I was talking to this person on a dating app for like a week and had told them I never had sex or anything didn't really wanna lose my virginity in a hookup. I also told them I wasnt sure about doing certain things and was kinda unsure about even oral and just said we'll see when we get there because they were saying stuff like they were gonna eat me out from behind and i just thought that was a lot for my first time doing anything consensual. then they randomly asked for me to come over that night and i said yes and started getting ready. But they kept checking in with me about everything before I got there, which, looking back, feels off. I told them I needed to drink before doing anything and that i thought i couldn't even do this without drinking bc I was so nervous, and they asked if I was sure about mixing substances (bc they were smoking) and if I was good with everything. When I was getting ready, they sent me nudes they even asked me to “prove” I was in the shower. I ended up sending one too but covered everything because I never sent nudes to ppl I know irl, bc ive done sw--camgirl stuff and ppl have used that to try to blackmail me before.

I got there and my mouth was so dry from being nervous and that has never ever ever happened to me. They started talking about their past with other girls and it kinda made me mad lowkey 😭. Then we started making out and they went down on me. They asked me if it was okay, and I said yes. They tried to flip me over, and I was like “What are you doing?” They told me, “I said I was gonna eat you out from the back,” which I didn’t want, so I said no. Then, I felt them put it in, so I quickly moved and laid flat on my stomach. They paused and asked, “Are you okay?” I remember telling them “I really just didn’t wanna do that,” but then immediately doubting myself, thinking I’d imagined that they actually tried to penetrate me.

They started fingering me really hard—it hurt, felt scratchy, like just too rough. I almost told them about my trauma because I thought maybe I was just overreacting, but I ended up going to the bathroom instead, trying to convince myself I was overthinking. I went down on them and then i was like "I didn't expect this to take so long" because i had already finished like twice and then we stopped made out more, and they started grinding on me, then tried putting the tip in without a condom. I freaked and grabbed them by the neck, pushing them off and closing my legs, even putting my feet on their torso and started like kinda kicking them and i called them a player and they just said “I’m just good at flirting.”

I asked them about how their first time was and they said they didn't rlly care abt their virginity as much as i did and lost it in a hookup (i think) but the person was an adult and they were a minor. I told them "at least use a condom" and asked if they had any, and they literally got up so fast and grabbed one. I told them I was dry and asked for lube, but they just said, “You’re not dry.” I let them continue, and it hurt so bad—not the friction kind of pain I expected, but like this weird pain in my stomach. They asked how it felt, and all I could say was, “Like I’m being coerced.” They stopped immediately and I immediately said “sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” and kept apologizing then explained I had trauma because I was panicking.

I went back to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding and I wasnt bleeding the first time I went to the bathroom. I told them, and they just shrugged it off like it was normal, saying it was because it was my first time. I told them that my hymen was already gone, and they just said its bc of how big they were and they were like 8inches or smth but that just didn't feel right idk. They offered me their shorts because I was wearing white and still bleeding.

They said it “didn’t count” because didnt finish. I had finished twice tho while they were going down on me but i didn't wanna say that because thats embarrassing since we literally barely even did anything. I ended up telling them “I was scared I was gonna die when I got here,” bc I’d never done anything like this before. They just said, “And you still decided to come?” which made me say wtf in my mind bc to me, it was like they were the one who said i should come over 😭😭

they also said, after they gave me their shorts, that their lip piercings were rejecting and that they knew that would happen if i came over and that was rlly weird bc why would you do this if u know you just got new piercings and it also just felt like they were doing everything to minimize that i was bleeding even though i really wasn't making a big deal about it.

we went to bed and i literally woke up two hours later because my stomach hurt so bad and i went to the bathroom and realized i was still bleeding (i just told them later that i woke up early bc i was anxious or smth idk). i just ignored it and got ready and their cats literally did not leave me alone which was cute idk i think im gonna get a cat after that. but they woke up and i told them they were a hard sleeper (i asked if they were a hard sleeper before because i snore) and they just said "good to know" mad passive aggressively and that kinda mad me rlly sad bc they were the nicest person ever before all this. they were probably rlly mad bc i accused them of something rlly bad and i shouldn't have said yes if i was just gonna turn around and do that.

they drove me back in the morning and said we should hang out again and i was genuinely just shocked bc I lowk rlly messed this up and thought they'd think i was a loser or a weirdo or smth but they said they didn't think that. I just ended up going to work but I felt so sick and my stomach still hurt. I didn’t know if it was from all of this or from drinking, starting my new psych meds, or a mix of it all, but I was barely able to stand and I also have syncope which makes me faint, so it could be that too ? idk. My boss noticed my eyes rolling back in my head and had to drive me home bc I almost fainted.

