Follow up to my last post bc I don’t know what to do I want to talk about it because I want him to hold some accountability. I don’t want to talk about it in person, I’d prefer to write him a message and leave it there.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if it’s too serious to speak over text or if I can

Help?

Is it rape

I need some advise. I have been cing a person on a sexual basis no relationship one evening we had sex and then went to a bar at the bat I got drunk and decided to go back to sleep in the car

When I came around my pants where off and we where having sex I told him you hurting me, and then asked him to stop a few times but he only stopped when he finished.

After I got dressed and went home.

1. In a way I don't know if it was rape beacuse that night we previously had sex
2. I didn't activatly try to get him off my I was still pretty drunk so I just kept saying u hurting me and stop
3. I thought nothing of it until I told a close friend about my night and they said wtf that sounds like rape.

I truly don't know what to think I don't know how to feel.

I did ask him what happened that night and he said nothing that he dropped me at home. But I remember everything from the time realized I was having sex till I got into my house and cleaned myself up

I 20f was raped by my boyfriend when I was 15-17 We were together for a year and a half and the whole time he would pressure me into doing stuff with him. He would say I didn’t really like him and when I would give him reasons like I didn’t feel good he would claim I was lying. One time I had an ovarian cyst and was in so much pain but he cried and insisted I did what he wanted so I gave in. Later that day I collapsed in pain and had to go to the hospital because of the cyst. He also on multiple occasions took off the condom without telling me and lied about it afterwards. This continued the whole time. When I tried to bring it up or break up with him he would threaten to kill himself or his family and would show me the guns in his house to prove how easy it would be. In October of 2020 I was in a zoom call for high school and he kept trying to pressure me and I said no repeatedly. He eventually held me down and assaulted me and I cried and screamed and fought but he held me until he finished. Afterwards I cried and was so so confused. It took me about 3 weeks to understand what happened to me. I spoke to my friends and they were all very concerned and I assured them if something had happened again I would leave immediately. I went to his house and he tried to force me to give him oral and I freaked out. I cried and screamed and I told him I no longer felt safe and we couldn’t be together anymore. Afterwards he begged and begged me to forgive him but I couldn’t. A few months later he took a bunch of pills and called me. He told me the only way he would go to the hospital is if I brought him. I told him I would call his mom and he got her phone and told me he would shoot himself and her if I said anything to her. So I got him and brought him to the hospital then left.

The next school year everyone who used to tell me he was abusive and manipulative immediately was friends with him. People I had known for years everyone I knew took part in helping him harrass me. He had MY hoodie I had worn when I was assaulted and he gave it to his new girlfriend. I was triggered constantly and I wasn’t able to go to school without having a panic attack.

Now three years later the girl he gave my clothes to who helped force me to tears daily got a job at my job. Triggered me daily and constantly was talking about me and staring me down. She even told me it was all my fault it happened and she was just being manipulated by him but I was the one in the wrong. I ended up quitting because I couldn’t handle it.

It’s been years since I was assaulted but I still think about it everyday. It kills me to know my abuser is in college doing great while I am scared to leave my house.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford therapy and it’s been a few years now so I feel so silly being this hurt. I also can’t help but start to think I made it up and I’m crazy. I’ll never understand how everyone took his side. I worry my childhood abuse caused me to misinterpret the situation. But also I know how much it hurt me and scared me so I know it really did happen.

idk if i was raped or not or even sexually assaulted or maybe iy wasnt either of them. Unfortunately my half brother was pressuring me into doing things with him and even being with him and i told him no i want u to treat me like ur sister but he never accepted that he always wanted something more, i got tired of repeating myself to him so i jus let him do what he wanted to me, i went along with letting him do sexual stuff to me eveb tho deep down i hated it. There was one time he asked to have sex with me and i kept saying ‘idk’ bc i was afraid of saying no. but i let him do it anyway, whilst he was having sex with me i told him whilst it happening ‘i dont want it anymore stop’ and he said ‘what if i wasnt done’ and he kept on going. He now has in his mind i wanted to do all of this with him because i also agreed at first just so he would stop pressuring me and now i think its my fault for even engaging in these activities Nd letting this happen to me only because i was tired of repeating myselg to him pls treat me like your sister so thats why i went along and agreeing he can have sex w me jus so he would stop askin to be in a rl w me. at first i said yes he can have sex w me only because my other feelings of him treating me like his sis wasn’t getting in his head. also while he was doing it i made it aware i told him pls don’t do anything inside of me and he said i won’t dw but then he smiled and said ‘i couldn’t control it’s it jus happens to us boys we can’t feel it idk if that was true or an excuse

some context: I was at this party with 3 friends, 2 girls and this guy that I thought was kinda cute. They eated some edibles before I got there with a bottle of whisky, one of the girls went home and the homeowner (the other girl) the boy and me were the only ones there. The girl drank only half a cup, me and the boy drank the rest of the bottle (I drank the most part cuz I paid so yk) We were smoking in the balcony when the boy kissed me, I kissed him back and the girl called me to help her clean the kitchen so I went there and we ended things there.

