My spouse and I had originally planned to start TTC next month, but that plan got pushed back by 18 months since I decided I wanted to go to grad school. Initially we were both fine with that, but he just revealed to me that he's having huge doubts about whether he ever wants to be a parent at all. He has no timeline of when he will make a decision and feels like he needs to "figure out who he is as a person first". Which is frustrating because we've had this plan 5 years and this is the first time he's ever expressed any doubt.

Obviously we really love each other and I would like to give him the time he needs in the hopes things will get better, but another part of me is saying I need to move on and find someone new ASAP or I'll run out of time. Im about to turn 30, so by the time I meet someone new and build enough trust with them I'd probably be 35 as an absolute best case scenario. I already feel like things are happening so much later than I wanted and it just seems like a huge risk.

Honestly, I feel devastated that I might soon have to pick between the love of my life and ever being a parent. We've been together 8 years and this is the person I knew I wanted to be a parent with. The thought of mourning this relationship, finding someone new who I'm compatible with and that wants to have kids is extremely overwhelming and depressing. If the biological clock weren't a factor I'd be willing to endure years of uncertainty if it meant saving my marriage, but if I miss my window to be a parent I think I'd resent my partner for the rent of our lives.

If anyone has any advice or consolation I'd be happy to hear it, thank you all!

My ex fiance and I have a son together. This breakup is fairly fresh only a couple months. With our son I love my pregnancy and I love being a mom even more. Prior to us splitting we both shared we wanted another kid. Me espeically, and I had assumed that by now we’d be married so unforseeing all the things involved around us splitting. Well lately we’ve been on and off talking about reconciliation and having our family back together. But every time he’s around the need for a baby Intensifies. Mind you we don’t live in the same state anymore. We’re great co parents. We talk everyday. The chemistry is still very much there He still asks me if I would want to have kids with him. But I just know in a relationship setting we both have growing to do and every time I’m around him I’m ready pounce and just do the do!

Please discuss whatever you would like here! Please be mindful of the rules, particularly any TTC/NTNP announcements. Those go in the weekly thread. As does anything within one month of your start date. Thanks!

In the grand scheme, I acknowledge this doesn't really matter but we're going to start trying in the new year. If I were to get pregnant the very first try, there would be a high possibility of me flying (domestic, 2hr flight) at 34 weeks. The logical part of me says just wait another month to start trying. The emotional part of me is tired of waiting. The illogical side also just wants "the clock to start" as there is a low likelihood of getting pregnant straight out the gate.

I'm sure I'll just push it, but venting/asking others opinions anyways. Thanks!

I am looking for resources (books, podcasts, websites, influencers, etc) that are from a reproductive justice perspective or social justice perspective. I am imagining resources that discuss planning pregnancy by considering your whole health, using a holistic approach to healthcare, recognizing the disparities in maternal health outcomes for marginalized communities, and/or discussing healthcare outside the traditional medical system (ex: relying on doulas in addition to ob/gyns during pregnancy).

Anything you may have will be helpful:)

For context: Reproductive justice is the framework that says everyone has the right bodily autonomy, to raise a child, not raise a child, and raise the children they have in safe and sustainable communities.

My boyfriend (33m) and I (24f) have decided to ntnp in February and officially try in May! This thanksgiving I went to visit family up north. One of my youngest cousins had a baby girl in April and brought her up for Thanksgiving to meet everyone. Y'all. When I say she's literally the cutest baby with the biggest and sweetest cheeks. That's gonna be us in two years, loving on our own sweet baby 🥹. I can't wait !! I didn’t even get to hold her bc people were hogging her a lil (but she's so cute so I get it). What are you looking forward to with your future little one?

Hi all,

I’m 28(F) and my husband is 32(M) and he is extremely enthusiastic about having a baby. If it were up to him we’d be parents right now, but I’ve been hesitant for such a big life change. For context, I’m an only child and my mom passed away when I was 21. My family is very small and I barely see the family that I have nowadays.

I’m opening up to the idea of starting to try in January just to give me a couple more months to wrap my head around becoming a mom. I’m finishing my BS and work full time - I plan to continue both and be a mom just to get my degree.

More than anything, I think I’m just terrified of all of the change. I’m scared of pregnancy (the body changes/medical side of it and the mental/hormonal changes also) and all of the changes that come with becoming a mom - what our life will look like, what my career will look like, finances, etc. I know that once I get pregnant and have a baby I will be absolutely ecstatic, I even get emotional thinking about it. But I’m having trouble getting over this hump of fear. I’m generally insecure and worry about my looks so that’s another aspect of it, the unknown of what my new body will look like makes me extremely anxious.

