i (44f) reconnected with my (43m) ex who i had stayed acquaintances with after our original breakup in late 2018. we initially met on a dating app, had a very toxic and chaotic maybe 6 month relationship, during which i got him into a treatment center for alcoholism and when he was done with that, quit my job and relocated 50 miles away so he could stay close to his support system he had built while in treatment. it didn’t work out, clearly, and was fairly mutual, although i did have a lot of resentment that he (imo) was happy to receive help and support but unwilling to do the same in return. we stayed in contact at the time primarily because i had, due to my poor judgement, recently added him to my cell phone plan and signed to finance an expensive new phone for him. retrospect i would have probably just taken the loss. he’s a tattoo artist and we agreed he could barter tattoos for the phone bill. honestly that worked out fine and we got along fine for the 5 years we were apart. this past february 17, he messaged me saying he needed a friend, some soup, and help detoxing from alcohol because due to a lot of stressful life events, he had gone on a several week alcohol binge. i agreed to go to his place that evening. when i got there he was being oddly flirty which was awkward at first because of our 5 year very cordial, platonic, basically businesslike friendship. but within a couple of hours i had messaged the person i had made plans with to cancel and ended up sleeping over. we basically haven’t been apart more that a few hours since then. he proposed to me with a ring and all 10 days later and of course i said yes. aside from the drinking, he was losing his apartment, his business (because of not being able to pay rent on the storefront), and his car is inoperable due to crashing it. so i offered to let him stay with me and also store his stuff from his shop in my storage space at my building. the good times soured very quickly. within a week or 2 he started having issues with my adult child who doesn’t live with me but does very much loiter around my place (she’s on drugs and homeless and very unstable), my cats (i have 9 and i am well aware that is too many but that’s a whole other long story), even things like my wall color, decor, etc. all that being said, my biggest (pretty much only) complaint is that we don’t have sex pretty much ever. the first couple of weeks were great and then nothing for a month. after that month i brought it up because it is a huge issue for me, but that only caused more tension. he says that due to the many stresses he’s dealing with and feeling like a failure, etc., he has no desire or libido. i told him i do empathize with his struggles, however i am not and never was looking for a platonic roommate. it sucks because i really don’t want to be mean, i just feel like it is unfair to expect me to house a person who is my fiancé only by title and seems completely uninterested in having an intimate relationship with me. maybe i prioritize sex too much, but it is honestly extremely important to me.

tl/dr: i (44f) got back with (43m) ex after 5 years, let him move in after 2 weeks, and now we are not having any sex and i want him to leave

1. Bf was sharing in friends' group chat that he became frustrated with his Amazon locker not opening and in frustration he yanked it so hard the locker broke
2. Now an Amazon locker is pretty strong so he must have been pretty violent ....

Should I be alarmed or is this normal?

So a little back story. Been married a 12 years together 15. Husband(52M) is extremely stressed at work to the point of shutting down(store manager of the top store in district). The job has sucked the life out of him. I never see him barely talk to him. Found out he has been having what I call an emotional affair with someone(22f) he works with ( I guess because they understand what's going on). He has told me he loves me but doesn't know what he wants because he is numb and feels nothing towards anything. He knows there is an issue and is seeking help. First appointment is this coming week to talk to someone. He stills sees this person at work, they are so short staffed that he is working very long hours. He doesn't want me to come to his job because he said this is something he has to fix himself and doesn't want to feel smothered. He still holds me all night when we sleep. Tells me he loves me but I am at a loss. I do not know what to do anymore. He has lies to me about going to work functions with this person.

Hi everybody! I am a 46F and have been with my live in partner , 48M, for a little over a year. During that time we have had our shares of ups and downs like everyone else, but I feel I am at a crossroads as to if I want to continue this relationship. I don't know how else to explain it other than I just don't like the way this feels and it's eating away at me. Like I said, it hasn't been all bad but some of his behaviors have made me feel insecure, although when confronted he says that I am overthinking or overreacting. I've experienced some controlling behaviors from him. For example, he is not comfortable with me having contact with my male friends. He repeatedly makes comments about how often I get notifications on my phone. It's like the sound of a notification triggers him. If he comes home and the car is in a different spot he wants to know where I was, who I am talking to on the phone, etc. He has been cheated on several times, by both ex wives, and I really just have played it off as no big deal.

However, roles reversed, he has not acknowledged our relationship on social media and he is engrossed with social media, all the platforms, constantly. Flipping through Facebook, Tik Tok, Instagram....non stop. When I asked him about it he had said he didn't feel his relationship was anyone's business. Ok, fair enough I thought. That's a valid reason. But then he had major surgery and posted pictures of himself in the hospital. Went to visit his best friend down south and posted pictures of that. So then I was like "ummmm, so much for wanting privacy". We have taken several trips together, some with my son, and my son even pointed out that he never takes pictures on those trips nor posts them either. At one point I had found that he posted comments on a woman's pictures on Instagram that was a friend's ex girlfriend. She posts tacky pictures of herself in lingerie and in one comment he wrote how beautiful and sexy she was. When confronted about it at first he denied it and said it was someone else with the same name lol...but he eventually admitted it and said he did it because they ex friend of his that she used to be involved with bailed out of accompanying him to a doctors appointment to evaluate his thyroid cancer scare. So, there's that! Afterwards he proceeded to block me from Instagram where I had seen this and unfriended me from Facebook and Tik Tok. And...to top it off...we have not been intimate since October. When I ask him why he says it has nothing to do with me. He says he is always tired and blames his medication causing ED. Under normal circumstances, I would understand those reasons, but considering all of the secrecy with social media I just don't know. I don't think he is meeting women in person as he literally just goes to work and sits at home and anytime I go somewhere he has to be with me amd doesn't want to go anywhere by himself. But I have to ask myself if he is entertaining things, women, online and why....like what's the point? Idk what to do! Am I being played for a fool, wasting my time, is he stringing me along? I am so confused, considering how he is with me in person. I feel like I am dealing with two different people.

