Rules and regulations

Has anyone’s child had a CAC interview? If so, was the result in the child’s best interest, in your opinion?

I am worried that my child will still have to go back to her abuser post-interview.

So far, so good...
She's in a facilty, I have NO idea about how long they will keep her. I am hoping they fuck up her S**icide watch and she'll just do it.

Signed divorce papers on Thursday, included the car in the settlement so I can get it out of her name. I got more rubbermaid bins and am trying to shove all her crap in the garage so I can have my house back!

Therapy was a DEEP dive on Friday and it's good, bbut gutting. Had a friend today say some things about "never letting them come back" and it really hurt me because I am VERY SOLID in that! I journaled about 5 pages on guilt and shame, it's still a big one.

"how did I let this happen?"
God I hate that I keep feeling that.

Slept like shit last night, up till 2...awake at 5, 7 and I stayed in bed till 11am...had vague dreams of r*pe, abuse, all kinds of stuff...nothing ut the feeling of trauma in my body. Woke up feeling like I'd been beaten with a stick...I bet I was clenched up all night in my sleep.

I know all of this *IS* what progress looks like. It just sucks to wade through the muck.

Thanks for letting me ramble...

(original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/1gcdr04/id_never_been_strangled_before/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button )

I’ve been dating a guy for a month and I am scared he might become physically violent towards me. Getting into the relationship he said he had resolved anger issues, but I don’t think they are as resolved as he claimed. He gets upset very easily at little things like his cat being annoying or being late to events. He is kind of aggressive to his cat, he claims to have never hurt his cat but I’m not sure what to think. He has told me multiple times that he has been violent towards objects, and harming himself in the process of punching them. I’m afraid that if I make him mad he’ll hurt me. I had to correct his language in the beginning of the relationship due to him calling me harmful worlds jokingly. He followed that boundary which is good. He also play fights with me sometimes, but I’m not sure if that’s an indication that he might hurt me for real.

I want to share what happened to me because it’s really hard for me to acknowledge and understand how serious and dangerous my situation is. I moved to Japan awhile ago and I didn’t had many friends here at that time and I met this cute boy and we clicked instantly the first moment we met. Since that day we would see each other 1-3 times a week. There where some red flags but I ignored them. A year ago he broke an other girls nose in front of me, I protected him that he didn’t got arrested and told myself it was a drunk accident. He started to get violent towards me sometimes, but like „only“ a slap and at some point he started to hit me at the shoulder with the fist, or kicking me etc. I have to say we had this kinky thing going on, because I‘m M and he’s S and we did some spanking and choking stuff, but we never had actual sex. But the hits and kicks I talk about where without consent, out of nowhere and mostly when we where out drinking. Anyway, I could tell he tends to lose control when he’s really drunk. Three months ago he cracked my rip and bruised my arm pretty bad, just because he was drunk and angry, it happened on the open street. he just snapped, I could see it in his face that he’s not himself anymore. We talked about it, I forgave him and we made an agreement that I will just walk away and leave him alone when he gets too drunk and snaps. The connection seemed to break for other reasons, he has a lot of stress, dealing with a serious illness as well, and he startet to pull back. We had a fight about his lack of communication where he told me he doesn’t feel the same for me like I feel for him. That was hurting me a lot so I started to go on distance. He keep wanting to meet me, I saw him 1-2 times after that but then we where spending Halloween together which was fine. Then sadly a good friend of mine tried to commit suicide whilst on the phone with me, this was a traumatic experience, I was like two days in shock and alone at home, then I just wanted to go out and get drunk. No one really had time so I asked him, telling him what happened, and he instantly replied and so we met. We got super drunk, eventually ending up at my apartment. At some point in the morning he wanted to go to the station but I didn’t wanted to leave my place, so I was like you can sleep here or go alone but I stay here. I don’t remember an other conversation before, but yeah he was sitting on me and starting to hit me (before he was lying on me in a „cute lovingly way“) I could again see that he snapped, he was trying to hit me in the face and I just tried to avoid getting hit on the nose or the eyes. I tried to hold his arms, calming him somehow down, I told him repeatedly to please stop, again and again. Also saying stuff like I don’t want to hurt him or that I don’t want to call the police. At some point he started to strangle me, I tried to get off one of his hands several times but he kept doing it. With one leg I tried to pull away his neck, but at some point I was out of energy. That was when he was able to cut of my breath completely, but at the point I thought he’s maybe killing me he let go. I just turned away, trying to get some energy back in case he would strangle me again. He lied beside me, hugged me and asked if I‘m ok, I was like just go away. Then he started to attack me again, so I kicked him off the bed and he hit his head pretty hard on the table near by. Instead of going away I instantly went like omg are you ok?? So he was able to drag my to the grownd where he started to kick me. I managed to get up, he pushed me against the wall and strangled me again, and again let go after a while. I tried to lock him out of the main room but there was no lock and he was stronger so I couldn’t keep the door closed. I don’t really remember, but at some point he was talking about going to the station again. I played along so I was able to get to the toilet and lock myself in there. First he thought I have to throw up or something, asking if I‘m ok and telling me to please open the door. I just cried and told him to leave. when he realized that I‘m locking myself away from him he got super angry, boxing and kicking into the door, constantly yelling at me to come out. At some point he went back to the main room, starting throwing around everything that he could finde. Then I heard him leaving the apartment so I got out to lock the main door, but in that moment he opened the door again. I was like oh fuck no, but he just asked about in what direction he has to go (I just recently moved) so I just told him the way, he goes like „really? If you lie to me I kill you“ and I just said nono I tell the truth. He went in the elevator and left. I got back in my apartment, locked the door and instantly called my friend. My friend wanted me to go to the police but I didn’t wanted to. He called me the next day, crying how sorry he is and so on. And I still don’t hate him, I told him that I will protect him from getting arrested but that I want him to go to therapy because otherwise he will for sure end up in jail.

All my friends are super worried about me, and I know I can’t meet him anymore, at least not alone. But I fucking don’t hate him, he could have killed me and I don’t have any bad feelings towards him, besides that I‘m of course afraid that he could hurt me again. But I have a real problem, when I think about the strangling it makes me feel desire instead of fear. I really don’t understand myself anymore. Like I always knew that I like strange unhealthy things but reality is different to fantasies. All my friends are telling me if I go back to him they are done and can’t help me anymore. I also talked to my therapist but it doesn’t really changed anything about my thoughts. I got sexually abused from the age 12 to 18, so this has for sure some impact but still, my life was always the most important thing for me and now I seem to care more about a boy than about my safety. It so surreal.

My sister has a 1y old child with a guy. She got pregnant a few months into their relationship. After the child was born he started to change and has been phycologicly abusive. They've been on-off since. A feew weeks ago he beat her up really bad and strangled her and she went to the police. Got a restraining order for 10 days. They have talked since then, since he has half custody. She doesn't wanna take it away from him and she still loves him and has hopes even though she knows its almost impossible to work. I am really scared for her safety and for her mental health thats always been bad. She doesn't wanna talk to her friends about this since she feels embarrassed. And she doesn't think a therapist could help much. How can i support her, what would you think could help her pls

Hi reddit, this is my first post so bear with me. I'm about halfway through a 72 hour no-contact order with my boyfriend. We have been together for 5 years. We moved in together about a year ago after he got his 3rd OWI, a disorderly where he was living, and couldn't go back. I had been preparing to end things right before this happened but when he got arrested, I thought it was rock bottom and things would change so I stayed and helped him. He has a long history of being an extremely functional alcoholic. Very long story short, he got through the criminal stuff this past year with what I would consider a slap on the wrist, even said to me once that he was able to charm and talk his way out of a lot of things along the way. He has continued drinking the whole time every evening.

He has two teenagers from his previous marriage who have seen his drinking and anger issues their whole lives. They and their mom asked him to stop and change for years. He did get sober for a couple years, which is when we met. He is a wonderful, caring, patient, good person when he is sober and taking care of himself. I haven't seen him as that person for a long time. The other night while his kids were at our house hanging out with me, he went to the bar with buddies. No communication about where he was or when he'd be back. His kids asked me where he was and I didn't know. He was brought home late by his friend, he was passed out in the car and his friend needed help getting him up and in the house. I was livid. I yelled at him, I yelled at his friend. I shouldn't have yelled or fought with him. I was so upset he left me home with his kids with no explanation. We had been fighting for a couple days leading up to this and I knew he was already angry at me. Usually, our fights end with him telling me everything that is my fault, threats of leaving, actually breaking up with me, no accountability or taking responsibility for his role. I've grown very afraid of talking to him about how I feel because he responds with anger, but I've kept trying.

