I (37 femme) met my partner (39 masc) in 2019. She was my first femme/masc relationship and the first time I was with someone “visibly gay”. I am a lesbian leaning bisexual that was previously married to a man and I have 2 sons. My partner and I got engaged in 2022, are registered domestic partners, and plan to get married.

My partner often tells me that I don’t know what it is like to be gay because I have been straight passing my whole life. She says that I don’t know what it is like to experience homophobia, and we live in a pretty conservative area where we def get “looks” from people. The hardest part of our relationship is my oldest son not being publicly accepting of our queerness. His father is 100% MIA, and outside of our home, he rejects my partner. I have said to her that maybe we should get married and have a wedding as a way to be more visibly symbolic about the dynamic between my kids and us, but she got offended at the idea that we need to “prove” our relationship to others by getting married like straight people.

Am I being homophobic by asking her to get married so we are seen as more “official” in the straight world?

Hi. Thats basically it. Recently, my mom saw printed photos of me and my gf together. Although they met already. My gf met all my family members. She then asked if what are we. If were more than bffs, she doesn't like it. I said she's my gf but they dont know we're together for 2 years already. My gf really gave a big impact in my life. Im just scared my parents doesnt approve of my relationship with her especially now that we're planning to settle sooner or later.

I’m visiting my friend for the weekend from VCU and just wanted to know if any queer women are down to hang out. I’m not used to UVA’s environment and my friend has a lot of work to do.

Hey! I don't post much but I'm a complete dumbass when it comes to jewelry and stuff like that. I'm more of a girl that focuses much if I like an item idc if it's cheap or expensive, as long as I like it. It has brought me to this problem now, idk what to get my gf. I don't want to get her something cheap because duh but I also don't want to give her something so expensive. Mind you, she deserves the world. And I would buy her something extravagant and even save for it for months. BUT she's also the type that actually doesn't wear jewellery. Both she and I knows she easily loses small objects. And if she ever loses it, I don't want her to feel bad, because I can easily replace it because its affordable. And ofc my gf is the type that hates wasting money on things that we don't need. She already hates me spending money on her. So I need it to be something reasonable for people who hates to spend. So idk how to go about this. I just want a simple ring, not flashy. If I can get away with no stones and just a nice design is a must, because she's not the type to wear shiny diamonds kinda girl. Just really want to be a simple ring that will symbolyze my love for her and a promise that I'll marry her in the future.

my girlfriend of nearly two years and i broke up tuesday, we agreed to remain friends but instead she’s ignoring me. so, now i have to mourn the loss of the woman i was going to spend my life with, and the loss of my closest and dearest friend.

does this ever get any easier? i’m a late in life lesbian and she is the first person i ever really loved

To my future partner,

As I sit down to write this letter, I'm overcome with a mix of anticipation and longing. It's a peculiar feeling, writing to someone I've yet to meet, someone who exists as a whisper in the wind, a promise yet to be fulfilled. But despite the uncertainty, there's an undeniable sense of connection, a thread that binds us across time and space.

I want you to know that even though our paths haven't crossed, you occupy a space in my heart, a place reserved for the one who will stand beside me through life's trials and triumphs. I yearn for the day when our eyes will meet, when your laughter will fill the air and your touch will ignite a spark within me.

In these quiet moments of reflection, I find myself imagining the life we will build together. I envision lazy Sunday mornings spent tangled in sheets, sharing whispered dreams and stolen kisses. I see us exploring the world hand in hand, each new adventure bringing us closer together. And in the quiet moments of solitude, I picture myself gazing into your eyes, feeling the weight of your presence, and knowing that I am home.

But beyond the romantic gestures and grand adventures, I want you to know that I am here for you in the everyday moments, the mundane routines that make up the fabric of our lives. I want to be the one you turn to in times of need, your rock in a world that can sometimes feel uncertain and unkind. I want to be the person who knows your quirks and idiosyncrasies, who loves you not in spite of them, but because of them.

I want to be your confidant, the one you trust with your deepest fears and wildest dreams. I want to be the person who listens when you need to be heard, who holds you when you need to be comforted, and who cheers you on when you need to be celebrated.

And if there ever comes a time when our journey hits a rough patch, as all journeys inevitably do, I want you to know that I am committed to weathering the storm together. I promise to approach moments of conflict with empathy and understanding, to communicate openly and honestly, and to never lose sight of the love that binds us together.

So, my dear future partner, wherever you may be, know that you are loved beyond measure, cherished more deeply than words can express. And until the day we finally meet, I will hold you in my heart and dream of the life we will share together. 🤍

I see a lot of talk about TERFs online which is fair enough, they deserve the backlash. But I can’t help but notice a fine line between TERFs and some allies.

