I am a 35f single Australian ,somewhere between overweight and obese. Diagnosed depression, anxiety since I was 16. EDNOS and severe confidence/body image issues.

I turned 35 in October and it triggered something of a "mid-life crisis". I want to be a mother, but struggle to meet or connect with people, and am convinced I am too late for romance or motherhood. Financially solo-parenting isn't feasbile. I havent had a relationship last longer than 6 months since I was in a 6 year relationship which ended at 26.

Every day for years I feel like I am simply existing, feeling like I am stuck "waiting" for "something" but never moving.

I lack the confidence in my body or personality to date, and when I do (rarely) I don't find I connect with or find myself interested or them interested in me (classic "people Im not interested in . I struggle to make friends, and while I don't engage in destructive behaviours or push people away, the friendships I do make seem to be superficial and dissolve very easily with distance or time.

I am afraid I will never own a house. My career is ok and I earn a decent income but in todays market especially in Australia (I am in a regional city), there is very little chance of me owning a house.

I want to grow and develop things I CAN control rather than focussing on things I can't seem to have like a partner, child and house (I just want to be able to paint a wall or put up a picture or plant a garden, renting literally prevents putting down roots).

I am deathly afraid I will just continue to exist and not live until I die, on my deathbed thinking "What I had just-", but it's not enough to propel me. Does anyone have any advice on overcoming years of stagnation?

Hello all, could you please share your experiences with bupropion?

Three weeks ago, my depression started to say hello again because an event triggered it. It was horrible, I always wished I had the kind of depression that makes you stop eating, and then I had it. Food was my number one source of numbness when depressed, take it out of the equation and it's just "hello darkness, my old friend".

After two weeks and no sign of recovery, I called my doctor and she bumped the dosage of bupropion. It was less than one week ago, I know it takes some time to see improvements, but I feel weird. The depression is pretty much here and I feel sick all the time. I don't know if it's the bumping in the dosage or just me being depressed in a different manner.

Before, I would be depressed just with a complete lack of motivation, zero feelings, and lots of binge episodes. Now I am functional, because I have to be, but barely functional. My brain is often blurry, my back is always heavy, and my belly/stomach are just weird, kind of like butterflies in your stomach, but wasps instead of butterflies.

Someone from uni who hasn't contacted me in years sent me a message last week - she was visiting from the UK. As per her usual conduct, she only contacted me the day before she was returning to the UK so we didn't actually meet.

I leave aside the slight "bad" taste that ppl only "think" of me at the last moment to sort of fill up their time - I'm too old and too tired to be truly bothered by these matters.

She was a nice person and all that, but she was lazy, or very relaxed about her studies. She studied something different from me, but in any event she barely graduated (and I actually helped her with a plagiarism accusation towards the end of it). She was also not particularly keen on finding a job or keeping a job.

Yet here she is: happily married for over 10 years, with a stable job, a child. She made good use of her youth, she was always travelling, and despite marrying early, left pregnancy practically until the last minute - yet she conceived naturally and gave birth to a healthy child. She told me she's on a year-long "sabbatical" (she works in health care in the UK, so I guess due to the high demands for employees in this field, there's no problem of her returning to her job or getting a new job).

I was initially sympathetic when she told me that she's back home because her mother was poorly, as I assumed the "sabbatical" was for the purpose of looking after her mother. But in fact she was only here for a week.

Thing is, if I would ever be on a "sabbatical", it'd be because of family reasons, like, in her case, perhaps looking after her mother. But nope, she could simply head back to the UK, and go on road trips, and thereafter to other parts of Europe.

I must point out I'm certainly not saying she's in the wrong. I am just feeling sad about how limited my life is. I have nothing, and life is just gonna get worse. There is no getting around it.

I might not even have a job after August - oddly I seem much less troubled than I should be. I'm still waiting for news - which seem to change every day.

I'm constantly worried about my mother's health. It's on my mind all the time - in fact this is the reason in recent times that I drink excessively.

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Hey all, So, there’s a girl who I (31 M) have met two or three times through the activist group that we’re a part of. She’s sweet, easy to talk to, and cute. We follow each other on Insta, but she’s not really active on there, so she said I could reach her through WhatsApp, since we’re in the same group chat. So, on Monday night, I finally grew a pair and sent her a message on WhatsApp saying “Hey, it’s _____ from last Tuesday. I’m at the _____ city council hearing on adopting ________. What are you up to?” Harmless enough, right?

No response.

Not even read.

I immediately started spiraling, and have been reeling from it for most of the past few days.

I’ve never had much luck with women, and at this point in my life, I’m starting to think that finding a partner who I like and who likes me back is simply never going to happen.

