29F & I’ve never been in a LTR. I’ve always had crushes on celebrity men, maybe even men passing by & I’ve always felt very innocent. In middle & hs, I always was told I was innocent & felt like girls were overreacting talking about boys & being hyped about sex or anything close enough to it. Always thought I was a late bloomer & I’d finally catch up but being pretty much 30 & still feeling indifferent makes me scratch my head. I’ve had sex & it was meh, maybe it was the person as I’ve only had it with one but even after a few times I think it’s possibly overrated. Tried masturbating & didn’t enjoy it, haven’t had sex in almost 6 years either. I know I’m not gay, I find women attractive (check them out on the dl all the time) but wouldn’t ever date one, at most a drunken make out with one. I find intimacy to an extent kind of cringe at times, those couples that are heavy on pda/touchy/clingy make me want to roll my eyes at times & I feel irritated when people talk about their hatred of being or doing things alone/jumping from one relationship to another. I honestly don’t think it’s jealousy, it’s more not getting how they hate their own company that much. Will the right guy just make me jump on the same bandwagon as everyone else? I think I must want a relationship since I have a habit of deleting & reinstalling dating apps depending on the outlook (delete when the algorithm isn’t in my favor). Isn’t that a sign of wanting something?

Growing up, I (F18) was chubby and kinda ugly. I was bullied through middle school, mainly by the boys, because I was fat and on top of that, I was a weirdo that didn't like what other girls usually liked.

But Ive noticed that over the last 2 years I've gotten more attention from men. I think it started happening when i lost some weight and changed how I dressed. It's so weird having guys stare at me and actually act kind towards me.

The part that really bugs me is when I'm out in public, there's a 50/50 chance a random man will feel the need to strike up some kinda conversation. Or I'll get stares from men and not in the innocent way and it makes my skin crawl. Like there's this guy in my class that just stares at me half of the time. I'll look up- awkward eye contact. Like dude, I'm not interested I'm trying to finish my work here.

I still have trauma from the bullying so sometimes I'm afraid the boys In school will make fun of me again in some way but so far it hasn't happened. It's nice to be treated better but at the same time it's kinda exhausting and it scares me. It's also kinda sad how you have to be good looking to receive some kinda kindness from them but at the same time you get lusted over so it's all around just a lose lose.

Hey, any girl/girls from Bangalore going to attend coldplay concert'25? I desperately want to go but don't have friends here to tag along! Any ideas?

(Shogun spoilers up to end of episode 3)

I’m watching Shogun and catching up on all the discourse for the episodes. >!In episode 3 it appears that Buntaro is killed, and it shows Mariko watching with a blank face, and after it happens she doesn’t seem to care very much. She was forced into that marriage and it’s showed him being a dick to her. I’m reading through some comments and men are saying it’s weird she didn’t seem sad at his death…. one guy was like “Lady, the least you could do is give us a frown” like excuse me?? Women were property and she likely hates him, why the fuck do you think she needs to express sadness at his death? Were they not paying attention when it literally showed her emotionally shut down when he walked into a room? Like they just have a braindead thought of “Woman not crying at husband’s death? Bad woman!” instead of taking two seconds to ponder WHY she’s not sad at his death. And then men are criticizing her for showing interest in another man, as if she owes loyalty to her dead asshole husband she was forced to marry??!<

Nonspoilery version: men watching historical show seem to not comprehend that women were property and deem them unlikable if they don’t act a certain way. They seem to have zero empathy for how women were forced to live and completely miss what the show is saying about how women were treated

I want a baby with my man! He's xy! But I preserved my fertility a few years back. I know there's a large percent of us having half the dna of both of our parents; but I want to know if it's actually possible to find an egg similar to my DNA for his sperm & vice versa? Idk if this is the Reddit for this please lmk hehe

I want to first say that I HAVE attempted suicide before and would never, ever use this as a joke. Suicide is very personal and not funny. In this interaction I only used it to throw him off.

