I have a friend who ignores her own “non-negotiables” and red flags every time she pursues someone new. She believes every excuse they give to her as to why they can’t commit but won’t take the hint, insisting that if they don’t want to be with her they should just say it out right. The newest person she’s only known a few months but has already told them she loves them despite knowing that they’re actively looking for work out of state and have told her and her other friends that he has no plans to ask her to be official. It seems like I’m the only one of her friends thats told her to cut her losses and move on. Everyone else says that she should try to hold on to him because he’s a good communicator, in therapy, and the pickings are slim.

When things eventually don’t work out, she starts approaching every thing with a super negative and defeated outlook and despite my best efforts to be encouraging, she dismisses my suggestions to take things easy and to be ready and open to going on a lot of first dates because she doesn’t want to waste her time getting to know multiple people. We’re in our mid twenties and a lot of her anxiety when it comes to dating stems from her parents pressuring her to be married. I don’t date and don’t feel pressured to, so a lot of the times my suggestions and responses are met with “you just dont get it” which is true, but I don’t know what to say when she’s asking me for feedback and I can see the direction things are headed in.

Are there other ways to be supportive without encouraging her to make harmful decisions? We’ve been friends for almost a decade and outside of dating shes super responsible, witty, and levelheaded. But once she starts dating it feels like all of that flies out the window.

I voted this week and have been reminding everyone in my circle to vote. My boyfriend is very forgetful about a lot of things so naturally I reminded him as well but… I was met with instant hostility.

I was quite taken aback. I had asked if he received his ballot yet and he said yes. I then said “well you ARE voting right? Make sure you get it filled out and turned in.” In response, he went off on me and basically said that it was a private matter, I was being pushy and it was none of my business. I explained that it’s just especially important this election cycle to vote and so I wanted to remind him.

For context, when Roe v Wade was overturned, I had an absolute emotional breakdown and told him how horrible this was and how scared I was for myself, other women and little girls. Before I opened up to him, I don’t think he had fully grasped the gravity of the situation but when I explained the political reality of everything and my terror/heartbreak about it, he was very supportive.

Fast forward to this week and I thought he was on the same page with me about what is at stake this election and how vital it is to vote. I’ve been talking about it for months. And then he just snapped at me when pressed about making sure he votes. So, I backed off but I had such a weird feeling about his reaction that I decided to look up if he received his ballot (idk how it is in other states, but in mine you can look up and see if yourself or someone else received and/or submitted a ballot… to be clear, you cannot see HOW anyone votes). It showed that he hasn’t updated his voter registration since his last place of residence and so did not receive a ballot this year or the previous two election cycles, which means he LIED to me. He is not voting this year and never had any intention to.

I’m really fucking hurt and devastated. I understand that it’s his vote and he does have the right to not vote, but this election is different. We don’t live in “normal” times where you can just sit this one out.

It feels like he doesn’t actually give a fuck about my human rights… and I thought he did. 10+ years in a relationship with this person and I truly believed he would show up for me and the other women in his life. Now I feel like a sobbing idiot. I don’t know what to do from here because this feels like something I’m not sure I can’t get past.

This is just a rant/vent. I’m so frustrated I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night for the last few nights.

I work as a technician/programmer for automation for mining. I have to travel a lot for work. It’s physically tasking and male dominated, but I enjoy my work and want to do well at it. But I’ve been feeling so discouraged lately.

While on a business trip, without giving too many details I was forced into oral sex by two men who were strangers. I had to travel back home because I was too freaked out to stay, and I explained it as properly as possible to my supervisor. He was very kind initially, and asked me to take it one day at a time and take the time I needed, and offered support and mental health care I needed. I worked part time as advised and still hit my deadlines/work tasks as needed. I was fired because I was not “recovering fast enough” and “needed to perform as any other worker” if it was my choice to keep working.

It was a huge blow to me mentally. Thankfully I had some savings to support myself and my parents helped, and I took two weeks off to stop crying each day and start job searching. The job market is difficult, but I landed a similar job.

I was very pleased with myself, and I’ve been doing my best to recover and go back to normal. I was sent to a client’s site for some programming work and did well, to the point where our client extended our contract. I was feeling so happy and proud and expecting some praise from work. Instead, my first day back to work, I got told I talk too much and distract everyone (I was excitedly sharing my programming experiences with anyone who asked, nothing else). That destroyed me. I’ve been trying so hard to let the past go and do well, get back to normal, I got our company more work, and I get told I talk too much. I cried a lot. I retracted and stopped taking except work matters, I’m still polite and of course respond to any questions as needed, but keep it to a minimum. But someone asked me today if I’m okay. And this person complained I talk too much.

