hi i need some help, i’m seventeen and i had a gynecologist appointment yesterday because i tried to uhm have sex with my boyfriend like two weeks ago and that didn’t go very well. he’s not too rough or anything but before he was even inside me we had to stop because it hurt so bad. i know like your first time hurts but i was thinking something has be wrong because that hurts too much, like i really don’t think it should hurt that bad. so after i went home i told my mom and she called the next day and made an appointment.

i’ve never been able to use tampons, they hurt. i’ve got one in once and i almost immediately pulled it out because it hurt and i didn’t think that i got it in far enough. i don’t know why but i just figured like sex would be different, i didn’t really think it would hurt because people have it all the time, right? so no way that hurts as bad as a tampon… that was my thinking. anywhoozie back to yesterday, i was so nervous to go to my appointment because i have only been there one other time, about a month ago to be put on birth control) and this appointment was with a different lady than the one i saw the first time. also i was very nervous to hear what they would say because i figured it couldn’t be anything good. like best case scenario something is wrong? something that can be fixed easily without surgery? or is it better if nothing is wrong? then does sex just hurt for the rest of my life? i really didn’t see any good outcomes.

nothing could have prepared me for that appointment. it hurt so bad. they used a little speculum thingy (the lady said it was the size of a tampon) but it hurt so bad. even her fingers on the outside hurt. like i- i- i can’t even describe how i felt. honestly even thinking about it makes me very anxious and nervous and very uhm icky feeling. like i feel gross and disgusted and like i just want to curl up into a ball with my knees tucked against my chest and my arms wrapped around them, in an attempt to make myself as small as possible. i really don’t understand why i feel like this. it’s like my body reacts in a way as if it’s something traumatic, and it’s like this every time something is inside of me. it sends me into a mental breakdown, and all i can do is sit there and cry with my body tucked into a ball, that’s the only position i feel safe in.

i really need help and advice on (mainly) two things; 1. why does it hurt so bad? 2. why does it do so much to my mind? why does my mind react as if it’s something traumatic?

the doctor lady said that everything was normal and on the verge of tears i asked her if it was supposed to hurt so bad? and she said “yup”. like what? i don’t understand, how are people having sex if it hurts that bad? like after anything is inside of me i feel empty, raw, excavated, i feel like it’s burning. like it hurts so bad, i rushed out of there crying while my mom stayed and made the other appointment. i cried for a little over an hour, only stopping because i fell asleep. they gave me a dilator thingy to use like four times a day for 15 minutes each try to stretch it out and i honestly don’t know how i’m going to do that, like i think it will wreck me mentally. i’m not really sure why it messes with my mind so much. i don’t believe that i have any history of sexual abuse, not that i can remember at least. and my mom said that nothing happened while i was with her (and i was with her all the time as a child, until my parents got divorced when i was nine. even then i was still with my mom a lot. i’m still with her a lot 😂 i live with her full time, i stopped going to my dad’s at 12 because he’s not the kindest person to be around), i believe what my mom is saying, she’s honestly the best mom and i wish everybody could have her in their lives, she’s so great, like if you ever need to borrow a mom, i got you covered, we can share mine, she’s honestly the best.

i’m sorry this is so long. i’m going to try to put some screenshots on here of me trying to explain this the best that i could to my best friend (the green messages) and some of what i said to my boyfriend (the blue messages). also i’m sorry if this isn’t isn’t the right place to post this i don’t post on reddit so i’m very sorry if i do something wrong.

please give me any advice you have, i need help.

edit: also i forgot to mention that like i hurt down there like quite often, especially like on my period. like the uhm vagina hole thingy is sore. also i like get bladder infections, i think, all the time. like honestly i probably feel pain at least once every 1-2 weeks. i do everything (i think) to try to not get them, and like i’m clean and everything. i don’t know many it’s not bladder infections, like i just hurt and that’s kinda what i chalk it up to so it could definitely be something else.

Should it be abolished? Why or why not? I feel like I'd be a lot less nervous rn if it just didn't exist at all.

My partner of over 3 years decided to move for work and he bought a house in a rural area very close to his work. I was part of the house hunting but the decision to move/buy a house was fully his and it’s all in his name. Its several hours and multiple states away from either of our families. We dont live together permanently right now, the house and bills are fully in his name, I’ve been splitting my time between his house and my parents’ place which is my permanent address. It’s been hard for me to navigate it all because it’s hard for me to find work in the rural area where he lives when I’m only here for a couple months, and just as hard for me to find work at home for the same reason. I kind of get stuck thinking “if i get a job in one place then I cant go to the other place” and would have to sacrifice seeing either my partner or my family or an unknown amount of time, I have a 4 month long artist residency coming up and will have a consistent income for that time. Outside of that, I obviously need a job no matter what and my partner has gotten frustrated at how much time I spend at the house when I am here, but leaving the house is expensive. Driving anywhere takes 40+min and even if i’m not spending money when I go out, the gas costs add up quickly. Sometimes I get really frustrated or homesick and start to feel like I do not want to live here permanently because I really do not like the area and there’s been so many “i’m turning into my parents” moments that it scares me, is that just being 30? I’m autistic and have never really met milestones at the same pace as others so in a lot of ways I feel like I am not really ready to live this far away from my family/support system although I have lived away from them before multiple times, but those where temporary and had clear end dates and frequent visits. We’re both happy in the relationship and we both see us getting married but I worry that it’s always going to just be HIS house even if I start contributing to the mortgage/we get married. I also worry about how much harder it has been and will be for me to find work that I find fulfilling and whether my partner’s very short commute and higher pay will lead me to just always be frustrated, i feel like this is a common feeling. Living with a partner long term/moving fully to an area I dont really like would be a huge transition for me and it feels weird to not really know when we wont have a distance in our relationship however I get really anxious when I think about potentially spending the next “30 years” (his words) of my life in a place I dont even like. Splitting my time and traveling around has been working for us so far (aside from the job problem mentioned previously) but I feel nervous for us to get engaged because that would mean I’d have to move permanently, right? Thats what married couples do…live together? I guess i’m just hoping to here some perspective and if anyone has been in a similar situation or if my worries are rational or not and if there’s anything I can do to help me ease in to or prepare for a huge life transition like this.

My 16 year old niece has been having an awful time at home. Her (separated for 12 years) parents use her as a pawn. They both neglect and emotionally/verbally abuse her. Her mother keeps her trapped in their house and has parentified her completely, she raises the mother's 3 young children from another relationship.

She has decided to leave and live with us. I moved out of my own abusive family home (physical violence and emotional abuse) at 15.5 and remember the things i needed, to some extent.

I have the logistics covered. E.g. bring Identification stuff if she can, I've arranged appointments for medical and psychological care appointments. Bedroom is set up. She's got lots of clothing here because she stays alot. My husband built a cat run for her cat that comes off her new bedroom window. We also have a cat and dog and will work over time to intro them). Transport to school is arranged. And tons more.

What I really want to do is have a special (BIG) load of gifts ready when she moves in, to bring comfort. Her mother will not respond well to her leaving, I anticipate a bad "break". I want to have things at our house to distract, and comfort her in those initial hours (as well as our love and attention).

So far I have:

• chocolate and Lollies (+ her fave foods ready to go).
• cozy pajamas
• journal and nice pens
• art and craft supplies and adult colouring books. She's very creative and this will help distract her.
• general toiletries/additional pampering stuff
• slime
• cute cat bed and mini cat gift basket for her cat.
• I also have some nice decorative stuff (in her style, that she's pointed out in the past) for her room, that she can immediately take out of the packaging and make it feel like her room is "her own".

What else would you suggest?