I should have put him to bed and slept somewhere else but I kept arguing with him. Eventually I went to the living room to sleep but he came down to the kitchen to make some food so I went back up to the bedroom to sleep and told him not to come back to bed because he was wasted. I locked the door and put a table in front of it because of his history of picking the lock and forcing his way back into rooms. He knocked and then banged on the door for probably 10 minutes. I tried to just wait it out but the pounding was so loud his kid heard it downstairs and asked me to call the police so I did. As I was calling he broke through the door. He tore the door off the hinges over the table into the room. I panicked and ran outside while I called 911. I felt terrified and everything happened so fast. The cops gave me the whole DV spiel. I felt outside of myself when they told me I am in danger and people in my situation have been killed. He would never do that. This is also not the first time something like this has happened and the last "door incident" resulted in me getting hurt. He does not remember breaking through the door. Ultimately he was arrested but bailed out by and is staying with family. His kids have stayed with me this weekend. They are afraid of him and don't want to be around him. This is “normal” for them. They are amazing kids and didn't want to leave me alone after this all happened this weekend.

In talking to their mom to keep her updated, I found out he had asked her out to the bar with him and she met him there. That added so many layers to this. They have a long history and I've wondered if they still have feelings for each other, they have kids together after all. He's been in contact with her this weekend so far for support.

I have never been so confused about my feelings. I am scared, anxious, devastated, betrayed, relieved, confused, and dissociated at the same time. From one second to the next I am spaced out and then in the throws of crying. I shake, loud noises make me jump, I am afraid to be alone but I am relieved he can't be home or contact me right now because he blames me for all of this. He is angry at me. I feel like he just dropped me and wants to go back to his kids mom like I don't even matter anymore. After all this is all my fault…Thinking of them makes me want to throw up.

I miss him so much. I feel ripped apart and lonely and desperate to feel him next to me but I'm also afraid of him. I am so overwhelmed by the dichotomy of my feelings I'm feeling paralyzed.

Ultimately I'm not asking for anything, sorry this is so long and thank you to whoever reads the whole thing. I don't totally understand reddit yet but it seems like there are some very supportive strangers here. I do have a support system and a counselor and all the things but these in-between moments by myself feel unbearable.

I’m planning to flee domestic violence but I worry about getting benefits in a different state until I get situated with a job. How hard is it to get benefits like SNAP or childcare help in CO or WA?

My now ex girlfriend was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. I left the relationship recently and cut all contact to discover that she is pregnant with my child (I have verified it’s legit).

She has weaponised this and will not inform me about what is taking place, claiming that she’ll withhold custody if she decides to keep it - citing that I’m supposedly abusive.

She, has hit me numerious times, strangled me (once whilst I driving), attempted to smash my head against the car window and left deep scratch marks on my neck (occurred on two seperate occasions).

The physically abusive is minor in comparison to the verbal abuse. Extremly targeted insults and lies that occurred every time she was upset.

She’d threaten suicide too.

I have the evidence of everything, an audio admission of her admitting to physically abusing me, texts, photos, my friends and family know too.

I plan to ride out the situation till she hopefully gets an abortion - minimising contact, being matter of fact and not engaging in arguments.

I feel I want to report her but I don’t know what to do. I want their to be a consequence, this behaviour is evil and I’m fearful that she’ll keep the baby and that I won’t be involved in it’s life.

I live in Australia, any advice?

I will try my best to summarize the situation, which will mean blowing through parts of the origin story, but I will make sure to include the most important details and context. Feel free to ask any questions that might be important.

I (now 27F) used have a stalker (now 35M) whom I thought had disappeared for good, but he has reappeared in the form of very occasional, creepy but “””nice””” online messages begging me to talk to him again, and a few months ago he tried a disturbing new tactic. Let’s call him Steve.

I (then 19) first met Steve (then 27) in 2017. I lived at home at the time. After a few months of physical, psychological and sexual abuse and trauma, I escaped from him in very early 2018 when I moved out of state. He kept contacting me and hacking my social media that year, and I learned how to protect myself cybersecurity-wise. Apart from a failed attempt in 2021 to hack my Instagram account, which I can only assume was probably him because it was from his city, the last I’d heard from Steve was at the end of 2018. I’d hoped he was gone but never dropped all my digital precautions, and I live abroad now for unrelated reasons but still have a U.S. phone number in addition to my foreign one.

He first resurfaced in summer 2022 with two emails a couple of months apart and again once last year in early 2023 (he guessed an email address correctly). I know how to handle these and my cybersecurity in general, and I suspect I’ve only actually received a small fraction of the messages he’s probably tried to send. He usually appears to be guessing at whether he’s even contacting the right person, and I always block and never respond. Nothing more ever happened until a few months ago.

Early this past summer, he appeared to change tactics. He managed to text my U.S. number somehow, this time pretending to be some random other man with a different name (let’s say “John”) and a number in the area code of my hometown instead of his city in a neighboring state. “John” said I had talked to him a long time ago on a sugar baby website and he wanted to reach out to ask me to be his sugar baby for one day, offering me $15000.

Just to clarify, such a guy does not actually exist; it is definitely Steve. At one point during his stalking and abuse in 2017, he made fake profiles for me on Tinder and a sugar baby website to try to get nudes from 🌈 girls and money, respectively. I think he tried this new strategy thinking I’d be scared that he told some other creep all my information - maybe even scared enough to meet up with “John” or try to contact Steve to ask what was going on.

This was a bad guess, since I am a grown adult now with my own home and resources, a great relationship with my parents (they’re still a bit emotionally immature but it’s a happy dynamic nonetheless), and a healed nervous system (despite the PTSD he gave me). Not to mention, I live very very far away. I don’t know if he thinks I still live with my parents or if he was just hoping I might be visiting, but I live in Europe and hadn’t been home recently when he texted. Back in 2017, I was a terrified, broke, relatively naive teenager (albeit 19) with a tense relationship with my parents, on whom I was pretty much entirely dependent, and an underage sibling who lived at home. In addition to direct personal threats to me, Steve also threatened to tell my parents things that I couldn’t allow them to know and show up at my sibling’s high school if I didn’t do what he wanted. Now, that sibling is an independent adult and lives out of state. I’m working on how to tell my parents what they need to know in case he does ever make contact with them, but I have good reason to believe now that he’s actually always been terrified of them finding out about him. My parents definitely have their physical safety/home security covered, even if Steve did do something unexpected, and there’s no other possible way they can be harmed by him (even theoretically). Even so, for several weeks I was all over my parents’ doorbell cam app checking thoroughly for surprises, just in case.

But back to the messages: “John” declared that he was going go to an ice cream shop that’s near my parents’ house and wait for me to show up, and (quote) he wanted “total submission”. He dropped my full name and some random personal details, saying “I know this is you” before giving up and seeming genuinely convinced that it wasn’t me. I do really think I convinced him by basically just saying a couple short things along the lines of ‘idk if this is a weird prank or what but wrong number dude bye’. He stopped texting pretty quickly, and after not hearing anything for two weeks I blocked the number (normally I’d have done that right away, but I wanted to see if he was convinced or if I should change my U.S. number, which would be really annoying to do from abroad).

I am (again) absolutely certain it was Steve, especially based on his unique speech patterns. That part isn’t what I need to wonder about.

What really concerns me is that this marks a change in tactics. Rather than the occasional creepy message saying he remembers how amazing I am and asking if I’ll consider ever talking to him again, this was him subtly trying to threaten me and scare me, not to mention trick me into meeting up with him (however transparent and comically bad the attempt) and get me to a second location (“total submission” because of money, fear, or both).

I know that any amount or kind of attention is not a good idea for stalkers, and I have never responded to any message he did manage to get to me except for what I just said above (wrong number etc).

He’s the stalker subtype that is delusional and desires an intimate relationship. He may even (falsely) have convinced himself that we've had a relationship, because in 2017 he blackmailed me into hanging out with him and his friends several times, sexually assaulted me several times among other things, and I eventually figured out that he told his friends that we were dating.