I’m so tired and frustrated. I want to scream. I don’t want to go back to work on Monday. I just wish I died.

Also, I feel like we should keep a

Hi,

I hope that by sharing this I might get some advice and insight as it’s taking a big toll on my relationship.

I’m not trying to get into all the details because it would be too long but here’s the context: I work with my partner in his business and 2 years ago he hired a man who was seemingly perfectly nice and normal. Turned out he was the most misogynistic person I’ve ever met (to the point that even our male coworkers were sometimes put off or shocked by the things he said). The worst part is probably that, at the beginning, I really liked him and we were friendly, and I felt incredibly betrayed when I realized the deep-seated hatred that he had towards women. Makes me feel like I’ll never be able to trust a man ever again.

To give a few examples of his behavior: he once told us that he showed “funny” animated videos of DV to the women he went on a first date with (and showed us these videos), he said that he hoped that his future wife’s father would be dead so he could do everything he wanted with her, called female customers whores because they were wearing tank tops, said that women actually liked being dominated and even hit because they enjoy violence in bed (????)…

There was something like that EVERY FUCKING DAMN DAY. It ended up driving me literally crazy, to the point that I didn’t even want to go to work anymore. He was also constantly checking the way I dressed and if it was modest enough for his liking. He kept interrupting me, shutting me down, was weirdly passive-aggressive, and if he had a bad day, I knew that I needed to avoid him because he would take it out on me. It sometimes felt like I was in a toxic relationship with him, even though I was married to his boss.

It took months for my husband to fire him even though he could see how toxic the workplace had become. I am the only woman working there, and because men apparently can’t helping behaving like sheep, the other male coworkers that I previously liked ended up imitating some of the behavior, as if him being misogynistic suddenly made it ok for them to talk and behave the same way.

It took me telling my husband that he had to choose between working with me or this dude for him to finally react and fire him. This plus evenings and evenings of arguing over that (and a lot of tears from me). From my husband’s perspective: he disliked his behavior, but he was an efficient employee. I also think that, deep down, he could tolerate it to some degree since he wasn’t the target of the nastiness this dude spouted.

He doesn’t work with us anymore, and it’s been 6 months now, but I don’t feel the same. My husband recognizes that he should not have allowed this behavior in the workplace (he did NOT participate, though) and that it was harmful.

But I’m now hyper aware of things that I used to overlook/ignore/not see, and I watch content creators like BurbNBougie and Yv_edit all the time. I learn a lot, I try to educate others, but my perspective on men has shifted and I don’t know if it can ever be repaired. And I’ve lost all sex drive. I don’t feel like I can trust men. Even the good ones don’t intervene or stop these cruel and vile behaviors. At best, they pretend not to hear, at worst, they participate and encourage them.

Has something like that happened to one of you? How can you move on, forgive and not put all of them in the same basket? I don’t want to destroy my relationship because of this bad experience.

In Missouri, we're voting on Amendment 3, which would grant the right to abortion. I saw a sign someone put in their yard that said, "No on 3! Save them both!"

Save them both??? Bullshit! How many women have died over the past 18 months because a doctor didn't want to get in trouble for performing a necessary abortion for miscarriage or other issues.

i have like 0 friends so could rly use some girlies to share thoughts with lol this is a safe space for all ideas

im 25 almost 26 and i know this is a very transformative time for most ppl, ive been going thruuu it, but i feel like my situation is a little unique .. so its hard to relate to others my life and id love to hear from anyone who’s experienced similar.

when i was 12-13, going through puberty, beginning to individualize, starting to process traumas i had faced as a child and was still facing as a teen- something happened with my self view where i believed i was a boy, like a trans boy. i cut my hair off behind my mom’s back, i snuck my brothers clothes from his closet, would find anyway i could to bind(totally unsafe ways that have had a lasting impact on my body), would fantasize and dream of waking up as a boy. this was my identity for straight up 10 years.

