Idk maybe I’m just cynical now.

But I think I have found the one. After many many years believing that I wouldn’t find anyone this great, I found him.

But now I’m older. Now those words mean even more. Before I used them too quickly, too easily. Before I was sure things were real.

Is it too soon to really know? Does he feel the same way? Is this really love or just lust?

I tend to overthink things. And the older I get, the worse it is.

Im really starting to feel really low, alone, and hopeless. I meet men, they seem interested, we talk for weeks and or months, to be 100% honest most of the time I’m not interested, but they are persistent, they say all the right things. But when you start growing real feelings for them, they start to pull away, and when I approach them about it they get upset or annoyed that I’m asking for communication. Am I the only one who feels that if a man wants to really be with a woman, he will communicate with her, and not go 3,4,5 days without talking or reaching out? I’m starting to feel like like I’m too nice, too kind, too loving and loyal, too expressive and men don’t actually want this even though they say they do.

Hello fellow humans!! So I (32 y/o female) was having a conversation with one of my pretty close male friends recently (both of us are over 30 and both are divorced) and he told me that the “reason that I have a hard time getting dates is because men are scared off by women that seem too interesting. You have a lot of interests…therefore men overlook you for more basic girls”. What the heck does this mean? Is this true? Why would you not want someone who has interests? It really confused me to be honest. Any advice or input on this? Thanks in advance!

I am looking for some advice on the E-dating scene. Maybe some alternate recommendations or tips on sprucing up or rewriting my profiles. I currently have profiles on Tinder, Bumble, coffee meets bagel, okcupid, hinge, and plenty of fish. Between the 5 of them, I am lucky if I get one match a month, and even then, they either unmatch without saying anything, or after a few messages, or days, reveal themselves to be a scammer of some sort. Some of the pictures on my profiles are fairly old now, as I have never been one to take a lot of pictures in my personal life, and the few I have are mostly selfies I took purely for profile pictures. If it helps, I can provide screenshots of my profiles, or transcripts of my profiles to assist in advising me on how to improve my chances. I welcome any constructive advice.

Maybe a neutral message like; 'nice to meet you, hope you have a good evening'.

Personally, (30F) I see it as polite way of affirming interest or atleast showing gratitude for their company. I'd only not message first, if they ended the date abruptly and had not messaged since.

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im a female in my 20s and i have been interested in this guy for like a year and a half . out of nowhere we just kind of had this unspoken mutual attraction to each other after being acquaintances for a few months. started with long eye contact across the room, to making small talk and trying to be around me intentionally. he even progressed into actually flirting with me and finding excuses to get into my personal space.

im not just imagining it bcuz my friend noticed how he looks at me when im not paying attention. she also said im 'out of his league' which i dont really consider a thing, its just that im younger than he is and probably more options in the dating pool, whatev. it could play into why he isnt more confident in pursuing me. (thats my hopefulness talking)

i should mention that i dont have any 'socials' of his, and that were only around eachother like once a week during church. i could see how it may be awkward for him to ask my number, considering its a small group of regulars and they are quite nosy and he probably doesnt want people in his business/judging him.

also the fear of rejection and how awkward it would be to attend weekly if i did reject him is probably a hindrance as well. this is also mainly why i havent made the move. it would be so embarrassing if he wasnt actually interested and i came off like desperate or full of myself for thinking he liked me.

last time i saw him i literally went out of my way to get his attention and say something, but he kept it very brief and didnt say much else, which is a contrast to how he has acted before when i would give him attention..so im confused.

i dont even know what advice im looking for but with this in mind is there any insight into the mind of a man in his 30s and their stance on dating/pursuing women? its gone on long enough and the hot and cold thing makes me crazy but i also understand if he wants to be sure that i like him before making a move.

So I’m a 35M my seventh relationship just ended and I find myself asking questions again. I always try to learn about myself when I go through hardship but I’m really struggling this time (I know that sounds egotistical but I promise it isn’t). My last relationship ended because she said that she needed to work on herself, which was true because she was going through things. She said that she cares for me and I was the best boyfriend she had and that her family loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me. This isn’t the first relationship to end like this. This one hurt because I thought she was the one. Good amount of similarities and differences, physical connection, we were close with each other’s families. But I can’t help but wonder if I bored her.

