I many times went through extreme self-improvement (strict diet, solid workouts, always straight posture etc) it seemed hard and healthy, and i surely failed sometimes. But i improved so much in months, but at what cost?

My mental health got extremely bad, I ofc became lonely, low self-esteem despite what i achieved, feeling cold, no more passion etc

Most likely it caused me depression

If you wanna improve, i would say start with fixing your self, heal from your truma, accept urself the way you are.

With the above done, you will not be looking for sixpacks or 1 million dollar a month, but for goals that you actually want and would enjoy.

Has anyone skipped a semester due to any reasons and started attending the next one of the same academic year???

If so, which app, and/or have you tried more than one? What's your experience? Pros and Cons? Recommend?

Thanks!

I bought a house earlier this year and recently my brothers apartment lease went up and he decided to move in. I don’t mind, the thing is he’s super lazy and when he’s home does nothing but play on PC or watch tv. Its not massive things but I’d like if he could keep the sink empty and the litter box not be full of shit all day, I had to come home to the cats asking me for food when he’s sitting right there on the couch not doing anything. I try to tell him to be more active but he just brushes it off or says he will but never does. Anyone ever deal with this? He’s 28btw

after setting several goals and tasks and to-do lists, i always manage to procrastinate and not complete any of them and then get dissapointed with myself. i see no point in setting new years goals for myself either because im certain ill mess them up within a week of 2025. its frustrating knowing that i have these goals i want to accomplish and knowing i can achieve them, if only i had stuck to the grind. i still have a little time before my enterance exam and fairly confident i can pass them if i start working hard now.

i was looking for tips and tricks to overcome this bad habit of never finishing my tasks and not taking them seriously which causes me to not take myself seriously before its too late

thanks

Can I post my study hours and daily targets here for the next 13 days till new year? I wanna end this year with a good note ,this year was the worst year of my life till now but I have learnt alot.

Long story short, I want to be and become the type of person I would love, but I'm far from ideal in a ton of ways. I'm not pretty enough for my liking, criminally short, socially awkward, sheltered when it comes to most things, lacking in talent/skill, and pretty incompetent all around. My counselor insists that I should try to write down things I like about myself, but that becomes really hard when any compliment feels like a lie. And very recently, my hateful thoughts have gotten even more extreme, with stuff like "if I was split into two people, I'd love to beat the shit of myself" or "I wish people would tell me to shut up so I'd talk less".

The amount of self-hatred I have for myself has harmed all my attempts at writing or art. No matter what I make, nothing ever feels good enough or I feel like it comes out super juvenile or sloppy. This has made me borderline afraid of even trying because I hate the negative verbal shitstorm my brain pours on me whenever I make something "cringe" and I'd rather do nothing just to avoid it. I see lots of people online say that I should be doing these things for fun and that "art is allowed to be bad", but it always turning out bad is what immediately takes the fun out of it for me. If I make something embarrassing and there's nothing I can do to change it, then the activity becomes upsetting and stressful for me. At this point, I'm terrified to even try or start anything.

How can I find something actually worth loving about myself? And how can I make writing and art fun for myself again?

Hello all,

Snoozing my alarm for 90 minutes this morning has me frustrated with myself and bummed. It has me thinking, all morning, about my relationship and struggles with healthy discipline over the course of my life. For context, I'm a recovering alcoholic, sober 6 years in a 12-step program. In addition to this, I struggle with BED/compulsive overeating that has certainly been a difficulty.

The long and short of it is this: I feel completely at the mercy of the ebbs and flows of my mood. Periods of time where I am living with healthy discipline (healthy eating, consistent gym and meditation practice) feel "allowed". These periods of time exist in a sea of deeply uncomfortable sloth and struggle where I am seemingly entirely incapable of keeping any modicum of discipline. Much of the time, I even feel it physically, like physical exhaustion takes over, in addition to an attitude of "fuck it" or "I'll be better on Monday".

