if i spoke in that moment id be shouted at and berated- even though the initial anger wasn't directed at me. then my brother was born, and (as my mum has admitted) "he took over their lives." and they seemed to have forgotten about me (something she also said)

at two he showed signs of autism, and while they would never take him to diagnose, they began learning his ways and making sure he was happy and comfortable- sometimes at the expense of my happiness.

there's an 8 year difference between us, i was entering my teen years while he was showing signs of his ARFID, and having meltdowns rather frequently. whenever i would build up the courage to say i was struggling mentally, my mum would tell me to not tell her, or that she "can't cope with this." they were also very judgmental and unsupportive when I told them I was questioning my sexuality at age 10, as it turned out I had debilitating OCD.

i'm 21 now, im saving up to buy a house. but i still feel like i am a child walking on egg shells, trying not to make my dad shout, and trying not to make my mum panic. my brother (now 13) has more rights than I do, if I say i'd like to shower every day (very normal right?) there's a kick off about how im always in the bathroom, but my brother bathes every night with no problem.

They let my partner move in 3 years ago, as she had a very unstable home life (i don't think they're bad people at all,) but if we want to use the kitchen it has to be between 5:30-6pm otherwise they'd rather us spend our money on take out food , as it will disturb their night.

there's so much more, my brother has them wrapped around his finger. he's at the age now where he knows what to do. he pees all over the floor and the toilet, i tell my parents im tired of him doing it and there's never any consequences for him. but i had consequences growing up. my brother is able to come out of his room and sit in the living room with them, but my partner and I are expected to stay in our little room, all day. they sigh and stare at us if we ever come down, until we go back up.

last year, we were cooking and we had been in the kitchen a while. I had put a pan on the window ledge and burnt a ring into the side. i immediately started freaking out, and hid upstairs. shortly after i was called down and screamed at until i was a ball on the floor profusely apologising and sobbing. i feel like this event has traumatised me, and i feel like by disappointing them i dropped my 'perfect' act, i worry about this happening again every day.

family members have commented on how they raised him and I differently. I just feel like a spare part, and a burden in my own family home :(

What would you do in this situation? I'm trying to figure out if I should communicate with my parent after not speaking since March 2024.

For context, I'm now nearly 40, married with 4 children (2 with special needs).

Backstory:

I was born premature, at 26 weeks. Spent 3 months in the NICU, and have Cerebral Palsy. I mention this, because I don't know how this could effect a parent's reluctance to form a bond with a child. My parents divorced when I was 3. We (brother and I) had visits with my dad (parent in question) on weekends and in the summer. Then eventually it was summers only due to moves.

When I was 11 my life changed due to my mother's incarceration. I did not go to live with my dad. Instead I lived with my mother's parents. During my summer visit with my dad, he and his wife sent him to a therapist (I assume this is due to my mother's situation and instead of asking me how I felt about it, they set me to a therapist to talk about it). Interestingly enough, we didn't focus our conversations on my mother. Instead, I told her that I didn't think that my dad loved me. She asked if I had talked to him about it and I said no. She told me I should. So, I walked into the lobby, sat next to my dad and told him, "I don't think you love me." he just sad there and said NOTHING. We never discussed it.

The visit ended and I went back to my grandparents. I only visited during summers, we didn't communicate much during the rest of the year. But my grandma told me that she'd call my dad and tell him that he could come and get me whenever he wanted...like to remind him that he had a child to be responsible. He never did or said anything about it. Ignored the fact that HE should have been the one to care for me, while my mom was incarcerated.

Between the ages of 11-17 it was summer visits with phone calls usually initiated by be. He may send a card here and there, or give a gift when I see him. But those things weren't regular and very rare.8,

I turned 18, had a falling out with my mother and she kicked me out. I didn't have the skills to know what steps to make next, so I called my dad and he told me that, "there was thing here for you", and denied me a place to live to catch my barrings. Pawned me off on other family members.

I ended up moving, re-enrolling myself in high school, getting a apartment after 9 months of living with my boyfriend's parents. My dad came to my HS graduation, and my wedding. But he always gave me the impression like he wasn't happy to be there. He's met 2 of my 4 children (when my two oldest were 2 yrs and 3 wks old). He doesn't ask about my children, hasn't shown any interest in getting to know them.

