Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

Update us on a positive or negative test here. While positives must stay in the results thread, feel free to share negative results in the regular chat, if you prefer. Please refrain from posting updates on an ongoing pregnancy in the results thread. This includes positive ultrasounds.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Use this thread to introduce yourself or give updates on where you've been, where you're at, and what's next.

Maybe you haven't posted in awhile, maybe you're a lurker waiting for the right time to join us, maybe you're a regular - come say hi and let us know what you've been up to. Check in with each other and then come over to the weekly chat thread or discord (link found in the sidebar) for more support and discussions!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

Rituals are important in every society, but they tend to focus on positive moments (graduations, weddings, etc), and there are very few meaningful spaces or rituals for infertility and pregnancy loss (Japan’s mizuko kuyō, or “water child” shrines, are an exception that you can read more about on this wikipedia page ). October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and at 7pm that night, people light a candle for their losses. But what about the times in between when people want to mourn their losses? And what about the other reasons we in the infertility community have for grieving?

Rituals are important for processing our emotions and gaining closure, which is why at the end of each month, we’ll be providing an opportunity for people to create their own ritual for whatever it is their grieving and share it here. This post will be shared a few days before the end of each month. The idea is that with the closing of the month, you can take some time to reflect on your recent grief, perform a ritual, and do some processing, with the possibility of being a bit more ready for the new month and the possibilities it holds.

This thread is intentionally loose on guidelines in order to be as inclusive of possible. You might be mourning something tangible, like a miscarriage, failed transfer, failed IUI, or failed timed intercourse cycle. Maybe you’re grieving that your IVF results aren’t as good as you hoped, and are feeling sad about your abnormal embryos, or the fertilized eggs that didn’t survive to become embryos, or the fact that your IVF cycle yielded no embryos at all. Perhaps you’re pursuing donor eggs or donor embryos are are grieving the loss of a genetic connection. Maybe you’ve gotten a heavy diagnosis. Maybe you’re sad that you’ve been benched and haven’t been able to do any treatment in the last month, or that you’re still waiting for an appointment at a clinic, or that you don’t have insurance coverage and need to save, or simply can’t afford certain treatments. Maybe a close friend or relative announced their pregnancy or had a baby, and you’re sad that you can’t fully feel happy for them while navigating your own infertility. Maybe you’re just grieving the fact that you’re here at all. Remember, there are no pain olympics here, and no matter what it is that you’re grieving, your pain is valid.

The idea here is to hold space and honor the different types of grief that we are all experiencing, and give ourselves a dedicated time to process the hardships and traumas of the month. This is not a toxic positivity thing: there is no expectation that because you’ve done a ritual that you should now be able to magically move on. This is simply a chance for us to process some feelings, which is an essential part of healing and not something that we get the opportunity to do in a society where most of us don’t even share our struggles with others, share our rituals, and support each other.

I did some research on grief rituals, and here’s a list of options that fit within our context. This is just a starting point - feel free to create your own or modify these as you see fit. You are welcome to share a photo and/or describe your ritual and what it is you’re grieving at this moment.

• Light a special candle used only for your ritual purposes
• Burn incense or sandalwood (Sage is endangered, making it scarce for the Indigenous people who use it for religious and cultural purposes, so I’m leaving it off this list - obviously if you’re someone who uses it in religious/cultural ways this doesn’t apply to you).
• Write down the thing(s) you are grieving and want to let go of and then burn the piece of paper
• Create a work of art
• Plant a tree or flowers, or buy yourself flowers or a plant
• Take a walk in nature and reflect on the cyclical nature of the seasons and how spring always follows winter. We are in our own personal winters, but nature reminds us that no matter how cold, dark, and sad, spring always follows eventually.
• Read or say aloud an inspirational verse, poem, or prayer
• Play or sing a specific song
• Ring a chime or a bell

These ones apply more to feelings of loss to me, but might be a good option for those who have gone through a miscarriage or feel some other form of loss, such as a failed transfer (loss of the embryo):

• Make a donation to a charity that reminds you of the lost loved one (a friend of mine who had a stillbirth organizes walks for March of Babies (part of March of Dimes) in honor of the son she lost).
• Carrying something special that reminds you of your loved one that you can take out and hold when you feel the need, such as a “worry stone.”
• Create a “place” memory - a certain spot outdoors that you designate for being connected to the lost child that you can visit when you want to remember and feel close to them, such as a certain tree, spot in your yard, or bench in a park.

