Im mute full time 24/7 so I dont speak at all and I feel so alone I've never seen anyone else like me I feel like I have no community or someone to share similar expirences with please tell me there are other people out there

I have some disorders that interact with each other that cause me to typically go mute for about a week randomly. This tends to have around every month or two. The issue is I plan on starting college in the spring and need some way to communicate with the people around me. What are the best ways for that? I tried looking for the AAC on here but it is all for iPhones and finding other AACs online tends to feel very sketchy. Thank you for the help

so I started college this year and there's this girl that is really cute but I don't know anything about her, I don't know her name, if she's single and if she would even date me. I want to speak to her but my anxiety stops me, any ideas on how I could speak to her and get to know her ?

(I got diagnosed with SM about 3 years ago and thought that this would be the best place to ask)

Im so bored of life my phone is dry, relationships feel like a chore and idk in school im quiet there is nothing that can entertain me not Even a cat or my phone everything is boring for me literally

im so lonely and bored all the time idk anyone Else feels like this’

Hi. Apologies in advance for the length of this post. The background is very long. Please skip to the problem at the end of the post if that helps.

Background: I am a 38m who has experienced situational mutism from earliest childhood (I don't remember when it started, but siblings report 'losing my words' began aged 4). Lots of early childhood trauma. Freeze response to fear.

In my teen years, family life greatly improved and my step father took me to the UK to meet a special education teacher who specialist in mutism as he couldn't get support for me in my home country. The teacher suggested elective mutism (yes, I'm that old) and help with strategies to support me. They were very useful.

I managed reasonably well until my 3rd year of university when a traumatic event rendered me fully mute for several months. Hospital assumed it was related to the attack despite previous mutism and brain scans showing the cranial fracture was unlikely to have caused the mutism, but regardless of that, the treatment (slt and therapy for ptsd) was very, very successful, and I experienced several years with very few episodes of mutism even in situations where my mutism was previously pervasive. Got two masters degrees, qualified as a teacher, and worked with children in a specialised setting using AAC and adapted sign language. Was very happy.

During covid years, my mental health began to worsen. Through therapy, I now realise that the long-term relationship I had been on-and-off in since college had become quite toxic. When I emerged from the covid era, the regularity of my episodes of mutism had increased. Work became increasingly challenging for me due to this. (Luckily, I have a second income stream through which i can earn an income completely remotely) My relationship ended in a very sudden manner which left me totally shocked and without a home (I left it so he could have space as I felt at the time I must have been to blame) and I left the country to live abroad.

For the past two years, I have been in a downward spiral. My increasing mutism and shaky mental health left me quite vulnerable and very reliant on my tight social circle, and one friend in particular (who possibly/ probably took advantage of how easy it was to manipulate me.) I hoped very much over that time to reconcile with my ex-partner and fixated on this.

This summer, my ex and I finally met after a long period of no contact, and what followed was a series of controlling and abusive interactions that culminated in a court order to protect me. I have been fully mute since before the court order, and I also experienced severe challenges with eating, which (coupled with a lifelong reliance on exercise to manage my adhd) resulted in significant weight loss. I began therapy shortly after the interactions with my ex began to scare me and later moved home with my parents as they were hugely concerned for my safety and well-being. This week, I began a 12 week (initially) home care plan with a mental health hospital service.

Here's where my question begins.

Problem: My team can't agree on the best approach to support me. I have been diagnosed with SM. Therefore, SLT + anxiety team was the presumed preferred approach. Following evaluation this week, the psychology team feels that despite appearances, my mutism (and anxiety) is very much trauma related, and I should be under the trauma team as opposed to the anxiety team. The hospital had been amazing, but they are very honest that my case is unique and unusual for them. So.

Has anyone here experienced trauma induced long-term (lifelong, I suppose) situational mutism that at times becomes complete mutism to the point where they sometimes can't even type/write/gesture? What treatment was best for you?

If anyone could help me to help my team, that would be amazing. All experiences would be very welcome if you could share them with me. Can anyone relate?

(To clarify, I don't care whether I have SM or trauma or whatever they decide. I just want to get better for once and for all and finally begin living life without jumping at shadows and feeling like I'm letting everyone down and not good enough. I don't mind which team I work with or what approach they use as long as I get better. So, there are no wrong answers if you have any. Thank you.)

