I’ve been suspecting that I’m in a manic episode for some time. My grandma passed away and a few days into planning the funeral I started sleeping less, taking on a bunch of projects, a few people commented on how fast I was talking all the classic signs. It was mostly productive so I didn’t really think too much of it but last night I basically went on a bender drank wayyyyy too much spent a bunch of money got into a fight with my husband and while I was black out drunk told him we should just get divorced. I’ve been sleeping basically all day (finally) and I don’t even know what to say to him. I was doing really well for a while with my medication but like I said my grandma passed and I missed appointments and didn’t get refills and it’s not really an excuse but I think that’s why this all happened. Not sure if I’m looking for advice or just need to put this somewhere people will understand.

So I'm on about 5 psychiatric medications right now, one of them being abilify. My doctor suggested abilify maintena as a long term solution for my mood disorder, so I don't have to take abilify everyday. She basically told me it was abilify, just in a shot form once a month. Does anybody have any experience taking this? Are there any noticable differences/side effects between abilify (the pill) and abilify maintena besides the way they're taken? Also, are there any studies on abilify maintena? Any information would be very greatly appreciated, I've been on quite a few meds but I've never heard of an abilify shot until today. Thank you!

I want to first stress that I WANT TO TAKE MY MEDS but I currently can't get myself to because I've been gagging on them. I've made a post in the past (either here or in r/ bipolar2 I'm not sure) so you can go read that for reference if you want.

Basically, every time I try to take a pill larger than generic Zyrtec I gag on it, and if I continue to try taking it I will most likely throw up.

I tried twice Friday night to take my 42mg caplyta, and nearly threw up both times. Decided to try again tonight and gave up trying again. I can't call my clinic until Monday (it's Saturday night now), and I'm dealing with a lot of withdrawal symptoms. Mainly headache, weird pulses on my skin, some nausea, and occasional dizzy spells or just a general feeling of unsteadiness. I've also had some intrusive SI.

Can I call 988 to talk about this? I know it's not really crisis related so idk how helpful they'd be. I just want some help between now and being able to call my clinic on Monday. Is there a way to help alleviate the symptoms without forcing a pill down my throat? I'm getting really desperate 😭

For people who have experienced an episode of psychosis, when you recovered, is it difficult to believe that you could possibly fall for it again?

So I have seen other posts with this same vibe to them.

I have struggled with my diagnosis's since I got diagnosed with depression at 13. I at least eventually could accept not everyone had the same deep dark void of a soul in them. But when I got my diagnosis for BP1 I simply refused.

Something in my brain said no. Something in my head continues to tell me I am faking it. Like my symptoms are not bad enough to be considered Bipolar or that there is something else going on with me and I just need to ignore it I suppose.

All the symptoms I have, I convince myself I don't deal with them. I tell myself others have it worse so I must be fine if that makes sense. I can essentially gaslight myself into thinking none of my symptoms matter or actually mean anything. Despite some of them being pretty textbook. I am just like "cannot be me lol".

I also struggle with accepting I need medication. Despite multiple professionals trying to get me medicated for quite a few years now, I go through phases of feeling the "need" to be medicated and the "need" to never look a doctor in the face again and deal with it on my own. Because I have and I can.

I am struggling with this rn. I have friends and loved ones telling me to take my meds, and my antipsychotics (of whomst I don't want to touch) sit in my medicine drawer staring at me in the face every day. I don't know who to trust. The doctors, my friends, or myself. I tend to pick myself for full transparency.

Anyways, any advice on how to work through this maybe. Does anyone else feel like an imposter in their own brain. If so, how do you not hate yourself before you go to sleep every night?! Would love to hear the advice :3

so 2017-2020 was really really bad for me socially mentally emotionally you name it. they kept me as a friend , I hung out with them daily. they never said anything about going into therapy. so the philosophical question goes : are they good or bad for not remotely telling me I was suffering?

if you do this please stop. I found life much more beautiful when I give my mind some rest, just take things as they're, simpler is better, and there's a saying "don't over analyze things as a diamond was once a carbon"

Soo I was diagnosed with bipolar a month ago and my girlfriend said she doesn't want to be with me because she considers me a project. Like WTF.

I talked to a friend last night on the phone and we had only been talking for like 2 minutes when he said “you’re manic aren’t you?”

