I (42f) have been involved in a very passionate and serious relationship with a long standing friend (45m). He had me picking out engagement rings and was talking about trying to start a family. Well, he want on a 2 week pre-planned vacation and everything was still progressing via text and video chats while he was away. When he returned he began to pull away. I confronted him and he said he got scared and needed time to think about things. I agreed to give him space which turned into us taking a break until the holidays are over - he came back from vacation to a job that has been very demanding and he is having to deal with ailing relatives. He's under a lot of stress, I know, but I want to be there for him and he doesn't want that right now. I'm struggling with this and feel devastated that everything I had ever wanted seemingly slipped through my fingers like sand over night. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you deal with giving someone space? How did it turn out?

2024 has been such a weird year with dating. There’s so many games and mixed signals and I’m sitting here scratching my head wondering what happened. A few months ago, an old friend came back into my life. Old friend meaning since high school. When he came back into my life, he was very intentional with me by calling, FaceTiming, texting, calling…did i mention calling? This lasted for a solid 2 weeks, then eventually the calls faded, and the communication was texts only. Then the texts faded. Now we communicate every few days. I’m so confused because I had so much fun with him. We both had a great time. I guess I’m just taken back. My heart is a bit bruised. I can get over this, but I’m just so confused. What would you guys do to move past the confusion? It eats me up inside. At the end of the day, he just doesn’t like me and it’s obvious. But it still hurts.

We were friends for a good portion of our lives. Especially in late high school to sometime in our 20s. We went to the same university and same city post grad. But the issue that came up was I felt I did all initiating. The once reciprocal friendship now felt one sided. It also felt like she demeaned me or thought I was cringey and made these snarky comments at me. I didn’t handle that well, because I bottled my feelings until it came out and I confronted her. She basically said nothing is wrong she is mirroring my energy back, and that I annoy her. We never spoke of that again and kept the friendship from then 20 to 24. It was so rocky, whereas 16 through 19 was good. Before 25 I removed her from every social media and she never reached out to talk, it was months where I just stopped trying.

But now looking back, she really wanted to be my best friend at the beginning stages. She also got mad if I hung out with others. But as time progressed she got a big friend group and maybe I was now lame: she’d not show up to our plans or come late. Anyway now as we are older we ran into one another at a church event. And she said we should catchup. A month later she followed my social media. I said hey, long story short we made plans and met up. We are both living in the same area, we both have similar careers, she’s been dating, I just started dating. So that was cool. But she said let’s meet up again and we never did. I tried bringing up our falling out and she said “we stopped being friends oh yea i don’t remember that?”

So now almost a year later I did reach out to meet up and we have to plan that. But does she want to rekindle the friendship? Is it too late? What questions can I ask in regards to the dynamic or should I just wait

My white GF and I live together for 15 months. Our neighbor, who’s a white Puerto Rican guy our age, moved in around that time. We all get along and are friends, and I bring him food all the time.

My GF and I are also friends with his on-again-off-again GF whom he’s still seeing since they’re trying to make things work. She visits him about every week.

Our Puerto Rican neighbor is a lady’s man who’s also seeing other ladies. He’s short, athletic, has an MD but doesn’t practice, and is nice. So he’s an eligible bachelor that has no problems finding a date.

We three - Puerto Rican neighbor, my white GF, and I - all text each other together as a group. He typically texts us “I’ll be outside to smoke (a joint).” I don’t consume any cannabis. But those two do a lot. They smoke everyday often times together without me there while they’re outside.

The other day, we had a lot of leftover foods that we have to give away since we will be away for Thanksgiving. My GF texted him on the group chat asking him if he wanted some food that we got. Anyways, I my GF said she’d be down smoking with the neighbor.

When I went down there, I was sort of surprised that they were smoking inside his apartment on his couch. This isn’t that weird because it is definitely getting colder. So they should be inside. But they’re sitting on the same couch and smoking from the same joint.

I don’t smoke, so I feel like fifth wheel. And to tell you the truth, my downstairs “friend” doesn’t really want me there with them. He’d rather talk to my GF about his dating life and hang out with her. I have no clue what else they talk about, but I know his on-again-off-again is always mentioned. This neighbor is getting a bit too friendly with my GF over their mutual appreciation for cannabis.

When I joined them, I awkwardly sat between them not smoking any joints as they were passing it by me.

Also, when I was talking to him, he lectured me about something that I had joked about with his on-again-off-again GF last week. I made a very innocent joke saying that “he’s an awesome man and we love him even though he’s got a temper!” He admitted that “ThrowAway157079633, I know that came from a place of love, but she asked me about it.”

So this is the guy that I’m always sharing foods with, I’m always helping out, and I’m always trying to reconcile him and his OAOA GF back, and basically I’m very nice to him. But he’s lecturing me there and showing excitement with my GF.

I feel that he maybe sneaking up on my GF, even though he’s seeing some other women, including his OAOA GF. He looks at her in her eyes deeply and shares with her all kinds of details that he doesn’t with me. Moreover, his OAOA GF never goes into those details with me. I treat her like a sister, and our communication is also through group chats. As someone who doesn’t smoke cannabis, I don’t know if the act of sharing a joint is innocent.

TLDR; I feel weirded out that my GF and my buddy were sharing a joint on his couch the other day and his increasing closeness to her.

I'm not quite sure how to begin this but a bit of personal background might help.