In recent years, I achieved a healthy weight in the 190s for the first time in my life, established a pre-work morning gym habit that lasted over a year, followed an OMAD eating schedule that I loved. I thought I had turned a corner for a little while there, only to have it turn to dust. It's like it takes weeks/months to establish and seconds to lose. In recent months I've put weight back on (up to 228), sleep too much, eat too much, can't get to the gym consistently, etc.

The torturous part is that there's just no comparison between how I feel in a period of wellness and the more difficult times. It's like living on a park bench for the majority of my days but getting to stay in a beautiful mansion for varying periods of time. Just night and day difference that feels totally out of my control, and knowing how sweet it feels on the other side makes it hurt even more.

I guess the point of this post was to find anyone who may identify with this feeling of being in the passenger seat, and if you've found a solution? How did you take the wheel?

I’m juggling a lot right now and need help creating a strong, intense daily routine that keeps me productive without burning out. I have big ambitions, so I want to push myself while staying consistent and realistic.

Here’s what I’m working on:

1. Academics: I’m studying 10 subjects, including sciences, advanced math, and global studies. I’ve always done well studying last minute, but I know I need to start a consistent daily study habit to stay on top of everything.
2. Other Projects and Goals:
   • Developing an app to help students access opportunities.
   • Collaborating with friends to start a small initiative.
   • Writing a research paper.
   • Building a YouTube channel to share useful content.
   • Learning Computer Science to build skills for my future goals.
   • Doing freelance work on the side to gain experience.
3. Personal: I go to the gym every day for 1 hour—this is non-negotiable for me.

Concerns:

1. I’ve heard it’s better to focus on just 1 to 3 main tasks per day instead of spreading myself thin across everything. Should I do that, or can I structure my time to touch on everything daily?
2. Am I taking on too much? Should I waitlist some of these activities to focus better on what matters most right now?
3. If I finish one project (e.g., my app), how do I replace it in my routine without disrupting the flow? Should I just set “work blocks” for flexibility?

So in short i have no idea on how to structure my goals and my day in general to achieve all of this. And that is what i need help in.

Go..

View Poll

I recently thought deeply about what specific decisions and rules I put in place for myself to make my life happier.

I recently made a YouTube video talking about them, but also wanted to share them here in a hope someone else could share their tips I could learn from too.

So here are my 9 tips that keep my life balanced and happy (most days):

1. Declutter, clean and systemise your personal space
2. Use an online diary to free up your mind and memory
3. Take more risks as happiness is often on the other side of risk
4. Try and do work that you love
5. Give yourself the grace to fail and fall forward
6. Wear stupid clothing to train yourself to not care what people think
7. Simplify making better decisions. And harder to make bad decisions.
8. Only buy things that bring you joy.
9. Make time to love yourself and treat yourself like someone you care about.

Would love to hear yours so I can learn what things keep your life balanced and great :)

Dealing with these chronic conditions (that are currently drop kicking my 🤬)…I started (slowly and inconsistently but persistently starting Andy Frisella’s Power List, a list of 5 items that you want to get done before you go to sleep to “win the day”

Oh yeah iam possessed, it's on, iam going insane on this, iam going beyond normal, i will do it or break myself trying to do it, i don't care anymore and you shouldn't too.

Iam going out of this sht hole, iam climbing up, iam digging my way to freedom, iam breaking those walls, whatever it takes whatever is needed.

Let the pain come, let the discomfort flush me, that only means iam getting out, that only means iam getting bigger and better.

Welcome agony, welcome loneliness, welcome to the suffering that will make my dreams come true.

Iam doing it for my family not only me, iam doing it for my brother he needs me, its now or never.

Oh refuse to be a loser Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 😤.

