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916,015 Subscribers


Weighing a 2nd move and quality of life

3 years ago my family (awesome wife, 2 awesome kids who are now 8 & 6) moved 3,000 miles from one coast to the other. Things have been amazing, the jobs we settled into are paying us well above our cost of living, kids are thriving, work life balance is comfortably in the life side. We’d like to buy a house but the market is real ugly here, and it’s still probably 2 years away from being realistic without being house poor. Then my wife stumbled on a job opportunity in her company that fits my particular set of skill better than Liam Neeson character hunting down kidnappers in Taken. She sent it to me, and we’re the kind of people that, when you present us with something, we take it seriously. So I did, I looked into it, and it’s a pretty good job and life altering money. I want to be clear, we are more than comfortable, combined we make close to double the median income in our area. This salary range would be equal to our combined incomes. But it’s another move and we don’t know if we want the kids to have to start over again. I know they’re young and resilient, but I’m not sure it’s fair to ask them to start over again. I don’t even want to accept an interview because I’m not sure I can go down that road without fully committing to a move.

So what do you do? How much damage are we doing to our kids if we ask them to up-root a 2nd time in 3 years? Is the potential for long term financial stability, home yard, etc worth the guilt I’m going to feel telling our youngest that we’re moving away from his best friend?

21:43 UTC


Dad is more fun than friends.

My 16 year old son got his driver’s license a few weeks ago. Last night he asked to go watch the Cowboys / Eagles game with his band friends at a restaurant (my son and I both being big Cowboys fans). I said ok, be home by ten. 9:15 rolls around (at halftime) and he comes in. I asked why he is home so early, he said it is more fun to watch the game with me.

21:41 UTC


Struggling with mental health -d don't want to go back

Throwaway account, repost because throwaway account wasn't old enough the first time. Also corrected loads of typos.

Currently away from wife and two kids to finish PhD. When with them, I'm in different country with no support network and can't afford therapy. Been struggling with mental health to the point where I'm struggling with household chores. Suspect undiagnosed ADHD but according to wife I'm just not motivated. Barely got anything done for PhD but managed to get draft done now that I've been away. Had massive arguments with wife over phone, basically gone off on me because she's very understandably struggling with kids by herself, but she's acting like my mental health is just me not being motivated enough. In fact, most people who are struggling are just not motivated, except her, of course. She always has to have it worse when I tell about my struggles, instead of supporting each other.

Been having suicidal ideations for a while and had panic attack during one argument on phone snd had to call samaritans. Afterwards she accused me of being emotionally manipulative and threatening suicide when I in fact want to live.

Have to go back to them tomorrow and panicking. No friends in other country, no social contacts, no support, can't afford therapy.

Suicidal thoughts got better after PhD draft finished, but now bsck snd I'm scared shitless.

Can't stqy here and leave the three of them alone but scared of what will happen when I get back. If i don't, I screw up her whole life, if I do,I screw up mine.

1 Comment
21:21 UTC


daycare or nanny

we're supposed to goto the local daycare that actually has an open slot for us this wednesday and make our deposit. i'm hesitant because it means my immunocompromised wife will be sick nonstop probably and then of course so will the bb. we're still interviewing nannies but dont particularly love any so far and for expensive, we kind of want to feel we're getting our moneys worth with nannies because we're basically sacrificing 1 income for the nanny.

anyone go from day care to nanny or vice versa in the first year and/or have regerts?

21:13 UTC


daycare or nanny

we're supposed to goto the local daycare that actually has an open slot for us this wednesday and make our deposit. i'm hesitant because it means my immunocompromised wife will be sick nonstop probably and then of course so will the bb. we're still interviewing nannies but dont particularly love any so far and for expensive, we kind of want to feel we're getting our moneys worth with nannies because we're basically sacrificing 1 income for the nanny.

anyone go from day care to nanny or vice versa in the first year and/or have regerts?

21:13 UTC


Is it normal to feel overwhelmed with guilt everytime your kid hurts themselves?

This morning my LO was standing and holding onto my leg, I was talking to my SO and he just kinda took off on one of his attempts at walking. Within a second he fell forward and split his lip on the dining table chair. Teeth checked and all good but it looks like the tooth split his lip. I started crying. Feeling absolutely overwhelmed with guilt that I wasn't faster to get to him. Am I being too sensitive? He is 13 months and I feel it's my job to make sure he is perfectly safe and when things like this happen I feel like I'm failing him.

1 Comment
21:11 UTC


[Mom requesting advice] Need husband to take over putting 1 year old to bed, 1 year old is fighting it. Advice?

So I need my husband to start taking over putting our one year old to bed because by the end of the day I’m EXHAUSTED because I’m pregnant. Like, I physically have nothing left. And he’s super on board!

But she just cries and cries when he puts her to bed. With me she just snuggles into my chest and I sit in a chair in the dark in her room holding her, sing her a lullaby and within 15 minutes she’s asleep.

He tries to do the same thing but she just cries and cries. I’ve tried saying goodnight to her, I’ve tried sneaking off to the bedroom to hide while she’s distracted playing with him, nothing is working.

Do any of you have any advice? I keep thinking that he just needs to keep trying and they’ll find a rhythm and routine and she’ll get used to him putting her to bed and accept it. But am I wrong? She does still go down, she just cries for 15min while he puts her to bed and then 15min afterwards :(

Has anyone else gone through this? What worked for you?

20:42 UTC


Dads who wear briefs, any benefit to using an icepack while sitting?

Hey guys, I have bilateral varicoceles. Will do some testing for fertility and hormones later this month. Doctor recommended wearing briefs instead of boxer briefs or boxers. Is there any benefit to sitting with an ice pack for comfort and fertility health?

If so, any brands of briefs and ice packs you recommend?


19:37 UTC


Are all toddler blankets weighted now?

Looking to get a slightly larger and softer blanket for my 2 year old. Currently have a 29x40 microfiber one. Everything that’s slightly larger (36x48) is weighted and has glass beads in it. We have cats which love to scratch shit and the last thing I need is a ripped blanket in the crib with glass beads spilling out where my toddlers face is gonna go.

Wtf happened to just regular blankets?

19:36 UTC


Christmas Is Almost Here - Super Simple Songs

Okay so this had been soundtracking my December thus far and this is a cover, right? I can't find the original but it has to be a cover because it absolutely slaps. There's no way Super Simple Songs just casually dropped an all-time Christmas banger

19:07 UTC


Helpful books or other media

Hello fellow Dad's. Curious to know if anyone has any go to books on moral guidance, ethics, critical thinking or conflict Resolution etc. Or any other media, podcasts, films, TV shows etc. Something that has good bits to pick out and learn to help become a good Dad/person etc. Cheers!

19:04 UTC


A reminder I needed that I hope helps each of you.

Recently, my boy turned 5. When I asked him what he wanted, he told me he wanted me to come eat lunch with him at school. That's it. We have all kinds of gifts for him, but without hesitation, he told me the thing he wanted most was for me to come visit him at school and sit with him for lunch.

They want our time, dads.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go bawl my eyes out because we had a great time at lunch and he didn't stop smiling at me and snuggling up to me even though he was surrounded by his friends.

19:00 UTC


Dads who named their kid a familiar name…

You know how when you’re trying to think of names for your baby and you think “I like the name Arthur but I went to high school with a guy named Arthur and he was a total dick” or “Janice is is a family name but I’ll always think of the annoying woman from Friends” or “I dated someone name Ygritte, so that’s a no-go”?

Dads who named their kid a familiar name, that you personally had a negative connotation with, does it go away? Does your kid change your perception of that name or does it always stick with you when you think of your kid or hear their name? I imagine there’s degrees to this. A one off encounter probably doesn’t stick as much as an ex’s name.

We’ve got baby #3 arriving next June and the name well has dried up. TIA

18:45 UTC


Pro tip for new Dads/Husbands

Don’t forget to stuff your significant other’s stocking! Get your stocking stuffers now. :)

18:26 UTC


New Generation, New Parodies?

I'm sure we've all heard the classic Christmas parodies from Elementary and Middle school. "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" or "Joy to the World, the Teacher's Dead", but my girls came home singing one I've never heard:

Dashing through the snow/On a pair of broken skis

Over the hills I go/Crashing into trees

The Snow is turning red/I think I might be dead

I woke up in the Hospital/With stiches in my head.

Have you guys heard this one yet? Are there other parodies your kids have come home with that weren't there when you were a kid? I've always found "children's street culture" interesting, would love to hear any additions you all may have.

17:43 UTC


Tips for 12 hr road trip with 2 y/o toddler?

Hey fellow dads,

wife requested we go back home for the holidays for the first time in 3 years. Problem is, its too late for plane tickets (too expensive) and our hometown is approx. ~12 hrs away by car. We used to do the road trip at least once or twice a year back before our kiddo but we have obviously never done it since, just flown (since flight is only 1hr 40 mins).

I'm extremely nervous about how our boy would do if we go through with this road trip as many other toddler parents will know how life is at this point... our boy is actually on the tamer side when compared to our other friends' toddlers and so far the magic of TV/videos works like a charm to keep him quiet, satisfied and entertained - BUT don't want to rely on it (also not sure it will work) for THAT long a road trip. I know every baby/toddler is different but for more relevant info,

- We JUST came back from our first weekend road trip in a while, and boy did great! However, it was only 2.5 hours and he was listening to his favorite show (Trash Truck) almost the whole time, with mom in the back seat with him.
- Boy completely stopped napping in the car after we switched him from his Nuna car seat with the cover into his big boy revolving seat without any sort of cover - so its safe to expect he'll likely WONT nap during the day... but maybe near the end of the trip. He's only ever napped in his new seat for 30 mins ONE time we went to the nearby beach for a 1hr 40 min mini trip - on the way back home at night.
- Boy still naps once a day around 12-1pm around 2hrs, but is able to go a day without a nap when necessary - i.e. for flights, travel, big event

I know there's probably TONS of y'all that have done as long or longer road trips with toddlers and even younger babies of all ages, so wanted to reach to the dads in here to ask y'all for tips and please share you experiences as well. ANY sort of info and tips are appreciated! and yes - NOT doing the trip is also a valid suggestion.

17:32 UTC


[Advice Request] 3yo girl developing intense social anxiety.

Hi All!

first of all, i love this sub and find these discussions incredibly useful

I have 2 daughters (3,1) and love being a dad. my 3 year old has been progressing super fast socially as well with language and motor skills. she is loved by her teachers, is super social, talkative and curios. over the last month or so she has been exhibiting some concerning behavior. she withdraws and or freezes up in social situations. wont talk, stiff movements, mouth open, tongue slightly out and in some extreme situations even drooling. we noticed it first in a large crowd at a christmas tree lighting last month. and since then its happened more frequently; at a farmers market and even at smallish family gatherings when meeting family members she doesnt know very well. she recently showed this behavior at school, it alarmed her teacher enough for her to notify us as its is a polar opposite of her normal overly confident attitude at school. we've been trying to take steps to correct the behavior, such as preparing her prior to one of these situations which seems to help a bit. and after some amount of time in these situations she will eventually snap out of it. afterwards she tells me she was being shy and can freely discuss the event.

has anyone here experienced this? could it be a phase? any advice on how to approach medically? (i am not interested in medication)

Thank you in advance!!

17:09 UTC


Obligatory proud papa post (PPP?)

Happy Monday, dads!

Just want to say that while I do not know the full inspiration behind his motivation, I do know that I am claiming at least part of it as his dad after the days, weeks, months and for some of the things - years of repetition with my son. I'm hoping if there are other frustrated dads who feel like what you say goes in one ear and out the other... that this story can help give you hope that eventually it does sink in I guess.

So anyway on to my son:

He's 13. Over the weekend he had some kind of revelation and cleaned his room on his own. I mean from top to bottom without asking for help (previously, he would wait until my wife would sort of surface clean it for him or he would whine and pout that he needed help and get her to do the majority of the work. - this was a HUGE source of contention in my relationship with my wife, and a massive frustration in my attempts to teach him responsibility.)

This is a breakdown of what he did:

  • Took care of any/all dirty dishes that were laying around. (This used to be a nightly thing we'd pretty much beg him to do)
  • Not only took BAGS of trash out of the room, but separated his recycling. (WHO IS THIS KID?)
  • Sorted through his stuff and found items he wanted to move down to the basement for storage, also sorted out others he could throw out or donate. Then he did the sorting, moving and organizing of said items accordingly.
  • He cleaned UNDERNEATH HIS BED.
  • Moved/reoriented his bedroom furniture around and decorated his room with what seemed to be organization at the forefront of his purpose.
    • In the process of these items above he must've sorted through 12lbs of lego bricks at the minimum, all mixed in amongst trash and dirt and whatever, cleaned them up and found a better place for them.
    • He sorted out his art supplies too, found mugs/cups to hold his markers/ pencils/ pens etc. in and found a place for those to live.

Listen, all I said this time was he might want to clean a little bit at a time because his uncle and aunt were coming over to visit on Saturday. This was like last Wednesday I mentioned it. He spent almost all of his time after school Thursday, Friday and a big chunk of the day on Saturday doing the rest.

I really only expected him to do the recycling bottles because previously his room was like no place to walk, all empty water bottles and lego bricks as far as the eye could see.

Then the kid racks up the BONUS POINTS: He's got straight A's in all of his classes for this trimester - and previously due to his dyslexia and some learning issues school had been a huge struggle for him so he'd generally be more of a B/C student... but no noooo not this kid - this kid is a freaking rockstar and I could not be more proud of him.

The cherry on top is now my wife and I take turns being like "Did you see his room lately?"

This morning my wife pops her head in the office and asked that, when I said no she was like "HE MADE HIS OWN BED THIS MORNING!"

I'll be honest half the time she and I don't even do that. This kid has been phenomenal lately. Counting the blessings and just super proud that he seems to finally "get it".

17:02 UTC



Lurking a teachers' reddit, I'm noticing a trend of complaints of students who don't know the basics, one of the biggest problems likely being a shift away from rote memorization to more analytical thinking - eschewing phonics and times tables. Has anyone experienced it and how do you approach this, and how do you teach your kids to use AI when it comes to their studies?

16:36 UTC


Dad of a newborn 60 days old, trying to learn to love her

Hi guys, I hope I don’t sound cruel, I got a 60 day old baby with my wife and I just have trouble loving my baby. She screams a ton she fusses a ton and I get worried with my anger I would harm her so I always make sure to hand her off. Obviously I have anger issues that need to be dealt with but how do I love my child? I get anxiety handling her and handle her maybe 30 min a day to try and help. Thank you (I’m 27 btw)

16:33 UTC


I saw posts asking what we got our wives for Christmas, but what did you ask for Christmas?

I already got my wife her gift and he immediately asked, “What would you like?”

I honestly to god don’t know. I got my fancy gift for my birthday not too long ago. I was thinking a pair of nice binoculars?

Give me ideas fellow dads. What cool stuff is out there that I’m totally unaware of but should have?

16:30 UTC


Taking in my little siblings

Hi daddit, I didn't think I'd be asking you all for advice so soon, but life works in mysterious ways. My(28M) wife (30F) and I may soon be taking in and raising my half siblings (10M & 8F), as their parents are getting divorced, and neither of them seems capable or interested in giving them the care they need. They haven't been good parents to them thusfar, and we will surely have challenges helping them overcome the bad lessons they've learned.

