Hey everyone im new to the community and I was really moved by some posts I read on here.

I've been dealing with a lot of depression as of late, I cant seem to get away from negative thoughts. I've been isolating myself unfortunately just wondering and looking for answers in my life. I just had a beautiful 9 month year old daughter who I love being a daddy to. My negativity stems from the fact that I'm living paycheck to paycheck and can't give more to my wife and my daughter. I kinda feel like a failure. I make decent money but with inflation, my mortgage on my home increasing because of property taxes and insurance, and im quite literally living paycheck to paycheck. I want to give the world to my family, but it seems like in the world were living in, it's almost impossible. I feel like I'm stuck in an endless cycle of the rat ratlce Monday through Friday and come out with nothing. Been feeling like I'm stuck as of late and not sure what to do. I get lost in a fog of emotional negativity and thought. Not sure if anyone else is dealing with this, just looking to vent and talk to others.

My therapist recently recommended I see someone for a specific specialty. She didn’t say she was no longer wanting to see me, just that she was untrained in this area. Started seeing this new person for that. Came for a checkin with my old therapist (I’ve seen her for eight years). I was discussing the style differences between them. Then I wanted to give her feedback; that I noticed she’d seemed checked out of our sessions for a while. I said I wasn’t sure if it was something going on in her life or burn out etc. but that I’d seen it. She admitted that because I’d been so avoidant talking about surface stuff she had kinda checked out during our sessions. She’s gotten me through some really tough times in my life and we’ve had a long standing. What would you do?

My therapist recently recommended I see someone for a specific specialty. She didn’t say she was no longer wanting to see me, just that she was untrained in this area. Started seeing this new person for that. Came for a checkin with my old therapist (I’ve seen her for eight years). I was discussing the style differences between them. Then I wanted to give her feedback; that I noticed she’d seemed checked out of our sessions for a while. I said I wasn’t sure if it was something going on in her life or burn out etc. but that I’d seen it. She admitted that because I’d been so avoidant talking about surface stuff she had kinda checked out during our sessions. She’s gotten me through some really tough times in my life and we’ve had a long standing. What would you do?

So, yesterday at work, I found myself dealing with someone who was clearly forced to volunteer at my job due to trouble with the law. At first, I tried to be cool with him, but one moment after another, I found myself wanting to smack him across the face

I believe it started when we were both helping a customer with a purchase. He had her in the backroom to browse for additional items, which is against the rules of our store. So, I let him know that she's not allowed to do that. He seemed fine then. But, who can say what he was thinking

Afterwards, while another volunteer and I helped another customer with getting a few items into their U-Haul truck, he comes to help. His help was appreciated, and he had the right idea, but the problem was he was in our path and I felt it would be better for him to move stuff around while in another spot. That way, we'd be able to get the largest item in little by little and he wouldn't get hurt. I ask him if he could first "step out of the way", but through some misunderstanding (And him being too hard headed), he gets upset as though I'm not trying to hear him out. I try to explain why we need him out of the way, but he instead chooses not to hear it and walks away with an attitude

A little while after, I try to talk to him about the incident and have him understand that I wanted there to be no hard feelings. I give him a friendly nudge as a show of comradery (Which I can admit would be a sign of disrespect for someone who's been through whatever he's been through in a way. But, still) and try to talk to him about it. But, rather than hear anything, he won't let me get a word in and keeps saying he wants to drop it, saying something in the lines that if we kept talking, there would have been problems, and walks away. I tried to respect that and continue on with my job

Until, finally, after saying goodbye to the other volunteers for the day, he, a coworker of mine, and I, find ourselves having to unload a donation. He's able to have a conversation with my coworker no problem, and I'm able to join in the conversation, in a sense. Things seem fine for a minute or two, but, while unloading, things reached a breaking point. After showing him the best spot to put an item, he starts getting upset saying he knows. And after he comments that the table brought in is nice and it can be set up, I comment "Well, if you want, when you can, you can set it up outside"....which is where things go array

He comments that I'm treating him as a child, always have something to say, and something else rather. I try to say something, but he continues to cut me off not letting me get a word in edge wise, and wants to drop it. Hurt and frustrated, I decide to drop it and focus on the donation. All the while, he's in the background, still talking about it as if I had wronged him and he's being disrespected further. I comment "You said to drop it. Yet, you're still talking", but he retaliates with the whole "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the world", which obviously means you're not dropping it, correct?

