for a bit of context i’m 20 years old, and i had a suicide attempt in back in may. since then a lot has happened, my 2 year relationship ended, which was so much more than a relationship, i have a child on the way by said lover, and 15,000 other things. im in a really bad place right now, have been for a seriously long time, and i just really need someone to point me in the direction of a hotline, call center, whatever it may be, just someone that has the capacity to show empathy and won’t ping my gps and hospitalize me. thanks in advance

i am going to be 19 and am having a really hard time accepting real life. I have no motivation to work or go to school, i’m currently in school but not doing too good. Is my whole life just going to be me being a slave for work or does it get better.

The biggest of them all is that my girlfriend would be the one who finds me. My second one is. I dont want anyone to feel the need to make a song, like ren "suic*de" or a poem. A drawing. Whatever. Noone would do that but..if they would be making any form of art I don't want them to feel the need to ruin their art because of something like this.

But this isn't enough for me anymore. Everyday it gets less and less enough. I almost don't care anymore. And tbh I dont want to care anymore. I try and try and nothing gets better. Not my 24/7 pain in my body. My health. My mental health.. my.... .why do I even keep trying to say this.. I said this so many times it doesn't change anything or help. I should stop.

I’ve got type one diabetes so I will always have it. I’m sick at least once a month for longer than my peers. I was just told I may have Lupus or inflammatory arthritis. (Need to get labs but too dehydrated rn). I have PMDD and cluster headaches. Thinking of those I love/who love me doesn’t really help. Can someone help?

RTL Even though ninety nine percent of your life may be agonising and miserable and devastating there will always be that one percent that you will miss out on if you choose to end things. There will ALWAYS be a moment where you forget how awful your life is, even if you haven’t experienced it yet you will. You will miss out on the best, and only good part of the human experience and life itself if you choose to end things. In moments like these, you forget for a short time how depressing your life is and how exhausting it is to live it, and when you remember- you think of how worth living really is, that maybe if life was more like these moments things would be okay. And I’m not saying those moments last because they never do, life will continue as it was but for those moments, those very short moments, everything is okay.

Don’t miss out on the one percent, because that’s what you’ll do if you kill yourself. Live for the one percent of life.

my life hurts so much rn, i wanna go home n khole and kms. im fucking exhausted istg it feels like people purposely trigger me like yall really dont gaf about me sometimes, and they right for that, i just keep hurting people in my life my best friends dont hmu anymore. my bf doesn’t care if im starving and ive dealt with nutritional abuse from a young age. i just wanna go home and die. ppl only stay 4 the party. maybe i should go get high again n again n again until i die, my nose deviated this week. my organs hurt. i’m embarrassed of my existence. i hope god can forgive me when i take my life.

These are my personal reasons to live.

1.) College might turn out to be cool. I start in a month. I was in college previously, but my mental health was just so poor that I dropped out. This new place seems very promising though, and I hope I'll have a better mindset going into it.

2.) I gotta wait for the official Hades 2 drop.

3.) I gotta wait for the Subnautica 2 drop.

4.) I have dogs to take care of. Dogs don't understand the concept of death that well, and I don't want them thinking I just left.

5.) It would probably upset my friends if I ceased to exist.

6.) I'm trans, living with a transphobic family, therefore I have yet to medically transition. But, seeing as I'm an adult and moving out soon, it is a very real possibility for me.

7.) I can't die with Trump or Biden as president. I just hate both of them so much, I feel the need to outlive their campaigns.

8.) Alice Change (one of my two ultimate favorite musicians) is still actively releasing music (in fact, an album is coming soon, I'm very excited), so obviously I have to support her.

9.) Will Wood (the other of my two ultimate favorite musicians) may return from his hiatus. Unfortunately, he went on hiatus before I was able to go to any of his concerts. I want that opportunity again. It may never happen, but there's always a small chance it could.

10.) I need to visit Ukraine. I've been trying to learn Ukrainian so that hopefully one day I can go to Ukraine and see Alice Change in concert. I also want to go for regular tourism reasons.

