This is not the life I want

Hi. I don't know what to write. I just lost my wife. A few days ago. And I miss her. Everything reminds me of her. I miss her and I don't know what to do. the food that I had and the bed all reminded me of her. Life is unfair

I spend quite a bit of time being sad about little things and start to get really quiet. I spend a lot of my time with someone and they’ve brought it to my attention that I get really down often and I really just want it to stop. I’m really happy around them and it’s the best part of my day, but my worries, anxiety, and sadness just make my mind overthink everything and it makes my brain go to hell. It’s just that I want to be a fun individual and make their time with me enjoyable without being sad so suddenly.

We're practically strangers on the internet, but reading you guys' stories here is uplifting in a weird way. I realized I am not alone struggling with sadness.

Thank you everyone for sharing your story. I hope we can all get through this mess of a life and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I missed you quietly today. So quietly that no one noticed. I missed you as I climbed out of bed and as I brushed my teeth; when I waited at the lights on the drive into work and as I heard the rain outside my window. I missed you as I ordered lunch and as I kicked off my shoes when I got home; as I switched off the lights and climbed into bed for the night. I missed you without tears or noise or fanfare. But oh how I felt it. I felt it in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and at night. I felt it as I woke, as I waited, as I worked. I felt it at home, on the road, in the light, in the dark, in the rain. I felt it in every one of those moments, each one sitting heavier and heavier as the weight of me missing you kept growing and growing. Yes, I missed you so quietly today. But I felt it so loudly. (Becky Hemsley 2024)

Sad

Edit: Why are y’all still commenting on this it’s been like 20 days

Hi yall, i really just came here to vent bc i i didnt know where else could i, i never like to reach out when i have stuff in My mind, never did, never will, dont like to bother people bc i know they got they own stuff going on, but i still wanted to write this to release it i guess idk

Just turned 19, it's 5AM And i just can't feel like im supposed to feel, due to various aspects of how My life is going i guess,

Idk where to start, i think the most affecting thing is My current relationship, i'm in a kinda complicated relationship with this girl, been knowing her since a very long time, had our highs and lows, started talking again in february, started hanging out, no gf/bf title yet, and not bc i dont want to, its just that shes far away and i dont think its the perfect timing for it, and also idk it seems like shes not ready yet, she comes to my city often and last time she came we said goodbye kinda in a Bad note, before she left we had a little argument, and since she left she hasnt been the same, she makes it seem like she started losing interest, talking less, dry messaging and stuff, we used to call each other to sleep like almost everyday and now we dont even do that.

Honestly i feel like everything is crumbling in Front of me, i feel like shes gonna go and it makes me sick, i tend to overthink a Lot so u already know how that goes, especially at night before sleeping, left My job Around May (bc she was coming to the city and i wanted all my Time for her) and since i havent round any other job, feel like a failure, my hobbies don't Even be fun to do anymore, ive been having the feeling of just wanting to take stuff to forget about everything, and its not normal ik it sounds like stupid stuff but ive been wanting to stay away from all that always but my mind is going crazy, im at fault at a level bc i put way too much of my happiness on how she is feeling with me, i got kinda like a anxious attachment issue and she is more of an avoidable type and its like i depend of her for my happiness, and i know thats not healthy, i asked her a couple days ago if something was wrong and she said no but i can feel the weird vibe shes giving me, this is not the first time this happened, past experiences make me kinda scared of her leaving again, and being alone, and losing everything Ive tried to build again, been going insane tbh, going to sleep at 6 like everyday, having to fake being cool for my friends so they dont sorry, bad habits, new addictions, etc...

Not tryna be dramatic or nun like that just what Ive been feeling.

Just hoping that god helps me, and gives me a sign to not fuck My life up, i'm just tired of love being the reason i feel pain.

