i am able to very freely talk at world especially with my coworkers, there’s one co worker that i’m very close with. there was a situation recently where i could not talk (i won’t go into detail but it wasn’t that big of a deal from my perspective) and they found it very rude. i tried explaining myself that i had SM and i didn’t mean to be rude. they decided they would no longer be talking to me for awhile as a “punishment”. i kept trying to explain myself but they just would not listen. no matter how much i tried explaining my SM they would just keep ignoring me. i wanted to talk to a supervisor about it but i didn’t know if i had the grounds to since they were still talking to me about work related things in a nice manner and awnsering questions i had, they just no longer wanted to talk to me as a friend/make small talk. i understand people have the right not to be forced to be friends with people they don’t want to, but the thing that upset me was because they didn’t want to be friends with me over something i could not control. they were still talking to the rest of our coworkers normally. the situation has been resolved since then but i was just wondering for the future, if this could be considered discrimination since it is a disability and they were still treating the rest of our coworkers normally. it made me very upset but i wouldn’t want to talk to my supervisor about it just for them to dismiss me.

I'm stressed since my little girl 2 + won't talk in public ,she completely mute . She is absolutely talkative at home with us and grandparents , she tell all colors , play and hide and makes jokes time to time , she is even start to handle little puzzle. She is so active and so excited when one of us comes home . The weird part when she was 1 and half she cried when strangers comes home , few months after she stop crying but she close her eyes ,at this stage she run to us when someone ring the bell and become completely mute . In public mute all time !! at the pre garden school she play and interact little with kids but she never say anything. One time I was late to pick her up from the garden school, she start to cry and called my name " papa , papa " 2+ is early to diagnose an SM ? Please your idea.

I’m really confused over it and would like someone with sm to tell me if maybe this is part of it or it’s something different as whenever I search about it, it says it’s sm.

Starting from the beginning, when I was younger I’d talk a lot around the ages 2-6. Then I started not talking at all in school, I’d find it very difficult and just could not physically speak. Other kids thought I was weird for this but I couldn’t explain why it was and I’d get really upset when people would get mad at me for it. I had about 3 people I was comfortable talking to. My school thought I was just shy, that’s what they told my parents every parents evening but then I’d talk fine at home for the most part. Although, sometimes I’d wake up and feel that I couldn’t talk no matter how hard I tried and it always made me feel sick and rlly stressed out. That happened until around 12 years old.

Now I’m 14 and I find it okay speaking in school for the most part and I still talk at home quite a lot usually, the pressure of school actually helped with it as I forced myself to become more confident. I’ve changed a lot but sometimes I still have moments where I just can’t physically speak. It can happen for an hour to a day and it happens randomly. Today, it happened again and I’ll try to explain it the best I can.

I’ve been feeling a little numb since yesterday but besides that I’ve been okay. My parents were asking me to take the dog out and I repeated “I’m tired” a few times before sitting on the floor next to my sofa and not speaking. I can’t help it, it happens randomly and I felt as if I couldn’t move either. My mum then said “get up because now it’s just attention seeking” and so I got up. I left and went to my room without a word. I didn’t feel upset or mad or anything and I promise I wasn’t seeking attention but I just couldn’t speak. This has happened a few times in random situations that don’t make sense. Usually it’s when someone is asking me something and I just suddenly can’t reply. It usually only happens at home and it usually doesn’t last too long but sometimes it can last a day or more, right now it’s still happening and I’m not sure what to do about it. My parents don’t understand and neither do I. The only person who’s not questioned it is my younger sister as I think she understands I can’t help it and it’s happened before.

Either way, I’m guessing that I used to have sm, not that I’ve ever been diagnosed so I would never forwardly say it but now I’m wondering if this is still it or if it’s something different completely. If anyone else has struggled with a similar thing I’d like to know too. Sorry and thank you.

This may be a niche problem, but in summary I want to be a singer and make music at some point in my life (preferably in the next couple years aka as soon as possible) however SM.