I grow through periods of positivity and motivation but I always relapse. I'm don't know how to continue. I won't hurt myself, I couldn't do that to my family. But I am just finding this life experience so exhausting and mentally challenging. My living situation isn't great and I can't afford to find anew place to live. I find friendships and relationships difficult.i deal with rejection sensitivity. I'm always compassionate with people's mental health issues but don't feel I get the same compassion and I find it so hard to deal with. I just want to be accepted. Along with living becoming more costly and the state of society and wars,I just find it hard to find the strength and joy. I'm sorry if this is self pity post but I just don't want to bother anyone I know anymore. I just really needed to vent. Thanks if you have read

i’m tired of living, last time i used i oded and had a stroke in my brain. honestly i miss not feeling anything. i miss feeling so calm in my body. the way the world went silent. recently i got trafficked by a “friend” of mine. since then i just can’t find reason to stay. I feel if i was high all the time maybe i wouldn’t feel like dying. and then if i did die who cares. i’m ready to go. the ptsd is killing me. i’m pushing all my friends away. i wanna disappear. it’s either im starving myself or im contemplating suicide. i think i should get assisted suicide.

I turn 39 next month, and today after an 8 year journey which started with me going back to college, I graduated from University with an honors degree.

10 years ago I couldn't see anything worth living for, dead end job, undiagnosed autism and ADHD, and a mess of a life.

I decided to go back to school at 31, I got a cat that kept me going this whole time and I moved cities to attend the university I wanted.

Fast forward to today, I have a new future ahead of me, a stable partner for the first time in my life. And an education level that nobody in my family achieved before me.

It's never too late to create your own RTL.

I have a set date of when I am going to end my life, I broke up with my bf and I genuinely cannot do this anymore. (It is completely my fault) This is a last resort, please, what reasons are there to live? Please. I genuinely cannot imagine a future for myself and cannot bear the pain of living anymore. Please.

im really struggling, i cant think of any reasons to keep going and i was wondering if i could find similar reasons to live in ones you share

Things to get me through

• My mom is coming to visit me at the end of June.
• My cat loves me, needs me, has separation anxiety when I'm gone.
• Maybe I'll get to see the ocean, or the redwoods, or just go for a long walk outside.
• Pride month.
• Talking to a therapist soon.

Can someone give me some more general things?

look at me an my baby hasn't me that like day one and omg #bestboyfriend #simp #healing I don't know what id do with out him giving me something I thought I lost forever thank you for saving me and understandinge and listening to me and reassuring me when I needed it helping me out of my spirals and over all just putting up with my crazy ass

I (40F) have been going through an exceptionally complicated hard time lately. I'm talking a convergence of long dormant trauma triggers, abuser I litterally thought was dead for 20 years making contact, terrifying medical news, litterally all the darkness hitting me in the face leaving me feeling just as helpless as I felt as a child when what is now my trauma history was then my everyday life.

Tonight I thought about putting a plan in place to make my exit. Then I bargained with myself and said what if you find one reason to live every day and when you run out then you make the plan and then it hit me...I don't need to look far to find a reason to live. The abandoned child, the abused teen, the lost young adult starring back at me in the mirror...all the different me 's I've been ...they're enough.

I carry them with me and tonight I decided they are reason enough to stay alive. They are worth fighting for. If I ended it now, my final act would be one that reinforces the narrative that poisoned me as a child which is that I am not deserving of or capable of a life well lived, even if I picked up some scars along the way.

I'm staying right where I am.

Matpat retirement

Family Food Sex NBDs

Did I miss something?

Only here to look after and clean out my Guinea pigs. Once they are gone then it’s time to work on the potential plans I have in place.

