I haven't told anything to anyone IRL, so I'm just shouting it all into the void before slamming this bloody chapter shut and carrying on with my life.

"Bob" (fake name) and I are coworkers, although completely different departments that barely ever have any contact with each other, no joint projects or anything. My job position is sort of a bridge between Training and HR.

When I started working at the company last January, Bob wasn't even on my radar, haven't heard of him or anything. Late February, apparently Bob's superior asked him to bring me an offer to be transferred into his area (they needed someone to fill a vacancy, and both had heard good things about me by then - Bob and his boss had spoken to my superior, and had her blessing), so he came over to talk to me. We had a meeting, all was pretty normal. I appreciated the offer, yet declined, and for a couple of days that was it.

My boss asked me about the meeting almost immediately. I told her I had said no and my reasons for doing so. The convo slowly turned away from professional tones to personal ones, and she made a few comments about Bob's physique and him being so attractive it was crazy, to which I answered (truthfully) that I haven't really noticed. I barely contributed to that part of the conversation because back then I didn't like partaking in work gossip.

Bob reached out again, and we started talking more often; first about work, then about silly stuff (we have a similar sense of humour), then a little about hobbies, goals, and stuff we enjoyed. By late May/early June, there had been a few instances of flirting through text from his side.

I slowly took notice of Bob because I saw many things I liked and have long desired in a partner, such as intelligence, ambition, high goal-drive, cultural knowledge, rather strong work ethics (or so I thought), etc. Our interactions were extremely organic and easy, and yeah, he is indeed attractive by many standards, so that was a nice bonus. I started matching his flirt.

Mid-August, he invited me over for tea to his house. We talked for some hours about many things, then he asked if I was single, what kind of partner/relationship was I looking for, etc. One thing led to another and, for the first time in my bloody life, I broke one of my rules regarding things I'd allow to happen on a first date. Wasn't proud of it then, and regret it now even more.

I left his house with the idea, among other things, that we were both single and open to have a relationship, with me mentioning I was looking for a committed one and him being vague about it (should've been my first clue that something was off).

From then on, we kept texting as per usual, although the dynamic changed somewhat - I was the one usually initiating while Bob dodged or left unanswered a lot of questions regarding his family and more personal stuff. Two other times we met, yet it was only for Netflix and chilling... Further clues I stupidly ignored or rationalised.

By mid-October, I started doubting if it was all in my head or he was truly leading me on - then I went on a trip for 2/3 weeks and he got "very busy" at work, so we stopped seeing each other and just continued texting, although when we got to see each other at work he'd make some sort of physical contact that hinted at interest (another red flag, given we had agreed to keep things professional at work to avoid gossip).

Mid-December, our workplace threw a Christmas party. A few hours before it, Bob sent an innuendo about the chance we could have of "having a good time at the party", which rubbed me the wrong way. The party was going to end extremely late, I was in charge of supervising a few things during the soirée, and had to clock in early, so I used that as an excuse to not meet up or do anything during or after the party. He seemed rather disappointed, but we had a short conversation at the party, then mingled with our own departments, kept texting after that...

And just a few days ago came the ultimate revelation.

One of his subordinates, who I knew had handed in her notice, came to HR to speak to my boss. While she waited, I could tell there was something wrong, and I asked her if there was anything I could help her with. At first, she barely whispered that it was something personal but also work-related. I said, "I understand. Well, I'm here if you need anything".

That's when she just broke down. I stayed to try and comfort her... And, among other things she said, I figured out that 1) Bob had slept with her either shortly before or while flirting with me, 2) Bob has had a girlfriend all along, and worst of all 3) Bob's girlfriend is another of his subordinates.

I have no bloody clue how I was able to keep my cool and not give away the shock I felt. As I comforted this girl, my mind was racing, putting two and two together, remembering every little detail I had let slip... And still wondering if this was all some kind of misunderstanding, bless my bloody heart.

After I learnt this, I subtly started listening in the gossip around HR, other departments, and his own; watched him and his subordinate more closely...

And yes, all this time I was indeed one sidepiece of many, at least 3. Yes, almost everybody knows Bob as a "ladies' man". Yes, Bob is known to be a flirt and sleep around. Yes, even his girlfriend knows.

I felt sick to my stomach. At first I had an almost irresistible urge to confront him about it and clear things out, yet now I just feel it'd be a complete waste of my time, given I currently feel nothing but disdain towards him.

I've stopped answering his texts unless they're work-related, haven't told him what I know and don't plan to. If he happens to propose meeting up again, I'll just say I've thought things through and want us to stay working acquaintances and nothing else - I'm not about to give him the bloody satisfaction of learning how insulted I feel. Good riddance!

By the grace of powers that may be, Bob apparently hasn't gloated to anyone that he slept with me, so at work they're none the wiser. I hope it stays that way - if not, I'll just have to handle it.

