I want to learn how to take the initiative

I’m trying to get better everyday . Therefore I’m using the journaling method and also posting it to stay accountable.

Wondering if anybody struggles with staying active when working from home

Hey guys, Happy Halloween!

I live in London and am looking for any personal development/inspiring group to connect with - people with the same mindset of development / keep good vibes / keep motivating each other.

Do you know any? I would appreciate any direction/idea / advice

Thank you

Is anyone familiar with the Pathological Demand Avoidance disorder? I don’t believe it’s formally recognized in the U.S. yet but has extensive research in the U.K. The U.S. tends to classify young children with Oppositional Defiance Disorder(ODD).

Since I can remember I’ve had this inherent resistance to authority. I simply question everything. Is a rule arbitrary? Or is a method to control society? Whose standards are we upholding? Is it a matter of safety? I analyze the validity of everything. I am a driven individual but have a very strong sense of autonomy. There are areas of my life where I’d like to become more “disciplined” but as I read through advice I’m often conflicted. If I could turn off my inner voice then I could proceed with instruction without questioning.

Personally, I believe my only route to discipline is intrinsic motivation and building my own procedures. Would love to hear if anyone has found an alternative approach as a workaround?

I recently cut out a few bad habits to better my health.Those habits were,porn videos,video games,and caffeine consumption.

Cutting out video games was easy,cutting down on caffeine was a bit difficult but not too bad,but when i quit the porn videos,that’s when I started to feel weird…I’ve been very depressed and just feel mentally drained from energy which has affected my job and daily life.

I’ve been calling off work because I just don’t enjoy it or feel even motivated to get up and go. My job is pretty boring which I been working on finding a new one.When I call off from work I do it not only because I feel drained but I want to take time off to job hunt for other places.

Does this sound like a withdrawal from cutting back the bad habits or an issue with me just uncomfortable with my job and feeling down about it??

I just watched a YouTube video about controlling dopamine, and it hit me hard: I need help. I’ve known I had a problem for a while but kept brushing it off, thinking I could stop whenever I wanted. But I’m realizing I really can’t.

For some context, I think I’m genuinely addicted to reading fiction novels. My exams are just around the corner, and yet I can’t stop reading – I haven’t prepared at all, and this isn’t even my first attempt. This habit’s been going on for almost two years. I average around a book a day, just the thought of not reading gives me anxiety, makes me restless, and honestly leaves me feeling sad. So I keep reading to feel better, and the cycle continues. I’ve tried stopping and getting myself to study, but I just can't.

What’s frustrating is that nobody is taking it seriously because it’s “just books.” But this addiction is having a real, negative impact on my life, and I’m falling behind on everything.

Has anyone else been through something similar? If you have any advice or tips, I’d really appreciate it.

TL;DR: I'm addicted to reading fiction novels, averaging a book a day for nearly two years. With exams coming up, I can’t stop reading despite knowing it’s hurting my life. HELP!!!

1. Find the Why                                                                                                                      

I don’t really like motivation and think it is irrelevant because it`s a feeling that comes and goes and therefore is unreliable. Discipline eats motivation for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But it`s ideal to take the first steps. An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion. So find a reason why with enough force to get yourself going.

2.      Small actions

One of the most important things to get better at self-discipline is to take small actions. Instead of becoming overwhelmed with big projects and goals, Do it for 5 minutes or if you feel particularly lazy then only for 2 minutes.

When starting to train self-discipline, make it as easy as possible to start building up that muscle. It can be trained through reps as any muscle could and the more you train the stronger it will get. Also, when the action becomes a habit, it will become effortless.

Want to read 1 book a month – start with one page a day. Want to run 21km - start with 5–10 minute jogs Want to start with cold showers - start with warm water and gradually lower the temperature over time. Want to wake up at 4am - start to wake up 7am at first, then 6:45am for a week, then 6.30am for the next week until reaching 4am with minimum effort.

Small piece of advice. Don`t hit yourself too hard when you miss a day. Perfect streak is great and all but if the trend is positive then that is more than enough. If you miss a day you can do double the amount the next day or during the weekend.

3.      Embrace the suck

Generally speaking, we are pretty soft. We run to distractions: tv, gaming, social media. When you stop running away and start to push into discomfort, just a little at a time, one small task at a time and without even realizing it you will become better at being uncomfortable. A lot of people do the thing they hate the most first thing in the morning to start the day with a win. Over time your comfort zone will get bigger and need to be challenged more. Then slowly increase the difficulty or the duration.