If you’re still here, do you have any insight or words of wisdom to calm my mind? I would like to be happy about this as most women who are trying are but I am just so worried about all of the variables. Thanks in advance! 🫶🏻

Please discuss whatever you would like here! Please be mindful of the rules, particularly any TTC/NTNP announcements. Those go in the weekly thread. As does anything within one month of your start date. Thanks!

Please discuss whatever you would like here! Please be mindful of the rules, particularly any TTC/NTNP announcements. Those go in the weekly thread. As does anything within one month of your start date. Thanks!

Hi everyone! I'm a 31F in the UK. I have been with the combined pill for two years and I still don't have a date to start TTC, but I would like to know your opinions from whoever was on this type of birth control.

I'm getting married next year and tbh, quite scared that I still don't know when I will be trying as I'll be 32 in may and our ceremony will be when I'll be nearly 33... I've read that for some it takes a year for the body to go back to normal... I am scared it takes me more than that and I won't be pregnant by 35.

I also have some issues with my cervix and it scares me that I will have to go through more procedures and probably not able to get pregnant in the future.

Thank you for reading my worries 😓

Has anyone had success with regulating their cycles by increasing their BMI? My cycles are around 50 days long and my doctors initially thought I had PCOS, but I have zero other symptoms besides a slightlyyy high AMH (4.19). I’ve naturally thin and have a BMI of about 18.5, which is the very low end of normal. I’ve heard of women regulating their cycles by gaining weight, but it always seems to be women who worked out a lot or had restrictive eating habits, neither of which is my situation. I want to regulate my cycles before trying to conceive but I’ve been off the pill for over a year now and still haven’t had any luck.

Okay, so I feel this probably isn’t that rare, but this whole WTT before TTC process is so secretive/personal etc I just don’t know who to turn to!

I’ve always had a phobia of hospitals and anything medical, and while I do do what is necessary (I.e. I do get the tests when they’re called for, or get the tooth filling if it’s needed etc) I really hate it and it’s a massive source of anxiety/related to trauma and things.

We are due to start ttc this cycle, but I’m stuck in waiting mode cause no matter how excited I am to start a family, I’m terrified of not being able to cope with the appointments, the what ifs - what if I lose baby or there are complications or we can’t have them and need medical intervention - just generally overwhelmed with taking that step and then there’s the time pressure of ovulation, and I want to enjoy the whole process with my partner, but basically am just struggling to unprotected BD for the first time! (I’m sure as lots of people have noted on other threads, there’s some complication with the whole mindset shifts from pregnancy = bad to something I want too but it’s so hard!)

Whenever I think about that whole process starting I get shaky and nervous, although there’s lots of pregnancy I’m looking forward to if we are lucky enough to conceive, and I know realistically I do do whatever is needed despite the anxiety, but still taking that leap and making that decision and CHOICE for myself to go through it is hard! Almost wish it would happen by accident haha but equally know that stress wouldn’t be great either.

But also know childbirth can be an amazing thing for lots of us, and I want that to be the case with me - just emergency c section is my absolute worst nightmare too!

Ahhhhhhhh

Tldr; Basically, anyone who is also afraid of giving birth - what’s your experience? Am I considered ‘ready to try’ if I’m still terrified of actual birth?

Do any women out there also stress out about work after motherhood? I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom and honestly am not super passionate about my job, but it doesn’t seem possible or like it’s a smart choice.

I don’t want to stop working and then mess up my career and ability to make money in the future. But also working a corporate job when someone else raises my kids (we want multiple) feels weird too. Especially since my current job is in the tech field and doesn’t feel stable with so many layoffs. So, I was thinking I’d keep working from home and have kids and see how it goes, but now I’m worried I’ll be pregnant or a new mom and will get laid off and either not be able to find anything, find another unstable job in the tech field, or have to go back to school.

And then that brings me to think about how going back to school would be so much harder with kids than pre-kids and maybe I should do it now. I definitely don’t have set career goals right now or a “dream job” in mind, which is why I’ve held off with more school. I have a bachelors, but have thought about going to become a nurse and holding off having kids for a few more years. But then I think about having to work overnights, weekends, and holidays (all while maybe a lot less $ than I make now). BUT, at least I’d have a stable job that brought me more purpose than my boring current job.