Phew...

Part of me is still in shock and can't believe this happened - we hear about these situations all the time, and yet it caught me completely off guard.

Another part is doing the most epic facepalm ever and wondering how could I've been so stupid - I haven't been cheated on nor have I been a sidepiece (at least, to my knowledge) before, but I've been betrayed or disappointed in other ways, I know how some men are, and I think that I should've spotted Bob's tactics from a mile away.

I'm also disappointed that, so far, I've been able to keep men like him at arm's length, yet I was so enthralled by finding someone who checked so many of my boxes that I was willing to ignore the obvious signs.

Mostly, I reckon I feel offended over being taken for a fool, and just wanted to get this off my system.

Lesson(s) learnt, though.

I take a medication that suppresses my appetite (as a side effect, not the intended effect). I typically still have no trouble eating enough, but the last few weeks have been very chaotic and stressful, and I accidentally lost 7 pounds. I’m not underweight or on death’s door or anything. But I also didn’t need to lose weight.

Then, I started eating normally and gaining some weight back. And yesterday I came down with some sort of upper respiratory infection. I also have asthma, so these tend to hit me hard. In the last day alone I’ve lost 3 pounds. I decided some chicken and rice soup sounded good. U could make myself eat that. But the recipes that come up are all “Weight Watchers points!” And “Lose weight fast with this recipe” and then the recipes are kind of sad as a result. I’m actually trying to gain weight here!! Or at least maintain!! And I could just eat ice cream for every meal but I still want some vegetables and protein so I thought I could find a good recipe to give me some warmth and comfort.

It just seems like such a classic “sick” food shouldn’t be intentionally calorie-depriving.

Anyway, I know this is a small problem in the grand scheme of things, and I’m half-delirious from fever so if this doesn’t make sense, that’s why

Wife and cat and I homeless. $15 an hour didn't cut it.....FINALLY gave up. Working full time and STILL begging for money....for years and years. In retail. With musk running the US government now, I officially give up. At age 58. Brutal. Tent living for us.

I was homeless for 6 months after leaving my ex. I found a room for rent and I am still not happy. I want to go back to a family setting to my real family (my ex) since my bio family thinks it was okay to let me and my baby live in the shelter. My mom even spent an hour talking to the shelter workers about how she thinks i am crazy (im not. She and her husband are abusive to me) and she accidentally caused the shelter workers to think that she would let me back when she wouldn't. They asked her "Can she stay with you?" And then she said "I will make arrangements" and they interpreted that as her saying "Yes" or her making arrangments to live with her when what she actually meant was arrangements for a hotel.

And the entire time that I was there the shelter workers kept asking me over and over if staying with family was an option. My whole family is in denial about everything and I am fucking sick of it. I feel like being homeless is more traumatizing than being with my ex.

I am also worried about my mom slandering me to my roommates the same way she slandered me to the shelter workers. I have no choice but to let her babysit at my house since she doesnt want me at her house and I cant afford any other babysitter or daycare since my new job does not pay enough to cover both rent and daycare.

She acted so smug about my ex but doesnt realize that lack of family support is why I didnt leave him sooner. She wanted me to leave him so bad but she didnt want to help me leave him and the more she acts smug about him the more I want to get back with him.

I honestly feel like she doesnt deserve to see me or my son.

She even acts jealous of my money and asks me how much money I have. She feels entitled to go through my phone and ask me how much money I have and she started to get bitter about the hotel even though it was her idea! She even acts awkward and I can sense the tension from her anytime I say the word "money" or "buy". She gets angry that I don't let her go through my phone and that I won't tell her how much money is in my bank account. Its such a boundary crosser.

I also think its weird that she started a go fund me account for one of her friends who is homeless WHILE she allowed her own daughter to be homeless.

Shes also a huge hypocrite since her own mom never let her be homeless. Her own mom let her move back in after she got pregnant with my older sister. And she also moved in with my step dads parents when she got pregnant with my younger sisters. But then when i got pregnant she wanted me to leave my ex but then told me "its your resposibility to keep a roof over your head" i wish she said that to the shelter workers when they asked her if I could stay with her instead of pretending to care about me in order to get information about me from them. Im actually also pissed that they fell for my mom manipulation tactics.

I'm not even talking about gifts or surprises, they cannot keep their sex life a secret why am I under 18 knowing your kinks and fetishes? I know they use sex toys and that my dad likes it when my mum fucks other men because they always fucking talk about it. No body goes out at 9:30 to a cafe all dressed up to come back with no makeup and messed up hair at 11pm, going to the gym? no you're gone 4 fucking hours when you go an hour max, your gyms 15 minutes away yer the drive home takes an hour and you don't talk about how 'good he was at a gym where you work our alone. The 'secret' messaging app you always fucking whisper and giggle about. I know this seems like I'm over thinking a few instances but when it's been going in for 5 years and there's other shit to back it up I know what's happening. I know my dad loves my when my mum as a baby bump, he even openly suggested another kid because she didnt get big enough for him to love last time. Don't argue about sex toys and 'lack of enthusiasm' at 8pm when all of your kids are awake and you're shouting, like that's common fucking sense they're gonna hear. 'we're just open with you because out parents weren't and made it shameful'.. bitch shut up, being open is having conversations about it not sharing your sex life like an open book. How the he'll am I meant to respect these people? I'm an autistic teenager who gets uncomfortable seeing people kiss, but I need to get over it because it's a normal part of life. Obviously, but not an my age and not when it's about my parents. Stop making crude suggestive comments when I'm in the room, stop making out and groping each other when I'm in the room, don't start foreplay when I'm in the room, don't sat 'ill make sure to make all the right noises' when I'm in the room, stop telling me to text of your phone when o can see the previous messages saying, 'do you want him' 'would you fuck him?' don't have kids if their going to be secondary to your sex lives, it's not fucking hard. No matter how many time I tell them they make me uncomfortable they keep fucking doing it, 'at least we love each other' no you don't you've nearly gotten divorced 7 times and your fights last a month, I've packed my bags to move houses 2, I've listened to you shouting at eachother constantly, you're only together because you enjoy the sex. I hate them so much.

i don’t think i’ve ever seen a case in my life where a good person wins.

bad people are treated better just by status and their negative actions because they’re willing to demean others to get ahead and make conversation.

why should i try to be a good person. can someone please tell me. i’ve been goody two shoes my whole life and i feel like im about to snap.

I love all my kids (7,10,11&15). I often am exasperated with them and motherhood and adulthood in general but I still try even tho I struggle with everything because I am a single soccer mom and have to be the provider. 2 of my kids (10&11) have a dad who lives with his very wealthy parents and won't move despite calling their house a prison. These grandparents spoil tf out of our kids and any efforts I make to make my kids happy, well these kids are just ungrateful and in fact call me lazy and a shit mom. They hate their days with me because it's like they're slumming it with the poor. At least that's what it seems like. They disregard me and never want me to show up at their sport/music events because they're embarrassed of me. The 10 year old has been caught saying colorist (of not racist) things about whether or not my kids are black (I am, dad is not, kids don't look black and barely look mixed). And once the 10 year old called the 11 year old a black bitch and I almost slapped tf outta him. They even gang up on picking on their youngest sister to tease her with a constant snobby overtone.

Idk I kinda feel guilty for thinking maybe I shouldn't have become a mom. I don't like this at all and don't recommend this for anyone. I love my kids tho, I have to reassure. I just don't like any of this. I hope my feelings of not liking them pass. I love them but they just aren't good people rn and I can only affect how they are so much when I only get them half of the time. I fear that my kids are gonna be one of those people that nobody likes because they're out of touch with reality in the most obnoxious ways. Like expecting the world on a silver platter without putting a day of work in and having a dramatic meltdown when something doesn't go their way. Or just being mean to someone who isn't cool, but like well after middle school and way too into adulthood. I love them and like things about them. But I just kinda don't like them for being this way. Hopefully, just for now.

I’m not getting better, I thought I would but I’m not, everyday it gets worse. I don’t know how much longer I will be here. I’ve done nothing but try my best and it’s never been enough, I’ve never been enough. I shouldn’t be here, I don’t deserve anything good in life. Nothing fills the hole I feel, every day I wake up I feel empty. Maybe it should end. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I should. I love with all my heart, I try my best to make them feel loved but I don’t think it’s enough, I believe I’m not enough, something’s wrong, how much more can I do?

I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t know why but I feel like I’d be better off being an asshole, either way I’ll get treated badly, I feel like people use my kindness against me, they think they can run over me, I give people all the attention in the world, all the love in the world, all of me, but maybe they rather have someone who doesn’t care, if that’s the case I’d rather be dead because I’m only me and I’ll only ever be me. I love, I love so much, I hurt, I hurt too much. People don’t understand that what they see is what they get, I’ll love you till I die, but maybe they rather have me die than believe that I love them. Why would you believe I would hurt you? I want to do nothing but make you feel loved, yet you don’t believe it, why don’t you believe I love you? Why do you believe I’m going to hurt you? I LOVE YOU TO THE POINT WHERE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, and you still think I’m just lying. You’re hurting me, you’re hurting me more than anything has ever hurt me before. I thought if I was just myself, if I just filled my heart with love, that it would be enough. But once again…. I’m fucking worthless. I’m nothing to you. I’ll never be anything to you. And I’m sorry. I gave everything I ever had. I’ll still love you till I die even if you don’t believe it. Maybe I deserve nothing, why do you hurt me. I’ll love you till it’s a year, and I’ll love you forever after that, but I don’t think you will. I think you do truly love me, but there’s something in your head that would rather you get rid of me now, your scared I’m going to hurt you, your scared I’m going to leave, but I promise you I’ll stay by your side forever, I know I can’t convince you of that, I feel like your just going to leave me, you don’t hate me, but you love me so much you’d rather hurt me because you can’t be hurt anymore because you can’t take anymore. I don’t want to hurt you, I’ll never hurt you, but if you decide you need to hurt me I don’t know if I’ll be okay, I don’t know if I’ll believe in love, because i truly gave you my all, I truly cared, I truly love you. I should be dead.