Over the last year I’ve been suffering from a car accident that left me crippled and barely able to walk from how bad my back can get. I’m 21 and was a weightlifter before the accident. Since then I’ve gained 60 pounds and have been fired from three jobs since i can’t perform at the levels they want me to. If I choose a sit down job then I can’t mentally bare the boredom. On top of all this I’m a diagnosed autist and scare away any friends I make. No friends, no girlfriend, overweight, can barely move, and struggle to make rent in my tiny apartment. It’s over.

My younger sibling is the only person keeping me alive. i just imagine him calling my name and me not being there to answer him. I know it’s hard but just keep on going , i promise it will get better at one point. It’s the hope that kills yet it’s the only thing keeping me alive.

My goal in life is to own a white French bulldog.

RTL:

This may not be something that clicks for everyone. It's just my personal experience.

No one is a failure or criminal or bad person for having suicidal urges/or attempting suicde or for self harming or giving into addiction. We are sick. We are unwell people going through terrible pain. That is the reality of the situation.

All the personal reasons I'm alive so far:

I have art projects and stories I want to finish.

I am a hedonist. On good days when not depressed I still have things I enjoy and look forward to, like a new season of a favourite show, or a tasty thing I want to bake and devour, and music. During severe bouts of depression I remember these good days and know I will recover and be well enough to do those things again soon. Whether or not that's true, it helps keep me alive believing that.

My sister. She is one of the nicest people I know and has such a zany sense of humour. We have had plenty of laugh-til-we cry or our ribs hurt moments. On top of that we share a lot of important values and same ideas. We talk about mental health, we talk about death. We want equality, we are feminists. I'm lgbt and she supports that which is deeply meaningful. We share odd interests and nuances that are hard to find with other people. She is a kind, gentle, compassionate person and there aren't a lot of people like that in the world. We were born from angry abusive people. Idk how it's possible she is so chill. So it feels special knowing her and I feel protective of her even though she's older than me.

I consider her one of my best friends. I want to try to preserve our friendship as long as possible.

​

What are reasons to live? Like seriously?

I'm something of a creative. I have several stories in my head that I want to put out there, and a YouTube channel where I review video games...

But what's the point anymore with AI art and deepfakes?

Knowing my career can come to a screeching halt just because some putz decided to use my voice for dubious intent, like say, "exposing" me by using deepfakes to make it sound like I did or said something horrible, or using AI to make it look like I drew something horrible, or wrote something horrible?

And knowing there's no cure... what's the point? Do my dreams just go kaput because talentless hacks want a piece of the pie they dodn't earn?

And without anything to work towards or look forward to... what's the point in living?

Why just meander aimlessly through life until I die when I can just skip to the end and progress not change either way?

Why go on anymore?

Sometimes all my life feels like is existing for others benefit but it's draining me. I have three family members two are abusive. I have AVPD also so my brain cannot grasp any social reasons very well.

Anything you have to share is great

I am 27 & I feel it more than ever. We hardly celebrate holidays together. We hardly see each other. We have love for each other but we’ve all endured the same amount of childhood trauma (some more than others) I have 4 brothers. So there was 5 of us & my single mother. She eventually adopted my little cousin making it 6 children in total. She has always been my role model, my mother. She’s always helped others with the little she had. She always did what she had to do to keep us fed, housed, & clothes on our backs. I am grateful for my mother, but I can’t help but feel like during the time she was raising us all, we weren’t living. We were surviving. Now that I’m older, I am still surviving. I can’t shake this mentality. It’s easier said than done. I am afraid of taking risks. Afraid of rejection. Hoarding money I can invest. Still make bad financial decisions no matter how much I save. Working dead end 9-5s because I feel I have to in order to survive although I know I can do anything I want it’s 2023! I love photography & videography and would love to pursue a career in it. I just need to learn to let go of this! I want to enjoy these things in life. I want to risk, dream, fail, succeed, cry, laugh but I am so focused on surviving that I am holding myself back. Please leave any comments that you feel can help me break that mentality. It’s not as easy said as done so be nice. 🙂