In years past, I probably came on too strong and too attached so I took a few years off of dating and worked on myself. Even though I always have wanted to be a husband and maybe a father I realized I needed to work on myself and not date to merely reach a goal. I found some great hobbies that I enjoy, woodworking, landscaping and restoring my house, playing saxophone, the gym. I learned to be content with myself and being alone but now I would like to share these things with someone and vice versa. I don’t drink anymore or club because for one I’m way past the clubbing age and I quit drinking because it made me feel better. But I feel like I’m not exciting anymore and that I’m not attractive because I have a domesticated lifestyle. Am I destined to never to give a woman the tingles?

I will stop here because I feel like I’m rambling.

TLDR; am I boring and safe and always the back up option?

Let's jump right in. After spending a few years out of the dating pool, my friends pressure me into getting on dating apps. I make a profile and match with a few people. In the interest of keeping the ball rolling, I decide to set up dates right away. Last night was one of those dates.

We make plans to meet up in DC for dinner (he and I both live in different cities in Maryland) after spending 2 weeks chatting about family, work, friends, hobbies, and so on. We have an entire conversation about how I'm vegetarian and pick a place that has options for a crunchy like me (this will be important later). We agree to meet Saturday night at 7 PM at the restaurant. At 5:45 PM, he texts and apologizes saying his cat is very sick and can't make it into the city. I tell him no problem and start getting undressed when he texts again and says "I know this is very unorthodox for a first date, but I could order us dinner to eat here and we could keep an eye on him (cat) if you're up for it". I think it over, decide to go against my better judgement (I know, shut up), and agree. I text a few friends with the details of the plan, his name, pictures, and address, turn on my find my friends, drive to his apartment, and park several blocks away so he can't see my car from his place.

I get there with a bottle of wine and we have some polite chatter. I ask where his cat is and he says he's probably hiding but he'll come out when he feels like it. I look around and see no toys, no beds, no scratching posts, no litter box, no water bowl. Now it's worth mentioning that I have a dog, and there is not a darn corner of my apartment that she has not left a toy or item in no matter how many times a day I pick up after her, so you can imagine that I'm immediately on high alert. Strike one. Then he says "hey I haven't had the chance to pick up the food yet because it wasn't ready until just now, do you mind going to grab it? I can't leave him (cat) alone and it's just around the corner". Strike two. At this point I'm so put off and uncomfortable that I happily agree to walk out to give myself a chance to figure out how to extricate myself from this. I ask for the restaurant name and details and he says it's Fogo de Chao (a fancy Brazilian steakhouse). If you recall, I'm vegetarian. Strike three. I pick up my things and a voice in my head tells me not to leave yet, but rather to walk around the corner and pick up the food. When I get there, I look at the receipt and see that he has ordered himself a single steak and a single side salad. Strike... ?

At this point I have absolutely no intention of going back to this guy's apartment. I consider leaving the food and going home. I consider texting him and telling him off. I consider finding a way to troll him. But I don't do any of that. Instead I decide that something good should come of the evening, and so I take the food and give it to the sweet homeless man I see. I then went home with my bottle of wine, blocked him, and called my friends to tell them about the guy who expected to treat me like a free uber eats delivery person all while lying about having a sick cat.

I carry the conversation, and that sucks. Just try a little, lady, or unmatch if you are not interested

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I met up with a guy who’s my friend’s relative and roommate over thanksgiving. They live 4 hours away. He came to my city for some family stuff. We met up twice during thanksgiving break. He’s kinda cute and kinda likable. My friend says he likes me after our meetups. He’s been texting me everyday since. At first I thought it’s because he’s in a different city and is bored. It’s kinda weird to me because none of my friends text me on the daily basis. And it’s kinda weird that he’s so invested after 2 meetups.