I called him March of 2024, and we had a conversation. But I didn't hear from him until Nov, on my birthday he sent me a text saying happy birthday, we (he and his wife) do love you. I never responded. I didn't communicate with him on his birthday (late Nov), and then I got a Happy Thanksgiving text. Nothing since, and it's Feb 2025.

I didn't communicate with him, because I don't know what to say to someone who doesn't want to acknowledge wrongs. Even have I've said time and time again that I know parenting is hard, and that it's ok to admit that you don't like an aspect of it.

I just can't go through the worthless feelings of being rejected by him anymore. I can't accept it as a parent, it's not what good parents do to their children, no matter how hard parenting may be.

So, am I doing the right thing by just letting it all go. No contact all. No explanation. Knowing that if I did give him one, he'd ignore it anyway? Or do I text him back and say this isn't healthy for me...peace out dude? lol

Thx for reading!

I did, a lot when I was a child and teenager.

It's been a year now and my depression just started going down and down.

I just hated myself because out of everyone in College I feel like I'm not that good enough.

I didn't really want my course of Architecture, I was just here because Firstly my eyes can't last long on Computer screen, 2nd is Studying at Digital Animation or 3d courses on College was too expensive.

I had a goal to just survive for my Parents for they sacrificed a lot. I am thankful but I'm not thankful for myself I've been really lacking this days. I used to work hard a lot harder than everybody, but it seems pointless my grades is still terrible. No matter what I do my grades are just terrible and I work terrible. This past few days, I just don't feel like doing work. I'm just forced to do things because I must. I had to do it. I don't even know anymore.

I have difficulty paying attention and keeping up with the speed of conversations. Most people in my family are rapid communicators, introverted, and didn't share their emotions with their family when they were growing up. My family to this day does not believe me when I say I have struggled with attention because the psychological evaluations I've taken were inconclusive or just said I had anxiety and depression. When I try to broach the subject with my parents my dad will say something like, "Why do you want to give yourself more mental health problems than you have", and my mom will just agree with whatever makes him feel like he is right so there won't be conflict. I struggle every day to attend to the speed of conversations and listen because it always overwhelms me even when I am not experiencing anxious or depressive symptoms.

As a child, my dad completely ignored me when I acted like myself and even showed disdain when it seemed like I wasn't paying attention or I was talking at a slower pace. I tried to mask my symptoms, poorly, to gain affection and appreciation from him. I just want him to love me for who I am, not for who he expects me to be. I've started to give up hope that it will ever happen. Has anyone else in this sub experienced similar struggles, and if so, what are you doing now that allows you to cope?

Feeling stuck and looking for advice on setting boundaries. My mom has been showing up at my apartment uninvited despite me going no contact over a year ago. Today, she followed me from the cafe to my apartment and kept trying to hug my waist, not out of affection, but in a way that felt controlling and invasive. I tried to break free, but I ended up feeling reactive, and security didn’t intervene. He said it's not his job to to intervene family affairs.

I’ve heard about the grey rock method and am wondering how it applies when someone keeps crossing personal boundaries in ways that are hard to ignore. Any advice on how to manage this situation without feeling like I’m always reacting? How can I stay firm in my boundaries without feeling trapped?

I've already escalated this issue multiple times to management office, no action..

Hi everyone! 🤗

I'm 27F living in New Zealand and have done so for the past three years, whilst the rest of my family live in the UK. I've always had a very disjointed family and we do not communicate very well at all.

Of course, moving away from home, makes you feel alone but I feel less alone here by myself than I did when I was at home. However, it weighs on my mind each day how no one in my family of 6 ever check in on me, aside from birthdays. My siblings and I will exchange memes once in a while, but they don't even know where I live here. No one knows my address...