and through out those years, i no longer felt like a boy, or a girl, or anything i could relate to anyone i knew. just like a secret third option lmao and then nonbinary became mainstream and i identified with that for a little, but it still felt off. i mainly had a strong discomfort with being perceived as a girl and i wanted badly to have been born a boy, but didn’t feel like i truly was one or wanted to become one. but boys clothes were comfortable for me and boy haircuts were comfortable and it just made sense to me

until last year something happened again with my self view, and i welcomed femininity with open arms. i started growing my hair out, i tried on clothes like crop tops for legitimately the first time in my life, i started experimenting with makeup. and i loved it all so much, i loved feeling pretty for once. i changed my whole wardrobe, started working out, started acting differently. but it wasn’t like i planned to leave my old self behind, it’s like the days just went by and my hair got longer and i learned more and more about “being a girl” and now here i am.

and i’ve gotten myself a grown up job in the midst of all of this, with a corporate setting in a conservative town lmao and its full time and i feel like i am just losing my true self to this conformity now and i dont even know how to find my style or even have the time or sanity or finances to figure it out

and And! of course i had only dated girls my whole life, assumed i was just completely lesbian, but suddenly i have this dream to get married and have a husband and children?? and im on tinder every day trying to figure out my type just to literally hate the men i bring myself in contact with?? LOL like why are they so weird and hard to read and like really bad w communication? but also im comparing them to past Dysfunctional relationships full of love bombing and like over-understanding of one another lmao iykyk SO IDEKKK but the last boy i hung out with texted me the most immature shit for a week straight like “ima send pic of my cock” then sends a pic of a literal rooster THEN BLOCKED ME ????? WHY

and i feel like im running out of time to top it all off, life is so fleeting the days just skip by i feel like i just started this job yesterday but its been 7 months, and im currently working on DECEMBER’s SCHEDULE so time is going Even faster in my mind, its Crazy. what is life. what is this. does everyone feel this lost

My vagina has a very sour tangy slightly fishy smell idk what to do. Ive had unprotected sex once a couple of months ago but I was noticing the smell like a month before that. I live in a country where sex for unmarried women is shameful so I never did a test. However I told the guy to do the test and everything came out negative.

I went to the pharmacy to get a cram for BV and been using it for 2 months and nothing has changed. I eat pretty clean most of the time. I don't eat many fruits but I eat a lot of vegetables, little to no processed food and I drink lots of water. Though my diet was still the same before the smell. What should I do? im sick of it.

Edit: sorry forgot to mention my discharge. They're pretty normal all the time. Also, I don't wear underwear at all unless im out.

This is my first post, so apologies beforehand if it's disjointed or seems not the right fit for the sub. I've been weighing on whether or not to share my story, but it seems like other women may have had similar experiences.

(Tldr: Dr. said it was all in my head. It wasn't.)

Last year, due to my status as immunocomprimised I ended up with back to back cases of double pneumonia. Once the infection cleared, I ended up with unbearable joint pain in all of the major joints in my body. I could not move without crying and collapsing in exhaustion and helplessness.

Due to my history of autoimmune disorders, I pursued medical advice relentlessly to determine the cause. First, I had to establish a GP in order to get the necessary referrals to rheumatology.

The Doctor seemed like he understood my pain and frustration at first. I was an early childhood educator and a young mom. I went from jumping and dancing with large groups of kiddos, to being unable to move my hands without wincing. Upon hearing my medical history, he gave the referrals I needed. Although, he seemed almost insistent that I needed to first pursue medication for my decades old diagnosis of Bipolar disorder, and he asked way too many times about my relationship with my husband, and if I was "sure" my pain wasn't a result of an "accident".

The first rheumatologist diagnosed me with Degenerative Disc Disorder, and concluded i was suffering from Polyarthritis. They were unable to connect these new findings with my previously diagnosed autoimmune disorders.

As I was missing work consistently now, I returned to my new GP for a document that would excuse my absences. At this point my pain was so severe that I remained upright purely though a series of compression bandages, a thick layer of tiger balm, and sheer determination.

I could never have anticipated the way I was treated in that office.

After once more insinuating that my pain was a result of spousal abuse, he concluded that the pain I felt was "all in my head". That my decades old (and since managed) mental diagnosis resulted in me perceiving this agonizing pain that literally kept me from working and left me sobbing multiple times a day because I felt I could not be the mom I wanted to be.

He went on to explain that he never even "wanted" to give me a referral to a rheumatologist, and he only did so to "prove" there was nothing wrong with me! He even pulled my husband out of the exam room to have the same talk with him! They were still within earshot as he re-explained that I was simply suffering as a result of my own mental anguish.

I left the office a sobbing mess, stopping in the lobby for my husband to help me retie my shoes. (I could not do so myself.)