I genuinely don’t know why I’m here anymore, I find happiness in nothing, I’m not good enough for anyone, I’ll never be good enough for anyone. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve to be alive anymore. I wish I was never here because I’ve done nothing with my life. Why would god create someone who has no use, why would god make me an example of someone who’s worth nothing. I’ve done nothing but try my entire life, I’ve tried my best with every, I’ve never been good enough, I’ll never be good enough. I’m better off dead. I should be dead. I hope with all my heart that I disappear, I want everyone to forget about me, I want everyone to ignore me. I get treated poorly for what? What have I done? Do I just seem like someone who deserves to suffer? I can’t take anymore, the humiliation is too much, I would rather die than get put down by another person ever again. no matter what I do someone has to put me down no matter what it is. It’s not my fault I’ve never been good enough, it’s not my fault I’m a failure. You can only succeed by being good at something and I’m only terrible at everything, nothing I do is right, people say you must learn to be good at something, if that’s the case then why can you fail even when you try, trying isn’t good enough. You need to be good at it as well. Some day I hope I’m fucking dead and no one remembers how much I didn’t matter

I can’t hate myself enough, everything I do is worthless, I’m nothing to anybody, I’ll never be anything. What I do isn’t appreciated, I’m not appreciated. People look at me and hate me just because I’m myself. I’ve done nothing yet I’m still seen as someone to hate. I wish this would end. I don’t want to be alive anymore

I truly believe no one loves me or cares about me, I don’t believe anyone actually believes in me. If I die tomorrow who would care? I truly don’t want to be here anymore. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. I’m not sorry fuck all of you. If I could die right now I would, I blame everyone for not caring, I blame everyone for not wanting to be there for me. I blame everyone for not feeling loved or wanted. I gave everything I ever had. It’s everyone’s fault, blame yourself because it truly is your problem. Don’t miss me now, don’t act like you cared when I’m gone. I hate all of you. Fuck all of you and I mean it. I know no one will ever actually love me, I’m just being used.

I tried, I fucking tried. All I ever did was try. All I ever wanted was to be loved. I want someone to hold me and tell me that they love me, I want someone to tell me everything is okay, I want to look someone in the eye and feel that they love me. I want someone to appreciate how much I love them. I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I just needed someone to love me just one goddamn person. Someone to hold me and maybe just maybe actually care about what I do or say, someone that actually takes interest in things I like. But I’m fucking worthless, I’ll never be fucking anything to anyone.

I've been in two serious relationships, first for nearly 3 years and second just only around 3 months. We have always been told that relationships basically solve all your problems and if there is enough love, there'll never be an issue. Love is perfect!! Of course, with that lesson in my head, unfortunately it led me to be overly dependent for my first partner to emotionally support me with all my problems (plus they were avoidant attachment so that just exuberated my issues). Additionally, they chose someone else over me because of it.

Figured out some things are best left for therapy, and in this second relationship I tried really hard to communicate about boundaries with each other, and also try to rely on myself mostly for emotional struggles, but was still there for my partner whenever they needed it. I thought the relationship was really healthy; we had routine for three months and went to places and almost lived a little domestic life. I really liked it... But in this second semester of school, I had been struggling with getting an academic schedule, and I really needed support for it. I ended up have an anxiety/panic attack in their car. (This was the first time I'd ever gotten something like that. It was weird. Side note that I am also in counseling on my campus, so I didn't expect them to resolve my issues, just got overwhelmed with everything going on. )

And I think that when I became an issue in their life, instead of feeling empathy for me or wanting to help support me, all they wanted was for me to shut up and keep on not being an issue for them. My own issues became resented because they wanted me to be perfect, and to not put anything on them because they had their own issues. They didn't want the "responsibility" of having a relationship that needs work. They could only be self-centered.

It hurts. I feel betrayed to be suddenly blindsided and ghosted by them. I was ready to practice emotional vulnerability with them only for the door to be shut in my face. So in the end it feels like people need to remember that relationships take work. And it feels like I'm the only one who sticks around and tries to make it work. Especially in this time period of my life, I will mostly just be surrounded by immature peers, which includes me as well, but I try to always search for growth...