I’ve considered keeping my current job until I get laid off and then stopping working. But then I worry about resume gaps and not being able to support myself/my family if something unexpected were to happen. Or the lifestyle (not that I need a fancy one) needed to live off 1 income w multiple kids indefinitely.

My husband has a stable job and is super supportive either way. This stuff just floats around in my head and stresses me out. I don’t want to make the “wrong” decision, but it’s hard to know if there’s even a right one. Sigh. Any insight or advice would be appreciated!

Myself and my husband are thinking of trying for a baby in December/January but I’m so worried, scared and anxious. I’d love nothing more than to have a family and genuinely think about how a child/baby would fit into our lives all the time whether it’s on holiday or how logically it’d work walking our dog. I don’t think it’s helped that I mentioned it to my closest friends and one of them ended up falling out with me because I’m trying around her wedding and she doesn’t want it to affect her experience and why can’t we just wait so now that also puts doubt in our minds.

We’ve been together 12 years, married for 2.5 years, got good jobs, a lovely home and are financially secure. We go on multiple holidays a year and managed to tick off quite a few bucket list trips since the wedding.

I was an only child till I was 11 and then had 4 siblings by the time I was 18 and I helped raise and babysit 2 of those regularly, after school and overnight of a weekend and vowed they’d put me off having kids forever. Deep down I knew I always wanted to be a mom, I’m a very maternal person.

We’re both very responsible people and we’re not very good at making decisions so when we finally decided at the start of the year that wed start at the end, I’m now worrying it’s not the right decision? You hear so many people tell you its miserable and will change your life forever and I’m not naive and thinking nothing will change but I’m worried it’s going to change our relationship or what about if I don’t make any mom friends and end up being home on my own all day? What about if it doesn’t happen for us and we can’t have children?

I feel like all you see when people are getting pregnant are those that have really wanted this for ages and ages, I guess I just didn’t grow up desperately wanting to be a mom and now I’m struggling to see myself buying baby clothes etc?

Did anybody else have all these feelings? I’m also scared of needles and being sick and feel that’s not helping lol.

Has anyone been pregnant in a masters program? I will say, it is not a super hard program and I left myself 3 electives (instead of core classes) to make it easier.

I will finish in May 2025. It is the only thing we are waiting on to start trying. Everything else is great. We are trying to decide if we should start trying now because we are getting so impatient & want to leave room for any fertility issues.

We are thinking if it’ll take us months, we should start now instead of waiting until I’m done. However, this means if I get pregnant super quick (the first time), I’ll be working full time and in a masters program until May. Which may be like up to 25 weeks pregnant.

BUT if it takes months - I’d be less far along and when I graduate, it might be the perfect time to tell everyone. It’s also an excuse to keep me occupied (not stressing about baby all day).

Decisions decisions

Just starting! Totally clueless but want to give it all! Appreciate tips!

My (25F) husband (25M) and I decided to start TTC our first baby in June/July, 2025. We just got married this past August and have been together for 7.5 years. We have stable jobs, a house, savings, etc. My heart has been truly aching to start a family. However, my best friend in the world who has been in my life for 20 years and who I asked to be our officiant (she did become officiated for our wedding and married us in the most beautiful wedding ceremony) is planning on getting married in Europe in 2026 (we live in the US). I’m debating if we should delay TTC until 2026 so that I’ll be able to be there for her. She is very understanding and would not be upset if we did end up having a baby in 2026 and couldn’t make it to her wedding, but I just feel so conflicted. On one hand it would be torture to wait that long to TTC, but on the other hand I feel horrible I might not be able to make it to my best friend’s wedding who did SO much for mine. However, she told me that her wedding plans are not set in stone, and that she might end up changing her mind and having a smaller wedding or elopement in the US. If she ended up changing her plans and we waited for no reason, I know I’d be upset with myself.

Please discuss whatever you would like here! Please be mindful of the rules, particularly any TTC/NTNP announcements. Those go in the weekly thread. As does anything within one month of your start date. Thanks!

26F and I found out my cousin is pregnant through a Facebook group. This one stirred up some feelings since she’s only 6 weeks older than me so we’re at the same point in life. We are not on good terms due to family issues and I have not spoken to her in years.

Since we’re the same age it’s making me feel annoyed, jealous, and kind of feel like I’m missing out. I have been thinking about having a baby recently. Are these feelings a sign I should TTC? Or am I being a jerk?

EDIT: Thanks everyone for the advice. Talked to my fiancé (which was a bit nerve wrecking) and we have a TTC date for June 2025. Super nervous yet excited

I was about to post this in a trying for baby subreddit and was glad to have found this subreddit instead. I just kind of want to vent and see if other people are in a similar boat and have any words of wisdom or just simply understand.

