/r/therapy
r/therapy: Get support. Cope better.
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/r/therapy
TW: suicidal thoughts
My birthday was over the weekend and the day before, as my family always seems to manage, they bring up the near future and life prospects - the biggest thing that has made me so depressed this year
I cant remember what exactly made me bring it up, but I said something along the lines of "if things don't improve, I fully don't plan on still being here for when I turn X next year"
And oh boy, the very brief silence that followed! It was a mood killer, but when you get to this point, what isn't, right? Definitely should have kept that one to myself.
My(18M) mom commited suicide 2 years ago. I've suffered a lot of emotional abuse by her hands. She was mentally unwell and constantly drugged up on pills for two years leading up to her death. My dad was no saint either. He'd been having an affair with another woman (who is now my step-mom), finding out about that made my mom spiral downwards even worse.
in around 2021, she overdosed on pills and she almost didnt survive. Prior to her near-death, I had been berated many times by her, which destroyed any self-esteem i ever had. After she returned home from surviving the OD, i gave up everything else and just tried to be there for her and love her with all i had. And i did, to a point where she trusted me and the things i said, i tried getting her off the pills to no success. She hit her head on the concrete floors while high and had a bruised face a couple of times.
Me and my siblings had sleepless nights where we had to watch over her stumbling around the house. this went on for about a year (i cant recall if there were any good times during that year), but i gave her the purest form of love i had to offer. I reached a point where the only thing keeping me going was that maybe one day, i could help her out of whatever state she's in.
A week before her death, she introduced us, her children, to the guy she was having an affair with(Call him A). and told us she wanted to leave our dad for him. Reluctantly, i agreed to have them settle a divorce.
But it never got to that, i had a conversation with mom and made her realize that she wanted to keep our family going. And i didnt want us to break apart either.
a few days pass and A takes a 24 hour trip and arrives at the house(note: my father was overseas). I was infuriated and about to kick him out but my mom stopped me. She convinced me and my 3 siblings to not tell our father.
A stayed in the house for a few days, with me barely having any interaction with him. When he left, my mom once again said she didnt want to move forward with him, i was supporting her throughout this. a few days pass and i catch her on call with him again. At that point i broke down and burst into tears. I remember being mad at her for it. I didnt talk to her that entire day. at night, she came up to me and said that she was gonna call him to break things up and she'd be right back. I fell asleep shortly after she left. A small nap later i jolted awake with a horrible sensation and immediately went to check on her. The main door to the room was locked from the inside. I called out to her but there was only silence. The room had another door that was blocked by a computer desk on the inside, and fortunately, that door was unlocked.
And thats how i got in and found her hanging off the ceiling fan. Everything since then has been a blur. I used to think it would get easier if she was gone but it didnt. I didnt talk to her on the day she died.
Im sorry if this is a mess but im really bad at writing out my experience and theres still alot missing from this. I really needed to put this out somewhere. I havent talked about this to anyone IRL because societal norms in my country are extremely toxic.
Considering therapy but I am a minor with a range of past drug use, and very against my family finding out. I know that confidentiality doesn't protect me as a minor in the UK and I'm wondering whether opiod use would count as harmful enough that it was necessary to share with parents if use had already stopped.
I'm not going to directly say I blame therapy for making me unable to deal with discomfort or stuff I don't want to be part of, but I know before I started going I was tougher and much more resilient.
For context I was heavily bullied during from ages 10 to 15 and also got myself into some pretty toxic friendships that were either codependent or abusive. One of the reasons I got better was quarantine, I didn't have to deal with the people that hurt me face to face everyday, another one was that I graduated highschool and started attending therapy after a very painful friendship breakup.
I also went through something life changing around 8 months after I started therapy, hell, I was about to stop attending bcs I was doing so much better, but that thing happened and my life has gotten progressively worse and worse. While I think I've gotten better at a lot, it's horrible to have this sense that I need to keep moving and doing stuff that is not stupid but I can't do.
After 2 of my friends tried to make an intervention this past Saturday I have decided to come clean to my therapist and tell her all I haven't said, not to her nor anyone, I honestly don't think it's gonna do anything. I feel extremely lost and weak and I just want to be back at highschool bcs I at least knew what I was doing or what rules I played by.
For most of my life I've felt that I'm unable to feel remorse or guilt, at least not more than just brief moments. I can't cry or feel prolonged grief naturally; when my uncle and grandma died earlier this year I had to force myself to cry to my family, it wasn't something I felt like doing naturally. That too, I could only manage a couple of tears to stream down my face, not full-on sob like the rest of my family. In the moment I felt sad but it was a brief and fleeting emotion. I also don't think I feel guilt.
