/r/ask_transgender

Photograph via snooOG

Transgender questions, transgender answers.

Welcome to /r/ask_transgender!

This subreddit exists to provide a safe space for people to ask questions, have discussions, seek support and help, and share resources about trans-related issues and experiences.

  • If you identify as transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, agender, third-gender, two-spirit, bigender, non-binary, or gender-non-conforming: you are welcome here.

  • If you are questioning your gender identity or wondering where you fit: you are welcome here.

  • If you are a non-trans person looking to ask a question or learn something: you are welcome here - but please understand that you are a guest. Also, if you are a regular member of subreddits known to spread hate speech and discrimination against transgender people and other minorities, please do not post here. Read this post for more details.

This subreddit is a safe space intended primarily for the use of trans* individuals, and will be moderated as such. Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated here. Please try to remain respectful of others, and above all, simply don't be a jerk.

If You want to see WIll I pass type posts. please click here Otherwise you will not see them if flaired correctly. Old reddit only, On new reddit, such flaired posts should appear with a red background) This is a temporary measure.

FAQ

Resources and Links

Message the mods to be added as a wiki contributor. We can use as much help as possible.

Sources for Suicide Prevention


/r/suicidewatch

/r/depression

/r/stopselfharm

The Trevor Project - Call, Text, Chat

Latest News


We now have all the flair and more so we can be even more inclusive.

Rules


   

  • All are welcome here. Open to all ages, cis and trans, binary or nonbinary, young or old.

  • No question is too big or too small. Surveys are not allowed to be posted. If you feel your survey should be the exception message the mods.

  • Do not use slurs and innappropriate or transphobic language. If a term is frequently used in porn, it's probably a slur. If you're not sure if it's a slur, substitute it with something else. The proper way to refer to a transgender person is "transgender person". Transgender is an adjective, not a noun or verb. Use the pronouns preferred by the person you are talking about. If you're not sure what they prefer, ask. No homophobia, transphobia, racism or any other form of discrimination.

  • If you are new to the transgender community and this subreddit, please read the following before posting:

  • Follow Reddiquette.

  • Tag NSFW posts.

  • GLAAD Transgender 101

  • GLAAD Tips for Allies

Have any comments, questions, concerns, or suggestions? Start a discussion or Message the Moderators.

Glossary


Assigned Gender - The gender given to a person by parents and/or doctors when they are born, usually based on their genitals.

AFAB/AMAB - Assigned Female/Male at Birth.

Gender Identity - A person's internal feeling or preference of their gender.

Gender Presentation - The gender a person expresses through their dress and/or behavior.

Cisgender - adj. When gender identity matches assigned gender. Do not use as a noun.

Transgender - adj. When gender identity is different than assigned gender. Do not use as a noun.

Transwhat? Glossary

Credit to /u/YoungFolks for the sidebar glossary.

Related Subreddits


(Some of these links are for subreddits catering to one aspect of trans community or experience, but all posts and questions are welcome here.)


Use the flags by typing [](/[flagname]flag). Hover to see the name.

/r/ask_transgender

49,722 Subscribers

12

Making breasts less notable

I am at a rather awkward stage of transition. My breasts are developing rather quickly and now are noticeable in T shirts or any other thin fabric top. I tried sweaters but they surprisingly amplified their visibility. I have been wearing oversized shirts with heavy fabric or flannel.

I don’t feel the rest of my body is changing as quickly which makes me feel like a man with boobs.

Any fashion tips to help me get through this stage to the point I am ready to socially transition?

11 Comments
2024/10/30
16:15 UTC

3

So frustrated with dilation!

So, I'm on my 6th week, post op, and dilation is an ongoing, uphill battle! The important details: I had a peritoneal pull-through with Del Corral. I'm still sore and swollen in some places, and I'm still having some bright red blood. The last was treated with silver nitrate almost two weeks ago. So, I'm so freaking tired of the soreness, and I'm trying to be careful to not undo the cauterized spots. I'm uncomfortable, and I'm having a hard time relaxing and softening my pelvic floor.

