Hi everyone.

I am AuDHD. I have friends and acquaintances who I suspect are aspies or have very high autistic traits/BAP - but not ADHD. The thing is there is a difficulty connecting with them because some are pithy - like me! I take it personally and think I’m the one messing up - but it’s like - why would two reticent types talk easily? Of course, we have no problems conversing over special interests. That’s where I meet most of these people - at modular synth events, lmfao.

Anyhow, the AuDHDers and pure ADHDers are easy. So easy. They make up most of my close friends.

But I want to connect to the aspies. Because they are interested in what I’m interested in. I just…I don’t know how to start convos in general, but ADHD types will do the starting and talking. Easy. I can’t tell if people like me. I hyper read into facial expressions and will legit take no eye contact as tho I’m a freak. Weirdly. I stare instead of avoid eye contact, although I believe it’s because I was conditioned by a VERY manner minded mother to always look people in the eye. Well I take that too far and stare. Ugh. One acquaintance walked past me today and didn’t say hi. He won’t make eye contact. He seems very much on the spectrum. I take it personally. I feel like since I’m awkward perceptive and intelligent people are uncomfortable around me, ugh. I’m female. I especially notice this with reticent aspie men. My dad is one.

Extra note: the T-Rex arms are getting way worse with age. My shoulders feel like they’re going to pop out if I hang my arms. I’ve had shoulder surgery on both to reattach ligaments, but to no avail and I’m ashamed to do T-Rex arms even tho they feel natural. Gen X here. We hide our mental health issues.

LOL…not LOL.

I am curious how many of you have Pathological Demand Avoidance? I didn't know what it was until recently, and when it was explained to me I realized that it described me 100%. (For example: not doing something when asked to do it even if already planning to do it.) I have had this problem my whole life. It really rubs me the wrong way...

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When I was in highschool I became high aware with the fact that I only have one life.

I was questioning the school system because we were learning stuff that I will not be using again. For example theater lessons, what certain plants are called, a new language that I will never want to speak but that we are obligated to learn and lots of more things that I have forgotten now. There is just so much that could have been cut.

There is also much that could have been added like what a good diet is, cooking, handling money, living on your own, dealing with people, cleaning, dealing with live changes, dealing with grief and so on. Things to actually prepare us for the future. Also the school system could probably have been shorter this way.

In my eyes I just got a lot of time of my life stolen. Not only the time on school but also being tired after school because asperger's. So they stole the whole day while other kids would be hanging out and having fun after school. While I just only could watch a series. I would not have the same quality time after school.

Another thing that I found weird is this 5 day school, 2 days off system. There is no fair trade there. I just throw away so much of my life that way.

I wanted to fight the system and change it, but I was on my own. Nobody dared to even if I came with much arguments why we should fight. I have since early highschool developed an inner voice since that that wants to fight for freedom. A sort of complex that never stops assesing how much actual lifetime I have.

Now as an adult, I have a job, which is 32 hours, which is better. However I am still tired after work, which means what I want to do: hanging out, making music and playing games I only desire on the days off again. So my time is limited still on work days. I cannot seem to see work as fun, because it is a necessity. I see it as a trade. Due to the tiredness after work it is not a fair trade.

So I have 3 days a week to effectively do something I actually want and I am upset that I don't have more time. Therefore I extend watching series on workdays to the night. So I at least have some extra time of that. However that worsens the problem of tiredness.

It is weird that only now part time is introduced more. It seems like when talking with older generations we have it better. They all seemed to work 40 hours or more. Nobody questioned it before? Now I see a lot of colleagues at my company working 32 hours. But why only now, nobody questioned the 40 hoyrs before?

Why does the schoolsytem not allow it now? If a kid wants to do 32 hours school, let him. Maybe just have him be in the school system longer? At least he gets to have fun more then during childhood.

I wish I could somehow fight to free the children in school with a 5 day schoolweek and make it atleast a 4 day week (should be 3,5 to make it fair). Also do I ever get the lost time back? Will retirement be enough time? What if I get some decease during it?

Will I ever be able to play alot of music pieces? It goes so slow like this. It also takes a long time to finish a game, so that goes also slow. Friends also want to hangout alot. Which also means I cannot always put time in other things I want. Same with family. I just have to say no a lot so I have some time for myself.

What about other new hobbies? I could start them, but to actually progress also take time. I tried learning 3d modelling, for example, but getting good takes a long time.

I just hate the fact that I care so much about this all. I am powerless, so even thinking about it wastes time of my life. However, I can't stop this inner voice. This longing to be truly free.

I wish society would be at the stage of AI + robots taking all jobs. A true post-work society would be paradise, or being a millionaire. Both would grant me the ability to do anything I want to do whenever I want to do it. No need for a career if I don't want it. If you are a millionaire, you can even hire a housekeeper and order food everyday. I envy the rich. Some have even become rich only by inheritance or luck. Just give me some. They have enough.

Hi all,

I got pulled up at work (IT Operations) with pretty scathing feedback - it hurt a lot. I received the feedback in writing and my Finance, who is a qualified social worker, told me that all of the aspects of the feedback are just manifestations of my autism.

