I 49m been with gf (51f) 8 years and had good, healthy sex life until last 18 months. Gf now menopausal and says it doesn't really work down there anymore and she had lost her sex drive. For first time I am considering sex outside of relationship but hope it passes for her so we can be intimate again Seems so cruel that what was such a fulfilling, enjoyable part of her life just be taken away from her along with the hot flushes and weight gain she has experienced All of a sudden I feel like the world's horniest man and I'm sexually frustrated through lack of action.

I don't think partner would accept me being on open terms but i really can't go without sex. I don't know what to do? Why am I so horny at the least practical point of life to do so?

Anybody else how have you dealt with situation?

I don't know what to do. I feel selfish for wanting my own relationship needs to be met, like sex, having fun together, etc.

The backstory: My boyfriend's sister has 4 kids. Her oldest son, from a different father, was excluded and physically and verbally abused by his stepdad, father of his three sisters. Because of the abuse, he slowly developed violent behaviors. Because of the violent behavior, boyfriend's sister gave up on him and sent him to live with grandma, boyfriend's mom. The behaviors have escalated. A few times a week, he punches holes through walls and doors, or rips doors off their hinges. He beats grandma during his rages. My boyfriend is called up when this happens to calm him down and stop him from abusing grandma and destroying property. When nephew gets into these rages, he doesn't recognize what he's doing. He's so filled with emotion that he can't be stopped. This has been going on for over a year.

In the past year, grandma got guardianship, and boyfriend is a legal caregiver. Grandma is low income. She doesn't have the resources to send him to intensive treatment. He has a case worker with the county, and an IEP at school. Still, the behaviors just keep getting worse. And I see less and less of my boyfriend. We've stopped having sex. I think it's like once a month, if that. We used to go on weekends together. About once a week, we get dinner and watch Netflix, and that's about it. We don't talk as much during the day. I've bought him flowers, bought him coffee, I'm trying to be supportive, sending supportive memes and messages. But I feel like the severity of nephew's behavior is tearing us apart. He's called up almost nightly now. I love him dearly. If I had the money, I'd throw everything I have at helping nephew get better. I'm in between jobs and have stressors of my own. I listen and try to empathize as much as I can when he's venting to me.

But I miss him. I'm seeing him less and less. We've talked about it. His response was that it's a tough time. It's been a tough year and it's going into a second tough year of this. We've been together for almost 4 years. He's exhausted whenever I see him, so I don't ask for much, mostly because I feel really guilty asking for anything when I know he's giving all he can. You only have so many spoons.

What can I do to try to mend our relationship? Is it time to walk away? I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to feel so lonely in a relationship.

My boyfriend and I are just over 40, been together about 1.5 years now, both highly independent. His divorce being more recent than mine. The beginning of our relationship he was much more scared of loosing independence and resistant to the full commitment of relationship dynamics and partnership. Meaning he was committed and wanted the same things but had more fear of loosing independence. Over the last year plus we have definitely grown and are building something neither of us expected and we have talked about next step despite some logistics that don’t make living together or marriage practical right now.

I think as we get more comfortable, it’s bringing up some insecurities of being needy or making him feel pressure. I don’t know where this is coming from. It’s always just flown comfortably but I feel like as I become more vulnerable and in love with him, I think back to those earlier days of making sure he’s always had his space. I’m finding myself trying to read or over analyze him,over thinking if I’m being needy if I say I want to see him or putting up a wall if he doesn’t mention plans.

I love this man dearly and we have talked about it. He frustrated by this and we both want to understand why. I don’t want to loose this relationship. Anyone have experience here with this?

Yes, I (F44) am afraid that it's time to end the 1.5 year relationship with my boyfriend (M41).

Neither of us have ever been married nor have (human) children.

We matched on Hinge and had our first date within a week. He was the only guy I dated from that particular site. I couldn't believe how lucky I got as previous experiences with dating apps were less than stellar.

We made our relationship official in less than a month. People were referring to us as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" already. Plus, the connection we had was amazing, which had me excited as I hadn't experienced such with anyone in a long time.

I clearly stated what I was looking for in a relationship, which is a life partner and eventually marriage. He stated that he was looking for the same.

Since 2011, he has rented a room in a woman's (whom I'll refer to B) house for a bargain. Over the years, he had several other roommates (fellow renters). He became particularly close with the most recent renter (whom I'll refer to as S), who was there for six years and just moved out recently (more on this soon). Anyhow, the three of them are good friends and regularly hang out together. The extended network includes S's girlfriend and several of B and S's coworkers.

In my opinion, I tried to fit in with the aforementioned group; however, I never felt completely comfortable around B. She would typically be dismissive of anything I added to conversations and would regularly complain about some minor thing I did. Worst of all, B had the audacity to tell my boyfriend (right in front of me) how he missed his chance with some woman they me before we started dating.

The tension started becoming unbearable in July. I addressed this with my boyfriend, who told me not to worry and that I had no reason to be uncomfortable there.