I have four "rooms" (Terrace, Basement, Boiler Room, Crawlspace) in there, and each of them has a portal I have to relax in order to access the next room. Sometimes, the Terrace is really expansive and I can't find the portal to the Basement. Sometimes, I can't even fit the purple Soul Source dilator and I have to coax it through over like an hour.

An hour of dilating is too long. I'm tired and frustrated. I don't have any friends who have transitioned surgically, so I can't ask anyone in person.

Please help.

0 Comments
2024/10/30
14:04 UTC

2

Thoughts on my newsletter title?

Looking to learn. I'm creating a newsletter for a gender studies department, and I wanted to use the title "We/Us". I thought it was sort of clever and inclusive, but I've been told it might have the potential to offend. The person suggesting that wasn't able to articulate exactly how it could be offensive, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. I'd like to hear the thoughts of this community so I can understand and avoid other potentially offensive content in future. Better safe than making someone feel unwelcome or mocked.

5 Comments
2024/10/28
23:06 UTC

7

Gender nhs “lists”?

i’ve been on a list with tavistock for about 5 years now and still haven’t had my first appointment yet. i’ve had 1 letter off them and that was it, saying that they were rebuilding buildings around the uk. a year later i still havnt heard anything until i saw a news post about how tavistock is getting shut down? does anyone know if this is true? if so what happens to everyone on the list?

1 Comment
2024/10/27
08:44 UTC

6

How can I(MtF) help my partner(FtM) when they get stuck?

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

Hey, I'm a trans woman (she/her) and I'm in a t4t relationship with my partner, who is trans masc (they/them). We both suffer from chronic pain, so sometimes I like to give them a massage to try and help them loosen up and relax, often making them feel less pain the next day.

My partner enjoys the massage but ends up stuck and unable to get up, mostly out of dysphoria and possibly some trauma. They don't want help putting their clothes back on, but can't really do it themselves in those moments either, so it usually results in them laying in place until they pass out.

Because of my own chronic pain, I can't do massages for very long unless there is some sort of oil or lotion involved so just giving them a massage through the clothes isn't really enough to help them with their pain.

Do any of you have experiences like this? Or have partners who've experienced this? Really any advice I can get would be really appreciated.

8 Comments
2024/10/23
03:57 UTC

8

Cispassing or people just being polite?

Here’s the deal, I’ve never been misgendered but I don’t know if it’s because I really pass as a cis woman in their eyes or if they’re just being nice. One thing that has me thinking it might have been the latter is that my city is pretty open minded regarding lgbtq+ stuff (I live in Buenos Aires), and one other thing is the fact that when I had my hair short and was just starting HRT (still boymoding) people still referred to me as a woman (and I don’t think at that time I looked like one). Now that I’m more advanced into my transition I can understand some people might gender me right, but not at that time so I don’t know what to think

9 Comments
2024/10/22
14:42 UTC

9

Legal name change for dummies (Olympia, WA)

Edit: Ty for all of the great answers; I couldn't have got this far without the help of all the lovely people who've helped me out. I'll be filing ex parte in Superior court (which has records sealed along with the name change) tomorrow along with the form to have the fees waived.

My only remaining concern is as to wether or not having my records sealed will mess with my credit; I've been working hard to build it back up and I'm at a point where I have a much needed safety net should something happen. I'm just getting back on my feet again, so if something happens, I need to know I can still take out a loan or other line of credit if I really need to in a pinch.

Does anyone have experience with having their records sealed after a name change? Thanks!!


Hi! I've got my gender marker changed already, long before I started taking hormones. I've been looking into getting a name change to finally get to the point where I can show my id without wanting to crawl into a hole and die all day afterwards. 😅🙏 (The way they are trained to say your name out loud to confirm just... Ugh.)

Anyways, I tried to change it at the social security office, who told me I'd have to fill a form out at the courthouse. So I looked up information from the courthouse on the proper form and couldn't find it. The page directed me to social security. 😒 🌽 So to break me from this infinite loop so I can continue... 🌽

Does anyone have any very specific, idiot proof advice for what form to get, the right steps, federal, state, which order, etc? I was also born in Massachusetts. I'm not even sure wether I'm supposed to be doing this through Washington or Massachusetts.

