I find myself in mid-30's without every really dating anyone. I feel like I wasted my 20's on being an egg and in denial. I tried apps and it didn't worked out. I tried gay bars but I mostly saw gay man and women in early 20's. I have hard time sustaining friendships - I guess I'm boring. I am at the same time scared of relationship and opening up and scared of dying alone, with no one being able to take care for my cats.

So I transfered stores to a smaller one thinking "oh it's going to be completely different now since I was treated like an outcast and very poorly" but nope these two other women who I did get a long but ofc knowing that I'd have to initiate the conversation each time. But these two women never acknowledge me or bother to come to help me unless they need my height to reach something or put something up for them.

But then again both were friendly with a shitty team lead who treated me and made false reports about me being slow despite being faster than said team lead. Like holy fuck it sucks being a FA queer woman. I'm slowly getting better at not acknowledging anyone girst.

Just fucking hate it. I want people around my age to relate to and to talk about random stuff with. Like I don't mind having male friends as long as they don't think I want to fuck them. But having another female friend would be nice.

How is everyone?

With the way out community evolved they threw LOVE away... like why... if you want a meaningful relationship you looked down upon argh

• I still have bad nights, but the pangs of loneliness have drastically decreased (thank gawd)
• Sexual urges are less intrusive/decreased (thank gawd!)
• I try to be kinder to myself and don't put myself down (as much)
• I started attending meetups
• I’ve reached an age where not dating feels normal and expected. I feel like I've made it to the other side, somehow... yea I still feel sad about the lack of interest on the apps... but it's also kinda whatever.

No, random guy on Grindr, I don't want to exchange nudes and fuck you. I want to take you on a DATE!

No, cute guy I'm chatting with on Facebook, I don't want to be in an open relationship with you and your supposed husband.

No, guy I like on Whatsapp, I don't want to join your nasty orgy party. Let's just play Monopoly.

No, beautiful man I see on Jack'd, I will not act and talk like a hypermasculine thug for your acceptance into this porn-based fantasy of yours. I like being a nerd, thank you.

No Instagram, I am not hot enough to take gorgeous pictures. I'm not a flawless twink, a ripped jock, or a light-skinned pretty boy. I'm just a short, mid in the face, chubby black dude who breaks mirrors when he looks into them.

No, to the 50th guy with a penis pic on Bateworld, I want a RELATIONSHIP. I don't want to phone bone, I don't want to Skype, I don't want to babble about "muh peenus", I want a normal fucking conversation. I'm a side, so I'm stuck utilizing this dumb website 😒 . If I had options, I would have left this dumpster fire already.

Thank you God/Allah/Buddha/Universe/Magical Tomato for making me gay. What a wonderful experience to be treated like a disposable fleshlight and denied the experience of true love. The closest romantic moment available to me is doing crystal meth with some weirdo around the block, sniffing poppers on Skye with a goontard, or relinquishing my side status hoping this top will love me after he's done using me. I love being a gay man. 😄😬 🌈 💅 ✨️

P.S. Thank you for making me battle with obesity since childhood. All of my fat female friends have men who "love their every curve" and enjoy more "cushion for the pushin." Yet, I make gay men block me and run away into the arms of their Instagram famous twunk saviors 😬

And yes, I know he'd only want whatever money I have when I'm older, but I don't care at this point. I'm only 21 now, and I know there might still be chances for me, but I don't want to place all my eggs in the small basket of chance encounters. Especially when it seems that now, the rest of my 20's is going to be working constantly for a chance at a decent life and retirement (assuming I make it that far). So if I do get that kind of money, and I'm still as single as I am now, I might as well share some of it to completely avoid going off the deep end, or to at least have someone to save me if start choking at dinner time. It's fine if he doesn't love me; my parents don't love me, so I know I can survive living in a house with someone that doesn't really care deeply about me as a person.

I know better than to bet on just "dealing with" a weirdo or creep because they want a one-and-done, not a relationship. Aside from some online weirdos and creeps that would probably murder me, no one wants me. No one is interested in me in real life. I don't expect anyone to be anymore... in the past, I used to think "statistically, someone will have to express interest in me in a normal, healthy way" but I haven't found that to be the case. I'm sure I could get hookups because there are men that will fuck anything that moves. But I'm not wired for hookups and have no interest in them. I would feel like my personal space is being invaded, so it's not for me.

I wish I never even thought about having a relationship. If I could make myself forget one thing, erase anything from my mind, it would be that I'm capable of experiencing romantic attraction to anyone.

First and foremost: I joined the site for it's intended purpose- social networking and finding events. For that, it's been great, and I've met a good deal of kind, genuine people. And also on the positive side, at least it's super obvious to spot chasers.

