My (30s F) partner (also 30s F) have been together for about 4 years. We have a great relationship, communicative, honest, playful and comfortable. The sex is high quality though not high frequency. Lately, things have felt a bit too comfortable. Maybe even a bit boring. I find myself yearning for new relationship energy and some of the spice we had way back when. Is it normal to feel this way in all long term committed relationships, or does it point towards stuff we need to work on? We both have talked about the things we need to work out, but I just want to know how many other women have this issue and how are you all working with it?

Ever since I’ve hit 35, I’ve noticed that like 50% of the time when I sneeze real hard I pee myself a little bit. Today and yesterday has been super bad, because my allergies are going crazy. I changed my underwear three times yesterday!

It’s not a lot of pee or anything, but I obviously can’t wear my underwear after that! Any advice what I can do to make this not happen as much? I never had this problem when I was younger and my relationship with my mom is not great, so going to her for advice is just not an option.

Edit: Thank you for the advice! I’ll talk to my OBGYN when I go on next month. And I’m looking up kegels and hormonal stuff. I also will go buy panty liners (I have no idea why I didn’t think of that before)

Hello, ladies!

I have a problem where I’m the unattractive girl in the group (I have very beautiful friends). And I was just literally told “I should stop being friends with girls prettier than me” and “I’m not hitting on you” for like maybe 10000th time in one night? Basically, the scenario over the past 10 years: we go out, about 90% of the bar or club or resto hitting on my friend, men straight coming to me to say “I like your friend”, women and people coming to say “your friend is so beautiful, buying her drinks and stuff”. I have a few friends like that. While I never thought of not going with them since they are good friends, I can’t stop feeling ugly. I’ve also been single for many many years and yeah, men don’t find me attractive I guess. But what do I do when I’m hurting like tonight? Seeing the level of attention and pretty privilege in action does hurt badly. I’m social and able to walk around and chat up people and make new friends, I get on well with gay guys and usually get compliments on my style/outit/humour, but being ignored by like 10 men who are basically surround my friends and I can even get close, it’s been on my mind for years. I’m therapy now and haven’t gotten to this issue yet, but I will. What would you say? It it intensifies my unhealthy view of myself and my self esteem.

Can anyone give me their success stories after heartbreak?

The love of my life (31m) broke up with me (30f) because he realized he’s not sure that he wants to have kids, while I’ve always wanted to be a mom. He is basically setting me free, and I HATE it. I love him with every fiber of my being, and he loves me. We both want each other, but he understandably can’t commit to being with me because of our misalignment when it comes to children. It’s so hard. He’s very family oriented and has every quality it takes to be an amazing father, but he’s scared.

It doesn’t matter, I guess. He decided to end it after almost three years together. I am really struggling. He was my best friend, and I was his. We were truly connected and our relationship was healthy. Not perfect, but very healthy. Not at all toxic. Sigh.

I feel so empty. I’ve never known pain like this. My chest physically hurts. When I’m out in public it feels out of body. I met someone new yesterday, and while he was very nice, it felt so wrong.

I’m worried I’ll never get over him and love someone else. Logically I know that is unlikely, but I don’t know. I’m so scared.

I went from getting ready to start a family with the love of my life (he really tried to get on board), to being single and lost. I’m taking care of myself the best I can and trying to work through this healthily. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done.

Has anyone been through anything similar? I want to be in love, be a wife, and mom more than anything in this world, and I’m terrified of my future. I’m really trying to trust the process and believe what’s meant to be will be, but I just don’t know.

Thank you to anyone who reads this!

Please provide me some solace, I am afraid I will never feel wholeheartedly alive again, I will just let my days pass either alone or with someone I cant fully give my heart to or enjoy life with because I'm very specific and picky when it comes to a life partner

Part 1: What do I do with my broken heart dad? :

TLDR part 1: Fiancé of 3 years broke up with me because of his family and wont man up to them or go to therapy to fix his issues. I am sorry if the story below is scattered I have ADHD and i am a mess.

Its been over a year and a half and I cant move on but I cant go back to him if he remains this way. My heart cant forget the good two years we spent even though he treated me like garbage for the last one. I keep thinking i will never find the religious, mental, intellectual and amazing love connection I had with him if only he fixes his issues.