I recently started a very prestigious masters program that is 2 years long. It took me three tries to get into this program over the course of 4 years. Between my 2nd and 3rd attempts at applying my husband and I decided to try for a baby and decided "whichever comes first" would be our answer to our next step in life, which honestly I was fine with knowing it was not a guarantee that I would get into this program. We unfortunately were met with some infertility issues and after some tests and a referral to our fertility clinic I was diagnosed with a pituitary adenoma. I got on medication and then we were thrilled to have gotten pregnant after achieving a baseline normal again. However the pregnancy literally lasted only a day, and my doc confirmed it was a chemical pregnancy after I shared my symptoms and repeat pregnancy test showed no more line. This day was quite literally the worst day of my life and I sincerely hope this never happens to anyone.

Fast forward a few months and I actually ended up getting into the program I had tried so long to get into, but now this means that we have to put a hold on trying for a baby because it would be impossible for me to complete the program with a newborn. I feel guilty for wishing I had stayed pregnant and not being thankful that I am in this program (which I am extremely privileged to be in). At the same time I still feel so sad over the loss we experienced almost a year ago now. I'm also struggling with feeling like everyone around me is moving forward with their lives while I moved backwards to being a student once again. It was like whiplash to be trying for a year and getting our hopes up for a baby and then to have to quit trying immediately after our loss. The waiting for 2 years feels like agony and I cry about it on a regular basis. I also just feel so alone in this experience, to have been so close and now so far, and just waiting waiting waiting.

Can anyone offer any words of encouragement, advice, or hope?

Please discuss whatever you would like here! Please be mindful of the rules, particularly any TTC/NTNP announcements. Those go in the weekly thread. As does anything within one month of your start date. Thanks!

Hi, everyone,

I’m currently in my last year of law school, and things have gotten a little complicated recently. I had my hormonal IUD removed on November 6 after having it for five years, and I immediately started trying to conceive. Two weeks later, my professor, who I TA for, shared some huge news: she’s planning to retire and wants me to take over teaching her class. Not only that, but she’s also offered to help me land a really great job at a firm in the same field I’d be teaching. This is an incredible career opportunity, but it’s adding a lot of uncertainty to my life right now.

Originally, I had planned to take a year off after law school to be a stay-at-home mom if I got pregnant. It seemed like the perfect timing for me to step back and focus on family before diving into my career. However, now with this unexpected job offer, everything feels up in the air. I’m excited about the potential for my dream job, but at the same time, I feel torn because if I were pregnant, I wouldn’t consider terminating. The timing feels overwhelming, especially with my looming graduation and everything that comes after it.

As of now, it’s been three and a half weeks since I had the IUD removed, and I haven’t gotten my period yet. I’ve been testing negative on pregnancy tests, but I’m wondering if the hormonal IUD is still affecting my cycle. I’m unsure when I should expect to get a positive test if I am pregnant. I’ve been trying to stay patient, but the waiting makes it hard to focus on anything else, especially the exams I am trying to study for.

I’m really struggling with balancing family planning and this exciting career opportunity. Has anyone else been in a situation where family planning and career opportunities collided? If you’ve had a hormonal IUD for several years, how long did it take for your cycle to regulate after removal? When did you get a positive test, and how did you navigate the uncertainty of the situation?

I’d really appreciate any advice or shared experiences. Thanks so much for letting me share what’s on my mind.

My husband and I’s timeline is super in the air since he quit his job and now with more and more babies coming out of the wood work in our life I’m just sad. I’m just so sad. I’ve been working my ass off for more than a year to get ready and with one decision the light at the end of the tunnel is gone again.

Telling him how sad I am just makes him feel worse, and our earliest possible try date is still more than a year away but… that deadline was so solid. We were both getting excited and ready.

I’m just bummed. Can’t really talk to anyone about it because I don’t want solutions or platitudes from people who don’t get it.

Oh well. Here’s to hoping things turn around.

Hey everyone me and my husband just got married in October. We are both 25 and eager to start our family. We know we are young and have plenty of time but we would love to be young parents. We were planning on trying after the new year when our house is complete. However, a recent family member health issue has made us rethink our timeline. My grandma has been diagnosed with cancer very suddenly and is undergoing a major surgery next week. She lives in Europe and while me and my husband are not going, I still feel like this is a super stressful time for my family. Especially since we don’t know if she will survive the surgery. My dad is going to Europe to be with her as she hopefully recovers after the surgery. Me thinking rationally I feel like we should wait. The other part of me wants to try as scheduled. I don’t know how things will look like with my grandma and I feel selfish even making this post. I know we should probably wait until things are sorted and calmer for my family. Plus if it does happen right away I would like for my dad to be in the states when I announce my pregnancy if it does happen right away. I guess I’m just looking for some advice. Anyone go through anything similar?

