For anyone who ever planned to commit suicide, and changed their mind, why did you change your mind, and are you happy you did?

I missed all of my kids birthdays this year. I felt awful each and every time they came up. But one day they will understand why I did what I'm currently doing. I pray that they will understand.

I refuse to date anymore. I'm a terrible person.

In our first part of the relationship, I obsessed over them. I was needy and couldnt live without them, but they never gave me the same type of affection. It caused me to overthink that maybe they just dont love me at all and they're dating me out of pity.

I ghosted them. And throughout the months, I started to mature a bit more. I noticed how I didnt communicate with my partner at all. So I started working on myself to be better for them. I really thought all I needed was to fix my communication. But that's not everything.

I had to move schools, but even so, I still couldnt move on. Despite being the one who left..

I reached out to them for the last time, asking for a second chance. I even promised to them that I'll speak whatever is in my mind. And they actually said yes. This second part of our relationship was doing great until it started dying down all because I switched schools. I barely got to see them anymore. A few weeks after, I started developing a crush on one of the guys from my class. I knew it was wrong. But I couldnt help it. I promised that I would tell my partner everything. So, I told them about him. And the days after that, they didnt respond or even see my messages. But when I checked their socials, they still post. And again, I started overthinking and I spammed them with even more messages. I couldnt stop. My words didnt come out the right way though- I wanted to sound caring but instead I came off as angry and upset. Which I was..

One day, they finally responded back to me. They sent me a long paragraph, talking about how much Ive hurt them. They told me how my love felt so empty, I'm a cheater for liking someone else, and I'm impatient. I never once thought about how they felt while they were ignoring my texts. And they're right, I was too selfish and jumped into conclusions.

They ended up leaving the relationship and I could barely say anything. I've never realized how much I actually hurt them. And I feel like an asshole. I wish I were more mature.

Hi everyone, I have severe chronic depression and bipolar disorder. I have tried everything, and I'm exhausted. Honestly, I simply just want to end it-that's literally what I want. I want to have some autonomy over myself, and I am choosing to end my life. I just want to know some peaceful, painless ways to go. I've done enough research on assisted suicide, and that is not an option for me. I want something cheap, easily attainable, and rather peaceful and painless. I have never known peace in my life ever, so at least in death, I would like some.

I know a lot of people will be like, "Get help," and, "This is not the way," and I really do appreciate your concern and positive outlook, but this is my decision, and I am okay and rather happy with it. So please respect that, and if you can find it in your heart somewhere, try to understand it. I have always been sad for pretty much as long as I can remember. I don't think I was ever happy-not even as a kid. And I do not want to live the rest of my life trying not to die. Surviving, not living, is no way to live—at least that is what I believe and think.

My life now, from an outside perspective-and even in my personal opinion-seems good. I have a loving partner that I love more than anything (please don't try to change my mind over this; he is my everything). But I feel like I don't deserve him. He is genuinely the best person I know, and I feel like he deserves so much better than me. I have parents who have invested and given me all that they have, and they love me very much (although I do not feel comfortable or close enough to talk to them about anything real in my life, and that is okay). I also carry a-lot of extreme guilt over so many things-wastin. ny parents' money, living up to their efforts, and more. I have good friendships, etc., etc., and that's my problem: after having everything that most people have, I am still inherently and very, very deeply sad. (Please do not tell me I am ungrateful—| have heard that so many times, and I am indeed very grateful.) If I could have been saved, l would have.

But having a decent life now doesn't mean I always did. I had a rough childhood with major self-esteem issues and memory gaps from sexual abuse. My brain chemistry has been permanently altered. I'm on lithium and lamotrigine for medication, I go to therapy, and I see a psychiatrist, but nothing changes how I feel. I have never felt okay, no matter how much I try.

On top of it all, I am constantly anxious about everything bad that can happen. My mind races with every possible worst-case scenario. Whenever I think about or try to imagine a future, I can only picture death in some way, shape, or form. I can't see anything else.

So please just suggest some peaceful ways to go. I do not have a date or time planned yet, but I am exploring my options. Thank you, everyone, in advance.

Sorry this post is SO long but please, please, please read it.

i get this deep pit of sadness when i think of anything ending