Today, a man started pestering me for my number. He was bigger than me, much older than me, and I was really exhausted after a long day of working. I was in a position where I couldn’t yet move away from him. Eventually, I had enough.

He asks again, “can I have your number?”

“No sir, you don’t need it. I’m killing myself tonight.”

The vibe change was CRAZY. Like actually insane. He went from creepy and aggressive to wanting to help. He says “Don’t do it, please don’t do it, you need to live.”

I go harder and say, “I’m sorry sir, I just can’t do this anymore.”

He says, “Do you have a minute to talk to me?”

I tell him that I made up my mind and he was making it worse. He backed down. At this point I’d FINALLY had a chance to move away.

It sucks I had to say shit like that, but in the end it worked. Just needed to get that off my chest :/

Hello,

I'm in my 40s and for most of my life I have had abnormal pap results. I have had repeated colposcopies and everything is fine. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced the same issue?

Can anyone give me suggestions for how to handle creeps at work? I work in retail, at a thrift store and our customers are crazy to be honest. I encounter a lot of creepy men that are regulars at the store. When they say creepy things to me I never know how to respond, I usually get stumped and red and either laugh it off or just make a face. I get so thrown off guard and have a pit in my stomach every time and always regret not making them face how they made me feel.

Today I was bent over putting items on a bottom rack and when I stood up a man was right behind me like way too close to my bent over ASS!! and then he said 'you don't wanna be doing this for the rest of your life why don't you come with me?' and I literally just looked away and couldn't say anything and he walked away.

I'm disappointed in myself. But I don't know how to respond to something like that. I want to prepare a little script in my head or something.

Any suggestions for a chronically polite girl? :(

Just like the title says, I can finish on my own, but never during sex. I have never really watched anything on X sites, so I know that isn’t an issue. Every time I use my vibrator I can finish, no problem. I (21F) have had a few partners and I’ve enjoyed sex, but couldn’t finish. Recently (the past year) I literally have had no real interest in having sex, I have been hooking up with a childhood friend (twice now) and both times I can’t finish/ stop in the middle of it because I’m out of it. But if i’m home, and get aroused I can finish with my vibrator thinking about having sex with him. Just find it so odd and don’t wanna share it with anyone IRL, anyone know why or has experienced this? Makes me feel so weird as I want to have a partner one day who can satisfy me but I don’t know what’s up.

They are dry giant pills that I absolutely cannot swallow. I gag when the pill is just in my mouth. Should I crush it up and mix with food or will it be too bitter?

Sometimes my boyfriend makes comments about what he likes or finds beautiful in general terms and I find that it hurts my feelings (even if it is something I have apart of/ on my body). For example, he may feel my stretch marks on my thigh and say how much he loves stretch marks , rather than saw how much he loves mine, and It slightly hurts my feelings. Or perhaps he makes a comments about how he “likes a bush” when I was recounting how long it took me to shave once, but I don’t have one in general now that I’ve done laser. These things I know are not a big deal, but comments like these make me a bit sad and I’m not sure why. Even if he said, I like when you have hair down there, I would have been flattered and unbothered that I didn’t have one currently. Anyways sorry for my poor writing skills, I wanted to see what some outside thoughts were , and see whether this is something I should address or seek peace with . I know that I am a very sensitive person and perhaps I need to change my perspective on these comments.

That’s the rant. But also!! This is a public restroom! Put the seat and the lid down and flush the toilet 😭

I get sexually harassed a lot. Not a unique experience of course. There was a point in time when it was very much affecting my mental health because it was happening at work, online, when I'd hang out alone to get out of the house, and when I would just be running errands, so I felt like I had no reprieve. I'm talking men following me to my car, messaging me about my body, messaging me when they're in a relationship, staring, yelling at me, getting angry if I don't interact, grabbing me, digging into my afro, calling me sexy bitch, telling me on the clock out of the blue that they like how fat my ass is getting when we almost never talked otherwise, asking if I'm trans (or insisting that I am) because my voice is deeper, the like. It's just not attention I like to get, I can't even play around with it like others can.