Everything came to a head nearly two months ago. We were out on B's boat in a local lake with her sister and mom. As you can imagine, some of us (myself included) were getting inebriated. The said sister overstepped her boundaries and asked about the relationship with my boyfriend. I stated how kids were off the table and that I hope we can move in together sooner rather than later. My boyfriend said, "oh come on, you know what I am about!" I was really upset by that and asked, "well what are we doing?" Needless to say, I did not enjoy the rest of the boat excursion. Then, I was left stranded at a boat launch about a mile from their home. I stormed back to their house and screamed, "so you were just going to leave me for dead?" The story that was cooked up is that they thought I already started walking back to the house.

Later that evening, we went on a long walk. He kept telling me how much he loves me and apologized for what he said earlier on the boat.

A week after the said incident, my boyfriend finally admitted that B doesn't like me very much. (Well no shit, Sherlock!)

Around that same time, S moved out of the house as he took over his sister's apartment lease. However, he still visits regularly as his girlfriend lives a few blocks away from B.

As you can imagine, I now feel very uncomfortable with my boyfriend being the only renter there. The last I heard was that B doesn't plan to rent to anyone else.

Days later, I reiterated where I want the relationship to go and he said that he would think about it, but it wasn't likely to happen in the next few months.

Around that same time, I bit the bullet and agreed to an outing with my boyfriend, B, S, S's girlfriend, and another friend of theirs. The said dinner was uncomfortable. B had to dominate the conversations and was gossiping nearly the entire time. I had almost nothing to contribute. She even chastised my boyfriend for not drinking (the two of us decided to have a Sober September).

Since I had such a lousy time, I decided that I would bow out of events where B was going to be present. The only way I would agree to an event where she was going to be present is if there was a large group of people.

A week ago, I went over to the house and he cooked dinner. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I picked at the food. I had a lot on my mind that evening and it all came pouring out. One of the things I said was that it doesn't seem like he wants the relationship to go super-long term. We got into an argument. He stated how he was indeed choosing me and that he was upset about missing out on the shooting range outing with B, S, and S's gf. A little bit later, B texted him and asked him if he'd like to join them downstairs for drinks. Again, my bf stated how he was choosing me.

I asked if I should leave. He ended up saying that he didn't want to argue and that he just wanted to cuddle. I stated that it is going to take effort from both of us for the relationship to work. I mentioned how I don't want to be a placeholder and that I won't beg to be in anyone's life.

This past weekend when we were together (my house and area), B was texting him constantly. It could be that I am just imagining things, but it seems like she was going out of her way to be rude. It should be noted that he scrambled to answer the said texts. One thing B mentioned was that there was a barbecue at the lake on Saturday. He seemed very resentful when he told me that.

I am very tired of constantly feeling frustrated and believe it may be time to end the relationship. He expects me to just "get over it", which is not okay with me. The way I see it, roommates should not be part of a package deal. And yes, I have expressed to him that I am not stopping him from seeing anyone he considers a friend. I don't believe that I should have to be uncomfortable on a regular basis. At most, in my free time, I should only have to grudgingly agree to be around people I can't stand.

Other points:

• He makes a decent salary, so he has the means for his own place if he doesn't want to move in with me.
• I have met his family and like all of them. However, he believes that it's only a matter of time before I start complaining about one of them.

Primarily, I just wanted to vent to some strangers. But any input, suggestions, or sharing of similar experiences are welcome!

TL;DR--I believe that it may be time to break up with my boyfriend as he doesn't want to move in together and seems to think that his roommate should be part of a "package deal".

My partner and I are in our late 50s and have been together almost 30 (!) years, no kids. Lately more and more I find myself really annoyed with certain habits of his. Objectively, I can see that these are not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, that he is a great partner overall and that we have a great relationship in most ways. This may be a long-term relationship issue, I don't know -- that the stuff you could put up with more easily before, you just get tired of. And to be clear, I know that I am not the ideal partner and I'm sure there are things that I do to irritate him also (and I can probably guess what most of those are), and he just lets them go for the most part.

My question is, how do I still being pissed off? Telling myself that I shouldn't be pissed off isn't really working. And I think separating would be a mistake.

find myself 38 m getting so so frustrated at home with wife 32f, sex life has died since having child 4 years ago. What was once varied and regular is now robotic and once a week. I have extremely high sex drive, hers less so. I'm not expecting all singing all dancing porn star sex 5 nights a week. I am a realist. We both work, doing good financially, house 2 cars, holidays etc. So no issues for me anyway, aside from sex life.

After several arguments, she has said she cannot discuss sex as it makes her too anxious. She doesn't want to make the first move but does want sex. The problem with this is she intimates throughout the day she would like sex saying things like 'wait until tonight' etc , but when it comes will.literally lay stiff as a board.

She will not tell me she wants sex verbally or that she doesn't so it's a try and find out situation. If it's a no, it's never a verbally no, it's just a non reaction by keeping legs closed, laying still, not touching me.

When she is in the mood, she says things like do what ever you want to me, the sex starts, followed by her telling me what she wants, when she wants how she wants. So it becomes extremely limited in what I'm allowed to do.