The other day a very kind, sweet and gentle manly guy that i have known from afar for over 6 years showed his interest in me and I was trying to say no to him and i started crying. He was so sweet he consoled me and said he would just like to get to know me and I dont have to commit in anyway unless I am sure. He even said that relationships are to share burdens and help each other heal.

I cant seem to open up to anyone, my fiance used everything I told him about my dark times with family to get rid of me and call me broken. I dont know why i said yes to talking to the other guy. I just cry at the thought of having to move on from him.

I used to be alive, had a great appetite for life but now I dont feel anything anymore. I feel like I am only faking it. All this has broken something inside me and I cant seem to fix it. I have completely lost the capacity to love anyone wholeheartedly anymore.

What do I do?

Is there anyone who felt what I feel and is now in better shape ?

How do you move on from something like this ?

I think I just ended a friendship of 15 years.

My friend came to stay with me for a week and it all just came to a head. Never gave me a clear time when she was going to arrive so I was on standby most of the day. Made plans to hang out with other people but kept switching them up so I never knew what we were going to do for the day. She came back late on 2 different occasions after I asked her to not stay out too late. Once she didn’t come back at all and I don’t think she would have let me know if I didn’t ask first. She kept leaving open drinks and food all over the place. And to top it off was on the phone most of the time and didn’t engage in conversation until I had to point it out and then she realized.

I was trying to be patient and understanding with her as she’s going through a divorce but she just was not considerate of me at all. Even admitted that she didn’t come to see me but to escape her situation for the week. I finally snapped when she came back late for the last time and then gave me attitude. Kicked her out.

Just reflecting back on the years now and realizing that this friendship was never equal. I did have some good times with her but every trip she would always fall in a mood and just completely ruin the atmosphere. It seemed like a lot of the times when we would talk it was always about her problems and overall she was very negative and depressing with her outlook and attitude towards things. I wonder now if I just stopped caring a long time ago, which is why I didn’t really feel anything when I asked her to go while she was crying.

I’m trying to find a way of wording this so I don’t sound insensitive.

Myself(35m) and my partner (34f) of 5 years don’t have any children. Recently we’ve spoken about how we think we both would like to, I must admit I think I’m more for than she is.

One thing that has been causing me a bit of stress the past few weeks is that when we were talking about it she said that she didn’t want to “listen to the doctor nagging about me being overweight”. She then explained how the doctor had told her that her current bmi of 42 would be classed as at risk if she was ever to become pregnant. She disagrees, and is a follower of a lot of body positivity/HAES pages, and truthfully I’ve not researched it enough to debate or have an opinion.

I’ll be the first to admit that since being together we’ve gotten lazier, and both our diets could be improved, granted my own bmi is closer to 25, but that’s probably because I still like to play football (soccer )regularly and cycle. Most meals tend to be ordered in and it’s not uncommon for entire multipacks of chocolate bars/biscuits/crisps to disappear overnight. I know other people who have been at a similar size due to medical conditions or medications, but this is genuinely down to bad diet/overeating and lack of exercise. We’ve both had regular doctor appointments for smaller issues, and I know that the doctor tested her for various conditions that could cause weight gain and everything is negative.

I don’t really know how to explain how I’m feeling without fear of sounding controlling or phobic. I just can’t help but feel she’s being a bit selfish and naive to believe that she wouldn’t need to make a serious lifestyle change, and truthfully I’ve been starting to question the relationship. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person.

Has anyone else or their partner/friends/family been through pregnancy at similar size? Are the risks as serious as they sound?

Hi everyone!

I had an extremely toxic friendship years ago that infiltrated every part of my life and my other relationships. When I finally decided to let go, she took it upon herself to turn everyone I knew against me (even tried with my family - it was bad). when I realized what she was doing, I started cutting people off left and right (mostly mutual friends of ours). This was horrible behavior on my part. I have no idea what I was thinking other than I was so scared and hurt and lonely, and couldn’t hear about what lies my friends were being told about me, so I went MIA. One of those people was a dear friend from high school who I still to this day regret losing. It’s been probably 6-7 years now and I’ve rebuilt my life and friendships and have done a lot of growing up. I still really regret what I did. Honestly, a lot of the friends I lost during that period were not friends worth having, but I still think of him. The other element of this is that he had unrequited feelings for me in high school. At the time I thought I just wasn’t attracted to him, but have since realized I’m a lesbian. I loved him, but obviously just as a friend.