I was furious. Rejected. Helpless. How could I be creating this pain when all I wanted was to be able to move my body as I always have?

I did not stop there, and refused his "diagnosis". I pursued a new GP, and through an entirely separate health network was assigned my first female rheumatologist.

Within ten minutes she assessed that I was hypermobile, and likely frequently dislocating my major joints. Another female doctor in this network brought to my attention, barely a month later, the revelation that bacterial pneumonia can lead to arthritis. I couldn't believe no one had told me this before. Finally, my pain was validated. What I was feeling was REAL. I had a medical team that had finally formulated a treatment plan.

It is so frustrating to be a woman in this society with the way our pain is so often and easily dismissed. I hope in sharing my story other women can have the strength to continue to self-advocate in the face of a system that does not "believe" your perspective.

You are valid. You are not "crazy". And even if you are, (like me), you deserve to be heard and taken seriously.

Is there some kind of medicine or procedure that's non-hormonal that gets rid of periods? The birth control hormones made me feel like the worst person ever, so that's a big nope for me. I also hate having periods, they're very heavy and I get awful cramps. It's not even about contraception, just menstruation. Is there anything that solves both issues? If no such thing exists, science has failed humanity.

So i slept with someone last night and the whole thing made me disgusted. I was into it in the start then in the middle I just felt disgusted and uninterested for some reason. He’s a nice guy, clean, well mannered and knew what he was doing but I just couldn’t wait for it to be OVER!. I literally got dressed so quick when he finished, told him to take me home. He was all nice about it and kept asking if I was ok, which I said yes I was and just made up some bs about working tomorrow earlier in the morning. When I got home, I spend an entire hr in shower scrubbing myself very hard and scrubbing him off me!. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me!. I’ve never felt like this before with anyone except this guy. What could be the reason? As I said, he’s clean, well mannered, handsome, polite and everything nice. Has anyone ever felt like this about someone?

But that old flame who messaged me on FB was actually hitting me up for cheating tonight.

Not seen him in over 20 years, when we were friends with benefits / seeing each other casually. He was kind of an arse when he ended it but I didn't hold a grudge and we occasionally interact on each other's FB posts.

He lives far away now but is seemingly in our home town. I chatted away catching up. I did feel a bit uncomfortable at times but thought I was imagining it. He then basically invited me over and I naively totally misunderstood.

After a bit he said sorry, I was like ? Why? It was nice catching up.

I got my partner to read it and he pointed out the glaring red flags wrapped in "friendly chat'. I feel cringe for being so oblivious and creepy / sick at the situation. Not to mention his poor wife.

Are they all like this? (Edit: before any notallmen happens, I'm just despairing that the number of men I "know" to be decent, not sleazy, has reduced to 4. I really hope they are who they appear to be)

i'm 19F, cisgender, adhd, bpd, history of eating disorders (including ana, bulimia and arfid), body dysmorphia, ocd, and possible tism.

I feel this weird feeling, which has gotten a lot better but never has fully gone away, where i feel almost a sense of gender dysphoria like a trans woman would feel, but i'm a cisgender woman. like i feel like my body is too masculine despite being assigned female at birth with no intersex traits. puberty started with me starting to grow body hair at age 8 or 9, and i got my first period at the very normal age of 11, and have been regular and unconcerning (other than a spout of amenorrhea at 14 due to my eating disorder that spanned a few months) and i don't have an excess of androgen/testosterone, nor did i before getting on hormonal birth control. no reasons to suspect i'm intersex logically, but i've just always felt the feeling that i am. i've always had thick eyebrows, dark hair, flat in the chest/ass, broad shoulders and a strong jaw, and i feel like my voice isn't pretty. i feel like my features have never been as pretty and feminine and dainty as other cisgender women. i've always felt uncomfortable being in women's restrooms and even ackowledging that i'm a girl/woman or referring to myself with she/her pronouns due to my gender imposter syndrome. i used to go all day without going to the bathroom just to avoid it and i still avoid using she/her pronouns for myself because i don't feel physically "woman enough" to identify as one. as much as i've talked about this to other people, nobody has understood what i was talking about.

am i alone in this? or am i just crazy lol.

My (35f) girlfriend (32f) was groped whilst we were waiting for our Uber home last Friday night. It was around 1am and we were waiting at a bus stop in central London. This guy who had half an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth came up to us and first of all asked me if I had a lighter. I said no and he moved on to my gf who was standing next to me maybe a metre or two away and he asked her the same question to which she also replied no. I thought that was that. I live in London so I feel like I’m pretty used to the random, mostly innocuous encounters like these, especially late at night, and although we’ve had some unpleasant words thrown at us in the past from men who feel the need to comment about two women being together, these encounters generally do not phase me and I am fortunate that nothing seriously bad has ever happened.