I (M/34) was with my ex-wife for 12 years. We were two peas in a pod. Had very similar humour, taste in movies/TV, how we wanted to spend our time, what we wanted to talk about, same values, same people we wanted to spend time around. Even when she got very sick it was obvious to me that this was "my person" and I should support her and stay and hope she eventually recovers. Ultimately, sexual differences and terrible communication poisoned all the positives.

I have tried dating a bit but am really struggling with not having the same level of similarities. Finding a girlfriend who likes action movies, animated TV, board games, hiking, gaming, dogs, food markets, etc. I'm never going to have all that in one package again. In fact, I find myself being really put off if a partner enjoys something that I really don't (e.g. big reality TV fan).

How do you navigate the lack of similarities with your partner? I'm trying to accept that I need to accept compromises but it feels like I'll always think that I merely didn't try hard enough to find that perfect person.

My husband (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 18 years (since we were 17 years old in high school) and married for 8 years. We have a 2 year old daughter and are trying for another because I want my daughter to have a sibling.

I've spent the last few years finding myself, and digging deep into myself to understand what makes me happy...and this is what I learned. Please bear with me as I describe my parents (specifically my father) as I feel like it is super relevant to who I am as a person now. I grew up with what I now describe as "boring" parents. They got married, had kids, kept to themselves, didn't go out much. Growing up, a "fun" activity we would do is go out to dinner as a family and that's about as exciting as it got in my family. (I thought it was fun and I didn't know any better). My dad doesn't have much of a personality, he doesn't talk much, he doesn't take risks, he doesn't like to go places, he wasn't social, and he doesn't really like people all that much. He always told me, you get a safe job (like a government worker), you work until you retire, you make sure you have some money is savings, and that's your life.

I thought my parents were normal and I'm realizing that it doesn't bring my any joy to live the way my parents live(d). But I didn't realize this until a couple years ago. SO what did I do? When I was 17 years old in high school, I found a guy with a similar personality to my dad and I stayed with him for all these years because that is what I was supposes to do.

This is how my upbringing translated for me: I found a "safe" guy in high school and I stuck with him. He is kind and caring to me. He's a hard worker. He took me out to dinner a lot (because in my family, that was the fun activity we would always do). He is insanely loyal. He will do anything and everything for me. He helps his parents and my parents with whatever they need. He is always there to support me. He is an amazing father. At this point, you're probably thinking...Sounds GREAT, so what's the problem?

Turns out, his personality is a lot like my dad. Doesn't have any friends and doesn't really desire to. He isn't social and doesn't talk much. He doesn't take risks. He will totally go places me with, but I always have to be the initiator/planner otherwise he would just stay at home. He is awkward in social situations because he isn't very social.

In terms of work ethic/career: He is a super hard worker when it comes to taking care of our house. He cooks. He cleans. He is great at manual labor (and loves it in fact). He does yard work and takes care of our cars. He is super handy and can fix anything. But, career wise, he never achieved anything. He's like my dad..a settler. He just settles for a minimum wage job and doesn't have any desire to move beyond that.

I'm bored. I'm bored of being with him. I'm looking for more in life. He is a great guy. He would never leave me because he is supportive and loyal to a fault. I'm looking for a risk taker. Someone who is like "hey lets move to another city and see what happens." Someone who wants to make more money in life. Someone who wants to go out with friends and have fun. Someone who dreams of bigger and better things.

We don't have many friends. I try so hard to build up friendships so that we have couple friends, or friends with families so we can get together with them. But I do 100% of the work. My husband has no interest, and when we do get together with those people, he has a hard time connecting with people because he is quiet and doesn't have a lot of say.

I feel like so torn because yes, I've been with my husband for so long. Am I totally selfish for wanting more in life and feeling like I cannot achieve it with him? Should I just be grateful I found a loyal, kind, caring, supportive guy and just settle?

Hi! I’ve (40f) been dating a guy (40m) since July. Thing Is we come from the same town and we’re even born days apart in the same hospital. We have common friends and have been FB friends since 2011. Fate weirdly brought us together and i think we are each surprised how similar we are. It’s a sweet comfort. Here it is— the BIG issue… Even before meeting him I had made a very educated decision to keep away from flat earthers. They drain you with their theory, constantly reject any reason and worse they don’t seem to look further. They rest in that it’s all a lie and everything is a lie. This kind of debate goes nowhere especially when I’m not equity to prove anything. I decided that I can’t trust a flat earther because of their mindset. To me, it isn’t safe… it’s not secure or consistent. It’s not stability. It’s a f disk floating aimless in who knows what with the sun and moon 50 miles away! I just can’t!!!

Anyways. He’s joked here and there about earth being flat, videos here and there same thing over and over. On my own I disprove those same videos… but he doesn’t consider it. So I bring it up while he avoids the conversation. I let him know that I was making sure he wasn’t really a f. E. He said he wasn’t but then proceeds to convince me that it is flat and then gets frustrated saying “ why can you understand?” To him he’s being open minded. He questioned why I thought I knew it all and how I think he’s dumb or something. Well I told him exactly what I thought and that’s- being outspoken doesn’t mean you are open minded. And I let him know I couldn’t trust a flerf. That seemed to hurt him. But it’s true. Some people told me I shouldn’t let this topic come between my relationship. But it’s more than a theory or a concept- it’s a mindset! And I need to trust your mind. If I will be with you. Am I wrong for this? He agreed to finding someone who has a telescope try seeing the ISS. A hard feat even for someone with a lot of time on their hands… but he’d choose that instead of looking at the F moon or Saturn beyond that. Totally possible. That’s what I mean about mindset. He says “ I’m realistic, a realist…” and I cringe: not if you are a flerf sorry. Is this actually a problem or am I just being prideful?