I haven’t dated for a decade now, except for online datings that would end after a couple dates irl. Is texting everyday after 2 dates normal? I’m not super attracted and I’m a bit cautious about dating a friend’s relative and roommate because I don’t want to date the guy, break up, and ruin our friendship. I still want to be friends with the guy and not upset him either so I can’t just ghost him. I also don’t know if I should tell him that I’m not interested because I’m not sure if I’m interested or not. While I don’t find him super attractive, I’m mostly attracted to unavailable, disapproving men because i had no love from my dad lol. And I have commitment issues.

I’m thinking to take longer to respond? Or should I just tell him to not text me everyday? I’m not sure what to say exactly either. I never really had a healthy romantic relationship so advice is appreciated!

I live in Eastern Europe, and despite I am in the biggest city in the country, I either meet married women of my age, or single mothers, or single women (yes...) who have zero interest in dating at all, and are 100% into career.

Talked to many friends here, ranged 20s to 40s, all say they noticed it too.

It's not that easy as it was in 20s to find a gf or a wife.

Technically this will be the first holiday since 2006! That I’m celebrating by myself . I’d usually be upset 😭 but This year I feel a sense of freedom. My entire 20’s I was in toxic relationships, no matter what I had to have a boyfriend for the holidays. Couldn’t think of being alone. I am enjoying my space, getting to know 34 year old me without compromising myself and could go to one of those holiday meetups . If this is your first holiday single drop a message below What are some things you’re going to get into?

I'm going to try to keep this short but that's not my forte so here we go...

I (30f) started talking to this guy (let's call him guy A - m37) a little over a month ago. Things have been going great for the most part. We've hung out pretty much every weekend up until the last two because he's out of the country visiting family. We end up staying up until 6 or 7 am because we never run out of things to talk about and he's mostly been very gentlemanly. My dog passed away two days before he left for his trip and I was an utter mess and he invited me to come stay with him those next two nights and I dropped him off at the airport. We haven't talked about exclusivity but we've had many deep conversations about family and our past in general and I can't emphasize how much him comforting me after my dog passing means.

However, there have also been a couple of (imho) red flags. He has mentioned that he tends to have a temper and little patience. I got upset one night when I met his friends for the first time and two of the girls kept grabbing his butt for an hour and a half. I tried to not spiral and let it get to me but I finally pulled him aside and told him I hated watching it happen for that long and how I had to talk to him for it to stop instead of him stopping it himself.

There was another night when we went to his friend's house (just us 3) when his friend and I started talking about video games/movies and things that I guess he doesn't relate to. He blurted out that maybe his friend and I should be talking instead of him and I. After we went back to his place, he got angry with me for interrupting him at one point and then said he didn't see any potential in me long-term. We were drunk so I started crying and gathered myself in the bathroom and when I went back, he was really confused. Seems like he may have blacked out for those 10 minutes but I let it go for the time being. He's been on his vacation this past week and will be this upcoming week and we talked on the phone once so far (but still text a lot in general). We both have tough family lives and I know he's with his parents. Seems like he had a rough day with them but didn't want to give me details so I let it go. I changed the subject and was telling him about a podcast I love which narrates short horror stories and he knows true crime/spooky things are a big interest of mine. He totally snapped and started saying his mom lives in fear all of the time because of things like that and how he doesn't get enjoyment from being scared and all of it is "so so so dumb". His overall tone just sounded angry and like he wanted to be mean/take out his frustration on me. He also said that I shouldn't bother getting him from the airport if he's not the last person I kissed which i get to an extent but to talk exclusivity when he's gone already felt kind of...controlling and possibly manipulative? He texted after that call apologizing and saying I didn't deserve it. I explained to him my sentiments from above and also that I'm hurting from losing my dog since it'd only been a week and i haven't been able to sleep in my bed since my dog was always my cuddle bug. He also knows my parents can be emotionally abusive so I don't feel like I have support at home which makes his anger feel even more palpable. I told him it makes me question the longevity of dating him if this is how he normally reacts and wants to put people down when he's feeling down.