4.      Optimize the environment

One of the biggest reasons why people fail to improve self-discipline is that the environment is working against them. We always have the possibility to add friction or to remove friction. If your want to loose weight then for example stop buying junk foods, ice cream, soft drinks and beer. Delete take-away apps from the phone. Start to drink water only and when you want flavor, just add orange or cucumber slices. Start buying more healthy foods. Order smaller plates and bowls to avoid over eating. For exercise buy kettlebells, jump rope etc. 

So, in summary find a strong reason why to be more disciplined, small actions make self-discipline easy, get good at being uncomfortable and optimize the environment.  

I also made a video about it you want to check out:
https://youtu.be/-JN8zvGK3lo

16 years old male. I have absolutely no motivation for anything. I don't want to do anything. Nothing interests me except things that waste my time like video games or social media. I've gotten to the point where I started to miss weeks of school on end I simply can't muster myself to go... My parents are way too busy with their own work telling me how stressed this makes them. I've tried therapy I've tried all the methods I've tried anything and everything and nothing has seemed to do anything. I can't do this anymore all I want to do is either stay in bed or kill myself. What do I do. Is there anything am I just doomed? I don't have the drive to fix myself either I don't want to fix myself I don't want to get better I don't want to do anything at all besides things that I enjoy I don't know what to do because I've heard all this advice I can get but I don't want to get better.

.

I don't view discipline as a character trait. I don't view it as a virtue. I don't view it as an automatic response driven by conditioning.

I see discipline as self-confidence that is backed by empirical evidence.

Discipline means that I can make a promise to myself, and I can rely on it. I can be confident that I will do it.

I know for a fact, that I have walked 7000 steps every day for 18 months (apart from when I had the flu, and maybe 5 days apart from that). I know for a fact that I haven't got drunk on my own in a year, and I didn't get drunk more than once a month (actually much less than that). I went to the gym 4 times a week. Etc.

These are facts. I proved to myself that I am reliable.

That is, literally, the definition of self-confidence.

What's even better, is that this turns discipline into a skillset. Whatever I choose to do, if it is achievable and within the realm of reason, I can do it. If I can't do it right now, I can work towards it. I keep getting better at it.

And the best part is that nobody can take that away. It is completely my own.

There is no greater boost for my self-esteem. I have literally never felt so good in my life.

I’m working on developing a productivity timer for macOS. I’m looking for advice on what works for you and any dream features . If anyone wants to beta test reach out. There will be a reward.

Any advice, questions, comments appreciated. So you know what’s already built out:

The current features are:

• click to start/stop timer
• interval cycle of 20-10-20-10 min for each of sit-stand-sit-break respectively
• customizable live nature backgrounds so it’s pretty
• 10 second micro breaks every 5-15 min, requires no mouse movement, if you don’t stay still it will not start the micro break.

Thanks in advance.

Most people mistake excessive social media usage as a time management problem, but actually it is mostly an emotional management one. We often use social media as a coping mechanism for uncomfortable emotions. To move forward, we need to:

1. Uncover which emotions lead us to increased use.
2. Be willing to sit with the discomfort, and approach it with curiosity. For example, “Why am I feeling bored?”
3. Figure out a healthier response and do that instead of our default coping mechanism.

Hey everyone, Ever wonder how often you’re actually picking up your phone? I used to think I wasn’t on my phone that much until I checked my screen time—and wow, it was more than I ever expected! Turns out, I was picking up my phone over 100 times a day. I thought it was a quick check here and there, but it added up fast. Curious to See Your Numbers? Go to your Screen Time (Apple) or Digital Wellbeing (Android) to check. For many of us, the numbers are way higher than expected. Once I saw mine, I realized just how much my phone had become a reflex, even when there was no need to check it. If you find yourself hitting a higher number of pickups, maybe consider setting some boundaries. I’m working on reducing mine, and it’s already helping me focus better and be more present. Share your numbers below if you dare! And your strategies to reduce it.

The title says it all. For me, quitting social media and walking helped me a lot. How about you?

Hi everyone,

I am a very curious person who loves to dabble in various things. Often, I juggle various hobbies, courses on things I am curious about or want to learn. Learning new things fills my bucket as does expressing creativity either through learning art or problem solving.

