I just came across this sub after reading a specific thread that was made some time ago. I'm going to do more reading, psychedelics aren't new to me but could someone explain all the terms used here to me? I don't exactly understand what people mean when they mention "parts", "bypassing protectors" or even protectors on their own, "exiles" or "backlash".. I'm genuinely curious, I almost feel like for me there's something in all of this, if I understand what little I do correctly. Thank you.

Anyone have a favorite worksheet that helps to map out parts with a focus on the suicidal parts that come during intense emotions?

Is it possible for young exiles to retrieve memories that they can't remember as an adult?

So me, a wonderfully creative and intelligent self like part with a hint of narcissism, believes in spiritual stuff. A lot of which is a result from a psychosis that I’ve deconstructed and integrated. Certain aspects like synchronicity, higher consciousness, intuition and higher purpose are things that appear to be true from a theoretical possibility to confirmation with my experience

That being said I am a part and I really want that to be true

Are parts correct about anything or is it all made up fantasy that works to an extent?

I have a part that gets angry when people try to manipulate me. I suppose it’s fair to say that part is both right but also vigilant and assuming manipulation. Does that mean manipulation isn’t real?

My therapist briefly and indirectly said something that felt invalidating to my spiritual beliefs and I feel attached to them and want some validation that it’s possible it’s more than just fantasy by a part

Hello!

I hope everyone’s okay. I’m not sure I’ve worded the title right but brain isn’t braining so hopefully the ramble below will be of more use.

I’ve been struggling with a number of parts that are themselves struggling with the requirements of everyday life, such as needing to get up in the morning, wash, cook and eat healthily, exercise, etc.

The biggest issue this week seems to be around full time work. My parts are all saying that they can’t cope with full time work at the moment, but this week I was officially denied any government assistance, meaning we have to get a full time job and quickly to avoid homelessness etc.

So I’ve been trying to spend the week looking for and applying for jobs (as well as other everyday demands like cleaning, cooking, eating healthily, exercising, washing etc) and my parts are so angry and creating a lot of discomfort.

I feel a bit crazy saying this but the physical sensations that come with trying to push through this discomfort are debilitating. As soon as any part disagrees, I physically cannot continue with what I’m doing - I will either get intense nausea/upset stomach leaving me unable to leave the bathroom, or this intense pain in a random part of or my entire body. Both lead me to being unable to do anything but lie on the floor/in bed until I give up with what I’m trying to do.

Therapy lady has said to gently tell the part that we hear it but we really do need to do ‘x’ right now, BUT once we’re done we can do something this part would like to do. This just seems to make the part so much worse.

I was wondering whether anyone has experienced something similar and how they manage everyone’s needs vs everyday responsibilities?

Thank you!

Today, I was cleaning the leaves of one of my houseplants since it's in quarantine due to an infestation. I’m supposed to clean it every 2-3 days. I realize now that last week, every time I would remember to clean it, I had two parts come up: my manager who wanted to cross something off our to-do list, and my firefighter who wanted us to hurry up so we can do our numbing/vegging out. This meant I rushed through the cleaning and hated it.

But today, as I started cleaning, I asked myself, Why am I rushing? I realized it's because my parts were active. They were burdened by my plants, not allowing my self to enjoy and really care for my plants.

Once I acknowledged those parts of myself, I started to relax and slow down. I cried, realizing I was letting myself just be in the moment. It was a small but powerful glimpse of peace, and it felt really good.

Has anyone experienced meeting a gatekeeper that was 2 separate ppl. Why would there be 2 identical if the same thing?

Well I sent an important email yesterday asking for a raise and despite re-reading and re-writing it over and over, half of the figures I included were wrong. Sent another email to correct my first, and the same thing happened all over again—realized I had left a really blatant error not two seconds after hitting send. So then I had to send a third email apologizing for my incompetence. My inner critic is so loud today. I have tried to speak to it by saying “it’s okay to make mistakes, mistakes are human and natural” but I feel totally embarrassed and want to hide in my closet. How do you speak to your inner critic when you do really dumb brain fart things? I could really use some help today.