TLDR: my boyfriend is a flerf and I question his mindset. I can’t trust a flerf and I’m not sure if I’m making a big deal for nothing. What do you think?

This is about a long distance relationship that has gone along rather nicely for over 6 months. An in-person visit from a thousand miles produced some positive vibes and pleasant times. The sex was fantastic! But all throughout this time and becoming more noticeable since the visit has been an air of suspicion on my part that something is going on in this woman's life that she hasn't been forthcoming about.

She is a happy and positive person, not given to bouts of anxiety or drama or overreaction. In fact if anyone has been overreacting, it might be me. I have a history of being involved with emotionally unavailable women who go along to get along for years in a row before finally bowing out because, well, their own reasons. I am not a drinker or an abuser. And even my last wife of 27 years, having left me because "I Guess I didn't love you as much as I thought I did". So, when I get a whiff of dissatisfaction or unspoken criticism, or if it seems like there is emotional trauma or an unhealthy atmosphere that isn't being talked about, I can be like a dog with a bone until I understand what's going on. I don't like subjects being avoided. And while it is hard to precisely describe the avoidance behaviors, I am constantly assured that everything is under control, nothing really bad happened or it was a lesson learned long ago with no details shared and no explanations given. I have always politely let it drop. But my "dog with a bone" instincts are scratching at the door and I want to know more. I feel like something has been buried and I want to dig it up. Episodes include odd behavior by her children, unruly pets (I have a tendency to judge people by the behavior of their pets) and odd occurrences within her family. There also is a business that she's planning to start but she never talks about and is not arranging her life in such a way that a business startup looks likely. And yet she is always very positive and encouraging and glossing everything over with a dismissive assurance that things will be taken care of. It bothers me.

This is going to be the last relationship of my life. I'm a 70-year-old man who is seeking a woman for companionship, comfort and caretaking. I don't need any drama or nasty surprises. But I don't want the sabotage myself either. I don't mean to make trouble where there isn't any. But I can't get past this itch that keeps demanding to be scratched. What is going on here? I already have detected what I would call toxic positivity that denies all difficulties and refuses any suggestions of help. I am in the process right now of confronting her about a minor revelation that I have not yet got the whole story on but that might open up the situation. We will see.

I will gladly engage with anyone who wants to ask questions about the situation or can make a diagnosis of what the heck is going on here. Are there problems I need to be wary of or am I just trying to look for reasons to ruin a good thing?

I finally did it. I knew it wasn't going to last forever, and it was great while it lasted...well....the sex was pretty good...or was it because it had been 7 years and probably forgotten what it felt like to have a man's weight on me lol. But I ended it, deleted all his stuff from my phone, blocked him on everything and haven't messaged him since Sunday...and I think I'm doing pretty well!

In the end he was just rude, impatient, unreliable, untrustworthy and selfish. He had zero empathy or compassion and definately had narcisstic traits....so I'm single..again, doing the inner work and the healing "again" to make way for the final one.. after I begin making better choices. Urgh...dating is hard...I just want a good guy that loves sex as much as me but is also respectful and potential husband/father material 😆😆

I just wanna find someone and live happily ever after...don't we all?

Hi so I'll get right into it, hope it's not too long. We've been together for a long, long time and while you'd think I should know what to do, I just don't. I want outside perspective and to get out of my own head a bit. While we don't live together, we have future plans to change that up, by end of next year maybe. Currently, I have a roommate and shes gotta dog. Her boyfriend and I care for the dog while she's outta town.

So, Monday (today is Wednesday) morning I awake and see a video footage notification from the front porch camera of a random dude walking across my yard to the side fence door and trying to get in. You can only see his body over there, not what he's doing, and then he walks back the way he came/off camera.

I was home alone that night and morning so I was fuckin jumpy to say the least. I didnt know if anyone was around in my yard, but after a quick sweep all seemed well. And the dog wasn't being weird when she went out with me so that was also relieving. That particular fence door he was standing at is jacked up and won't open properly. And I learned upon inspection, that there wasn't any lock on it. They probably noticed that earlier in the day, and tried it. There was also another latch on another fence post that needed fixing. That one didnt look disturbed at all. Made that #1 of my todo list after work.

Roomate tells me her boyfriend will head over to work from our house, hang with the dog, keep eye, yknow that stuff. Fabulous!

I text my boyfriend about it, telling him how spooked I am, and he said along the lines of "yeah thats crazy, make sure to get good locks!" And then I sent a screenshot of the latch I was gonna buy, and asked if he'd be willing to come by later that night to help me get the latches fixed and be with me so I wasn't alone.

He didn't say "no" just asked if I the latch in the picture was the one I already had. I replied "yeah, and i guess maybe [roommates bf] can help me." After work I went straight for home depot but still didn't make it back before dark. And I hadnt heard from him all day re: coming over. We typically don't have much communication throughout the day, but by 630pm I felt I had my answer.

Around 7 he texted asking me how's my night going and I replied normally, but when he tried to call I couldn't pick up. I know I am having a lot of feelings about his response. At this point I'm ruminating and avoiding conversation because previous attempts at communicating my feelings about his actions always end at "I didn't mean to, I'll try better next time." He doesn't offer any other insights and I don't have all the solutions. I just know I want my partner to feel a desire to help me and be with me, especially when I communicate I'm scared and feeling alone and ask for that company. I feel like some coworker getting a pity pat on the shoulder. What's your take? Any perspectives, advice, ideas, challenges encouraged.