But in reality, I wonder if it was a mistake to say I'm a trans man on my profile. Who am I kidding, though? If I didn't have it on my profile, a lot of people would feel betrayed if I disclosed later. Plus I know it really sucks, but I'd kind of prefer that people knew because to me, it would be a punch in the gut to go through the euphoria of people assuming I have a cis man's anatomy... but then I actually don't. Still, it seems like the only interested parties are chasers. And that's when I'm just looking for friends, not even someone to date.

Being a gay trans man and also a sexual deviant means it's nearly impossible to find partners. To be honest, I've kind of given up. I don't want a one and done. Chasers sweet talk, but only want sex, and I know better than to fall for their antics.

On the surface, I'm not bad looking. Hell, I get all manner of looks and compliments, and I like the way I look as an alternative twink. But truthfully, I doubt I'd be compatible with normal gay men. No amount of friendliness or outgoingness on my part seems to fix that. I think I just have a vexxing combination of traits, and despite my efforts, I can't get them to align in an approachable way.

36 aroace enby here.

So a couple things happened in the last few days that really started making my mental health spiral down. But I’ll just focus on one because it’s the most relevant. Something that were it an isolated incident, I would have grumbled but not thought much of; however, when piled on top of a bunch of other shit in my life, it just made me feel like the world’s punching bag.

My roomie/best friend of 20+ years’ boyfriend has had a nasty habit lately of putting his shoes in my spot on the shoe rack. Between the two of them, there’s like 10 pairs of shoes. I have one pair of shoes downstairs. I have one spot they go in. It started to feel as though I was being sent a message, y’know.

Of course, roomie assured me that he would be talked to, that I’m an important part of the house and that she doesn’t want me to feel like nothing but a 3rd wheel, etc. But it still has me thinking, y’know…

Thinking about how I’ll never have someone who’s truly on my side. How I’ll never be anyone’s favorite person. How I’ll never have someone to fight the world with. How I’ll never be held and told that everything will be ok after I’ve had a bad day. How I’ll always be this sad, pathetic loser. All because I don’t feel this nebulous thing we call “romantic attraction”. Because romance and our society’s relationship with it baffles the fuck out of me. Because no one would ever be attracted to this emotionally numb fuckwit with the weirdest assortment of hobbies/special interests.

Sorry, this was a long one, but just had to get this off my chest.

How is everyone?

So here I am, a 58 year old single gay man whose only date in my life laster 2 months 17 years ago. I've been on no less than 2 dozen gay dating apps over the last 25 years. (My God I can't believe I just admitted that). Many no longer exist, currently I'm on 5 or 6. I've always wanted a partner . Straight dudes have them all the time so why can't I? There's 3 million men in the corridor between Metro Detroit and the Toledo area, I only want one. Is it because they think I am too old now? My time expired at age 30 and my days of club hopping hedonism is over now? That I'm no longer one of those coveted twinks? Maybe the reason why nobody in the gay community will even look at me anymore is because I've gained weight since high school? Have I become an obese outcast? Or maybe it's because of my taste in music. I happen to love hard rock and metal music. Yes even at the ripe old age of 58 I love rock n roll! Could the reason why no gay man will so much as stop by for a casual conversation with me is because I am the only gay man in America that rocks out while the entire rest of the GC are all into snappy theatrical show tunes and Taylor Swift? In the mean time I've been ranting here long enough. Time to find something for dinner. Peace out.

I've been mentally ill for the past year, can barely afford therapy and living pay check to pay check. Can't get the meds/scripts I need because we only have one endocrinologist who is dog shit at his job and his office staff is full of old retired people. My cat is the only thing keeping me slightly sane.

I stopped initiating conversations because it got so exhausting being the one to start them. The last argument I got in with my "friend"? I don't know anymore, about how I never saw his Facebook post about something serious happening even though I barely use it. It's normally deactivated. Probably going to do some self sabotage this weekend to make me feel slightly sane.

I use therapised speech as a mask mode to engage in social interactions due to my ASD. In normal mixed community groups, I handle them fine, dazzling everyone with my impeccable direct and assertive communication, and crystal clear tone.

I tried two lgbt badminton groups, and immediately my mask mode slipped, however crap and socially awkward I would normally talk is all that happened.

I reflected on this and believe the cause to be that I was overtly nervous and stressed, and I am terrified of gay men. Physically, this caused my mouth, tongue and throat to seize up and constrict, ruining my perfect trained speech. I learned that I can force the relaxation and correct tongue position after practicing further and identifying the cause of my vocal shifts, but now I am unsure how to proceed with further groups.

I was literally barking out short responses at the person who runs the groups and am unsure if I should message him on meetup to apologise and explain this.

Only thing I ever ask is literally, NO NSFW PRIOR TO MEETING, and no hookups / NSA.

I have been excluded from the entire dating pool my whole life just on the basis of not being a promiscuous man.