I am now at the point where I am too anxious about trying it on, and getting nowhere. The time and effort involved to try to get her to a point of sexual interested, to then only be allowed around a 15 minute session of intimacy because "she doesn't like long sex sessions as she's tired".

There's no affair, or cheating etc, we both work as I said, I do majority of housework, cooking, cleaning, dare I say after work child related activities such as bathing and bed time (with the hope this makes her less tired and more likely to want sex - it doesn't work). We are both gym fit in good health so no issues there.

I'm at my wits end and it's really affecting my moods with her.

Hi,

when I met my wife 10 years ago I divulged to her on the first date that I had cheated on my ex wife. I felt it was important to be entirely open about this (particularly knowing that some people claim they would never enter a relationship with a 'cheater'). The cheating, for what it's worth, occurred over a one month period after 17 years of faithfulness and in the context of an increasingly miserable dysfunctional relationship including escalating threats from my ex wife that I needed to be 'careful' as she was getting a lot of attention from other men (as well as unwillingness on her part to attend counselling) - none of this makes my behaviour excusable of course but I would like to (at least amy trying to) not think of myself as an incorrigible 'cheater'.

After I divulged my behaviour to my now wife (before we had dated) she said she had experienced something similar, which I presumed to mean she had also cheated. As it turned out, after a few more dates she went in to detail and it was in fact her first (of 2) long term boyfriends who had cheated on her. She expressed a remarkably mature attitude to this and said she used the experience to learn and grow, focussed on the reality (for her at least) that "it takes 3 to cheat" - she believes she had some culpability in the affair.

She has however been critical of her ex for not ever acknowledging to her that he cheated and she believes he has not taken responsibility for his behaviour. She holds the woman he cheated with in higher regard because she was the one who told her about the affair and was apologetic and regretful about the circumstances.

My cheating behaviour has weighed heavily on me (still does) with much guilt, shame and anger and from time to time I have talked to my wife about this. I paid dearly (in terms of my ex-wife publicly shaming me) and I'm a sensitive soul so this ground me down very low - I suspect I will never be able to 'live it down' not matter how i conduct myself for the rest of my life (or how I did in my life beforehand).

My current wife has always been supportive in that she has tried to help me see my cheating behaviour through a similar prism she has used (in that it is not entirely my fault). I have found this to be of significant help in terms of me continuing on without getting too depressed.

This and innumerable other words and deeds by my wife have led me to believe she is an extra-ordinarily good, insightful, mature and even-handed person. I admire her greatly.

Recently, after an out of the blue (and at first fun) discussion about prior relationships she let slip that she had "technically" cheated on the second of her long term boyfriends, a 4 year relationship that ended a year before we started dating. I was stunned to hear this and she sensed this and apologised to me light-heartedly for perhaps not making it as a clear as she could have (or words to such effect).

I knew about this more recent relationship though was always of the understanding it developed shortly after she broke up with her 2nd boyfriend. I suspect my wife knew that I wasn't in fact aware she had ever cheated, technically or otherwise.

As it stands, I am unsure whether there is any good to be achieved (for me, her or us) by enquiring of her what she means by "technical" and whether she believes (as I do) that she concealed the fact from me. I feel somewhat disillusioned in that perhaps she was willing to date me because she herself was guilty of the same "crime" rather than truly someone who saw beyond my affair and did not judge me poorly for it.

What do you think? Should I ask her to talk more about it or is it better for me to try to bury it in my own mind?

Had some deep talking with my date today, it was a very good conversation. We had some good deep talking before. But today after the talk, he said "you will steal my soul."

What does he mean?

I f36 recently left my relationship with my boyfriend m3 of 6 months after told me that due to his new job, he can now see me and let me stay ONLY on Friday nights, and then we can spend some of Saturday together. He wasn't able to or didn't want to compromise on this. It would have been down to me to always try and keep Friday night and Saturday free in order to be able to see him, and to organise my also (new) job around his schedule and what worked for him.

I think this is complete bs tbh, relationships take compromise and I was delegated to a weekend girlfriend. I really loved this person and truly thought id found my forever person finally ,then he got his new job and he hardly had any time and when he did he was exhausted.

I feel mad, sad, heartbroken and regretful all at the same time...but such limited time on his terms wasn't enough for me

Been out of the game for 5 years. I'm 35 years old.

Scared how long it will take to find another long term relationship (life partner) to start a family with.

How long it took you?

My (61 m) wife (60 f) sent a pic to our daughter’s friend (24 m) that lives temporarily with us. The pic was a normal pic of herself when she was around 21. While I don’t think anything is going on between them or anything like that, I do think it is weird. My wife says I’m ridiculous thinking that it’s weird. I only found out about it when walked in the house and he was saying he made it his wallpaper on his phone. Am I wrong thinking this weird?

Edit: He is just a friend of ours daughter not her boyfriend. He has lived with us now on temporarily on several occasions. Our daughter is married and lives in a different city and doesn’t know anything about the pic.

Update: Talked to wife again about this. She said he wanted to know what she looked liked when young. Asked why send it and just not show him a pic? This was more fun and he set it as his wallpaper how cool is that? Not cool just plain weird.