Everything in my life has gone to shit and I’m done trying to fix it. I’ve been extremely depressed for so long and I have nobody and nothing in my life that give it any meaning. About two years ago my grandpa died and he was like my father since he basically raised me and my siblings while my actual parents were doing drugs and fighting every night, he was the only person in my family I considered family and since he passed away I’ve disowned the rest of my family as they’ve done with me, I’m not saying that because I want them in my life I’m just saying it to show how easy it was for them. I disowned them because my biological father is physically and emotionally abusive, my biological mother is really weird in an incest kind of way I don’t know how better to explain it (for some example she talks about my “physique” with my girlfriend and would get jealous of my girlfriend doing things like cooking for me or helping clean a wound) and she was talking shit with one of my closest friends over text about how much they hate my girlfriend and all the things they’d do to get her out of my life, keep in mind me and my girlfriend would play video games with this friend and we were almost always in a discord server talking and just hanging out with him and our other friends while he’s texting my biological mother about how much he hates her. I’m getting off track and I’ll get to what happened to my “friends”. My biological mother made a plan with that ex friend to have me and my girlfriend fly out to visit him in Arkansas (we live in California by the way) and the day before we fly back she wanted him to ditch her in a state she doesn’t know anyone in and they were both completely fine with the idea of her being homeless in a state she has no one in. I have three siblings, two sisters and a brother, all of my siblings don’t see an issue with the abuse that my biological father put me through (out of the four of us I was the only one to be abused by him) while they have witnessed almost all of it, he’s choke slammed me in front of the entire family and my friends that were staying the night because I gave one of my friends that was hungry a microwaveable breakfast bowl. My older sister was always physically abusive towards me like our father and would steal my things non stop and beat me up if I tried to stop her while my parents would side with her no matter what, since I was around thirteen she’s made it very clear she’s better than me, wether it’s by belittling my school work or my grades in front of my family and friends or telling me I’m a drug addict and will die homeless (I started smoking really early, at 8 I was smoking cigarettes and weed and drinking with a family friend, he was 18 at the time and a really bad influence). My younger sister tells me that my grandpa didn’t love me because I was bad in school or because I smoke. I know it probably sounds stupid or like it’s not that bad but I wouldn’t be writing this if it wasn’t, i used to have a really good group of friends, I had the best friend I could have asked for, he was like a brother and he lived with me for years, I don’t know what I did to lose my friends. Out of nowhere they just all stopped responding if I text or call and I’ve asked them if there’s something I did or something that’s changed and they always just say “no you didn’t do anything I’m just busy” but I see them hanging out in public together all the time and I’m still in a group chat they actively use so I see that they’re still playing the games we used to and doing things we’d do. My life has just been getting worse and worse and I’ve tried a therapist and I’m on meds for my bipolar but it doesn’t help at all, I just feel so lost all the time, like I’m living someone else’s life or just in auto pilot watching everything go to shit. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for most of my life and I’ve tried using the hotline but I just feel so stupid and pathetic voicing my pain or trying to explain why I’m done with everything. My girlfriend is the only person I have in my life but we’re always arguing over the smallest things and I’m constantly to blame, if I tell her something she’s been doing hurts me she says I’m lying and gaslighting her because I haven’t said anything about it before when honestly I’m scared to say when something she does hurts me because there’s a 99.9% chance it’ll ruin the day and she’ll either yell at me or just block me and leave. I have so much more to say but I feel like this is already too long, I’m sorry if I did this wrong or something this is my first post I just really need help. If anyone out there can help me see a reason to keep going or anything please comment.

After much personal experience with depression, and personal experimentation, I've developed a useful view of depression as an evolutionary tool that your body uses to spur you toward a better life. It's actual evidence that our bodies deeply love us, whether we love ourselves or not. This is a great reason to keep pushing, to keep striving.

Over time, I've mostly conquered depression and have learned to give my body what it needs so that when it does surface from time to time, it can be properly dealt with. You can do this too and here's a compelling view which you can try out if you've ran out of reasons :)

https://basedmeditations.substack.com/p/depression-evolution-and-big-pharma