I used to be in choir as a kid, and I was quite good at it and could project my voice despite being silent otherwise. However, at some point I started to lose confidence or intest (I remeber lip synching a lot of assembly songs and prayers etc), and at one point I was singing in the shower and after my mum told a load of her friends in front of me that she could hear me and basically ever since I haven't been able to sing out loud.

I haven't sung out loud since primary and don't know how to get there. No one knows I want to do this for obvious reasons. It's not like I can't sing I just can't get it out. When I lip sync to songs, I don't just lip sync, I use my vocal chords and match the notes, it's just on silent mode. I know my voice is capable to make a decent sound and I have the potential to sing pretty well, I just can't get the noise out of my body.

There's nothing I want to do more than to be able to start singing and looking into music more on the creator side, but I don't know how to get past this. I've found I can get it out easier if I can't hear myself and no one else is around (I was able to sing out loud a concert because it was almost impossible to hear anyone other than the band). I'm currently listening to music through my earphones as loud as possible while trying to sing out loud but it's barley audible and I'm not matching what I can do when I sing silently. I'm going to wait until I'm completely alone in the house, as it might be easier, and try again.

Any advice would be really appreciated, thank you 🫶🫶

Yeah and yeah english my second language

I have a huge crush on a girl that I cant get over. I really want to talk to her, but im stopped by what i believe to be sm. I have no friends and no one likes me because I never respond to anything anyone says. I dont have an excuse to talk to her because i dont have classes with her. Im worried that something bad would happen if I just randomly walked up to her and talked to her, especially considering that she is also awkward. At this point i have no idea what to do and i really need advice

I am graduating college in 2 days and depressed as f*ck. I'm getting flashbacks to high school ... I graduated during the COVID lockdown in 2020, so I spent that last week of online school physically unable to get out of bed because of how hard I was crying , it felt like a waste of my teen years because I was looking back at high school and realizing I made no memories. Everyone ostracized me because I was severely socially awkward, my selective mutism made it impossible to speak to anyone, the teacher would call me out in class and I would just stare and mumble something nervously, making the other students smirk at each other because they thought I was weird.

(just so you guys can get an idea of how awkward I was in high school)

• I tried approaching a classmate to ask about an exam he took earlier. He gave me a dirty look, slowly edging away from me as if I said something super creepy. I shrugged it off, but deep down I knew he was doing this because I had a reputation at school as always being isolated and antisocial. Everyone would always give each other looks when I was around, and others would notice this, which further caused a negative impression of me.

• Another time, a group of students was sitting and discussing a test we just took. I was extremely nervous, but with selective mutism you can sometimes find one or two people you're comfortable with. There were 2 girls in that group I was somewhat friends with, the other two people were chill so I thought why not just force the words out and talk? So one of them said something about the test we just took and I said "Yeah I agree, it was better than the last one we took!" Everyone went silent, and I saw one of them looking at everyone else as if he thought what I said was awkward. Humiliating.

(how bad it is in college now)

• I can't speak in group projects. At all. Sometimes a classmate will say something like, "What do you think?" to me to include me in the group discussion, and I just agree and say nothing else.

• I can't give presentations, and opted out of the presentations requirement with a note from my therapist to my professors.

• I made an online friend once. We chatted for a bit via messages then I video chatted with him eventually. Over time, he stopped talking to me and told me I was too "awkward". I want to emphasize that he would say this A LOT. When me and him would call, I would sometimes have to force the words out and he would kind of like, look at me in a funny way as if what I said was so stupid. It hurt.

idk what the point of life is anymore. I genuinely want to kill myself. I have no friends, or family members to talk to. I spend most of my time maladaptive daydreaming in my room, listening to music and running around the room in circles. My own family thinks I'm strange, and when I try to talk to them I notice them smirking at each other. It really hurts. I know I won't be able to keep a job after graduation due to my inability to speak.

