I’ve been seeing a new therapist. we are both around the same age but she is very pretty, put together and extremely calm. I feel inferior and I feel like such a loser when talking to her. It’s making me doubt how open I can be with her or if I can be vulnerable. I feel like I want her validation and I am embarrassed and ashamed.

I’ve only seen her 2 times now. Is it too early to make a judgement? Anyone experienced something similar? I don’t know how to proceed

I tried it to cope with a messy breakup, but I kind of think it made things worse. My friends agreed and were begging me to stop using it.

Their marketing that caused me to download it said it was evidence-based and developed by therapists. However, their website has no evidence of these claims. Just that it's "science-driven" and "built by scientists from x y z elite universities." They advertised it as Duolingo for therapy. I think I may have got duped. Looking back, it was traumatic using this app every day. I thought I was helping myself using it, but all it made me do was cry a lot and imagine my ex hating me. It seemed to imply a lot of things to me about my relationship that weren't true. It would essentially say like, "i bet you miss them do you miss them," "you faced rejection and that hurts" (honestly i dont know that it was rejection, they broke up bc they thought i was rejecting them), "imagine your ex does this or that. sees a new person. asks to meet up with you. etc. imagine how you would react". It seems like they were making assumptions and then instructing me to think painful thoughts. It was almost like forming a trauma bond with the app? It was designed to be addictive, with streaks and stuff.

But for so long my friends kept telling me to stop using it and i just couldn't help myself because my emotional regulation, what little I had, became dependent on continuing to use this app. Possibly addicted. Which I guess they did advertise it as being addicting? The sh!t this app would tell me to imagine would make me cry. I'd get off work and spend hours on this app crying at all the painful possibilities it had me imagining of what the app is telling me my ex is probably doing or thinking. At the point when it kept urging me to go on rebound dates and find a new person "even though you might not want to yet," that's when I finally came to resent the app and quit it. I made the plans with people. But I always flaked on the dates because I didn't want to go, and also had much more important sh!t to do to save my career that had been derailed by the breakup. Finally I said f*ck this app. it can't tell me how to live.!!! And that was when I finally stopped.

Looking back it seems obvious this was a waste of my time when I could have been preparing for my medical school interviews instead, but in the moment, I thought this was what I was "supposed to" be doing, especially because I struggled to find a real therapist who could take me in right away. I also had trauma from a couple toxic/incompetent therapists within the past year and just was also scared to trust a new human, so the app felt safer... but i forgot technology isn't objective either ig uess. I regret using this thing and it just upsets me that every time i try to do something to improve my mental health, it only makes things worse.

Am I right? Is this app bad news? like wtf idk if this kind of thing should be allowed to exist. it's actually crazy because my ex told me how they had this emotionally abusive "relationship" with an AI thing that would generate the most emotionally abusive messages to them, causing them to feel tons of guilt and delusions of like inferiority. This technoology is freaky.

Feeling overwhelmed? Let's work together to find balance and charity. Book your therapy session today and take the first step toward a healthier, happier you.

Is there any type of therapy or treatment where I can submit a written self report/journal entry about my thoughts and then a therapist gives me feedback? Same thing as regular therapy but instead of the daunting "what brings u here today," they already know what points to hit because I gave them readings beforehand. Maybe they can tell me things about the way I analyze myself or the situation at hand. I struggle with on the spot communication with regular therapy, and notes wouldn't help either because I can't verbally capture my full experience. I don't know if that's a neurodivergent thing or if i'm just a bad communicator. I am really good at self analyzing but only when I'm alone and in the right headspace. Anyways, does something like that exist? What i'm imaging is: prior to the session, I submit my writing and they read it, then we discuss it. I guess I could do it with regular therapy, but it seems like a waste of time/money to spend a portion of the session in silent reading... This can be virtual, asynchronous, in person, anything really. Talk therapy just doesn't work for me.