Over the next few days, up until the last day of the month, this space will be for sharing what you’re grieving and the ritual you did to honor and process your grief. Feel free to link to a photo of your ritual. You’re also welcome to simply write about what you’re grieving without doing a separate ritual - the writing is the ritual in that case.

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Hi all - new here, but have been reading some of your great posts, it seems like a really supportive community.

My wife (30) and I (31) are on our second month of TTC, so relatively early - however I can foresee problems based on the first month. I am struggling to cum and it's a mental thing I believe. Here is some background info:

1. I got my sperm tested at a clinic in 2023 - all great results, well above average.

2. My wife and I go to the gym and keep fit, walking daily etc, no drugs or smoking, and occasional alcohol.

3. Neither of us are on meds - i've never had ED or any problems in the bedroom, neither has she.

4. My wife works in female health, so she is on top of all the tracking etc (prob knows too much!)

5. I have always enjoyed sex with her and had no problem cumming

6. We've been together six years and just got married earlier this year.

7. We both work from home - this has never been an issue but i'm thinking should we be using this to our advantage rather than me thinking i should go into the office a few days to change it up a bit during this window?

• I have no problem getting hard and staying hard but I'm not enjoying it, i don't find it sexy, i'm not turned on. I usually insist on foreplay but I'm not even enjoying kissing, it sounds awful but i'm finding the whole thing gross and a turn off if anything, like it's all forced. And I feel guilty because of this.

• Sex is never outside the bedroom, we've tried morning and night and afternoon. not sure why, guess we're both just a bit shy and have never done it anywhere except the sofa once or twice.

• I go to a therapist monthly just to keep on top of my mental health - i discussed it with him last week (he's CBT trained) but he just suggested for my wife not to tell me when it is next month. I don't know if this will help.

• I know a lot of advice on here is "don't tell your husband when the window is" which may work, but i think it would be pretty obvious next month if she is initiating a couple of nights in a row etc. I will certainly give it a try next month.

• We have looked at those artificial insemination kits but have not considered those yet.

My husband's brother and his wife have 4 children. They recently underwent IVF to have a fifth.

My husbands father posted about the birth of this child on Facebook... then proceeded to send out a mass text, including one to me.

I'm not upset about the Facebook post, but the text felt very invasive. His father knows how long we've been struggling to get pregnant, and we recently failed IVF.

I sent a message, briefly letting my husband's father letting me know how this hurt me.

Am I overreacting?

Welcome to the monthly secondary infertility thread. This is a free space to discuss issues relating to secondary infertility without pesky content warnings.

As always you may discuss things anywhere in the sub, but outside of here you must use a content warning.

Women with primary infertility are welcome to comment or ask questions here.

The same rules apply here as they do outside this thread (except the content warning) and any type of insulting or negative comments will not be tolerated.

Those with secondary fertility are always welcome in this sub, and this weekly post will still be here, but if you want a full sub dedicated to secondary infertility there's the wonderful place of /r/SecondaryInfertility you can also participate in.

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

My husband and I officially hit one year of trying, with 2 miscarries and no living children. We have been trying but not “trying” trying. I have been listening to my body and taking my off brand prenatal vitamins but I haven’t been ovulating testing or cutting out major things of my life. We are tired, we are ready to be absolutely serious and committed. My doctor has been horrible to work with(yes we are changing, going next month to someone new). What are everyone’s thoughts on vitamins to take, life habits to change(or start), ovulation testing??