At the same time, though, I hate how my brain fantasizes about a person I’ve developed feelings for, and then spirals dramatically when it doesn’t look like things will work out.

I’m 31 years old. This cycle of thought is awful for my mental health, and it’s not a productive use of my time, yet it seems like it’s just going to keep repeating itself with every woman I develop feelings for until I’m dead.

Is there a way of inducing aromanticism, chemically or otherwise, so that I don’t feel romantic attraction to anybody anymore and I can just live my life? Obviously, I’m not exactly looking to lobotomize myself or turn into a 21st-Century Phineas Gage, but as I get older, each instance of unrequited feelings just takes a huge chunk out of me and makes me feel ten years older and more and more subhuman, so if this is all that love is, then I don’t want any part of it anymore.

I was given notice that my present workplace would end its business in a matter of months.

After gathering some info, I came to the understanding that it is more of a formality. They would dissolve the company, rent another premises and start a new company.

My supervisor coldly informed me of the arrangement and said is is yet uncertain who would join him in the new company. I asked for more details and he told me that he doesn’t know where they would set up nor the rent. I asked if he would update me on the matter. He fell silent.

Well. It’s amply clear that he doesn’t want me to join him.

This is my entire career. I started here as a fresh grad. I had pulled through for him on many occasions. He has always let me down and treated me inferior.

I know people will say this is a good opportunity for a clean break. That there must be a job out there for me, an able-bodied woman in her 30s with advanced degrees. Perhaps this is the break I have been waiting for.

It should be scary for me. I have no connections - no one to ring to check for news on recruitment or to give a fiendly recommendation. I can only rely on utilities like Jobsdb, headhunters, etc. all of which I am unfamiliar with. I don’t even have a proper CV and I don’t think I’ve ever had a real job interview.

Yet I seem quite ‘calm’. Perhaps it’s the alcohol and the Valium. But in general I’m calm. Like finally things are coming to an end. This is one of my top fears - losing my job. As naive as it sounds now, it was my dream job, my so-called ‘calling’. And to have this happening as a middle-aged person too. But I’m calm. Perhaps the chaos and panic haven’t settle in yet.

Noticeably some ppl at the office are avoiding me. My guess is that practically all of them will join the new place.

I was at my shrink's yesterday.

I said a few things. That I had been especially depressed a few weeks ago and I'm still not over the slump. That I'm still drinking. That I seem to have memory issues.

His response was merely asking if I wanted the usual prescription. To which I responded by asking if it was possible to give me more (each consultation + 4 weeks' meds = around USD500). And he said he couldn't prescribe more than a month's prescription.

Admittedly I feel "neglected". It doesn't matter what I say, he's just a very expensive pharmacist.

I don't know how to get better. I am not in "the" worst place now. I am able to get out of bed. But I still feel dreadful. Every night I tell myself that I need to accept that it is what it is. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I got a bad deck of cards in life. I tried my best but it didn't work out - and even time is no longer on my side. I need to stop fighting and just accept it. But every day I still wake up feeling like hell.

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I feel like I'm abusing the space here since I seem to used this place more often than other members. I apologise for that.

My anxiety is very high, and quite possibly exacerbated by my poor sleep quality last night. I woke up feeling like crap, and I've been going about the day nearly in tears, my mind spiralling...circulating from one rabbit hole to another, all terrifying, all ending in doom.

The negative thoughts in my head sound more honest and reasonable than any positive thought I can summon.

Just leaving a note that I'm still alive, in case I've got anyone worried.

I don't seem able to claw my way out. Nothing makes me comfortable, or gives me peace. Even when I'm at home, my mind says "I want to go home", not sure where I'm referring to.

Right now, I'm a bit drunk. Not drunk enough.

How did I end up like this?

It’s 10 ish am where I am. And I’m drunk and lying in bed.

I can’t cope. Everything is piling on me and I can’t cope. I wish I were dead - whenever I read the news and see a suicide, I feel jealous.

I have a combination of dxs. I have diagnosed severe anxiety, social anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, adhd and am on the autism spectrum. I also have c-ptsd from long history of being intensely bullied and abused. I'm 32.

Given everything (and more, much much more) that I had complained about regarding work, one would think I would be less naive.

Yesterday, whilst I was taking a walk, I saw a message from my boss...and I only read the first half of it, which appears to be him assigning me a new project (my earnings is in commission, so no work no pay). As I walked back to the office, I felt a bit better. When I arrived and opened the full message, it transpires that he said "a friend" was asking him for advice on a matter and he was asking me for help. My heart dropped. I e-mailed him some general info without going into specifics, after all why should I - he didn't even bother saying a cursory thanks.