Getting all the more frustrated, I try to start an argument with him about that, and he still refuses to let me get a word in as though he's still in the right. I found it pointless to even try discussing things with him, so I go back to the donation. I ask the ones dropping off the items if we have everything and they say yes. As I thank them and begin closing the gate, the volunteer notes that they forgot the legs for the table mentioned before. Mistake caught, they apologize, but the volunteer tries to put the blame on me, most likely out of spite. He tries to grab the legs, but since I was already at the gate door opening and I didn't want him anywhere around me at that point, I tell him "No, I got it". He tries to argue and get in my way, but I stand firm, grab the legs, and put them alongside the table. All the while, he's still playing it off as though I've disrespected him and getting in his way. So much so that when I'm going to thank the donators again, he steps in the way of me and the gate door, trying to make it seem as that it's what I had done with him. He walks away a few feet, I thank the donators and shut the gate door

After shutting the doors, not wanting to continue things further, I decide to head back to the front and continue working. But, unfortunately, he's standing in the way once more and I have to walk past him to leave. I get to close, not by choice obviously, but he jumps back and complains about my getting close, which is ironic because not a moment later, while complaining further, he steps close to me, grabs the chain I wear, and comments that I should "treat him with grace". I'm someone who tends to let anger build up until an action goes too far and I let it out without thinking, so when he grabbed my chain, my first thought was obvious: Smack him across the face and tell him I'm not taking his bulls***. But, because it was a work environment, he was obviously someone who had done time in prison, and most likely someone who deals with mental issues, I chose to just glare, let him finish, leave and pay him no further mind for the rest of the day

Managed to get through the rest of the day, but not without the negativity getting to me more than I would've liked. I wound up so frustrated that I couldn't be my usual energetic self (As one of my other coworkers put it), lost my appetite and skipped lunch, and couldn't let the incidents go to the point that I constantly had to try and calm down further. And to add insult to injury, I found out I'm forced to work with him the whole rest of the week. Meaning, if I'm not careful, this could only be the beginning

What's worse is that even with a day passing, frustrated that I didn't get violent and knowing that I'm going to have to deal with him longer that I'd like, I can't let this whole thing go. It's too the point that I woke up still furious and emotionally exhausted

I hate what situations like this do to me long-term. So, I'm here to ask for advice: How do I deal with this guy properly? How do I get the peace of mind and satisfaction needed to get through the next week without resorting to stoop down to his level?

Please, someone, I need a solution here

Theres a new mental health break generation... Its kinda detrimental how more and more people identify with mental disease because they get the perks of making socially accepted excuses. Like almost 50% of women you run into dating claim bipolar disorder or autism to exonerate their self-responsibility. Do you think afflictions are turning into mass marketable victim badges? It worries me we're becoming too soft to handle agency and responsibility.

Therapists tend to coddle the victimized mind. They want to farm dependence so they continue having sessions. I feel like mental health professionals should work to end therapy within 2 months of needing therapy for the mind to have self determination instead of the ridiculous social norm that everybody needs constant therapy.

I try talking about neuroscience and true happiness being goal achieving behavior and having stability from grounding yourself with self-affirmation instead of needing outside verification, which leads on to outside dependence.

Isn't sad the only self affirmations people give themselves these days is an affliction that makes them excused from maturity?

Also if you have any confusion about the pandemic, pls investigate my post history. I promise it makes sense without any bias. It's important cuz it seems they are using our dogs as vectors from the dog pneumonia-three month cough last year october... after changing rabies vax supplier to dual covax\rabies. Look up the NIH whistleblower photos of paralyzed beagles with bug nets on their faces.

Any possible explanation for this?

So, during my therapy session this week (I've had therapy several times before but recently started again since my gmother passed away, we were close and I lived with her), I found myself doing most of the talking, sharing some of my heaviest experiences for my therapist to gather insights (kind of like collecting data haha).

My therapist seemed nervous, smoking and fidgeting, yet he remained attentive and empathetic. Towards the end of the hour-long session, he pointed out something I hadn't noticed.

Despite delving into deeply traumatic events such as my dad dying from unnatural causes, heavy childhood abuse, and family betrayal, I showed no emotions, staying still throughout, with monotone body language and voice. My therapist mentioned delving deeper into this in future sessions to understand why, as he wasn't sure yet.