Update- well he missed the text asking him to come over. He does want me to feel safe together. I believe him, and will continue to communicate around how when I express these kinds of emotions how I'd like for him to respond. I'm still curious around his initial reaction which was pretty detached in my opinion.

I (37F) and my partner (40M) have been together two years. On our first date, I told him it was important for me to find a partner to marry and have kids with, and that at my age, I didn't want to move slow.

About a year ago, I told him I was ready to marry him. He said he loves me, but he wants to live together first. We moved in together in April this year, and I think we have lived together really well. Also about a year ago, I went to a fertility clinic with the intention of freezing my eggs, but when my fertility tests showed everything was normal and the cost of freezing eggs would be $14k and need to be done twice, I started to question it. My boyfriend said he would be ready to start trying in about a year, and so based on that, and the cost + horrible experience of going through it, I decided to wait and try naturally first.

Fast forward to now, end of November, and he has not proposed, and when I brought up timeline for having a baby, he said he wouldn't be ready to start trying until maybe 8 months from now. I told him these things are really important to me, and he just said he understood and that's it. I don't want to put pressure on him proposing, because I don't want it to be a forced proposal. I did ask him if he was sure about me and he said yes.

He does talk about the future as if we will be together and have children together, and talks about buying a house with me all the time (always scoping out houses for sale etc), so I do feel like he plans to be with me. But also if he's sure, at our ages, what is taking so long? I don't have a lot of time to wait to start trying to get pregnant. I am constantly worried I will not be able to.

I decided to set an internal deadline of April 1. If he hasn't proposed by then, then I need to just leave and stop wasting my time. But then when I think forward to April 1 in a world where he hasn't proposed, the idea of leaving him (I love him and I don't want to leave him) and then being in a position where I'm single at 37 sounds like I would be in a very bad position to start a family the way I want to. I'm not sure I want to have a child by myself. I would then need to find someone else who has all the things - a romantic connection, we get along, he treats me well, he has a good job, he has similar values and wants to live in the same place and have the same kind of future (a family) etc etc etc... that is NOT easy to find, as I have struggled throughout my 20s and 30s to find that person! Breaking up on April 1 and starting from scratch doesn't feel like I'm any closer to reaching my goal, but also, staying with someone who keeps kicking the goalpost further down the line doesn't feel good either. I don't want to end up two years from now still not engaged or not trying to get pregnant.

What would you do?

My partner has struggled with his mental health his whole life. He’s the type of person who has always had high highs and low lows. We have navigated these over the years and have had two occasions (since we met) where he really spiralled and couldn’t cope. One such occasion was last weekend where he broke down and spilled everything he had been holding in. He has always struggled with communication due to his upbringing and he tends to stuff things down until he can’t cope anymore. After talking through things and him saying he wanted to take things day by day and work together, he fell apart again today and said he can’t keep his head right and just can’t be in a relationship anymore. I want to make sure he’s ok and I love him dearly but I’m heartbroken. I feel like I’ve been managing his mental health issues and moods our entire relationship and now my life has just been flipped upside down. He owns our place so I have to move. I have a dog which makes it 100 times more difficult to find somewhere in my country. I’m so worried for him being by himself and isolating himself. But I’m also worried about my future. We had plans together and I was planning for our future together. I can’t believe now I have to start from scratch at 35. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I feel so empty. If anyone has experienced anything similar and has any words of wisdom to share - please do share. I really need it right now.

I started dating him about a year ago now and it wasn't fiery at the beginning. We didn't even have sex for the first time until 4 months after we started dating (which nowadays with Tinder and everything seems crazy). THEN somewhere around the 6 month mark everything inside me just went haywire. Now I feel bad for him sometimes. He has me fawning over him every moment I get and I feel like l'm just gushing to him all the time about how perfect he is and how much I want to be intimate all the time. He shared with me that he likes all the attention and is flattered but says he's scared that it's a phase and I won't always feel like this. This is brand new for me to feel so intensely and I just was sharing this because I want to know if I'm going crazy or if other people experienced this too. (I'm 38 just for reference)

I know I'm a hypocrite, so please if you are going to lay into me can you just answer my question first and then let me have it?

I have a former friend who has always pushed my boundaries in the past. I let him coerce meinto going past friendship into a physical relationship. It had always being hard on me mentally due to cognitive dissonance.

He is still in my life because he helps me a little financially from time to time. I know that's terrible but it's the truth. If he weren't helping me financially I wouldn't talk to him ever again and I've told him this straight up because he doesn't respect my boundaries. I don't lie to him.

His words: "We're just friends, do you not trust yourself?Boundaries are meant to keep things trapped inside.I have nothing but respect for you, and you will never know, due to your boundaries."

Is his constantly pushing to hang out a form of disrespect? Am I tripping? I just need to know for my mental health because I question myself. I keep trying to explain to him how I want to be treated and to stop asking me out. If I know it's disrespect I'll just ignore him and not try to convince him that he is not respecting me.

Again I know I'm a hypocrite and I'm being disrespectful to my husband and I'm not going to say it's not disrespect. I just want to call it what it is and he won't. If he did I wouldn't be upset but he keeps lying to my face and that's mainly my issue with it. I don't like the mental *uckery.

I (45F) have been living with my partner (52M) for about 3 years. He’s never been particularly emotionally available or good at providing comfort/support/validation. This is not new, he warned me early in our relationship that he sucked at this kind of thing. His typical response when I’ve brought up any negative emotional anything has been either defensiveness, anger, dismissiveness, or gaslighting. He can’t seem to sympathize with any emotion that he can’t directly relate to, and tears make him angry because he apparently feels manipulated. Lucky me, I’m a crier. So I stopped trying.