Ok, so at some point of the night we entered a fight and the girl locked herself in her room, I went downstairs to smoke and drink more and the boy followed me, we kissed again and he tried opening my pants, I said I didn't want to do that cuz the homeowner was gonna be mad at us (she specifically said for us NOT to have sex) I also was not feeling like it, cause I am in fact assexual.

I said "no" to him a lot of times and said we could do that another day he asked me "You really gonna leave me like this?" so I did it.

We did that 2 more times cause he kept putting his hands inside my pants even tho I kept taking his hand out and closing my pants everytime he tried to open them

In the end he didn't even had a condom on, my friend got mad at me and won't talk to me, people at my school know I might be pregnant (Im only 16 so that's also something) and the only person I talked to about said "Oh yeah, he is like that" so I don't know if saying it is rape is exaggeration or not

I know how serious the topic is so I don't wanna say I got raped because I still talk to him and I was into him

I don't know who or were to talk about this, I'm really confused rn

rape victim needs advice

hello everyone. i'm 19 years old and i was a rape victim by a 28 year old. he studies to become a doctor and i feel like someone like him does not deserve to work with people. it all happened 6 months ago and he took several videos of it happening. of course i tried to hide my face the best as i could, but it makes me sick to know that he HAS those videos on his phone, potencially posted them on forums and stuff... im going crazy. like, actually crazy. i started taking sedatives because i have severe ptsd ever since it happened. i want to text him so bad and ask him to delete what he has on me. i want to talk to him so bad, i want to unblock him and cry for help. maybe he would feel sorry for me. but realistically, i know he would just be happy if he sees me suffer.

i even thought about emailing his school, but i know nothing would come out of that... it makes me sick, because i see his face everywhere. he's in his school's football team, and that football team is kinda famous in my country, so i often see people celebrating him...

what should i do ? should i text him ? should i not text him ? i need some advice.

p.s my country does not punish rape or revenge porn, so please dont say "go to the police". i truly feel like i'm going to do harm in myself because of this and i just really do not want to hurt the people around me

hey, i'm posting this for someone super close to me.

​

"hello. my name is n**** and i am a survivor. 1.5 years ago, i went to a party with a friend i had met online. that same day, my life would change forever as i was drugged and raped by him and his friends in public. no one did anything... they all watched. in fact, some said they wanted to join in. all i really remember is being raped before passing out. since then, 3 of them have been arrested but the others got off scot-free. i guess my question is... how do i overcome this? how do i move on from this? i think of suicide quite often. i remember this so clearly and it haunts me. therapy isn't possible where i am. what do i even do? please, provide me with any advice possible. i really need it. i genuinely cant handle some of these thoughts im having"

as a child, i’ve been groped multiple times by different people in different times and i don’t remember hating it at all (the parts i remember, im not so sure if there’s anything else i don’t remember that i maybe blocked out) anyway i remember enjoying it and i think that fucked me up as an adult. because i would masturbate to the thought of me being s/a’d and it turns me on so much. during my teenage years i was recklessly hooking up with boys and i had no emotional connection to it whatsoever and i was just desperate for sexual validation all the fucking time. once i graduated high school i kind of calmed down a bit but i would still hook up every now and there and id always feel disgusted with myself after. i now started to enjoy being jerked off to, being watched, basically being a exhibitionist. i love the idea of men (id never ever hook up with or im not attracted to whatsoever) jerking off to me. i feel like this is all twisted and connected to my s/a in a way but i cant seem to connect it or understand it. i fear i might not enjoy sex (i’m a virgin btw) as an emotional connection but rather another way to orgasm for me because once i start doing something physical with a guy i cannot pursue it romantically anymore and i emotionally detach from him. i wanna understand why is my kinks and sexual life twisted and how can i heal it? i tend to sexualise myself too. but what’s on my mind is why didn’t my s/a sadden me in any way why did i enjoy it and why am i not pissed off over it now??

Hi sorry if I say some bits wrong It’s my first time writing on one of these and telling someone properly..

Backstory: I’m 18 (f) and I was in a relationship with Z (lets call him Z) 18 (m) for over a year at this point, our sexual side of things has always been rough he was a Christian and I was willing to wait till marriage but one thing led to another and yeah, he loved an@L and I absolutely hated it, whenever we did it even taking precautions it would hurt so I’d say no and same with sex in general tbh I just wasn’t feeling it as we were always fighting so I never wanted sex, but he always used to tell me off and try getting me to do it there was multiple times I had to beg him to stop trying to keep asking all the time he’d do it over and over until I agreed, even sometimes I’d end up crying and he’d continue. My best friend S also hated Z with a passion because she found that Z was really horrible to me during the relationship.

