i don’t know much more sad i can be anymore. Tonight i believe i lost him forever. i tried to fix things but he didn’t open my messages or answer my calls. my heart feels so empty so so so empty i feel like it’s gone and im just so sad. that’s all i can say i feel so miserable so bad so lonely. i wish this night ended differently…. i wish i would’ve kept my mouth shut. all i could was say im sorry but i know sorry isn’t enough. i’m sorry i didn’t just leave it alone. I love you so much honey, i really hope you don’t go away i hope you forgive me. last nights talk really gave me hope and now i feel like that’s all changed for you and i hate thinking that you won’t want to ever get back together it just breaks me apart over and over again. i really hope we can work this out…. please don’t go away my jaanu

We have spent everyday together for so long. We had a great connection, I really cared about and loved them so much. I really thought they could be my person.

Idk how I’ll cope with not having them in my arms again. But they hurt me so badly, I can’t trust them anymore. And I can’t keep them happy anyway.

My heart is hurting so fucking bad. I can’t take this heartache.

I’m also going to be worried about them because they are going through things. And I won’t know if they are okay.

This is for the best for us both, but I’m so fucking crushed. I feel sick to my stomach.

I, a 16 year old guy, got dumped by my girlfriend of 4 months. The reasons were valid it was an illogical relationship to start with, I was a junior and she was a senior in high school, and she was leaving for college and overtime insecurities just got the better of us and it became difficult to deal with. But i love her more than anything and I dont think i could ever stop. I used to sing songs for her, I bought a little music box for her, gave her a ring, and everything just seemed so perfect. We all knew the end was coming but I didnt expect it to hurt this much. We broke up around 3 weeks ago and yesterday i spoke to her again. I gave her a poem i wrote about her(yeah i know its cringy) in hopes of maybe getting her to feel some way , but even though she did it just didnt make sense to be together again. No matter what i do though i simply cant move on. She probably will move on sooner or later and the mere thought of seeing her with someone else makes me cry.

I always love with my whole heart and everything I have to give. But it doesn’t matter, I always end up right back in this place. Alone.

Hi, this post is get some advice and opinion from members of this community.

 Myself (37 M - never married or have kids)

Her (34 F - Divorced with 2 toddlers 3 and 5)

December 2023, I went on a date and she is one of the most beautiful person I have ever “felt” what I mean by felt is not just her physical appearance, it’s her feminine energy, simplicity, gentleness and the way it calmed my insides in an instant. We both had a beautiful conversation, and it was an amazing date. We both were interested in each other and continue seeing for next 11 months.

MY Side of the story. I am a religious man and tries to follow to the best of my ability and yes, I do fall into the temptations of my desires like physical relation before marriage etc. She has two kids and was married to her ex-husband while seeing me. She said she in third week of seeing each other that she is interested in religion and would like to learn. I was never comfortable with all this and questioned her about all of my concerns, like how the family dynamics is going to look like, what kids will follow in the household as they are learning different values from their father, my family will be reluctant for me to accept someone with kids and as a man it was really hard for myself to convince of all this.

I tried ending things in the beginning before we developed any feelings. However, she kept coming to me every weekend, calling texting, planning things and me being a weak man fall for all that b/c I live all by myself in a new town and don’t know anyone and spends my free time at work, gym and home. I wanted to enjoy life too and I had the best time with her in all aspects of life EXCEPT my guilt of having sex and what is going to happen if I marry her.

Her response to me was very vague about family “you take care of me and I will take care of the kids” with not discussion on how family is going to run and what will happen with 2 families (father and me) and their different way of life. In the beginning she was into religion but slowly it all dies down. She had expressed her feelings and love for me in the first month of seeing each other.

However, for 9 months I was in this intense anxiety of what is going to happen, my guilt of not being with someone with same religion or culture, what if she decides to leave after few years of marriage, my dream of having a nuclear family and my biggest fear in life is having a broken family. All that took me 9 months to decide that regardless, she is the one, but I never said this to her but slowly started opening myself to her and her kids. Meeting them, playing with them, taking them out for dinners and swims with their mum. I have developed a strong bond with her and her kids (al least in my head only).