It feels like as NDs we're constantly misunderstood by people, and on the basis of that misunderstanding, are judged falsely. It feels as if no matter how inclusive or understanding an employer pretends to be, the unspoken expectation is that you should not be ND, and that you should constantly mask so that you can be around NTs.

What does everyone think about this?

Cheers

I am really good at masking, so a lot of people, even the ones close to me, would never suspect I have Aspergers. But in reality, when I get comfortable with someone I will unmask and accidentally say something that hurt them. These led to many friendship failures.

For example, I accidentally mentioned my friend's ex too much in front of him, so he blocked me suddenly when I have no idea.

I'm thinking I should be open about my diagnosis to save myself from ruining my friendships again. What do you guys think plss?

I sometimes feel like everyone is too much, even if I barely meet people throughout the year (I'm not even saying "week" or "month"). Sometimes I check the work chat group and see how much everyone seems to actually meet from time to time, or participate in social stuff together.. same for nearly every group of people I know.. and I feel a mixture between lazyness (towards the social thing), loneliness and being an alien who is not accepted and doesn't easily accept either. So I often feel like I want to "break up" with all my previous life, from yesterday backwards, get a new phone number, get a new job in which I can work from home or at least alone (no human contact required), and get on with my life, ghosting everyone but my bf and family. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I have 3 legit phone numbers (and bills), so I've actually tried xd

Since it’s anonymous the polling, wanted to see how many are self vs formal in the group.

Poll will be live for five days then it closes.

Remember, the poll is anonymous, so answer honestly, no one will know what you picked but you.

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This is a vent post btw

I use to have the close friend group of just me and around 3 friends. Two of which that I ended up losing I’m going to name as C and V, as I’m still friends with the 3rd one. First I ended up losing V. At the time my girlfriend had broke up with me and I was in a bad mental state at the time, I ended up dumping all of this on V, which I regret and realize was a extremely idiotic thing to do, and she ghosted me. At the time I thought “ maybe she didn’t have her phone “ or things along that line instead of picking up on the hint that she no longer wanted to talk to me. This later ended in an argument.

I then ended up trying to reach out to C. As some backstory, back when the whole friend group was together, The group would often make sexual jokes. I was informed by V, after I reached out, that I went to far with these jokes, causing C to be uncomfortable with me and no longer wanted to speak with me.

I honestly regret losing both of these friends as they were very important parts in my life. V, from what I’ve been informed, hates me now, and I no longer have any contact with C. I wanna learn how to see boundaries more clearly and know when I’m crossing a line.

I never wish discrimination on anybody. Bigotry has no place and we're all better off with equality. Just as we would never want people discriminating against us. It's good that schools are legally required to offer us certain protections. Whether it be race, gender, ethnicity, religion, gender/sexual orientation or identity, etc.

I grew up in NYC so i am quite used to diversity. My workplace is also diverse and that makes me happy. I myself am aroace and wouldn't change it for the world. Many republicans fearmonger over the future demographic shift but i dont see any legitimate reason to view it as a problem.

However, none of this is to say I don't have some weak spots which I'm not proud of. Sometimes I find communicating with people who have thick accents or who may be hard to understand due to throat conditions to be a drag, and wonder if it might be an ASD-related sensory trigger. I'm sure it's understandable to feel frustrated when people at service establishments don't speak English. Which isn't to say I don't give them the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to learn the language, i dont discount how difficult it can be for immigrants. Just that i will not be pleased being called a racist for my frustration. Never do i ever tell them anything along the lines of go back where you came from.

Also i feel that stereotypically many racial minorities are less accepting of autists. Tropes of corporal punishment, dictatorial parenting, filial piety, and stricter social norms about family and lifestyle. I sincerely want to be proven wrong and find these sterotypes to be ridiculous and i never give up hope that we can end racism without compromising acceptance of our own kind one iota. And yes, I am sure there are autists of color and I want all of you to feel accepted by everyone. Screw anyone who says that getting therapy and problem solving by critical thinking is a "white" thing. No reason to cling to any internalized racism. Be happy just the way you are.

One more thing: I had a staring problem in HS. I feel that "zero tolerance" policies against everything remotely sexual and treating harassment as a form of violence is potentially throwing autists under the bus. Not that we deserve impunity, just to understand that it isnt anti-feminist to push back against draconian rules. I have no objection to the current state of workplace laws. In fact they could even be enforced more strongly based on what i hear.

For any POC on here, i'd love to hear your stories. I will never judge. Forget any shame about who you are.

Hello, I’m 26 and I have OCD, black and white thought patterns and some social anxiety (not as bad as it once was). Throughout my childhood I always felt different from other children and struggled to make friends. The main thought I had was that I couldn’t understand how they were always able to find something to talk about every single day they saw each other. I understand sarcasm and metaphorical slang which I believe Aspies struggle to grasp, however I’ve never been able to shake the suspicion that I might be on the spectrum even though I was never diagnosed as a child. I’ve tried to make peace with it by thinking to myself “well even if I do have it, given that I was never diagnosed as a child seems like a good indication that I’m on the mild end of the spectrum”. Despite this however, I still have a desire to find out and it’s pretty much impossible to get a diagnosis under the NHS without having to wait 2 years (I tried). I do struggle with black and white thinking patterns and sometimes have a poor sense of self, however I’m also aware that these 2 features can be symptomatic of personality disorders such as OCD in and of itself, thereby making the link coincidental. I never had any “meltdowns” when I was a child even though I did struggle at school, and I don’t think I’m excessively sensitive to loud noises although I do have to put my watch in the sock drawer before going to bed because the ticking bugs me. Any thoughts?