So in December last year (5 months ago) me, my boyfriend Z and my friend S (let’s call her S) all stayed at mine for a sleepover, it was here we decided for the first time I was going to get drunk, we were watching a film and drinking just me and S, as my boyfriend didn’t want to because of religious reasons which was completely fair, so eventually me and my friend were drunk (me mostly) i was a mess, i only remember certain bits but i was just a mess (ive seen videos) like i fell through multiple gates 😭.

So anyway, as time was getting on they managed to finally get me to bed, my friend S went to my room whilst me and my boyfriend stayed in my mum’s, now my memory of the night is all fuzzy, but I remember parts of him climbing on top of me and starting to have sex, and I remember I REMEMBER telling him to stop over and over and he didn’t listen, he then tried forcing an@l on me and I remember how much it hurt, I kept saying stop and after a while of me begging he did stop, but I would predict maybe all of this over 10-15 mins of me begging him to stop, before he actually did, keep in mind me was 100% sober, I immediately fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning I was sober and devastated, I remember going to the bathroom and being in pain because of it which solidified in my head that it had actually just happened. I confronted him, he said “I was asking for it” according to his POV I was touching myself, begging for it, which i don’t remember so I don’t know if I did or not, but regardless I told him to stop, you know? Over time from December to February, it was a discussion I kept having with him because I genuinely think I was raped, he keeps denying it, saying I was asking for it and it isn’t rape, he just wouldn’t admit it, which got me angrier and angrier. Eventually, roughly around January; I told my best friend S, she was devastated as she didn’t know and hates him for it, she also agrees I was raped and is adamant I was and that he’s in the wrong. However, I don’t know how to feel, the reality just has not set in yet for me and I don’t know what it would be classed as so I’m here as kind of a hope that your opinions can tell me whether I was raped or not.. I broke up with him and I haven’t talked to him in a month now and I intend to keep it that way. Additionally, one of his excuses were “well your obviously not that drunk if you remember this” and that “I was falling through gates so” which just proves my point even more that I couldn’t consent but he is adamant he didn’t do anything wrong..

Thank you for your time reading this!

UPDATE:

So I sat him down and we talked about it. I told him about the memory loss and the doctor and the physical trauma and all the meds I’m taking for potential infections now. I told him the situation and how it was really hard for me and I’m still processing it and that I knew I had to tell him because I respect him and care about our relationship.

He did not get angry, he was kind, he listened and he understood. He believed that it was not my fault and he said he doesn’t see me as broken or dirty or anything like that. He did say he doesn’t want to have sex for a couple of months because of the HIV risk which is understandable. I wouldn’t want to put him at risk for that even though the likelihood of me having it is very low. He said that’s not a big deal to him to abstain. However I did ask him if he still wanted to be with me, and he simply stated that he has some things he needs to think through and think about how they affect our relationship. I tried to push for more information but he basically said talking about it before he’s processed it is unnecessary.

We proceeded to hang out during the night as usual. Our dynamic didn’t change, I got the support and reassurance I needed and we agreed that we shouldn’t have sex for a month or two until I can for sure get an accurate test. The only thing that makes me nervous is what he may be thinking behind the scenes about how this affects our relationship. He told me I don’t have anything to worry about because if how he feels would make him leave then he wouldn’t be a good partner for me in the first place. He said we are still going to hang out and all of that completely like normal, but he really seems to not want me to worry about how he’s processing it. After talking about it we hung out like nothing happened, we went back to joking around and talking as normal.

It would break my heart if he left because of something that wasn’t my fault. But I had no choice I had to tell him, and I don’t think he’s going to leave anyways. It’s just the way he said he needs to assess and process some things that immediately made me think the worst. But he said he would rather be honest about how it makes him feel and I understand that. I know he really values the relationship and me and cares about me so I’m glad he was honest. I think everything is going to be fine, and things are normal for now, I’m just scared. Of everything.

***ORIGINAL: How do I tell my boyfriend I was sexually assaulted while he was traveling?

I don’t even know where to start. He’s been gone for two weeks and while he was gone I went out with some “friends” (they left me alone) because I don’t normally go out because I’m usually with him Saturday nights.

I went to a gay bar so I thought I would be ok. I remember being at the bar, and then waking up in my bed at home. I’ve never had memory loss like that before. I know what blacking out feels like and this was obviously drugs. I went to planned parenthood and they said there was obvious trauma down there. Someone forced themselves on me.

He is coming home soon and I know I need to tell him (I’ve been getting tested and all of that stuff). How do I even bring this up? How do I make him understand it’s not my fault? I would never cheat on him and I don’t know when the assault happened still but he deserves to know. I don’t want to ruin how happy he probably is from his trip. But I know I need to tell him sooner rather than later.

And no I don’t know if I’m going to the police yet I haven’t decided. I wasn’t able to get a rape kit because I didn’t know I couldn’t change my clothes or shower or any of that. I washed myself immediately because I couldn’t stand feeling so dirty inside and out.

How do you tell someone something like this? What if he thinks I’m dirty or disgusting or a liar?