It wasn't a conscious decision on my part.

The thing is, I only broke down emotionally and cried out loud when my therapist touched on a specific topic involving someone I deeply loved but who also deeply hurt me, but that was two years ago.

He noticed I started finally getting emotional, so he sort of pushed that button by asking many questions quickly, perhaps wanting to see if I feel any emotions at all or investigate something else.

I’m utterly confused? why am I so disconnected from some experiences yet emotionally overwhelmed by others? —actually, it's the only thing that triggers my emotions lately.

I have been scrolling through here for some time but afterwards I always feel bad or sad so I thought I am going to post something good from my life every day so that people who scroll through here like me have something to cheer themselves up Day 1 I realized that I am becoming more and more like my dad. I had a hard time in the last few months but it is getting better and I changed a lot. So today I realized that I am not just changing I am changing in to my dad, I love my dad. He is one of the best people I know he is always there for me and anyone who needs him, even strangers. Sore there where times where we had a argument but at the end we always where happy. So I was really happy when I realized that I not only start to look like him but also start to act and talk like he would. I know some people don’t have a good relationship with there parents and I wish that what ever problems they have that they can solve them because having someone who really cares about you is one of the best things you can have.

Hi all -

I’m working through some childhood issues with a counselor and I want to use time between sessions to research some possible issues that I’m feeling.

Backstory - I am the youngest of three kids (brother, sister, then me). Growing up, my dad and brother were a duo and didn’t want anything to do with me really. I experienced consistent rejection and teasing from them which pushed me closer to my mom and sister. As a result, I feel like I have a lot of trouble relating to other men and have my whole life.

When I meet another male for the first time, my subconscious assumption is that they hate me and that I’m not as good as they are. This has translated into some severe low self-esteem issues. I want to know if there’s anything I can bring to my counselor to discuss (like any disorders or something specific) that relate to male-to-male relationships or something.

I just want to work through these feelings and understand why I feel this way so I can find ways to cope .

Feel free to ask follow up questions if needed!

TIA!

Yea i dont want to type here really anything maybe if someone is interested they can write me or something. Im kind of struggling rn and its a little embarrassing tbh so yea..

Advice please! I’ve been in therapy for 7 months and just told her my trauma in writing. Though she responded well, I can’t help but wonder… do therapists compare their clients trauma? Do they ever think one person is more important than the other client as the trauma is larger? Do they ever think this client is wasting my time, the others have bigger issues? Once the client opens up, what goes on in their mind?

Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

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I even avoid and procrastinate on going to therapy the protector in me is really good at his job

Also I realized I'm not alone in this, most people if not all of them are all avoiding it, distract with whatever there is.

Last night I had nightmares again and was possessed by sleep paralysis demons, my anger resentment vengeance fear rage all that fun stuff had to come out, I didn't scream out loud like I used to years ago, I would wake up screaming with my cat around me, he would get so shocked, but I would laugh seeing his cute shocked face . Now if I scream nobody is around

That was in 2019. I couldn't even get the emotions out since because I literally don't have any one around to ground me, hold me down on earth if I'm overwhelmed by painful emotions.

It is difficult I'm not gonna lie

Having to trust me and my parts when I really don't, I don't want to go into fight or flight alone by myself with panic attacks.

If I could have done it alone I would have done it years ago

Therapy can only go so far, I would still go home alone if I even have a home. No cat, no husband, alone. I can't handle these alone, I wish I could, I lied to myself I could, the reality is that I'm not the same person as when I was younger, the fearless one. The resilient one. The anything doesn't kill me makes me stronger one. Yes it is called a burn out and I know it's unavoidable eventually.

The only way I can come up with to cope with this is just hallucinate more with my parts . And it's okay.

Im so over the way people treat me and the comments they make smh. Im a mom of two with larger breasts that got very saggy and stretched after each of my pregnancies. I've become very insecure with my body and so many people including my own family members make rude and inappropriate comments. I get groped all the time when im out in public and and im sick of it. There has also been an ongoing issue in my household that i need some advice on and whether or not i should let it continue. Dont really have anyone in my personal life to discuss these things with thats why im posting on here. Ugh, really just looking for someone to vent to and get real, honest and mature advice, thanks.

