Does anyone else struggle with the fact that you’ve always wanted to have children but you know you can’t and shouldn’t because of the state of the world? I don’t feel good about bringing children into to the word we are heading. Things are getting worse and worse. But it makes me so mad. I’m only 25 and have finally found the love of my life and we’re very happy together. I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids and all the typical things. I feel like the generations before us robbed my generations of simple life events like this. of course, I can still adopt or foster and I probably will in the future. But it’s just something that upsets me still, i still wanted to have one biological child but i don’t think I can do that in good conscience. But it makes me so mad. A lot of things about collapse make me mad, about how we’re not really being given a chance to live life like we were promised we would if we went to college and got a good job etc.

I was an engineer I used to help design LNG plant mega projects in an EPC contractors office. Maybe it is strange but I can directly point to my impact to the climate- was close enough to the CO2 venting calculations etc. After 8 years I realized what I was really doing to the earth among other things - pivoted and started working on clean tech startups several years ago more in finance (startups which help to solve for climate or general environmental issues)

The thing is I support these initiatives but everything is a drop in the bucket of what is required. I have thought for many years but CO2 sequestration and capture don’t work technically/financially for many reasons, same is true for many emergent technologies even if we can develop they won’t be ready in time. There is a larger discussion involving both the nature of physics/chemistry and VCs/capitalism. Short story it’s unbelievably hard. If I have a relatively good knowledge base on these things and the time to do it, what else can I do to help?

News about what's going on inside the Deep Adaptation Forum. Some thoughts about being in the low-intensity struggle regions of the world. In the next newsletter, would you like to share how you are experiencing collapse? We invite you to send your thoughts, poems, art, etc.

https://bit.ly/3vMolT6

​

Seems Climate Change is just getting worse and the news Is Negative as Ever.
I try not to pay attention to it but i just can't
and i need Help.
I don't wanna sound Whiny but at this point, I've been staying up, looking at articles just for some Good news.

Throughout history, humanity has grappled with the enduring presence of war, famine, and significant disparities. This is true. Undoubtedly, in many a ways, we have it much better than those who came before us. However, the imminent threat posed by climate change is unprecedented. It appears that a vast majority of individuals, excluding those within niche circles, fail to fully acknowledge this reality. The impending catastrophes resulting from climate change will surpass anything we have ever seem before. It would be nice if we directed our attention towards this pressing issue rather than engaging in a futile competition of comparing the severity of past events. I don't see anything changing anytime soon.

Anyway, I encounter this argument being presented to me frequently, so I wanted to to write my feelings out.

I don't really know what role ai is going to play in this.

This anxiety is crippling. I can’t focus on anything. I’m 2 years off my PhD and it all feels worthless given that ww3/nuclear war may happen in weeks.

I gained a whole lot since quitting a 34-year-long, pack-a-day cigarette smoking habit about a year and a half ago, and while I need to lose it I am having SUCH a hard time NOT enjoying food all I can while I've got it. I know I won't be able to outrun the cannibals being this fat, but I eat out of anxiety and I also enjoy feeding my people nice big meals from scratch. I do all the cooking for three adults and the others don't know what's coming and I want them to eat well too, while we can. I've been walking on a treadmill regularly but I have some leg injuries and I can't go as fast as I'd like to yet. I need to cut my coffee creamer out but I like it SO MUCH, I REALLY enjoy my coffee. Anybody else unmotivated and stuck and struggling? I hate being this big - it feels like shit. Idk how other fat people do it. Jelly Roll gotta be on some strong pain pills.

I spent much of the last few years suffering in silence. My mental health was collapsing, I was working an impossibly stressfuly job, the world around me seemed to be falling apart. I felt isolated and alone, and in the process fell apart. One night, I suffered a total breakdown that led to me losing a friend.

Now? I am more alone than ever, feel disconnected with everything..

I am desperately trying to rebuild my life, but unsure how to go about it in this crazy world we live in.