HER Side of the story, I kept hurting her by saying that I have not come to a decision if we can be together, she gave me all her care, support and attention but she never got any hope in return. I have made clear to her in the past that her family dynamics will not work for me, I have questioned her religious values etc. She kept asking me to marry her and start our lives, she kept saying that we are compatible, all fell to deaf ears as I was overwhelmed by my concerns.

In Month 11 of 11 seeing each other, she went to meet her friend, came back, had sex with me, slept on my bed and told me that I am ending things with you. THIS HURTS..

Even though, I was not sure of my concerns but deep inside I had chosen her as my life partner but never told her…

She so callously ended things with me in an instant and told me we can be friends b/c I care and respect you, but I just don’t have any feelings for you anymore. I have had enough.  

She called my few times and visited my place and asked me to hug her after saying that she is breaking up with me and I was super confused that what is she doing… what this means and since my world was upside down I took it as sign that she don’t want to go..

Therefore, few days later I said to her that:

1.      acknowledge: I acknowledge my feelings for you, which is something I never felt towards anyone and I cannot think about spending my life with anyone and I have created a emotional, care, love and guardian connection with your kids too.

2.      Apologize: For all the hurt I have caused  you, apologize for being a coward and not deciding earlier, apologize for question your faith etc…

3.      Proposal: take your time and decide if you can forgive me and think we can give this another try and we will date for few months and then will get married.

Her answer was “NO.

Now its been a month and no contact and every second I mourn the loss of the dream I had created to have them as my family. No matter how much I distract myself she is the one I kept longing for. As a man I will keep taking this pain and smile but I am afraid the damage I feel is something that will be reflected on my next partner (if I choose to be with one in a century or two)

I feel betrayed, that when I was saying in the beginning to end things it fell on deaf ears and now the flame of love, family and emotions are ignited she has just taken a 180 turn and not even looking back… she got everything that she was asking for based on my 3 points above but to me it seems like that she might have found someone else and just because her feelings are turned off she threw everything in the garbage.

Here, I am wondering I could have made up the decision earlier but is she not thinking about my connection with the kids and all… What is left for me to do, so I can have her back in my life? Move on and "nothing" her or keep a hope ?

This little rom-com is no it my usual go-to in movies, but this quote at the end took me by surprise back when I saw it, and I always remembered it. Now going through the worst heartbreak of my life, it resonates more with me than ever. I will always cherish those memories, and a part of me will always ache for him… I love you, Ryan. Your Élodie.

This is a throw away account as I know he has reddit and I wouldn't want him to know! Also I'm sorry for such a long post.

So I started talking to this guy in September and we sorta hit it off but it kinda went no where and we stayed friends until like that first week of October. I don't know what changed but suddenly I was in his apartment and suddenly we were not longer "just friends". We spent every single day together since then. We got food (that I paid for), we played games (that I payed for), I even helped him with college (I did so much work) and I did it all without the expectation of anything. We cuddled and had dinner together. Every moment we could sneak away for a hug or even a kiss we did. When it was a clear night, he would hold me and point out all the stars. I was his first call for everything. We texted non stop and were together non stop. We held hands and sang songs together and just did EVERYTHING. It should also be important to note that I had asked many times if there was anyone else and the answer was always no. That we were exclusive.

Flash forward to November, a girl came forward and admitted that when I caught them walking together that they were doing stuff. And even when I called him crying about it, she was there waiting for him to be done consoling me. She told me the next day he begged her to not say anything because he couldn't lose me. He told her he wanted nothing from her. She told me she felt so used. Obviously I came to him, crying, asking why. He told me he was so sorry and that he couldn't lose me and that's why he lied. I told him I loved him and asked what I was to him. "I wish you would have said this sooner. I like you but I didn't know". HOW. How did you not know??? Anyways he tried to remedy it by saying we could be exclusive and then took it back during our 2 hour conversation. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone not just me, and he wouldn't be talking to anyone for a while. We have remained friends.