I occasionally joke about these things or vent a bit on my other social media but I never go into any lengthy detail about it. Even then that's maybe like 2 or 3 times a year lol. I try to be flexible about people's mentalities if we're at least a little familiar, and I know my communication skills sometimes leave something to be desired, but I still try to be clear enough to keep a boundary. I try to keep my complaints to a minimum because no one likes to see negativity, especially when it's the same problem over and over again.

At one point I worked at a popular local bar and, among other brazen advances by various men working there, was randomly pressured by a well-liked former coworker for sex during a work party when I'd been drinking. I wasn't even against the idea at the time because I'd grown to like him, but the way it came up was weird and the time wasn't right; as I've had bad experiences with simply saying "no" in the past, I tried to tell him I wanted to wait a few days, which he refused to. I have a longer post about it that goes into more detail if you want to lose another seven minutes of your life, but basically communication went out the window when I started passing out and I didn't have a good feeling about how things unfolded. Nonetheless I tried to hold myself accountable for what happened. It was kind of a breaking point for me I guess.

But anyway, I confided in a few people after they reached out, sensing I was unhappy. I was encouraged by these people to speak up, especially for topics like these. Initially they would seem supportive, and I wouldn't bring it up again because it was a relief just to talk it out, but then not long after a couple of them blocked me out of the blue.

I didn't think I was trying to spread mean rumors, I was just trying to talk about my own experience after they encouraged me to talk. I didn't use names or anything immediately obvious except for when I talked to a manager about it, and even then I said I wasn't trying to make him look bad and that maybe I could have handled things better. I try not to assume too much, but word spreads fast in my city's service industry community so I have a feeling the ones who blocked me got a different spin on the story. I could be wrong though, maybe I just rubbed them the wrong way and it took them two months to decide.

I realize this is a "you should have dropped it/communicated better/seen a therapist about it" kind of thing, but. And really it's not that I ever explicitly ask for advice or ask them to get involved or even admonish the other party, I guess I just wanted someone supportive in my community to vaguely vent to if they offered to listen and then move on with my life. People randomly talk to me about crazy shit all of the time and I forget about it the next day because I didn't ask and it's not my business, I just try to be empathetic. So I guess I hoped I could be vulnerable for a change and talk about my own experiences privately with people I'd known for years and who I thought would understand where I was coming from since they actually did ask.

I also talked about it to my cousin and his wife that I'm sort of close to. Even though they expressed sympathy about my experience at the job and his wife even went as far as to say that what happened was sexual assault, they still go the the same bar occasionally and post about it on social media because it's a "cool" destination place in my city even though we have several other places like it now, it's just the largest and best known one. I know I can't tell anyone where to go or how to spend their money, but I guess it kind of hurt when I told them how I was treated at that place and they still go out of their way to give them business and effectively promote them.

Idk where I'm going with this, I just feel very dumb and lost and honestly kind of unsafe. I guess I won't post anymore about this though.

Ik its deffo tmi but im on the patch and im not gonna say my age but im still in puberty and whenever it gets around my patch change day my nipples go back to the way they were?

I thought I had tuberous boobs before I went on birth control because my nipples are very round and puffy and cone like but as soon as I went on birth control my nipples just look completely normal and not puffy at all and idk whats up with it can anyone tell me?

It's been a long time since I've posted here, and I'm so thankful to have grown so much since then.

Hey everyone! Like the title says, I'm getting a bisalp done in two weeks. It'll also be an exploratory laproscopy and she'll remove/burn anything that needs it. It's taken about two years to get to this point and it feels like when you finish a good but rough book and close it. I'll explain how I got here a little further, maybe it'll help others with their life decisions too.