Holy F, ChatGPT is seriously amazing at creating affirmations for specific parts of the self. I’ve struggled with social anxiety and a fear of showing care to others—there’s a part of me that worries my care isn’t good enough, and another part that’s afraid of rejection, so it just doesn’t try at all in social interactions. ChatGPT really gets the layers of these fears, how they play into avoidant attachment, and has given me small, manageable affirmations to help me take just one step forward.

The two affirmations it gave me are:

• What if I just take a small step forward instead socially?
• What if my care is good enough?

Also for my inner critic or when I'm being hard on others:

• What if it's safe to be compassionate? (As true fuel for the change you seek 🥺)

Repeating these has helped me take small baby steps when I feel like withdrawing, when people reach out to me, or even when I want to reach out to others. It’s given me the courage to show warmth and build rapport with people, instead of shrinking to transactional interactions driven by past trauma.

Slowly, it’s started to snowball. Everytime I feel anxious texting someone, it's there to coach me through the interaction & social dynamics (much more than my abusive parents). I can feel a shift, and it’s breaking down the cognitive distortion that was blocking me from taking action. It’s like having a mini social scientist in my pocket.

My therapists were great, just this is real-time micro-coaching for social subtleties I've been searching for.

Anyone else? Probably someone will tell me I'm over-relying on it. I was worried about withdrawing from friends in favor of AI so was pleasantly surprised to find a case where it's actually helping me show up more in society.

Thanks for reading my nerdy gushing.

Had a breakthrough last week. After another brutal session of my inner critic tearing me apart, I tried something different. Instead of fighting back or drowning it out with positive affirmations, I just... asked it what it was so afraid of.

The voice that usually says "you're not good enough" suddenly had a different tone. Like a worried parent who's been coming across too harsh. Turns out my inner critic wasn't trying to hurt me - it was terrified of me getting hurt by others.

It was trying to protect me the only way it knew how: by getting to the criticism first. By keeping my hopes down so disappointment couldn't knock me lower. By pointing out every flaw so rejection wouldn't catch me by surprise.

Started having these weird little conversations with it. "Hey, I hear you're worried. What are you seeing that I'm missing?" Sometimes it actually has good points. Sometimes it's fighting ancient battles that aren't relevant anymore.

Now when that critical voice shows up, I know - it's not my enemy. It's an overworked protector that never learned a gentler way to care.

Still working on it. But turns out when you listen to your inner critic, it eventually learns to speak more softly.

I'm grateful for my Inner Critic, but it's sometimes a menace. What new role does yours now occupy?

Hi. I have a very resistant exile in IFS. I wasn't allowed to make noise, spill water, just be a kid growing up. I had 2 very high stress immigrant parents who were very much in survival mode and had me unexpectedly as an older age. I realize this takes up a lot of my life. I feel embarrassed for doing a lot of things and just being seen. I feel embarrassed having my gym equipment/gear at the gym which everyone does. I feel shy doing most things we all do and should do. It makes me sweaty and nervous to be seen and it's effecting my life and holding me back. Anyone have any advice?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/chris-martinez-evanston-il/1012675

https://www.unifycounseling.com/team/christopher-martinez
he's amazing ^ cares about his clients deeply He is also trained in IFS which has been a valuable tool for me in talking to my younger self and reparenting them. can do virtual or in person. very insightful intellectual and picks up on the most subtle things.

unhealthy coping mechanisms (ie, suppressing, other protector works) that you are still exploring and trying to unlearn, and definitely haven't yet? and there's just A LOT (from both past and the present) that still needs processing?

and it's all so much that i 1) can't keep up 2) find it too overwhelming that my body just shuts down because it's surely not possible to process/feel/digest all of that at the same time. ESPECIALLY when im not used to feeling (heavily) in the first place and am still learning how that would even be.