I'm employed and have been at the same place for 20+ years... but as far as I can remember, I've always lacked fulfilment. I'm 40 now....

I've dabbled throughout the years, but never achieved enough from a side business perspective to leave, or I've tried various endeavours but because of my curious nature, would shift to the next thing, appeasing the early dopamine hit that comes from something new. Rinse and repeat.

Lately, I've thought about my problem, if its considered one, and thought how can I get better at this? Better as in, understanding why I jump from thing to thing, and the urge to learn something new.

It can't be just me in this scenario?

What if I can learn as much as possible about what I experience today, find a solution sort of speak and if all goes well, spread what I learned to others in a similar situations? Maybe this is some sort of calling that I should go all in on? I don't know... but if I can help myself then maybe I can reciprocate that outwards...

What advice, or resources can you suggest to help someone with a busy mind?
Books, podcasts, videos... anything really.

If you have been in a similar situation what did you find helped?

SA

as the title says

i doomscroll before bed, i do so after waking up, i take it to the toilet

i know it is an addiction

but ever since i gave into this damn short-format content a few months ago i spend hours everyday of just passively consuming what the algorithm feeds me

and i hate it

what helped you improve on this?

Crazy deep sleepers as in those who have had conversations with people in your sleep in the morning and gone back to bed. Theres beena lot of talk on how this is a sign of having alot of sleep spindles which is supposed to be good, but Its not when you have to set 40 alarms around the house and 30 puzzles to try and prevent over sleeping and still manage to wake up hours later to devices unplugged or turned off and 20 missed calls and 2 answered ones that I dont remember answering. Proper sleep hygiene and everything seems to have no effect!

Anyone else found an actual solution. At this rate I need a human being to physically wake me up in the morning.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is upon us! And with that comes suddenly slewping 14hrs a day, and wanting to do nothing but read and daydream all day to escape all stress and responsibilities. I have been yo-yo-ing between all or nothing and neither is healthy. What are some ways I can enjoy reading without ruminating on it all day and preventing multi day memory sinks of reading and sleeping and doing nothing else and them stressing because I have other responsibilities but have no energy to do them?

I hate having to cut off reading entirely to prevent this from happening. A few weeks ago, I decided to read, just a little, just for an hour turned into just one more chapter, just one more book, short story, fanfiction and next thing I know Im reading volumes worth of literature and stuck in a mental loop of fantasy. Part of it seems to correlate with low levels of dopamine but it also is addictive for me. Reasing is a good thing, and mh brain has turned it into a drug and has created a secondary psychological reasoning for sleeping causing me to over sleep in order to escape even more into fantasy/dream and makes me tired once Im awake makjng me want to sit down and read or sleep some more.

Im currently pulling out of it as Im writing this. But it wouldve been nice to prevent this at the first sign of it this weekend instead of losing multiple days.

I wish to understand more about following situations.

I wish to buy a new expensive table (standing desk) for my room. Actually my current table is usable, it just me desire for a more comfort table.

Sometimes I have pending tasks to finish, and a table is necessary to put my laptop.

But my brain seemed master by something else. I'd rather laying on bed than go to table finish my work and the excuse is the current table is uncomfortable so I don't want...

There's another time where some food is not delicious but I was starving, I'd rather starve myself rather than eating the food.

This kind of behavior has consumed me badly and lost gratitude to what God has provided to me.

I always wait for the right timing to do things... In the process of waiting, I would spend time scrolling social media until tired. Zero productivity...

It doesn't seem like laziness. But something else....

I really needs more insights and guidance on this matter

fucked up my first semester and need advice. Help please. M18

I'm drained mentally and have a midterm tmmrw that l'm considering not going too.

I started my first college semester in August and went in fresh excited and ready to do good in school. That did not happen. The first three months were decent until realizing that my stress and time management are terrible. The main problems are

1. Time management: The actual content for my classes aren't difficult. I'm very capable of learning and completing the material (despite what everyone might think from what I'm about to say). I am very poor when it comes to studying. I never had to before so I never developed the skill. I didn't know how long or when I needed to study. (I think all of this could have been avoided if I had a good schedule) This spiraled into a larger is of me telling myself "if I skip this class today and catch up l'll be set" then proceed to not do the work and hating myself after. Help me.