On Monday, I ended up telling the staff in my building about it all (I live in an apartment for battered women) and they set me up with a clinic that’s like Planned Parenthood because I was still bleeding. When I got there, they checked me out, said I was okay, and asked if I wanted a rape kit. I declined. They gave me Plan B just in case, even though they didn’t finish, and then I asked for birth control just in case this happened again bc ive been sa'd a lot and im terrified of getting pregnant. They gave me a lecture on smoking and asked if I planned on having sex again, which started feeling more like they were scolding me or smth😭. I just said I was scared this would happen again and that I’d end up pregnant.

i texted them literally as i was walking out of the clinic place, which is horrible bc even if this wasnt sa, things clearly didn't go well, but i have bpd and i think it makes me do rlly stupid stuff. i asked if we could hang out again and i ended up telling them that i felt like some boundaries were crossed but i really downplayed it then i tried to blame my panicking on the fact that i was drinking but i wasnt even that drunk i was genuinely just tipsy but didn't think about how saying i was drunk literally didn't make the situation better and they just told me that they specifically asked me if im okay with all the substances and stuff prior to me getting there. i told them i actually wasnt that drunk. i was rlly just trying to find a reason why i acted like that. they were really upset and said they had past trauma around consent and said that we shouldnt see each other and theyre uncomfortable with the whole situation. i literally only downplayed it bc i wanted to see them again but i did kinda downplay it in a guilt trippy way so theyd at least say sorry. i know theres definitely something wrong with me because im pretty sure im fully aware of the severity of this but i still wanted to see them again and only wanted them to apologize..

I was drugged and raped back in Jan/Feb of 2022 by an ex boyfriend. This resulted in me having to get an abortion and it’s all on medical record. I also have on medical record a miscarriage that happened in October of 2021 as he coerced and begged me for 30 mins straight to have condomless sex. I’m not really worried about charges due to the evidence aspect but I would like to report this mf and I think he has done this before or will do this again. … no doubt. Can I file a report and will I be taken serious even though it was 2 years ago? For reference I was 21 at the time.

Edit: fixed date

I know the title sounds weird as no one expects assualt to happen. As a result of what happened to me, it turned my life upside down but also revealed for me that people maybe didn't care as much as I thought they did. I became very emotional after the assualt, lonely, isolated, I pushed people away, drank a lot and I understand all these things have impact on personal relationships but at the time, I honestly didn't know what to do. I found things very hard to deal with as I had experienced situations of abuse as a child. I'm in therapy and that is the only safe space I have to think and talk about things, but even then my therapist is hesitant to go into details of things. My GP even asked me a very sad question along the lines of did I fight for the assualt to have not happened.. I am grateful for the safe space in therapy but its hard not having any personal relationships where they understand the impact of whats happened. It has felt like everyone around me has been more focused on getting back to normal/me getting over something thats shaken me to my core. Its hard to challenge the thought that the assault was not my fault when everyone around me is so eager for me to act like nothing has happened. I feel like I should just be okay or like what happened is not a big deal and I shouldn't feel how I feel.

Yeah. It’s my deepest shame but in a way I’d do anything the dude asked for the truth. Does that make me terrible I’m sure I’m not the only one. But I’m desperate to reach out n no matter what find out what happened and why?

Swear to god this isn’t a fetish or a troll, the reality is I know I fucked up badly by letting this happen and I’m desperate to know the truth. Why did it happen and what did they do. I woke up with marks covering myself. How do I get the truth without hurting myself to get it?

I’m very drunk. I hope this makes sense. I don’t want to re upset people so…please be warned reading this. Currently it’s all I dream about, All I kno. Why? Why do this? Did they film it? Why after all these years is it a problem? What could I have done to change the past?

When I was like 12 years old I remember this guy hitting on me. He had an erection, but we were in a public place. So he told me: let’s go out there me and you, it is less crowded. I remember that I told him no, that I walked away and come back to my parents.