All this is to say, I’d love to reach out to apologize and find out if there’s any possibility of a friendship still there, but I don’t know if it would be selfish of me or weird. Admittedly, I’m also still a little paranoid. I don’t believe he’s still in touch with my old toxic friend, but I’ve not spoken to either of them in years, so I don’t know for sure. Anyways…is it worth reaching out or would I just be digging up the grave?

At the age of 34, I am finally graduating with my Bachelors degree and today is the ceremony. In typical fashion for my family, they have decided to make everything about themselves and have ruined my special day. I am already estranged from two siblings, and after several disappointments from my other family members, it seems like I’m just going to have to just estrange myself from everyone else. I have a partner and he has been my rock and I seriously don’t know what I’d do without him. I can’t keep trying with what’s left of my family anymore. They’re a constant source of grief and unhappiness for me.

I want to hear from women who have voluntarily estranged themselves from their family and how do you keep yourselves from feeling lonely on eventful days or holidays that are typically celebrated with family?

Just started lifting like one class, and noticed my one breast got huge. Did I tear a muscle? It's the end of my period but this has never happened. I have been having achy breasts threwout this menstruation.

For those who believe in the concept of soulmate: Do you think some people are destined to not have a romantic soulmate in their life?

I feel that I am one such person who is not destined to have a romantic soulmate in my life.

I am a single guy in my mid-30s. I have never been in a love relationship before.

As years go by, I am realizing that it gets more difficult to find a romantic partner. I have started to kind of accept that that's the way it would always be. I just find that it is easier to live life with such clarity and acceptance.

There was a popular celebrity who passed away in their 50s last year. The celebrity was single and did not have any romantic partner at the time. It seemed to be a real-life example that not everyone will be able to find the romantic partner in their life.

There are many people who share about their life mentioning that they met their significant other coincidentally in life. It makes me feel that luck plays a huge part in romantic relationships.

Also when people say that you can still meet your love in your 40s, 50s, 60s etc and you have to look forward to the future, it feels like toxic positivity.

What are your views or opinions about this?

Thank you.

I have a friend of over 20 years, who I am (or thought I was) very close with. She is my person, and we shared everything together and had a beautiful friendship. Until now.

We had what I thought was a little upset in our friendship when she said and did something quite insensitive related to a serious issue I was facing. I attempted to discuss this with her, and the reaction was far from usual. It was mean, defensive, manipulative and dismissive of my feelings.

And recently we had another discussion after some time apart, and she tells me is working with a therapist because of the anxiety she feels from me. And apparently in the last few years of our friendship she has been afraid of me, doesn’t want to upset me, drops everything for me, puts me above everything else, and is scared of any misstep in our friendship, and that I’m intimidating. That everything about our friendship, and everything she’s done to support me and be there for me was a result of people pleasing. Her words.

I asked her to clarify and tell me what my actions and words were to make her feel this way, because I was horrified that I may have been taking so much from her and didn’t even know. And if I was, I’d like to understand and work to fix it. But she couldn’t answer, and just continued to expand on how anxious she feels around me and fear of missteps in our friendships. Because of me, without being able to articulate what exactly I’m doing.

Am I wrong to see this perhaps as projection? Like she’s placing some insecurities onto me and then blaming me for the way she’s feeling?

And she says she still loves me and wants to remain friends. But I don’t know… because I feel a bit manipulated. And now I have a fear that if she does do or say something hurtful in the future, I can’t bring it forward for healthy discussion, and I’m going to constantly be worried that I’m upsetting her. Which apparently is what I’m doing to her…? I’m so confused. And I’m SO worried that I’m thinking about this all wrong and maybe she’s right and I’M the one being manipulative??

So, I don’t even know what my question is because my head feels like a jumbled mess trying to sort this out. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll feel very safe in this friendship anymore, as the last few years have apparently all been a lie… should I just leave? Attempt to continue working through this? Accept that I am intimidating and made her feel this way and do the work on myself??