I have an exam coming up in 2 months. So hopefully updating the stutus here daily keeps me motivated.. Wish me luck 🤞🏻

I need some motivation rn. I’m almost 18 and spent 12 months since highschool basically laying in bed. The pressure is really on me as my mom has been coming in my room rly yelling and honestly she does take her anger out on me but I do know I also stress her out when my room gets insanely messy or me not studying for college (also starting in the summer because I am starting so late). The issue I’ve mainly have had that’s probably affected me was my extreme marijuana abuse, which made me so lazy where I couldn’t even eat once in a day or shower etc. I’d even oversleep and be super disoriented from it which caused me to think I wouldn’t even have anything to do to begin with and I’d doom scroll until I realize at very night but then I’d be too sleepy…

I have quit with the drug use 2 days ago but I deal with boredom a bit since I still procrastinate just in bed or I get too overwhelmed from the fact I need to study and study , then get a job. Like I feel like a loser and just as if I need to do so much but I won’t .

Please it’s 8 am I need to get off my ass by 11 am😔

Hey guys, some time ago I came across a website that helped build better habits over time, and also helped with stopping procrastination. I had read some reviews on Reddit, and people seemed happy with it. Unfortunately, I can’t find it anymore since it was a while ago. Does anyone know which website I’m referring to? Or can you recommend something similar? Thanks a lot!

Taking control of your life doesn’t require magic—it’s about shifting your mindset and making small, consistent changes. Here are three methods that have made a massive difference in my journey:

1️⃣ Gratitude: Starting your day by listing three things you’re grateful for rewires your mind to focus on the positive.
2️⃣ Meditation: Spending even 10 minutes a day in mindfulness helps to calm your thoughts and regain clarity.
3️⃣ Affirmations: Repeating empowering phrases like "I am capable" or "I attract success" helps you stay focused on your goals.

If you’re looking for practical ways to implement these ideas, I recently shared a video on this topic that dives deeper. Feel free to check it out and let me know your thoughts! 🎯 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0ibGn8ABGQ

What’s your favorite method to take control of your mindset? Let’s discuss below!

Can someone share their daily schedule? I don't have a specific life goal right now. I'm a college student with a very loose routine, maybe only 3 days a week I need to go to campus. If I don't have any activities on campus, I usually just lie in bed and play mobile games, while occasionally going to the gym. I don't have any meaningful relationships with my friends on campus, so I really don't know what else I should do. Please give me some inspiration.

I’ve tried many times to delete my social media accounts, and the most challenging one has been Instagram. The reason is simple: for many people, Instagram is the only way to contact me. That’s why I created this tool—to help others delete their social media accounts while still allowing people to reach them.

How does the website work? I tried to make registering as simple as possible. You just have to send a message to Telegram and you create your account. Then, you can see the management screen that you can add your active contact points (can be messaging apps, other socials, etc.).

After this, the only thing to do is to share your link to the description of the social that you want to "deactivate".  The user that will click on the link will be able to see the socials that you have set in your profile and to send you a message through the website. The message will reach you in Telegram.

The challenge here is that someone trying to contact you may not know that you don’t have the app installed. A simple solution is to add an overlay to your profile picture. This will signal to others that they should check your profile for more information. You can include a link or relevant details in your profile description. You can easily set up this overlay using the website.

You can find the website here: https://deactiv8.me

See how a profile can look like here: https://deactiv8.me/xut0

I zone out. A lot.

If you could rewind my life, you'd see me sitting in classes, at work, at social events, and even waiting in lines with a blank look on my face. I'm day dreaming in each of those scenarios. I'm not there. A total space case.

A fair bit of people tell me I'm intelligent. If they're right then I guess that accounts for the fact that I'm not destitute, but this behavior has cost me so much in life. I obviously failed out of college. I have no degree. I can't play any instrument I set out to learn. I never wrote that book.

I've always spaced out, and it's only gotten worse. I seem to only be motivated enough to do things when the punishment of failure looms close. And every time I'm doing something hurriedly by the seat of my pants I vow that next time I'll be prepared. Next time I'll have discipline. I'm in my late 30's, and it's yet to come.