2. Stress: I'm broke. I have no clothes I feel good in. Outside of basic needs myself care is terrible. This has all lead me back to my anxiety issues that I deal with. After the original first months or two I started staying inside my room more not going out which lead to an even bigger brain fog.Before this semester I had a terrible summer with nothing but family and living issues so l carried those worries into my semester. Stress about my relationship with my mother siblings and girlfriend also does not help. Help.

3. ADHD: I have adhd I wouldn't say it's severe but enough to be medicated. I haven't been medicated Atleast I haven't gotten through all the steps to get medicated for it but this was another thing I struggled with through the semester that further enhanced this issues.

I don't know how to fix it. I feel disappointed in myself. Like I tried and couldn't do it. I'm thinking of moving back home and regrouping getting myself together and t coming back next August. But l'd feel like even more of a failure going home

I know this post is lacking a lot of information I'm new to Reddit so if you have any questions or honest advice please share because i don't what to do at this point.

I hate everyone. I get pissed looking at people especially girls my age they act so dumb and foolish.

My college roommate was a dumb foolish girl I wanted her to leave so I found a way. She created a huge mess and stank up the entire place.

I’m a bad person. I act like a jerk towards others. I am emotionless and I don’t feel any empathy for others. I push others away and always have my guard up.

I don’t ever show my emotions and if I do I find a way to shut it off right away.

My face is always monotone and I rarely show any expression. I speak in a very harsh and blunt way.

I know I have a problem. I am extremely lonely. But I just can’t make a friend or let people get close to me.

Another thing: A lot of people talk about the 48 laws of power. It’s a toxic book I know but it will help me forget about my loneliness issue. Is this true?

Please help

Hey everyone. I turned 18 a few months ago (male) and I realized that I need to get my shit together, and I also realized I'm not too sure how to go about that. Let me give a bit of information on the things I really wanna work on.

Firstly, I need advice on finding that willpower to improve. I want to start going to the gym, meditating, engaging more into my hobbies like reading or learning to play guitar. I constantly tell myself I'll do it, but then I end up scrolling social media or gaming rather than chasing my goals. I do have ADHD which may make it a bit more challenging to do such things, but I don't wish to blame it all on that.

Secondly, I wish to improve my study habits and general organization skills. I am a very chaotic person and I procrastinate nearly everything I do, especially assignments and studying. I do write notes in class and I'm not actively failing, but I do end up doing my assignments last minute. I just need general ideas on how to improve those avenues, as I definitely will need those skills in my future career and academic pursuits.

Thirdly, I want to improve my own mindset and social / relationship strengths. I've been trying to find a relationship for quite a while, and while I've had many chances, I've also fumbled those chances on my own accord. This is due to my horrible habit of overthinking. When I have a relationship, I overthink every interaction, and start spiralling negatively until I show a bit of insecurity towards whoever I'm dating, which usually results in something bad. This doesn't only apply to dating, it also applies to every social situation I have. I also tend to talk in circles A LOT, and to put it simply, I can be annoying at times with that habit. I really want to become someone outgoing, who can talk to anybody, and make friends in any situation.

There are plenty of other things I wish to improve, but those are my main issues. This is quite the lengthy post, but I will be taking the advice one step at a time. I'll be actively rep[lying to comments as I really wish to find right solution to become the best person I can be.

Before reading this, i dont care if you judge me asking this because this will be basically "ENCOURAGEMENT"

I have been having issues with fasting and this may nit be the right sub, but i need people to be the asshole and tell me horrible things about me. Im a 6'2, overweight male, 360 pounds to be exact having issues with losing weight, discipline, and commitment. Say terrible things for me to enstill in my head to make a change. If this isnt the right sub direct me to it.

1. Don’t Start Too Hard: Keep the Intensity Manageable

• Biggest Mistake: Many people fail because they start with routines that are too demanding.
• Analogy: Imagine trying to deadlift 500 pounds on your first day at the gym. That’s what most of us do with routines—listing 20 things to accomplish every day. It’s a surefire way to burn out.

Solution: Progressive Overload

• Start with 4-5 key activities and keep them simple.
• Example: If reading isn’t already part of your routine, don’t aim for an hour. Start with 20 minutes instead.
• Reminder: It’s okay if it feels like “not enough.” The goal is to get just 1% better each day, not hit perfection on Day 1. As the routine becomes easier, gradually increase the difficulty.

