Hope everyone is hanging in there, as we continue the 12th year of r/LGBTForeverAlone. What helps you cope, what have you been reading, playing, watching, and listening to? Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, and previously, into the mists of time...

Listening to this Prince Rama track and album quite a bit, it's easy to lose sense of the epic, majestic quality of life on planet earth. I think I've always been drawn to sonic landscapes, epic games, books and movies for that reason.

Hello everyone! I am a freelance journalist working on a story about loneliness within the queer community—particularly as a result of beauty standards and subtle biases that pervade our community, just like any other. I am looking to speak with a wide variety of sources. If you feel that you have something to contribute to this topic, please DM me! I am also happy to answer any questions about my project and myself. Thank you :)

I'm not good at writing or singing, but my heart aches sometimes over people I can just tell plainly don't want me.

And it's not like a gay crushing on a straight type of situation. I'm transgender crushing on a nonbinary person of the same birth sex. But it's obvious to me that, although they are queer, they have a very heavy preference for people of the opposite birth sex. I just feel invisible here, we're friends of course but anything more is clearly never gonna happen. I wish I could release the pain in song or hear someone else release it.

Silly of me thinking I was good enough. Put myself out there just to get ghosted....... again. Maybe I'll learn one of these days.

23/M Feeling really lonely and could use some company. I’d like to remember what it feels like to have a good conversation and have your phone notifications blow up because of it.

Just a reminder that we do have a sticky thread partly dedicated to sharing success stories. Statistically there must be at least a few out there? Over the past twelve years, a lot of redditors have come and gone. If you wanted to share a story of how you escaped FAdom, that might give a bit of closure as well. Peace! and thanks to all the redditors who have participated in this subreddit over the years.

How is everyone?

Life as a gay guy in his 20s make me want to actually myself. Will fall for a straight guy again and again. Warn myself not to do it but still did it. I hate human emotion so much. Just let me live without liking a straight guy for once in this burning world.

After years of trying various anti-depressants, I was prescribed one of the ADHD medications, and wow - this stuff is legit. The change in mood was almost immediate and physiologically noticeable through an elevated heart rate. So THIS is what it feels like when a mental health drug actually works.

This comes after decades of gaslighting, of being on various anti-depressants that - as far as I can tell - had the effectiveness of drinking a can of Sprite. Was that the Prozac kicking in, or was that the Sprite I just drank? I think I felt something in the back of my throat. Maybe.

We were misled.

So what does science say about the effectiveness of therapy and medication?

https://twitter.com/erikphoel/status/1760338273153568956

They buried the lede on this new study. It's not that exercise beats out SSRIs for depression treatment, but that *just* dancing has the largest effect of *any treatment* for depression. That's kind of beautiful.

Now, this study is far from perfect, and shouldn't be treated as the last word. But it is consistent with everything I've read about the effectiveness of therapy and medication.

Part of this is that the cure to loneliness isn't a pill. It's about establishing meaningful social relationships. If therapy is paying for a friend, that may be better than nothing - but it's also a "friend" you are seeing for 1 hour every 1or 2 weeks. And what's the quality of that friend?

For all the younger people: I wanted to share my experience. This is my opinion, feel free to disagree. But if you've been put on SSRIs to no effect - as so many of us were and are - you are not alone.

Hello everyone! I'm a master's student in psychology and I'm collecting anonymous data for my thesis which is a research study aiming to investigate the psychological impact of discrimination, including sexual orientation discrimination and gender discrimination.

I would be really grateful if you could participate by filling out my survey! Thank you very much in advance! :)

This is the link to my survey for everyone who wants to help:

https://forms.gle/6XrEKfvSrvFSPcjV7

I joined a server for a small gay community for making friends and it started off okay but over time I started to realize how little people cared about me or my life.I was there the longest and yet nobody wanted to ever get close to me and joke with me like they do with each other.Sure they pretend to care but most of them wouldnt care if I left so I deleted my account.

I dont want to stay in a place im not wanted gay men are so gatekeepy and they will flat out ignore you if they dont like you its abuse.It was just a group for friends and yet its still toxic.

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How is everyone?

Hey everyone. Now that I've tried it, I can highly recommend: taking a break from the apps.

1. Turn off Tinder, Grindr, Hinge, etc.
2. Unsubscribe from relationship-heavy subreddits
3. Try it for few days, a week, a month. Find what works for you.

Why it works: Being on the apps is like being hungry and constantly smelling a delicious meal you can't have. Or it's like... picking at a scab that never heals.