At first, I dismissed it myself, thought I could deal. But over the last year or so, I’ve been feeling the lack of emotional support more and more, and have often considered ending it and leaving… but it’s financially and logistically complicated and scary so I haven’t done anything yet. After 3 years of kind of isolating myself with him and going through crappy family drama, I don’t have much of a support system.

I have a history of depression/anxiety and it’s a long story, but I’m spiraling right now. I want to cry all the time and feel completely alone and ridiculously needy with him right here… like I’m starving for something he can’t give me. Having him physically here and not feeling like I can bring any of this up just makes everything so much worse.

He knows that I’m upset, and that it’s at least partly because of the behavior of a family member of mine who he can’t stand. He says things like “that’s just the way she is, you can either let it get you down or not.” Or “I would have told her to f*ck off long ago, but you insist on seeing her.” He’s not wrong, but for various reasons I can limit contact, but I can’t cut her off entirely (another long story).

I realize he’s not the right guy for me and I should leave, should have done so way before now… but I don’t feel capable of it in my current mental state. And I honestly don’t think I can deal with how I’m currently feeling by myself. I have an appointment with a therapist on Monday, but it feels so far away… and it’s not going to magically fix everything.

Does anyone have any advice as to how to ask for the emotional support I need without bringing out my partner’s anger and defensiveness?

My partner M59 lies and uses me F50 in the lie I end up hearing this from a third party Examples We are looking for a house. He will tell the agent I didn’t want the house we looked at. Not true We bought flooring he liked. I hated it. Get it in he realizes it’s not good. He tells people he tried to tell me it wouldn’t look good but I wanted it.
He embellishes when telling people about conversations he had with people. Told them to F off etc.
if we decide not to go somewhere he will tell people I didn’t want to go so we didn’t go.
I hope you get the gist of what I mean. But I struggle to understand why he projects it off on me???

I feel by 1 year you can tell if the relationship has enough to keep going or if you and your partner aren't compatible. That's why most of my relationships have been less than a year. I've seen too many people waste their time in 3 year relationships and complaining the whole time.

But recently on a date a girl asked why my longest had only been 1 year? I got the feeling it would have been more acceptable if I had been divorced lol. Anyway I explained it to her that I rather be selective and honest with myself.

But now curious if most women view this as a red flag.

TLDR; My partner of 11 years rarely tolerates frustration, stress, and inconveniences in healthy/mature ways / rarely shows excitement, enthusiasm, or joy for things. It's wearing on me. Looking for people who can relate.

My partner (m/42) and I (f/39) have been together for over a decade. Throughout that time we've had plenty of highs and lows, yet despite our challenges, I've always remained hopeful that things would work out between us.

However, this year I've not felt as confident.

His chronic bad moods and negativity have always been an issue throughout our 11 years together, but I've always tolerated them, justified them, made excuses for them, etc. For as long as I have known him, he often loses it when faced with any sort of challenge, stressor, or frustration that causes an inconvenience. From minor things like being unable to pass a few lanes to make his exit in time or struggling to locate something he misplaced to bigger things like moving apartments or unexpected expenses, his lack of "can-do" attitude and emotional agility has increasingly worn on me throughout the years.

In an instant, he can go from calm to full-blown a**hole over the most trivial things, often taking it out on me. I'd like to understand why I'm the one he takes it out on because I rarely see him lose it on anyone else...even when situations are stressful around others. How is he so comfortable being the biggest a**hole to me in a moment of stress but when it's someone else he can be the leader and get everyone through it?

I know in psychology they say it's usually not the thing that upsets them but something underneath it all that's bothering the person. I've tried to be helpful and patient, but when I look back on all of our years, I haven't seen him hold himself accountable and make changes that would improve his life, ie better communication, being more patient, having more self-awareness, being more grateful, finding joy in the little things, etc.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to connect with him on anything when his mood is often sour, he shows little to no interest in my own life, and I often feel like I can't do anything right thus causing me to walk on eggshells for fear of setting him off. Even when I plan things I know he'll enjoy, I get very little enthusiasm out of him. He just seems to be in a chronic bad mood, and I find myself not wanting to be around him.

I know this post sounds whiny, and for that, I apologize. I'd really like to talk to someone who has also experienced this in their relationship and hear what they did about it. I know there's the option to leave... it's just not that easy (I've tried before and it was ugly/scary) so I don't really know what to do. I suggest he see a therapist but he says he can't afford it. I have tons of self-help books but he's not interested in reading them. At this point, I've thrown my hands in the air. I'm not his mother or therapist and I'm not responsible for his happiness, but I feel like a bad partner for not being more supportive and for distancing myself because his bad attitude about life is really affecting me negatively.

Anyway, would love to connect with people who have experienced this or are currently going through this sort of thing.

Thanks.

I went out with someone last year for 9 months - we saw each other at most once per week, but chatted regularly.

Love was used, and we went "FB official."

There was an incident - she is scared of dogs and at a party one got out and caused her some distress - didn't touch her, but went up to her cause her to back away.

During the car drive home she berated me nonstop for this, escalated to calling me names, and continued doing so, so I turned round and dropped her off at her parents house and I told her we were done, as it had brought up some memories of a past abusive relationship.

Her parents are friends with my mum, so eventually I gave her another chance, things went fine for another few months until something happened and the berating started again.

We split up for good. I was devastated.

