https://slate.com/advice/2025/01/dear-prudence-bomb-pregnancy.html

I have met so many people who are like the pregnant sister, and I just don't know how so much entitlement can be housed in a single person.

https://preview.redd.it/yct605pwplge1.png?width=1114&format=png&auto=webp&s=385f8105f752d4f609300cec410fe69c5047ee47

I’m a leasing agent during the day. On weekends, we rotate staff and only one of us works. A resident wanted to reserve an area within the leasing office where you can have indoor events such as banquets, showers, small parties, etc.

They reserved that area (not far from earshot) for about 6 hours. Which means 6 hours of on and off screaming. Shrieking. General randomness of children’s banter/chatter. That children’s babble and weird noise making stuff. Loud singing that makes no sense. Idk why but I’m just not that much of a kid person.

They don’t interest me and they’re just way too intense for me overall. As the event is coming to an end, I’m helping the resident with putting back some chairs they borrowed, all I hear in the area down below (I’m up on the loft) is “Mommy?”…. “Mommy..?” “Mommy!!”

No. Just no. It’s 3 minutes until 5 and I’m ready to grow wings and fly out of here.

Some of them might accept a baby, but I’m just referring to my neighbour – a well-intentioned 77 year old Australian bloke who lost his wife a few years back.

I’m 50 and been with my bf/partner for 10 years; both childfree. This dear man must look at me and see a 30 year old because every once in a while, he’ll mention “when you and him eventually have kids…”

This last time I replied, “kids?! If I have a baby, I’m dropping it off with YOU.” And the look of horror on his face, “I don’t want a baby!” I exclaimed, “well I don’t either!!”

Then he pointed out that he’d raised his kids (so therefore it’s my “turn”?), and I said that has nothing to do with the fact that I feel EXACTLY the same toward a baby as he currently does. “Why am I not allowed to feel exactly the same way you do?” Then I digressed into a playful rant about how he just wants me to be miserable raising kids because he had to do it.

It’s all in good fun. But why don’t these people who so desperately want babies around, just acquire a baby and fulfill their own dreams? (Psst. Because they also don’t want a baby!)

Not to sound like an asshole, but I wouldn't congratulate anybody for getting pregnant. Wow. You did something the vast majority of couples can achieve: have unprotected sex and create your own goblin. Good for you, I guess? You ain't special.

I get it would have been congratulations worthy during the times when actually successfully carrying the pregnancy all the way to the end wasn't as easily achievable, but we have new medical technology now. Now there's less miscarriages.

Honestly, at this point, adopting a kid is more worthy of congratulations with how many parent figure-less orphans are in the world at any given point, and how complex the process of adoption is.

What is even more funny is that a lot of these nutjobs are part of the "do your own research" and "muh freedom" crowd. Basically they will support personal freedom and not conforming with society EXCEPT for child bearing. They are against vaccines because they beleive they make you sterile. You would think they are just all lonely male incels, but there are some women who believe in this crap too. Thanks to the current idiocracy, they have actual political infuence in the government.

What is rage inducing is that these people aren't struggling in life. They live in a developed country and have everything catered to them. They are still not satisifed. They have to ruin other people's lives to feel validated. Joe Rogan and his fans started this anti-science and anti -common sense bullshit. They are just bunch of chuds who pretend to be "politically neutral". The really sick part is that so many women have already died in the most painful way due to the abortion ban.

I've never understood this way of thinking. You pour your blood, sweat, and tears into having children of your own, only to be rewarded with... more children?? Can someone explain this way of thinking to me?

And I understand that grandchildren are often seen as all of the fun of having kids without all of the work, but... When I told my mom that I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant, she got all defensive and said, "Why?? I'd raise them until you were ready for them. What's the big deal?" So, at least for her, she's totally content to not only do fun stuff with her hypothetical grandchildren, but take care of all of the boring child-rearing stuff as well. What is going through her mind when she says things like this?

What are your experiences with hormonal pills? What are the side effects . I want to avoid breast growth and acne. Has anyone had a problem with this? Which pills are best?

I finally got my bisalp yesterday! I wanted to post on here yesterday, but the anesthesia and meds were hitting pretty hard, so I was sleeping for the majority of the day. I’m still in disbelief that I actually did it and made it happen, though my incisions and abdominal pain definitely remind me it’s real, lol. Also, as a plus size woman, I want to share with the plus size community on here that getting this surgery with a higher BMI is possible! I also want to thank this subreddit for helping me find a doctor, and giving me the courage to get the surgery! I’m ever so thankful! Now it’s time to celebrate by binge watching tv while I heal. Cheers!