Disclosure: I've caved a couple of times and checked back in, but overall it's helped my mood considerably. #AppVacation 🏝️

My grandparents have been my support system throughout my entire life. They've raised me since birth, and I've always had them to fall back on. But over these past few months, as they get older, I go through my entire days wondering when either one or both of them won't be here anymore.

I don't have a mother, father, sibling, friend group, or significant other I can lean on. I have to deal with the very real fact that when the time comes, I'll be entirely alone. At that point, what the hell would I even be here for?

At 29, most normal people have a foundation for their lives. But I'm just here floating along, hating each second of my life that passes, and trying to do my absolute best to survive. What's worse, is that I walk around pretending that everything is perfectly fine, meanwhile I'm trying not to drown on the inside. And there's nobody I can talk to about it except strangers on the internet.

I never had any other guys interested in me when I was a normal guy, and whenever I went for someone he would always let me down easy, saying, "You're not my type," or "I'm into taller guys" and after starting HRT nothing's changed.

I talked to one of my friends about this and she said I'll get someone eventually because I'm "nice." I know she means well, but I just can't stand hearing that.

im attracted to everyone basically to some degree, but im primarily attracted to trans women.

i dont have strong attraction to men or women

everyone thinks im gay which i could care less

the issue is my family have practically disowned me because i was targeted before i had even came out of realised im gay bisexual they didnt help much we now dont speak

im unemployed because ive been forced out of every job

and i now live in an area in which i was forced to move to

it's becoming quite ridiculous.

im basically straight gay bi unemployed completely alone and isolated and i live in an arra that is completely non conducive to me

most people dont hassle me but there are people who deliberately try to provoke me

this is my life

my aunt is gay and about the only person i now speak to within my family

life is getting smaller by the day

People tell me how much they like me and love having me around and some even think im attractive.The thing is they dont realize deep down how broken I am and how cruel I am especially in my past.I turned into a complete loser in my mid twenties didnt go through college and became a typical incel neet.I was abusive and hateful to everyone around me and almost got arrested multiple times for physical violence.I was also blackpilled and bought into lookism and all that garbage. Now I do believe the black pill has some truths to it but its not a healthy way to look at life.I guess just learn to play the hand your dealt in life instead of bitching about how ugly and stupid you are.Victimhood can quickly turn toxic when jealousy turns to hatred.

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I came out as a gay man a couple of years ago and it forced me out of my shell.I have made positive changes to my life and have distanced myself from my old past.I made some new friends and found a little friendly gay server with a tightknit community.That discord server was a great help to me while I had zero friends.Well I have one friend I might see once a year.I lacked active friends which was probably part of why I was so depressed.

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Alot of things have changed for the better I still need to get my money on point as well as my weight and I will be at the peak of my life.Still my heart has closed off and its hard to truly crush on someone how I used to.I have so many insecurities about myself that it makes it hard to truly open up to someone.I dont want to burden someone else when they deserve someone whos perfect for a relationship.Im a like teddy bear with an arm and one eye missing why would somebody want that when they could have a teddy bear thats all intact could someone love a teddy bear with only one arm and eye.

Sorry for that cringy analogy about the teddy bear anyways I just wanted to unload my thoughts here.I dont like airing my thoughts in the public.Its nice to have a sub like this most of reddit I wish this community was a little more active.

We walk down the street, talk to people, socialise, go to work, but we mostly don't know the impact we have on people, did that person who just walked past's heartbeat pick up at a passing glance, was that person we were talking to actually really listen, did they walk away with something we said stuck in their head for a while?

How many opportunities have we missed of meeting somebody special?

I'm just sick of apps like Hinge, Tinder, etc and how they're so skewed towards either making you pay for momentary satisfaction or keeping you locked on them forever. I'd like to pose primarily this question, among others: What incentive do these apps have to help people get into healthy, happy relationships? Especially people like us that have been beat down and told we're undesireables our whole lives!

It's more profitable for them to keep people spiraling, and most of all, for them to make us think that "there's no other successful way for LGBT people to meet each other." If I had a penny everytime I've seen or heard that, I'd be filthy rich. Think of how ridiculous those types of statements are! I'm so disappointed that I ever fell victim to those commercialized cesspits... I hope every kind soul I encountered on those apps is able to find happiness elsewhere.

I just needed to vent. I hope this helps someone feel better, even if only a bit. For all I know, the right person for me is also feeling alone right now. Maybe they just need to hear something like this.

Had my self esteem crushed even harder today when I decided I was going to be a little confident today and decided to try and feel a little sexy today and post some photos on a gay discord.I was completely ignored and didnt get any upvotes and left and deleted my photos.My ugly ass doesnt deserve to be displayed next to these more attractive people.