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

We’ve been trying for four years for reference It seems last cycle ended in a chemical. I got positives on 8DPO (vvvfl) and 9-11 DPO. Sure, they were faint but (they were still visible to several people) they never got darker and on about 12/13DPO the tests went to stark white and I started bleeding CD 26.

That leads me to where we are now. I’m CD13, CD 14 tomorrow on the 13th of October. When I ovulate alone without meds, it seems I ovulate sometime between CD 13-16. Last cycle I ovulated on CD13 (unmedicated cycle with my hormone ratio being the most normal range it’s been - we had taken a break from letro for a WHILE).

This cycle I took letro cd 3-7 and still have yet to get an LH strip dark enough to indicate that my body is even doing anything ugh!! (Premom is good at reading my tests and I have great bathroom lighting but the highest reading I’m getting is 0.25-0.31)

Is it normal to ovulate later after a chemical? Maybe it’s just because my hormones are in line for the first time?? I don’t know. Please offer advice, insight, or anything (obv not anything hurtful as I’m so sensitive at this point!!)

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Update us on a positive or negative test here. While positives must stay in the results thread, feel free to share negative results in the regular chat, if you prefer. Please refrain from posting updates on an ongoing pregnancy in the results thread. This includes positive ultrasounds.

Use this thread to introduce yourself or give updates on where you've been, where you're at, and what's next.

Maybe you haven't posted in awhile, maybe you're a lurker waiting for the right time to join us, maybe you're a regular - come say hi and let us know what you've been up to. Check in with each other and then come over to the weekly chat thread or discord (link found in the sidebar) for more support and discussions!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

Rituals are important in every society, but they tend to focus on positive moments (graduations, weddings, etc), and there are very few meaningful spaces or rituals for infertility and pregnancy loss (Japan’s mizuko kuyō, or “water child” shrines, are an exception that you can read more about on this wikipedia page ). October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and at 7pm that night, people light a candle for their losses. But what about the times in between when people want to mourn their losses? And what about the other reasons we in the infertility community have for grieving?

Rituals are important for processing our emotions and gaining closure, which is why at the end of each month, we’ll be providing an opportunity for people to create their own ritual for whatever it is their grieving and share it here. This post will be shared a few days before the end of each month. The idea is that with the closing of the month, you can take some time to reflect on your recent grief, perform a ritual, and do some processing, with the possibility of being a bit more ready for the new month and the possibilities it holds.

This thread is intentionally loose on guidelines in order to be as inclusive of possible. You might be mourning something tangible, like a miscarriage, failed transfer, failed IUI, or failed timed intercourse cycle. Maybe you’re grieving that your IVF results aren’t as good as you hoped, and are feeling sad about your abnormal embryos, or the fertilized eggs that didn’t survive to become embryos, or the fact that your IVF cycle yielded no embryos at all. Perhaps you’re pursuing donor eggs or donor embryos are are grieving the loss of a genetic connection. Maybe you’ve gotten a heavy diagnosis. Maybe you’re sad that you’ve been benched and haven’t been able to do any treatment in the last month, or that you’re still waiting for an appointment at a clinic, or that you don’t have insurance coverage and need to save, or simply can’t afford certain treatments. Maybe a close friend or relative announced their pregnancy or had a baby, and you’re sad that you can’t fully feel happy for them while navigating your own infertility. Maybe you’re just grieving the fact that you’re here at all. Remember, there are no pain olympics here, and no matter what it is that you’re grieving, your pain is valid.

The idea here is to hold space and honor the different types of grief that we are all experiencing, and give ourselves a dedicated time to process the hardships and traumas of the month. This is not a toxic positivity thing: there is no expectation that because you’ve done a ritual that you should now be able to magically move on. This is simply a chance for us to process some feelings, which is an essential part of healing and not something that we get the opportunity to do in a society where most of us don’t even share our struggles with others, share our rituals, and support each other.