Apparently she has sent other pics but wouldn’t elaborate. He left for the weekend so will talk with him Sunday night. I plan to tell him to delete all the pics as curtesy to me and that it’s time for him to find his own place as it’s been over 6 months this time.

My very newly ex is addicted to prescribed Adderall(legal speed) and prescribed benzo Ativan(knocks u out). Vicious cycle of staying awake until 3 or 4 am during weekdays because took too much adderall and taking a lot of benzo to sleep but still can't sleep because her system all over the place. Mood swings. And you can feel the chaos in her energy when these episodes happen.

3 years ago she used to have alcohol problems having headaches/sluggish in bed or throwing up every 2 week or once per month because she dranked too much. Now itt happens maybe every 6 months. (Its More Under control once she replaced it with micro to small dose of shrooms)

She had been addicted to adderal & benzo for 4 years. She just a few months ago revealed to her doc her abuse and he sent her to a psychiatrist.

She has a good high paying job and responsible in general. Sweet kind and good heart.

I left the relationship recently because I would like to have kids (I'm 36 & she's 33) and therapists said to me it can takes years to be fully under control.

By the way I'm already in therapy since 4 months ago.

BUT People say I should get Therapy myself for thinking of having kids with her when she recovers and more stable maybe in 2 years or more.

Why? It's a possible and reasonable scenario. No?

What do they mean? Thoughts?

Relationship trajectory over 35

I (35f) have been seeing a guy (39m) for about 3.5 months.

Background info: We agreed to take things slow and see what happens. Those weeks we met about 8 times, I went to his place and he cooked for me. About 3 weeks in, we stopped talking for a week and a half because we had talked about how I want to be married and maybe have kids and he wasn’t sure. He is previously married (separated almost 2 years) with 1 child. His ex is now in a serious relationship herself.

I ended up texting him because I missed him and thought we had something special, to which we both agreee. This is when we also agreed to take things slow, and that he wasn’t opposed, as in a hard no, for having kids and getting married in the future but for now he wasn’t ready for that. I can’t blame him for this and I also want to take things slow without rushing.

Long story short, now that we’re almost 4 months in, I’m feeling like I’m developing strong feelings for him and worried that he might not feel the same and that it’s more of a friends with benefits companionship type thing for him where he’s not taking me seriously for something in the future. We haven’t had a conversation about exclusivity, or anything since that short break. His actions have shown me that he cares about me and likes me, he’s always initiating asking me to see each other, cooking for me, and making sure I’m okay. I know he’s told his mom and a few friends about me, which mine know about him as well.

I feel silly even posting this, but I’m not sure how to move forward, or break things off, or what to do. I feel like I’ve been really going with the flow more than usual so it could be just my overthinking too. 😵‍💫

I know I have some details missing that I’m not even thinking about but thanks in advance.

Update: We met up and talked last night and things are over. This sucks.

I’m not the jealous type and very confident my boyfriend loves me ALOT. I’m just curious why he is still friends on social media and occasionally talks to his ex. They share no kids and he has told me things he disliked about her and their relationship and how great and different ours is. He suspected she cheated and she more or less wanted to end it. My guess is he keeps the lines of communication open just to prove something to himself. I don’t know. I’m not jealous or concerned. I do trust him but I’m just curious. He does share with me times he’s talked her like if a mutual friend or pet died but recently was sitting next to him and he was showing me something in his social media messages and she was a recent conversation. Thoughts?

I am 35 and my best friend, Jessica is 40. We work for the same company in different departments so we see each other professionally often but she never seems interested in my personal life anymore and is a little bit of a flake when it comes to hanging out.

I've been married to my husband for five years. She divorced hers about three years ago, not long after we met. We used to hang out a lot and would talk about our personal lives and have what I felt was a good time. She moved away for a year for work but nows she's back.

I had high expectations that things would go back to how they were but they haven't at all. She is dating someone new so I know that can have a lot to do with it. He has kids, but me and her do not and I know he's involved with his kids and also he doesn't live here so they travel to see each other.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. As I'm writing it out it really makes sense but she forgot my birthday last year and it really hurts my feelings. She is really my only friend. I had a really rough year last year and a lot of trouble with my marriage which has improved a lot. But I am depressed and have anxiety. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts a lot and have randomly cried about really stupid things, often at work. I feel really lonely. My husband is there for me but sometimes I just want another woman to talk to and she's the only person I know or even trust to talk to.

I think I might be autistic as well if that helps at all. I've always had trouble articulating to people how I feel. I'm afraid if I tell her she will say she didn't know and apologize and reassure me that she does care (like she did when she forgot my birthday) but then not change anything at all and we continue to not hang out or talk.

I'm insecure because the couple of times we have hung out it was having lunch at work which always involves her inviting or having conversations with other people. I feel like she doesn't really want to be alone with me for some reason maybe I'm always complaining about things I never do anything to fix and she's tired of it.

I do understand people grow apart and I know I can be difficult. I don't really blame her or anyone at all I guess I'm just venting at this point crying in the liquor store parking lot. I don't know what to do and being an adult is so hard.