Does anyone else have nightmares off beeing forced to do stuff u don't want? It's not stopping I have a boyfriend for such a long time now (7 years) but I still have nightmares where he or other guys want stuff I don't..

So I was ,,raped” by my bf who truly is apologetic and he said he wanted me to know he didn’t know that he did it and I believe him but the problem is he said he needs time to release what he did and he goes to therapy for it and in the mean time he does things that are not matching his words he is sweet in private and try’s to be better and so but in public he doesn’t look at me nor talk with me even if we are next to each other, and he is still in therapy but he never asked me if I need help or how did I feel about it and he just… this is gonna sound like I’m such narcissist but he made it about himself and not me I know it sounds ridiculous to say and I know I Sound so narcissistic and everything but I don’t understand what I’m feeling here? Why do I care so much when he is with another girl outside? To be specific his EX BEST FRIEND THAT IS A GIRL am I really narcissistic or just not understanding of him? I don’t understand why doesn’t he care more about me I just want to understand it better

A few days ago I met this guy for the first time to just hang out and smoke ( i am an active smoker) he bailed twice until i finally was picked up at around 10:30 at night to go to the city... we go to this parking garage to smoke and everything is fine he seemed genuinely interested in what we were talking about until we got out the car and we kissed.. we then got back into the car and he continued to kiss me and unbutton my shirt i told him no.. but kissing was fine along with a little bit of touching our private areas.( i tried to cross the line at sex by repeatedly telling him no) we got in the backseats ONLY and solely only bc we wanted to be closer whilst kissing we took off our bottom clothing because i agreed to only touch but i wasn't comfortable with having sex alongside him not having any condoms.. regardless i just did not want to have intercourse. as we were kissing he kept asking for it over and over i said no over and over telling him exactly what i was comfortable with as we kissed again he began to finger me eventually leading up to him entering me with his penis... feeling defeated i didn't push him off and went completely silent feeling numb and hopeless i managed to let out a wincing "no" gladly it didn't last too long and he finished and said.. "see i told you it would be fine.. and watch in a few weeks you wont even be pregnant" (before anything happened i expressed that is ONE of the many concerns and i didn't want to) the entire time driving me back he would touch my thigh and i just was stuck and couldn't move or speak i was just numb. he asked if i was ok repeatedly throughout the night because of my energy shift so i feel like he knows it was wrong a little bit. not sure if this is rape because i feel like if i would've just pushed him off or been able to say anything at all besides no as it happened it could've been prevented even tho he inserted himself. i just had so many thoughts going through my brain due to the SA i've dealt with before.i dont even know what to do next or how to move forward because i constantly think ab how i could've done literally anything else. i dont know. i feel this is so much different than anything i've experienced, yes ive cried but im not sad or angry or upset im just numb i really don't know.

A couple of months ago something happened to me, i still don't know how to feel. This was not rape but i was harrased.

I am a 21 year old woman from europe so i'm very sorry for my english if it's bad.

A couple of months ago i went on a girls vacation to spain. one night after we were done at the club waiting outside a man sat beside me. I was drunk, very drunk. He started talking to me and rested my head on his shoulder because i was tired. At a certain point this man took my face and started kissing me. I tried to push him away, i really did. I wasn't strong enough. He had one hand on the back of my head to keep me from pulling away and the other inside my dress, inside my bra. I froze and tears started falling but he didn't stop. Another guy pulled him off me as we were still outside the club. The next day i told my sister who coincidentally stayed in that same night. She got mad at the situation, asking me why i drank that much and why i didn't just stay in with her. She tried to find a reason. I don't blame her. After that trip i have gotten scared of drinking, i intentially gained alot of weight so no one would find me attractive (i used to love my body and worked out 6-7 days a week) and i dont go out at all anymore. No one from my personal life knows except for my sister. I just feel my life getting worse and i don't know what to do. The worst part is that i keep feeling it was all my fault. I know this is not nearly as bad as what happens to other women, but it's horrible to me. I would love some advice, just please be kind.

I asked my therapist that I want to see some other therapist in same organisation and they are threatening me by terminating the therapy

I'm seeing a gov hospital's psychologist taking therapy but they in between check their phone, sort their papers on table and I don't feel heard listend so I asked them if i can change them And my psychologist basically a mphill trainee said she will talk to her sir. And today she said that his sir will talk to me cz then if I'll change the psychologist then next time again I'll do it so they will talk to me otherwise just terminate the therapy.

I can't afford private psychologists pls help.