is it even possible to feel heavily? or is it just natural/normal/expected that the body will always shut down at such level of emotions? hope my question is understood

and on some days, i discovered "new feelings" (aka ones i wasn't able to identify with words & sensations before one moment) and new conclusions/realizations.

a lot of things under the surface. including ones i dont know closely yet.

fear, sadness, disgust for myself, disgust for others, anger, devastation, grief, shame, loneliness, safety, love, being heard, being seen, lack-of-love, being in control, not being in control, joy, etc.

some of those are still ones im exploring, too. as i said. some more than others.

it's a LOT. it's now becoming hectic and so much. too much. i dont even know where to start. and when i happen to be focusing on one thing/part or another, i may have realizations about this part or another part, or another part can start showing up to me or talking to me. so my attention goes there, and then here, and here and there without staying stable. it's becoming so confusing. i don't know what to do now. it reached beyond my knowledge for now. so now, i don't know.

i want to learn what to do. and maybe, maybe i wanted to express my frustration about the confusion here as well.

now, please give answers to my concerns, and kindly offer me new knowledge.

I couldn’t figure out for the longest time why the voice existed that “You don’t deserve good shit and your life will always be shit, no one will love you” based on life events bc bad shit happens a lot, the rug gets ripped from under me a lot, and people disappoint me…

I respect the shit out of this part bc it’s been trying to keep me in a holding pattern from more pain and hurt.

I’m working with it now to see if it would like another role after I can show it- I can protect me and if any bad shit happens, I can endure and be ok. This part doesn’t trust me yet and I understand why.

I am so compassionate to what this part of myself has had to carry. I’m hoping it decides to stay in my system with another role. I’ve got big mtn biking goals this season and have been training hard through winter and have been able to unburden some younger parts that come with me to ride the sickest trails, good snacks, good vibes, freedom, fun. It’s been super cool to experience and witness.

I do deserve good shit. I am worthy of it. Life is going to suck at times, I still deserve good shit.

Love these shadow parts of myself- they saved my life at a young age.

Please, does anyone know what to do for flashbacks? How does one manage them with IFS?

Dear community, I am very desperate because since some month i constantly experience extreme fear and discomfort and it started as I went deep in body awareness combined with IFS. It's like a part is extremely scared of awareness. Does it make sense to you? Like I was dissociate my whole life ( I'm in my 40s) without even knowing there is another way of being. And then I discovered there is a body and awareness and since then I'm going insane. I can observe how the part is trying to dissociate but I don't let it, since there is no point in it and it doesn't give me any relieve anymore but at the same time the awareness of being is killing me, is filling my body and mind with absolut terror. Please, if someone went through this,I begging you tell me what to do and what is going on...

I think I'm hoping to find out that this type of thing has happened before. I'd love insight / wisdom from others.

Preamble: My mother was a multiple (had DID). I have been diagnosed with narcolepsy, which means, among other things, that when I am in REM I am also awake (the graph of my brain wave state looks like a seismogram of a large earthquake.) This doesn't mean I'm always lucid dreaming, but when I am falling asleep I go into REM almost immediately yet can tell whether I'm conscious and when I've just been asleep by what my last thought was (a nonsense thought means I've just come up from REM).

I came across IFS just a few days ago. I've "tasted" a number of therapies for helping with trauma and chronic illness (and am currently seeing a somatic therapist.) Nothing has felt wrong, many feel like they have good potential, but IFS was an immediate "Wow."

So, after reading the first chapter of "No Bad Parts", I settled down to look inside. I was sleepy, but I did not fall asleep except maybe very briefly a few times.

I was more-or-less swarmed by so many who wanted to talk. I told them I didn't know how to choose one of them. I decided to ask for the one who wants me to always be asleep and the one who wakes me up all the time because it is afraid of my falling asleep. First came the one who guides me to take a pharmaceutical or recreational product to get the "don't sleep!" one to be quiet. He wanted to be the protector that he is, but I convinced him to let me talk to the others. The one who is afraid of sleeping showed me a hole. My memory gets a bit murky here, but I think I looked into the hole, without fear.