So, my husband (46m) and I have been having issues for about a year. He's been ignoring me, invalidating me, staying out late and more recently, I caught him having a conversation with a spam woman online. My husband had a huge life change and it was very stressful for him for that year. My first husband also cheated on me so, I'm seeing a therapist to try to figure out how much of my distrust is triggers or valid. Well, last night he got a call at 1:30am and again at 1:35am on Microsoft teams from a woman. When I asked him about it, he said it was a client that was in a different timezone and they didn't realize what time it was and that's why he needed a second phone. When I checked his phone, it was from a woman in our town. He lied. She didn't leave a message. What client calls twice at 130am AND doesn't leave a message?! I feel some type of way. Am I triggered or am I totally justified?! He works is a service industry but, there's not reason a client would need to call him at 130am. All his businesses are closed at 8pm.

I mean, is it still possible to find true love in your 30s?

I'm a 32 yr old female. I've been single for 6 years now. I feel so lonely. I wfh, but I still go out from time to time because that's one of the best ways to meet people, right? I just feel so old and undesirable. I'm not ugly, I look well. It's just really stressing me out. I'm okay by myself, but I don't want to end up alone. Please advice..

 I don't know how to solve this, I don't know why my husband just hate my inheritance so much.

My father a Shanghai businessman when parents deceased leave me inheritance, the inheritance is enough for me not have to work for the rest of my life.

I get it, my husband is a Chemical Engineer and he not need my inheritance, but it go deeper than that.

Back when my parents died and I got the inheritance, my husband force me to put the inheritance in the bank under my name ONLY, he refused to have his name anywhere on it, not even beneficiary.
He not even allow me to put his name on there as beneficiary, he force me to put in a bank under my name ONLY, period. Or else he be mad and there be quarrels.

For the past 4 years since the whole situation with his mom health, he has been working 80 hours a week just so he can have enough money to pay for his mom Private Nursing home and care, all on his shoulders, he not want help in any way. He shut me out completely, he said it his job as her biological son, not my job as his wife.

I told him let me pay for one year for his mom Private Nursing home. I mean I can just go pay the Private Nursing home, they don't care we who pay, as long as they get the money.
Not just only he shut me out completely, but he went mad and told me if I do that he will never forgive me.
He even asked me what part do I not understand he not want a penny of my inheritance.

My jaw drop. Listen to his words, he just so defensive and stubborn.

Then I told him that a body can only take so much, he overwork himself if one day he got sick then he will need my inheritance help. Then he get super defensive. He said if that time come, he will withdrawal out his IRAs and 401ks (even with have to pay penalty), his mom will still be taking care of by him, he adamant on will not touch my inheritance.

Yep, you read it right. He willing to sacrifice his 401ks and IRAs than use a penny of my inheritance help.

Because we don't have mortgage or debt of any kind, I want to help pay electricity, gas, water, etc.. those bills, but he won't let me neither. He said he can do it. And if I say further he get mad and there quarrels in my marriage (when it comes to my inheritance).

It because he still desire me to has sex with me, and still dotes on me, and still lovey dovey outside of bed, or else I would think he no longer loves me. He does things his ways, and his ways or the highway.

I understand no marriage is perfect, no man is perfect. I just don't know why he hates my inheritance so much. Is there a way to get him to understand? Or it basically dead end for a man like him (he will never change). I mean we long term married, I been with him since 25 and he already like this, he turning 40 soon, and he never change.

Why do they stay if they know. Ok this person is add!cted to alcohol, medz, gambling.

Or this person doesn't want kids but you do.

The person is super messy but you are a order freak.

Workaholic but let's say you want to raise a family with her.

I believe because it's hard to find someone we attracted to that is also attracted to us and that is somehow healthy and not too crazy.

My wife and I (both 33F) are together for 18 years, we have a daughter together, are married, busy lives, etc. And we keep having serious discussions about life planning, and while they're important discussions, it's starting to drain us. I want us to have some goofy, chill evenings, but we keep getting back to talk about things that stress us, and we can't really relax. Even our next video game that we want to play is a narrative horror game, it's not relaxing at all!

Any ideas?