People close to me have looked at me in the last couple months like I'm Cerberus lately because two years ago, I was in a relationship, ready to order a Mosie baby kit and "ingredients". We were talking baby names and it felt really serious... Then all of a sudden we were on a break, that was actually a breakup that wasn't fully communicated to me. The way that relationship ended was really weird and it threw me into a spiral.

I've had depression since I was ~12, and a whole list of chronic illnesses that started at 16 that has just grown. This spiral was nothing like I'd ever been through. It felt compounded because unbeknownst to me, Cushing's disease had truly started to take control of my body. My doctors started to think I was bipolar, I couldn't come to homeostasis mentally, I was on all different kinds of medications, I missed so much work. I was on auto-pilot in the darkest of ways because I don't remember much from those times. I woke up, got ready for work, went to work, came home, and repeated it every day unless I couldn't get out of bed. From what I've researched, I went through mild psychosis with ego death and derealization/depersonalization. I would sit in the shed and just be in my brain for hours until I went to sleep.

My best friend at the time even brought me out to Colorado. I love Colorado, but that trip didn't sparkle like the others. I then had a falling out with that best friend because she did some weird stuff I don't want to go into, it's against moral and ethical values of mine. This sent me even further into the spiral. I was alone, without two of my Favorite People, and lost.

I spent a whole lot of money going to concerts, plays, musicals, anything live that made me feel alive and in the moment. In doing that, I realized that I can't care for a child if I spiral like this. I realized I didn't truly want kids after everything I've dealt with so far in my life. It was a way to keep up with everyone else and have friends and family around... I don't want friends and family around because I had a kid. I can't care for a child based on my physical health alone, because of the fatigue, pain and other symptoms I deal with. Taking care of myself, my animals, my dad etc fatigues me so much that at the end of the day, I can't even do a night routine. I don't deserve that, let alone a child.

I also realized I'm so comfortable and happy being alone. I love spending time with myself. I definitely prefer to spend time with myself. I love my friends, through my last workplace I met amazing gals that are now my best friends. I have a wide base of support, even if it doesn't always feel that way to me. But I really have a max of two hours socializing before I need to recharge. I have so many goals and ambitions that I want to pursue and I wouldn't be able to do that if I had a kid. My energy would have to solely be focused on that kid. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it, the way I need support right now (that I don't fully receive because accepting help is the hardest hurdle I face), I'd have to put everything else to the side. I quit the job I was missing a ton of time at for a multitude of reasons, and started my own business to better care for myself. I set my own schedule and plans, and now I know I definitely don't have energy or time for a child.

I've also been celibate since that relationship ended, not interested in intimacy in the slightest. I haven't found another person I'd truly want to spend my life with. Which, as a person that identified as pansexual and poly, didn't seem to ever be something I'd think. I don't even know if I'm poly anymore, I'm not pansexual, I'm definitely a lesbian. That's another reason, I'd be doing all of this alone and the chances of a partner staying with me through that child's life are incredibly slim. I don't want to be a single mother. I've used two+ forms of birth control up to my celibacy to MAKE SURE I didn't have a kid.

I also... inherited... a dog? The previous owner didn't pass away, but he's gonna be gone for possibly 20 years. She's given me a new love and passion for life.

I want the freedom to know my life is mine. My body is mine. My time is mine. My future is mine. I've given too much of that away to others so far in my life.