If someone read all that bs i just wrote,

Preciate you Love

Why. Does. It. Happen. Am I really a bad person? How .. can I change... Why am always a bad person. What is wrong with me

My best friend shot themself Sunday morning, they were really deep in alcoholism and I went to them consistently, everyone else shames or silently hates me and that's not self deprication I've seen heard and lived it. I j really don't know how to keep going. All of my friends are dead

im at a point where im not sure what im meant to do anymore. i hate how badly i love love. i crave human touch and affection like a fish does water. maybe it’s because i didnt get enough of it while growing up. my single mom tried her very best and my dad came around now that im older but it’s a little too late. they are the ones who made me this way, why do i feel like im going to collapse because none of my relationships worked out? my current situationship just dumped me and honestly it’s affecting me more than i’d like it to. everything was perfect, but i knew it was going to end eventually. it’s the fact that it ended that’s getting to me. if not with someone then what’s the use of me? im not necessarily unhappy with myself individually but to be with someone is such an experience. when i love, i love hard. i give my all and it’s almost never reciprocated. am i just too much for people? or not enough? im not the perfect mix for anyone apparently. and ik im young and have my whole life ahead of me but i can’t shake those terrible thoughts that occupy my mind 24/7. i already am dealing with my depression but that’s nothing new, im fine in “that” department honestly. ive been sober two years and dont fall back into my bad habits but i honestly think i want to now. maybe i want to be with someone else so bad because i dont want to be alone with my thoughts. i have so much ahead of me but i dont really care for it if ik there’s no one special apart of that. they all end up using me then leaving me. i just want something stable, my love to be reciprocated and to not have to feel afraid and uneasy all the time. ik love isn’t meant to be easy and i don’t want that. I’ve experienced love that’s hard, I’ve done long distance, i’ve lost my first love and oh how desperately i miss him. he’s not dead, but from time to time, it feels like i actually buried him in the ground. we couldn’t work, not in our current places anyways, but ik romantic relationships aren’t all there is to life. i have a few good and close friends, but that type of love isn’t enough for me. im close with my family too, but still, it’s not enough. i want butterflies to do backflips in my stomach and to stutter on my words when trying to speak or even look at my person. i want warm cuddles and late night heart to hearts with my person. i want to sit in comfortable silence and rot on the couch with my person. i want to be able to have A PERSON. ik that i won’t find them at the bottom of a bottle or the end of a blunt. but i can’t take the waiting and hoping that one day it’ll finally come. i feel empty and useless and it’s dragging me down. im just bored to the point where i rather get high or sleep then have to have this conversation over and over again with myself. but at least im not dead or physically harmed right? im so tired, i just want to love someone with my whole being and have them accept that. i want my love to be welcomed instead of spat on all the time. im not sure what im expecting from posting this, ig i just want someone to listen and be able to write down everything passing in my head right now. ik realistically im not unlovable, but it sure as hell feels like it. ik i should focus on university, pick up more hobbies and find other things in life to focus on but i just can’t seem to. im heartbroken. i wish things worked out with G.H and that we could’ve had the happily ever after we dreamed of. i wish i wasn’t so dependent on others. i wish i could get a grip on the thoughts in my head. i wish i didn’t have to be medicated and could self regulate. and most of all, i wish i could be loved.

sorry. this'll be a bit of a trauma dump, haha.

im 19, trans male if that matters at all. i've been suicidal and have had constant suicidal thoughts since i was 13. i've been diagnosed with depression since 7. medication doesn't work. therapy doesn't work. my family is horrible ; the only good people in my life are my boyfriend and my gramma. my father refuses to teach me how to drive so i have no drivers lisence or car, and no job at the moment due to bus fares + him refusing to give me money for said fares. because i have no car, i have no way to go out and make friends. online friends never really work for me.

i know i have my boyfriend and my gramma, but they seem to be the only good things in my life, and everything else almost overshadows them. i'm miserable. i want to find a reason to stay involving them, but i can't seem to get on my feet and get out there. i feel like i'm stuck in a loop that'll never end unless i kill myself.

any advice or help would be appreciated. love you all.