Sorry for the format, I’m on mobile.

This might be the wrong subreddit for this question but I'm from a small conservative community and I come from a long line of poor women who married for survival. I'm also at the age where everyone in my demographic is either engaged or married and some even have children. That's all fine. The problem is I feel there's a lack of long-term "life templates" for those (me) who wish to remain both single and childless forever. For example many US states have the law where if you die suddenly your spouse inherits everything. As a single person I know I need a will and some kind of long-term retirement plan. I also come from a family where the child or spouse is expected to take care of the aging parents- Even if the parent has a pension their children/spouse has power of attorney and will handle moving them into assisted living as well as checking to make sure they're actually being taken care of in said facility. I know I'm going to age and that dementia runs on both sides of my family so...... I need some financial and health care plans and suggestions that don't involve relying on a spouse or kids. Forgive my ignorance on this matter I just feel like society doesn't have a "plan" for us so we have to make our own.

I think there's a few reasons I feel sadness today but I don't think I'm the only child free person who ever experiences this #1 child announcements reminding me I'll never be celebrated this way #2 it reminds me why I won't have kids which is due to finances, endometriosis, trauma and both of us are exhausted teachers #3 it was posted on social media. I am a little hurt I wasn't personally told by this couple. Thought we were closer than that ...

I also get into the feels with this for baby showers and maternity pics. Anyone else?

I know having kids isn't the stress and financial choice I ever want to make but I still get bummed and feel left out. I also feel like it's not really a choice. That my fate is sealed to never be a mom. Anyone else?

Don’t hold back. (I got 3 more messages while writing this.)

I read so many comments and stories on this sub sharing positive experiences with the bisalp. Anecdotes suggested that I would have some soreness and a feeling of liberation. I don’t regret it at all, but it has been more difficult than expected. Here is my story:

The doctors and nurses were fine, but I guess they found some endometriosis and did ablation too. I knew this was a possibility but didn’t consider that it would drastically change recovery.

It was also my first time with anesthesia. I got a feeling of stabbing ice on my face before going to sleep and I woke up shaking and shivering uncontrollably. This lasted about an hour. The nurses covered me in heated blankets. I had an intense feeling of pressure on my bladder that made me think I had to pee. I got some help getting to the toilet but I could only get out a few drops… that pressure and minimal flow continued the rest of the day. I had a lot of discomfort overall. Maybe because of the ablation and gas in my abdomen. I needed help walking and getting into bed. Eating was difficult because it felt like I couldn’t digest anything. I am grateful for my Ativan prescription helping me to sleep through the worst of it. The surgery left a bunch of adhesive residue and iodine stains on my abdomen. I had help getting into the shower and we couldn’t get any of it off. I gave up and just put a new shirt on and went to bed. My shirt stuck to the adhesive but sleep was more important.

Day two has been better. I was able to lay down and spend almost an hour with cotton balls and alcohol to wipe off the adhesive. Walking around has been easier. Digesting is still weird. We’ll see how getting back to work treats me…

Now for the tips! The endometriosis sub had a much more comprehensive recovery guide, so this is mostly stolen from them.

1. Get some stool softener. You won’t have the abdominal strength to push.
2. Get some gas-ex. Digestion will be weird.
3. Bring throat lozenges to the hospital.
4. Be prepared for wild emotions.
5. Peppermint tea is good to have on hand in case of nausea from the anesthesia.

Lastly, good luck to all you ladies planning a bisalp in your near future. It’s worth it! And the right preparation can help smooth your recovery!

Hi all, I am getting my IUD removed (already sterilized, wanting a break from 10+ years of hormones). Getting it inserted the first time was awful, subsequent times were done under sedations, so I wasn’t awake for the removal of it.

