LSS: In October (the last 30+ days as of writing) I lost pretty much everything. My GF unexpectedly moved back to be w/ her son (joint custody in her home state w/ estranged ex) sooner than had been expected which was next year, I was terminated from my job in tribal gov over commute issues-losing one of the coziest highest paying jobs I’ve ever had that promised a career for me (I was bullied there though and felt imposter syndrome).

Then a childhood best friend cut our friendship off b/c her toxic bf won’t allow her to have guy friends so she chose that. And now I find myself completely isolated, anxious, feeling forgotten, unloved, unappreciated, depressed, hated and like a colossal failure. I’m in financial ruin atm and have been forced to go onto SNAP and have to job hunt for dead end humiliating service jobs but I can’t deal w/ people b/c I have crippling social anxiety and I can’t afford college for now b/c I can’t handle full time school.

My family is all disappointed in me, my gf hardly has any time anymore for me long distance and is cold and aloof and hates calling, I have no social interaction or support whatsoever anymore. The most interaction I have is forcing myself to go to the store. I’m in therapy but it only goes so far.

I hadn’t SH’d since I was a teen until last year, but her constant SH helped me relapse and we’d both engage in it together, I stopped this spring once life was looking up and I felt I had a future… Now I find myself daily thinking about it and almost like I deserve it for my failure, but I keep stopping myself by rationalizing and try to distract. She told me to not and I remember ironically I hate the pain and feel embarrassed by the judgment I get w/ my scars. But I haven’t felt the urge this bad in so long nor this hopeless.

I just wanna survive and have the people in my life not hate me entirely. And I’m a jerk when I don’t do this, I try but everything is so overwhelming and there’s just nowhere for any of it to go. So for right now, I just don’t care.

Even tho I’m not involved in this community at all, I find it so wholesome how many comments of support are on people’s post. Y’all are lovely <3

Over the past few days I've noticed small, white pimple like bumps on healed (around a month) scars on my thighs. They don't hurt, and I haven't touched them.

I have no idea what they are, has anyone experienced this?

Everytime I come back for vacation i relapse..my arm looks like a fucking battleground now...I am tired of this bs and cannot stop crying...I have even resorted to punching etc..my parents should have divorced but they don't and I am left being a scapegoat in between them...all my holidays they have fought as my mom found some chats of my dad with his assistant..( sorry for Posting this here but I had no place to vent).it's hell really I will be clean all year and relapse every time I come here

That’s probably not a very long time but I’m still surprised I’m still in this cycle.

I have a friend who was a big motivator for me to stop. Just the way she said things, it got through to me more than anything else I’ve been told. I was still cutting during our friendship but it was less frequent, and at one point recently I was 2 months clean. Her and her words definitely played a part in that.

I realized she unfriended me during a relapse and it’s contributed. For 5 years out of the 6, I felt like there was no point. If no one knows I’m cutting, why does it matter if I stop? I can pretend to be clean pretty easily after 6 years of not being caught unless I opened up to someone. But for a year I felt like I had a reason to stop. I know if I say I “can’t stop,” people will tell me I can. But even if I can stop I don’t want to and I again feel like there’s no point, the same way I did for 5 years, and I can’t say I felt much better during the past year.

It makes me wonder how long this’ll continue though, since I don’t have any intention of stopping.

i was six years clean. SIX YEARS. idk what happened that i’ve been doing this again i’ve been so depressed it’s hard to get out of bed, i haven’t even graduated (im 23) and feel stuck in the same spot. the pressure to be successful is a lot sometimes, so i started sh again but it makes me feel like everything i did to heal was for nothing because here i am. AGAIN.

I’ve been increasingly depressed and it’s escalated dramatically recently I almost couldn’t sustain the joy playing music gives me during practice tonight and I’m having the thoughts a bit but I’m doubling down on my coping skills and try to not relapse. Maybe I’ll just give myself a stick and poke so it doesn’t get too bad in a few weeks if this isn’t a passing thing. It would be nice to talk to someone but it’s not an emergency

I went to therapy for the first time in a while, and I had a pretty bad relapse or two the other night. It’s like all the feelings and things I’ve attempted to suppress were all brought back to light and I went back to the habit I tried to burry. Is this just me?? Or does anyone else feel like that sometimes? Am I just going crazy??

Just some venting.

I think my coworkers that I laugh with would be shocked that I cut. I think my family would consider me well adjusted. I think someone seeing me walk down the street would never assume it. No one would look at me and think 'that girl has fresh cuts and scabs and hundred of scars.' But its all masking as this has been over half my life and I don't know myself without it.

I've only ever let one person close enough to know and it went badly. I don't want anyone to know, I consider it very personal and private. Maybe someone here understands but I don't see anyone that would look at me the same if they knew.

Need a hug and someone to talk to but I don’t like either. I really want to hurt myself but trying to stick to this fresh start

it happened last night, when i woke up all i could feel is guilt and shame i’m so disappointed in myself. my depression is destroying me again. i’m seeing a therapist in a week i really want to get better but i feel like this just set me back so much. i’m really afraid of anyone finding out i did this especially since it’s been so long.

When I hit the gym in short clothes I feel pretty empowered for showing scars, but as soon as it involves a friend (for example, hitting the gym together) I feel.. guilty? Even though the friend already knows I self harm, I still feel like that would make it their problem?

It's ironic cos one could argue friends should be MORE safe?

Had a conversation with a friend last night and well shit, I probably ‘outed’ myself in regards to self harm… We were both drunk, talked about a situation from a week ago that made me quite upset. I tried to explain how I knew said situation was mainly my fault but I was annoyed/angry regardless - my emotions get incredibly intense and simply being aware that they are over-the-top and taking accountability for them doesn’t make them go away. He didn’t quite seem to get the intensity tho.

So when he said “Sometimes you gotta bleed” (= deal with the consequences) I impulsively replied something like “yeah dude I know. Would’ve fucking loved to take that literally tho”. At first didn’t seem to realize and answered normally but he turned silent immediately after. There was this clear moment of silence, in which you could literally HEAR him go “wait - what” internally as it truly set in and he processed the information.

He knows I used to struggle with sh, but doesn’t know I still have urges (frequently). So… oh well. He probably knows now. Idk why I said it. Probably cause at that point I had no idea how else to make him understand that the situation itself wasn’t the problem. My emotions and the crazy sh-urges they caused were the problem. But how tf do you communicate that sh thoughts are the problem without mentioning sh? Still, I shouldn’t have said that, I should NOT have said that, it isn’t his business. We went back to talking about other stuff but I’m pretty sure he figured it out. Dunno. Just a rant I guess.

It’s not the first time I don’t think it will be the last.. it’s all too much. I just couldn’t make it..

I have in after a week of intense urges. Im a giant failure and the guy im seeing is gonna be so mad at me

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well and at least can enjoy Halloween time to relieve some stress and distract yourselves (I certainly am).

Been making some minor "breakthroughs" in therapy over the past couple weeks and while I feel like I'm doing a better job of managing the urges to SH, ultimately I am still prone to spiraling and SHing when things feel too intense. I consider myself very logical, so realizing that this is a coping mechanism I've hardwired into my brain over years has helped, as well as general knowledge about addictive behaviors, but I feel like even armed with knowledge I'm powerless before my emotions.

I've never been terribly intrinsically motivated for much in life, it's always arisen from friends or family, or my need to impress them/not disappoint them. Sadly this isn't enough to stop my SH - I even lost the love of my life over it because I couldn't be free of this hell. I want to get better for my loved ones but some days it's just so tough.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any motivations they keep in mind that help them when the urges get too intense, even if they're "just" superficial. Thanks and I love you all <3

A little background: I was emotionally, physically,, sexually abused by my parents growing up. SH started at 16. A year ago, my childhood best friend and I were engaged, and we broke up, and I SH at that time. A year later (last night) I was able to not SH as bad as I usually do (cutting mean words into my skin) because when my triggers are bad enough, all I hear is my mother in my head, saying all the awful things she told me growing up. I'm in therapy, I have medications, I try to do what I can, but it seems to always call me back. Being 27 and still SH makes me feel so ashamed, and alone in the world.

Is there any way to just fade scars? Mine are still in that awkward purple stage and I genuinely feel embarrassed about them constantly.