Now flash forward we are at a party together. I see him texting a girl. He lied to me again. I brought it up and told him that I loved him but. He cut me off and told me not to say I still loved him. I laughed and asked why we are friends, of course I love my friends, and he said it was because he still loved me. And he regrets everyday what happened. He told me he should have been a better friend and he knows he hurt me so bad and it wasn't fair. He told me I deserved better. But! Alas! He is talking to a girl. Who he is taking on a date. After telling me he wasnt ready.

So what do I do? My heart aches. I loved him to be honest. I could have listened to him talk for hours. We had so much in common. I spent so much on him. I made sure everyday he was ok and happy before ever thinking about myself. He made me believe there was a chance too with how he talked to me, spent every day together, kissed me, told me he loved me. I can't bring myself to hate him, and I still hold so much love for him. He still talks to me everyday and sees me everyday. He even blows me kisses when he drives past my job. But yet he's talking to this girl? And taking her out? But he literally just told me he still loved me 2 days ago??? It's so unfair and my heart doesn't want him to go but God it hurts so bad. What did you all do? I know you will say ghost or block or whatever, but how did you get there? When did you move on?

The date method worked last time but now it’s somehow just making me more depressed. I think the men are just worse now, or maybe im just comparing everyone to him? Life is hard.

I matched with this guy on a dating app in oct, we met and hit it off, and I really liked him. He’s the first guy I’ve been interested in since over a year when I got cheated on in my last relationship. However, he didn’t know what he wanted plus he lives two hours away so we ended up cutting contact since I told him I’m looking for something deeper than a casual fling. We had a pretty bad disagreement so we didn’t end on the greatest of terms.

Last sunday, he texted me a TikTok out of the blue and I know I maybe should have ignored it but I didn’t. We ended up talking otp and FaceTiming, where he said that he does like me, does want a relationship, and that it’s just the distance that’s made him apprehensive. He also said that he may be moving back so we wouldn’t be LD.

I’ve been really open with him about my past relationship (it’s my only one I’ve ever been in), which has given me really bad trust issues and anxiety when it comes to talking to people. However he barely makes any effort to FaceTime, call, and hasn’t talked about moving back or at least visiting. One thing he does good is texting throughout the day even tho it is small talk. So I’ve kind of felt I’ve been forced into this long distance, low commitment talking stage and it hurts because I really like him but it’s not doing anything good for my relationship anxiety.

I’ve told him this, encouraged him to talk to me otp and ft a little more because that’s the most we can do due to the distance. He’s sounded receptive and reassuring but it never happens. We sexted two days ago because he told me he was horny and tired from work so I was trying to be a good friend (or whatever I am to him) and went along with it.

The next day he didn’t text me good morning, never responded to my good morning text, etc. so I sent him a long text basically relaying my feelings about our “relationship” not being healthy for me. I made sure to word it very maturely, because I do feel like parts of him have been genuine, but at the same time I do feel like he’s in lust with me rather than working towards being in “love” with me. He took a few hours to respond but eventually did with “i love you”. I don’t have any intention on responding :(

It hurts because I feel like I need to step away because I have a lot of love for him but it’s just hard when it feels like none of the circumstances are changing. It sucks. Anyone been in this same boat before?

I fear I crashed out and did not make my situation better. I really lost my strength I did so good man and thought I could go no contact but I had A triggering memory and I blew up his phone and I never did that. He did not answer of course. I really loved this man so much. He hurt me so bad and this was so unexpected. I haven't slept and I have not ate all day. I hate how heartbroken I am but I know that If it was reciprocated I wouldn't be in this position. I am not going to be able to just get over the fact that nothing was real?! I'm just so sad. Fuck!! I know this is God protecting me but I really thought he was the one.

Every single person I've dated has cheated on me. Literally every single person. Can someone please explain to me why? I don't understand why me alone is never enough for someone. The cheaters also get to live happy lives with the people they cheated on me with while I deal with the trauma and trust issues that came from it.

i swear i’m done HOW ARE YOU GONNA LIKE ME BUT IM NOT YOUR “TYPE” like what do you want from me then like once you get a girl that you actually think is pretty it’s all over for me cause he’s gonna stop talking to me like what’s the point of talking when yk we aren’t going no where IDC about your FINE SHYT i want to be your fine shyt bruh and just cause you think i’m ugly doesn’t mean you have to be mean about it and talk about other girls right in front of ME OMG IM GONNA DIE I HATE YOU SM JK I LOBE YOU