I don't know how stupid I can possibly be. It is a known secret that he utilises my free labour in work/projects he carries out eventually with his "own people".

Anyway.

The holidays were tough. And there's still New Year's to look forward to.

If I could turn back time, I would not even bother to advise the younger me on anything but to just do myself in before it is too late. Living every day in dread, in anxiety, and depression, really is no fun. Sometimes I think I deserve a medal for lasting thing long - but then I'm not exactly doing anyone any real favour by staying alive, so no medal for me.

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I am just existing to keep my family happy have adhd autism BPD GAD and anxious avoidance personality disorder in and and out of hospital mental and general hospital heart condition sick grown up. Never felt my folks house watch my cousins grow up more on with their lives my young cousin this is and my cousin children too today at a family gathering my mind freaked out bullying me and make me feel like I am nothing because they are all living their best life and working hard in college and I had a basic education which makes me feel dumb and always leave conversations where I just say the most dumb things everyone just goes I don’t have to be anything like anyone all my close family smile and say your happiness and health is all they are concerned about so I just will exist here on earth knowing when I get older my mind will be freaking out because I have done nothing though the years and the pain is so difficult losing hope more each year and this side of this year getting so close barely hanging on not sure have any hope left to keep me going.

Work stress has been an abomination the last several weeks--longer, really, it's just been extra bad recently.

I'm a project manager, and a salesperson at work is making my life a fucking hell. Not just at work--this work shit has been the #1 stressor personally as well (and that's really saying something considering the many other stressful bad things in my life)

My body is like shutting down from stress. Literally. I can feel it.

At work my every move is being watched now. Director of HR involved. President of the tristate region involved.

I'm simultaneously so activated that even the tiniest things are pissing me off but also so shut down that I literally can't even explode in anger cuz my body physically cannot do it.

It's so fucking unfair the way I'm being treated. I don't harp on the fairness thing because life isn't fair and we can't expect it to be. But this shit is so unreasonable it's infuriating. I can't even explain it adequately. This bitch is such an awful manipulative person and has an absolute vendetta against me. I've never worked with such a person in all my career. I've taken it to HR multiple times. Taken it to my boss. Taken it to my director.

Thing is, without this salesperson, this job might actually be really good for me again. But it literally doesn't matter, because sales is treated everywhere like they are fucking angels who can do no wrong. Almost every salesperson I've worked with in my career has been a complete arrogant pompous piece of shit asshole. It's a job specifically designed to attract narcissists. And since they "bring in money", they are essentially never disciplined or reigned in or made to stop bullying people (and I mean everywhere, not just this company).

I'm really fucking good at my job. And this company is probably going to lose me over this, cuz it's relentless, they don't care, and it won't stop.

I did physical therapy earlier (I have to go twice a week for a back injury) and could hardly do the exercises. The exercises I did do were extremely mild yet they almost hurt me more than they helped.

I'm ready to be done with this day and week and month and year.

Yet when I get back in January, she'll still be there, a bully with a halo.

(TW: abuse)

I just turned 35 and it's really hitting me how short life is. I'm so angry about the opportunities stole from me due to so many years of trauma since childhood. I never learned to socialize well, I have ADHD which has been untreated most of my life, though I've just started medication for it, I'm autistic, I've had lifelong depression (I remember back to when I was 6 years old being unhappy).

Due to my upbringing, I've always been a control freak and a perfectionist with a lot of negative self-talk. I've also always been extremely angry. Much of the time I can keep my anger hidden away from others, and I never, ever hurt anyone out of anger, but boy is it scary when I really let it out. It's almost always by myself, but a couple times I've torn up my apartment while home alone, I can only imagine what the neighbors heard.

I've been in therapy on and off for about 20 years. I've been on many mental health medications and have had multiple hospital days for depression and SI.

I jumped straight from living at home in an extraordinarily toxic, abusive, and isolating environment into my very first relationship, a girl I met online when I was 22. We ended up getting married and were together for 10 years. This relationship helped me grow up, to an extent, however she turned abusive and was narcissistic in the extreme (I had a narcissist father, so I jumped from one narcissist to another). She also turned out to be a lesbian but had repressed that part of herself due to religious reasons. I do not begrudge her sexuality at all, only that she hid it from me and up until the last day I ever spoke to her she denied it, even though we'd agreed she could have a girlfriend and was dating her and almost completely ignoring me (especially in the bedroom).