How bad does the removal hurt, compared to insertion? Insertion was terrible but I’ve read some removal accounts, but looking to hear from those who haven’t given birth on whether sedation with removal is necessary, or if I can just have PP yank it out. Wondering how it was for the fellow CFers who may have lower pain tolerances such as I (just another reason I would never make it through labor)

ETA: I should add I have a tilted uterus if that makes a difference for others who have experienced this

Myself (38F) and my partner (38M) will be babysitting our niece (6) and nephew (10) this evening. Partner and I have been together 10 years and we’re both staunchly childfree. We don’t even have any dogs to claim as responsibility. This weekend I’m dog sitting at a friends house, so my partner and I get to pretend to be dog owners for a few days and play with pups (full grown, but they’re silly goofs and we call all dogs puppies). We were also asked if we could babysit tonight while my BIL and SIL go to a birthday party in our city. I’m actually looking forward to it, as we get to be the fun aunt and uncle for a night. We’re taking the kids to eat at an arcade/restaurant where we can play all sorts of games, then we’re going to see Dog Man at the theater around the corner. I like kids movies and this one looks cute. I think it’ll be a fun and loud evening, then we get to give them back at end of the night. I mentioned to my partner that tonight we get to cosplay the life we didn’t choose- kids and dogs and a house. I know we made the right choice, but it feels like a rare gift to be able to glimpse the other side of things for a night.

I just saw that Congress introduced a bill to make life at conception. I'm terrified, I am thankfully getting my birth control replaced next week but there is always a small chance of it not working and getting pregnant anyways. I want to have some abortion pills on hand just in case. If not for me, maybe someone else might need them and it would be good to have them around. I have heard there is a way to buy them, has anyone had success purchasing them to have on hand? Or is it only something you can get with a prescription?

I am gay and I’m CF (because I was the oldest of 5 and my youngest siblings are 14+ years younger than me, having kids is not something I wanna do)

I’ve been nervous since the orange guy was even in the running to captain this country and now I’m even more nervous that he will eventually try and get all uterus having people to have babies for one reason or another. (Think handmaids tail)

It’s just something that I can’t get out of my head - I want to hear some others thoughts

I was wondering, how many of you still fantasies about releasing your load into your partner and still find it extremely hot?

I find it personally weird because I haven't had a girlfriend so far nor dated anyone.

With the time, money and mental resources of not having kids, what do people do with their spare time?

Besides the usual travelling etc, I’m more interested in what hobbies and what people do in their downtime do.

31M and getting to that point of wondering what I can actually do with my life.

I'm sure that most of you guys've heard about the tragedy regarding Romania's stolen unique national treasure from a small museum in Holland.

Among the 4 suspects that have been detained by the police, there's a man and a woman who are apparently a couple and, surprise surprise, the proud parents of 2 kids. Ironically enough, when interviewed by the press, their neighbours stated serenly that they're very surprised because they seemed like a nice family🙄

Apparently, from what we've gathered so far from the police's reports, they have criminal records and have been involved in all sort of shady business, including drug trafficking.

These people reproduce, but it's always us, the childfree prople who are being bingo-ed with all sort of stupid bingos, being accused of not being responsible and capable enough to raise children, thus trying to downplay our critical choice.

Sooooo... Having children clearly isn't intrinsec value to being a good parent or a responsible human being.

I work in a nursing home. It is often said "who will take care of your, when you're old". Sometimes it is your children. Sometimes it is not. As you age. There might even be a point where you can't rely on children to take care of your as it becomes a full time job.

So you might end up in a nursing home.

Being there having had children it is no guarantee that you're not alone and will be visited.

I have patients who have large families that basically never show up, as I have patients that are childfree and are visited regularly by neighbours, friends or even form new friendships.

If you're a nice agreeable and funny person chances are that even the nurses sit down in your room after their shift to talk about stuff or even fullfill little orders.

What matters is who you are as a person and how you present yourself to others.

If I have to break it down - being self-centered, bitter, self-pitying and demanding is the recipe for ending up alone. Doesn't matter if you're a breeder or not.

“Act like a child until you have a family and children to raise; then you will understand real-life problems.”

Is that supposed to be an insult cause I will be more than happy to act like a child all my life?

Thank God we have the right not to have children. I feel like I'm privileged about it, cause in another part of the world it's too messed up about the whole reproduction thing.

So I'm absolutely childfree. But I moved to an Asian country and here the government really relies on filial duty so children caring for their parents in old age. Since I'm also not a citizen of this country, I just married a citizen, I probably won't be entitled to government resources when I age. I'm curious what people's plans are for aging? I do have health issues so I can see myself needing help or care in the future. Even if I had kids I wouldn't want them to be responsible for that, but I have to set it up for myself in advance before I get too old to do it. So just curious what people plan to do in the future? My family is very small so I actually don't have nieces, nephews or anyone around me, so I'm potentially going to be quite alone.