The one family member who weighs on me heavily is my dad. He never ever calls me first and I have stopped calling him too because each phone call is him telling me how I'm 'useless' that ' I'm wasting time in NZ', I will look back at my life when I'm 40 and think what I've done with my life' and I should move back to the UK to ' get a proper job'. This all the conversation ever is. No, how are you and what have you been up to. He doesn't care. I tried to tell him about my travelling and tried to send photos to which he replied ' what does travelling achieve'. I don't have many friends too and I do love my family given the emotional distance. However with regards to me dad, I just don't want to call him ever but feel guilty for not doing so. The last time we called was on Christmas Day where he said his usual words. Is it wrong that I'm not calling? Just the thought of even a 5 minute conversation is enough to make me nauseous and ruin my whole day, yet I feel like the bad person and I am riddled with guilt.

I have never ever once asked for help from anyone. I pay all my bills and manage everything myself! I even have two cats I take care of. Yes, I hate my job and it's not where I envisioned myself but I am trying.

I'm actually due to visit my family in March this year and I don't know why I bothered. I saved a lot for the ticket but no one in my family seems mildly interested. I am the middle child, so perhaps this is middle child syndrome too!

I don't know. I guess, how do you get over the guilt and how to cope with feeling even more lonely knowing that you and your family drift further away from each other 😞

Thank you and I wish everyone well on this journey 🌻

I've learned so much online, the internet is like a mentor I've never had growing up in real life. All I need to do is find the information, and dig in.

Imagine I had to learn everything all over again but with books and VHS tapes. I'm feeling grateful today that the internet exists.

I am on a trip right now for a family wedding in India and I just can’t do it anymore. The complete and total lack of acknowledgement for where I am in life (belittlement of my age, my job, my accomplishments, my agency) whenever I show any once of desire to do something for my self or something they don’t instantly agree with is becoming suffocating.

I can’t even ask them questions about simple things like plans for the day without them freaking out. My mom specifically- Never went to therapy and never learned how to control her emotional outbursts, loves to turn up her caring side for other people but belittle me in private (or public if it suits her image)

Once I return to the states I intent to go low contact but I don’t know the best way to go about it. I don’t want them showing up to my apartment or something and escalating the situation. I’m also conflicted because I do care about them, and they’re getting older and I don’t want to regret not spending time with them.

If anyone has been in a similar situation any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Even now at 28 years old, with a partner of 5 years, in nursing school, with friends and a seemingly happy life, I just feel empty inside.

I feel bad for the child version of me and I don’t like my adult self. I was the youngest of 3 and my parents should have stopped after one child.

My oldest sister has lots of childhood photos, was in extracurriculars as a kid, bought new stuff, etc. I didn’t even go to preschool or daycare because my mom said she asked me and I said “I didn’t want to go” ? Who asks a 5 year old if they want to go to school. My dad worked all day at a liquor store (so he could sleep in) and my mom went back to work as a school bus driver when I was 6 (kindergarten). My dad was the one “responsible” for me in the mornings, but he would sleep on the couch and pretty much just open one of his eyes to make sure I walked out of the house. I never was in one club, one sport, never went to any field trips. No school pictures after second grade and in all of them my hair is not brushed. I was only brought to the dentist at 12 and had multiple cavities at a young age. Parents wouldn’t drive me anywhere. No breakfast in the mornings ever. Rarely dinner. My mom would go out to dinner and bring home leftovers. My dad would buy a bunch of sugary snacks so I was overweight as a kid. I was responsible for making my own lunches as a kid so I pretty much just brought whatever random snack I could find. Forgotten birthdays. No vacations. No mom who came in to read to the class. No one to tell me to do my homework. No one ever asked “how school is going?”. My dad probably could not tell his friends my age/ grade/ any class I was in for my whole life. My mom would randomly act like she cares about me maybe once every few months and would bring me to Walmart to buy me a Barbie or something. Nobody who ever taught me anything wise or valuable.

Now as an adult I don’t like asking others for help and I get annoyed at my partner for asking me to do things for him. I wish I didn’t feel that way internally, but whenever he wants me to go to the post office for him or pick something up for him- I think “why?” I do everything myself and don’t ask for help. I also have a hard time focusing and didn’t develop the best habits. Overall I try to be a healthy and happy individual- my friends and partner think that I’m very happy and positive all the time, but inside I feel sad and alone and like everything is pointless.