A few weeks ago my ( 20f ) partner ( 22m ) out of the blue broke up with me because he lost feelings, but made it very clear that he wanted us to work together to reach a place where he fell in love with me again, i agreed and a few days ago out of nowhere he started being rude to me saying he didnt care about me or my feelings blaming it on stress. I told him that taking his stress out on me wasnt okay and to talk to me when he realises that and he has now ignored me for almost a week and i just feel lost and dont know how to deal with it

This is a bit of a read, so sorry in advance 😅

4 years ago a family of 4 moved into the house directly across the street from me. 3 years later I received a instagram dm from the man across the street telling me he and his wife got a divorce and he asked if I ever wanted to come over for dinner. I was in a relationship at the time so I just told him that. A year later my bf and I broke up and my neighbor messaged me again saying he noticed my ex’s car hadn’t been around and he asked me out again which I declined because I was still pretty upset about my breakup. 2 more months go by and he messaged me again and asked to have dinner the next night and I hesitantly said yes. We ended up texting for hours and up to the minute I got to his door. Within the first 45 minutes of being over there I felt a connection and into the night he asked if I wanted to be his date to a formal work dinner he was having in a few weeks and I obviously said of course. We were talking and texting everyday and I wasn’t able to go over to his place or have him at mine because I have a 7 and 2 year old and don’t want them knowing I was crushing over the neighbor lol. I went over to his house again the following week after the first date and I was a little nervous because I really liked him but it was a great night. After that we started to text less and less until it was every couple days but then it turned into once a week and then about 3 weeks later I had gone outside and I saw him and a girl talking, but then I saw them kiss and my heart just sank. I started seeing her there 4x a week and every time I did it just felt like a punch in my stomach. A couple months go by and he called me out of nowhere and told me he and that girl weren’t talking anymore and asked if I wanted to come over. I went over and all he could talk about was this girl and how he wanted to be with her but she didn’t want to be in a relationship. I was rolling my eyes at him the whole night. We started texting again everyday/ every other but he would mention that girls name and bring her into the conversation often. One night while we were talking on the phone and he was talking about her I just started crying and when he asked me what was wrong I told him I really liked him and I was hurt he chose her over me and that he was still talking about her. He said he understood why I felt hurt but said he had previous history with her and that’s why he pretty much invested himself in her. He said he didn’t know I was into him..when I clearly was flirting with him all the time…anyways, he said that he really enjoys hanging out with me and wanted to continue that and see where it went. So we did but just for a few weeks and then it was back to talking every few days. And I wanna mention that yes, we were having sex. In the last few weeks we haven’t spoken at all and I’m hurt and a bit angry about it. And I know whenever he leaves/ gets home because his trucks engine is so loud that it makes my walls vibrate. Whenever I hear his truck I just get angry and start cussing him out in my head. We’d literally be perfect together. We both have 2 kids the exact same age, we have the same love language and values in a relationship and we get along so well and can be goofy together (that’s very important to me in a relationship lol). I just don’t understand why he goes hot and cold and gives me mixed signals. I want to get over him desperately but how can I do that when I literally see him every single day?

My (26F) mom (53) has never been perfect. My family (mom, dad, brother, and I) did what we could growing up. She and my dad have always been emotionally distant or unavailable. I always wanted to do what I could to impress them, but it was never good enough growing up. Fast forward to this year, I'm moving in with my boyfriend's family, working on boundaries with my mom, working 2 jobs while in college full time.

She's been more and more sick this year. Physically and mentally. She's not all there, I can't explain it very well. From what she has told us, she's fallen 7 times since March and has started struggling with trembling, coherent speech, and much more. She's used some harmful language to refer to herself in this state and it's very concerning. I wanted to do more for her, so I took her and my grandma (dad's mom) to see Wicked this weekend.