Due to moving abroad to be with my fiancé, I had my wedding dress fit before I moved. The wedding is basically four weeks away; I tried it on last night and it's so snug I'm lying awake panicking. My fiancé's love language is food, I've been ill, struggling with my mental health, we're moving house and getting married and it's all just been a lot away from my normal support system, besides my wonderful partner. Yes, I'm going to up the number of times I go to the gym and be much more diligent about eating snacks/sugars, but if anyone has words of advice or comfort, I'd be so appreciative. Thank you ❤️

Hi, I am a cis-het (29 F) woman who has forever struggled with the concept of ‘identity’ in sexual/romantic relationships with men. For the most part, I grew up with a father who was prone to quick anger. All my life until his death I sought his validation (hey, daddy issues) and I believe this pattern of the obsessive need for validation (Esp male validation) has affected my sexual/romantic (s/r) relationship with men. At this age and time where there are so many empowering discourse on reclaiming one’s confidence and energy back, I for one haven’t been able to stand my ground resolutely. I have faltered so many times. Every time I believe that a man is going to ‘choose me’, he doesn’t. Perhaps I am the problem for seeking men who are unavailable but how could I have known? They do not reveal their nature to you at the very outset. Basically, I want to ask the members in this group - what are some things that I as a woman should always keep in mind when it comes to dating men? I see myself marrying in the future. How can I actually set down a path which is actually going to help me find an honest man? What are some tenets that I should strictly abide by? How do I strict boundaries? Please help. I am at my wits’ end here.

I want to have a hobby I can do while watching TV, sitting in bed or talking to people. I want to do this to spend less time on my phone. I don't find knitting, crochet, embroidery, origami or jewelry making to be my cup of tea. I have thought of drawing but I have no artistic talent. I like activities that make practical things and are not repetitive like blacksmithing, woodworking and fishing but you can't do those inside. I've tried looking up hobbies but I found non that interested me. If anyone has any idea what I can do then please tell me. Thank you and have a good day.

So really there are two things I discovered this week while snooping after he returned from work travel last week.

1. He messaged me several times the night before returning to say he was going to bed, too tired to talk etc. He supposedly went to bed around 9:45. I later found out he actually went to bars apparently alone until about midnight.

2. I went on his X account and found he was following about 6-7 accounts for OF girls. He’d been liking their photos and commenting. He had an ongoing chat with one of them where he had sent a few messages saying he liked her bikini, her outfits etc and where he actually told her some general things about his job. Mostly with no response from the most likely AI bot he was talking with, but still upsetting.

I’m thinking about divorce. Am I overreacting?

My husband is going on a work trip for the first time. It’s across the country to California. It’s a big opportunity for him career wise because he will get to work one on one with some big wigs. That’s great. I’m supportive of that.

He also told me that during the last work trip the guys had a DD assigned every night because they would go to the bar/bars. I asked my husband how much he would be drinking and he flipped out on me.

He’s not a big drinker… unless he is with a fun group.

I simply wanted to know if he planned on getting drunk. And he started yelling talking about how I don’t trust him and I should know he doesn’t drink a lot. And in the same breath he says I don’t know how much I will be drinking.

I spoke calmly. I was not mad. I just asked questions. That’s it. Now I’m “controlling”. I was laying against him in bed during this conversation, and he got so frustrated that he pushed me to the other side of the bed.

I feel that his reaction is over the top. I’m encouraging him to go on the trip. I didn’t want him to go on the last work trip because we had a 4/5 month old who is now 7 months old.

TLDR; husband thinks I’m controlling because I don’t want him getting drunk at bars while on a work trip.

Hey ladies, i feel very lost. I (F23) just ended a friendship because my friend (F30) kept on lying to me about the guys the messes around with, i either find out from the guys or when it is too late. The worst part is she listens to me talk about them and gives commentary and a month later I find out she slept with him multiple times and has been texting him behind my back telling him to stop calling me, she said she did that because she didnt want our friendship to be ruined by a guy. And the same thing happend again. I didnt know if she did anything with him but i was telling her that he spoils me and stuff then after a month she tells me that she invited them over one time and they made out. and I get really mad at her and ask her why she didn’t tell me why she let me act a fool and she said she didn’t wanna ruin him and I’s relationship. but when i think about it why would she do that? She’s my friend she supposed to be honest with me, especially when it comes to big stuff like this anyways I sent her a message saying that I can’t trust her so we can’t be friends like before anymore, and I also broke it off with that guy because I have asked him before and he lied and said they had nothing to do with each other. now I’m feeling like all along. She wasn’t a very good friend and she might have also talked/ still talking to the 2nd guy behind my back. I feel dumb for trusting her😭

I'm just venting.