(HEADS UP FOR VIOLENCE AND MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE)

Other particular flags/predictors of violence include the times that he physically scared and harmed me by choking aka strangling me, threatening to kill me once, and doing a strange thing where he'd randomly bite me really hard as a "joke" during the times that he forced me to meet him at his house - sometimes so hard that I had to force his jaw open like you would with a dog who needed to drop something. He was sexually abused in his childhood and said he had borderline personality disorder.

Before I escaped, he dropped hints that he was planning to find a way try to make me start actually "dating" him long term. Mentions of taking me to an OB-GYN in the future to make sure he hadn’t hurt me (I think it had more to do with my IUD, like he thought he could somehow get it removed), "I hope I got you pr*gnant so you can't ever leave lol", "I'm trying to lose weight to become the kind of man you deserve", and questions from his friends about whether I would ever convert to their fundamentalist religion (this is how I figured out that Steve told them I was dating him and not simply his younger, scared-looking friend; he never directly mentioned it to me).

Those 6 months were basically a spiral of hell where he used small pieces of information to blackmail me, then got more info and/or photos/videos without my knowledge and used those to blackmail me more, etc. It would take too long to detail it all but it was like a bizarre, horrifically bad trip and I was never totally clear on what his exact delusion was or what his friends even knew or thought was going on. He never seemed like he really thought he could "keep me forever" (his words) because my parents would rescue me if he tried, his fundamentalist religious community would make him "settle down" with a girl in said community (they accept but disapprove of female converts because it matters that children are born to mothers who “really” part of their community), and other things - yet he also made those other disturbing comments to the contrary sometimes.

Am I right to be more concerned than normal now? Am I wrong to think my parents are safe? What can I do besides practicing good cybersecurity and hoping for the best?

Also posted almost verbatim on r/stalking but then I noticed that it’s a much smaller community.

I will try my best to summarize the situation, which will mean blowing through parts of the origin story, but I will make sure to include the most important details and context. Feel free to ask any questions that might be important.

I (now 27F) used have a stalker (now 35M) whom I thought had disappeared for good, but he has reappeared in the form of very occasional, creepy but “””nice””” online messages begging me to talk to him again, and a few months ago he tried a disturbing new tactic. Let’s call him Steve.

I (then 19) first met Steve (then 27) in 2017. I lived at home at the time. After a few months of physical, psychological and sexual abuse and trauma, I escaped from him in very early 2018 when I moved out of state. He kept contacting me and hacking my social media that year, and I learned how to protect myself cybersecurity-wise. Apart from a failed attempt in 2021 to hack my Instagram account, which I can only assume was probably him because it was from his city, the last I’d heard from Steve was at the end of 2018. I’d hoped he was gone but never dropped all my digital precautions, and I live abroad now for unrelated reasons but still have a U.S. phone number in addition to my foreign one.

He first resurfaced in summer 2022 with two emails a couple of months apart and again once last year in early 2023 (he guessed an email address correctly). I know how to handle these and my cybersecurity in general, and I suspect I’ve only actually received a small fraction of the messages he’s probably tried to send. He usually appears to be guessing at whether he’s even contacting the right person, and I always block and never respond. Nothing more ever happened until a few months ago.

Early this past summer, he appeared to change tactics. He managed to text my U.S. number somehow, this time pretending to be some random other man with a different name (let’s say “John”) and a number in the area code of my hometown instead of his city in a neighboring state. “John” said I had talked to him a long time ago on a sugar baby website and he wanted to reach out to ask me to be his sugar baby for one day, offering me $15000.

Just to clarify, such a guy does not actually exist; it is definitely Steve. At one point during his stalking and abuse in 2017, he made fake profiles for me on Tinder and a sugar baby website to try to get nudes from 🌈 girls and money, respectively. I think he tried this new strategy thinking I’d be scared that he told some other creep all my information - maybe even scared enough to meet up with “John” or try to contact Steve to ask what was going on.

This was a bad guess, since I am a grown adult now with my own home and resources, a great relationship with my parents (they’re still a bit emotionally immature but it’s a happy dynamic nonetheless), and a healed nervous system (despite the PTSD he gave me). Not to mention, I live very very far away. I don’t know if he thinks I still live with my parents or if he was just hoping I might be visiting, but I live in Europe and hadn’t been home recently when he texted. Back in 2017, I was a terrified, broke, relatively naive teenager (albeit 19) with a tense relationship with my parents, on whom I was pretty much entirely dependent, and an underage sibling who lived at home. In addition to direct personal threats to me, Steve also threatened to tell my parents things that I couldn’t allow them to know and show up at my sibling’s high school if I didn’t do what he wanted. Now, that sibling is an independent adult and lives out of state. I’m working on how to tell my parents what they need to know in case he does ever make contact with them, but I have good reason to believe now that he’s actually always been terrified of them finding out about him. My parents definitely have their physical safety/home security covered, even if Steve did do something unexpected, and there’s no other possible way they can be harmed by him (even theoretically). Even so, for several weeks I was all over my parents’ doorbell cam app checking thoroughly for surprises, just in case.

But back to the messages: “John” declared that he was going go to an ice cream shop that’s near my parents’ house and wait for me to show up, and (quote) he wanted “total submission”. He dropped my full name and some random personal details, saying “I know this is you” before giving up and seeming genuinely convinced that it wasn’t me. I do really think I convinced him by basically just saying a couple short things along the lines of ‘idk if this is a weird prank or what but wrong number dude bye’. He stopped texting pretty quickly, and after not hearing anything for two weeks I blocked the number (normally I’d have done that right away, but I wanted to see if he was convinced or if I should change my U.S. number, which would be really annoying to do from abroad).

I am (again) absolutely certain it was Steve, especially based on his unique speech patterns. That part isn’t what I need to wonder about.

What really concerns me is that this marks a change in tactics. Rather than the occasional creepy message saying he remembers how amazing I am and asking if I’ll consider ever talking to him again, this was him subtly trying to threaten me and scare me, not to mention trick me into meeting up with him (however transparent and comically bad the attempt) and get me to a second location (“total submission” because of money, fear, or both).

I know that any amount or kind of attention is not a good idea for stalkers, and I have never responded to any message he did manage to get to me except for what I just said above (wrong number etc).

He’s the stalker subtype that is delusional and desires an intimate relationship. He may even (falsely) have convinced himself that we've had a relationship, because in 2017 he blackmailed me into hanging out with him and his friends several times, sexually assaulted me several times among other things, and I eventually figured out that he told his friends that we were dating.

(HEADS UP FOR VIOLENCE AND MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE)

Other particular flags/predictors of violence include the times that he physically scared and harmed me by choking aka strangling me, threatening to kill me once, and doing a strange thing where he'd randomly bite me really hard as a "joke" during the times that he forced me to meet him at his house - sometimes so hard that I had to force his jaw open like you would with a dog who needed to drop something. He was sexually abused in his childhood and said he had borderline personality disorder.

Before I escaped, he dropped hints that he was planning to find a way try to make me start actually "dating" him long term. Mentions of taking me to an OB-GYN in the future to make sure he hadn’t hurt me (I think it had more to do with my IUD, like he thought he could somehow get it removed), "I hope I got you pr*gnant so you can't ever leave lol", "I'm trying to lose weight to become the kind of man you deserve", and questions from his friends about whether I would ever convert to their fundamentalist religion (this is how I figured out that Steve told them I was dating him and not simply his younger, scared-looking friend; he never directly mentioned it to me).

Those 6 months were basically a spiral of hell where he used small pieces of information to blackmail me, then got more info and/or photos/videos without my knowledge and used those to blackmail me more, etc. It would take too long to detail it all but it was like a bizarre, horrifically bad trip and I was never totally clear on what his exact delusion was or what his friends even knew or thought was going on. He never seemed like he really thought he could "keep me forever" (his words) because my parents would rescue me if he tried, his fundamentalist religious community would make him "settle down" with a girl in said community (they accept but disapprove of female converts because it matters that children are born to mothers who “really” part of their community), and other things - yet he also made those other disturbing comments to the contrary sometimes.

Am I right to be more concerned than normal now? Am I wrong to think my parents are safe? What can I do besides practicing good cybersecurity and hoping for the best?