Almost 10 months later I barely remember it as a relationship, on dating apps I'll mention my last relationship as being my marriage which ended 6 years ago and I'll mention I also had a couple of dalliances along the way.

Has anyone any idea why I'd do this, until someone specifically asked about this relationship it's like it was just some minor part of my history? Surely it should mean more?

I don't feel like I'd be lying by omission if I didn't mention it, but speaking with someone they would see it as a lie.

Our sex if good but I think it's time to make some big changes, plus I have so many desires and sexual fantasies I want to play out. I love my husband to bits and he adores me. How do I tell him?

As the title says really.

I was with my ex-wife for all of my twenties and the start of my thirties. She was my best friend and my "happy place" in the world. I was so sure that she was "the one" I allowed myself to overlook a couple of huge problems that were allowed to build.

I was more recently in a relationship where I had a lot of fun but always had this nagging feeling that she wasn't right for me.

Any pearls of wisdom to share?

Teething problems?

Is it normal at our age (40s/50s) to have teething problems at the beginning of a relationship? I mean we're quite set in our ways by now, we have behavioural patterns from childhood and young adulthood...some of whom are aware and some are not and some are in denial of past issues that need to be processed. But is it normal to question each other and be like "hey...why do you....?" Or "Why do you think like that?" And get on the defense?

It must be normal right? Then you talk it over, solve it and move forward being closer right?

How important it is to you to have children to pass on your genes? Please be honest with your answer. Not just carry on the family name, but carry on YOUR genes. I heard that men want their genes to be carry on and carry on their legacy in American culture, something like that.

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I'm married to my husband 12 years (together 14 years). In my Chinese culture it is very important especially he is the ONLY son to carry on the family name, and to carry on his genes.

Our toddler died 5 years ago of brain disease progression (the baby got it genetics inherit it from me the maternal side).

My husband still grief our child death, he still has our baby ashes urn right in our home in our child room, he said as long as he still alive our child ashes will be with him.
Even our child shoes which is not even new shoes, it dirty shoes that our child worn when alive and worn before head to the hospital, my husband still keep it 5 years later, not let me throw away.

I told him we can try IVF the PGT Preimplant Genetics Testing to screen out brain disease (I have my inheritance, he makes 6-figures).
He said No, he does not want another child, nor can another child can replace our dead child.
I told him we can try adoption, adopt a baby from his homeland, or adopt a baby from my homeland. He also said No, and very clear so.

He said I already gave him a family, I gave birth to his child, us 3 alive or dead will always be a family, He said after his mom pass, he will go with me anywhere I want to go (as I hate the city, I want to live in countryside or seclude mountains), and we grow old together, he will die with me and our child (whom already dead).

And when I talk about him being the only son, he said he is not obligate to carry on his family name, and when he dead is dead, he does not need his genes to be carry on.

He already cut his aunt out of his life for the past 5 years and still does, just because she told him he has other options out there, options of another woman can give him a healthy child. He completely cut her off, he said she disrespectful to me, and he doesn't want her anywhere near me to instill bullocks things like that in my head.

He just stubborn.

And my brain doesn't wire like him, to me I see have a child means carry on his genes, and carry on his family name.
But to him No, he said those things are not important to him, and have another child cannot replace his dead child.

I’m a 36F and my bf is a 32M. We’ve been together for almost 1 yr. I like to buy some things that are a little expensive, but nothing too crazy. I have a job where I get to dress very casually. I usually come spend the night w/ him after work. One night, I had on a men’s hoodie that cost about $170. My bf says “I’m going to take your hoodie.” I just looked at him like he was crazy. Anytime I spend a little money on myself or my kids he makes comments such as “U have money” or “must be nice.” I have a newer car (2024) than his (2019 which isn’t even bad) and his makes comments about that too. Could it be that he’s jealous of me in a way? I do make 6 figures and he does not. Maybe I’m overthinking?

Not really sure what I'm doing if I'm honest....I never get to see the guy, he works really hard, works away 5 days out of 7 and just not really sure I can sustain this. Its not a guarantee to see him at weekends. He calls me almost everyday, he does care for me, said he believes I'm the one for him...but he's not quitting his job any time soon. I've had a cold all week following my birthday celebrations and it would have been nice to have him here for hugs whilst I've been ill....that's kind of what I want in a relationship. He assures me that he will give me everything I want in time, and just to be patient....do I have to be patient? Really?

Isn't the point of a relationship to be together, to have the time to be together?

He didn't have this job when we first got together...then he began and it was just assumed that I'd be OK with it...he doesn't want to lose me. I know that. But I miss him all the time.

What am I supposed to do?

I feel like I'm missing out on precious time with him.

Xx

I 49m been with gf (51f) 8 years and had good, healthy sex life until last 18 months. Gf now menopausal and says it doesn't really work down there anymore and she had lost her sex drive. For first time I am considering sex outside of relationship but hope it passes for her so we can be intimate again Seems so cruel that what was such a fulfilling, enjoyable part of her life just be taken away from her along with the hot flushes and weight gain she has experienced All of a sudden I feel like the world's horniest man and I'm sexually frustrated through lack of action.

I don't think partner would accept me being on open terms but i really can't go without sex. I don't know what to do? Why am I so horny at the least practical point of life to do so?

Anybody else how have you dealt with situation?

I don't know what to do. I feel selfish for wanting my own relationship needs to be met, like sex, having fun together, etc.