We also did genetic testing because I have a high risk of cancer, especially breast and uterine. I have a strange mutation that if I had a child with another carrier, the child could end up with failure to thrive, among other horrible symptoms. While it's a chance, that's enough for me to be good on biological kids. No breast cancer, ovarian or uterine cancer worries genetically though! I get to keep my tatas for now! 😭

Perhaps in 20 years, if we're still on this rock in space, I'll foster or adopt some teenagers that need a mom and a home. But right now... This life is for me and the bisalp is my first true step to living life for me. It's okay to be selfish in this instance. Happily a child free human with dogs AND cats. ❤️

obviously yall aren't doctors i'm just feeling very conflicted about what to do. i don't have a mom or anyone i can really ask about this stuff. i've been feeling really shitty for like a week. it started with diarrhea and fatigue. then i slept for almost 18 hours one day! that's not like me at all. i went to urgent care yesterday after sleeping alll day, told them my symptoms which were 1. lower back pain 2. lower stomach pain 3. had a fever at home (was normal at dr) 4. frequent urination 5. diarrhea for over 5 days 6. extreme fatigue and 7. coughing. i know it's urgent care and they're not like the best, but all he did was test me for the flu and covid and looked in my ears, nose, and throat. he determined i have a sinus infection (which true, i just started getting the symptoms of that the day before i went to the dr) and that was it. i guess i am just looking for some opinions. i don't want to go to the hospital bc expensive and i have a crippling fear of getting my blood drawn, lol. but i just am not sure if i should consider it. i don't have a fever today, but last night was torture. i was sweating so much i couldn't sleep even though the house was freezing. just doing basic tasks feels impossible and ive taken 3 showers today also because of how sweaty i am!! but i alsostill have the back and stomach pain and frequent urination. it doesn't hurt when i pee or anything, but i do think i had a mild uti a few weeks ago. i took cranberry pills and thought it was fine cause the symptoms went away and that's what ive done in the past. i feel like my body temp can't regulate. im sweating buckets or freezing or both at the same time. i just don't want to put myself through something i hate so much. if im just worried about nothing you know. a decent amount of my symptoms are also common with sinus infections which i know i have but idk. my grandpa smoked around me so i get sinus infections alllll the time and i never feel this bad. i just started antibiotics for the sinus infection today btw

I get the hygiene piece if fabric in underwater (not really but whatever) but I hate when companies decide this piece of fabric only needs to be held on in like 3 spots resulting in that small piece of fabric just crinkling up and trying to go up my vag all day. It's the most irritating thing and when I buy underwater I try to make sure the style I get is fully secured on and when I Do get a style like that I want to burn it!

I dont remember this bothering me so much in the past but the last few years I've realized that I own quite a few like this and I want to burn the entire drawer. Like a good majority are like this in some way or form and it's so frustrating as I currently don't really have the budget to just trash my entire underwater drawer bc of a dumb preference that seemed to have only evolved recently.

Am I being stupid? Yes. But also knowing that so much of this world is made for and based on the male anatomy every thing in the female world that bothers me I just assume was 'invented' by a big stupid brute.

Idk. It's just been driving me insane this week.

I’m truly tired

Since I graduated last year I have been making low wage, family is violent and I can’t remove the hijab

I’m tired of working 9-5 to go home to keep trying to work on anything more, or apply or study to just can escape

I tried to wear the hijab less conservatively and every time I have been cursed/whore called on the street, even while I’m in the car twice, I know if I report them I will get them locked up, but I’m still weakened in my life to do the trouble

I’m done to live in fear from my brother as well from a threat I got from him due to covering up

I always wonder how my brother who is traveling the world can come home to take this from me

I live in paranoia/anxiety 24/7 from sudden past attack from family, thinking when they will disturb my peace again

I never sleep well without forcing myself to sleep with anything

I’m also tried from being at home 24/7 trying to build my career, I have lost so many sense of reality and trust in humans

Like I feel my time is ticking all the time that I need to get out of the country because of my family

I’m just so tired from how much of this hating, forcing, and exiling I’m being put in to since birth

I lost many friendships from needing to stay at home due to many reasons out of my will

All my friends have supporting families and accepting ones while I’m struggling alone and been exploited so much from my family

This is not a life

I’m tried of fighting

My family, society, work discrimination

This life is just unbearable in so many levels

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to ask, but has anyone had irregular/missing periods for like 2 months after taking plan B? I took it 5+ times in the span of 2ish months (june-july). I spotted a couple times in june, had a relatively normal flow in late july, but haven't had anything since then. I'm freaking out because it's been almost 2 months since my last "semi-normal" period. I know i'm not pregnant because I haven't had sex since the last time I took the pill.