The way some cis queer women “allies” talk about trans women is weird. If a lesbian says says they want to date trans women youll go on a long speech about how penis is great.

But if a lesbian says a thing solely about cis lesbians. Not even mentioning trans women its .“What about trans women… so trans women this… but what about penises… centring cis women is transphobic”

The People in question act as if trans women have some sort of privilege, or innate right to be desired over cis women… which can’t possibly make sense if you believe we are all equal. Which we are.

don’t we MAYBE think some people assign patriarchal benefits to them??? For a reason I won’t type out.

Unpack it

y’all, please vote. I’m so scared of what’s to come if we don’t.

I don’t want to have to hide my love for my wonderful partner out of fear for our safety. Our last chance to vote is on Tuesday, November 5th.

We’re all in this together 💙 Please vote.

it's been almost 3yrs for a 2 month long situationship. i hate her and i miss her. she used me and i knew that but at least someone wanted me, i miss that.

I've only had sex with one person and she was almost 20 years older than me.. I was 21 at the time, she was 40. I've been to night clubs, hit on girls, danced and flirted with them, kissed, even brought one home for a massage but no sex.

I live in eastern Europe so slightly more conservative country. I've been on all the dating apps for like 6-8 years now and still pretty much nothing. Met at least 20-40 girls on the apps, we'd go on 2-3 dates and then nothing as well. I've liked some girls in my life but it was never mutual. Never really liked any girl as much as the first one when I was 16.

I've had two "girlfriends"but there was no sex because we were young and it was very short so I don't really count it. Before I was more picky, then later on I wasn't at all, and now lately I'm not even going out on dates anymore or even texting at all. I'm still swiping on the apps though Because I just see through their profile that we're not going to be compatible. Im not even looking for a serious relationship at this point, pretty much I'd just take whatever I could get. I just have to be attracted to the girl, that she's somewhat nearby, she has to be similar age as me and at least like 1 similar interest. But I still can't find that and that she likes me back.

I am attracted to more feminine girls but also at least a little bit sporty. Any advice?

Basically as the title says - I have chronic yeast infections, that always seem to pop up again after treatment (sometimes even again after 2or so weeks) after being given oral. I always try and shower as well as pee right after sex but it doesn’t seem to stop it regardless. Any advice on making sure it doesn’t happen again? I’ve had too treat up to 4 yeast infections this year already.

Hey y’all, i (22f) have been seeing this girl (24f) for awhile now and we are getting more and more involved together and fairly quickly at that. for context, both her and i have always considered ourselves to be lesbians. she has always been with other women and i mean it when i say always, even her first love when she was in grade school was a girl. she hasn’t even dated or attempted to date a man but i’m her first trans women. i however am a woman who has been openly identifying as trans for a long time. i’ve always been with other women ever since i was young, aside from this one experience i had with a boy when i was a 17year old girl. i did this solely to explore my sexuality and lo and behold! it turns out that i am in fact a lesbian. bc i absolutely hated that experience and couldn’t even pretend to find them attractive. it’ll be my first and last time ever with a man i can promise that much. Okay back to my original point- the other day her and i went to a local bar together to celebrate halloween early since we both worked the night of the 31st. we ended up chatting up some of the people there and somehow the topic of discussion seemingly went from being about costumes and whatnot to whether or not my partner was even a lesbian for being w me. she seemed very confused and shocked by the notion that because she was with a trans woman that people seriously consider her bi and not gay. personally i was a bit offended by this notion but atp it’s not something brand new to me. people repeat this sentiment a lot especially online. she kept on insisting that she was in fact a lesbian and has only been attracted to women her entire life. she defended her point and me by saying something akin to “why would being attracted to someone with a feminine energy and attitude and female body parts make someone bisexual” but they were just not listening to her point and she started getting really visibly and understandingly upset about being seen as something she didn’t actually identify with. i felt bad for even dragging her into it tbh. when we got back to her apartment i tried to make her feel better and tell her those people were just rude and too drunk to realize how awful that was. i feel bad for her because she didn’t deserve that treatment and i don’t want it to keep happening just for being w me. is there anything i could say or do to help her to respond back to people that reiterate these points. i seriously would never consider a girl being with a trans woman to inherently mean they’re bisexual. especially since not all trans women still have their downstairs region “stock from the factory” or am i just delusional and is a woman dating a trans girl actually bisexual instead? i know this might all sound ridiculous but i just cannot wrap my head around all of this as it’s absurd imo. but any feedback or help would mean the world to me. thanks in advance yall and sorry about the lengthy post <3

So my wife and I recently got married! Before the wedding, we started filling out the marriage application online and then went down to our local courthouse to finish it in person. When we got there, my wife went up to the guy at the counter and told him that we were there to finish filling out marriage paperwork. He said “You both have to be here to do that.” I was literally standing right next to her but okay, whatever lol. She pointed at me and said “We are.” The guy looked back and forth between us for a moment before saying “Oh I see what this is.” Then turned to his coworker and said “You’re gonna want to take this one.” Before walking away without saying another word to us💀 The next guy was super apologetic and was being very overly nice to us to compensate.