I might have a fleeting feeling of guilt or remorse but it quickly washes away. I steal all the time(from big corporations and other people) and break the law in other ways, sometimes minor and sometimes not so minor, and I don't ever feel bad, even when I have ended up facing repercussions for it. I never end up feeling bad and would do it again.
The good thing though is that I think I am able to form close connections with people and have emotional bonds with them. Obviously my close friends and family and my recently turned ex. We dated for 3 years and the love and emotions we had for each other were very real. When she broke up with me was probably the first time I could ever recall feeling immense sadness.
We didn't break up on bad terms but when she told me about our past problems and said she deserved someone better I didn't feel any guilt for what I had done in the past(to be fair the things she was referencing were minor arguments but I still couldn't feel a shred of guilt). She didn't cry because she had "already been thinking about it and cried abt it for the past month" but she always hated that I didn't cry to her. I had forced myself to cry to her in the past and I forced myself to cry on the day she broke up with me to show that I care. I was sad for maybe 2 days and then after that I felt nothing.
I don't think I can change but I feel like this is not a normal way to act or feel. Is there something wrong with me or is this fine and more common than I believe?
I was going to post this on r/advice, but I thought maybe posting here would be better in case a therapist wants to give me some advice.
My life has always been unstable. Since I was a kid, my family moved constantly, five times in total, just because my parents liked a different house more. Eventually, they bought a house, and I finally felt like I had a place I could call home. I even started decorating my room for the first time ever to make it feel cozy. But a year later, I had to move across the world to study abroad, which was always my dream.
Since moving here, I’ve been bouncing around from living with an old lady, to different dorms, and finally to an apartment after three years. I’ve been in this apartment for two years now, but it never feels like home. I know I’ll have to move again, either back to my home country after finishing my studies, which is the last thing I want because I love the country I’m in now and think of it as home, or to another apartment to be closer to a future school. It feels never-ending.
I know that at the end of the day I have a place with my parents. But that is not my home. I had to leave everything behind, fly across the world, and rent a tiny apartment just to feel the tinniest bit at ease. And now, there’s no guarantee I can keep enjoying this life either. It’s all out of my control. I feel so terrible, and I can’t even bring myself to take care of this place because I keep thinking, “What’s the point? I’m not here for long anyway.”
I am so scared of the future that I can’t even bring myself to enjoy my life right now. I keep thinking about how and where i’m gonna end up settling down. Do I even get to choose?
I don’t know what kind of advice i’m looking for considering this situation is actually just out of my control. Maybe it helps to get it off of my chest though.
(Male) Hello, not sure if this is the right forum (I rarely use Reddit, so please inform me if it is not and I will promptly delete it), but my therapist dumped me.
I struggle with “intrusive thoughts” and understanding the concept of what is and isn’t morally correct in societies viewpoint. When I was a small kid figuring this out myself with a long history of childhood abuse (sexual and verbal), I took it out on animals in a violent way (which I will not get into detail what I did because I do not think it is necessary nor appropriate - but to sum it up I was a very empathetic child to a certain degree before something clicked after an event and I just didn’t feel that way towards animals besides irritation and puzzlement), along with other rather disturbing things beyond my home life that happened to me or around me. Now as a young adult, I understand to a degree why it is considered wrong and I lay down rules for myself for the things I don’t necessarily understand to prevent acting on thoughts and urges to adhere to societal expectations and avoid any ramifications (besides a few incidents as a teenager) and would never harm an animal or person if I can help it.
However, I opened up and was honest with my therapist about my childhood (the first time I have been completely in-depth and honest about my childhood assaults and history with animals which is a breakthrough for me personally considering I’ve had well over six therapists growing up and never went in depth about those things in my childhood) and she essentially said she didn’t want to work with me anymore, and heavily considered I check myself into an institution before I “snap” - which absolutely boggled my mind. From personal experience, wards never helped me and in fact made things worse.
I do want therapy, but I feel like I cannot be completely transparent and honest with an individual without a recommendation like that. Therapy in the first place never really helped me with the advice they offered, but it was therapeutic enough in itself to just talk without being “openly judged.” I don’t think I’ll be seeing any therapists anymore because honestly - I’ve given up looking for one who can deal with cptsd and people with a history like mine. Not to mention the waitlist times for therapy is absolutely insane where I am and if you don’t click with one, then you have to wait even longer. Honestly, I feel abandoned by her and quite pissed at the situation considering I was trying to get help for the things inside my head only to be cast out like some stray mutt.