What was your experience? It is very easy to find stories of people realizing they are bi, but I feel like it is equally valid to have doubts and realize you're straight and yet people don't talk about that oftenly. I just want to see the non-queer perspective of this.

It's as simple as that yet i rarely see this argument ever used when debates about abortion or contraception happen.

If the pressure for sex is so bad that it leads to things like rape of children, incest, drugging people and abusing the vulnerable for gratification, abstinence will never work.

Abstinence can be successful only if everyone can and is actively practicing it.

If one gender is constantly pressuring for sex they will eventually coerce, manipulate, harrass, abuse or enslave the other gender for it. That has dire consequences for the most vulnerable who can get pregnant: young girls and women living in poverty, in cults or abusive households, or with mental and physical disabilities.

With the current and past high profile news stories of trafficking and abuse, a former president who was known to peep on and abuse teenage girls, I still find it gross that people will randomly say that to a parent.

My toddler is adorable, so are my teenagers but people, no they shouldn't be thrust into a world where there is zero protections for them when the abuse happens. The idea of exchanging your child's safety for money is bonkers.

Some lady at the store was trying to convince me to have my baby go to a modeling agency because her mom did that for her and it paid her college. I wanted to be a smartass and ask her why was she a cashier then or go on a tangent on abuse but luckily I just wanted to eat so I just said, "mm mhm" and kept moving.

Please people don't suggest children or even young adults to go on into modeling.

Kind of a weird question I guess, but i wanted to ask since I've seen a surge of rhetoric from men that portrays them as martyrs who aren't allowed to cry (which came from feminism, as i understand it... bell hooks and others), but then it's followed with the traditional "might makes right" male propaganda (e.g. men have the right to beat women, men are better leaders, men invented more stuff). And yeah, usually the kind of men who say that women need to show leniency towards their male partners for "showing emotions" and the kind that outright say that men invented everything are two different groups... but has anyone ever seen men fall into both? Men who try to act like men are helpless, emotionally-vulnerable victims who should be given every chance by women, and then claim outright superiority over women in the same breath?

It kind of reminds me of Jonah Hill, but it's not quite like that, because oftentimes even men who pull that manipulative garbage won't usually just go out and say that they don't think women have potential. They at least try with the feminist facade. This seems more like an attempt to take the parts of feminism they like (the ones which say that men are oppressed too) and use it as an extra way to elevate men in society. Patching the patriarchy, but just so it gets better for men and stops backfiring on them.

Most of the sexual harassment and catcalling I’ve experienced occurred when I was a teenager. Of course I still get bothered now, but it’s not nearly as persistent as it was when I was a minor. I’m 26 and was bothered a few days ago by a man screaming at me to get my number. A while back, maybe a year ago? Another man I met while grocery shopping had kissed me without my consent and I felt so disgusted afterwards. Other than that, most of my bad experiences have been from 12 to 21 years old maybe. Anyone else think this is super gross how predators seem to love calling for minors who can’t defend themselves? I hate it so much.