About 2 months ago I went into an inpatient facility for two weeks. Now I'm in an intensive out patient program for quite a while. And you know who's in there with me? A political scientist. Teachers. Nurses. College students. Middle class people with the jobs or parents who have jobs that have the insurance to cover all this. Many who can't figure out why they can't be happy even when living the "American Dream". I was in steaming media with a massive media company that everyone goes "ooooo nice!" when I mention it. We're not the poster children of untreated mental illness. Hell, we're seeking help voluntarily. We are seeking treatment.

Everything we talk about in group is about living in the present, changing what we can around us. But today when it was my turn to process, I broke down. Like couldn't keep the tears from running down my face as I tried to sound measured and calm.

It started about how I've been avoiding triggers. The "go touch grass" is another trigger when some hardy plants (all local) didn't pop up in my garden this spring, the weather is just wrong, an earthquake and so on. (Funnily enough the earthquake hit during a group about the physiological and biological reactions to stress) I quit the news, reddit, YouTube and even nature, science or history books, documentaries or whatever after my hospitalization. I went back to middle/highschool brain and started watching anime again cuz that shit is so over the top ridiculous it's one of the few things that can blast the thoughts out of my head. I haven't watch anime regularly in nearly 2 decades. But here I am.

And yeah I'm back here because the new medical cocktail they have me on failed. I can't focus on shit. And I need to vent, see I'm not alone and group ends at 1:30.

Normally group keeps the whole "out there" existential shit out if it. But the whole Israel/Iran thing is inescapable with plenty of people blurting their personal hot takes on the whole thing out in public. Not seeking it out online. And we swear everyone thinks they're all sudden experts on world politics now when all we hear is bias and emotion being word vomited out. And we're by many Jewish communities. We have a few Jews there. And there's police presence in front of Temples and schools again. As vague as we try to keep existential shit... it's inescapable right now.

While we kept the existential shit vague it was noted there in group, we are all smart people there. And same when I was in the mental hospital. Not the poster children of untreated mental illnesses. And the fact there's so many teachers and nurses is disturbing. Definitely some highly intelligent ADHD and autistic young people that can't escape thought loops. And knowing shit while so many around us refuse to learn and double down on ignorance and hate is driving us into very deep depression. It's lonely, the people around us don't want to hear it or do anything about it. Which means we're stuck in this situation. Trapped on this dying earth with rising conflict domestically and internationally.

I'm not claiming to be a genius. I'd even say I'm just very curious and a bit observant. Liked me some nature and science shows as a kid. I want to enjoy the time I have left but... it's increasingly looking like that's not going to be long. Or at least where there is some semblance of comfort or safety.

I wish I knew less but it's to late. I can't unlearn what I know.

I really am just venting here because none of what I have to say is news to anyone who is a member of this subreddit.

I live in Canada's "breadbasket", Saskatchewan. Farming and farmers are the beating heart of this province. My own family have been farmers since before coming to this country, possibly even for centuries. Even my relatives who aren't farmers themselves, work in the agricultural industry whether it be selling farm equipment, insurance or consulting.

And it's all going to come to an end very soon.

See, Saskatchewan is going through something called "desertification", a term everyone here I'm sure is very familiar with. Record lack of rain and snow means that there is no moisture in the ground for spring planting. Our groundwater aquifers are being depleted, our rivers and lakes are running low, and the air is so dry that when what little snow we had melted it evaporated directly into the air.

Because seasons and rainfall in Saskatchewan have been so predictable for the past century, we had no need for irrigation systems. They are not common here and very few farmers have them, so even if we piped water in from up north we have no irrigation infrastructure to actually water crops with it.

You see where I'm going with this?

Oh yeah, by the way, we're doing nothing. Literally fuck all. Our provincial government is planning to go into deficit to the tune of an extra $250 million in order to handle the projected crop insurance payouts (they paid out $1.3 billion last year, highest amount ever if I'm not mistaken).

So I guess we are doing something, because we all know how creating debt to bail out failing industries goes.

A few years ago I brought up these issues to my Mum, an agricultural consultant with her own firm. She screamed at me. It's all fear mongering lies, she raised me better than to believe everything I see on the news, what are my sources, and even if it is true what the hell is she supposed to do about it anyway. So yeah, that's the emotional and mental state of people in the agricultural industry right now.