Definitely don't think I'm going to try to relationship thing again until I'm older. It sucks in this day and age.

It doesn't matter how much i work about it, how much i try improve, i'll always be the ugly middle schooler that everyone left alone.

I can't take compliments because they all sounds fake and they just come when i'm venting. When my friend confessed to me I felt like they were lying because, come on, who would ever like me fr?

I was never catcalled, harassed like the others and i feel a shitty bastard even hoping it will happen, knowing it's obviously a bad thing but i'm that ugly that it never will fucking happen.

Everytime i eat i feel guilty, everytime i look in the mirror i want to throw up.

I come bad in pictures, i have acne, my face is all wrong, my body is weird, i am a fucking monster.

Sorry for the bad grammar, but i'm crying so i kinda see all blurred

I’m really good at connecting people who become good friends but I still somehow end up having only one person who cares about me. I feel like a background character or a side note in peoples friendships. I make a great first impression but after that it’s like I just fade away in peoples mind. The people I’ve actually gotten close to have ended up either hurt or just forgetting about me. If it keeps happening, it has to be me, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what I’m doing wrong. I know I just have to not take things so seriously but it just hurts every time it happens.

im sorry, this is gonna be long and a bit messy/disorganized, I just want to know what's wrong. I feel disgusting i havent showered in so long and everyday i keep saying "oh I'll do it now" then "I'll do it later" then "I'll do it after this" and by then it's too late to shower so i say I'll do it tomorrow. It's been going on for so long now. I only showered once in January, I finally showered today, I stayed in there for way longer than usual zoned out, but I still feel disgusting. I also noticed that a lot more hair fell out than usual. I have thick curly hair, so i usually shed a lot but this was way more, but i cant bring myself to worry about it, i cant bring myself to worry about anything i should be worries about. I haven't been eating well, i used to struggle with an ED if you can even call it that, it was barely a struggle honestly, but i tried to starve myself because i hated my body, but this time isnt on purpose I swear, i just keep forgetting to eat. I skip breakfast, i eat one sandwich at school at 11am, and then a small snack at 1:30pm, and then when i get home at around 4:30-5pm, i end up skipping lunch. I keep saying i'll wait until i change to eat, and i just lay in bed on my phone and not change. It stays that way until like 6pm which is when my mom yells at me to get up. Sometimes it gets to 7-8pm which is when my friend asks if i wanna play and i realize i haven't eaten. I don't mean to starve, i just forget. I've also been doing worse academically. My grades are great, straight A's last semester, but i feel like i haven't earned them at all. I think this started, or i realized it happening (sorry, my memory is pretty bad) in 7th grade (9th grade now), but i just don't study. I used to do my homeworks the moment i got home, or do them on thursday so i can have the weekend free, but now i just procrastinate until the last moment. I even did a homework in class. I don't study for my tests well enough either, i always get distracted by something, even if it's a fly landing near me, and if i put myself in a place where theres nothing to distract me, i just start staring at the book zoned out. I can read it just fine, once, twice, ten times, (unless it's my arabic/islamic books then i skip this stage), but if i try seeing if i memorized it i've got nothing and i start crying. Then i try reading again and again and i get overwhelmed and cry again. I don't understand things very easily, especially since i'm not interested in any of the stuff i'm learning about, I end up giving up. I have no idea how I still get good grades, i don't deserve them i just skim through my sisters notes like 5 minutes before the exams. I don't know why i cant bring myself to sit down and read like a normal person. I've also not been sleeping well, i try to stay up until 11pm maximum on school days, but i never follow through, i stay up until 1 2, once almost 3 am, and even if i do sleep properly, like let's say 9pm, i still wake up exhausted. I just wanna know what's wrong with me, i've never had much friends irl, it feels like everyone knows something is wrong, i know something is wrong, even my friends notice something's not normal about the way i act (their leading guesses are autism or adhd but idk), but nobody knows what's wrong. I want to know what's wrong.