Wading through bureaucracy is my cryptonite. I have absolutely no aptitude for it, at all. 😥

If anyone could help get me started here I'd appreciate it so much you have no idea! (Well, you might actually... lol)

Thanks!!! 💕

34 Comments
2024/10/21
19:57 UTC

2

Cigna Coverage

New insurance, same old frustrations.

I've trying to find out what procedures Cigna will cover with my employee plan. I've called 1-800-244-6224 but the robot always tells me to check the coverage on my card, and then hangs up on me. grrr

How do I speak to a human at Cigna that can answer questions?

2 Comments
2024/10/18
22:30 UTC

18

Do I need to be thin to take estrogen?

Hi! Basically, I've been on estrogen for 3 yeras now, but every single time I see my doctor, he only points out my weight, instead of talking to me about my hormone replacement treatment, and I'm very confused, I've searched all over the internet and I haven't seen anything about needing to be a specific weight to take estrogens, am I crazy? Or is my doctor just not focusing in my treatment?

30 Comments
2024/10/18
15:28 UTC

1

Cigna - Expat - Transgender

4 Comments
2024/10/18
14:25 UTC

5

DIY - What happens if I run out of money?

Will I have any health issues if I have to stop my HRT for a period? Will it undo all my progress? Will my liver fail?

5 Comments
2024/10/17
19:55 UTC

5

How does the Depo-Provera shot compare to daily Progesterone?

The Depo-Provera shot is a progestin given in your doctor's office every three months. The progesterone I'm getting now (200mg suppository) is taken daily. I would much rather get a shot every 12 weeks rather than have to boof a capsule every night - if they are equivalent. Are they?

8 Comments
2024/10/17
19:39 UTC

0

???

Just got blood work back it was saying that my estrogen levels were high supposed to be around 39 pg/ml mine was 136 pg/ml charts say I am premenopausal help please

6 Comments
2024/10/17
09:44 UTC

6

Are injections better?

So I’ve been on estrogen and spironolactone oral medication for a year and a half now with some noticeable changes to my body. My testosterone levels are still little high but overall everything looks good from what my doctor said.

Recently they brought up switching over to injections but I was hesitant mostly cause I’m nervous about doing it myself and messing up somehow and hurting myself. I know it’s something they can show me how to do properly and safely but I’m just wondering if injections would have better overall results?

9 Comments
2024/10/16
03:11 UTC

3

100mg prog / oral or anal suppository better?

hi all, ik this is tmi but not sure else where to ask tbh. posted earlier but deleted it immediately

been feeling like a dysphoric POS lately. i want my right breast to round out & to have a better fat redistribution to my boobs and hips overall. I’ve noticed a massive difference in my body since starting estrogen last year, my boobs r nice (not nice enough!!!) and my love handles are curved inward but. yk how gender dysphoria is. it’s not enough and i don’t really feel desirable (altho i do have a partner who is incredible and reminds me daily that i am, it’s just the voice in my head telling me i could be more for him since there’s more out there.)

I’ve been sitting on 19 capsules of 100mg progesterone for almost a month now that my coworker gave me. She mentioned its best to boof and im reading conflicting info abt it online. some ppl say it doesn’t make a difference and some ppl say the bioavailability is better since it bypasses the liver

which would be better..? i dont want to take a medication anally every day if there’s not a massive difference to oral administration. i feel like that’s a tad tedious and since im depressed i might not do well on keeping up with the dosing daily.

for more context i’ve been on 8-10mg of intramuscular estradiol weekly for a year & 2 weeks now. havent blood tested my levels for personal reasons but i know for a fact im within the same hormonal confines of a cisgender woman given i’ve been on mono therapy for this long now.

tl;dr to boof or not to boof? are there any gastrointestinal issues that could arise if taken orally? the pills smell odd & im concerned about sulfur burps but thats about it. All the other side effects don’t sound dissimilar to what im already experiencing with estrogen. i just wanna be prettier help