I've been clean from SH since March. Lately I have been having thoughts about relapsing and it makes me feel like an awful person. I've been able to resist the urge but, I've been replacing a certain type of SH with binge eating and picking at my skin until it's agitated/bleeding.

The struggle to not relapse has been especially bad since I have RA and the colder weather makes everything hurt, which makes me want to replace one pain for another(if that makes any sense). Any advice?

Everything is overwhelming me and cutting is my only coping mechanism well other than completely kms.

....

Idk what to do.

I almost hurt myself today. Nothing but fighting and followed by disappointment. I almost did. Cause I wanted to show how much it hurt..how much it’s been hurting. I’m angry. I’m tired. I need more support and all I am getting is more pressure, more asks. More..everything. I can not remember the last time felt like anyone was looking at me. So I almost did..I had nothing that was “safe”. I haven’t hurt myself in so long and didn’t even realize I had nothing. I looked, desperately. A friend saw me….and froze. They had no idea what to do. I couldn’t tell them and nothing would have helped anyway…it was awful. I never wanted to feel this way again or have someone see that ever again.

And with all that…I still wish I did. Just for a few minutes of peace cause even getting a second feels impossible. For something tangible…I almost want to be seen. I just want someone to look at me. I wish I could. I really really wish I could.

I relapsed tonight and it has shook me to my core. This is exactly what wasn’t supposed to happen again, ever. I’m living by myself now, as of 2 days ago, and it was really unexpected and blindsiding. A multitude of things have happened since the beginning of 2024, one thing after another. Almost every single fucking week. It feels like I’ve aged 10 years in the span of almost 11 months. There is only so much a “strong” person can take. I’m tired. I was in complete dissociation when it happened, yet I had been thinking about it all day? Then would distract myself from the thoughts, just for them to come right back. The helplessness, heartbreak, betrayal, and so so much more - must’ve been stronger than me. Honestly, it scared me. My father saw it. He said if anyone asked, we’d tell them I ran into some wire because that’s normal around here. I’m 22, he lives right near me and It’s a small town. I told him I agree and that’s what happened. He brought me back some things and helped fix up the SH. I don’t know if I was more embarrassed of myself or shocked by his reaction. I can’t normally depend on him like that. And never in my life has anyone ever seen that happen before to me. It just had to be my fucking dad. But I can’t be mad. It probably is the only thing going through his mind right now. It scared me so bad, and I was the one who called him thinking I need to go to the ER. My dog didn’t leave my side for even a second during all of this. She knows me better than anyone and anything. She is my rock. The guilt and shame that I’m feeling right now is unreal. I’m disheartened by myself, I can’t even close my eyes.

… and told my therapist. They were really nice about it, and didn’t make a big deal out of me relapsing even though it’s been 100+ days.

It was really nice that they validated how I was feeling at the moment. I feel bad for relapsing, but now I’m not kicking myself over it.

Long story short, I’m a mom of a young child. Been struggling my whole life with depression, yada yada yada, had PPD 3 years ago but got on meds that worked and felt good-ish ever since. But now I am in my last semester of my undergrad, about to go to grad school with a toddler to care for and my mental health is deteriorating. I guess I just can’t handle stress because I pick my nails/cuticles/feet til I bleed constantly. I also unconsciously pull my hair out during sleep, and have developed a tic where I shake my head as I fall asleep at night which doesn’t stop even if I try. So basically, stress over the past 5 years has ruined me, and I guess the cumulative effect of that was a relapse into Sh.

But I feel so awful. I genuinely like hurting myself, it sucks, I won’t get into that here but it makes stopping so hard when I like seeing the blood and scars and the aftercare of the wounds. The problem is, I’m a mom to a 3 year old who is curious and attached to me at the hip. I can’t shower alone without my kid screaming and having a meltdown and insisting on coming in the shower with me, and now that I’m covered in bandages I don’t know what to do. How to explain that I can’t go swimming right now when we used to go all the time. My husband and my closest friend know about my relapse and about how the stress is affecting me. I have a psych appointment in the new year but it’s a long wait and idk if that will help with any matter anyways.