I just needed someplace to put this out into the open. I don’t mind replies, advice or whatever if anybody has any - and if you took the time to read this all I appreciate it. Hope y’all have a good day/night.
I'm from India and I come from a hyper conservative/religious family. Since I was a kid my father has been my villain, belittling me, shaming me, punishing me and abusing me mentally and physically my entire life. I've always tried to be the best son/human as possible, I've always done what he asks and I've literally sacrificed my dreams just to make him happy. I've always wanted to go abroad and I got accepted in Birmingham university (which is one of the top universities in the world) in my first try and I even said I'll get an education loan but he said if I want to go, I'll have to go against his will and I won't be welcome in his house anymore. I dropped my plan because I couldn't bear hurting him even if it meant sacrificing my childhood dream that I've worked my entire life towards.
Since I was a kid he has always told me that "I'm so incompetent that I wouldn't be able to afford an underwear by myself" he said to me when I was 8 years old, and he still says it every time a make the littlest of mistakes, like if I forgot to turn off the fan if I go to another room, or if I forgot to take the keys out from my motorcycle (which by the way is parked in a gated society, in a private parking). He used to physically abuse me almost every day when I was a kid but I had my mom and my grandfather protecting me, begging him to stop.
He's always treated my sisters the opposite, every mistake is forgiven, every wish is fulfilled but I've honestly never gotten anything that I've wanted, no gifts on my birthday or any sort of appreciation or approval. I didn't even get to do my master's in the field I wanted because he said he wouldn't fund my education, and when my heart was not in on the course that I took he blamed me for it.
I've lost almost everyone I've loved, my mom, my grandfather, my bestfriend and so many more but I never got any support from him. Even when my mom died he used to sit with both my sister in arms consoling then and I would sit quietly in the corner of the room alone. After my mom passed he sent me away to live with my aunt (who could be lightly described as psychotic) for 7 months to study, where I tried to cope with my mom's passing alone. I've thought of taking my l!fe but the only reason I haven't is because I've been too afraid as to what would happen to him after I'm gone! Would he able to handle my passing! And that thought has always stopped me.
I've tried therapy but I never opened up to my therapist, any of them. I've always been forced to suppress my feelings, and now I'm at a point where I watch the world burn with a straight face. I've always dealt with my problems alone, nobody knows anything about my life and even if I want to scream at the world until I loose my voice, I can't! I've tried. I'm at a stalemate.
Cigna is being the worst about reimbursing my therapy bills, and the most recent issue is a “wrong diagnosis code.” But they won’t tell me what an accepted one is either. Do I have to play the guessing game, or does anyone know the right code I can have my therapist use?
...is what the hell I want from life.
My shrink and I have a good relationship, but it's become increasingly clear that she always asks me what it is I want... and I have no freaking idea.
I don't want anything, other than to be left alone. I want to quit my job. I want to move far away where I know no one. I want to hang out in my house with my dogs and my husband and my stuff. I don't want a more active career. I don't want more responsibility. I don't even really want more money, just less debt... so I could quit my job and move away... I don't have a real need to travel or buy expensive things. I don't have goals and plans and a bucket list. I just don't really want to do all that much.
I already graduated high school and college. I got a career I've been working on since I was 15 (I'm 35 now). I didn't want kids, but ended up with two step kids that I super love, but whom I'm not in charge of or responsible for except like 4 days a year. I didn't want a husband, but I found one of those.
If I wanted a better job, I know how to get a better job. If I wanted nicer things, I know how one gets nicer things. I don't know what to do when you want less, but have no way to get less. I can't quit my job, cuz then I won't be able to pay the mortgage, and NO, my husband can't cover it... He makes four times less than I do, and I could ask him to get a better job, and he would, but he would be just as miserable as I currently am, and we would be stuck that way for years... so I don't see a good reason for us both to be miserable. At least with him NOT miserable he's able to help me manage my own stress better.
I dunno what I'm supposed to do with this information... it doesn't help me. I've been paying down debt since I graduated college... so it's not like deciding to work on my debt is new. I've done all the things. I've sold things. I got more jobs. I asked for raises. I budget. I penny pinch. I keep my credit score up. I pay everything on time. And what I want is to not have to do any of that anymore.