But I’m scared of men. I’ve never had a relationship and I am 28 years old. I’ve recently started to be attracted to men, but during my teenager years and during my 20ies I’ve felt nothing for men.

Also, when someone talks about rape I get too much uncomfortable. Like its triggering me. I get angry, I can almost imagine and feel the rape.

I don’t remember anything else of that day. But its impossibile right? I was too little, if something happened I would have bled so much that people would have noticed it. Right?

it is never your fault, no matter if you didnt say no or if you think you didnt fight hard enough. It is NEVER your fault, you shouldnt blame yourself for someone elses disgusting actions, only a enthusiastic yes is consent. No matter your gender, age or story you still count and you still matter

For starters I have schizoaffective disorder and I started getting memories early last year of being molested by my uncle's father in law at a family gathering the motherfucker took me joy my uncles room and raped me I was 4/5 when it happened. I then told my teacher who started to molest me too. It's feels so real and these memories popped back up when I was on medication and having no delusions but since I am schizoaffective it's hard to know if these memories are real.

I do know for sure I was molested by a cousin when I was 6-7 and J forgot about that to and only remembered when I was in high school.

These could be memories or they could be false memories my mentally ill brain made up.

Hi, I'm sorry to be asking this but I feel really conflicted. This will be a little graphic. When I (19m) was 15, my boyfriend M was around 19. One day I agreed to sex and M wanted to do a position I wasn't a big fan of due to the pain it caused but I agreed anyway. Midway through it, it starts to become extremely painful and I tell him to stop, to which he doesn't respond the first two times I say it and then finally just said "Hold on" and kept going. At this point I started crying and pleaded with him again but he just again said "Hold on, I'm almost finished" and it continued for a little while longer while I was just crying in pain. I don't remember if I tried pushing him off of me or not, I can't tell if it's a false memory. then when it was over he said he was sorry and seemed to get tearful after it. I told him "It's okay". I can't fucking believe I said that. I don't know, everyone else's examples of sexual assault stories feel so much severe than this. I'm doubtful of if mine even counts because of the weird circumstances like how I agreed to it in the first place. Thanks to anyone who answers. I've been told yes before when I've asked others this question , but I feel heavily in denial about it or like it's invalid.

The past few days I have felt this sensation of deep disgust and repulsion. I just hate my body and skin, the way I know it was betrayed but I can’t get rid of it. I just don’t want to be perceived anymore, I wish I had no physical being and I could never be touched or hurt.

I just want to be done dealing with all of this bs that has been haunting me for the past 8 years. My first sexual experiment was what I thought was experimentation with a friend at 13, but it was actually him manipulating and sexually abusing me for 2.5 years. I blamed being gay on the sexual experiences I had between 13 and 15 and had 0 confidence in my sexual orientation since 100% of my sexual experiences, memories, and cravings were based on sex I never asked to participate in because I was unaware I was gay.

This confusion along with hyper sexual behavior due to the SA are things I wrongly blamed on being gay instead of abuse. When I began getting off to fantacies about my abuse I felt awful pedo and scolded my self more. I staying up till 3:30 am on school nights for months masterbating. I was outed twice to my parents. I brought the trauma to college suppressing it.

THERAPY FAILS: Sophomore year I get a therapist that talked about lgbt stuff and the confusion, and I asserted my sex was consensual. I suppressed the SA inspired fantacies blaming my self.

In senior year, after 2 years of suppression and feeling ok, I began staying up till 3:00 am getting off to my abuse memories and porn, then I realized I was sexually abused and didn’t feel guilty any more. Then I got into an argument and the stress triggered these abuse fantacies causing me to enter psychosis knowing this was due to rape.

At therapist 2, I talked about the abuse for the first time, but she did nothing to address the hypersexuality, abuse inspired fantacies, and memory repression I was unaware of that was eating me alive.