My babe (M34) and I (F34) have been together for 5 years and have experienced every ounce of relationship trials, failures, excitements, adventure and just never ending tornado of life. As dust has began to settle from our red flags kicking up the dirt I realize my battle scars are deeper than I assumed. Brief background: Me: compulsive honesty in fear of not having authenticity in my actions. All related to my mortality fears following my battles with cancer and almost dying during my double mastectomy (all pre-relationship). Had a menty breaky in our year one and commited to intense therapy. Diagnosed with CPTSD thanks to my life scripted by the Law and order camp. it helped greatly with my ptsd but also opened my eyes to how I have actively excused and even validated shitty treatment in any relationship format. Him: also had a fucking rough childhood that provided the bricks for the fortress he had locked himself in. Honesty is a new concept for him within the last year really. Had an issues with substance abuse and the self preservation in that is so hard to shake. He really is an amazing man, and I love him wholeheartedly as do my kids. So to the meat and potatoes. He met me after my breasts were removed he is attracted to large breasts so he has been missing a different body type for the greater part of our entire relationship. I definitely pursued him heavily and was too excited/ naiive/hopeful/ignorant/negligent to see the signs that I was definitely committing to someone who was no where near as interested or invested as l was. He handled his needs through DAILY consumption of "big natural breast" porn or visiting social media accounts of exs, friends or coworkers he was attracted to and it hurt. But I tried to be logical and understanding that it was just an urge and not unheard of, I mean I hated my own body. The lies and happenstance discoveries were averaging 1-2 a month for years. Eventually, I saw paranoia and insecurity building within myself prompting attempts to leave. The empty promises kept my hopes in maintaining this beautiful blended family we created. Our crap shouldn't affect their happiness and our kids never know when things are not ok between us because we share the goal of giving them the safe space we never experienced. In the past month I watched expectations of honesty begin crossing a line into controlling behavior and he can't seem to stop lying regardless of my support and genuine efforts to not react and support him in the journey. And with all the kids randomly out of the home we actually argued and it became a moment I finally showed up for myself. It was a reality check for both of us and we had to have a follow up conversation of "is this going to work". It was a painful comfort as he became transparent with his truths, verifying my self proclaimed paranoid assumptions. I see him here and trying to figure it out but I'm fucking broken. I don't really need advice. I know it's a shitshow if I have turned to Reddit but the anonymity is more comforting to me at the moment. I miss being single with its simplicity and my confidence while hating the very thought of not having the human I truly love by my side. So for now we wait to see where the next step is revealed or if we reluctantly walk our own paths.

If you read all that, just thanks.

M54 has been in relationship with F47 for 12 years, not married. We raised her two kids together, they are now 19 and 16 and good kids, I have no kids of my own. But they are growing up and moving on with their lives as they should, moving into adulthood. We have all gotten along well and been a good makeshift family over the years. I have been the financial foundation for this period of life, as my partner kept a government job just for the kids health insurance, which I did not object to. The past four years have brought seismic level change to my life with the passing of my mom (dementia), my younger sister (cancer), and my adult life mentor/best friend/business partner and a lot of colleagues. I am feeling very unanchored these days and tempted to move away from this place I relocated to in 1992 a week after I graduated from College and back to my home town so I can be closer to my younger brother and his family (with whom I have always had a great relationship) and my 81 year dad who is still in good health but living alone (I'd like to be there to see him across the finish line). I am financially secure and have no debts. I have friends here but not the deep type of lifelong friendships that I have back in my hometown and with my Dad and brother. My relationship with my partner has been good, but in many ways I feel as if each of us need something different for this next chapter of life. She is anchored here with her aging mother and father (they have been divorced for over 30 years). Her Mom is in the 5th inning of dementia (those who have been through this know what I mean) and her Dad is in OK health so she realistically could not leave the area, plus she has deep friend connections as a result of growing up here. It would not make sense for her to leave. At nearly age 55, life for me has taken on a different meaning. My need for companionship has shifted away from the romantic and more towards spending as much time with close friends and family as possible before the opportunity to do so has expired. Realizing that I am well beyond halfway through my own life, and that many of life's ships have already sailed I want to make the next 20 years really count with the most important people in my life. I don't really have any retirement dreams nor do I have a taste for costly things (I have already had those things and while fun, they are fleeting). I might like to travel a bit, but beyond that I just don't have any "big plans" that need to be realized for me to feel like I lived a complete life. My partner is fully involved with her two sons, her aging parents, and her lifelong friendships from this area, but I am feeling the need to strengthen the connection with my deep roots that just aren't here. Thanks for any thoughts and wisdom.

Forgive or Forget?

My partner (49 male) and I have been together for 6 years, living together for more than half that time. I was content just being with him but at the first year he kept talking about marriage, even taking me to look at rings. He’d call me his wife in casual conversation with his family or friends. I became excited about forever with him and as the years went on it wore on me that nothing had progressed in terms of an actual commitment. He’s an amazing partner aside from this. He sucks at making any decision and I know this, but I also am of the mindset that if he wanted forever why wouldn’t it start now?

We normally get along great, but since June it’s been tough. I told him he needed to figure out what he wanted and if it wasn’t me to be honest. He constantly says he wants to be with me forever, but hasn’t acted. I said he had a timeline to figure it out because, well, he’s generally a guy who makes a promise and then years pass before it happens. We’ve had a ton of great discussions and some exceptionally difficult ones. I told him i needed an answer, if our future involved marriage then do something about it or if he had questions that I wasn’t the one than do something about it. My reasoning is that if he is unsure now (my words, not his) I don’t know what would another day, month, or year change. Only my heart breaking daily that he’s my person and that maybe he has doubts.