I’ve had a relationship now for a few years, and since the end of its first year (now going to the fifth) we decided to open the relationship because my boyfriend had never had any sexual relations with anyone but me and wanted to try some other things, and I was at a time where it didn’t bother me, so we came to the agreement of opening and it was never cause for concern. However, it all started going bad when I started becoming an alcoholic due to mental health issues, and discovered I had cancer at a very early and treatable stage, so, after the surgery to remove the tumor and the treatment with hormones and a lot of medicine, I started losing my will to live and because of the 30-stitch irregular scar on my stomach that I will forever have, I have not been able to look at myself the way I used to. I started getting fat (I was never really skinny, but it got worse), and people from every social group, whether it be family or friends, started saying how big I was getting, and how ugly I’d become. It broke me. It broke me to the point where I saw no need for care, and I haven’t been able to go the doctor to see if anything is going on with me, because aside from the trauma of being hospitalized for days, being cut open and stitched back up again, I got sexually abused. I had then become an alcoholic, I was about to quit college, and nothing seemed to make sense. There were days where I felt nothing. And I was cared for after being abused, I was given drugs to help with the manic episodes that came after that, the depression that took over, and there are days that I can get up and feel pretty and get shit done, but most of the time I look at people and see that they stare at me with some sort of pity, disgust, or even hatred, and I wonder why is it that I am always the bad guy, the person whose affection is never to be put in a serious position, and wonder why is it that nobody seems to be attracted to me anymore. Is it because I have my scars, is it because I got fat, is it because after all my attempts of being a good person, the moment I made selfish decisions everyone turned their eyes to my situation and saw me as ungrateful, as unwilling to cooperate and be friendly with? Why does it always feel like I will never be the same again, and why does everyone think my boyfriend is hot and wants him and the moment they see me around the corner they feel sorry for him as if I’m some sort of monster who should be locked away? Have I not suffered enough from being sick, abused, depressed and addicted and I still have to look at everyone with a thankful smile and say that it doesn’t hurt me to see the way they look at me, when it kills me that I no longer feel worthy of love and affection? Where have I gotten? Who have I become? Why can’t I love the reflection in the mirror?

People often say that everyone deserves to be loved, but after years and years of not only struggling to make friends, but slowly losing the few that I retained from high school, I've come to the conclusion that there must actually be something wrong with me that makes me undeserving of love.

I don't say that to be dramatic or sentimental, I really think there's some logic to this conclusion. I think I'm a pretty good person in most ways, I generally care about others, I'm compassionate, I'm positive, I try to be helpful, I try to take an interest in others, etc. I don't know if maybe I'm just not doing enough of that stuff, or if people can sense that it's insincere and I've somehow fooled myself into believing it isn't, or maybe there's something I'm missing that I haven't even considered, but no matter how much chemistry I have with someone at first, no matter how much we get along and seem to really like one another, they always seem to either pull away when I try to get closer, or they never further the relationship themselves. This goes for friendships and romantic prospects, I always end up with the same outcome.

I feel like I must be giving off some sort of energy that turns people away without realizing it. I don't know what specifically it would be, because if I knew I'd have been working on it already, but if it's enough to turn away pretty much everyone, it's probably a pretty bad thing. And if I have a negative characteristic or multiple that are strong enough to leave me totally unwanted, and I don't even recognize what it is, that's a me problem, and if I can't overcome it and better myself, I probably don't deserve to be loved.

I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. I'm happy to take advice and suggestions but I mostly just wanted to put this out there to vent, and to see whether it's a truly unreasonable conclusion or not. I'm just sick of feeling lonely and want to change, but I don't know what my problem is.

I’m going through a tough break with my boyfriend and just need someone to talk to and possibly fall asleep on the phone with.

Hello, this is your moderator again,

 I am very happy to see the sub gaining some life again, there’s new posts (you’re welcome for approving them all one by one) with lots of interaction and people helping people. Just some few things:
 If you post and your post work go through, unfortunately this is normal and happens to everyone, all posts have to go through mods for some reason. That being said, please do not post the same thing multiple times. I WILL get to it, might take me a minute, but it’ll happen. Posting it multiple times will simply end in more posts I have to look through to approve. Patience is key, and will help me get to your post faster and sort through other posts faster if you understand that I have to approve your post and you should not post it multiple times.

Additionally, a simple request, please read rules before posting. This is a place to seek help, NOT to ask how to kill yourself. Instead, feel free to rant, and see how liberating it feels. Posts that ask for methods of self harm or suicide do NOT make it, as according to the rules I must delete them? wasting both your time and mine. Please, seek help, there are people here willing to help you.

 Lastly, thanks for all of you, every single person. Yes, YOU currently reading this. Every member of r/sad is a crucial member. Whether you are dumping things off your chest, or being there for others, thank YOU for being here, and thank YOU for helping us bring this subreddit back to life one step at a time. 