The backstory: My boyfriend's sister has 4 kids. Her oldest son, from a different father, was excluded and physically and verbally abused by his stepdad, father of his three sisters. Because of the abuse, he slowly developed violent behaviors. Because of the violent behavior, boyfriend's sister gave up on him and sent him to live with grandma, boyfriend's mom. The behaviors have escalated. A few times a week, he punches holes through walls and doors, or rips doors off their hinges. He beats grandma during his rages. My boyfriend is called up when this happens to calm him down and stop him from abusing grandma and destroying property. When nephew gets into these rages, he doesn't recognize what he's doing. He's so filled with emotion that he can't be stopped. This has been going on for over a year.

In the past year, grandma got guardianship, and boyfriend is a legal caregiver. Grandma is low income. She doesn't have the resources to send him to intensive treatment. He has a case worker with the county, and an IEP at school. Still, the behaviors just keep getting worse. And I see less and less of my boyfriend. We've stopped having sex. I think it's like once a month, if that. We used to go on weekends together. About once a week, we get dinner and watch Netflix, and that's about it. We don't talk as much during the day. I've bought him flowers, bought him coffee, I'm trying to be supportive, sending supportive memes and messages. But I feel like the severity of nephew's behavior is tearing us apart. He's called up almost nightly now. I love him dearly. If I had the money, I'd throw everything I have at helping nephew get better. I'm in between jobs and have stressors of my own. I listen and try to empathize as much as I can when he's venting to me.

But I miss him. I'm seeing him less and less. We've talked about it. His response was that it's a tough time. It's been a tough year and it's going into a second tough year of this. We've been together for almost 4 years. He's exhausted whenever I see him, so I don't ask for much, mostly because I feel really guilty asking for anything when I know he's giving all he can. You only have so many spoons.

What can I do to try to mend our relationship? Is it time to walk away? I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to feel so lonely in a relationship.

Yes, I (F44) am afraid that it's time to end the 1.5 year relationship with my boyfriend (M41).

Neither of us have ever been married nor have (human) children.

We matched on Hinge and had our first date within a week. He was the only guy I dated from that particular site. I couldn't believe how lucky I got as previous experiences with dating apps were less than stellar.

We made our relationship official in less than a month. People were referring to us as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" already. Plus, the connection we had was amazing, which had me excited as I hadn't experienced such with anyone in a long time.

I clearly stated what I was looking for in a relationship, which is a life partner and eventually marriage. He stated that he was looking for the same.

Since 2011, he has rented a room in a woman's (whom I'll refer to B) house for a bargain. Over the years, he had several other roommates (fellow renters). He became particularly close with the most recent renter (whom I'll refer to as S), who was there for six years and just moved out recently (more on this soon). Anyhow, the three of them are good friends and regularly hang out together. The extended network includes S's girlfriend and several of B and S's coworkers.

In my opinion, I tried to fit in with the aforementioned group; however, I never felt completely comfortable around B. She would typically be dismissive of anything I added to conversations and would regularly complain about some minor thing I did. Worst of all, B had the audacity to tell my boyfriend (right in front of me) how he missed his chance with some woman they me before we started dating.

The tension started becoming unbearable in July. I addressed this with my boyfriend, who told me not to worry and that I had no reason to be uncomfortable there.

Everything came to a head nearly two months ago. We were out on B's boat in a local lake with her sister and mom. As you can imagine, some of us (myself included) were getting inebriated. The said sister overstepped her boundaries and asked about the relationship with my boyfriend. I stated how kids were off the table and that I hope we can move in together sooner rather than later. My boyfriend said, "oh come on, you know what I am about!" I was really upset by that and asked, "well what are we doing?" Needless to say, I did not enjoy the rest of the boat excursion. Then, I was left stranded at a boat launch about a mile from their home. I stormed back to their house and screamed, "so you were just going to leave me for dead?" The story that was cooked up is that they thought I already started walking back to the house.

Later that evening, we went on a long walk. He kept telling me how much he loves me and apologized for what he said earlier on the boat.

A week after the said incident, my boyfriend finally admitted that B doesn't like me very much. (Well no shit, Sherlock!)

Around that same time, S moved out of the house as he took over his sister's apartment lease. However, he still visits regularly as his girlfriend lives a few blocks away from B.

As you can imagine, I now feel very uncomfortable with my boyfriend being the only renter there. The last I heard was that B doesn't plan to rent to anyone else.

Days later, I reiterated where I want the relationship to go and he said that he would think about it, but it wasn't likely to happen in the next few months.

Around that same time, I bit the bullet and agreed to an outing with my boyfriend, B, S, S's girlfriend, and another friend of theirs. The said dinner was uncomfortable. B had to dominate the conversations and was gossiping nearly the entire time. I had almost nothing to contribute. She even chastised my boyfriend for not drinking (the two of us decided to have a Sober September).

Since I had such a lousy time, I decided that I would bow out of events where B was going to be present. The only way I would agree to an event where she was going to be present is if there was a large group of people.

A week ago, I went over to the house and he cooked dinner. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I picked at the food. I had a lot on my mind that evening and it all came pouring out. One of the things I said was that it doesn't seem like he wants the relationship to go super-long term. We got into an argument. He stated how he was indeed choosing me and that he was upset about missing out on the shooting range outing with B, S, and S's gf. A little bit later, B texted him and asked him if he'd like to join them downstairs for drinks. Again, my bf stated how he was choosing me.

I asked if I should leave. He ended up saying that he didn't want to argue and that he just wanted to cuddle. I stated that it is going to take effort from both of us for the relationship to work. I mentioned how I don't want to be a placeholder and that I won't beg to be in anyone's life.