Our relationship has had warning signs for at least a year now but I’ve been hesitant to call it abuse. He doesn’t just snap out of nowhere, usually it’s an explosive fight that causes his violence towards me. I feel like it’s my partially my fault because I am apart of the argument. I’m not some perfect victim. He’s put his hands on me a few times, but it’s just forceful pushing. He’s threatened to hit me, and has hit walls and broken things around me but has never actually hurt me. Our baby is 7 months old and is a horrible sleeper. I have not had more than 4-5 hours of broken sleep a night since he was born. Tonight I was out in the living room trying to soothe him to sleep and I started sobbing out of complete frustration and exhaustion. My fiance came out and started yelling. He was trying to offer to help but was being such a dick about it I so said no. He then said “I’m about to come over there and wring your fucking neck.” I haven’t stopped replaying those words since. I know strangulation is an extremely dangerous tactic by abusers. He didn’t follow through with the threat but I can’t believe he said that. Why would someone who loves me ever say something like that to me? I’m not sure what to do I just needed to tell someone I guess. Things are feeling serious.

Hello everyone,

I've been with my wife for several years, we have two young children together, a house, the whole domestic life.

Over the past couple of years, we've grown apart, become resentful. We both feel that the other is not doing enough to support each other. Things like domestic responsibilities and supporting each other emotional needs.

We both have our short comings, but my wife, to say the least, is a bully. Discussing our issues is tough. She had a shitty upbringing in an abusive home with two alcoholic parents. I mention this only because this is where I believe her tendency to belittle my feelings and shortcomings comes from.

We've been back and forth with whether we want to stay together. This evening, I wanted to discuss what it is that we feel we are not doing to support each other and how to fix them. This usually turns into an argument about what I am doing wrong: maximizing my issues while minimizing her own and saying her shitty behavior is caused by me.

I love my wife and I dont want this relationship to end, but I feel like I'm just hoping that fixing my shortcomings will make her be a better partner and parent that I know her to be.

This evening, she began to belittle me again. I pointed this out because it's like she can't stop herself once she's in this mindset. I do not belittle her or her feelings ever, while she will mimic the point I make with an insulting baby voice like what I said is childish and I should just get the fuck over it.

Anyways, I was getting up to get some distance between us because she was becoming a bit belligerent and she leans in and says, "I am so close to punching you in the fucking face." I told her to "go ahead and I'd call the cops." Her response was "get closer and I will, then I'll call the cops and get YOU arrested." Then she said something about whoever calls the cops first is the one that won't go to jail or something along those line. This is not the first time she's threatened to call the cops on me for something I did not do, assuming that since she's female the cops will automatically side with her.

I don't want to tear my family apart, but she also crossed a line that she cannot go back on now. I can only assume that things will escalate if I stay and try to work things out. I want to file a police report so she knows the severity of her threat, but I don't want to have her kicked out and thrown in jail. I also feel silly making a report since I don't have any evidence, and I am truly worried that the cops will side with her even though I'm the one making the report.

I know her family will side with her in any event and I do not have friends or family in the area that can support me. We live in Pierce county, Washington. Not sure what to do. Any suggestions or support is greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

I know no one will ever believe me. For as alone as I've lived with this, it makes me want to take matters into my own hands alone. After getting fucked up in many ways and losing everything, it became apparent this is just how life is. You be around the wrong people, you pay for it. Doesn't take away from how fucked up it made me. Now when people fuck with me, I visualize myself tormenting them in the most brutal ways. Keeping them alive while they lose themselves with awareness. I used to never care about revenge or violence but now any time anyone messes with me, I want to paint my walls with their most cherished ones blood. and pray they live a long life remembering who my name and the regret they feel in choosing me as their target. I want to make them afraid of every one. I want them to hate themselves deeply to where they considering killing themselves daily. They'll always be too coward to do it. I would have never dreamed I'd ever be to this point but now I don't care. whether i end up in prison or dead. I. really. dont. care.

i left now over a week ago.

i left and blocked him. i’ve tried to do everything i love to keep my mind off him. i felt relived. but now i keep getting flashbacks and severe panic attacks.

i can’t seem to do much without breaking down. his mother keeps asking me to come back and i feel so weak. my work won’t let me work remote. and i left the city so i wouldn’t be weak to go back.

i feel like im in a corner.. i don’t know how to make the panic attack and flashbacks stop. i never knew hard hard the aftermath of it would hit me when i left. i can’t seem to do much without feeling like im suffocating..

please some advice 💔

My husband called me a bitch, a fucking cunt, a piece of shit several times during a fight last night. I will say I started it - I was nagging about cleaning the deck. I was calm throughout everything and actually hardly said anything. I asked him to be quiet so our sons in the next room couldn’t hear, I said I don’t want them thinking it’s ok to talk to a woman like that. He said he hopes they do hear so they don’t marry a woman like me. I am not a perfect wife but I’m confident that nothing about the way I was acting warranted that reaction.

The thing is - he’s hardly done this before. He has definitely yelled, punched walls, broken things but never been that cruel with his words I was genuinely expecting an apology, but he hasn’t said a word about it since. He doesn’t fit any of the other criteria for abuse, I’ve never been limited with money or friends or anything like that. I’d say the criteria for sexual abuse might fit - like sometimes I’ll wake up to him just already started. And there’s lots of guilt when I don’t want to, it almost always turns into a fight.

It’s not like this is normal behavior, he’s a completely sweet and normal guy until he gets mad and he doesn’t get mad often. Anyone who knows him in person would be completely shocked to hear things like he has punched walls in anger. And I truly love him and enjoy him so much, he has always been a good dad and helpful around the house, supportive of anything I want to do.

My question is what would you do? I don’t want to leave, but even if I did I can’t because I have nowhere to go and kids.

I don’t know what kind of answer I’m looking for. I just don’t have anyone in real life that I can talk to.

Hi Reddit this is my first post. I’m posting for support and to maybe hear from others who have been in similar situations. I’ve been with my husband for over a decade, and in that time, he’s shown repeated signs of emotional abuse and unpredictable behavior. It’s been a slow and painful realization that his actions were abusive, especially since he never hit me—but the emotional and verbal abuse has been relentless.

From the beginning, his anger has been an issue. He would rage at me for things beyond my control, blame me for his own frustrations, and was always quick to demean or belittle me if things didn’t go his way. After our children were born, his angry outbursts increased, and I became fearful of his reactions. I would often find myself walking on eggshells, just trying to keep the peace.

One of the worst moments happened 3 weeks after our second child was born. I was exhausted after a long night with the baby, and instead of support, he exploded at me for not offering him a blow job. This was in front of a family friend, who tried to calm him down but was shocked to see his rage. It was eye-opening for me to have someone else witness what I had been enduring in silence.

Over time, I realized I was doing most of the childcare alone, protecting the kids from his anger and handling nearly everything while he continued to prioritize his own wants and needs. I’m genuinely worried about the impact of his behavior on our kids, especially his tendency to shift his frustrations onto others and his co-dependent behavior.

I finally gathered the courage to make a statement to police after his behavior escalated to stalking and terrifying outbursts that even led to his arrest. I now have an intervention order, and he’s on home detention in another city. But I’m still afraid of what might happen if he returns, or worse, if he tries to manipulate our children emotionally as they grow older.

Has anyone else dealt with a partner who became emotionally dependent on their kids or used them to meet their own emotional needs? I want to protect my children and help them grow up with a strong sense of self, without feeling like they’re responsible for their father’s happiness or anger.

Thank you for reading, and for any support or advice. I’ve been silent for so long, but I’m starting to feel hopeful that this chapter is ending, and I can build a safe, stable future for my kids and myself.

I’ve (m19) been with my girlfriend (f19) for a little over 2 years now and things are not what they used to be in any way.

We went to the same high school and our relationship started early into our junior year. This was and still obviously is my first relationship and things started out great. She was very thoughtful and supportive, I felt so lucky to have met her. She had a friend(f18) (I’ll call them Jay to make this easier to read) who was in the same grade as us who I shared a few classes with and became good friends with over time and this was the beginning of a lot of problems.

For the sake of clarity Jay also recognized herself as a lesbian at the time and was in a toxic relationship. We confided in each other when it came to problems in our relationships and she always did what she could to help me out. At a certain point my girlfriend started having problems with me giving her a ride home occasionally. Jay didn’t have a reliable mode of transportation and would only usually need a ride when she needed to get to work right after school. She lived along my way home so I never really minded it, but when my girlfriend started to get upset about it she didn’t really understand it and I ended up not giving her rides anymore and I think she figured the reason.