Pls im curious idk what to say MY MIND IS ALWYS BLANK AND IM BORING AS HELL AND Omggggggg Im 19 struggles a lot during the day. Im is so tired of not being able to talk.. The previous psychologist said at the first appointment that i didn't think i had selective mutism (became good at answering everyone for the most part, but. Can't keep a conversation going) this eventually created a terrible anxiety with a lot of googling about what is wrong with him... Scared i have both the one kg the other is worse.. Last class the psychologist said on that he has selective mutism and anxiety.. But now he himself sure he doesn't have d... But is there something else seriously wrong with him... He's not afraid to speak he says.. He just doesn't get it and explains that he feels that d is completely blank in my head.. Can't think of anything to say.... He was admitted to DPS a week ago for new investigations. He feels his life is wasted if he doesn't manage to speak like everyone else soon he says😭Are there any comforting words here..? Has anyone else experienced this? He is a former apprentice and shows up for work every day. But it hurts that the others talk freely and that he only answers when someone asks about No.. ALWAYS feels left out and different. Regards ve

My 11yo son has had sm since age 6 (as dx) and he is still 100% non verbal at school. He has 1 more year in primary and then moves to secondary school. I don't feel good about him being with such older kids and being non verbal, he'll get lost. I'm working with his school to try something else and/or get an sna for him but I feel like medication may be next step. I'd like to try a more natural route first though, has anyone any suggestions? He won't take liquid medicine at all. Gummies possibly. He doesn't have any bother with sleep so don't want melatonin which is what comes up the most when I search anti anxiety for kids. I have him on magnesium. St. John's wort only seems to be suggested for adults as is ashwaganda. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

im 13 (F) and i’ve always been a shy kid but now it seems like i can’t even speak to my own dad. i don’t know how to explain it, but whenever i speak to him it would normally just be a few words in this weird, quiet voice, or only be able to say longer sentences if it’s a question. i don’t know why this is only with my dad though. sometimes it happens with my mom too, but she often scolds at me when i speak like that/go quiet so i try not to around her. with my friends i can speak fine and my other family members too. unlike my mom, my dad would try his best to understand what i’m saying, he wouldn’t get mad at me at all. i love my dad and all but i don’t understand why i can’t just speak normally.

i don’t really have a good relationship with my family and it’s kind of falling apart so there’s often a lot of arguing (normally my mom and brother). though my parents are divorced, my dad found out how my brother was treating my mom and there was a huge argument. my dad sounded like he was screaming at the top of his lungs, there was swearing, smashing plates, slamming doors and the whole thing was just rly traumatic. the mutism thing with my dad started before all this happened but idk if that had an impact on it too. i don’t really get to see/spend time with my dad either since i only see him on weekends and im normally js rotting in my room. i feel super bad about it i just want to be normal and want to be able to speak but i can’t, i would tell myself to just try speak normally but it’s like my brain is stopping me from doing so.

i also have a hard time making eye contact with everyone i know really, and can only do so for like a second or two. also with speaking out loud to the class at school often makes me panic, like ahen i get picked on. whenever i hear my name in class by a teacher my stomach just completely drops, and sometimes when i get picked, i would be able to speak since i kinda have to but sometimes it feels as if all my knowledge of whatever we’re doing in class disappeared and i wouldn’t know what to say. sorry this is do much but if you end up reasding this any help/advice would help a lot, thank you.

I dont even know what the point of this post is but im just really tired, im tired of having no friends and being alone all the time, all i can do is watch the other kids at my school talk and hangout together and know i can never have that. im constantly lonely and i just wish i could communicate normally. I just wish i was normal and didn’t have selective mutism, and im trying so hard to get over my selective mutism, i am seeing a therapist but i still can’t speak to anyone besides my parents. I just feel completely hopeless and that i’ll be unable to speak for the rest of my life

28 f, ive always struggled with social anxiety and mutism ; as a kid, I didn’t talk to other kids till the first grade and I still didn’t speak to adults (even aunts /uncles, only talked to my mom) until much later. As an adult I’ve been better and I can manage to talk face to face with strangers albeit awkwardly. Online though no matter how much I want to talk to my online friends, I can’t do it. i don’t know why. It should be easier for me, when people can’t see my face. But it’s so much harder.

I lay in bed at night going over scenarios in my head of what to say and how to say it, building up the courage to actually do it... but when the time comes to actually attempt it, my throat locks up and I feel like I can’t get anything out. I don’t know how to force myself no matter how much I know doing so will be for the better. I’ve dreamt so many times of just playing games online with friends and calling things out/laughing with the rest of them. I’m becoming increasingly depressed and lonely due to it and don’t know what to do.