Hi everyone. I have finally put a finger on the reasons for my jealousy issues, and relationship fears. I feel forgettable and replaceable. I feel like if my partner goes on a trip for 5 days they'll come back and divorce me because they realize I'm not worth it. Or that they will replace me with someone new because I'm just 'the old thing' and not shiny and new. Like I don't ultimately matter in people's lives. I can point my finger at it but I don't know how to start working through this. In my local area I've been through ~10 therapists looking for someone who fits me and all have been okay at best. I don't have the time to search for a new one. So I hope you can help while I begin searching once more.

So, last week I tripped over my 6 month old kitten in the dark hallway and fell on the hardwood. Unfortunately, In the process of falling, I somehow landed on the kitten. My boys heard me fall and came to help. I was still on the ground and didn’t even realize the cat was there until my son said “oh my God”, then i rolled over and the cat was seizing and blood pouring out of one ear. I was hurt and took me a minute to get up. The cat obviously had a severe head injury. She had labored breathing and her tongue was turning purple. The boys called my husband to come home and deal with the cat. The boys cleaned up all the blood for me. We were all pretty devastated. This was our new Maine Coone kitten that we just got about 2 months ago. I cried for 2 days straight and now I just feel numb and emotionless. I haven’t talked to anybody about it except for my mom. It’s just breaks my heart so much. I’m a pretty small person just over 100 pounds and never would have thought something like this could happen. I’m just not sure how to process this grief and guilt, I feel like a horrible person.

What is the difference between a therapist or a friend?

I have been going to therapy lately but I am trying to see if I note the difference between one or the other.

I don’t have friends so I am just paying this person to just be my friend and listen to me?

I decided I wanted to pursue therapy. I had my first session with a therapist, and after telling her I wanted to try therapy to help manage my anxiety, the first thing she asked was if I was diagnosed, I said no. She then suggested I get diagnosed and medicated, only then she would be able to help me.

It seems unreasonable to me for this to be the first solution. This was 5 minutes into the session she said this, then continued to push the issue over the hour. Even if I'm not diagnosed, the symptoms can be managed. Is this a normal thing? I am considering switching therapists regardless, but I wasn't sure if this is a common occurrence.

I usually feel kinda shitty, just decide to lay in bed all day and get up when I need to do something like eat drink use the bathroom, whatever, but lately I’ve noticed something and my family has also noticed.

I’ve been feeling notably more active n stuff, not quite to the point I wanna go out but enough so that I do things around the house more frequently than say, 2 weeks ago.

I’m so used to feeling a certain way that now that I don’t feel that way, it feels weird. Does it always feel weird to get better?

Hi, Im curious if there are things that could perhaps help with recollecting memories. I have been disocciating pretty much my whole life and due to that i have big missing gaps in my memories. Now i have some concerns about certain behaviour patterns i had as a child and i would like to dig into it more, but i have a hard time recollecting memories. Sometimes a random memory pops up like recently and it just surprises me with how much i have had surpressed. Also kind of concerns me.. Anyways, i will also speak to my own therapist about this but i was also curious for other peoples knowledge on this

I had an online session with a therapist for the second time. He described the whole therapy I was going to have in “steps” and the end goal is that I get to “0” when I think about something traumatic that happened and get emotional about it. EMDR. Seems a bit systematic and kind of avoiding in a way…But…is that normal to just give a workshop basically, and then tell me that I should use what he told me and come to the next session not so emotional? I’ve already decided I’m not going to see him again anyways. He didn’t even ask how I was doing, just jumped straight into the subject he was “teaching” me about, forgot it was an online session and was late, and repeated some things that he did with me the first session. At that point I feel like I was done anyways, but I am so disappointed that I tried therapy and that happened. I mean, I cried A-LOT the first time I met him online and he asked me a bunch of questions about my history and such. I was so vulnerable. Guess it really is just me and God in the end. No comments about how you disagree with my beliefs, please. That’s not the main point of my post.

I had a two-parent upper middle-class household and never went to bed hungry. From 1st to 5th grade, was bliss; I had a friend who went to the same school across the street and played with regularly. But after 5th grade, my friend moved away and I started middle school. I didn't make much friends but did get to play one year of football. From 6th grade onward, my parents started fighting pretty often 2-8x a month. (smashing dishes, cursing each other out, hitting each other). My dad's paranoia about voodoo started during this time and all of us had to clean ourselves with herbs. He also became paranoid about a hacker that was entering the house when no one was home and tampering with tech, food, and water. This continued to present day.