That was just a small thing that I recall being the beginning of a lot of confusion for me. A few months later I was looking for a job and so was Jay and we’d talk about it occasionally just to help each other out and we both stumbled upon a job at an arcade that was opening that summer. We’re both applied and ended up getting the job and my girlfriend was upset that Jay “followed” me to this job.

Around this time Jay got out of her toxic relationship and started opening up to being bisexual and again, I was trying to be there for her and letting her know which people were probably red flags and stuff. My girlfriend felt very insecure about this and I maintained full transparency because I’ve only ever seen her friend platonically and I didn’t want my girlfriend to be worried of anything.

As we started the job at the arcade, I got one of my male friends a job there too and I ended up getting him and Jay talking. They ended up dating and are still together to this day. (Unrelated but I’m so happy for them, they’re the best) My girlfriend grew distant from Jay over time and around this time she was getting very upset about Jay so I also distanced myself from Jay, as much as it felt wrong to do.

By the end of the summer my girlfriend had pressured me into quitting my job, making it an ultimatum for our relationship, which I gave into and quit. I decided I’d try and get a job at my girlfriend’s workplace (I’ll just call it Retail Store for ease) because it was much closer to my house and ended up getting hired. After a few months of working there, most of the people that worked at the arcade had quit because of a lack of hours so Jay and many of my friends were trying to come work at Retail Store. Jay and two of my friends were hired.

My girlfriend was very upset again because of this, which I’ll add I was not involved in this whatsoever as I was very distanced from Jay at this point, to the point of ghosting messages, etc.

By the time of roughly December 2023/January 2024 was the point where things started to get physical, and when she was upset and we were holding hands or I would try to hold her hands, she would clamp down as hard as she could with her nails into my hand, to the point of bleeding many times. I didn’t know who to tell about this so I kept it to myself and made excuses when people would ask me about the marks on my hands.

On new year’s eve, I wanted to try out door dashing for fun before going to a new year’s party just because I was a little short on money and my girlfriend came along with me. We did it for around an hour and I asked if she wanted to do it for another hour, which she replied in a way that was unclear so I figured she just didn’t really care and I went on to do another hour. When it was done, she expressed that she wished we had done other things instead. I was a little upset by this because I had asked her about it multiple times before doing it and she never said she didn’t want to or just a “no,” so I made it clear to her that I don’t think it’s fair for her to be upset with me about it when she didn’t make her feelings clear. This led to her going quiet and I asked her if I could have her hand to try and mediate. What happened after is very blurry in my memory but in some form she ended up hitting me in the face, to the point that my gums were bleeding, which just led to me being distant and spacing out the rest of the night. I recall this standing out to me a lot because she was more upset that I was acting like that at the party than about what she had done.

Later on in the year it was time to begin doing college tours and looking into colleges, so my friends and I decided we would do a tour of a college in our state that was a 2 hour drive away. My girlfriend put a lot of pressure on me around this time to apply to college in California, which is on the other side of the country from where we live, all because she was going there. I made it very clear I would not be able to afford that and I also wasn’t sure if that was what I even wanted to do. My friend who is dating Jay was doing the tour with us and ended up inviting her last minute which I didn’t really have too much a problem with, but I felt very stressed as to what my girlfriend would do, so I texted her to let her know that Jay was also coming because my friend brought her. My girlfriend ended up ghosting me for the entire day after that and I didn’t hear back from her until over a day later.

That night I was obviously very anxious which Jay and her boyfriend tried to comfort me about. It was that night that they facetimed me about how I was doing that I told them everything that was going on. I told them about how on valentine’s day a month before, she had been upset with my gifts because they weren’t “what she wanted” and with the fact that I hadn’t shaved my facial hair. I told them that around a week before, I had gone to the beach with my girlfriend, which she asked on very short notice, and she was upset that I was underprepared. After we left the beach and were headed towards a restaurant she was still upset and I tried to put my arm around her from the drivers seat at a red light and pull her in for a little side hug, she freaked out and started moving erratically, which freaked me out and I squeezed my arm a little bit out of reflex, then quickly let go of her, which led to her hitting me 2-3 times. I told them all about everything. They told me I needed to break up with her and pressured me to do so the next day.

Maybe a day later I talked with my girlfriend who was very upset that Jay had blocked her on social media and she demanded that I block Jay. (I couldn’t really bring myself to tell her why this was happening because of how vulnerable it was for me, so I told her it was likely because of how she had continued to treat Jay like a threat). I didn’t want to do this because Jay and her boyfriend were some of my closest friends. I also didn’t want to lose the person I had been dating for what felt like forever. I told her to let me see if I can do anything about this to resolve everything.

Obviously there wasn’t much that I could do and later that night my girlfriend called me and told me that if I didn’t block Jay within 5 minutes, our relationship would be over. I stood firm and didn’t block her, and she hung up the phone after saying goodbye.

The next day I avoided seeing her at all costs and felt so empty. This was the day of our senior sunset and I told my friends I was honestly thinking about driving out to the beach by myself and watching the sunset alone just because I didn’t want to be around anyone. At the end of the school day, she waited down the way I would usually walk and asked me if I was coming to senior sunset, and I said I wasn’t sure and tried to get out of that interaction as fast as I could. She said she hoped to see me there and I proceeded to go home.

I contemplated it for around an hour before I decided to just go anyways and showed up in the last 5-10 minutes of the event and sat near my friends. Jay and her boyfriend weren’t sitting with us at this time and I wasn’t really in my head enough to be able to talk to anyone. At the end my friends wanted to take a group photo, so Jay came over to take the picture, and then left. My friends invited me to go eat after and I said I’d think about it and went to my car. I’d been sitting in my car contemplating everything for around 10 minutes before my girlfriend began texting me a barrage of messages about how I hadn’t came up to her and that I spent the whole time with Jay and that she couldn’t understand why I don’t see how bad of a person Jay is.

I went home and cried in my mom’s arms about it and ended up giving in and blocking Jay. This was the beginning of a depressing few months in my life where I would barely see my friends because Jay would be around a lot of the time and it would complicate things for me. One time I stopped to talk to my friends in the hallway and Jay was walking with them and one of my girlfriend’s friends saw and told her and she was upset about that.

From the point that I blocked Jay onwards, I felt like I had given away a part of myself. Months went on in the relationship from march until july of this year, and I couldn’t tell you anything that happened because I cannot remember any of it. In july I finally broke and said I felt that everything that happened with Jay was so wrong and that I’d felt so lost ever since it happened. She was very upset about it and that was relationship-ending so she told me to think about it and I went home. I proceeded to go ghost for a few days, just sitting at home by myself, not talking to anyone, other than when I told one of my friends about what had happened. I got sick and ended up not seeing her up until right before I was leaving on a trip to see my extended family for a week and a half. I told her I didn’t want to talk about anything with Jay, and that came from a place of me not knowing what to do while also being completely burnt out.

We had a conversation a few weeks before I told her how I felt about everything that happened with Jay about her violent outbursts. They hadn’t happened since march, but they still affected me and she got upset, saying that I didn’t truly love her, and tried to cut herself with her nails. I spent around an hour restraining her from doing that, not knowing what to do, before I calmed her down and took her home. This made me fear breaking up with her around that time because I didn’t know what she would do.

I went on the trip and barely texted my girlfriend throughout that time and once I got back home I stopped texting her altogether. I went ghost again outside of going to work once or twice and a week before I was set to move an hour away for college, she showed up after my shift at work and apologized for everything and told me that she had reflected so much. She had gone sober, which she had been heavily addicted to marijuana since before we started dating, and wanted a second chance.

I told her I’d give her a second chance but I really didn’t know how I felt. I unblocked Jay and moved out to college and started texting her much less, and it felt very freeing. But it felt so awful because she wasn’t really doing anything to hurt me anymore. She moved out to Cali for college and as time has gone on, I’ve continued to text her less and avoid talking to her, but I feel like an asshole.

I wanted so badly for things to get better for so long, they finally get better, and I feel no different? I feel guilty for feeling this way, to the point that I’ve been struggling in my classes this semester because I’m so devoid of motivation. I feel like an awful person for dragging down someone I fought for so hard to get better.

I came home this weekend and she had been texting me a lot about planning her flight back for her birthday and thanksgiving, and I’d been ignoring it for only an hour, and she messaged my mom. I feel like no one understands how I feel because my mom told me to text her back and my dad told me that I can’t ignore her because what I do to others will happen to me.

I feel awful now but I also feel so angry, I feel like no one can see my side of this. I can’t even see my side of this because I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel so lost and so exhausted.