I’m 30, F and recently started dating again and guys seem to be shocked, curious or sympathetic when I tell them my mother moved away with me from my Dad when I was 3 from Australia to London. Why might this be ?

I just had a heated argument with my mother about a basketball coach she booked for me. I told her a week ago I didn't want to go and that I didn't need a coach but she did not listen to me. Today she woke me up early to go to the coach and I said I didn't want to go and when I came down, frustrated she wasn't reveptive of me, she was already angry at me and just exploded.

//This happened to me a lot of the times for my 15 years of being and I remember that in the outcome of all of these I just felt alone and humiliated and when I thought about it earlier while I was crying I just thought they had made me out to look like a fool and a disrespectful child in this argument I just had and many previous. I could hear them outside the room I was in, discussing me. She told my dad I was a disgrace, that I was disrespectful, deep down I know she did not mean it but on the surface level this hurts. When I was about 10 she filmed me crying over soemthing trivial that only a child would cry about and showed me the clip and about a year ago they put me in therapy. They did not attend themselves.

//And after this I know these arguments will probably happen again, but the main thing is I know they have good intetntions for me and sometimes they try to force time spent with me and I don't want it even though they SHOULD be entitled to it, but to me I don't feel like I would enjoy that time. I would rather do something else. A lot of who I am comes from this I think and I don't fully understand it yet. I am asking for answers.

I want to take revenge on a guy that bullied me at work. It has traumatized me. It’s been over a year and a half and I haven’t felt better yet. I worked at a different job so far. I haven’t gotten over it yet. I don’t believe that “living a better life” or “moving on” will confront the core issue that I was bullied at an old job I had. I don’t think “moving on” or forgiving will help me. It will only prolong the wounds in my mind without addressing the issue to the core. I feel that revenge will take the root of the problem away from me. I don’t want this bullcrap about forgiveness, moving on, or living a better life because my mind does not resonate with those “solutions” Either revenge, or a different harmless solution with the same caliber as revenge, will help the wounds in my mind I don’t want to hear the same advice about moving on, or anything like that.

Buckle up.

I'm a junior (M) in high school and my family life recently has just been... ugh.

Last September my dad lost his job and has had no luck working again since. He may land a job soon but it pays minimum wage and supporting a family of four in California with just minimum wage is well, difficult. We have some savings that we have been relying on but they have slowly been getting less. It's weird, I grew up pretty well off, with my family having more than enough money, but over the course of my life we have just been in a downward spiral and now we need to really spend conservatively. We are definitely blessed though, we have more than a lot of people. It's just been very... hard and especially stressful for my parents.

My mom has a lot of mental health problems (severe OCD, anxiety, insomnia), which I've had to deal with since I was young. I'm talking crying and screaming, going like "why, why??" or like saying she wanted to end it, etc. There was a long period of time where it would be hard to go a day without her crying and stuff. A lot of her burdens were kind of put on me growing up, and of course on my dad. This really did strain their relationship, and still does. However, on a positive note, she really has been doing better these days and although struggles, she definitely isn't crying everyday. Also, she's the most loving mother ever when she isn't having a breakdown. Blessed for that, love you mom. Back to my parent's relationship, because my mom has these mental health problems, she doesn't really want to ever spend time with my dad. He's too loud and stuff as he drinks basically all day, pushing her away. They don't sleep in the same room, he sleeps in the garage, he's made a little den. We only have three bedrooms so that's where he was pushed to. This has been ever since I was a kid though. They don't spend a lot of time together, it's depressing.

My dad has particularly gone crazy recently. Ever since he lost his job, he's been pretty depressed I think. But more recently he's just been insane, like laughing full volume to his own jokes while drunk (always drinking though) and just having crazy moodswings where it's unpredictable how he'll react to things. He could go from sobbing to laughing to angry really fast. It kind of scares the rest of the family to be around him tbh. My mother definitely doesn't want to be around him recently. Whenever she doesn't fulfill his needs, he comes to me and puts all of the burden of his happiness on me. Like, if I don't want to hang out with him he gets upset and plays the victim, or if my mom doesn't want to hang out with him he turns to me and expects me to be his therapist, being like "your mother is all this, all that."

Genuinely I feel like I'm my parent's relationship therapist. When I talk to my mom, she tells me everything wrong about my dad. When I talk to my dad, he tells me everything wrong with my mom. It's exhausting and draining and I hate it.