What would you all do....let's hear it!

My apologies for this being so long.

I am a 37F in a relationship with a 35M - no kids, never married. We have been friends for ~10 years, lived together and been together for almost 3 years. I want to get engaged this year, he says that doesn't fit his timeline. I've asked him to move out and we are currently not together. Did I make the right decision?

Relationship: Yes we've has our ups and downs. We have been in a really good place for awhile now. We have worked out all the things: money, family obligations, vacations, expenses, kids, responsibilities, dreams etc. The only thing we don't agree on is when to get engaged (and then of course married).

Finances: We both make plenty of money, I make considerably more (60% more). We both own a home, we live together in the home I own, and were planning on renting his out for investment income. We have never argued over money and very easily split bills, or pay for what we want. We have discussed what finances would look like when we are married, seen a financial advisor and are on the same page.

History: I was single for 10 years when we got together, I used that time to get a few degrees including a masters and build a career in tech. I also went to therapy during that time to work on myself (read childhood bs). He has had a few LTR's. He wasn't single long when we started dating. He has a great career and has recently (~2 years) being going to therapy (read childhood bs).

Engagement / Marriage: I have been transparent since the beginning of what I wanted out of a relationship. When I realized he was my person I started talking to him about the future and marriage, our foundation here and ideas are in sync. To be clear he isn't against being married (his words) and he does want to marry me, just on his timeline not mine. ( he doesn't have a timeline, his timeline is "not soon" and "I don't know when")
About 6 months ago we went ring shopping together, I didn't find anything but it was fun. We talked about me finding what I wanted and then telling him. I 'm not a big shopper and I didn't see the point in us going to different stores. About a month later I found a ring I liked, I sent him some pictures, got the info and chatted with him about it. No flags. Then nothing. I asked him what was happening and he brought up a few reasons. 1) Money (ring was $4k) - I said that I would pay for whatever he didn't feel comfortable with or we could just get a band and call it good. Seemed resolved to me. Then nothing. I talked with him again and we had a heart to heart where I expressed he had until then end of the year to propose because this was important to me and I wanted to be married to him. He agreed. Over the last few months anytime I talk about marriage its a negative, if I joke no response, if we get invited to someone's else wedding, I get a "cool". Its like the topic and journey has been ruined. Now end of April, I decided to bring it up again because I felt this negative shift. Now he says he doesn't know if it will happen this year, he needs to work on himself and he doesn't want to compromise on his timeline. I asked him to move out and broke up with him.

tl;dr Did I do the right thing?

note: for those that want to say then you propose, he would say no, he isn't ready.

I (f39) has been speaking to a guy (m44). We used to message a lot and flirt but now he seems distant to me and I don't know why. I've messaged him a couple of times and he messages back but it feels more like he feels obliged than he wants to. The thing is I have feelings for this guy and I don't know whether I should forget him and move on or try and fight for this. We are friends too as I have known him a few years but I feel he's now got bored with me abd has found someone else to message.

I have been in a great relationship for a year now (42F) (45M) first healthy relationship in well probably ever. I am self employed and have my own drive and have been divorced several years so I don’t NEED support however, my ex husband wasn’t supportive with my business, he was abusive and use to knock my business to try to tear me down. Which cause a wedge but I put up a “ I don’t need your support anyway” type of wall.

Now my current partner is very supportive in many ways but I’ve notice not so much with my business in forms of talking about it or like social media etc ( in itself it doesn’t bother me as he isn’t a potential client) but it does seem to be triggering me a little bit. I will say he has accompanied me working with a family member and did help out physically. My question is, should I share this feeling and curiosity for lack of interest in my business or deal with this trigger internally?
I just don’t want to build resentment and put up a wall with the I don’t need your support mentality.

I (33M) have been married for 5 years. I married my SO (33F) quickly 4 months after getting to know her via a dating app. I started having reservations before our wedding but I ignored them thinking that they are just cold feet. Quickly it became evident that I did not like my wife’s personality at a fundamental level, due to her interests, anxiety, social skills and interests. But I never fully accepted those reservations as I thought they do not truly outweigh, since we get a lot of things right, at least not all the time. These reservations come to surface when I am with my close family and friends who I imagine can sense that I do not truly like her and am at peace with the relationship and am being inauthentic. It is difficult to separate if this is coming from the need of external validation or a genuine manifestation of gut feeling. The relationship is truly healthy in a lot of ways, we are super kind, honest and vulnerable with each other. Both of us help and support each other on our psychological issues and have solid communication. I can fully trust this kind human being and consider her my family no matter what the future holds. But this nagging feeling that this relationship is not right, and that this person is not truly what I desire and can accept as my partner remains. It causes me great deal of distress as I simultaneously experience the nurturing I experience from her, yet there is this nagging persistent feeling of not wanting to be in the relationship and wanting out as this is not ‘right’. We have discussed this a few times together and decided to seek professional help, but I have had experience with professional counseling. I wish I could be talked-out of this feeling or be told that this is a result of some psychological issue which can be dealt with which will leave our relationship intact, and at the same time I feel that this is a gut feeling that I need to honor just based on how persistent it has been.
I wish I could find some help here in any way possible, if you had a similar experience and how did it turn out. Any suggestions and thoughts will be appreciated.
Thank you

I was with my boyfriend for 5 months. He pursued me and made me feel wanted and desired. He kept making an effort to come see me and messaged me everyday. He was sending me affectionate messages up until last Monday.