I know all of the replies are going to tell me to just break up but I mean this genuinely when I say I don’t know why I can’t. I feel guilty about it and I feel like it’s wrong. I don’t know why. I need help.

Yesterday my gf got mad bc she couldn’t find her ID . She started insulting me blaming it on me that she can’t find her ID. She ended up chocking me & punching me in the face. The whole time it was in her purse. She left to work came back early and started arguing with me again. She ended up throwing my phone on the ground repeatedly , went on top of me and started punching me in my head as well as biting me so hard on my leg which caused a big red bump . We both stay at my grandpas I just couldn’t call the cops bc I didn’t want my grandpa to get overwhelmed with what was happening. Plus I felt like I would have been kicked out & I don’t have no where else to go… she is absolutely controlling she won’t even let me go out into the living room without her permission!!! I’m scared but idk what to do this is my first relationship where it’s psychically, verbally, mentally abusive. I tried to tell my mom a while ago but she ended up saying it’s my problem. /;

Background: my friend and I were in an DUI/DWI accident in New York State in January of 2022. It was a one car crash but the damage was done. It was her second within the states 10 year condition. She got probation for 3 years (6/21/25) and we were both lucky to walk away unscathed and causing no bodily harm to others.

I’m telling you all this bc her husband and father to her 3 kids (ranging from ages 2-5 1/2) is abusive and controlling. In recent months, her phone does not work and she has no way of communicating to me. I only have her dad’s number and her probation officer’s number. And she lives close to me, so I tried stopping by yesterday for a wellbeing check-in but to no avail. Her middle daughter (will be 4 in February) and mother-in-law answered and said she take a message and said my friend was “not feeling well”. The almost 4 year I’m not sure if she recognized me. Worse case scenario the mother-in- law tells her son and he uses it against my friend.

Any tips on being there for my friend? Thank you in advance and I’ll provide any informations and updates. I appreciate any comments or advice I receive on here. ☺️TYIA.

It started out as him throwing things. He kicked me out of the car and I had to walk home after working almost 14 hours. It then led to him shoving me and grabbing me. One of the times he grabbed me, he almost grabbed his gun from his waist but he denies it. So I started saying "DO NOT touch me out anger" "do NOT put your hands on me when you're mad" since he never considered it hitting me. That led to him strangling me once. He went crazy and broke every thing in my apartment and then left threatening suicide. I went to sleep and woke up and he had told his family and mine that it was me. He smashed a door in my face and left a scar on my eyebrow.

I wrote a long document the day the suicide incident happened. At that point, I still had never lost my cool. I just took it. Then last year I finally attacked him physically. Of course that didnt go well for me, im 4'11" and he is 6'4" but its not that that matters since i acknowledge that was abusive of me. I dont care to ever attack any one.

The issue i have here is its not that im in any position to do anything but leave, but even if I were .. what proof would i have? He did tell his mom one of the times he hit me and he said she freaked out but then later on he denied ever saying that (i believe she told him ways to stay innocent). He hasnt hurt me in a long time physically. We are no longer together, I kicked him out in december of last year but then i got evicted of june this year and he offered me to stay under his roof but we both acknowledge the end and we know we arent together any more. Im just keeping the peace bc there were no shelters for me or my cats.

I think that if i were to ever try and take action, they'd flip it on me. One of the times he hurt me physcially, he said it was bc i was yelling in his face... i was not. i specifically remmeber being in the living room non the couch and he was way in the kitchen. He's broken doors before when he would come after me and i'd run from him and lock mysellf in the bathroom. He has chased me out of the apartment before.

but i dont have any proof. it's my word vs his' and he has a lie for every thing. He said one of the times i raised a knife to him and i just really dont remember doing that, and if i did it was probably bc he was blowing up on me and i started threatening him to not come near me.

I feel like this all got flipped on me bc i got to a point of not being able to keep my cool any more, and there is no proof of any of it.

Do I just take the L and go? there is nothing to do about it? I am trying to save to leave, i dont eeven have a phone atm so thats where my priorities are. I know bc he strangled me my chances of getting killed are high and im well aware he could snap and murder me at any moment. Ive been defeated in this for so long that my sense of urgency isnt there and im taking it day by day. if he kills me, he kills me but im also trying to leave. if that makes sense. i was just curious... what do you do when there is no proof and where i have no witnesses, money, friends or family... he has all of that. including family who doesnt like me

He has changed so much to where im more of the crazier one now. He looks calm and peaceful, got himself a good job. and doesnt lash out any more unless triggered and i know how to avoid triggering him.... but now im unemployed, lose my temper and now he can say i got physical with him as well since i attacked him last year and also kicked him out (his family has multiple homes and lives here and so i knew he wouldnt be homeless) whereas my option is be homeless or get help from him.

It all is my fault for staying and thats just it? i stuck around too long to become the villain ? im not out for revenge and i wont ever attack him again and i dont start fights and we can have conrtrolled arguments about our history but idk i guess i just wonder how ppl typically navigate this when the person does a complete change leaving you looking like theguilty party i feel like i failed myself. i get we arent in a relationship any more so we dont have reason to fight but its like he knows better now but still. i know its rocky waters and do know what he's capable of if triggered. did i really get that good at not triggering him to where i made myself guilty? while i know he could snap, i dont feel as in immediate danger as i used to feel.

We even talk about me leaving. He knows I am leaving. I don't understand. This all makes me look even more guilty. If his anger was always just reactive to me? It's like well was i the abusive one? but i didnt throw things or attack him until way after he had been doing it to me. One time he pushed me to the ground so hard (he played football in college and i was probably barely 100 pounds at the time, so i flew back pretty hard to the ground) i was sore for days. He knew what he did and would offer to massage my back for me during those days.

He only attacked me if we argued. He has removed himself from me many times. He has left. It doesnt sound like a typical abuse story bc he is more than ready for me to be gone. he never hesitated to go when i kicked him out. he took his things and left. where some people have to hide they're leaving, it's like he really was being truthful when he offered me to stay here just to get bac k on my feet and that he has grown past the abuse and that i really was his trigger. it wasnt a trap to get me back in, i think he didnt want be to die on the streets. Ive lost so much of my life to this. and im not moving fast enough to leave so i keep paying the consequences, but i just dont get it. He makes it clear he doesnt want a relationship or any of that, he makes it clear he knows im leaving.. he tells me to go at times as well when i bring up anything bad, he says "ok then leave" he gives me the option to go... im not trapped, im not stuck... i just dont have enough money or a car yet...

so is this both of our faults? it's a wash we both were terrible people it got physical now i just go and thats it but i know if i ever even think of doing anything about it, theyre ready to flip it on me. and will have their story.

My boyfriend’s best friend violently taped me a few nights ago. I have bruises on my neck and face and my body hurts. I know he didn’t use protection. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend because something way less serious happened before and his friendship to this person means more and he will likely hurt me more over knowing than not.

Where do I go to make sure I am okay? Like medical treatment/ std and other checks? I don’t think traditional medical staff will be understanding and I don’t have any insurance. Are there widely known resources for this kind of thing?

Dear everyone, I’m sure you heard this question so many times in this forum. I was asking myself this question far too many times in my life and here I am, again. After finally realizing I was growing up in violent home and had very distorted idea of love I work on listening to my intuition more. I want to do everything in my power to protect my peace.

Now I’m dating my current boyfriend for 10 months. We’re both in our 30’s. I remember when I saw him for a first time (through my friend) I’ve had a quiet thought in my mind which sounded like this: ,,This is going to be problem. Stay away.” I can’t say why exactly. Strange thing he did was that he immediately squeezed my shoulder quite hard when we were seeing each other for first for greeting me. I noticed he does it with woman in general.

We were collaborating musically and start to spend more time together and enjoyed each other company. After month or so we were quite infatuated with each other and have all the important talks about sex and boundaries. He listened and till this day he is attentive in bed. He always asks me if I am alright and we also discuss contraception and all other important decisions in relationship together. He introduced me to all friends and most of the time it feels like he is very proud to have me next to him. He says he never was in abusive relationship.

As we were getting to know each other more I’ve noticed he can get angry quite quickly. He usually left a room to calm himself down and came in a better state as he said he does not want to be around me when he is like this. I was glad he can control himself and any of our conflicts about our needs in relationship was resolved.