I have a friend I’ve talked to about it, and hes said he understands, talk when I’m ready, practice with him etc. But even one on one with the person I trust most online, I can’t do it.

I know I need to look into therapy, and I’ve wanted to talk to my doctor about propranolol but I can’t get in till August. I just need some ideas that I can try in the meantime.

It's so fucked up that there are still MEDICAL practices that don't have an email/message system in 2024 and it's fucked me up so many times. So I am so sorry for anybody who is completely unable to make their own phone calls. This world is fucked up and we deserve better.

Anyway, even though I do have situations where I totally cannot talk no matter what, I am still able to make phone calls sometimes. It's easier for me if it's an anonymous call about a benign topic like "hey, what hours are you open today?" Those feel more natural, like it's just a situation where my selective mutism isn't effecting me.

But with more stressful stuff like health insurance and doctors, it gets into the territory of forcing myself to talk. These particular types of calls can be so stressful for me that I find myself sobbing immediately after finishing the call.

I think it's because I feel such a deep sense of self-betrayal because one of the most important things about SM is to not pressure yourself to talk and to acknowledge your anxiety, but with phone calls I have to pretend that I'm totally okay with it. It's really hard to explain what goes on with my emotions but it feels like a mental injury. Like I've pushed myself too hard and need to recover. "Retraumatizing" is the closest word I can think of to describe it.

It's kind of like if I were to tear every muscle and ligament in my body by trying lift a very heavy weight off the ground. Just because I can technically force myself to do it, doesn't mean it's safe or that I should. This is why I still try my best to get accomodations/alternatives to phone calls; because it's not humane or reliable for me to always have to force myself to talk.

I want to be normal and I want to make other people happy in my family but I always isolate myself when my brother goes to his room I do the same (in my own room) I want to be liked by my family but it's so hard idk how to talk or idk who I am

Does anyone else relate?

I can talk to my family members without any problems. But when I'm at school or in public, it gets hard to speak. I stutter or say things in a weird voice, and I have trouble maintaining eye contact. If the teacher calls on me in class, I will not be able to answer. It just doesn't work. My throat closes up, I freeze and I have a really hard time thinking because I'm so anxious.

I have only raised my hand in class one time this year. It was in music class, so it was a smaller room with people I didn't see so often. I was pretty relaxed so I could speak, but after I answered the question it felt wrong and it haunts me every day. It usually feels wrong when I speak when I'm uncomfortable.

If I'm uncomfortable and speak, I can sometimes start crying

Not diagnosed, but was taken to specialists and shit during the 80's and 90's which scared me off from learning why I am the way I am.

I wish that I was able to learn about how much embarrassment is okay to express, and what the different sorts of embarrassing things that might be okay to not avoid or even to embrace.

I wish that I could have expressed myself more often while in any given moment through out life. Instead of logically thinking through them most often while without being given "intuitive" information before hand that many people seem to inherit during childhood.

I wish that my throat didn't close up when trying to express concerns or deeper thoughts during my teens and 20's, and now as well.
Which in the long run caused me to close off my emotions due to the few times I did speak up backfired or fell upon deaf ears and not addressed in the moment, and thus I became an anxious introverted hermit of a grown ass man who'll be 40 this year.

And I wish my mom didn't treat me as though I couldn't use my own thoughts and ability to craft opinions separate from hers when I was a child and through out the learning phases of my life.
Same goes for my brother's opinions too as he's very opiniated with me and everyone around him, at least when I look at myself it seems that way.

Lastly I really really fucking wish that I was taught how to perceive with all of my senses, like what my therapist had taught me after my last meltdown or breakdown.
This has helped me actually grasp the world around me and to view the big picture that is life and also plots in stories and things.
But at 39 it's too fucking late to do anything with this skill that should have been learned at a much younger age.