In the midst of our hard time he leased an apartment in the beginning of September. It’s sitting empty, he’s home every night, but I found out about the secret lease while he was many states away. He didn’t tell me, I saw a notice of change of address from a month ago. It was gut wrenching. He says he made a mistake and got a place due to fear I’d kick him out which I wouldn’t do. He says he wants to fix this so I said if he wanted to fix it to come home and work this out. Despite me saying very clearly to hop on a plane if he wanted this, he didn’t. He wants to just talk when he gets back but at that point I feel like he’s shown his priorities…a vacation instead of saving this. Am I being unreasonable? I found out day 1 of his trip and it’s now 4 days gone and he wants to just fix this when he gets back on Sunday.

I can forgive the mess he made and the lying about the apartment, but I don’t know if I can forgive the fact that he’s done nothing to clean up his mess and just carried on with his vacation instead of coming home. And no, there is nothing scandalous he’s with his guy friend doing stupid guy things I’m sure. There are so many added layers of ways this is messed up including 2 awesome kids that love him like a father. He’s never been married nor had kids of his own, we discussed kids but ultimately he said he was happy loving mine as his own.

I’m spinning and need advice. If it’s not him, it’s no one. Should I give him a chance when his vacation is over or just consider the fact that he didn’t come home immediately all I need to know? His words say he loves me but these actions though…

Has anyone here had time apart from their ex and gotten back together later? I f36 initiated a breakup with my ex m31 because his new job left little time for us. I feel absolutely heartbroken and I am questioning if i did the right thing, if I gave up too soon? I am definitely anxious attached (and working on it), and suspect he may be avoidant.

Backstory: he started a new iob as a truck driver (dream job) working 10 hours a day 5 days a week, so understandably exhausted. He told me he could only see me Friday nights now and some of Saturday. I felt unwanted and hurt as I wanted to spend more time with him and i shut down emotionally (broke things off with him) to avoid feeling more heartbroken.

I initiated the breakup as I wasn't getting my emotional needs met due to our work schedules and struggled to see a future with someone who I felt would never be there. Things were great for the most part, only together 5 months but there was alot of love there and very easy to be around each other. I did feel like he stopped wanting to do stuff a few months in, but he went through a period of stress and depression during the last couple months we were together.

Would it be worth giving it more time and then reaching out and telling him how i feel? That I love him and i would like to make it work? That I shut down to stop myself getting hurt?

Iv been with him a year and really believe we are supposed to be together however it’s my last. I’m talking about things that happened to me as a kid then 15 years ago. Sex trafficking Several rapes No mother and father did nothing Abusive physical relationships Oh and a current Eating disorder that I’m working through and am in a much better place

Iv worked through a lot He gets effected every day he says by the trauma that i experienced

Am I too much ? Or is the right person supposed to be able to accept this

I’m lost with this any help

At 35+, this ain’t our first rodeo. But I am curious as a person who’s been out of the dating game for a long time. What are the biggest questions/things you’d like to learn about a potential partner to see if you’d find them compatible as a longterm partner?

Sorry English is my third language, but I think I'm retroactive jealousy? But for sure it is something I'm uncomfortable with regarding his coldness to his ex-girlfriend (or at least I thought he was cold).

I am Chinese, my husband is not Chinese, so there might be a cultural difference here, and it just how I was raised in my culture, my brain just have not wire like him, I just have a hard time grasp it.

Also I was a still a virgin when married him too, I genuinely love him, so I put myself in her shoes, I would feel hurt. I don't like his attitude towards the whole thing with his ex-girlfriend, and I feel that he insensitive towards her.

Please let me explain.

Me and my husband together 14 years, married 12 years, we meet when we was 25. He dotes on me from head to toes, he loves me alot. He said I'm his present, I'm his future. But to me is not just how he treats me, his PAST matter alot to me too.

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So years before he met me at age 20-21 he had a Korean ex-girlfriend, they were young and were each others first. His mom was very open taught him about safe sex, she even gave him a box of condom and told him to go have sex (my mother in-law also told me this she was the one that bought him the box of condom and gave to her son).

He listened to his mom, he go had sex with her with the box of condom his mom gave him.

He said there no sex that worth 18 years of child support, this was why he always wear a condom when had sex wit her, he didn't want to be a dad at that age. Him and that Korean ex-girlfriend did have sex. He also said he tied the condom at the end and took the condom with him. This tell me that frankly, he not trust her.

During the 2 years they together, I guess she loved him because she the one that want a marriage and children. He told me he was the one broke it off with her, his reasons was he and her not on same page, so it better that she go find her happiness, find a man who can give her what she wants--a marriage, because he cannot give her that.

I don't like his attitude that No sex is worth 18 years of child support, and I don't like how he broke up with her once she wanted a marriage, I feel that he discard her.

And I don't like his attitude that he said this: his ex-girlfriend should thanks him that he wear a condom, so now she not have to be a single mom with a child. So she can go find a man who wants the same thing as her, married her.

And his attitude with me even, he answered, No, he was not cold to her, he was very upfront. And he said: I should thanks him that he wear a condom with his ex-girlfriend, so now I not have to be a step-mom. And he answered, that I should know who he loves more, he said he married me, and I'm the only woman he "let" carry his baby.

I mean it true, he married me, he dotes on me alot, I did get pregnant years after married him, he didn't want to wear a condom with me, he said I'm his "wife", so I got on birth control pills, and I still got pregnant by him.