I was not asleep. My thoughts were sensible.

Then I was aware of a very, very small me. Possibly embryonic. I knew she only understood French. I don't think she could speak. I asked for an interpreter, but nobody stepped forward, so I had to try to use my high school French. Mostly I remembered "je t'adore". I immediately thought of her as "nugget" (gold). After my attempts to let her know I love her, I asked her where she lived, or where she wanted to live. She went right up to the base of my esophagus, which was quite surprising to me because 1) I thought she'd go to my heart and 2) I have problems with esophageal spasms.

Logically, I knew this was a lot and I didn't have a guide and I needed to gently back out. I didn't feel a protector until I'd made that decision.

One piece that I find really interesting -- the only languages I've ever wanted to learn are French and sign language. But not learn them so much as simply use them. I felt I had a use for them.

To my knowledge, my mother did not speak French, but I've heard about alters who speak a language that the host hasn't been exposed to. Mom had studied Latin and later Greek, so knowing some French isn't an unreasonable thing for her. My father would have known a bit of French (his mother was a high school French teacher) but I never once heard him say anything in French. I have to go back 7 generations before I get to a French ancestor.

What purpose (original and refined), uses, and appearances?

There is a apart In me doesn’t want to solve things doesn’t want to learn how to fix it all my lifw i did all the thinking depressively but when it came to be concluded I skıpped avoided.Reality somewhat painful fearful dangerous place and I can’t exist there so I’m always in the dreamland dream state.I feel like I’m not able use my cognitive abilities most of the time. I’m just monitoring my feelings emotions taking over monitoring dangers. Alll my life goals in dreamland and in reality I have nothing.no career plan no goals.maybe critic also taking part rn but I am intentionally being hidden from reality via scrolling games porn anything.thats why there are addictions. I need to get out help me even riding this was like escaping from my prison guard who is not allowing me to be in reality, I just didn’t want to do it because I didn’t want to be helped and fix things in reality. I need to be in reality

Hi, well, I am just wondering... this is maybe not that important... but why there's no tags or flair here at this subreddit?

I use search/filter most of the time, and I just liked how other groups have an organized area for a lot of stuff, like if its tips, shared info, advice, need help, success, trigger warning, etc...

Uhm, something like that. I wonder if its possible here?

I noticed my exile part seems to be the manager/protector part of the other exiles within my system. It is as though this exile I'm talking about is protecting the even more vulnerable exiles. And once that exile is unburdened, there's another exile within that exile, the firefighter, seems to be anger, and within that exile there is another exile, the ULTIMATE exile part. This is where the most deep rooted sadness comes from.

Why isn't nobody talking about this? I feel like I have this in my system. We talk about exiles but do we ever consider that there is a whole new system within the exiles? I feel like I have this. I know I'm not crazy. I don't read about Richard Schwartz, the "creator" of IFS talking about this. I know IFS is deemed as dogmatic but personally speaking, I think IFS is just a framework, that can be expanded. It's like a concept, a theory, and that's it.

If Richard Schwartz talks about parts such as exiles having their own system in itself, that will make me very happy, I believe the word is "trailhead". I am very curious about that trail. It just keeps going and going like a cave that you thought would end, but there's a tiny little hole at the end of the tunnel and when you crouch down and peak through the hole, there's another complex, massive tunnel system that branches off into more tunnels!

Who wants to go exploring???? Into the consciousness rabbit hole I go!

I've recently become aware that I have a horny part that possesses me even if I'm not feeling horny.

It just makes me obsessed with pursuing women and talking to them even if I have no attention of meeting them. I am assuming maybe this part is seeking something I didn't get from my mum?

I find it interesting how this part has hijacked my libido for it's own purpose. It's crazy!

When I used to be younger and was drunk, it would completely take me over and I'd turn into some kind of sex straved beast.