Last week we were in a restaurant and we were waiting for an hour for a food. This place was very confusing and what gave it an extra atmosphere was a bomb attack threat right in the harbor next to us. We were stuck there. I came to check with a waitress what’s going on and I found they confused our order. Basically we didn’t pay all the things so I paid the difference and took our drinks immediately to the table. My boyfriend didn’t let me finish my sentence when I was getting back to the table and yelled: ,,You paid for it? No”. He stand up really quickly and pushed me while going there to argue with a waitress. He quickly found out this was a mistake and apologized to everyone, me included. I was shaken by shock. He was quiet whole day and told me he will understand if I need space. I could see he felt guilty.

Later that night he told me he feels like he failed me big time especially because he knows about my past trauma and I told him I’m scared of quick temper. He said that if it was his brother or friends it would not be such a problem. I immediately felt so much shame. I can’t change my past. It put a lot of distance between us. I called a break to go calm my anxiety and he was crying. I felt a thousands miles far away from him. He apologized after he realized how it sounded. I have a hard time to trust him again.

There were few instances he verbally snapped at me under pressure. For example he said: ,,You’re so fucking arrogant.” when I didn’t want to hug another male musician because he talked bad about girls previously. Later we talked it out and he understood my point and boundaries.

I’m going to get counceling as soon as I can. I just want to ask if you think this is abuse. He’s not jealous. He does not limit my freedom in any way. He does not drink. He supports my studies and career. He likes when I’m feeling good…I’m just afraid his anger could escalate.

Hi

I am from Florida and I’m being harassed by my ex boyfriend in New York. It’s been a long distance relationship. He’s threatening to ruin my life, and threatening me with revenge porn. I just want it to end.

I met my husband almost two years ago. I was a year fresh from a divorce (good man, amicable divorce) and ending a relationship with a functional alcoholic. I was vulnerable to say the least. I saw him at a family birthday party. Thought he was cute. Blah, blah, blah. We moved fast. Met in March. Pregnant by April. Married shortly after.

In the beginning he was the sweetest, gentlest, most thoughtful man I had ever met. Put me at ease instantly. Then he went to jail for a month (misdemeanor marijuana charge. I live in an illegal state.) and when he came home, things were different. It was little things at first. He was more critical of my likes and dislikes. More fixated on how I was struggling to keep up with housework, never minding the fact I was working 12 hour night shifts in healthcare while pregnant.

He got slightly more physical as the pregnancy progressed. Intimidating me, making me feel like he might hit me. At first I fought back. I stood my ground. Then we moved.

I had developed preeclampsia. I was put on leave early at 32 weeks. I ended up being induced at 38 weeks. Our first child was born. He seemed healthy. At two days old it was discovered he had necrotizing enterocolitis and he was rushed to a larger children’s hospital two hours away. He had surgery. We temporarily relocated to the city, living in a Ronald McDonald house just off campus. We were stressed to say the least. We argued constantly. The first time he struck me in the face was in our room after an argument. I sat in the parking lot and sobbed. But I chalked it up to stress. He was sorry. We made up.

Three weeks later my son was declared brain dead after surgical complications. We made the decision to remove support. He died peacefully in our arms. That night he got drunk with his father. He ended up attacking his father, biting him and drawing blood. We all made up. He was going through a lot, after all.

We went home. He quit working all together. I went back to work. I paid all the bills. I did all the housework. We fought constantly. He became blatantly emotionally abusive. That was December of last year.

This past February I found out I was pregnant again. In March the violence began in earnest. He beat me in our driveway. I screamed so loud that neighbors half a mile away could hear me. We ended up going to the gas station where he struck me in the face again. It was caught on camera. Someone called. He was arrested.

I forgave him. I refused to press charges. He agreed to get help. The court continued the case, pending his completion of therapy and on the condition he doesn’t get charged with another domestic in a year. Things got better for a while. Then they got worse again.

I can’t remember how many times he strangled me while I was pregnant, how many times he struck me in the face, pushed me down, or bloodied my nose. I tried to leave so many times. I’d pack my things. Once I made it as far as my best friends house. He always apologized so sincerely. I always forgave him.

I had my second son on October 10th. Perfect. Healthy. Went home in 24 hours. That first night home he strangled me worse than before. I begged him not to kill me in front of my son. We made up.

We sold our house. Two weeks ago we moved a few towns over. The first night in the new home he beat me in the face for forgetting to bring him the right soap in the shower. I held my son after he went to sleep and cried looking at his perfect little face. I made him a promise: no more. I would protect him. I told him I’m sorry for what I have to do. But that we would make it.

This past Wednesday was the worst it’s ever been. He strangled me. Beat me. Threw me in the floor. I tried to say I was leaving. He wouldn’t let me take the baby. I made nice. I cooked him dinner. I waited for him to fall asleep.

As soon as I was sure he was out good, I silently packed some things and took the baby and left. I went straight to the sheriffs office. I filed a report. He was arrested early Thursday morning. He was charged with a felony. His bond is 250k. He’s probably going to do time.

I’m still in survival mode. I’m bruised and sore as hell. But I’m alive. My son is safe. I made it. I kept my promise to my son. And I will not let him down. Monday I am meeting with a local DV survivors rep. They will help me navigate filing for divorce and custody.

Please do not hesitate to leave. It doesn’t get better. He won’t change. Pay attention when he shows you who he is the first time. I survived. You can, too.

Hello. I come here to talk about an issue I’ve had that has happen to me during my trip to Chicago 2 months ago. After seeing a artist we got into taxi to get back to our Airbnb. I notice my gf was texting a friend of hers but I saw that she was keeping him updated on everything we did that day. I asked her to scroll through the message because I saw a picture of her. When I saw the picture of her I asked her why she sent a photo of herself to him. She replied because he’s a friend and it doesn’t mean anything, it’s like sending a photo on Snapchat. (The photo was her in the restroom in the stall) with her saying “in the restroom peeing”. Now obviously I was upset as to why she sent that and she said there’s things you don’t know about me. And I asked “like what?” she reply’s saying how one of her friends (who is a different person not the one she sent the photo to.) pretty much end their friendship due to not talking to him and being with me. I asked her why she didn’t tell me this especially if this was bothering her And why did she sent a photo to this guy who’s friends with the guy who end her friendship with her. (Later on I found out from her that this guy let’s call him Issac took my gfs side because what his friend did to her.) Little background: Issac is in a friend group with my gf. their friend group all heard about what their friend Bruce did to gf and how he ended her friendship with my gf.
They all took my gfs side.) . I kept asking her why she didn’t tell me any of this and why are you talking to this man I know nothing about and why are they sending photos to him? she got mad at me and started to punch and kick me and run in the street of Chicago in the middle of the night where she was not safe she disappeared into the night as I worried and search for her all through the side of Chicago. I finally found her in an ally where she proceeded to tell me I am nothing to her and that she wish she never met me because I assume the worst in her. But I was so confused. Later throught the night she went back to the airbnb and packed all her stuff and left. I later found her that night in the side of the street and she kept yelling at me and hitting me saying stuff such as fuck you and I wish someone would kidnap me so it’ll be all your fault. At this point I had to call the police due to her going crazy and trying to take her shirt off in public when I called she dropped everything and run away. I finally make contact with PD and we found her back at the Airbnb. PD talks to her and they do nothing.
Once they left she goes to the window and acts as if she’s going to jump this 2 story window. I had to literally get her off and talk to her about why she’s acting this way and she says that our relationship isn’t good. The next morning we talk about the whole situation that happened and she tells me everything that’s been going on we talk about how healthy relationships do not work like this. And she tells me stuff like she won’t do this again and that she would get help from professionals and that she won’t talk to guys . So I had to proceed through this trip as if nothing happened. It’s been 2 months now and I’m regretting even giving her another chance. Yes another chance because about a year ago I found her at some dudes house with my car after we broke up for the first time. (that’s another story for another time)
This girl has been talking about marriage and talking about kids and starting a future together but now I feel like it’s all thrown in the trash due to her actions in the past. I can’t do it anymore and everyday she tells me she loves me and when I don’t say it back I’m the bad guy.
So I have to go along with it. Even my coworkers are telling me to leave. And I’m having trouble leaving her because I do love her but I know deep down I can’t do it anymore. Any advice.