 Any comments? Criticisms? Concerns? Literally anything? Feel free to comment on this post OR dm me (I don’t have a preference and it won’t affect how long I take to get back to you).

 Thank you again, to all of you, and please make sure to follow the guidelines outlined in this post :)

     I’m currently in high school and had a crush on this girl for about 16 months. The feelings had mostly faded by that time however on a trip to Boston she reached out to me. I thought why not give it a shot since I liked her before and we started talking. But that’s all we ever did, her friends and her not readiness for a relationship kept me in the friend zone even though she had feelings for me. I stayed around because I had developed strong feelings for her. 
     However this began to take a toll on my mental health and over 2 months I noticed her enjoying my presence less and less. I expressed this to her and she claimed nothing had changed and she still had feelings for me but this wasn’t really true and was to keep me staying around. Eventually i decided to tell her how much of a toll it was all taking on my mental health then she admitted she didn’t like me anymore. After this she proceeded to ghost me and I haven’t talked to her since. 
     Over the summer I thought I had gotten over her but on the very first day when I had to see her in a mutual class I realized this wasn’t true. I really love her and I would do anything to have her back. She’s the only girl who’s ever liked me and only 1 of 2 I’ve liked ever. This whole situation has given me a sort of insomnia where I just never feel tired anymore and my thoughts about her never stop racing and just a general feeling of worthlessness and depression. 
      I just can’t take it anymore I want to be deserving of love but I just feel like I’m not and even if they do like me back something will go wrong. I just don’t know why I’m not good enough or why she did this to me but I need her back. I really love her, I don’t know how to go about getting her back, and I can’t avoid her. What do I do to get her back to liking me I’m fine with whatever zone we were before when she still liked me I just need something. It was the only time I’ve ever felt loved and cared about.
      Please help

Me and my family took in a stray kitten of about 5 weeks which wound up in our yard about a week ago, we were taking care of it and trying to keep her healthy throughout her growing process. unfortunately today she was refusing to eat and was having trouble standing up. Me not knowing much about kittens, took her to the er for help. When I arrived they told me that she had low blood sugar, a low temp, and more than likely parasites. They told me the operation to save her life right there and then would be around 3-5 thousand dollars. I am a 20 year old student and that kind of money isn't something I had access to, so my only option was to sadly put her down.

I'm struggling with the guilt because I know that if I had the money there's a chance I could have saved her, but I didn't. When every life is priceless I'm going to be told that because I cant pay at that moment I have to let her die? I feel terrible like it's my fault, even though I'm aware that its not, it doesn't stop me from feeling terrible. I wanted to give her a home to be happy in instead of out on the streets at such an impossibly young age. I'm happy I was able to at least send her off without any suffering, but I still feel awful.

Have any of you had an experience like this? and if so how did you deal or manage with it?

I recently found out that my dad has been cheating on my Ill mother. It’s been 3 days since I found out and I cannot put into words how betrayed, hurt, and angry I feel. It’s gotten to the point where I have thought about kms because I genuinely believe that there is no coming back from this. I went to church and spoke to a priest about it and he told me that I need to separate myself from the situation and that my fathers infidelity has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. I need to learn to see him as a person rather than a heroic figure.

But how? My life has turned upside down. How do I grieve the loss of a parent without them being dead? What do I do? My heart aches for my mom. I feel so guilty, I hate myself for being associated with him. I cant look at myself in the mirror without crying. I hate that I’m related to him. It has made my depression much worse. I cant look at my dad anymore nor speak to him. This entire situation has consumed my mind, all I can think about is how dying is my only escape from all of this. Im trying to distract myself, i still go to the gym, I workout for long hours, I’m going outside on walks, I listen to music. I’m trying to do everything that will try to take my mind off this but nothing is helping. I’m trying to seek therapy but deep down I know that there is no solving this. I will never be able to forgive him, my life will never go back to normal. All I can think about is my father’s infidelity and dying. Im really sorry if this is too wordy, my emotions are all over the place.