Historically speaking, I have made awful choices in men who mostly cheat and my home situation doesn't make me confident in many areas of my life (also I am in the process of looking for a new therapist). Because of that, I'm trying not to hyperfocus on one guy and instead, at least go on more dates so I can learn more about myself and what kind of person I can see myself with in the future.

Fast forward to this past Thursday, I went on a date with a different guy (let's call him guy B, m33). I felt guilty even going based on what guy A had said but I talked to my friends and they said I don't owe him anything if we hadn't hashed it out already and I should be selfish in this scenario.. The date with guy B went very well and we have a lottt more in common than myself and guy A but I still feel strongly for guy A. Guy B ended up staying this weekend just to spend more time with me so we went to an event together. Thing is, I met them both the same night at a similar event a while back and thought I avoided running into guy A's friends but one was still there and took notice of guy B. I ended up telling guy A's friend the gist of the situation and how I'm not ready to stop talking to his friend but it seems more likely than not that he will stop talking to me altogether once I tell him. His friend agreed and that he hopes that's not the case because he was telling him to keep me around because the two of us seemed promising. To top it all off, I still ended up having a really great time with guy B that night and did text guy A saying I have to talk to him about something soon but again, he doesn't come back for another week.

So my question essentially is how should I approach this with guy A? Do I tell him over the phone before he comes back since he said he didn't want me getting him from the airport if I did anything with anyone else or do I wait to discuss until he comes back? Do you guys think I did anything wrong...? I'm having a lot of anxiety over all of this.

TLDR - I've been dating guy A for a little over a month but we are not exclusive and I went on a date with guy B but guy A says he would not want to see me anymore if I talked to anyone else during this time.

Went to see a guy I been talking to, we had sex 1 time before so this night he asked me to get on top. I already knew this wasn’t going to go well. I got on top and tried to ride the best I could … on too had never been a favorite position for me. But hey I try every time. I’m also 35 and 200 lbs (sexy 200 pounds 😏) so I don’t hv Megan the stallion knees where I could bounce all day. Sighhh- while riding he looked so uninterested. I hated every min of it. We finished up in doggy style. Has any other ladies had this issue before? I would hv rather sucked his Dick vs riding it… smh 🤦🏾‍♀️ I just feel hella lame bc I can’t ride dick!

Hey. I’m Jamie. 35 white male from New York. I have always been a boyfriend guy. I been with 4 girls since 9th grade. Now I am single again I have no idea how to hit on a female. What keeps a conversation going? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

I was dating someone very briefly who was also very into me as when we both first met for our first date, we both were really caught off guard about how strong our connection and conversation was. He mentioned that he can't remember having as good as a conversation with someone in "maybe ever."

With that, although I thought I worked on myself enough where I truly believed I was ready to date again, I was very wrong. On our next date - the 3rd - I felt all the pressure of him glamorizing me and in an effort to prove him very wrong I consciously (and unconsciously) engaged in every wrong choice knowing full well it wasn't the wise choice - I drank and smoked AND took a Ativan (which I'm prescribed) to calm my nerves, and when he came over I just broke down and in such a heightened way that it shook me to my core and made me take a very honest look at myself in a way I wasn't capable of noticing before. I would liken this experience to an addicts rock bottom.

We had a 4th date planned before the 3rd date - the 3rd was spontaneous. When the day came for the 4th date, he texted me quite candidly and asked to postpone he was questioning it after our night together. I responded to him telling him that after that night I questioned myself so I wasn't surprised to get the text and then asked him if he would be open to having an honest conversation with me about things. I never heard back from him and a week later on Hinge (where we met) I saw he updated his profile and so I decided to unmatch him. It's been 2 weeks and I can't shake the potential of what could of been.

So my question - I want to text again but I question my gut. I want to tell him that I know he saw a lot that night - and before he could really get to know the other sides of me - but I would be remiss to not try again and just say that at the very least, I learned a lot about myself that night and true to my curious nature if there's a curious part of you that wonders - and can safely trust that one can make mistakes and earnestly learn from them in a deep way - then here's my last shot to say let's start over, this time - atleast for me - very honestly and different.

For context: we knew eachother for less than 2 weeks.