I know this is not actually that bad of an experience all things considered. My wife literally had someone paint a slur on her car once so like, this isn’t bad in comparison at all. But it was a bit shocking especially when we’re trying to do something exciting and life changing like getting married. And the town we live in now is pretty liberal so this was a bit surprising. Like why do you work in the marriage license department of a court house in a very liberal town if you’re homophobic? And why hire someone like that???

I went to a gay club for the first time in my life, it was kind of a halloween thing and I was dressed up and looked quite nice if I say so myself 🕺

Anyways, I've been missing physical affection a lot since I broke up with my toxic ex and last night was a GODSEND. I felt so pretty and it was so hot and yeah, at one point I was going between kissing one to the other and just wow 🥴

Huge confidence booster, I hope all you lovely ladies are having a wonderful day/night 🫶

I feel like I'm being selfish and putting all the blame on her. I don't want to be but I'm just at my breaking point. For a long time I've believed she's the woman I want to marry but at this point with everything that's going on between us, I want to be single and I struggle to tell her that due to her mental health. I understand she feels immensely lonely and sad all the time and I've tried helping her, I've given her advice and comfort. I've tried my best to help but I feel she's not doing anything to change. I know she's tried but if it doesn't go well in her eyes she won't try it again. At this point I feel like I'm her therapist and I feel so burnt out from helping that I don't know how to help anymore. We've also had a lot of issues on both her and my side and we've currently separated until we're mature enough for a relationship. I honestly feel a lot better without her, I'm in denial about it because I feel horrible thinking that, but I've felt a lot of burden being with her. I've sacrificed a lot of my time and enjoyment to be with her especially after and/or before school. I know in a relationship you need to make a lot of sacrifices but it just feels like I'm sacrificing my own happiness and freedom. It makes me feel a lot of stress if I don't wait for her at the bus stop or if I'm not going to be at school or somewhere due to how she might feel. I don't want her feeling sad but I can't take the huge burden, but I believe if I say I want to end the relationship or spend time apart she'll hurt herself or commit. She hasn't said if I leave her she'll commit she's not like that but I know how lonely she feels sometimes that it makes her want to commit. I care for her, I truly do but I don't know anymore. I don't want this burden. I don't know what to do. I want to know she's okay and will be okay but I don't want to sacrifice myself for her to be happy because then I won't be happy and then it could be a horrible never ending loop of shit mental health between us. She's not a horrible person, I believe I've said worse in my fits of emotional outbreaks and I know I'm not mature enough to continue the relationship either. I just feel like I've given her so much patience to change and improve but I'm not being given any patience back when I try to alter my way of giving her comfort. I know the main way I give comfort isn't to her liking, thats because I try to give her proper advice rather than comfort. I'm trying my best to satisfy her needs but it's never met and I know me giving constant confirmation and reassurance will help short term but it won't long term and she'll keep feeding on it like a drug - well that's how I see it, I believe it's different in her eyes. I try to give her advice to help her improve but I feel like that goes to waste and she shuts down and gets all cold or bitchy. Like I'm trying to help and that's how you treat me? I believe someone who truly cares about you would want you to try to improve yourself and would want to help you and guide you but all I'm given is 'You don't understand' or 'I'm going to bed'. I'm trying to understand! I can only go off what you're saying and attempt to put myself in your shoes. I don't know what you're thinking so tell me and I'll understand more. Like I'm trying my best and it feels like you don't even appreciate it. Why should I try if I'm not given anything back? I'm sorry but it's how I feel and I know to recollect myself and remain calm and kind to not hurt her but at this point I'm not being genuine anymore. I'm numb, my mind is blank. I don't know what to say or what to do anymore to help her. Am I an asshole? Am I selfish? I don't know what to do anymore. Please help.

I know a lot of lesbians who are interested in queer literature (in all forms), who want to dissect, or even just casually talk about it, make art inspired by it, all that stuff. The problem is, I think I'm too shy to start that kind of community? Also, it's hard to find lesbians in general outside of online spaces. But I wouldn't mind starting this club purely online just to kinda see where it goes? And is there any advice for me, someone who reallyyyy wants to feel a sense of belonging, specifcally in having lesbian friends because I always feel left out as the sole lesbian in my friend groups. How can I put myself out there, platonically? I wish my gf and I had lesbian couple friends :((

Vibing and dreaming of the Christmas holidays I will be spending with my love🛐

I personally think reddit is a really unsafe way to meet a partner. It's a completely anonymous site and there are a lot of men (unfortunately) who infiltrate these types of spaces.