I cannot deal with them anymore, I have always been nice to them and befriending them but everyone just makes me be the outsider all the time. my school is private and small in number so everyone knows each other. I don't know what standard I am supposed to follow to please these people and make it known that I am a normal human being just like them. I talked to my substitute teacher about it and how much it affected me when it came to speaking in class, participating in group projects and such. it has taken a huge toll on my grades despite being able to study well and achieve good grades. I know that I shouldn't prioritize such things and focus on my future but when you are in a place where everyone looks down on you and belittles you it becomes impossible to be on the top. I want to switch schools but since my father owns it and that I apparently do not perform well academically I don't deserve to switch. I cannot do this anymore, every time I have been productive about studying everything around me at school demotivated me, even teachers. I hate my biology teacher specifically, she likes to pick on me for the sake of everyone's entertainment, that's what makes my reputation much worse. when my dad appears in school somehow everyone treats me like I exist but as soon as that moment goes it just becomes the same old routine of being nothing but a loser. I never did anything wrong, I don't even look ugly if that's what they want to judge me on (not in an arrogant way), I have many friends outside school who like me so I don't understand what everyone's deal is. to me socializing is also important just as much as studying to get nice school memories to hold onto. even kids who don't come to school for a whole millennia get more acknowledgement than me which drives me insane. I don't want to particularly be popular even just 1 friend would be nice. I hate it and I don't know how to get out.

In class it’s like there’s something everyone else knows that I don’t, everyone’s able to get their work done in like 1-3 days while it takes me at least a week. My teacher kept telling me it was alright that I was taking longer and now all of a sudden they’re telling me to take my work home and do it when the whole fact is that I don’t understand it. They try to help me but I still can’t get it. I look at the paper and I don’t understand anything and it takes me like 10 minutes just to comprehend what the hell im looking at while I got my classmates telling me to get to work. People are literally done with their work but im like 6 assignments behind. I sit here and I try to do it at home and I physically can’t I literally do not know what the hell im supposed to do. My parents sit here and act like they know but then I show them and they start telling me all the wrong shit. They’re fucking stupid too. Maybe if they would actually get me some fucking meds for my adhd I wouldn’t be this stupid. I paid attention like everyone else, I didn’t sit there and goof around when the teacher was teaching, I just don’t get it.

I think i might be overly critical towards everyone i meet, it is rare for me to really get along with someone. If i do, it is a matter of time before i find out something about them that disappoints me. I have some friends that i would usually talk to regarding what happened and try to get a less biased views. I told them to not defend me blindly because i really want to be a better person since socializing has been a long-term struggle for me. Most of the time they told me they genuinely think that i'm just not surrounded by good people. Both in friendships and relationships.

But what are the odds ? It has to be something to do with me if i keep meeting problematic people consecutively. Maybe there is something in me that is enabling them, something that brings out their worst sides. I rarely feel lonely but i feel pretty bummed out because deep down i'm quite excited to meet new people and form deeper friendships. But i just can't because they always end up becoming mean to me then i will lose my patience and cut them off.

I'm bad with social cues so i think a lot on how to do better. I would usually try to think from all perspectives and reasonings on why a person does something. I will analyze their personality and think of how to answer, how to navigate conflicts in a way that will make them comfortable and fix things. After some time i realized i'm putting way too much energy and some people won't even bother.

I feel a bit tired of trying and think maybe i should just be alone. Any remaining friendships feel superficial because it is only maintained thanks to the distance i put between us. If we don't know each other enough, we will never be disappointed. Just wanted to get this out because i haven't been feeling well.

Seriously, I wish I was more angry. I wish my default emotions wasnt solely sadness and hopelessness, because with more anger I'd have energy. With anger I'd have drive. I wouldnt sink into this hole of self pity, and I wouldnt feel so damn paralyzed. If I learned how to be angry, I'd be able to USE my feelings to move forward, instead of digging a grave for my lost potential and self worth. I've always stopped myself when feeling angry. Tried to think positive thoughts. Breathing exercises. Pushed it down. Fucking hell, im starting to think I've been surpressing a vital emotion my whole life.

It's ironic how much I want to live

I currently work in a fcking nest of vipers and i want out. I’ve been looking for a job for a while but I can’t find anything decent. I have two degrees but I’m not a fucking registered nurse or an engineer, I also do not want to wipe people’s ases in a nursing home. But it feels like this is all there is currently in the job market. I’ve been working since I left school and I am sick of working shift patterns and working weekends, this is all I’ve done for the past 10 years. Also, why can’t employers give you a decent wage instead of paying you peanuts?! I just want a job 9-5 Monday-Friday for once in my bloody life. I also want to be respected and appreciated but it feels like it’s just impossible. So for now unfortunately I’m stuck with working with cnts. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

When I was younger being single didn’t bother me that much. In fact I never were single for a long time. Now, I have been for ten months. Been on few dates and two guys I saw more than once but other than that…

Pretty much all my friends are in married / engaged or at least in relationship. I have never been married, twice been close.

Being single at this age feels like I’m somehow faulty. Nowadays I just don’t barge into relationship and finding people to date is hard. Yeah, I use dating apps but I don’t like them. I prefer to meet guys irl. I’m old enough to know that bar is not the best place but I still do that lol.

Biggest issue for me is that I want to have kids someday and I’m not getting any younger. What if I don’t ever find guy I wanna have family with?