Monday afternoon he cancelled our plans last minute. He knew earlier in day he'd have to cancel but told me last minute. I told him that this added to an already stressful week as I planned time around my final university assignment. He messaged back saying he was sorry but he didn't think he was ready for a relationship. This blindsided me. I asked if we could talk. He said he'd call. He never. Ghosted me. I took the hint and didn't try getting in touch. Too hurt.

Out of nowhere messaged yesterday to say he's sorry for how he handled situation and immediately blocked me so I couldn't reply. I was worried by this behaviour so tried contacting him to make sure he was ok as he's been going through difficult time at work. He finally called today and said he recognised it was him handling it badly and being a dickhead. He said it was not a reflection on me. Said it all with no feeling. I asked why he blocked and ghosted instead having adult conversation. He kept saying "I don't know" and "I recognise I'm handling it badly." Which are not reasons.

I'm heartbroken he ended what was a great relationship in such a cruel way. I'm confused by the ghosting and blocking. I'm struggling to understand his behaviour towards we at the end. What made him end things in such a cruel way?

I (37/F) have been in a relationship with a guy (44) for a couple of years. I'm considering ending it, but I'm worried about letting go of something good too early. He's caring and puts in a lot of effort, but we've encountered some pretty fundamental issues.

We transitioned from a long-distance relationship to living together too quickly – which has made us overly dependent on each other, as we both now live in a foreign country, he hasn't built a support network here yet, so he relies on me for everything. Initially, I set boundaries and made time for myself, but it constantly caused arguments and irritation with him. He often became insecure when I wanted personal space – for instance when I mentioned going on vacation alone or didn't reply to his texts when I was out and about.

While his devotion to me was initially endearing, I now suspect he has an anxious attachment style and a need for control. He exhibits controlling behavior like giving me the silent treatment when he's triggered instead of talking to me. A couple of times he suggested out of the blue I might be cheating. I found out that he even considered hiring a PI to check on me when he was away on a work trip (!). I've been loyal and communicative about my desire for a monogamous relationship – with healthy personal space. We've argued about this extensively, and it has taken a toll on our romantic connection.

After expressing my boundaries time and time again and making clear that I wasn't going to put up with his lack of communication and controlling behaviour, I finally said I couldn't be in the relationship any longer. He had apologised before, but hadn't made much of an effort to switch things up. But now he finally has started therapy again. He also suggested couple's therapy to improve our communication or finding a different way – like living separately. He acknowledges his actions were driven by fear of losing me or being betrayed.

While I admire his effort and somewhat understand his anxieties, I'm sensitive to controlling behavior due to emotional abuse in a past relationship that was very traumatic for me. My worst nightmare is being dependent in relationship. Manipulative, dishonest or controlling behaviour is not tolerable for me. That's why I believe I need to now draw a line as a consequences of him breaching my boundaries.

On the other hand, it's difficult to accept that this relationship fails, even though we are compatible in so many other ways. He is adamant that we can find a way to work it out. I'm really torn and don't want to push someone away who possibly has the capacity to become a better partner. At the same time, I know change requires a lot of effort and time and considering my previous experiences, I may not have the space in my heart at this point to support him to work through this.

I (42F) have been with my boyfriend (45M) for coming up on a year and everything is great. It’s truly the healthiest relationship I have ever been in even dated since my toxic abusive marriage. He’s masculine and leads, driven, takes care of himself and his home, we communicate, he’s s respectful in how he acts and how he talks to me, he’s affectionate. I can go on and on.

Our relationship is moving forward. We do family things together and definitely becoming a we. We are both still very independent and balancing alone time while also getting use to new routines and ways having a partner now. He’s even made a more family friend recreational purchase and he often things about my kids and what “we” have going on.

We are both spontaneous and easy going and tend to go with the flow… it does bother me sometimes that he doesn’t put more effort into an occasional date night but I see this as one of those things that no one is perfect. If I tell him I need a date night… he’ll make it happen.

My other thing and main question is neither of us are super big on social media… just occasionally and more passive stroller. About 6 months in we went somewhere and he did post a few photos but nothing with me. Fine no big deal. The other day I notice he had liked a few photos of bikini models at the lake a place we enjoy often. So it kind of got me thinking… should I be paying attention to the fact he hasn’t liked the few posts I have made… mostly about my kids or hasn’t posted me? It doesn’t make me feel insecure, more curious.

I’m trying to give as much background but keep it short also so feel free to ask.

TLDR: at what point or how important is liking posts/posting on social media maybe something to pay attention to or be curious about when everything else seems to be great and moving forward to a “we” life.

I (35F) am speaking to a guy (36M) in another city since a month. We met on a dating app and haven't met face to face yet.

He tells me that he is intentional about finding a long term partnership possibly leading to marriage. He told me that sexual conversations and sexting often make things very one sided. He's had many women but never a very long term relationship. He is now looking for one. Though I'm quite conventional too, however sometimes some topics remotely related to sex crop up where we are not talking about each other but about sex in general or maybe other people. After a minute, he changes the topic and says that he doesn't want to go this way that soon. I mean we are already in different cities, so obviously nothing can happen, but his approach to the whole thing is putting me off. I can't also be sexting someone I've never actually met but I'm wondering if something is off here. This is very unlike other men I've interacted with. We talk almost daily. He tells me he finds me attractive, but its almost like I feel a little rejected. He isn't a religious puritan for sure. But his formula of trying to find something very real by keeping anything sexual miles apart is very weird to me. I don't know what to make of it. I might end up losing the little feelings I have for him and start thinking of him just as a friend. Any advice?

I (f37) and my wife (f46) got married in September. Before the wedding we were both really stressed out and not having sex very often but I just chocked it up to everything going on. When we were on our honeymoon she had her period and wasn’t in the mood. She did stuff to me one night but that was it. Since then she keeps saying she doesn’t have a sex drive because she’s going through menopause. She has done stuff to me like maybe 3 or 4 times since and it was very disconnected. She said she needs to feel more connected to me and needs more affection so I stepped it up. I’ve been cuddling and being very affectionate all the time. But still nothing. Today I tried to caress the inside of her leg and she told me to stop. Every time I try to kiss her passionately she pulls away. I know she’s not cheating because besides work we are pretty much always together. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so disconnected from her and like she doesn’t want me. She says it’s not me but it’s hard not to think that. Help.

Not seen her now for over 2 weeks even though we didn’t split and live 20 mins apart.

She keeps fluctuating between leaving me and working on things.

Yesterday after telling me the day before she was unsure if things should end, she then says yesterday we should get married .

Today after ignoring me all week she’s pissed off because I decided to focus on my own life and am taking my kids to watch a big football game .

Midweek she tells me she thinks she’s a fearful avoidant .

Wtf parallel universe am I living in here . I can’t keep track but am slowly disengaging and continuing with my plan to leave .

My girlfriend (36f) recently broke up with me (44m), and I've really been struggling since then. I guess I just need to vent a little. We started with a long distance relationship, and I ended up moving to a different state for her. I changed jobs and even career paths so I could move. She has a 7-year-old daughter, and I was like a stepdad to her daughter for a year. I spent a lot of time watching the daughter while my ex was working. I have a son of my own (20, away at college), and I enjoy spending time with kids.

Things were great for a while, and then a lot of stressful work and family things happened to my ex. We started having some relationship issues, but to me they were pretty normal things that we could get past. Some disagreements, some hurt feelings, but pretty normal. We never yelled or fought, we just had a few difficult conversations that didn't always end with a resolution. But it was all over small, manageable things.

My ex started to get more and more withdrawn and distant. She's kind of a workaholic, and with her daughter, basically started to say she didn't have time or energy to do much, especially things with me. I suggested couple's counseling, found someone local highly recommended, and made an appointment. We went once and then she started booking other things at the same time as the appointments, and cancelling. We never went back.

My ex started saying that she thought we had moved in together too quickly for her daughter, that the daughter didn't know me well enough and it was stressful for her having me live there. Also, the daughter's dad had a health crisis and ended up in the hospital and then a rehabilitation center during this time. My ex felt like it was all too much for the daughter, and thought me moving out would help the daughter. I was understanding, saying I wanted what was best for the daughter too, and that I would move out if she thought it would help.

Things went on like this for a while--kind of okay but not great. On Friday night three weeks ago, I took her out for a nice dinner while her daughter was at a a friends house, helped her do some things for her business, and then we snuggled and fell asleep together. Then the next day my ex was acting really strange, very distant and even hostile. I asked her what was going on, and she said. "I'm just done, I'm done, I can't do this anymore." She asked me to move out as quickly as I could, and when I tried to talk to her about it, she said "I don't owe you an explanation." I have no idea what happened between the night before and that day to change things so dramatically.

I just said OK and left immediately and bought moving supplies. I spent the next day packing, and then left to go back to where I am from. I never sold or rented my house--it needed a lot of work and I had been taking my time with it. So I cleaned up my old place, went back to finish packing, and moved out a week after this happened. In all I lived with them about a year, and now I am back where I started.

It has been two weeks since then, and I am really struggling to deal with everything. It was such an abrupt and strange ending. We never really talked about what happened after that. I have tried to call and text my ex once or twice since then, and she has more or less cut off contact with me. I don't know if I'll ever see the daughter again, after a year of being like a parent to her.

I'm struggling with the move, with the relationship ending, with everything. I'm feeling dislocated, hurt, abandoned, and rejected. I really put my all into it and tried hard. I know I wasn't perfect and made mistakes, but I really tried my best to do things right with her. I changed jobs, moved to a different state, and really tried my best to be good to her and her daughter.

This may sound pathetic, but I miss her so much. I wake up thinking about her and go to sleep thinking about her. I miss the daughter a lot too. It just feels so hard to start all over again, again. I got divorced after a long marriage about five years ago, and that was really hard on me. I spent a couple of years single and not trying to date. Then I dated some, and met my ex. I really thought this was right and was going to work.

I'm having a hard time sleeping and generally functioning. I'm trying to stay busy, fixing up my place, and getting out and doing things. I'm trying to take care of myself, exercise and eat healthy food. I have tried to get out and be social and reconnect with my friends, but a lot of them are busy with careers and kids and don't get out that much.

Things could be worse--my work is being great, letting me go mostly remote. I drive back once a week to be in the office. I have a house and I'm fairly financially secure. But mentally and emotionally I'm just such a mess.

Looking back on things, I know she didn't treat me well in a lot of ways. She could be very critical of me, even criticizing things like my hobbies and interests--perfectly normal stuff like sports and video games and anime. She started saying "it was like living with a teenager" and she felt like I never matured past high school. I barely even watched TV or played video games--I was mostly working, taking care of the house, cooking, watching her daughter, etc. Towards the end she even said once that I "disgusted" her and that her daughter "shouldn't be spending time with some man who's not her father." That seemed really hurtful to someone trying their best to make a blended family situation work. I did a lot to support her, and she seemed to resent it if I asked her to do anything to support me.

Still, she was gorgeous and charming and magnetic. She could be so much fun to be around. She had a liveliness and vitality and energy like no one else I've ever been around. Even though I know she wasn't good to me in a lot of ways, I still miss her so much.

I should add that my ex had a really strange and traumatic childhood, and spent seven years in an abusive marriage. She's been diagnosed with C-PTSD. I think that had a huge effect on our relationship and the way things ended.

Anyway, sorry for the manifesto, internet strangers. If anyone made it through all that and has any advice, kind words, or encouragement, I would appreciate it.

Hello, I’m devastated by how my relationship has gone and I could really use some help to understand it. We met in July last year and had a fabulous time initially, got on like a house on fire, went on holidays, he met my friends/family, we committed to each other, everything seemed wonderful. After a few months (he had been pushing for a lot of time together) he started to want space, and it went downhill from there. He wasn’t very kind about wanting space and made me feel really unloved and we ended up splitting up just before Christmas.

However we said we’d be friends and worked hard to make a friendship. I let him dictate the pace and it’s gradually increased to become really more loving and deeper than before, it’s felt very expansive and wonderful. We do a lot together, he initiated hugging and cuddling and we’ve been getting closer and closer physically and mentally, going on weekend trips, he’s booked a lot of gigs and other events and talked about holidays next year and the year after, saying he wants us to do x and y and really focussed on us. There is no one else for either of us.

This weekend just gone we went on a trip, it was amazing, he’s become extremely affectionate and we gave each other massages, ended up cuddling very intimately, (I won’t have sex without commitment and he didn’t push that). It’s felt like a relationship without the commitment/strings.

It all blew up tonight. This situation has been getting to me, the confusion about what we were and uncertainty, I can’t move on and haven’t wanted to as I felt things were progressing with him. However we ended up talking about us and it’s basically all gone wrong. He’s going away after next week for over a week to visit family in another country and he was talking about his plans for next week, I was not part of his plans at all. We’ve seen each other pretty much every day in the last couple of months so this is a big departure. He’s said we have something really special, etc and our closeness etc, and he really values me. I asked him what this is for him and he didn’t really have an answer aside from to get shirty and try to rush off.

So tldr it’s got more and more affectionate and loving and he’s definitely been initiating that, also been suggesting he could stay overnight etc and he has also been a rock with other stuff, and our relationship has been wonderful. But suddenly he doesn’t want anything and says the trips were a mistake and the affection was a mistake and he’s taking everything back. Why does someone act like that, to be so into someone and then just turn around and disappear even though they’ve led all this recent stuff. I’m sure he’s scared to get involved and doesn’t want to work through old stuff but I still don’t get it. I don’t believe he has been lying about how he’s been feeling, I don’t get how someone can turn around and suddenly not want what he’s been leading us towards. I’d be grateful if anyone can help me make sense of it. And, no he’s not a narcissist, he does have a good heart.

Myself and SO(40) not married no kids, been together for 3 years. SO lives in my house and pays me a small % of living costs per month. SO finished a masters degree and changed careers while living with me. SO will most likely always be employed, but mostly likely will never be a high earner, with very little retirement savings currently.

When one waits until 40 to get serious about saving for retirement, then a hefty amount of money needs to be saved, or there will be very little for the Golden Years. Acts of god can happen and complicate things obviously, but it's a plain fact of math. Granted saving/investing/planning is just not some people's interest or strong suit, but when I try and explain the facts I'm met with harsh resistance. Which of course is a touchy subject talking about people's livelihoods, but nevertheless it needs to be discussed and agreed on.

It doesn't seem fair that I shoulder the brunt of all the major costs and issues. Although, if my partner has little savings and earnings, not much I can ask of them...
Curious as to what other people have done in this situation, and how it's worked out.

I planned a walk in the New Forest with my boyfriend. I've been feeling down recently (which he knows but doesn't like to talk about it) and just wanted to spend the time with him and nature and have a relaxing day without any worry or stress.

He picked me up and spent the whole day being miserable and rushing our trip because I wasn't wearing a low cut top to show my "tits" off. He proceeded to then tell me I was a prude and judged my fashion sense. I dont know if that makes me a prude or it just isn't who I am or a self esteem issue.

I was really disappointed and felt awful for so many different reasons. I've never wanted to wear low cut tops and I have explained that to him but now I don't know if he's right and i am a prude or thats just not who I am. I thought he was messing around but then he was off with me all day.

I (30f) have been dating my partner (35f) for about 22 months. We do not live together and as I’ve mentioned before in another post, it’s rather difficult for us to discuss normal relationship things like finances or life planning because she is ignorant to reality of building a life with someone (this is something I’m aware is unhealthy but I’m not really trying to get advice on this right now).

Anywho, I work for a non for profit and earn an average salary. I basically earn enough to pay my rent and bills. I also live alone and have a dog I take care of. She works in healthcare and makes a decent salary, earns about enough to cover her bills, expenses and as able to have a bit to save or shop. Throughout this relationship, I have not been able to save any money because every single expense (dates, shopping for food to cook, excursions, etc) are split equally between the two of us. Also she does freelance work (anywhere from 1-3 gigs a month) that earn her extra income. This allows her to save even more.

My issue is that I have no external forms of income besides my job and because the little bit of money that I have left over after paying all of my bills goes to splitting things with her, I am basically never saving a dime. I suggested to her that we should change the arrangement from 50/50 to 70/30 or 60/40, so that I could be in a better financial standing with myself. This infuriated her and insulted her. I am not sure why. Am I being selfish?

She doesn’t want to love in together (to save money on rent) not until 2-3 years from now and she basically wants things to just continue as is. I have a future to think about and clearly she’s only thinking about hers. Again, am I making a mistake by wanting to change this arrangement between us? Should I just work harder to make the same amount of money that she does? Am I being unreasonable? Am I putting my financial burdens on her?

Any advice would be great. Thank you.

I (35F) met a man (40) of Indian origin based in the US once before he went back to the US. We have kept in touch over text and flirted. He's hinted at watching me take a shower or to send him some similar pics a couple of times. Ive politely refused. It's always done in jest.

I'd like to know how common it is to send racy pics across to a person you've just started dating in the western culture.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here but hoping there's some experience or insight out there.

I was in an otherwise incredible relationship for 12 years (currently 33/M) which ended because my partner had very little interest in sexual connection for several years. I would still dearly love to be in that relationship, and I expect she feels the same way too, but the mismatch caused us too much hurt and frustration.

I'm not really sure how to approach that history if I get into another relationship. Being honest with a new partner and saying "I still love my ex deeply but I'm not with her cos she wasn't horny enough" sounds like a disaster (even if better phrased). But lying is also wrong. I'd still like to be friends with my ex if she ever wants to open that door, yet I could see a new partner feeling very insecure about that given our history (we are one evening of my ex being aroused towards me from us getting our happy relationship back on track).

I'll admit and say first off that I went through his phone. I struggle with anxiety and admit I've never done this to him before he is 43m I'm 37f. From what I could tell they're sharing regular details about their lives and I believe she is single right now. It wouldn't have hurt so bad if I was aware they were still in touch but I had no idea. I regret looking but I can't understand why the need to keep in touch with an ex. He told me just because he broke up with an ex doesn't mean he doesn't want them to do well, and he is a caring person and she recently went through a tough time with her mom which he felt bad about and wanted to let her know he was thinking of them. They both like the gym so they talk about that, she sent him photos on things she's done to her house. They seem too friendly to me and maybe it's just my insecurities I don't know, I've never had to deal with this before.

I don't talk to any of my exes because I don't see a point in carrying on a friendship with someone you were intimate with. He says it's not his fault that my relationships ended on a bad note because not all of his did, and just because my exes might still want to sleep with me doesn't mean he wants to sleep with his.

When I asked him about it he just said they keep in touch once in a while and it's no big deal but to me it is. And then it turned into me going through his phone which I apologized for and I really do regret. I just can't get the thought of then texting and keeping eachother involved, it feels like such a betrayal to me which he says he understands but he doesn't sound like he wants to stop talking to her. He hasn't answered that question straight forward yet.

After we had the initial conversation he is now telling me he can't trust be because I broke his trust by going through his things. I get it but I feel like it's harsh and I love him and want to be with him. He says he doesn't know how he can trust me after this, and now it feels like its all my fault even though I'm hurt too. I really don't want to lose him. I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't know how we can move past this or how we will be able to trust eachother again. He said now he feels like I might be upset enough to start talking to other people and now we won't be able to trust eachother. I told him I would never cheat and I really want to be with him but he said he doesn't know how we can continue after this breach of trust. Other than this he is good to me and I don't want to lose him but I don't know how to fight for us either if he keeps saying the trust is gone. Is this worth saving? I love him and don't want to give up.

GF’s (41F) past relationship makes me (42M) insecure and sick. My GF and I have dated for a few years, and we moved in last August. We live harmoniously and have travelled a lot. She’s real smart, pretty, and we both have good jobs and a good social life. However, I have quite a lot of anxiety and paranoia in this relationship because of her past relationships and past actions.

The first thing that she did to violate my trust with her was about 1 year and 3 months into our relationship BEFORE we were exclusive and before we lived in. Although we were technically not exclusive, I was monogamous (but I would have had sex if the opportunity arose), and I wasn’t looking. She told me that she too had not had any other relationships, and I believe her.