I completed 9th grade and switched back to my old school, and that's where things get hairy. I started the school year at 200 lbs and ended up 275 by junior year which led me to a black market marijuna vape cart addiction, benzo abuse. I ended up having an episode of self harm where I burned my arms with matches, and slashed them with a scissor. The scars remain to this day. I was studying pretty much all day every day hanging out with friends 3-4 times a year. I got pretty generous b-day gifts from my mom during this time, which was really sweet.

This was happening as my parents fights continued. I got a great score and got into a great medical program with my bestfriend, which was my dream to be a doctor but got kicked out due to low GPA. I started to purse medical school outside the program and pledged a frat. I got hazed severely (had nightmares for months after) the worse in recent frat history. I continue to purse medicine but cracked after the second time I took my MCAT and gave up on medicine all together to purse computer science.This stung I then isolated myself completely because a lot my frat brothers were dicks, but some were great but graduating. 3 years passed of just school, home, sleep. I started anti-depressants a few months ago and I am 5 8 terrible acne no muscle all fat have been since I was 16. I haven't seen friends in 2 years. I am booksmart but I have ADHD and can't get meds becuz my mom won't allow it.

Is this just a typicall life living in America, was my life hard, or am I just a sensitive person?

hey all, i have an appointment later today. idk how to start telling her abt what happened to me. idk how to phrase it or what to say exactly i’m stuck….do i just go all in i don’t want to ramble

all advice is welcome

(this is also some kind of a vent, but I can't flare twice)

I can't stand her anymore. I'm always irritaded by her, and I hate, hate, hate doing anything she says. I can't help but be passive-agressive to her, also constantly make small things so she gets mad. I know it's stupid and I have no reason to do that, however I'm still very young, so I can't control how I feel so much.

I think the root of my hatred towards her is the fact that she will say to my face how messed I am, yet she always says I'm missing something to have anything diagnosed, and I can't help the thought that it's so useless wasting my time going there every week. I can't seem to care about anything she says anymore I just say anything so it ends up more fast. This deep hatred towards her is somewhat incontrollable it feels like a tantrum inside of my head constantly whenever I think about her.

Has anyone felt something similar or knows someone that did? Or can someone give me some tips on how to control this tantrum?

My therapist is late for every session. If i go there she’s late 3-10 minutes, online is usually 20 minutes late. Today she was sick but i had a major relationship emergency and she insisted we shouldn’t cancel but she might push the exact time depending on her health status. I texted later to make sure of the time and she didn’t respond. Later I was on time waiting for her, texted her I’m available. She only responded 35 minutes later that she will call me within 15 minutes. And then I waited for another hour whilst she’s texting me twice that she will be right with me. Total of 1.5 hours of waiting. When she finally online I asked her to give me certainty about whether we are even going to talk and when at some point during the day before making me wait like this. Her response shook me. She said that she canceled all of her other clients due to being ill and kept our session because of my pressing issue. And that she had on and off lost her voice throughout the day and she couldn’t give me certainty of time because she couldn’t tell when she can physically talk. So I should appreciate her talking to me even though she’s sick.

Later when we talked about the actual problem, she gave a 15 minute speech about everything that is messed up with me and how difficult i am, while i am sobbing and being very upset because of it. She said that me crying is a way to not play by the rules.

Please tell me your opinion on this.

My partner and I were discussing her therapy appointment and I made an observation that lead to a question we both want an answer to.

Do therapists psychoanalyze their patients to find out their kinks to use them against them? Because we are fairly sure her therapist is using her praise kink against her. 🤣. This is totally light-hearted we're not accusing her of anything untoward.