Oh yeah, and I recently had ACL surgery so my I haven't been able to workout or play soccer which I usually do, which helps me blow off steam. I've been pretty much in the house all month since the surgery, which has only made things worse.

Sometimes I feel like I have it easy, because at least I have a roof over my head and we have at least some money in savings. At least my dad isn't violent. But other times I just feel exhausted and broken and just so fed up. I can't juggle all this family life with school stress and stuff. Idk if anyone will make it this far, but thanks for reading my vent.

Any advice for me? What should I do?

long story short I have having problems with my girl friends family. Mainly with her sister and her new boyfriend. We are supposed to have a set down on Monday from her family. Such as grandma, uncle and auntie who are enforcing upon us four and the truth will come out from both sides, such as my relationship and with theirs. We have been bumping heads between us four because of what the sister boyfriend has done to my girlfriend and her grandma. I know it is going to get messy because he won't admit to the things he has done and the sister is in denial because she probably has something going for her which is him. But let me tell you. He has also been controlling her as well as disrespect her grandma and my girlfriend not to mention to me too. They have been together for 6 months now going on 7 and he practically moved in to the grandma house without her permission and doesn't help out with the bills or clean up or help the grandma out. She then forced him out about 2 weeks ago because she was Disturbed by all his stuff, cloths, and what not, practically because he moved him self in. He was there for about 3 weeks stright. The reason why is because the sister and her boyfriend had basically made my girl leave to live with her auntie because of the drama they were creating at the time. Then when she came back to the grandma's house. The sister went off on the grandma and moved out and pact all of his stuff to his house and to another family member house. They are making up stories about the grandma kicking them out and lies about my girl and I.

I am at witts end and thinking about leaving and breaking up because it has been happening since November and before this happened. my girl and I were argued alot in the past. we have been together for 10 years now....

I don't know what to do or how to act for Monday. Also. I have no place to go and ask someone about this. My parents keep telling me to just leave and break up.

i 16M and my cousin 15F where aways fine but she would sometimes beg my mom to stay in my bed

then one day she raped me and i have just ghost her what now do i do

I’ve been on and off therapy for many years, but I never got really serious about it until a few months ago when I started an intensive program. But I feel like the more I realize stuff (idk any better way to say this) about myself, my past, my childhood, diagnosees, trauma and abuse that I didn’t even realize were trauma and abuse… like I can’t handle reality? Like the more self aware I become the more depressed I am. I’m currently in the worst depressive episode of my life, basically haven’t left bed in months, dropped out of school, stopped working and socializing… I can’t come to terms with any of it and I feel like all I see now are the bad things that happened to me and the evil in the world. Is this common… To feel worse when you start getting serious about therapy? Is this just a “it gets worse before it gets better” situation, or something more? And how do you move past it to actually deal with it? Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated.

i don’t really know what’s the mistake i’m making. am i too nice/do i lack boundaries? or is there something genuinely inside of me that makes people hate my guts?

because as far as i know i’m really nice and friendly but people who meet me just aren’t interested with interacting with me and go on to talk to other people ):

my own friends insult me, ignore me, ostracised me etc

teachers also yell at me and target me

just why me?

even my own parents don’t love me, they fight with each other and also put it all on me where they belittle me tell me i’m not good at anything, restrict me of things i like to do etc

and it hurts because even though i have good intentions and am nice to everyone i’m still stepped all over including my parents

Hi all! I'm new so I'm sorry if I'm breaking any rules here.

Over the last 10 years of my life I've had a fair amount of what seems to be episodes of depression. I'm a very self conscious and anxious person, and I feel I have a lot of unresolved problems deep down. Lately my overall health has declined immensely due to a severe GERD flare up, and it has sent my mental state spiraling. I haven't been able to do pretty much any of the things I love, and I haven't been able to work. It's all really getting to me, and I'm finally throwing in the towel on trying to control this by myself. I really want to get help, but I'm not really sure where to start... I would imagine I'd need a proper diagnoses before being able to talk to someone, but I'm not sure if I need to see a therapist, psychiatrist, or someone else for that. I live in the US, buuuut I'm in the middle of nowhere, and I don't have a method of seeing therapists that are hours away in my current situation. Is online therapy as good as in-person? I do have insurance, so hopefully I can have sessions covered by it or at least for the most part since I'm not the most financially stable right now.