Do people change their minds or is this just adding fuel to the fire and unnecessary pressure? Do I take my lesson learned and move on?

I feel like I need a pH.d to understand the delays in responding, the stupid iphone reactions, like, so and so loved your text (I'm on an Android) and the low effort responses. On the other hand, I've been absolutely smothered by some girls that i really liked that it creeped my out so much that it made me think they were crazy.

Am i right or should I just relax a bit?

I started dating this guy recently. We are both in our early 30s. We studied together, but we connected recently after several years. He stays three hours away, and most of our interaction has been over chat so far. So far, it's been fine. I like him. But what's starting to bother me is he seems overtly....(for lack of a better word) visual?

He notices if a single strand of hair is greying. He notices the acne. He doesn't ever make mean remarks over it, but he does somehow mention it as an observation one way or the other. What someone wears--the shade of lipstick, the accessories, the hairdo--it all matters to him for the perfect sexual or even dating experience. He constantly asks for photos. We don't text everyday. We were supposed to go on a trip in two weeks, and suddenly his texts are overtly attentive and doting.

I feel like I sense high involvement and affection from him only when he's horny or a week before getting laid. This whole business of constant sexting and asking for photos feels shallow to me. He says I am being too sensitive. I don't know. I feel self conscious of how I look around him. He is a nice guy, but this overt keenness and focus on physical appearance feels like a red flag to me---I feel like I am constantly objectified.

Am I overreacting? Some tell me that many men first connect visually and sexually, before they can start going deeper into other facets. Idk. Some inputs would help.

Hi redditors,

Im really looking for some advice here from you lovely people as I am really starting to lose hope in the dating scene and have quite a unique situation.

​

I am a 29F and I've been single for the last 3.5 years, I 've only had one serious relationship which was about 4.5 years and ended because of compatibility issues. It left me feeling so down + had other issues in life that I needed therapy for depression afterwards, but came back bouncing stronger. I've been on several dates in the last 3 years but have really struggled to meet anyone with whom I have gelled. I find that I there are very few people I am attracted to and it's hard to build a connection when I don't know people well on apps (more on this below). My issue seems to be that the people I like often don't seem to like me back, I've also got a unique issue in that I am looking for someone with common interests as me and the same religion or aware of my religious background. Some more background is that I am a medical professional so I work long hours and often this makes me feel very lonely, I've recently started a new job and moved back into my parent's house to save money for my own place in the big city. Being a medical professional means I meet a lot of people on a daily, find it easy to converse and am generally comfortable with meeting new people - however, I find this hard to separate from chemistry. I am also looking for someone who is a bit quirky and hipster, I know this sounds odd but this is how my friends describe me and I like people who are into arts/humanities as this is so different from my field and my area of interest.

Last week I went out on a date with a guy (31M) who seemed perfect. We had been talking for about a week and a half on text, almost daily, and we had so so much common (same taste in music, same nicknames, he had the same religious background etc). I don't drink due to religious reasons but he seemed to be understanding of that.

Anyhow we had a delayed date because we both had caught a cold and were hoping to recover before we met, but spoke daily on text. He saved my birthday in his phone and even made a lame joke for me to 'Marry' him as we had something in common. Having been on the dating pool for a while, I was trying my hardest to manage expectations but I couldn't help give a little in that things seemed to be going so well, we kept hinting about expectations and I suggested we stay friends if it didn't work out but he replied 'it would be difficult if I was cute in person.' When I told him I was nervous about meeting, he said he should be the one who was nervous as I was 'smart, beautiful and had a good taste in music!" I have quite low self-esteem since my depression so I played this down a bit but he responded positively and said we both had 'self esteem issues to work on.' I generally felt like was I really into this guy, he seemed quite hipster and quirky but had all the same interests as me and conversation (via voicenotes and text) seemed to be flowing so well. I don't know how long his last relationship had been but he did say he had broken up with his ex in the summer.