I work in a technical field. I could get ahead by studying and getting more certs, or even by going back to college. I have enough downtime to even complete some (read:most) of this at work even. But you know what I'd rather do?

Sit there. Zone out. Think about some nonsense. What would I do if I had God-like powers? What would I do if I hit the lottery? Would I make a good world leader? What if I would have stayed with my ex girlfriend...blah blah blah...

In the positives, I seem to be good at things that are right in front of me. I was very effective at a call center (much as that work is detestable) because calls happen, and I jump to handle them. But jobs where I have to be self-motivated and do projects myself? I'm terrible. I don't want to let people down, but I'm a shitty worker and co-worker at project management.

I like to run, and have stayed in some kind of shape. But age is creeping in.

I have so many half started projects. An incomplete story book outline, a cluttered garage, an unfinished shelf. I even do this sort of thing with video games. I have plenty of half built castles in Minecraft, Valheim, and many others.

What do I do? My life is half over, and I never fixed any of this. I've managed to skate by, but I am so far below my potential, it's like looking up at the world from inside an abandoned well. I suspect there's no easy way out...but what path should I start down?

I know it seems like I'm looking for easy answers, and perhaps I am. But I haven't solved this problem by myself, so maybe others have something to add that I can use to help myself?

I am 18 and I currently want to focus on realizing my self-worth and self-acceptance, then, work for myself with that realization. While practicing self-compassion, for me these seem to be the right foundation for long-term and healthy path towards knowing myself and leading my life. I know these acts mean owning the parts of me which made me feel close to who I really am and it also means getting to know my inner child who was not socially conditioned to act and think the same way people around me do. Basically, I want to reconnect with who I really am without the pressure and presence of others’ thoughts.

Another reason why this feels like a right initial ground is because my problem with holding back is rooted in my childhood experiences of rejection and shame leading to my social anxiety. Now, holding back has become my anchor to keep myself in the safe zone so that i would not be feeling invalidated by my friends and family. I’ve become selective in how to respond to be accepted and not ridiculed. I really, really want to address this because I feel sh*t holding back especially in expressing my real feelings and love for them. They say it is a form of manipulation to ask for love in return of expressing your love for others. For me this seems right because I definitely want to be seen and understood by them, making me think that I am craving for what’s in the outside where in fact it should start from my within — to realize, accept, and let go the things that do not healthily nourish my being.

I have been asking myself of how I want to live my life and I’ve found some answers. To summarize them I don’t want how my days are going (staying home, doing school works, be alone with my mind constantly worrying yet wanting to figure out and find solution to my own problems I don’t talk about with people). I want to experience things, go outside, do outside activities. I have been quite introverted and isolated since my childhood and these urges still feel weird to me.

Although I already know at least half of the plan for how I should start working on my life, almost all throughout of my days I feel stuck. I don’t know, it just feels hard to get up and do things. I feel like there is massive residual of things I felt burnout back then. I often hate my mind for being conditioned to think of negative and knowing there are a lot of things to work on makes me feel paralyzed.

I am thinking that maybe I just need support and be really held accountable. I am actually baffled how to really keep myself accountable; to keep that fire in your ass burning.

Hi... so what do you do when you know you are actively procrastinating? I actively procrastinate, I actively choose to enjoy the now and not put effort towards my future. I need to change and I need to change now cause it's slowly ruining my life. Please help me by sharing your easy, smaller steps... sorry, if I'm vague. I just have to change now!!!

Everyday there’s a moment when I instinctively reach for my phone without a clear reason. Not because I'm waiting for an email, or I'm curious about a text that just came through, but because the phone is simply there.

And when it’s not there? I feel it. An itch in the back of my mind, a pull to find it, touch it, unlock it.

We all know that smartphones, in their short reign, have fundamentally reshaped our relationship with attention.

But what’s less obvious is how even their mere presence is reshaping our spaces, behaviors, and, most critically, our ability to focus.