During senior year thanks giving break, to test whether my sister actually meant I she wouldn’t share anything I told her, I said, hypothetically if I said, the most instant turnoff and disturbing gore imaginable, you wouldn’t tell anyone. I get put in a psychiatric hospital where I tell 4 people I was SEXUALLY ABUSED during the interviews. One morning, the doctors proceed to come saying, tell me about the age of person in gore*, in the most casual, creepy, and indirect way possible as if I thought it was normal completely embarrassing me. A different doctor tells my parents they I wasn’t sexual abused but experimenting downplaying the situation. They released me on antipsychotics while still perplexed about the cause of my psychosis. (My abuse arousing me and acting hypersexual)

MAIN QUESTION: I legit have the vocabulary to describe what I was going through and get so scared when I have a thought about an issue I want to fix that I can’t write down. I have so many problems from years of unaddressed trauma compounding and blending together. I feel like if I don’t write down and remember everything, my therapist will miss something that will cause me to emotionally implode again. I’m just so scared that I missing something will leave me broken forever. Do they actually uncover any unknown issues or will I just have to keep searching for them and live on edge forever?

I want to tell the police so badly about the older man, he’d taken advantage of me multiple times and I don’t want another girl to go through the same thing. But I just can’t do it, I feel sick to my stomach whenever I think about it and I feel like I’m going mad with the amount of stuff I’m thinking about constantly. I can’t get my mind off it. And the thing is, I still think he loves me and cares for me even though I quite literally know that he doesn’t and was probably using me. But I feel guilty for ruining his life, for taking his child away from him if I told the police. I don’t know what to do.

Almost a decade ago I was attacked leaving work late one evening (I was a waitress and a fine dinning restaurant and bar). I lived in a very small town and was aquatinted with my attacker through my then bf/ now husband’s friend. My husband always had a reputation in our little town as being someone not to mess with. My attacker made comments about my husband as he grabbed me. I think initially a froze, blacked out or something but it couldn’t have been for more than a few seconds. When I came to my pants were pulled below my butt and I could feel him trying to penetrate me. To be honest I don’t know if he ever actually did get penetration because as soon as I realized what was going on a started flailing my elbows and arms backwards until I got away. On my way home all I could do was think about running into my house and jumping in my husbands arms. Once I got there, looked in his eyes, I couldn’t get a word out, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took a shower and cried as I tried to sort my thoughts, all I could feel was unworthy, guilt, shame and as if I’d somehow let him down. I didn’t tell him and I tried to pretend like it didn’t happen but within a month my life was crumbling my apart. I ran away from him and our son, moved in with my mom and went on a self destructive war path I still can’t make sense of today. I wanted to figure shit out with my husband but didn’t know how to tell him, I was so afraid he would reject my but never gave him the chance. I kept seeing him and being with him but I felt so unworthy of him. My best friend at the time told her brother in law about the attack as it was one of his friends. He reached out to me, said all the things I wanted to hear from my husband and reassured me like I wanted too. I didn’t even realize it at the time, that I was taking that opportunity from him and giving it to another man. I wasn’t attracted to him at all but I slept with him, two different times. To try to shorten things, I ended up telling my then boyfriend everything from the start and he said he didn’t want to lose me or give up, we’d figure it out. Now almost a decade later he lays a bomb on me of he doesn’t look at me the same and doesn’t think he can do it anymore. Not much in that whole decade other than letting me know he was still hurt but never that he felt he couldn’t handle it or do it. He thinks I’m lying when I say idk why I let the other guy be with me, he thinks I’m lying when I say I wasn’t attracted to him and he thinks a counselor won’t help me figure it out. Idk what to do but I’m falling apart and I know I made my own bad choices by not handling things right and allowing myself to go about like a zombie instead of face what happened but it feels like my life is falling apart because I was attacked.

Does anybody have any good media (articles, books, videos, podcasts, etc.) that discusses how sexual trauma can affect physical intimacy? I (F27) am struggling a bit to help my wife (F30) understand what it is like as someone who has survived multiple rapes and grooming.

She is trying her hardest to understand where I struggle the most, and she finally started seeing a therapist which I hope will help; however, I still feel like she's missing the psychoeducation piece.