I was punched in the throat multiple times in two different occurrences last night. My throat is completely swollen and sore and I struggle to breathe and can't swallow without choking. It's already late and he's home and I know he's gonna do it again tonight in which I know I will suffocate. How do I open up my airways asap? My brother supposedly has an emergency inhaler but I don't want to waste his puffs

This is long. I left my husband with my 3 year old- separated- in October because he became suicidal and quit his job without telling me. I’m trying to decide if this marriage is worth fighting for or for me to just be done.

Backstory: My husband and I are musicians. Before I met my husband I was divorced and went through years of infertility treatment- ivf x2 which ended in me being told I’d probably never have bio children. So I was determined to adopt as a single mother- I went through the approval process. I wanted my own family. Fast forward. Met my husband, was upfront about wanting a family and to adopt. He was cool with it, told me to get off birth control and decided to get married. So I paused adoption. Our first year of marriage was a blast (2020). On the eve of our first anniversary, I randomly naturally got pregnant with an absolute miracle of a child. I’m ecstatic. His response: our lives are over. The whole pregnancy he didn’t care and wouldn’t prepare with me. He was focused on gigging and building a recording studio- supposedly for me. Wouldn’t talk about birth. Wouldn’t talk about parenting, childcare or finances.

Baby came a month early and it was a disaster. I had severe PPA/d. Him totally emotionally checking out. Him falling asleep with infant while high, baby hanging off the reclining chair, I never got more than 4 hours of sleep a night. He hated it and wasn’t a huge help. Still saying our lives are over. So I decided to stop focusing on him and just keep my baby alive and make sure my mental health was ok.

We never recovered. He dreamed of gigging and going to LA to pursue music- totally not taking into consideration the child we had. He held it against me, saying I was a bad wife. I basically have been a married single mom. I’ve had a business and work a part time second job. I pay for everything except half of rent. All cars are mine. Insurance in my name. He worked at a failing retail store that paid him less than minimum wage and then my father offered him a job. He took it and hated it- but the company loved him and he did great work. He has been unhappy ever since our daughter was born because he thinks she has been a hinderance to his musical dreams. He does love her but i can’t be with them because she wants me. Throughout the years, there’s been minor incidents of domestic violence: reaching out to choke me when angry. Throwing the dog across the house and injuring it. Shaking my head to the point I have asthma attacks. It continues to escalate and it’s all been in front of my daughter.

Fast forward to 9/2024. He quit his jobs and did not tell me. I found out through my father and am appalled and shocked because now I’m the primary caregiver and provider. Eventually he tells me and he says he must go to LA and pursue music because he’s done wasting time. He doesn’t want to ever work a regular job and would rather die. Meanwhile also saying he’s a failure at life and everything he does. He confessed he was suicidal at times- we have weapons in the house. He says he loves his daughter and I but he feels he can never with compete with my success and our daughter just wants me. I consult with my therapist and parents, and we decide he’s too unstable and unsafe and leave 10/3.

I’ve been at my parents since then. I’ve hired a lawyer for legal advice and am moving toward separation. He did go to LA and he loved it. He still doesn’t have a job and is in our house while my daughter and I are living out of a bedroom. I love him- but he sees no reason to change. He wants his dream. He wants my parents to watch my daughter 1 weekend a month so we can do it together. Not happening obviously. He says I make him suicidal. He says he loves me but wants his dream. He doesn’t ask to contact my daughter much- it’s mainly me FaceTiming him out of respect. Meanwhile I’m now a full time single mom working still. I’m exhausted.

Guys…does this seem stupid to even consider going back? Does it seem at all salvageable? Because honestly on paper and when I tell people the situation, he seems totally delusional and not in reality. I’m concerned about providing my daughter a stable home and life. I’m concerned about paying bills- but he clearly is not.

Am I wrong for feeling like this marriage is over?

Hi, I(20F) have been in a relationship with C(21M) for almost two years. Less than a year in we got a cat together and started living together well before this. C has had issues with my past and gets very jealous over a certain boyfriend I used to have that was abusive towards me. Around May/June 2023, (around the same time as the cat), C started hitting me during sex. I tried to play it off but sometimes he’d slap me so hard, my ears would ring. We had a conversation about slapping being okay during sex but not to take it too far. After these conversations I thought it would turn out okay since we communicated about it. Right after that his jealousy over my past turned worse and he started becoming very verbally abrasive towards me about me “being a whore” and how could I “let something so awful happen to me.” He even claimed that I respect him less than the previous abusive boyfriend I had and that it was unfair that he didn’t get to hit me. He started slapping me and punching me not during sex after this. Sometimes I would wake up because C had punched me in the side. I would constantly have to calm him down, he would get upset when I flinched at him. I tried to leave multiple times but he would just get on his knees crying begging me to stay. He always said he’d change and that he was so ashamed of himself and “how could he ever hit a woman.” In may 2024, C got a remote job in Alaska. I visited him twice, once with his family. He was rude to me in private and pretended to be a good boyfriend in public. He would go back and forth over text saying he hated me and he’s so miserable with me and I’m ugly, etc. then apologize two seconds later saying that’s all untrue and he loves me and he wants to marry me. It got to a point where I took all the mean stuff with a grain of salt because it happened so often. We took a break in September, until he came back mid-October. During early October I got into a really bad car crash where I broke my arm, car totaled, couldn’t work, etc. When he came back he said he wanted to speak to me, said he reflected and wanted to be with me, I found out the next day he had been cheating on me in Alaska. I was so upset, I ended up reaching out to the girl he cheated with and told her about him being abusive towards me, I felt the need to warn her(I’m sure part of me was also very angry with him). He was very angry when he learned about that and threatened to take his life if I didn’t get in the car with him while he was drinking and driving, eventually I got him to take us to his house and he started beating me again, then in between he would scream at me to call the police because he wanted to die. I didn’t call the police, I called his best friend. We talked him down and kept him safe the next few days. C asked if we could still hang out, he said he had no one and that he owes me. I stupidly agreed. He started taking me out on dates, genuinely being nicer to me, he hadn’t even raised his voice since then. On Monday he said he needed space again and ditched town for a week. I thought we were genuinely getting somewhere. I dropped off the rest of his things today, and asked for my key back- this is how I learned he ran away for a week. He’ll be back in two days. I feel like my only options are talking to someone and reporting the situation. Or be with him again. Which is so stupid. I don’t want to ruin his life and career opportunities. But I can’t talk to someone and heal the way I need to heal with him roaming and I know he could and would do it to someone else. With my first experience with abuse, they went on to harm so many more people and I’ve always felt guilty that I never said anything before it happened. Or he could just be nice like in the beginning and never hurt me again and we’d be happy together. I know that second one is stupid and wrong but I just wish life was butterflies and rainbows and it was that simple. I don’t know how to start with reporting him. I deleted all my photos of the bruising but I still have our messages. I’m scared if I don’t do this right then he’ll try to make things worse.

So he did not show up to the FRO hearing and the final was granted.

But I'm in functional freeze mode. I can take care of my kids. I can work. I can eat and cook. But I can't bring myself to pack up his stuff and put it in storage. I can't bring myself to find some neighborhood boys to hire to help me lift the stuff and transport it to storage. I can't bring myself to call the police to make sure he was. served. I can't bring myself to finish the financial asset paper for my lawyer. I'm frozen. I keep the bedroom door that he slept in closed most of the time. I washed the sheets after the first separation period and sprayed sanitizer on the bed.

I don't know how to keep moving on. I accidentally saw his facebook profile pic which he changed to an old one of us after first TRO hearing, saying he loved me so much. And it hurt.

This was 3 years ago so mind you, i have already (repressed?) most of those memories of when he actually did hit me and only remember when it was particularly bad. I will state one situation for this posts sake.

This one was not particularly bad but i remember it because my friend witnessed it. I had stolen his doritos as a joke when he went off to the bathroom. I didn’t eat a single one and they just sat on my desk. At this point we weren’t together, but when he got back from the bathroom he got so angry to the point where he kicked me off my seat and knocked the breath out of me. I had a deep purple bruise on my stomach for i believe a month or so.

Considering it’s been three years, when my friend said they were talking, I warned her. I said “are you serious?” she asked if i was over him and I told her he used to beat me. He texted me this after noon and said and I quote “I don’t recall that ever happening and I didn’t know you still had problems with me but it’s almost been 3 years and I am not the same from then. Bye.”. Am I in the wrong? Am I even a victim? I struggle so much with feeling valid because I don’t remember anything from then, just eyewitness accounts from my friends and sexual abuse I wont go into. Please help me, I don’t know what to do.