Anyway, we both had our phones out as we were trying to book an Uber/Bolt to see which one would arrive quickest so we were a bit distracted and obviously not giving this guy much attention. Instead of walking away after my gf replied no to his question about the lighter, he swung his arm out from underneath him and grabbed her crotch.

In the moment she was stunned and basically just flinched and before she could do much else I threw myself at him and pushed him away shouting “what the fuck, fuck off” type stuff. He tried to grab me by the throat and I could see in his eyes and the way he was trying to position his body that he wanted to punch me but he didn’t. I was holding him by his shirt at the neck and just yanking and pushing him away, shouting at him. I was wearing a crossbody bag so my girlfriend grabbed on to the strap behind me and yanked me back so that I wouldn’t get in a full on physical altercation with this guy.

He walked away and I turned around and checked on my gf who was just saying things like “stop trying to fight him it’s not worth it”. At this point I’m desperately hoping for our Uber driver to arrive and the guy fucking comes back and of course I go lunging at him again just telling him to fuck off but again my gf holds me back. He’s just shouting shit at us and eventually turns around and walks away.

Thankfully our Uber driver finally arrives and then it all suddenly hit and my gf starts crying. She cried the whole journey home and cried basically all night. I tried to comfort her but she would just physically push me away or tell me to leave her alone which was really tough and I didn’t know what to do or say. Eventually we were lying in bed and I just held her for a long time without saying anything whilst she was sobbing and eventually said “I just need you to tell me that I’m safe and that it’s not my fault” which of course I did and managed to say a few other thoughts about the situation but I just didn’t think I could say anything to fix the way she was feeling…

She asked me if I thought she was overreacting, and of course I said no, but I guess in the moment I didn’t quite realise the gravity of what this guy did. He basically sexually assaulted her. He committed a crime. And so publicly, just in the middle of the street with witnesses around, like it was absolutely nothing. It’s so gross and makes me feel so sick and so sad that this act was clearly so “normal” to this guy that he probably regularly attacks women and gets away with it every time. It’s just so unfair.

Luckily my gf managed to get over the shock of it and we tried to not let it ruin our weekend. Obviously we are grateful it wasn’t anything worse but it was just a really shitty experience and it sucks feeling so helpless in a situation like that.

I just wanted to get this off my chest really. If anyone has experienced something similar first of all I am so sorry and if you are comfortable sharing how you helped each other through it I would love to hear it because I wish I could have been more supportive in the moment towards her (instead of just violent and reactive towards him!) and found the right words to say to help her through it.

I briefly touched on this in an another post. Some time back I was exploring ethical non monogamy, and while I'm currently single - it's something I may still explore later.

To anyone who's against, this- that's okay and not for you. I respect that fully.

I had spoke to my friend about this and how I feel my family wouldn't be accepting. Recently we talked about this and she expressed judgment and said how our conversation about this and vocabulary became a running joke with her and her then bf.

I feel quite betrayed by her what I see as mocking and betrayal of my trust by sharing my confidental conversation with him.

I've never shared our personal conversations with past partners, and my friend circle is very consent based on what they share with a partner. My married friends always ask for permission before sharing what we speak about with their spouse and same with friends who are partnered.

I feel very hurt.

Why do we tip-toe around and cater to men who can't put anyone/anything above themselves and their desires/wants? I have been watching my sister-in-law be taken advantage of and treated like shit for a couple weeks while she and her husband and her baby are visiting. It starts first thing in the morning, baby gets up and my SIL brings him downstairs. (My BIL has been sleeping on the couch in the living room for their stay) He immediately gets up and heads up to the now vacated bedroom to get 4-5 more hours of uninterrupted sleep. Doesn't help with the morning routine at all, just goes back to sleep. Today, baby took a nap, which is a miracle. However, once my SIL fell asleep on the couch, my BIL goes and gets the baby out of bed and brings him down, putting him on top of SIL. Disrupts her nap 10 times by picking stuff up from my floor and also putting that on top of her, while she's sleeping. Also, he spend 3-4 hours a day in the bathroom (1 hour pooping, 3-4x per day. But doesn't apparently have time to see a doctor to get that looked at... Pretends to sometimes play with baby for 5 minutes then says "do you want Mommy?" When baby says ,"yes", BIL throws his hands up and says "well I tried, but he wants his mom". He's also not afraid of finishing prepared meals before SIL has had her first serving. Just seems like he really doesn't give any fucks about anyone other than himself. When I mention this to SIL, who is also frustrated with his actions, she makes excuses and says maybe it's cuz she's depressed that she's interrupting his behavior this way. It's not her. We can all see his minimal efforts and carelessness and it's just rude. End rant, not much I can do besides be there to listen, but goddamn I would love to punch this dude right in the balls.