0 Comments
2024/10/15
16:01 UTC

5

Egg?

hi, i just have a question about the term egg! is this a term only used for unaware/questioning mtf or can it be used for ftm as well? I'm watching a video about r/egg_irl memes and it's mostly about mtf, and as trans ftm I feel a little left out.

edited to add the word memes after egg_irl

4 Comments
2024/10/14
18:00 UTC

4

Strange smell

Hello, I woke up this morning and my whole room smelled like a burnt pan 😭 when I left to go in the bathroom, the smell disappeared. Im on E five days now and 3 days in t blocker. Am I losing it yall? 😭😭😭Also I am struggling to fall asleep at night. My body still adjusting I think 😭

4 Comments
2024/10/14
17:56 UTC

1

Why??? Cellulitis after each injection

😣Weekly, taking 1 subcutaneous shot of estradiol valerate, and every time, getting a case of cellulitis at injection site. I follow the instructions to a T, and sanitize the shot area, and as directed switch from the larger needle size withdrawing the med to the smaller needle size before injecting, injecting at 45° angle, etc. Anybody else getting similar reaction? Advice????

6 Comments
2024/10/12
19:26 UTC

4

Meeting other trans people in Austin, Texas

Hey all I was wondering if any one had any advice for meeting other trans people in Austin? I mainly date T4T and have been having a lot of trouble on dating apps. As a trans woman myself I’m mainly a homebody so I don’t really know where to go to meet more trans women. Is there some common meetup spots or any advice anyone has to share? Thanks!

4 Comments
2024/10/12
17:05 UTC

0

Am I wrong to be upset at my ex?

I came out as trans in 2019 at the age of 63. My wife asked me to leave a few months later. We were divorced last year. Our son is getting married today. Last night I attended a dinner for the wedding party. My ex brought a date, I'm assuming he will be at the wedding and reception today. I am hurt by this a little. Am I wrong to view the boyfriend as a power move by my ex?

7 Comments
2024/10/12
12:58 UTC

5

Tattoo

Should I get a tattoo before or after my breast develop

4 Comments
2024/10/11
12:03 UTC

0

recommendations for lgbtq+ hair color specialists / hair stylists in houston?

I just moved to Houston from the Austin area and have been stumped on where to go to get my hair cut. I'm in the Webster area more specifically, but am willing to drive into Houston! I have so many bad experiences with getting my hair cut and just not being pleased with how it looks, so I really would appreciate any recommendations ^_^! I also just want to take a break from dyeing my hair at home and have a professional do it, so any recommendations there would be much appreciated!

3 Comments
2024/10/11
03:45 UTC

3

Okay... kinda a dumb question

Hi! Andy, babytrans FTM here, wondering... when you pack with an STP is it necessary to have it directly touching your body at all times? That's what I assume and this is a dumb question but. Can you wear normal boxers and just have the silicone touching you all day or does it have to be like... moved into position before you pee? I'm clueless lol

1 Comment
2024/10/10
23:45 UTC

2

Hormones

Reading different posts how hormones make you feel better I haven't felt any better I am still the anxiety ridden person

1 Comment
2024/10/09
14:35 UTC

13

How do I tell of my chosen name is right for me?

I recently came out and found a name I enjoy being called. Problem is that while the name feels amazing to be called, at some times I don't really feel spoken to, which makes me wonder if the name is actually the right one. This isn't always the case, and it definetly feels way better than my previous name.

12 Comments
2024/10/09
09:43 UTC

6

Name change across states?

Hi, I was born and raised in New Mexico, lived in Texas for like 6 years and then moved to Montana last year. For this reason, I'm a little confused as to how to navigate the name change process. Do I do it in Montana or New Mexico? Will Texas have anything to do with it? Any help would be greatly appreciated because I'm genuinely so confused

7 Comments
2024/10/09
06:26 UTC

7

Recently decided I wanna go on hormones

I identify as mtf trans and have recently decided that I want to go on hormones but have no idea how to start

4 Comments
2024/10/08
10:21 UTC

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