My speech fluency has rapidly declined over the past year or so. I've always had anxiety, depression, diagnosed with autism a couple years ago, had speech therapy when I was a kid for about 6 years for speech impediments relating to fluency, forming certain sounds, and a stutter. This cleared up from the ages of 12-18 and started to re-emerge from 18 to now 22. Recently, my speech has been incredibly difficult. I physically stop breathing when I try to talk and the words won't come out. Whenever anyone at all is listening to me, I have this problem, even casual one-on-one's with people that I know and trust. When before I struggled with a few key sounds, now I struggle with many that have been causing this freeze. I can't even say my own name anymore without freezing a majority of the time. What is going on with me? Is this selective mutism? How do I improve? It is starting to derail my life. I have been scouring the internet for a few weeks now and while I've found many questions from people with similar problems, it's never quite fit the bill for what I'm experiencing. It's almost like I am losing the ability to speak on a physical level due to anxiety, which sounds like selective mutism but I'm unsure if it's a neurological thing or a speech-impediment-related thing.

I am struggling to find something I can still do with my SM, anxiety and SCT. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I am older and don't have the strength to compensate for my issues excessively anymore, so I am looking for something where I don't need to push myself to be more confident regarding speaking and interacting with people than I really am. Something peaceful. Thank you.

I've recently met someone with mutism and we've hit it off pretty great but I'm having trouble thinking of activities to do together that aren't just parallel play or watching shows together. And so I was hoping some of you wonderful folk could enlighten me as to how you like to interact when you don't feel comfortable talking!

How to tell? Ive always assumed my daughter has SM. The medics always went dlwn this road, but i am starting to wonder about autism spectrum. Daughter is social, but struggles to read emotions. She misses big red flags. She is a people pleaser and says what people want to hear. She is more animated with new friends, i fear she is masking. She loves routine. Hates change. Rarely discusses emotion. Struggles to come up with independant creativite ideas - doesn’t write stories or draw made up pictures. She loves to draw but copies or redoes pictures she learnt to draw before. Its all so confusing.

/vent, i haven't talked about any of this in a long time, kind of rambled

I'm 18 (in uk).

I've finished my gcses, got my english and maths at okay grades,
I went to college for applied science, did very good and did the extended year- got good grades on both of my diplomas.

Now what?? I feel like everything has been dropped beneath me. I was in CAMHS but once I turned 18 I had to stop going, I never felt like it helped but it was honestly the only thing getting me out of the house apart from college- and now that I don't have either I don't go outside at all and I feel like my hate and general fear of anything outside has majorly increased.
The people at CAMHS told us they would get me into the adult health services- but then just completely ghosted us. I feel forgotten about and thrown away because they didn't know how to help. I feel like everybody dismisses what is happening to me and how I feel because they don't know what to do.

Since July I've just been sat at home, I can count the number of times I've gone outside in the past couple of months on one hand, and I feel so useless. i feel isolated

I applied, and got accepted, for PIP (basically disability benefits) but that feels so humiliating, i knew i couldn't do anything and even though it is helpful it just feels like a solid 'yeah, you can't and we know'.

i don't know what help to get, i don't know where to get help, i don't know what help i need or how to even work towards that. I'm gradually getting more and more terrified of everything I struggle to stop myself from hiding every time the doorbell rings when nobody else is home
i feel like my fear for everything is turning into hate, and if that is happening i dont know how to undo it
how am i meant to stop myself from hating a life that hates me and shows absolutely no joy or mercy to me

I want to apply for Open University, because I think it's all/or mainly online which I can be able to do.
but I don't know what to do, I know that's something nobody can help me with and that I need to figure out but I don't feel motivated to do anything or help myself anymore. i feel so?? lost but too tired from being lost to try and find my way again- but i think i do want to?? its so confusing and horrible

Even if I do apply and complete an online course, I don't know what to do with my life afterwards. I feel as if I would just get stuck once more where I am now- sure I might have a certificate/award/qualification of some kind but what do i DO with that? Where do I GO with that? Communication feels essential for any job I can think of, and I feel like that's been ripped out of me and stomped on- and nobody is helping me fix it. i can't fix myself, i don't know how to fix myself

what is the end goal for my life?? what am i even able to do???????? i feel as if people expect nothing from me, which feels horrible, but then turn around and get mad and annoyed that i'm not doing anything to help myself but i dont know how, i don't know what

im literally a shell of a person, people see that and know. they dont care, nobody ever cares, unless it inconveniences them- and the only way they care about it is in anger

i just really want some kind of pointer onto how to make myself better, what i'm meant to aim for
is a job of some kind even going to be possible for me?? it honestly feels out of reach, something i'll never be able to achieve
i know theres jobs where i have the possibility to do everything from home- everything alone- but i dont even know if i want to spend the rest of my life isolated like this, it really doesnt feel good