I admit that I'm kindda jealous that he took my virginity but I'm not his first. That he and that Korean ex-girlfriend of his was each others first. But he told me I don't need to be jealous, when I'm his wife, when I'm the only woman he "let" carry his baby. Not her.

He very transparent with me about his past, he understand we have a cultural difference, he wouldn't mind explain it to me, it just I feel he was cold to his ex-girlfriend and like um.. discard her? I feel that he discard her once she wanted a marriage.

I guess I just love him so much, that I worry one day IF he not love me anymore (the what if one day), he would treats me cold like he treated her. You see how he talk, his attitude, he just so blunt and upfront and straightforward.

And this is an educated man, has a University Master degree in Chemical Engineering and graduated from one of the top Engineering University in California too. But his cold attitude though.

tl;dr I don't know, I just feel uncomfortable about it, I know this is a me issue, and not a him issue. But I cannot lie to myself, I feel uncomfortable about it.

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He sees nothing wrong with what he said, that his ex-girlfriend should thanks him that he wear a condom when he had sex with her, so now she not have to be a single mom, easier for her to go find a man who can give her a marriage and kids.

And he see nothing wrong when he said I should thanks him that he wear a condom with his ex-girlfriend so now I don't have to be a step-mom.

And he see nothing wrong with him wear a condom when had sex with her neither, he said he strongly support safe sex, and he the one in control of his fertility, he didn't want children with her so he wear a condom, it that plain and simple.

Take it or leave it what he said is up to me, but he very blunt. To him it blunt, to me it cold.

I've (35f) been with my bf (32m) for 2.5 years and the first 2 years were amazing. It was such relief that I finally found the one and that I could get off the dating train. I felt totally reconciled with the fact that he was not perfect, but that our relationship was healthy and that he had so many wonderful qualities that I didn't even know men could have. I felt very lucky and loved and in love, and deeply content. I thought we were out of the honeymoon period and settled into our long term relationship but then, 2 years in, quite suddenly, I started to not like him. I started to find fault with everything he does, became super irritable around him, began to question our future, wondered "what was I thinking," lost all attraction for him, felt embarrassed of him, and felt trapped in the relationship. For the last 6 months I've been on a rollercoaster between feeling awful then good, then awful about the relationship and I can't tell if this is my neurotic brain trying to sabotage a good thing, or strong signs I should leave? I do tend to be a neurotic, anxious overthinker. We had started started talking more seriously about moving in together around the time these negative feelings began, so it might be a to a fear of "forever" commitment. But there are some real potential compatibility issues I believe. However I feel like I can't trust my own thoughts and feelings because I swing dramatically from feeling 98% sure that I need to get out, to 99% sure that this is all my messed up head and I will never find a relationship this wonderful. Sometimes it's week to week how I'm feeling, sometimes I'll swing a few times in a day. Please offer advice! If I stay, will the rollercoaster eventually settle out, or will I need to be constantly fighting this mental battle with myself? It's been an exhausting and emotional 6 months.

Hi all,

I'm male and in my late 30s and I have a couple of old friends who i've known since Primary school. I've found over the last few years that I don't have as much in common with them before. I also find that we don't really share the same values. One friend in particular seems to take alot of short cuts in life, he's very insecure and can be mean and aggressive at times. He's very unreliable and is always late or says he will hang out and then doesn't even turn up. I find i put in all this work to organise for us to hang out but he doesn't return it. Never rings or messages me. He just seems more concerned with himself. He also has a very poor work ethic and seems quite miserable about his lofe and alot of the time just wants to bring me down.

I find myself conflicted alot. Where I think about phasing him out and spending less time and only seeing him once a month or less. But i also feel guilty that i should perhaps forgive him and just focus on being my better self. But it is hard to forgive. And i worry if i forgive i'll let mt guard down and go back to where I was, which was being taken advantage of and with low self esteem because i was hanging out with people who put me down.

So I (M 38) have been married with my wife (F 39) for 8 years and have 3 small children. Today after dinner I got a call from a co worker (F in her thirties) completely unexpectedly. I picked it up and she was telling me she wanted to talk to me about whether she should quit the job. I told her that I was busy but we could talk next thursday as there will be a gathering from work. My wife was in the same room and heard it. When she asked who it was I explained it was a colleague from work asking for advice. I simply forgot to disclose it was a woman… I said it was a colleague and used the male pronoun in our native language. She saw the caller and well… now she thinks something is going on between me and my colleague.

Of course when she pointed that out, I was floored. It does sound really bad and I cannot take it back. I also don’t understand why suddenly this colleague called me at night on my phone… We never had this sort of relation and I picked it up because I thought something was urgent at work…

Now my wife thinks I am cheating her and I honestly don’t know what to do. She doesn’t believe it was a mistake I made… I cannot blame her for feeling like this but the truth is that I never cheated, and never even wanted to cheat… I really love my wife

Any advice will be highly appreciated

Tl:dr: a female colleague called me unexpectedly, I didn’t say it was a woman and now she thinks I am cheating.