Not sure if this the right subreddit but I just got my AMH tested and it’s come back as 10.4 pmol/l (1.46 ng). I know this is below average for my age and am wondering what to do/how much to fret. I knew it’d probably be lower given I have smoked a lot in my 20s, and currently undergoing investigation for endometriosis, but still feeling quite bummed out about it.

Should I, now things haven’t dwindled too dramatically, consider egg freezing? I’m really questioning the cost benefit of it (e.g its actual success rates). I’m also just feeling quite stressed as I’m nowhere near ready to have a baby (at least 2-3 years away and not even in a relationship right now, so worried about how fast my egg reserve might decrease). I want to have children but not right now. Feeling really overwhelmed. Should I test other hormones?

Not sure if this the right subreddit but I just got my AMH tested and it’s come back as 10.4 pmol/l. I know this is below average for my age and am wondering what to do/how much to fret. I knew it’d probably be lower given I have smoked a lot in my 20s, and currently undergoing investigation for endometriosis, but still feeling quite bummed out about it.

Should I, now things haven’t dwindled too dramatically, consider egg freezing? I’m really questioning the cost benefit of it (e.g its actual success rates). I’m also just feeling quite stressed as I’m nowhere near ready to have a baby (at least 2-3 years away and not even in a relationship right now, so worried about how fast my egg reserve might decrease). I want to have children but not right now. Feeling really overwhelmed. Should I test other hormones?

Congratulations on your graduation! Please share all graduation related chat here. Please also discuss any TTC you'd like with your fellow alumni!

Please discuss whatever you would like here! Please be mindful of the rules, particularly any TTC/NTNP announcements. Those go in the weekly thread. As does anything within one month of your start date. Thanks!

Well, my baby fever is back. I thought it was gone and it stayed gone for about three months but now it’s back in full swing! I’m not sure how to ease it. I’ve done the Pinterest boards, the baby registry and even reading the parenting book. I do have a stepson who is four years old and I love every second I get to spend with him, but he’s not with us all of the time and I feel like every time he leaves I get really bummed out Because me and his dad absolutely love spending time with him and being parents. We definitely have intentions to expand our family in the next couple of years, but we are just not quite there yet and on one hand, I can fully accept that and I want to be debt-free and my boyfriend needs to finish school which were both working very hard at. But on the other hand I hate that my baby fever sometimes leaves me in tears. I want a baby so bad and I’m so happy for my friends who are having babies, and I even get excited when I make a new Mom friends who has a kiddo the same age as my stepson. When he’s not around, I find myself checking and doublechecking his closet to make sure everything still fits him organizing the toy bin? saving ideas for when he comes for the weekend, and making sure that his toothpaste and other basic essentials are stocked! Full disclosure my boyfriend knows that this is not my job, but he steps aside and lets me do it because it really makes me happy to do all these things for him. I guess I’m wondering if anybody has some advice that might help the baby fever a little bit because I go out with friends I work a ton and I spend time with my family and my boyfriend and his family but in all the in between times, I wish I had, something to mother, but also, unfortunately, I am not in the position to have a pet at the moment, I’m not sure if this is all just hormonal and some thing I just have to be patient with and process or if there’s something I can actually do to ease some of these symptoms.

I’m having one of those days. I absolutely know it’s the wrong time for me to have a child but, every time someone, who I believe, SHOULDN’T have a child, (based on my own cognitive distortions, perceptions, and biases) I get so angry with myself. The thought that goes through my head is, “that should be me.” It’s a horrible thought to have and I judge myself for even thinking it. Then I remind myself that humans have horrible thoughts sometimes and I don’t have to do anything with that thought other than notice the experience.

WTC accomplishments, plans, and goals

Accomplishment: My partner and I are still working on our personal anchor points. We’ve paid off all consumer debt and have about 6 months of living expenses saved up.

Plan: We have plans to go on vacation with my parents, to Mexico next July.

Goal: finish renovating the kitchen (just bought the new hinges and fixtures)

What’s a “horrible” thought you’ve had recently? What are your waiting to conceive accomplishments, goals, and plans?