Hi everyone,

GF and I broke up on Saturday night, and it’s been incredibly difficult. I’ve gone through breakups before, but this one is different and I’ve felt a whole range of emotions in a short period of time. I’d like to start therapy, I think it could really help

I’ve never gone to therapy, so I have zero idea what to expect going in. Is there a certain “type” of therapist I should look for? I’m a male, would it help to try to get a woman to get the perspective from a woman’s POV? What should I be looking for, and how do I “sample”?

My therapist is great when I'm in a crisis. Her style is to let me talk forever, and then when I'm done she asks me these questions that kind of lead me to figure things out on my own, instead of her telling me how to feel. I really like this method. But when I'm not in crisis I don't find our sessions helpful. She will often ask me "what do you want to do with our time today" when I have nothing to talk about (tho I'm still very mentally ill - I have bipolar disorder and even when I'm not freaking out I still have plenty I could focus on I'm sure). There's almost so much to potentially focus on that I don't know where to start. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I need to bring this up. What can we focus on? Should we use a workbook? Should I ask to focus on dbt stuff? I guess I'm so used to having therapy be mostly my job seeing as I'm always the one talking, I wish she would take some initiative and use her expertise more. But maybe that's not what therapy is all about.

Tw: alt sh, depression, sadness,. I get mad at myself sometimes when I feel overwhelmed and I have started to ch4ke myself out anger and I'm crying saying please stop I'm sorry please stop. I haven't done this before. I have hit myself in the head and I did that lastnight when I was stressed out and I felt like I deserved it. Any techniques I can do to calm down when I get this way instead of me potential harming myself?

The title says it, I'm terrified of therapy, of being judged by others, the costs, and other stuff. At this point it would help me to go back to therapy but I just don't know if I can do it again you know? Last time I went I was barely able to even eep out a word once I was asked about personal stuff and my emotions before I had to try to not cry. I don't know anymore, any advice random Internet strangers? I find it easier to write about my feelings than to even remotely attempt to vocalize them. Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

Hey so I just finished watching an episode of “The Diary of a CEO” on YouTube. This particular episode was with a previous secret service agent and one of the things they got into was victim mentality and some peoples refusal to let go of traumas and take personal responsibility.

I will say this was quite an uncomfortable and sticky subject for me to witness them discussing it the way they did. I am not implying that they are invalidating people who have been through terrible circumstances or trauma, but it did feel a bit minimizing.

However I think maybe I feel that way because it hits too close to home for me. I relate too much to the kind of person she describes as being in identity.

For instance, I was heavily abused by a narcissistic mother as a child and overall neglected by both parents, I have ADHD and strongly believe I am Autistic. I have 2 autoimmune/endocrine disorders. I was severely bullied growing up and still in work settings today. I’ve also lived in poverty the majority of my life in states with very little worker protection etc. so I do feel strongly that I have been dealt a bad hand in life and the current economic and political climate have just exacerbated it.

However, I won’t disagree that I have a lot of issues with self discipline, confidence, motivation, and intense burnout that just seem to get worse with the years. I have consistently just told myself it is because of such and such diagnosis (sometimes this makes me feel better sometimes it makes me feel hopeless). I tell myself when I am finally able to leave this state I will find a better place with better infrastructure and local government, better environment, better people, more opportunities for better mental heath care, better jobs with better bosses and it will solve most of my problems.

My question is, am I in this victim mentality ? And if I am then how do I start shifting out of it ? How do I get better self discipline and motivation ?

Ever since my father stole $10k from me, my mother’s mental health has been declining. Over the past two days, my mother has been accusing my father of setting her up to be killed. She claims my aunt, a “prostitute” and “sl!t” is involved. She is also claiming that her “readings” told her that my older brother poisoned her drink. She also just told me for the first time ever that my grandmother “sexually abused” and “perverted” her, that there was “incest.” She had mentioned years ago being SAed by a cousin. She is claiming that my father and aunt turned my brother and I “against her,” that they are the reason as to why I’m so cold towards her. She is claiming that the reason as to why my old high school therapist called CPS five years ago is because there’s been a setup, she’s tying it all back to gangstalking. It’s a lot to handle. She also told me that she bet my aunt tried to set me up to be sex trafficked when we were texting because I’m “beautiful” (I assume she’s talking about when I was in high school as the therapist called CPS the second time since I had admitted to having an inappropriate relationship with older men online.)

I know you aren't supposed to be friends with a therapist (dual relationship), but what if they were a former dance teacher of mine? We know each other well enough to say hi on the street, but that's about it (know nothing about each other's lives, work, relationships, etc). Is that considered ok?

Not sure if this is the right sub, but I was meeting a new psychiatrist today and going through all the basic mental health questions they ask you at the start when you’re meeting one of them for the first time.

I decided to tell them about my weed usage, and they asked pretty typical questions, what I thought they’d ask- how often I use it, how much, what I like about it etc.

Then they asked me if there’s anything I don’t like about the drug, and that threw me off a bit cause I wasn’t expecting it.

What’s the point of this question? Like what are they looking for with the answers? I can’t think of how this could be relevant in any way, like how I assume telling them what I like about the drug is used in figuring out healthier alternatives etc

The question doesn’t bother me at all, it just was not what I was expecting and I want to know what they’re asking it for- I should’ve asked in the moment but it really threw me off

Or was this maybe a question not in the list they have to ask, and just my psychiatrist making conversation?

Content: medication talk. Anger. No details, non descriptive.

My therapist is wonderful. Been with her for over a year now. She helps me in every department I need help in. All but expect one. And that one is my anger/physical aggression.

It’s gotten progressively worse and worse and worse every month. Therapy does not help this at all. And I started seeing a doctor&psychiatrist for medication for the anger. I am personally highly and incredibly against the use of medication for mental health, this is just a personal belief I hold. I’ve had nothing but horrible experiences and just deem it morally wrong for me. (I have nothing against others using it. It’s just wrong for me). So for me to seek medication, should prove just how out of hand and serous this anger has gotten. Within the past month I’ve switched between multiple types of meds, all causing me terrible horrible and painful side effects. And I just switched to a new one..

I don’t want to take them anymore. I don’t want to take ANY AT ALL! I disregarded my personal beliefs and morals. I devalued myself. It makes me feel so disgusting and shameful to take medication for my mental health. It goes against everything I believe in for myself. I was taken advantage of in a vulnerable state. I’ve never had anger before, this is new, and I didn’t know what to do. I was scared, and taken advantage of by the doctors and psych (NOT therapist, she’s wonderful).

I have been looking into different types of treatment. Ones that don’t involve meds. I’ve discovered anger management therapy. Also group therapy (which I’ve been in before). But the anger management is really drawing my attention. I plan to speak with my therapist soon about it. See what we can do. I don’t want to take medication, I never have. I hope this anger management therapy works out.

——————

Just looking to rant + emotional support. Please don’t try to convince me to take my meds. And please don’t push personal or statistical viewpoints onto me about the benefits of medication, I know they work wonders for people! That’s great to hear. I’m not an idiot 🙏 I just hold personal beliefs about how it works for ME and what I want for MY life’s journey. Ones that deserve to be respected, ones that should not, and do not, affect you.

My parents wont let me see a therapist and iv got no money either but if you are bored therapist could you help me understand whats the matter with me? İ need help i have breakdowns everyday where i yell and cry and crawl as i grip my head bite pillows and punch walls n all i would just love to know whats wrong with me My friend who sees a therapist had said i may have severe adhd and bipolar mood disorder? İ can message you if youd like to help me thank you🙏🙏

I was the first in line to a cash register in a familiar grocery store, which seemed almost entirely empty.

I believe I was buying some kind of hairspray??? that I doctored up with a perfume to make it more “appealing.” No idea why I did this or what I was doing with this. I don’t even know for who it was or why I was purchasing it, but I left it at the cash register either way. I don’t remember the appearance of the one at the cash register but I do remember they were friendly and kind with a strange aura of unfamiliarity and uncertainty about them.