My mind has been so very exhausted that... I'll end this here as my Tinnitus sensations and pain is drowning out my mind's processing energy again.

thinking about it, the facade i always seem to put up is the “quiet, nice, obedient student,” which is something i’ve done all the time. i think it’s a way i mostly cope with my anxiety, but at the same time, it’s very detrimental and does not allow me to express my true, authentic self, the side of me i don’t show to others because of SM (i feel like this could also be hinting at my fear of expressing my true self at all, which again, is because of SM, but to me, this might sound like a fear of rejection just as well, though i’m not too sure since SM does not allow me to be my true self anyway, so i’ve always repressed that part of me in situations i’m uncomfortable in).

however, i’m starting to think that maybe SM isn’t the only reason i put up this facade. maybe i also do this so others would like me and so they could see me in a positive light. for instance, teachers would always tell my parents “oh, how i wish i had more students like your child.” while it is a nice thing to hear, it makes me feel a bit embarrassed. while i may look comfortable to others, in reality, i’m very much still stuck inside my shell and unable to open up.

i feel like people would’ve seen me this way regardless, but i think SM has kind of forced me to act this way more often, especially since i don’t attract a lot of attention and teachers seem to like that kind of stuff.

obviously, SM is the biggest reason for my quietness, but i also feel as if i’m doing this because i’m so aware of my environment and surroundings that i would automatically know how “comfortable” i’d feel in that situation, and how others would want to perceive me.

i’ve had SM for so long that it’s almost too hard to stop acting this way. it’s literally the whole point of SM as a whole. when you act or behave a certain way for so long, it’s very hard to let old habits die out. that’s why i sometimes think i’m doing this more so for other people’s sakes than my own, even when it’s something completely out of my control and i’m only now starting to become aware of this fact.

now, i do not care about what others think of me. like at all. but, i think, subconsciously, this facade of mine seems to please others, whether i can acknowledge that or not. i mostly people-please because i have a hard time saying no, but i also believe that this tendency also stems from how i think others would want me to behave, and so i act accordingly to that.

i don’t know if i have social anxiety. i’ve debated on that for a good year but i’ve come to the conclusion that my anxiety stems from my SM and SM alone. sure, i may have traits akin to SAD, but i don’t think it’s enough to say i have it (for instance, during in-person school, whenever i was going to tell a teacher something, i would always practice the conversation and me saying it in my head over and over).

however, this is all a long-winded way of asking the question, would you say this facade is more so aligned with SAD or SM? most of my anxiety symptoms thus far stem from SM tbh, but i’m not so sure of my people-pleasing skills. then again, i’m pretty sure people with SM can be people-pleasing just as well, whether they realize it or not.

I’m just curious where people’s satisfaction with life is at, having this disorder.

For years, I’ve felt a lot of lack, like I’m missing out on so much, and had feelings of inferiority for struggling severely with something so basic for others. I was probably happy in grade school but dealt with a lot of negative emotions from middle school to present. Because demands increased while I stagnated, and people became less accepting of me than when I was a little kid, plus I became more aware of my situation and judged myself more in comparison to others. But at the same time, I have a lot of underlying optimism and resilience…I don’t know where it comes from, but I’ve always kept pushing for progress [very slowly]. So I’m not a depressed husk all the time, but having SM has definitely created a lot of struggle and dissatisfaction in my life.

what is your enneagram type? mine is a 4w5

I keep feeling like improving myself and getting better would be much easier without my family in my life which i know probably sounds strange but in my past when i have improved myself and my family were aware of me actively making myself better and were I guess praising me for doing so I just felt huge amounts of embarrassment and like I guess the feeling of shame in a way to describe it, I just feel if they weren’t there it would be easier which I know is a horrible thing to say and admit but I dream of the idea of moving away on my own and getting a fresh start in a new environment knowing i won’t see the same people I have my whole life but it just feels too selfish to act upon to me.

This kinda of felt like it turned into a vent but I’m just curious if others with sm sometimes feel somewhat the same.