And what does this mean for you? Well, coming 2025 expect to pay more for canola oil, flour, soy products, you name it. And we sure as shit ain't going to have the surpluses to donate to places like Sudan or Bangladesh that we've been doing for decades.

I guess the reason I'm making this post is because the writing's on the wall and you all deserve a heads up just as much as I need to get this off my chest. Sure, weather is unpredictable and things may turn out OK...

...but probably not.

Gratitude is so paramount and is usually what pulls me out of a dark spot. Ultimately no one has control on what's going on in the wider world, only on our own little corners. It's easy to get wrapped up in all the bullshit, so what's something in your life that's good right now?

It can be one little thing or multiple. What makes your life worth it for you or things you are grateful for? Have you overcome a challenge or finished a project? Do you have loved ones to connect with? Started a new hobby? Really anything, from a special person in your life down to simply everyday things. I think it's important to keep these things in mind, for me at least it helps keep me going.

Hi collapse friends! Anyone get into writing or other art as a therapeutic outlet for their feelings about all of this stuff? I have to tone down a lot of my collapsey commentary or I come off as a weirdo in my zombie day-to-day life, so I found it helpful during the pandemic (and beyond) to dump all these negative emotions into writing fiction.

Of course if anything ever gets published, people wanna read it, and then I'm exposed as a doomer. I was hoping to get better through this process, but now I just seem to be writing terrifying stories about cannibalism.

I guess a lot of this subreddit IS confessional writing, right? Surely that counts. But does anybody take it further?

If you're interested, here's my story from last year which made everyone in my life uncomfortable. I guess it was really for y'all:

https://www.invisiblecitylit.com/fiction/pretending/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jillianwilson/worst-habits-anxiety-symptoms

I live in the middle of the woods in my parents house near a small town in the United States. I don't think I'll ever make enough money to be able to move out. College is too expensive. Everything is too expensive. I live in a very car centric place, as is most of the U.S. and Canada, which is restricting. Nothing is within walking distance from me except a few neighbors houses, but they don't have anyone close to my age, and rural areas are generally less accepting and more religious, so they probably wouldn't like my nonbinary aroace socialist self. They may even call me satanic and pull a gun on me. You'd be surprised how crazy people can get here.

So I have to drive anywhere to be in public and meet people I might be compatible with as friends. But then... where do I go? There are seriously no real third places here. Parking costs money, and every activity besides window shopping costs money. Malls? Buy something or get kicked out by security. Roller skating? Costs money. Regular cafe or cat cafe? Costs money. Going to the park? Sorry, it's only for little kids. Any adult at the park without a kid is seen as a creep. Arcade? Not a thing anymore (at least not anywhere near me). Hiking? Better not get kidnapped or attacked by a bear! Where am I even supposed to meet anyone to do these things with?

I looked on Meetup for clubs, but the book clubs were only old ladies, and the lgbtqia+ stuff was only for gay people. And I'm 20 so I can't go to anything in a bar. AND THEN, even if I did happen to see a friendly looking person close to my age in public, I'm autistic and adhd, I wouldn't know what to say to them to start a conversation! That on it's own is unlikely because many people close to my age in this area have the same problems as I do. We can't just sit around on benches all day waiting for someone compatible to walk by.

I've been watching clips from Community lately, and it made me feel more lonely. I've never had a friendship like Troy and Abed have, and I wish I could. But they met and hang out at a community college. I don't have the opportunity or option to go anywhere conducive to forming that kind of friendship. What would we do together? Sit in the car and show each other tiktoks? It feels a little bit hopeless.

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but here we go. I just need to vent a bit to people who understand our world is collapsing.

I'm 23, my boyfriend and I live with my parents. I love him so much, but feel lost and hopeless about the state of the world. The cost if living in our area is insanely high, to qualify for a house/mortgage you need a combined income of 110k minimum. I have two part time jobs and he has one part time job while studying since we can't find full time work. We probably make about 35-40k combined since both my jobs cut my hours. Keep in mind I work 6 days a week but still barely make 20k a year. Without my parents we would not even qualify for an apartment here and would immediately be homeless and forced to live out of our cars. Even if he does get the job he is applying for right now, our combined income would still be around 60k a year and nowhere enough for a home. I feel sad and hopeless knowing we would have to spend at least a decade saving before the possibility of becoming homeowners.