I'll take any pointers or tips to head in the right direction for this. I know it shouldn't be hard to reach out like this and finally talk to someone, but it's way out of my comfort zone and I'm willing to do it for the sake of my mental state. I want to feel like me again. Thank you in advance, and I hope everyone is doing well or currently on their path to better days

I need help from anyone who can offer some.

I am 35. 17 years in the active duty military. I’ve only had one relationship and have had problems forming meaningful long term friendships my entire life (military life plays into that). I am an excellent extrovert in public settings, but find I prefer to be alone and prolonged social interactions, while I crave them, take an immense amount of energy from me. Most of my colleagues see me as an extrovert but it is not who I truly am. I feel like I live 2 lives. I have no problem attracting dates. In a typical 6 month period I will probably date 6-8 new partners. My problem is the ones who show interest in me I tend to push away eventually. With my current military career, and being so close to retirement, it is risky to go to therapy and be diagnosed with something that could get me discharged. I know I have chronic depression and anxiety, but I have strived to OVERperform at work for my entire career and have delivered (which has not helped). I don’t know what else to say. Can anyone help me? I am very lonely. I read a lot about learning one’s self, attachment styles (avoidant here) but I fear that I will be alone forever and it terrifies me.

I’m wondering if I am weird for this because my parents keep telling me to lighten up. But it seems to me like death is this big elephant in the room that everyone refuses to acknowledge. Doesn’t everyone worry and think about death? But no one ever really mentions it!

Disclaimer I do have anxiety, specifically health anxiety as well. But to me, it just feels like common sense? There are so many things that could go wrong, so many people that I care about that could get sick or in an accident. It happens to people all over the world all the time. And yet I’m the weird one for worrying about it? It seems to me like this so called “health anxiety” or “death anxiety” is just common sense. I guess it’s only a problem because I think about it too often, but how do people cope with the knowledge that things could go wrong at any minute!

Me and my bsf have been friends for a few years. We went to the same school for a while, but one day I moved. I told her, and her solution was to transfer to my school. I didn't think much of it at the time, but my parents thought it was weird. Anyway, thats not there point. After the first year of school, we made some new friends, blah blah blah. But lately, she been acting really distant. She has always had this habit where she randomly got mad, but I always just dismissed it. Although this time, shes just acting outright rude. She was nice to our whole friend group, but when I talked to her she acted cold and dry. I never did anything wrong, so I'm not sure why she's been acting like this. We have a science fair project, and since we're still not really that closer with everyone else, we became partners. But she isn't really putting much effort into the project, and I've been doing all the work. Her attitude has been going on for a few days now, and I'm not sure what to do. P.S. Shes VERY sensitive, so taking to get about will be really difficult.

It’s been just about 2 and a half months since my breakup, and I have been trying to move on from it, but I still feel empty, even though I’ve spoken to people about it, tried new things and even gone on a week long vacation.

I just feel socially isolated from even my best friends, I don’t feel like I am being heard, even though I am. I really don’t know if I’m okay, and if this is normal.

I try staying home for a while, but I just cannot without any social interaction. I talk to my parents and loved ones, and it’s okay, but it’s just not the same feeling of comfort, if you understand what I mean.

I recently began therapy again after an insurance issue. I know it is difficult to locate a therapist that one feels comfortable with. My question is how much should/can the therapist talk about themselves? I’m paying for these sessions and so far, at the last 4 sessions, this therapist talks half the time about him and his upbringing!! I’m a raw mess when I’m in there and he goes on about how his parents were alcoholics and the abuse he received. He told me his uncles were molested by a priest … the list goes on and on. I sit frozen, not acknowledging wheat he says, not giving any nods or verbal cues or ANYTHING.

When he finally asks me a question, it is a good targeted probe but there is barely any work for ME. I don’t want to hear about HIM. Is there some ethical ground rules that he is blowing past and that I’m not aware of??

It’s like dating and I don’t know if I have the strength to fight through my insurance to locate another therapist. Suggestions??

So I need help on this. Me (M25), is on a healing journey trying to get my life together. And I have come a very long way, but something that still haunts me is the fact that I have trouble with romantic relationships. I cant make it work, I just wont let people in fully. Its like I have this invisible wall that no one breaks. I try to understand the connection between my traumatic childhood and this issue, but I just cant see it and dont know how to go about this.