My husband has had a vasectomy, but I’m getting really scared under this new administration. Should I get the bisalp surgery? I really don’t want to get pregnant, but I also don’t want to go under for “unnecessary” surgery. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m 24F and recently had an appointment with a gyno to discuss permanent contraception options (preferably a hysterectomy).

However I was told that because I’m “so young” that she is reluctant to perform anything super permanent on me, and said she’d have to refer me to see another gyno to get their opinion and to see a psychiatrist to clear me, I guess.

Another thing discussed during my appointment was my gyno saying she could tie my tubes if a second gyno approved, but not a hysterectomy as it’s so permanent and she’s seen women have regrets, and that in 10 years time I’m still certain I want a hysterectomy to come back. (Which I totally understand, but I also wouldn’t regret it).

I’ve known since I was 12 that I didn’t want to have kids of my own and am now 24, and haven’t changed my mind at all. If anything I’m more certain that I don’t want to.

Multiple family members have tried to talk me out of this and pointed me to birth control options such as the Mirena or Bar, but I have been on birth control since I turned 18 and just don’t want to deal with birth control and the shit side effects anymore.

I’m also looking to get a hysterectomy done purely because I don’t want children and don’t want to deal with birth control or my periods anymore, so it’s not medically necessary.

My question is: has anyone in this sub my age or younger been approved for a hysterectomy and what was the overall process like you? More specifically, are there any gynos in Australia willing to perform a non-medical hysterectomy on someone my age?

Hello r/childfree!

This post is specifically for CF people looking to meet up with other CF people (for friendship, dating, pen pals, etc.) in their area or online.

In your top level comment please include the following information: age (18+ only please), gender, general location (city, province/region, country, etc.), what you are looking for, and a little bit about yourself.

Please follow the rules of Reddit. **No personal information.** You are welcome to share that over PM.

Also, please consider cross-posting to our friends over at /r/cf4cf and r/ChildfreeFriendships and hang out with some fellow CFers on [Discord](https://discord.gg/Tdr3hhy).

Got out of my Bilateral Salpingectomy surgery an hour ago, the oxy makes my brain feel like soup and standing feels like running a marathon, but I am finally 100% free! I'm gonna eat some sushi and rot in bed for the rest of the night to celebrate!

Life is already hard as it is and extremely expensive. I can’t imagine having to wake up for work at 5am, go home to clean, cook, give your baby a bath, make sure your baby falls asleep (but it won’t, it will stay up for hours) and just lose yourself… imagine coming home from work exhausted as shit and you have to take care of a child.. on top of bills, trying to workout, find time for hobbies, appointments.. I don’t have kids and I am a young woman and I don’t even have time for myself. All of my coworkers and classmates talk about having to come home to their kids and make sure they’re picked up from school. I’m like “how!!” I wanna go home and watch YouTube. I just can’t imagine it. I always think “maybe when I’m in my 30s and I’ve done everything I wanna do” but I just don’t know if that’s even realistic because life is so hard and I might just love having dogs instead!! Plus, I already have this mindset of “holy fuck that sucks” so I don’t know if being a mom would be for me.. I’m sure there’s some beauty to it, but the cons HONESTLY outweigh the pros.

I’ve known I’ve wanted to be childfree for several years. Long story but I haven’t needed to worry about birth control and have never tried it. I don’t want a IUD because of the pain. I’m not sexually active right now and don’t have a partner. I told myself if Trump was elected then I would get a bisalp. The day after the election I made a consultation appointment, which I’ll be going to next week.

However, the closer it gets the more unsure I’m feeling about it. It’s a relatively new decision: I only thought about seriously doing it right before the election. I’m not changing my mind about being childfree, but it’s the surgery itself. It makes logical sense to get it done, but I’m scared. I feel like I’m forcing myself into it out of fear, and I don’t think I’m quite ready. Although I may be in the future. I also get health anxiety and have never had a surgery before. And I don’t want scars on my belly (that might seem petty but it’s meaningful for me).

I would ideally like to be at a place where I feel ready and confident about getting it done, and I’m choosing to because I want to. Right now I feel like I have to get it done out of fear and pressure that policies will change. It may no longer get covered by insurance or even become illegal in the future. And I don’t want to regret not doing it when I had the chance. But I also don’t want to force myself to do it if I feel unsure.

Does anyone have advice?