The date in my eyes seem to be going well, we met and he gave me a book which was a really sweet gift. There was a bit of flirtatious banter and jokes and we eventually went to a restaurant. During the meal, there were a few minutes of silence at times but I spent a lot of time asking him questions trying to get to known him, at one point he asked me about my siblings and I made an awkward Kardashian reference as I have a lot of sisters. The meal wasn't great because the restaurant we were at made us sit opposite other so I did feel like we couldn't really talk well. After the meal, we ended up splitting the bill and he didn't really offer to pay, I suggested we go somewhere for a drink. He does drink so he had one but checked to see if I wanted anything, which I didn't. We sat for a few more minutes and talked about things like flaws and pet peeves. I felt quite comfortable with him so told him mine was mainly low self-esteem which I know is odd. Unfortunately, he started coughing and said it was probably best for him to go home so we left after this and walked in the rain linking arms (my suggestion), at the train station he said 'lets do this again sometime' to which I stupidly replied take care. I also got him a gift of lempsip as he had been feeling unwell.

I spent the next day a bit confused as even though there weren't fireworks I knew that it was rare to meet someone where you had so much in common and it was quite nice generally. I got a text from him in the evening to say 'thanks for a lovely evening, sorry my cough put a dampener on things! i don't know how you felt but I didn't feel a strong romantic connection, that it was so comfortable, it was like hanging out with a friend, I would love to hang out again as friends if you were interested'

In a rush of emotion, I replied to say I had already had a group of friends was looking for was more, but had a lovely time so it was a shame. wished him luck and hoped he found what he was looking for and that he got better soon!

But now I kind of wish I could have stayed friends with him, I am sad that I won't meet someone with that many common interests anymore.

A lot of my friends say I am a huge catch, I have a good job, I am quite attractive (basing this purely on male friends/number of likes/being stopped in the street) They say I perhaps give off a vibe of someone who is looking for a serious relationship which scares men away as well as the fact that I don't drink which makes me intimidating. I seem to meet a lot of men who aren't quite ready for a full relationship and with my job and limited time I really seem to be losing hope. I really don't know what to do going forward, I love my job and it's always busy so throwing myself to work is always a fallback which I have tried, but I am the last one to remain single of my friends and I am really upset about the future..

what's worse, is where it would usually take me a few days to get over a rejection or a date that hasn't worked out, this time it's taken me longer because I really had so much in common with him. I am old fashioned in that I think the mental connection is so important and that seemed to be there with this guy, unlike previous dating mishaps this guy was a bit older as well (31M) and met some of my basic criteria (had his own place, had a good job) + a lot of the extra criteria..

I calculated that i had been on 18 dates since being single not a lot i know but all met my criteria and fit in with my busy work schedule. I am at the end of the line now and I am really quite tired, Ive tried looking, not looking, asking guys out at work, taking on new hobbies, but really at a loss.

I also don't know why I am so torn up about this guy and wondering if I should go back on my word about being friends, it seems like in-our 'positive self-love' world sometimes we lose chances because we are being told that we should love ourselves so much etc that this kind of weaknesses can be frowned upon... any advice would be greatly appreciated <3 love to all you redditors.

So I've (42M) been in the dating world for 3+ years now and a thought just struck me the other day.

I can't think of a single woman that I've met that wears perfume and it got me wondering. Is perfume just not a thing anymore? I personally wear cologne pretty much any time I go out in public. And no, it's not a dizzying haze of Axe body spray. And almost every woman I've been intimate with always remarks on how good I smell. I'll give credit to my grandmother on teaching me the proper way to apply it. (Among other gentlemanly things to be aware of)

But I can't think of a single time, where I've been physically close (sitting across from at a table, or intimate) with a woman where I've noticed that they wear any perfume. Some have mentioned they just don't wear it, usually in response to noticing that I do, but that's about it. It's not a turn off in any way, but something about perfume just does it for me. Maybe the primitive part of my brain is still running the show.

Just looking for thoughts and opinions on the matter.

1st/2nd date, it feels like the right time, or you're saying goodbye at the end of the night. Men: do you ask a woman before kissing her? Women: do you prefer a man asks you before kissing you?