This past weekend when we were together (my house and area), B was texting him constantly. It could be that I am just imagining things, but it seems like she was going out of her way to be rude. It should be noted that he scrambled to answer the said texts. One thing B mentioned was that there was a barbecue at the lake on Saturday. He seemed very resentful when he told me that.

I am very tired of constantly feeling frustrated and believe it may be time to end the relationship. He expects me to just "get over it", which is not okay with me. The way I see it, roommates should not be part of a package deal. And yes, I have expressed to him that I am not stopping him from seeing anyone he considers a friend. I don't believe that I should have to be uncomfortable on a regular basis. At most, in my free time, I should only have to grudgingly agree to be around people I can't stand.

Other points:

• He makes a decent salary, so he has the means for his own place if he doesn't want to move in with me.
• I have met his family and like all of them. However, he believes that it's only a matter of time before I start complaining about one of them.

Primarily, I just wanted to vent to some strangers. But any input, suggestions, or sharing of similar experiences are welcome!

TL;DR--I believe that it may be time to break up with my boyfriend as he doesn't want to move in together and seems to think that his roommate should be part of a "package deal".

find myself 38 m getting so so frustrated at home with wife 32f, sex life has died since having child 4 years ago. What was once varied and regular is now robotic and once a week. I have extremely high sex drive, hers less so. I'm not expecting all singing all dancing porn star sex 5 nights a week. I am a realist. We both work, doing good financially, house 2 cars, holidays etc. So no issues for me anyway, aside from sex life.

After several arguments, she has said she cannot discuss sex as it makes her too anxious. She doesn't want to make the first move but does want sex. The problem with this is she intimates throughout the day she would like sex saying things like 'wait until tonight' etc , but when it comes will.literally lay stiff as a board.

She will not tell me she wants sex verbally or that she doesn't so it's a try and find out situation. If it's a no, it's never a verbally no, it's just a non reaction by keeping legs closed, laying still, not touching me.

When she is in the mood, she says things like do what ever you want to me, the sex starts, followed by her telling me what she wants, when she wants how she wants. So it becomes extremely limited in what I'm allowed to do.

I am now at the point where I am too anxious about trying it on, and getting nowhere. The time and effort involved to try to get her to a point of sexual interested, to then only be allowed around a 15 minute session of intimacy because "she doesn't like long sex sessions as she's tired".

There's no affair, or cheating etc, we both work as I said, I do majority of housework, cooking, cleaning, dare I say after work child related activities such as bathing and bed time (with the hope this makes her less tired and more likely to want sex - it doesn't work). We are both gym fit in good health so no issues there.

I'm at my wits end and it's really affecting my moods with her.

Hi,

when I met my wife 10 years ago I divulged to her on the first date that I had cheated on my ex wife. I felt it was important to be entirely open about this (particularly knowing that some people claim they would never enter a relationship with a 'cheater'). The cheating, for what it's worth, occurred over a one month period after 17 years of faithfulness and in the context of an increasingly miserable dysfunctional relationship including escalating threats from my ex wife that I needed to be 'careful' as she was getting a lot of attention from other men (as well as unwillingness on her part to attend counselling) - none of this makes my behaviour excusable of course but I would like to (at least amy trying to) not think of myself as an incorrigible 'cheater'.

After I divulged my behaviour to my now wife (before we had dated) she said she had experienced something similar, which I presumed to mean she had also cheated. As it turned out, after a few more dates she went in to detail and it was in fact her first (of 2) long term boyfriends who had cheated on her. She expressed a remarkably mature attitude to this and said she used the experience to learn and grow, focussed on the reality (for her at least) that "it takes 3 to cheat" - she believes she had some culpability in the affair.

She has however been critical of her ex for not ever acknowledging to her that he cheated and she believes he has not taken responsibility for his behaviour. She holds the woman he cheated with in higher regard because she was the one who told her about the affair and was apologetic and regretful about the circumstances.

My cheating behaviour has weighed heavily on me (still does) with much guilt, shame and anger and from time to time I have talked to my wife about this. I paid dearly (in terms of my ex-wife publicly shaming me) and I'm a sensitive soul so this ground me down very low - I suspect I will never be able to 'live it down' not matter how i conduct myself for the rest of my life (or how I did in my life beforehand).

My current wife has always been supportive in that she has tried to help me see my cheating behaviour through a similar prism she has used (in that it is not entirely my fault). I have found this to be of significant help in terms of me continuing on without getting too depressed.

This and innumerable other words and deeds by my wife have led me to believe she is an extra-ordinarily good, insightful, mature and even-handed person. I admire her greatly.

Recently, after an out of the blue (and at first fun) discussion about prior relationships she let slip that she had "technically" cheated on the second of her long term boyfriends, a 4 year relationship that ended a year before we started dating. I was stunned to hear this and she sensed this and apologised to me light-heartedly for perhaps not making it as a clear as she could have (or words to such effect).

I knew about this more recent relationship though was always of the understanding it developed shortly after she broke up with her 2nd boyfriend. I suspect my wife knew that I wasn't in fact aware she had ever cheated, technically or otherwise.

As it stands, I am unsure whether there is any good to be achieved (for me, her or us) by enquiring of her what she means by "technical" and whether she believes (as I do) that she concealed the fact from me. I feel somewhat disillusioned in that perhaps she was willing to date me because she herself was guilty of the same "crime" rather than truly someone who saw beyond my affair and did not judge me poorly for it.

What do you think? Should I ask her to talk more about it or is it better for me to try to bury it in my own mind?