Because I am absolutely mind-blown that I grew up in an era where I was told I would be approaching 35, desperate and begging a man for a baby. Funny thing, I took my own tubes out at 31. So now I'm dating like okay maybe I'll find a husband by 45 (if I'm bored) but if not I can solo travel it's fine.

And these men are obsessed with putting a baby in me. Like sir do you not know how old you are?

That's it that's the whole vent. I can't believe I have to deal with this shit while dating at 34-years-old.

And assuming that you’re not ultra wealthy

Here’s some context: I’m M(22), my mom and I’s relationship has been to put it lightly, rough. I love her more than anyone besides my girlfriend, I have 3 siblings and they all are losers. We have always fought, I’ve gone years without talking to her before, but the past 2 years hasn’t really been like that, my grandmother passed and that’s when I talked to my firstly after over a year, she’s never been one to apologize, for anything, ever. The past 2 years, my life kinda got pushed around and things got messed up, I ended up giving my mom my dog to take care of, in return she would get a minivan that I financed, it’s not anywhere near a nice minivan, it’s a town and country, it’s rusty, it’s a 2009 with 160k miles, but it was a car and she needed a car, I was too have it on my insurance and pay for that as needed, easy enough, fair trade.

Tonight, I was on the highway just tooling along at 70 mph, when in my side view I saw a very familiar looking minivan in my side view mirror. “I know that van”. I barely got that thought out as my van goes barreling by me at 90mph. I couldn’t believe it. Of course something is going on, that’s not normal. I catch up to her doing 95, which I flashed my high beams on, she proceeds to speed up, going at least 100mph, I know how my mom is, so I took a picture of the van, with my speedometer in view going 95, the van is considerably ahead in the picture. She got off her usual exit, I followed, I then called her, the phone call when along the lines of: Me: Hello? Mom: Hello? Me: Whatca doing? Mom: Driving, what are you doing? Me: Driving behind you Mom: THAT WAS YOU FLASHING THE LIGHTS?! Me: Why were you going 100mph in my van? Mom: I WAS ONLY GOING 70 YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR! Me: Ma, I got a picture, I’m going to the house I’ll show you Mom: DON’T COME TO THE HOUSE IF YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT. hangs up I went there level headed. The first thing I said to her was “why don’t you guys just buy the van from me so I don’t gotta worry about that” She was not interested in that. We just fought for an hour and then she stormed away to talk on the phone. I asked my stepdad to have her call me when she can, she never did. I texted her later and explained to her that out of all her kids, I probably love her the most, I’ve always tried to help her, but I can’t talk to her anymore, and that id have my dog and van out of there in a week, she then responded with fighting about her going 100 and trying to justify it and claiming she was going 70mph, , I told her she started the fight, I gave her a solution and just wanted to talk about why she’d go 100mph in my van, but she wanted to fight and try to prove her case. Even with my photo proof. It would have cost me thousands if she was pulled over she then apologized and asked me if I was done fighting about something this petty, and then said she loved me and goodnight, I said to her how apologizes don’t fix a broken heart, and that she hurt me, I apologized for feeding into it and yelling at her too and I told her that if that made her feel better that I was happy for her. I didn’t say love you back.

I’m sorry for the long story, I needed to get it out, The only person I have in my life to talk to is my girlfriend and she’s biased.

My questions: Am I missing something? What did I do wrong? Am I just being a wimp?
Why would anyone think this way? Am I just searching for attention or being over dramatic in someway?

I’m trying to grow into a good person, I just want to be a good son, husband and father (one day). I’m so hurt and I don’t know what I need to hear or think about or consider, I just need some words from people I wanna hear from.

I’m sad and I don’t really have the type of support system that I want to burden with my sadness. Today I saw a group of women that were horrible to me. Even though I’m a grown woman (48), it brings me sadness to think how I thought they were my friends, almost like sisters.