I remember being worried and struggling in my freshman year of high school and I did seem to get a little better, but that was only the beginning. I'm a senior now in high school and I've gotten progressively worse. I'm so alone and I've been alone for the entire time. I've had a few approach me and I would help them with their work, but we weren't really friends because it was only situational and I've come to realize that I've never had a close friend before. All my frienda have ever been is situaltional and I feel like I'm not even worth talking to. The only reason anyone really approached and befriended me was out of pity. I still want to be a part of my school and help others, but half to time I'm to afraid to pick up a pencil off the ground for someone. I spend most of my day listening to other's conversations to feel connected and a part of something, but I'm still so alone. I don't know why, but it feels like something's eating away and compressing my chest. I wish I could talk to someone and I know that all I need to do is put myself out there, but it's not that easy for me. It takes me twenty minutes to even ask the teacher something as simple as "Can I use the bathroom?" After waiting for the class to stop paying attention. You could place a rock in my spot instead of me and people would care more. My social anxiety is so intense that I can't walk, talk, or do anything normally. I keep telling myself others that others have it worse and that my issues aren't that bad in comparison. I've intentionally planned out every personally slideshow to be the most bland, boring, and forgettable slideshow out of everyone and to go at the most forgettable time so everyone can forget about me, but no one knows a think about me. I'm so misunderstood and miserable, but it's entirely my fault since how can they make any accurate predictions if the only think they know about me is I like to sleep a lot. I feel so worthless, useless, hopeless, and a total waste of space that I've lost all fear of death. To convince myself to keep going I've told myself that suicide is selfish because I'm only thinking of myself and not about how I hurt others, but it's clear that a suicidal ideation is present. Everyday I think about killing myself or dying at least three times a day. I want to die and I want to die so badly because it's so hard to live. I can't even open the curtains or windows because I'm scared of others seeing me, yet I want to. I want some friends to talk to so badly, but it's not like I deserve anything. I deserve this fate. I would have done any drug, but I'm so socially anxious that I can't even contact a drug dealer. Being alone aches so badly, but being others fills me with the greatest fear I've ever faced. Everyone keeps telling me to put myself out there and talk to them or at least try, but can't they see I'm trying. Can't they see this is me giving my all everyday. Can't they see that I'm not what they make me to be. I'm just a burden on everyone in my life and I wish I was never born. I've tried being hopeful and optimistic, but the glass is completely empty. The only thing that brings me any joy are cats so I spend most of my days watching cat videos to try and make to the next day. It would be so easy though. I just wish a school shooter would come and kill me already. I fantasize about it everyday because at least my life could maybe have some value and maybe just maybe someone could hug me and hold me in my last moments. I'm so pathetic and useless, while everyone else is great with friends and jobs and such. When I tried applying for a job I got scared and bailed before I even got to the interview. When someone walks past me on a trail it makes me so anxious I feel like crying, but it doesn't matter if I want to because I still can't. I don't understand though because my father tells me he loves me on the phone and my mother provides me food. Why don't I feel loved at all? Maybe I'm selfish and maybe I deserve to die. I remember my sister and her boyfriend told me that they love me, but they are tired and want to sleep. For the first time it felt like someone loved me. I want someone to like me a care about me, but no one will because I'm too hideous and overall an awful human being. My existence probably brings people done and if anyone says one negative thing about me and I'll immediately want to kill myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's really even a problem because when my doctor found out she seemed concerned, but my mother seemed to be annoyed by the situation if anything. Maybe I'm just overreacting and being dramatic either way I just want it to end. I want an escape where I can get away from my problems. I just want to fade away along with the memory and pain I've caused in others.

Do you think trying to overdose 3 times on ibuprofen is bad? The second time I tried, I noticed that lately sometimes I'll feel a small pain somewhere in my stomach. I just tried to OD again but idk. I only took a little bit. It's 200 mg

I’m sorry, I feel sad and alone. My fiancé(23male) had been asking me for a few weeks what I wanted to do for my birthday and giving suggestions like going out to eat at an expensive place, going to the movies ect. I told him i just wanted to have a regular day at home just me him and our daughter(8months) that I wanted to spend the day with the my little family. Later on it was an on and off thing of we were going to do he had invited his family to go eat with us when I didn’t know the plans had changed then then it was a yes and no on and off.

It’s now my birthday and he forgot it. We have always done this things were we try to be the first to say happy birthday to each other right on the dot at 12am and it didn’t happen this time, At first I honestly thought he was pretending to forget for some sort of joke and the night went on then morning and when he left to work afternoon ect. He really did forget my birthday and I felt hurt. We have always tried to make it special for one another since we were just teens, weave been middle school sweethearts and together since we were 13.