To the girl behind me, I began dancing in front of her with the idea of impressing her. (My dream decided social norms didn’t exist anymore and I could do whatever I wanted) but I put a lot of effort in my moves, and even though I didn’t know how to dance, she liked it! In my mind, I thought I was a pretty good dancer at that moment. She seemed to like it and then began her own ritual; she responded by “beep boxing” and doing her own dance.

As a musician in real life, I was very impressed and drawn to her even more. A strange sense of rhythm came over us. At that same time, we also developed a strange harmony, like as if we ourselves were a song. We both became one chord. From that moment, we loved each other, and we were entirely connected. In my recollection of the whole thing, it would be as if our love and connection were so strong, that even though we had not previously seen or known each other, it would be as if one person died for another.

A little about myself, I am 16, and I am homeschooled. I have been homeschooled for 9 consecutive years. As you can imagine, I often crave social interaction, particularly from when I used to go to school.

I am a bit socially self-aware and can sometimes become distracted by my anxiety. A rare moment in my dream, like when I interacted with that girl, would have been very awkward and hard for me to do in real life. I would have never done something so endearing, let alone if the girl was pretty or with my “perception” of societal norms. It would be like trying to impress an alien! In a world where everything and everyone is governed by bureaucracy and complex systemic organization, much like a dystopian society…

My only hope for further social progress (and consequently my growth and maturity overall) are school and extracurricular activities. Such institutions require an immunization document as proof of proper immunization via vaccination—and my family insists that such vaccines are inherently dangerous and should be avoided. My family (and by my family, I mean particularly my parents) also believes that influences from other children’s behaviors, such as in a school environment, would severely deteriorate my personality, making me materialistic and narcissistic “like other children.”

They also have no confidence in my ability to make decisions in a world where people literally communicate with one another and make decisions based on differing opinions/views/beliefs. Even after all they’ve taught me morally, they have no confidence in me. These ideas, many of them subconsciously introduced to my mind and many not even mine, have corrupted my senses. They hinder my growth and maturity.

I have a strong emotional desire to communicate and share my feelings with other people, and I can’t stand people being “homeschooled” anymore. I believe “homeschooling” can be a useful tool for learning when placed in the right hands, but that’s the problem. What happens when they aren’t placed in the “right” hands?

The truth is that some parents don’t really even know how to educate their children and how to give them all their needs. Parenting is a balance between being able to provide for your child and helping them grow, and “homeschooling” is seriously dangerous, not because it’s a tool for education that can be abused by anyone, but because it traps the child in an environment they cannot escape. They have not learned to be as sociable as other kids in school, they lack proper education, and some outright don’t even know how to function in civilization nor have an interest to.

And this is the story of my life, and although I might be considered an “outlier” or an “anomaly,” I still exist. We still exist. People probably don’t even realize how many people (potentially thousands or more) could’ve become great people otherwise. That’s not to say that the majority are stupid or didn’t amount to anything. They say “diamonds are created under pressure,” and I think the same applies to these people.

On a side note: it’s quite possible that my parents experienced school life differently from other people in the spectrum, which led to their “overprotective” behavior toward me. They even admitted to being “overprotective” on their own volition, but anyways, it’s for my own good.

In particular, my mom grew up in Cuba, a third-world country with a very different culture where the rules and customs are very different than they are here. My dad grew up in a wholesome family within a “bad” neighborhood, according to my mom. He has told me of his relationship with some of his friends growing up, who were less than contributors to society.

I'm experiencing some maternal transference with my therapist. Plus i feel like i have many mood swings during the day. One day i hate her and curse her bcs i found out her family online . All family in details. Then I'm ok, chill and can't wait to go to our next session. I so smth on ig and now i have that weird feeling in my stomach. Tbh i wish i would just puke and get it over with. I have like this obsession with her which ofc is related to the transference

hi, so i have done a couple of sessions of therapy so far. the last one was really deep and heavy. we talked about my sh and i was zoned out for most of it (i remember not wanting to talk about it anymore, but she wouldnt say anything else, so we would just sit in silence for minutes). i accidentally told her that i have this notebook with thoughts that i write before sh and she told me to bring it. the problem is, im afraid that if she reads the notebook she will definitely tellmy parents about this behavior. i often exxagerate and everything in that notebook is exaggerated. i must have written i want to kms like over 100 times just because i felt it in the moment, but calmed down after. should i be worried?