These thoughts have been going over and over for weeks and getting stronger. Thinking of exact moments and visual memories that feel too real. I can recall a lot that others have forgotten. I did not even care about any of this until recently but depression had me going through the archives. If only I had said that, if only I did not do that. If only I had spoken to that person when I saw them years later and did not know what to say so I made it weird and now they won't speak and they ignored me online when they used to be my friend. All that.

I just feel really dumb that I spent money on these things and don’t know how to follow the instructions to put them together.

I’ve completely given up and don’t want to hire someone to do these things on my behalf. I don’t know why I even try to buy things for myself…

You don't need to think too hard about that statement, it doesn't need to involve some crazy or very catastrophic situations. For me it's simply as mundane as not being as likable as the better candidates for a job interview. I also lack the ability to learn how to interview better.

Being awkward at job interviews -> no job offers -> being unemployed more often -> facing more financial problems.

I need to explain to my mom every reason why living with Asperger’s is extremely difficult and more painful than living without it? Please explain what help you got and why exactly you struggle socially and can’t move forward in certain aspects of your life

No, I am not advertising anything. I am just curious about experience of fellows, who did, regardless on ASD

Learn more about Asperger's Syndrome history, symptoms, and differences from autism. Understand the transition to ASD and the importance of seeking professional evaluation.

https://autism.fratnow.com/blog/aspergers-syndrome-autism-differences-diagnosis-history/

Adult bullying is definitely a real thing imo.

I’m currently in training for a job as a caregiver. I find myself constantly being frustrated and reminded that I’m alone. I stick out, I’m not falling into place like the others. My mother tells me to “suck it up”. What do I do to communicate better with my coworkers?

Does anyone here have anything that could help me start focusing on improving my executive dysfunction? I do the same thing every single day with little to no variation and I’m starting to go insane. The depression is just piling up and if I don’t start something soon I’m gonna lose my mind. I think about the endless bad situations I have put myself into every single moment of the day and I can’t take it anymore. I want to get better so badly and I can’t wait until I can see a therapist. I am worried I will be significantly worse by the time a therapy appointment opens up. Truly anything helps. Thank you all and I hope you have a wonderful Sunday.

My husband and I have been together for 14 years. He is 60. It has become apparent to me that he has Aspergers and his thinking and behaviors are difficult for me to live with.

I don’t think he has any idea that is “on the spectrum”, although he is finally admitting that he is “different”.

Just wondering if it would be helpful to our relationship if je knew what is going on. Can he “learn” to change the way he responds to the world and to me or is it completely my responsibility to accept his differences?

Thx…. And please be kind with your responses.

27M

I’ve come a long way in terms of socialising but I can ruin my entire day by the trauma of embarrassing myself with unpleasant memories. There’s an occasion where I made myself seriously ill by overdoing it with alcohol and had to be helped back home. I know we’ve all “been there” but I feel like I’m constantly on edge and hold myself in low esteem because of the amount of cringe I feel towards myself.

How do I cope ? I’m so exhausted. There’s no self forgiveness.

I have been diagnosed with severe combined ADHD and I suspect that I have high-functioning autism (HFA) as well for various reasons, but thats a different story.

I made this post to ask how HFA has affected your emotions on a daily basis? I'm not exclusively talking about emotions connected to other people, but just how you feel every day.

From the recent research I've done on this topic, it seems that most people with HFA exhibit a strong sense of "emotional sensitivity," meaning they typically feel a stronger emotional impact from things that neurotypicals wouldn't feel.

However, I was wondering if the complete absence of emotion, or emotional dysregulation was common in HFA as well? I rarely feel emotion from anything, and the few emotions I do experience, I don't understand, I can't explain, and freak me out.

But I do sometimes feel emotions towards things I shouldn't at all. For example, I have this weird thing where I will miss people that I know or have talked to once or twice but have no real social relationship with, but I do not miss my close friends or family. It's like I have emotional attachments to things that literally do not matter at all. But I have always struggled with forming direct emotional relationships with people anyway.

This is obviously a lot more complex and I'm currently seeing a therapist about it, but I was wondering if this could possibly be HFA, and if anyone else experiences this? I have been asked by several people if I'm autistic and I haven't seriously considered it until the past year or so, predominantly due to people pointing-out my weird social and intrapersonal behaviors that can't necessarily be explained by "severe ADHD." I can go more in-depth on those if anyone wants me to.

What do you guys think?

My main ones are realizing people aren't as smart as I thought they were and that adults are really just bigger children.

It’s like… yeah, I’m quiet, so are you?