It wasn't exactly pleasant. She belittled me in public like she would when I was a child, which made me feel extremely upset. There was also a moment at the family Thanksgiving dinner where she and my dad mocked me and made fun of old habits I had as a child (namely hoarding, since they never truly taught me how to work on the behavior that my dad and grandma also partook in). I've worked hard to correct these habits, thanks to my boyfriend and his mom I've made a lot of progress. But the fact that they would find a way to bring that up, in front of friends and family nonetheless... it hurts.

I know my dad won't change, this isn't about him. He and I have our understandings. My mom has always used me as a therapist first, daughter second. I've worked hard to make the relationship less toxic, and to be respectful when I can. Especially with her health currently, I worry. But I'm found with this horrible sadness and grief.

I told my boyfriend recently that I feel like she isn't my mom anymore. I've had multiple episodes of depression due to this feeling, and it's been worse since these latest events. I already spoke to my therapist to get an emergency meeting about this, because it feels so bad. There's so much more to this situation than just what I've said, too much to write. I just don't know what to do anymore and it hurts.

Especially after they left u. They acting like they gave found their soulmate

I 20f broke up with my ex 20m. It was somewhat mutal, but absolutely brutal and complicated we were together for 4 years. Long story short, my best friend of 6 years and all of our friends picked his side. He turned really cold and mean, and avoidant. Lots of hurt and pain on both sides. I decided about a month ago I couldn’t be his friend after everything, wrote out all my thoughts about how deeply his actions had hurt me. There is so much to get into, but the whole situation was horrifically painful and destroyed me. I am rebuilding, but the situation altered me forever. I also took accountability and aplozgied for the hurt I caused, and my part in the deterioration of our relationship, but said ultimately although I love and respect him and think highly of him, I can’t be his friend as it is too painful. He responded by telling me attempted to OD and he is miserable and sorry for everything he did. We spent and intimate night together holding each other, apologizing, showering, and having a really emotionally intense night as closure. I texted him the next day a heartfelt message saying I would always be there for him and he can always reach out. He didn’t answer, as to be expected.

Anyway, he sent me this text today. It’s weird because I broke down about him this morning, and I truly haven’t felt like that about him in so long. Then I see this text a few hours later. It feel unnecessary, and formal. Why a month later? Why text me so formally, to just reiterate what we spoke about a month ago? I know he doesn’t text like that, but my ex best friend who sided with him texts exactly like that. The thought of her reading my heartfelt message I sent a month ago and responding grosses me out, but they are very close and discuss our break up frequently so she definitely had a say. I want to respond, but I won’t. I don’t know why he sent this message, and I feel like I am going to throw up. I want to call him, i want to respond, but he made it clear he doesn’t want me too. URG. I feel like I’m back to the pain of 7 months ago. What do you guys think? I pasted his message below.

“Hi I’m sorry for answering so late. I really wanted to say something, I just didn’t really know what to say and I kind of still don’t. Thank you for everything. I do not want nor expect you to respond I just want you to know I appreciate everything you have done for me, and I loved our time together. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, not in a bad way, but just how much you changed my life for the better and I will never forget you. I hope you know that you can reach out to me anytime if you need someone to talk to as well. I hope you have been doing good. Like I said, I am wanting this to be it, I just couldn’t leave you open ended indefinitely, it was tearing me up. “

I just got out of A four year relationship literally this weekend and I'm so emotionally distraught. I have been feeling this pit in my stomach for the last couple months, but this whole year has been a roller coaster of up and down for no reason I just never understood why. I keep going back to the beginning of our relationship. We never started off as boyfriend and girlfriend. This shit was A situation ship and I never wanted A situation ship like cmon wtf is that! I was in A four year relationship before and swore to myself I would not date anyone unless it would lead to A future marriage and A family. No relationship is perfect but I gave it my all. This past weekend my bf was being so distant emotionally and physically did not even want anything to do me with and that's never the case. Long story short it's back to what he told me when we're in A situation ship, basically he ended our relationship because he is A lustful man and wants to have sex with other people. I was so down for this man like ROD. I am so heartbroken. I love him so much and I had to end it because I knew if I ended up moving in with him and having kids I would be miserable with someone who probably hurt me more than he already did.