Hey all, I am not even sure what I'm seeking here. Maybe a mix of support, sympathy, and perhaps advice.

Family - there are members in my family who mean a lot to me, I love dearly, and have in the past been supportive and loving. My aunt has repeatedly criticized the men I date if they're not making a lot and made shitty comments about my job. This has been in regards to the rto being ableist and how HR handled accomodations for me and how we had multiple meetings in order for me to get what I need.

Every time I feel like we're getting to a good place she will make some comment about work and all I wanna do is just pull away and limit my time with her. I find myself rarely reaching out now. I know in the past she was supportive to me and I don't know what I can do.

My grandma has similarly made weird comments about work too. She discouraged me for applying for a promotion and asking for a raise - citing one toxic job that didn't give me one and laid me off months after. She made other weird commets about work as well. I find myself spending less time with her.

I've stood up for myself and also limited interactions as a way to protectmyself. My heart feels so sad because I wish it was different and talking to them hasn't been much help.

I consider myself a good and loyal friend, and constantly find myself being disappointed and let down. Currently dealing with being iced out by a friend who's partner is insecure and I found out a friend and her bf turned something I shared with her in confidence into a running joke.

I feel so hurt and heartbroken.

I was talking to a business connection earlier and we were doing work until he asked me some "date ideas and that he'd like to see these areas with me" ick factor through the roof! I laughed it off and said no politely.

He continued to ask some personal question's until it came to -your so beautiful and young, tell me how old you are dear.- (Ughhh whyyyyy dude)

This is where my entire life changed. I told him I'm in my 30s. And he immediately stopped in his tracks and frowned. The look on his face of disgust made me physically ill. So I left and I won't be working with him again, ever.

Is this a common thing with men? That we are worthless at 30? Like he didn't even want to talk to me after I mentioned I'm in my 30s...I certainly disagree I'm extremely valuable and wise plus I think this guy was just an asshat, but couldn't help take it personally.

It's either you get hit on all the time in uncomfortable ways, or your absolutely worthless at 30...

I [28F] had a breakdown due to poor mental health (mostly due to him cheating).

Instead of him [Blart, 30M] being a kind, loving, and supporting partner, immediately seized the opportunity to go full scorched earth with me. He called me delusional and started gaslighting me. I found out about the cheating when I went through his work computer and found private messages on Slack. He went to get coffee with a female co-worker inside the office building and it was all "it was nice to see you" *vomit*. She's new and I suspect she got the job just to get close to him.

I told the details to my psychiatrist and my psychiatrist confirmed that Blart was cheating on me. So I had a meltdown. Blart came home in a rage and tore through the living room. He found my vapes which are the only thing that helps and he destroyed them (Blart doesn't allow me to smoke or vape due to bs the people at the ER said and my psych, but it's the ONLY thing that helps he thinks he knows what's good for me when he's not me).

Anyway, the cheating, the destruction of personal property, he yelled some nasty stuff to me and he keeps undermining me like "are you really saying that or is that crazy talk" and he talks to me like a child sometimes. I had to take the whole week off of work. YES I got physical when I learned about the cheating and things got scary. I shoved him into a light switch which left mark on his back. Sure I can sympathize, but to talk down to me and act like I don't know what's going on is a slap in the face and is just a never ending cycle of abuse. He got so fucking bad he said "next time they want to commit you again I will let them and text your family the address, block ALL OF YOU and be DONE with it" (my family lives 3000 miles away and he knows it)

We've been together for 10 years, the point of this post besides ranting is, would I qualify for alimony? How do I get alimony?

I want to leave and live on my own but I cannot afford it. I make 45 and he makes 280. I've been accustomed to this lifestyle and he's been threatening to evict me. Unfortunately I don't have much legal ground to fight the eviction since I haven't been in a position to contribute rent as my job is fairly new and I come from another state having moved in April.

sorry if the post is confusing. my thoughts have been disorganized of late

TIA

Earlier this week, I created a substack account and started posting. I only have four subscribers and seven followers.

