Let’s talk about loneliness.

Not the kind of loneliness where you feel a little off for a day. I’m talking about the kind that creeps into your life slowly. The kind where you realize you’re seeing your friends less, spending less time with loved ones, and swapping real connection for likes, notifications, and incredibly imbalanced parasocial relationships. 

The physical health consequences of poor or insufficient connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. Additionally, lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.

And the data from Jonathan Haidt’s, The Anxious Generation (incredible book) backs it up. 

Back in 1980s, nearly half of high school seniors were meeting up with their friends every day. These numbers held fairly constant throughout the next 20 years.

But something dramatic happened towards the end of the 2000s. 

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2010 marked the moment when smartphones truly took hold. The App Store was in full swing, and social media apps like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter were starting to explode. Suddenly, it became easier (and more addictive) to connect online than to make plans in person.

By 2020? That number dropped to just 28% for females and 31% for males. And it’s not just teens—across all age groups, the time people spend with friends has been tanking. We’re hanging out less, forming fewer close connections, and it’s starting to show.

And it’s not just teens—across all age groups, the time people spend with friends has been tanking since 2010. 

While social media usage is skyrocketing…

We’re hanging out less, forming fewer close connections, and it’s starting to show.

Meanwhile, in Blue Zones—places like Okinawa, Japan, and Sardinia, Italy—community is everything. These are the places where people live the longest and healthiest lives, and one of their key “secrets” isn’t diet or exercise. 

It’s human connection.

People in these regions spend real, meaningful time with friends, family, and neighbors. And those relationships aren’t just nice to have—they’re literally saving their lives.

Let’s contrast that with what’s happening here.

Social media promised us connection, but what it really gave us is a substitute. Instead of sitting across from a friend, we’re staring at a screen. We scroll through highlight reels instead of living our own. And while it feels like connection in the moment, it’s hollow.

And I don’t mean to fear-monger, but I can’t see a world in where this doesn’t get worse.

Not only are we spending less time with real people, but we’re starting to replace human relationships altogether.

Platforms like Character.AI are exploding in popularity, with users spending an average of 2 hours per day talking to virtual characters. 

SocialAI (which is such an ironic name because it’s the most dystopian, anti-social thing I’ve ever seen), allows you to create an entire Twitter-esque social feed where every person you interact with is a bot, there to agree with, argue against, support, love, and troll your every remark. 

Think about that: instead of grabbing coffee with a friend or calling a loved one, people are pouring hours into conversations with bots.

These AI bots are designed to ‘simulate connection’, offering companionship that feels “real” without any of the work. They don’t challenge you, they don’t misunderstand you, and they’re always available. 

And that’s the problem. Real relationships take effort. They require vulnerability, compromise, and navigating conflict. 

But when your "relationship" is powered by an algorithm, it’s tailored to give you exactly what you want—no mess, no misunderstandings, and no growth.

If the platform decides to update its system or tweak how the chatbot responds, that “relationship” changes overnight. Imagine building your emotional world around something that could vanish with a software update.

Unfortunately, it’s already had devastating consequences. Earlier this year, there was a heartbreaking story of a young man who reportedly took his own life after his interactions with Character.Ai, who he had become deeply attached to (both emotionally and romantically), spiraled. 

Truly fucked up.

So, what’s the fix?

It’s simpler than you think: prioritize connection. Call a friend. Meet up in person. Join a group, have dinner, or just go for a walk together. If you’re a parent, let your kids play without micromanaging every interaction. The small stuff—laughing over a meal, sharing a story, or just being present—adds up in ways that matter more than you realize.

And when you do, pay attention to how it feels. 

I promise — no amount of likes, comments, shares or AI chatbot connection will be able to truly replicate that. 

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p.s. - this is an excerpt from my weekly column about building healthier relationships with tech (this full post drops tomorrow). Would love any feedback on the other posts.

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The ways in which we currently conceive of and practice "education" have been major contributors to the factors that have led us to the brink of collapse, and if we and our kids are to navigate the next few decades with any "success," how we rethink and reconfigure "education" will play a crucial role. To that end, I've just released a manifesto titled "Confronting Education in a Time of Complexity, Chaos, and Collapse" that might be of interest to some of you here.

The link to the free 8K word download is below, but here is my thesis and the seven belief statements that frame the essay:

“To put it bluntly, the vast majority of school communities around the world have been turning away from, ignoring, and/or actively denying the harsh realities of this moment. They have lacked the courage to fully unpack and interrogate the implications of these new realities on their legacy systems and practices. In doing so, they are leaving our students ill-prepared not just to negotiate what’s coming, but to be equipped to mitigate the impacts. Full stop.”

Belief 1: We are living in a time between worlds. Driven to the brink by an unsustainable narrative of “progress,” traditional institutions and ways of living on the planet are collapsing; their replacements are emergent. 

Belief 2: Challenges like climate collapse, mis- and disinformation, state conflicts, political dysfunction, increasing inequity, and others are not “problems to be solved” by politics, technology, or even education; they are symptoms of much larger relational disconnects with one another and with all living things in nature. (The “metacrisis,” or the set of root problems behind all our major crises.) 

Belief 3: Right now, education is not “in conversation” with these new realities. In fact, the way education (and other institutions) is responding to the “crisis” is the crisis.

Belief 4: In addition, education is contributing to our collective challenges by denying the inherent incoherence and larger negative impact of its own legacy practices. In these ways, education is complicit in amplifying the disconnects and thus the challenges we currently face.

Belief 5: It’s clear that traditional approaches and practices of education are no longer fit for purpose. Yet, we cannot fundamentally “reimagine education” until we deeply interrogate the “why” of education and schooling for liminal, complex times. We must ask, and honestly answer, the question “What is school for now?”

Belief 6: An education must now center on preparing our children (and ourselves) emotionally, physically, and spiritually to navigate complexity, chaos, and collapse, and to place a deep emphasis on repairing our relationships with one another and with all living things.

Belief 7: To have any chance of overcoming our many crises and reaching the aspirational futures we want to live in, we need to imagine harder together. Much harder.

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Here is the link to the free download if you want to dive in. All of the above points are unpacked at depth with a reading list at the end.

I know not everyone is an educator, but most everyone has educators in their lives, and if you think this is a worthy conversation starter, I hope you might forward it. Would appreciate your reflections here as well.

PS: Thanks to all of you who contributed to my earlier post on a similar topic a few weeks ago.

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