I even simply try making a thread on whichever gay subreddit asking 'how to date', and it gets auto removed for being about dating, even though this isn't against the subs rules.

Seriously wtf is the entire lgbt industry nothing but hedonistic and sex obsessed?

I've stopped caring. Idgaf anymore. I don't even care when people send me creepy messages now. What did I expect? At least it's engagement.

When I'm older, if my luck stays the same, maybe I'll fully succumb to my shopping addiction to fill the void. Or maybe I'll find a mail order husband. Who knows?

27yo and completely gave up on relationships, friendships and life lol im in that happy depression phase idk what to do with this longing for love for a woman's face so close to mine for deep talks and instant understanding i keep hving these thoughts that i 'might' find her but ik it'll never happen, seeing that im in the most homophophic country ever and also having shit social skill and shit luck in life overalll.. i just want a connection even a female friends connection but yea shit social skill are ruining me.. ive always been alone since being a kid but this loneliness is really hard to normalize i keep longing for something i will never have 💔

Will I ever be good enough? Like I know I'm not the most attractive guy out there but come on. Will the ghosting ever end? Will the time wasting ever end? I've played by the rules. Tried looking. Tried waiting. Been up front and honest about what I want. Tried to communicate even though the convo was dry (yea I know) I'm just so tired of it all. I just turned 35 a couple of days ago and I can count on 2 fingers the number of dates I've been on. He'll, I can't even manage to get a hookup. Someone please tell me what is wrong with me so I can fix it, cause idk if I can continue living like this.

Look i get that not everyone can like you and you can't make them like you, especially co workers. Even if they were rude/mean to me I'm always trying to be the better person but the last store i worked at before I transferred treated me like shit and not one of them was going to miss even though they said it to my face. I knew deep down that wasn't true. Why do we have to be treated like shit by other women/people?

I am very frustrated because my best friend is starting to treat me strangely, I have cried several times because of this situation, I can't find a solution to this, there is no solution, I just want to vent here.

These last few months I have been at a very low emotional point due to a situation at home and my self-esteem is always low, and I have not been able to avoid crying at school or telling things that I had never told before to that friend in the hope of finding some consolation, but I have never done it.

She is quite affectionate with her other friends to the point that some of them had to tell her to stop because she was suffocating them, as a joke. However, when I'm crying my eyes out or telling her something incredibly personal about me, she just tells me "what's wrong?", she's not able to come up and give me a hug as if I disgust her, or be more understanding, usually her tone is indifferent. I just want to be supported, I feel alone, I can't find anyone to talk to about anything.

And I feel that this is because I am a lesbian girl, because since I came out of the closet with her, she changed her attitude, before we were best friends, we loved each other and we hugged each other, I loved her very much AS A FRIEND. I am very afraid that she may have felt harassed at some point, I have gone over every interaction to see if any could have been interpreted as romantic or even worse, sexual.

I have not been able to talk to her seriously about this topic because she herself is not serious, she takes everything as a joke and ends up ignoring me or does not make any changes or give me any answers. What do you think?

I definitely didn't cry writing this post :^

How is everyone?

Okay like i might be trans mtf but im not totaly sure so i dont know how to represent my self to ppl. I only occasionally try to present even kinda femininely even then im ugly as shit so kinda whats the point lmao. also im socially inept and a bit of a shut in, i leave my house maybe once a week (and only with family) so i rly struggle socially like i can mutter through small talk and small stuff but anything harder then that i cant do it. Also idk if this is just me over thinking but im attracted to mostly only cis girls right and idk to me it just seems even more impossable as lgbt person to find some one then if i was just a cis guy and like besides my weight i look decent as a guy but i look ugly as fuck as a girl so idk like it just feels impossible. like i havent tryed dating apps cause i dont know how to represent myself,i dont wanna put im a trans girl cause i havent put in much effort (and the ugly as a girl thing) but puting as a guy seems disineuous as well so idk. Also theres the fact thats im horribly depressed and anxious witch makes it feel even more impossible so idk rippo lmao.

I am just here to vent and get it out. I am so frustrated with dating as a gay man. The most frustrating part is when you know you are moderately attractive but cannot find someone you love that loves you back or that you are attracted to who finds you attractive back. I am so tired of it i am going to change my perspective on dating and how i date. The fact of the matter is that i really would like a life partner but now after so many failed attempts i would just like to learn to be happy alone and not feel the need to get attached. I have taught myself to expect disappoint every time i walk into a relationship because that is all the people who i have dated have shown me. Now im tired of it. I’m tired of getting my heart broken. It’s so expected now that im like “oh well” and just move on and that is wrong. I don’t care anymore and i just want to use this to vent and then move on and focus on other things.

Dears,

I haven't seen any posts about it as i remember, hence i write it. This is about one trait of general FA subs that i see once in a while.