I post on here to have a community, but I'm not answering any DMs of people hitting on me.

I know this sounds dumb but I've just been getting a lot of DMs since my last post, and although I appreciate the supportive ones, some of the others freak me out.

TW: self harm/ suicide

I need some advice please. I love my wife so much. Like SO much. But when we have arguments, she gets really emotionally out of control and makes comments like she is going to try and hurt herself. She doesnt really have a history of doing it. But this is a big deal to me because I do have a history of self harm and I have attempted 3 times in my past so I never ever want to make someone feel that way. So when she does that, I always stop what we are talking about to comfort her. I have told her later that it seems manipulative. Especially when I have emotions about something she does and she spends the whole time justifying it, blaming me, and insisting im ruining her night.

Like tonight we are arguing and shes at work. We are fighting because I found out she is friends with her ex on facebook and she lied about it. She is not talking to this ex. But she also told me I am the only partner who she has introduced to her family, which is also a lie. I want to be clear I do not care about her past or about her being friends with them on social media. I care that she lied about it and it was so unnecessary to lie because I never asked or cared. Then she told me she didnt know she had her on her FB because last time she knew the girl had blocked her. But she liked the girls PFP two years ago (again i dont care about that, i only care that she is still lying for seemingly no reason other than to not continue arguing). So then she says shes sorry she doesnt care about the past and sorry that shes not an FBI like I am. Then she called me to yell at me about how she is right and ended the call by telling me not to talk to her anymore. Three hours later here we are. Im telling her she disrespected me and hurt me, that she disregarded my anxiety by treating me that way. Especially because she posted on her insta after telling me not to talk to her.

Then she flips to saying shes sorry, everythings her fault and this is the last time she will make me feel this way. That she is sorry for putting me through so much and making me think she could do it. Essentially implying she is going to hurt herself. It really scares me because shes not even here for me to directly comfort or at the very least keep an eye on to make sure she doesnt do something stupid. And i am also irked because she really hurt me with her actions and instead of taking responsibility, she is doing this.

I just need advice on how to handle this part of the fight? I know some will say to get a divorce because we are not compatible or something but that is not an option. I am committed to her and vice versa. So advice on how to work through this is greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much in advance!!

I'm not currently in a relationship, this is relating to past relationships and hypothetical future ones.

I never feel good asking for anything. Even holding hands. Who tf am I to ask her to do something for me when she didn't offer it herself? My needs and wants in relationships have never been important anyway.

I think if I asked for all the things I wanted from a girlfriend, she'd get sick of me in days. I'd likely ask to cuddle or spend time together a bit too much, maybe ask for her help doing something, and it depends on if we live together or not.

I feel like I should just be there for her according to what she wants and needs, my wants and needs would just muddy the water and make things unmanageable. But sometimes I like to imagine being with a girl who likes doing things with me and maybe for me sometimes 🥴

Hi (21m) here I know this place is for women i just wanna say I appreciate everyone who is proud and celebrates their identity and sexuality. I have to confess that I was homophobe but after going to college and seeing meeting people from different background, sexuality I realised and understood their perspective I respect their choice as they did mine, I am thankful that I was able to understand that their are people with different sexuality and it's ok it's their choice and I or anyone shouldn't interfere with it. I wouldn't want some one to come to me and try to interfere with my sexuality so yeah sexuality is a very personal thing and no one should interfere with other's. Thank you

Not sure if this is the correct community to ask this but.. Have you ever question yourself if you're still in for love or just because you're totally comfortable together? I'm a woman and have been with my girlfriend like 10+ years already.. right now, I'm starting to question myself if this is the relationship/partner I want to stay with for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm being selfish? IDK anymore. I'm starting to focus on things that we do not match with. Like, I don't like repeating myself over and over on things or matter that she kept "forgetting" or as for her part she'd say "I didn't know that". Not sure if it's gaslighting but it feels like it.. or maybe I am just tired of having someone who can't remember some important things or matters which really are important to me. I don't know anymore. I know I love her still but it's the "small" things which for me plays a big role for me as it is what makes me feel that I am valued. I don't know if I'm making any sense.. just.. how do you know you're staying because of love or just because you're comfortable and don't want change?

Been depressed lately and want to do things that'll make me happy that isn't alcohol or thc. What do you girls do for fun?? I used to have fun doing stuff like going to the gym but that isn't fun for me anymore.