Last week i was invited by my friends to go on a camping trip. It was supposed to be a bunch of us girls and boys but most of them didn't show up and the only ones left were me and 5 boys. They didn't tell me this until i got on the car with them. They were flirting with me throughout the day and some of them even tried to grope me. I just thought they were being playful and i shrugged it off. Later that night they invited me to a game of truth or dare which got sexual really quick and the dares were getting targeted at me. They were giving dares to each other to grope me, kiss me, etc. Soon things got out of hand and they were outright raping me. I tried to get them to stop but they weren't listening. They raped me throughout the entire night and even took pictured without my consent. After that they drove me home silently, none of them spoke to me. But now a week later some of those guys have msged me asking me to send them nudes otherwise they were going to make my pictures public. Im traumatized right now and don't know what to do. I have to face them everyday at school too and im really scared

TW: ACSA, COCSA, Throw away account because this is not something I have ever shared, and I don’t plan to. I was SA’d by 3 of my cousins when I was maybe 8. My (m)cousins were younger but the other one was maybe.. 14 or so? It eventually stopped as I stopped hanging out with them and my mom often had me nearby. Now this is when I’m about 8-9, we own a large breed dog and this dog was unfixed, And I’m sure you can see where this one led.. no active penetration was involved. It lasted a couple months before it stopped, And now I’m just so disgusted with myself. I feel disgusting and contaminated every day no many how many times I shower. I can’t even look at the dog without being angry for no reason, and being on gaurd for no reason. I feel like I will vomit just looking at topics such as this. I am 16 soon to be 17 in a couple months.

TW// Rape, suicide and suicidal ideation, self harm, emotional abuse

I was a victim of rape and I was silenced for nearly a year. Now that I have talked about it, I feel stuck on where to go.

I dated a man for two years. When we met I was 17 and he was 25. When we started dating (we were both over 18) I was suicidal and had just started taking my medication. He got me the help I needed. He knew going into the relationship I was asexual, but I thought I'd try for him after a while.

It was a negative experience but I consented fully.

One night, he was kissing me up the stairs. I didn't want to take it further so I asked him to stop and pushed him away. He picked me up, threw me on the bed and had his way with me.

He's 6'0" and quite large. I'm 5'1" and was around 70kg at the time. There was no way I could've physically stopped him. I have a history of abuse. I was so scared and I felt so powerless.

Our best friends were dating. I told them. We talked it out with them because I was worried about him, and he got mad that I'd told other people. I never told anyone after that.

For the month before I broke up with him we were living apart for university. All I could think about was what happened. I felt disgusting. I broke up with him about 6 weeks into the separation but didn't tell him why.

I have to see him each week because we work together. He messaged me drunk the other night saying he wished we'd worked out. I told him not to say things like that because it confuses me and I'm trying to process some trauma from our relationship. He said that I should tell him because it's unfair to say he traumatised me and not tell him what he did.

I don;t know what to do. I wrote him a letter, but I feel like thats an inappropriate thing to do. My friends keep telling me I need to talk to him when I'm ready but I don't think I'll ever be ready.

What makes things worse is he has a history of suicide as well. Im scared the issue will trigger him and cause him to do something bad.

Trying to process whether something I experienced was sexual assault or not. It happened several years ago during the beginning of the pandemic, I (28F) had a friendship with another lesbian (30F). I was engaged at the time to someone else but we were separated physically living in different countries because the border had been closed. I was lonely and I had this friend who also lived alone so we spent time platonically as friends as kind of a “bubble”.

Over time, she started saying suggestive things telling me how beautiful I was and how they wish they could find someone like me. I made it very clear I was not interested as I was engaged. However she sometimes sent me inappropriate pictures which was weird so I asked her not to. One night she was over for drinks and dinner and she kissed me, I immediately stopped her and she got really upset and left saying she was embarrassed. I kind of avoided her for a bit and then we started speaking on friendly terms again a couple of weeks later.

There was this one night that she came over and brought alcohol, we both were drunk and so she didn’t want to drive home. I offered her my bed and said I would sleep on the couch. She said she couldn’t do that to me and that we could just sleep together (I know this was stupid). Anyway, at some point in the night she was massaging my back and it felt really good and I was half asleep and drunk so I didn’t stop that. It eventually progressed to her penetrating me without any discussion beforehand and I just remember freezing. I didn’t stop it. When she tried to go down on me I found my voice and just said a quiet “no, stop” and then I immediately left, went to the bathroom and started crying. I showered. I felt sick.

Here’s where it gets iffy…. I didn’t stop talking to her. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Internally I was punishing myself over and over for cheating and I felt physically nauseous over it but I was turned on and confused by that. I couldn’t talk to my fiancé about it so I turned to this friend who was probably already manipulating me and she apologized for misreading the situation and said it wouldn’t happen again. Except it did. Multiple times. Over the course of almost a year it just kept escalating and getting more violent and abusive and every time I would cry after and immediately shower. I couldn’t make sense of what was happening or why I kept speaking to her. I never touched her. I never initiated anything and it wasn’t like how I imagine an affair would be. It was only recently that I finally told someone because I’ve been so depressed with this intense guilt and shame and they said that it was 100% rape and I feel stupid for not recognizing how many of my boundaries she slowly eroded.

I’m still not convinced myself that it was rape but I don’t know how to process what happened. Is this something common?