So I will try to keep the backstory brief. Before I was born, my parents lost two of my older brothers. One died minutes after he was born, and the other one in leukemia when he was 1. One year after the last death, I was born. My dad left my mum when I was 3 due to the trauma the death of my older brothers caused them. I cant remember much of my childhood, I remember not feeling safe, my mum being sad very often, my father not being a big part of my life, my later stepdad never talking to me, my stepdad abusing me when I had these anger outbursts, me hurting my little brother physically during these outbursts and me hating myself for it, and me generally not feeling seen, heard or understood. My mum have always been my safe space, she was and still is very loving but I have grown up in the shadow of my parents trauma and have endured the consequenses of it aswell.

There is much more of course but I wanna keep this brief. My life was falling apart a couple of years ago and I had to do something or I would probably have ended up dead. So I quit drugs, quit alcohol and reached out for help professionally which led me to get an ADHD diagnosis. Which my mum apparantly tried to get me when I was 12 but never followed through with. So getting a diagnosis at 23 and access to medication really changed my life for the better and have enabled me to stop running and starting to unpack and process my childhood.

There is alot to unpack, but currently my question in the title have been bugging me. How should I tackle this issue? I have tried for years but it have crushed me completely everytime I have let someone in more than I actually dare. So now I either just keep things platonic or isolate myself. I feel things very intensely and want to be able to give my love and start to build a life with someone. I just dont know how to do it, any advice or input is welcome!

After reading other posts on this forum, I certainly do realize that people have greater challenges than me, and I’m really not trying to be dramatic, BUT, I would like to get y’all’s thoughts on if therapy is even worth it for me at this point?

In the last year, I’ve experienced job stress/changes, some moderate health issues, financial problems, and family struggles - the worst of which being some really difficult mental health issues with my child which has truly shattered my momma heart. Facing (what seems like) problem after problem has also proven to me that I’m in an extremely dysfunctional marriage and do not have a genuine support system.

My life has internally fallen apart and while I’ve held it together externally- have found a new job, gotten my child help, appear semi stable, I’m unraveling on the inside. I can’t sleep or eat well and am horribly worried something awful is about to happen, have no energy to make efforts or even fight with my spouse, have no confidence in myself or husband or faith leaders or society or humanity or God. Everything seems wrong and hopeless. I can barely make it out of bed to accomplish the bear minimum each day. I’ve lost meaningful contact with close friends and family because I’m keeping them all at arms length so they don’t know how bad everything is.

Several months ago, I broke down to a trusted spiritual leader who counseled me for a period of time. But, that all ended very badly and I feel more miserable and damaged than before he started to “help” and have more doubts about God and life now. After ceasing contract with him, I felt more betrayed & alone than ever, so called my work EAP for a therapist referral.

They set me up with a male therapist (even though I stated my preference was a female). I’ve seen him weekly for a couple months, hoping to process my life, marriage, parental heartache, religious uncertainty, etc. but after two months have made little progress in even explaining how I feel. And, I think I’m actually worse because I feel bad each appointment not seeming to be able to explain the pain with my marriage or family or what happened to me (I haven’t even told him the full story because I don’t trust he cares). I feel so desperate and alone. But my therapist sees my problems as trivial. He frequently tells me that lots of people experience job loss, financial and health problems and have rough times with kids and husbands. He seems annoyed when I’m so emotional and tells me no parents are perfect - - it’s just how it is - no priest or husband is perfect, that’s just life. He’s also been more than 15 minutes late three times and told me he just forgot we were meeting. Somehow sitting online wondering if he’ll show up hurts my feelings so much and those appointments are harder.

Should I just quit therapy? Maybe my problems just aren’t bad enough to waste a therapist’s time. If you were my therapist would you think I’m just being dramatic about regular life problems that aren’t worthy of therapy?

Was I wrong to want help? Should I quit and figure it out on my own? What would you do?

Hello! I'm a student and I currently work in behavioral health. I also have a social media account where I offer tarot readings. I have always enjoyed tarot, and the account just started getting some traction. Should my interest and side project cause me problems in the field? I don't do it with clients, nor do I self disclose my use of them to clients or coworkers. I feel like it's not an ethical problem. What do you all think?