It feels like I wantt to vent about a hundred topics that I either do wrong or want to punch someone's guts for. Doesn't help that I have harm OCD and my ruminating can go quickly into violent thoughts so I feel like shit even expressing anything without... well what harm OCD does lol.

I just wish to dish it to everyone who's wronged me in a way I'll never forgive (maybe 4) and sincerely apologize and try to reconcile to everyone I've wronged (mainly ghosting).

But for that, I feel like I have to at least show traces of progress somewhere or else there will always be the uncertainty if any of my words will be used against me and that feeds the part of myself that wants my downfall.

Tbh... now that I wrote all this, it might just have been the OCD after all. By not describing all that I had in my head, I somewhat caught the root.

My brain does funny things sometimes, but I'm not amused till the joke ended lol.

Hair is everything. Literally makes or breaks you, yet I had to be born with ugly hair. It’s so easy for other people to say “you should love your hair” or “it isn’t everything” when theirs is nice.

It’s so frustrating and adds onto my other issues. Just feels unfair. I hate that I was born this way. I don’t get why I had to be dealt such a shit hand in life.

I’m big in love with my ex. It’s been two years, and no one else compares in anyway. I’m going to be alone forever and ever.

I have never spoken a word to this man and I have already fallen deeply. I am in big shit now. And no, this time I am not trying to find someone just because I am so fucking lonely, this guy is actually my type. I don't know what to do because I know that I will never get to actually interact with him. I'm in trouble. The horrible thing is that he is my cousins friend. I love my cousin but I know that that will just make it worse. I will never be able to get to speak with him without my cousin being there (if I ever get to talk to him at all). He is just going to fall for my cousin like all the guys do. She doesn't even want love. I don’t fucking know how she does it but I literally know 4 guys who like her but I don't get it because she annoys the shit out of me. Yet I am here, lonely as fuck and she is getting jumped by 4 guys. Am I more annoying than my cousin and I don’t know it? Is she more pretty and I don’t know it? Guys just gravitate towards her and it hurts me because it makes me feel below her. Which means a lot to me because I see her as extremely immature, messed up and annoying. So essentially, I am even more immature, messed up and annoying. Am I annoying? She doesn’t even want this and she has it. 

He is attractive. Funny, really funny. He dresses well and has a nice voice. His smile is adorable. He is single and obviously is upset about it. HE IS GETTING A FUCKING MOTORCYCLE. I want to die. I’m never going to get him. If only I weren't an introvert, then this would be so much more easy.

Everyday I wake up and think about why the hell we're not even attempting to overthrow our government yet?

The Declaration of Independence states we have the right and DUTY to alter, abolish, or overthrow our government when it fails to protect us and abuses it's power and is becoming destructive to our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

It's only been 2 WEEKS and shit is falling apart. People are hurting, people are afraid, our systems are being dismantled in front of our eyes. Have we not seen enough? Is this not enough for you? How long until we do something to actually stop this?

I keep trying to convince myself that it will be fine and I can't keep worrying about things that I can't control, my state will protect me, everything will be fine. But nothing is fine. I don't feel fine, millions of people both in the U.S and all over the world aren't fine with this. This is not okay. We are not okay.

This is a vent sub, I don't care if you disagree with me or think I'm being dramatic, I'm saying what I need to say. That is all.

I’m just kind of sad and hurt. I get life goes on and I’ll get over it. But I started this job back in September, these managers are awesome and kind. They are being transferred to a different location.

I think what hurts me the most is I came from two stores back to back that fell apart. My last real job was at Christmas Tree Shops, but the company filed for bankruptcy and I watched every manager that I liked leave and I don’t know how I stayed for the liquidation but I did and we were screwed over so much.

Then after CTS I joined JOANN, but the same thing happened. The managers I liked, all three just left. The store was a shit store and the assistant manager was rude and drove people away.

I’m tired of feeling comfortable and then suddenly losing everything. I love my current job I don’t see a reason to leave obviously, but I’m scared of new management. I just hope they are nice

It’s been tough, watching friends and family around my age (late 20s, early 30s) have their parents hand them things I’ve had to work my butt off for. I’m talking about everything—tuition, jobs, cars, vacations, even houses. Meanwhile, I’ve had to figure things out on my own. My parents weren’t exactly financially savvy, so growing up, we didn’t have much, and I've never gotten that kind of help. I had to put myself through undergrad, grad school, and then nail down a decent job on my own. But even now, I’m buried in student loan debt, stuck in a small apartment, paying all my bills, and had to buy my car with no assistance. And I’m doing my best to be happy for my friends and cousins, who got a much easier ride. Their parent's assistance has allowed them to travel more, save more money, even start families. It makes me feel unsupported and left behind.

I'm not saying I want everything just given to me. I value hard work and I'm proud of how far I've come. But I feel like their achievements with the help of their parents overshadow everything I manage to do on my own.