Only now after many years am I beginning to see how it has a strong hold of me. Underneath this part I can sense there is alot of fear.

I wondered if anyone else has a part like this?

I really want a therapist bro, I need someone to actually help me guide through my shiy and help me figure out shit and felt heard by them and acknowledged, but as title said, it's practically impossible for me to be open anything significantly without my firefighter jumping in and ruining everything and making me run away and feel completely horrible about it

I tried it so many times but it's just almost impossible me, a huge part of me is also cause in the country that i live, you can get free therapy paid by government if your situation is truly bad and you need actual help, but because of that they also have a universal journal for psychiatrics where it all get recorded, although it's supposedly completely hidden and shit and only the therapist that work with you can read it currently, but I still can't hold myself into saying things my deepest secrets and revealing them so that it gets recorded and journaled, it feels so inhumane in a sense and nothing about it feel so human to me, it doesn't feel like any genuine human interaction to me... Idk how to explain it really, but it's like if the therapist or anyone who really just sits with me and listens to me and acknowledge my pain and be like a friend to me, even a close friend, a part of me wants to open up so much for that and leave the burden behind me and move on with my fucking life, but it's impossible to open up when they're just sitting as an authority figure and journal everything and try "fix" you bro, it never works out especially when you whole trauma was imposed by an authority figure(family), and that was the thing that hurt you so deeply, an authority figure that you trusted with your entire life, you can never make yourself to come to submit to any authority figure after that and will always have deep trust forever

I'm so conflicted with myself, a part of me also knows I have to open too eventually and there is deep healing in building trust with someone especially when your trauma is relationally caused, but I have no body I can do it with, I feel so alone because of that, I felt alone because of it all my life since I was a small kid and phone and computers were my escape goat from that loneliness, but that same escape goat is ruining my life now and I can't focus on anything important and end up escaping into brain rot of social media and youtube and wasting my fucking life bro I hate it I hate it so fucking muvh but I can't do anything about it, I'm forced to raw dog everything and figure out everything myself and just vent here on reddit about my most vulnerable issues cause I don't even have any close friends that I would want to talk to about my actual deep issues cause I fear they won't have thr capacity to handle it themselves and it will ruin our friendship and they will tell others and I just don't want to ruin my close friendships either man

It's so complicated and I'm so sad that I'm so alone about it but I can't do anything beside accepting it

I wish I really had a close support system which could help and listen to me and just everything and I hope one day I do and heal from it all

Thanks y'all for listening ❤️🌹

Spoiler trigger >!Childhood Sexual Abuse by my older brother!<

https://youtu.be/erUaTBXneBs?si=UKCBk67fpyV2ilKO

This is a meditation to gently acknowledge and connect with the part of you that tirelessly works to keep things properly analysed, understood, and under control.

It's one of the parts I feel the most love and gratitude for, as it kept me safe from emotions for a very long time.

I hope in this meditation you can connect with your Overthinker and offer it a safe space where to be seen, heard, and understood. And hopefully a safe space where it can rest for a bit in your presence.

https://preview.redd.it/zw85bc69x5ge1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=368b7dbf8da8a775312686ba15416ad99bc13032

I started IFS about a year and a half ago, but I only got a few months of help before my therapist ghosted me lmao I have dissociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personalities), so my internal family is a bit more separated/conpartmentalized than most people.

When I was a teenager, I tried to kill myself by OD'ing in the bathroom at school. The next day I woke up at home and it was like it never happened. My brain just flipped a switch, and the trauma that caused the attempt was no longer causing me pain. I became a different person after this.

That was the part of me that has OCD. For years I didn't hear from her or even knew she existed. But when things get really bad, she says the phrase "I killed myself" over and over again. I don't know how to help her. Tried to tell her that it understandable to do what she did, and that everyone in my life at that point had let me down.

Really at a loss on what to do here. I've been able to integrate some of my parts because I could figure out what they needed from me. I even talked to that therapist about it, but she didn't know either. Any ideas? This is the only kind of therapy that has helped me