i just want some kind of change, but even the though is really scary. i feel useless, i feel selfish, i feel ignorant and stupid, i feel greedy i feel alone i feel ignored i feel dismissed i feel unloved i feel angry i feel so fuckign frustrated i feel powerless and oh my god i just want a hug i jsut want somebody to tell me none of this is my fault its not my fault im like this i didnt want this i didnt want any of this i want this to stop as much as them why do they have to patronise me every time i cant do something why is it always snarky remarks why is the only response i get from anything 'just try' or 'jsut do it' 'try harder' 'actually put some effort in' as if me leaving the house at all didnt take all my fucking willpower and energy to even do im trying im trying so fucking hard but everything is so difficult to me i cant change that i cant just make that go away why doesnt anybody understand that why dont they listen to me when i tell them that why do they just dismiss it why cant they actually listen to me for once when i talk about how it makes ME feel i get it makes THEM feel bad but why dont they realise I FEEL BAD OVER IT TOO?? its MY LIFE. ME. im SOOOO sorry they have to DEAL with it if its sooooo fucking hard then why dont they try and feel how im feeling why dont they try being isolated from everyone for years and years just sat in the hosue day after day after day justhoping somethjing will change but no it wont things dont work like that i know things dont work liket hat i just want them to i just want something different i need something differnet i just want ot be normal i just want to be normal i want to be a normal person i want to have normal thoughts and do normal things i want to go outside and be able to go fucking food shopping or whatever i want to have a conversation with the cashier about something stupid i want to ask them how their day is and then say goodbye when i leave i want to be able to make friends and plans with them and then go places i want to feel safe outside and in my own mind i wish i could come home and tell people about my day i want so much but icant i cant i cant have any of it ive wasted so much ofmy life so many opportunities i'll never have ever again are gone theyre gone and i'll never have them again

imsorry itmakes me sad to know that somebody reading this probably feels the same way, but even if i can understand how you feel i cant do anything
theres nothing i can do, but then that makes me scared that theres nobody who can do anything fpr me
im justscared

Refuses to give me sick note unless I pick up the phone.

So I've been withdrawing myself for quite some time so I tried to expose myself a bit by talking on the game. Never know what to say and when someone else comes on the mic I almost always go silent. It's frustrating and it feels trying to talk is almost painful for me.

Hi, I am kind of struggling with something and don't know if classifying it as "selective mutism" already goes too far? Essentially, I am unable to talk about emotions. Like, irl, face to face. My throat feels like it's closing up and I need to press the words painfully out despite better judgement, and often I use those few words I have available to redirect a conversation? If it ever comes to such a thing, as I am good at stirring around those. But it feels like there is something building up in my throat that is actively blocking my words. And I wanted to know if this is what it might feel like for other people? I only found vague descriptions and wanted to look for more personal retellings.

And if I am in bigger social groups (6ish and up I'd say) with which I am not as familiar I often just. Don't talk. Though I don't get the throat thing and it's just an unpleasant mind thing I'd say. Like a choice, even if I have a lot in my head that I would like to share and just can't get out as I am missing all those opportunities? Honestly, this second thing might just be my lack of social skills on social situations, where I have no clue on "how to conversation", but can someone help me understand the first thing better?

tfw you finally speak and everyone puts you down

Okay so I've always thought that there was something wrong with me like my whole life but I never knew what. Well when I was younger I was always really shy and stuff but i never could really talk to people unless they were my friends or family. People never thought there was anything wrong with me because obviously I could sorta talk to people I knew very well and since I was in primary school and grew up with those kids I knew most of them well and talked a little to them when they would talk to me

But when I went to secondary school it was different? Obviously I was shy since it was new but I couldn't interact with anyone the same way and I couldn't warm up with anyone if that makes sense. And then I was diagnosed with smth lile a couple months later and then when I came back i guess it got worse (my talking) I couldn't really talk to anyone maybe the most i could say was a couple words if I forced myself. And the thing I found the most strangest was I couldn't even talk to my friends. Only yes or no but barely even that.

The thing is since I used to talk a little bit when I was younger my parents don't really believe me when I say "I just cant get the words out of my mouth" they think I chose that.

Can somebody help me to know if this is sm or just anything like that? Thx

So I've always thought I've had sm but the thing is I used to be able to talk when I was up until the age of 12. Not much since I was quiet but it was just normal. After smth happened at 12 and I came back to school it was as if I was extra shy? But I genuinely could not talk to people like the most I can say is a couple words and that's if I'm good. The thing is nobody really understands it because I used to talk? And now I can't at all just maybe 1 sentence which is barely audible. I've always thought about sm being a possibility but was always skeptical since I used to talk.