However, 15 months into our relationship, she went to NYC to a comedy gathering of some talk show host January 2023. Many of the people there had been her virtual friends and they had video conferences a lot especially during Covid. So she went to that comedy event in NYC along with dozens of others, and on that Friday, she went to the sex club called Temptations. Her BF who is a woman her age showed up and so did a guy who is married and lives in South Carolina. My GF was on an Andrew’s Cross with “her face down and ass up, and then [the married couple who facilitated all this] flipped her position and her tits were out.” When I picked her up from the airport the next day and took her to her apartment, we were about to have sex and she said “you’ve got to be careful with my breasts because they’re all bruised.” At that time, I didn’t think anything about it, since she didn’t have penetrative sex or kiss anyone. But 4 months later I thought that this was f****d up, even though she did NOT HAVE penetrative sex. But the guy from South Carolina and her female best friend sent group texts where he shared pics of his sex toys. And my GF told him how bruised her tits were after that. She doesn’t seem to think that this is a big deal. She craves this scene every now and then. I’d only be interested from an intellectual POV or to satisfy my curiosity but that’s it. I’ve been to one in Europe with a group of people, that’s it.

Here’s something else a bit more weird. We were watching a comedy roast, and she revealed to me a couple of weeks after watching the roast that “20 years ago, she gave [one of the comedians in the roast] oral sex and engaged in peeing in his mouth.”

This comedian who was at that roast is notorious for his weird sexual proclivities, and recently he got married. I know that she’s seen him perform in 2013 and 2018, because she’s posed with him in pictures.

Anyways, last week, I went through my GF’s phone and found out that she has both of his phone numbers in her contacts. I was extremely shocked. I didn’t see any texts exchanged between them, so I’m assuming that she’s deleted them.

I’m soooo weirded out by her past and how she would non-chalantly go to a sex club and get topless in front of everyone. I’m also weirded out how she still has both of this comedian’s phone number on her phone. I strongly suspect that she’s been to his home because she wants to stay at some hostel close by his apartment in NYC to revisit some sentimental place. BTW, I know where this comedian lives because I saw his address online.

TLDR; My GF loves me and is pure-hearted. We live harmoniously together and have fun. However, I’m weirded out by her past.

Video without seeing his face? Red flag?

Hi all, just got into chatting with this guy through dating site.. two weeks in, non stop texting each other, definitely a connection there. So I suggested moving it on a tad to video calling the other day .. and only showed his avatar on Snapchat while we spoke..I asked him why he didn’t show his face , he said it made him feel awkward.. ok.. maybe.. so now I’m getting alarm bells re catfishing .. as I have suggested it again just to say hello messaging and no response.. he has sent over videos and photos of him.. that are personal , but they could be someone else.?? Am I over thinking this and how can I get him to verify himself .. don’t really wanna have to mention catfishing.. your comments and advice welcome. Thank you

Am I being unreasonable

Hello. My partner and I have been together for 17 years and we have 4 kids. So he sucks at getting me birthday gifts... even though I have said how much I would like a gift for my birthday he doesn’t, because he doesn't know what to get. OK fine I can get my own gift. Recently he asked me to sort it a gift for someone who is leaving his work. He wanted a photo put on a tee-shirt or mug. So I have just told him, no I don't want to because he won't get me a gift I find it annoying/weird for him to ask me to to organise a gift for him to give to someone else.... I can't decide if I am being over the top about this.

ladies... late 30s ex christian needing books on love, romance and relationships

Context: I'm a recent divorcee (no kids) that grew up in a conservative christian family. My brothers and I were very rebellious and are all now atheist... that's just an indicator of our separation from traditional thought. My mother never really taught us much about women or their thinking, and my dad has no real understanding of proper socializing. We are all pretty mechanically inclined and lean on our logic heavily throughout life. Break me from this mold, and help me balance letting my heart lead from time to time. PS. I'm very well traveled, and currently live in a smaller rural conservative area, if that matters.

Books I've read: outside of history, and conflict, I am not very well read in any topics surrounding love, romance, or relationships. I have read a couple books, but nothing as of late that introduces a non-Freudian view on connection. Here's a list of what I've read so you can help me find some controversial or helpful books on the topics of interest:

"The Five Love Languages" - it was great to understand how to love, but not holistic enough and apparently now pseudoscience

"She Comes First" - great way to learn about the woman's physical touch needs, and arousal and i am a giver, so this book was just great validation of my sex education comprehension

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" - business is easy, people are hard; so learning how to interact with them was decently easy

I'm finishing up "Mating in Captivity" and this has been quite informative on alternative thoughts on how 'marriage/partnership' will go through a waveform of emotions and strength of connection

....

Where do I go now? Any French authors or non Westerners? Do i read about attachment theory (which seems to be the topic of the last two years by women)? What other books can I read as an open minded but not yet well educated (in this topic) man looking to be a great lover/partner towards any future women who show up in my life?