On 1 Sept a random girl texted me on my Instagram dm. I didn't knew her so I just asked her do I know you she said no. Later on we started talking everyday as both of us were interested. One day she told me about her crush which she wants to forget I supported her saying take time and I am here for you. We agreed on that she will forget her. Then we again started like we used to do like future planning sexting and all. I was very happy to have someone in my who I think cares about me. We started talking on calls she telling me her whole day. But on 25 NOVEMBER she says that we can't be together I love my crush and I can't help my self. I said even though it is not right it's your life u can go. I requested her to block me (as I couldn't do that coz I really loved her) she rejected it and says she doesn't want to loose me and we should be friends. Guys please help me what should I do I am trying to block her but somehow I couldn't and end up texting her again. PLEASE HELP ME

I was ghosted by my true love in which we were together 4 years. I just wonder if she ever realized or thinks about how much I hurt and am still hurting. Is it possible? Or I would assume near a year after most people who ghosted simply never cared to begin with. Part of me one day also thinks they will have a moment and realize how broken you can leave someone.

I can live my life knowing I was left by my true love.

I cant live my life without a good ending and being ghosting, which has led to many issues such as anxiety, self esteem issues, understanding what went wrong and how I could improve, and really to this point what it really was that caused her to leave me. The true reasons that she couldnt take anymore. Why she decided to ghost me and take a chunk of me for the rest of my life.

I truly think anyone who "loved you" at one point but cant give you the goodbye you deserve is a truly bad person.

In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.

Please don’t try to fix me. Don’t take on my pain or push away my shadows. Just sit beside me as I work through my own inner storms. Be the steady hand I can reach for as I find my way.

My pain is mine to carry, my battles mine to face. But your presence reminds me I’m not alone in this vast, sometimes frightening world. It’s a quiet reminder that I am worthy of love, even when I feel broken.

So, in those dark hours when I lose my way, will you just be here? Not as a rescuer, but as a companion. Hold my hand until the dawn arrives, helping me remember my strength.

Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give. It’s a love that helps me remember who I am, even when I forget.

So, I normally dont do this, but I rly need some advice rn. I'm in love with one of my best friends, Ive told her and she didnt like me back, which stung, but cant force it yk. The next 2 months or so were fine, could talk normally and pretty much how it was. For the last 2-3 weeks however I feel so bad, everything I do seems to me like I do too much or something and seeing her with my other friends like rly close just kinda makes me sad. I cant cut her off, first because I dont want to lose her as a friend, 2nd because she is a part of my friendgroup. Everytime I see her or talk to her it feels like I'm falling in love again, but harder. I honestly dont know what to do anymore, its such a situation where I cant lose her, but also cant lose my feelings. So if anyone has any tips, please tell me

It’s been two and a bit weeks since he broke up with me. My entire world came crashing down all over again when he told me this isn’t working anymore. I need to heal and he needs to heal, he said.

All I want to do is text him, but I know if I do then I may push him even further away.

The thing is, we were going to get married. Life just happened, and it took a toll on us but I thought things were getting better, or maybe that was what I was telling myself.

I’m learning to cope without him, but I’m not really coping. He’s on my mind all day, every day. I think about him so much. I love him so much.

I wish I could make things right. I wish I could go back in time. I will always hate myself.

I’m a grown ass woman,and if I felt like I couldn’t trust him or he hurt me it would make it easier, because then I would know he’s not the one, however I know he is my soulmate. I’ve even had tarot readings since, that has even reflected that he is my soulmate. I hope he will let us come back together. I love him so much and that will never change.

I had a breakup earlier this year. It was a mutual decision because we couldn't get our partners to agree for our marriage.

My breakup happened alongside many changes in other aspects of my life. My worklife got super hectic, a lot of friendsovef away... The person who always put me first was suddenly not "supposed to be that person". For months I found myself very alone. I tried many different ways to fill that void.. till the point I even excepted that I will always live with a void I can't fill.

What's more, I found I had a hard time believing in a higher power, manifestation and even love. I was a person that if you tried hard enough then you can make it happen. I was always a hopeless romantic. I loved hugs, kisses, just showing up, simple caring and heart to heart conversations. I loved love. (Yes, I binged Hallmark movies at Christmas time. Even though you knew what was gonna happen in the first 5 minutes of the movie.)