So, I’m in middle school and there’s a lot of people that make fun of me, even behind my back. I’m an easy target because I can’t fight back and I’m sensitive. Anyway, there’s some boys who are well known for being bad people. In English, we were reading a book called “Thornhill” and it has a girl called Mary with selective mutism. I managed to out my hand up and tell the class it’s what I have. (I’m kinda recovering at school) Anyways, now kids from my English class are calling me disabled. My ex best friend even caught somebody saying “I’m Izzy and I’m disabled” and mocking me. Should I be offended or just accept this?

My friend has selective mutism, but it kind of the opposite to what I’m seeing on here, he can talk with strangers, but he can’t really talk with us because he said there was traumatic experience in his life in a time which we were in his life. Has anyone had a similar experience and what helped you?

I'm extremely curious about this as I'm a former maladaptive daydreamer which developed about the same time my selective mutism did (age 5).

I can only assume that because my interactions were so limited in reality, that I indulged in fantasy to be able to freely express myself and act out all the things that anxiety prevented me from doing.

Does anyone think that SM causes MDD?

Hi reddit, I'm 18 year old girl, and not being able to speak in certain situations causes me a lot of distress in daily life. When I find myself in a situation with more than 1 person to have a conversation with, my mind goes blank, and I'm on the edge of the anxiety attack and crying immediately, heart starts beating very fast, so all of my energy goes into that, and if no one talks to me first, everytime the situation repeats, my anxiety worsens. This happened today too. I'm a college student, and I have almost no friends because of that. I can't bear perceived "rejection", and just rejection in a small amount causes abnormal emotional pain, which can literally ruin the whole day. Exposure doesn't help me very much too as I tried baby steps in approaching one person in a dining hall, but I stopped after the period of time. I'm able to speak normally and even make jokes in a conversation with two girls who I consider friends, and they wrote to me first, if they didn't, I would be alone completely. I was bullied, and then self-isolated in school for more than 5 years (sat alone, was chosen last etc), so there is a big element of trauma, as new people constantly remind me of these bad experiences. Do you have any tips except for going to therapy (can't do it now)? There is almost no info on selective mutism for adults, and it makes me loathe myself even more.

Hello everyone! I have been struggling with getting words out of my mouth sometimes and this has been happening for few months now, so basically it’s just recent as I wasn’t like that at all. I am really not sure if it’s because of anxiety, nervousness, or If I have selective mutism.

Sometimes I cannot even greet people when I go somewhere like for example a security guard who just opened the door for me and I wanted to say thank you but I couldn’t get it out. The thing is, I can force it out but it will be in a very low pitch it’s like when someone is very afraid. I was always thinking this is a result of stress/nervousness but come to think of it, sometimes even when I’m alone at home and I want to call my pet, I feel the same way on my throat that if I say something it will come out in a very low pitch like I’m afraid and usually I will have to take a deep breath or try to cough then it will be all good.

I am not really sure why this is happening to me as I’ve always loved talking with new people. There has been times where someone is talking to me and I just stop replying because I cannot get the word out of my mouth since it will come in a very low pitch and that’s embarrassing. Sometimes also when I have to speak with someone new through the phone, my heart will start beating so fast and the same will happen with not being able to speak. This is really very weird to me because when my heart is beating fast it’s clear that I’m nervous but I have no reason to be nervous and even deep inside me I’m not nervous so it’s like something is controlling my body. The inability to talk happens sometimes even when speaking with my close friends which makes no sense since I’m not really nervous around them, and to make it more weird, even when I’m about to sleep so in my resting mode, I feel something on my throat that if I would speak the word will come in a very low pitch.

I am a male , 23 years old if that helps. Thank you for those who will answer, I appreciate it. If also maybe someone can tell me what kind of specific dr I should be seeing.

TL;DR Sometimes I feel something on my throat which makes words come out in a very low pitch like I’m afraid so I just don’t talk and try to breathe or cough to get rid of it.

There are people I’m comfortable with and I talk to, but I cannot even talk to them with my full voice, even when alone with them. The only people I talk to with a loud voice are my parents and my nephews and niece who’re still very young kids.

It’s annoying because I want to talk louder than a whisper but I physically cannot. I want to make the progress of speaking with my full voice but there’s just something stopping me every time.

Is this something anyone else here experiences? Is there just some underlying thing that causes this?