I never had any hobbies but video games as a kid. I'm bad at sports. I'm weak. I can't run fast or far. Youd think id be good at video games. I'm not at all. I have to play every game on the easiest difficulty because I'm so fucking ass. I can't play anything online because any human being with a pulse will perform so astronomically better than me i have no way to play. I can't get better because 1. I have no chance because I'm just constantly dying or failing in some way and theres no time to actually improve 2 i have such terrible anger management if im not good at something i just stop or get so mad i get even worse. The one thing i should be good at, video games, arent even something i can do. My friends are better than me at everything, even games I've had for years and had to tech them.

I was 12 years old when I made myself throw up for the first time. At that age, I didn’t really understand what I was doing. It just felt like a way to "fix" eating too much. But by the time I was 14, it had become a daily habit. Food was no longer something to enjoy—it was something I needed to get rid of.

For years, I kept it a secret. I learned how to hide it well. Running the water while in the bathroom, chewing gum all the time, making excuses not to eat in front of others. It became part of my life, something I controlled.

At 18, I had a moment that should have scared me. I had just eaten too much and felt that awful pressure in my stomach. I was outside, walking home, but I couldn’t wait. I turned into a side street, leaned forward, and threw up on the pavement. It was quick, but the shame hit me right after. I wiped my mouth and walked away fast, hoping no one saw. But instead of stopping after that, I kept going.

At 19, I got caught. Someone noticed the signs—the weight changes, the bloodshot eyes, the constant bathroom trips. They asked too many questions, and I couldn’t hide it anymore. I told myself I would stop. But I didn’t.

It took years before I finally managed to quit. For two years, I stayed away from it. I started to believe I was free.

Then, three months ago, I relapsed.

At first, it was just one time. Then another. And another. Now, it feels like my whole day is planned around it. I tell myself I’ll stop, but the moment I feel full, I panic. And I give in.

Also: you can ask me on here whatever you want. Trying to get some shame off me, talking about these things help.

Im (32M) and literally a complete loser. I’m struggling so hard at life right now. According to the scriptures I am supposed to be successful at my age. But all I have accomplished is being broke and in debt. I’m extremely impulsive and apparently my ADHD meds don’t help. I have absolutely no self control. I have no self confidence, I never know what to say to people. I feel ugly , and stupid. There is so many things that I want in life and I know what they are, but have no clue how to get them. I’m drowning in debt due to poor financial decisions that’s including tax debt due to my lack of knowledge of finances. I feel like a failure to my family.

To be a woman is to be placed in an utterly passive role. You’re not an active player in life, you’re something that is acted upon. This applies to all areas of life. In a relationship, the man is the driver. I’m just a passenger who is along for the ride. I’m not allowed to reciprocate a man’s interest as if I do that means I’m chasing even though he showed interest in me first. I’ve noticed in dating is that it’s OK for a man to desire a woman. It is okay for a man to fall in love with a woman and want to make her wife. It is not ok for her to want that too. Because the moment she wants it too, the man will panic and feel like she’s trying to tie him down, even though it was his idea. So what am I to do? How does a woman even get into a serious relationship with a man? Do I have to act like I hate him and like I’m dragged into commitment and marriage by him kicking and screaming? Because that seems like what they want. It seems like they’re really turned off by reciprocation.

I was in a long distance relationship with a man and he spent almost two years begging me to move closer to him. He told me he thought I was his soulmate and he wanted a relationship with me. I finally made the move. It was a big decision for me because it was in a place I’d never been far away from everything I knew. I had my own place at first because my last experience living with someone wasn’t great but he invited me over a lot and often stayed over at my place. Then about a year and a half later when my lease was nearing its end I brought up moving in together. And he freaks out and says it was never that serious, accuses me of being controlling and complains about everyone falling in love with him and how he just wants things to be casual. We had spoken of moving in together before. He brought up marriage, children, perhaps the two of us relocating to another country together where the cost of living wasn’t so high. But this is what’s too serious abd it’s all because i was the one who brought it up.

Everything pisses me off nowadays. I'm genuinely worried I have developed anger issues or some other neurological issue. It gets to the point where my heart is racing out of adrenaline and white hot rage at the tiniest things, and it stacks throughout the day. It's making my mental health so much worse and despite having never felt depressed, this is the closest I've gotten to rock bottom, but out of overwhelming uncomfortable rage, not depressed emptiness. I feel everything too intensely. And I work a dead end cafe job with no hope of promotion, so I'm moving cities soon. I don't like change so stack anger with anxiety and you get me- overwhelmed constantly. I also just got a notification from my local authority that I haven't paid council tax for three months due to an error with the website so I now owe £700, which is half of the meagre savings I managed to scrounge together.