Help :(

Hi

This is mostly for younger women or those inexperienced in relationships and/ love.

My approach to dating and relationships has always been a conservative, cynical one. I find there are maybe more perks to this approach, although it's made it difficult to fall in love and trust men.

Approaches I've adopted to not be another woman a man attempts to seduce (with love/ affection/ attention) under false pretences:

1. I never entertain men who talk about sex unless it's contextual and obviously consensual. This never happens early on.

2. I don't meet men at their homes or mine, I don't spend time with them late into the night and likewise I don't text at night.

3. I barely allow any physical contact unless it's a safe, friendly hug. Even then it's probably not the first few dates. A kiss is extremely unlikely unless I was genuinely into them and even that was date 5. Most men never got past date 1, and majority ended by date 3. The great thing is I'm demi sexual with men, so the sexual attraction isn't developing without the feelings and I can't practice a great level of self control despite loving sex and sensuality.

4. If a man ever makes me feel uncomfortable, I'd ask him to explain his joke. I don't allow disrespect and I pay close attention to how he speaks about his ex's and his relationship history.

The outcome of this meant men who were interested in sex know not to bother, I got to spend time with really kind, respectful interesting men and I felt safe and valued. And vast majority of the time, I'd say all but one of my relationships,I was put on a pedestal and my partners/ people I was dating would adore me, treat me well and we'd have a really lovely relationship/ time.

There are loads of other benefits, but here's the thing. Men STILL pursue relationships with women, even marriage and children where they don't love them, don't actually see a future together or are simply benefitting from the security the relationship offers.

How do you spot that in a long term relationship? I have an ex who married his (now ex) wife because she fit his family's mould. She didn't find her deeply attractive but compromised (this would kill me to find out) he didn't find her particularly interesting and constantly compared her to me in his mind . How awful that I knew all of this when he confided in me. We're no longer in contact as a result, it felt awful.

Men will STILL waste women's time. Was there a time you know you were having your time wasted/ reflected and saw the signs? How do you know NOW that your husband truly values you, desires you and respects you?

My trust with men clearly persisted because that niggle has never left me, despite being happily respected. My cynical approach with men and my mistrust has never left. Yes, it's a daddy issue, but how do you shake it off once this tendency has served you?

TLDR: small town doesn’t fit with my personality. Finding next job needs long time. How do you maintain mental health and keep your faith?

35F no kids, no family. Growing up and have studied/worked in mega cities. Professional work brought me to a small town that takes 3-4 hr driving from major city.

It has been 4 years now and I don’t feel small town life is for me. It’s very depressing that food options and entertainments are strictly limited. Even activity groups are difficult to find, like on Meetup.com the only things I saw were realtor discussions, religious/spiritual groups, and occasional board games.

I go to big cities occasionally and my mood will be refreshed for a week, and then the joy decays to the extent that I feel disconnected and numb all day long.

I’ve already started to look for new positions. My profession will require a long period for job search and application prep. So I won’t be moving away at least 10m to 1y. In the mean time, I need to do my current work well because that will be one of a criteria for the next employer’s consideration.

My struggle is that I am not sure how to maintain a good mood when working and preparing for job applications while I’m in a place that gives me a depressed mood. Plus the anxiety of when/where I’m going to land to the next job. I was wondering could anyone with similar experience share your story of exiting a place that you don’t like? And how did you maintain motivation and hope?

I’m 30, soon to be 31. My partner won’t stop bringing up kids, or topics related to kids.

He thinks I must “hate kids” because I’m not panicked about it or focusing on kids as much as him. To me it’s the opposite.

But the backstory is early on he breached trust (messages, not physical) and while it’s been a few years and a lot of work/effort on his part, I’m terrified of the vulnerability of being pregnant and getting trapped. He only just recently -as in within the last few weeks- earnestly apologized and took accountability for how he hurt me early on. Like we really hashed it out. And that was great. I needed to hear and see that from him, but since then it’s kids babies, raising kids, etc. almost daily. We couldn’t even manage it right now financially -we’d have to move etc. but he ideally wants to get going on kids in a year.