About 8 years ago, a group of three women were my closest circle of friends, or so I thought. I had invited them to las Vegas to celebrate my 40th birthday. A friend in another state planned the trip. They were kind of rude about it and said they hated Vegas. One of them even told me she couldn’t afford it. I really wanted them to join but I told them I understood.

A few months later, a mutual acquaintance commented about one of them going to Aspen. I asked who she was going with and he changed the subject. The next day I went to lunch with them. Uneventful. The next day after that, the acquaintance told me the three were going to Aspen for one of their 38th birthday. Apparently several people knew about the trip, except me. I texted one of them and she called from the plane and said, the birthday girl didn’t want you there and it’s her trip. I cut off all ties where I could.

All three have remained close friends. They even got a new fourth. I know it seems childish and I should be over it, but it still makes me sad on occasion. I supposed I’m embarrassed to let people around me know that I’m hurt by this.

How can I move past this?

Some back story, my ex dumped me about a month ago. We were working on a few things with a therapist (including things like cussing me out) and it seemed like it was getting better but then she blindsided me and ended things out of the blue. We have mostly gone no contact since but she has made sure I know she is dating and talking to other men (she said I deserved to know). Then last night she reaches out and tells me she is falling apart because her ex is dragging her through a nasty custody battle and it’s super ugly and she’s just falling.

She said she wanted to see me and to come over and watch a movie and cuddle but with no stress (ie no talk about the relationship). Which I am not going to lie, I would have loved to do that with her. But I told her I still love and would like to try and talk and work on us maybe having a relationship again but I couldn’t just be her friend who comes over and watches a movie with her when she’s stressed but who she discards and doesn’t want an actual relationship with. I wanted more with her. It didn’t feel fair for her to dump and discard me then a couple weeks later ask me for comfort. Well when I said that she flipped out telling me “fuck you” and that “this proves I’m not the person for her” and she just ripped into me telling me never to speak to her again.

Now it’s the next day and I’m wondering if I did the right thing? I have kids as well and if I was going through a custody battle I would be ridiculously stressed as well. Did I draw too hard a line in the sand with her? Did I do the right thing? Am I a complete insensitive jerk? It just felt like she was using me for comfort when she was struggling but was still discarding me to be single when she was feeling better and that really hurt.

Asking for a friend

People I hang out with seem to enjoy my company, but I feel like I'm on 0% battery by the time I return home. It's getting worse as I age. I have less battery to use, I suppose.

What helps you? Do you look for specific types of friends? Have you changed something about yourself or your interactions with others so socializing uses less of your energy? I recognize that having a small group of close friends is healthy, so I'd really like this to feel easier somehow. Thank you.

I (28F) am going through it right now experiencing a terrible breakup after 9 years together. We had a great wedding earlier this year, and a month later he left me for someone else completely out of the blue after being loyal and kind for 9 years (basically fear of commitment and grass is greener syndrome due to never having dated anyone else...).

Listen, logically I know this man did me dirty and I can do better. But unfortunately, my heart hasn't caught up and is still pretty sad. I would love to hear some stories to give me hope about a future I can't even begin to imagine - tell me how you got out of a brutal heartbreak and later into a great relationship!

Would you be weirded out to see your partners Facebook marketplace history creeping women's apparel for them in their outfits/profiles?

Like "ripped jeans" "maid costume" "vintage shorts"

I don't think he even searches he just browses for women's clothing items he likes and to see it on them.

I know it's natural to be attracted to others but I feel like it's too close when it's regular people trying to sell their clothing items ????

He knows I'm uncomfortable with social media being a source for porn use.

So can I just say I vibe with y'all SO MUCH. and like ik a few of us here have got to be addicted to vapes/cigs and are looking to quit! Do any of you wanna be quit buddies? We could hold each other accountable and rant! (ik i need to rant so bad).