I suppose this is primarily venting, but I'm also looking for any pathway forward, or anyone who can identify some underlying problematic behavior or assumptions I have.

A little more than a year ago I (30M) received decent health insurance for the first time in nearly a decade. Since high school I've had the suspicion that I possess some diagnosable condition, but employment, finances, and admittedly sheer procrastination and poor self-management have created a decade's worth of delays and false starts. After my insurance kicked in, I've been determined to reach a new level of self-understanding and productivity through psychiatry and psychology.

My psychiatrist has been effective enough, and I have been on medication for nearly a year which has improved my productivity, mood regulation, and internal monologue. My general impressions from acquaintances and social media is that combining psychiatry and psychology/therapy are generally how one obtains the best results. However, my experience with psychology didn't meet my expectations, and now I am confused whether I've been going about this all along, or if a therapist can help me at all. In short: I don't know if the problem is me, the system, or just bad luck. I'm looking for perspective.

My husband and I suspect I have ADHD. I was surprised when my psychiatrist took me at my word and started to prescribe me amphetamine. It didn't sit right with me, as I was expecting a more thorough evaluation. I asked the first psychologist I went to if she could help me seek an evaluation, and she seemed generally skeptical about the process, saying that evaluations are only verbal reports from the patient, and if I wanted a diagnosis "then here, I'm officially diagnosing you right now with ADHD, you have ADHD, now what are we going to do?" We met one or two more times after, but our style of talk therapy didn't sit right with me, and the general conclusion to our sessions was "only you can help yourself", so I stopped seeing her.

Later I sought out a local behavioral health center whose website specifically mentioned ADHD evaluation. After two months waiting for an appointment, during my initial screening, the psychologist seemed confused about me. I tried to give him an honest account of my current life- I feel generally better than I ever have in my life, but I know I experienced long-lasting seasons of mental and emotional turbulence (including self-deprecating ruminations and suicidal ideations which I don't act upon but which are nonetheless unpleasant), and I was seeking evaluation and therapy to make sense of my life, to discover some underlying truth about the state of my mind. After answering his basic questions about my current life circumstances he said, and I'm paraphrasing:

"Well, you do seem like an interesting guy- but I don't think there is anything wrong with you, and I don't see any need for intensive treatment. You have such-and-such symptoms that trouble you but you seem to be handling it well. We have good days and bad days, no one is perfect- I'm not perfect, but that doesn't mean you need a psychological evaluation and treatment plan. If you really want I could give you a referral for ADHD evaluation or autism but it will cost many thousands of dollars and chances are you'll just be back at square one in a month or two. You have a stable job, a stable marriage, and you're receiving the best medication available for ADHD. Anything else is less effective or comes with side effects. I can help you find a therapist or psychiatrist for anxiety, but I think you're okay, and a smart and good person".

He must have seen how deflated and confused I became hearing this, and he said, "You seem disappointed to hear good news". I conceded and laughed it off, and he said I could reach out to him later after I decided how to proceed.

I feel stupid, and I'm questioning all my assumptions about what therapy or psychology are for. My life is stable, that's true, but I was trying to use psychology for self-improvement, self-discovery, and prevention rather than to treat any immediate illness or tangible problems in my life. I read The Body Keeps the Score (was this a mistake?) and figured there was a technique or methodology out there beyond basic talk therapy that could help me better organize my life or get over a myriad of internal phenomena that I'm not even sure are a specific problem or 'just life' that I need to figure out myself or just 'deal with'. The final piece I'll share that adds to my aggravation are general sentiments on social media about how not enough men seek therapy, while here I am, having made the calls, shopped around, tried at least a little to educate myself, and I feel silly, like a psychological hypochondriac making mountains of mole hills.

If talk therapy doesn't do it for me, do I just settle on my prescription medication and find other avenues to seek self improvement and acceptance, or else just 'deal with' who I am on a ground level, apart from any institutions or terminology?