As we know, Forever Alone subs are consisting basically only of straight males, gay people there are exceptions or visitors. So the relatability in here can vary. In one particular case, they can even insult us way more than normal gay subs can, and it's not because of homophobia.

In these general forever alone subs, once in a while there is a post about how life would be easy if original poster would be gay. Some of them base on the idealization of gay community, but majority come from real life experiences. In a link below to one of these threads, majority admits to having gay men hitting on them, also giving them adoration and regret regarding inability to change sexual orientation.

I don't have to say more, how offensive and insensitive it is. The reason we are here is that we never got any interest and nothing but emotions from indifference to hate range that don't lead to relationship, nor even hookups. No one really welcome me in the same way as straight people get to experience. It turns out that like over 90% of people who are universally rejected by women, would thrive in a gay community. I wouldn't blame it on idealization of straight people. As i realize, it rather illustrates how bad and hopeless things are for us. Maybe there is no reason to put any effort, if so many people are ahead of us.

I think that it also shows that straight FAs aren't our allies - i think when given a chance, they would gladly throw us under the bus. I noticed that they are very quick to fill in 'normie's' shoes, same mythical 'normies' they despise in every second sentence. Even when i brought this up, i got only unwanted insincere platitudes of 'just being friendly'. But still, there's something uncanny about that, that despite the hostility of these people towards 'normal people', in fact they don't need that much to behave in the same way. Maybe falling into FA archetype isn't a lesson to process and actually doesn't teach you anything about life.

What do you think about that? Are there maybe other explanations to that?

LINK

For those of us without friends, could there be worse advice than "you don't need anyone else, just love yourself"? A recipe for getting sadder and sadder 😂

Turning 50 soon, no friends or relationship and it's just really hard to stay motivated at work or anything. What makes life meaningful... video game wins?

If I could go back, I would tell the younger me that most people are good and want to help, to assume good faith. And how important it is to find your tribe, to find a tribe. I never found my tribe. But maybe this is naive, and I developed into something too unpleasant to form relationships.

https://strawpoll.com/XOgOVVQQ3n3

Not sure if this is allowed but am curious. :3

I was wondering if anyone had any song recommendations to help with the loneliness.

I really like The Marías right now to help me feel less alone. Especially "Only In My Dreams" and "All I Really Want Is You," but a lot of their other songs, too. Usually, I don't listen to a ton of pop, but they have such a... soothing, yet melancholy sound.

Also, "One Of Your Girls" by Troye Sivan has got me.

Sorry, I hope this is not too off-topic; music can just be very helpful in hard times. I'm also really curious to know what others here are listening to.

I (trans woman, bit of a tomboy at that) posted here a few months ago about an interaction I had with one of my friends where they thought I was trying to flirt with them (I wasn't) and tried to let me down, prompting a conversation in which they praised me in other ways and made it seem like my body and sex at birth was the only major reason we're incompatible.

To put it a way, I definitely was a bit infatuated with them but my intuition already told me it wouldn't work, so I wasn't gonna try. I just wanted to continue cherishing their friendship at that point. But the conversation really dug into me and I internalized it as the universe punishing me again through the circumstances of my birth. I wished it could all be different, I felt a lot of grief over the life I could never explore with them and lost sight of what matters in my real life.

This sadness combined with other things weighing on my heart at the time spilled over into my social media, and they eventually found something directly relating to my mixed feelings for them on a platform we otherwise don't interact on. They confronted me about it a few days ago and I guess just lost all hope that I could maintain a healthy friendship with them anymore. So it's over.

The good part for me right now is that I feel a lot more in control of my own emotions than I used to be. It stung and I felt really low for a couple nights, and it made me wonder if I actually ever learn from these things and grow or if I will keep fucking up in similar ways. But I think I'm gonna be alright.

They said that maybe we could try again in the future, but right now I don't want to. I honestly don't think I deserve it for being so clingy. And sure they meant a lot to me, but I don't even know what I meant to them. I'm not really seeing how they care about me at all if perhaps they only ever tolerated me. Maybe just go, dude. Get that nonbinary pussy you require.

I resigned myself to the fact that when I grow up I will live a life that I won't like. I am a teenager, years ago I discovered my sexuality and I currently consider myself a lesbian, but I know that I will not be able to maintain that lifestyle when I am an adult, so I have already resigned myself to marrying a man I will never really love, we will have children because that is the natural course of life, in a few years we will stop loving each other. But we will continue together for the children, those children will not be raised in the correct way because I will hate that life and my husband will surely also be carefree for x or y reason. I will study a career that I will not like but if I am lucky it will give me a sufficient salary to not have financial problems, I will never fulfill my dream of being a writer because I am not good enough and because it does not make money. I will live a miserable life, a family that I despise, a job that will make every day of my life boring, in a place that I probably won't like either, I know I can't change it.