For most of my life I've felt that I'm unable to feel remorse or guilt, at least not more than just brief moments. I can't cry or feel prolonged grief naturally; when my uncle and grandma died earlier this year I had to force myself to cry to my family, it wasn't something I felt like doing naturally. That too, I could only manage a couple of tears to stream down my face, not full-on sob like the rest of my family. In the moment I felt sad but it was a brief and fleeting emotion. I also don't think I feel guilt.
I might have a fleeting feeling of guilt or remorse but it quickly washes away. I steal all the time(from big corporations and other people) and break the law in other ways, sometimes minor and sometimes not so minor, and I don't ever feel bad, even when I have ended up facing repercussions for it. I never end up feeling bad and would do it again.
The good thing though is that I think I am able to form close connections with people and have emotional bonds with them. Obviously my close friends and family and my recently turned ex. We dated for 3 years and the love and emotions we had for each other were very real. She was probably the closest person to me and someone I could tell everything to. When she broke up with me was probably the first time I could ever recall feeling immense sadness. We didn't break up on bad terms but when she told me about our past problems and said she deserved someone better I didn't feel any guilt for what I had done in the past(to be fair the things she was referencing were minor arguments but I still couldn't feel a shred of guilt). She didn't cry because she had "already been thinking about it and cried abt it for the past month" but she always hated that I didn't cry to her. I had forced myself to cry to her in the past and I forced myself to cry on the day she broke up with me to show that I care. I was sad for maybe 2 days and then after that I felt nothing.
I don't think I can change but I feel like this is not a normal way to act or feel. Is there something wrong with me or is this fine and more common than I believe? I don't like that I am this way.
Basically what it means, I live in Canada (Alberta) and the Therapist lives in the US, but I'm not sure where. It's over the phone, and my mom said that she has to sit in on my first session because I'm a minor (15). Is this true? I know that it's not a law in Alberta but does anybody know if that's a law in the US?
I'm fine with my mom being there for ONLY the first one as long as I don't have to go into anything during the first session, but the whole reason why I need to be in therapy is because of my mother. She doesn't know this, she out me in it for anxiety, but you can see why I don't want her there while I work through things.
Also the one time that I (stupidly) vented to her, she didn't keep it secret. She relayed what I said in a family conversation later in front of my older brother and dad, so I don't really want her knowing anything.
My (28M) girlfriend (25F) of six months has BPD and rOCD. She’s been in therapy for over ten years and knows all the coping mechanisms, but she can be very impulsive possibly due to her ADD - and sometimes she gives in and confesses things impulsively. Recently, her BPD has worsened, leading her to pull me close, then push me away repeatedly. Her BPD anxiety often triggers her rOCD, causing her to oscillate between wanting space and feeling anxious about why she can easily tell me, ‘There’s the door if you want to leave.’ It becomes a battle within herself, and I often feel like I'm constantly putting out fires, trying to soothe her without offering too much reassurance.
Afterward, she feels relieved and grateful, apologising and doing her best to comfort me. Yet, I’m often left alone to process everything. I know it’s not her fault, and I love her deeply, but it hurts when she pushes me away or says things that no partner should hear. When she’s overwhelmed, her emotions become intense, almost theatrical, and she’ll cry, shout, and struggle to communicate rationally. In those moments, it’s hard to reach her and be reasonable because it feels like her rational side shuts down temporarily. She often gets frustrated, feeling like I don’t understand, but I do - it’s just exhausting to go through the same cycle repeatedly.
I don’t want to leave her. When she’s doing well, which is most of the time, this is the healthiest relationship I’ve had, and I truly cherish her. But I also don’t want to end up emotionally hurt. What are some things I can say to her to manage this better or for myself, what are sound boundaries I need to set?
So is it /normal/ to have no concept of what I actually like vs what people around me like so now I like it too... And is that a separate problem from being obsessed with something and not being able to project that I like it to others?
So im under legal drinking age (barely) and I told my therapist about it and shes now saying that she is lawbound to tell my parents in my next appointment. Apparently I signed under forms that give her permission to tell them. My life would be ruined if my parents found out and they would never forgive me. Is there any sort of loophole around this? Would my therapist go as far as to call my parents or come to our house? I know this might not be the best place to ask but still. Just to be clear I do not have a problem with drinking and can handle myself, I am of no danger to myself.
I am 16 and live in Iceland
Also, if I tell a lawyer about my drinking does he have the right to contact child services or my parents?
I’ve only done a couple (very intense but I feel supported and prepared by my therapist) EMDR sessions and I’ve noticed that I’m not as accepting of people taking advantage and am quicker to set boundaries or walk away.
Has anyone else experienced this? It feels odd because I don’t feel super guilty like I normally would but I also am worried I’m over correcting?