Just a few days ago i was on a trip and my ex happened to be their. He went onto my bed and was trying to get me to do things, I kept trying to tell him that we shouldn’t because it wasn’t right (he has a gf) and because i didn’t want to. He started to touch me and I asked him what he was doing, he then stopped but as i was trying to sleep he tried it again. I told him multiplied times i didn’t want to. Once he stopped he said sorry, but then later he kept trying. As he kept trying i kept saying to stop, and then he acted like i had did something wrong. It got to a point where he kept asking and i kept trying to reject him. He then started touching me again and i froze i couldn’t move and i could feel my body shaking. Then he put it inside even though he said he wouldn’t (before when i told him no). At this point i felt sick and wanted to throw up i pushed him off me and had a panic attack and then he went to sleep angry at me. I feel like whatever happened to me was my fault because i technically didn’t say no, but i was also really scared he’s a pretty buff guy and he has anger issues. However i feel like because he didn’t physically force me it was me fault. let me also say that he asked me if i felt force to do things and i said yes and then after that he kept going.

Edit : i also want to tell him that i did not want to have sex with him but i don’t know how.

I (44f) have been dating a guy, well call him Mike. We have slept together before, but I had a family emergency that interrupted our situation. It's been about a month, and we are finally seeing seeing each other again.

For background, I have PTSD from being violently raped years ago (this relates to the family emergency). Before anything got physical, I told him that due to my PTSD, I do not like being choked. He said he understood, but the first time we slept together, he tried to do it anyway. I stopped him and reminded him that this was a hard limit. He apologized and we moved on.

Yesterday we were hanging out, and I was clear that I wasn't ready for sex again yet. We started making out, which I was fine with, but he got pushy for more and I had to tell him multiple times to stop. I even had to tell him twice to put his dick away and he tried to force my hand.

I finally got the subject changed, and we were just hanging out again. Then out of nowhere, he puts his hand to my throat and pushes me back into the couch forcibly and started kissing me. I went instantly into the freeze reaction, but I broke through it enough to stop him and reminded him AGAIN that this is a hard limit.

I sat there while he played on his guitar, but the panic attack was coming like a freight train. I finally told him that I was having a panic attack from the choking and I needed to go home. He said he felt bad and he was sorry but he just forgot because he was caught up in the moment.

I don't think there's any excuse for "forgetting" something that I've told him is incredibly important. I don't know if this was actually a sexual assault or just a bad encounter, but he's blowing up my phone begging for another chance.

I feel like I’ve been a sexual object to people for such a long time, I am worried that I’ll always be that inside. I don’t know how to value myself because of it but I also don’t know how to value myself without receiving that desire for me. Sometimes I think it was all my fault because I was always naturally sexual/ flirty. I don’t know where that came from and it makes me think I caused it all. But then why am I in so much distress. I have been told it won’t get better until I put the blame where it deserves to be but, I’m the only common denominator. When I do feel angry at the people I was with, it’s almost more painful. I don’t know what to do anymore.

i was raped by my boyfriend last year. he asked if he could penetrate me n i said no but whilst i was kissing him he did it anyways.

he was my first relationship, first kiss, first sexual experience etc. we never had penetrative sex but did other things.

lately i really consumed by our sexual relationship i think about it all the time which makes me feel so weird. it just feels wrong. but at the same time i don’t want anyone to touch me. it feels really degrading to even think about him sexually after what he did to me.

has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I am 22 & a victim of sa since the age of 6-13. I been dating this guy for about 5 months now. Our first date he immediately tried to shove his hand down my pants and was doing it with such force as I pushed him. I felt completely uncomfortable and talked to him about it and he said he was just in the moment with my "beauty". We started being scared active around 3 months. Our last date about three weeks ago we were being intimate and he talked about anal I told him no multiple times loud and clear, he ignored me right after and shoved his finger down in there, I immediately pushed him off and said stop. I was not only in pain but I was scared. I lost my trust and comfort in him. I wanted to go home immediately. I was balling my eyes out and he started saying how it's all his fault and that he a bad man and how he doesn't deserve me and kept going. I haven't hanged out with him as I started getting ptsd and anxiety because of this. We're still dating and I was already starting to love him but this just feels like everything ended for me, he betrayed my trust in my opinion. He is also aware that I am a victim of SA. Please help me. I want to end this but I also feel like I might be overreacting.

Hi.