Which I am. At least I think I am. But I wasn’t sure until he asked me. I asked him how he knew because we were just talking on the phone it’s not like he could see me or anything. And he said how fast I was talking but also I make this noise apparently when I’m making when I talk. He wouldn’t tell me what the noise was but he said I do it all the time when I’m manic. Has anyone ever said that to any of you? That you make a specific noise when you’re talking when manic?

I haven’t been sleeping. My brain won’t slow down. I’m restless as hell and I’ve been chain smoking. I’ve been smoking like 2 packs a day.

I saw my doctor last week and she wants me to like a residential treatment facility. She said I’m not taking care of myself and they will help me. I don’t want to go. I feel fine. I feel like everything is fine. I feel good. I’m already doing ECT and IOP. I’m off work on disability currently. I feel like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing.

Okey, i am 28M with diagnosed ADHD.

Whenever i have brought up the idea that I may be bipolar my psychiatrist usually tries to calm me down by saying that it’s probably just my ADHD that for sure can act like bipolar sometimes.

Anyway this is problems I seem to have in cycles.

• I lose every sexual desire and need for physical/sexual touch from partners TO:

Being sexual with a partner, if single spend the majority of my days searching new sexual partners, buying sextoys, watching porn and even joining Grindr just to have cybersex/planning to meet up( i see myself as heterosexual but somehow i tend to just want to do something sexual with any person i can find.

• In 5 years I have had two episodes where i put my heart and soul to become something grandiose. First time it was being a musician and I would play guitar, record and write songs and basically force myself to become famous to it, when the episode was over I basically felt sick trying to keep on being creative.

Exactly the same happened the other episode but this time it was drawing art.

• I go from enjoying life and having fun with my friends and family and being social/relaxed at work TO:

Feeling like nothing matters, having episodes of dissociating, having death anxiety 24/7, feeling low, tired, depressed. Romanticising the past/want to go rekindle with old exes. Feeling lonely no matter who I am with, gf(now ex)/family/friends.

I feel like this depressive/normal phases maybe cycles every four months?

My last attempts at relationships has been no success.

I was loving/sexual/happy to angry/needing so much alone time/ obsessing over an old fling while I was with my ex (I contacted her out of impulsivity even though I was in this relationship). Basically I was a real pain in the ass without wanting to be one, it was just so hard for me to keep a balanced relationship.

My sleeping patterns are usually pretty different aswell. I can sometimes not sleep at all, having days where I sleep maybe 4 hours Every two days to wanting to sleep in excess, and still feeling tired.

I’m sorry if this post was very chaotic, sometimes I just feel like I have something more than ADHD? I know I can’t be diagnosed here, just would like to hear some thoughts about it.

Thanks, appreciate any response.

its a reminder that we are humans after all, its true that there's a flaw in us but aren't all humans have flaws? nobody's perfect my friend. you can't be perfect. you can try. I tried myself but turned to destruction instead of fixing myself. well I'm starting to talk about myself so I'll stop here lol. have a good day and enjoy, there's a Chinese saying that goes like people worry like they'll live for centuries when its mere time till life is over also "worries are long, life is short."

I don't feel well assisted, I'm in pain. I need to talk to someone, I'm not happy with what I'm doing with these meds. I hate antipsychotics but not taking them get me mixed episodes and I suffer so fucking bad. I feel scared, paranoid, depressed but at the same time excited. It's so painful what happened to me why am I even here.

now that I know what the f is wrong with me and on meds? my teachers / professors always tell me I'm a great student but don't know whats wrong with me. hell I wouldn't have guessed I'm bipolar either, anyway do you guys think that I would've done way better on meds or literally quit? what are your thoughts and thanks in advance for sharing

None of the meds have worked so far and I’m actually scared to go in because I feel like I’m burdening them trying all these meds and just feeling worse. I’m ready to just give up and give up meds entirely

My support system, whats last of it, tells me to get out more and talk more, that it'll get better over time. All this does is make me depressed and frustrated even more. I've become so isolated ever since my diagnosis. All that I am good at is ruining current and potential friendships with people. I lost most of my friends, because I get bat shit crazy and make people uncomfortable and angry. I can't make new friends, because once my mood fluctuates I say something hurtful or inappropriate, people then get a bad impression of me and rather not get close or continue to have a friendship with me.

There is seriously no way to get better. Its a lose-lose situation. I rather choose to isolate, and make people assume that I am ghosting them and think that I am an ass without having to force other people to be further traumatized by my behavior and presence.