He is a responsible, proactive, clean, hardworking, affectionate and reliable man. He loves kids. But it seems to me his expectations around having them are to give his life purpose or meaning, and not grow old alone. And to leave a legacy.

I don’t give a damn about all that personally, and if I have a kid it’s to love them and teach them integrity, trust and be authentic to themselves, compassionate to others, but with boundaries because with limited exceptions, no one taught that to me. I grew up with neglect. My mom had postpartum depression that was never addressed and my parents were unhappy my whole childhood. And I feel confused about how much of my reservations are trauma, trust issues with him specifically, or just…this not being it.

Anyway I could write a long ass thing about it. This just scratches the surface, really. I just want to know from women who married a man and knew they wanted to mother children with him -how did you know? What told you he was the one you wanted to have kids with?

I dated this guy for like 2 months and it’s been over 6 months since he broke it off and I still don’t know how to just let go of missing him and wishing it worked out, or wishing he’d come back. I’m tired of holding on and I don’t know how to get myself to stop. It’s crazy cause I’ve been through breakups of MUCH longer/more serious relationships and didn’t have this much trouble getting past it but with him…I don’t know why I can’t just let it go. And I’m so tired of missing him but I don’t know how to make it stop.

I've always been a bit of an introverted odd duck, I work a lot, and the pandemic coincided with half my 20s, so I feel like I've missed out on classic "in my 20s" activities. I'm struggling a bit. I really appreciate your insights.

Edit: Thanks to all who responded. The downvotes hurt today. I am already in a tough headspace. Not sure what the motivation was.

Recently made it official with a really lovely man. He is very respectful, hard-working, and has a good character/morals. What I am starting to notice is that our 'neuroses,' so to speak, are very similar. He has ADHD and some ASD traits which means every day life is more challenging for him. Was diagnosed in his early 30s. I suspect having a history of undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia has affected his self-esteem, despite him being quite capable and intelligent. I was in a terribly abusive relationship with a man with BPD in the past, which resulted in CPTSD and self-esteem issues, which have now mostly resolved.

I have noticed that his triggers end up being my triggers too. We are both prone to anxiety, over-thinking, perfectionism/overachieving at work, and self-consciousness, despite looking like we 'have it all' on paper. I think he struggles a bit more being a 6'6 muscular and handsome man who people assume is self-assured.

Has anyone been in this situation before? How to navigate a relationship like this when you mirror each other's neuroses?

Hello everyone!

Today is my birthday and sadly I'm sick so I'll be spending it at home alone. Nothing serious fortunately but feeling icky. Any self care routines or remedies you do when you're sick to take care of yourself and feel better?

Help my boss hates me

So I started a new job where I was hired through an agency last august. I am so grateful it’s my first official 9-5 there’s a union and insurance and I get paid weekly. My role is the front desk so there are some limitations that come with that (reasonable) I know that with different roles there are different responsibilities and allowances. But I am basically chained to that desk. I am adult and for one of the first times in a while I have to ask you use the restroom, keep my water intake down so I’m not continuously asking to use the bathroom. The goal is to help people accomplish their tasks. But I cannot get up from my desk to verify if someone is there often times my colleagues ignore or silence their phones so they don’t hear my calls and I’m left sitting there (looking quite foolish) when I can accomplish the same but by getting up and getting the person who is needed. I am barely given any responsibility but then it’s an issue because I “look bored” I am not allowed to be on my phone or read. And recently my colleague (the only one who comes by and checks in on me) was just chastised for doing so yet others in the office have loud (and constant continuous conversations). Today my boss kept pacing past me (it felt like she was hovering)every time she’d pass she’d look at me like something she scraped off her foot. I don’t know what to do and I just want to cry. I know workplaces aren’t all fun and games but I feel like I’m being held to an unfair standard any advice is welcome thank you

Can a woman have men who are “just friends?”

Hi, I am 37 with two kids. My youngest is 3.5. and about two months ago I noticed my boobs were huge, back to their pre-pregnancy size and tender. It reminded me back when I got my first period like real PMS symptoms but Ihave an IUD and I don’t really get my period.