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I am demisexual -- I cannot feel sexual attraction without first feeling emotional intimacy/attraction. I need advice from people with more classical attraction types.

I (30F) have been dating a wonderful man (30M), who is curious, kind, and empathetic. We met at an event through a friend, and he asked me out. We've talked a lot about the future and we want all the same things. We've had great communication.

He recently expressed that he feels I am the most compatible partner he has dated in most ways and that he is enjoying and getting attached to picturing a long-term future (marriage, kids) with me. But he thinks we should stop dating because he doesn't feel the level of sexual attraction that he needs for a long term relationship to work. He really wishes he felt differently.

He experiences attraction in a pretty classically male way. In particular he has stated that he is very visually stimulated, and in particular by things like makeup, tight clothes, lace, lingerie, shaven/waxed pubes, etc. I tend to be extremely practical in general, and I have a more practical style. (I've spent time on my appearance for only about half of our dates but some have been hikes/etc). I am open to spending more care/time on my appearance if it would help. However, I'm very worried about creating a dynamic where he is only attracted to me because of these things.

Being demisexual, I am attracted basically to the person's heart, and visual stimuli play only a very small role in sexual attraction for me. I understand how superficial things like makeup play into initial sexual attraction. I don't understand how they play into attraction in the context of in a longterm relationship.

If you're initially drawn to someone at a club and experience sexual attraction toward them in the first few minutes, great. But that might be primarily because they've spent so much time getting ready. In a long term relationship the majority of your time with that person they will be in a lower-effort state. So if you were initially attracted to the dolled up person, how does that matter over time?

This is what I am having trouble understanding: You meet two identical twins at an event, let's say they have "6" attractiveness -- you could go one way or the other. One spent over an hour curling her hair, applying makeup, choosing the perfect little black dress. You find her attractive. The other came from a hike, with no makeup and unkempt hair (let's say she had a reason). You don't find her attractive. If you were evaluating the less attractive twin for a long-term relationship, how much would those initial impressions matter? Could you develop physical attraction to her if she later sometimes dressed like her twin sister? Is there a time frame after which your sexual attraction could not be improved and if so, how long is that? To what extent does any of this superficial stuff matter in a long term relationship?

[Edit: formatting]

Hey everyone,

I am very good at making conversation and getting to know amazing, interesting people. It makes me anxious, but I have gotten good at meeting people and building personal connections fairly quickly.

But I struggle so much to feel romantic connection with anyone. I hate dating and I cannot be myself. Perhaps part of it is that I have felt romantic/sexual vibes with maybe 3-6 people in my life. I've had two long-term relationships and I do feel scared to try again, despite my loneliness and yearning for companionship.

Guess I'm just curious if anyone else feels this way? I need a long runway to go from meeting a person to physical intimacy. This doesn't match the pace of OLD and it certainly does not match people's assumptions or expectations. Dating makes me feel like I'm built wrong or something...

Thanks

Hey guys,

This is a post for anyone who has followed my other posts / trials and tribulations of my relationship. So basically, despite people telling me it was a road to nowhere, I pushed on forward hoping we could make a go of it. Skip to now. We’ve not had sex for 2 weeks (is that a lot for you guys?) and last night he couldn’t sleep. This morning, he was like I’m worried about my current job, the job they’ve offered me in the UK and us (so basically everything). It just keeps obsessing and obsessing and it’s killing all passion and joy in life. As I said in my previous posts, his entire family basically see life as one problem after another (yesterday his sister wouldn’t come to us for lunch because she couldn’t be bothered getting ready and walking here – a 15 min walk). He also keeps saying how I’m complicating his life by encouraging him to move to the UK, and that his life was so simple before meeting me (yes – at 42 he’d never had a partner and his mum did his cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc., so it was definitely a simple life for him).

Is there literally any way of doing something positive here for the relationship?

Cheers

I’ve always been told to not accept a date if it’s for that night. This guy, who is 60, I’m 50, keeps asking me out impromptu. Last night he messaged me at like 7, wanting me to meet for dinner. I didn’t see it until this morning and told him no but maybe tonight? This was 6:30 am, still haven’t heard back.