The only people I talk to are my therapist and psychiatrist. Its sad as fuck.

Everyone is always telling me that take medications for Bipolar is like taking insulin for Diabetes.

Curious though, what type of Diabetes? Diabetes 1, where everyone needs insulin or else they die, or Diabetes 2, where some people need insulin injections or else they die but others are able to control their sugars through diet and exercise?

And if it is more like Diabetes 2, how do you know you are one of the people who can control it with diet and exercise versus someone who needs insulin?

Hey everyone, just really need some reassurance here as I’m getting frustrated.

Been on so many meds and finally decided to try lithium. Currently on Lamotrigine. It causes memory/word recall issues for me and doesn’t fully cover my episodes anyways so wanted to try and replace it with lithium.

Started at 300mg for 2 weeks and all went well, but the last week I’ve been on 600mg and I’m have insane brain fog, trouble concentrating, trouble remembering things, and also diarrhea.

I got my levels tested and I’m only 0.31 so I’m supposed to go up to 900mg, but I’m worried these side effects (especially the brain fog) are just going to get worse.

Does the brain fog, trouble concentrating, and diarrhea go away after a while?

Wondering whether I should hang out here at 600mg for a bit or just try to get therapeutic as fast as I can.

Thanks all.

I was so innocent and happy. I remember being in reception (first year of primary school, age 4 - 5 for those not in the UK). I have so many memories of being happy and innocent. Even the silly things make me sad and nostalgic. For example I never knew how to do the zip on my coat so I'd go to the teaching assistant at the same time everyday for help. Eventually when I knew how to do it, I'd pretend not to know just to get her to help me again.

I spent the first few weeks crying because big school was so scary. My grandparents would come in for the first few hours and build Lego with me. I remember story time. When I cried, my teacher let me pick a book and she read it to me until I was okay

I remember getting into silly arguments with my teacher. I'd have a tuna sandwich for lunch and be convinced it was chicken. No matter what she said, I was just not convinced lol. I had a stuffed animal I kept for years that I'd bring to preschool everyday (age 2 - 3)

In year 1 and 2 (age 5 - 7) I was bad at maths. I always was and still am. It would upset me a lot and I'd cry when I didn't understand (sometimes still do lmao). My teacher didn't shout at me like in later in my life, they instead would sit next to me and help me gently. I even had some teachers that would hug me when I cried. There was this teacher that would only appear to help on school trips, there was one time I was really upset when I was in reception. It was winter and I was cold and wanted to go home. She held my hand the whole time and let me drink her water when I was thirsty.

I have these memories and I cry. I hear and remember the theme tunes of kid shows I used to watch and I cry. (2000s and 2010s CBeebies was peak TV). Now I'm 18 and a bipolar porn addict. What did I do to be this wrong? I hate it here. I can't tell if I want to die or if I want to relive just one day when I was younger. I hate this.

Took 12.5mg for one week - gave me itchy skin so I stopped. No history of seizures. 1 week AFTER dropping I started getting partial seizures/absence seizures (staring off not like dissociation, brain fog, twitching, nerve tingling etc) by week 2 after stopping it got bad, emailed my doctor on Monday- she told me to take a small dosage until I see my psych which was two days later,so I did. I told the psych my concerns and what I had been experiencing. She said it doesn’t happen to people with bipolar who stop taking it (yes it does) and 12.5mg is a very low dosage which I agree it is and I was only taking it for a week. There’s no way in hell I’m not experiencing partial seizures. I chalked it up to my allergies but I’ve never anything this bad with my allergies. I’m so tired of doctors NOT listening. I already know I’m going to have a full blown seizure so I’m just mentally preparing myself for it. I just hope it doesn’t happen while I’m working out.

I have been having a hell of a time with I think it’s paranoia lately. I am having a hard time leaving my food/drink unattended at work thinking my coworkers secretly hate me and have it out for me. I seem to be in this constant state of fight or flight—I have these strange paranoias of people injecting food with needles when I buy fruits and vegetables and I’m scared to eat my fruits. I was afraid to leave the house because I started thinking with the car alarms going off, that if I left the house, a robber would come and break through because the solar storm is messing up security communication so thefts are all out tonight. I started getting really paranoid about radiation, I’m worried about the solar storm radiation and my phone and I’m terrified to buy a watch, even digital watches have radiation, I am sus that my ex planted a tracking chip in my tire well. The list keeps building and I’m getting EXHAUSTED!!!!!! WTF!!!!