I am 35 F who got discarded prior to Christmas by a 32 F. This was my first relationship with a woman. Lately I am feeling very disoriented. We were together 8 months and it was bliss for the first few months which I know is the honeymoon period. I helped her get out of an abusive relationship with her ex-husband. Unbeknownst to me my ex had severe mental health issues. This caused a cycle of extreme idealization followed by a extreme devaluation then cruel discard. She had said she was sick from home so I asked if she wanted me to pick her up and she said no she was coming home. Then she proceeded to tell me that my texts expressing concern for her were abusive. She only took minimal things and left the rest at my place which sat for 60 days. I had then threw everything out including family pictures as she blocked me with no contact. A part of me felt bad doing so but I didn't want to hold onto these items forever. The legal precedent had long past and I was not a storage unit. She started a smear campaign against me online and had been rage texting my parents post break up until they blocked her that I need mental health help. This relationship was so bizarre as well as the experience as hole. I do not want her back at all as with her mental health condition there is no cure and it will keep happening again. My problem is I am 35 years old not getting any younger. Truly I have always wanted simple love. I try to find the good in every relationship I have ever been in to try to put a positive spin on things. She made me feel so alive when I first met her. I have a history of depression and not feeling good about myself. Is there anyway to get to where I can feel like that but not have that be the result of someone else? Can one truly have an extreme self love but yet not be selfish? As much as I want to get out and date again right now I am not feeling it and also do not want to hurt others unintentionally.

Partner (53M) and I (49F) have had a rocky relationship of late. We've been dating about 1.5 years and do not live together. Each conflict typically boils down to me being insecure or too sensitive. The most recent conflict, about six weeks ago, I texted him to say good morning. He didn't text me back until early afternoon. I was a bit upset and felt insecure and unimportant and assume he's losing interest. This is on me, I should not assume and jump to conclusions. We texted a bit throughout the day after that. He asked about dinner, I said perhaps, and I'd let him know. By the time I did, he was pissed that I was upset about his late text response to me at the beginning of the day. He says he has to walk on eggshells, and that was the end for us. For him to make this decision feels unfair to me because we didn't even see each other, he made this decision based on how he assumes I "acted" by text message. He wasn't with me, he doesn't know how I was feeling.

Anyway, there have been times I have felt insecure and reacted in a way I should not have, then we have a conflict. Our conflicts are very difficult, we don't communicate well, and we never really fully recover from them. Each time something happens, I come up with a plan to how I can prevent it happening again. But it always does. Personally I think we need to develop a way to handle conflicts better, but he thinks we don't need to because there should not be conflicts to begin with. But every time my plan to avoid fails and I develop a new plan. He has lost faith and does not want to always have to walk on eggshells. I wish he wouldn't walk on eggshells and just be who he is.

Over time these conflicts have built up and it's gotten to where he often assumes I'm reacting even when I'm not. My insecurity has gotten worse because I can tell he has been stressed lately about the buildup and is not happy, so then I'm even more likely to assume the worst. It's been snowballing for months.

I've since been working on myself, being more comfortable with myself and learning to think about whether I really have a reason to be concerned, not to assume. In the meantime, I've sent him an email here and there, telling him how I thought, what I felt went wrong, etc. In one response he said he always felt since he was always the one to initiate intimacy, I wasn't really that interested and just went along with it for him. We talked about that a bit back and forth, and somehow got to the point that we get together occasionally now, just for sex.

It's been fun, but needless to say, I still want to be together. I want to be with him for more than just sex. I want to be wanted for more than my body. My hope is that we can use this time as a break for me to improve myself, and for us to hopefully free ourselves from the conflicts that have built up, start fresh and learn to understand each other and communicate better. I have told him all the things I miss about us, so I expect he knows I want more. I want to tell him I still love him but am scared. I am afraid he has shut down his heart to the possibility.

Just wondered how common it was for a man to not be able to ejaculate through penetrative sex?

Sorry this post is all over the place, I'm really frazzled right now. I've started therapy, but it's only a start and still working on issues.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years. Lately she has been a bit distant from me and we weren't really having conversations with meaning lately. I'd say about 3 weeks or so.

She has been going through a lot lately and I was really trying to give her some space and giving her support how I can. During that time if we had sex it felt like it was obligated and went through the motions. Afterwards I would feel gross because it looked like she was out of it. Our sex life before was wonderful and I felt I was in sync with her.

Last Sunday we went out to enjoy the day we went to a winery and sat at a table out in the sun. This is where she hits me with what felt like a gut punch. She told me that she isn't into sex and that some of the things I've done in the bedroom gave her an "ick" feeling. My heart sank and I felt like a monster, she kept making reference to poly and that she is a empath and she felt me being down and out. Which is true I have been in what feels like a hole with my career. Anyways I told her I'm not sure how to handle this information, and that I was under the impression we are a monogamous couple. She disagreed with me and said she has many loves and I'm just one of them. She does tell me that she loves me and cares how I feel but now I'm just feeling confused.

She told me she does not trust men and that all of them will disappoint but in the same breath she told me I've provided a good environment for her to live and grow. I've always been very good to her and never ever been abusive in anyway. I know I'm not perfect nor am I the best thing ever, I drop the ball here and there, but I've always been incredibly supportive of her and what I thought her dreams were.

I'm not sure where these sudden thoughts are coming from really. I've mentioned therapy for the both of us since there's definitely some shit we need to unpack and work out but she is being a bit bull headed and doesn't want to go but has been encouraging my therapy.

I'm feeling heartbroken and confused, scared and angry all at the same time. This has raised my stress levels to a point I don't feel well. I haven't really had an appetite and when I do eat I end up feeling nauseous.

I'm not even sure what I'm really asking for here, advice perhaps?