A lot has happened in the past few months that has put a lot of strain on my mental health and everything about me really. I’ve stopped eating, I have a stupid hard time feeling motivated etc. I got raped a while ago, multiple times by the same guy (see profile for story) and my boyfriend also got harassed by this person. I made a post in a t subReddit where yall told me taking a break would be a good idea and I brought this to him, and we talked everything out. Some stuff has happened more recently, stuff that I can’t piece together and has no other explanation then I might have another mental disorder? I guess is how you’d word it. My BF suggested I look into DID or BPD. And to be honest I don’t think he’s wrong that he think I might have it. I’ve done some heavy reading and some things point towards it. It’s even crossed my mind before so I don’t think he’s crazy for suggesting it. I just can’t get a professional diagnosis until I’m 18. To go more in depth il have episodes or periods of time completely missing and I’ll be told by various people I said or did things I completely don’t remember doing. (For example, my bf has received threatening messages, break up texts etc, but I’ll have absolutely no recollection and I’m not on any drugs) and there’s nothing proving I didn’t do it and only proof I did. And there’s other things too but that’s just a big one I’m willing to share.

Tonight, I’m having a hard time coming to terms that it is a possibility. And I’ve already put my BF through the wringer through the rape and having meltdowns constantly. I accused him of doing things I knew he wasn’t doing. I just don’t want to think it’s a possibility. Or that it does makes sense if it were true. And he’s been with me through it all, holding my hand and making sure im not alone, but I think I’ve finally got rid of the only support I truly have. Even though that’s not what i wanted and I don’t know how to explain everything to him that’s going on with me. And quite frankly he shouldn’t have to put up with me, I’ve made it impossible to love me and he’s been there every step of the way. And I’m so fucking grateful for it. But I’m scared I’ve just pushed that line soooo far that it’s finally fallen off the cliff. I’m so afraid of so many things and I’m scared to tell him. And he’s not done anything bad to me, he’s been patient he’s been loving he’s been perfect. I know I’m the problem. I don’t know what to do.

I keep having those invasive thoughts that lead to SH or wanting to kill myself because it feels like I’m a burden not at all because of him but everything else going on in every other area of my life. Parents constantly blaming me for things, falling behind in school, getting blamed for stuff at work. It feels like there’s nothing I can do right. I can’t love him right. And when/if I do get diagnosed, what do I do to manage it? Which is obviously a question for a professional.

It just feels like id be getting told “you’re crazy, you’re broken” over and over. And I don’t know if I can handle it. I just want to fall apart. I want to kick and scream. And. I want to be told I’m not broken, that it’s all normal to feel everything I’m feeling. I don’t want to be broken. But how do I tell him that all I want to do is kick and scream, that I want to be angry at something? That I’m not angry because of him or at him, I’m just mad at this fucking world.

I guess I’m asking, what do I do? How do I keep the support I know I’m going to need? How do I make sure I’m okay? How do I come to terms with this new possibility? How do I even come to terms with being raped? Because im still trying get my mind wrapped around that. All I know is that being alone is the scariest thing currently. And he’s been amazing with me, been there, been perfect and I’m being told I’ve pushed too far. He’s the only person I have. But at the same time I don’t want to make him unhappy, I want him to be happy.

I think I’m finally getting to the point that it feels like it’d be better on everyone even my bf and me, if I just ended it.

Hey everyone, I'm just very confused on how i'm feeling but last week I went to a party and got very drunk (my blood alcohol level was 36) and very high and there was a guy there who I agreed to get freaky with but then when we got started it hurt very badly and I told him to wait and to stop and even pushed at his waist and bit him but he wouldn't stop, but i don't feel uncomfortable around men like most people say happens and I still want to do things like that, i'm just confused on if it's normal and okay to feel like that after something like that happens to you? also yes I still have some things I can't do, I can't look at my body in the same way and I can't finish anymore, because as soon as I get to that point I think about it and I just can't do it (i'm also a female, idk if that's important)

EDIT: I am trans and that's why this post says female and the other says male

Hi my name is Georgia (not real name) and i am 17 years old I met this boy for the first time at his house as he “hurt his foot”. We went into his room and put a movie on. He kissed me and tried taking things further I was surprised and asked to stop and he respected that for a few minute then carried on I kept asking to stop and it would just repeat over and over again till I agreed to have s!x with him I was a virgin to boys and it hurt a lot it kept happening I asked to stop and he just kept getting more aggressive I am so scared to tell anyone. My mother was pregnant at 15 and he pulled out minutes before but I have been unwell ever since and ordered a pregnancy test that’s arriving tomorrow. I live in a small town in Britain so I cannot just go to the local shop I feel his hands on me. Is this my fault ? Did I give in to easily ? My parents don’t know and I can’t tell them I’m so nervous I have learning disabilities I’m on the spectrum for autism I’m epileptic I don’t know how to cope with any off this What should I do ?!!!