15(f) here, a couple months ago, about 5 (months) back in late January I was talking to this guy, E 16(m) who is 2 grades above me. I was told not to hang out around him because of rumors of his (prior) history with girls, like he joined the cheer team to look at girls butts, he was leaked numerous times when he was in 8th grade. When I had heard about this, I of course (nosey as ever) asked him about it, and (Shocker!!!) he denied it. Fast forward a month or so, he started becoming really sexual with me, some of which I was okay with. There were times where he asked me to perform sex acts with him in school, which I refused with all of his persistence. Around this time, I was with a person, we'll call him "K" (we weren't dating per say, but we basically were) and E (16) was aware of this, at one point me and the guy (K) that I was with had a lot of drama that resulted in our relationship ending, (I was sexually active with this person and "E" was aware of that) when all of this happened, "E" told me to say that "K" had raped me (WHICH HE DID NOT EVERYTHING WAS CONSENSUAL) to prevent me from getting in trouble, and make "K" get in trouble. I refused it, and left it at that. Fast forward, and "E" is starting to get really sexual with me, like kissing, touching, etc.. It got to a point where I didn't want to anymore, and it was in this particular situation where I needed it to stop. "E" asked to have sex with me after we had musical rehearsals one day, and I said "Okay". As soon as he went inside of me, I didn't like it, as it hurt really badly, and it just didn't feel right. Once he was inside, I said "Stop", to which he didn't respond and kept going, and I know that I said it loud enough for him to hear me. It took me 3 times to tell him to stop before he stopped. "Please stop you're hurting me." "E, STOP YOU ARE HURTING ME" "PLEASE STOP E IT HURTS" it got to a point where I started to cry, then he stopped. After this instance, we decided that we'd be best as just friends and left it that. About 2 weeks later, he needed to go to the gas station before rehearsals started and asked if I'd come with. Since we already agreed to stop the sexual relationship, I didn't think anything would happen. He pulled into a parking spot, and before he got out of the car, he squeezed my breast, and walked away. I didn't do anything to imply that that is what I wanted, or that I was okay with it. Once he got back in the car, he didn't do anything, and we went back to school. We pulled into a parking spot, and before he got out, he did it again. This time I spoke up and said his name, to which he responded "I know you like it", the last instance I had with him was when he had to drive me home from one of our show dates. He pulled into the driveway of my friends house that I was sleeping at that night, and grabbed my face while singing some stupid song, he held my face really tight and pulled me close enough to kiss him. I was very obviously struggling to get out of his grip, and then he kissed me and left it at that.

I'm not exactly sure what to do, if I was raped, or if it was different because I gave consent at first. Please lmk. I need this advice.

He insisted that I visit him and I did. He insisted that I sleep with him. I told him no at least 6 times then he understood. Later on that night he tells me to move and face up (he's a buff guy) so out of fear I moved and faced up and he started to penetrate me. I then told him to stop because it did not feel right and I was actually sure that I did not want to have sex with him. Somehow he continued to penetrate and I was not fighting or stopping him at any point, it was more like I had accepted my fate.

I then told him about two months later that what happened was rape and he said he did not mean for it to be that.

Does this sound like rape to you?

Hi, throwaway account just for this but I've got my video interview with the police tomorrow and I feel really guilty all of a sudden. Bit of Background on the story:

After work a few months ago, me and my friend went for drinks and after quite a few, we invited someone who I had previously had a sexual night with but we had many conversations about how he liked me but I just wasn't in the mental headspace for a relationship with anyone.

We invited him and he showed up, and then after a few more drinks, I basically blacked out (I don't remember going from the pub to my house) and we ended up at mine, I got my work friend into a taxi to her house and I had told him he was fine to stay in my bed as long as there was no touching and no sex since I didn't want to lead him on due to our past being quite confusing for him (I had offered him the couch but I felt bad as he looked like a told off puppy and in my drunk state, I felt bad enough to let him in my bed). We had been making many jokes about how I like to keep my relationships casual and casual sex may be in the future for us but for the moment, I just wanted to sleep and told him that and then I fell straight into bed and just blacked out entirely to the point where I couldn't wake up to anything.

Turns out he didn't listen to that and I could feel him in my sleep but I couldn't wake up, I kept kicking him off but when I woke up to go pee, I found my underwear by the door on the floor but was still too out of it to realise what that meant.
Once the night was over and we both woke up, he told me that we had had sex, I think I blanked out because shortly after he left to go home...

I then called my friend to come over and get me some water if possible since I was heavily hungover and still wasn't fully aware of what HE had just told me. They took me to the hospital and called the police and from then on its been a gruelling process of being afraid, and then just being done and wanting to back out of everything.

Anyways, back to my original reason... I feel bad. I know what he did was wrong but I don't know if I would want to see him get arrested (which he wont because of how low the percentage of cases go to court) but I don't think he's a bad person and I may eventually be working where he works due to just getting a job offer there so maybe I should just put this all behind me?..

He's been arrested and is out on bail on strict orders not to contact me but I feel like I want to talk to him to just get the closure and understand what happened so that there aren't any bad feelings if we do end up working together but I know that would potentially get him in more trouble or get myself into trouble but that doesn't stop me feeling bad for causing this...

Am I stupid for feeling like this? Is it normal to want to just drop the case? Am I getting in my own head too much?

(Sorry for the rant, I've been speaking with my ISVA and I'm on a waiting list for therapy, I just needed to get a response that wasn't biased basically???)

TW, just to be safe, I'll be describing it pretty graphically.)