Imagine trying to work while someone whispers your name every ten seconds. That’s effectively what it’s like to have a phone in the same room, even if it’s silent.

Research by Adrian Ward at the University of Texas at Austin explored this phenomenon in depth, finding that just having a phone visible, even face down and powered off, reduces our cognitive ability to perform complex tasks.

The mind, it seems, can’t fully ignore the phone’s presence, instead allocating a fraction of its processing power to monitor the device, in case something—anything—might happen.

This phenomenon, known as “brain drain,” erodes our ability to think deeply and engage fully. It’s why we feel more fragmented at work, why conversations at home sometimes feel half-hearted, and why even leisure can feel oddly unsatisfying.

Compounding this is the phenomenon of phantom vibrations, the sensation that your phone is buzzing or ringing when it isn’t. A significant portion of smartphone users experience this regularly, driven by a hyper-awareness of notifications and an over-reliance on their devices.

Ironically, when we do manage to set our phones aside, many of us experience discomfort or anxiety. Nomophobia, or the fear of being without one’s phone, is increasingly common. Studies reveal that nomophobia contributes to heightened anxiety, irritability, and even goes as far as disrupting self-esteem and academic performance.

This is the insidious part of the equation: we’ve created a world where phones damage our ability to focus when they’re near us, but we’ve also become so dependent on them that their absence can feel intolerable.

The antidote to this problem isn’t willpower. It’s environment. If phones act as a gravitational force pulling our attention away, we need spaces where their pull simply doesn’t exist.

Over the next decade, I believe we’ll see a renaissance of phone-free third places. As the cognitive and emotional costs of constant connectivity become more apparent, people will gravitate toward environments that allow them to focus, connect, and simply be.

In New York, I’ve already noticed this shift with the rise of inherently phone-free wellness experiences like Othership and Bathhouse.

Reviews of these spaces consistently use words like “calm,” “present,” and “clarity”—not just emotions, but states of being many of us have forgotten are even possible.

This is what Othership gets right: it doesn’t just ask you to leave your phone behind; it replaces it with something better. An experience so engaging that you don’t miss your phone.

As more people recognize the cognitive toll of phones (and the clarity that comes during periods without them), we’re likely to see a surge of phone-free cafés, coworking spaces, and even social clubs.

Offline Club has built a following of over 450,000 people by hosting pop-up digital detox cafés across Europe. Off The Radar organizes phone-free music events in the Netherlands. A restaurant in Italy offers free bottles of wine to diners who agree to leave their phones untouched throughout their meal.

These initiatives are thriving for a simple reason: people are craving moments of presence in a world designed to demand their constant attention.

But we can’t stop at third places. We need to take this philosophy into the places that shape the bulk of our lives: our first and second places, home and work.

So I leave you with a challenge…

Carve out one phone-free space and one phone-free time in your day. Choose a space (the dining table, your bedroom, or even just a corner of your home) and declare it off-limits to your phone.

Then, pick a stretch of time. Maybe it’s the first 30 minutes after you wake up, or an hour during your lunch break, or the time you spend walking through your neighborhood. Block it off in your calendar.

If you’re headed outside, leave your phone at home. If you’re staying indoors, throw it as far as possible in another room or find a way to lock it up for an extended period of time.

When you commit to this practice, observe the ripple effects. Notice how conversations deepen when phones are absent from the dining table. See how your focus shifts during a walk unburdened by the constant pull of notifications. Pay attention to the quality of your thoughts when your morning begins without a screen.

And please, please, please, take some time to unplug this holiday season. These small, intentional moments of disconnection may just become the most meaningful gifts you give and receive.

--

p.s. -- this is an excerpt from my weekly column about how to build healthier, more intentional tech habits. Would love to hear your feedback on other posts.

It's just so difficult.

I feel like getting fit would drastically change my life but it's so fucking hard difficult. It'll take MONTHS of consistent hard work.

Sometimes I start and give up after a few days. How do I stay consistent?