I did some research on grief rituals, and here’s a list of options that fit within our context. This is just a starting point - feel free to create your own or modify these as you see fit. You are welcome to share a photo and/or describe your ritual and what it is you’re grieving at this moment.

• Light a special candle used only for your ritual purposes
• Burn incense or sandalwood (Sage is endangered, making it scarce for the Indigenous people who use it for religious and cultural purposes, so I’m leaving it off this list - obviously if you’re someone who uses it in religious/cultural ways this doesn’t apply to you).
• Write down the thing(s) you are grieving and want to let go of and then burn the piece of paper
• Create a work of art
• Plant a tree or flowers, or buy yourself flowers or a plant
• Take a walk in nature and reflect on the cyclical nature of the seasons and how spring always follows winter. We are in our own personal winters, but nature reminds us that no matter how cold, dark, and sad, spring always follows eventually.
• Read or say aloud an inspirational verse, poem, or prayer
• Play or sing a specific song
• Ring a chime or a bell

These ones apply more to feelings of loss to me, but might be a good option for those who have gone through a miscarriage or feel some other form of loss, such as a failed transfer (loss of the embryo):

• Make a donation to a charity that reminds you of the lost loved one (a friend of mine who had a stillbirth organizes walks for March of Babies (part of March of Dimes) in honor of the son she lost).
• Carrying something special that reminds you of your loved one that you can take out and hold when you feel the need, such as a “worry stone.”
• Create a “place” memory - a certain spot outdoors that you designate for being connected to the lost child that you can visit when you want to remember and feel close to them, such as a certain tree, spot in your yard, or bench in a park.

Over the next few days, up until the last day of the month, this space will be for sharing what you’re grieving and the ritual you did to honor and process your grief. Feel free to link to a photo of your ritual. You’re also welcome to simply write about what you’re grieving without doing a separate ritual - the writing is the ritual in that case.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Hi all, my husband and I are 27 and have been ttc for 2 years now. We have DEEP dived into our fertility, done all the tests, and I even had surgery to check for endo (they found one small endo spot) last May. It is a true case of unexplained infertility as the endo was incredibly minimum and my husband’s test have come back normal. The only thing we’ve ever found come back abnormal was my positive receptiva test which is what prompted us to get a laparoscopy for myself and my husband’s low morphology. At first, his morphology was 0% but more recently it’s at 2%. Can this truly be the cause of our infertility? All other parameters look fine and our RE doesn’t think it’s the cause (although we haven’t spoken to him since I got all my testing done). I have 28 day cycles, ovulate on day 14, high progesterone, grow mature eggs, etc. I just don’t see how anything could be wrong when I’ve tested everything, however I also don’t see how it could anything be wrong with my husband when he has normal sperm parameters minus morphology. Is morphology the culprit?

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

Welcome to the monthly secondary infertility thread. This is a free space to discuss issues relating to secondary infertility without pesky content warnings.

As always you may discuss things anywhere in the sub, but outside of here you must use a content warning.

Women with primary infertility are welcome to comment or ask questions here.

The same rules apply here as they do outside this thread (except the content warning) and any type of insulting or negative comments will not be tolerated.

Those with secondary fertility are always welcome in this sub, and this weekly post will still be here, but if you want a full sub dedicated to secondary infertility there's the wonderful place of /r/SecondaryInfertility you can also participate in.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

I made a post earlier this week about some strange ovulation test results I don't know how to link them together I'm new to the whole Reddit thing but some comments said to see if I was pregnant all my test are negative my normal cycle length is 28 to 29 days and im on cycle day 35 this never happens and we'll I'm just confused I have all the symptoms nausea vomiting bloating I'm really frustrated this whole week I thought I was pregnant and just too early to tell I feel like I'm going crazy and I made up all the symptoms I have

Tell us what you’re doing to take care of yourself this weekend! Are you cooking or eating something good? Watching a fun movie or tv show? Going out? Staying in? We want to hear about it!

Normal subreddit rules apply.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread