I’ve been depressed and have struggled with sh for a while. At the beginning, I told some people including my parents and some friends. I felt really lucky for the support, but as time went on, it just started making things feel worse. I don’t think I can ever trust my dad again, it’s been over a year and he thinks I’m doing better. He owns a tech company, literally had a security camera in my room and has a keyboard installed on my phone that can see what I type. (Just turned it off, he’s sure to text me about that soon.) etc. and only ever talks about how bad me being depressed makes him feel. I got similar reactions from everyone else, even therapists, and most of my friends, except for one. He was always really calm about everything and actually listened to me. When we went into highschool (I’m a sophomore now, but we were freshman then) he like cut his hair (very k-pop esuque) got really into working out, wanted to be cool etc, and our friendship kinda suffered, along with a lot of his other ones. I definitely made mistakes in the friendship, and I was probably way too involved in things. He also started ghosting me a lot, also right when I attempted, which he didn’t know about and wasn’t his fault, but I just felt so alone, and like everyone had abandoned me, and like I didn’t have anything left to live for anymore. I definitely overshared with him during that, and I just really didn’t want him to leave me because I genuinely had no one else to talk to anymore. I think the friendship was probably super draining for him, I was way too negative, so I don’t blame him at all when he said he didn’t want to be friends anymore and stopped talking to me, but I still feel really alone, and I don’t know how to trust anyone anymore. I feel like I’m a problem to everyone, even more so when I’m honest about stuff like that. I really regret ever telling him anything. I don’t expect anyone to help me anymore, I know how to deal with treating pretty much anything I do when I’m being impulsive, and I genuinely feel like I’ve lost the ability to be open. I just still hate myself so much for ever over sharing with him, but I still miss him and feeling like someone was there for me. I just avoid him now, I feel like the best thing I can do is stay out of his life, although he is still in my friend group so that’s awkward at times. He’s also literally always in the wrong place at the wrong time, like ohhh I got blood on my sleeves that sucks my jacket is in my locker I will get it super quickly and he just happens to be walking by at the same moment by my locker. It feels like the universe is punishing us both lol, it’s actually crazy how that has happened so many times in different coincidences, and we both just say nothinggg. Like literally always him. No one else. HES ALWAYS THERE. HOW. WHY. Sorry I’m ranting so much. I kind of feel like I should apologize, but I also feel like the best thing I can do is leave him alone. I remember I used to fall asleep being so grateful at least one person cared about me though, and I feel like if my past self knew everything that happened, she would feel like it would be better to like…be gone, like it’s just not worth it. Was I a terrible friend?

I have self harmed for over 6 years now

I am tired

but I feel unable to express my emotions in a healthier way

so I continue to hurt myself

my current thoughts are "if i hurt myself bad enough to end up in the hospital then i'll be taken seriously"

and so I've been hurting myself more badly recently

the only thing stopping me from hurting myself this seriously is the fear they'll notify my mother

and the facade of doing fine whilst at university

will be ripped way from me

but another part of me thinks "what's the point, they'll see my arms when i go home in the spring and worry anyway, so i might as well go all the way"

i know its not healthy

I know this, i'm just desperate, and exhausted by living.

and i'm sick of this addiction that i can't seem to muster the conviction or motivation to get clean from

and what's the point anyway

no one notices i'm hurting

and no one notices when I'm not

it doesn't matter if i hurt myself or not, it plays out the same.

so what's the point in stopping.

its been ages since i've posted on here.

i think i might have even left the subreddit in a bid to get clean

i'm full of shit. the minute i was granted semi-independence, i took it as a chance to hurt myself more without people finding out

i never wanted to get better

and now I actively want to get worse just to be taken seriously for once in my goddamn life.

i'm not ok. i don't know if i ever will be

but i'm really not at the moment.

I relapsed today, and I promised my partner that I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. What can I do for him to not find out about it?

I have a cut that turned into a bump and I have school tomorrow and I need to hide it there and from my family

does anybody else get dreams about sh ? like almost every night now i get dreams about my parents or friends seeing fresh cuts and ill wake up in the morning panicking because the dream felt so real and last night i dreamt i cut myself all over my right wrist (i never cut my right wrist) and i woke up in the morning super confused wondering where the cuts went this is really messing with my head man

I know there's always a big risk, but I'm just wondering if anyone knows of a safe(ish) place to cut without worrying about arteries and veins.

I need help/advice with something. I recently relapsed, and some of my scars are still visible. I'm worried some of my friends will see them in P.E., science or H.E. or something. In H.E. we have to take off jackets, hoodies/anything with sleeves ect. aswell as bracelets when were cooking/doing a practical. Same with science. Any tips/ways to maybe hide them?

I feel like such a pick me for self harming. Like almost unwillingly i slightly want someone to notice and Ask about it and comfort me. I don’t know what to do about it. My scars aren’t even that deep there’s just a lot of them. Im just so lost. At this point I’m wondering if I’m just doing it for attention

As the title says, I’ve been cutting since I was around 9-10. I’m 21 now. It’s been an off and on battle since, and I started taking recovery seriously when I was 17. Since then there’s been relapses, recovery isn’t linear, but recently I’ve just completely fallen right back to the peak of it. It hasn’t been like this since I was 16… and it’s worse now. Multiple times a day, at work, at home, in my car, it just hits and I don’t care anymore? I’m chasing scars again. And it’s strange because things are the best that they’ve been in awhile in my life right now. I have an incredible support system and people who love me.

I feel like I can only stop when I get the horrible hypertrophic scars I want so badly. It’s like once I start I can’t stop, and I berate myself for being “rusty” and struggling to strike or swipe. I don’t know how to make myself care to stop, and it really feels like I won’t until I reach my goal and then I’ll “be at peace” and will be able to stop in the future. Like I’ll be content, which is such a lie, it’s never enough.

Advice from anyone who reached this point but came back out of it? Feeling lost and drained.

So we're both best friends and have been for years, rn we're both sophomores. However, for our freshman year I went to a diffrent school. I started cutting at the beggining of my freshman year. This year however I came back the school she was at, so now were together. One day we were hanging out and I toof off my jacket. She got all quiet and she asked me about my scras. I told her, obviosuly she was my best friend. And she had never sh'd before this moment so I didnt think it would be triggering. However a month or so later I saw some scars on her wrist. Ik it might not be my fault, but I feel so guilty. I feel like maybe Im the reason she started and I dont know how to help her. Especially since I dont plan on quitting so how could I help her?? Idk guys thanks for reading pls helpp

Made you a playlist ~ hope it helps. 🖤❤️‍🩹

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3osYGcnJ1fdPmv0nuezrDL?si=DWE4FpRTQFeoTcFXkN_CIQ&pi=HrNO22lLTwqu8

I relapsed today, and my cut has been bleeding for about 1 and a half hours, but only a little bit.It’s not really bleeding a lot so what should I do

(It’s a small styro )

So I cut quite a lot last night and it burns so bad when I move if that makes sense it’s just warm warm PAIN and I’m just like :0. So I was wondering if anyone here had any tricks they use to get it to stop😭. If not I get it thank you for your time

26 M

So I'm currently re writing a double masters degree, work 6 days a week from 4am and have just went through a bad breakup during new year. The breakup pushed me over the edge and I cut the top of my arm (mostly superficial cuts, ive never done anything major and have absolutely loathed the two times ive done it). The breakup was sudden with poor reasons for it, I had given everything to this person and was always there through any issues they had and offered full support, the person is an avoidant attached with a lot of trauma and abuse in their past and has worked to overcome their issues. This ruined my mental health, they claimed I needed help and therapy or a psychiatrist to adress issues but later admitted in a letter that none of that was true and instead it was her hyper independence and people influencing her to break up with me with the change in her living situation and work while also worrying about their art career, prior to knowing this I felt like I was the cause, the problem and I felt like I was losing my mind. They expressed a desire to try again, but due to our last conversation they no longer wanted that. The conversation started respectful, but they escalated and became conflicting as I had unblocked them to start it after our last talk and their reluctance for clear communication just made me fed up completely in trying to mend and address their issues which led to the block, I hated that I did that but could no longer cope with the sadness.

During the conversation, I grew more and more frustrated with their lack of understanding about how what they did horribly effected me when I was already extremely stressed. They focussed only on the potentially negative elements of what i was telling them, ignoring my desire to fix things and apologise for blocking them while expressing my care for them. This continued and eventually I snapped and sent the images of my arm to show them and be truthful about what had happened weeks prior to the conversation. The way I worded this could have been far less harsh, I essentially said that what they did caused this and they were responsible which I hated saying... but I had been forced into consulting psychiatrists, therapists and mental health nurses for weeks only to be told that I wasn't crazy and had went through an emotionally traumatising event, which destroyed my mental health under the extreme stress I was already facing. My exes response to these images are what made this worse for me, they said that this was unforgivable, horrible, that I've made this way worse for myself and that I traumatised them with what they went through in the past. They layer said that it wasn't triggering to them but rather because it was me and was because of her actions. My intention wasn't to seek pity or sympathy, just to show the reality of what happened to me and what I've been going through because of her leaving in the way she did, leaving me breadcrumbs of hope when this was something I never thought she would do. We had a later conversation, essentially me discussing the fact that this occurred a month prior, apologising for showing her and how hard I've been working to manage and deal with the situation, gym, continued therapy, powerlifting club. While still working and working on finishing my masters again... I was mostly shocked at their lack of understanding and care for someone they claim to love, and their desire to no longer be with me. Overall, I feel very unheard and unsupported amid the one difficult thing I have gone through both within and out of the relationship, and them claiming I am a completely different person that they don't recognise anymore because of a frustrated swries of texts and the images. Moreover, the person was aware of the contents of their letter, yet made no effort to mitigate the conversation and say that perhaps it was best to just read the letter first before continuing. I talked with my best friend about this and showed them the series of texts and he agreed that it was pure conflict amplification rather than a desire to fix things in their words "they fought with me, not for me"...

This scenario is difficult for me, after blaming myself for so much, going through hours and hours of professional help that indicated that none of what my ex said was true, only for them to admit the same but not understand what they did to me and how they put me into such a dark place, to then have 0 support or help from them when expressing my desire to fix everything and continue to work hard to be better for one another. I just feel blindsided and that my experience doesn't matter to them, instead being blamed again for showing them what happened to just be rejected from trying again.

I know this was a long read, sorry about that, I just found this experience heartwrenching, I know if the roles were reversed and I desired the person only to find out what happened I'd do nothing but support, comfort and help them like I did with their familial issues and panic attacks/trauma. It just hurts... hopefully time will help, and I hope to never do this again.

Literally every single night I dream about cutting in some way. I'm like 3 weeks clean nearly but it hasn't gotten easier and this doesn't help.

I used to cut on the daily for years and they usually bled a lot. It’s been about 2 years since I was cutting regularly and now I sometimes relapse every once in a few months. I’ve been having symptoms of anemia lately, is it just a coincidence or was SH a factor? this is probably a dumb question so don’t roast me if you’re a doctor <\3

A few days ago I saw a small bottle of what I assume to he whiskey, it was just on the side, right there and I had a glass of squash in my hand or a mug of hot chocolate. For some reason I felt tempted to take one of them (there were two small ones) or maybe even put a little bit in my drink.

I've never drank before and I've promised my family (and myself) that I won't drink. I have had a TINY sip of vodka and coke at a party one time, it wasn't very nice, it just tasted like watered down coke and another time my dad put malibu in my coke (I had went to the toilet and asked me to do a coke, I didn't drink it, I could smell he put it in there and I had a small sip, my mum had it in the end) and we all just laughed it off.

So, I've been self harming for years now and a few times have thought about getting drunk and stuff but there's a few problems with that, I'm too young (almost 17) and with how I am and my mental health and stuff, it just doesn't seem like a good idea. My family always joke around, asking if I want a cigarette when they have one or a drink if they have one and they do that because they know I'll say no but sometimes when it comes to the drinks, they're genuinely asking sometimes, only if it's with coke or something though but I'll always say no, I always have.

I don't know if it's because I'm growing up and that's why I got tempted or what but.. yea.. that's that. I haven't drunk nor am I going to, not yet, not in the near future.

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest and talk about it and vent about it and stuff. I hope things are gonna start to be.. better from today.. I really do hope so

i feel weird asking or if this is totally specific. it just feels weird my left arm and right thigh are way worse than the other. It feels weird and gives me urges to “ make them even “ anyone know if there’s anyway to help with that besides actually doing it

I'm just really really overwhelmed so yeah I need someone to talk to

P.S - sorry for the low effort, I'm not good at asking for help

I'm a day clean now! Doing better :3

Nearly everyday this year I've self harmed and have bled everyday (periods, picking at cuts) and I know I need to stop but it feels so good. My parents don't know the extent of it and my school knows as well as my therapist but I'm not sure they fully understand the extent. I don't know what I need but I know I have to stop. Is it a good idea to call an ambulance (I'm not bleeding rn) but I have to stop and I can't stop on my own.

I can’t stop cutting myself. In about a week my forelimbs have gone from having just an occasional blemish to now being a canvas of other colours mainly red. I told myself i’d never go this far, that my SH would always be a carefully controlled act and only used when necessary to take the load off. But now I almost feel like i’m addicted to it. I used to be able to take more mental load before i resorted to it. It’s like. Got told off? Cut. Missed homework? Cut. Can’t sing well? Cut. Bored? Just cut. When i first relapsed i was pleasantly surprised at the long-lost rush of calm it provided me. I think perhaps i have been chasing that feeling. I don’t know how to stop. I feel like i’m losing control. It’s no longer controlled. I felt like a rabid dog, just tearing away at my skin without thinking. I don’t even try to disguise it anymore. It’s running all down my legs now. My Nikes are ruined.

erm, so i begin to sh 3 years ago, rn im 1 year clean. the thing is that whenever i went to a doctor or psychiatrist and told them about it they would always tell me about how letting my emotions harm me was wrong and that i needed another way to vent and shit but tbh i never did it bc i was sad or stressed, it was always bc it gave me sexual pleasure and i usually did it right before i wanked. it just gave me the adrenaline rush i needed for masturbating. is this weird? am i the only person that used sh becouse it turns them on?

I was clean for a few months then i semi-relapsed because my grades were bad. Today i was really ill so i slept the day away. I missed my parents’ texts and they were mad. My dad said that i don’t love them, my mum called me r*tarded. So i calmed her down by saying i still love them. But i told dad my excuse of being sick. And that he’s so insecure about my love for them and that there’s no point in convincing them. He called me pathetic and my brain is full of shit and that no one talks to their parents like this. I then told him he’s being immature and no one talks to their kids this way either. I am still shaken. I know he’s capable of being rageful but i thought he would understand as he often does. He knows i have school troubles. He knows how hard i push myself to get it done. Yet he exploded because i didn’t respond to a text quickly? i don’t know him anymore. I am panicking. No one will protect me from my mum anymore. She’s always been the main abuser (physical and mental) but he was slightly better and rational. She was scary as a child but now she’s just pissing me off since i could easily fight her. Now they have merged into both being unstable demons. He’s especially scary too due to how strong he is. In an argument i remain calm and truthful about what i say. I did not insult him. Now i’m in the bathroom and i cut myself worse than ever before. It got to the point that black blood was running for a few minutes. I want to do it some more. I don’t care about it leaving scars. I feel fucked. I have no protector and no future. Deep down none of them have ever loved me. I’m nearly an adult now so i don’t know how much less protected i will be by the law. I think i will see a counselor. I don’t know what to say to them but i think i need to talk to someone. I don’t know if i will tell them about my cutting in case they tell my parents. But maybe they won’t if i tell them it’s because of my parents that i’m doing it? But then i’m afraid they’ll call the police. I don’t want them to face legal trouble. I just want them to never see me again. If that means me dying then i don’t mind. Also they’re in a different country so idk what they can do. Also. I’m selfish. My parents are rich and i’m spoilt in terns of material goods. I deep down, am afraid to be without that. I feel so disgusting for that. My trust in several adults has been broken because they acted in a shocking out of character way. Now it’s the same for my dad. Although did i ever trust him? I’m not sure.

I've been trying to stop sh, with varying degrees of success, but I've only just realised that I've been regularly taking way over the maximum dosage of many pills, deliberately. I think I'm doing it with the hope that it'll end up harming me. They're magnesium, vitamin B6 and vitamin D supplements, melatonin, paracetamol, ibuprofen, and cocodamol. I haven't really noticed any difference apart from headaches and a really inconsistent sleep schedule though.

I can't tell if it'd be better to revert back to cutting or continue picking up other forms (Drugs, pills, ed).

I stopped about a year ago, and I did it again today. I don’t want to, for a while pain felt unpleasant to experience. But today when I scratched my thigh all over with the tip of a pin (I do this as it heals faster and scars less) it felt like it used to. Calming, good, distracting from all these thoughts in my head. I hate talking about my struggles, makes it harder for me but I’m getting worse. I cannot afford to get worse but I don’t know how to get better. What should I do other than talk to anybody?

well . like the title says i cant recover no matter what coping mechanism or distraction i try. i used to be able to go months without cutting but at some point i started thinking i cant recover if im not "ill enough" and made a checklist in my head for things i need to do before i even can recover, this only applies to me and obviously, for anyone else who isnt me, they should get help for their issues and deserve recovery. im starting dialect behaviour therapy in less than a month and one of the main things they want me to do is recover from s/h . well anyways, last night i accidentally scratched my radial artery (wont go into detail but it was definitely an artery) and i want to do it again .? like i dont plan on killing myself neither do i want to currently but theres something so compelling about seeing that . i am so scared ill do it again but next time wont be able to get it under control and something irreversible happens . does anyone else feel this way or am i just downright weird

I like my cuts, like, literally i LOVE it. but because of this, I also feel disgusted and cant stop. I cant explain why do i love it,for me they look.. Pretty. Wtf

I don't know why but I've not felt the urge to self harm during January, usually I'll get angry at myself and SH but so far I've not felt the urge this year.

Can't tell my family this but I wanted to get it out somewhere. Just gonna take it a day at a time and acknowledge the small victories