So I have been collecting data and over the past two months my boobs have been really tender for like weeks at a time - is that normal? Is it just like a hormonal change? I know it’s normal for your boobs to change or be tender as a result of your cycle but my boobs have hurt for two weeks straight just feels weird.

I am in the UK.

I am a casual make-up wearer. I wore it primarily for nights out in my teens/early 20s and now it's only really for events/big occasions. As such, I am not very good at it and I am not very knowledgeable, or about skincare in general. My skincare routine is literally Simple washes, a scrub once a week, daily moisturiser, sometimes a night cream. Make up removal via micellar water.. Ie; all very basic. I am not particularly interested in changing that much.

I had been using a MaxFactor cream foundation for a long time (replacing it when it was expired etc), but now I am edging towards 40 and my skin has changed. It has always been combination but now I have far more dry patches and I think I'd probably suit a liquid foundation better. (Or perhaps cream is still fine and I just need a stronger moisturiser?)

Where can I go to get advice and help with this? I have one friend who may be able to help but she is going through a lot at the moment and now is not the time to discuss that. There are no department stores anymore, although there is a Boots a few towns over I could try. I have never used a make up counter because I am very stubborn and don't want to be just sold a product. I just want to know what I should be trying, what would be best for my skin, and then to go about and try different brands/shades myself. What can I do?

TIA

This blew my mind.. Seen 2 cases lately where the women were in their early 30s, who were attractive without kids, were with divorced men who had 3 children or even 5 children from previous marriageS..!!

Both men were not wealthy either. They hinted how much they had in their bank, and drove a nice car. If they were in their 30s, and no kids, sure, well done. BUT, with all the baggage from previous marriages (children care, ex alimony etc), I mean, they would not be considered wealthy enough for these women to go after "because of money".

Maybe it's just love.. I just wish these 2 women good luck when dealing with all these family dramas in the future.

I dated this guy for six months once. We met through work and were colleagues. I know you shouldn't do that, but it is what it is. He was a virgin and afraid of being with me even though I didn't care about that. He cheated by having sex with a random woman and I found out. He wanted to have experience before he die it with me which was a poor excuse.he left me to go date his distant cousin he met on his 23andme results. We haven't spoken since and it's been over a decade.

He's apparently married with kids now. It was recently his 5 year wedding anniversary and he renewed his wedding vows at my Great Auntie's/Uncle's vineyard in Germany. I found out because she emailed me about it and sent me pictures.

I'm married now myself and I could care less about my exes. I wish him well. I'm not salty about what he did to me in my 20s, but I just think his venue choice for vow renewal is a bit odd. Why would you renew your vows at a place related to your ex-girlfriend and went to with your ex? Is that not odd to anyone else?

I have a sad feeling I am dating an alcoholic.. he averages about eight beers a night but recently I saw one of his bank statements and in one day he had visited four bottle shops... and drove home.

I have tried to bring it up with him and he said "I have cut down massively, I barely drink now. It's you that has the problem so stop treating me like a baby. I work hard and like to have a beer when I get home"

Sigh. I know this isn't a healthy path to continue down.. so why can't I leave? Everytime I try to I get upset thinking about him with other women after me and it destroys me. I don't know why I care tbh as sadly I know they will see his true colours too and be put through the same things I've been (verbal abuse, having to carry him inside, him flirting online with random women - all when drunk)

Please help me to up and leave... I can't seem to get the courage :-(

I just had a talk with my longterm boyfriend an hour ago regarding some plans for the future. It happened so randomly when I took the conversation to a serious level (probably because I was so stressed at work and couldn't play along on what could've been a light chat)

We ended up talking about our plans for the future - me living most of my days abroad with the intention to grow my design agency in big cities. My boyfriend couldn't see himself in that and it broke my heart even though I fully know that we come from two contrasting socioeconomic environments. I grew up in a lavish household that eventually crumbled into pieces but the culture stayed with me even after I moved out and started from scratch. He grew up in a much simpler one and spent most of his days at the farm.

We started out slow and a little bit of awkward when we first met at the gym 7 years ago. We eventually grew our careers together, him as a designer and me as someone transitioning into an agency owner with separate clients. We ended up growing drastically in the recent years in a way that our lives turned upside down for the better. Got a much better place and his dog moved in. Which was a perfect timing because I was deep into my depression and grief over losing my grandpa. It was such a big milestone, personally, that I get to come home to something solid especially that I grew up in a terribly chaotic and emotionally manipulative home.