Basically I have a history of a mood disorder, not clearly just depression but not clearly in the bipolar category either. I briefly had a bipolar diagnosis after an SSRI reaction, but it was later removed as it didn't totally seem to fit. I have PMDD which complicates things. I often wonder if my hormones just got a little out of whack and that is the root of everything. Birth control helped and I don't get a period anymore so I don't get those massive swings that time of the month.

I have had bad reactions to several psych meds including almost being hospitalized with an SSRI. Oddly got irritable on lamictal, too. It might be a metabolism thing, though, as it happens almost immediately after taking them and at small doses. I also find things like sleep, exercise, stress, amount of caffeine, exposure to sunlight, all affect my mood. Sometimes I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed irritable or depressed. My irritability can be intense, like I want to punch a wall. People who know would not say that I am a generally short tempered person, but on the wrong day at least internally it is quite bad. I can get pretty bad mood swings. I can be okay one week, but feel hopeless and like I don't want to live another week. But, given the right "ingredients" in life, I can feel okay sometimes even quite good. Side note is I have OCD that interacts with these moods and gets worse when my mood is off.

Sometimes I think I need to consider a mood stabilizer, other times I feel like I just need to work harder to control the things that mess up my mood. It doesn't check off enough boxes for bipolar and sometimes it only lasts a couple of days or so.

Can anyone relate to this or know anyone with similar issues? Not looking for a diagnosis, just other people's experiences.

I want to get off of my medication. I take Vraylar, Adderall, Lamictal, Zoloft, and Xanax. Does anyone else take this mix. If so what has your experience been like? Does it help? Do you want off?

I think I'm having one. Mental health has not been good this year. I've had two depressive episodes and one manic episode already, and now this. I've been on the medication roulette trying to find an antipsychotic that works with manageable side effects and it hasn't always been successful. For the past several days I've felt depressed and awful about myself, but I'm also really impulsive and hypersexual and obsessive. I either sleep 10 hours or I sleep 5. I'm exhausted but I can't rest. I haven't been eating much. All this after a year and a half of stability, so I'm frustrated and feel like I'm backsliding. I'm worried I'll get really bad again and lose my job. I feel kind of hopeless.

A few years back I got diagnosed with BPD/EUPD. I've been in therapy for a few years, have a stable relationship of 5 years and friendships which have lasted over 2. I've been taking sertraline, but kept having to stop, because I found that it would trigger me into having heightened moods where I would experience "mania." This can happen naturally without them. I've recently entered a depressive episode which has lasted over 3 months (a similar thing happened last year and the year before and I recently went to my GP to discuss this as I could not take my meds and i realised that last year I found myself having "delusions," during a specific heightened period of time. She took me off the medication and said SSRI's are not suitable. She also mentioned bipolar. I was also told by different psychiatrists that I don't present as someone with BPD. This has sent me into crisis mode, because now I don't know what to do. I got referred to my local mental health team who said I DO have BPD and whilst I'll admit I do have symptoms of BPD and would be willing to accept this diagnosis, I can't explain the patterns of my moods. I feel like no one is listening. They questioned why I hadn't seen the mental health te so long and it's because I have had shit experiences so try to avoid the NHS at all costs. I experience depressive episodes at least once a year, which in turn seems to heighten things like self-harm etc... but after a while it stops and I'm either okay or eventually end up "manic." I will not self-harm during other mood states. I'm aware some people can have both and it wouldn't surprise me if I do. My girlfriend was listing BPD symptoms and l'll admit I do fit some criteria. I want to go privately, but l'm afraid no one will listen. I feel I would benefit from medication, but because I'm currently not feeling suicidal I don't think they'd listen. Like I said, I'm in therapy which does help me cope in certain aspects, but it doesn't change the way my moods shifts. Any advice? Can anyone relate? Thanks!

I need something that will do what it did that doesn't contraindicate with Seroquel.

Anxiety is all time back with a side of nasty mean voices bombarding me with imposter syndrome and just anger. Every bit I was able to shift out of my system for the last five months is back.

I'm wondering - Lamictal helped with the angry before...can't go back but is there something new to stop this?

(Update - I won against the voices. Made it to graduation. Was not an imposter. I belonged. Saw some great kids graduate. All the voices were wrong and so they shut up.)