I'm writing a story where one of the characters has selective mutism, but I personally don't. I have experienced nonverbal shutdowns due to being overwhelmed/overstimulated, but that's quite different from selective mutism, so I wanted to pop over here and ask you guys if there are certain pitfalls I should avoid when writing this character. What kind of representation do you want to see? What do you NOT want to see? I'd appreciate any feedback!!

Hi, I have a question. Since my first child suffers from selective mutism I would like to know if they are able to have relationships and how does a person with sm feel about it? Are they confortable?

I feel like I will never be able to make friends. Whenever I have would actually have a chance to make friends I always mess up.

For example when I started high school, there was a girl who tried to communicate with me through writing, and I was able to answer her questions, but when she give me the phone and told that I can ask about her, I froze and couldn't write anything. Or when I see my classmates talking I am usually scared to go there, even though they are nice with me. Sometimes even when they ask me to go and be with them I just rather sit alone. Or something that happened recently is that some of the guys asked me if I want to go up to their room in the college and I said no, but like a week ago I regretted it because it would have probably been a good chance to step out of my comfort zone and be around people. Or when someone tries to send me a message online I am too scared to reply to it.

What I am trying to do is to be more around my classmates, like if I see them talking I try to be around them, I can't join the conversation because I just can't to talk to anyone, but sometimes they would ask me things and I can nod, but I am not sure if I am making any progress with this at all.

I want to try to speak to them, but last time I invited someone I ended up freezing and when I tried to speak, and I only made some weird noises. (Looking back I find it funny because he was probably really confused, but it was kind of embarrassing. Lol) When I am alone with only one of my classmates I always feel like I have a chance to speak, but I am too scared to start the conversation myself and even if I would speak it would probably just be a whisper, so I never actually do it. But then I always regret not pushing myself harder to say something.

Do you also feel like you miss out on opportunities like this? I am also curious about if you were able to speak to someone how much time did it take, or what helped you do it.

i (F19) overcame my sm years ago (maybe late middle school)and idk why but sometimes i long back to when i wasnt able to speak. i get so tired of speaking and sometimes i just want to stop again. i hate feeling like this

I often try to find simple memes, or info to help people better understand my mutism. The problem is that when I am around people (mostly new people, many people, or stressful and loud or unpredictable environments) I seem relaxed to others. I also go into robot mode where I say or do anything to relieve any pressure, decisions or stress so I can leave the situation as soon as possible. This includes being overly polite, not eating, not peeing, not accepting a warm coat etc. that is offered even if it can help me.

This often ends up with me, exploding once I am in my own environment by myself.

I tried to tell people that I like to plan in advance and that I don’t do well and stressful and unpredictable environments, but it seems like people don’t take this seriously.

This has happened many many times throughout my life with family members friends jobs all sorts of scenarios so I know it’s not just a matter of me explaining until people are understanding, it seems like it’s impossible for people to comprehend.

I am also a really friendly kind person and I don’t think people can understand that my brain literally goes blank.

It’s almost like I revert to four years old in my brain, it’s not that I’m withholding speaking it’s that I can’t hold words in my head well enough to communicate them. During this I become very complacent and agreeable, even when it’s against my health and safety.

and sometimes after these situations it takes me days to have normal processing and to even text or email someone back. It severely impacts my complex decision-making skills.

I live in Canada and unfortunately, our healthcare is not what people think. I have never had access to a psychological analysis whenever I have sought help. I’ve just been put in a psych ward until I’ve been discharged with groups for people with general anxiety disorder, and cognitive behavioural therapy, which didn’t really help my mutism at all

I don’t have the funds to seek individual help at this time, but I just feel like nobody understands me and I don’t know how to better connect or not be in these environments again because I find that I’m only relaxed when I’m alone.

Everything I see written about SM doesn’t really talk about processing disorders or these extreme aspects it mostly just talks about children and I don’t know how to find information that pertains to what I’m going through or perhaps I have something else wrong with me

My granddaughter has recently been found to have SM and we're letting some people know. I'm wondering how you would explain it to those who have never heard of SM before?

Sorry this is long. Grateful if you read it.

My girlfriend of 6yrs really struggles to talk. It all started in her teens (she's +30). She's not officially diagnosed SM but rather another mental illness (severe kind - not autism, just to clarify). She talks fluently with close family and with me (4 people). It took around a year for her to talk to me, but she completely overcame it. We live together.

To me, my girlfriend is bubbly, expressive (verbal and non verbal), opinionated, smart, funny, just great to be around. However all of that is lost as soon as others are around. She feels so isolated she even struggles with suicidal thoughts. She can talk briefly if absolutely necessary (work meetings, oral presentations with a prepared speech, times when I've been ill and she has taken me to the Drs). But she's never had a friend since childhood.