Yesterday, an older man (he looks like he might be in his 60s based on his picture) followed me and sent me a private message. All he said was, "Greetings and complement [sic] to you Ms [my name]." (I use my real name on my substack.)

I haven't replied yet because it just feels weird to me. Why is he saying "greetings" on a private message, and what is he complementing me on? I haven't posted anything that is worthy of complements.

I also have one subscriber who is an older man, but his only interaction with me was a comment on a note. The differences are that his comment was public and was well-thought out advice.

The private message reminds me of attempted booty-call messages I would get in college. (I say "attempted" because I always turned them down.)

Am I over thinking this? I have no idea how to respond or even if I should respond.

Just wanna send this off into the internet void because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this who would understand

I (19f) have always been a relatively small person according to the people around me. I’ve always been self conscious about my body. I’m 5’4 and throughout high school I weighed about 110 lbs. I’ve never had an eating disorder but I’ve always had a bad relationship with food. Once I started university I started feeling better about eating like not feeling guilty for eating or not being self conscious about eating in front of people. I started to appreciate my body too because my current boyfriend tells me how beautiful I am every day and he’s the first person really in my life to tell me that.

I now weigh about 135 lbs and the thing is it doesn’t look like I’ve gained weight but I know I’ve gained the weight and it’s making me really self conscious and spiral back into my old habits. I’ve downloaded an app to help me track my calories again and I’ve started fasting again because I want to lose 10lbs.

Deep down I know I’m not fat and I know my weight is healthy and normal considering my height but every time I look in the mirror I just fixate on my body and I hate how it looks and then I just start crying. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I thought it was all over but now I feel like I’m starting all over again.

Sorry for the vent but I just needed to get this out 🫶🏻

This is a popular method to induce periods and I'm wondering if anyone's done it before? Thank you!

Anyone else get this sharp pain that lasts for a few minutes/possibly a little longer on their neck/chest? It hurts to breath, feels like barbwire is this best way I can describe it. It does go away but my god It always makes me think my time has come and I'm dying lmfao. I just want to know if anyone else knows what I'm talking about, I feel crazy.

Using an alt account as my regular account is pretty tied to me personally.

When I was 15-years-old, my boyfriend at the time raped me. I said no, but he didn't stop what he was doing and continued to rape me. I was shocked and annoyed but didn't do or say anything. He cried after and talked about how sorry he was and I avoided him. I broke up with him soon after. Throughout our relationship he put me down, and would try to make me cry. He would push me to do things and would constantly ignore me when I said stop or something hurt.

I coped with it at the time with other mental health struggles and had an anxiety around sex. I'm pretty open about it happening and its shocking how people are quick to dismiss allegations until they realize the story is of someone they know. I feel like I shouldn't have to tell people its my story for my word to be listened to.

I hadn't seen him since high school but then his new best friend brought him to a hobby club I go to. It was a disaster and everything came flooding back, I left upset and now associate his best friend with him. He does not go to the club anymore, but his friend does and often makes me uncomfortable (just being near me and trying to join activities I am part of).

I realize I can't do anything since its his friend but I associate him with the trauma and I can't really find other hobby club nearby that are similar to this one. How do people deal with things that bring up their trauma?

I just had a comment back and forth with a gynecologist where they criticized me for telling a woman who was having her first uterine biopsy that it is way more than “just a pinch” and that if she thinks she needs it, she should ask for more than just ibuprofen for pain.

They said because there was a chance it wouldn’t hurt much, I was increasing the patient’s anxiety (and thereby pain) by telling her.

The thought of this logic just makes me so frustrated I want to scream. It’s no different than the old standard of a husband not letting the doctors tell his wife she was terminal to “save her the anxiety”. What in the world??

How about instead, be up front and honest about the potential of pain, and if that causes anxiety in your patient, simply OFFER MORE PAIN MANAGEMENT to them. If they think they can handle it, great. If not, then wtf is the issue here.