They're great kids, I love spending time with them, and I'm excited about the possibilities of them being a bigger part of our family, but this would be a challenge I'm currently unprepared for. I've always known I'd be a dad someday, and am much looking forward to it, but I'd always anticipated at least nine months to prepare, and then a few years where they're a blank slate, which I won't be getting. Any advice would be appreciated, I'm looking for books to read, mistakes to avoid, things to remember.

1 Comment
16:22 UTC


Toddler (2yo) getting carsick?

Our kid pukes in the car about once or twice every month or two. Probably has happened 10-15 times over the last year. It's normally one gag, and a relatively small amount (enough to cover the top half of her shirt), and then she is fine immediately after (literally). There has been one exception - one day she gagged 2-3 times and was completely covered. This was the only time my wife and I also got sick. So, I assume on most occasions it is/was car/motion sickness, not a stomach bug.

We also just switched daycares to one nearby my wife's office. It's 25% of the cost, but means a 30min commute each way.

Anyways, does anyone else have toddlers who get car sick? How did you confirm the diagnosis? Any recommendations for treatment?

15:48 UTC


Daughter was born 2 weeks ago and my almost 3 year old son is acting out.

I guess in just wondering if anyone else here has gone through this. Aside from not being the best sleeper, my son's behavior has been pretty great up until my daughter was recently born.

He is very verbal and what not and has not expressed a single negative thing towards the baby. He even is sweet towards her and likes to kiss her, give her a binky etc. Yet since she was born all of a sudden he's screaming and throwing tantrums for no reason like multiple times a day. He will literally growl and scream randomly. Also is being mean and swinging at my 2 dogs now which I'm having a hard time being patient with.

I'm also taking 3 months off work and home everyday which he's not used to but we are close and have a great relationship. He went from being the sweetest quietest kid In the morning, to a early morning terrorist from the second he gets up.

I'm trying to just chalk this up as he's acting out on a new baby sibling but like I said he hasn't voiced any thing negative about her. Has anyone been through something similar? Did it pass? I'm getting real down about it and my wife is no where near as patient and optimistic as me which is making it harder (tho ik she's dealing with post partum hormones)

Any feedback is appreciated

15:28 UTC


Daycare director asked us to make sure 4 year old eyes are clear before coming back to school.

My 4 yr old has pink eye. We noticed first, took her to Dr who said it was viral and gave us a note to go back to school next day. (Monday)

On Tuesday school calls me to pick her up because she has goopy eyes and "isn't feeling well". They also told me other kind ds had it. I pick her up, no goop, eye was barely red and she spent the rest of day playing happy as could be. We sent her back for rest of the week.

Fast forward to today (Monday) about 10 minutes before we drop her off the director sends us a passive aggressive message saying my kids pink eye was super contagious and 4 other kids have it and to make sure her eyes are clear before bringing her back.

IDK what they want, my kid's eyes haven't even looked pink since Wednesday and never had any goop. Plus our Dr said we could return to school. Am I supposed to keep my kid home for 2 weeks for something she doesn't even notice?

Edit: In case it wasnt clear, my kid never had any goop. School said she did, but when I looked at her eyes I didnt see anything, when dr looked at her, no goop.

If I had to keep my kids home every time they got a mild but technically contiguous anything...I would become a de facto stay at home dad.

15:16 UTC


My ergobaby seems to be tired of all the baby farts

15:03 UTC


Any advice looking back After splitting with mother of your child?

Does anyone have any friendly advice on splitting up with my old lady with a 3 and 5 year old? She is moving out in January leaving me in a house I can’t afford. Just would like to know some stuff you wish you would’ve done or stuff you wish you didn’t do. Appreciate it Reddit!

1 Comment
14:42 UTC


Dads who have had Vasectomies, what’s the recovery time like?

Getting snipped soon, wondering what the time is for recovery.

14:15 UTC

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