She's been in therapy/psychiatrist for many years but doesn't get the type of help she needs. I've read her medical records (with consent) and they said she has a flat affect and no emotions. This is NOT her true self! How would they ever help her if they can't get to know her?

Is there ANYTHING I can do?? She let me talk to her former therapist once about her personality at home, but we moved cities and doesn't want that with her new care team. I suggested she could write a letter to her therapist and she said she would think about it, but she has not followed through with the suggestion in years.

She has tried to make friends multiple times but people are not patient/invested enough. She has made some progress over the last years (from only yes/no answers to sometimes one full sentence when responding questions) but she is hard on herself and often feels desperate.

She thinks people hate her and talk behind her back. Doctors say it's paranoia/psychosis due to her mental illness. This affects her so much at work she has to call in sick very often. Is this mindset common in SM?

I'm worried about her. It's also a lot of pressure for me, as her only friend and her partner. I'm also grieving because I just love her so much and would love it if my family and friends got to know her wonderful self. My loved ones support our relationship, but they don't fully understand. I don't expect her to change - I love her unconditionally, but it does make me quite sad.

Is there anything more I can do to help myself? My parents clearly don't care, so I had enough. I've been trying to search for anything else I can do to start helping myself with my selective mutism of course, but also the emotional neglect and trauma, and fighting through my depression and loneliness while having no friends. It's seriously been hard for to long now and I want this over, it's hard to know were exactly to start at all, especially when having no money and feeling exhausted all the time. I don't even know what I like anymore or how to talk to people casually, finding somewhere to connect feels impossible. Idek how to approach other young adults, I've only managed around my younger brother and his friends when we play Minecraft or Roblox together. My only ideas for now is to be more patient and kind with myself, force myself off devices more and go outside when possible because they're very addicting to me. Maybe try going out alone slowly to get exposed and used to people? Idk where though. Also I tried looking for support groups or anything online but I literally have no idea where to start.

Sometimes I forget how bad things used to be, and it's hard for me to celebrate anything I accomplish because my brain always goes "but you're still so far behind everyone else" so I thought I'd post about them here.

Number one is I am able to go to the grocery store on my own! I was so scared the first time that when the automatic doors opened I literally jumped, but I've since gone to the same grocery store 2 or 3 more times and I'm a lot more comfortable there. I use the self checkout though because I'm still scared of having to talk to cashiers, HOWEVER moving on to accomplishment number two... I recently bought something at a store with no self checkout, and usually when I do that I have my mom beside me but she was somewhere else in the store so I just did it by myself 😁 it went well even though I blanked when she asked me something outside what I'm used to being asked so I didnt have a scripted response but she didn't really care I don't think. And finally number 3, I picked up my prescription at the pharmacy by myself!! I was really scared I wouldn't be able to say what I practiced but I did it!!

It's hard letting myself celebrate these things because they are so mundane that most people don't think twice about them, they just do it, and here I am agonizing over it. But the fact is a few years ago I would've had a full on panic attack trying to do these things but now even if I am anxious about it I can still do it. And I now I know I can do these things which helps me be more confident in tackling my other fears.

Hi folks, I thought I would share this technique that's been helping me lately. It's nothing major but it has been an effective SM therapy in small moments. It sounds weird but l hum to myself a little bit when I know I'm going to have to speak. Obviously it doesn't help when you get surprised by someone but it's great when you can see it coming, like if you're walking down the street and someone you know is approaching or if you're walking up to a sales clerk in a store. It helps calm my mind and seems to relax my chest and throat. I'm not saying it will last for an entire conversation but it helps me get off on the right foot, which is huge because so often I have a mute or just horribly awkward moment when I first see someone and it ruins the whole thing. There's a lot about it online - just search for therapeutic humming or humming for anxiety. Hope this helps.

i have to participate in a socratic seminar tomorrow and i’m scared out of my mind.

i get panic attacks during class when i am called on but this is going to be way worse than that because not only will the people in my discussion group be actively listening, but the people observing and taking notes on the discussion will be judging what i’m saying too. i have debated just not attending but that’s not really an option. its hard enough for me to speak in group settings at all but now there will be other people judging me while i do it so this is literally my worst nightmare come true.

Any advice?

How long does it take to get diagnosed? Who will diagnose it?

I tried to make an appointment at a psychiatry place, but they said they do medication management without therapy or counseling. Is this an okay first step? I’m terribly confused about what I should be doing and I don’t know who else to ask. Thanks in advance—

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