I have known this person, let’s say John for 5 months. We connected because of our mutual interests, and after that he invited me to a couple of one on one hangouts, nothing romantic. And then he invited himself over to my place a few times. He invited me to his place too a few times. And I sensed that may be he has feelings for me. Something really major happened in his life and I started looking out for him more and more because he was going through a very difficult time. I cooked him food and checked on him too. And I realised that may be I have feelings for him, more than just a friend. So I asked him, whether he felt the same and wants to be in a relationship. He told me that likes me too but he isn’t in a position to date me because of the situation that he is going through. Fair enough, I accepted that. And then he started flexing about all the other attention that he has been receiving from other women. A week later on his birthday, he made fun of my music taste infront of his friends. I moved to my new place a few weeks after that, and instead of being happy for me, he asked me whether I could afford my new place. This guy has asked for my favour in multiple occasions. I was really upset with the way he made fun of my music taste, so I asked him to apologise. And he simply ignored it. I have been nothing but kind and supportive, he never used to appreciate the things I did for him and ever since we talked about our feelings, he started behaving very strange. He still wanted to hangout with me one on one after that, but I realised, i can’t do this. I felt like I am on some sort of a limbo. On top of that he was taking me for granted. Never apologised when I told him how hurt I was. I decided to end my friendship with him. I didn’t care much about the fact that we weren’t dating but mostly the disrespect and lack of empathy he had towards me, it always felt like he wanted the friendship on his own terms and his needs came first. He would compliment other people in front of me and wouldn’t compliment me. It felt very intentional, even though I am the one he is closest to. None of those friends knew nothing about what he was going though, I was the one who checked on him and he couldn’t even be nice to me. Even when i was moving to my new home, he kept asking for favours. And I said no. I have never asked him for anything, except for his friendship. I feel really angry, but i don’t know if i overreacted. I have always been a giver, even in my friendships, I want to feel my efforts are being reciprocated. I honestly don’t know what his problem is, may be he has a huge ego or he is dismissive avoidant. But I cannot be friends with someone who treats me like this.

I filed charges for sexual assault. I chose to make them inactive because I didn't want to drag myself through a trial but I wanted the paper trail so other women can see that he's not always as nice as he seems. I filed for a Protection Order and today the judge denied it because it was he said she said, and she "found him more credible than her (me)". Of course, my SAer lied and left out thaf I had told him I didn't like what he was doing, that I had suddenly looked so uncmfortable that he actually verbally acknowledged it, and then he didn't stop what he was doing even after I told him I didn't like it.

The judge asked me for new information about the incident so I told her, and then she said it was conflicting with what I had already said, but it wasn't. It was entirely possible for the new information to fit with existing, which it did, because it's what happened. The defense lawyer had sent in 500 pages of text history to overwhelm, and it worked bc the judge was clearly flustered and overwhelmed. The other lawyer used every tactic in the book to discredit me - she's confused, she's mentally unwell, she's indecisive, she should have known how she felt right away and I should have stopped dating him right away and not slept with him again. (He disregarded me saying id gone frozen and then into denial). The judge accepted all of this as evidence against me in spite of me and my lawyer reminding her that being frozen, going into denial, and continuing to date an assaulter is very common and those behaviors are not evident against sexual assault.

The judge took a 15 minute break to review docs before making a judgement, and then spoke for a full 25 minutes about reaching her decision, I suspect because she was so undecided. She said I wasn't very clear (am argument of the defense), but I totally was. My lawyer was shocked she said that bc he felt my communications were exceedingly clear and very direct. I think the judge was flustered and overwhelmed and went with her own bias and chose the harmless looking little middle aged white guy (he's very sweet looking, part of how he tricked me) over the little brown woman and her brown lawyer. It's really disappointing.

I do think he will think twice about doing this stuff again, and hope he didn't just get his lying reinforced. I still made a point to him that I see through him and I know his actions, even if the court believes he didn't do them, are unacceptable and were assault. And I put a case in front of the court that started with consent and where consent was clearly revoked but ignored. Fuck our court system. Fuck that over privileged, manipulative little shit who sexually assaulted me and them lied in court. Fuck the judge for disregarding every bit of scientific research and common knowledge about SA victim behavior in dating relationships.

I hate september with a passion. In 2021 I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. I lost my right fallopian tube and my baby. If the pregnancy didn't end, I would have given birth in September 2022. I am just filled with sadness and anger whenever this month rolls around. My partner doesn't give me any grace. I've started therapy so hopefully I'll gain the tools to deal with my grief. It just gets harder every year.