2. Be Specific: Vague Plans Don’t Work

• The Problem: A lot of people say they have a routine, but when asked to show it, they can’t—it’s just “in their head” with no specific times or structure.
• Why This Fails: If your routine isn’t clearly written down, it loses its power. Without clear timing and tangible steps, you’re more likely to procrastinate or forget.

Solution:

• Write your routine down with specific times for each activity. No vague “morning” or “afternoon” blocks—use exact times.
• Keep the routine somewhere visible—on your phone, a whiteboard, or a notebook—and refer to it throughout the day to stay on track.

3. Do Hard Tasks Early, Light Tasks Later

• Why Timing Matters: Your brain chemistry changes throughout the day. Dopamine is higher in the morning, making you more motivated and alert. By the evening, serotonin kicks in, making you feel more relaxed and tired.

Solution:

• Schedule demanding tasks (like studying, workouts, or creative work) early in the day.
• Save less demanding tasks (like journaling or light reading) for the evening when energy levels are naturally lower.

4. Visualize and Prepare in Advance

• The Problem: Every activity comes with small barriers that make it harder to start—like a messy desk or not knowing what workout to do. These barriers make it easier to procrastinate.

Solution:

• Before the day begins, visualize yourself going through your routine. Think about any potential barriers—Is your workspace clean? Do you have your workout gear ready? What will you study or read?
• Eliminating these small obstacles ahead of time makes it easier to follow through.

5. Always Have a Backup Plan

• What Could Go Wrong? Life isn’t predictable—maybe your gym closes, or an emergency comes up. Without a backup plan, these disruptions can derail your entire day.

Solution:

• Plan for possible setbacks in advance. If you can’t make it to the gym, have a bodyweight workout ready. If time is tight, decide which activities you can skip or shorten without breaking your routine.
• This way, even when things don’t go perfectly, you can still keep moving forward.

6. The 30% Rule: When Life Happens

• Not Every Day Will Be Perfect: Some days, you’ll feel off—whether from sickness, fatigue, or emotional stress. It’s easy to think, “Why bother?” and skip the routine entirely.

Solution: The 30% Rule

• On tough days, do your routine at 30% intensity. If you usually work out for an hour, do it for 20 minutes. If you normally read for 30 minutes, read for 10.
• This small effort maintains your momentum and consistency. Missing a day can quickly spiral into missing a week, but doing even a little helps you stay on track mentally

Hope this helps!

I 16M am obsessed with being better than everyone.

I grew up in an asian household where I was compared to friends and my sister constantly. I feel like this has created a unhealthy tendency to become overly competitive to the point where I feel very tight and stressed when someone is better than me at something. I recently noticed this very clearly when my friend started working out. He has been one of the people that my mother compares me to alot, and I recently took up gyming myself 3 weeks ago, and I thought this was something that set me apart from him. He told me today that he started working out, and instead of being happy that he was bettering himself, I felt very tight in my body and insecure. I feel like I’m a bad friend, and I don’t know what to do.

I simply hate the discomfort of working out. It’s just not enjoyable and it hurts, I’m so exhausted after I can barely function. I can’t figure out what exercises I should even do. I’m overweight and always tugging that my clothes that are sticking to my skin from sweat. I just overall have a really negative view about working out and living healthy, and I really want to get my life under control here.

I have kids, and want to be able to do everything with them without pain and restriction.

I've (19m) been in a relationship with my girlfriend (19f) for just over a year now, I've realised that even though I've not said it I feel the need for validation constantly from her but also don't habe the confidence to ask. I have prior struggled with academics due to a recently discovered ADHD diagnosis aswell as ongoing depression. I'm not here to ask for pats on the back but I want to improve my self image and outlook onto doing tasks and staying motivated over long periods of time, can anyone help?

First I wanna say for the love of god do not suggest therapy. For some reason on reddit whenever I say I've tried and haven't found a therapist I always get I haven't tried. When I tell you at this point for years I've tried to find a therapist and either they aren't covered by my insurance, I get ghosted, or they're too expensive. I need advice on what I can do now not some hypothetical therapist I may get.

Now I live in a very stressful environment. I recently got a new better paying job so I'm saving up to move next summer but until then I need ways to manage my stress and general depression. I've noticed it's really affecting my everyday life. Like I binge eat desserts because I'm upset a lot and that's probably not good. Also I'm always on edge. How do I manage my stress and depression?