I guess I just wanted to find some support or comfort or solidarity here. I feel so stuck, which makes me want to hurt myself more, and I feel so awful that my child couldn’t have even been motivation enough for me to stop these awful behaviours. I know that sounds bad but you know what I mean I hope. I know it doesn’t work this way, but sometimes I wished having a child would “fix” or “cure” me. I feel like the worst mom in the world lately.

Trigger warning for discussion of self harm including information on medical severity. Also ALL self harm is absolutely severe, it doesn't matter about depth and any self harm is an issue and is absolutely valid. I'm just aware my risk is increasing and need help and this is the best way I could figure out to word it.

I've been a self harmer for 8 years now and generally I manage well. I try to practice harm reduction and have first aid items on hand. I've learnt to manage relapses with time as it's become clear my issue is chronic and I'm not nearing a full recovery however the 'severity' of my self harm is increasing and I am putting myself in a lot more danger now. I'm cutting deeper each time and moving to higher risk places in terms of danger of hitting veins/arteries/nerves and risking significant damage to my mobility, increased infection risk and danger to health and life.

I know I need help and I need to face this problem and try to prevent it getting worse but I'm terrified of being sectioned again. I've had 8 psych ward admissions and I came out worse and with more damage and trauma than I went in with. I nearly died in those places, I know people who died because of their neglect. I CAN'T go back there. I know if I really needed to, if i couldn't keep myself alive or safe enough in the community, then I'd have to but I am not at that point yet. I need proper help but I am well enough to receive help in the community. I want help and I want to stop myself from fucking up bad. How do I do this, how do I get help and be taken seriously enough without being taken a bit TOO seriously?

I am 20 if that helps and I'm under the adult mental health team here in England. I have a review appointment next week where I plan on asking for help for my current mental state and ED but I don't know how to tell them about this. I'm fucking terrified of being sectioned again. My family also CANNOT find out about this. I'm 20 but still live at home. I want to manage this myself, I can't let them know I'm getting bad like this as they'll worry and there's enough going on for them right now already and also they don't help, as much as they might try they can't help and it is just added stress on me so I prefer to deal with this alone.

I had an appointment with my family dr for a non mental health reason. I had to fill out the PHQ9 which, of course, triggered the CSSR assessment.

My dr did ask about my arm (had a compression sleeve on) and asked if I was cutting again. She asked a little bit about what was going on and if there was anything she could do for me. Asked if I wanted her to look at my arm to check for signs of infection. I just said I don't know and we moved on.

I checked my online chart later and she filled out the CSSRS, but we never talked about that. She didn't ask me any of those questions. She marked yes for the first 2 and no for the rest, but it really should have been yes for all of them...

I don't know how to feel lol! I'm irritated that she put it in there without actually asking me, but she would have sent me to the hospital if we had talked about it.

I was talking to a friend about it and he asked if my answer was yes to the last question too. I said yes. He said I should think about checking myself in...but idk...

I've felt alone my whole life basically, and every time a guy got close to me romantically it ended in rejection for whatever reason.

Like actually why does nobody want me? And my sh addiction doesn't help, I feel like nobody would want me with my arm looking like a cats scratching post 💀

And all of this is making me want to destroy my body even worse cause what's the deal? Nobody will want me anyway.

I'm so sick of this life

I have a question regarding my coping mechanism that isn’t self harm (imo) but is it in yours?

I’ve been sh (cutting arms and legs) free for 9 months nearly but I’ve gotten so bad that I’ve come close to a relapse so many times, so I’ve started a habit of wrapping electrical tape around my wrist until it goes almost blue and then I rip it off as quick as possible so it leaves a burn mark and hurts like hell but leaves no scar only a mark for a few hours, I’ll do this multiple times an hour, basically until I run out.

So my question is, is this self harm in your opinion?? Can add pictures if you want to see

This is really hard to post as I’m embarrassed and think I’m crazy. The other night, I was making pizza and burnt my arm trying to get it out of the oven. It wasn’t intentional, but am I insane for kind of liking the feeling of being burned…? I have a burnt mark on my arm, it’s in the blister phase and I liked the pain of it. I’m so ashamed by this and just needed to vent a little.