However, cut to this recent conversation when I was talking about not being happy in our hometown that my childhood dream was to always live abroad. Everything snowballed into that part when he said that he can't see himself in my vision for the future but he's willing to support me financially to help me achieve that but he's just going to stay here and later on retire in his grandpa's farm lot.

^(Quick context: His family and I aren't on good terms since his youngest spoilt-rotten sister disrespected me and his mother tried to negate that behavior. I was brutally firm with my decision that they should never cross paths with me for their own good. And my partner managed to carry that out because that's all he can make up for not seeking accountability for what his sister did.)

It saddens me partly because this overwhelmingly triggers my serious childhood trauma that largely involves feeling unsafe. To be honest, right now, at this age, I don't know if I only wanted to live abroad as as a form of escape from my wretched childhood or it's something that I actually want now that I'm an adult. I travel frequently and it makes business sense for me to go abroad to meet clients and network but it's different to move my entire life there.

I don't know what to ask from this post, probably just a general advice because I feel so devastated right now that I just need to vent it here asap.

I long for a sense of kinship, a sense of safety, something I haven't felt since I was a kid. But my ambitions are also so high that I need to reconcile what's mentally safe for me and I'm afraid to go out there again to search for a new home in a person. This feeling brings me back to the years when my mom, my dad, and my grandmother and aunt would kick me out of the house over the most teen things. Even though I wasn't an orphan, the dynamics of my childhood kind of seemed that way and my grandpa was the only person who would put a stop to this and now he's gone. Which brings me back to why this sense of home is precious to me and I'm afraid I'm about to lose this because of my ambitions.

I am a mother of 4. I have 2 teenagers and 2 younger kids (under 6 yrs old). Of course none of my kids can go out and buy me a mother's day gift because they don't work but they do make me handmade gifts which I love so much. Does anyone think maybe their husband/boyfriend or the father of their kids should go out of his way to buy a mother's day gift or even a card just to show the mother of his children that he appreciates her? I was told "your not my mom, why would I buy you something". I don't know why I got so upset but I thought it was a little harsh since I'm the mother of all 4 children of his.

I've been wondering. I've never really had great sex with a partner. I have never really been in the dating pool, using tinder etc. My first boyfriend that I was sexually active with was when I was 14 to 15. I then just would have one night stands etc after clubbing, I was a club rat, till I was about 20 where I started dating someone at Uni for 3 years he was addicted to porn the sex was OK. I never had an orgasm with a partner. Never been licked out or had my clit rubbed. I just always felt like sleeping with a guy was a way to kind of fit in with friends and not be that girl who doesn't sleep with anyone, I mean I kind of enjoyed the feeling of being wanted but I essentially let the men use my body. I am now married to a man that I have been with for 10years he only had one partner before me, that in a sense bought me comfort. He is also is happy to initiate sex and likes when I give him blow jobs we don't have a DB have sex twice a month or so. He gives me massages every night. But he has never touched or looked at my vulva. I always have to guide him in when we have sex, he has never fingered me or touched my clit, I don't think he has looked at my vulva. I only really recently thought there may be something wrong after spending time on reddit. I have come to realise there is and through my adult life has been something wrong with my sex life. I bought it up with my husband and said I do not get pleasure from our sex, he said I had never bought it up before. I feel now when I have sex it is passive aggressive I just lye there and take it. I know all this is my fault and I do not want to jump the gun and blame my husband I mean it is in part our individual responsibility to have an orgasm. Your probably wondering how I got this far without receiving pleasure from a partner, I did masturbate by myself and when I went to Uni I discovered porn which I developed an unhealthy habit of watching and talking to strangers online. This all could stem from me being sexually abused at age 8 and 10. The sexual abuse made me think that I was somehow sexually mature and active and promiscuous and isolated me from my peers. I have stopped porn now and want more from my sex life. Where do I do from here?I bought a sex toy so my husband can use on me but I use it on myself while he holds me before or after sex which has drastically improved things. Thanks!