My girlfriend and i (19 and 20) were parked at a beach park to look at the stars and we started having relations and it was good we were enjoying ourselves then after we finished we were getting to go and roll down the windows to let out the trapped air and stuff and there was a guy in a ski mask playing with himself and we don't know how long he had been there and we are both very shaken up and scared

What is wrong with me? I was raped by my cousin and "friends" multiple times years ago, I thought I finally conquered it and stopped thinking about it but lately it's all I can think of and voices in my head are telling me "I deserve to be raped", "I don't deserve anything but rape", "I should be raped","It's right to rape me" etc and it's killing me. But it's making me think it's true, and I don't WANT rape but I feel a slight WANT for rape (if that makes sense) AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I FEEL LIKE IM NOT A PERSON, AND SO I DESERVE IT! I don't know what to do. It's killing me.

TW: Description of rape/sexual assault(??)

This happened almost 4 months ago and I really need to figure out if I'm overreacting or if I was actually raped/sexually assaulted to be able to move on from it. Sorry in advance for any mistakes, English isn't my first language and also sorry for the long post, but it's a complicated situation and I feel like I have to give the full story from the start to get a real answer.

So what happened is that I was talking with this guy for like a month, he didn't seem weird or anything, he made a few sexual jokes in a flirty way but I mean most guys do that so I didn't think anything of it. After a month of talking he asked me out on date, I said yes and he recommended we go to a house to watch a movie, I told him I don't feel comfortable with that and I'd prefer if we went out for a drink instead, he said he understood and he's fine with it. On the days leading up to the date we had set, he kept asking what movie we'll see, the first time he asked I was confused and I told him that we had said we'll go for drinks and he was okay with it, then a day later he asked jokingly what movie we'll see after the drinks and I reminded him that I said that i don't feel comfortable going to a house cause I haven't met him irl before and that we should just go for a drink and see. A few days later he said something about it again jokingly and I told him that as I already said I don't feel comfortable going to a house without having met him irl before and we should just get a drink and see how it goes and maybe if it goes well we can go and watch a movie to his house and I made it clear that even if we do go to his house after the date, that I don't want to have sex or do anything sexual and I want to actually just watch a movie and nothing more just so he knows and doesn't expect anything more than that from me, he said that he understands and that he respects that and if we do go to his house after, we'll just watch the movie and he wont expect anything else, so I thought everything was okay since he seemed to respect the boundary I set.

When we went on the date things we're going well, we made good conversation, we got to know each other and he seemed like a good guy so I felt comfortable enough to go over and watch a movie especially since I've already made it clear that I don't want to have sex and to not expect anything more than watching the movie and he seemed to respect it. When we went to his house things were fine at first, we just chatted a bit and put a movie on. After a bit we started cuddling which I was fine with. A bit later he started caressing my thigh which I was relatively fine with since i had made it clear beforehand multiple times that I didn't want to have sex and for him to not expect it so I didn't necessarily think of it as sexual. After a bit he started going to put his hand in my pants and I just froze and didn't move at all cause the way we were cuddling I had to move to give him access so he could actually put his hand in my pants but he managed to do it anyway and he started touching me, I just stayed frozen and didn't move and after a bit he asked me kinda annoyed "are you not gonna do anything?" I kept not moving and I replied "I don't know" and he kept touching me and a bit later he moved my leg on his own so he would have better access and I still didn't say anything or do anything, I was just frozen and didn't know what to do. A bit later he moved my hand to his pants and again I didn't do anything and just stayed still and again he asked annoyed and kinda pissed off "are you not gonna do anything?" and he started moving my hand into his pants after I didn't reply or do anything.

I was just frozen and didn't know what to do, he was physically bigger and stronger than me and he could easily overpower me and throw me around (and he had jokingly made a comment about that during the date while he was jokingly picking on me for being short), so at the moment the safest and most logical option seemed to be to just go along with it and let it happen cause I didn't know how he would react if said no and i was kinda scared cause he seemed kinda angry because i wasn't reciprocating. So I went along with it and and as things progressed I asked him to wear a condom, thankfully he did and then I just went along with it and let it happen and acted as normal as I could cause I didn't want to piss him off or something but while it was happening, in my head all I was thinking was just begging for him to finish so we can just go back to cuddling and watching the rest of the movie.