I just can’t even stand this.

i have 3 siblings, all within 6 years of age. We were always friendly as kids, but now that we’re in our twenties/thirties, we are all very close. i find as i get older (26F), i don’t really find myself seeking friendships outside my siblings, and sometimes i feel like i should put more effort in? but i mean they are awesome, and also two of them have partners that are a strong part of the clan, so really there’s 6 of us who are all really close.

it just makes me think when people bring up their friend groups and im like oh yeah i only hang out with my siblings lol.

i did have close non-sibling friends in high school/ uni, but over time those have petered out with life and moving away from each other etc.

i think part of it is that by nature im not super social, and i only have time for so much socializing, so i do prioritize it with my siblings. just funny when people ask who my bridal party would be and im like well,.. my sister and sisters in law.. lol

I (27F) have been in a relationship with my partner (35M) for a year now. We've lived together almost the whole duration of the relationship. I know deep in my heart we are a fundamentally incompatible couple - communication is a big problem. He thinks I'm attacking or fighting when I think I'm just communicative. He can't hold space for me emotionally. I get "crazy" and act on my overthinking sometimes. And that has fueled a lot of resent between us both.

We both are still trying to make it work though but it feels like pushing a square peg into a round hole.

Lately I've been feeling very invalidated and unheard and have started reading old text messages and letters that I've saved from my ex boyfriends just to self-soothe and self-regulate again during arguments. My primary love language is words of affirmation, which my partner cannot practice when times are hard.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for from this post, perhaps a 3rd person's POV and what to do when you know deep down inside this is not your person but you both somehow still want to keep trying?

This has been bugging me for a good bit. Quite a while ago, I went to one of the last Brian Wilson (Beach Boys, Pet Sounds Album) with a good friend.

At one point during the concert, he told me that many, many years prior, he went to a Beach Boys concert that he had been invited to by a woman. He then proceeded to tell me that this woman was interested in him and he accepted said invitation 4 days (DAYS) after he had proposed to another woman.

He then proceeded to tell me that she was upset about finding out about the engagement and cried (JFC, wonder why numb nuts). I asked why he would do that and his response was that he really wanted to see the concert.

I just went stone-cold inside and blanked him out for the rest of the evening. I don't understand his reasoning that his actions were OK. Yeah, I get that he wanted to see the concert, but he deeply hurt the woman who invited him and I see it as cheating on his freshly-ringed fiancée.

This happened decades ago, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.

While I've known him, he's been stand-up and friend-worthy - appropriate in all relationships, loyal in his current, but this hit me so wrong even though it was a long time ago.

As much as I like our friendship, this still bugs me 4 years later.

Keep as a friend or not? I get that people can change over time and this was like 40 years ago.

A few weeks ago I (26F) attended a casual, professional networking event for people in my state. During the event I happened to be sat next to, and had a casual conversation with an older gentleman (early to mid 40s) who was high ranking in his field, clearly well connected and had a very impressive resume.

We got talking because he had previously lived in the city where I did my university and worked at a company near the campus.

Outside of that, he and I had little to nothing else in common (we aren't even in the same field). I didn't really think anything of our interaction but exchanged numbers with him during the event. I figured that someone with his resume might be a good connection to have (and could help with navigating the corporate world).

A few days later he called for a friendly chat and I reasoned it was just him politely following up after the event. Then things got weird.

His texts became more and more frequent, wanting to know how my day went and chat about random stuff. At first I thought he was just building a professional connection for work, but then he started asking about my personal life (Nothing inappropriate. Just things that a nosey coworker would typically ask)

Fast-forward to today, he either calls or texts every single day, telling me about his expensive purchases and trying to get me to hang out with him. Our calls run up to an hour and I always have to come up with an excuse to end them.

He hasn't been inappropriate or anything. Neither has expressed any interest in me. He just keeps calling me every day, trying to get me to chat with him for up an hour every time. I really don't know what to make of this. Even my besties don't try to be around me this much.

From what I've come to understand about him, he's in his forties, doesn't seem to have ever been married, and has no kids. He has mentioned that he has many friends with whom he hangs out with, so I don't understand why he'd want to hang with me. I mean, I'm about 15 years younger that him and we have nothing in common. Our generational differences are very apparent in our conversations. When he talks about himself and his friends, it becomes clear that they are clearly in a different stage of life than I am and I can't relate to his experiences.
Speaking to him his like speaking to an uncle or an older colleague at work.

You see why I'm confused as to why he's wants to talk to me every day?

Is his behavior normal or am I overreacting? Is he just being friendly, or does he have another motive in mind? Is it normal for a middle-aged man to call a 26 year old everyday for an hour?

I'd really appreciate if the women here could help. I'm starting to get anxiety every time he calls 'cause I want to be polite but I don't like having hour-long calls with a man I have nothing in common with. I aslo don't want to ruin a useful professional connection.