Hey everyone. 40F. I’m feeling stuck in all directions at the moment. I live in Texas and have a good job and own a house which is a lot to be thankful for. However the last few years have really started to impact me and I’m feeling very unsettled. I cannot stand the summer heat down here and am an outdoors person. I feel I have reached the limit of things to do here and find myself constantly bored and frustrated at not being able to do more things outside. Dating here has not been great. My politics are very central but lean left especially in the current environment. I miss having someone to travel with, hike with and go on adventures with. I feel in DFW the only things to do involve eating, drinking or going to the lake in summer which is fine if that’s what you are into. I have a social circle but everyone is married and busy with their own lives at the moment. The problem is I feel my life is safe and somewhat comfortable and the thought of moving somewhere puts the fear into me. What if it doesn’t work out and I am unable to afford the life I had? What if I don’t like it? Looking for advice from anyone who has felt similar but taken a chance and up and moved state? Are you happy with your decision? What would you have done differently?

So my work bestie ran out of tampons, and is broke until pay day, so I offered to give her some..when I handed them to her I said "i hope this is enough for the next two days..I know i go through them fast sometimes"..and this is where the conversation took an odd turn

Her: "Yeah, i just hate when I put one in and have to pee right after"

Me: "Do you change it everytime you pee?"

Her: gives me a weird look like I'm stupid "yeah, you're supposed too"

Me: "why?"

Her: "because they get wet"

Me: "you...you do know we pee out of a separate hole right?"

Her: "yeah, but it still gets wet"

Me: "i don't understand how you're peeing on it though"

At this point we kind of just dropped it because I could tell she was getting irritated with me, haha. I ended up calling my best friend to ask her what she does, because this girl had me questioning everything, and she just says she changes hers when she needs to or every couple of hours...but said she had met women who change it everytime they use the rest room..so like..what do yall do?

I know I've put them in wrong and had to take them out and it's painful as fuck to take them out dry, I just couldn't imagine doing that to myself multiple times a day lol

So, I'm 39 and I've only just (like, this last month) finally gotten into a good skin care routine. I've never had acne but I've always been a bit spotty, and I thought I'd grow out of it, but apparently not!

But, wow.... sticking with a routine is amazing. I should add I'm massively bad at routines in general, so this is huge for me to have stuck at a simple routine for so long. I got most of the stuff I use from Lush and because it a. Smells and feels really nice, and b. Was expensive, it actually feels like a treat when I use it.

Anyone else only recently discovered a skin care routine, or has any recommendations for other routines I could try? I need to drink more water, eat better, and exercise more.... but in either tiny increments or in a way that's so fun that I want to do it!

Going through it, ladies. Could use your stories if you're willing to share them.

I just had the most demeaning experience I’ve had in a while the other day with a medical school adviser. She is a white female who is known for her condescending/disrespectful attitude towards students and some of us have also felt like she has been quite a bit ruder towards students of color especially women.

I had asked her to connect me with some physicians in a specialty I’m potentially interested in - something that would have just her giving me names to contact which is an easy task and literally her job to facilitate. Instead she insisted on a meeting where she proceeded to tell me it was too late (even though it really isn’t and that statement just reeks of privilege since the people who started early were basically nepobabies) and basically mocking me when I told her why I was interested in that field. She even used this grating sarcastic voice to repeat what I said to her to condescend me. It was just a 15 minute long micro-aggression of a conversation. She rejected all my attempts to be polite and have a helpful conversation and was disrespectful and aggressive the whole time. Even though she sort of offered her help in the end very reluctantly (because she is required to), it was pretty clear she was not interested in helping me and she even straight up told me I wasn’t cut out for the field without me even asking her. The whole conversation was clearly just her doing her best to discourage me without answering any of my practical questions about my application despite the fact that she insisted on the meeting herself.

In the end, I didn’t get what I initially approached her for but I did get my self-esteem shredded. My friend told me to use this interaction to fuel me but that has never been me in the past. I have always been discouraged by things like this. I have an inner voice that tells me that I can’t do something so hearing out loud is devastating. I don’t know how to use something like this to achieve my goals out of spite. I just feel so worn down and exhausted.

How do I change my mindset? How do I gain encouragement from this?

I just really want to make online friends from other countries to learn about other cultures and perspectives about life, maybe learn about hobbies and recipes! But I don’t know how and I was wondering if anybody has any tips! I tried a few apps but most people were like 13 and I’m a 30 year old woman so it’s creepy 😆 Thanks in advance💖✨