I just have to accept its over for me im 33 years old and undesirable its time for me to give off and just crawl in a hole and die.

How is everyone?

I've seen this article making its rounds again recently: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-51270317

And every time the discussion of the gay community's standards come up, everybody acts like they're so inclusive and accepting. The same people going around saying "I don't care what someone's body looks like," are the exact same kind of people I've seen viciously mock others for their body types. Height, race, body shape, hair, dick length, etc. These are all the metrics through which gays are measured against, and everyone always pretends they don't exist.

If you call it out, you're accused of being bitter. On the other hand, you get told to fix it, which is basically a veiled way of telling you to become everything the community claimed it didn't care about.

"Oh my god, I could never treat somebody differently based on shallow qualities." Yet, across communities like r/gaybros, r/gaymen, and even their MenOver30 variants, which you'd think would be more mature, it's the same cliquish, high school mean girl mentalities dominating everything.

And before anyone gives me the whole "it's just the internet" copout, it's not. These are real people, living their real lives, making up a significant portion of the gay community, and promoting behaviors that lead to stories like the article above.

It shouldn't make me as aggravated as it does, but I guess tonight is just one of those nights.

I feel like the most ugliest man, because I'm single about 12 years ago, nobody wants to have dates or something else, only just one time for sex and that's all and I don't want It. I have insecurities about my body, the size of my dick, how I look, etc. Because the typical "stereotypes" and what I see everywhere about "being gay", if you aren't muscular, with big dick, handsome or with money, being gay is a shit. Any advices, opinions, etc, everything you have to say (Good things) is appreciated.

I thought I was handling things in a healthy way, I thought I was in a good mindset for this shit but I'm not, I've been trying so hard to suppress the fantasies and scenarios my brain keeps making up about us being together and me being happy for once because I knew that once actual reality sets in I'd spiral hard but it's just impossible. I shouldn't be upset, she's allowed to love and be with whoever she wants but I wish she just wanted to be with me too. It was stupid of me to ever think she would love me, no one ever does. How do I make this cycle end? Why bother trying anymore? I just want to be happy but my heart won't let me, it always chooses the wrong person and I end up in pain. I'm always going to be alone

Even when I’m not asking for advice guys seem to think offering the most brain dead solutions will fix constantly getting rejected as if they assume I was raised in a cave and have no idea about self improvement

I workout, I clean my room, I take showers, I wash my face, I get haircuts, I Put myself “out there”, I Have a job, I Join clubs, I’m learning a skill/hobby

I’ve been doing all of these things and more since birth yet when I vent about being lonely and rejected it’s still MY fault that I’m not trying to fix the problem.

Are people really so ignorant they rather believe I’m some fat lazy guy who stays at home 24/7 complaining than someone who’s actually trying but still fails to form any relationship for reasons I can’t control like genetics?

How is everyone?

I spent Christmas with some relatives I haven't seen in a long time and it was brutal hearing them talk about their lives. They talked about their careers and relationships they are in and they were all successful. Meanwhile I can't even be out to a good chunk of the family because of religion. Some of them look like models while I'm cursed with a horrendous looking face. Thankfully, besides formalities none of them asked me much about my life, so I didn't have to say I'm single and have never been with anyone. I've really turned into the family black sheep.

I made the mistake of looking at social media and I saw Grindr trending. People talking about visiting their family and getting into weird Grindr conversations/hooking up because they were traveling to a new town or city to visit family. I never would hookup even if I could while visiting family because that's disrespectful but I checked Grindr in the college town that my family lives in and just like back at home it's great looking twinks, muscular people, and a handful of very out of shape people. Its the same everywhere and I already can tell I would just be blocked because of my face everytime.

Christmas has really turned into a brutal reminder that I'm missing out on a big part of life and probably won't be able to ever catch up. Through bad luck, I just lack the ability to move on in life and each passing year will get worse and worse until things end.

0 hookups

0 dates

0 seconds spent in relationship

0 seconds spent with gay friends irl (because they don't exist)*

0 seconds spent on grindr (first year ever since coming out when i didn't even try)

0 times being given the sexual interest irl or on local grindr grid

0 support from my side to gay community in any form

0 visits to gay clubs nor attending pride parades

0 prep pills taken (because there's no need to)

0 ideas about what to change

0 chances for all of it to change in the rest of 2023 (and most likely in 2024 as well)

probably missed some as well but couldn't be bothered right now

anyway, merry christmas and better new year for people truly belonging here

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*doesn't apply to online friends, but none of them even lives in my continent

A virtual zoom support group for folks like us? I’m thinking of starting a “meetup” for LGBT FAs where we can discuss and connect with others like ourselves.

How is everyone?