But here's the thing, my entire life I've always thought I'd own my own house. I thought by age 30 I would have it all figured out, but with each passing birthday I realize nothing is changing. I've always wanted to be a mom too, but now that reality has slapped me in the face, I don't know anymore. I used to want the traditional "American Dream" but it's just not possible anymore. If I can't even give them their own bedroom, why have kids? It's like all of my entire life goals have been ripped out from under me. At this point I just feel lucky for having understanding parents and an amazing partner, because I know a lot of people my age don't even have that. But the emotional pain of the reality is too much for me to bear. I feel so cramped and claustrophobic living with my parents as it's a 3 bedroom house with 5 people living in it. I never get any privacy. Is this how I will live for the rest of my life? Is this all there is? Working 6 days a week for a slave wage, living like a teenager under my parents roof until I die?

Reading, watching, listening, whatever. It's no longer of much positive use to anyone. The news cycle literally feeds on and into fear and anxiety. You know what's happening. You don't need every detail. If you must , check in every so often, but cut it out of your daily routine. It's not helping you. It's not informing you. You're already informed, or you wouldn't be here.

This is partly a question and partly some venting. I'm having a pretty rough evening thinking about shit. Started kinda ramping up last night. These days I've seemed to find myself in a better place as opposed to last year, I've actually been happier when I see everything around me that I am so incredibly thankful and grateful for. I try to make sure I don't take anything for granted. I take joy in the small things in my life, love my family, try to make the best of whatever life I have (within reason). But some days things hit particularly hard. Right now I'm crying and hurting and I'm scared. I let myself cry because sometimes it feels better once I have, but those thoughts of my family and pets starving or suffering is so hard to bear I wanna scream. I hate to think about it so much. I realize that's a privileged perspective. That I'm not living it when so many are. So I don't want to sound like I'm being whiny. I know one can't hold the weight of the world on their shoulders or that reading the news constantly doesn't help (outside of staying informed). I try to focus on my little corner the best I can. Sorry, I've made posts like this which is why I mention it's partly a vent and partly a question. I don't have anyone irl to talk to and I just get in the spots where I am absolutely lost and bawling my fucking eyes out. Thank you for being such a suportive community, love you guys ❤

I’ll spare you my amateur review of the movie itself, but it took me right back to collapse-related anxiety territory and I want to talk about it.

I honestly got to a point where I stopped doomscrolling through the main sub and started focusing more on getting outside, enjoying life while everything’s “normal”, etc. because what else can I do lol. The constant awareness/anxiety was destroying my mental health and I needed to effectively choose to put it out of my mind and focus on day-to-day stuff. Plus, I needed to focus on fixing a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol since that became one of the ways I dealt with the anxiety, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, seeing a second American Civil War play out on the big screen really brought me back to the dark headspace that was so familiar for so long.

Will this be how it plays out? When could it happen? What can I do to prepare? Where do I need to go? Do I need to get a gun? Do I want to start thinking again about joining some self-sufficient off-grid commune type thing? Would that even be feasible? Would that even make a difference? What is the future going to look like, and what will my role in it be?

For context, I’m a 5’1 woman living in a big-ish city with no collapse-related skills whatsoever, and not much money to be able to change that. I know I could still move/take steps to feel more prepared, but am pretty sure that would just overtake my thoughts again and prevent me from living in the present like I’ve been trying to do (and it’s been helpful!)

It just feels so all-or-nothing. And I know it doesn’t necessarily have to be, but it usually ends up going that direction. It’s just really frustrating and unsettling having this “everything is still ‘normal’ for me but I know it’ll change somehow, sometime” thought again.

The mismatch between present reality and expecting a horrifying future is something I know everyone in this sub has experienced and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in it—especially as more people become aware of the potential future we’re facing—but it’s still just so hard to sit with it.