At the moment I didn't really think of it as rape/sexual assault cause I didn't stop him and I went along with it and let it happen and I stayed over at his house cause where I live after a certain time there are no buses and i dont drive so i didn't have a way to get back home so I didn't really have a choice but to stay over and he knew that beforehand. As the months passed I started realizing that what happened was not okay but I'm still not sure if it was rape/sexual assault or if it wasn't and I'm just overreacting cause afterall I did let it happen even tho I had made it clear beforehand multiple times both verbally and physically that I didn't want to have sex or do anything sexual.

I was in a very abusive relationship about three years ago. This relationship I lasted around a year and a half, I was 18 at the time. During the relationship I was raped and abused psychologically and physically constantly, to a point in which it was normal to me. Thankfully i got away from that relationship and healed. Or so I thought.

Im currently on vacation abroad, and Ive been going to the gym every day at the hotels im staying at. Anyways, tonight while I was doing my pilates workout I noticed that the guy (middle aged man) that works as the receptionist at the gym had moved outside of the gym to a lounge area by the pool. (There is a huge window, so you can see directly from the pool area into the gym).

He was clearly staring at me. At first I didn’t think much about it, but after 10-15 minutes passed he was still there and now there was also some other men (also part of the hotel staff) with him and they were all looking at me. We made eye contact at one point and I felt so uncomfortable and disgusted I just stood up and left.

I went straight back into my room and cant stop crying. I feel so disgusting and Im having so many flashbacks memories from all the rape and abuse I had during this past relationship. Is this normal? I thought I had healed from this experience :( I don’t know if im over exaggerating and seeing things that are not there. But I truly feel so disgusted with myself and my body right now.

It's been 10 years this upcoming March.

My life wasn't perfect before but I feel like I've been an empty shell since it happened. He was my first relationship and love. This has ruined my self esteem, my relationships and friendships throughout the years. I've lived with PTSD, depression, severe anxiety, insomnia, anger and hypersexuality since.

I've been to therapy multiple times, been on multiple medications and had PTSD-treatment but I still feel like an empty shell. I think about who I could've been a lot.

Would I have better self esteem? Would I have more friends? Would I still use my body to make someone care about me? Would I be studying to become a programmer like I always wanted to do before instead of a counselor?

It feels like I'm mourning but how can I mourn someone that never existed?

I seriously can’t breathe right anymore. I can’t go a day where I don’t hyperventilate I don’t have labored breaths from hypersexuality. There’s not a single day when I don’t hear my breath get ragged and scared. I might cry, I might stop breathing at all for a while. It all just never stops. Today I realized how bad my hypersexuality is. I wanted to cut after the person I swore to be loyal to fell asleep. I couldn’t get any so I had to fight myself not to cut my body. This time I didn’t breathe right for hours. I cried, I stopped, I panicked, I played with myself right after, and only three minutes after I started crying and panicking again. It never ends. Slowly, repressed memories come back, in class, in front of people I know. I can’t imagine what goes on through their heads while I stare off, shaking, sometimes saying things under my breath, I’ve been told that’s another time I don’t breathe right. It’s when I keep saying “no” “stop” “please just fucking stop” over and over in public. And then later I find some relief through giving my body away. It’s horrible, I can’t do it, the only thing keeping me here is that people are listening, but I don’t know who really cares anymore because my secrets are out. I’ve been told in school that I’m a bitch and a whore who wanted it. Another reason my breathing isn’t right. I’m angry, I can’t fight back so I don’t breathe right. I don’t know what to do anymore

It's difficult for me to speak about this, but I feel that I need to do it.

I'm a 15 year old boy and I've been assaulted by a girl for years now. She's 13 years older than me (28 right now) and I've known her since I was 9. She's my neighbor and we became friends. I struggle with my home life, but this girl was always very nice to me and gave me a place to stay when I couldn't be at home.

Even though she was always nice, she was also weirdly physical with me. Touching me, making me touch her, stuff like that. I didn't realize it was bad when I was younger, I was just happy that she was my friend. I think I was 11 when we first had sex. All I remember was crying and her telling me it was okay. I never particularly liked it, but I wanted to make her happy. I know it's wrong now, and it's making me more scared every year.