Hi, I (31f) have been struggling with low self esteem etc for the past 6 months for various reasons but partly related to my sexual relationship with my boyfriend and then ultimately myself. I don't feel that good in my body lately and in general I'm just not liking myself or life that much. I can't really tell if this is due to the relationship or something exacerbated by me, so I want to make a 6 week plan to focus totally on feeling good and then at the start of February reassess what's going on and why. (For reference - in my life in general, with/without boyfriends and with/without this person, I've gone through similar periods)

However, I started this post as a [plan] and then realised my goals are probably too extreme (I generally have good habits, but when feeling overwhelmed I usually plan to do some really extreme regimen and then stop after a few days). What do you suggest for making and sticking to a 6 week plan, and what has worked for you when dealing with similar issues of self-esteem / confidence?

What I would like to achieve (probably not at the end of 6 weeks, but be on the way to) is:
- to lose about 2-3kg and be a bit more toned around my waist
- to feel proud of what I'm doing at work
- to feel proud of what I'm achieving outside of work (I'm learning a language but very badly, and I used to make art but rarely focus on it now)
- to be more confident socially without drinking
- to feel less impacted by the views/feelings of others eg my partner (by this I just mean, be assured in myself and more resillient)
- to not be stressed!!!

Sorry if that's all just very vague.... but if anyone does have thoughts I'd be so happy to hear them!

thanks!

I feel like i cant push my self 100% because if i do i will burn out.

hey buddy you good ? .. it's me again iam back, in fact i took a while to post, good news is iam doing great , i was busy preparing this for you , and which may help you as always .., first of all do you know in any relationships It may seem like a contradiction, but the moment one stops responding, chasing, and pleading, the world begins to shift- it turns into a completely different perspective if one adopts all three of the stances mentioned above.

Try to understand diversification, instead of panicking every time they try to distance, what if the focus is solely on self-development? Silence is louder than words, but not the kind that only dissipates them more. Such silence returns your dignity, self-respect, and especially, your competency.

that is why i have created a video on our new chanell that compliments this claim. It describes how silence is perhaps more than just a way of avoiding assault. It defines it as embracing oneself and flipping the script on how one perceives things about themselves. For those who feel as if they have been running in circles of ambitiously putting in effort which yields nothing but emptiness, this video of mine may just help in breaking that cycle.

👉 Never React If They Ignore You, Confuse Them With Your Silence! - Stoicism

And Iam sending special thanks to our 8 subscribers who have supported us since we started this journey.. much love family..

Check it out: https://smart-listapp.vercel.app/

A while ago I made a post sharing this tool and got a lot of positive feedback so I added many more useful features listed below, and revamped the whole UI!

Key Features:

• XP-based task/project completion - harder tasks earn more points.
• Add projects with subtasks
• Dynamic leveling system with milestone notifications, streak tracking & badges
• Bonus XP/penalty applied for early completion, overdue tasks...etc
• Global leaderboard for competitive motivation
• Cross-device synchronization (Data persists across devices).
• Guest users (data saved to local storage) and authenticated users (allows data sync)
• Analytics & XP Progression shown through charts
• Built-in pomodoro feature for tasks/projects
• Productivity assistant that analyzes your productivity patterns to give useful insights

Integrations (import your tasks from these apps)

• Todoist
• TickTick

The app is free to use, but of course, if you find it useful, feel free to support (links are in the footer)

I am a very Flippant person, I'm very lazy, I sleep often, I don't eat much and most of the time i'm busy playing videogames instead of studying or even doing hobbies I like such as Drawing. My head for the past few months feels like it's completely empty, like wind swirling around in a hollow sphere. I've had this problem where I am trying to remember something important like "You need to go outside" or "Eat something healthy" my mind doesn't even register it, this is VERY hindering and I'm not sure whether it is because of my screen time being really high or some other reason(screen time problems may be the most possible). Is there any way I can get rid of my flippancy and tendency to not register advice? I'm Very Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for this kind of question.