There’s a lot of literature on why people like to help others and it’s all about altruism and feeling good. But how normal it is to be IMMEDIATELY starting to think about how YOU personally can and almost should help others as soon as they tell you about problem of any magnitude. Or even before they finish the sentence. The urge is there even at the expense of the listener’s (in this case, mine) well-being, physical, emotional, financial, whatsoever. It’s like an instinct and it very negatively affects my health.
The title says it all. A couple of years ago, I used to attend in-person therapy, and each session was a blessing. We explored childhood traumas, relationship issues, and worries about the future. I think I need to see a therapist again, not because I’m depressed (which, thankfully, I’ve overcome, but because I feel I function much more effectively with a therapist guiding me through my challenges. Does anyone have any recommendations on where I can find one?
Mine are Jameson (Jacksepticeye) and Jeff (Today's Special).
I've been doing DBT and CBT for the past 4 years, and I'm still struggling. A lot of the skills provided in DBT and CBT aren't effective against me. I'm trying to find therapists that do stuff besides DBT and CBT that work with UMR, but this feels like an impossible task. I'm struggling primarily with BPD, along with OCD and depression. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
My health insurance dropped mental health support. Changing health insurance plans isn’t an option for me.
What do people do in these situations? I’ve called 26 practices in my state. Nobody can see me for less than $200 an hour.
That’s more than I can afford. I’m barely getting by financially.
I don’t need judgement or for people to tell me to find better insurance. If I could. I would. But I can’t.
Can someone please help me?
Hello guys. I just had another car accident and even though it is not my fault, the car accidents literally destroy me mentally. FYI, it happened near my university and I was just commuting to class, and someone rear ended me. I collected all info and we both were fine. Cars didn’t suffer much damage, but I got mentally scarred and my mental health deteriorated. I just had a crash last month that I posted about on this subreddit. Any advice? I played Tetris and it did calm me down a little but not much. Any other suggestions besides playing Tetris or advice you all can give me? That’ll be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
I have problem abt being nostalgic normally and usually i just keep missing the old days and sometimes i feel upset and thats … but i just saw random boy childhood pictures and videos in internet “ the I don’t know” and i got really upset. I was crying and I got depressed for a week. I don’t know why I just feel really nostalgic even though it’s not my memories also i keep thinking abt the people in these pics. Where are they ? what they do right now ? and I really have huge feeling abt these pictures even though I never lived in, i was crying every day and i was so upset and I can’t live my life normally….then I just get over it and I’m normal right now but this condition happens to me from time to tome with random ppl in internet “ I don’t know them “ but why them even tho I don’t know them? Why i felt this way ?
its been 10 months in this relationship i am in. i feel really depressed lately, more and more the days are passing its getting worse. today i feel really helpless. i don’t feel myself how i was. i am not really happy in this relationship but i love her at the same time. i don’t know what am i supposed to do.
Question about betterhelp, I have heard a lot of bad things about it so I’m curious if any one of you have had positive experiences with it and how did you navigate the good from the bed?
Hi, I have had 3 sessions with a therapist and feel like it's not working out. He expects me to bring topics to talk about, but I don't trust him so I don't want to talk about the hard stuff with him. Should I give it a few more sessions or should I send him a message telling him I want to see someone else?
Is there an art journal? How can I use art as therapy? I have no idea but I'd like to try release my thoughts this way.
How does one let go of all the pain and sadness? How do you out it down and not carry it with you every minute of the day?
Early August I started therapy - a combination of somatic therapy and conversational sessions. Unfortunately, they are not covered my insurance, so I pay them out of pocket $90/hour. So far it’s been a good experience. I get along really well with the therapist, and she gives me some valuable perspectives.
Currently I do 4 sessions a month, which is something I can’t really afford long term. At least not in combination with other health / wellness activities like going to the gym, good nutrition and hobby’s.
At one point I will have to choose between them, and that makes me wonder how to value what’s more important short and long term. And whether stopping after a few months is counterproductive or a waste of all the work I’ve already done? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas on this! :)
I dont think she knows what she is doing. She doesnt know how to respond to me, theres a lot of awkward silence and she doesnt give me advice or homework. I end up being the one who talks almost all of the time. I think this isnt working but i dont know the best way to end things. I would find it very difficult if in person i have to tell her that i dont want this anymore and i also dont want to lie about the reason. How appropriate is it if i do it over email? We have been seeing each other for over a year every two weeks. I also dont know how i should phrase it. Help is appreciated!