I told her to stop, many times, but I'm also scared she might get angry with me and hurt me. I spend a lot of time at her house (I suppose I basically live there now), and she wants me to permanently move in when I'm of age. I like her, but I don't like how she likes me.

I don't know how to get away. She's been my only friend all my life, the only person who was really there for me. We basically live together already and I'm just so lost.

I had to get that off my chest, thank you for listening. Help or advice is very appreciated. (Sorry for posting this in multiple sub-reddits, I don't know which is the right one)

My (35/f) partner(32/ftm)is unhinged. I'm not tye picture of demure sanity either, but, I have one consistent personality. His switches are getting dangerous. This is rape counseling, not mechanical sabotage counseling, so I'll stick with my most recept dangerous sexual encounter in relation to him.

Basically, I need to know about what a rape kit could tell me and if I should ask for one.

So, all we really do together is argue and fuck. He has been putting himself in very risky situations, I'm POSITIVE he has been hooking, and hooking up, either people he meets on apps. I've definitely driven places and he's disappeared in sus ways, came back with attitude and jizz stains. It's very bad, and he tries very very hars to keep me.confused, isolated, afraid to ask questions, and blind to my surroundings. He has literally told me everything I think and feel is false bc I'm crazy, and I need to not challenge him and should do and listen tk what he says bc he knows himself and his thoughts and feelings are correct.

Moving forward. I asked him over just to fuck last night, and there are DEF people loitering outside mg truck.

I need to do a part two in the comments. He's coming this way and will flip his lid

3 years ago i was 19 on a Monday i consented to sex with him but on friday the same week i kept telling him no and stop but he just wouldn’t he continued to touch me in places i didnt feel comfortable with him hours after i got home i brought my mum to my room to tell her i asked if i should report and than she said “it’ll be an hassle just block him on everything it’ll be fine” but also learned she didn’t actually believe me and told everyone in my family that i was a liar and apparently to my mum rape has to involve visible injuries to class as rape and i haven’t gotten therapy cause my mother didnt help me with it also i forgot to mention im autistic aswell 😅

I was raped almost three years ago now and I really am mostly fine. I have a good job, a nice flat and lovely people around me. But occasionally (and now is one of those times), I just feel like it hits me all over again and just want to give it all up and let myself fall back to rock bottom.

I know I should never expect to be over it, and I should be grateful that I am feeling mostly mentally stable, but it is just so unbearably frustrating. I still can’t enjoy sex, I still jump out of my skin when I see someone who remotely resembles my rapist and I am still sent spiralling when I hear music that reminds me of the experience.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel really alone in this at the moment and needed to vent. If anyone has any advice that might help please comment, or even if you feel the same.

My rape and abuse was well over a year ago now yet I’m still losing sleep and my life to it.

I don’t think about it willingly nor do I want to obviously but it’s like my body wants to torture me by reminding me all the time. I feel like I anger everyone around me by being miserable about it still I don’t think people even believe me because of how much shit he put me through and how I can’t recall everything well.

The other day I was cooking and had a horrible flashback where everything was on me again I felt everything and how weak I was.

I was hysterically crying until my stepdad came into the kitchen and instead of being worried he was more angry he has been woken up and made everything about him. I was frantically repeating I want it to stop I feel it make it stop he realised whay the situation was about and was frustrated.

He was shouting at me whilst I was having a panic attack and autistic meltdown on the floor he kept saying how I’m absolutely pathetic and I need to “grow up” because it was a year ago but to me it feels so fresh. I said to him he doesn’t understand and he shouts more and more making me feel so invalidated.

I made a post a few days ago about being drugged and raped from another account. I have been feeling so much pain in the past few days that it feels like i cant breath. I dont know what to do. Thankfully not pregnant, waiting on std results. I just hate how it happened because i was careless with my drink and left it alone at a party.

hi im 15F my brother (27M) and his friends raped me and are abusing me, but i think somewhere it's my fault because he said i was "being a tease" and acting like a sl*t but i swear i was not doing anything, idk im trapped and i just want it to stop, i have apologised and begged him to stop but he says until im punished enough he won't :((