He’s able to come home from for his lunch break he could tell something was up and told me to tell him what’s wrong after I told him I didn’t want to say and I felt embarrassed that I felt this way. He had me tell him anyways and I did, I told him that I think he forgot my birthday he looked at his phone and just smiling said “oh, I did” I is a toy started to cry I don’t know why but I couldn’t help but to cry and when he asked me why I was crying that he didn’t even think I cared about my birthday. I told him that I didn’t even know that I did until now, I didn’t care about going out or anything that I just wanted him to say happy birthday and us have a day at home together. He told me he was sorry that he lost track of the date and he didn’t even know today was the 4th that he didn’t forget that he just didn’t remember todays date and that if he did forget he wouldn’t have been looking up things of what to get me. I told him thank you for looking things up, but I still felt sad that he forgot it’s the same thing. Then he just got upset. I was still crying and he continued to get upset and telling me that I am being childish. He asked if things were going to be wrong the whole time during his lunch and I told him no I’d change it. And it worked for about 5 minutes until he asked me what made me change it my mood so fast , and I told him I don’t know. Then everything started all over again. As I was starting to tear up I told him I didn’t want to talk about it because I’ll just cry and I didn’t want to cry anymore, and that he’d just be upset over me crying. He got upset and told me that why does it even matter if he did forget my birthday. That I am acting like a little child crying over their birthday, that I am a child, I’m childish telling me this over and over again while starting at me crying as he’s telling me this and I’m holding our daughter trying to settle her down(she was getting really fussy really fast) then asked me angrily why I was crying as I’m trying to settle down our baby. In my head o was just trying to take deep breaths I felt so sad I didn’t understand why he was so mad, I felt sad about the birthday thing, and his reaction just made things worse and our baby is freaking out and I’m trying to stay composed to help her and me not say something to make things worse I don’t want to argue. But then a bit of time passed and I realized I hadn’t said anything to his question and he got upset, I tried to explain everything going on and I was trying to remain calm that I was overwhelmed with all the stuff going on at once. He told me that it seems likes I don’t even want to talk to him and I told him I do I was trust trying to calm down and once again explained why I didn’t say anything and then I told him if anything it seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me. That he was the one just getting upset and being mean to me, and he got up told me that I didn’t even make sense and said I have to go and started to talk about the door.. I just sat there crying asking if he’s not even going to say goodbye and he just walked away faster and left. We always have these promises that when we are upset or arguing that we won’t up and leave that we’d work things out and if we can’t try not to leave things on a bad note, and two never go to bed upset.

I chit our daughter calmed down and took her to go play in her room and messaged him not even 5minutes later, I thought he left early and didn’t have to go back to work yet. I was ended up being wrong about it, but then told me that I only wanted to be upset and sad. Sad yes I get that, I mean I didn’t want to be sad that’s why I didn’t want to talk about things the second time around but definitely not upset. I just sat there the whole time as he was talking down. I said what I had to say and he told me he was sorry for being mean and sorry for the way he treated me. At that point my head hurt so much from crying when my daughter went down for her nap I fell alseep too. I never said anything back I felt so hurt for how he treated me, how he reacted all of it. I realized why it made me sad to begin with why I cared so much about him not remembering my birthday or even after knowing not just saying happy birthday. My family grew up as jahovas witness and you can’t celebrate anything, I never celebrated Christmas, Halloween birthdays as a kid whenever did come home from school with birthday cards the classroom made me or Halloween candy that teachers gave our my mom would throw them away. Even after we moved on from the religion we never did anything. My family actively would try to hide it’s my birthday or so they didn’t feel forced to try to spend money on a cake or say anything to me. I remember my 4th grade teacher at the end of the school day telling me what is as going to do for my birthday and me being confused not even knowing that it was and when my brothers came to pick me up and she told them they just said “man why did you have to tell her”. Even though it wasn’t a religious thing anymore I wasn’t worth the effort for my family to even speak to words happy birthday, I love you anything. Home has always been horrible growing up so much so that I don’t even keep on contact with my family only my dad. When I met my fiancé at 13years old he changed that for me he’d tell remember my birthday and made me feel special take me to all of his family celebrations my first Christmas present, thanksgiving meal, everything. When he didn’t remember I felt alone again. His reaction made everything worse and I think k I really am alone. I feel scared of how things will pan out, I have my baby asleep now, we havnt said much at all.