Hi, so this all happened when I was 16, he was 19, and we'd been dating for about 3 months. (Note: I'm from Germany, and the age of consent there is 14, so it was legal.) We'd both been virgins when we met, to the point where we hadn't even kissed other people. By the time the incident happened, we'd slept together a few times, but hadn't done oral or other stuff yet. He only got his sexual education from porn, or at least that's what I think happened after all the stuff he's told me. He always said that my pleasure is what got him off, but everything he did to me was always so uncomfortable and sometimes even painful because he was really rough at times. I was very unsure about myself at the time, and he was kind of a crybaby and would get upset randomly, so I always faked liking it. I think the fact that I was 16 at the time also played a role in that, obviously, since I had no experience with intimacy, and had only self-educated about consent. I never had any good example of a healthy male-female relationship, so I was pretty helpless, and didn't really have clear boundaries that I could enforce in the moment.

The incident went the following way: We were on my bed, and nobody else was home. He was supposed to leave and take the bus home in about 45 mins. He was kind of holding me and rubbing up against me (?) and telling me he was really horny and wanted to have sex. I told him I didn't want to have sex with him right now. After I said that, he told me: "Then give me head." And like I said, I had never done anything like that before, ever. I didn't know what to say, and felt so uncomfortable. I don't know why I didn't just say no. I don't think he would've forced me to do it had I said "no" directly. But I feel like my mind just went on autopilot. I got up from the bed, and went to close the curtains on my bedroom window. I was awkwardly laughing, and calling him names like 'jerk', and 'cunt' (I don't know why, but I just did. I usually never cuss, but I was kind of 'jokingly' calling him those names because I was so uncomfortable), while he just laid on the bed and smiled at me and waited. Then, because I didn't know how to do it, he told me to sit on my knees in front of the bed, and he sat on the edge. I don't really remember how it all even went down, because the next memory I have of the incident is having his cock in my mouth, and him kind of pushing my head up and down, not super hard, but I definitely gagged. The taste of the precum was also digusting, and made me gag. Then, he told me to take off my shirt. I said no, and he just said "Ok" and then, when he close to cumming, he said "I wanna cum in your mouth", and then just did. I didn't know how it would taste, and I didn't think it would be so, so bad. I literally almost threw up after he did it. I had to spit it all out, and then drank 1l of water, and had to eat an apple, and the taste still stuck to my tongue until after he was gone. I had tears in my eyes the whole time after, I couldn't control it. I was so close to crying the whole time, even when I was walking him to the bus stop. He told me that I 'wouldn't have to do it again, if the taste was so bad', and then, because I was so close to crying, he said he would cry too, because it was so hard for him to see me cry, so I tried not to cry.

Now, it's been about 2 months since I broke up with him. I'm still trying to process the whole relationship, and other stuff he did, like (I was sexually assualted at a party when I was 14 and told me) when he questioned if my SA even happened because I was unconcious during it, or when he made a rape joke about me (I jokingly said something like 'no, you'll never touch me again', and he said 'well, then I have to rape you' and laughed. That was also when we'd been dating for about 3 months.). Now that I'm older, and around the age he was when he met me, I'm starting to reconsider the whole thing, and feel taken advantage of by him, and like my first times were stolen. I would like some advice on the incident I described, because I feel like it's in the grey areas of consent, but somehow I still can't stop thinking about it. It's on my mind all the time, and is really weighing on me. Thank you in advance for your takes on the whole thing :)

TLDR; My ex boyfriend had me give him head, after I said no to intimacy and was acting really awkwardly because I was so uncomfortable when he was 19, and I was 16, when we'd been dating for about three months.

(Tw: Suicidal thoughts) I was repeatedly raped between the age of 14 to 16 by a group of guys a bit older then me, i used to hang out with and take drugs with. They filmed the first time it happened and blackmailed me with it. They knew they would get away with it because of my extremely religious family. They called me over mostly on the weekends, when they’ve been drinking and taking drugs. They threatened me to send the videos to my family members if I didn’t come over as soon as they messaged or called me. They constantly send me pictures of what they did to me and videos of them taking turns on me. They even „sold“ me (for drugs and money) to some of their friends and on one occasion to a group of older guys. I had two abortions, until they forced me to take birth control.

I was extremely traumatised, while it happened and the years after. Luckily enough these guys got caught because they tried it with another girl and all but one of them is in jail.

Two years ago at age 20 I met my boyfriend, he was an amazing help in my healing process. He is understanding and even helped me go to a therapist that allowed my boyfriend to be present at the first few „meetings“. Today was my last day in therapy, since I move to a different place together with my amazing boyfriend.

I feel like i am ready for my new life, leaving behind what nearly killed me. It’s impossible for me to believe that 2-6 years ago I was constantly so close to ending my life and today i can finally be somewhat happy. I am clean for an entire year now and I’ve even stopped smoking.

Without my amazing boyfriend, being able to talk about what happened and my therapist this would’ve never been possible. It always feels like being able to talking was what helped me reclaim my life.