Like I have to swallow this before going to work later and waiting tables and being bubbly and friendly with strangers lol, it’s such a mind fuck.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Hope you’re all doing well.

My partner and I had some amazing friends, a couple, who we went to college with and studied science with. We all stayed really close after, and I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life. We were like a weird little family and all promised to be together through it all and had a lot of fun times for years after. Then they moved to Florida to be with my friend Matt’s family and everything changed.

They always leaned libertarian, but there was a time before the country was so divided that it was less of an issue. They refused to believe climate change was man-made. They got heavily into D&D, to the point where reality just didn’t appeal to them. My formerly brainy, logical friend Luxa began a chaos magic podcast of all things, and became obsessed. My friend Matt became obsessed with being a dungeon master.

Things started coming to a head when there was a wildfire near our area in Colorado and I reached out for help because my partner was feeling pretty blue about it, feeling grief. I asked if they could send a friendly text just so he could see he’s not alone in all this, and they blew me off and called me weird, which I’ve never really understood, and at the time just figured it was the heat of the fight, but I’ve come to realize it’s for grieving in the first place I think. I’ve tried to reconnect and talk to them about this, and about anything, but I think they aren’t coming back to reality and just tell me to fuck off basically if I shoot an email. Chaos magic is all she cares about, and while I respect her new beliefs, I think there’s practical and physical things to deal with, like food security and safety.

I wish we could go back to before it all, pool our resources, and time, and homestead like we all used to talk about, which is how I want to try and cope with collapse, because I love growing things, and they used to too. The reality that it will never happen is hard, and my primal mind wants that safety I felt with them, and my heart can’t seem to handle the break. They just ghost me now, and it hurts all the time.

I guess I just needed to vent and grieve and see if anyone else has lost anyone like this.

Learning about collapse has driven me in to a deep depression. Being massively depressed has lead to being forced in to therapy. I tell my therapists that the root cause of my depression is the awfulness of the world around me and the absolute antipathy we as humans have toward improving it. My therapists insist that, no, actually, it's just because I don't have a "support system". The main sub and this sub also advocate for a support system in the face of collapse.

What would a support system look like under collapse? The support systems in therapy seem to revolve around hiding your real emotions from others and burying your head in the sand when confronted with negativity, for the sake of continued productivity. I don't want a group of people telling me "it's all in my head", "it's not so bad", "technology will save us", etc. Obviously, these things are not true and make me feel awful.

I am at a point where I'm calm in the face of the possibilities of climate collapse, civil war, new diseases, etc. It feels inevitable but I'm just numb enough to it where I can start to imagine a future in spite of the coming terrors. Should I prioritize learning "survival" skills, so that I would be attractive to a collapse-aware support system? I can do some basic things like purify water, but, if it gets bad enough, will that matter?

I've always been a very negative person, because I have seen some truly negative things. I have trauma and I don't trust others. I think we humans deserve what is happening due to our hubris. This makes me a terrible party guest. How do I make a support system work?

When people message me about being down, I really can't in good faith, be like "Oh, don't worry, it will all be over soon, look forward to the deaths of your enemies for we are all part of the same compost heap"? Or are people thinking like this too? Having to go to therapy and talk to "normal" people make me feel like a freak, on top of being hopeless and numb. I just don't understand how anyone could be happy or "normal", under these circumstances.

Ultimately, I do want to connect with people, and provide value to them, and have them value me in return. The current systems set up make this almost impossible geographically (I live in a decayin city) and emotionally (I have only darkness where my soul used to be).... Can I just claim that this sub is my support system? And then have my therapists struggle to come up with something deeper than "get friends", like this frikking elementary school? Hey, guys, all my problems would be solved emotionally, if only I had someone to give me their milk carton for my PB&J sandwich...

Basically, I hate everything and I'm tired of pretending everything is okay, all of the time, when it never is. Does anyone want to be friends so I can check off this "support system" box? Or at least commiserate and be angry at the people who are happy in spite of giant neon signs flashing "THE END IS NIGH"?