When he got home from work and I was laying in bed he asked if I wanted to talk and I told him not really no. As soon as I said that I knew I messed up. That because I said that then we wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day, and I’m wrong he has responded to things like asking if he’s going to say goodnight to our daughter, or once I got her to bed I asked him if he wanted food. He said asked what it was and said yes. He took his plate to the room.

It’s now 11pm and I’m sitting in the living room alone looking at my cold plate of food as I’m writing this. I really do feel aslone in life again. I know some of this is my fault, i can’t help but to feel sad. I’m greatful to have had my daughter with me, even though she’s to little to hug me back and just pushes me away and gets fussy. It’s nice to know she loves me and needs me. Sorry for all the typos.

I feel so alone all the time. I wish I had more friends with the same interests as me. I want friends who collect stuff like me and play the same games as I do. I just feel so alone in moments I should be feeling happy. I wish I had someone to show my favorite things with. I wish they liked my favorite things just as much as me. I feel so stupid whenever I try to talk about these things w my other friends. I feel like they think I’m weird or annoying. I just want someone who understand me.

I’m a single 30 male and I have a job which I think is not stable . I’m feeling lost in my life. I think I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life which I’m suffering for now . Anybody can relate ?

Well it happened again, my girlfriend and I had an argument last night and it ended, again, in a brakeup. Out of nowhere she started accusing me of wanting other people, and watching pornography behind her back, both are not true. And I don't know where it came from, the last few days with her were amazing, and now all of a sudden this happens. Every time she gets into a bad mood she starts to remember everything bad that ever happened in our relationship and leaves me. And when stuff like this happens I always feel like it's only my fault, that I'm just bad towards her. But like I don't think I ever did something to make her this mad. She is bipolar and has bpd. I'm trying to make this work but it feels like the whole world is fighting me. I love her more than anything in the world, and I can't imagine a reality where I'm not with her, but our relationship also hurts me beyond anything ever. I just feel like I've reached the threshold or my sanity, and I want to harm myself really badly, I want to fall asleep forever. It's not just this relationship, everything feels bad, and I think I've fallen into some kind of a depression. She reached out to me this morning and started talking like nothing happened last night, and i just worry that the same thing will happen again soon. She also told me a few weeks back that she "cheated" on me a year ago. I forgave her because it was just a quick kiss which she didn't start, and she was very drunk and backed out of the kiss as soon as she realised what was happening. The same person tried to kiss her again some time later and she refused him. I'm not upset at the kiss, I'm more upset that she kept that from me for so long. I'm just rambling at this point, that's about it i guess. Also I apologize if my english is bad, It's not my first language.

So im at my workplace, waiting to do something. Today i work a 6 hour shift and i had nothing to do for the past two hours. And i dont get paid to do nothing. So i managed to stay in a okay mood for the past hour but now im sad. I cant even tell if its because of lack of tasks at the job, or something else

So many shit going on ..

guys i have a serious question. me and the love of my life broke up, and since then ive decently lost faith in life. I have no friends, me and my mom fight all the time, i literally haven’t left my room. and when i check to see how my ex is doing, he doesn’t even care. i can tell that i literally mean nothing to him. every day just gets worse and all that’s on my mind is just getting it over with and dying. can someone please convince me to not risk my life over this. because i have no one

I think I might be the only guy to ever post this but it happens I guess. I had a weird suspicion so I went through her phone and found her talking to some guy on onlyfans and liking all his pictures of his cock and stuff like that, and honestly I’m kinda at a loss for words

( bad at spelling)

i'm 13, and im home schooled, it's the best thing my mothers ever did, i came home, from masking all, sobbing and lashing, btw im autsic ( and dcd),

every day i slashed out, sobbing shit,, i start self harming, the worst thing i ever did, my mother notice and after 3-4 weeks took me out off school,

i have i made so many new friends who are also home schooled, being fr, best thing my mom ever did. now im getting better education then my school ever did.

first ever post so yeah