The breakup and divorce was extremely traumatic, and she hasn't spoken to me since out of her own choice. I tried to heal for about a year, going back to hospital programs. In an extraordinarily smart decision, I started dating someone who I met in that hospital program. I was 33 and she was 22. It was only my second relationship ever, and she was only the 2nd person who'd shown me any romantic or sexual interest whatsoever in my adult life (not an exaggeration).

Needless to say, she also turned out to be a narcissist. We dated for almost a year and a half, but it took a while for her abusive and manipulative side to come out. At first it was absolute love bombing from her and the best sex ever in my life (only the 2nd person I'd been with, but she was willing to do nearly all of my sexual fantasies). For much of our relationship, we fucked every day. At times we even fucked so much I wanted a little less sex, which is something I never thought I'd ever say.

She became an extreme drunk and no amount of help and support from me made a difference. Eventually she got violent with me. To avoid triggering anyone here I'll leave out the details, but I've never been more scared IN MY LIFE than the fear I felt from her. When things ended I was 34 and she was 23.

I want a relationship with someone closer to my age, who's mature and can actually take care of themselves. Who doesn't pressure me to move in together so quickly and works to improve themselves, just like I do.

I say this without bragging at all, but I do know that I'm a fucking awesome person. My close friends have extremely high respect for me. I'm extremely intelligent, kind, supportive, and people tell me I'm really funny; yet the trauma, isolation, abuse, ADHD, and autism are major factors that make it so incredibly hard for me to fit in almost anywhere, and especially hard to meet women, or to meet anyone, or to even make friends.

I'm overweight (6'2", 250 lbs). I have severe stomach issues, and I have a severe back injury (physical therapy twice a week), with this it's even harder to exercise. I make really good money at a very good job, and I'm certified in my field with a very respected professional certification, and I have 10+ years experience in my career.

I know all the basic advice people give and I've tried it all, for a long time. More recently I've discovered live music events (raves) in my area and try to go to these frequently, and I really enjoy it. It takes substances (alcohol, etc.) to get me loosened up and less shy, and then I hit the dance floor to the best of my (very awkward) abilities. I have had women come up to dance with me many times, women of varying ages, some even talk to me and I've even been able to make a small number of friends this way. This has boosted my self confidence somewhat.

But I'm so fucking angry that I can't learn how to socialize with people and meet new people or talk to women, outside of that one specific environment. I am not angry at women and I do not believe I am owed anyone's attention. I'm angry that I don't know how to approach people, even in friendship or even just to have a conversation. I've tried so hard for so long but I just don't understand social norms. The only people that would even potentially be interested in me, as friends or as more than friends, are people with similar issues to my own: shy, awkward, neurodivergent, mental health problems. But as you can see from my history of relationships, being with people with these same issues as me has led to much abuse and heart ache.

I do not know how to escape the cycle of being abused and mistreated. I am now being relentlessly bullied by a woman at work and it is just about the #1 stressor in my life over the last month.

I feel like a little bitch who can't figure out his own problems, even with therapy and medication. I'm angry to feel so powerless to change my situation. My substance use is to help me with my problems, but then I binge eat, or else don't eat at all. Even when in a relationship, sometimes I'm plagued with ED (due to medication, PTSD, and potentially also due to my weight and unhealthy lifestyle).

I'm angry that it seems insurmountable to overcome these challenges and find a meaningful relationship with someone who is not abusive. When I am by some miracle able to make new friends, this means so much to me, and I love my friends to death--they are truly my life. But I'm angry that at 35 I've only had two relationships and no rizz at all, I don't even know how to flirt. (And in case anyone was wondering, no I am not complaining about "friend zone", all of my friends I love dearly and I'm not looking to date any of them; we are very happy with our friendships the way they are.)

I'm just fucking angry. I've always been angry. It feels like I will always be angry. I like being angry because it keeps me from being vulnerable...then I get hurt anyway! I want to punch a hole in a wall (already broke my hand doing that once), I want to smash things, I'm even getting to where I want to hurt people--not even anybody in particular, I just want to find someone and hurt them, so that I'm not always the one being hurt, so that I can feel powerful (to be clear, I have never and would never do this, but I feel ashamed to even have the thought).

I don't know what the fuck to do. And I'm angry about that too.

Im 31 and im just now realizing how miserable I am. No wife, no kids, isolated, lonely and trapped in the comfort of a good paying job that I hate. Im just now coming to the realization of how miserable I really am. I have no social life, no friends really. Only 7 years ago I was the polar opposite and I dont know how its come to this. Im beginning to have these nightmares that I am getting old and my life has amounted to nothing, Im running out of time to do something meaningful. I have no idea what Im supposed to do as ridiculous as it sounds.