Being collapse aware while struggling with these issues is really, really difficult. It’s hard to know the difference but knowing that difference is everything. I was lucky and realized my despair about the state of things was more than just circumstances. When I’m not in my depression, the way I deal with collapse awareness is healthier and my outlook is not nearly as heavy . Depression and collapse is a dangerous combination and knowing the difference was huge for me. Also.. if my post sounds familiar it’s because this is my second reminder! Being collapse aware alone shouldn’t cause Suicidal ideation or enough doom that you can barely function. Love you all! 🌗🌒🌙

I don't want to say "I know what's coming" but, if I'm being completely honest, I do. We've shifted from a period of having multiple doors we could have walked through to only some really bad doors, and I'm stuck at the threshold.

Ever since I saw what's coming, I feel like I've been in shock. I spend virtually all my time writing emails and letters to people in power, to scientists, even to family and friends, desperate for someone I know who's willing to sit down to talk through why any of this still makes sense to be a part of.

I am consumed by the shame of what we've squandered our time and resources doing, namely squandering resources, and every opportunity I've found to rejoin the world turns out to be some scam or another. The current job I have is meant to help people with PTSD (which I'd say I am overwhelmed by, myself) but their ultimate goal is to sell data that, in the wrong hands, which are the ones with the most money, will be used to perfect propaganda and manipulation. The way I've been justifying being a part of it is that technology has its own momentum and if this is the direction that money and tech are headed in, my lack of participation wont change it... but the more involved I get the more I feel like a caged animal being forced to act in a circus when all I can think of is the peace of the forest I was stolen from.

It's debilitating. I can't even decide if it's something I can take medication to allow me to cope enough to get back into the rhythm with everyone else so I'm not alone in the last months and hopefully years we have left. It's not important for me to be right, but I'm not currently in control of my own reactions. When I learned of the ultimate plan of the people I'm working for, it hit me hard enough that I can't contribute anymore. I'm stalling, trying desperately to get my focus back because without the money, I lose everything and everyone and spend my last days on the street, watching my worst nightmare breathed into reality.

If there's anyone who's truly seen the edge and can see it on every horizon but can manage to keep pretending the rest of this stuff matters, I'm desperate to know how you manage it. Every morning, I wake up feeling like a nazi going to the camps to observe more crimes against humanity and life more generally, while everyone tells me to enjoy it while it lasts, or that I should feel lucky that I'm not one of the ones that's already been put to death. My only deeply held conviction is that if people understood what was coming, they would be dropping everything they're doing and working in the opposite direction, in the same way that even if you can't outrun a fire, you can't stop yourself from trying... and that's where I'm stuck. Watching this tsunami roll in as everyone around me tells me I really need to relax and enjoy the party.

I need some relief from this. It feels like the nightmare version of the Truman Show, where everything is on fire but no one will acknowledge it and any suggestion that we're causing the fire is reacted to with disgust and dismissal.

I never imagined I'd find myself in a reality that no one else could see or understand and the worse it gets while people insist everything is fine, the more unbearable it becomes.

I need to find a place of acceptance that the void is my fate while being able to feel joy again. I haven't felt anything other than stress for the past 5 years and it's aged me 10 or more. I need help but speaking honestly, even to therapists, gets everyone's back up. I've gone from being the lovable guy to being the guy no one, including myself, wants around. I just want to find a path back to the place I was before where I knew something bad was coming but also believed in people enough that once it got bad, we'd all chip in to fix it. I could function in that headspace. But knowing we wont is robbing me of the little time I have left and the few personal connections that still tolerate me.

If I could erase my experiences and knowledge of this from my brain, I would at any cost... even if I could quiet it down long enough to get something done! I've been at 10/10 stress and anxiety for consecutive years now, and not being able to express any of it except to strangers... it's crushing.

And it's not an issue of paying attention to the news or the headlines because I'm not, they're just confirmation that this isn't delusional. Everything that's happened is exactly in line with what I expect.

Can I make a living writing? If I could just clear my debts and my mind for one moment, I could find traction and rebuild a life in the time we have left... but I can't.

apologies for the rambling post. I hope it makes sense. You can delete it if it's upsetting. I'm waving the white flag.