But the thing is, when my heart broke, I feel it broke at some innermost deepest level. Worst part is every time I try to bring it up to someone they revert to the standard "you need to move on, it's not healthy. You'll find someone else" dialogue. And that is if they have time. Everyone is so occupied with things going on in their own lives more often than not I feel bad bringing up something sad and avoid it now.... Which is okay and I'm happy for them. But at the same time, I do crave a little bit of attention, conversation.... Maybe even a little empathy.

The thing is I still don't understand how to comprehend everything that happened. I consider myself a good person. I had everything and we were happy. I tried so hard with trying to manifest and channeling positive energy and it went down all wrong anyway. I feel afraid each time I think about finding romantic love again - not about not finding it but that it will be snatched away from me again. I don't think I would survive that.

What's scarier is that at some core level I've accepted that maybe I'll always be alone. I've learnt to accept my insecurities and at the same time I work on bettering myself. But I still cry alone at night. I always had someone to call - a friend, a romantic parter, even family. But today, I'm scared of being vulnerable in front of anyone. I just can't.

I just wanted to put my story out there. Maybe someone has a kind word, a joke or just a hi to make this world feel less bleak. And even if no one does, I just wanted to feel like I got the world to listen by writing our my story.

😊

Had a dream few weeks ago where my doorbell rang and it was her. We hugged for a full minute. Funnily enough she was my last when it comes to that.

At my workplace today I kept seeing this girl who had a similar face and had basically identical height. There was no way it was her, It was most likely me projecting my delusions into reality thinking God has given me a second chance or whatever.

People say that time heals wounds but they never tell you that sometimes it leaves an ugly scar behind. Honestly I resent a bit on how I've become cynical and bitter, no fault to her yet I feel as she took my idea of romance and my ability to love.

Many people left me. I left many people. She's no different when it comes to that but she lingers in my mind because I really wonder where she falls back to without her family and without me.

She barely made it to 19 when she was with me. She's 23 now and I’m proud she came this far even amidst all the struggles she had to endure. I'm just disappointed on how her existence cannot be celebrated with me anymore.

We've been together for almost 7 years. We just moved into our first apartment together a little over a month ago. Every once in a while, it would seem like something was bothering her or something was wrong and l've always tried fixing it or helping, but she never really told me what it was. I always blamed it being at work and then one day before Thanksgiving. She sends me a message while she is at work asking if she can be honest with me for a minute and told me that she hasn't really fell in love for about the past year. I pretty much moved out of that apartment within a day. Move back into my mom's took the cat. For the last two days, we've still been in kind of communication trying to figure out everything that needs to be transferred over get rid of our joint bank account swap phone plans, and all this shit. And she kept saying we still might be able to work it out we just need some time apart. This is more of a break not a break up. So I went over to the apartment a few days ago picked up some stuff dropped off some of her stuff and we sat down at Todd for a few hours and it seemed really well. We both loved each other. Wanted to get back together but do we need some time. This afternoon, I pretty much officially went over there and ended it, I got off the lease. Got everything I need. We still talked a little bit and both kind of said. We don't want to get back together. But I am still so hurt. I just wanna talk to her o. her or something. How do I fix this? Why am I still so attached? Why does this hurt so bad?

In the beginning I was kind of cold because I’ve been hurt so much in my life and I was trying to protect myself but with her all my walls came crashing down. We planned our future together. She drove me down to meet her parents and I met the people she grew up with. I spent time with her brother and her closest friends. We were together all the time and cooked together, laughed together and were vulnerable with each other mentally and physically. I haven’t loved anyone as much as I love her. I put my blood sweat and tears into the relationship and even when we would have our disagreements, we would talk it out and find common ground. That’s why I was so blindsided when she completely lost all patience for me and dismissed me like I’m nothing and blocked me on everything. I really didn’t want that much from her All I wanted was for her to love me and accept me. I’ve tried texting her but she does not respond to me.

The best way I know how to describe this is like if somebody shattered a bone in my arm. It’s purple and bruised and I’m in horrible pain. I can bandage myself up and put a cast on it and do things to distract me from the pain but when I sit by myself I really start to feel it and it festers.