I have been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipooar I.

I've never found reference or testimony to anything like my experience.

It's been true since I was in second grade at least. I suspect always, since birth, but second grade was the first appearance of behavioral traits and ideation that can in retrospect of the diagnosis be associated with it.

At the above of a therapist I began tracking the "peak day" of my cycle when I was 22. It happened every six weeks, pretty much to the day it within a 3 day window of such.

Many years later, it had persisted; and I know much more of its fine structure:

Six weeks from low energy to high. Three two-week phases. One that requires significantly more sleep at the beginning and which leaves me both more inspired and more emotionally labile yet incapable of manifesting much from it (my careers have all hinged on creativity followed by diligent construction--these days I'm a writer).

The middle phase is like the manic energy is returning, making me WANT to TRY doing things I'm capable of when manic but mostly doomed to failure and frustration. It's as if there are internal algorithms for managing my wild pace but in this phase there is only enough energy to do them, not to run the management processes. So I fall over myself going too fast and cause myself irritation.

Finally I get to my highly productive, talkative, complex thinking, hypersexual manic phase.

The phase transitions always occur on a Thursday and are fully in place by the following Monday.

Does anyone have out has heard of anything so regular and predictable and structured?

It's like my soul formed on a planet near some binary pulsar with a 3/2 double period and has imposed that in my Earthly incarnation!

Just curious!

hey guys i have a lot of health problems other than bipolar so I take 10 different medications a day. and I fear that i'll cause myself to reject medications if i keep going on like this. I know i need it, but why does it have to be so many? What can I do to soothe myself from this anxiety I feel building up? Any advice or anyone share this experience? I've been taking pills for a long time, i have gotten bilateral ear infections since i was 7 months old so I'm used to swallowing big pills (antibiotics) like that. As a child I used to take handfuls of melatonin to fall asleep every night because my ADHD kept me up and the more tolerance i built the bigger the pill. I'm 20 now and the pill list just keeps growing and i know that i need these pills to get better but i feel sick after swallowing so many every day. I swallow them and my whole body starts shivering and I feel disgusted. When I was 18 I got hives and i was taking 2-3 handfulls of different medication twice a day. Every morning and night. Eventually my immune system gave out and now I have an immune disorder from taking so many steroids trying to help myself get better.

10 medications, 13 pills: Morning: Lamotrigine 100mg Phentermine 37.5mg Dextroamphetamine 15mg XR Pantoprazole 20mg delayed release Metformin I just started idk the dosage but they're very large pills i'm supposed to take 3 of them (thats 7 pills) Nightly: Trazodone 150mg Lamotrigine 200mg Clonidine .01mg Lithium 300mg x2 Pantoprazole 20mg delayed release (6 pills) Lets not forget my as needed that I frequently need! I take 2 Allegra and 2 Zertec day and night because my seasonal allergies cause me to get sick quickly. That's 17 pills. Then I have hydroxyzine 25mg as needed. Thats 18 pills. Then I have something I should be taking every day but I cannot get myself to take Sucralfate 100ml. Not a pill but that would be 19 if i took it as a pill but i chose liquid form

i'm tired. i avoid as much as i can during the day taking them more and more frequently. even right now i'm trying to avoid taking my nighttime pills

I’ve been diagnosed since i was 16 and now that i’m 24 i’m rlly struggling mentally with everything. I’m taking everything WAY TOO PERSONAL, i’ve been sleeping a lot, having a lot of anxiety and thinking about the “what ifs”, also been hurting myself again. Sometimes i think that my work (im sex worker) it’s too overwhelming for someone with my condition. Like, i compare myself with the others and feeling stucked. It sucks to feel that u are stucked / not progressing in something that helps u financially talking. I feel a lot of pressure bc my family wants me to be perfect and to provide a lot but i’m so done and i have so many things in my mind that i can’t do anything because i am super depressed, i feel like my dad sees me as a bank more than a daughter. I can’t do anything without crying, i can’t do anything without feeling guilty and i can’t do anything without thinking “does it worth it? my work and all the things that i do rlly worth it?”. I’m doubting myself and all my capacities, my self steem is below the ground and all i do is cutting myself because i can’t talk with anyone about all of these things like everyone is like ooo u should see your doc but i don’t want to… I just want to feel for the first time in my life that i matter

Anyone have any experience with this routine? Just started a few weeks ago.